>it's the most alcohol per litre at the lowest cost in this corner shop
>>179680945anything to quench my perishing thirst
>>179681200wtf does that even mean, doesn’t even make sense
Well, it's the continental way isn't it?
>>179680945this is their best sketchthey're better actors than comedy writers though, peep show will always be supreme
>>179680945>tfw you start cycling stores when you go to buy booze at so they only see you twice a week instead of five to seven times I feel like they must still know.
>>179681389>Not The Gift Shop Sketch
>>179680945Steele reserve... whatchu know about that? Prob'ly nuthin'.
>>179681282only if you're an ESL
>>179681282is this bait
>>179681410gift shop sketch wears out its welcome in 45 seconds, it's a minute and a half too long>>179681439prolly tons
>>179681282
My guy keeping the mustard behind the till
>>179681566>oi m8 do you have your mustard loicense
I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY PUT THE FUCKING SKIN ON
>The Laser Beam of Death was supposed to be used for good!
>>179681618YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM, MATE
That's Numberwang!
>>179681672NO YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEMLOT OF ANGERLOT OF ANGER
Who /bruiser/ herehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHmcBFxgov4&ab_channel=gudbuytjane
Blackface sketch. S3e1 I think. Cancel them.
>>179681409yeah maybe stop drinking so much
For me? It's Roughing it in England, of course
>>179681566that shit's dangerous, cant trust a kid with it
I've just been talking to the Parish council, and they strongly feel we should drop the dame rape from this years panto
>>179680945Are we the baddies?
>>179681628>NOOO MY ARMORED SCORPION OF DEATH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE USED FOR GOOD, NOT EVIL
>>179681409kek I remember when I drank heavily at uni i'd sometimes get lottery tickets or scratchcards when I went to buy booze.For some reason I found it more comforting for them to think I was an alcoholic AND gambling addict rather than just an alcoholic.
>>179681784season 1 episode 1 mate
>>179681956Kek should've bought some fags too>Damn this nigga smokes as well?!
>>179681200>perhaps i should put back the paper, apple and bread and get TWO lagers>just in case one doesnt quite rid me of my perishing thirst
>>179681409I just started buying bigger bottles
>>179681784https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XZCYE4k2wU
>what a piercing borehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIfSQW499Xc
>>179681956Reminds me of the joke where the guy brings a slab of beer, a bottle of cheap vodka and a packet of nappies to the till. Once it's all rung up he rummage around for change to make up the cost, doesn't have the required amount, says fuck it and puts back the nappies. Anyone know where the hell this is from it always stuck in my mind
>its racist
>the blacks, the pakis, the jews
>>179681741>COULD A HOLIDAY *HURT* A PERSON?
>>179681566Kids are squirting muster on peoples faceshttps://youtu.be/GNXWZOJOe3A
>>179681981>That's true, they do have niggers hanging from rafters.
NODO NOT THINK ABOUT THE EVENT
>>179682619PETRIL
>>179681409They don't care dude.
>>179682886They don't care but they silently judge. You'd be surprised how familar you get with regular customers and their habits after working a till for a while.
>>179683059They literally don't give a fuck and just want to get back to listening to nasheed music on their phone. unless point a gun at them or smell like you shit your pants, their conscious mind isn't even activated by the interaction.
This post is numberwang.
>>179683247Obviously you've never worked a till at a corner store. You get to know the regulars, who smokes what, what papers they read, who's an alchie, who's a scratchie addict. What else do you have to do behind the counter except pay the smallest bit of attention to same people who come in day in and day out looking for the exact same things they were there for yesterday.
>>179683931You're not special and nobody thnks about or remembers you. Not even the paki who sells you your daily bottle of taaka.
>DERNDEDERNDEDERN DETEDETE DETE DETEDEEEE
>>179684147We all don't live on Anglomutt Island nigger, some of us live surrounded by fellow whites
>We all don't live on Anglomutt Island nigger, some of us live surrounded by fellow whites
>>179681741Très Bien!
>>179681741This is supposed to be satire, but this is exactly what BBC Bitesize videos are like.
damn this episode is old, you have to be 18 now to buy ciggies
Remember, like racism.White is right!
>>179682029But you'll just drink it all up just as fast?
This thread actually has me worried existentially for the first time because I go to the neighborhood liquor store for a fifth of vodka once or twice a week, and I don't drink, it's just a magic key to the panties of my malnourished chainsmoking 46-year-old neighborNow I'm contemplating all levels of what a store clerk can perceive and what I should be feeling more ashamed of, I've done this dozens of times and never once before now contemplated how much "normal" people are supposed to drink
>>179682295>slab of beer>nappies>tillSpeak English
>>179685951Giving you full benefit of the doubt that you're an autistic retard telling a 100% true and depressing story; everybody in your town knows you're fucking her, dude. They probably laugh at you behind your back as the loser that shacks up with the crackwhore.
>>179685951Lad I'd be more worried about what God thinks of you liquoring up some vulnerable old roastie to get your hole than whatever some clerk thinks of you.
>>179686160Lord says to comfort your elders
>Punchline is obvious immediately>is still hilarioushow do they do it?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THNPmhBl-8I&ab_channel=BBC
>>179686247How did that work out between Chris chan and barb?
>>179681409Yep, used to work in a liquor and I can confirm my coworkers and I would tell each other when we saw regular customers in other stores. We would see them there because we were also alcoholics who would shop at other stores to avoid having the owners see how much we were buying for ourselves
>>179682295I'm almost sure it's from some of Ed Byrne's standup, anon (I hope that helps).
>>179684926love that one
>>179686298lost bigtime
>>179682295I think it's an international joke.Here it goes like this. Guy buys vodka, beer and some candy. Doesn't have enough money, puts candy back and says "Candy makes me sick in the mornings anyway".
>>179686298Hey look it's "I couldn't do it larping so they couldn't do it in ancient wherever" guy.
>>179680945I had no idea what this was but I found it easily enough with contextWhat the fuck, it's the bleakest, most depressing thing I've seen in years and there's a laugh track over it
4 naan Jeremy? That's insane!
For me, it's The Inebriatihttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zj50DmBFp0
>>179687387just started watching peep show and it physically pains me
>>179687387https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWHNVwxJEeU
>>179686451I think being an alchie is a requirment for working a gas/convenience store if you're there past your mid 20's
>>179681409>mfw one of the ladies at my local 7/11 got me a t-shirt for Christmas one year.
>>179688474fucking loser lmao, was she hot?
>>179688584No, but she and all the ladies that worked there were very nice. Hawaii is just a different kind of place.
>>179681409I do this but for coffee. I used to go to just 1 place but the girl there kept talking to me as I was coming in everyday and it was annoying.
>>179681409I think that my hand shaking when I gave them the cash was a hint.
love this show
>>179687875
>>179686451What would happen if a guy bought 1.75l bottles of bottom shelf plastic vodka every day for several years, and then one day just stopped coming? bc that was me. just up and quit one day. zero cravings after drinking hard for 10 years
>>179681566They could make mustard gas
>>179691576imagine shoving your huge dick in this girl's throat, asshole and friends every day for 20 years haha
>>179681741For me it's "Get out of my house"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LeaAljsy7s
>>179681409They absolutely know but don't care because you are just one of many doing the same thing.
>>179694035lmao I had a mate in college who was like that. fuck he was annoying. He always had to be right
>Go to American store>The price on the label is not the actual price
>>179680945>it's the most alcohol per litre at the lowest cost in this corner shopIt's always bugged me that this doesn't even make sense. What they meant is "most alcohol at the lowest cost". Technically "most alcohol per litre at the lowest cost" is complete nonsense.
>>179681741how is this funny?parodying something does not inherently make it funnyit's the same as people thinking references to something are inherently funny
>>179694410>>179694410“Most alcohol per liter” is not nonsense. It’s clarifying that on an alcohol to fluid ratio that it is the best bang for your buck. “Most alcohol at the lowest cost” could mean the above statement, but it could also just mean on a liquid volume basis. Eg, buying 10 liters of 5% beer for $5 or 1 liter of 95% grain alcohol for $5. If you say “most alcohol at the lowest cost” you could technically be referring to the beer since “alcohol” is used colloquially to refer to the drink itself. The phrasing they used specifics that they are referring infact to the actual alcohol content. You autist.
NO, CHEESOID!
>>179694800"Most alcohol per litre" means the strongest alcohol they have. Then you add "at the lowest cost" and it means the cheapest strong alcohol they have. With his phrasing a small bottle of 40% whiskey for £5 is a "better" option than a large amount of beer for the same price, even if the beer technically contains more ethanol.
>>179680945then he would know buying alcohol at a convenience store is always more expensive than a grocery store or liquor store and he wouldn't be at a liquor store source: ex-alcoholic
No steel reserve in bongistan?
>>179694410>>it's the most alcohol per litrehe say millilitre
>>179696247Super strength lagers are a UK speciality.
>>179681409>move to new place>Chinese owned liquor store across the street>see some new tallboys of cheap 10% ABV microbrewed shit, get 4 of em>tiny 5'0 80 lb asian girl surprised when I whip out my own bag for the purchase>start hitting it up Fridays and Saturdays, she always works there, always get the same thing>after a couple of weeks she comments about how I always get the same thing >I politely entertain her convo and leave>ever since she keeps starting conversations about how I always get the same thing>1 year later it has never stopped>every Friday and Saturday I have to make small talk with her for 60 seconds about how I always get the same thing>keep going there because too lazy to drive to the next store
>>179697393Lol love the "serve cool" note right on the label, used to love my high percentage lagers but they used to taste like shit unless they were ice cold.
>>179697514Rip the band-aid off and be extremely rude to her but complete the transaction. Like raise your voice a bit and go "Who gives a fuck" while you're getting the receipt. Pull it off right and you'll be rewarded with eternal sullen, awkward and slightly frightened silence in all future transactions
>>179694410>>179695133Some people want max ABV for the lowest cost. >With his phrasing a small bottle of 40% whiskey for £5 is a "better" option than a large amount of beer for the same price, even if the beer technically contains more ethanol.Exactly. I don't want to drink 10 beers in an evening at home.
>>179697557This whole thread is making me crave an ice cold 8+ abv lager so bad. Can't wait for Friday now.
>>179681389The adventures not sir Digby chicken Cesar
>>179681389https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp02ubGuTIU>I know, John.
>>179681409>buy 15+ bottles of wine/spirits> "Haha, yeah it's a lot, this should certainly be enough for the party">go home, there never was a party>drink them all over 48 hours and master the art of forward rolling around the house>few days later "yeah it was me, yeah it was a blast, we're now having her friends over so this should cover it nicely">leave store, there is no "her">we ride again
>>179684267Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar chads
If anyone is interested, there is a hour compilation of the show https://youtu.be/M_kz-F71qmU
>>179681282Subject+verb+adjective+noun
>>179697514Maybe she likes you, dude.
>>179683931This is crazy to read. Are you sure you're not just insecure and assuming people care about you way more than they really do? I worked at a liquor store and could not have given less of a fuck about what people were drinking and how much of it they drank. We're not fucking saints or anything it's a damned liquor store just get your shit and get out.
>>179687022Lindys based you dumb poo, what does that even mean?
>>179697514You retard she wants to fuck
>>179700035Bro there's uploads of the whole showI type it into the search-bar and a playlist with them all is the first resultAnd they've been up for yearsYoutube's bots are slack as fuck sometimes
>>179681282Dumb fuck zoomer, learn English
>>179697514she's just trying to make her day a little less boring. she probably likes the small talk with the regulars.
>>179697514Ask her what she likes to drink and then buy some of that and invite her over.
>>179681741https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rxaUNz4PyA
>>179681409>He hasn't passed the point where he doesn't give a fuck and enters the store first thing in the morning just after they opened so he can continue drinking from the night before and the owner just gets his usual without asking and rings up the entire transaction in silence
>>179681409>go to same corner shop on the way home from uni every day>buy a snack, just a sandwich and some crisps>one day I buy two packets of crisps>paki behind the counter: "eh you like crisps yes?">never go back again
>>179701785lol. why?
>>179688842i used to buy food from a small shop at my local mall and the owner told me they called me "parmigiana guy" or something since that's what i bought most of the timeit pissed me off and i stopped going there, and it closed down soon after
>>179701803i don't like minorities talking to me, they should know their place
>>179701803I don't need the stress of someone commenting on my crisp buying habits.
>>179701785This made me laugh.
>>179681409Just buy a chocolate bar and some gum at the same time, just a normal guy doing his grocery shopping, they'll have no idea
I liked the similar sketch sequence from their proto-showhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo-uNmY_ULYhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXfm5171GWshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LmLLKM6Q50
>>179701973love this sketch. I love the "last call" scene where the atmosphere becomes sinister.
>>179701803they need to read their customersan extrovert probably loves a bit of chit-chat and a "you want the usual, hun?" familiarity but an introvert wants to go about their business with a veil of anonymity
>>179699126>>179699126kino, was even thinking about this earlier today.
>>179701643this, my grocery store has known me as the guy who gets a 4 pack of steel reserve pounders every morning and night for quite a while now. they like keeping it in stock for me, whatchu know bout that?
>>179701878>owner makes small talk with repeat customer, Parmigianon, that he recognizes>Parmigianon: I'M NEVER GOING THERE AGAINyou never know what will trigger people these days, huh?
>>179702136I am very introverted. But there is something hilarious about avoiding some guy because he was politely commenting on your crisps.
>>179702550Its the only way they'll learn
>>179702550Could've called him chad supporting my business and not some subtle mockery. The irony is anon goes to KFC or another big chain instead and they don't give a fuck what you order.
>>179701785hahahahaha dis nigga likes crisps
>>1796814099am on a monday is the worse time but i need beer
>>179702596There were plenty of other shops I could go to, I don't need to go to the one who thinks I'm some sort deranged crisp addict.
I own a small convenience store and I only make small talk with the autistic looking customers because I know it makes them uncomfortable and I enjoy breaking their balls. >/tv/ looking autist comes up to buy 2 12 cases of Mountain Dew“Woah chief that’s a lotta dew! You gotta license for that? I’ll only sell it to you if you promise me you want drink it all in one night!”>ehheheh y-yeah“Nah man I’m being serious. Promise me or I won’t sell it to you”>I-I promiseI hope I get one of you fucks some day.
>>179701282You first? Do you know what perishing means? How does 'quench my dying thirst' make any sense?
>>179703115Because it could be read as 'a thirst that is causing me to perish', or just 'thirst that is associated with me perishing'If you heard someone say 'this is my dying wish', that doesn't mean they are saying that the wish itself is dying
>>179702816What if he said he was gonna drink it all Night. I used to work 8 hour graveyard shifts and I loved fucking with different types of people, blacks fucking ruined it though
>>179701031As someone who works mind numbing customer service, I think you're the odd one here. Don't get me wrong, I don't remember most customers at all, but the pattern recognition part of my brain isn't so utterly fried by monotony that I don't remember regulars, sometimes against my will. Hell, I actually quite like some of them, ones that are polite and have at least some care in not fucking up my day.
I've had countless gfs and never once been on a date or had sex sober
>>179681409i used to work in a corner shop and we had a couple of regular alcoholicsone of the new kids refused to serve one of them because they were drunkwhich is legally what you are supposed to do, but she was a funcitonal alcoholic and really did need her couple of tinnies to keep her going. so he got a bit of an education from the management.
>>179681409I made friends with my local liqour stores' owners and workers...
>>179681409I've been to AA and rehab several times and this is a very common story among alcoholics
>>179694779British humor is about satirizing life and making fun of everything in a tongue in cheek way, it's developed through a lifetime of absolute misery. They are all borderline insane
>>179697514Buy a couple extra, invite her over.Then get shitfaced, fuck her flipflops and send her home
>>179701031It's absolutely basic pattern recognition and the fact you completely lack it speaks volumes about your levels of cognitionYou don't belong here normie
>>179681389Internal Monologue: Just 10 more minutes, 10 minutes is all I need then I'll be back to posting on /tv/. Heh a quick visit to /gif/ never hurt anyone, and the (You)s here are so easy. A BBC here, a tranny there and ah yes a cumshot thread that should get the (You)s rolling in. Now a quick powerwank and I'll get back to harvesting JLB approved (You)s, but which thread? Oh chubby amateurs, the anxious self-hating man's crumpet. Now if I can just->Corrigan!?Johnson?!>Is that...normal posting Mark?*closes /gif/ tabs*Absolutely Alan, I was just reading some posts on /b/ haha you know what they say /tv/ is blue /b/!>I think not Corrigan, that was far too many pornographic thumbnails even for /b/. You were on /gif/ again.Alan no, it's not like that.>How many times do I have to tell you Mark, we run a clean shop here. Blue (You)s only, there's no margin on pink (You)s.Alan, I can't->Can't stop? I understand Corrrigan, you're a coomer aren't you? It's ok we've all been there.Internal Monologue: A coomer?! Surely he can't think this poorly of me.Alan I'm not a coomer, it was just one (1) wank.>It's never just one (1) wank Corrigan. One (1) wank turns into one (1) wank a day which quickly becomes one (1) wank an hour. Come with me we're going to /fit/ you need to learn about nofap and semen retention.Internal Monologue: Oh no, not /fit/. I'll admit their zinc based load supplement stack did improve my life but they're just so gay it's hard to take them seriously on anything else. Not that I'm a homophobe, but their obsession with pictures of shirtless men is just not my cup of tea and I've only recently recovered from the bullying after they tricked me into posting my physique.>IM NOT SICK BUT IM NOT WELL
OH AND THAT’S A BAD MISS!
>>179682295Literally the same sketch as in OP but different
>>179681282ESLs ruined the internet
>>179680945>not ordering cheap booze in bulk online
>>179691576you shouldn't quit alcohol cold turkey it can kill you btw
for me, it's when they dabbed on roastieshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpXV5ZxXpGQ
>>179685951they 100% think you're an alkie but you're really not and they're fucking wagies so who cares at the end of the day?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y--i9lNqLjM
>>179704048Teach us your ways
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MusyO7J2inM>There is still everything to play for, and FOREVER TO PLAY IT IN
>>179685951>malnourished chainsmoking 46-year-oldthat's gross. have some fucking standards anon. learn to respect yourself.
>>179704300A lot of food delivery apps have alcohol suppliers, just order a large amount of whatever the cheapest booze in your country is.
THATS NUMBERWANG
>>179680945And that's a sad look.
>>179686298its the timing and the set up
I still say "oooh and that's a bad miss" for every mistake, under my breath.
>>179696120Barely have liquor stores here septic. Only the posh wine shops/whisky shops in big cities
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfITfSPjBmM
>>179681282it means he's naturally going to lose his thirst but he wants to quench it regardless
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6MOnehCOUwThis makes half of /pol/ seethe
>now we know >now we know >now we know>now we know
>>179681628Fun fact: One of the closest peers of American writer William Pain was an admiral called William Death
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22mt0cVyW5cThese sure took on a new light after the last few years>Remain indoors>Blessed be the regulations>The vaxx zombies
>>179704749*Thomas Paine and Captain William DeathGot those mixed up
>>179703703>>179703918Oh don't get me wrong I remember all the regulars, never said that I didn't. I just don't judge them for drinking.
https://youtu.be/ZptMIcdCcpIIt's amazing how prophetic Nathan Barley was. This was 2005.
>>179681409the pub i go to during lunch tried to guess my drink after i started going regularly stop going there entirely
>>179687387You don't get it, life in Britain can be very depressing, the weather is overcast most of the year, taxes are very high, it's overcrowded, loud, and a lot of the new towns, cities with their brutalist architecture is aesthetically depressing, haunting to the spirit. Our politicians are overbearing and treat the people like numbers on a graph sheet, e.t.c. it's one thing after another.So our humour is born out of depression, black humour laughing at how dull, monotonous, and repetitive life in Britain can be, it's a wit born of despair, of depression, of knowing the bottom but being able to laugh in the face of your own oblivion.I can't recommend enough Blackadder Goes Forth for the best representation, example of this type of humour.A Sitcom about being in the frontline Trenches of WW1 and being able to laugh knowing how utterly fucked the situation is, because what is the alternative? You lose yourself and become insane, you would cry and lose one's mind. No, have learned how to tolerate and overcome the most bleak and dire of situations.Zulu is a prime example of this, at the end where the British are completely exhausted and almost done, Michael Caine after seeing another huge wave of Zulus over the hill thinking they were about to mass attack again he smiles and shouts>"Well come on then, what are you waiting for?" A completely ridiculous statement but you must try and laugh, smile at hopelessness, it is only when you have experienced the very bottom will you appreciate the top.
>>179697514I too used to take my own plastic bags. I just bought a backpack that I leave by the door. If it's winter and I have a jacket on I just put it in there and hold it while I walk home.>Walking home from the store in thick snow (for Texas) last year>Black dude stops and offers a ride>Hope in and his girlfriend or whatever is in the front seat>Holding my handle of vodka with my hand outside my jacket>Say man whatchyu got in yo jacket>Probably was worried I had a gun or something>Tell him a handle of vodka>Shit you walked all this way just to get drunk in the snow?It's only a 25 minute walk to and fro.
>>179705406You're Mexican/Latino aren't you?
>two pounds...seven ounces
>>179697514does she talk in that annoying chinese accent?
>>179705406steel reserve 211 whatchu know about thatprolly nothin
>>179701643howling
heading to the corner shop just now, anyone want anything?
>>179681409They talk about you at the shopkeeper guild meetings
Why dont you guys who buy alcohol every day just buy more in one trip so you dont have to go back
>>179697393have a can of kestrel and I'll kick me girlfriends head in
>>179706197It's an alky thing I assume, forcing to pace themselves.I buy my shit in bulk from costco. 1.75L of Vodka for $14-21 is impossible to beat.
>>179706197If an alcoholic takes multiple drinks home with him, he's going to drink them all that night
Boobs in the Hood is their most underrated skithttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7lwYPo3qXs
>>179680945>be mid 20s guy with severe depression>only thing that makes me feel better is the drink>start going to same place with same old lady working as a cashier>eventually she flat out tells me that I should really stop drinking this shit, it's bad for me>go home and cry>never did stopearly grave here we go
>>179703937well you tried
>>179706282That old lady was the divine creator in all its infinite wisdom makes you think
>>179706197Because I would just drink it all or until I puke. I always buy the right amount. And for me it's 4.5lts of beer.
>>179705571which house of the dragon character is this?
>>179687030fuck off françois
>>179701803uppity wagies need to be reminded that they aren't people
>>179702520That video never fails to make me ill.
>>179706197They don't have enough money, are barely surviving that's why they're buying cheap high strength alcohol.
>>179706282>Haven't drank for 10 years, not out of being an alcoholic just not really been a drinker.>Someone offers me a bottle of Smirnoff because no one else wanted it at the office, >take it home and leave it standing for a year, >one incredibly boring day I deicide to open it and add some redbull>mmm this is pretty good, get absolutely blasted off two drinks because my tolerance is so low>fast forward to 3 months later, I'm in my local paki shop, ask him for the vodka as he has the spirits behind the counter>he points to the small bottle, I say " no the large one, the largest one you have">he looks at me with disappointment on his face,>hands it over judging me all the time, a complete look of "what are you doing with your life anon" look on his face... I stopped drinking vodka, but I'm still drinking 2 bottles of wine a week at the moment, it's not as bad but I know this shit is fucking up my liver.
>>179706748>it's not as bad but I know this shit is fucking up my liver.Nah, two bottles of wine a week is fucking nothing Seriously, do you not get checkups at the doctor, they won't even register anything as wrong.
>>179703703Same for when I worked at Spoons, you'd have the regulars queuing up outside the door before we opened, and as we'd open to sell breakfast about 30 mins before it was legal to serve alcohol, they would queue at the tills for a beer the minute it was legal.
>>179706847Getting an appointment with my Dr since the Covid shit has been next to impossible. I do drink a very healthy amount of water though to try and balance it all out and help my liver bro out. I don't eat junk food or fatty foods it's just the alcohol that I'm punishing myself with.I know 2 bottles a week may not seem like a lot, but to me, when I went a good number of years without drinking any alcohol, it really does seem excessive.I do it because it helps ease the pressure I'm under, all the stress e.t.c. Fuck up I know, this is becoming like a blog now I'll shut up.
>>179706965
>>179707005Thank you anon.
>>179686054Go do one ya fuckin' seppo.
>>179681409Just be yourself. The gas station guy knows to have my cigs ready when i go to the beer cooler. My bartender starts pouring my beer when i walk in.
>>179707162I've built up a weird thing with the nice wee lassie at my local corner shop. While I'm packing the bags, I'll say "Two, please," and she'll get me two litres of vodka. She just knows now.It's like going up to the bar and saying "the usual," except a lot more unhealthy.
>>179706748That's nothing your liver can handle it. Don't take this as encouragement to push it further but you have to drink way more than that to get liver problems unless you have shit genetics.
>>179706748Hes just sad because the profit margins are worse for him. As the consumer buying booze in bulk is always the best.
Aren’t you all entitled to your half-arsed musings on the divine? You’ve thought about eternity for 25 minutes and think you’ve come to some interesting conclusions. Well, let me tell you: I stand with two thousand years of darkness and bafflement and hunger behind me. My kind have harvested the souls of a million peasants and I couldn’t give a hately jizz for your internet-assembled philosophy.
>>179708401You talk like one of my friends. Go to bed.
>>179681723>NumberwangI enjoy most of their sketches but numberwang might be the least funny thing I ever saw, if the did one it would still by far they worst sketch the fact that they did it every episode make me think it was some sort of deliberate trolling on their part
>>179708401>hatelyA ha'penny jizzAlways remembered because it's a great series of words
>>179682518https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6v5WnKRqt0RIP Trevor Moore
I'm trying to lose weight and I sorely desire an ice cold beer.
i smell sausage rolls
>>179708667Yes, my nemesis must be up to something sinister...
Hail Vectron!
>>179681723>Yeeeeeeas that is a number!
>>179708757Let us day-drink and report shit threads, by Vectron's kindly claw!
>>179704582No it doesn't
>>179701785https://youtu.be/5ZwaGjYKT5Q
Self checkout stores have been a blessing for me.
>>179708667>>179708703Sir Digby Chickin Caesar might be one of my favourites from them.
Who's a jammy bastard?https://youtu.be/_pDTiFkXgEE
>>179681409>be a daily customer for years>sometimes chat with owner, just casual shit>finally quit, lose fuck loads of weight, never felt better>Mum gets cancer>end up going back to the same store>wow! Been a while since I've seen you here, you've lost so much weight!>freeze when I see owner lady again for first time in years>turn 360 degrees and walk out of store without a word
>>179704672Their Diana one is much better.Never ever heard a moon landing denier say that the U.S ever build a rocket capable og going to the moon.....and then just didn't.
>>179681409i did this with subway
>>179681409I went to a gas station 3 times and chatted with a nice girl who worked the register. First time, I get some cigs we small talk. 2nd time, I get some booze, she remembers me... it's the first time a girl had remembered me and wanted to talk more in a very long time. Third time I was already drunk and it was late. I showed up looking like shit and put a 40 on the counter. She asked me "do you drink alot?" "Mhmmm" "you shouldn't do that, it's not good for you" "mkay" I payed and left. I didn't want to drink anymore but I opened the bottle and drank anyways. I remember finishing the bottle and still feeling worse than I have in a long time. That was about a month ago, I haven't drank since. I don't want to be that guy who people worry about anymore but I know the longer I wait, the better that first sip is going to be.
>>179706198>tfw he became a teacher then got fired
>>179708814
>>179709245Always found his "fuck off" funny there
>>179685951Once or twice a week is practically teetotal on Bong Islands
the br*tish aren't funny, like at all
>>179682619let's remain in doors
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LyNrfYKTtsMATT YOU RAPIST
>>179704582No it doesn't, you goober
>>179697977OK, what if you could get one shot of 40% vodka for the same price as a whole bottle of 35%? The first option would be favourable given the phrasing.>>179694410I can't believe 3 (THREE) people replied to your post and none of them have a decent enough grasp of English to understand why you're right. I just hope that English isn't their first language.
>>179704048It always works out cheaper getting the special offers at the paki shop though
>>179701643That's the stuff
>katherine ryan>catherine tate>that cerebral palsy girl>jo brandAre there no good female british comedians
>>179706507What happened to the graphic novel he crowdfunded?
>>179703115Perishing is almost always used as a colourful adjective to describe something with contempt, and almost never used as the present-progressive tense of the verb "perish". Check any dictionary you want. It's scary how many native English speakers on this site have such a poor grasp of the language.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK4JxspwUoc
>>179703937top kek
>>179686298I love the audience laughter at 1:33
>>179706748>I stopped drinking vodka, but I'm still drinking 2 bottles of wine a week at the moment, it's not as bad but I know this shit is fucking up my liver.I've drunk at least that amount for like 10 years now. Occasional few weeks or months off, but not often. Occasional spells of weeks or up to a month at a time of round-the-clock drinking, two bottles of wine or a bottle of spirit a day. I get regular check-ups and have only just last month been found to have a fatty liver, still no permanent scarring. I haven't drank since then and I'm feeling pretty good, but your liver is far more resilient than you think it is. Still, you're better off quitting now while you're ahead, but you don't need to be in fear of your health with the amount you've been drinking, especially if it's spread out over the week i.e. one large glass of wine a day.
>>179705221That no one responded to a rare emotional British display says everything.
>>179709908>causing destruction, ruin, extreme discomfort, or deathNTA, but you're saying you're using as something like "fucking". As in "Quench my fucking thirst"?. Maybe that's how it gets used in bongstani.
>>179710082It's made even more apparent now through your stilted phrasing and a full-stop following an eroteme that English isn't your first language, but that doesn't excuse you from sifting through multiple definitions supporting the usage in OP's clip to find one supporting your opinion. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/perishinghttps://www.dictionary.com/browse/perishinghttps://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/perishingFirst three results on Google, all of them supporting our definition and none describing it as the present-progressive verb.
>>179710265>REEEEOh, so it is some homosexual bongstani shit like "bloody". Lmao.
>>179703995It improved it actually
Tell mw I'm fat at disgusting so I wouldn't go alcohol shopping please
>>179710265Also this was the first result for me: https://www.dictionary.com/browse/perishingIt only lists the definition I posted.
>>179701785You did what any man would
>>179709564For the longest time I thought that girl from one of the episodes was Felicity Jones
>>179697514Maybe she's just trying to be friendly since you're an obvious regular, you should try and build up a rapport and maybe she'll give you free drinks every now and then
>>179710265Perishing post
>>179710457Get what you want, sounds like you're only fooling yourself
>>179703937>Mark browses /pol/ and feels guilty about it so hides it from everyone>Jeremy finds Marks laptop open but sees it's /tv/ and notices the cunny>He thinks Mark is a peadophile>Sophie believes she is ready to settle down with Mark so they meet for a reconciliation>Jeremy brings up the cunny and Mark struggles to explain it>Johnson is also there and when mark opens the laptop to explain 4chan, it opens up on BBC spam porn.>Everyone thinks Mark is a freak>Super Hans is also in the scene and says "Mark your based as fuck">Everyone leaves disgusted as superhans begins to talk about the degeneration of western civilization while Mark sits defeated>*I'M NOT SICK BUT I'M NOT WELL*
>>179710265This is why nobody likes the English.
>>179704889How is this prophetic you fucking idiot. It was relevant in that time too moron.
>>179710639>as superhans begins to talk about the degeneration of western civilizationhans is probably the most degenerate character in peep show
>>179709105You go to Subway to buy booze?
>>1797107914chan constantly talks about degeneration of society, yet look at what you find on here too.
>>179710265i speak american. go perish, faggot
>>179710791I mean i could totally see him using himself as an example
>>179710783The Wasp T12 speechtool was a smartphone before the iphone was even announced.
>>179710265So much butthurt from a post to be learned from. Standards must remain. Fairly snarkily put, but admirable.
>>179709908> present progressive tense> poor grasp of languageThere's only 2 tenses in English, faggot. "Progressive", better known as "continuous" outside of the 60s, is an aspect of time.
>>179681790>Not snuffing it in Australia
>>179710265lmfao faggot
>>179686467>>179682295https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL51QamqY1QIt's at the end.
>>179711125Don't reply to your own posts.
>>179711431I never do, you fanny.
>>179710265ackshually sweaty, the english language comes from russian and the word's proper usage is as a verb
>>179711488Nice digits but if you call me that again I’ll bop you in your gobsmacker.
For me it's the BBC exechttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vkt7_xNJVCg
>>179711558fucken hook u in ur gabber m8 sware on me mum
>>179710615Trying to fool miself not to go. Already put on clothing and was ready to go but decided not to. Fucking hell.
>>179710791and that's exactly why it would be so in character for him given the state of the average /pol/ user
>>179711197>I will push the cart. What tense is that?
>>179711969Future time denoted by using the modal verb "will", accompanied with the first form of the verb "to push".English doesnt have a future tense, unlike French, for example.
>>179709848>katherine ryannot even bri'ish, half canadian half plastic person.>catherine tateliteral who>that cerebral palsy girlthat's every british woman, anon>jo brandliterally anti-humor, I'm always baffled whenever I see her. she makes the other comedians less funny.
>>1797098542 more weeks!
>>179712665>English doesnt have a future tensenative bonger here, always hated English class and now im confused, if we don't have future tense then what would the sentence 'i am going to go to the shop' be? as it could mean now or at a later date/time, and would adding 'i am going to go to the shop tomorrow' change anything? as its describing future activities
>>179681409>Binge drinker for about 5 years>Local corner store gets liquor license and starts stocking single tallboys>After about a year young asian girl cashier says "wow you always get the high alcohol ones">Sober for 2 years now
>>179683931Main character syndrome. No one gives a shit about you bro.
>>179712916I’d say “lean in I want to tell you a secret” then I would bash her in the face with one. Then I would go grab another and walk out without paying.
>>179709084How's your mum doing now?
>>179712903Present tense. The additional "I am going to" or whatever denotes time. Future tense would be like killed/kill/killop with killop being a made up future tense conjugation of to kill. Instead we use another verb (modal I think) to denote the future and stay in present tense, so will kill, will being the additional verb.
>>179712916Imagine being a cashier and asking a woman why do you buy that garbage everytime.
>>179709105>go into subway pretty often>the indian guys behind the counter start to recognise me>sometimes theres a cute white girl behind the counter as well>they start to remember my usual order (italian BMT with cheese, toasted)had to stop going in. it was getting expensive but also i think the girl stopped working there, she looked like grimes and got all smiley whenever i came in. also i've never gotten a bag of chips at subway
>>179685951>malnourished chainsmoking 46-year-old neighborooo got any pics of her??
>>179682518the yellow mustard getting all over the white couch is upsetting me. it's gonna stain!!!
>>179712916>asian
>>179712903Tense = changing the form of the verb to denote a change in time. (In French: je parle = i speak, je parlerais = i will speak).English doesnt do this. Instead we use 'phrases' to show the future: "i am going to", "i will", "im about to", "lets...", "shall we...', etc.If you want to blow your head further, then the "past tense" doesnt strictly speak about the past in English. Instead "the second form of the verb" shows 'distance to reality' in some way, either in narrating, saying something is confined to the pasr, speaking about hypotheticals, etc.
>>179713232>>179712665What school did you attend where they taught you that tense is denoted entirely by which form of the core verb you use? Tense belongs to the entire clause, modals, participles and auxiliaries included. >Future time denoted by using the modal verb "will", accompanied with the first form of the verb "to push".You just described exactly what the future tense is.
>>179685951How did you know getting her liquor would get you laid? Like how did this situation start?
>>179713659She probably just asked him.
>>179680945>I had a beer every night this weekIf only mama knew she raised an alcoholic...
>>179703937good one desune have a (You) on me
>>179685951It's better if they just think you're an alcoholic. Seek help, Jesus Christ.
>>179713548https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_tenseYouve been taught grammar for normies, and are confusing 'tense' and 'time'; a common mix up.Tense simply = changing a verb form to show a change in time reference. "I will", "im going to", etc all have different functions, and arent strictly speaking about time, they are denoting mood and modality.
>>179685951It's better they think you're an alcoholic than discover the truth
>>179686346Chris chan is the Lord so she gets a free pass
>>179681409I used to do this but I figured, since I live in a small town, to just go to one gas station and stock up for the night. They know I'm a raging alcoholic but they don't give a fuck and I stopped giving a fuck too.
>>179703937>underappreciated: the postyour kino has been noted
>>179681389No that would be Vectron.
>>179714625By the will of Vectronhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp02ubGuTIUor the typewriter to the face, can't choose
>>179681409lol you think your special lmao
>>179714512cheers pal
>>179698689I think you're the only person who drinks super strength lager but is conscious of midweek drinking.
>>179681995a lot of people smoke when they drink so he probably bought some too
>>179715359What's a week anyway?
>>179701785Correct thing to doIf you went back they'd probably think you liked having them try to strike up conversation
>>179703815>literally punishing your staff for doing the right thing and setting an example of rule bending to someone who would have done a solid job for you otherwise and follow all the rules so you're not liable for X Y and Z fuckups
