Oh shit nigga! You are Agent No Name. You are a faceless Galactic Empire Operative. The crown princess has been captured by the rebels!While the imperial navy launches a frontal assault, your mission is to sneak through the battle lines, find out where the princess is and extract her.Aboard your customized STEALTH battleship ST-100, you command a small squad of ships, hot on the trailYou have just taken down another rebel squadron and is now on your way to the next sector in pursuit of the princess.shieeeeeeeeeet
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>5454753Wait, hold on. We boarded like three ships last session, do we have those or are you trying to deny us loot again?
Rolled 51 (1d100)In celebration of your victory, host a singalong of the pop idol tunes
>>5454759OP. Denying anons loot? Perish the thought
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>5454761Prove it that you never would by giving us loot
>>5454762Okay here's a dollar
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>5454764hell yeahbuy 4 gumballs
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>5454764...it's Monopoly money.
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>5454764OP called Luke a vegan, Dragon Witch a lizard lover, and Joseph a idolshitter
>>5454766Alright, gumballs, gumballs
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>5454771Oh hey, we got some gacha loot for the quest from the gumball machine
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>5454771Get rebel ship loot flavored gumballs
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>5454776Open the box with gusto
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>5454776It's the three captured rebel ships and their Skellified Crews from the last thread that OP denied us.
>>5454781Maaaaaaybe not the actual ships themselves.The boarding actions taken last thread were quite destructing, let's say
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>5454783Fortunately you now have two mob soldiers performing sorting duty
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>5454783I can't believe you'd do this to me. In my own home, no less. And on the day of my daughters wedding.Open the consolation prize box then.
>>5454785Roll 2d100. First one is for pickings. Second is gacha result:1-30: Low amount of new crewmembers and general materials31-50: A respectable amount of skellies, monies and some intel to where to head next51-70: Okay bunch of skellies, but you have a list of rebel leader names. This is a great piece of intel to send back to Imperial Command. Definitely would help with your promotion71-85: Intel on the safest route to take next, and also a bit of one of your field agents' personal questline86-100: Free Pick
Rolled 12, 78 = 90 (2d100)>>5454791
Rolled 100, 71 = 171 (2d100)>>5454791
>>5454793Well done, champ. Real proud of you.
>>5454794You're pretty good
>>5454794Oh my. The command ship you took down has the star maps for the next few rebel sectors, this should help you get through them safely and stealthily. And what's this?! Intel relating to one of your field agents!
>>5454799WHO'S JUICY BACKSTORY DID WE DIG UP?
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>5454799By the heart of these dice
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>5454801>>5454799Indeed, which one was it?
>>5454801>>5454802>>5454806Well anons....Time to decide who's daddy's favorite.You Pick
>>5454807I'd like to learn more about all of them but Luke's with us because he needs to find his sister, let's figure out WHY he needs to find her
Rolled 3 (1d3)>>5454807Roll 1D3.1: Joseph2: Luke3: Dragon Witch
>>5454809>>5454812OH SHIT WHO'S IT GONNA BE
>>5454816WE GOTTA KNOW IF SHOTASNIFFER IS LUKE'S SISTER!
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>5454816I rolled a die, that means I win and we learn if the Dragon Witch is a lesbian or not.
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>5454825I WANT INFO ON SKELETONS!
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>5454825TELL ME ABOUT THE WITCH, WHY DOES SHE WEAR THE MASK!?
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>5454825I like rolling dice.
>>5454835Well you won. Whose quest do you wanna get progress in
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>5454838Mob
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>5454838Joseph
>>5454838Shit, I didn't expect to actually win. Uh...I guess the Mystery Sister guy.
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>5454844What does the intel mention about Luke?
>>5454847According to the rebel intel....A. His sister would provide leverage on his family, allowing the rebels to gain an advantage against the empireB. The kidnapping was a mistakeC. It was not a kidnappingD. [insert your own plot point here]
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>5454858B, the rebels are literally panicking over accidentally kidnapping a sister of Shotasniffer
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>5454858A, they're using her visage to make merchandise to fund their war effort
>>5454863"Fuck fuck fuck fuck, shouldn't have done that" says the report
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>5454874Also she won't leave and has been plastering herself on rebel TV
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>5454874Well, looks like the rebels have made quite the enemy with this blunder. Stash the intel and proceed with the jump.
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>5454877It seems the rebels is getting their own version of National Idol. Whether they want to or not.Roll 1d100
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>5454882
>>5454884"PLEASE TAKE HER BACK WE ARE BEING ATTACKED BY MULTIPLE HEROES AND VILLIANS"
>>5454884Apparently Luke's sister is forming her own branch of the rebel forces. And while the rebels are glad she's not going to use it to attack them, they are concerned that she's using it for her own agenda. Most troubling. This also means that if Luke reaches her, it won't be a rescue mission where he saves her from the rebels. He'd be taking her away from her own rebel army instead
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>5454890There's always forcing that rebel army to serve her instead of attacking us
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>5454890In either case it's more dead rebels. We can work with that.
>>5454894>>5454896Yes. Now. Do we tell Luke or not? Or do we tell him....our own version of events
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>5454899Luke, how would your...other siblings react if you can't retrieve your sister
>>5454900"Nothing. Because I WILL save my sister"He genuinely believes this
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>5454903Would you be willing to accept rebels converted into your sister's fans
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>5454903Good, just checking. Now lets move on.
>>5454914"What do you mean?"
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>5454920Just tell him about his sister FFS.He deserves to know.Don't beat around the proverbial bush.
>>5454921Processing information, pls hold
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>5454922You all good man?
>>5454923You are now Luke.If rebel intel is true. Mission parameters would change drastically.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>5454925Consider betraying the captain to save sister from empire?
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>5454925New mission: how the hell do we tell our sis
>>5454928That's right. This still counts as a rescue mission. You're gonna save your sister from herself. BUt the real difficulty is how to tell Eldest Sister Shotasniffer that one of her siblings is trying to become....competition.Preferably, you'd go get your younger sis from the rebels, erase all evidence and go home with nobody in the family none the wiser
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>5454931This is exactly why Rasputin and Olessa sent you, isn't it. They knew this would happen ever since...the incident.
>>5454936"the what now?"
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>5454940Damn, you still have the empire of si...Shotasniffer enjoyers.Promise them tickets to the next Shotasniffer concert as payment for silence, since they DID save you from that ruin.
>>5454942You are now agent No Name.Luke has offered you and the rest of the crew free concert tickets, provided you keep this whole business of his sister becoming the new Rebel idol under wraps. All the way until he gets her back.You can now:A. Say yes excitedlyB. Jump up and down while screaming yesC. Drop to your knees, grab his hands and thank him in tearsD. Try to be cool and accept his proposal nonchalantlyE. Just start yelling Yes at the top of your lungsF. Refuse [Impossible]
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>5454944D, except your mask betrays your feelings.
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>5454944>C. Drop to your knees, grab his hands and thank him in tearsCan we kiss his feet too?
>>5454948>feetKinda sus, anon
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>5454951This is standard behaviour for all simps
>>5454951Hey no, not in that way. I'm not a feet guy.Like in a "Oh my god thank you" or "I will literally die via explosion for you now" way I meant. I prefer tummies
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>5454951Roll is forgor.
>>5454958Yeah but HIS feet tho
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>5454961The uniques are, of course, given backstage passes
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>5454961Let's just shake his hand very enthusiastically while showing a big smile on our helmet
>>5454965"Yes, you'll get backstage passes a-----okay."
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>5454973Did you ever see someone so pathetic, Joseph?Joseph?
>>5454977"DID YOU BOZOS FORGET OUR MAIN OBJECTIVE""I'll let the dragon lady ride on my dragon""Then again your sister is closer to us"
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>5454977>>5454978
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>5454977Dragon Witch is also hanging of off Luke, trying to get him to show her his Dragon.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>5454981Remember when this quest had plot progression?
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>5454981Alright, to business, Mob Soldiers, report what happened
>>5454982"Alright, alright, I get it already. Captain, isn't time we leave this sector?"
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>5454987Activate warp drive
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>5454987>>5454988>>5454983
>>5454988Great. With the intel you've gotten from the rebels. You should be able to pass through this sector undisturbed.The only way for anything to happen is if you deliberately stray from the safe path and ask for a dice roll
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>5454991Interrogate the Mob Soldiers for their stupidity
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>5454991Uh oh, computer malfunction. The coordinates are FLUCTUATING!!
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>5454991Hopefully we can ambush and steal a rebel ship this sector
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>5454997No they don't, stop being a gay nigger from outer space.
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>5454997OH FUCK! MAYBE WE CAN STILL SAVE THIS!ROLL 1d100
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>5455006Fffff
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>5455006Fucking space niggers.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>5455006ITS ABOUT THE JOURNEY, NOT THE DESTINATION.
>>5455011>>5455010>>5455008"CAPTAIN! THE NAV COMPUTER'S GONE HAYWIRE DUE TO THE SPACE STORMS IN THIS SECTOR! WE'VE GONE OFF COURSE!"
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>5455013WE'RE ABOUT TO WARP INTO THE ATMOSPHERE OF A CLASS 2 PLANET!!!WE CAN'T SLOW OURSELVES ENOUGH! WE HAVE TO DO AN EMERGENCY CRASH LANDING!EVERYONE BRACE FOR IMPACT!!!
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>5455013QUICK SOMEONE FIX ITMOB SOLDIERS GO
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>5455016"Wait WHAT?!""THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?"Roll 1d100
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>5455019SOMETHING
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>5455019PRESS BUTTONS AND STUFF MAN
>>5455020Fortunately, in their panic, the soldiers slapped JUST the correct sequence of buttons to navigate us out of the storm
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>5455023Thank god we got out of that storm.I sure do hope we haven't ended up anywhere wacky when pulling out of warp.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>5455023Were they drunk
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>5455023It deserves a promotion
>>5455024Surely by escaping it on time, nothing of the sort has happened
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>5455031Use the vision-screens to observe the situation.
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>5455031MOB Soldiers proceed to drink in celebration. Or panic. Or just drink
>>5455036"Ya got it captain, getting visuals now"
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>5455042Now, what do we see?
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>5455042Huh?
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>5455049Roll 1d100
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>5455051GOD?
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>5455051
>>5455054"Pffft. Current Year. Still believing in God. Pathetic humans"
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>5455062Who are you and why do you insult our lord and savior?
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>5455062OH GOD IT'S THE- what was that again?
>>5455068Let's quickly scan Empire records to see.Roll 1d100 and Choose one of each:This is a xenos race that:A. Wants to murder all humans due to some ancient-by-human standards grudge.B. Wants to eat all other sentient species to become the top dog of the universeC. Practices an extreme form of atheism that they actively find and murder all religious peoplesD. Loves talking shit, other than that they don't do muchE. [Insert custom choice]And they travel in:A. Ships that are on-par with our techB. Organic bio-shipsC. Swarms. They don't need shipsD. [Insert custom choice]
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>5455076D and B
>>5455084Ah yes. Those fuckers
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>5455088Go away.
>>5455090"Yeah? Want us to leave? What, can't handle a few bantz? Didn't know humans were such bitches"You can here their entire crew cackling from over here
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>5455094Ignore them and they will go away to bother the next passing ship.
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>5455094Whatever you say, retard. We have more important places to be.
>>5455096>>5455097"Eyyyy where are ya going? C'mon guy we're just messing witcha""Yeah, didn't mean to.....trigger your bitchass""Gonna need a safespace now, snowflake?""nyehehhehehehehehehehhe"
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>5455099Shitter ship suddenly suffers sublimation.
>>5455102"oh wow they just suddenly got vaporized""wonder how that happened huh captain"
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>5455108sad but common fate, totally unavoidable
>>5455109Indeed, what a shame. BUt there were nothing we could do
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>5455110Hey check out the space billboard"New Rebel Idol In Session!...pleasehelpusplease"
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>5455121"I'm guessing she's a teenager."
>>5455125"Yes....She's in her rebellious phase........Oh wow. A teenage rebel that just happens to be caught by the rebels. What a coincidence"
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>5455132Damn, Lily grew up since Skeleton Island 2.
>>5455133"Yes, Agent No Name. THat is my sister, Lilly"
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>5455143Hits include "My Stupid Family Doesn't Understand Me", "My Sister is A Big Dork" and "I Hope Chosen One Chokes on It"
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>5455143Guess we'll have to beat her up before she'll agree to leave her Rebel band.
>>5455146"Wow, this selection is a doozy""Hey what's this part where she sang for 3 hours about some guy who grills"
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>5455176Man these are some weird lyrics about how his smoke chokes the environment and his addiction to weiners.
>>5455184"And also a bit about how he stopped paying attention to her and she requires at least 20 hours of doting on a day"
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>5455193She does at least put some praise for him.Most of them actually.Well, except for the mecha gay one, the drunken one and... "Bobby".
>>5455198Huh, you know anything about that, Luke?
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>5455203Luke is having a moment."Hey look, she's going to play in [insert rebel base with intel on actual princess here]
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>5455209With what is described as a "captive audience".
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>5455209I wonder how far away that rebel base is
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>5455212Alright. Let's check the star maps.Roll 1d100
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>5455214Oh god
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>5455214*rigging in progress*
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>5455214Is this a rigging I see before me?
>>5455215>>5455216>>5455220Remember kids, OP has never rigged any dice ever
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>5455224How far
>>5455226Damn. It's pretty far away. We might not make it there before the concert starts."Agent No Name! We need to head there quick! Whatever happens, we must NOT allow Lilly to start singing!"
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>5455232I get the speed, but why shouldn't she sing?
>>5455234"BECAUSE, AGENT, She's just like Shostasniffer! She's one of the people in my family with THE GIFT. If we allow the concert to happen, she would turn the rebel audience into a raving band of absolutely hyped up lunatics ready to slaughter all in their path!"
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>5455244Understandable. Helmsman, full speed to next sector.
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>5455244That's actually cause for worry
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>5455250Roll for loot and glory.
>>5455251Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is:80-100: Loot40-79: Glory20-39: No1-19: oh no
Rolled 24, 92 = 116 (2d100)>>5455253No bonus from the rebel intel? Sad.
>>5455255Doesn't matter. You got the stuff.Which will be decided in the next session. I gotta go now. ToodlesUpdates b here:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
How do I get the archive files to load images?
>>5455387It doesn't? Usually just opening the html file in the folder would work
>>5455388It always looks like this when I open it
>>5455389What browser are you using?
>>5455393That's pretty weird. That shouldn't happen. Try opening it with firefox. Also, this applies to all archives right?
>>5455395I get the same thing with other browsers, and yeah all the other archives return the same
>>5455405I'll be real, anon. I have no idea how did this happen nor how to fix it. I tried redownloading a bunch of random archives and opening them in other machines and they load fine. So all I can do is wish you luck finding a solution
Thread 2morrow more like thread 4ever
WAKE UP OP IT'S BEEN 10 HOURS
>>5460243NOW SHOW US OUR LOOT
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>5460243give us more lootboxesthere are the only thing that makes happy chemicals anymore
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>5460260your lunch money dweeb
>>5460262OP is blind, what are you talking about
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>5460265What? I can't hear you, I'm deaf
>>5460265Quick, abuse his physical disability to steal all of his valuables and totallynotapaladin™ related merchandise
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>5460265your not blind, you just want an excuse to wear sunglasses inside
>>5460266What a shame. Sorry to hear that. Imma take my leave now
>>5460272What? I said I can't hear you. Eh, I guess we'll just have to kill him.
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>5460272Luke, OP called your Weiner obsession gay
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>5460272Bridge! Use of tractor beam on that loot!
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>5460289To loot
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>5460289GRAB THE GOODIES WE NEED MOAR TEAMMATES
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>5460289loot the loot
>>5460293Dare you open the mystery box
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>5460313with gusto!
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>5460326dice+1d100 for loot
>>5460331Sure. Roll 1d100 for loot80-100: Oh shit a whole ass ship, still intact50-79: Found a wreck, could be salvaged for parts n shit2-49: Found a wreck, too damaged to be salvaged for parts, but you can send somebody inside to loot the remains1: Three fiddy
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>5460333I will simply roll good
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>5460341Deploy salvage drones
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>5460346Deploying drones.Roll 1d100
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>5460353
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>5460353Uh oh
>>5460356>>5460358Salvage drone tech is new and unreliable
>>5460358"Sir. We lost signal of the drones"
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>5460365I guess we have to send every significant person on a loot trip then
>>5460368"Including you, sir?"
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>5460376Yes
>>5460379Alright, this should be simple. No worries
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>5460385Alright men, find anything valuableAnd watch out for space rats
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>5460385what we got
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>5460388Roll 1d100
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>5460393
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>5460393Loot get
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>5460393*RIGGING IN PROGRESS*
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>5460393
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>5460393
>>5460400There! In the darkness of the wreck. A creature lies in wait to ambush you! Luckily your sensors detected it in time, and it has not realized you discovered it yet!
hello anonshow many dice rigged so far?
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>5460409IDENTIFY
>>5460411Dices are never rigged what are you talking about
>>5460412Alright. What's it gonna be this time:A. Space hoboB. Alien BugC. Space Demon D. [insert idea here]
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>5460433D. deranged survivor of the ship's crew
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>5460433>>5460435
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>5460450...victim of Lilly's song?
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>5460450Wave at the insane man.
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>5460457Roll 1d100
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>5460459Hello buddy, how ya holdin' up?
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>5460459"Greetings citizen."
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>5460459"Would you be interested in a career change?"
>>5460462From inside that helmet, inhuman gurgling sounds can be heard.He's confused
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>5460467Oh he's gone savage, talk very slowly "Heeelooo citizeen. I am a operaatooor from the empirrrre"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>5460467A victim of Lilly's singing, I guess
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>5460467Signal the ST-100 to replicate some high quality empire cheese so we can feed this man. Everyone loves good cheese.
Jesas OP you sure took your time, anyway I'm here now.
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>5460475Correct, my new-found acquaintance. This will help restore you back to sanity.
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>5460475It's cheddar flavor.
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>5460476Roll 1d100+10 For the insane survivor
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>5460478Dice rigger.
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>5460480"...em...pire?....KILL EMPIRE! KILLLLLL EMPIREEE!!!!!!"He's gone berserk! Roll 1d100
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>5460484How can I trust you haven't rigged this one too?
>>5460485OP has never rigged anything in any thread ever
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>5460490Use a nonlethal takedown, the most silent type of takedown
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>5460491Time to prod with the prod
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>5460496Stand still so I can prod ya
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>5460496Prod this man for disrespecting the cheese.
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>5460502Looks like this was one of those unlucky sods who heard Lilly's song
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>5460502Secure the rest of the ship, there might be more of them.
>>5460503"That sounds about right. Her songs can hype up the troops into a frenzy. It's only got more effective when she grew into an angsty teenager""Records say that this guy was a rebel prisoner. This was an imperial ship""So this guy must have heard the song, got real hyped about killing Imperials and murderized everyone on board"
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>5460513Huh, don't feel the same with Shotasniffer's wonderful, dazzling song of the heavens.Anyway Joseph how do you feel about two chainsaws
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>5460513Check E(mpire)-bay for Brainwashatron 5000, he could be usefulLike an expendable living missile
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>5460520>>5460516How does it work
>>5460523"I mean. It's pretty simple really. Just press the button and the chainswords go brrrrrrr"
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>5460530Yes, and also how does the Brainwashatron work and how much is it
>>5460534"Just press the button and the Brainwashatron go brrrrrr"
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>5460537You think we can put this down as a business expense?
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>5460540Roll 1d100
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>5460552
>>5460553Approved. You can tell the store to send the Empire the bills
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>5460556Put it in the crazed rebel
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>5460571How does it go
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>5460572Roll 1d100 to make the Brainwashatron go brrrrrrThen we'll see how it goes
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>5460573Brrrrr
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>5460573Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>5460573Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
>>5460576To ensure nobody would exploit the technology but mainly to make people keep buying again to drive up profits, the Brainwashatron programmed to render itself useless after one useBut nevertheless, The procedure goes off without a hitch. This rebel is now completely under your control. Anything you say to him, his mind will translate it as command from Rebel HQ.
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>5460584Is he still completely insane otherwise?
>>5460585Depends. Is that what you want?
>>5460586OP gotta go get something to eat. Figure that one out in the meantime.Be back in like 2 hours
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>5460588That depends, is being RIP AND TEAR awesome?
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>5460588I WANT HIM TO BE EVEN MORE INSANE
Pondering his orb
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>5460661>>5460590>>5460624
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>5460661Make sure the Brainwashatron stabilized the berserker enough that he doesn't go around killing our crew, but keeping him insane enough to use as a shock weapon.
>>5460663Sure. He's still nuts. But he's a nutter under your control
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>5460670Very good. And the ship, is it salvagable?
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>5460671Depends, how confident are you in your dice
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>5460679...have you rigged them?
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>5460679BGaaaaaah
That looks like a rigging to me.
>>5460680>>5460681OP has never rigged anything ever, don't believe anon lies
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>5460686Lets just take the copper wires and sell them then
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>5460686Scrape the data from the nav computer at least.
>>5460688You got some nav data and general materials from the wreck, which can be used to repair your fleet if needed.And some fuel. Always gotta need fuel
>>5460705Okay, now write "Empire wuz here" graphiti on the wreck and get moving
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>5460705Guess we'll jump to the next sector then, find some more ships to steal.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>5460708Also roll funny dice, can't forget that
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>5460705Activate warp drive.
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>5460715Uh oh, we forgot to input coordinates before activating the warp drive.What wacky place will we end up now?
>>5460717OH BOY. Would our heroes be warped to somewhere dangerous? Wacky? Perhaps even stranded on some random planet in a filler arc? Who knoooooooooooows
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>5460722All tthree. Because we are warped to near Lilly's base
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>5460722I don't know either.Dealers choice I guess.
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>5460722Give me a random table so we can roll a whacky dice for a whacky place
>>5460725Roll 2d100. First one is for pickings. Second is gacha result:1-30: Crash land onto a planet31-50: Warped right into the middle of a Rebel Fleet51-70: Accidentally moved 1 sector away from the actual path. Still salvageable71-85: the skeleton crew punched in the correct coordinates before warping, so you traveled normally86-100: Free Pick
Rolled 43, 79 = 122 (2d100)>>5460734
Rolled 63, 84 = 147 (2d100)>>5460734
Impressively mundane results.
>>5460737Huh. Good job skeleton.Now roll Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is in the sector:80-100: oh sweet free stuff40-79: Event20-39: Enemy Encounter10-19: Worse Event2-9: Space Monster1: oh no
Rolled 35, 37 = 72 (2d100)>>5460769Oh shit.
Rolled 9, 56 = 65 (2d100)>>5460769
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>5460769
Rolled 25, 14 = 39 (2d100)>>5460769Ignore my previous post.
>>5460770Ah, a typical rebel squad. Should be sim ple
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>5460793Let's try out our new berserker, get a boarding action going.
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>5460793Open co-"KILL KILL KILL"
>>5460795Down, boy, down
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>5460802It's coming from them, too
>>5460804"EMPIRE DOGS! PREPARE TO BE MURDERIZED! FOR LILLYYYYYYYYYY"
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>5460808Alright, send pod escorted by drones
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>5460808>>5460812>>5460794Gott any way to calm them down, Luke?
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>5460812Sending over the berserker using Breaching PodRoll 1d100The drones gives +30 bonus
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>5460818Awww come on, we just got this one!
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>5460818Uh oh
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>5460818Rigged.
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>5460820THEY TOOK DOWN ONE OF THE PROTECTOR DRONES! YOU HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE! ROLL 1D100+15 Bonus
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>5460837Wow.
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>5460837
>>5460842THE BREACHING POD HITS!
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>5460851Violence.
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>5460856Roll 1d100 for Violence+40 Bonus
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>5460859Fresh meat, ready to become skeletons!
>>5460861"EMPIRE FUCKS!""EMPIRE DOG!"
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>5460878He can't be stopped. Luke, your sister can create unstoppable slaughter simps! Imagine what the Empire could do with such an asset...
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>5460878They all start attacking each other in confusion
>>5460879"Yes....Imagine. You got an idea, agent?"
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>5460886How much do you take for recording a song
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>5460886Worlds of traitors brought to heel, systems who think of themselves as 'independent', conquered once and for all. A Galactic Empire to last for a Thousand Years! It is enough to make a man weep for it's glory! Can you not see the beauty and splendor of such a future, Luke!? Your sister, she is the key to it all. With her Power, the Empire could do... anything!
>>5460888"...I'll have our people get back to you on that later"
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>5460896Also how many sausages do you want>>5460889
>>5460899"Yes, that sounds very nice. But ultimately it'll be up for her to decide. So now, let's just get her back first, then, I dunno, maybe I'll put in a good word for you, eh?"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>5460913Check on mob soldiers who are drinking and clearly not plotting to kill each other
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>5460913You truly are a genorous man, Luke. The Empire thanks you for your kindness. Now, what do you say about boarding a ship and knocking some rebel skulls?
>>5460919"Sure. Is everyone else ready?"
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>5460927Lets fucking go!
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>5460930Roll 1d100+40 bonus
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>5460932MOB KNIGHTS STOP TOUCHING THE RADIO
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>5460932Big damage!
>>5460935"Mob knights? Who the hell are mob knights?""I dunno, sure aint us. We're not knights""Must mean someone else then. Continue playing [Unfitting Music Genre] loudly over the comms"
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>5460955Mob Soldiers search dead bodies for loot
>>5460958"Oh sweet, a trading card"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>5460972Find more trading cards
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>5460972Any Yu-Gi-Oh cards?
>>5460975>>5460980"Yo who the fuck is this?"
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>5460983Looks like a real cool dude.
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>5460983>>5460985Trait: Drunken Fist
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>5460983Time for me to roll the lowest.
>>5460987>>5460985"Increases both attack and defense by 3 if you have at least 1 alcohol token, huh"
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>5460994Must be a rare card of an ancient hero of some kind. Bet he is the strongest one in his whole family.
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>5460994>>5460999QUATTRO YOU'RE NOT EVEN ALLOWED IN THIS GAME
>>5461004Quattro is allowed in every game.
>>5461017>>5460994Man, which we got a Shotasniffer instead
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>5461017"Quattro!? What are you doing here?"
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>5461017>>5461020>>5461023
>>5461023But what ifit was all a dream
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>5461037Continue with looting
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>5461037Oh no, are we back at the Asylum again?
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>5461037WAKE UPIT WAS ALL A DREAM
>>5461040Yes a---h shit it's 3 AM. I gotta sleep now.See ya next session, anons.Updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
OP is once again being the gayest individual on this board.
>>5467252At least he’s consistent?
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>5467261Low quality bread,
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>5467261You’re toast, kid
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>5467261Banana bread?
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>5467271So what about Quattro?
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>5467271Remember what you grandpa told us about such situation
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>5467271Wow, looking baked there, agent
>>5467273"nnngggghhhhhhhh......brrreeeaaaad"A man of a few words
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>5467278Inspiring...right what were we doing?
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>5467278Back to collectathon of trading cards
>>5467280Giving OP all your money of course
Rolled 875 (1d1377)>>5467282Rolling for dubloons given to OP.
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>5467282Please give us the 5 star Shotasniffer card in your booster packs OP
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>5467282I can’t believe OP fell for the monopoly money, now we get free rigging!
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>5467288>>5467284
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>5467288Did we finish taking over the ships yet?
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>5467288Is OP's skull supposed to be caved in like this?
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>5467288Oh no, that looks like it hurt, hopefully his brain damage doesn’t get worse.
>>5467291>>5467293Happens all the time, don't worry. OP's IQ is already as low as it will go.
>>5467289Very well anon. You shall have your 5 Star Shotasniffer card. Being so valuable, it's kept inside this sleek silver case. Don't lose it now
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>5467298WAIT A MINUTETHE CARD INSIDE IS-
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>5467298>>5467300A Five Star Quattro!?
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>5467298>>5467300ULTRA RARE ZEBRA!???!?!?!
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>5467300The quest we were trying to get back to?
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>5467305You take that back, niggerfaggot.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>5467305cue mob soldiers beating up OP while looting
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>5467305Hey OP, this card says you’re a “faget”, I’m sorry you had to be bullied like this.
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>5467305SCAMMED, WE'VE BEEN SCAMMED
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>5467314>>5467308
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>5467314Take the shot, Operator!
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>5467321Ship secured, Mr Operative sir!
>>5467326Another successful mission
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>5467335Time for the fleet to grow.
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>5467336Roll 1d100
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>5467341Uh oh...
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>5467341No uh oh
>>5467343No uh oh indeed. Due to your field agents' excellent boarding actions, you managed to defeat the rebels with minimal damage to their ships. Allowing you to add them to your fleet after some light repairs.Naturally, your ST-100 is still the only one with a stealth field
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>5467352Yes, but now we have a decent sized fleet. We should try and steal a Rebel Battleship next.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>5467352Plug in coordinates and JUMP
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>5467371Did we find a secret block?
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>5467371Wait, did the ship arms come with a legs bundle? Score!
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>5467372Roll 1d100
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>5467375Hmm.
>>5467377And inside. You find.........nav data. Pointing to possible jump points with varying degrees of safety
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>5467381Take the red jump point #2, that has to be the goodest one.
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>5467381Yellow
>>5467383Naturally. Now let's see what we got ourselves into:Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is:95-100: oh sweet free stuff80-94: Event60-79: Enemy Encounter30-59: Worse Event2-29: Space Monster1: oh no
Rolled 8, 27 = 35 (2d100)>>5467387
Rolled 67, 44 = 111 (2d100)>>5467387Hmmm.
Rolled 90, 54 = 144 (2d100)>>5467387oh yes
Rolled 96, 80 = 176 (2d100)>>5467387niggerniggernigger
aaand that's how you fucking do it
>>5467394YO YOU FUCKING HERO!
>>5467394As you arrive into the sector, you find WEIRD FUCKING ROCKS COMING STRAIGHT AT YOUR FLEET OH SHIT
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>5467402TAKE EVASIVE ACTION!
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>5467402>Dodge the rocks and prepare for the regular eventWe got the BETTER event, OP
>>5467406What if the rocks are friendly
>>5467406>OP tries to scam us out of the good rolls againMany such cases.
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>5467406Ah, but you see. This is a red sector. Which means Regular Events can also be bad, unlike the Green or Yellow sectors. OP is not a scammer.Anyway roll 1d100 to take evasive maneuvers
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>5467427Hmmmmmmm.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>5467427>>5467418I say we grab the nerd by the leg when he's not looking and shake him hard until secret event falls out of his pockets
>>5467427I just just remembered we yet have to unlock rerolls. Where the Skill Tree, OP?
>>5467431oh noes the meteors hit your fleet and you all diedoh noooooooooooooooo
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>5467427DODGE
>>5467447Wait, that's now what happened. Lets rewind and I'll tell you what really happened.
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>5467457Okay so like no shit, turns out the rocks were alien vessels and they tried to communicate with us in their alien language.
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>5467457Rolling for alien iq
>>5467459"It just so happens that their language comprised of ramming into things""Wow grandpa, that sounds fucking stupid""You're adopted"
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>5467474>"You're adopted"Cry forever.
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>5467474Your mom’s adopted
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>5467474Tune the lil shit out and get back to reading
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>5467491So what actually happened?
>>5467498Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what actually happened:0-5: The meteors have strange space rocks in them that makes them EXTRA explodey6-45: The meteors actually have alien eggs in them, if they hit any of your ships, the ayys will pour out and attack the crew46-70: The meteors are alien vessels and they were merely driving closer to talk71-80: Same as above except the meteors aren't vessels, they're the actual aliens81-100: [Write your own]
Rolled 9, 25 = 34 (2d100)>>5467510Hmmm.
Rolled 37, 97 = 134 (2d100)>>5467510rigger
>>5467517Looks like we found that Limited Edition 5 Star Shotasmiffer Card, yay
>>5467517Once again, you are the champion of this thread.
>>5467517So what'll be anon
>>5467529I want the 5 star Shotasniffer card. We can use it as a shuriken for stealth kills.
>>5467532NO! IT's MINE!
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>5467538GET THE SECRET SHOTASNIFFER ART FROM THAT FAGGOT!
>>5467538>>5467543*kicks OP in the shin*GIVE IT TO US YOU DESPICABLE CREATURE, I BEAT YOUR SHIT DICE TWICE AND ILL BEAT YOU YOUR ASS IF I HAVE TO AAAAAAAAA
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>5467543Anon used Tackle
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>5467543GIVE US THE FUCKING CARD YOU BASTARD
>>5467552>>5467550Truth is, there were never any meteors. That was a lie Agent No Name wrote in his report. To hide the what they actually found in the sector..."Sir, we've detected another wreckage. The ship itself is unusable but scanners picked up something else in it. A heavily secured case that somehow managed to survive this ship's destruction"
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>5467562No, this isn't right. Look through the 4th wall to search for OP.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>5467562I'll be securing this package myself. Make the Small Ship ready for infilitration.
>>5467567"Right away sir. Sure hope you don't have any ulterior motives"
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>5467568Yes... no ulterior motives at all. No such things indeed.
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>5467571rolling for fuel
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>5467571What's in the ship?
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>5467575better be the card or I'll bring hellfire upon OP's ass
>>5467574>fuelYeah okay, if that's what you want.You use your ship's tractor beam to retrieve the case.It's just a fuel tank
>>5467585That's clearly a sleek silver case, OP.
Just give up the card OP, I has to go sleep. If you comply I won't slander you on Twitter.
>>5467585Of course. That was what Agent No Name told everyone back on the ship.In truth, you found this:
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>5467599Hooo dawg, look at that.
>>5467599NO ONE MUST KNOW.
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>5467599My work here is done. See you all next thread.
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>5467603>>5467607NO ONE. MUST. KNOW.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>5467607>>5467610YESalso the "fuel tank" actually had someone inside it that's another thing
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>5467607Put it back in the case before we stain it
>>5467610"Hey, what's up with Agent No Name?""What do you mean?""Sometimes he scurries off into a corner, mumbling something about his precious or something"
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>5467620>>5467612Anyway, open the "fuel tank"
>>5467624Sure......Later. It will be open later....when I wake up. Cuz I'm really sleepy now. nighty night anonsupdates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>5467630OP sleeps forever
>>5468022OP wakes up with dog cock in his mouth
>>5468484OP wakes up with dog cock in his mouth and his pants down
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>5469335The Operator is immunized against all dangers.
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>5469335act coolact casual
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>5469335ACT SUPERNORMAL ACT SUPERNORMAL ACT SUPERNORMAL
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>5469335How unfortunate that the fuel tank we found was completely empty
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>5469358open the fuel tank
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>5469360Alread spaced it, you have no evidence!
>>5469360"Yeah cap'n, what DID you find anyway?"
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>5469371WE HAVE NO TIME TO ASK FOOLISH QUESTIONS, WE HAVE TO STOP THE CONCERT, REMEMBER!? HELMSMAN, PREPARE TO JUMP TO WARP SPEED POSTHASTE!
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>5469371Oh yknow, stuff
>>5469374"Yes but we have plenty of time during the jump to discuss your findings"
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>5469377What did we find, beside what we definitely did not find
>>5469382Alright agent. Time to bamboozle them. What did you "find" in the case?A. Eh just some fuelB. Useless documentsC. ScrapD. [write-in]
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>5469387A Bobby card.
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>5469388>>5469387A rare Bobby card. Still only a Bobby card though.
>>5469388>>5469391"Who in their right mind would want a Bobby card?""And keep it in a protective case even!"
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>5469398Madmen
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>5469398uuhhh... oh look over their, another card appear out of nowhere.
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>5469398That's what I was thinking, someone must have set this all up as a trap to fool whoever grabbed the fuel tank into thinking they had found a truly rare card!
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>5469400Roll 1f100
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>5469403Or maybe just Bobby
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>5469403DRAW! MONSTA CARDO!
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>5469403It's a 4 star Lily (young) card!
>>5469405"Oh hey a card"
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>5469412It's a Lilly card
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>5469412>>5469413It's a Lilly card (adult) verison
>>5469420Be stunned by its badassery
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>5469422fug
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>5469420Also a map to the Lilly concert
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>5469420Take it so you can do proper strategical analysis so you can better apprehend Lilly when we finally make it to the Rebel base station thingy
>>5469423"Ey Luke. You okay over there?"
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>5469433>>5469430>>5469429
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>5469433It is your precious, do not let them take it away from you!
>>5469435"Oh uh, yes. This are coordinates to the concert. Yes. This will help us getting there. Yes. I'll...hold on to it"
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>5469442Ok just jump to the concert already
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>5469442To the bridge, quickly.
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>5469450And now we are on the bridge.
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>5469460Maximum space jump!
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>5469461(off the bridge)
>>5469461Alright, who wants to roll for encounter
>>5469465Someone with better RNG than me.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>5469465Why not
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>5469465Me! >:)
>>5469467>>5469468>>5469466Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is:95-100: oh sweet free stuff70-94: Event40-69: Enemy Encounter10-39: Worse Event2-9: Space Monster1: oh no
Rolled 55, 82 = 137 (2d100)>>5469470rollan
>>5469473"Sir, one of our ships picked up a distress signal"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>5469483Take a look
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>5469483Did we get the message clearly, or is it one of those garbled ones that lead to certain death?
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>5469486Roll 1d100
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>5469494Hmm.
>>5469496"HELP! WE'RE IMPERIAL OUTPOST 5689-D! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!"
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>5469509Time to earn our imperial paycheck it seems.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>5469509For the Empire! Let's go!
>>5469511Who could be attacking an imperial outpost?! Aliens? Rebels? Alien Rebels?!
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>5469521It's probably rebels. Maybe.
>>5469522Definitely rebels, with your roll
>>5469522Definitely rebels.The outpost' shields won't hold for long
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>5469536Is that a fucking Rebel Battleship!? Board it immediately before they figure out what's going on!
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>5469536Use your "rebel ships" as "reinforcements" for the enemy fleet to ambush them while >>5469540
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>5469542>>5469536Yes, this is the goodest plan.
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>5469536>>5469540>>5469542All of those
>>5469540"Alright captain. Just give the orders"
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>5469553Use our captured rebel ships as cover to get close
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>5469553Bring us up broadside in stealth and prepare the breaching pods. Meanwhile the escorts take position to either capture or destroy the enemy medium ships.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>5469556Roll 1d100
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>5469574oh
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>5469574Keep her steady...
>>5469555>>5469485Get in here and un-rig the dice before OP wins again.
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>5469574On no>>5469577Its been 4 minutes, let my browser update this page
>>5469577>>5469579OP has never rigged any dice ever
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>5469581>roll 100 when selecting enmies>roll 6 when fighting enemiesIt sure does seem like nothing is rigged.
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>5469581Ah well, what happens now?
>>5469582Of course my friend, OP is completely fair and just.Anyway, how did you fail?A. The rebels got a new-fangled radar, ST-100 was detectedB. What rotten luck, one of the rebel's smaller ships accidentally flew into your pathC. Your support ships didn't fool them, whoopsD. They got a battleship-sized mechE. Mob Soldiers accidentally pressed the decloak buttonF. [insert your own shenanigans here]
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>5469589E
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>5469589B, we now have to get the wipers
>>5469590"...? Ah shit dude I accidentally pressed something""What? What does it do then?""I dunno. Probably nothing important"
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>5469598Turns out your sudden appearance made rebels panic
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>5469598Oh well FIRE BROADSIDES, DEPLOY ARMS, FLEET, BOARD
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>5469600>>5469606PANIC! CHAOS AMONGST THE REBEL RANKS AS YOUR SHIP DECLOAKS! BUT BEING FAR ENOUGH AWAY FOR THEM TO FIRE BACK!ROLL 1d100
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>5469610Hmm.
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>5469610
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>5469610
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>5469610Oh bugger
>>5469615Oh bugger indeed
>>5469616"Oh bugger" said the rebel, as his ship is punched
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>5469629Grab the Battleship and initiate forceful entry!
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>5469629Perhaps our cloak can work on other ships while we hold them, and then we can separate, and take them on one at a time by pulling them away while cloaked?
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>5469636Perhaps. Who knows? It's something you'll need to research later.Because another big beam blast is coming straight at the ST-100
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>5469644another rebel ship took the blow
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>5469651We've got a window! Board the enemy battleship!
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>5469654READY THE BREACHING PODS!ROLL 1d100!
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>5469657Big invasion time!
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>5469657
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>5469657
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>5469671Slaughter.
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>5469671Exterminate
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>5469685Quickly, secure the weapon control center so the station doesn't get destroyed!
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>5469686
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>5469685Check their ship out for anything useful.
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>5469686Roll 1d100
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>5469694Roll
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>5469694Aww hell no.
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>5469694Of course there's a boss
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>5469694The weak complain, the strong wincheck this roll
>>5469695>>5469698>>5469700>>5469696Of course there's a boss fightRoll 2d100. First one is for pickings. Second is What kinda boss it is:80-100: One guy in a power suit40-79: 3 guys in a power suit20-39: 1 guy in a power suit but he's hyped up on Lilly's music1-19: 5 guys in power suits but they're hyped up on Lilly's music
Rolled 24, 90 = 114 (2d100)>>5469708
>>5469709"FUCK OFF IMPERIAL DOGS"
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>5469728Shoot the cockpit window for instant victory.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>5469734Roll 1d100
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>5469742Speedrunning this boss
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>5469742Beep boop, it's over.
>>5469748"Good thing I have an HP Bar."
>>5469752Shoot his HP bar
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>5469752Shoot him harder!
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>5469759
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>5469761"wait what"
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>5469773Unleash the Berserker on the Health Bar!
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>5469773Dew it
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>5469788Now when he's distracted, hit him with an Operative Sneak Attack!
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>5469788Run up and smack it...with our own health bar
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>5469790OH SHIT
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>5469798Oh shit indeed.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>5469798That's one risky move
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>5469798OP...c'mon man
>>5469798Is there no one else? S.O.S. we need another roller to get that 4% chance!
>>5469800Aaaand it didn't pay off! He scatters the boarding team with his weapons fire!
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>5469810>>5469789Do the sneak attack.
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>5469810Put away our health bar and try to snipe his missile launcher
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>5469814>>5469819Roll 1d100+10 Stealth
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>5469820Master marksman
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>5469820Hello darkness, my old friend.
Rolled 51 + 10 (1d100 + 10)>>5469820What the shit is this? Check the latest patch I think devs decided to buff this boss
>>5469821I stole OP's die when he wasn't looking>>5469823We did choose the red red path this time. The game knows.
>>5469824The red path is the path to glory! We're about to not only save an Imperial station, but also steal a Rebel battleship. Imagine the amount of possible shenanigans we can have with this, pretending that we're a rebel fleet and then causing havoc in their ranks.
>>5469821"WHAT THE FUCK"He's distracted!
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>5469829Now, pile on this motherfucker!
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>5469829Toss a cable to a crewmate, run forward and trip it's legs!
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>5469829Jump on top of the armor and try to shoot the guy inside
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>5469830Roll 1d100+30 bonus
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>5469848Ladies and gentlemen, we gottem!
>>5469849Motherfucker definitely got piled on
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>5469848thats how imperials get it done
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>5469854He's on his last legs now, finish him!
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>5469862Roll 1d100 to finish him
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>5469867Do not worry soldier, your skills will live on in service of the Empire as one of the Skeleton Elites!
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>5469867Let see who in the power suit.
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>5469867>>5469870Unmask him like Scooby Doo
>>5469870"What are you waiting for, Imperial dog? Finish it"
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>5469878Skeletize him, his combat prowess will serve us well.
>>5469878"Is Imperial dog the only insult you know?"
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>5469885roll
>>5469881"Serving....the empire?......I'll pass"OH MY GOD AGENT, A BOMB
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>5469896Jump away as the explosion goes off just barely dodging itIt will look good on camera
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>5469896SOMEBODY SET US UP THE BOMB!
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>5469896Kick the bomb out the normal window that's on a space ship for some reason
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>5469902>>5469900Roll 1d100
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>5469896Throw him along with the bomb at a group of approaching rebels
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>5469905That's a fast hand
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>5469905Some days you just can't get rid off a bomb.
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>5469905Intimidate the bomb from exploding
>>5469909At the last moment, you did several backflips away from the explosion. Looking super cool And OP gotta sleep now. See you all next thred. updates b here:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>5469937I will urinate in your honor OP.
>>5469937>>5471009I will also urinate. An entire jar of human excrement will await OP upon his return.
Press p to pee for OP
I have 2 full piss bottles, where is OP
When is bread?
>>5474762Oooh, very nice.