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Oh shit nigga! You are Agent No Name. You are a faceless Galactic Empire Operative. The crown princess has been captured by the rebels!
While the imperial navy launches a frontal assault, your mission is to sneak through the battle lines, find out where the princess is and extract her.
Aboard your customized STEALTH battleship ST-100, you have gathered a literal skeleton crew and 3 more field agents to assist you on this mission.

You have just taken down another rebel ship and is now on your way to the next sector in pursuit of the princess.

shieeeeeeeeeet
>>
awww shieeeet nigga I'm agent No Name. When is this battle starting?
>>
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>>5421634
Well the actual war's happening alllll the way over sector fivehundredthingamajig. Don't need to worry about that.

For now
>>
>>5421642
Should we check our emails?
>>
>>5421642
Let's take another look at our recently acquired loot
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5421642
It really would be a shame if a huge wormhole the size and shape of Texas were to show up and instantly transport us across space and time into the thick of a interplanetary battle between two space naval fleets,

Wouldn't that be just so wacky?
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5421642
let's go, plot a course and jump to the next sector
>>
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>>5421656
Plotting course to next sector
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5421673
GREENGREENGREENGREENGREEN
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5421673
Green
>>
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>>5421675
Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is:
80-100: oh sweet free stuff
40-79: Event
20-39: Enemy Encounter
10-19: Worse Event
2-9: Space Monster
1: oh no
>>
Rolled 91, 18 = 109 (2d100)

>>5421681
Lets roll shit
>>
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>>5421682
>>
Rolled 88, 55 = 143 (2d100)

>>5421681
Fuuuuuuuu-
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5421681
Rollen
>>5421682
Gustaf? Is that you?
>>
>>5421688
Eeeeh.
>>
>>5421684
GAAAAAAAAAAAAA THERE IS A FUCKING BALL THERE SHOOT SHOOT IT NOW AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
>>5421690
How about you roll anon?
>>
Rolled 34, 13 = 47 (2d100)

>>5421681
>>
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WARNING WARNING: ENGINE FAILURE
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5421696
QUICKLY PRESS THE BRIGHTEST BUTTONS WE CAN FIND, THAT SHOULD FIX IT... I THINK.
>>
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>>5421696
Crew skill issue
We must descend to the engine block with haste
>>
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>>5421697
Pressing the brightest button on the screen....orders the maintenance crew to take care of it. In the mean time, the ship will be unable to move until the problem, whatever it is, is fixed
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5421700
Damn, shoot a message to the engineers and ask them what the fuck happened? Are they going on strike for raises or something? Maybe we should make a quick prayer to space Cthulhu for luck.
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5421700
Great, now go into cryopod and sleep until whatever it is, is it's fixed
>>
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>>5421704
Sadly you didn't splurge on getting a fancy cryopod during character creation
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5421704
Oversee the repairs to make sure the engine doesn't go boom.
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5421710
Lets just go and shoot it
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>5421710
Go down to engineering and see what went wrong with the engine.

I swear to god if the engineers are on strike again, I'm gonna lose it.

They always complain about how they can't feed their families, like bro, just eat.
>>
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>>5421710
FUCK
literally unplayable
>>
>>5421713
Are you planning on shooting the engine core until it works?
>>
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>>5421713
How can you shoot a cryopod that you don't even own? C'mon anon get real
>>
>>5421710
Let's socialize with our fellow named characters
>>
>>5421723
Shoot OP instead
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>5421723
No, its time to get fake, like this rebellion's ideals!
Go and see what went wrong with the engine!
>>
>>5421720
Yeah, kinetic power and all that
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>5421723
Check the engine yourself
>>
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>>5421731
The crew you sent down there hasn't respond either, better go check it out then
>>
>>5421737
press that button harder so the elebator arrives better, faster
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5421737
Gun at the ready
Helmet on frowny face mode
Portable Joseph, deployed
>>
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Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5421740
For seemingly no reason.

Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5421750
Damn
>>
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Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5421750
Ah shit, here we go again.
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5421750
don't tell me that one of the crew ate alien eggs and the engine room is now a xeno hive...
>>
>>5421755
Could be worse, could be adeptus mechanicus trying to free the engine.
>>
>>5421759
The engine spirit is not amused!
>>
>>5421755
Also our crewmates don't have stomachs
>>
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>>5421753
"Oh hey chief. Yeah we found out what the problem was. The ship got infected with a rare species of space critter. It managed to chew through some of the engine room's systems, hence the failures. But don't worry, we managed to hunt it down and contain it before it could properly feed and make a whole hive down here. Who knows what problems could it cause by then!"
>>
Rolled 49, 90 = 139 (2d100)

>>5421772
Good work, sailor. Best send down the marines to scour the ship proper to make sure this is actually the case.
>>
>>5421772
Insist on checking if it's really the case.
>>
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>>5421777
You send down the closest equivalent you have to Imperial Spess Marines: your 2 field agents Joseph and Luke
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>5421786
Cool. While they do that, lets shoot that thing out of the airlock and be done with it.
>>
>>5421786
Burn the alien and then throw it into the sun.
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5421786
Oh, and do please send our little stowaway to R&D as soon as possible. If this one little guy could cause us this much trouble in so little time, *Get up close to the container and tap on the glass* imagine it’ll do to those trash buckets of rebel ships.
>>
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>>5421788
See ya, strange space critter
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5421804
…What is the possibility that we could tame the beast?
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>5421804
PRESS THE BUTTON

KILL IT

XENO SCUM
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5421804
Wait a second, we didn't stop at any planet recently, how did this thing get on board? It must be capable of surviving and traveling through space, and chewing through our hull, right? Make sure it's dead before we shoot it out the airlock, or it might just come back.
>>
>>5421808
But anon! What about bio warfare? Using Xenomorths? Making a good soup?!
>>
>>5421815
MANKIND NEEDS NO FILTHY XENOS HELP TO KILL.
>>
>>5421819
Can we at least save it until we get to a rebel planet, then torpedo it to it?!
>>
>>5421821
IT'S TOO DANGEROUS TO BE LEFT ALIVE.

KILL IT NOW, ONE LESS XENO IN THE UNIVERSE.
>>
>>5421824
but you might not be killing it by shoving it out the airlock, we should kill it properly...
>>
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>>5421808
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5421828
Good riddance, tell someone on the bridge to fire a torpedo at it. Blow it the fuck up to kingdom come.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5421828
now shoot it with the Battleship Guns

>>5421832
bro can you stop hogging the high rolls holy crap
>>
>>5421825
I am correcting this error on my part...
>>
>>5421833
The dice gods hate xenos too, I am the vessel for their concentrated hatred apparently.
>>
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>>5421832
"An entire torpedo? Isn't that a bit wasteful?"

"Can't we shoot it with a beam or something"
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5421839
We have guns, use those instead.
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5421839
No, only a torpedo is a fit enough weapon to kill something this vile.

EXECUTE THE COMMAND.
>>
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>>5421841
"Pssst...would this be a good time to remind him that we didn't get any space torpedoes during character creation?"

"Eh. Just load up a high explosive shell in the ship cannon, he won't be able to tell"
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5421848
KABOOM
>>
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Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5421850
pssshheeeewwwww
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5421855
GLORY TO MANKIND.

DEATH TO XENOS.
>>
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>>5421859
>>
>>5421863
Excellent work team, xeno annihilated. Ship secure. Glory attained.

Lets see how Joseph and Luke and doing on their end of things, no more xenos I hope?
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5421863
>>5421865
Forgot roll lel.
>>
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Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5421866
Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is against my roll
>>
Rolled 20, 25 = 45 (2d100)

>>5421868
wow these alien bugs suck
>>
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>>5421869
"All good, boss. Did a clean sweep of everything and burned all remaining traces of bug DNA. It won't bother us anymore"
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5421874
Sick, let's repair this engine and get out of here
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5421874
Good work team, as a reward you get an extra cup of pudding each to eat during lunch hour at the cafeteria.

Engineers how are the repairs coming?
>>
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>>5421876
>>5421877
Repairs should be done soon. About when....OP wakes up. It is now 5 AM. I gotta go.

Thread continues in like, iunno, 10 hours or something. Maybe more
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5421879
I roll to give OP good dreams.
>>
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>>5421880
>>
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>>5421868
Joseph is too cool for OP's shit dice. I wish we were cool like Joseph.
>>5421879
Goodnight, OP. You better not be sleeping in our stolen cryopod.
>>
>>5421879
Why does brother look like he just finished taking a fat piss in the fire?
>>
>>5422413
Judging by the smoke there may have been a fire, so draw your own conclusions.
>>
>>5422824
Already have.
Has anyone seen OP?
>>
>>5422825
OP is a sleepy boi, let him RIP for a while.
>>
Once again we are cucked out of adventure due to OP's faggotry.
>>
Too busy with xeno dick to run gamae. Classic OP.
>>
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>>
>>5424011
Back from the dead, OP?
>Continue gaem
>>
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>>5424015
AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT
>>
>>5424018
Eat it, Skeletons are an excellent source of calcium.
>>
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>>5424021
Oh shit
>>
>>5424023
Do not the gun, Guns are an excellent source of Lead and Death.
>>
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>>5424025
do not what now
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5424026
do not delay the quest any longer you lazy fuck, continue where we left off
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5424026
Offer the skeleton a bridge position. Perhaps security? If things go wrong, they don't have to worry about hull punctures from the gun.
>>
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>>5424029
Right of course. You have successfully jettisoned the offending space critter and engine repairs are underway.

Surely nothing can go wrong
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5424037
Of course. Go play on skullstation while we wait for repairs.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5424037
If nothing can go wrong then play some good music
>>
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Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5424046
Roll 1d100 against your music player
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5424054
Play some glorious Empire music
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5424054
Play some soothing music (the nerfed version)
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5424054
soothing glorious empire music
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

I missed like few threads, there is still no Quattro?
>>5424037
>>5424046
something classic like
https://youtu.be/2spDRJN1s9E?t=26
>>
>>5424061
Dicegod appreciates goshogun
>>
>>5424061
Quattro is a myth
>>
>>5424065
A myth, a legend.
What a guy
>>
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>>5424056
>>5424057
>>5424059
>>5424061
Nothing like good ol' Empire music to fill you with patriotic fervor.

Fill in the blanks yourself for what constitutes as Empire Music.

Personally i go for this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KysITV4t5E
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>5424069
since it's too patriotic, everyone drops their job and stands with salute to appreciate the hymn.
>>
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>>5424070
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5424069
The song does such a good job at inspiring everyone that efficiency goes up 70%
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5424074
30 minutes later everyone with renewed patriotism gets back to work.
Also your lunch is done too.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5424074
UH OH, LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE JUST CHALLANGED UD TO A RAP BATTLE
>>
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>>5424076
Luke made you a hotdog
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>5424081
He made everyone hotdogs.
Without any vegetables
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5424081
Hotdogs are an excellent source of protein, Enjoy the hotdog.
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5424081
Needs ketchup. Let's get some.
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>5424081
Add some ketchup then realize we are wearing a helmet and cant eat it.
>>
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>>5424088
Don't be silly. All Imperial Operatives are trained in the ancient art of eating through a helmet
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5424090
>>5424084
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5424090
Well then, do it. EAT THE DOG.
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5424090
consume hotdogs with gusto
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5424090
>>5424091
It's true. We unhinge our jaw like so and thennn....
>>
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>>5424091
The less veggies there are, the more the crew can enjoy Luke's juicy sausage
>>
>>5424097
"Wait, how do the three of you eat with your mask on?"
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5424097
>>5424101
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5424097
>>5424101
what mask
>>
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much apolagogies. i uh, gotta go now, work shit, will continue bread when....iunno, when i can
>>
>>5424128
good luck with your gulag shift, OP
>>
>>5424128
*muah*
>>
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>>5424128
It's ok OP, I still love you.
>>
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>>5424111
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>5425232
Finish the sausages in one synchronized bite.
>>
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>>5425234
>>
>>5425239
Now paint a smiley face on the visor of helmet.
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5425239
With Patriotism running through our veins after listening to Imperial Music, we head down to the prisoner cells to convert the captive rebels to loyal Imperial skeleton soldiers. Our crew must grow with more skeletons.
>>
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>>5425242
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5425244
>>5425245
>>
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>>5425249
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5425245
>>5425244
Quick, get the brainwashing music, the one with that famous idol!
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5425250
>>5425251
>>
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>>5425252
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>5425256
Begin the brainwashing process. 70% effectiveness to start with.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5425256
>>5425260
Warning: may turn any men being brainwashed into simps who would buy idol merch
>>
>>5425264
But that's something most of crew do, so it's all fine.
>>
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Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5425260
>>5425264
Surely nothing can go wrong.

Roll 1d100

+70 bonus
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5425268
Guaranteed success. Rebels have been converted.
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>5425268
One song later..
"Uh guys, why are you searching for Shotasniffer bathwater"
>>
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>>5425270
>>5425271
New crew members acquired
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5425282
Salute him back. Welcome to the crew, soldier. Now check with engineering on how those repairs are going.
>>
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Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5425284
Roll 1d100 for engine repairs
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5425294
Hmm.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5425294
We are clearly doing engine repairs and not searching for idol pics
>>
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>>5425296
"Sorry chief, it ain't done yet. But I'm sure we'll be ready soon"

Surely nothing can go wrong in the mean time.

Who wants to roll for it
>>
>>5425307
We'll be 'aight. What's the worst that could happen?
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5425307
Talk to someone
>>
>>5425310
Or flash signs as the case may be
>>
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>>5425308
Indeeed

Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is:
70-100: oh sweet nothing happens
40-69: A rebel ship catches up to you
10-39: A rebel squad catches up to you
5-9: A small rebel fleet catches up to you
1-4: Space Monster
>>
test
>>
Rolled 22, 41 = 63 (2d100)

>>5425312
>>
Rolled 88, 38 = 126 (2d100)

>>5425312
Nothing bad will happen.
>>
>>5425319
Little did he know that something bad would indeed happen.
>>
>>5425319
>canned laughter
>>
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>>5425319
"Captain! Sensors indicate that 5 hostile ships are warping in to this sector!"
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5425324
Battlestations, men. Prepare the small stealth ship for infiltration, boot up the combat drones and redirect power to the gun turrets.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5425324
Shoot them, or something
>>
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Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5425332
Of course. Of course. Battlestations.

Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5425345
Hmm.
>>
>>5425345
*epic battleship noises*
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5425352
>>
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Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>5425348
You crippled one of them! They're gonna fire back! Roll 1d100!
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5425354
What the fuck is this dice rigging?
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5425354
A fuck
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5425354
Rig harder!
>>
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>>5425357
There is no rigging in Spess Quest Thing
>>
>>5425368
Dang, hull status?
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5425368
Launch the Drone Craft!
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5425368
Shoot back more! Make them fear the battleship!
>>
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Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5425370
Drones engaged! Roll 1d100!

+30 bonus
>>
Rolled 89 + 30 (1d100 + 30)

>>5425379
DRONES, FOCUS FIRE ON THEIR ENGINES.
THEY CANT ATTACK US IF WE LEAVE THEM IN THE DUST!!
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>5425379
Anti-rigging fields engaged
>>
>>5425381
This is the based solution, with their engines crippled we can board them and take them for ourselves.
>>
>>5425381
But our engines are still out…
>>
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>>5425381
You managed to cripple 3 of them!

OH SHIT ONE OF THEM MADE IT THROUGH
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5425400
Use the guns on them.
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5425400
Concentrate fire on their Starboard bow!
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5425400
Grab it with the ship hands and throw it at the other ships!
>>
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Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5425403
Roll 1d100 to blast it to kingdom come
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5425416
The Empire prevails!
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5425416
Not even close
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5425416
Fire the laser!
>>
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>>5425417
>>
>>5425424
Now fire the disco lazor
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5425424
Prepare to board the disabled rebel ships. We have a lot of new crew members to induct today, it seems.
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5425424
activate video communications and tell the surviving rebel ships to surrender and prepare to be boarded.
>>
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Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5425430
Their engines are down but they're not out! Watchout for the missile barrage!
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5425439
Reroute all power from weapons to shields! Maximum forcefield output!
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5425439
!
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5425439
Use the guns for CIWS
>>
>>5425418
>>5425429
Get in here niggers, we need a good roll.
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5425439
INTENSIFY FORWARD FIREPOWER!
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5425439
Good thing our rigging field is on to make them miss. I mean, they’re called MISSiles. If you want to hit anything in space, everyone knows you have to use guns or torpedoes. Idiots.
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5425439
Fuck these missiles
>>
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There is no dice rigging in OP's threads
>>
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>>5425454
>op ignores winning dice in favour of bad dice
Historical Revisionism
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5425454
Engineering, Damage report!
>>
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>>5425459
I have no idea what you are talking about
>>
>>5425462
How many times do we have to teach you this lesson old man?
>>
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>>5425459
There are no good dice in Ba singe se...
>>
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>>5425462
I will report you to the gulag jannies for this violation, OP.
>>
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>>5425464
>>5425468
hush anons. there is no rigged dice here. you are safe. now turn your attention back to the qst and not this briefcase of little importance
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5425471
Kill OP and steal his dice. Then we can go back to the quest.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>5425471
Snipe the handles off the briefcase
>>
>>5425471
Non rigged dice? Wait a second… whete did these dice we’re rolling with come from? Could it be that OP has the only non rigged dice? HAND OVER THE DICE OP
>>
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Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5425474
Surely now the dice are more reasonable. Especially since you're gonna try to board the disabled ships
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5425479
Yes yes ofcourse
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5425479
It seems unlikely, but we'll give it a shot.
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>5425479
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>5425479
I'm keeping an eye on you, trickster. Don't you forget that.
>>
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>>5425483
Damn, their defenses are still up! You can't get close to 'em!
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5425487
Shoot their defenses
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5425487
Pull back to a safe distance and open comms. Put them on screen and attempt to negotiate their surrender.
>>
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Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5425492
Roll for it
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5425497
No
>>
Rolled 432 (1d1000)

>>5425497
Ah yes let me just grab my dice.
>>
>>5425499
Oh wow look at that, a super crit.
>>
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>>5425499
oh noooooo its shield deflected your shot into your dice oh noooooooo
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5425515
This is taking too long, just blow up these rebel scum, we have enough crew
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5425515
Use the drone fighters to disable the enemy defenses.
>>
>>5425516
Nah man, if we can secure these ships we can repair like one or two of them and have a little escort fleet. It'll be great, trust me.
>>
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Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5425516
Surely the dice has stopped being fickle
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5425521
For the Space Empire!
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>5425521
Can we win anything today?
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5425521
Why wasn’t that gun already facing them? Which skeleton was asleep at the controls?!?
>>
>>5425521
OP… did you give us the fake non rigged dice?
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5425521
JUST GIVE UP OP, YOU CAN'T RIG ALL THE DICE
>>
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>>5425526
"Sorry captain, that was only a glancing shot"
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>5425530
Right, try the drones. If we can just disable their close range defenses their ships will be ours.
>>
>>5425530
Actually if you look closer on the screen, you can see >>5425529. That is what we refer to as "confirmed kill".
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5425530
I purchas 20 800 mm cannons and you can only score glancing shots on a frigate?!? What do I pay you for?!?
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5425530
Fucking
Grab 'em
>>
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>>5425532
Of course. The shot glanced off one of the ships. Then hitting the one right behind it
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5425541
Ehhh it was probably rebel held anyways
Grab the ships, they are within range! I assume
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5425542
>>5425541
This is good plan, grab 'em and pull them close so we can board them.
>>
>>5425543
I was thinking making ships kiss
>>
>>5425541
Make the ships kiss like >>5425544 said
>>
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Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5425542
Ship arms deployed

"what the fuck"
>>
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>>5425544
That sounds like something a lesbian would say.
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5425549
HERE COMES A GIANT FIST!
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5425549
C'mere
>>5425551
I assure you I am homophobic
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5425549
>16
Finally something we could possibly beat.
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5425549
time for even more what the fuck. start the ship kissing
>>
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>>5425554
>>
>>5425562
Now shake all the loot out of them
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>5425562
Now, penetrate them with the whole squad. Joseph and the Dragon Witch take one ship with half the skellies, while we take Luke and the other half of the skellies to the other.
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>5425562
Waste of budget they said, too expensive they claimed, impractical they brayed...hehehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHA, WHO IS LAUGHING NOW YOU SPINELESS BUREAUCRATS AND WANNABE GENERALS, HUH!?
>>
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>>5425570
It's almost 4AM, I gotta sleep now. We'll continue the ship boarding next time. Whenever that is.

updates b here, yadda yadda: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
>>5425580
oh shit, op actually remembered to post the twatter
>>
And OP was never seen again. The End.
>>
>>5429806
RIP
>>
>>5429806
He was a good man, what a rotten way to die
>>
>>5429806
>>5429936
I cri evrytim
>>
>>5429936
Wat happun
>>
>>5429976
He died of cringe after not updating for several days
>>
Every time I come to QST notapaladin is here, even if I haven't visited in years,. Truly the hardest working drawquester in the world. Thank you for all you do for these kids. I see u dropped the hard R in ur intro XD. U have softened, jk. Keep on brother.
>>
>>5430123
I thought he got ligma
>>5430492
>kids
ok daddy
>>
YOU'RE FOUR HOURS PAST YOUR DEADLINE OP!
>>
>>5430512
<3
>>
OP died from crineg overdose.
>>
>fresh bread delivered in the morning
don't disappoint, op
>>
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it is time
>>
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boo
>>
>>5432602
!
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5432602
Oh no Greg cameo
>>
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>>5432607
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5432608
What are Greg's thought about Luke in Space?
>>
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>>5432609
"Well --"

To hear Greg's thoughts, buy the Greg DLC, only 599 on the Skeleton Store
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5432610
Oh come on, you fuck are already making billions from the Shotasniffer cameo
>>
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>>5432611
Yes. But what if....we make even more
>>
Rolled 573 (1d1198)

>>5432610
>>5432613
rollan for my wallet's health
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5432613
Everyone cheers except the women.
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5432613
The Empire benifits greatly from Shotasniffer merchandies
>>
>>5432615
>573
Too bad, thanks anyway for your money
>>
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>>5432615
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5432621
>>5432618
>>5432616
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5432621
With all of Anons cash siphoned away we have enough money to continue the quest.
>>
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>>5432621
Enough fucking around OP, hand over the bread or your IP enters public domain
>>
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>>5432622
>>5432623
>>5432625
Right right. Anyway. Boarding the rebel ships. Yes.
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>5432627
How's the progress?
>>
>>5432627
Send Joseph in there
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5432627
FLASHBANG!
>>
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Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5432631
Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5432634
Get 'er done!
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5432634
IS THAT A EXTRA-STRENGTH FLASHBANG HE'S GOT IN HIS HAND?
>>
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>>5432635
FLASH!
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5432634
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5432639
GO! GO! GO!
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5432639
wow, now make it all black cus we blind
>>
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>>5432642
Luke does a stabbo
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5432652
There is the door to the bridge. Gentlemen, prepare to breach.
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5432652
PREPARE THE BREACHING CHARGES!
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>5432652
Any luck with finding clues about both princesses?
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5432652
Bazooka the bridge door
>>
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Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>5432657
Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5432662
Get 'er done.
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5432662
BOOM
>>
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Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5432664
"THEY'VE BREACHED THE BRIDGE!"

"OPEN FIRE!"

Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5432670
PEW PEW MOTHERTRUCKA
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5432670
Pick a God and pray to them for mercy, Rebel Scum.
>>
>>5432670
Why won't they just surrender
>>
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>>5432676
"2XXX, PRAYING TO GOD"

"IMPLYIN---"
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>5432693
Clean up and secure the bridge. Time to get a new ship for our new fleet.
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5432693
Check the terminal to identify who these faggots were and claim a potential monetary reward for their heads
>>
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>>5432697
With that done. Let's see how the other squad is doing
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5432709
They're doing great!
>>
>>5432709
Bewitching
>>
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>>5432710
>>
>>5432714
All the budget for the fight went to the Dragon Witch burning down everyone
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5432714
>>5432715
>>
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>>5432716
>>5432715
You know what that means anon. Hand over your wallet
>>
>>5432717
Stop using MC as your OC to threaten us. Your fat ass couldn't even extort a rent from grandma.
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5432717
Y-You're going to spend it on the production r-right. N-not idol merch?
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5432717
No, please. I have bread I need to purchase.
>>
>>5432720
MC No Name is clearly using the money to fund his propaganda film
>>
>>5432723
MC needs no money for propaganda, he's fully government funded.
>>
>>5432726
Consider it your quest tax then
>>
>>5432728
no u
you pay now
>>
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>>5432721
Of course not
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5432730
Get back to rebels not wanting to harm a girl because they're weenies
>>
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>>5432731
"Damnit Johnson! Stop being such a weenie!"

"my bad"
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>5432733
Quickly, Dragon Punch them when they're distracted
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>5432733
Roast the sausage man
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>5432733
GO BACK TO WEENIE HUT JR'S JOHNSON!
>>
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>>5432735
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5432737
So when are we getting rewards
>>
>>5432737
he died doing what he loved
>>
>>5432737
Send the wiener back to the ship, it's three weeks too far from Space Oktoberfest for him to be of any use to us now
>>
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>>5432740
You commandeered 2 rebel ships. What more do you need. so greedy. damn kids these days i swear
>>
>>5432745
WE DEMAND GACHA LOOT!
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5432745
Can we Necromance the dead Rebels at least? We need crew to man our new ships.
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5432745
GACHA GACHA GACHA
guys roll 1d100 for your posts to be chosen
>>
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Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5432749
Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5432752
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>5432752
Hmm.
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5432752
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5432752
>>
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>>5432754
>>
>>5432764
How are we going to feed all these boners
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5432764
Excellent. The Empire welcomes you, soldiers. Now get to work repairing all three of our ships.
>>
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>>5432766
And so your fleet grows. But only the ST-100 has a cloak tho, so keep that in mind.

With this dealt with, the sector is secured and you can leave as soon as repairs are finished.

And OP gotta leave now too cuz of...some shit. Yeah. Bread continues when it continues. Toodles

https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
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The tomorrow that never comes.
>>
OP never fails to disappoint us.
>>
Guys he said 2(TWO)morrows he's going to be on time
>>
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>>5438367
>(two)morrow(ind)s
>morrowind was the 3rd tes game
>2x3=6
>next installment in the elder scrolls franchise will be the 6th
G-GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, TODD!!!
>>
>>5438393
you know too much
>>
the joke is on us for always expecting OP to be on time
>>
OPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>
Is your OP a faggot? It is more likely than you think! 7 typical signs that your OP likes to pleasure several men at once (#4 will surprise you!!!).
>>
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Yeah! Fuck OP! What an asshole!
>>
>>5438899
Fuck OP! All my homies hate OP!

Wait a second... that is a pretty cool stash man, do you use an ointment to grow it out or something?
>>
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>>5438905
>>
>>5438908
Ah coool, I knew it. Let me just feel it, so I get have a frame of reference for my own mustache.
>>
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>>5438912
>>
>>5438917
Squeeze the not!OP
>>
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>>5438921
GASP!
>>
>>5438924
What the fuck? Where did the Totally Not OP go?
>>
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>>5438925
In your distress over the whereabouts of Totally not OP, you accidentally squeezed OP too hard. Now he's dead and the thread is cancelled
>>
>>5438928
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nkArdZIKX0
Grab a shovel.
>>
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>>5438930
OP's grave has been defiled
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5438932
Its okay, I'll just slip this one dollar bill in his...mouth?
>>
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>>5438933
The less you think about OP's anatomy the better
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5438934
Right, back to the quest. Quick rundown on the capabilities of our new ships.
>>
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>>5438935
"They're run-of-the-mill rebel ships, boss. Being medium sized means they have no overt weakness nor strengths. But none of them have cloaking system like the ST-100, which would affect the fleet's overall stealth capabilities but we can trick enemies into thinking our fleet only have 2 medium ships in it."
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5438944
Righto. Lets promote two skeletons to named Captains then.
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5438944
Who were this ships old captains? I wanna meet them.
>>
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Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5438947
"Ah, yes..."

Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5438950
Hmmm.
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5438950
>>
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>>5438957
"Here they are, boss. Part of the raised skeleton crew"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5438958
What are your names gentlemen?
>>
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>>5438959
[Insert name here]
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>5438964
Nice to meet you, Captains “[Insert name” and “here]”, let’s go rescue a princess
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5438964
Constantine and Lorenzo, at your service sir.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5438964
No, you are now Empire McRocks and Gloryto Empirerovich
>>
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>>5438969
"Empire McRocks and Gloryto Empireovich, at your service"
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5438972
Lets go save the princess! your ships can follow us.
>>
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>>5438975
With that sorted and repairs done, you can now move to the next sector
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>5438986
As Luke if he knows which path leads to his kidnapped sister.
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5438986
Green

>>5438987
We already know the location of the princess
>>
>>5438988
The princess is not Lukes sister.
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5438986
GREEN
>>
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>>5438987
"Fortunately, the ships we captured had the intel I need, the ones who kidnapped my sister are also helping the rebels. And the trail points to...."

Roll 1d100, highest gets picked:

Odds: ".....the same place your princess is taken to, Rebel HQ."
Evens: "....a secret space station, in the same direction of Rebel HQ, but naturally not in the same sector."

"....Also the green path is generally the safest but slower. Red's more risky but would get us there faster"
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>5439007
!
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5439007
Hmmm...what about yellow?
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5439007
GREEN
>>
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>>5439008
Of course. His sister is being held at a different base than the princess. This also means the rebels have another party allied with them.
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5439013
Lets head down the green path then. We need to find intel on this new faction.
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5439013
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
>>
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>>5439019
Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is:
80-100: oh sweet free stuff
40-79: Event
20-39: Enemy Encounter
10-19: Worse Event
2-9: Space Monster
1: oh no
>>
Rolled 94, 77 = 171 (2d100)

>>5439021
OH YES
>>
Rolled 73, 100 = 173 (2d100)

>>5439021
Free stuff?
>>
Rolled 100, 58 = 158 (2d100)

>>5439021
>>
Rolled 36, 22 = 58 (2d100)

>>5439021
gotta go for that second 100
>>
Rolled 49, 25 = 74 (2d100)

>>5439021
>>
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>>5439027
Entering the sector, you encounter some xenos. They don't seem to be hostile
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5439035
Send them a pamphlet offering citizenship within the Empire
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>5439035
They ain't hostile, we ain't hostile. It all works out. Plot travel to the next sector.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5439035
xenos?
Xenos?!
XENOS??!!
FUCKING XENOS???!!!!

FUCKING RAMMING SPEED AND SPLATTER THOSE FUKINGGG XENOS SCUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>5439035
Wave at them with our ship hands
>>
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Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5439039
Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5439042
lmaoooo
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>5439042
Hmmm.
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>5439042
FIRE THE LASERS
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5439043
+1
>>
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>>5439045
Grateful for your friendliness, the ayys beams some supplies to you and went on their way
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5439056
Cool, let’s continue
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5439035
Based xenos in their based saucer. Wave at them.
>>
>>5439060
ignore this i forgot to scroll
>>
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>>5439057
Jumping to next sector. If all of your jumps turned out like that one, this would be smooth sailing

Fucking Captcha ate my post
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>5439066
Hm, that's strange. The space radar is picking up a slight disturbance blip up ahead, I wonder what that could be...
>>
>>5439066
What's the % chance for xenos spawning as sexy avatar babes in this game?
>>
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>>5439069
AND THAT IS......

Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is the spess radar detected:

81-100: A huge wreckage
50-80: This non-empire sector is having a space war of its own
20-49: A rebel fleet!
2-19: A rebel fleet fighting a space monster!
1: Space monster fleet
>>
Rolled 50, 4 = 54 (2d100)

>>5439073
>space monster fleet
>>
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>>5439079
Aaaaa shieeet


....And we'll deal with it later. When thread continues. Since it's 4AM and OP gotta pass out now. See ya
>>
Rolled 54, 51 = 105 (2d100)

>>5439092
Looks like a job for Joseph.
>>
>>5439092
Yo shit that's a space dragon! You think the Dragon Witch can commune with it using her dragon magicks?
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5439092
Ah, a giant space monster is fighting against the rebel fleet. That is very cool.

See if dragon witch has anything to say.
>>
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>>
>>5440402
This is operative bread.
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>5440402
Operative, this is no time for bread hiding, Emperor expects his bingo updates
And the princess I guess but he said you can say it later
>>
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>>5440404
Oh shit it's your cousin! Agent baguette
>>
>>5440407
Wait, he's blue!
>>
>>5440407
Where's Cousin Croissant?
>>
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>>5440408
WHICH MEANS HE'S AN ENEMY!
>>
>>5440416
le gasp!
And then we wake up
>>
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>>5440417
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5440423
What an odd dream. Anyway, time to fire lasers indiscriminately.
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5440423
We gotta call our cousin and ask him if he's still loyal! Bedtime propaganda skeleton! Dial him up!
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>5440423
Right, so the rebels are fighting a giant space dragon. Get the Dragon Witch in here, maybe she can communicate with the Dragon and see if it needs our aid.
>>
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>>5440426
"Hnnnnggghhhyeeeesssssssss. Mighty space dragon. So majestic. So regal."
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5440434
Tell it to...keep doing what it is doing right now really and uhhh....wreak havoc on rebel planets and stations, ones that are not ours that is, like, ones we just captured
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5440434
Witch, focus. You can drool over the Dragons in your risque magazines later. Right now we need you to do some magic and speak with the Dragon.
>>
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Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5440435
Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5440446
But also tell it to leave that one ship alone on the right, our fleet needs to grow.
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5440446
Right...
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5440446
DRAGON
>>
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>>5440448
"The dragon heeds my words. It will not target us"
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5440460
Very well then, lets crack some rebel skulls then. Attack the left flank and prepare to board the isolated vessel.
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>5440460
Alright...cool...get the popcorn and enjoy the show
>>
>>5440460
Open fire on the enemy ships that are fighting the dragon.
>>
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Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5440464
Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5440482
Death?
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5440482
Are you fucking serious right now
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>5440482
I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD'VE LET DRAGON DO ITS THING
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>5440482
oh no
>>
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>>5440491
The Rebel Operative manifests himself into the ship and slaps your head off.

RIP
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5440495
Well shit, game over then. Guess it's time for Skeleton Island 3.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>5440495
play sad trumpet as you put it back on
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5440495
new poll when?
>>
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>>5440497
But for real tho.

Roll 1d100 to determine what did OP's 100 mean

Odds: The Space Dragon is a bit too generous with its beam attacks
Evens: The ship you're attacking managed to detect you in time and did evasive maneuvers
Tens: A rebel ship jumped out of hyperspace and attacked you from behind
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>5440502
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5440502
>>
>>5440504
>>5440507
"I'M HELPING"
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5440502
what is tens
>>5440510
shut up nerd
>>
>>5440511
Rolls that end in 0
>>
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Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5440507
One of the stray beams hit your fleet as you try to approach the rebel's

Roll 1d100 for how bad it is
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>5440516
Everything is fine. Just a scratch.
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>5440516
If we had chosen the lesbo maybe the dragon witch wouldve controled the dragon better and not beamfuck us
>>
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>>5440518
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5440522
Sweat nervously as we engage the rebel ship.
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5440522
nothing of value was lost, now let's get moar skeletons for the skeleton throne
>>
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Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>5440524
Surely the same thing won't happen again?
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5440528
Of course not, we are the best
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5440528
What could possibly go wrong.
>>
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>>5440529
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>5440534
Right then, back to the action.
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5440534
should we use the same strategy and grab them with our superiour shiphands or bomb'em?
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5440534
Fire the guns
>>
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Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5440539
Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5440557
Hmm.
>>
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>>5440562
"We missed!"
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5440572
Grab 'em with the hands. That worked last time.
>>
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Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5440578
C'mon ship hands, don;t let us down now
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>5440586
Did you kill all the other Anons so I would have a harder time beating these rolls, OP?
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5440586
fuckfuckfcuk
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>5440586
Ship hands let us up
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>5440586
Attempt!
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5440586
Oh shit, the rebel ship got hands too!
>>
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>>5440589
>>
>>5440649
Amateurs! Send direct control of the hands to my gloves, I'll show em how we fight in operator school
>>
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>>5440720
Neuro Link activate
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>5440759
karate chop the rebel ship
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5440759
PUNCH
>>
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Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5440766
ROLL 1d100

+30 Bonus
>>
Rolled 69 + 30 (1d100 + 30)

>>5440776
OP rigging the die real bad.
>>
Rolled 11 + 30 (1d100 + 30)

>>5440776
FUCKING DICE
>>
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>>5440780
>>
>>5440780
FUCKING NICE
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5440791
Launch the drones to blow out the engines of some other rebel ships.
>>
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Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5440796
>Drones
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5440817
It's dronin' time.
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>5440817
pew pew their engines, drones.
>>
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>>5440822
"It's a hit!"

Engines are disabled!"
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5440828
Can we board this disabled ship, or will this be another nat100 from OP cucking us out of loot?
>>
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Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>5440830
...roll for it
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5440836
Hmm.
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5440836
>>
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>>5440840
>>5440855
Weeelp. I think imma hit they hay now. See you all next time when the thread continues.

updates r here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
Rolled 6509 (1d20000)

>>5440857
watch out for needles OP
>>
Is this bread that I see before me?
>>
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>>5442974
I dunno, is it?
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>5442978
Inspect the bread in three dimensions.
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>5442978
Fire the laser! Time to make some toast!
>>
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>>5442979
YOU FOOL! YOU'RE A 2D CHARACTER! YOU CAN'T COMPREHEND THE THIRD DIMENSION!
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5442987
SNAP BACK TO REALITY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
>>
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>>5442996
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5442998
Right, back to the battle. Prepare to board the disabled rebel ships. This time it will totally work.
>>
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>>5443001
What do you mean? Clearly the previous roll mean the drones did TOO Good of a job and the rebel ships can''t even be salvaged :^)
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>5443008
Damn this Empire and it's super effective murderbots! Right, begin fleet action to hunt down any remaining Rebels here.
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5443008
Fine, grab the scrap with robot arms, roll it into a ball and throw at a rebel held world
>>
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Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>5443010
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5443017
[Nervous Sweating]
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>5443017
oh no
>>
>>5443020
Based diceroller.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5443017
>>
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>>5443020
Rebel hunt in progress
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>5443026
SUBMIT TO THE EMPIRE AND ALLOW THYSELF TO BE SENT TO KPOP MINES AS PUNISHMENT
>>
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>>5443027
"THE KPOP MINES?....DEATH BEFORE KPOP! INITIATE THE SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE"
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>5443033
Watch the fireworks, mission accomplished, no survivors
>>
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>>5443034
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5443038
Alright afterbattle report
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5443038
Shame about the ships, we could've used those.
Anyway, observe the Space Dragon. Maybe it will offer us a boon for our aid against the rebel fleet.
>>
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>>5443043
"Oooooh majestic space dragon. Having the privilege to observe your mighty form is reward enough"
>>
>>5443052
What is it gonna do now? Dragon Witch? Hey, HEY *finger snapping*
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5443054
forgot
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5443052
That woman ain't right.
>>
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Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5443056
Roll 1d100 to snap her ass out of the trance
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5443064
*Bonk*
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5443064
Just turn off the screen viewer lmao.
>>
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>>5443066
"Bonk? You got it, chief"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5443070
Right...so what is dragon gonna do now?
>>
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Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5443071
Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>5443072
Hello, dragon-friend.
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5443072
Initiate staring contest
>>
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>>5443073
The dragon recognizes your help in fending off the rebels. It will give you a boon, which is:

A. A piece of its body, the crew can research it and create a random piece of equipment
B. A bit of its energy, which will temporarily supercharge your fleet, allowing it to skip 1 sector if you don't like the encounter roll
C. You getting to live. That's enough of a reward for you, puny human
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5443077
A, we gain his liver
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5443077
>A piece of its body, the crew can research it and create a random piece of equipment
A dragon scale that was blown loose during the battle.
>>
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>>5443080
>>
>>5443081
To the lab!
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5443081
Get the skelli-science team to begin research on the application of the scale while we prep the warp drive.
>>
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>>5443083
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>5443084
Begin the science!
>>
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>>5443085
Roll 1d100

Odds: The equipment will be ready in about 2 jumps
Evens: The equipment will be ready in 3 jumps
Tens: You'll get it right after you resolve the next jump encounter
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5443088
It's time!
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5443088
HMMMMMMMM
>>
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>>5443097
HMMMMMMMMMMMMM
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5443100
So after the next jump then. Fantastic, prepare the jump drives.
>>
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>>5443102
And so you leave the sector.

And OP gotta leave the thread. Will continue tomorrow night. Probably same-ish time. See ya anons
>>
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>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5444846
Oh dear god, he's a funko pop!
>>
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>>5444848
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>5444856
What gun is that
>>
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>>5444865
The patented Empire Anti-Funko Gun.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5444868
Very cool. But we're in the middle of a system jump right now.
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5444868
Good. It's dead. Now back to the mission.
>>
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>>5444875
Right. Jumping.
Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is:
80-100: oh sweet free stuff
40-79: Event
20-39: Enemy Encounter
10-19: Worse Event
2-9: Space Monster
1: oh no
>>
Rolled 56, 17 = 73 (2d100)

>>5444881
What's behind door number one?
>>
Rolled 87, 25 = 112 (2d100)

>>5444881
Yo I am here what's going on.
>>
Rolled 5, 46 = 51 (2d100)

>>5444881
>>
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>>5444886
ENEMY ENCOUNTER! IT CAN ONLY BE...

A. A Rebel squadron
B. Space pirates
C. Hostile third party planet
D. Roving Space Marauders
>>
Rolled 4 (1d4)

>>5444889
The dice will tell us who our opponent is.
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5444889
C
>>
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>>5444892
Are you suuuuuuuuuuure
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5444897
>>5444895
No, we'll go with this Anon and his suggestion.
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5444897
C is meant to be.
>>
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>>5444900
>>5444899
Ah shit, you jumped into one of the sectors that's actually independent from the Empire. While it has no love for the rebels either, it's main enemy is still all Empire forces.
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>5444904
Uhhh, lets just hang out at the edge of the system until the War Drives are recharged.
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5444904
Yeah we stick to the edge of the system, look at the dark planets and shit.
>>
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>>5444912
Luckily, your ST-100 is a stealth battleship. This shouldn't be too hard, even if you have 2 non-stealth ships with you
>>
>>5444920
Yes they will do a perfect job being a bait if they get detected, while we patiently wait.
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>5444920
We're just hanging out, two medium ships doing nothing. Yep, nothing to see here you independent scum.
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5444924
Roll 1d100

+30 Stealth Bonus
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5444925
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5444925
>autowin
Eat shit, independent retards. You just got caught in an ambush!
>>
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>>5444928
Wow! You successfully stuck to the outer rim of the sector and completely evaded their patrols! Surely now you can just jump to the next sector without causing any incidents
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5444935
Damn, we didn't get to ambush an unwarry patrol at the outskirts of the system? That's so sad.
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5444935
Yes.
Also how is that dragon scale coming along?
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5444935
Surely
>>
>>5444935
JUMP LETS GO
>>
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>>5444940
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5444950
Observe the results of our Skeleton Craftsmen.
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5444950
Uh, I know I'm no scientist or anything but is it supposed to be glowing like that?

...and sparking?
>>
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>>5444953
"Yes"

"Probably"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5444955
Anyways, how’s it going?
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5444955
Good, what have you manged to make then?
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5444955
INCREASE EQUIPMENT POWER TO 100%

It will either kill us or make the scale do something funny.
>>
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>>5444957
Things are looking bleak....for OP. Because I gotta go now, something came up. Thread will continue in, iunno, 20 hours or something. Much apolagogies

In the mean time, you can decide what the science team managed to create with the dragon scale:

A. Personal force field
B. Space Armor
C. Collapsible shield
D. Energy tank
E. [insert equipment here]
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5444961
The right of Might shall decide! He who has the highest roll shall have the privilege of deciding.

>A
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5444961
Take care OP
As for what we make our of dragon scale, I say its space armor
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5444961
>B
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>5444961
>E - Space Armor, but it's in the shape of a much cooler longcoat then we have right now
>>
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Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>5444961
>E. A dragon scale armored combat drone
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5444961
>B
>>
>>5444961
>E - Space Armor, but it's in the shape of a much cooler longcoat then we have right now
this tbqhwurn mr op
>>
>>5444961
OPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>
>>5446300
thread continues in 10 hours, anon
>>
>>5446316
So thread in four days, gotcha.
>>
>>5446317
Nice joke.

4 days is too low
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5444961
E - coffee machine
>>
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>>5444962
>>5446518
You DARE approach *my* Power level?!
Outrageous!
>>
>>5444961
Can you post twatter links in all outro updates and not just on the off-chance you happen to remember, oh pee?
>>
>>5446556
I can't beat the shit out of your roll without getting closer
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5444961
>B. Space Armor
>>
>>5446565
my b
>>
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>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5447002
give the hat back
>>
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>>5447030
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>5447035
identify the planet
>>
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>>5447039
what planet
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>5447048
I meant sector, what are they allied with
it's either pirates or some other space empire
>>
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Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5447049
That's right. Who do this planet think it is? not falling in line with OUR Empire?

Roll 1d100 to scan
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5447054
Scanning
>>
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>>5447055
"scans show they're not affiliated with anybody"
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5447060
That means literally nothing.
Make it look like you're just passing through
>>
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>>5447063
"Well, we've managed to stay on the edge of the sector so far. All we need to do now is make a jump"

"Surely nothing will go wrong"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5447069
Prepare to make jump
>>
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>>5447072
Jump Commencing....
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>5447089
Result
>>
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Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5447092
Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5447097
>>
>>5447098
JESUS IS THERE ANYONE ELSE
>>
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>>5447098
>>5447099
Wow anon
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5447101
Everyone died except for me
"IDENTIFY YOURSELVES"
>>
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>>5447105
Oh fuck, one of their patrols caught up to your non-cloaked ships!
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5447111
Open comms
>>
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>>5447115
"OH FUCK SKELETONS"
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>5447126
We are skeleton merchants, escaping from the empire-rebel war
>>
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Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5447132
"Really now?"

Roll 1d100 for persuasion
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5447136
SOMEONE HELP
>>
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>>5447137
"merrrrchants huh?...What are you selling then?"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5447148
idol merch
>>
>>5447154
"Suuuuure. Then surely you wouldn't mind stopping by our starbase for a quick scan. You know, policy"
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>5447159
Oh god, the only thing worse than raiders.
SPACE COPS.
>>
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>>5447159
>>
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>>5447163
>>5447161
"uuuhhhh...what do we do?"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>5447172
Quick, show them the shotasniffer plushie, while someone prepares to play the CD!
>>
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Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5447174
Roll 1d100

-30 because they're sussing you out
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5447180
DAMNIT
>>
no seriously, where is everyone else
>>
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>>5447183
OP ate them
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5447185
shit
anyway space police guy doesn't know who she is
>>
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>>5447182
>>5447190
"That's nice and all but I'm still gonna need you to dock so we can scan your ships, buddy"

Damnit, being outside of Empire territory must also means they don't have access to Empire Media
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>5447192
First we gotta know who you are, we randomly jumped out somewhere, don't want to be suddenly killed by raiders
>>
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>>5447194
"We are the Zucurians. We control this sector."
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5447199
>Zucurian
Quick look-up on the stealthed ship
>>
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>>5447202
The Zucurians from Zucuria. That's what their planet is called. So at least he's not lying about their names.
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5447207
Research under beliefs and what they do
>>
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>>5447209
Ah, yes, they believe in:

A. a space God of some kind
B. science and shit
C. an inter-dimensional space worm that comes around every 5 years to demand sacrifices
D. Zucurian Genetic Superiority
E. eating delicious empire flesh. Especially those of Imperial Agents. They think those are the juiciest
F. [custom answer]
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5447214
C, D and E.
Every 5 years they host a dinner celebration for the space worm they call their God where they dine on lesser people.
>>
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>>5447216
savages
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5447223
AND TODAY'S THE DAY
>>
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>>5447241
"Uhhhhh, sir, a giant portal just opened in the sector"
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>5447244
Have we tried to closing it?
>>
>>5447244
SHIT, SHIT
WHATDOWEDO
>>
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>>5447246
>>5447250
"Wellll....first time we saw this happening boss."

"This ship's not even equipped with portal technology"

"We could try shooting at the portal"

"I'll reveal our position tho"

"Or kill the inter-dimensional space worm, that'll intimidate the Zucurians enough that they won't have us for dinner"

"OR it will fill them with righteous anger and make them attack us even harder"
>>
>>5447252
Maybe the worm is friendly!
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>5447253
I was so enamored with the idea of the worm being friendly I forgot my roll!
>>
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>>5447254
WHY were you so enamored with the idea of the worm being friendly?
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>5447255
What is this, an interview?
>>
>>5447255
KILL IT and convince them we're Zupercurians so they run away in fear of being eaten by a super space worm following us and appearing every 7 years (in 5 minutes)
>>
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>>5447262
We have 1 vote for kill the space worm
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5447266
Poll the skeleton crew
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5447266
KILL IT
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5447266
>>5447268
As the part of skeleton crew of this quest I say kill the worm
>>
>>5447262
Fuck it why not
+1
>>
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>>5447268
>>5447271
>>5447272
>>5447273
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5447276
FIRE DA LAZOR
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5447276
RAMMING SPEED
>>
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>>5447277
Alright. Everyone to battlestations. The Zucurian patrol is still being occupied with the non-cloaked ships. That should give us enough time to at least fire off a volley unobstructed. But as soon as we did that,our position will be revealed.
>>
>>5447279
can we shoot it already
>>
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Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>5447281
Not until you finish your veggies--I mean roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5447282
I only eat calcium
FIRE DA LAAAAZOR
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5447282
PEW PEW
>>
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>>5447283
"WHAT THE FUCK"
>>
>>5447285
The god is dead, only Zupercurians left
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5447285
SHOOT IT MORE
TO SMITHEREENS
>>
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Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5447287
"THAT'S AN EMPIRE BATTLESHIP!"

"FUCKERS WERE EMPIRE AGENTS AFTER ALL! CALL THE MAIN FLEET! PROTECT THE GREAT ONE"

They're joining the battle on the Worm's side!

Roll 1d100
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5447288
Ah what a fucking nigger
Activate our reflex boosters for the next round!
>>