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I thought this could be a fun thread to tell our /toy/ related funny stories.

Mine:
>be me
>24
>go to store to buy some JP figures
>mfw I see fucking Laura Legends there
>start to panick
>she sees me, comes right to me
>start to get hard and panick
>she passes me and takes a T-Rex figure
>she turns at me and asks "Came for hunting, ha?
>and I'm like" yeah"
>she says "cool" and leaves
>I lost my chance to talk with her
Worst thing is that my house is close to hers...
>>
>>8330239
>younger sisters friend is over our house
>they're all 18-19 years old
>they leave
>one of the girls moms knocks on my door a few minutes later
>shes freaking out because her daughter won't answer her calls
>ask her what the problem is
>"I CAN'T FIND MY DAUGHTER"
>"well shes hanging out with my sister, so shes fine"
>"BUT WHY WON'T SHE RESPOND"
>"I don't know, but they're safe soooo"
>"LET ME COME INSIDE YOUR HOUSE TO SEE IF SHE'S INSIDE"
>"Is everything okay, what's the big deal?"
>"PLEASE JUST HELP ME"
>"She's your daughter not mine, leave me alone"
>shut the door on her while she's still crying
>10 mins later I'm walking out to my car and I notice she's crying on my front porch
>get in my car, lower my window, begin to drive past her
>she's crying into her hands
>shout at her
>"listen you can stay on the porch as long as you want but I'm getting a Lego UCS Millenium Falcon set delivered in an hour so if it arrives and I'm not home can you sign for it?"
>she stops crying and yells at me "what the fuck is wrong with you?!"
>and im like
>"what's wrong with me, what's wrong with you?! you're crying on a strangers porch for no reason"
>she yells at me to get fucked
>come back 20 minutes later
>she's on my porch pacing back and forth on her phone
>delivery people show up
>they have to go around her, i tell them just to ignore her
>they don't know what to make of it
>she still won't leave my porch an hour later
>open my door and try to shoo her away
>"You're shooing me away! my daughter is missing!"
>keeping shooing her to her car
>she calls me a manchild
>tell her that's why i bought a Lego UCS Millenium Falcon set
>she peels off, sister comes home with her friend 5 minutes later
>don't tell them a thing
>>
>be me
>been on /toy/ for years
>come to this thread
>post this, leave and hide thread
>true story
>>
>>8330400
>be me
>get in this thread
>see this post
>see dubs
>post yeah, based and redpilled
True legend
>>
>>8330400
The only true story in this thread.
>>
>>8330274
Kino
>>
>>8330274
Pretty good, uploading this to my YouTube channel
>>
>>8330274
good cadence, solid ending, no dinosaur walking

Not bad, kid. Not bad.
>>
>>8330239
I met jangbricks once, he isn't that nice...
>>
>>8330239

>be me
>have two of that dino cup/head that the who in OPs pic is holding
>loved it
>mom threw them away at some point because she meant I had out grown them and they looked hideous
>forget they existed
>see this thread
>remember they exist
>post this story
>>
>>8330274
wait but in the other thread you bought a metroplex is this a copypasta?
Also did you fuck them?
>>
>>8331836
What happened?
>>
>>8331836
The guy has always hated any sort of comments, suggestions, and questions on his vids, so I'm not surprised.
>>
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>>8330239
>Be 16
>Mom and I go to clothing store
>We then go to toys r us, she buys me a toy
>We then go to kfc, she buys me tendies, came out very nice
>It was a good day
>mfw my mom doesn't want to buy me toys anymore
Buying toys yourself is a part of growing up, I guess. :(
>>
>>8332022
>Be me
>Work overnights at toys r us for extra cash
>Steal the good world of Nintendo 2 inch figures as they come in
>End up with around 8 metroids

Feels good man
>>
>be me, around 8 or 9
>out with friend and his family, spending the weekend at his house
>after dinner his parents bring us to Kay-Bee Toys so he can get his weekly toy
>have no money or ability to buy myself a toy
>shit sux
This was some rude shit to do, right? Like, I'm not wrong for thinking that you don't drag a child, who isn't yours, to make them watch you lavish gifts upon your own spoiled hid, right?
>>
>>8332232
No wonder toys r us wen bankrupt, they hire deadbeats such as yourself.
>>
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>>8330239

heres a story from my childhood

>it is 1996
> I am a young impressionable 6 year old
>my father takes my sister and i to sears
>we browse the toy section.
> Beast wars are all over the shelves
> I pick up Terrorsaur, my sister Airazor
>thats is the highlight of my childhood
>it is all downhill from there.
>>
>>8332236
Yeah, that's just a dick move. Sounds like you were collected enough about it, at least.
>>
>>8332232

I read it as 20 inch first. Imagined 8 big ass metroids in a huge pile that you would have a hard time explaining to anyone.
>>
>>8330239
imagine having an adult daughter that receives boxes full of children's toys from complete strangers daily
>>
>>8332263
imagine being a young woman getting letters and gifts from dudes in their forties almost daily.
>>
Never knew that Youtube-Thot even existed, but im glad shes just hoarding toys and not animals like some other Youtubewhores
>>
>>8332263
Why do people send her stuff
>>
>>8332418
This
>>
>>8332435
why do simps exist?
>>
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>>8330239
>Not chloroforming her and dragging her to the nearest storage closet
>>
>>8330239
Am I supposed to know who you’re talking about ? Or care for that matter?
>>
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>>8332236
>>8332239
>>
>be me, chad 7 year old who takes big shits and doesn't give two shits
>Go to toysrus with mommy
>Suddenly have the urge to poop, I can tell it's a big one
>Run to bathroom, get my ass out and start shitting in the nearest toilet
>Several large logs drop, the plop water starts to hit my tiny 7 year old ass so I go to flush
>I know the sound like I know the wrinkles on my Kenner Jurassic Park Young T Rex
>The toilet is stuffed
>I still have shit turtle heading out of my asshole
>Crab walk over to the next stall, catching a glimpse from behind me of the giant shit still sticking out of the hole in the toilet
>Release round 2 of shit logs into the next toilet
>Flush, that fucking sound again
>2 toilets stuffed with my shit
>I can feel more inside me
>crab walk over to the third and final toilet, the roomy handicapped stall
>Push and push and push and only a tiny pebble pops out
>All that fucking effort a third time for a babydick shit pebble
>Wipe my ass 20 times with tons and tons of toilet paper
>It's like a marker that won't quit
>Finally pull away clean looking paper
>Flush the toilet, all the toilet paper immediately starts swirling and not going down
>All 3 toilets stuffed by me
>Go out, my mom is waiting
>We buy Dieter stark The Lost World figure, I have endless fun sticking the magnetic compy to his chest
>Fin
>>
>>8331836
You can tell he's a prick by his dour demeanour and the way he responds to comments.
>>
>>8333641
shut up MandR
>>
>>8332435
>>8332600
People also send stuff to dude youtubers too. Some of these dudes get sent so much stuff from their fans.
>>
>>8333590
Lel
>>
>>8330274
Nice of you to protect your lesbian sisters relationship. That mom probably would have flipped.
>>
>>8332224
Im 34. I make a lot of money at work and pay my moms bills so she goes looking for toys for me. She isnt very good at it though. I usualy just end up finding them myself after work. She at least tries though.
>>
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Anyone know where pic related is from? Thanks.
>>
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>>8330239
I think I told this one before:
>first girlfriend ever
>bring her over to my house for first time
>very nervous to see how she reacts to my toy collection
>she is happy to be there, starts exploring on her own
>comes across toy shelves without me saying anything
>she pauses for like 5 seconds in silence
>feels like an eternity, expecting negative reaction, felt like pic related
>she starts going into hyper drive, going 'Whoa! this is so cool! what's that? Why are some of them knocked over? Can I have that plush?' etc.
>eventually show her rest of collection, she always responds positively (except some scary figures she doesn't like)
I'm going to marry her soon. She still likes my toys and always wants me to play with them more and display them better.
>>
>>8334522
Wholesome story anon. Hope it works out.
>>
>>8334522
Its how you carry yourself anon that's how I met my wife as well.
>>
>>8330239
>be me
>27
>big house
>have big tittie girls figures and statue collection
>one day there is a fire on my neighbors side
>firemen need to get in my room window so they can extinguish the fire
>after they are finished one of them looks for some seconds in my room, see big tits collection
>says "cool"
>thanks me for letting them in
>they leave, before leaving that same fireman gives me a tip
>>
>>8330239
I've met her a a few social gatherings before she blew up. We live in the same town. She's pretty nice.

That's all I have to say.
>>
>>8334522
>Anon, we have a kid coming don't you think its time you should get rid of your toys?
>It was cute you collected toys but that was the life before you met me.
>now that we are married you don't need those toys anymore, you have me
> I know you sold your motorcycle but that was for your own good, don't you know how dangerous it is to ride a motorcycle? I did that for you! now get rid of the toys for me!
>if you truly love me you would get rid of the toys, didn't you said that thing is worth over $1500?
>let's sell some of those so we can remodel the kitchen and decorate the baby room.
> oh! and let's get a new car, the body style we have is old and there is a scratch on the bumper. it's embarrassing to drive that thing
>the fridge we have works perfectly fine but my BFF has a tv built-into the fridge and I want something better than that so I can rub it in her face
>can we get a gas range? the electric range takes too long to cook (she never cooks)
>what do you mean you're not getting rid of it?
> you have 20 spidermen just get ride of everything and keep one
>every time I come home the first thing I see is toys, toys, toys, I don't know if I'm your wife or your mom
>you are mentally abusing me with your toys and that scarry toy is giving me nightmares
>reee why don't you love me
as soon as they put on that ring they turn 180
hope it's different for you
>>
>>8334522
Based. Before I met my wife I had an ex that I had to sell all of my shit because I was a weak spined faggot. Now we go toy hunting nearly every weekend.
>>
>>8332236
I went with my friend and his aunt to Meijer and she bought both of us toys. I just grabbed POTF2 Artoo and she said I could grab another item, so I grabbed the Micro Machines Echo Base Troops. It was nice.
>>
>>8335942
Been married 7 years and my wife's attitude toward my collecting has never changed. She's just glad I'm a homebody with a hobby, her friends constantly call to bitch about their shitty boyfriends/ husbands drinking & cheating.
>>
>>8336109
Pretty much this too. Shes interested in my hobby but doesn't care.
>>
>>8334039
A lot of it seems like people offloading garbage they don't want anymore without the hassle of trying to sell it. But then you have simps sending these guys brand new import figures that cost up to 100 bucks, just for them to say "this is really neat, thanks random guy". I don't understand it.
>>
>>8334522
Congrats anon. This is what a healthy relationship looks like.
>>
>>8334750
Post it

Also wdym fireman gives you a tip?
>>
>>8330239
That expression is so hot. It’s like I’ve just whipped my pp out and she’s laughing at it
>>
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We always hear bitching and complaining and horror stories about employees that scalp and collect always getting the "good stuff" before it even comes out of the stock room... I was really curious if this was all true, so I put it to the test.

I applied at Target for a Christmas Seasonal Overnight Truck Unloader / Stockperson job a couple years ago.

And it fucking works. Like ridiculously works. I was stashing stuff all over the store while stocking the shelves, then buy it when the store opened and I was on break. The employee purchase rule is "it has to be in the shelf for 15 minutes before you can buy it."
Well it was on the shelf... not the toy shelf... more like behind the giant bags of dog food shelf.

I never went back after that season, but I had seen behind the curtain. It's a nightmare anons.
>>
>>8338125
Did you make anyone seethe? Any good score?
>>
i wish laura legends was my mommy. shes so cute bros
>>
>>8338139
My area is a hotbed of scalpers and "old guy" collectors. So I knew who was who even before I took the job. The funniest thing was seeing their faces the first time they noticed me stocking the toys.

>"Oh shit, you work here?!"

>Put on a shiteating grin. "Yup. Seen anything good lately?"

>"Uh naw not really... Damn this store is ruined now."

No motherfucker you ruined it by door warming every morning and raiding the stock carts and arguing with employees to get you cases out of the back.

I loved that job for the scores and BTFO the scalpers, but everything else about it sucked ass.
>>
>>8338201
>never happened
>>
>>8330239
Yes.
>>
>>8338205
It isn't that far fetched. I worked for TRU for a bit and when the first X-Men Legends wave came out with the Jubilee BaF I explicitly remember dealing with one scalper. He calls into the staging area where I worked and asked for those. We had actually just received several cases, so I grabbed a set and passed it to him. As I'm bringing them over he spouts out some story about a kid's birthday, then asks if we had any more, and Storm in particular (the one that was worth the most). I just said no and sent him on his way, then had to tell another employee he asked to say we don't have any. I'm pretty sure that was my only interaction with a scalper (I didn't really see many customers though), and I've also met a couple people who just wanted their own set, which was refreshing. Some of the employees tended to do this, like once with the MCX Heroes, she ended up bringing the rest of the case to the back because someone was trying to buy up all the stock. The Store Director of all people did care though, because he recognized that good will and being a store that's stocked would get more traffic in from those collectors that got what they wanted the next time.

There was overall a HUGE stigma against "Collectors" among the older employees of the store (tbf some the ones that frequented that location were pretty disgusting, rude, and annoying).
>>
>>8338747
>There was overall a HUGE stigma against "Collectors" among the older employees of the store (tbf some the ones that frequented that location were pretty disgusting, rude, and annoying).

The entire concept of toy "collectors" sucks and breeds the absolute worst people. I don't understand what's so hard about admitting you play with toys, because trying to put some adult connoisseur spin on it just makes it worse
>>
>dec 2019
>do xmas shopping
>drop by toy department to check transformers
>notice someone familiar on the other side of the aisle
>guy keeps glancing at me
>keep looking if store has earth rise figures
>guy approaches
>"transformers collector?"
>look at guy. Finally recognizes him
>motherfucking M. Sipher
>"Nothing new here. I can help you..."
>laugh nervously and hightail it out of there.
>>
>>8330239
This story actually happened to me

>Be me
>be at Toys R Us (before it closed down)
>see Jobbythehong
>Get pretty excited but I don’t want to ruin this so I decide to play it cool and go up to him
>I tell him that I recognize him from his funny toy reviews online
>He says thanks and invites me to his house for dinner
>I agree and we go to his house
>He sits me down at a table
>I ask “so Jobby what’s for dinner?”
>He laughs and says “you are anon”
>I ask “what do you mea-“ but before I finish, he shoots me in the chest, balls, and kneecaps with his Masterpiece Megatron gun
>fuckmeI’mbleeding.jpg
>Jobby begins to shed his human skin to reveal his true praying mantis form
>I try to get away but I’ve lost too much blood
>He lifts me up and, with a quick motion, he swallows me whole
>Jobby then begins to lay eggs all around his house
>>
>>8339259
I guess you hatched from one of those eggs and retained your former progenitor's memories? I'm glad you're safe now egganon.
>>
>>8334509
Looks better than the Hasbro one
>>
>>8330239
Never heard of here before. Shes cute and I want her dino collection.
>>
>>8339608
she even has a piece of t rex from the first Jurassic Park movie prop
>>
>>8339772
I saw that. Also watched the raptor fetus video and want to make one now.
>>
>>8338205
Stay mad you didn't have my experience, fag. Where's your story?
>>
>>8330239
>in my mid 20s
>frequently stop into the Toys R Us express that recently opened near my work
>one day buy a G.I. Joe 25th anniversary vehicle set
>younger girl rings me up
>asks if I'm a collector and I say I am.
>she says "that's so cool"
>not sure if sincere or not

>another visit, over hear her talkin to a coworker about the vintage collection Jabba with throne, Oola, and Salacious Crumb
>Says she likes Jabba
>Too shy to join conversation but I already purchased the set a few days prior

>later was debating attempting to gift her a Burger King Jabba squirt toy from the 2003 RotS promos but never saw her again.

Maybe I dodged a full on spaghetti drop.
>>
>>8341196
I usually turn it into a self effacing remark. If they say thats cool, I say I prefer the term compulsive and neurotic. That way you address the akwardness. You have to be good looking, fit, and wealthy though. If you are depending solely on a shared interest its not enough.
>>
>>8341200
People tend to misunderstand my jokes. Perhaps my delivery is poor.
>>
>>8341323
oh, dang, I also remember I didn't wanna make her feel bad cause I had bought the last Jabba at the nearest Walmart, so I was sure it'd be sold out.
>>
>>8341323
Its not the jokes. The better looking you are, women will feel nervous and obligated to laugh at your joke. 80% of humor is subjective based off the accepted relationship between the comedian and the audience. Thats why most comics prefer dark clubs with a very drunk audience. Also never buy a woman anything, but always flagrantly display your wealth. They want someone rich, but will lose all interest if you ever buy them anything.
>>
>Be me in 2016
>Last year of high school
>Have a few freshmen in my group because band
>One has really terrible depression
>I listen to him rant, give him advice every now and then
>My birthday happens
>Nobody ever remembers it but I don't mind
>Freshman comes up
>"H-hey anon, I got you this."
>It's a tracer funko pop
>I smile and thank him for his thoughtfulness
>"Yeah it was just laying around in my room, I didn't buy it for you or anything"
>He never rants to me again, we don't talk much after that
I normally hate funko figures, but I treasure that one.
>>
>>8341347
That's actually pretty wholesome anon
>>
>>8339272
I'm actually a test tube clone who has all of the original's memories, but good try though
>>
>>8330239
I saw her PO box video
so jealous of her
I want free stuff too...
>>
My father once bought me 4 Mighty Max monster heads for being silent to my mom about how he almost let my little brother drown, fool was 3 years old and jumped straight in the deepest part of the pool in our Mallorca hotel, while my dad was getting a cocktail, he draged him out immediately without any harm. I got the shark, gorilla, sabertooth and spider, my mom doesn't know till this day, was 20 years ago.
>>
>>8345260
saw the first minute and a half of the first part, cringed so hard at the simps that i had to stop
>>
>>8330239
I fucked her back in 2017
It was a good fuck
>>
>>8345361
>was twenty years ago
Did your dad buy them second hand from a yard sale or something?
>>
>>8339259
Was this back when he was an edgy teenage girl? Did you fuck him?
>>
>>8346130
Did she make a bunch sassy faces like she does in her videos?

I don't think I could fuck her, she sounds like bette midler
>>
>>8347468
I roared like a T-rex when I came. She loved it
>>
>>8330239
Dude... holy fucking shit. What a small world. We probably live really close too m8. What's your postal?

>be me
>31
>go to store to buy some MOTU
>mfw I see fucking Laura Legends there
>shuffling through shelves looking for a Skeletor
>she sees me, comes right to me
>"Hey, you think you could reach up over here and grab that Mosasaurus for me?"
>points to top shelf
>Reach up and take a look at the big fish dino before handing it to her
>"Damn, that's a big dinosaur"
>Bullshit with her for a few minutes about toys... She fucking loves those JP toys but doesn't know shit about MOTU. Tells me about how all her original MOTU were gifted to her and she really wants to get into the series but hasn't yet.
>Ask if she's interested in selling
>She's not
>Tell her nice meeting her an continue to checkout.
>as I'm leaving, see her again and have that awkward walk through parking lot back to car
>our cars are parked very close
>She says "Hey... wanna check out my MOTU collection?... Maybe I could let it go and clear up some space for more dinoshit" (obviously she didn't call it dinoshit but you get the jist)
>"Absolutley"
>Follow her in my car to her place
>Walk in... smells weird. Kinda artificially spicy like potpourri...desu it's what I'd expect a old granny place to smell like.
>Pours me a Jones soda with labels she had customized.
>She carefully opens the Mosasaurus she just bought in the kitchen
>she passes it to me me
>she turns at me and asks "Came for hunting, ha?
>and I'm like" yeah"
>she lifts her dress and says "put it in me"
>pull out my dick
>"No... the dinosaur" she says giggling
>I spit on tail
>"No, the other end"
>insert giant toy dino head inside her all the way up to the flippers
>Ask her "You do this with all your dinoshit don't you?"
>Take note of kitchen sink... No dishes... just loads dinosaurs with oily sticky tails
>>
>>8345361
You're a good son
>>
Do you think she even needs to buy anything? I assume a lot of free shit comes her way, new and old.
>>
>>8345260
Be a pretty girl.
>>
>>8347468
She makes great faces and her blowjobs are 10/10.
>>
>>8330239
How does sex with her feel like bros?
>>
>>8338111
The tip of the fireman's penis. ;D
>>
>>8348111
smelly
>>
>looking at year of the goat mp soundwave in TRU
>love me them clear cassettes but cant justify the price RN and already have normal MP Soundwave
>reach my decision and put the box down
>some neckbeard with a YOTG MP SW already tucked under his arm swoops in like an owl and yoinks it

>instant fury at this scalper scum

>contain myself, make my purchase and leave.
>see the guy handing one of them off to a buddy in the parking lot and the buddy looking genuinely happy.

Something something book by cover.

Theres also the time I met Jessie (Of Callgrim) at that TRU, I didnt collect Glyos at the time, but we still had a chill chat.



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