Previous: >>23318810
That's what I get for copying/pasting a properly formed OP...

I, stupidly, came up with a character that casually uses racial slurs for my isekai meant for RoyalRoad mid-development.
I swear it's important for his character, I'm not going just for the "funny haha he says NIGGER", there's a point to him being like that just like there's a point to another of my characters being an ex-idol and being brutally raped.

Should I ask them how their policy would fit those? I'm shy.

>>23328796
>isekai
>uses racial slurs
so why would he say nigger? in the current project I'm drafting there's the main humanoid race, but there are also multiple beast races, and the main characters are their own non beast race. There are plenty of slurs used in mine, but they're in universe slurs. do something like that, because I guarantee if you even type "N" the mods are going to come down on you like a ton of bricks

>>23328796
post a picture of a black person as your profile picture. problem solved

>>23328808
That guy is a hard-line orthodox jew that sees other people as a lesser species than him and he is in a group with other people which include a black guy.
I'm putting that sort of character in because the theme of the story is how different sentient, or was it sapient, species would react to each other if forced together and how each owes loyalty to its own species out of necessity. I'm not going exactly for the usual "guy has to learn to see other people of different races as his equals to fight together" arc which is why that trait wouldn't be on a timer. Other than nigger, he calls other characters stuff like goy or shiksa.

>beast race
Those would be my villains in my case. Of course they'll get their own slurs, they treat the humans they summon as cattle but I doubt the mods care for those.

>>23328818
lmao

>>23328796
You can probably get away with it, but you might get hit with a 0.5 by someone in terms of ratings

>>23328846
I don't know if RR is the type of platform that would go nuts about an Orthodox Jew's hatred of the goy, but characters are allowed to use slurs and do bad things in fiction

>>23328787
not a whole lot of "reading" in a /lit/ thread

>>23328878
Ah, no, it's fine, I hope. He's a main character but not the protagonist.

>but characters are allowed to use slurs and do bad things in fiction
I know, but are they allowed to on RoyalRoad?

>>23328903
I'll do some digging for you

>>23328910
Thanks.

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>>23328783
I've noticed people here talk about novel sites where you can post what you're working on for others to read and comment/follow you. What are the best and/or most popular such sites? The story I'm writing is historical fiction in case that's relevant.

>>23328917
https://www.royalroad.com/forums/thread/106054?page=1#pid879603

TOS

>From the ToS, prohibited is to use the site:
>(a) for any unlawful purpose;
>(b) to solicit others to perform or participate in any unlawful acts;
>(c) to violate any international, federal, provincial or state regulations, rules, laws, or local ordinances;
>(d) to infringe upon or violate our intellectual property rights or the intellectual property rights of others;
>(e) to harass, abuse, insult, harm, defame, slander, disparage, intimidate, or discriminate based on gender, sexual orientation, religion, ethnicity, race, age, national origin, or disability;
>(f) to submit false or misleading information;

Consensus seems to be "it's fine so long as you're not endorsing the behavior."

>>23328936
Royalroad is the go-to, but there's others like Wattpad, Webnovel, etc

>>23328943
Thanks a lot, anon.

>>23328936
Id suggest against posting on those sites and just wait until you are finished to get published. Those amateur writer sites are massive filters and you'd be throwing all your hard work into a shit pit, hoping a sewer monster comes along and eats it

When I first heard about litRPG I thought it would be a cool evolution of the COYA novel
I was wrong

Would it even be worth my time to post a non-litRPG fantasy series on RR? Or is litRPG the only way at the moment.

>>23328936
Post it on all of them. Until you start getting paid you can post wherever you like.

>>23329055
Just post any fantasy and call it litrpg. Is it finished or still in development?

>>23329055
What level of success is your goal? Because posting to RR will probably get you a few readers, which is more than self pubbing a shitty fantasy novel to amazon will get you.
However, it'll almost certainly just be "a few readers". RR is a niche site with a niche audience and posting random shit there outside of that niche will not result in wide success as you see on the front page

Asking again: hould I break out the intro into its own chapter at the start even if it'll be shorter than the others?

>>23329055
It can be progression fantasy.

>>23328796
I always wanted a isekai like Gate but in Texas. Just crazy gunslinging cowboys blastin orcs and roping dragons. Maybe the accent infecting the otherworldly occupants like a mind virus.

>>23328846
in that case, rather than nigger, go the yiddish word schvartze. it'll be 1000x more permissible, and it really clocks him as a jew

>>23328846
Use the guidelines for explicit material. Only 15% of the total word count should have the NIGGER word in it NIGGER

>>23329075
>posting to RR will probably get you a few readers, which is more than self pubbing a shitty fantasy novel to amazon will get you
but there is a benefit to posting to RR. you get beta readers who (sometimes) actually leave feedback, you can serialize the work so you can start posting before you're finished, and then once it's complete and you've editing a few times and maybe taken into acount some reader fedback, there is nothing stopping you from then publishing it on amazon

>>23329144
Why would I want to publish it on Amazon and abandon my loyal web readers?

>>23329133
there's a similar buddy cop anime call cop craft, which has an excellent premise, even if the execution isn't the best. granted I didn't like GATE much either, but only because there was absolutely no narrative tension whatsoever and the nipperonies were never in danger of even potentially being set back, let alone losing

>>23329152
if you got that kind of readership, no reason to. that said, even the author of the mega successful Cradle, Will Wright, eventually put his books on amazon

>>23329164
wut

>>23329185
if you have an army of simps throwing you patreon bux every month and you want to continue making them feel like special little boys, then it may be a bad idea to throw the content on amazon, at least right away

>>23329202
will wight was never a web serial author

>>23329226
really? shit. I got my authors mxed up I've never his work. the wandering inn author then. I know a number of them have put books on amazon after already being on patreon. Re: Trailer Trash did, too, but he's far from the only one.

>>23329254
it's what 95% of web serial authors do...why wouldn't you? the market on amazon is bigger

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>>23328783
So I have a setting where a tribe can create radioactive dust and compact it into balls to smash and burn their foes. Picrel is sort of a rough idea of how it works, it's sort of a combination of Earthbending and firebending

I'm not sure what to call it though. The material they make is called pitchblende, but I wanted a term that is quick and easy to say. They do call the radiation emanating off as "radiance" but they are primarily manipulating the actual dust itself that the radiance emanates off of.

I originally had them manipulate solely the radiation and called it "radiance-weaving" but now the name doesn't quite fit as well.

>>23329289
absolutely. and unless you've entered a sacred pact with your patreons, there's no reason not to, and it'd be ludicrous to promise something so big

>>23329134
>in that case, rather than nigger, go the yiddish word schvartze. it'll be 1000x more permissible, and it really clocks him as a jew
Oh, shit. I had only gone back to revise my draft which is why I had these questions but I'm going with that. Bless your soul, anon.

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Help me out here with some writing. The character here is shooting goblins with her bow. It's her first time killing and she's getting a little blood drunk and high off of the killing. Real psycho in the making type stuff.

I'm trying to think of a new simile, something better than the "cream in a warm tea."

>>23329417
>Accurate arrow
I'd change accurate personally, feels somewhat odd used in this way.

As for the simile
>Like music to my ears
>Like the sweet sound of a siren song
>Like a rich stout after a long days work

How do I learn to write prose properly?

>>23329474
Add some description, but not too much. Don't put adjectives where they need to be. Read good prose and copy it's style.

I love the feeling of editing a scene and turning it from a good idea to a good idea with excellent prose.

>>23329077
intros can be shorter than regular chapters, yes. if that’s what you’re asking.

I know it's OW, THE EDGE tier shit, but does it at least read well?

"As if her decision was now already a memory, all doubt left her. Her breathing evened out as she steadied the knife in her right hand. It took hardly any effort to run it’s edge from her elbow down to her wrist. The flames that were just below her pale, scarred skin burst forth with a blinding white light."

>>23329598
"The shaking blade went steady with her calmed breathing. The decision she made seconds ago were like a distant memory. All doubt left her. The knife glided from elbow to wrist with little effort. The flames that were just below her pale, scarred skin burst forth with a blinding white light."

>>23328783

Help me out guys, what is the adverbial form of unseemly?

Why do viewers on Royal Road and ScribbedHub not leave comments or ratings?
>tfw I just realized that being trashed is better than being ignored

>>23329417
She loosed a second arrow, striking the goblin in the left kidney with a deep, wet, smack. His voice broke as he screamed, and X's fingers clenched involuntarily around the bow's grip as her lips parted slightly into a sneer.

>>23329633
Aw shit, thanks for this. Just seeing an example of effectively cutting down the word count is a huge help.

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>>23329746
I actually kind of bungled this, hopefully you still get what I was suggesting.
>She loosed a second arrow, striking the goblin in the left kidney with a wet-sounding smack. His voice broke as he screamed and fell. X's fingers clenched around the bow's grip as her lips parted slightly into a sneer. It broadened further as she reached for another arrow, looking forward to burying it into another target.

if you cant find a good simile you can always just go harder on the visceral descriptions

>>23329700
unseemlyly

>>23329133
There are several stories like that at RR, like Summoning America or American Gate.

>>23329763
A little too descriptive. And since it's from her PoV I doubt she'd know where a kidney was on a goblin. In the end I think I prefer the cream simile. Violence and, to her at least, decadence.

>>23329706
Because people are lazy and getting lazier by the day. You can't wring a real comment out of /wg/ either these days, despite the protection of anonymity

>>23329706
I get comments on literotica ao3 and hentai foundry.

>>23329289
LOL
Not for web serials.

>>23329551
I'm saying that I feel like I should break the intro to my book out of the first chapter.

>>23329834
NO YOU CAN'T THAT'S ILLEGAL NOBODY'S EVER DONE IT BEFORE IT COULD UPSET THE BALANCE OF THE UNIVERSE STOP RIGHT NOW

>>23329834
Do it then?

>>23328783
Are there any YouTube videos or free online college courses that go through the entirety of a literary fiction novel and discuss how it works? Like going over its structure, narrative and creative decisions, character progression, etc etc

I realize I don't know how a novel "works". The few times I've attempted a solo concentrated study of a novel, I just forget to pay attention to the mechanics of it all and just enjoy it.

The only reason I can write poetry and short fiction with some non-zero degree of confidence is because I've taken uni electives on it and have had profs teach the rules and mechanics behind shorter prose and poetry.

>>23329706
Post a new chapter 3 hours ago.
42 views. No comments.
It's over.

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>spent an embarrassing amount of time going on dramas with chatbots last year
>one of them was about a music teacher dating the imaginary girl i want to have with my waifu
>it went enough off the rails that now i want to share it but it also has some details about my personality and background that might be too close to home for comfort
>the stupid side of me thinks it has some literary value
Why should I not do it?

>>23330027
*imaginary daughter
I had a slip up.

>>23330027
who cares. 4chran is anonymouse

>>23330081
I intend to post it on wattpad.

>>23330085
who extra cares.

>>23329477
My attention span is too short for prose. How would you guys add to a scene like this?

Jim was sitting in the car, listening to music, when a woman tapped his window.
“This is a handicap,” she said.
“What?”
“This is a handicapped parking space. You shouldn’t be here.”
“Oh, I’m crippled. You can’t see it, but I’m missing a leg.”
“Sir, you need to move your car. This space is for people who need it.”
“I telling you, I am handicapped.”
“You’re being obtuse. You need to move your car right now or I’m calling the police.”
“The police? I’m missing a leg, lady. What more do you want from me?”
“Sir, this is your last warning. I’m dialing 9-11 right now.”
“Oh, for the love of—here, I’ll show you!”
Jim opened the car door and stepped his prosthetic leg out. He froze when a sharp end of a knife poked him.
“Boy, you’re dumb as hell,” the woman said. “Now hand me your wallet.”

So I've been dividing my story into five parts, each with a short (couple pages long at most) in-universe document.
>1. See below
>2. A letter
>3. Part of an act from a play
>4. A journal entry
>5. A poem

I am however struggling with coming up with the first one. It's obviously the most important one, so its job is to hook any potential reader. I was going to do a letter, or a recording, but I dislike what I've come up with so far. I'm thinking about turning 360° and walking away, and instead of a text for the first part I'll do diagrams, explaining part of the world's weirdness. In-universe they'll be student notes from a character, then straight on to the story. What's you're take on it?

>>23330097
I do wish there's an easier way to make small corrections.

Jim was sitting in the car, listening to music, when a woman tapped his window.
“This is a handicap,” she said.
“What?”
“This is a handicapped parking space. You shouldn’t be here.”
“Oh, I’m crippled. You can’t see it, but I’m missing a leg.”
“Sir, you need to move your car. This space is for people who need it.”
“I telling you, I am handicapped.”
“You’re being obtuse. You need to move your car right now or I’m calling the police.”
“The police? I’m missing a leg, lady. What more do you want from me?”
“Sir, this is your last warning. I’m dialing 911 right now.”
“Oh, for the love of—here, I’ll show you!”
Jim opened the car door and stepped his prosthetic leg out. He froze when the sharp end of a knife poked him.
“Boy, you’re dumb as hell,” the woman said. “Now hand me your wallet.”

>>23330137
well at least its interesting and to the point

I want to write in third person omniscient, so lets say i am describing something happening to the main character, so he is about to be clobbered. I want to be able to shift btn him having no idea what's happening and the attacker's perspective towards the beginning of the attack. Are there any rules against this? I have heard editors talk about it on youtube but it doesn't seem like a particularly rigid rule, it seems more like a preference for them.

>>23330137
I love the tension, nice dialogue. You don't need to change it.

>>23330002
>200+ views
>Multiple Readers
>No Comments
The only thing saving me from a complete mental breakdown is feedback from people on Discord which has been useful.

I'm undertaking the futile task of trying to create a vampire mythos that's familiar but also uses element in an engaging and fresh way only to find out there's pieces of medias that have already done the slightest "new" idea I have. Fucking depressing.

How do you know if your writing is too repetitive?

I notice that I’m describing character’s eyes alot and tracking their gazes. I feel it’s appropriate given the context, but I wonder if these frequent references becoming repetitive.

Is traditional publishing even worth it these days if you value the integrity of your work?

>>23330386
What what are you writing that requires integrity in maintaining your message?

>>23330448
Something that has requires the exploration of controversial content (rape, extreme violence, sexuality etc.).

>>23330477
No need to justify your fetish to us, anon.

>>23329770
>>23329848
the absolute state of 4chan

>>23330312
It means your writing isn't moving them. Just because you wrote something doesn't mean anyone is required to care. There is no barrier to entry these days; anyone can write anything and post it on the Internet. If you want to get people's attention, you have to get better. Writers traditionally spent their lives trying to get better; you really thought you could just burst out of the gate and get a following? The problem is that you're a delusional dilettante that hasn't put in the work.

How do I hint at details in the evironment the narrator ins't aware of in a 1st person narrative?

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>>23330589
Through the dialogue of the other characters, dummy.

>>23330137
Nice.
>He cocked the gun.
>"You're dumber than me, now hand me your knife"

>>23330137
This is actually good, no cap.

I would change the last line to "Boy, you dumb as hell."

>>23330027
>>dramas with chatbots
>>the stupid side of me thinks it has some literary value
Good thing you realize that's the stupid side.

>>23330137
I think it’s too blunt. Getting to the point is fine, but doing it to this extent makes the pacing too fast.

I’m not sure why other are praising it so much.

What do you guys do with all of the money you make from writing?

>>23330783
>

>>23330783
I'm finally moving past the point of breaking even on my bills so I've been wondering what I should lol. I've been eating out more even though it's a waste but damn food tastes good lmao. Also got a better laptop

>>23330816
Nice. I bought a newish mobile home to live in last year with my writing income, I'm pretty content. Past that I'll probably just save up for a comic adaptation of my fiction.

>>23330821
trailer trash anon?

Share some publications with open submissions.
Here's what I've found so far (mostly horror/dark/speculative fiction)

https://www.blackharepress.com/submissions/#toggle-id-5

https://www.dancingstarpress.com/submissions/

http://aanpress.com/submissions.html

https://theevilcookie.com/pages/novel-novellas

https://www.thedarkmagazine.com/submission-guidelines/

https://blackbedsheetbooks.com/submissions/

https://www.thenosleeppodcast.com/submissions

>>23330825
Yes, but I meant a comic adaptation of my other one. Trailer trash got a comic with webtoon but it sucks, it got rewritten by some chick who actively disagreed with the core themes.

>>23330830
that would drive me insane. your contract didn't include creative rights? or whatever? I hardly know how that works

>>23330840
Webtoon's contracts are pretty draconian, but I bit anyways because they were paying for production. MelasD had the cash to hire a studio to do his and told me I should expect to drop $8k or so a month for a comic, which is still out of my means atm.

>>23330850
Are comics a good return on investment or is it just something you want to happen?
Also I saw you went through selkie for animecon, was that worth it? am I misremembering? Also I was planning on full self pub for my stuff but I do have offers from the other standards pubbers like aethon

>>23330853
I didn't finish the question lmao, do you think self pub or through the typical RR publishers are worth it? Or even someone like selkie because I heard he's doing his own kinda publishing company? I think

>>23330853
It's hard to say if it's a good ROI until time has gone by and we can see the long view, but overall I'd say do it if you can. I got a small advance from webtoon and otherwise it just sends a constant trickle of interested readers to read the version on RR and buy the book on Amazon. Financing it entirely yourself like Melas does is ballsy but I do appreciate just re-investing your writing income back into your own IP.

Selkie gave me absurdly good % so it's been great for us, he also went through his cover artist Kart to do new illustrations for my books. I'd def say shop around if you have offers, and don't shy away from negotiating yourself better %, especially with Aethon. Self pub is always open, just there's a learning curve there and a lot of things you can do wrong.

>>23330869
>Self pub is always open, just there's a learning curve there and a lot of things you can do wrong.
Yeah I figured, but it also seems to me that the majority of those genres' traffic comes through organic channels like RR and Amazon algorithms along with word of mouth on discord and reddit. The advertising provided by aethon and stuff doesn't seem like it'd be worth the cut they take. Then again I wouldn't know
For the audiobook id definitely take one of those offers though, that seems like a headache to deal with

>>23330885
Your audio offers are all probably Podium anyways, might as well go for it there. I signed trash to Aethon but then they just signed the trash audio to Podium.

Mileage will vary since I'm the only Aethon release to not go KU, but my basic writing income is roughly $5k a month Patreon, $2k a month Mango (Selkie), $1k every quarter Aethon.

>>23330002
>>23330312
Nigga I've posted 200k+ words by now, almost 19,000 views, and the only comments I've had are "thanks for the chapter" and some zoomers seething about the prologue, which I wrote to filter out zoomers. No one has dared to say a word about the actual contents.

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>>23330941
Prologues aren't popular on RR period because it's like ordering appetizers at a McDonalds, but go into author dashboard analytics maybe and check your reader retention. If you're filtering out more than just zoomers you might want to adjust.

>>23330369
>I wonder if these frequent references becoming repetitive.

Yes, they are repetitive. Cut them out and cut out the tag in general. You do not have to have every dialogue line accompanied by eyes and adverbs.

>>23330816
> eating out more even though it's a waste but damn food tastes good

Try learning to cook. I think you can do better than the restaurants if you tried.

>>23330941
Wild. I know someone that posted mediocre at best isekai that managed to get a small following.

>>23331080
Right, but how repetitive is too repetitive? It’s not like it’s every second line. It’s more like 6 or 7 times a chapter.

>>23330027
They already have your data harvested, why not spread the wealth?

>>23331097
>a chapter
How long are your chapters?

>>23331097
>It’s more like 6 or 7 times a chapter.

That is way too much. Challenge yourself not to use eyes and the reality of it is that this "eye" thing is a cliche. Good writing doesn't use it. If your whole book has more than 2 or 3 mentions of eyes, you are doing it wrong.

>>23331142
Averages out at about 5k words per chapter.

>>23331152
>Good writing doesn't use it. If your whole book has more than 2 or 3 mentions of eyes
bruh moment

>>23331164

I hate to tell you this, but you are probably not a very good writer.

>>23330369
if you're becoming self conscious while drafting you probably are. when you're editing with fresh eyes clean it up then if it still bothers you

>>23331181
Anon, “eyes” aren’t even that egregious of a cliché. It’s not as bad as overuse of popular idioms and empty platitudes anyway.

>>23331185
I’m doing constant editing as I write, so I probably will end up editing things like that at some point.

I think the reason I do it is because I’m a big fan of drawn out silences and people communicating through gazes and facial expressions rather than words. However, there’s only so many ways you can say that a person smiled, frowned etc.

The thing I’m trying to get right is the pacing. When I did first drafts, it was an adverb ridden mess that killed the flow and I managed to trim a significant amount of that. I guess I’m just trying to strike a balance between rich descriptions and good flow.

>>23330954
The filtering on prologue is massive, but those who survive the first couple of chapters mostly stick around all the way. There's no other obvious drop-off point, so the chapter did its job.

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>>23331094
My previous work was an awesome isekai. Though not awesome enough that people would pay for it.

>>23331152
This sounded wrong to me but I mostly read genre stuff and figured you might be a lit reader.

So I pulled up East of Eden and searched for "Eyes" and got 500 results.

I think you're just a pseud

>>23331253
To add, this makes natural sense. The eyes are what you look into when talking to a person. They're great for evoking a strong emotional image in a reader. Why would you actively try never to mention them? Pure autism. Just because something is common doesn't make it bad or a "cliche"

>>23329381
Not the anon you were replying to but: The fact that you didn't think to say schvartze instead of nigger kind of implies that you don't know enough about racist orthodox jews to depict one convincingly. But I could be wrong

>>23328796
it won't pass

>>23330658
Just trying to explain reality to another starry-eyed dilettante. It's not my fault reality is unpopular. I don't like it much myself, but I'm not going to lie to myself or others about it.

>>23330365
Nothing is new, yours may even do it better

>>23331207
People pay for fucking I'm In Love With The Villainess and that's whack.

>>23331445
well duh they're coomers

>>23331300
>that you don't know enough about racist orthodox jews to depict one convincingly.

Stephen King doesn't know anything about black people but that didn't stop him, oy gevalt

>>23331253
>searched for "Eyes" and got 500 results.

Yeah right. He's not the best writer, but he's not that bad. Try again.

How many followers do you guys have? Usually you won't get comments(outside of edit suggestions) until you have 70+

>>23331475
I typed in "eyes" into calibre's search function for East of Eden. It gives 479 results. I scrolled through them, and there's a few weird results where it combines a word ending with "e" and "yes" into "eyes", but the large majority are genuinely just "eyes"
In chapter 8 alone there's like 20+ instances, including
>her eyes widened
>his eyes were puzzled
>promising eyes
>glowed in his eyes
>his eyes grew feverish
>, his eyes shining
>away from his eyes
>had fooled his eyes
>left in his eyes from the candlelight
etc etc etc. Again, just chapter 8.

>Steinbeck
>he's not the best writer, but he's not that bad
lmfao. the pseudointellectuals infecting this thread are so fucking funny. Nobody thinks you sound intelligent when you call Steinbeck "he's not that bad". Even if he's not your preferred litfic author he's enormously respected. You sound like a massive fucking retard

>>23331475
>>23331526
Just checked Dostoevsky's Brothers Karamazov. 400+ instances of "eyes". Let me guess, he's a talentless hack too?
Fucking pseuds

Man I wish people who disliked violence would avoid reading the Grim Dark tag

>>23331300
Yeah, he's right.
I know enough to draft the main characters and come up with their arcs and dynamics but I haven't delved into the details yet.

>>23331335
If so, what then?

>>23331544
uh. yes, yes he is.

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Any tips for writing an MC who's not a good person?
Mine is a selfish, solipsistic pseud who has endless ambition but no talent and no work ethic to back it up, only the knowledge of how to screw over other people for his own gain. I still want him to be relatable and sympathetic to the reader to some degree though and I don't want him to be annoying or a chore to read about.

>>23330777
because unlike 90% of anons posted work, there is an actual coherent plot and conflict?

>>23330137
proposed book title: "MLK Day"

>>23331645
I don't think you're that previous anon and are instead just trolling, but who do you think is actually a good author, then?

>>23331666
make him funny. make his plans blow up comically in his face. make him take his lumps. make it seem like he's going to learn. make his newly reformed persona a complete false front, and then have it blow up in his face again

>>23331526

LOL, I was just trying to get you to post the actual results. Thank you for that, proved my point.

>>23331544
But you are deliberately picking books that are a thousand pages long. Why don't you try something of a more normal length?

>>23331750
Dude you said 2 or 3 times in the entire book. One chapter of East of Eden has 20+ results. Even if you shrunk down Brothers Karamazov by a factor of 4 (bringing it down to a relatively short 90k word novel) that'd still be 100 matches for the word 'eyes'.
Just admit you're wrong
You can also name another prominent author and I'll go check their most famous book. But only if you promise to admit that you obviously don't know how writing works, afterwards. Like, jesus. Don't describe a persons eyes? They're the most emotionally revealing part of the body. Pure silliness.

>>23331750
>>23331765
Also, what do you mean I proved your point? What point?

>>23331721
Thank you anon. That was my basic plan so that's very reassuring to hear.

>>23331765
>100 matches for the word 'eyes'.

THis is perfectly reasonable for a novel. In fact you could probably find 100 matches for any noun in a novel-length manuscript.

The point is that "eyes" used by beginning writers and genre writers is just a very typical aspect of bad writing. Yes, good writers have enough sense to use it appropriately, but if the OP was asking if he overused it, even he sensed that he was not using it properly.

Either way let's agree to disagree. Thank you for doing the searches.

>>23331784
>It’s more like 6 or 7 times a chapter.
>That is way too much. Challenge yourself not to use eyes and the reality of it is that this "eye" thing is a cliche. Good writing doesn't use it. If your whole book has more than 2 or 3 mentions of eyes, you are doing it wrong.

Are you serious right now?

>>23331790
pseuds are by definition convinced of their intelligence despite their retardation. he will not admit being wrong. stop replying

I realized it was frighteningly easy to reframe one of my stories as something for girls because the main heroine keeps getting sexually assaulted by the handsome troubled MC when he's irritated. Is this even something male readers would like?

>>23330941
Might I see this story to learn about this filter?

>>23331768
>What point?
>word ending with "e" and "yes" into "eyes",

That the exaggerated search results, for one thing, are bogus. Because it's not even isolating the actual word "eye."

Then even among the examples you show, these mentions of "eyes" has nothing to do with what we're talking about (using eyes to express emotion, as in dialogue).

Instead these are the examples that you yourself cited:

>away from his eyes
>had fooled his eyes

These are clearly passages that have nothing to do with using eyes to express an emotional reaction or feeling. Instead it's a figure of speech or reference to a physical action of some kind.

How many more of your results would fall under these categories?

>>23331801
Pseuds are the first to call other people pseuds. They don't have enough self-awareness to do otherwise.

>>23331825
>Then even among the examples you show, these mentions of "eyes" has nothing to do with what we're talking about (using eyes to express emotion, as in dialogue).

Chapter 8 ONLY.
ONE CHAPTER.
>Cathy’s eyes were blank with terror
>When she was questioned her eyes widened until the whites showed all around the pupils
>His eyes were puzzled.
>His eyes grew feverish and his hands twitched.
>It was a wild and crazy-looking James Grew who stood before him, his eyes shining and his body one big shudder.
>the frantic, beseeching eyes of James
>Her eyes were expressionless and cold.
>Her mouth smiled a little, and her eyes did not seem to blink.
>staring at him with calm cold eyes
>her eyes shone and her mouth turned up in its small childlike smile

Bruh. Please. Come on. This is causing physical pain at this point.

>>23331815
sounds like a Steffen king style freudean slip

>>23331834

There's nothing wrong with these examples. You need to give it a rest already. Picking and choosing chapters isn't going to win you any debate points.

>>23331844
>That is way too much. Challenge yourself not to use eyes and the reality of it is that this "eye" thing is a cliche. Good writing doesn't use it. If your whole book has more than 2 or 3 mentions of eyes, you are doing it wrong.

>Then even among the examples you show, these mentions of "eyes" has nothing to do with what we're talking about (using eyes to express emotion, as in dialogue).
>(Provides 10 examples from one chapter about eyes expressing emotion, many in dialogue sequences)

Do you have no self awareness whatsoever? Is your advice then that there should only be 2 or 3 BAD usages of the word "eyes" per book? If not, why are you bringing up that there's "nothing wrong with these examples" like that means anything?
The point is that all good authors describe the eyes frequently, multiple times per chapter, and your advice from before was retarded--you've just dug your heels in like any pseud, making everyone else in this thread embarrassed on your behalf. You are making a complete idiot of yourself. Admit you were wrong. It's a sign of a intelligence. This ridiculous behavior is the opposite.

>>23331844
Anon, your autism prevents you from understanding facial expressions. It's ok.

>>23331666
>sympathetic
Never do that. Show him as he is. Sympathetic appeals tend to have the opposite effect. It's like anon said, you can like not liking someone, which garners more sympathy when they fuck up.

Carson McCullers was really good at that. Some of her characters are obnoxious pieces of shit but you realize they're more than a little retarded and can't help it by the end.

can I describe a woman's breasts ten times per chapter too or is that too much

>>23331855
>Picking and choosing chapters isn't going to win your argument

>>23331887
I could start posting examples from any given chapter across multiple renowned books, but I've realized I'm dealing with a mental invalid, so I don't think I'm going to do that.
Seek therapy, perhaps? You have an ego problem

>>23331883
are you describing some different aspect of that each time?

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>>23331883
How about describing her breasts one time, but making them ten times bigger?

>>23331883
>>23332081
I've been thinking about how to describe a woman's breast in a way that's not just lewd, but a bit tasteful. I want my MC to be completely smitten by this woman he sees who has huge tits, but I wanna write it in a way that sounds poetic and beautiful so that it fits with the rest. Not sure how though.

>>23332098
God damn, he thought, those are some seriously huge cans. Lemme get a handful of those knockers.. I'd love to motorboat the shit out of those. Awoogah.

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>Gentlemen, thank you for inviting me to speak at the 2024 4chan Optometrists' Society Luncheon and Mass Debate, but alas I fear I have prepared something quite thematically unrelated for discussion this fine afternoon. For your consideration, please, and any ways in which I may improve it:

They were as good as dead the moment our men departed Beijing Airport. Wen's lieutenants kidnapped Armitage's niece and nephew, along with their three children (ages 9, 7, and 3), while the family vacationed in Spain. I wanted their deaths to be swift, ideally unseen and unfelt; but Wen convinced me that the syndicate with which we were now gridlocked would require something more concrete. "West hooligans pay no mind to a shoulder tap," he said. "Only listen after their eyes are gouged out." And Wen was absolutely right: the neat disappearance of a few family members would not suffice; a blunter education was, regrettably, necessary, as was the documentation footage* of the young family's destruction. But the severity of the penalty, the extent of their suffering and torture -- that grey area; those nebulous terms -- troubled me deeply, and for longer than I care to admit.

Fortunately I was distracted by my own part to play in our brand's repositioning. While Wen's men severed and filmed in an Asturian villa, I left my beloved north capital fortress and flew to London with my own phalanx to set about surveillance. Another key difference between west and east pressed heavily upon me as we monitored our targets: the idea of familial independence, of progeny breaking cleanly from their originators. Here was Armitage's daughter, by all accounts and appearances as uncrooked as her father was bent. She retained the family name (a mistake in that she was just that much easier to find) but accepted none of her father's or brothers' blood money. She had no ties to her family's illustrious empire, the firm, as the old man called it. She and her mulatto sons lived in a modest estate apartment in one of the safer housing parks of Wembley; a lieutenant reported she worked part-time from home in carbon tax crunching. Just a regular woman, her summer fading gracelessly into autumn, who liked to cook ravioli and gulp down Guinness alone when she wasn't screaming at her eldest boy or staring blankly out the kitchen's west-facing window where, if she'd squinted, she might have seen me, just over 304 metres away according to the viewfinder. But just because she was a tax payer, a citizen with only a few teenage shoplifting crimes to her name, this did not disqualify her from our game. (To think anyone off-limits, anyone immune to redirected death, is to break the very first rule.) No eastern warlord's daughter would ever dream she was exempt from punishment for her father's crimes; I felt a twinge of pity for Rebecca Armitage, then, watching her jet cigarette smoke in her kitchen: it was not hubris but ignorance that condemned her, a total naivety to the truth of the world.

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>>23332127

*Many years later, I would attend a screening of S-films at an art gallery in the city on the sea; as luck or destiny might have it, one of the shorts featured in the anthology that afternoon would be a highlight from this same footage collection: a grisly piece of theater, performed and produced by Wen's hatchet men, and starring, in their simultaneous debut and swan song, Armitage's traumatised niece and nephew-in-law, whose children had been mercifully slaughtered before them^ that dark chittering night in Villayon.

^(I am reminded of that famous koan drilled into schoolboys (not me or Wen, sadly), wherein the monk promises the nobleman an auspicious family fortune: "First the grandfather dies, then the father, then the son." At the nobleman's outrage, the monk merely shrugs, "What order would you prefer?" Indeed, it may be hard to see clearly but, in the case of the Armitages, an inversion of the order of deaths was fortuitous, not only for them, but us too.)

>>23332117
Yes, that is certainly how I'd want to describe it going off my own inner thoughts alone when seeing huge tits. Entirely primal.

This is probably the stupidest fucking discussion I've ever seen here and I refuse to believe that anyone is arguing in good faith. Shut the fuck up and go write.

>>23332243
Yeah, you're sure raising the bar here.

>>23332256
I am, thanks for the recognition for my work.

>>23332243
the stupidest discussion here? Dude name 1 that was of high quality in wg in the past 3 threads. stop deluding urself that everything here isnt shit

>>23332243
everyone on /lit/ is a nowrite. what do you expect

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>>23332262
>can't detect sarcasm

>>23332284
>Can't detect when someone willingly chooses to ignore your sarcasm

i will not compare myself to good writers. i will write like other retards and be happy to know i'm improving

>>23332292
major cope

>>23328783
I'm addicted writing, I neglected my school works because I took interest in writing.

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>>23332098
The night loves me.

The night loves me, and not in the way of the beneficent God, omnipresent, omniloving, omnipreying, such that His wolfish amazing grace is placed in equal parts among and in every sheep in every flock and every shitty fucking thing that happens to me goes unacknowledged by the saw-, heard-, spoke-no-evil herd but accompanied still by a bitter, divine snigger behind an ineffable hand.

The night loves me, and not in the way of the mid-class hooker, affectionately punch carding every John, Dick, and Jason every time they book her, until loyalty point discounts and simple proximity slip into dangerous attachment, adjacent to feeling, leading first toward a smorgasbord of on-the-hotel orders and then to calls ignored, unexplored options, and cautious offing of what could have remained forever a strictly transactional passion.

The night loves me, and not in the way of the unicorn—charming, beautiful, everybody’s darling—who can dig out the best in every horrid little pest and even in a stupid, quasi-gook loser to pull out of ruin for a few months until she scores someone better, then collects her severance, gets her revenge, and gently places him back where and how she found him, except now with the memory of a fragrance and meaning for a loss that before her had been nameless.

The night loves me, completely, unconditionally, in all her multiplexity with stars in her eyes, a fat black belly, and heavenly thighs. Her affections are comforting and protective, draped and wrapped around me in gossamer strands, preserving me in moonstruck glass to be treasured forever. She washes me clean, forgiving and rinsing away every deficiency and sin—there are so very many—and I am perfect, not in the eyes of any casual observer or even mine, but in her eyes. In her eyes, I am perfect. In her starry eyes, I am enough. In her starry fucking fuck-me eyes, I am here and seen and heard and real and wanted.

The night loves me… As pathetic as it is to depend on anyone or anything outside of my own self, she keeps me from crawling into a cave deep in my heart and hibernating through a winter that may never end. In a world that pollutes Heaven out of the Aether altogether, she’s the only one to ever bring it back. She holds me coldly, a sheet of ice metal upon burning skin and soul, drawing out like toxins everything but a solace that doesn’t defy but joys in the winter. Here, I am alone but not alone and she’s here with me and I know she’ll never go.

A place is only as real as my place in it, and nowhere and nothing else is as real as here, now, with her. Everything else, everyone else, in their continuous, unconscious betrayal of my being, perpetuate at my sufferance. That’s all.

Have you heard the one about and out alone like a demented jackal yipping at a moonlit night that could never hear him?

“I hear you,” she answers.

I pretend not to hear.

>>23332433
what are you writing about? what drives you?

Should I exposit about the fact that my fantasy world has coffee in it despite that being anachronistic or simply have it be there? How much exposition can I have in the middle of a scene?

>>23332486
Coffee has existed forever. Why wouldn't it be there?

>>23332517
retard
>>23332486
the mention of coffee should imply that coffee exists there. if you don't want to come across as a retard that doesn't think about this sort of thing, you can preface with a good reason, or set the tone earlier

The slapping of his sandals against concrete sounds like bricks being tossed from a window. The man in sandals has in his left hand a cooler, and in the cooler is a pack of eight bratwursts, three twisted teas, and one bar of chocolate, dark. In his right hand is a wind up radio, no longer restricted to storm warnings, it is now tuned to the baseball. But the radio has heft, and the cooler has heft, and the man is teetering, tottering, and the radio and the cooler are his counterweights. His burdens keep him upright. He lays them down at the edge of his yard where the firepit is. He smiles and it surprises him, and the feeling in his arms, weightlessness, is surprising him, and the way he’s breathing surprises him and scares him. He peers over his camp. There is food, alcohol of course, he sucks in a breath, there is stuff for s’mores, he brings his hands to his hips and leans back until he hears a pop, where is, he asks, where is... In the firepit there is nothing. There is dust, there are ashes, here are some beetle shells (not a ladybug, not a ladybug). There is, however, no firestarter, there is no kindling, and there are no logs. He remembers the sound of his back popping, and the strain of the weights in his hands, and the feeling of concrete under sandals. He sits in front of his nofirepit and ponders. Cold-dogs? They are, says the packaging, pre-cooked.

>>23332484
I'm writing about this kingdom that earned its independence from an empire 50 years ago and established an elective monarchy.
In the present time, one of the founding families seeks to establish hereditary rule over the kingdom. And the protagonist, who is from a minor family, hopes to team up with other nobles and foreign allies to prevent it.
I'd like to think this is inspired by House of Cards. War and Peace, Saxon Stories, LOGH, Romance of Three Kingdom, and Shogun.

The plan is is to write 8 novellas with each having around 25 chapters, of course this might never be completed considering I'm barely able to write one chapter a week.
>what drives you?
To tell a story I want to hear.

>>23331495
For me I just hit 200 not long ago. Last comment that wasn't an edit suggestion was saying that he was surprised the story doesn't have much attention.
I'd say I tend towards one real comment every week or two. Though sometimes someone new will binge the story and I'll get three or four in a week.

>>23330365
Ever notice how there are countless vampire stories where there are certain assumptions made about how vampires work? That's because the way vampires work is less important than the story and the characters. Put your vampire details in the background and spin a good yarn.

>>23330894
Can you tell us anything about working with Aethon?

>>23331815
Flip it around and you will eat like a king.

>>23330894
I kneel in awe. I really do want to get around to reading your stuff, since I've always felt inspired by you making a real living from your writing.
But, I really just don't read as much as I perhaps should, mostly comedy manga really; I feel like I don't write as much either. And while I tell my Patrons and other readers that it's because I'm trying to be very deliberate with my writing so I can finish the story, I think it's because I went through a personal event that caused me to not feel as consumed with guilt and self-loathing.

>>23332660
If you actively learn how to write to an audience it's not as hard as you think to make a living with your writing. Obviously, not as easy as getting a real job, but it's more than feasible

>>23332716
I hope to be able to do that with my next story.
Would it be feasible with a crime drama story?
It would be a heel turn from the fantasy I'm writing now, but the shortstory it's based on won a small contest and people seem interested in the sequel.
My main worry is that RR and really any other sites just don't seem to care nearly as much about anything but sci-fi and fantasy or romance.

If a character is infodumping their past or something that takes multiple paragraphs, would you rather read it in dialogue format, or descriptive format describing what they've said?

>>23332749
I'd start by not infodumping for multiple paragraphs. But if it's dialogue, it could probably be cut down to just one paragraph of description.

>>23332749
i don't think i've encountered a multiple paragraph infodump in any published fantasy writing. what do you mean, exactly? do you have an example?

>>23332721
not on royal road; they are expecting web serial slop.
crime drama is a popular genre. you will have lots of competition, and you will be competing old fashioned-like... trying to sell books.

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>>23328783

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>Just got into the groove
>Someone appears to distract me
WHY WHY WHY FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF AAAAAAAAAA

>>23332757
What do you count infodump as infodump?

>>23333146
you'll rarely get perfect solace. some people have to write in a busy environment.

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>>23330826
So nobody has any? Or are you all hiding them to keep competition low?

>>23332098
I always laugh at this line from Pratchett
>Lady Sybil's bosom rose and fell like an empire

>>23332098
You could try to be holistic and discuss the breasts in the context of other features
You could make it poetic and beautiful the way you'd do for anything else and accept that fixating on breasts is inherently a little tasteless

>>23329077
Why are you worried about chapter length? Deeper into the book it can possibly effect pacing but at the same time if you’re concerned it probably means it’s incomplete.

If it’s complete the length doesn’t matter. Chapters aren’t penises, the size doesn’t actually matter when it comes to their effectiveness.

>>23332749
Depends on how good you are at writing dialogue vs. description. Impossible to tell without examples

>>23329417
I agree with the other anon that the ‘accurate arrow’ feels awkward. So here’s my alternative:

>Once again, she drew and let loose. Her arrow flew true, with accuracy unmatched, hit the goblin low on the back and sent him falling forward with a scream of anguish.


“That sound again… and the screams are like warm linen on a cold night.”

>>23328783
I can't decicide between these swears
>cow's cock
>cow's cunt
>cow's fart


context:
>The Lord, who so valiantly vanquished his rage a moment ago, was struggling to swim against a new current of emotions.

>“Cow’s ******! People adore me there,” he argued.

I kinda like cock's cock because it's figurative, but cow's fart might fit context better.

>>23329598
>as if her decision was already a memory, all doubt left her mind. Her breathing settled as she steadied the knife in her right hand.
Just a slight suggestion

>With little effort at all she ran it’s edge from her elbow down to her wrist…
Is less passive

>…and the flames that were just below her pale, scarred skin burst forth with a blinding white light

Some may say it makes it a run on sentence but I feel it reads better if you combine this and the one above.

All together now,
“As if her decision was already a memory, all doubt left her mind. Her breathing settled as she steadied the knife in her right hand. With little effort at all she ran it’s edge from her elbow down to her wrist and the flames that were just below her pale, scarred skin burst forth with a blinding white light.”

I’ve never felt that brevity is the soul of wit and what you wrote was mostly fine.

>>23333560
This may sound autistic but I think you need a different animal to be able to make it three syllables, just kinda feels to short at two and I think three would flow better.

>Cougar cock
>raven piss
>badger dick

or something

>>23333592
Too short *

>>23333448
I gotta read more Pratchett.

>>23333470
>fixating on breasts is inherently a little tasteless
Yeah, but I fucking love huge tits. I'd like to insert that into my story somehow in a tasteful a way as is possible. My work is very serious otherwise which is what makes it tricky. Perhaps add a character who is supposed to be vulgar and insert my horny ramblings into his dialogue.

>>23328796
that sounds dogshit but I would absolutely read it

Quick ramble that may be beneficial to some

What I've noticed from studying the lives of extremely successful people is they have these amazing "feedback loops" in their lifestyle, where they had a certain lifestyle that brought out the best of them creatively. Hemingway constantly traveled and did things because he felt a deep void inside him anytime he lived normally, but the experiences he made while traveling were often very heavy and depressing, so he immediately went to the typewriter to vent that energy. This is how he produced all his great work, all those emotional passages he's famous for. Conversely, you can tell he relied on this technique quite heavily, because the biggest problem his novels suffer from is when they begin to stretch out & have no emotional gut-punch things to rely on (which is the core of his iceberg theory). This is why his best work lies in short stories, and why A Farewell to Arms falls off in quality during the middle before peaking at the end.

Likewise, I think Kafka working for an insurance company in Prague, and writing at night, brought out the best of him. He would be an anxious and frustrated person no matter where he lived, but this lifestyle seems to have pressed him very tight like a spring, or constricted him like a snake, and you can feel this tension gathered in his writings. I feel that writers need to identify their strong suit like this, and then just double down and capitalize on it as hard as possible. You're basically trying to extract that weird part of you inside and blow it up for the whole world to see. Attempting to exaggerate will not help you. You have to actually live it.

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>>23328783
I wanted to write a magical test for students similar to this

The idea is that they have to use creative solutions instead of brute force. For this scenario I thought of ideas like someone lifting the earth beneath his feet to make him step back, making it slippery with ice, or someone just suddenly surprising him into stepping back.

But I wanted it to be less of a direct rip off. Is there anything else one could use to test people similarly? I was thinking instead of a brick of a cloak, perhaps something that just absorbs magic so it cannot be beaten directly.

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>>23334216
Wrong pic, woops

>>23332749
Don't infodump. You will bore your reader to death, and they'll drop your work. Tell them a story.

>>23333428
most of us are too white and male for publications accepting submissions, so we don't bother

>>23334155
not a lot of help for incel NEET shutins, wasting away their lives surrounded by creature comforts

>>23333592
perhaps
>cow's cut cunt

>>23334216
>>23334219
Try to stop taking inspiration from shitty native isekai, and especially one of the shittier one like Frieren

>>23334216
How cool do you need it to be? The magic cloak attack magic thing is a bit silly in a way, no need to put a guy in there.
Put a ball in a maze and ward it against telekinesis magic. So now you have to use heat and air pressure, or use telekinesis on the maze instead of the ball, or something like that. You can make up all kinds of little creative exercises like this. They aren't as cool as that page, but I don't know how important that is to your story and prose doesn't handle coolness the same way as a visual medium anyway.
You might not even need magical enforcement. You can just impose it as a rule. Cross this room, if you touch the floor you're out. Make this pendulum swing exactly twice as fast as normal. Get the cat into the carrier without any sort of physical interaction. Whatever.

>>23334271
I mean if his goal is to write popular slop, then Frieren is extremely popular so why wouldn't he emulate it? I guess there's a bit of friction converting between manga and prose, but ideas are ideas for the most part.

>>23333560
A cow does not have a phallus, because a cow is a female.

>>23334321
I know it, that's why I said it's figurative.
Essentially, what the character is saying "untrue/bogus", so by saying "cock's cock", something that does not exist would be the same thing

>>23328783
Is this too many dialogue lines (11) in a row, should I break it with some descriptions:

>“I’m not denying that was part of it, but I cannot fathom it to be the only reason,” she argued.

>“Then you are a bigger fool than me,” Lord Straboc sniffed.

>“A character in your predicament should restrain from such accusations.”

>“My army might be in ruins, but—” he tried to rationalize.

>“I’m not referring to that… Tell me, proud lord, why do you think you were given this position?”

>“The other patricians would rather just toil in their mansions and I—”

>“That’s not it… Everyone must have known you’d make a terrible commander, but the King sent you here either way….” Deuleca summarised.

>“If I didn’t know any better…. The one who wrapped his lips around the King’s member is you,” she suggested.

>“Your insolence has no limits, wench,” he sighed.

>“Or perhaps there is another reason why you were chosen…”

>“This is more of my feminine fiction, but I reckon you were not wanted in the Capital,” she presented her hypothesis.

>>23334362
These dialogue tags are bad yeah, they make it look like you're running out of ideas for verbs. But you can improve this without padding it out.
You can put dialogue tags in the middle. This can add a nice micro-pause to the sentence. For example:
>"That’s not it," said Deleuca. "Everyone must have known you’d make a terrible commander, but the King sent you here either way.”
("said" is pretty neutral and unobtrusive. It's possible to overdo it but repeating it a little is OK. I'd much rather see "said" than "summarised" here even if that means repeating yourself, it's not much of a summary.)
Very short descriptions can serve the same purpose as dialogue tags. "sniffed" and "sighed" could perhaps be converted from dialogue tags into descriptions. Instead of
>"Your insolence has no limits, wench," he sighed.
Try
>He sighed. "Your insolence has no limits, wench."
Instead of sighing out the whole sentence he first sighs and then talks. They're not connected grammatically but by describing him you imply that the dialogue is also his.

>>23334400
These are good advices and I would like to know if there is a comprehensive list of them so I can consult them once in a while.

>>23334216
The idea of a brick or cloak makes me think of something kinda stupid.
What if the object is entirely impervious to all forms of magic, but they can just break it with their bare hands? A test that says they shouldn't think only of magic, but also what they can do without it. Because really, you need to think outside of the box and not try to brute force everything with the wave of a wand.

>>23334271
>native isekai
I've never heard this term before. It sounds like you just mean fantasy.

>>23334306
I'm not aiming to write popular stuff I just write stuff I like

>>23334451
You could look up general advice about dialogue tags. This Reddit post has some good comments: https://old.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/qhzvh7/how_do_you_properly_use_dialogue_tags/
Somebody in there says to check how your favorite novels do it. That's always useful for this kind of nuts-and-bolts prose work.
What's most important is to get a feeling for what's possible and to be able to judge your own writing so that you know when you need to fiddle with it.

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>>23334216
no wonder why modern writers suck so fucking much.

how can I stop being so ashamed of how shitty my writing is? even after 10 years its nowhere near the quality it needs to be to be considered "good", even after editing

>>23334400
good stuff

is this sentance too long:

>While the position of commander was always bestowed to those of patrician origin, and not those with most martial prowess, it was generally in everyone’s best interest the patrician was at least competent.

>>23334634
no, but it's a bit.

While Commander was always a rank given exclusively to nobles, and not based on martial prowess, generally those selected were mostly competent.

>>23334811
Thanks.
I don't know why it's so hard for to come up with simple sentences.

How do I know what I want to write? Or even if I should? What if I suck at it?

Isekai sloplords bros,
will scribblehub allow harsh criticism of america and topics about it like circumcision or is that just too controversial and would get me deplatformed?

I am already too spicy for royalroad sloppa, but I also care for the work I write and I want to express my true feelings. It would be morbidly depressing if I just can't have it published anywhere despite this one having non of deplatforming antisemetism.

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>Sent off my first query letter
>Suddenly feel like everything I've ever written is complete trash and I should give up

I got a story that probably can be published!

>Have an ugly girl - asian/black/hispanic
>meets a demon that's super hot
>uses her pussy to seduce the demon
>demon makes her beautiful because her pussy is too good
>changes her to be a white girl
>end of the story, the girl sells her soul to the demon and becomes an ugly girl again in hell

>>23334957
my first story that I put on RR is very critical of circumcision and the - related, I would argue -trans craze. the sequel involves a very multicultural, bloated empire, two central villain factions are ratmen who literally worship a god named Yahweh - who is just one of many gods in the setting but they of course insist he's the only one - and vampires who run the Empire's finances and in essence worship money. it's pretty on the nose, but I'm throwing enough coats of paint on top to (hopefully) not get popped - my first one didn't and there are ratmen and vampires in that. if yours is an isekai, you should hopefully be able to get away with whatever you're saying, too

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>>23335081
>critical of circumcision and the - related, I would argue -trans craze. the sequel involves a very multicultural, bloated empire, two central villain factions are ratmen who literally worship a god named Yahweh
>RR
>allow that

Holy cungadero they don't give a shit,
well, I only have the final villain being an Eastern Euro descent generational in US (still uncircumcised due to East Euro part) isekaijin achieving the conceptual demon powerlevel and one of the key reasons for it being overwhelming contempt towards cattle-like american majority.
I have a lot to vent out about like:
>women smiling about their infant boys being mutilated and posting it on social media
>women being okay with having their children killed if it's done by a stronger male
>immediate willingness to eat bugs if it has a brand sticker on it
>society without morality based only on social prestige
>said top of social prestige being most psychopathic and brutal serial killers
>women spreading open their legs for them
>cheering to murder any non-conforming outcast
>the ultimate strive to abandon the capability of the mind and become remote controlled puppets because it's easier, "it's bothersome to have to"

I am hyperbolizing a lot, but that's for insanity descending villain anyway.

One thing I have to ask though, should I make it not!america or can I straight just use united states?

>>23335161
>can I straight just use united states
someone will get bigmad, I guarantee. I thought you said it was an isekai. maybe call it a federation of some sort

>>23335161
I would just use a fantasy US-adjacent country, not for any politically correct reasons, but because it does give you some more leeway for designing the nation since you don't need to go down an alt-history route and can just work from scratch

>>23335177
>>23335182
slight misunderstanding, I am not tainting my isekai world which I have somewhat advanced with not!america,
it's the part of the backlore of the villain of the specific with some other americans involved, because it's a classroom isekai (I even posted about it a while back)

>>23335200
>it's the part of the backlore of the villain
so in terms of themes and actually wordcount it'll be a relatively very small portion of your story. sure, you should be fine

>>23335236
>you should be fine
thanks, I only plan one big rant, some plot points before that bashing circumcision and society™ approved sociopathy development in other characters and maybe a visualization in villain's nightmare realms creatures which appear to be hybridization of:
>fat american
>pig
>cow
as horde familiars in final stages of the story

>>23335277
don't forget a vision of a north american pavement ape

>>23334280
I just wanted one of the solutions being the guy suddenly surprisng the shit out of the examiner and he steps back.

I guess it could be something like a magical cow or something, challenge is move the cow.

>>23335300
I give that a somewhat of an representation in other minor villain's cast.

Thought for 5 reasons to just DON'T include that skin color:
>the former enables this one's life
>I'm East Euro so only few times I have seen them in real life
>still get nigger fatigue because of the media
>not baiting the unnecessary trouble over insulting the 'gods of america'
>voluntarily turn my daydreams about adaptations to nightmares by how much it would be ruined with "diversity" cast in the hellscape of modern world
and also I am not tainting the fantasy world with that

Querying all day and I'm going insane. How many mysteries do you fucking need? How many YA trilogies about a stronk w0mmmz do you fucking need? How many navel-gazing progressive rags whining about nothing quite gayly do you fucking need? How many MG do you fucking need? Do you people publish anything that hasn't already been published before? I am literally going to kill myself.

>>23335545
if you're not writing to the market I'm not sure why you're even bothering to query, desu

>>23333570
Thanks for the feedback!

True, brevity isn't the end all, be all of writing, rather it should be getting the right flow when reading that takes precedent. It's not evident here but I have a bad habit of restating things I think are important, as if the audience will forget something from the beginning of the paragraph by the time they get to the end of it.
Something as small as going from.
>She slid the knife from her elbow to her wrist
to
>She slid the knife from elbow to wrist
Reads smoother to me, the extra 'her's are unneeded if she's alone, they wouldn't be anyone else's. Small shit like that is always useful to keep in the back of your mind.

Can I just grab names from wherever? It feels so hard to come up with names on the spot, but I need to cultivate this skill.

>>23335081
>my first story
How long was that?

>>23335573
Not a single person in /wg/ is writing for the market because none of you are women.

>>23334619
Dude.

The secret to writing is writing dogshit in the first draft, then editing it repeatedly until it resembles what you pictured in your head, doing it justice.

As Hemingway once said "The first draft of anything is shit."

Writing is editing. Editing is Writing.

>>23328783
What is A decent dialogue-to-description ratio?
I made a dialogue extraction, found out 33% of my chapters was dialogue, wonder if that too much

Fuck you, assholes!

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>>23335719

>>23328783
Roger Confederer

>>23335710
Why are you trying to come up with formulae? Do you want to become a formulaic writer?

>>23335608
https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com

>>23335573
>writing to the market
Means shit. You have no idea what the market wants and no way of truly knowing

>>23335796
If you are the audience, as in, you read thoroughly in the field you're trying to break into and also are in communities for that genre, then I disagree, you can have a pretty decent idea what people want (and thus write it)

>>23335633
I'm not a women and the market mystifies me but I'll have you know some of my readers are fujoshi

>>23335588
I would argue the first example flows better despite the redundancy. Flow is important to actual good prose as opposed to autistic semantic construction. In the grand scheme of things those two redundant “her”s will be scanned over in mere milliseconds yet they make all the difference to the sentence sounding human as opposed to robotic.

>>23335608
Watch some tv. And not scripted but like news and sports and shit. Take a few last names, a few first names. Hodgepodge them together with others that the collected examples remind you of and you’ll have a few good ones to toss in a note in your phone for later.

>>23332098
>her curves were a road he’d dreamed of driving and the subtle way the fabric of her sweater grew taut around her chest left him breathless with lust.

Finished a novel, and also the review and re-review of it. Where I want to send to is due soon, so I don't have enough time to review it again in it's totality. I feel like shit and I hate myself for trying something as stupid as having writing as a carrer. Anyway, how do I write a synopsis?

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>>23335944
what the actual fuck

So I've been writing and putting out a story chapter by chapter (as I assume most of you are doing also) and so far the reception has been positive as a lot of people assume it's erotic content but are taken aback when it isn't and just a fun little story instead. Anyway on that note I have a character who's quite forthcoming about her advances towards the protag. It's generally played down for laughs but she is quite serious about it. I'm reaching a point in the story where she just gets sick of all the foreplay and downright rapes the protag. There has already been strong depictions of violence and suicide and other edgy shit so this isn't totally out of place but I'm worried the readers won't like it because the topic is quite intense and the stuff I've written in advance for it makes me feel sick. Any advice going forward?

>>23336056
you already started with trash, just end it as trash

>>23336056
If it has been set up, then it's fine.
I've not received one comment about the rape in my story.
The only time I was asked to put in a warning was when a chapter opened up with the aftermath of a torture scene rather early on.

>>23336061
:(
>>23336069
Alright, so it should be fine then. Speaking of warnings I haven't jotted down a single one lol.

>>23336087
I only put the warning because I was asked, and it was the opening rather than farther into the chapter, otherwise there have been none in my story.
You get past chapter 10 or so and you know to start expecting things like that.

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What does this image evoke?

>>23335869
Meanwhile, in reality, what you get is what people think they want, which may or may not correspond to what they truly want.
Success in creative output is a crapshoot. It's pure luck on the writer's end

>>23336091
>pure luck
not true, cope more.

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>>23334458
>native isekai
It's a meme

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>>23336104
Ah, but is it not you who copes? Like Cain in his fields, you toil away under the hot sun trying to learn how to appeal to the masses and create your feeble sacrifice.
Take the Abelpill. Write what you like and cross your fingers it's what people want.

>>23332098
I looked at her, and I looked at her boobs, and I looked at her left boob, and my brain agreed it is a nice boob, and I looked at her right boob, and my groin agreed it is a nice boob, and I looked at both boobs at once, and no one could deny they were a nice pair of boobs, and I looked up, and she was staring at me from atop her boobs, and I coughed and said, “You have a lovely pair of boobs. Uh … Em … I’m sorry for staring,” and I walked away from her and her lovely boobs, and a hearty boobs-full laughter chased after me.

i started a critique/feedback gen bread here if anyone wants their stuff read
>>23336177

>>23335612
350k
I'm 61k into the sequel but I'm back in the habit after fucking off and making no or negative progress for too long. Probably going to start releasing around 150k, hopefully closer to 200k, aiming for July/August.

Hi anons, I'm translating a random comic taking place on a ship at sea, and realized I don't have much of a grasp on boat talk. I know what they're saying in the original, I just I don't know the most 'accurate' way to say stuff like "a vessel is approaching us from our six", "raise the anchor and see if we can move at a pace of twenty knots"...
I was hoping to get some pointers on how to do this kind of 'research' when it comes to terminology. Though if you have any resources for the boat stuff that's fine too.

>>23336353
Read books about the topic.
>How do I find books?
Google.

>>23336421
How do I find google?

>>23336591
Google google

Sent 7 queries yesterday. God it irks me how long it takes--trying to find one of these bastards, making sure they accept your genre, trying to browse their profile and twatter to see what specifics they like and hate, verifying they're open, (NAME ANOTHER INDUSTRY THAT PERIODICALLY CLOSES EMAIL COMMUNICATION), building out the query parts according to their unique requirements. Their profile is 2/3 rambling about their boring lives and you're lucky if they even mention what genres are yes and no.

In the first place why are agents so concerned with what they personally like and not a word of concern with what the reading public wants? What a retarded fucked up industry. God if I had three dozen litererary agents in a room and a shovel...

>>23336127
Then, how the fuck do you beat someone who works hard AND enjoys himself? Are workaholics just superior then rest of us?

>>23336657
Sounds harrowing but isn't half of this normal for freelancers in any profession?

>>23336692
Who is a freelancer? That has nothing to do with this discussion. The other day I saw an agent bragging about making $2million from one book signing... is it any wonder these leeches act like little emperors?

latest:
>agent i actually want to submit to is closed
>agency says they share queries so if it's better with another person there, they'll send it over to them
>send it to some cunt who is actually open
>get a rejection the next day, even though it was dead on perfect for the guy i actually wanted it to go to
just infuriating bullshit like this. most people if they're behind on work, either work extra or just keep plowing through. agents are the ONLY working "professionals" who get too much work so they just close down for however long they want. if anyone in a real world job acted like that they would be FIRED. it's insane how they act, and they act like that because they've never worked a real job in their lives. they go straight from academia into lala land where they read shitty YA romantasy all day and act like tropes are the most important thing in the world. meanwhile they alienate everyone in the country who works for a living.

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>>23336657
>>23336761
Agent? $2million from one book signing? professionals?

What rock has you been living under for the last couple of days?

>>23336761
I've never worked freelance but my mom is a freelance writer. Sometimes she's starved for work and actively seeking out clients, sometimes she has a long term project going and taking on any new work on short notice is actually impossible and then she has to say no. She also says no if the client doesn't pay enough or needs her to do things she isn't any good at. These are one-off contracts, it's normal to say no, sometimes the client ends up saying no. Kind of like a job interview
Now personally at my (non-writing, non-freelance) job if my boss gives me too much work I push back, I make him pick which work to prioritize and if necessary he gives it to someone else or postpones it. We even do complicated scrum bullshit to figure out what's feasible. The alternative is that I do poor work and deliver it late and he doesn't want that

>>23336784
Holy shit. so why bother?

>>23336823
Good books still sell decently, and there are now internet based ways for authors to make a bit of a living now, too.

>>23336784
what point are you trying to make, exactly?

please rate this

We stood and held a nervous stare
Beneath the dusking skies
That lit her trussed autumnal hair
And sparkling wint'ry eyes.

Spring, I think, was in her heart,
And that I loved the best;
But still, for all my flow'ry art,
I could not play out summer's part;
And love's miss-timed elusive dart
Just missed the second chest

>>23336834
>there are now internet based ways for authors to make a bit of a living now
and I would argue that if you are 96% of all authors you will make more money self publishing than trying to jump through some problem glasses wearing, unnatural dye job sporting agent's querying hoops

>>23336847
horizontally rated while in bed as the characters should've done it/10

>>23336823
for the love of the craft?

I wanna find and join a writer's workshop or group or something of the sort, how do I go about finding one? I live in a suburban town outside of Portland, Oregon. Just mosey on down to Powell's Bookstore and look around for flyers advertising one or what?

It's even easier for the average amateur to make money writing in recent years thanks to patreon and self-pub options. It was even more gatekeep-y back in the day. You people are just whiners.

>>23336884
But self publishing you'll get the job of creating an online presence so people find you, no? That seems horrifying

>>23337070
I'm told traditional publishers also expect you to do that nowadays
I'll just stick to my fanfic

>>23336915
See if any Portland based authors are doing any. Tom Spanbauer used to, his student Palahninuk did some at one point; any writer in the area worth reading probably does one because they don't make shit from their books.

>>23336784
>the thing you read the other day is false, because....I said so!
kill yourself
wrap your bowels around the back of a garbage truck and let it pull down the highway

>>23337093
O sorry I meant more just like a group for amateur writers to give each other feedback and discuss writing, something to spur motivation. Not any kind of paid mentorship, at least not yet haha.

This thread is um... kind of boring. damn

>>23337152
Zoomer

I wish all I had to do was read and write
I really do

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>3 chapters left
>Don't want to say goodbye to my characters
Hold me bros...

>>23337367
Yeah it's pretty nice

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Why did he added a comma along with the em dash? Why not just use the dash alone? Isn't it technically wrong? This is from Edgar Allen Poe's tell tale heart btw

>>23337519
poe was always minorly inconsistant and loose with punctuation usage. his poems have a lot of interesting commas dashes and shit

>>23337539
Yeah. It gives his writing an interesting look to it. I like it when writers do that

>>23337519
The comma adds a little bit of additional distance. The narrator is about to launch into into the next part of the sentence, does a little intake of breath, and then has their train of thought interrupted, maybe. That's the effect it has on me.
You can probably find a rule somewhere that forbids this. You should follow rules if and because not following them has an undesirable effect on the reader. Sometimes breaking a rule is worth it despite the negative effect. Sometimes breaking a rule is actively good because you want to jolt the reader. (Don't do it too lightly though.)
Typographical rules are more arbitrary than most rules. You should follow common practice by default but you can get away with making up your own conventions as long as you maintain internal consistency. Old texts may do weird shit.
I sometimes use weird typographical combinations when I want the narration to feel a little crowded/confused/complicated/&c, as long as it feels right. But it's always an intentional deviation. I've also seen it put to use for speech patterns of particular characters (or moods).

>>23337583
Oh I see now thanks. It does work well when the rules are broken a little bit

So I'm writing some erotic fiction. Premise is a medieval woman is grooming her monsterboy lover and now is about to let him deflower her. Then her father is going to see the bloodied sheets and pressure the boy into marrying her immediately.

>Veronica grasped her young lover's hand. As soon as she took his hand he melted into the young adolescent he was when he met her, following her along eagerly.
>"Transform, my love. I want all of you"
>He did as she bid, his form shifting into the brutish bestial one, built like a centaur. She pulled his monstrous snout down and eagerly kissed it, shoving her smooth tongue into his mouth.
>He felt the heat building in his loins and the tips of his tails. It seemed she sensed this, and she pulled back.
>"Shall I slip into something more comfortable?" the redhead teased.
>He nodded eagerly, and with a few tugs, her dress was upon the floor. The only sound that came after was the wet unsheathing sound of his cocks, followed by a meaty slap two of his now erect phalluses made upon hitting his belly.

He has dicks at the ends of his tails too, two between his legs, so four in all.

>>23336847
bump

>>23337692
>Veronica grasped her young lover's hand. As soon as she took his hand he melted into the young adolescent he was when he met her, following her along eagerly.
You're repeating the handholding but you don't have to, e.g.
>[...]grasped her young lover's hand, and he melted into[...]
The repetition of "young" is a little ugly and diminishes the contrast of turning into that adolescent. Maybe remove the first instance. (I don't know the rest of your story though.)
>"Transform, my love. I want all of you"
There should be a period before the final quotation mark.
>"Shall I slip into something more comfortable?" the redhead teased.
Instead of "the redhead" I'd just put "she" (especially if the reader already knows what she looks like).
>He nodded eagerly, and with a few tugs, her dress was upon the floor. The only sound that came after was the wet unsheathing sound of his cocks, followed by a meaty slap two of his now erect phalluses made upon hitting his belly.
No moans? If they're both struck silent then maybe I'd emphasize that.
Check out >>>/trash/wfg as well

In the dim and twirling gloaming, mine eyes espied the lacustrine mirror, whither mine own blood did mingle with the sweat of endeavours most frantic, my mind unmoored from its cranial anchorage. Aye, the same rouge that tincts mine attire, caked now into the overgrown thatch of mine hair as I fervently quest after the Wound—oh certes, monsieur, it lurks assuredly there, 'twas fated to be, I mutter aloud, mayhap only to assay whether mine own voice hath metamorphosed to a mere croak. Behold! I am become as a clod of grass, browning and yellowing, drawn into a spectral vision this instant, within this tumbling “psycho-kistiscope”—this phantasmagorical stroboscopic disc with images manifold, engendering the illusion of motion, twirling first into madness, then easing into lucidity as mine vision doth petrify into this scene where I perceive myself discharging into the sponged and bloated fenlands by the oscillating waters.

There, a faceless automaton, its guise grim as Acheron’s ferryman, thrusts a rapier of red copper into my dorsal flesh, drawing it out only to plunge again with measured, visceral ferocity, repeating its gutting choreography as I endeavour to right myself in vain, over and again, as a motif looped upon a twirling parasol or disc, until the grand, lethal vision doth trivialize and decay—like a cheap layer of trompe-l'œil upon a canvas, dripping away to unveil aught else—a dissolving eruption into the ensuing tableau: a man lies rigid against the skeleton of an abandoned fire-kiln, draped in weeping willows, with distant, grotesque shapes skirting the marsh. There, vagrant souls and their progeny, men and women alike, scrape against reeds and rushes, inhaling the churning, ink-spotted clouds of fungal Stachybotrys. Decayed yew-wood crackles into splinters, and sticky, mind-altering ergotamines ooze down like night-black honey into the quagmire, amid myriad decayed microcosms that persist as husked shells of yester eve.

1/2

>>23337771

These elaborate and vivid imaginings stir within my mind—brewing and grinding me awake as I wheeze and crackle, recalling the manikin and its blade, its swift retreat, and the pervasive blood-sweat now covering me, my body so benumbed I canst not discern the wound, and my sweat so corrupted it leeches the colour from my blood. As I persist in this mortal coil, these elements shall amalgamate with other death-fluids to forge a clay-like amalgam, mummifying me unto this arboreal sentinel as I gaze towards the horizon's fuzz, where the waves lap in glittering uncertainty, so immaculate and unsettled, indeterminate as the sun doth close its nightly wink—adieu...

Clouds, frayed and stratified in endless layers, little windows of peculiar luminance creaking ajar. I recollect the ritual of my youth—pursuing the winding, blotched fleur-de-tan, where the path was not overgrown with garden loops and sand traps, deep down where men and their dames of ill repute convene during the most vile, curdling hours of the night—a locale that never reveals itself by common paths or arboreal ascent, for it effaces all trace of itself as Sol ascends upon the swirled majesty of Lake St Claire, its periphery alive with fungal effervescence and frothy flora, belching plant life and foaming with desperate, exotic vegetation receding into the crevices of wood and light's bends...

Mine stomach churns as I climax with the rueful potion I administered but moments prior—the instant I dismounted from my steed and declared myself, arriving with a mantle of dust upon my cape and boots. With a dropper clandestinely in hand, I suckled air through one conduit whilst a sufficient measure of the liquid chemical solution collected in a metered chamber, thence connected by a metal conduit to the ultimate component of this apparatus: my very mouth—emitting a resonant, rolling sound of Eastern timbre once the dosage exhausted itself: a melody of whirling metal tubes and the clattering of bricks through curved, tunnel-like acoustics once depleted of its alcoholic enigma.

2/3 (thought I could fit it in two)

>>23337780

This deplorable, decrepit chasm of a drug, this malicious play of time and will... it is—a fully-realized dream overpowering my vision: I trod the sloshing path come morn, away from the Marsh, stumbling as the copper automaton, cruelly efficient with its faceless gaze, vanishes into the urbanscape. A youth ambles in opposing direction, gasping, summoning the courage to speak, catching my glance and pointing right where the dreadful, smoking effigy had impaled me. "Oh, sir, I must hasten on, but... that... ’tis..." pointing at my waist and chest, darting his eyes as if the sight is too macabre, glancing from my waist to my eyes and back, ere he ducks into the shadows of sword-grass and Aethyrium, vanishing ere I tumble into a Second State, startled, as my limbs project endlessly, crawling fiendishly along my corpus in what felt like a cycling array of interlocked woodcut illustrations of myself, rotated through a shattered kaleidoscope—out of body, ensnared within the fussing nucleus of a monstrous, timeless apparatus, compelled to spectate my own demise like a bird too low tethered to a cloud—watching this fractured man in search of a wound that exists not, whilst still these tar-drops of claying blood-sweat fall to the ground, leaving the freshest trail until at last a quizzical, dusken light breaks through, and I discern the true hue—it is not blood—there was never a wound—but ink, dropping from my pen.

3/3

>>23336677
what, you thought sitting around all day on your lazy ass was some sort of winning move? the absolute state of 4chan

>>23338313
>>23338313
>>23338313