[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / vm / vmg / vr / vrpg / vst / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k / s4s / vip / qa] [cm / hm / lgbt / y] [3 / aco / adv / an / asp / bant / biz / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / gd / hc / his / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / news / out / po / pol / qst / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / wsg / wsr / x] [Settings] [Search] [Mobile] [Home]
Board
Settings Mobile Home
/adv/ - Advice

[Advertise on 4chan]

Name
Options
Subject
Comment
Verification
4chan Pass users can bypass this verification. [Learn More] [Login]
File
  • Please read the Rules and FAQ before posting.
  • AdBlock users: The default ruleset blocks images on /adv/. You must disable AdBlock to browse /adv/ properly.
  • Are you in crisis? Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at +1 (800) 273-8255.

08/21/20New boards added: /vrpg/, /vmg/, /vst/ and /vm/
05/04/17New trial board added: /bant/ - International/Random
10/04/16New board for 4chan Pass users: /vip/ - Very Important Posts
[Hide] [Show All]


Self-serve ads are available again! Check out our new advertising page here.


[Advertise on 4chan]

[Catalog] [Archive]

I have a caring boyfriend. Such a caring boyfriend that I sometimes feel I could let myself become a total slob and he would just try and help me through. He says he loves me, a huge amount. I believe him.

I don't know if I love him, but I say I do. When I do he believes me. I say it because I know I care about him, and want the best for him, and would have a hole in my soul if he was hurting or lost.

But it feels uneven. I feel afraid to voice my doubts for the same reasons I say I love him. It hurts, its choking and it makes it hard for me to feel close with him.

I know you'll all hate me for this, but when we started seeing eachother, I didn't really believe anyone could love me. So I always assumed he'd disappear, sooner or later. A few days before he finally told me he wanted to be exclusive, I went on a date with another guy. Nothing happened but I lost that powerless longing for my then yet-to-be boyfriend. It became more of an assured decision that he was someone I wanted to be with, but I knew that yearning was gone. I miss it. I want to yearn again.

I know this is a thing, that you default to the kind of romance you're used to, but that's tough to accept. I could make an amazing life with him but maybe be dissatisfied with it until my final days. It scares me.

Or I could wait until he's secured the contract at his dream job and go back out into the wilderness with all the lessons being with him has taught me. That scares me too, because he'd be gone for ever, and I know I'd miss him so much.
26 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view.
>>
File: 1605291662013.png (148 KB, 410x598)
148 KB
148 KB PNG
>>23187847
Dangerously Based
>>
I really want to see him get dumped, it will be fucking funny
>>
>>23187829
Sounds like you want to break up but don't think it would be fair, well life isn't fair so you do you
>>
>>23189531
You really need to grow up emotionally to invest in a serious relationship from.what I'm hearing. Any somewhat emotionally aware adult understands what you are describing here is just the difference between the infatuation period and mature love. Make no mistake, you disgust me as a person and how your selfish and immature concepts of love and life, and you're failure to grasp these simple ideas, will damage other people. But this is jyst objective fact. If you continue to confuse infatuation with mature love and take these idiotic teen girl "the spark isn't there anymore but I thought he was the one" mentality, you will have the unfulfilling lifetime you seem to fear, but at your own hand because yoy'll destroy everything you begin to build due to your own ignorance and selfish, childish mindset about love and life. And if you wish to destroy your own life, fine, but unfortunately, what people like you fail to grasp in your selfishness, is you'll hurt and damage many others very badly in your destructive path through life.
>>
>>23189451
How selfish and oblivious could you be? It will LITERALLY be his problem, you dumb, short-sighted child. You will break his heart and damage him emotionally at best, and ruin for both of you everything you've established, send him into depression and misery and regret, if not worse. You want to do what's right. Give me a break. Yeah, you are so benevolent and just. No, you want to do whatever selfish crap you want to do right now and feel like you are justified in your actions by somehow saying its best for you both by warping your selfish impulses and lack of understanding of the consequences of your words and actions, into you "doing the right thing" because "its best for you" because "this is how you feel now." Peopke like you tuin other's lives' and can't even comprehend why, even think you are being profound and understanding in your impulsiveness and immaturity.

what to do now after breaking things up with that egirl? where do i find a replacement? i matched with like 50 different girls but none of them interested me like she did ;_;
11 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>23189409
it wasn't necessarily virtual, we met irl once, and she lives in my city
>that is because you are still fixated on that ethot
not really, if i met a cool replacement-ethot, i'd forget about her in an instant
>>
bump
>>
bump
>>
>>23189373
don't
>>
hey OP im in the same exact boat as you so i'll bite.

>know cute 10/10 egirl on ig/snap for 2 years
>talk every now and then, get along extremely well, conversation flows amazingly
>after about a year of just talking on random occasions, we facetime for the first time, over the course of late 2019/early 2020 we get insanely close
>we had a healthy moderation of when we'd talk, but during quarantine we were both home and would literally talk everyday, facetime for like 4-6 hours, staying up all night.
>talking to someone that much who you cant actually see in person can be frustrating
>was going through personal shit that was affecting me bad, caused me to act wrongly towards her. hurt her pretty bad in the process
>she tried so hard to stick by me but eventually said things are getting too damaged and we need to just go our separate ways for now
>enter deep depression over the fact that i hurt this amazing sweet girl
>been using tinder, talking to other girls, some which are hot as fuck
>they just aint her
>no connection
>just not to the same


Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

File: pepe.jpg (62 KB, 976x850)
62 KB
62 KB JPG
How do you guys deal with crushing existentialism and the inevitability of death?
41 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>23185965
You can't anon once you lose your "ignorance' of a naive and simple life you realize that this world is ass. Its gets worse when you realize that if you have kids your just passing on a prison sentence to them as your expires in a never ending cycle.
>>
i consider myself to follow the idea of solipsism. makes life a whole lotta easier.
>>
Why should I fear it? I'm free to fill existence with a purpose that I found for myself and make my life as good as I can, so I don't feel like I lived somebody else's.

Only thing I fear is a painful death. And if I can, I want to die by my own hand before dementia gets me.
>>
File: lmao.jpg (32 KB, 1032x214)
32 KB
32 KB JPG
>>23185965
Insanity
>>
>>23185965
U mean being a pussy lol
I don't care about existential purpose/futility. Even if there was an inevitable hell of eternal torment, I welcome it with open arms because whatever it is, Im either gonna die and cease being awake or I'm gonna be aware in some other form. Whatever case, bring it on, nigga

File: questioning_judai.jpg (17 KB, 320x240)
17 KB
17 KB JPG
>be me, 19F
>dislike most boys ever since childhood
>can only make friends when they are chill and quiet
>aka the gay/fat/funny guy archetypes
>only like girls
>parents very strict, they wont even let me save male classmates' numbers on my phone
>never interested in boys and never seek a bf
>parents start to notice and start warning me because they are violently homophobic and they dont want me to be gay
>as in, threathen to kill me and make my corpse unrecognizable if i'm a lesbian
>they also dont want me to date anyone, so I blame them when people ask me why i dont have a bf
>but im not actually interested in having one too
>"its probably because im maturing late"
>go through entirety of highschool without a male crush
>only had a wet dream once, there was a girl on top of me
>very close with female friend

Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
15 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>23189790
Get the hell away from your family. Also you're gay.
>>
Nofap literally turned my gay friend straight again
>>
>>23190075
the issue is I can't find a guy im romantically interested in, they do not ever interest me. currently I have 1 male friend and he's basically the only guy I talk to, I always try to make more male friends but they are neither interesting nor attractive. idk if its because im living in a shit country but for the life of me I can't find any male that's even mildly attractive to me.
>>23190176
this is so fucking sweet, I hope that happens to me too. I'd like to be with a man that's nice and kind to me. that's my only criteria, but I can't seem to find anyone matching.
>>
>>23190200
might try
>>
sounds to me like your just scared of being caught with a boy by your parents which is why you avoid them. you crave what every human wants and start looking for it in other places. you're just repressed.

File: 1606457114640.jpg (67 KB, 368x640)
67 KB
67 KB JPG
shouldi get two 5.99 medium pizzasfrom dominos (bacon and onions/chicken bbq)

or 40 mcnuggets w small fry?

im torn . im fat yessir
2 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>23190306
>pic related
Yum
>>
>>23190306
Pizzas, without a doubt. It's measurably more food for the dollar, and if your fat ass doesn't eat it all you can always reheat later.

Reheat in the oven, not microwave.
>>
>>23190331
>buys garbage trash food someone spat in a few times
>doesn't understand why dominoes gives him indigestion
anon I...
>>
>>23190336
>>23190306
2 pizzas can't at most sustain a family of 8
40 mcnuggets with a small fry cant at most sustain a family of 10
mcnuggets are better bang for your buck
also mcdonald food is so utterly sterile and industrially made it will last for weeks
you're a retard for picking either though since you can buy one pound of steak for 6 and fry frozen fries for like 50 cents. You save half your money and eat better food. Hell buy 2 pounds of pure high quality steak and you'll still be better off. Christ you could feed a pig with that much steak or eat for atleast 2 days with it
>>
>>23190327
>>23190336
thanks, got the pizzas. with a cookie brownie

time to feast boys

File: download.jpg (8 KB, 264x191)
8 KB
8 KB JPG
lost virginity to a prostitute, if/when I get a gf should I tell her? Also most of my friends know about it so I feel it would eventually get out.

at the time I just did it while on holiday without thinking about any of the social ramifications. However, I don't think what I did is wrong. Most people watch porn for example, and I don't see a moral difference between porn and sex work. However, I think most girls wont look at it like that.

I feel like I kinda fucked up. Thoughts?
4 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>23189532
>>23189554
this is terrible advice, its not like you do it all the time
>>23189563
this makes more sense, most ppl are more degen than they appear.
man im the same as you, i lost my virginity right after graduating high school and then i got did like 10 different drugs non stop for about a year in college, and the self loathing i had before even losing my virgintiy got worse with all the come downs. eventually, the only girl that was gonna let me hit was a mid 20's girl, very good looking, but i met her on /soc/ and she was friends with like 3 pedophiles, so i noped out but still got really hurt when she started dating someone. don't let this feeling of desperation hurt you op, don't make my fucking mistake and tell girls you might have a chance with this. i have some fucking sob story too, grew up in a family where everyone did hard drugs or seen it one point, grandfather killed 20 people, dad would tell me he fucked a prostitute with his dad when he was 17, i have no reason to feel guilty. DONT pretend to be the good guy anymore, but take some time off dating, its totally okay where you are and if you have to, get involved in some organization where you can trust people, some men's prayer group or something. I WOULD HATE for you to punish yourself just because you think it's part of that good guy personna because inwardly you think you are GREAT and want a woman to prove that to you. BECAUSE YOU ARE GREAT just be objective about how you treat people with your actions.
>>
>>23190063
Anon both of those posts say to tell her. It sounds like you’re still on those drugs though so I guess I can’t be too judgmental.
>>
>>23189532
no

not important, you clearly regret it, just move on from it. tell her you just had a hookup.
>>
>>23190098
Kek
>>
> I don't see a moral difference between porn and sex work.
I'm an amoal psychopath and still think this statement is retarded. It's like saying there's no difference between watching gore and being a serial killer.

How to break it off with this girl who is obsessed with me??

so for context I am 20 y/o college student, never really much luck with girls but sometimes get lucky

About 3 months ago I met this girl and we've gone on a couple dates and things have seemed to get semi 'serious'. The thing is, the first month we dated she seemed to be super interested in having conversations about both of our interests and making the effort. Now it just seems like everything has stagnated and we just don't really have much in common. I think she might have been faking it to get with me? Anyways, she got super serious super fast with me and it did seem a little bit like a read flag. Especially after mentioning how many guys she'd been with in the last year.

Anyways, I feel that we aren't really compatible and I should probably break it off. The thing is I'm a bit of a retard and I really don't know how to properly break things off without initiating hardcore crazy mode (I think she might be capable of that) or severely hurting her feelings.

So... how do I end it? Do I end it? Should I just settle with this? I don't get gfs often.
>>
>I've been thinking a lot and I just don't really see our relationship progressing further
>I don't think we should see each other anymore

wow

so hard

How do you stop being selfish and narcissistic?
>>
>>23190163
I dunno, but I'm followin' this.
Bump
>>
>>23190163
The only thing that woke me up is seeing how all my friends, one by one, ditched me and told me why. I felt terrible, and I hit rock bottom. I felt like the bad guy- and I was. It forced a perspective change from me, because I really wanted to be loved. But in order to be loved, you have to genuinely love back. So from then on I practiced intent. I reminded myself of others perspectives, and I kept seeing my nuerotic thoughts as just little blips of feeling in my brain that I could easily overcome over time.
Read up on narcissistic behavior, see the red flags within yourself and give yourself a reality check once you recognize them. Taking up philosophy also really helps! I'm reading into stoicism and it has changed my perspective on a lot of things.
>>
>>23190163
You really don’t know how to consider other people’s feelings and not just take take take in every relationship you have? At the very least, I’m glad that you at least know and are aware of your flaws. I can’t imagine how many people hurt those closest to them and just don’t give a fuck. They’re alone but they don’t question why. They just think everyone’s worse than them.
Just make an effort to listen, to check on people, and show them you care. Believe it or not, it’s not that hard. People like you legitimately made me want to just wipe myself off the planet. I thought being kind was becoming obsolete.
>>
>>23190337
>you have to genuinely love back
How can you tell when you do that genuinely?

File: 1604120900127.png (219 KB, 640x549)
219 KB
219 KB PNG
I'm an 18 years old guy and I've been having problems with my weight and eating. For the past few years, my weight has been either stagnating or even decreasing. My doctor now told me that I'm at a very bad state and I could be sent to hospital if I don't gain some weight. Supposedly, I could have an eating disorder.
Few months ago, she gave me some shit to drink that would help me, I drank it for a while, I gained like 2 kg, but when I stopped, I lost it again. My problem is that I can't force myself to eat more. I just eat when I'm hungry and stop when I feel like I'm full. Supposedly it's not enough at all, but I just don't feel like I need more. When I think of eating more, I get nauseous. What should I do? I supposedly shouldn't eveb exercise since I'm very weak.
12 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view.
>>
Same , I’m 18, 5’11 and 55kg, gaining like 2 kg a year. Whenever I get anyways sick (throwing up sick like once a year) I plummet to nearly 40kg. Have to work around a family and social distancing at home though so it’s hard to make meals given that I’m studying for exam year all the time. Just hope your metabolism slows down as you age like most men’s does :)
>>
>>23184130
>had a severe eating disorder that led to a bmi of 12 and was in and out of treatment for a long time, started with pre-existing gastro issues

are you sure it's an eating disorder? an eating disorder comes with body image issues. If anything, if anything it sounds like ARFID (look it up)

you could also have underlying gastro issues like gastroparesis which have the same symptoms that you describe. try getting into a specialist to test for things like that.
>>
>>23184130
make your life in order
https://lbry.tv/@Alin:7/AND-THE-EMMY-FOR-BEST-ACTOR-IN-2020-GOES-TO...:e
>>
>>23189866
>gastro issues
I was tested for that and nothing
>>
>>23189866
>an eating disorder comes with body image issues.
Not necessarily.

Emotion eating is an eating disorder. Doesn't come with body image problems

I have a girlfriend who loves me but I am still obsessed with my ex-girlfriend. Like my chemistry with my ex was just sublime, and my love felt so profound. And this relationship just feels nothing like it. The energy is just not comparable. I feel like I was teased with a glimpse of perfection and now I have nothing to look forward to.

How do I handle this current relationship? What do I do?
>>
>>23190002
break up. your ex isn't the only person out there who could give you that feeling. and clearly your current gf isn't one of those people.

go keep looking. there are other fish.

>Haven't tried dating or letting a girl in because of my ex, or previous girls who only used me for sex
>A girl I met in Canada while studying abroad took an interest in me a year ago
>Always treated her from a distance because of past experiences
>Be two weeks ago
>Friend convinces me to return the interest and have some trust again
>"Fuck, you're right. Thanks leaf-anon"
>Try and reach out and this time we start talking
>Everything is fine, she shows a lot of interest in me
>tell her some personal stuff about me
>Everything is going a-ok
>Slowly but surely conversation stagnates from her
>Sent her a message yesterday at 7 am when I got out of work
>Not read, or seen but she was active literally 10 minutes ago
>mfw


Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
3 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>23190205
an unspectacular 20s has left your personality mushy like dough. girls like firm guys who are going places, and are also firm about how they feel about girls. you need to basically uncastrate yourself by doing something that fulfills you.
>>
>>23190257
My life has been pretty uneventful aside from the common family struggle. I think those, if anything, are just the reason why I feel pretty jaded and just don't want to open up anymore.

How do I find something that does that? So far I feel a joy from lifting, but that's not enough. I'm hoping to join the firefighters and see if that does anything to my outlook on life.
>>
>>23190273
well for starters, nobody likes guys that curse being alive. would you go for a girl that seems to hate being alive? a girl that cant let go of past trauma? no matter how hot she is, when you really weigh the options, youd probably rather not deal with that.

youre alive now, take responsibility for it.
>>
>>23190300
I actually am grateful to be alive anon and appreciate every day I get to wake up and live the way I do. If anything, I'm pretty cheery and thankful for everything I got. I even sat down outside my job and just watched the sun rise and thanked god for being able to witness moments like those.

Maybe I'm coming off as a doomer, and that's understandable since I sound like a virgin raging about chads and stacys.

I'm kinda just floating there waiting, it's almost like being trapped in ice while conscious. I'm just waiting for the ice to melt since covid pretty much froze everything up.
>>
>>23190326
your mum mentally challenged

So I'm 18 and college is looking very unappealing right now due to covid.
My school and parents are advising against a gap year despite how much of a poor investment college courses seem to be at the moment.

Is college worth it or should I trust my gut and wait for Covid to passover in America?
3 replies omitted. Click here to view.
>>
>>23188729
Can you get a job without a degree?
>>
>>23188729
A gap year - which is the norm, rather than the exception in some countries - can be a good idea ONLY if you use it productively. You can get a job and save up some money, learn some skills (e,g, computer) that will support your studies, travel, even do volunteer work.
>>
File: 1605924391265.jpg (24 KB, 720x960)
24 KB
24 KB JPG
>>23188729
Take the gap year. Your parents dont know what the fuck theyre talking about and ypur advisor is trying to scam you into taking out a 50k loan that you can't default on. Seriously I'm begging you, take the gap year and figure out what your want to actually do before going into a huge amount of debt because its "what youre supposed to do".
>>
>>23188729
Community college
>>
>>23188729
Taking a gap year right now. Best decision ever. I hear my coworkers complaining all they time about how they had to pay more for their in-person class, but got digital class work instead. Saving is the best thing you can do right now.

Any advice on how I could get over my abusive ex? It’s all still on my mind all the time even though the break up was last year.

File: Chris.jpg (109 KB, 448x442)
109 KB
109 KB JPG
Why do different women say you look a different age?

I'm 28 and I get younger girls saying I look about 22 and older women saying I look 30. Is it some kind of mind game or are they trying to make themselves feel better?
>>
>>23189922
Checked.
To answer your question, some people are just generally not good with determining people's age. Could also be you looking differently on different days if you're unkempt/have an odd look in your eyes.
>>
People will always assume you are closer to their current age. Thats wil younger women say you look younger and why older women say you look older.
>>
>>23189922
Work out and grow some hair on your face
>>
>>23189922
because different women are different and have different perceptions of you.
>>
>>23189928
But why though?

File: 1586666618800.jpg (421 KB, 1024x783)
421 KB
421 KB JPG
Alright gents I'm asking for your input on options that might be available that I haven't yet considered. I'll try to be quick.

It's possible I have a deficiency in my attention span. In earlier years it was still prominent but I worked through it utilizing what free time a teenage kid usually had. My current situation includes employment, military duty, a girlfriend and working on a passion project.

Undiagnosed; and I'm in a position where I cannot obtain any efficient medication legally. Marine Corps is intolerant on said medication and possible conditions.

My diet is reasonable and my fitness is 1st class. Coffee is a staple in the mornings and although it's impossible for me to maintain a constant sleep schedule (I work under the deputy coroner, retrieving bodies of the county 24/7)

In short I'm looking for an alternative way to stay sharp through the days I can focus on my personal work. If any.

Thanks in advance.
>>
>Coffee is a staple on the mornings, and I should add that it's impossible for me to maintain a constant sleep schedule*

[Bump] Used to come to this board when I was younger. Thought it'd be my first stop.
>>
you have add, bro
get a prescription for adderall
>>
>>23189165
wait nvm lol didnt read whole post
sorry
>>
>>23187860
I know the answ - oh look, a butterfly!
>>
>>23189168
>>23189343

OP here. Yeah that's what I've figured. It's the only disorder that really fit the bill. It's an exaggeration to say that I absolutely cannot focus, but many of my peers can zero in to whatever they set their mind to naturally where as mine is always a conscious effort to continually pull myself back in; requiring unreasonable discipline to work on something that I actually am interested in and enjoy working on. I am fortunate it never destroyed my work ethic but I often wonder what I could be capable of it were out of the picture.

Thanks gents.




Delete Post: [File Only] Style:
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

[Enable Mobile View / Use Mobile Site]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.