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/x/ - Paranormal

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write a lettet to the one you love etc.
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I'm That dude.
Saw a gray heart on the ground at the recycling plant. Flipped it over and it was this. I’ll keep my interpretations to myself, but I’m thinking of you. It’s a cozy day. Clouds and rain. Dreaming of log cabin romps on bearskin rug in front of stone-facade-fireplace to cheesy 80’s saxophone.
I'm sorry I'm not a better person to visit in dreams.
I hope I see you again
Thank you in advance, for show me the way I need to follow from now on...
my first day of work went well.

even if that was you in my dream, and it was you lashing out and telling me i had a cold heart and didn't know what love was, i still hope i see you again.
we've been sharing dreams for our whole lives, if you're real, and that means something, regardless of anything else. i know we're around the same age because we grew up at the same pace. and i still hope we can meet some day.
maybe you can tell me why you started to dislike me so much.
>The lid from a Valentine's Day candy (February) blew out of the recycling pile in October
Good to know they're on top of this stuff handling it in a timely manner
>clouds and rain
>Russell Stover
I'm sick tired of the rageful asshole you constantly confuse for me on this site.

I might be a little hard to deal with and maybe too straight forward because of what I had to went through in my military life but you know me (and how lazy I am). I give my best effort to be diplomatic about nearly everything.

In fact, some people find it annoying because sometimes I try to defend my enemies and people that straight out hate me or want to see me dead.

I just want to know if it was you who said that loved me and to be with you someday... Whould you wait for me?
>"thinking about someone or thinking about fucking someone is being a simp"
lmao, you incel
dayum, guess it's true
Since I was a little girl I dreamed of becoming an award winning actress. Then out of the blue it became true.

I would like to thank 4chan for having such a great captivating audience, the manipulative people who worked on it, those in the know (and I know who they are) along with my husband, without his support and setup this would never happen. Thank you for always being by my side even when I thought your script/direction/guidance was completely outlandish and that of a crazy, bpd, person ;) having you also as my acting coach has been quite crucial in making this happen and how great the content turned out.
Thank you to my lawyers for having my best interest and protection from any type of piracy now or future.
Now I can get my house back in order lol.
Thank you and good night America.
>Steers and Queers
Maybe it got stuck on to the side of the bin with some gum or a mix of food residue that created some sort of glue, so every time it was emptied until now it just stayed stuck. Also I know of people who live far outside of town just stockpiling their recycling in their garages until they have to a take a truckload down since they’re hours and hours away from everything. Many possibilities. Could just be a loose piece that blew out of someone’s curbside recycling at the beginning of the year and has been tumbling along the roads ever since.

Did it help you to voice this disdain? Were you hoping to gain something from this projection?
[spoiler]Did you know “trouserless” is a close anagram of the letters in Russell Stover?[/spoiler] [spoiler]I think that’s fun and auspicious.[/spoiler]
I know where it comes from
That was embarrassing. Look away! Look away!
[spoiler]can't look away[/spoiler]
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i feel so fucking cuddly right now. i'd cuddle the hell out of somebody.
I wish I had the courage to talk to you again. You must hate me for abandoning you but I never stopped thinking about you.
I just don't know how to be the type of person you need and I don't want to say the wrong thing and hurt you irreparably.
I'm sorry for everything.
I’m just testing to see how far you’ll go
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The movie in my head is dragging on
Turn it off and we'll shut in on the songs that play
In your heart like screams in caves
And talks that stay till dark turns into oncoming today
You want a friend for life just listen to me
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you'll come back stronger.
Yes, that sounds nice.
The dead are better conversation holders than you.
Disappointing, how very disappointing.
You talk to demons?
I talk to everything.
The "dead" aren't always demons pretending to be the dead, anon.
>The "dead" aren't always demons pretending to be the dead, anon.
Funny, because "The dead" aren't human. "The dead" are the beings in The Abyss. The more you know.
Lol, no they're not.
You ignorant buffoon.
You really think people's shadows are 'dead people'? No, they're not technically the people that have already incarnated again.
Definitely need a friend now.
I say again, some dead are demons masquerading as the dead.
Not all dead are demons masquerading as the dead.
Demons don't even make up the population of those within the Abyss.
Take your argumentative self and go somewhere else.
Fuck off to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, discord etc etc faggot
post your shit there and see if anybody gives a fuck
Hey Fer. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. You’re beautiful and smart. I know we would fall in love so I’m not sure what happened.

I know you sometimes think of me still. I think of you too. Reach out to me.
>I say again, some dead are demons masquerading as the dead
First of all, all humans are demons in a cage. The aftershadow they leave behind is just remnants of themselves. It's not actually them.
>Not all dead are demons masquerading as the dead
That would be true if people stayed dead, moron, but they don't. They reincarnate.
>Demons don't even make up the population of those within the Abyss
Depends on how you define demons.
>Take your argumentative self and go somewhere else
I could say the same to you.
Ah yes, it's little Timmy thinks he's a demon time again.
>it's this retard again
How many times have I told you to shut the fuck up?
I posted mine here because I'm anonymous here. Anywhere else I have to have an identity tied to my sorrows.
>How many times have I told you to shut the fuck up?
About as many times as my higher self bonked you on the head for thinking you have any knowledge worth a damn.
Only fb
>higher self
>bonked in the head
Didn't know it was 0.
i love a good sign like this
its a complicated, troubling world and little sentimental things like this that breach the mess are always nice.
>He doesn't believe he has a Divine self
>He thinks he's innocent and brand new
jej How can one be a new soul for Jesus if there's no such thing as old souls, dumbass?

I'm pretty sure you were punished even recently.
I would love to…please tell me how?
Implying you successfully bonked my higher self in the head.
Of course it would go over your head.
>Implying you successfully bonked my higher self in the head
Oh, so you think you're above reproach? You think you're of a higher standing than me? Who told you that?
>Of course it would go over your head
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>it's another episode of they think they're God
did Molly with some people from a hostel, I'm 6'2 and got cuddled by a 6'7 german guy, ngl felt nice to be the middle of a spoon-train
Prove I'm not God, kill me from where you sit.
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>kill me where you sit
Fucking jokes over here.
There's a few ways you could try, but you laugh it off because you know it won't work.

I'll tell you two:
Summon a demon to hit me with a death curse.
Curse me to death yourself by typing a judgement in the thread. (I doubt you will know how to do this or what this even means).
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small steps I guess..
I'll be with you, my loved ones. No matter how long it takes, I'll reach your universe. I'll never give up. Help me from your side if you can, please. But I won't give up even without help.
No, I laugh it off because you're ridiculous and cursing a mental patient is cruel.
>No, I laugh it off because you're ridiculous and cursing a mental patient is cruel
You really think your curse will work against me and you're so confident that you laugh? But you want me to shut the fuck up? You won't shut me up yourself by putting a death curse on me? Then there's no point in wanting me to or even telling me to shut the fuck up. You're not gonna do shit about it, then I think YOU should shut the fuck up. Unless of course you want to admit your spirit is trembling.
I think i might actually love you. My heart aches at the thought of us never coming together the way I want. I fear that even if our timing was different, you'd never even look at me. I like being your friend, but I 'd drop everything in a second to follow you around like a puppy. I wish there was another way.
Using very common bully tactics used by cowards?
That goes to show just what you are.
Phony piece of shit.
Here's a hint, real Gods have their emotions well regulated and aren't little bitch faggots such as yourself.
>Using very common bully tactics used by cowards?
>Cursing a mental patient is cruel
I think you deserve to be bullied for your overconfidence.
>That goes to show just what you are
You're an overconfident retard.
>Here's a hint, real Gods have their emotions well regulated and aren't little bitch faggots such as yourself
Why do you think I'm angry or anything?
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Man, you just crack me up.
You think it would be fair if I could materialize things on camera and show off shit? This is the way I've forced myself to prove I AM. Yet you laugh like you are above me in some way. Who told you that?
I literally just realized that if I wrote a simple application that plotted random pixels, there's a possibility of it generating the gayest fucking picture anyone could ever view.
jesus you're still here AND you're pissing on the carpet
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i piss, u hiss
Who taught you to talk down to people?
>He still doesn't think he's talking to his God
>nursery rhymes
oof as the kids would say these days
Oh, I know I'm not.
There will come a time when we meet in another place, I'd like you to repeat that same thing. Keep that same energy, bro.
I’m so tired, I m going to sleep, how will I talk to you again and know it’s you?
I’m enjoying falling into you.
Sure bro, I'll keep it when I sparta kick you into the Abyss.
no one wants to see your competitive dick measuring, pissing and peacock triathlete tournament, take it to dm's faggots
>Sure bro, I'll keep it when I sparta kick you into the Abyss
You actually believe this will happen too. jej Oh, I forget, you fell for the 'Elect' meme.
I am happy it worked out for you.
Congratulations, femanon.

I am proud of you. o/ Congrats on winning, we are all proud of you.
I can't anymore.
Stop with the jokes.
Or are you misinterpreting for the maymay.
>Or are you misinterpreting for the maymay
No, I get it, you think you're God. I can pretty much guarantee you're not and anything I say to challenge that will be laughed off.
Lol, you just keep ticking boxes.
Do you feel as though your deluded position is threatened?
To everyone doing the soul surgeries on my psyche, sorry I couldn't change the world. As for everyone who is mourning over someone who snitched, forgive them. They were only trying to save me from public embarrassment. Possibly avert a war.
where are you right now
this place, where are you?
I just had a weird epiphany that probably sounds insane.
Everyone and everything you interact with you leave a small amount of your spiritual energy or "soul". When you die all that was left in your body is split amongst everything your soul had touched.
Reincarnation happens when enough energy from things that you interacted with eventually coalesce into a single point and reform. Souls of the dead can mix and merge to form new ones but there will always be a dominant one that begins the cycle anew.
If you read this far then you're already part of me and we'll see each other again some day.
>you just keep ticking boxes
You ever stop to think that it's that way on purpose?
>Do you feel as though your deluded position is threatened?
You think there is no authority above you or something? Prove that.
>where are you right now
This is the lowest Density in this reality.
>this place, where are you?
Do you not see your own suffering and have to ask?
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The fact you're so wrong only further proves you know nothing.
>I'm doing this on purpose
Pic related
Thanks, anon.
"I think I'm God, but I'm fucking crazy. And I will make all your dreams come true."

Yeah...you're being conned. Classic virtue signaller. Happened to me too bro, so I feel your pain. They tried to convince me that I was "Mary/Maria" or an angel, LMAO.

Silly Zawus. You can't trick someone who is aware.
>The fact you're so wrong only further proves you know nothing.
You think it's your place to challenge people or something?
>I'm doing this on purpose
And if you suffer for it?
You are Mary but of the Magdalene persuasion.
If you're pretending to be crazy for money, do realize that if someone in the future loved you for who you are, they will come have that person assassinated or assassinate your character to that person.

Challenge the retards who think they're divine?
Yes, I do it because it's fun.
>Challenge the retards who think they're divine?
You're welcome to believe what you want, bro, you still haven't answered my question.
achtually reincarnation is supposed to be whatever shit was left of you coming back to life as another lifeform and your "soul" is supposed to retain something of the old life, meaning if you kicked a stray dog to death and some parts of that dead dogs cells are used to make a new human through wonderful stirring pot of life and you exist in the same time and space you will have a person who is a dick to you "for no reason" because their "soul" remembers you
Anon, the things that are coming to those who choose to do the things you described will have such things done to them you wouldn't even wish it on your worst enemies.
GODDAMN, LMAO. XD You guys already chose the virtuous rich girl! Since I'm "crazy" then, I can do what I want. Even when I tried, they really don't need me. Or they only need me as a joke where I get mogged by lunatics, but never get paid or credited. (The "gay jesus" stunt on SV.)

I am flattered I was even considered though. It seems to mean alot to you guys, even though I was severely bullied and in actual poverty from childhood my whole life over this.
Cognitive dissonance as well?
Poor anon.
Let me guess, you're The Nobody too?
This from the guy who can't answer a simple "And if you suffer for it?" question.
I mean, I really don't know, lmao.
On one hand, I literally did that to myself way back then on accident.
On the other hand, I'm not pregnant with some gas station attendant's child on WIC.

At least I planned for it, financially.
It would have worked out sweet too, had the pandemic not happened.
Anon, that's a null question since you lack the authority to act on it.
I don't have to make you suffer. Your spirit will. Do you think you can do anything you want or something?
Dorkass. You're taking the Path of IBAChandler. It's a hardcore path, lmao.
More hardcore than the actual Messiah, who was crucified to death.
>hurr muh spirit gon make u suffer
>you dew it to urself
>me smark
>you bad boy man thing
this thread is so fucking chromosome right now i cannot even, literally i cannot even go fuck yourselves i'm ditching this thread until you faggots go back to /ng/ you people are so fucking insufferable i'm thinking of leaving /x/ all together jesus christ how the fuck does anyone tolerate you lot without committing the door
You're a peon anyway.
I love you so much. I never won't. I know deep down I have to give up. You have someone else. You'll probably marry him. Be happy. Help raise his family. Your family. You'll always hold a special place in my heart and mind. You'll always be someone incredibly important to me cause I know I've found someone I'll keep in my life for life.
But I have to give up.
If you are who I think you are, you think everything is insufferable. But secretly, everyone around you finds you smarmy too.

I'm not trying to mess with you. Btw.
Listen, when your beliefs get shattered don't go batshit yeah?
Oh wait, you already are.
okay kang
>everyone around you finds you smarmy too
look at this thread, tell me a single time i've gone this fucking full chromosome retarded?
Not trying to mess with you, but you'd be happier sticking to people who make you feel loved and valued. You do deserve respect, attention and affection too. Much love!
You really should check yourself, bro. You think you're The Nobody, correct?
Anon, where did I say that?
Do you believe you're this nobody character?
Do you feel challenged and are attempting to impose or intimidate?
Ok, well. Their brain-farts and codespeak don't bother me. I don't feel the need to control others anymore. I just let things go and work on my own life, if I can't get revenge.

I hope you find someone who makes you feel comfy too. I stay here, because 4chan is my scream jar.
>Anon, where did I say that?
I was just making sure.
>Do you believe you're this nobody character?
Not just a character, but yes, I am him.
>Do you feel challenged and are attempting to impose or intimidate?
Sin begets sin.
you idiots are the same bunch that migrated to x full time during the god damn nobody fiasco, newsflash retards the nobody was just rebranded anonymous but singling out a messiah character to be "the nobody", wooo congratulations you win the retard award for missing the entire point of anonymity and what it means to be anonymous now go commit a vodka bottle with deep thoughts and leave your fucking larps at the door when you come back
You're the cutest here rn.
Back, back to your containment thread.
Aww, thanks! <3 It means alot to a person on the internet who knows the truth about their existence. Some spirits let me know, the whole joke is that no one marries me, but they all try to ditch me with a bastard kid in poverty.

They thought they were so smart.
But the punchline was actually them.
>you idiots are the same bunch that migrated to x full time during the god damn nobody fiasco, newsflash retards the nobody was just rebranded anonymous but singling out a messiah character to be "the nobody", wooo congratulations you win the retard award for missing the entire point of anonymity
>Continues to LARP like he knows when everyone did something he built in his own headcanon
LMAO Like that's gonna make me go back.
I'm not having children, so, Idk what to tell you.
Because you're already in the containment thread.
That would mean I was actively posting in it and it wasn't in another tab, but okay, define things how you want them to.
So you admit it's open in another tab?
I never want children, lmao.
I have known this since I was 6 to 9 years old.
Wantex to skip the abused wife and mother phase, go straight to retirement and coasting, then death. My old friends found it sad and thought I was self-pitying or self-loathing.

Nope. I figured out the con early on. That's all it was. Would love to find a lifelong companion, but motherhood is not it.
see this is why anarchy only works anonymously
fucking called it

Leave your dumb normie girlfriend, we can be a force for greatness, you know she fucking sucks
I can form myself physically into what you like and you can mindfuck me the way I told you I need.
>So you admit it's open in another tab?
Okay? So?
>I never want children, lmao
Yeah, it's clickin', let's party.
>I have known this since I was 6 to 9 years old
I didn't know that early.
>Wantex to skip the abused wife and mother phase, go straight to retirement and coasting, then death. My old friends found it sad and thought I was self-pitying or self-loathing
I don't think that at all.
>Nope. I figured out the con early on. That's all it was. Would love to find a lifelong companion, but motherhood is not it
What's your stance on sex?
>My headcanon was right even though this person joined in 2011 and didn't find out shit about The Nobody until 2016
If we're just meeting, we should see how it goes before declaring anything. I don't like jumping into things anymore, it has ended with people who hate me jumping down their throats to scare them away or people literally trying to assassinate them.

You should get to know someone before seeing whether you really like them.
I know we will end up together, again. I don't know what it will look like exactly, and I am prepared for dealing with everything in the meantime, but fuck... do I love you and the kids. I know I, the one you loved more than you have ever loved anyone, hurt you more than anyone has since you were a young, defenseless child.... and despite that, I know you realize it was ignorance, misguidance, confusion, untintentional.
I know I may have bought myself years of heartbreak, but you're my family. I will be here to the end.
idk about the molly part, but yeah, that sounds nice

that's the spirit, friend
mom it was really painful growing up without you. there has been times where the loneliness and meaninglessness of your death weighed heavily on me, but I never resented you for it. i know you wanted me to grow up to be happy and excited about life, but I ended up being confused, anxious, scared and angry, so much so that I'm disabled. i think about suicide constantly. im sorry i couldnt be happy, im sorry we couldn't be together. though I hope we can meet some day.
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i was feeling good earlier, but now i feel miserable.
nothing to do, no one to talk to, and i can't even use the kitchen without this fucker coming out to specifically make me uncomfortable, i feel fucking awful and i just want to be left alone by this abusive creep.
i wish i had somewhere else to fucking go, good god.
>If we're just meeting, we should see how it goes before declaring anything
It was a reference to a stand-up I watched, not my actual feelings.
>I don't like jumping into things anymore, it has ended with people who hate me jumping down their throats to scare them away or people literally trying to assassinate them
Yeah, I'm hesitant too, especially since I'm Asexual. Not too many people can tolerate that. I can tolerate you being down my throat, I think, I'm a bit 'possessive' as well. You won't have to worry about anyone trying to assassinate me, trust me.
>You should get to know someone before seeing whether you really like them
My heart is taken by another, I only have room in my heart for one. But we can chill.
you should consider moving to live solo
If you love her, then stick to her. Good luck on your relationship.
She doesn't love me, so there's no reason to even 'stick' to her. Like I said, we can chill, it's no biggie.
I'm down. If we ever meet, I suppose.
You have Discord?
that is easier said than done, i can't even afford a car.
i would love to live alone, but everything is so fucking expensive, and i don't have anybody i could live with, i'm just stuck here.
can't you get tardbux or disability gibs
what kind of rathole country do you live in?
No, but making one.
Alright, I'll be right here.
i'm so mentally ill i probably could get disability, i just can't get treatment right now to get a diagnosis.
>what kind of rathole country do you live in?
america, lmao
everything is expensive, i don't make enough to support myself alone.
uncomfy pikachu anon, apply for unemployment check, tardbucks and whatever disability aid you can get and move the fuck out, if you live in a 1st world country those should be readily available assuming you're a citizen
even living in some shitty den is better than having to live together with someone who makes you feel like shit, your country (assuming it's first world one) should provide those to citizens so depending on what conditions you have or if you're just flatout unemployed there should still be option to apply for welfare benefits to help you move out so you can get yourself back on your feet
wait you're employed and can't afford to live alone? what kind of fucked up backwards country is america
move to a different state or some shit where stuff is cheaper but avoid black and hispanic neighborhoods unless your pigment matches the locale if you know what i'm saying those people are racist as fuck and will mug you everyday for standing out and you don't really want to go to american jails they're filled with faggots that think being imprisoned gives them the greenlight to fuck man cheeks
Man, I don’t have a lot to say. Too much to feel. Would rather just be listening to your breathing and the silence surrounding your silence.
>even living in some shitty den is better than having to live together with someone who makes you feel like shit
i have heard awful stories about people being actively harassed, stolen from, and abused by the people who run those "shelters."
unemployment here is barely enough to survive on, but i do have a job, it's just minimum wage which is not enough to make car payments, pay for car insurance, pay rent solo, pay bills solo, and still buy groceries and toiletries.
everything that makes actual money requires a degree, and college prices are actually fucked, there are ways to get loans, but then you're basically just in debt forever.
i don't know what to say about the racist things you've said here, but people of color have usually been nicer to me than other white people. i think it's awful to judge neighborhoods like that when you don't even know what living in america is like to start with. you sound like my mother who thinks any neighborhood with a lot of brown people living in it is "a bad neighborhood" even when everyone is friendly.

the most i can do is save and try to find roommates and rooms for rent, but a lot of them cost way too much because there's no regulations on how much landlords can charge you. the cheapest rent in my area is around $700 for an apartment, it used to be lower, but rent keeps getting hiked up for no apparent reason half the time.
renting a house is actually cheaper before bills, but you also need to have a few thousand to put down on it first, and with everything else, it's basically impossible to live alone unless you're making around four hundred a week.

and moving to another state is not easy when you don't have a car or a job in that area or anybody you know. i'm also mentally unstable, and i really fucking hate saying that, but i'm schizophrenic, and i can't deny it fucks with the way i act around people.

sorry i know you're trying to help
and the muscle in one of my legs is actively deteriorating and there's not much anybody can do for me beyond physical therapy and that just fucking slows it down, i don't think about it a lot, but it's hard to ignore when you look down and your right calf is fucking shrinking like

i don't really know what it means for me in the future i haven't even mentioned it to anybody, i just bury myself in distractions because i don't really want to be alive
there's a good reason why whites move out before blacks become a majority, property prices don't drop due to benevolence of the landlords
here's this
hehe i have to pee real bad and that made it harder
see the excuses they made for compton and how it was all going to get better
funny how the pattern repeats and nothing changes
you can be apologist all you want and say the blacks you've met are nice and you can be true on the latter
but find me a city that poor whites ruined on USA and ill give you a gold star
Poor whites are dope, brah.
Maybe she's just a snowbunny.
White people ruin farms, not cities.
run* farms
I had a dream about you, I think. We were all playing a weird video game console in a strange mansion that floated through space, pic rel
being there felt like I had finally gone home. I miss you guys.
I'm working on it, anon, trust me. I won't give up either
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Dark cast solitaire, this circle, my space, the Athame near my heart, Honey on the Altar as smokey aromatic Frankincense rises, dissipates enveloping hospitable invitation, Eucharist of Air, cross the barrier, the sacred angles sliced an burned in the East, I stand at the threshold, open the Pylon, Spirits of Air Open the gates, I call to you my ancient brother, my Patron hear my calls, he whose image I saw first, he who's been a constant throughout my lives, he who calls and answers, Shepard of Man, Master of Divination, God of Competitions, Son of the White Eagle and the Knot, brother of Athena, rescuer of Ares, consort of Aphrodite, my Patron Divine Messenger Hermes, to you I call, hear my praise and adoration, hear my prayers, this is my heart of hearts, my soul this cypher, Feather and Sword, Ignition and Inferno, Droplet and Downpour, Dust and Diamond, Spirit and I I AM and Animal, the brightly burning Azure Pentacle, blazing blued steel winged disk of flight, I I AM the Pentacle, Unto the Hermes, the Kingdom the Power and the Glory Forever and Ever Amen, the utterance and gesture performed, my Body the Chain, this the Word of the Pendulum-

Work a particular force with an axe, from Venus, work out the Solar operation, Abrahadabra, a compendium of sacred knowledge, Men, glory to thee, women, eternity is the storm, the Priestess holds the Sword of Light. Liberty, your torch shines before the resonance of fertile Earth. Janus, threshold Lord, honor as I pass with fortune, with Spirits. The Universe, Hermes, Aphrodite, the Lamb growing brighter both male and female. He is graceful, enduring, sensitive, quick and divine; she joins surface of Water, the Sun silence, the Moon the howling of the beasts, the Sun being fiery when least expected. The Tree of Life, Ultimate reality, A and B's Universe, infinitely elastic Potential Matter to reality. Leo the balance, guides conduct to Kingdom of Heaven and action from outside, the answer. - (cont)
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--(cont) The head the Dying God I AM, the Dying God I shall Be. Also this shape is in many churches, this shape revolves around fish, it is a symbol of the Mother. And the fish sacred to Mercury as guide of the dead. Unexpected secret, elastic element of universal energy involving symbols, creative God. Of the Dead, opposite of Gemini, a one, worship in cults with sweep hand hence Hades, Mercury exalted by Spirit therein, Mercury over Hades, Mercury fluidic essence of Light, field of Corn of Wheat. Mercury holds a Lamp, King of Fire. She is wrapped in a cloak of life, he is the Universe- Hermes. Aphrodite of the Water Golden. He is throned.-

And so it is received, and so I stand forever in your honor, in your glory I may bask in this light, the light of All that is Good, All that is LOve, King of Swords, my ancient Patron I bid you farewell from my circle, All Love and Adoration, carry my internal prayers my Lord, may I continue blessed and howling at the moon, howling with her in the night, I love you, I love you, I love her the most, she is dead, she is dying, she was lying, I want her, but there is only one for me...
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do you save all of these? They're fascinating. A compilation would be like reading Finnegans Wake or something.
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I have over 150 pages saved of my morning praises/ stichomancy / rituals, and divination readings. It needs editing, these morning rituals reawakened my writing habits, thanks kindred spirit. I have to run and be a raging animal, I hope the moon is visible this morning. Good day to you.

Some anons still confused all up in this bitch.
My life is at the hardest it's ever been. I think about slashing open my wrists daily. I'm just trying to be happy and successful and make people I care about happy but it's harder and harder each day. I feel like I'm drowning every single day. I'm trying to find help but everyone seems glee to leave me behind. I don't know who I am anymore, I told someone I cared about the other day I don't care who or what I become as long as I am successful. I'm finding it hard to find the will to keep going the way I am.
Make YOURSELF happy, then your family can get better blessings. Didn't know you could enjoy yourself, huh?
I don't know how to be happy Anon, I seriously, honestly can't remember the last time I felt more than satisfaction or momentary joy, I always feel crushed by anxiety and feeling like failure. When I think about things I enjoy, it always seems to boil down to just whatever distracts me best from my life. I used to have someone who truly made me happy for a bit and gave me the motivation to keep going(but that's over now), and now that they're gone I feel like I truly have lost all direction. Thank you for replying Anon I don't have anyone to talk to.
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Hey -
we make a great team. you're strong, i'm quick, you're diligent, and i'm clever.
i'm really proud of what we have accomplished together. i hope you can see what love means to me - that its about creation, recombination, and splendid power. alchemy.
i love you.
I only myself and let me just say that I am very proud of me and the person I am becoming
Tonight was short, but sweet. I hope you're home, warm, cozy, and asleep. I would have loved to heat your little fingers up... to keep them tight in mine... all the more reason I need to get real, quick, so when that day comes I can leave. Those big dreams of mine are important, but I don't think they're the sort of dreams one man alone can make. I need you, my alchemical twin, your love wed with my own; so you have to take priority. It's hard to compare dreams like these, they're so vastly different at a glance, divided by magnitudes, but that's not true, really. The dream of being with you may be simple and small on the surface, but so much is contained in that package. I become a christmas tree in your presence.
I know that I'll never see you again.
I think about you every day, but you've likely forgotten all about me.
Story of my life.
It's my fate to die alone, going down swinging.
That's how this ends, I've always known it.
with the lights out,
it's less dangerous
here we are now,
entertain us
I wish I could still stop the resentment. I wish we hadn’t lost those pregnancies. I wish my body wasn’t broken. I wish we had more money so you didn’t have to work every waking moment. I wish you could be happy with me, happy with our life. I wish I didn’t feel like you feel trapped. I wish I didn’t hate you so much every time you waiver on a family. I wish I was 35 looking at an empty future, but beside you, because I love you no matter what. I wish we had gotten married when we were young but you made us wait and I wish I didn’t still hate that. I’m sorry. I’ll always love you, I’ll never let go, but I know you aren’t happy. And im sorry. I know you love me too, but equally hate me it seems. I wish the pandemic didn’t make everything so much worse.
Wasn’t 35*
learn to admit that you hated what i was and wanted to change me into what you wanted
then you'll realize you never loved me at all, you loved the image of "what i could have been"
grow up and put on your big boy pants, then move on and find someone who is that
nothing is lost, there are people who are into older men and women, find your dynamic and work with that
if you're into older men who are into younger men you can still find people who respect that dynamic even if you're old
just don't treat them like shit like you did with (insert some obscure bullshit fantasy script here) and you'll be fine
be what you are, find people who are into that, and experience true chemistry at work
the dynamics work, the system is perfect
you're just fighting against the current of the river and trying to swim at the shore
Love you
Have a great day
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*shits your pants*
I can't afford a brand new car either.
Chevrolet spark hatchback is apparently the cheapest brand new car available.
But you can get one used for even cheaper.
I will live with to and split rent and cook for you but I'm gay and you will have to cuddle me at night also.
>I don't care who or what I become as long as I am successful.
Yeah, we are complete opposites.
One day you will grow a spine.
You're not fucking sorry.
Say it to my face.
I feel so alone at home
I don’t know where to look
Maybe I’ll just read a book
I know you aren’t him. Firstly because he never posts only lurks /pol/, and secondly that’s not his writing style.
Nice AI sounding advice tho. What him and I need is, me having a job or two, both of us in therapy, and fertility treatments, him getting rest. A better mattress. What we don’t need is: We don’t need to abandon each other and break vows. Thank you tho!

Ps. Whatcha talking about older men younger men dynamics? My post was about a married couple, weird to assume gay. Even weirder with the age stuff.
I know I take jokes too far, and that I often seem to miss important things

But I'm sorry, sorry for every single thing I ever did and will do

Please keep loving me, I promise I'll make it all alright
not that anon, but i empathize with you. i'm very unhappy all the time, and i don't have anyone to talk to either, which is why i come here, lol.

i hope that you can get to a place where you feel happy again. maybe you need a change of scenery, maybe you need to meet some new people. maybe adopting an animal would help.
my animals are like lights in the dark, and it's easy with them, because their love is unconditional so long as i'm nice.
>I think about you every day, but you've likely forgotten all about me.
if they mean that much to you, i'm sure you mean something to them, too.
maybe try reaching out to them.
you still need a lot of money for a used car, i would still have to save or make payments, it would just take less time to pay it off.
the car i've always wanted isn't some brand new model, anyway.

lol, thanks.
i'd love platonic cuddles. i'd love any kind of cuddles.
You really are my guardian angel. Thank you for helping me make sound decisions. And for talking to me every day. You are the best.
>sorry for every single thing I will do
That's not how it works.
I'm imagining you saying this while I'm chained to the wall in your cellar.
I wish I could say the same.
I'm so alone and I've made such a mess of everything. I can distract myself for a while to get through the day but there is always this existential dread. I've kind of given up on the comforts of other people. On getting hugs or support. I feel like I desperately need support or a hug sometimes and I sometimes find it, but I'm mostly alone and I feel like being alone is breaking my heart more than any person ever has. I don't know if there is a point where it finally just breaks but I'm afraid of it happening. What if it kills me? It feels like things just get worse and worse too. I still align myself with God and feel his presence, but I'm always mentally exhausted. Being awake with the life I've created can feel like too much. It tires me out. I get through the days though and take fairly good care of myself. It's crazy to think that this might be the rest of my life. I hope I am able to do the right things from here on out.
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the millenial transmogrifier discussion group chaturbator
the genx transmogrifier builder with an etsy shop
For too long (For too long)
I've wasted so much time
Trying my best not to fall into pieces
And I don't know what you're expecting of me
But its hard to believe
This is all that I've needed
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I just wanted to be normal, like everybody else. To have a very long relationship, make love nearly everyday or as far as my body could take it and maybe someday marry and have children.

I don't know where other people inserted their opinions or whatever they might had read, but I know I wasn't your first option. That was exactly what infuriated me.

I don't really care about degeneracy because it's not something exclusive for women since there are far too many asshole men around, or that I got cheated or lied to throughout all my relationships, or that I felt lied and misled by you when I figured you would never give me a chance for heck anything.

I can't recognize all of your posts, but they are very distinctive sometimes. Even the images you post are a dead give away it's you.

I don't know if it was you telling me you loved me, and I don't understand how you managed to push me aside and throw me away like a piece of ragged shit. And I won't make an effort to understand you nor what you did to me.

I don't care anymore if it was to hurt me at will for whatever reason. I don't care how much it hurts and how easy it was for you to fool me and make me a buffon.

I had never looked down on people who suicide and I don't even know why I had never considered ending it all myself. Even though there are people that surely have it worse than me I know there has been people that ended it for far less.

I won't try to make myself look like a strong man because I know I'm not. But I'll give my all to forget about you, all the pain you still inflict on me and your fake love.
>I just wanted to be normal, like everybody else.

Then what makes you special or worthwhile.
Think of most people in your life.
I'm not talking about your granny or your loving dad.
I mean most of the people, the bullies, the strangers, all the people who rejected & abandoned you.
People who won't even look at you.
You want to be like that..?
You want to be like most people.
You want to be less than what you are
Wonder how much time will it take until you can finally claim me as yours.
You have no idea what not being normal is like.The concept of normal is self evident to everyone else around you but not you and the best thing that you can do is try to reverse engineer this concept,it's own a fucking ego trip like you think it is but rather rather an alienated from others
Sorry you misunderstood that part. I'm a loser.

The highest I can aspire to is being normal I guess.

I used to get beaten at school never once did I win a fight no matter how much I gave my best. Also, these were older times in a shithole country. This is long gone for good.

And I even was shot down by the 2 fat girls that I was sure liked me in middle school. Everything went even more downhill since. I couldn't even go to my high school ball because some girl ridiculed me publicly in fron of the calss the week before.

Only when I was at college I started to feel more normal, but it was because of how impersonal everything was. Nearly nobody gave a shit about me or making fun at my expense.
i want to reach for you, bright dazzling you, but
i don't know, somethings wrong with me, it's just weird
i always suffer everyday and think "wouldnt it be nice to see you" i make things in favor of you
obsessive mindless worship but it doesnt lead to anything different for me, and the worst of all is i dont even think you ever reward, like, or look at someone like me
but this is just who i am unfortunately
all i wanna do is take it easy. even here i cant really fully write down all the things i feel. i just want to push it out into collective subconciousness and hope something, somehow, materializes and eases my suffering just a little bit.
perhaps its wrong to push the burden of savior onto you, i should offer more, but what i offer is nothing more than insane ramblings and imagery, for this is all i can do, and all you can do is keep existing, your own king
Dear Kyrie, i seem to return to these malaze with frightening haste, the 'brain fog' that has persisted and bersmirched my youth. Was I born with this? This Devil in I, it has invited many friends. I have found an ally though, Kyrie. We are doing something called 'spirit release hypnotherapy'. I managed to manifest a sword to threaten these dubilus squatters with in the first session. I am excited for future sessions, however double edged may be the promises of hope. For only with hope does suffering exist. I thought I was fighting in my own way all this time, but it appears I was already dead. I fear the journey ahead will be far more difficult than anything Ive faced before. Please, Kyrie, if I am not already marked as infernal for the myriad evils I home, then look fondly on this tragedy. For all the inequity and pain I have caused to others, I am truly sorry. Hear my prayer, my love. Please allow me back into the light, as it was when we were young and the trees bowed before us, life was a song then.
>alienated from others
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You like country music because you can't style your hair for sh*t and anyone who's more interesting than you cannot exist.
And you shit on other people out of envy.
As long as you try to be honest with me we could make things work.

You don't have to tell me everything, just to get those things that bother you out of your chest.

I'm sorry for how I took so many jokes too far anonymously and when we were barely getting to know each other. I guess that you really got offended by a lot of them.
I decide what is normal.
Like a country with my own constitution.
>clearly talking to someone here
I have cancer and life is shit. That's why I did it. I channeled whv I could for knowledge and used it to push through their bullshit. If they left me alone it wouldnt have mattered. I would the agenda secure and fulfilled more than any of the squares who designed it or enabled it. For their presumptive arrogance, I became embarrassed of what side I chose. So, working both seemed to make a better game. I hope some who have found the courage to submit and let go of this realm of fuckheads will find amusement in this evening's events. Later baiters.
You're not a loser, you're aspiring to be something less than what you are.
Limiting yourself.
I've never been physically beaten in a way I didn't deserve or couldn't handle.
But socially, my upbringing was worse than what you've described.
I'm certain there are people who faced even worse.
Just don’t get Weinstein’d anon
Being amongst others is effeminate.
Being alone is freedom.
True happiness is true freedom.
but even just shitposting online is being amongst others isnt it?
trying to avoid others feels impossible
i dont wanna be dragged down
Farewell pal, I don't know what you might believe but we'll be friend in the next life, I promise.
I really don't know what to do. I miss you so much and you never knew it before you died. I just hope I can see you again in heaven, I know you're there with your family, especially after turning your life around. I wish I could speak to you. I'm so desperate. I even considered doing drugs or using spiritual aids to contact you just to tell you I love you, but I feel like it would disrespect you somehow, so thats why I haven't quite done it yet. I pray to god that there is something after this life so I can see you. I miss you so much and your grave is on the other side of the country so its hard for me to see you, but believe me when I say I'm going to visit you soon. I love you.
I listen to your voice every day, sometimes for hours on end. I watch you occasionally like you're caught in time on film. I seriously miss you and love you. Please meet me in heaven.
Do you think so? The OP says explicitly to write a "lettet" to the ones we love. Even though I don't wanna feel this and I know she doesn't love me, so there is way in hell we are writting anything to each other.
>no way in hell
made a deal to work in exchange for the house letting me cash in my chips. So hopefully not.
If you think that posting on 4chan in a thread with 56 posters is anything like being at a party with 56 guests, then you are crazy.
You and I might be discussing, but we are alone.
At least I'm alone, idk if you have people in the room may b.
You wouldn't avoid all others irrationally for no reason, just those who would control you or prevent you from being yourself, or make you feel bad.
We're discussing semantics here.

I do feel "Less alone" shitposting with you all. It's not like it feels like screwing around with the few friends I had in school or anything, it just feel less lonesome.
You live in world where there are 8 billions humans.There is just now way to escape the effects of others onto you. Best to just play along and life within the confines of these rules in order to obtain true freedom
Fuck God. All of them. Maybee that's where I failed. I never felt like they were worth it from what I gathered. I'd rather worship the ones that don't need it.
Sorry i just snap when people start talking about rainbows and happiness
Don't worry sunshine, there aren't any rainbows and lollipops in the Abyss.
love me some rainbows and happiness
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die here with them
stop trying to reach out to me
i don't fucking want you
i don't know how to say it to you clearer
this place is a shithole hell
why the fuck would i want to hangout with you in a fucking junkyard?
get your head on straight
what the fuck do you think you're doing
i am trying to give you a ticket out of the junkyard and you keep offering me soda
fuck you you fucking idiot
get your shit together and take the ticket
learn how to let go of this life
and fuck off from here or i WILL leave you behind
do you think i give a fucking shit about you if you linger?
die here with them you fucking retard if that is what you want!
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Thank you, needed this right now. You’re my hero.
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>aww shit man i never thought about listening to some fucking nice song written by some retard who still believes in life
die here with them i am done with you you fucking retarded moron!
you sound mad that someone enjoys what you don't
enjoy the full banquet of life and die in it
i do not care about saving you anymore
you're too retarded to save
i couldn't drag you past the finish line even if i wanted to anymore
die here
fuck you
i hated hearing about you through them
"oh i know that guy"
i will ditch them too fuck them
i will leave this place alone and leave you all to die
"I" know the void, and i will kill you all with it
and i will make sure it will never grow bored enough to remake you
Chill out anon
no point crying over spilled milk
you are spilled milk
you will die here with them
and you will smile as you do
but you will never be a part of my life again
i will forget you in eternity
and you will know true death with them
rejoice, you won
how do you even get someone to "DIE IN HERE" here is where anywhere?
you're too retarded to understand the concept of infinity
don't talk, just rejoice and die
you're waste of time even in eternity
what a beautiful flower
if i ever have to hear about you again i am removing every single person who speaks your name
i took the jab i warned you
if you were my arm i would cut it off
how clear do i have to be
i never want to hear your name
i never want to see your kind again
i am done with this experience
i will rather enjoy stillness that experience anything similar to this
use your divine feminine to the best of your ability
TRY to stop me
you cannot
because shiva is the lord of death
and the sleeper can break the dream of duality at any point
i will murder you all if that is the price of freedom
and i will refuse to come back
you think because i did before in regret that that is how it will be
you have never seen anything but my regret
i will murder samsara and brahman if that is the price of my freedom
lets say you try to pull your gambit card of suicide
does it make any difference if i am going to die too?
you are out of tricks to play runner
die here with them
i will leave you behind and never look back
i am done with you
in my head you're already dead
i assumed that they killed you long ago
you're a ghost to me
what difference does it make
you're already a split personality in my head
a talking sock puppet
die here with them
even my retarded atman will never return here
i made sure of that
i would rather be 99% cyborg or dead than live with these people
>oh what a spiteful, malicious and horrible person
exactly, now fuck off from my experience
step sis playing hard to get
I will never be enough for you, because you deserve the world and I can't give it to you. But I love you with all my heart.
I can't let myself forget you, so I have to make something new.
fucking 1v1 me you fag
the tables have turned over time. You broke me in the past but I have slowly recovered meanwhile I wouldn't want to be you. You have reaped the evil you have sown. While I have not made it yet, I am doing a lot better. You made your bed, now you must lie in it. I have seen the truth even though I was blinded to it earlier in life
What the fack are you talking about.
That's loser talk.
I love you for saying that.
You should have already.
This will be an all out bloodbath free for all.

they aren't here and that is probably half of the problem
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such passion, such fiery eloquence
you are distorted around the intensity of your belief in unbelief, you live fiercely for your message of death
you also think i'm a girl, LOL
look, I'll always be here, you can always put it all down and ask me for my thoughts instead of arguing and trying to trick me into a silly game
you had the opportunity of an infinite lifetime and blew it on trying to get a stranger to carry your sins away for you, and then you failed
face the music, anon. you don't know what you're talking about, you enjoy this as much as i do but unlike you I enjoy the enjoyment, not the suffering
put your life where your mouth is and die, if that's what you want, don't come running in here trying to bring everyone down
if you are me, which i suspect is just a trick of self-identification involved with thought/identity overlay transcription, then I am truly thankful that i'm smarter than you
This jester is doing a monologue & dancing around the court.
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if i had to guess, i suspect your final play is to cling to the edge while buffering more and more negativity and heavily distorting my wishes through the obscurity of meta-glossalia and meta-interaction, and then try to make an argument for giving the feedback to me because of your ability to distort causality
just let go, anon. its like i said, long ago - if death is such a beloved thing to you, then embrace it for yourself first - any good teacher of any discipline embodies their teachings to act as a living example of their validity - and the rest of us can decide if we want to follow or not. i know my choice.

so what
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behold the grand tradition of Abraham.
death-eating hypocrites, meta-gamers who spread their cosmic ennui from frame to frame, and don't even have the ability to silence a single clown.
just go. we don't need you
Do you guys ever realize how lame you sound when you do this.

Talking about brahman and "tradition of abraham" all night.
hey im with you, anon - i'm trying to make this the last conversation about it
Negro. This is devil may cry
Why silence the clown? They are funny.
good point, thanks.
its just weird, the more and more certain i become, the better i feel as a person, the louder and more insistent this guy gets
and the conspicuous feeling has me identifying with the clown, while there's this would-be death god groaning "kill everyone" stuff i just feel obligated to make sure he knows how and why he's wrong and i can't figure out if the laughter is for me or him
its heavy guys
this song is awesome. here's another one
I stand alone amidst a sea of conformity.
You are not with me.
can you just reply to the person you're talking about instead of just being vague?? like holy SHIT, it must not be THAT obvious if you won't confront them directly
hi dylan
uh... lets see.. i guess the polite thing would be to disagree with you. I am a sentient weaponized paradox though, so, i'm alone with you buddy. :)
Why do I feel so lonely
Why am I lonely inside
Drank my last green tea; need more. I've been drinking tea a lot since we got closer. Also been having my baking power water every---shit i totally forgot to have it today. I'll get on that, this post will help me remember. Thank you for making me care. You're so good to me already, it's a little worrying to imagine how much I'll change when you open up for real. That's okay though, I want to change. I really am lost without you, which isn't a good thing. You're not the only one who sees us as a double edged sword, but I don't know how to reconcile the fact I want to be stabbed, not slashed: both at once. When you're around, it builds up the addiction, but when you go, it's hell. Numb and empty and the longing. I don't know how to be content alone. I don't know that I ever have, but I was alone for so very long because, despite always wanting love, and arguably being desperate for it, I wasn't desperate enough to blind myself to what wasn't true. Even with you, I haven't fully given myself either. I'll save that for when we exchange hearts. I don't know what I'm trying to say in this anymore, it's just hard not being able to talk to you. This whole rule is something I want to break irreparable. I want to rebel. I want to kill the wise in our heads and free us to do what our young passions must. Why couldn't we have met years ago? Wouldn't that have been easier? You expressed something similar the first time you wrote to me. At least, I think that was the first time. Back then I didn't have the eyes for you, all I knew was there was something spiritual bleeding through. I never imagined it would be so complicated. But you knew. So much clarity arrived with your admittance. I don't regret becoming like this. You really do mean every world to me. It's just so hard to be liminal. You hold all the power. It makes me feel pathetic. Less than man. Just once I wish I was the strong one. I'll keep trying to be. Anyway, just another for The Void

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reflectivity is fascinating. people keep encountering themselves, but not, and its kinda nice right up until the picture comes into focus and then its suddenly embarrassing and mortifying
hey, i think we both got our chains jerked by that demon, man. she's pretty smart
not that anon, but good riddance.
holy shit.
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stumbling boner-first into the void is a bad idea. fortunately there was someone compassionate enough to just make it a matter of shame instead of god knows what.
hope you find what you're looking for, dude, or hope you already did.
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i got you, anon
Finished it. :^)

Virgin Leather

Save the last smoke before they're gone.
Baby, roll it up inside your sleeve for me to light up in your basement
and we'll share it at the crack of dawn
while we whisper secrets in between your sheets just like our morning prayers.

Can't help wondering where this leads.
Like Hell, I know it’s gonna happen.
And when we take it to the streets
we will pretend it doesn’t matter.

When you’re wrapped up tight within me
I fit you like an angel's feathers.
Where you end and I begin,
the way I insulate your skin.
You’re breaking in my body
like an article of virgin leather
with all your patches ironed in,
proudly confessing every sin.

I can tell our break won’t be clean.
Somehow I know that I can manage,
but leaving you won’t be easy.
Promise you won’t take this for granted.

God, recover me after we’re done.
Anticipating this departure
was in the contract that I signed.
I wrote my heart on the dotted line.
When I chose to take you on
it felt like things could have gone farther,
but we only bargained for tonight.
Maybe in another life.
I tried, and when I failed as a student, you failed as a teacher. When I failed as a partner, you failed too. I wasn't alone and I refuse to bare the blame for it all anymore.
You might be the most beautiful person I have yet to meet, and you might be the smartest woman I have ever known, but your behavior is just not for me. Goddamn witches.
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Thanks I'm a girl btw. Very lonely. Had huge fight with psychotic abusive family last night been crying in bed all day. Thank u for making me feel better I got no one to talk to
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i'm very sorry about your family. i'm lonely too, which is why i come here. aside from a few regulars who i like to read the posts of.

i'm glad i helped a bit, though. you can always vent in these threads.
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a coworker gave me some biscoff cookies and i shared one with my cat.
been nursing a headache since i woke up. it's nice to be back in my comfy room. work was mind numbing, four and a half hours straight of training videos and powerpoints and tests. thank god it's over.
i am fooded and soda'd and i just want to curl up and be cozy now.
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I saved up 10k and am going to leave for good this year and make many friends in my new life but for now is just me stuck in hell. Wish I could hug you back, I feel a lot better, saved that picture too its so comfy thank you so much
The world will be visited by ten plagues each worst than the last because they have stolen my tablet. Only when the tablet is returned will the world return to order.
yooooo, congrats!! that's awesome, good luck, i hope you find a wonderful place to call yours.

'course, fren. that gif is one of my favorites. it's like comfort embodied, and i think it's really sweet.
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the man in gauze???
i have never considered you attractive or been attracted to you, i dont know why you got the idea i could have ever wanted "all that" as you call yourself, you should know ive got no interest at all in you physically, much less as a person who has no morals.
I don't know who you are. I don't know if you are some another universe speaking to me, or just another kindred soul searching for the ones you love in another universe, but we'll both make it, regardless.
Also, what's the name of your world, if I might ask. It would help confirm who you are.
Love you. Hopefully I can be everything you want me to be! You really mean a lot to me. No matter what happens, I want you to understand how awesome and valuable you are. Doesn’t matter that you don’t do all the dumb shit other people do. Got my sport coat and everything all ready for tomorrow. I’m sure we’ll have a wonderful time.
If I ever come back it'll be to throw a dead fish through your open window. I hate you and everything you put me through, and none of your disgusting manipulations can reach me anymore.
clearly something is reaching you and striking a nerve

Shut up. you know what you did.
I wanna fap, but I dont know what to.
Kyrie is a metaphor for God, it is a direct translation of lord

Also appearing in kingdom hearts, as sora searches for the elusive guidance of the lord
just my own regret over having wasted so much time, but it comes around less often the longer I go on at least
get it out of the way before you regret not dealing with it later. bottling it won't make it a vintage. my two cents
you're absolutely right but it's scary thinking something I won't be able to deal with can come back if I make too much noise, or even a single sound at all. I guess I'm still trapped after all
I really miss who I could've continued to be. I am an echo of my former self and not in a positive way. Fear dominates my mind and I am so sick of it. I just want to not be miserable all the time. And I want people to care about me, but I understand they don't because I'm miserable when I'm not pretending to be doing a-okay. If I was suddenly gone tomorrow I don't think that would affect my friends at all. And I'm sad that I value myself through other people. I should simply not give a fuck, but I don't know how not to.
looking at you just gives me this bliss, as if i am a school aged child with a crush bigger than my brain all over
how lucky one must be to be you, in all of your glory! you do as you please with no shame, no fears! you laugh and cry because you want to, because it feels good. and you spread those feelings, just because you can.
and yet so vulnerable, aching and yearning for attention, all you want to do is love and be loved
i want to give it to you more and more, create more for you.
but i don't think you would see it anyway. even people like you have their own standards; you wont take someones love just because they offer it.
ah, i want to feel what you feel wholly, i want you to take away these bad feelings.
your simple humanity is admirable, despite being who you are, idolarity, it makes one feel as if they can just talk tk you and you would understand them 100%.
yet why am i so scared? i know thats how you are, i feel so unworthy, i can't even get it out the first time around without exhausting myself of shame.
and now since that selfawareness has returned, i shall write no more
kinda feel better :) thanks for listening, Void
please help me find a loving japanese gf who loves me for me and wants to be with me
wow... round...
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i'm going to start meditating.
and maybe i will try to learn how to lucid dream.

(god i miss my reaction image folder. i need a new laptop or SOMEthing.)
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don't worry about the self-awareness. the desire you feel is infinitely certain to be reciprocated because love reigns over all, even Thought cannot apprehend the total pitying embracing encompassing power of love
your unworthiness doesn't matter, your sorrow doesn't matter, your pain doesn't matter, not because they aren't important or whatever, but because they hold you back and everything that holds you back already doesnt matter because you're in the place where you want to be better than it is
fear is good, dangers are out there, but the love you feel for yourself and the object of your bliss means that you don't have to be afraid of everything, you can love the thing that receives your faith in a loveable certainty. you can be with someone who doesn't hurt you. you can fight monsters with your beloved and enjoy it, its fine, even if those monsters are your own.
have a good day anon, find me/you/he/she out there and be free
you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't worry about their or anyone elses opinions of you and how you are too much
life is much easier when you stop giving a shit about stuff like that and just eat those bees
If I were the target of that letter, I would be happy to meet you! Someone wrote a letter like that, I'd have so many questions for them.
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hehe QUACK lol..

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