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File: What is going on.jpg (64 KB, 488x640)
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Post stories about absolute weidos in your games, doesn't have to be about how they ruined your campaign, it can just be autists and retards doing weird shit.

>be me, stock elf ranger in test session on discord
>be not me, DM, orc fighter, kenku rouge, tabaxi druid, warforged something
>everything is going fine
>kenku rouge asks if he can flavor his short swords as dual wielding katanas
>DM tells him that wouldn't really work, pauses, and just says it's fine since it's just flavor
>rouge suddenly gets pissy
>proceed to listen in awe as he has a ten minute debate over how he trains with dual katanas
>we then hear crashing sounds
>tardsmash.png(?)
>HE TURNS ON HIS CAMERA
>wearing dirty youtuber merch
>proceeds to grab two katanas under his bed and begins spinning them around like batons
>he nearly cuts his nose off at least 5 times, and definitely nicks his leg
>DM then proceeds panic and sucks his dick off about his skills to stop us from being implicated in manslaughter
>session continues as normal until the guy leaves because
>"That's more blood than normal, gtg, sorry guys"
>>
i am that weirdo
>>
>Be graced by the presence of a true warrior
>call him a weirdo
YURUSENAI
>>
>>81716568
sounds like you bitched out when faced with a real man
he should be on here talking about you
>>
>>81716568
>rouge
it was you, you were that weirdo, weren't you?
>>
>>81716568
There's absolutely no way I can possibly top that.
Once I played with randoms on roll 20, all starting at level 11 and there was a furry among the group. They played a powerful Fighter whose turns took as long as a new player wizard's. It got to the point that they'd apologise for taking so long every time, but the damage was good, so whatever.
The problem is that they kept metagaming. For example, the DM had said we wouldn't be awarded XP until we leave the dungeon, so they kept suggesting that they leave and come back to get the XP, when our characters had no reason to do so.
>>
>>81716568
MASSIVE brony, wore merch all the time, absolutely no shame of it anywhere. I'm absolutely certain at least 90% of his characters were just based off characters in the show. He also drank this japanese white soda (I think it was called calpis) out of a mason jar mug... He'd wiggle his eyebrows if he saw anyone staring at him while he drank. Pretty cool guy overall, except the one time he threw up all over the table from eating 6 cupcakes in a minute for 10$.
>>
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>>81716568
Alright, I'm going to retype and regale you with "The Mac and Cheese Incident"

>Be me, 19-year-old college student
>Have a very deep, smooth voice
>Been forever-DM'ed since I started running when I was 14
>Just discovered Roll20, find a VtM campaign
>Sign up with a roguish archetype, get accepted
>I think the GM just liked that I wasn't a face or a murder-hobo in a VtM game
>To date, best damn GM I've ever met, including myself. I ASPIRE to be as good as this fucker
>Party consists of me, an air force chick stationed in Germany, a married couple who showed up for exactly one session, and a fifth person I don't remember because they never fucking showed (roll20 groups being roll20 groups)
>Cameras were optional, only Air Force chick and the couple use them
>Get through two sessions, doing one-on-one mini-sessions to set the stage and get everyone's characters together
>Airforce chick is a polyglot and teaches me some French in-between our mini-sessions so my French vampire has a few neat phrases to pepper his lines with
>All-in-all, a good time
>A few days after session 2, get a Skype call from her
>She, like normal, is reclined in her bunk, leaning on her elbow and dressed in pajamas (she's in Germany, so she'd just stay up late to play with us)
>Airforce Chick (AC): "Heeeeey, Anon! How's your English?"
>Anon (AN): "I mean, it's my native language, so..."
>AC: "No, like, how are you with grammar and spelling and that junk?"
>AN: "Oh, Dad was a writer so I'm actually a bit of a stickler for that stuff"
>AC: "Great! I want you to proofread something for me. Will you?"
>AN: "Well, what is it?"
>AC: "Will you check it for me?"
>AN: "What IS it?"
>AC: "It's smut."
>AN: "It's smut."
>AC: "Pleeeeease! I need someone to proofread it for me, I write kinda stream-of-consciousness!"
>AN: "You want me to proofread porn for you."
>AC: "Yes."

(1/3)
>>
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>>81720101
>Her being a part of the party and otherwise a cool person to chat with (and me being a sucker with no self esteem), I figured it'd be fine to just muscle through to keep things from getting strained in the party dynamic
>AN: "...y'know what? Fine. I don't have anything better to do. Send it over."
>What followed was an abortion of prose. It was a word doc that was 3 pages long. How many sentences, no one asked? Four. Four periods were present. How many paragraphs? ONE.
>The smut itself was absolute schlock. Some weird shit about a werewolf raping a woman and then crying about it after while the woman consoled him. Writing was terrible, but I wasn't there to make it good, I was there to make it grammatically correct.
>I set about correcting it. Noticed her tense was all over the place, tried to get an answer on which she wanted to stick with
>AC: "2nd person, present!"
>AN: "Yeah, no. Fuck that, you get 3rd person, past."
>The whole process takes a solid 2 and a half hours
>Endless run-ons, completely absent comma and quotation mark usage, what few periods WERE there broke up supporting clauses
>Well, what periods that didn't involve blood
>Remember when I said there were only four periods? I lied. There WERE five, but the werewolf drank one
>It's FINALLY done, I send it back
>AC: "Great! Now read it."
>AN: "I've BEEN reading it for over two hours."
>AC: "No, like, out loud."
>AN: "You want me to narrate your smut for you."
>AC: "Yes."
>AN: "WHY do you want me to narrate your smut for you?"
>AC: "Pleeeease! I want to hear it out loud so I can tell if I like it or not! Besides, I looooove your voice!"

(2/3)
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>>81720109

>I just want to get this over with, and I remembered my father actually used a Text-to-Speech to do the same thing when he was writing
>AN: "Fine, whatever. I'll read it, then I'm going the fuck to bed."
>So I read it aloud. It was still awful, but at least less painful
>About a third of the way through, I hear a weird sound through AC's mic
>Is... is someone making Mac and Cheese?
>It SOUNDS like someone is stirring Macaroni and Cheese
>I figure she's probably just hungry; it must be almost breakfast time in Germany, wasn't sure on the time difference
>I can only see her chest up, I can't see what she's doing, so I continue
>Her eyes are closed, figure she's focusing on the story
>Then I hear a little moan
>Oh
>Oh no
>That wasn't Mac and Cheese I heard
>That was just her masturbating to the sound of my voice reading her porn aloud
>My self-esteem still roughly equals zero at this point in my life, so I continue
>Speed the fuck up, finish it up quickly, just want to be done
>AC: "Oh, ANON! That was grea-"
>AN: "OkayCoolGladICouldHelpSeeYa!"
>End call, I fulfilled my purpose, feel like I need a long shower
>Call up a friend of mine on Skype, drink for the first time (and heavily), got sloshed while we laughed at the shitty writing


Later she tried to set up another out-of-session chat with me and I awkwardly shut her down. She was friends with the GM, and after the group dissolved from only me and AC still showing, I suspect that might be why I didn't get an invitation to the next group she and the GM made.

It took almost five years for me to stop gagging at the sound of Mac and Cheese being prepared.
(3/3)
>>
>GM is an autist who fancies himself an edgy serial killer type
>Playing VTM in his bedroom
>Other players have me sandwiched between them and are aggressively tickling me
>I jump off the couch to escape their assault and sit on the corner of the GM's bed
>GM violently wrenches my arm behind my back in an attempt to break it
>Ask him what the fuck
>Says he's territorial
>Sign uneasy alliance with ticklers, tell autist to fuck off, leave and never come back
Don't ask.
>>
>>81716568
Never actually played with him bit I did once see a guy who wanted to play a half dragon wolffolk Paladin with a half dragon direwolf mount who was his cousin. He totally wanted to fuck his mount.
>>
>>81720119
>>81720109
>>81720101
>Anon complains that a German QT3.14 wanted to masturbate to his voice
You have no idea how angry I am at you right now.
>>
>>81720197
You have no idea how horrifying this story I was reading while she stirred the mac was

I have read chapters of FATAL that were less fucked than this smut
>>
>>81720101
>>81720109
>>81720119
If any of you people think this is real, you are actual brainlets.
>>
>>81719645
>He'd wiggle his eyebrows if he saw anyone staring at him while he drank
power move, why are you staring at a man while he drinks
>>
>>81720197
this is an old story, at least 8 years at this point
doubtful that anon is the same one
>>
>>81720263
this. just a writefaggot writefagging his fantasy.
my turn
>be me. super chad with 10 inch cock. i do leg day more often than chest.
>insert the girl you want to fuck from your high school.
>"wow anon! 10 inch cock and pretty legs? i dont care about anything else. can you show me your rare fish collection?
>yes i can. also, look at my bionicles.
> i fuck her just like the person reading this likes.
>HER MOM WALKS IN!!!! RANDOM MUCH?!
>THEN HER DAD?!??!
>i pull out and cum shoots in her dads ass
>i say "erm... awkward?"
>eveyone claps
>did this happen to anyone else?
>>
>>81720101
Youtube/Reddit is going to love this
>>
>>81720263
Depressingly real. I was too much of an awkward sperg to respond with "go fuck yourself" to the narration request, or when I first realized her smut was far, far worse than I imagined it would be.

Of course on the other hand, if you believe my insistences, you're falling afoul of the 4chan golden rule: "Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact." My insistence that it actually happened and fucked me up for a while is, ultimately, meaningless. I'm just some anon.

>>81720294
The story itself is 8 years old at this point (happened in 2013), but the first time I posted it was in 2017. I know that last stat from a shitty screengrab just this side of readable.

>>81720329
Alas, I've been caught out. I really come off as a chad in that one, don't I? The way I sexily corrected that schlock's grammar, or kept my head down when I realized some autist had used me to help her masturbate to her own fic. GOD I was such a stud when I was 19.
>>
>>81720393
It's not real. Anyone with half a brain cell can tell just from the way you've written the dialogue. That's the kind of dialogue you'd see in a Marvel movie script, not real life. And the fact that you wrote it word for word in the first place is very telling.
>>
>>81720393
imagine being so proud of your sexual fanfic that you post it word for word 4 years later.
>>
>>81720109
See now, I know this didn't fucking happen, because NOBODY that speaks a language fluently is going to describe correcting grammar as if its an exercise out of a school textbook.
>>
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>>81720393
>he just keeps posting cringe
>>
Short and cliche as hell, but I met this group through my sister knowing one of them. First few sessions were fine, came with the awkward insertion of my bland as shit human fighter into the story (came up with three backstories to make it easier, ended up using a mix). I get there early one night and the GM asks me to help her set up, and grab the books from one of the rooms. I walk in there, grab the books, then I notice a 2 jars full of nail clippings, one labelled feet and one labeled hands. I never mentioned it and the next time I peeked in there they were gone.

Also, this is either fake as shit or gay as shit >>81720101
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>>81716568
>more blood than normal
kek, this got me
>>
>>81720440
I like telling stories. It's why I got forever-DM'd in the first place.

>>81720454
>No one dislikes grammar who speaks the language
I see you did not go to public school; you have my envy.

>>81720465
>Based/Cringe dichotomy
/pol/ was a mistake. A mistake that poisoned internet culture just like >mfw did.
>>
>>81719645
It's called catpis.
>>
>Character loses a fight and gets surrounded by savage orcs
>Completely lose all composure and become very noticeably flustered
>GM makes an awkward excuse to end the game early
>Go home and cry
>>
>>81720524
It's okay anon, I believe you. What did AC look like? Was she at least moderately attractive?
>>
>>81716568
35 year old met a 19 year old at the table and kept flirting and shit. They got kicked out after they locked themselves into the washroom to fuck each other for a hour.
>>
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Back when I was in college, my group would meet up in the big lounge in one of the Sophomore dorms. We had this one dude who graduated, like, 3 years ago, but went to a local law school. He sort of liked to lord over us lowly undergrads. We were playing a game of Catan, and one of the players known for his shit talking. You either just learned to throw it back, or got angry. And, this law student got fucking pissed. He lost the game, sat there, and stewed while this junior just laid it on thick until he got up, flipped the table, and started to choke the junior.

Long story short, we had to call the police, and law student fucked himself out of trying to sit for the bar. He now just sort of haunts a flgs where he competes in magic tournaments or hosts trivia night.
>>
>>81720784
damn thats sad....
wait, a law student sperging from shit talk? i take that back.
>>
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>>81720524
>he's honestly trying a false dichotomy to cover his cringe rampage
>>
>>81720798
I think the stress from bar prep did him in. I've got several friends in law who have horror stories of people just breaking during their bar exams. Like, one girl sitting in the bed of her SUV, fully nude, hugging pots of flowers in tears.
>>
I've posted this a few times, it's one of the very few stories I've got.
>I college playing Pathfinder with friends. My roommate is DM.
>One player is a portly chick playing a Druid with tiger animal companion.
>It's nighttime in game and the party is getting ready to set up camp.
>Druid volunteers to take night watch.
>Other players are fine with that and all go to sleep.
>Once the other players are asleep, Druid declares that "I take my tiger to a nearby hilltop and have sex with it in the moonlight."
>Total silence at table. Everyone is stunned at this completely arbitrary declaration. Nobody knows how to react.
>Except the DM, who quickly states "You do not receive the benefits if a full night's rest. Everyone else wakes up in the morning as the night was uneventful."
>He tried to continue things as if nothing odd was said.
>Collectively everyone agreed to just keep playing, but there were definitely questions asked of the Druid player afterwards.
>She just said it's what her character would do, I believe.

She only seemed to be odd when playing tabletop RPGs. There's a later story with her wanting to play as a prostitute.
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>>81719645
That guy rules.
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>>81720524
Pics or it didn't happen.
>>
>>81720871
The fuck?
>>
>>81720524
i can tell by the way you write that you’re a midwit retard who cares more about sounding clever than someone with any actual love for the english language. you make me sick.
>>
Literal fedora wearing neckbeard with elmer fudd lisp shows up to the table with a furry tail sticking out of his ass and a custom char-sheet for playing a cute fairy PC
Regrettably my DM had no spine to tell him to fuck off and he proceeded to make the session so awkward we called it an hour and a half in and never reconvened
>>
>>81720925
You wouldn't mind telling that story too, would you bro? You now have my interest.
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>>81720135
Why did you play with fucking furries?
>>
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>30+ overweight manchild with a dash of autism playing a shitty female monk
>His character goes down
>He starts sounding visibly flustered on the mic
>We're getting mobbed, there's too many enemies, wizard decides to drop a Fireball to fry them all
>He fails a deathsave, starts getting really upset - he's not making words, just noises as if he was actually in pain
>A monster hits his character, he starts fidgeting audibly, groaning and probably sweating and making weird noises like he's chewing something and also trying to be upset, another failed death save
>"Can we end the session, I want to end the session, I need to end the session"
>It's getting late, but it's way earlier than we normally call it
>DM says "we'll finish this round"
>He sounds really distressed
>His turn rolls around and he rolls his deathsaving throw, his character dies
>He logs off
>Our group chat is quiet for a couple of days, finally he messages that he'll be taking a break from DnD because he was too upset to play again
>We continue playing as if nothing had happened
[GOOD END]
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>>81721823
It was one of those live meetup sort of things. Essentially it was a gamble on who we'd get
So yeah. Didn't want to. Didn't do it again.
>>
>>81721841
At least your guy knew when to quit.
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>>81720871
my sister went fucking mental while studying for her BAR exam, I'd hear her crying and screaming a lot of nights. Thankfully she passed and moved out (failed first time though)
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>>81716568
guy would always let his emotions bleed through to the games, not much of a issue, except the session where he kept trying to kidnap children out of nowhere. It turned out he slept through his mid-terms, and wanted to vent somewow.
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>>81716568
I've had a player break down and cry because he lost a fight with an orc leader (Playing a very heavily modified Red Hand of Doom). He challenged him to a duel, and some poor die-rolls meant that he suffered a crit from the orc's greatsword.
Then he just starting bawling. I was like "What?" and the others could heal him, but he said "Don't patronize me" and kept blubbing. It was one of the most painfully awkward moments in my life, and you best believe I didn't invite him back next week.

...His character didn't even die! He just got his ass kicked.
>>
>>81720871
>>81722177
>>81722865
Higher education is catered very well to horribly stressing people out. It's like that all over the world. I can't recommend it to anyone in good faith.
>>
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>Be me
>Desperate to play DnD (my first mistake)
>Join a test session for a paid Tomb of Annihilation game (second mistake)
>Start making characters
>This guy is making a Chultan native fighter
>Shows off his character art, wish I saved it, but it was just a big buff black dude
>DM says "yeah cool man nice okay"
>Probably has to pay bills and is too frightened to say anything
>That guy starts talking about fucking NBA player genetics, some really obscure African haplogroup bullshit
>Keeps rambling on about this shit for a good thirty minutes
>Filling the chat with pictures of these fucking black men
>Finally start playing
>At this point I'm sticking around just for the spectacle
>Immediately that guy finds the nearest female NPC and starts flirting with her
>Everyone is cool with it or is just silent
>Feel my face turning inside out from cringe
>Disconnect
>>
>>81720925
That's the kinda shit my GF does, usually she keeps it to duet games though
>>
>>81723552
Did he ask her if she was married? That would make it worse
>>
>>81719645
Calpis is good but if you've ever been to japan you'd know the true nectar of the gods is their isotonic sports drink, Pocari Sweat, which proudly advertises that its formulation "closely resembles human sweat".
>>
>>81716568
>That's more blood than normal, gtg, sorry guys"
I know this is fake but I wish it was real, holy kek
>>
>>81720119
>>81720109
>>81720101
I remember this story and think about it somewhat often. If you are the original anon who posted it, that's hilarious. Honestly I've made this reference a few times with female friends and none of them got it so I really don't think that's the sound itt makes. But when I asked them to demonstrate they said no.
>>
>>81720743
Was she fat? That sounds hot.
>>
>>81723482
Sometimes actually becoming a productive member of society (i.e.: not anyone making under 44k a year) requires a bit of stress. It's ok, though, because it's worth it to not be a net drain on society (which you are if you are lower class, because you are using more of govt services while paying less taxes).
>>
GM of a campaign I'll soon post here once I finish the english subs
Essentially my players were partecipating in a tournament, they are 6 and a team could only have 3
It's the semifinals and they are about to face off
But before the session they decided that, out of spite for me and just to "see what would happen" act out of character without an actual in game reason, to not fight against each other and "rebel"
It has been almost 40 sessions since that one and I'm still salty
>>
>>81721476
Hey, it's the noncapitalisationfag whose idea of an insult is calling someone "clever" or telling them they have a "fancy vocabulary".
What's the matter, binky, capital letters too uptown for you? Don't want anyone to think you're one of them fancy boys!
>>
>>81724479
you don't even know how to use commas you dumb fag
>>
>>81724328
>applying American wage, service and tax standards globally
Good way to let us know you are clueless and shouldn't be taken seriously.
>>
>>81724656
You still pay more if you're rich, and thus objective are worth more to society. Poor people are literal parasites. Just cause you pay a higher percentage doesn't make it different overall.
>>
>>81724780
On top of that, you're a moron for screeching about some class shit instead of what was actually talked about. But you just keep living in your own head and assume people who didn't finish university are automatically poor.
>>
>>81720135
>>81721858
>meeting up with randoms
>to play fucking VTM
>and they creepily invite you into a ass bedroom
I'm surprised you weren't fucking raped.
>>
>>81724780
>Poor people are literal parasites.
Have fun never having people to farm your food, run grocery stores, or do literally anything else that keeps your QoL as high as it's ever been in human history.

If you were actually rich, you'd know the value of having entire billions of people effectively working as slaves for you that you never have to interact with outside of telling them how you want your coffee.
>>
>>81720925
>be me
>playing Theatre of the Mind with some friends and family
>i'm an autistic stickler for grounded characters because without it, TotM just turns into "I WIN" power wankery
>cassettepunk setting, similar to Cowboy Bebop
>my mom's retarded girlfriend wants to play
>but she literally comes up with zero ideas on her own
>mom helps her make a character
>"Wouldn't it be funny if your character's mission was to rescue sexdolls lmao XD"
>she and my mom suddenly began looking to buy/steal every single sex doll they can
>I tell them they don't even have sentience, they are wasting their time, but okay
>the RP goes from relatively grounded to retardedly silly because it's impossible to wrangle the players
See, this is why you have to filter players VERY well if you're doing freeform roleplaying. It was a great game, but the introduction of a single player absolutely tanked my entire party's interest in playing.

I feel like I'm too optimistic with letting people play with me, I keep giving tons of people chances only for everything to come crashing down.
>>
>>81721719
Not sure if you're still around, but whatever.

>Watch Titan A.E.
>Decent enough film, but it really got me interested in running a sci-fi game.
>Running it in D20 Modern (Future), because that's what I was familiar with.
>Decide to custom make a race based on Stith from Titan AE, some Large sized kangaroo-like things. Other custom races include wolf people and something that looks like a dwarf and a meatloaf fucked.
>As I approach my regular gaming group I share the idea in a "session zero" style of meeting.
>Rotund chick chimes in and says that she likes the idea. She's a big fan of Firefly and wants to play as a "companion" like that one character from the show.
>While I'm a little surprised, the second girl in the group is also a fan of the show and joins in on the idea, saying they could both be ritzy prostitutes and run their own operation.
>Surprisingly the two other members of the group join in and say that they could be pirates/pimps that run the operation and possibly "aquire" new employees for this traveling space brothel.
>Fat chick then says that the group can go to all the different space ports and service the workers and other adventurers there.
>I finally shake off my surprise and remind them that the races include tiny meatball men, wolf furries, and kangaroo things that are one size category larger than a human.
>She's unfazed by this and says that I could detail who comes in and what he/she/it wants from the girls.
>I notice all the other players are quiet now.
>I reiterate to her that she's asking me to describe alien/furry sex scenes with her character and all of the other players throughout a whole campaign, some of which are large enough to probably destroy if she had sex with them.
>She eventually abandons the idea. The campaign goes on to be a more "traditional" sci-fi adventure without any kooky sex shit.

I was more surprised by how willingly everyone got in on the idea initially than anything else.
>>
>>81722177
I punched a wall in frustration studying for it. I passed it twice in two states but I can't recommend going through all of that to anybody.
>>
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>>81725388
>*large enough to probably destroy her if
Here's Stith, for reference
>>
>>81720109
>>Remember when I said there were only four periods? I lied. There WERE five, but the werewolf drank one
>>
>>81716568
>university club group
>Dude joins looks like porky from communist propaganda
>avowed commie
>makes a qt. little elf girl character
>gets himself gangraped during his character intro

Every. Single. Time.
>>
>>81724459

If you really could not see that coming, you need to reevaluate your life choices...
>>
>two people write their characters into a relationship in an ongoing community game
>several months later they write a break up and character B starts seeing other people
>several months after that, character A's writer reveals that his character is basically a huge self-insert, that he basically built his life around that (fictional) relationship, and that he feels like he personally is being cuckolded in real life
>because he's having regular panic attacks just thinking about character B being with another man
>despite being friends with the player for like 3-4 years
>he contacts him in private and demands that he immediately leave the game so he can feel better about himself
I am starting to think that shipping is not a healthy activity for normal people.
>>
I play with someone who cannot count to save their life. They count very slowly, and if we talk ot eat while he is counting he stops counting entirely and starts flinching and waving a hand at us to stop. So every time he rolls we have to sit there in silence for about two or three minutes while he counts out loud and sometimes (all the time) has to recount his dice. He gets extremely defensive when asked about it and when we ask if we can accomodate him to make things go faster he gets sulky and quiet without resolving anything. One day someone blew up on him for messing up his count three times and the group splintered.
>>
>>81725542
bruh what should I have seen coming? I expected their characters to stay in character and not metagaming, I think that's what any GM should expect
>>
>>81724780
>thinking that the working poor who society actually needs are parasites, and not the bankers who became billionaires by exploiting everyone else
Capitalists are the cuckolds of the world.
>>
>>81725589
>I am starting to think that shipping is not a healthy activity for normal people.

Never seen it working healthily, including my own younger, cringer days.

>Be me, 20ish, wasting time in Uni
>Be playing a M:tA with a good group (3 other players and a great DM)

To be fair the cringe sorta came with the age (mine and the rest of the group, DM included) to slightly different degrees.

>Characters are to be 1st year University students living is something similar to a student dorm
>Make a character that is substantially myself but better, with a bunch of stuff taken from one of my best friend (not part of the group)
>Campaign is set in our home city, starts in a fairly light tone, we roleplay trough the awakening
>NPC is introduced, it's basically the DM's ideal girl, which also happens to be my exact type
>DM roleplays her extremely well, after some time I decide my character is falling in love with the girl

Group ends up being: one Euthanatoi, one Son of Ether, one Cult of Ecstasy and me, Hollow One / failed Virtual Adept

>PCs and NPC become a fairly tightly bonded group of friends, the plot advances, with the campaign starting to turn slightly darker
>My character never had the balls to declare his feelings, meanwhile the NPC gets together with another PC who is barely interested in her
>Campaign slams the foot on the accelerator, shit starts hitting the fan, girl is kidnapped by BBEG
>One PC is shot in the head in front of the rest of the group and dies
>We grief while trying to figure out what to do and how to find the girl

(1/2)
>>
>>81726016

>Stuff happens while we try to locate her and my character ends up with super-magic-cancer as a gift from the BBEG
>Manage to use magic and call some favors from mentors (who happen to be both doctors) to keep it under control
>Now it's going to kill me in a couple years instead of a couple weeks, yay!
>Still in constant pain, have to resort to having my own spinal cord severed and using magic to selectively heal all but the pain signal carrier nerves
>With all the shit happening character understandably start being pretty fucking depressed

Issue is, with how much of a self-insert the character is, I start being a bit depressed too

>Still, at least the group's effort bear fruit and we get solid leads on the girl's location
>Turns out she is held into an umbral realm, while noone in the group is powerful enough to go in, we have some allise who can get us trough
>Make some preparation for the trip, decide to craft a magical item for the girl, to protect her from similar future occurrences if we manage to find her
>Pour my character soul into the item, start rolling Arete as the difficulty slowly builds up, I reach difficulty 10 and keep going
>I'm quite literally spending willpower like candy to stay alive, the amount of successes I have accumulated so fare would vaporize me from Paradox if I fumble
>End up with an item that would give most archmages pause, all with my meager Arete 3
>We venture into the Umbral realm, which turns out to be a dream/nightmare dimension (masterfully narrated)
>During the exploration the Euthanatoi dies in front of us, he is literally truncated in half while escaping an elevator while we are trying to pull him out

Btw, forgot to mention the girl is in love with the Son of Ether, while the Cult of Ecstasy got shot and dies

Also, looks like i'm hitting the character limit, so i'll have to expand this to a 3-post story

(2/3)
>>
Fat ass British dude played a "Nordic" monk in a game of dnd. He slept with almost every female npc we met and relentlessly hit on the one female player. When a female npc tried to get away from him because he rolled a low persuasion check he tried to handcuff her.
>>
>>81716568
When I was playing Pathfinder Society (I know) there was a weird older guy who played a character called "The Artist", a female tiefling who he described as having succubus wings and looking "like a holocaust victim". Pretty obvious the dude had an anorexia fetish and didn't care who knew it, shit was kind of weird.
>>
>>81726189

>My character's sanity is kinda slipping at this point, he has a nervous breakdown but manages to pull it together
>With only two PCs left, we venture forth and finally manage to reach the girl
>BBEG is nowhere around but he made sure to leave some surprises for us
>My character is about as fed up with all this shit as it is humanly possible, and goes medieval on the enemies
>SoE helps but not doing nearly as much, still we end up prevailing with my character pretty close to death
>I pick up the girl, who is unconscious, and we start making out way back

No pain receptor = no wound penalties, I might have more broken bones than sane ones, but fuck it

>Fortunately the umbral dimension has no more surprises for us, but we keep our guard on
>As we approach the exit the girl seems to be awakening in my arms
>Put the talisman around her neck and leave her in her boyfriend's arms before she does, as I cover the retreat
>Fast forward a couple weeks, copious amounts of healing put my body back together (magic-cancer is still there), but the mind is pretty fucked

As for before, the fact my mentor was a Virtual Adept GP, while my second mentor (acquired in play) was a Progenitor surgeon working in the local hospital helped

>Girl and Son of Ether are still together, SoE is still mostly ignoring her and looks about as interested as a
>With all the shit he has been trough, his friends' horrid death in front of his eyes and his status as third wheel, the Character develops a severe addiction to antidepressants

The condition of the player (me), while not neatly as tragic, wasn't exactly happy-go-lucky either, that's when I learned shipping is not a great idea, and self-inserts are a worse one

Campaign went on for more sessions, and also had a part 2 several years later, but since then I always steered away from excessive emotional attachment
While I do miss being able to reach that level of deep immersion in the game, I do not miss the bleeding into RL

(3/3)
>>
>>81726566
Even if it was not exactly good for you as a player, at least it sounds like you had a pretty interesting campaign
>>
>>81725589
I know a larp player in a vampire game who threatened suicide because her character died.

It stopped the game for a few months whilst people wrote up some constitution about how they're not responsible for player's mental health.

Crazy thing? She was still allowed to larp with the group for years after that
>>
>>81727092
Why is everything about this post so unsurprising?
>>
>>81727092
Friends don't let friends play minds eye.
>>
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>playing oneshot where we're kids in a spooky museum trying not to get killed by mummies
>it's our regular RPG group plus one guy's weird friend
>weird guy plays a deaf girl archer
>mummies start coming, my pyromaniac latchkey kid covers the escape
>deaf girl runs to the bathroom
>immediately begins masturbating in a stall
>the girls at the table scream
>>
>>81727484
why
>>
>>81725853
> Capitalists are the cuckolds of the world
Wrong. They’re the fuckers. There’s a gunsight money (capitalist) fucking your girl right now. And it ain’t you.
>>
>>81725796
You expected PCs to not work together and escape gladiatorial combat? You expected PCs to just be railroaded by you from one bland fight to the next?
>>
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>>81724965
Class doesn't exist. It's a cope for your inadequacy.

>>81725089
Yep those people are essential but also easily replaced. Thus low value.

>>81725853
They invest in comoanies that create products for you to consoom. If it weren't for them society would be a much poorer place. Farmers literally depend on commodity investors to stay in business. Read a fucking book. Annual budget for USA is like 3 trillion. That's a bit under 10 grand per person. If you're paying less than 10 grand a year in taxes, you're a parasite. Simple as.
>>
>>81727865
I expected the players to fight a tournament they entered willingly to get the money prize, it was not a fucking railroad, they literally choose to partecipate
>>
>>81720355
This post is so incredibly depressing.
>>
>>81727909
>class doesn't exist
>but some people are worth less and are replaceable
Guess how we know you've never completed a degree?
>>
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>guy I befriend in uni invites me to play D&D with him as DM
>haven't played it before, so I'm excited
>he's also excited, since it's his first time DMing
>bring along a couple others from class
>he puts in work to help us make the characters and stuff
>one of the guys is a real weeb, and DM helped him create a samurai character with an extendable katana like Gin
>level 1 btw
>first session he executes a bandit by shoving the sword up the bandit's ass, then extending it like 5 feet and turning him into a shiskebandit
>the two other bandits flee in pure horror, he pulls out his katana, which is covered in shit and blood
>tries wiping his sword by just swinging it in the air like a cool guy, ends up spraying townspeople with bandit shit and blood
>never comes to another session again
To this day, me and my friend remember The Shitster. Terror of level 1 bandits.
>>
>>81720101
Geez, good story anon.
I'm surprised you didn't realize she was going to masturbate when asked to read it aloud though.
lol
>>
>>81720524
>/pol/ invented based/cringe
based resetera migrant
>>
>>81728070
Ok. Give me a solid line of what defines middle class. Hell give me a solid definition.
>>
>>81728780
It's literally the median income. In the US that means you make at least $50,000 a year. But you should be telling me that, since you're the expert on what makes people fated to be necessary or expendable.
>>
>>81727909
>Class doesn't exist. It's a cope for your inadequacy.
>Yep those people are essential but also easily replaced. Thus low value.
.... Anon, I...
>>
>>81728997
Christ, it is almost like instead of taking advantage of one of the times with the highest ability to increase your wealth and status regardless of birth in history you CHOOSE to remain poor and bitch about people who tried harder than you.
>>
>>81729040
Let's assume that it really was that easy to make the simple choice to just magically become a middle class tradesman with good certifications or a well-off college employee (which, to be fair, isn't that big of a deal). What the fuck are they actually going to be DOING if all of the relevant jobs have been take and all that remains is wagecuckery?
When I was in college, one of the pathways I was talked out of was going into education. My advisor, multiple family friends, and high-school teachers I remained in contact with all told me never to go into it because despite every school needing teachers at all times, there are going to be 80+ applications on the boss's desk any time they are pulling resumes.

Look, dude, I WANT people to get the fuck out of the gutters over poverty because these people should be doing better for themselves, but where the fuck are they going to work? If all the jobs are measly grocery store jobs, does that mean they should be reduced to a life of borderline poverty?

You contradicted yourself in your own post denying that class exists and then literally said easily replaceable lower class workers as no value. Do you not see the irony here? How much clearer can a class-based gap be? It's not a joke that college overachievers can barely find work.
>>
>>81720393
agreed
MARLVE MOVIE
MARVEL CHARACTER
MARVEL
FICTION
not based not BASED
>>
Would always bring baked/homemade food to the games and meetings. Would never eat any, but would always watch us eat it and ask us to fill out surveys. I thought he was mixing his cum in until he mentioned that he was in chef appreciationship
>>
>>81727484
That’s some high levels of tism right there.
>>
>>81728070
Not that Anon but mother fucker I unironically have three degrees, one in art and two in busines, if you think putting up with academia’s bullshit for 4+ years makes you smarter I have a bridge to sell you.
>>
>>81724328
>(which you are if you are lower class, because you are using more of govt services while paying less taxes).
>determining your value by how much tribute you pay to your rulers
lmao, do you let the government fuck your wife too?
>>
>>81732996

Most of your value to society can be accurately measured in dollars and cents. Stings, doesn't it?

The rest of your value to society is based on the degree to which you help and enrich the people around you, the people with whom you have non-transactional relationships, and I bet that hurts even more.
>>
>>81733076
Why are you talking like that?
This isn't highschool anymore buddy..
>>
>>81732916
I know that, but this >>81724328 moron thinks having a degree makes you are a productive member of society. If he actually had a degree he would know that's almost the opposite of the truth.
>>
>>81729249
>"You contradicted yourself in your own post" (as if I could possibly do so elsewhere)
>immediatrly proceeds to contradict himself himself
>>
>>81733443
Never said that faggot. Art degrees aren't productive. I'm talking about tax liability you utter moron.

>>81733076
This.
>>
>>81735090
Business degrees are even less productive. There's loads of hired designers and tons of hucksters who call themselves "entrepreneurs."
>>
Are you dipshits legit arguing with this low ass quality bait
Do you really think anyone of distinction
Ignore and move on
>>
>>81727092
No, not Black Leaf!
>>
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>Group has token autist
>Nobody particular likes him, he's only part of the group out of pity
>In his 30s, still lives at home, never had a job in his life
>He's obsessed with anime schoolgirls
>We do a zoom thing during lockdown
>He has posters of schoolgirls on his bedroom walls
>Pretty sure there was a BDSM schoolgirl picture in there
>One session he turns up with a plushie of a schoolgirl
>Proceeds to spend the entire evening stroking it
>He asks if anyone wants to pet it
>That thing has definitely had bodily fluids on it at some point
>We all decline
>He goes back to stroking it

I'm pretty sure he's going to get partyvan'd at some point.
>>
>>81716568
>Smells like formaldehyde and menthol
>Dresses like a hobo
>Only food he eats is chicken that has been dunked in a jar of vinegar
>Only drinks elderflower cordial
>Breathes heavily through his mouth at all times, when asked to stop would do so only for five minutes before continuing
>Obsessed with batman, batman shirt, batman belt, carries around a batman toy
>Talks loudly about fucking nonsense, is told politely that nobody is interested in comics, ignores this and continues talking about fucking comics
>Rambles incoherently under his breath for five minutes when his turn comes along
>When prompted for action, responds in a snappish tone to let him finish thinking before he continues mumbling to himself
Still the most high intensity sperglord I've ever met. I have no idea how such people even manage to function
>>
Had one discord player who got his dick sucked in the middle of the game. We could hear everything.
>>
>>81733076
All relationships are transactional. The only difference is how blind you try to make yourself to that fundamental truth.

Society can go fuck itself, frankly. I play into the system by being a manipulative exploitative dickhead who abuses corporate politics to get promoted over and over again while fucking over everybody who presents a threat to me. Society rewards me immensely for my efforts. In a just world, a man like me would have been put on a fucking cross.
>>
>>81735597
Do they make money? Then they are productive. simple as. Stop projecting moral value onto financial value, financial value is the only moral value, save for when it's used to kill people and shit. Tim cook contributes more to society than you ever will and has paid more taxes than you ever will. He is literally better than you in every way besides the fact he's likely going to die sooner.
>>
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>>81737777
>>
>>81732916
>I unironically have three degrees, one in art and two in business
lmao retard
>>
>>81716568
>more blood than normal
>leaves
That got a kek out of me. I'll tell one.
>Be DM, running game over discord
>Party is Paladin, Cleric, Bard, Barbarian
>Barbarian player is the most into RP out of whole group
>His barbarian is severely retarded
>Down's syndrome retarded
>They stop a tavern to sleep for the night
>"You can all smell fresh breads as you walk in"
>Barbarian player: "What kind?"
>Uhhhhh
>"Bagels?"
>He slaps desk hard enough to register over mic
>Puts on barbarian retard voice
>"YEEEEEHHHH, BEGGELLLLLLS!!!"
>"WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
>This is all so fucking loud that his mic is popping and screeching
I've never seen anybody else so enthusiastic over the roleplay. He roleplayed this barbarian asking the paladin to buy him a bagel like the child-minded retard this character was, too.
>>
>>81725853
>Projection: the post
>>
>>81738868
10/10
>>
>>81738771
Sounds retarded but I’ve got a reason for it. I was originally a digital media fag and i took so many art classes as electives when I was at community college I qualified for a associates in arts entirely by accident. The other two are because it only took a few extra classes to get marketing and management from my school.
>>
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>>81739232
>Gets some kind of bullshit media arts degree
>complains that higher education isn't worth shit
>>
>>81739412
What part of “was” did you miss? I dropped that degree pretty quickly and went into something more useful.
>>
>>81737917
Imagine thinking that pyramid schemes, glorified gambling and rent-seeking are all productive enterprises, as long as they succeed in pulling in the dollars. Imagine being such a statist cuck that you think paying taxes is a good thing. Imagine doing both of these at once.

Adam fucking Smith got the distinction between what he called capitalism (making money by investing in actually productive enterprises) and what he called banking (making money by moving money around in clever ways). Why don't you?
>>
>>81735081
Which parts do you think are contradictory? I don't want to come off like I'm talking shit.
>>
>>81716568
Had one game with a dude who held himself like some genius by wasn't the most... outdoorsy person.
>Fat fuck, didn't play sports, but acted like an alpha for some reason.
>Be me. Cleric. 20 wis, but acted himself like he was 30 wis because he made efforts to be wise and it was an epic level game.
>Traveling across a continent by himself, navigating all sorts of environments and monsters.
>Can do so having only glanced at a map, not carrying a compass, by navigating using the sun, knowing his latitude and even walking at night by remembering the orientation of the wind proximal to all of this. Can get this all down to cross something bigger then America to hit a 200m area to find a tower.
>That kind of high wis.
>I'm fairly outdoorsy myself, in comparison to the group, so I'm listing off fairly standard things to do if you have half a brain.
>Have to cross a fairly standard 200ft river, after cutting up from following the coast. There's a bridge downstream patrolled by people who just fought a war against us.
>I choose to cross higher at a narrow point.
>Nearly die just crossing the river myself, after doing several safety maneuvers to not fall under I still fall under because apparently it's more like rapids.
>Come out of the forest to find this tower. Guardsperson wonders why I look so "unusually disheveled" (for a grecian time period game, having taken a mostly uneventful migration, he described it as looking like I was barely human and the guard was stunned and horrified).
>Get in a fight for my fucking life against this size huge beast that can very easily kill me. Bleeding heavily, but pinned, blinded and deafened the fucker.
>Use wis to run off north, then jink west while hiding my tracks.
>Describes it running off to chase me, but then stopping, turning, and heading right at me.
>I'm upwind of it, bleeding heavily, and otherwise invisible and silent.
>But apparently making the link that it had a nose and was smelling me was entirely impossible.
>>
>>81740550
For reference.
>This wasn't some weird eldritch horror. It was an upscaled animal. It just didn't occur to him that knowing that animals other then humans have a good sense of smell was something fairly intuitive, or that anyone other then him could make that 10,000 IQ link that running upwind of a creature means they can still smell you, especially after being told that the creature can still follow you without any other senses.
>Has a mini meltdown when my character makes the link, insists it could be "blindsense" or "tremoursense" or something my character wouldn't think of given his lack of actual experience with anything other then normal nature.
>Actually chews me out after the session with this arrogant as fuck tone about metagaming or not playing my character right.
>I didn't know what the creature was. He was the one who said that I could do all that navigation work in my head without a map or tools or nature proficiency. All that stuff was just common enough to pull off. But assuming an animal has a sense of smell? Cheating, game breaking, wrong.
This kind of stuff happened a lot, where he'd let his personal philosophies or opinions on how things 'should' go 'realistically', get in the way of realism, due to a mix of autism and major ego issues. So much of his stuff was just power/political-wank.
But his entire lack of grasp on anything outdoors or nature in an otherwise hardline mathematically 'real' gave some of the most wtf moments.
>>
>>81740375
Banks are productive through investment. Read a fucking book. If people are praying for it, it's productive. Stop being entitled just because people are making money in ways you don't like.
>>
>>81740721
If people are paying for it, they think it's productive. If 10,000 innumerates buy into a straightforward pyramid scheme, because they can't grasp that no, you can't hear recruit 10 people, who will each then recruit 10 people, who will each then recruit . . . because you quickly run out of humans on Earth, that doesn't mean that the pyramid scheme is producing anything. It's shifting wealth around, but it's not creating any.

Real investment is a thing. But so is rent-seeking, and so is speculation. Day-traders aren't inveating in jack shit. Short sellers are actually anti-investing. And so forth.
>>
>>81740550
>Can do so having only glanced at a map, not carrying a compass, by navigating using the sun, knowing his latitude and even walking at night by remembering the orientation of the wind proximal to all of this. Can get this all down to cross something bigger then America to hit a 200m area to find a tower.

That's high intelligence, not high wisdom.
High int is like being a chess genius, high wisdom is like being a master Zen Buddhist.

A high int low wis character will make poor life choices but be able to understand and do operations on highly complex systems, they're likely to misjudge their own shortcomings or lose sight of the motives for the application of their intelligence (getting side-tracked, getting worked-up emotionally).

A high wis low int character will manage a fulfilling life (by their own definition) and be able to keep focus and clarity on its declared goals, but will not understand complex technical systems, it will also be aware of its own limitations.

It's hard to imagine this correctly because in real life, unlike in DnD, there is a correlation between intelligence and wisdom.
>>
>>81740721
Please, explain it to me. How are banks productive?
>>
>>81727909
>Farmers literally depend on commodity investors to stay in business
And your takeaway from this is that the investors are somehow essential, not that the farmers are essential and that's why they're invested in? I don't care how high your GDP is or how much you pay in taxes, you can't eat money. True productivity is measured in food, fuel, potable water, and ammunition. If your assets wouldn't be valuable in a total collapse, you're living on borrowed time.
>>
>>81740934
>>81741088
Go away retard commie.
>>
>>81740855
>Short sellers are actually anti-investing. And so forth.
Lmao they banned short selling in Germany during the 20s and it collapsed their economy, you're so beyond retarded it's sad. Actually not even your fault since they don't teach economics anymore.
>>
>>81741088
If no one buys it, no one will make it. No one wants to work for free. Commodity investors protect farmers. Certainly better than fucking HFCS subsidies.
>>
>>81741240
Hahaha
I'm not a communist or a socialist, it's just obvious that you are talking out of your ass so I'm having fun at your expense.
I accept your concession that you can't explain detail at least one way in which banks are 'productive'.
You must be over 18 to visit 4chan
>>
>>81741402
Shouldn't you be lobbying for minimum wage increases or something?
>>
>>81716568
Anon, you can't go around calling a true swordsman a weirdo when you can't even spell rogue correctly yourself.
>>
>>81720119
Was she hot?
>>
>>81720524
/pol/ was a mistake, but not for the reason you think.
>>
>>81741581

Things started going to shit when WT was fired
>>
>>81730597
He was still mixing in his cum.
>>
>>81733076
Yellowstone can't explode soon enough. The USA was a mistake.
>>
>>81740888
Anon, Survival is a Wis skill.
>>
>>81737375
>still lives at home
So he wasn't homeless?
>>
>>81737654
>Only food he eats is chicken that has been dunked in a jar of vinegar
This is the weirdest part, what the fuck?
>>
>>81741880
Cope
>>
>>81744638
reminds me of nyquil chicken
>>
>>81716568
>Young highschooler joins the game
>Makes a fighter, either elf or human
>Orcs or some other intelligent monster attacks with javelins
>Kills one of the guards and we fight off the rest
>After the fight the new guy goes over and just starts eating the corpse in front of everyone not even trying to hide it
>Our paladin smites the guy while the 3 other guards finish him off
>Confused why he is getting attacked, have to explain to him why being a cannibal freaks people out
>Get's told to make a new character
>Overhear him talking about how he based his character off his MLP OC
>This exact scenario happened twice with two different people
>>
>>81716568
>playing SWN one shot
>one of the players clearly doesn't care about the game
>accidentally has a side effect from a medicinal shot
>he's now gay apparently
>immediately tries to unironically rape another players character " because he's gay now"
>starts quoting hand banana from Aqua teen
>>
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>>81716568
>be me and my buddy, friendly time waster of a 40K match at lgs
>pretty chill place, people like to drop and talk or ask "what are you playing?"
>it's a fun way to meet other autismos, or so I though
>this guy with teeth like gravel that smells like catpiss comes over
>" do you guys know what an empath is?"
>we say yes and he lectures us anyway all whist we try to play necrons vs imperial guard
>he tries 'reading my emotions'
>fuck it
>intentionally thought about the most painful ,sad, and miserable shit I've done in life
>like playing imperial guard in 9th for instance
>he stops and catches his breath, eyes visibly bloodshot
>"bro your vibes are rancid..."
>leaves, refuses' to explain
>mfw

sorry bro, didn't mean to hurt your brain?
>>
>>81725589
It really isn't, never let a gf make you and her as sims characters, you will be blamed for shit your sim did
>>
>>81748825
This and astronomy girls always confuse me.
>Match with a girl on tinder
>she asks me what I do for a living
>mention I work for the endangered species program of my local government because I love animals
>asks for my sign, tell her I'm a cancer
>"That makes so much sense you'd go for that career, water signs are very emotionally connected to themselves

I really wish he elaborated. I wanted to hear that explanation.
>>
>>81720393
Why would you need to tell to go fuck herself when that is literally what she did?
>>
>>81741972
Then the manual is wrong.
>>
>>81737654
Your brain on Marvel/DC.
>>
Our group got into a kinda heated discussionmid-session with the party's autist because he didn't like the RNG in DnD and how players have no control over their destiny because of the chances to fail a roll or die are there(despite nobody dying at the table yet and his character have never been even close to it). He said that, in media, character shouldn't die because it's sad, frustrating and entertainment is there to make us happy so bad stuff shouldn't happen.
We tried to explain that it's because you can die that it makes decisions, characters and situations so interesting, but he held his ground like a good autismo.



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