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You’re STANLEY PARBLE: a girl with a weird name and an even weirder tale: after a CENTURIES-OLD LICH woke up during your graveyard shift at the GOOD BOY DOGGIE BONE factory, your simple life of janitorial work became a bit more… Complicated.
https://youtu.be/_wiwdlu-Zg0
Sure, you became pals with your now-sentient skeleton (you named him LY) AND gained some nifty SUPER POWERS from eating MAGICAL BONE MARROW, but that doesn’t change the fact that your hometown of CLEARWATER, CALIFORNIA is overrun by HOMICIDAL SKELETONS! Even worse, the guy in charge is dead-set on taking over the rest of the world while he’s at it! Not cool!

The beginning of the end: that’s what you thought, at least. Having laid HIGH SCHOLAR IZITHA, the last of TIM’S nefarious LIEUTENANTS AND PHYLACTERIES to rest in her Atlantean lab below the sea, all that remained was to take the fight to the wicked warlock himself… but how?

Your answer, you reasoned, lay with your old friend CLIFF– the ringleader of the skeletons you hadn’t reduced to dust in your travels. Heading to their headquarters at the old DRIVE-IN, you were met with not only a solid plan, but a well-deserved party in your honor, too!

Enjoying the rest of the night with your old friends, you eventually retired for the evening with your janitor companion and ex-would-be-assassin TALBOT... f-for security reasons, obviously, don’t read into it! Upon waking, however, you quickly surmised that something had gone seriously wrong… and once again TIM was behind it all.

Possessing Talbot’s body, the lich was all too happy to inform you of your grave mistakes, chief among them befriending his thralls when he could see and hear everything they do, including planning to smuggle you into his FLYING FORTRESS LAIR. Asserting his vile will on your bony friends, TIM left you to deal with the army of skeletons you neglected to destroy, a raging bloody blizzard, and a Talbot intent on tearing you apart.

Though you escaped from the trap by the skin of your teeth, some of your friends weren’t so lucky–both MITZI AND ART were hurt while fleeing, and while you sent them to the UNIVERSITY for medical aid, you focused on taking care of the Talbot problem.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5379588
Though he was able to wrest control away from Tim, danger still loomed. With no clue how to proceed next, you hastened to THE LODGE where homicidal skeletons and yet another trap was waiting–this one set by your eccentric boss SONNY BRUCKMANN JR. Revealing her true wicked form didn’t help her much, however, and after a daring escape and a grueling battle, Good Boy’s CEO met a very overdue end at the hands of CHRISTY–poetic justice for Sonny covering for the man who mangled her voicebox.

Still reeling from the emotional whiplash and your wounds from the battle, THIS is where your story continues…

Welcome to BONES QUEST--stick around! Maybe there’ll be a funny post-credits scene! Make sure to check out the following resources:

Archive Link to catch up with the story!
>https://lws.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Bones%20Quest

Twitter account for updates and ART!
>https://twitter.com/DemBonez3

Imgur Page for quest and FAN ART! You make it, we display it! Site’s been acting stupid lately, so I’ll get to it eventually!
>https://imgur.com/a/dvF3SCN

A HANDY PASTEBIN for INVENTORY, SKILLS, and MORE:
>https://pastebin.com/u/DemBonez3/1/TvtRhtJK

Rolls are handled by a 1d100--I take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Certain boosts and maluses will be applied based on the situation and existing skills. Describing your actions, write-ins, FANART and GENERAL CREATIVITY are all APPRECIATED AND REWARDED--we like to keep things LIGHT and CHILL here, so come on in and have some fun!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5379590
Your ears are ringing.

You’re unsure if it’s the walls of the subterranean death trap you’re in or the mess of pipes and wires lining the dimly-lit ceiling of the EMPLOYEE BATHROOM like vines in a jungle, but something’s causing it… and it’s pissing you off!

A swear escapes your lips as you accidentally knock over the trash bag of stuff Kiki retrieved for you–the gear confiscated by SONNY and her army of murderous pricks. Damn, how did you not notice it all before?!

“It ain’t yer’ fault, kiddo.” Mutters the disembodied voice of your skeleton, LY after having held his nonexistent tongue for a while. “I don’t think any of us coulda’ really expected dis’--not wit’out hard proof, at least.”

Yea!” Adds NATS, the other (demonic) entity taking up shop in your body, “It’s not like we can save everyone, right? It-

You coulda’ saved a HELL of a lot more, you snarl as you finish zipping up your EVENING SANITATION COORDINATOR COVERALLS and retrieve a small baggie carrying your LASER EYE like it was deli takeout. And you thought you told them both to not watch while you were changing, damn it!

“Thought you was done.” Ly huffs as you haphazardly stuff the eye given to you by Talbot into your bare socket. You feel a few pinches at first akin to a hermit crab nesting in your eye, but the feeling quickly passes as you feel a warm, viscous fluid pour over the cavity as your vision slowly returns. Well, you sigh as you look over your tired, freckled face in the nearby mirror, there’s that back.

Replying to the soft knock on the door with a curt ‘almost done!’, you pop the BUNNY EARS that go with your MAGICAL BUNNY SUIT back onto your messy brown hair… hope Kiki didn’t see these. And if she did, she’d better not say anything!

Yyyyea, don’t think that’ll be an issue for her.” Nats replies with a nervous chuckle. Oh. Right.

Placing your EVENING SANITATION COORDINATOR cap on your head like a strawberry on a shortcake, you leave your SHADES in your pocket and primp in the mirror for a few more seconds. Good as it’s gonna get, you mutter to no one in particular.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5379593
Another knock at the door rouses you from your post-fight lethargy. Right, you’re still on the clock. Unlocking the bathroom door, you recall that you were going to:

Q1: WHAT WERE YOU GONNA DO? (CHOOSE 1)
>EXAMINE SONNY’S CORPSE. BITCH PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING OF VALUE ON HER!
>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
>CALL THE FOLKS HEADED TO THE UNIVERSITY–WHO KNOWS IF THEY EVEN MADE IT THAT FAR!
>TRACK DOWN TEDDY AND THE SECURITY GOONS–MAYBE THEY COULD USE HELP SECURING THINGS?
>GO SEE CHRISTY–SHE’S PROBABLY REELING RIGHT NOW, HUH?
>WRITE-IN!

Q2: WHO INSISTED ON GUARDING THE BATHROOM WHILE YOU RIFLED THROUGH YOUR INVENTORY?
>TALBOT!
>EDDIE!
>KIKI!
>LIL’ STANLEY!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5379594
>>EXAMINE SONNY’S CORPSE. BITCH PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING OF VALUE ON HER!

>LIL’ STANLEY!
>>
>>5379594
>CALL THE FOLKS HEADED TO THE UNIVERSITY–WHO KNOWS IF THEY EVEN MADE IT THAT FAR!
>>
>>5379594
>>EXAMINE SONNY’S CORPSE. BITCH PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING OF VALUE ON HER!
>LIL’ STANLEY!
>>
>>5379626
>>5379719
>EXAMINE THE CORPSE!

>>5379632
>CALL THE UNIVERSITY!

>>5379626
>>5379719
>LIL-FRIGGIN-STANLEY!

Writing! Don't worry--you'll have time to handle other crap afterwards!
>>
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You didn’t get a good chance to REALLY spit on your boss’ rapidly-decomposing corpse, and you don’t wanna miss out before the rest of the survivors crucify her or whatever! Opening the bathroom door slowly as to not smack your temporary bodyguard, you peek out just in time to see LIL’ STANLEY, your volatile and temperamental raccoon ‘pet’ surreptitiously chuck a novelty clenched hand on a stick to the side as she chitters a greeting.

Still firmly holding your late employer’s MAGIC REMOTE in her jaws, the woodland critter quickly surrenders it in your outstretched hand before diving into your pockets and reemerging with a bag of DRIVE-IN CANDY!

Hey, that was your SECRET STASH, FATTY!

Retreating to your shoulder with her sugary prize, the raccoon swiftly tears open the bag and starts noisily engorging herself on its contents. Yea, well, she’s earned it… you guess.

Emerging into the MAINTENANCE LOCKER ROOM you stopped in before heading to LIFE SUPPORT, you exchange an awkward nod with some very tired-looking security goons as you make your way back to the site of the battle.

“No rest fer’ da’ wicked, huh?” Ly remarks as the dull hum of machinery around you is periodically interrupted by the sound of distant gunfire. “Ya’ think Blumenkrantz’ guys will be able ta’ handle da’ cleanup of dis’ place?”

You couldn’t say, you shrug as you pass a pair of security guards solemnly standing over the remains of one of the exosuited skeletons you iced on the way in. THE LODGE is a big place…

Lots of hidey-holes, and all that implies!” Chirps Nats in an annoyingly chipper tone! “But that’s okay–once we take down Tim it’ll be all over, right?

It’d better be, you groan, still feeling tired despite being given some MAGIC MARROW after your fight. Speaking of, one annoyingly-lengthy staircase later leads you into the torn-up bowels of LIFE SUPPORT–or what’s left of it.

Shredded and clawed-up, the machines appear to have suffered from a vicious attack by a giant cat–as you pass by the skeleton crew of maintenance workers and refugee volunteers desperately trying to keep things running, you silently thank whatever deity’s watching that you didn’t have to fight a giant cat! Yeesh!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5379786
Approaching Sonny’s body, you find a squad of Good Boy Security standing guard around the corpse–each of them foregoing the usual gas mask with a simple respirator revealing their human faces beneath. Between them all lies the blonde-haired psycho covered up by a modest white sheet already soaked with lingering blood. Upon seeing you approach, one of the guards waves you over as the others back up to give you some room.

“Parble. Figured you’d want to say hi to ‘em.”

Yea, you snort, figured she could use a visit!

“Well we ain’t gonna stop ya.” The goon replies as he shares a knowing glance with his men. “Blumenkrantz ordered us to keep anyone from moving her–guess he’s got plans for the body. I’m hoping it involves explosives… or a really big meat grinder.”

If anyone deserves a cool sendoff, you counter, it sure as shit aint HER. Glaring daggers at the corpse, your statement is met with a quiet nod from the guard.

“Yea… yea, you’re probably right. Anyways, we did a quick check in case she was hiding anything dangerous, but she didn’t have much. Should all be there for ya’.”

You shift your frown over to him. And her wallet? Keys? Anything like that?

“Wallet’s secure–you’ll see what I mean when you look at it.” He says in a knowing tone. “Like I said, she was traveling light–not much else of note.”

You’ll see about that, you hiss as you and Lil’ Stanley approach the corpse. Crouching next to the sheet, you lift it up just enough to see the remains of Sunny’s skull–or what’s left of it.

“Christy didn’t take any chances, did she?” Ly remarks as you dutifully begin rifling through your boss’ pockets.

Anger makes people lose control… every demon knows that!” Nats adds as you make a pile of your findings next to the body. “You don’t think straight when you’re mad… pretty handy if you’re trying to possess someone…

Serves her right, you snarl as you stand up and give the corpse a good kick! If Christy didn’t turn her head into ground beef she’d probably have that stupid ‘I-told-ya-so’ smile plastered on her smug face! Bitch!

“Easy, Stan…” Ly warns as you give your boss and tormentor another kick to the ribs, “She can’t hurt nobody anymore…”

How long did she mess with you, you mutter under your breath. How many shifts did you think you were alone only to have her or her little ‘Honeybuns’ watching your every move? What the FUCK, man?!

Clenching your fists at your sides, you shoot a glare at the security guards as they all struggle to not pay attention to you. Steadying yourself with a deep breath, you finally respond to Ly with a resolute nod–he’s right, you sigh, she can’t hurt anyone anymore.

You hope.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5379788
Not keen on thinking about the implications any longer, you get to work inventorying Sonny’s belongings:

First, and most prominent, is her ORANGE GOOD BOY TIE–though still covered in blood, it would certainly make a decent trophy… or a present for her boytoy once you catch up with them.

And you will.

Speaking of, you also picked up a pack of SPEARMINT GUM– the type a certain coworker of yours had strong enough to make your eyes burn. Taking one of the few sticks left, you unwrap it and chuck it in your mouth.

The strong, minty flavor wakes you up and keeps you focused as you continue your inspection. A BROKEN HEADSET sits snapped apart around her caved-in skull–not that you had much use for it. There’s her BLOOD-SOAKED EYEPATCH, too, but it’s not like you need one anymore.

She doesn’t carry a phone of any kind, but you do find the aforementioned wallet… and upon a closer look you see exactly what the guard was talking about. Or hear it, rather!

Picking the basic wallet up and examining the Good Boy Mascot stitched into its side, you hear a faint beeping from within the fat purse–flipping it over you find a small ELECTRONIC SCREEN along with what appears to be a small virtual keyboard! As you take a closer look, a few words appear on the wallet’s impossibly-tiny readout:

ENTER PASSWORD

Of COURSE this crazy bitch would have a password on her wallet. Of COURSE.

“Toldja.” The security goon mutters under his breath as he and the others take a few cautious steps away from you. “Hey uh… mind trying to open that somewhere else? Y’know, in case it gets… violent?

Yes, you snarl, you DO mind! Besides, you add with a confident smirk, you know her password!

Q1: WHAT’S THE PASSWORD?
>GOODBOY
>FATSTACKZ
>CEOMINDSET
>TIBIUS
>FUCKYOUDADDY
>HONEYBUNS
>HONEYBUNCH
>HONEYBOOBOO
>PASSWORD
>I<3STAN
>WRITE-IN!

Q2: DO YOU OFFER LIL’ STANLEY SOME GUM?
>YES!
>NO!
>>
>>5379790
>0MW2DV
>YES
I know she’s gonna get it stuck in her fur, but whatever. She’ll learn. Also, her password is my captcha.
>>
>>5379812
>CAPTCHA
>YES
Sundays tend to be kinda slow and I might have shit going on later tonight, soooooOoOo...
Writing!
>>
>>5379790
>>5379812
+1
>>
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Offering Lil’ Stanley a piece of gum, you get to work entering the password as the critter gratefully snatches the treat out of your gloved hand. Let’s see here…

Ngh…

Rnngh!

Alright, what the HELL?!

“You good, cupcake?” Ly asks in a bemused tone.

Yea, you snarl, but this password thing SUCKS! You can barely plug the letters i-damn it, you meant a ‘2!’ A 2!

“You sure you know the password, kid?” Asks the security squad leader as he and a few of the other people in close proximity start backing away from the wallet’s increasingly loud beeping!

Yea, yea, you nod impatiently, just… just gimme a sec… and quit chewing in my ear, FATTY!

Scowling at your command, your ‘pet’ continues to loudly smack as you frantically type away! Just when the volume gets to ear-bleedingly-high levels, the gossamer metal cables binding the wallet shut quietly retract as the screen lets out a pleasant chirp!

ACCESS GRANTED!

“Okay,” Ly begins with uncertainty in his voice, “What da’ hell was da’ password?”

Well, you reply, puffing out your chest with pride, you really just put in a bunch of random numbers and letters until it worked!

Rather than offer any of the usual commentary, Ly just skips to the classic ‘searing pain inside your skull’ tactic. OW!

“Da’ crazy broad could make SPEARS from her blood an’ you’re brute-forcin’ her WALLET!?

A few tense minutes of rolling around and punching yourself in the bones later, the pain more or less subsides allowing you to get a glimpse of the wallet’s contents!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5379976
Naturally, you go for the billfold first! Though its contents are depressingly bare, you find the next best thing: A HANDFUL OF CREDIT CARDS! Now we’re talkin’!

Don’t we need passwords for those too?” Asks Nats as you hide your plunder from the guard’s sight. Uhhh, Earth to Nats: did she not see how you handled the last passw-OW! OWWW! OKAY, QUIT IT!

Once Ly’s assault subsides, you notice something different poking out between the credit cards–a chipped card with the words ‘GOOD BOY MASTER KEY’ etched into the onyx-colored surface! Holy CRAP--you’re definitely holding onto that!

“An’ if Blumenkrantz needs it?” Ly asks like a teacher looking for an answer. “Or Christy?”

Yea, well… you’ll, uh…. Hm.

Moving on-

“Don’t ignore me, cupca-”

MOVING ON, you also find something nestled in one of the other pockets–one far less extravagant than your other findings, but interesting nonetheless: written on a crumpled-up Post-Em note in neat pencil is a symbol of some kind–nothing like any letter in the alphabet! You checked! Below it is a word you don’t recognize (an experience not wholly unfamiliar to you): ‘Paldric’.

“Hmm…” Ly remarks as you look closer at the note while Lil’ Stanley continues to smack the gum in her mouth, “It ain’t some kinda’ magic scroll, right?”

Looks kinda like a SIGIL to me!” Nats remarks, prompting you, Ly, and Lil’ Stanley to all respond with a dull ‘huh?’ “You know… like a symbol! Demon alphabets use sigils all the time–much easier than writing a billion letters or something! Those names get LONG!

So wait, you mutter as you look closer at your find, this is, like, a letter, or something?

“Say,” Ly remarks as if slowly understanding the situation, “Didn’t she mention somethin’ about da’ guy who beat TIM da’ first time!? Something about a ‘sig-’?”

Oh hell YES, you nod as understanding spreads through your head like a disease! This… this is one of the things they were gonna use if they fought him!

“Better hold onta’ it, den.” Ly suggests, prompting you to stuff it into your pocket. “An’ be careful wit’ it!”

Yea, yea, you groan, shoving it safely between your ROCKET LAUNCHER and AUTOMATED BONE SHAPER, whatever, DAD!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5379979
With not much left to see in her wallet, you take what you want and contemplate what to do next!

BESIDES THE SIGIL, WHAT ELSE DO YOU PILFER FROM YOUR BOSS’ DEAD CARCASS? CHOOSE ONE OR MORE… OR NONE AT ALL!
>ORANGE GOOD BOY TIE!
>BROKEN HEADSET!
>BLOOD-SOAKED EYEPATCH!
>CREDIT CARDS (AND DEBTS, MAYBE)!
>GOOD BOY MASTER KEY!
>BLOOD-SOAKED CLOTHING (YOU SICKO)!
>WRITE-IN!

ANY LAST WORDS FOR SONNY BEFORE LEAVING?
>YEP! (WRITE-IN!)
>NOPE! SUCK MY DICK!

WHAT’S NEXT?
>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
>CALL THE FOLKS HEADED TO THE UNIVERSITY–WHO KNOWS IF THEY EVEN MADE IT THAT FAR!
>TRACK DOWN TEDDY AND THE SECURITY GOONS–MAYBE THEY COULD USE HELP SECURING THINGS?
>GO SEE CHRISTY–SHE’S PROBABLY REELING RIGHT NOW, HUH?
>FIND YOUR PALS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5379982
>ORANGE GOOD BOY TIE!
>GOOD BOY MASTER KEY!
>BLOOD-SOAKED EYEPATCH!
I fucking love characters opening their eyepatch and blasting a laser from it.

>YEP! (WRITE-IN!)
Spit on her grave

>CALL THE FOLKS HEADED TO THE UNIVERSITY–WHO KNOWS IF THEY EVEN MADE IT THAT FAR!
>>
>>5379982
>>5379999
Supporting quads!
>>
>>5379999
Supporting this
>>
>>5379999
>>5380004
>>5380018
>TIE, MASTER KEY, EYEPATCH
>SPIT!
>CALL YOUR UNIVERSITY PALS!
Writing!
>>
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You leave the credit cards in the wallet, but pocket the MASTER KEY and the SIGIL.

“Whuh… really? We ain’t takin’ da’ cards?” Ly asks with confusion in his tone.

No, you reply solemnly, you don’t want any of this psychotic maniac’s money–not a cent.


Wow…. S-so cool, sis!
“Gotta admit, didn’t expect dat’.”

Truth is you don’t actually know how credit cards work, but they don’t need to know that, now do they? Though you don’t take her credit cards, you have no qualms about relieving said psychotic maniac of her BLOOD-SOAKED EYEPATCH AND TIE!

“Yea okay, uh-” stammers the lead security guard as you place the patch over your Goodboynium eye with an unsettling ‘spotch, “You… that’s gonna give you an infection, kid…”

It’ll take more than a little infection to take STANLEY PARBLE down, you retort with a swarthy grin! Besides, this is some nice material here! Is it silk? Whatever it is, you’re keeping it! The tie, well… you’ll figure it out.

Armed with some stylish new accessories, it dawns on you that you haven’t heard from the University crew in a while.

“There IS dat’ crazy blizzard outside…” Ly observes as you glance surfaceward. “I dunno, Stan… mighta’ been a mistake…”

Well you won’t know unless you call, you reason, but first…

Trotting over to Sonny’s corpse for what you hope is the last time, you take a moment to gather some of your spit… a bunch of it… before spitting a big, wet gob onto where her face used to be.

Sick bitch probably woulda’ gotten off on it.
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

Your appetite for corpse desecration sated for now, you inform the guards that you’re done with her, prompting them all to pounce on the credit cards like piranhas on a drowned cow!
Heh… what a buncha’ maroons!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5380116
It takes you a while to find a quiet spot for a radio call–even longer to find one with a chair you can sink into. As you quickly find out, your MASTER KEY has its uses–after a few frightening encounters with, in your words, ‘Enraged Spirits’, you quickly learn that said key opens electronic doors within a certain proximity!

You’re still on the fence about the whole spirit thing.

In any case, you manage to find a maintenance office complete with a desk and worn-out office chair–its surface cracked and covered in stains you’d rather not identify closer. Still, a chair’s a chair, and as you plop into the seat with a satisfied sigh, you turn your RADIO to the frequency you agreed on and get comfy. Hey guys, you purr, guess who YOU just iced?

And receive no response.

Turning up the volume a little higher, you repeat your salutation–anyone there?!

“Maybe we’re down too lo-”

Before Ly can finish, a chorus of crackling fills the empty office and nearly scares you out of your seat! Sitting back upright, you bring your radio closer to your mouth. Seriously, you guys, you don’t have to EAT the damn thing!

-n! —AN! D-ead m–?!

The voice comes in spurts, but you can just barely make it out: Denise?

---n! –rous–ding ba–

You can’t understand them, damn it! You’re at THE LODGE!

---re —e ou!? —zi —-ding fa—

The signal grows weaker by the second. Intuition tells you that whatever you’re gonna say next, you’d better do it fast if they wanna hear it!

The question is, what DO you say?
>ARE MITZ AND ART OKAY?
>WHERE ARE YOU?
>HEAD TO THE LODGE!
>DON’T USE THE SERUM!
>SHOOT A FLARE OR SOMETHING!
>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
That's all for tonight, folks--got work tomorrow so expect the next one around MONDAY 4-5PM PST! Hope to see you then!
>>
>>5380118
>>SHOOT A FLARE OR SOMETHING!
>>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!
>>
>>5380118
>>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!

Could really use Sybs insight on the sigil. And general support frankly.
>>
Guesses:

> STAN! Do you read me!?

> “Damn! traiterous–hiding back?””

You can’t understand them, damn it! You’re at THE LODGE!

> “Where are you? Freezing hiding fa??”
>>
Shit

> —zi —-ding fa—”

Mitzi fading fast? Bleeding fast?
>>
>>5380118
>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!
>>
>>5380118
>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!
I’m very worried, because I would have assumed Syb would try that immediately afterward.
>>
>>5380118
>Stan, STAN, Do you read me?!
>Stan! Dangerous heading back
>Where are you!? Mitzi Fading fast

>WRITE-IN!
I'M ON MY WAY
>>
>>5380118
>SYB, DO THE DOLL THING!
>>
>>5380173
>>5380265
>>5380331
>>5380399
>>5380943
>DO THE DOLL THIIIIING!

>>5380173
>A FLARE, MAYBE! THAT'D BE NEAT TOO!

>>5380929
>I'M COMIN'!

Looks like Syb's returning to the doll! Writing!
>>
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With no time to think, you blurt out the best solution your brain can piece together:

Syb, you shout into the receiver as if their lives depended on it (and they just might), DO THE DOLL THING!

You only get a haunting crackle in response. Moving to dramatically-throw your radio to the floor, you remember that it’s your only one and opt to gently, but firmly place it on the desk in front of you instead! Retrieving the creepy doll Sybil inhabited earlier on in your misadventures, you place it on the desk in front of you and eagerly rock back and forth in your borrowed chair as you wait for… well, something!

ANYTHING!

A few seconds of rocking turns into a few minutes… producing the same results. Gritting your teeth and clenching the chair’s weathered armrests to keep yourself calm, you probably make it for about ten more seconds before rising to your feet with an impatient groan! That does it, you snarl, you’re going after them!

How?” Ly asks as you purposefully make your way towards the door. “We got no clue where they is, an’ da’ snow-”

You don’t care, okay!? You sent them out there and you’re unsending them… and that’s final! You’re about to leave when it dawns on you that you neglected to take the RADIO AND SYB DOLL. Spinning so fast that Lil’ Stanley nearly falls off your shoulder, your heart flutters when you witness the doll twitch a bit!

Syb, you hiss, bringing your eager face closer, is… is that you?

As if responding to your question, the doll sputters to life–but the reunion is far from a happy one. Flickering with spurts of magical energy, the effigy’s body sways as if caught in a storm, and its mouth barely matches up with its faint, almost distant voice!

-tan… barely concentrate back here… -ave much time–do you hear…?

Yes, you sputter, y-yes! You d-

-letons EVERYWHERE, Stan… oads PACKED with sno… urning back, but being cha…

The doll goes silent for a moment while its stitched lips continue to flap.

-ou!? Repeat: where are…?

Th-THE LODGE, you shout in the doll’s face, you’re at THE LODGE! Are they okay?!

-t it. Gus is tak-us there. Forcefield an… urbo working for n…

You’re about to leave the room with the doll in tow when the doll utters another question:

-an… ERUM… ed to use… WHO?

You don’t need to hear the whole word to know what she’s talking about. One thing’s for sure, though–the tone of her voice tells you that you can’t answer with ‘None of the Above’...

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5381108
n’t let me sway the dec…n, Stan…” The doll continues in a grave tone. “st tell us who to us…

Easy–both of them!” Exclaims Nats as your brain catches up with everything else! “We can’t just leave Mitzi AND Art like that, can we?!

“But there’s no tellin’ what’ll happen…” Ly frowns as Sybil’s doll repeats the question. “If TIM gets ahold of either of ‘em-”

But if they don’t they’ll be out of commission for who knows how long… or WORSE, you counter! Lil’ Stanley hasn’t been taken over yet, so-

“I know… I KNOW, okay!?” Ly groans, unable to decide! “I… I guess we’re just gonna have ta’ believe in whatever happens, Stan… and what’s best fer’ both of ‘em…”

You know Tucker will try to stabilize them both, but Ly’s right–you’ve gotta make a decision here.

What do you tell Syb?
>GIVE THE SERUM TO MITZI!
>GIVE THE SERUM TO ART!
>SPLIT THE SERUM BETWEEN BOTH!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5381110

> SPLIT IT!

1. Lil Stanley hasn't tried to kill us yet, and in fact has been instrumental in our survival.
2. This is Stan Serum! Top shelf! Best of the best!
3. Art has BORIS serum in him! He needs Stan serum or he'll get mind controlled for sure!
>>
>>5381110
>>5381118
No better choice than this. Support.
>>
>>5381118
+1
>>
>>5381118
>>5381122
>>5381136
>SPLIT IT!

Here goes something! Writing!
>>
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It didn’t even take a second for you to give the doll your answer. Biting your lip with determination, you lean in close to Sybil’s face to make sure she hears you.

BOTH.

The effigy almost seems confused by your answer. “-hat was-

BOTH, you repeat with absolute certainty in your clear and confident voice. They’ll split it between Art and Mitz–that’s your choice!

-u sure-

It’s your blood, damn it, and no one’s getting left behind on your watch! If anyone can fight off TIM’S influence, it’s Art and Mitzi! Do it!

The doll stares at you for a moment prompting you to repeat your last command with a slam of your fist on the desk for good measure!

DO IT, SYB!

If she has any arguments, the doll doesn’t share ‘em. With one last stare from her blue button eyes, the doll gives you a nod before falling limp onto the desk.

What, no ‘thank you’?!

“Relax, kid–she said it herself: she could barely concentrate back there. Makin’ dat’ doll thing happen was probably like… I dunno, jugglin’ ten chainsaws… on a motorcycle… in a twister. Made of snakes.” Ly replies as you give the doll a few pokes with your finger.

I hope they can make it back safely…” Nats sighs as you begrudgingly return the effigy to your pocket. “Is there anything we can do to help?

Not unless you, like, found a teleporter, you groan, unwillingly basking in your inability to claw away your current problem! Or, like, a really big cannon...

“Well if we’re talkin’ hardware, Blumenkrantz might know a thing or two.” Ly suggests, earning an encouraging nod from Lil’ Stanley. Wait, she can’t hear him! “I mean, it’s possible. Y’know how animals can sense earthquakes an’ stuff? It’s kinda like dat’, cupcake.”

Okay, you shrug, you guess he’s got a point… so what, you should go talk to Blumenkrantz about it?

“I mean… dat’ was da’ reason we came here in da’ first place, wasn’t it?” Answers your skeleton. “An’ it ain’t like we can go far if they’re already on their way.”

Hard to argue with that, you mutter to yourself as you rise from your borrowed chair. You’ve just gotta hope the team makes it back here in one piece… or try to meet them halfway.

With the Mitzi and Art dilemma put on hold for now, you decide to…

>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
>FIND YOUR PALS–MAYBE THEY HAVE SOME IDEAS!
>TRACK DOWN TEDDY AND THE SECURITY GOONS–MAYBE THEY COULD USE HELP SECURING THINGS?
>GO SEE CHRISTY–SHE’S PROBABLY REELING RIGHT NOW, HUH?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5381172
>>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
>GO SEE CHRISTY–SHE’S PROBABLY REELING RIGHT NOW, HUH?
>>
>>5381172
>CHECK IN WITH BLUMENKRANTZ. HE SEEMED… OFF!
Bringing him our plans might be a spark of good news, and I’m sure he’d be more than willing to pilot that chopper for us, assuming the fucking thing is still out there somewhere.
>>
>>5381176
>>5381184
+1 Support
>>
>>5381176
>SEE CHRISTY!

>>5381176
>>5381184
>>5381197
>BUT SEE BLUMENKRANTZ!
Writing!
>>
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As much as you’d prefer not to bother him right now, you know who you’re gonna have to talk to in order to get anything done around here… or get anything period. Flagging down a passing security goon, you ask if they can point you in Blumenkrantz’ direction.

“Hmmmm….” Replies the goon as she strokes her respirator-covered chin, “Well he can’t have gone far given all the boneheads still roaming around… pretty sure comms mentioned something about him heading up to the old observation area, though.”

Grunting a half-hearted thanks, you stick to the patrolled areas of the bunker and try to follow the guard’s instructions.

You don’t think any more skeletons are gonna break through… right, sis?” Asks Nats as you pass by a barricade filled to the brim with half-dead security mooks. Not if you have anything to say about it, you say with a smirk!

Bolstered by your own self-confidence, you get lost a few times in the bunker’s twisting tunnels before eventually finding the path once more thanks to a chance encounter with a massive fist-shaped indent in the bunker wall!

And another.

And ANOTHER.

Gee, you mutter to yourself as you pass by a section of tunnel plating twisted up into some kind of abstract balloon animal, maybe you oughta… come back later?

“No sweat, kiddo…” Ly replies in a reassuring tone, “Just find da’ guy, ask about da’ chopper, an’ hit’ da road. Easy.”

Yea, you shrug, but still...

You could always ask Talbot to come with you!” Chirps Nats!

Hey, yea, you nod, he could totally take a hit or seven from Blumenkrantz!

NNnnot what I meant…

Oh. Well thanks, you guess.

Turning a corner, you nearly let out a gasp as you spot a familiar mountain of a man peering out across a warehouse filled with rows of black bags.

Human-sized bags.

“...Parble.”

Devoid of its usual vitriol or spite, you nearly fail to answer the Chief of Security. Only after he turns your way do you realize he was referring to you! Oh, you stammer, y-yep, that’s you…

“Hmph.”

Standing in the entryway for a few seconds, you come to the conclusion that he isn’t going to punch you and quietly creep over to his side.

For the first time in ages, both of you are at a loss for words.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5381267
The silence is deafening as the two of you wordlessly take in the macabre scene below. Pairs of security guards hobble along the rows of bodies carrying a corpse like ants at a picnic before solemnly depositing it in the nearest empty space. They stand there for a moment, then leave the warehouse with nary a sigh or a cough.

“It’s all flesh.”

The sudden reappearance of Blumenkrantz’ low, growling voice nearly knocks you over. H-huh?

“Bones are all gone,” He continues, as if that explains everything, “all that’s left is flesh.”

Clenched at his side, Blumenkrantz’ black gloves struggle to contain his massive fists. “Over eighty percent of Clearwater sought refuge here… and we let them in. Had walls strong enough to withstand nukes… enough weapons and hardware to fight off a foreign invasion… even magic...” You can almost hear his teeth grinding behind his pursed lips. “And it all turned out to be one big fucking mouse trap.”

A long, weary breath escapes the old man’s nose. “What a goddamn mess I made, Parble. What a goddamn mess…”

Silence steps between both of you once more.

“... Go ahead. You’ve earned it.”

You respond to his command with a confused blink. Earned what? The veteran turns your way like a bearded statue and stares holes into your face through his mirrored shades.

“I’ve hated you for years now, Parble. Hated every single inch of you… every cell. Your very existence, in my mind, was an affront to Christy–a daily reminder that just when I feel like the world couldn’t give any less of a shit about us, there’s always tomorrow.”

He looks back down at the growing rows of corpses. “When this whole thing started I was so sure of it–so sure that somehow… somehow it was you behind it. And for the first time in years, Parble, I felt something other than hate–I felt hope.”

You repeat that last word as a question. Hope?

“Hope.” He nods, still stone-faced. “Hope that once I pieced everything together… once I connected you to this as well…” Blumenkrantz pauses. “... that maybe everything I’ve done… everything I’ve planned for…” His perpetually-stiff shoulders slacken a centimeter. “... maybe it would have all been justified.”

He looks towards you with an indecipherable expression on his cold face. “But here I am proven wrong. One of the culprits dead, the other on borrowed time, and it’s all thanks to the person I hated for years.”

He turns away once more.

“So say it, Stanley. I know you didn’t come up here to share the view.”

What say you?
>I… TOLD YOU SO?
>I’M SORRY, BLUMENKRANTZ.
>IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
>I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
>SAY NOTHING.
>WRITE-IN.
>>
>>5381269
On that note, that's it for tonight--should have more TUESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST. Thanks again for playing and apologies for the slow-going--should speed up again soon!
>>
>>5381269
>>IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
>>
>>5381269
Don’t just try to console him. He seems like the type that will deal with it on his own anyway. It’s probably not the first time he’s stood over comrades’ corpses anyway.

>IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
>YOU WERE KIND OF RIGHT.

Tell him that we should have known better ourselves to suspect Sunny, but we never figured it out until it was too late. More than that, the skeletons might have gotten in anyway thanks to the fact that Tibius was using us as an unwitting spy the whole time. Frankly, it seemed perfectly reasonable to assume we were the culprit. Because, partially, we were. At the risk of pissing him off again.
>>
>>5381269

> WOULD IT HELP IF I SHOUTED AT YOU?
> BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I NEED YOUR HELP
>>
>>5381293
Actually, I kind of like this better than >>5381277 so I’m gonna +1 to this. Simple and to the point.
>>
>>5381271
>NOT YOUR FAULT

>>5381293
>>5381378
>WOULD IT HELP IF I SHOUTED AT YOU? BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I NEED YOUR HELP!
Writing!
>>
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This new, somber version of Blumenkrantz confuses you… scares you, even! To see the man that effortlessly threw you through a titanium bulkhead reduced to this, well…

It’s unnerving, to say the least!

You’ve always been a stubborn bitch, though, so rather than oblige the Chief of Security you instead march in front of the human monolith between him and the view of the bodies below and jab an accusatory finger at his bearded, stony face! Would it help if I shouted at you, you say with an impatient snarl and a look of determination on your face! Because right now I need your help, damn it!

Help.” He repeats with a derisive snort. “I get the whole town killed and you’re coming to ME for he-”

YES, you interrupt, because he knows better than anyone that now’s not the time to curl up and whine about ‘what if’s–and if anyone’s gonna help you make this right, it’s Blumenkrantz!

Still stoic, the old man brushes you away with a meaty hand. “Fuck off, Parble. Everything you’ve accomplished in the past few days has been on your merit alone… between my poor judgment and everything else thrown at you you had every right to hole up like the others, but you fought anyway.”

He pauses.

“... you’re a far better soldier than I ever was. Don’t let this old dog drag you down into his muc-”

Blumenkrantz’ self-pity sesh is cut short by a quick, decisive slap to his weathered cheek. You had to jump to reach it, but the effect still sticks. Glaring at you with wide, disbelieving eyes behind his shades, Blumenkrantz’ whole body begins to quake with fresh unquenchable RAGE.

You can compare dick sizes later, you growl, standing firm against the storm looming over you, but right now you’ve still got a fight to win and you need him, damn it, not some whiny baby! The guy who messed up Christy’s still out there, damn it, and you can’t get him without Blumenkrantz!

Poised over you like an angry bearded tree, it dawns on you again just how big Blumenkrantz is when he plucks you off the ground by the scruff of your neck and brings you close to his clenched teeth!

“Alright you goddamn psycho,” He hisses with renewed vigor in his voice, “You’ve got me. Now what?”

A relieved smile slowly forms across your face. You’ll need some wings, you confidently reply, and a pilot.

“HMPH! Kid’s stuff!” Blumenkrantz snarls. “I’ll get ya’ something BETTER.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5382053
“Sssooo why exactly are we doing this again? And how does it help Tucker and the others?”

For the last time, you reply groaning at Eddie’s question, Blumenkrantz has something to show us!

“Any chance he could do it in a better-lit place?” Grumbles Talbot as you and the rest of your friends wait impatiently in a pitch-black hangar, “The last time someone told me he had something to show me in a dark room it did NOT go well!”

As you and Kiki turn to look at Talbot, you’re blinded by a sudden flash of lights… along with the sound of a powerful engine roaring to life! It takes a few minutes to shake off the blurry vision, but once you do you nearly drop your jaw on the cement–rising from a massive hatch in the center of the hangar comes a marvel of modern engineering! Clad in shining black paint, the aircraft in front of you appears to be some kind of FIGHTER JET, but the wings are all weird and propellor-y! And why’s it so BIG!?

“Ho-ly CRAP, Stan…” Eddie mutters as Kiki, Talbot, and Lil’ Stanley watch in stunned awe, “This… this is one of those VETOS, r-right!?”

VTOL aircraft–state of the art in every way!”

Shaken from your stupor by Blumenkrantz’ booming voice, you turn to find him standing behind you all beaming with genuine pride! “Armor-piercing gunpods, dumb and tracking missile launchers, engines that’ll shake off a blizzard like a preschooler off a bull… and a computerized piloting system so easy to use a child could figure it out… We call ‘er ‘’FIDO’– and she’s a damn good girl.”

“Where…” Talbot babbles as he takes in the sights, “Where the hell were these during the attack? O-or before?!”

“Mothballed indefinitely.” Blumenkrantz growls as he puffs a cloud of acrid smoke from a fresh cigar in his mouth. “Got ‘em custom from an old CHAIR FORCE buddy of mine–he fucked me on the engines, though–keep ‘em lit for too long and they putter out. No good for repeat missions. Still,” he continues as the cockpit slowly opens, “she’ll be a much smoother ride than some Commie hand-me-down chopper, that’s for damn sure.”

Hopping out of the front seat like a kid getting off of a carnival ride comes Christy with an uncharacteristically chipper grin on her face. Scampering over to your entourage with remarkable speed, she skids to a halt in front of you before making a dramatic ‘ta-daaa’ gesture with her arms!

How do you respond to all this?
>THANKS, BLUMENKRANTZ. SERIOUSLY.
>SO WE’RE PILOTING, THEN?
>ANY WORD ON OUR OTHER PALS?
>WE’LL NEED TO PREPARE A BIT BEFORE TAKING OFF!
>YOU GUYS GONNA BE OKAY WHILE WE DO THIS?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5382058
>ANY WORD ON OUR OTHER PALS?
>SO WE’RE PILOTING, THEN?
>>
>>5382058
>ANY WORD ON OUR OTHER PALS?
>Talbot saw the osprey
>Therefore Tibius saw the osprey
>Therefore Tibius knows at least partially what we’re planning

So I guess us having Talbot run distraction at town hall under the guise of us going that way is out, unless we drop him off there under that pretense. But the skies will be filled with skeletal wyverns now, meaning this is gonna be a lot harder.
>>
>>5382089
>ANY WORD ON PALS?
>WE'RE PILOTING?

>>5382092
>WORD ON PALS?

Writing!
>>
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Giving the whole ensemble a nod of approval, you raise an eyebrow as you turn to face Blumenkrantz. So, you ask, does this mean he’s leaving the keys with you?

“Like I said, Parble, the onboard systems make it easier than scratching your ass.” Replies the chief as he looks at his granddaughter. “Right, Christy?”

Still enthralled by the brief test drive, the personal assistant gives you an enthusiastic nod before tapping furiously on her phone!

And if that’s too hard to handle, I’ll be happy to take you.

WHAT?!” Roars Blumenkrantz as the little mirth in his voice immediately fades, “Out of the question–I’m not letting you get blown out of the sky on some dare-”

It’s not your choice to make, grandpa.” Interjects the cellphone as a look of commitment cements itself on the personal assistant’s normally-stoic face! “If that son of a bitch is up there-

“Then I’LL tear his head off and bring it back here to you!” The old man counters with renewed vigor! “The people here need you…” The Security Chief’s stern expression softens somewhat. “... and I need you here too. Please, Christy…”

Doubt crosses her face, but she stands firm as she taps at her phone once more.

Arguing is pointless and people are dying while we sit around. Stan will decide and that’s final.

“Tch, fine,” Snarls her grandfather, clearly not jazzed about the idea, “Just don’t forget they can drive it themselves…”

Satisfied for now, Christy motions you and your pals closer as a flickering map of the area around you appears on her device’s screen.

Perimeter sensors picked up a familiar van not far from The Lodge. Thought you’d want to know.

“Shit…” Eddie hisses as Kiki marvels at Christy’s voice technology, “They’re still pretty far, huh?”

“Blizzard’s been picking up exponentially.” Reports Blumenkrantz as he points a gloved finger surfaceward. “FIDO oughta’ handle it for a while, but we lost contact with our surface sentries a few hours ago–roads are probably paralyzed as well.”

Several hostiles are gaining on the van.” Christy adds with a grave look on her face. “If you make haste you should be able to extract them before the brunt of the forces arrive.

“What the hell are we waitin’ for, then!?” Roars Talbot as he stomps towards the aircraft! “Let’s go get ‘em!”

Easy, tiger, you reply, you’ve gotta figure out a few things first!

“Plannin’ ahead?” Ly remarks in a bemused tone, “Who are ya’ and what happened ta’ cupcake?”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5382178
Q1: WHEN DO YOU LEAVE?
>NOW! TIME’S A-WASTIN’!
>IN A SEC–YOU HAVE A FEW MORE PEOPLE AND THINGS TO SEE AROUND THE LODGE!
>WRITE-IN!

Q2: WHO’S PILOTING?
>YOU!
>TALBOT!
>KIKI!
>EDDIE!
>LIL’ STANLEY!
>BLUMENKRANTZ!
>CHRISTY!
>SOME OTHER RANDOM GOOD BOY MOOK!
>WRITE-IN!

Q3: IF YOU DON’T CHOOSE EITHER OF THEM IN Q2, WHO DO YOU BRING WITH YOU TO THE FORT?
>BLUMENKRANTZ! HE CAN BLOW OFF SOME STEAM!
>CHRISTY! SHE’S MORE CAPABLE THAN SHE LOOKS!
>BOTH! EVERY GUN HELPS!
>NEITHER–THEY’RE NEEDED HERE!
>WRITE-IN!

Q4: IF LEAVING ONE OR BOTH BEHIND, ANY LAST WORDS TO BLUMENKRANTZ OR CHRISTY?
>THANKS AGAIN!
>DON’T WORRY–WE’LL GET’EM!
>STAY STRONG DOWN HERE, YEA?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5382179
Q1:
>NOW! TIME’S A-WASTIN’!
Q2:
>EDDIE!
Q3:
>NEITHER–THEY’RE NEEDED HERE!
Christy will get fucking killed and Blumenkrantz needs to be here to direct the remaining GBCS forces.
Q4:
>THANKS AGAIN!
>>
>>5382179
>Q1:
>>NOW! TIME’S A-WASTIN’!
>Q2:
>>EDDIE!
>Q3:
>>NEITHER–THEY’RE NEEDED HERE!
>Christy will get fucking killed and Blumenkrantz needs to be here to direct the remaining GBCS forces.
>Q4:
>>THANKS AGAIN!
>>
>>5382179
> Q4: Anything I should whisper in Boris' ear before I rip his throat out?
>>
>>5382210
>>5382185

Adding this to my vote.
>>
>>5382184
>>5382185
>>5382210
>>5382221
>NOW!
>EDDIE!
>NEITHER!
>THANKS + ANY STUFF FOR BORIS?
Writing the last update of the night!
>>
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An icy finger runs down your spine eliciting a sudden shiver… one caused by more than just the cold outside.

“You good, Stan?” Asks Talbot as you recover. Yea, you nod, never better–what say we get this show on the road, huh?

Kiki pumps her fist excitedly as Talbot and Eddie share a brotherly high-five! “Hell yea!” The film student cheers as he takes a few steps towards your ride, “Shotgun!”

A wry grin forms on your face as you cross your arms across your chest. What’s the matter, Ed? Afraid of the MAIN GUN?

“Wha? Well no, but-” It takes the goofball a few seconds to realize what you’re offering, but when he does it’s like watching a dog about to go for a walk!

YES! YES, STAN!

Okay, chill!

“You… you won’t regret this!” Eddie yells as he pulls you into a genuinely grateful embrace! “Captain Eddie’s gonna save the day, you’ll see!”

Gently dislodging yourself from the film student’s clutches, you notice Christy furiously typing away at her phone and quickly intercept her hand! You know she’s capable, you begin as the personal assistant looks ready to stab your hand, but she and her granddad are needed down here…

As if on cue, a cracked and tape-plastered radio at Blumenkrantz’ side crackles to life with an unfamiliar voice! “Blumenkrantz, sir, do you read?

“Go ahead, officer.” Responds the chief as he reflexively brings the radio to his ear. “Report.”

LIFE SUPPORT is… well, it’s shot, sir.”

“I know it is, mor-” With a little inspiration from Christy shooting him a look of disapproval, Blumenkrantz’ gravely voice catches in his throat. “Err, I understand that… you. I was there, remember?”

“R-right… sorry, sir! I mean it’s broken beyond repair…” The guard explains, eliciting a displeased growl from the security chief. “It’ll hold for a few more hours, maybe, but that’s with a lot of duct tape… a-and if that storm continues, well-”

“Understood. Take all the maintenance staff you need to keep it running–our solution’s about to head out now.”

“Roger that, sir–tell them to give ‘em hell for m-”

“Yea, yea,” Blumenkrantz growls as he stuffs the radio back into his pocket, “Christ, these people…”

Avoiding your smug grin, Blumenkrantz motions for you to get moving. “Alright, Parble, you’ve wasted enough time as is…”

As Talbot, Lil’ Stanley, and Kiki all make their way to your chariot while Eddie makes takeoff preparations, you turn to Christy and raise an eyebrow her way. Anything she’d like whispered in Boris’ ear before you rip his worthless throat out?

The girl returns your smile as she types away at her phone.

I’ll entrust that to you. You’ve proven to be a good improviser… not to mention you had to WORK with the bastard…

Yea, you snort, not for much longer…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5382293
https://youtu.be/CIt_GutBRKo
Heading for the VTOL, you pause mid-jog and wave to the two Blumenkrantzes. Thanks again, you guys, you say with genuine appreciation in your eyes, for everything!

Do your best out there!” Chirps Christy’s phone as the girl in question waves with a smile growing on her face!

“Tch, just don’t screw up out there, Parbl-” Stopping mid-sentence once again, Blumenkrantz takes a long puff on his cigar before amending his statement in a hushed tone: “I mean, erm… Thank you, Stanley. Give ‘em hell…”

Boarding the VTOL, you grab a hold of a nearby handle and watch as both of the figures slowly shrink to an ant’s size as Eddie takes you upwards towards the hangar ceiling!

“Everybody buckle in,” he mutters, tapping away at a set of holographic controls as Talbot gets comfy in the passenger’s seat next to him, “and don’t even think of asking me to pull over for a bathroom break!

With a series of earth-shaking metallic groans, the roof iris slides open revealing a massive shaft separated by several more airlocks! Retracting into the sides of the shaft one by one, you’re finally met by one last barrier–this one thick enough to shrug off an atom bomb! As it opens at a glacier’s pace, clumps of bloody snow tumble into the chasm below as icy flakes bombard your perch!

As you rise into the air like a very confused shooting star, somewhere in the dark recesses of the bunker a red-haired soot-covered girl watches the security feed from the safety of a nearby vent. Clutching a freshly-made doll in your likeness close to her chest, the orphan glances skyward with a twinkle in her saucer-sized eyes.

Elsewhere in a ransacked supply warehouse a pair of security armor-clad goons pause picking up the merch strewn about the floor to watch your takeoff too–one of them a quartermaster, the other a gruff, older guard far from his post at the elevator armory.

In a safe room stuffed with shivering, frightened refugees, a massive mountain of a man clad in a blue bowtie, hockey mask, and a modest pair of finely-tailored trousers comforts a sobbing girl who just barely managed to escape the canteen she waited tables for. Hearing the rumble of your aircraft’s engines above, the safe room inhabitants become a little calmer.

Having taken down another squad of skeletons, a security squad leader gives an order to his men in a laconic Southern drawl–one of them with a familiar autograph on the side of his ash-covered helmet. Listening close to your departure, the squad’s legs become a little less heavy…

Far away in the remains of an old dorm building, a crowd of students and university staff stand their ground as bony limbs scratch and pound at the front door–no one has any intention of running anywhere.

Winds whipping you around like a spider dangling from a thread in a storm, this is where the end of your story begins…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5382295
“Sh-sh-shit, man, doesn’t this thing h-h-have a HEATER or something!?” Shivers Talbot as the warm, clammy bunker disappears below you in a shroud of bloody snow!

“D-dude, I b-barely know how t-t-to fly th-this thing!” Eddie counters as he quickly rubs his bare hands together for warmth! “J-j-just bl-blow on your hands, or s-something!”

“St-STAN!” Barks the janitor, “C-commere a s-sec!”

You’re about to give him a FIRE-AUGMENTED SMACK IN THE ARM when you hear it–the distant, but now unmistakable sound of weapons firing! Following the ruckus with your eyes, you give the back of Eddie’s seat a few slaps and point in the direction you hear it happening–there, do you hear it!?

“Oh yea,” he nods as FIDO banks in their direction, “I hear it alright!”

Banking through the shower of bloody snow, your aircraft barely avoids a head-on collision with a BONE DRAGON as it soars into the air with a massive burn mark on its face! Following where it came from, you find your target almost immediately–a lone armored VAN wrapped in a flickering blue bubble half-buried in a bloody snow bank!

It takes you a moment to notice the ground moving beneath you. Like ants raiding a picnic, hordes of skeletons march on your friends wielding everything and anything they can get their hands on–grenades, rockets, flamethrowers, pointy sticks…

It’s only thanks to the massive, borderline excessive amount of firepower coming from the van that the skeletons haven’t overrun it yet, but though your friends sling magic and bullets at their aggressors, even from above you can tell they’re running out of steam!

“I’m gonna bring us closer!” Eddie announces as the aircraft dips towards the battle below! “What’s the plan, Stan?”

Before you can answer, another newcomer enters the fray–well, not so much enters so much as is flung in! Barely fighting the roaring winds, a familiar CHOPPER fights to maintain balance as it unloads its gatling gun into the crowd below!

Making itself scarce before the skeletons can retaliate, you exchange surprised glances with a familiar old man sitting in the cockpit–a crooked, weary grin sitting behind his cracked shades!

What’s the plan here?
>TEAM UP WITH PETE AND RELIEVE THE VAN A BIT FIRST!
>LET PETE HANDLE THE WEAKLINGS, YOU FOCUS ON THE BIGGER THREATS!
>EDDIE, ANY WAY YOU CAN JUST SCOOP THE VAN UP?
>GET LOW AND JUMP INTO THE FRAY–YOU CAN HELP YOUR VAN PALS BETTER ON THE GROUND!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5382296
That's it for tonight! Should have more WEDNESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Hope to see you then!
>>
>>5382296
>LET PETE HANDLE THE WEAKLINGS, YOU FOCUS ON THE BIGGER THREATS!
Prioritizing skeletons with weaponry capable of threatening the vans and choppers should be foremost. If the picture of Fido is accurate, those dual chain guns under the cockpit should be able to shred swaths of skeletons. Keek can blast her LMG out the side doors to add on to it.
>GET LOW AND JUMP INTO THE FRAY–YOU CAN HELP YOUR VAN PALS BETTER ON THE GROUND
Us and Talbot can hop down and provide immediate aid. We’re both generally better use up close anyway. Talbot’s ability to tank stupid amounts of damage, along with our enamel armor will make it easier for us to cover the others’ retreat.
>>
>>5382296
>LET PETE HANDLE THE WEAKLINGS, YOU FOCUS ON THE BIGGER THREATS!
>GET LOW AND JUMP INTO THE FRAY–YOU CAN HELP YOUR VAN PALS BETTER ON THE GROUND!
>>
>>5382311
+1
>>5382296
>>
>>5382311
Shoulda mentioned, but FIDO'S armaments include (in the most basic terms:)
>2 Side Manned Turrets
>2 Heatseeking Missile Launchers (Pilot/Copilot)
>2 Dumb Missile Launchers (Pilot/Copilot)
>2 Forward Armor-Piercing Gatling Guns (Pilot/Copilot)
Don't ask how it works, that's just what you've got!
>>
>>5382311
>>5382393
>>5382475
>PETE HANDLES WEAKLINGS, EDDIE ATTACKS BIG BOIS
>YOU AND TALBOT TACKLE SOME NASTY PUNKS ON THE GROUND!
Posting from phone, so here's how it'll go...
ROLL ME 3D100--ONE FOR EDDIE, ONE FOR STAN (+5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 BUNNY SUIT, +10 TANDEM WITH PALS, -10 LITS OF BONEHEADS) AND ONE FOR TALBOT! I'LL TALLY THE BONEUSES WHEN I GET HOME!

BEST OF 3 ROLLS, NATURALLY!
>>
Rolled 98, 95, 37 = 230 (3d100)

>>5382640
>>
>>5382647
Lol, friggin' Talbot
>>
Rolled 30, 56, 2 = 88 (3d100)

>>5382640
Talbot sucks lol.
>>
Rolled 55, 13, 17 = 85 (3d100)

>>5382640
Pull it together man
>>
>>5382668
>>5382659
>>5382647
What did Stan see in him again?
>>
>>5382838
Dunno--you're the goofballs who voted to start kissin' the big dingus!

>>5382647
>>5382659
>>5382668
>HIGHEST ROLLS: 98! 105! 37!
Writing!
>>
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A plan quickly forms in your head as you pass each other by. Eddie, you bark as you bend your knees in preparation for a jump, go after the big targets–Pete will mop up the small fries!

“You got it!” Replies the film student as he sticks a thumbs up behind him! “How, uh… how’s he gonna know our plan, though?”

You don’t know and you don’t really feel like figuring it out, you growl as Kiki tries out one of the turrets on the horde below, so he can deal with that! Snapping your fingers at Talbot, you motion him over to your side–is he ready to bust some heads or what!?

“Awww YEA!” Roars the janitor as he hops out of the passenger’s seat, “Better stay outta the way, Stan–I’m gonna PUREE these sons of bitches!”

Lil’ Stanley takes the opportunity to claim Talbot’s seat as you and your ex-bodyguard prepare for a rough landing!

“So uh… when should we pick you guys up?” Eddie asks over the roar of FIDO’S engines!

He’ll know, okay?! Just have fun for a little bit!

Exchanging a nod with Talbot, the two of you count to three before leaping into the throngs of skeletons below! Armoring up mid-drop, you waste no time in clearing the LZ with a shot from your trusty ROCKET LAUNCHER! As your exoskeleton is buffeted by chunks of burning bone and steel, your combat drop is nearly cut short by the sudden reappearance of the BONE DRAGON! Swooping low to snap at your heels, the beast’s attack goes wide… but not before snagging Talbot’s pant leg on one of his many back spines!

WO-WAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!!!!!

Yanked out of the air, your would-be partner disappears into the blizzard along with the dragon! Damn it!

Oh right, you’re landing. Leaving Talbot to his own dumb devices, it dawns on you that you’re being shot at and immediately get to work carving into the skeleton horde like a thanksgiving turkey! Ducking and weaving through their close-quarters-combat like a pro boxer, you focus your attention on the skeletons with the bigger guns–A.K.A the flamethrowers, rockets, and heavy machine guns!

That’s not to say you don’t tear other skeletons to shreds, of course, but… y’know.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5383052
Not one to be left out, Eddie takes your advice to heart and sprays the skeletons around the van with everything he’s got! Cackling maniacally, he fills their ranks with missiles while both Lil’ Stanley and Kiki unload the gun pods into anything vaguely boney!

As the layer of bloody snow melts against your vicious onslaught, Pete uses his bird’s weapons to clear you a path towards the van! Leaping from skeleton to skeleton with hearty servings of GUN and CLAW, you eventually reach the perimeter of deanimated skeletons slowly burning away into blue flames! Stepping into the miniature no man’s land, you’re immediately targeted by the folks in the van… until they realize who you are, that is!

“About DAMN time!” Roars a familiar, but grateful ginger as he launches a salvo of grenades into the unending torrent of skeletons! “Thought you’d gone on ahead, or something!”

A blast of energy straight out of an old Sci-Fi flick rips out from the back of the van and engulfs a charging pack of boneheads! “Shit, Stan, no wonder you’re always so wired–this BONE MARROW crap hits the spot!

Emerging from the van with a partially-drained bone in one hand and the SCIENCY GUN in the other, Mitzi raises her snack to you before Gus and Tucker join her!

“Stan!”

Blinking into existence next to you, Sybil gives you a quick side-hug before chucking a fireball into the crowd! “Glad you’re here–we can’t keep this up much longer.”

Zipping back to the van to dodge a burst of flames from a nearby flamethrower, The Goth returns after you’ve dispatched the offending party with a shotgun blast to the face. “Can that aircraft carry all of us?”

Yyyyea, you mutter as you watch Eddie unload a few missiles into the BONE DRAGON’S back, you’re pretty sure they could squeeze in!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5383054
Joining Syb at the back of the van, your bedraggled-looking comrades shoot you grateful, if not somewhat weary smiles! Even Denise pauses from unloading the turret you pilfered from the DRIVE-IN into the horde!

“Take it you guys visited THE LODGE.” Art remarks as he continues bombarding the skeletons through the van’s rapidly-depleting FORCE FIELD! “How’d that go?”

Dead, you reply, as if that explained everything, lots.

“Shit…”

It’s not all bad though, you continue! Turns out Sonny was one of the jackasses behind all this, and her accomplice is still out there too!

“Why is that good news?” Asks Sybil with genuine confusion.

Because your boss is now deader than disco, you reply as you show off your claws to the rest of the van! And her little boytoy’s been on your shitlist for ages…

“Wait, ‘boytoy’?” Asks Mitzi with half the amount of confusion Sybil had, which is quite a lot for her! “So… hold on-”

The tomboy’s thought process is cut short when a salvo of rockets impact against the force field sending you and everyone else tumbling!

Doesn’t matter, you interrupt with renewed determination in your voice! Christy and Blumenkrantz are holding down the fort, and if Art and Mitzi are all good then you’ve got no reason to stick around here any longer! You punctuate your sentence by narrowing your eyes at the two previously-injured crew members. They ARE all good… right?

“Haven’t been possessed yet.” Art shrugs as he reloads his GRENADE LAUNCHER.

“And I’ve only got a slight craving for STAN FLESH, so that’s pretty normal.” Adds Mitz with a smirk that says ‘just kiddiiiing’. This bitch!

“Well,” Sybil interjects as she props herself against the back of the van, “If that Talbot business has been sorted out, then we should begin our escape, yes? Is he all good, Stanley?”

Yea, you nod as you hear a distant panicked scream from the back of the dragon circling the battlefield, he’s good as new!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5383056
Speaking of, you’re about to answer Sybil’s question when the fire-breathing beast decides to ruin everyone’s fun! Spurred on by the tenacious janitor struggling to break free from his spine and the ongoing attacks by Eddie, the BONE DRAGON makes a decisive move and swoops low before SNATCHING the van and everyone in it up in his massive jaws!

ROLL ME 1d100+5(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 BONE SPEED -10 LOTS OF UNSECURED CARGO) TO HOLD ON FOR DEAR LIFE! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 3 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5383057
>>
Rolled 32 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5383057
>Verification not required.
>>
Rolled 92 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5383057
>>
>>5383059
>>5383064
>>5383066
>HIGHEST ROLL: 97!
Not dead yet! Writing!
>>
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Oh no you DON’T! Stabbing your claws into one of the van doors, you use your newfound leverage to yank both closed as the dragon carries you into the air! As the gang piles up like a heap of ragdolls, you’re the first to tunnel to the top! You have a FORCE FIELD, damn it! Why isn’t it… Fielding… FORCE?!

“We’ve had it going for a while now.” Tucker reports as the field in question loudly fizzles outside the van.

“Yep.” Nods Gus, clearly only mildly bothered by your current situation. “Popped in a fresh battery at the Drive-In, but we’ve been usin’ a lotta’ juice… probably on its last legs.”

“Glad to see everyone taking this so well,” Interjects Art impatiently, “but are we planning on DOING anything about this? Look at the damn ceiling!”

Sure enough, the top of the van slowly buckles above you as the dragon digs in with its teeth! Art’s right, you nod, you’ve gotta figure things out while you still have time!

“So let’s just shoot it.” Mitzi shrugs as she mimes a few pulls of a trigger with her hand. “We’ve got one hell of an angle on it as long as we don’t fall out…”

“Stan, you’re a good climber!” Art observes as he motions for you to get going! “Get out there and tear it a new one, okay?”

Th-there is a-another w-way…” Denise interjects as she shakes some of the turret shell casings out of her bird’s nest hair. “O-one th-that will r-require p-perfect t-timing, ho-however…

TIMING, you scoff–oh boy, here we go… let me guess, you continue with mild bemusement in your voice, is there a BOMB rigged to the van? They gonna blow it up?

Both Gus and Denise go eerily quiet, prompting the rest of the van to follow suit. Oh godDAMN it, you snarl, who thought that up?!

“Pretty sure Wyatt put it on there after turnin’.” Gus shrugs. “Took the detonator after beating his head in with a socket wrench, but yea. Might be handy.”

“Eddie’s gonna be devastated about RIP…” Sighs Tucker as everyone turns to look at the RIP KORD CARDBOARD CUTOUT still standing in the middle of the van. “... but maybe that’s how he’d want to go…”

Hold the fuck on, you growl, you haven’t decided on anything yet, okay!?

“Well hurry up, please…” Art hisses as you feel the van start to heat up around you, “Because we’re running outta’ time!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5383122
You’ve got the ride, but can you all reach it in time? With the FORCE FIELD rapidly buckling around you, you can’t afford to dawdle anymore!

What’s the plan!?
>TRY TO GET EDDIE TO PICK YOU UP USING THE VAN’S RADIO!
>GET OUT THERE AND MESS UP THE DRAGON! THE LANDING MIGHT SUCK, BUT MAYBE SYB CAN POWER THE BATTERY?
>TRY TO JUICE UP THE VAN BATTERY MORE WITH YOUR ELEMENTAL POWERS WHILE THE OTHERS DEAL WITH THE DRAGON!
>WRITE-IN!

On that note, folks, I think I'm gonna call it early tonight--been feeling like shit warmed over ever since I got home and it's making writing really tricky... hate to put it off, but I'll probably update again THURSDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST. Apologies for the quick sign-off... hopefully my brain juices'll flow a bit more tomorrow!
>>
>>5383124

> GRAB THE BOMB AND STUFF IT DOWN THE DRAGONS THROAT. OR THROUGH ITS RIBS, I AINT PICKY

Alternatively maybe we have Syb and Stan both power the shield and have Eddie chuck a missel at the dragon?

Shit, we should probably rescue Talbot too.
>>
>>5383124
>> GRAB THE BOMB AND STUFF IT DOWN THE DRAGONS THROAT. OR THROUGH ITS RIBS, I AINT PICKY
>>
>>5383223
Probably this one. Let’s just stick the bomb between its ribs and go rescue our supposed body-guard.
>>
>>5383223
Supporting
>>
>>5383223
>>5383225
>>5383233
>>5383269
>BOMB APPETITE!
D'awww, Talbot'll be FINE! He's a big guy! Gotta run to work so here's the scoop:
ROLL ME 2d100+15(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 FENCER'S FEMURS, +5 BONE SPEED, -5 HANGING IN THE SKY BY A DAMN DRAGON) TO GIVE THIS GUY A SPICY MEATBALL WHILE ALSO MAYBE HELPING TALBOT! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 99, 16 + 15 = 130 (2d100 + 15)

>>5383424
>>
Rolled 27, 32 + 15 = 74 (2d100 + 15)

>>5383424
>>
Holy crap, Talbot, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER
>>
>>5383539
He can't, he sucks too much.
>>
>>5383549
He just hasn't been the same since we hit him with that prism. Guess Tim was responsible for his good rolls
>>
Rolled 32, 40 + 15 = 87 (2d100 + 15)

>>5383424
>>
>>5383571
>Guess Tim was responsible for his good rolls
Alright you got me to kek. Here’s your (you).
>>
>>5383435
>>5383529
>>5383622
>HIGHEST ROLLS: 114! 55!
Writing!

>>5383571
inb4 Tim totally jobs and makes the whole fight super lame and anticlimactic
>>
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Of COURSE you can, you conclude as you rush to the van doors, you’re STANLEY!

“Ahp-bap-bap-bap!” Art interrupts before you can kick anything open, “Stan, share with the class, please!”

You respond by jabbing a finger at Syb’s pale face! She can start by keeping the battery charged! With MAGIC!

“Worth a try, I suppose!” She shrugs before blinking to the hood of the van.

“What are we supposed to do?” Gus asks as he watches Syb work with a hint of worry in his dead eyes.

You, you reply, will cover her ass… don’t get jealous now, Art! HA! Now where’s that BOMB?

The pizza delivery man points downwards. Well, downwards being the floor of the van–being carried in a dragon’s mouth makes directions kinda funky. “Undercarriage.”

“Wait–we’ve been driving around with a BOMB on the bottom of the van this whole time?!” Sputters Art as you pop open the doors! “WHY!?

“No one asked.” Gus shrugs as you scuttle under the van like a raccoon in a parking structure! Sure enough, Gus’ little surprise is waiting for you where he said it’d be–a metallic orb welded to the undercarriage beeping menacingly as you approach! Yea, yea, you growl, real scary!

“Careful, kid…” Ly murmurs as you pop your BONE CLAWS, “Dat’ thing’s definitely gonna be frag-”

Dislodging it with your claw like a burr on your sock, you snatch the explosive before it can fall through the rapidly-flickering FORCE FIELD and down to the distant ground below! Stuffing it into your inventory next to your ROCKET LAUNCHER, IMPORTANT SIGIL, and ABS, you give the dragon’s lower jaw a good kick before climbing onto his bony cheek!

“Anyone remember to ask Stan what she’s gonna do with the bomb?” Remarks Mitzi as you pass by the open van door. Using the sound of Sybil’s spellcasting as cover, you scurry off in the direction of the beast’s massive ribcage as The Goth slowly brings the van’s force field back to life!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5384134
If the dragon notices you, it doesn’t react–the beast is far too busy trying to shake Eddie, Kiki, and Lil’ Stanley as they unload everything FIDO’s got into him! Leaping between explosions and bullets, you barely manage to reach the bomb site before you hear someone grunting below you! Talbot?

“Oh thank FUCK!” Growls the voice as you peer downwards to find your fellow janitor still stuck on a bony outcropping! “You gotta help, Stan–if this thing does another barrel roll I’m gonna hurl! NGH!

Delivering a solid kick to one of many bones, Talbot continues his futile defiance as you send a frown his way. He’s got friggin’ tentacles--is he really telling you he can’t get free!?

“It’s…HNF! It’s snagged real bad, okay!?” He explains, pointing to the collar of his tracksuit snared between the bones as he delivers another kick! “Get me outta’ here!”

Yea, you groan as you clamber further down the dragon’s ribcage, in a minute! You’ve got a BOMB to plant first!

“Wait, WHA!? Where’d we get a bomb!?”

You found it, okay? Now shut up, you snarl, he’s spoiling your concentration!

“Damn it… friggin’ dragons and now bombs... get me outta’ here, Stan…”

Oh my GOD, you groan, it’s his fault he’s in this pickle in the first place–dipshit couldn’t even JUMP!

“I got, like, wind in my eye, okay!?” Retorts the janitor as he continues kicking the dragon! “Y’know, you were a lot nicer last night!”

And he was a lot dumber today, you fire back as you struggle to find a suitable bombing spot!

“This is because of that possession BS, isn’t it?” He says with an angry sigh! “I was being controlled by TIM– it’s not like I wanted to kill you, GOSH!

Oh yea? What about when you got attacked by SEWER MUTANTS, huh!? He didn’t seem very excited to see you back at THE LODGE!

“I can track you, remember?” He groans as you start angrily shoving the bomb into the dragon’s ribs trying to get it to stick! “I would be a lot more sad if you really died!”

You angrily bite your lip. He’s just saying that so that you’ll free him, isn’t he!?

“Partially, yea!” Shrugs your fellow janitor! “C’mon, don’t be a dick!”

You’ll show him a dick, damn it! Sliding down next to him, you smack him in the arm with the bomb, prompting Talbot to retaliate by kicking you in the shins! Ow, BITCH!

Matching his kicks by smacking him with the bomb, you probably go at it for a few minutes before the dragon spins, sending both you and Talbot rolling as well!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5384135
Thrown by the dragon’s sudden spiral, Talbot grabs onto the bomb as you fly upwards, freeing him from his dumb self-inflicted prison! As you, Talbot, Ly, and Nats all scream in abject terror at the yawning abyss below, the bomb reaches the apex of its flight before landing with a satisfying ‘SHUNK!’ between a few ribs! Wedged firmly in place, both you and Talbot let go of the bomb and exchange a glance before wordlessly rushing back to the van!

“Well?” Tucker asks as the two of you hop back inside, “Did you do… whatever you were planning on doing?”

“Holy crap, Art and Mitz are alive?” Talbot remarks in disbelief!

“Yep, fit as fiddles!” Mitzi reports!

“That SERUM works.” Art grins. “Feel like I could race a car… and chuck it into a lake if I lost!”

GUYS!” Shouts Sybil as she continues to feed a magical current under the van’s hood, “PLAN, PLEASE!

You’ve got one, you smirk as you point your finger towards the bomb’s resting place! Now we just need to blow it!

“Yea, uh…” Mitzi begins as her eyebrow slowly rises, “Ground’s kinda far, dude.”

Awww DAMN IT, you knew you were forgetting something! Okay, you huff as you rub your temples in irritation, you’ve got an idea, don’t worry!

STAN!” Snarls Sybil with increasing ire in her voice, “I’M WORRYING!

Glancing around the back of the van, you think you have a few ideas…

>SIGNAL EDDIE WITH A ROAD FLARE–HE CAN PICK YOU UP AS YOU FALL FROM THE DRAGON!
>USE THE BOOST BEFORE HITTING THE GROUND–THAT’LL, LIKE, CHANGE THE IMPACT, OR SOMETHING!
>TALBOT, CAN YOU SOFTEN THE IMPACT WITH SOME GOO TENTACLES?
>JUST STRAP IN AND GET COMFY–THIS BABY’S GOT ARMOR, LET’S USE IT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5384136
>TALBOT, CAN YOU SOFTEN THE IMPACT WITH SOME GOO TENTACLES?

I'm going for the Talb option just to redeem his rolls.
>>
>>5384136
>TALBOT, CAN YOU SOFTEN THE IMPACT WITH SOME GOO TENTACLES?
You know, there are a handful of people who have survived extreme falls out of aircraft without parachutes because the ground was just deeply packed snow. I think we might be ok even without Talbot, but the dingus needs to gain his honor back.
>>
>>5384142
>>5384159
>TALBOT! I CHOOSE YOU!
Writing!
>>
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Talbot, you begin as you and the others turn to look at the janitor, can you soften the fall if we blow up the dragon?

WHAT!? NO!” He roars, taken aback! “You’re not using me as a friggin’ CUSHION, Stan–that’s messed up… even for YOU!”

“Yea, that is pretty sick, Stan. You’re a sick kitty.” Mitzi remarks as she stealthily pulls WATER POLO MONTHLY out of her pocket and starts thumbing through it. You aren’t asking him to do that, stupid! He can just make, like, a bunch of tentacles or something!

All of Talbot’s rage and confusion is swiftly replaced by mild embarrassment.

“.... oh. Yea, I can probably do that-”

You weren’t asking for PROBABILITY, you snarl–if you wanted that you’d ask the RAGING GEEK fondling the turret over there!

I j-just d-didn’t want it t-to fall out…” Sobs Denise as she clings to the pilfered turret for dear life!

Peering out the back of the van, Talbot starts to hock a loogie, but quickly reconsiders when you give his arm a good slap! Problem!?

“N-nah…” He stammers, “It’s just, uh… that’s a long way down, an-”

And it’s no sweat, right? Giving his lower arm a reassuring pat (since you sure as shit can’t reach his shoulder), you put your regularly-scheduled tough love on hold and give him a smile! He’s got this!

“Yea.” Gus nods with his usual quarter smile on his face, “You got this.”

S-show us wh-what you c-can do, T-Talbie…” Adds Denise as she gives the janitor a dreamy grin!

“Not like we’re gonna be around to make fun of ya’ if it doesn’t work.” Shrugs Mitzi with a wry smirk.

“Wouldn’t be the dumbest thing you’ve pulled off!” Adds Tucker in a reassuring tone!

“Show us what you’ve got, big guy.” Art chuckles.

SOMEONE JUST DO SOMETHING, PLEASE!” Sybil roars as the electricity from her hands slowly fizzles away! Read the damn room, Syb!
https://youtu.be/e9vrfEoc8_g
“Yea…” Talbot nods as a dumb smile forms on his face, “YEA! Course I can do it, morons! Leave it to Talbot!”

With a somehow even fatter head than before, Talbot deftly hops out of the van and swings onto the top via a tentacle!

“... he’s totally gonna kill us, isn’t he?” Mitzi mutters under her breath, prompting everyone to exhale in relief!

“Oh thank god--I thought I was the only one faking!” Art sighs! “Yea, nice knowing you guys!”

I CAN STILL HEAR YOU, ASSHOLES!

Good, you shout back, get motivated, then!

ROLL ME 1d100+10(+5 TENTACLES, +10 EVERYONE’S COUNTIN’ ON ME!, -5 EVERYONE’S COUNTIN’ ON ME!, +10 STAN’S WATCHING! SHIT!, -5 STAN’S WATCHING! SHIT!) TO SAVE THE DAY! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

If you have any specific shapes for the tentacles or whatever, WRITE-EM IN! AND DON'T FORGET TO BELIEVE! BELIEVE AND CLAP REALLY HARD!
>>
>>5384211
Shit, meant 1d100+15! Hahaha just another one of DemBones' classic antics! HAHAHA!
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>5384211
You got this dumb dumb.
>>
Rolled 57 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>5384211
>>
Rolled 13 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>5384211
>>
>>5384231
>>5384242
>>5384246
>HIGHEST ROLL: 72!
Writing the last update of the night!
>>
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Leaving you with a nonplussed growl, you and the others wait with baited breath as Talbot shuts his dumb mouth for once in favor of shuffling around on top of the van, much to the dragon’s displeasure.

Is he taking a dump up there or what?!

I WAS WAITING FOR YOU GUYS TO SAY ‘GO AHEAD’, DUMBASS!

NOOOOOW!

Shrinking at Sybil’s sudden roar, you and the rest of the van’s inhabitants nod to each other before looking at Gus expectantly. Feeling your eyes bore into him, the delivery man adjusts his cap a bit before flicking the DETONATOR’S safety case off of the button.

“Hold onto your hats…”

With nary a warning or even a count to three, he presses the button down and dutifully buckles himself back into the front seat as Sybil blinks into the passenger seat.

LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GUYS PRESS I-

Talbot gets his answer a bit earlier than expected–barely managing to buckle into a chair yourself, you and the rest of the van are thrown like a wayward frisbee as a colossal explosion rocks every bone in your body and leaves them trembling even after the dragon’s body is reduced to vapor!

J-j-j-juuuustttt liiiiikkkkeee Ssssspaaaaacceeee Caaaaammmppp…” Drones Denise as she struggles to keep her glasses on her face!

Gooonnnnaaaaa huuuuuurrrllll!” Sputters Art as his pale face turns a peculiar shade of green!

“Kinda like a carnival ride, huh, guys?” Mitzi remarks as she leans over to bump fists with Gus in the front seat!

Diiid T faaaaalllll ooooofff?!” Asks Tucker, lips flapping in the G-Force!

As if hearing his question, your ex-bodyguard answers by wrapping a dozen metallic tendrils around the van!

GUYS–I CAN FEEL MY STOMACH CLIMBING INTO MY HEAD!

And your FIST is gonna climb into his ASSHOLE if he even DREAMS of screwing up, you yell as your hat floats off of your head! Spurred on by your words of ‘encouragement’, Talbot lets loose a strained roar as more and more tentacles wrap around your vehicle like a spool of yarn!

HAAAANGGGG…. OOOON!!!!

As the snow-caked ground rushes to meet you from below, it’s joined by a hail of bullets, rockets, and flames–each one dead-set on permanently ending your trip! As FIDO’S rockets and Pete’s gatling guns tear through the horde below, you clench your teeth and close your eyes as the van prepares to land!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5384280
It dawns on you a few seconds later that you’re still alive.

And flying.

Amidst the sound of Talbot screaming, you hang on for dear life as the van bounds and tumbles through the blizzard like a wayward ball of yarn crushing any skeleton foolish enough to stand in its path!

Ohhhh MAAaaaannn…” Gurgles Art as his green face shifts between shades of yellow and purple, “Just KILL us, please…

No such luck! In fact, the ride continues with renewed vigor as the AMAZING GOODBOYNIUM YARN BALL hits a hill and starts rolling down it with reckless abandon! Spinning around in circles like a bunch of mixed-up pinwheels, you and the others exchange worried glances as Talbot lets out a rhythmic (and clearly pained) ‘OOF!’ every time the van rolls over him!

Hogkay…” Art stammers as he goes full monochrome, “Allin favr ovstobbing thish thingk?

“I mean… it’s getting us away from the skeletons…” Mitzi shrugs as calmly as if she were taking a bath. “Couldn’t hurt to wait a little longer.”

Y-yesh…” Groans Denise, “It c-c-could…

“Better ask Talbot to steer us, then.” Gus suggests as Sybil lays comatose in the seat next to him. “And say thanks.”

Rapping your knuckles against the floor of the van, you tell Talbot to steer you somewhere safe! After a few more rotations, your fellow janitor takes you towards…

>A COMMUNITY POOL! THIS PLACE WAS PROBABLY STILL GRODY EVEN BEFORE THE BLOOD BLIZZARD!
>A PARK! BETTER NOT BE ANY DOG POO IN HERE!
>A MINI MALL PARKING LOT!
>WRITE-IN!

That's it for tonight, by the way--gonna pick things up FRIDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Thanks again for playing and hope to see you then!
>>
>>5384281
>A FRUIT CART EXHIBITION!
>>
>>5384325
>A FRUIT CART EXHIBITION!
>>
>>5384281
>A COMMUNITY POOL! THIS PLACE WAS PROBABLY STILL GRODY EVEN BEFORE THE BLOOD BLIZZARD!
Why the hell would this exist when you live right next to the ocean. I’ve never even seen the ocean, but you better believe I’ll swim in it before a friggin’ pool.

Let’s go with:
>WRITE-IN!
>A PARKING GARAGE!

Decent cover, and should be enough space to land a pair of choppers.
>>
Disregard >>5384375
Go with >>5384325 >>5384338
>>
>>5384281
>A FRUIT CART EXHIBITION!
>>
>>5384281
>A FRUIT CART EXHIBITION!
>>
>>5384325
>>5384338
>>5384398
>>5384442
>>5384449
>ALWAYS BET ON CART!
Writing! Got plans later tonight so might sign off a little early--let's do a few updates before then!
>>
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“”Uh, cupcake? Ya’ might wanna see dis’...” Craning your neck towards the front of the van, you get another piece of the puzzle every roll the van makes–and what you see, well… it almost looks like a-

FRUUUUUUUIIIITTTT CAAAAAAAAAARRRRTTTSSS!

Shouting in perfect harmony, you, Ly, Nats, and the rest of the crew (including the comatose Sybil) brace yourselves as your van rushes past a gaudy banner tied between two posts with the word ‘CARTCON’ emblazoned in a fruit-themed font!

You crash the party and end up in a situation straight out of a fruit snack commercial: as the sound of splintering wood fills the air, it's swiftly overpowered by a symphony of fruits being crushed into a messy, rainbow pulp!

Apples annihilated! Peaches pummeled! Strawberries smushed! Bananas bashed! Watermelons wholloped! Dragon Fruits DESTROYED! TOMATOES-well, we don’t want to start that discussion. In any case, the air around you fills with zesty, Vitamin C-rich goodness as your ride comes to a slow, sticky stop at the far end of the expo!

“Well,” Remarks Mitzi as she unpeels a banana and munches on it, “That coulda’ been worse.”

“Yea,” nods Tucker as he politely sticks a lime in Art’s unresponsive mouth, “If I remember the fliers around campus correctly, another month and it would’ve been RUSTY NAIL-CON!

Shit, you keep forgetting to buy tickets to that! Instinctively pulling out your phone, a defeated sigh escapes your lips as it dawns on you that the net’s still down.

H-heheh… I m-miss it too…” Denise mutters as she crawls out from under her turret like a spider! “Oh… b-but this means my t-torrents might’ve st-stopped…

Before the geek can share with you whatever horrid and depraved things she downloads on the internet, Talbot comes to the rescue once more by ripping the van’s back doors open with an unhealthy CRUNCH! Use the damn handles, BISCUIT-HEAD!

“I DID! And you’re welcome, by the way!” He growls, his whole body covered in something resembling a smoothie! “HEH! Bet that’ll slow those boneheads down!”

“Just need a pickup now.” Gus observes as he dutifully carries both Art and Sybil out of the van. “Maybe we should send a signal?”

“Ooh, I got one!” Interjects as she rushes over with one of the few unscathed watermelons! “Stan, you got your ROCKET LAUNCHER?

Yes, you nod as a delighted grin forms on your smoothie-caked face, yes you do!

“Gonna need help waking up Art and Syb, too…” Tucker observes with pity in his voice. “More fruit should work.”

“Staaaan, my shoulders hurt!” Groans Talbot!

B-by the w-way, Stan…” Denise adds as she slinks over to you like a particularly wretched weasel, “C-can I borrow your D-D-DUCK?

Christ, everyone wants something from you all of a sudden! Take a cold shower!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5384875
Relishing the fruity scent in the air around you for as long as you can, which isn’t long thanks to the stupid BLOOD BLIZZARD, your watermelon signal pays off in spades! Rushing through the snow as quickly as their engines can take them, both FIDO and Pete’s chopper waste no time in making hasty landings in the fruity slushy you made!

“Holy cow,” Pete remarks as he hops out of his bird and limps over to you, “Coulda told me you were makin’ smoothies out here, y’know!”

Yea, well, you mutter as you glance back at FRUITCON’S remains, you left one cart standing!

Bringing you in for a hug, the old man looks you up and down with a satisfied expression on his face. “Wasn’t sure if you kids had made it outta’ there–glad I took the scenic route.”

Yea, well, you mutter as the others inspect your loaner VTOL like kids on a field trip, things got a little crazy an-

“Can it--don’t need to apologize for survivin’.” Pete interrupts as he gives your shoulder a reassuring pat. “Sides, looks like you’ve still got a lot more of it to do, dontcha?”

Yea, you nod before whistling for everyone to gather around! Okay, gang, you begin with a clap of your hands, got a few things to take care of and not a whole lotta’ time to do it!

“Like what? We’re goin’ now, aren’t we?” Asks Talbot as Denise furiously tinkers with your REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK at his side!

“Well hold on–can your chopper make it up to the FORTRESS, Pete?” Asks Art as color quickly returns to his pale face!

“Not the worst weather I’ve flown in.” The old man shrugs. “Question is, where we headed? More than happy to take a few folks to safety, too!”

Q1: WHERE’S STAN HEADED NEXT?
>CITY HALL! TIME FOR A GROUND ASSAULT!
>THE FORT! YOU’VE GOT A FLYING MACHINE!
>WRITE-IN!

Q2: WHO’S COMING WITH YA? CHOOSE NONE, SOME, OR ALL OF ‘EM!
>SYBIL!
>ART!
>MITZI!
>KIKI!
>TUCKER!
>EDDIE!
>GUS!
>DENISE!
>PETE!
>TALBOT!
>LIL’ STANLEY!
>ALL OF THE ABOVE!
>NONE! SOLO RUN, BITCHES!

Q3: WHAT CRAFT YOU TAKIN’?
>VAN! (CAN’T FLY :C)
>FIDO!
>PETE’S CHOPPER!
>>
Sorry for the quick signoff, but I can't promise I'll be able to write another update since I'm heading out soon! Kinda works out, though, since this might be a big decision! Should have more for ya SATURDAY AROUND 10-11AM PST-- maybe earlier if I get home at a reasonable time tonight! Thanks as always for being patient and hope to see you again!
>>
>>5384876
Q1: WHERE WE GOING?
The fort feels like the obvious choice. The portal only feels useful if we can't fly.

Q2: WHOSE COMING?
Fuck, I have no idea. Art, Mitz, Talbot, and Lil Stanley are a security concern. Everyone else is a get themselves killed concern, although frankly that seems to be a concern everywhere now.

Two strategies present themselves to me. In one everyone goes in FIDO, and we fucking gatecrash in like the pack of heavily armed nutjobs we are. Let's call that strategy the Army Plan.

Plan two has us and Pete in the heli, and everyone else in FIDO. Team fido makes a big show of raiding city hall, basically makes a big ass distraction, while Pete drops us off in the heli for a solo assassin run. Let's call that the Hero Plan.

I'm leaning HERO, because of the security concerns, but having an army at our back would be nice.
>>
>>5384876
>Everyone except us goes for an air assault while we sneak in through the city hall
>>
YOWZA, tough choice, huh? Just to sweeten the deal a little bit since you might be a little cautious, I'll tell you right now that in regards to >>5385075 anon's daring two plans, BOTH can succeed! Gonna check in a little later, but yea...
One more hint before I forget: Don't forget what Tim can do to regular goofballs.
>>
>>5385075
Remember that Tibius knows everything Talbot knows. Any plan that involves him must be kept more or less secret from him. But Tim will also probably expect something conniving from us, given he saw us try to turn the animal skeletons against him. My bet is we take everyone on both choppers and tell them we’re going for the town hall, but inform Pete and Eddie to just fly up to the fortress instead.
>>
>>5385510
Actually, scratch this. I’ll go with >>5385075 ’s Hero plan. We have them assault the town hall under the belief that we will be attacking from the flank to sneak in through the portal. Instead, we go with Pete to the fort via his chopper and infiltrate that way. The only one we inform of the real plan is Sybil (I would like to hope that her mental willpower and magical ability would make her the most resistant to anything Tim might pull. She’s also by far our most trustworthy friend so that just makes sense for Stan’s reasoning), so that she can direct the others to take the portal through if we need reinforcements. With that portal they would be able to reach us relatively quickly. Additionally, holding that portal denies Tim reinforcements from the ground so long as they can keep them from entering, unless Tim wants to have his dragons ferry troops back and forth between the ground and the sky.
>>
>>5385602
Addendum:
We absolutely have to have at least one person come with us. If not on the chopper, then at the least through the portal. The reason I say this is because if Tim has one of those remotes to fuck us up, or if Boris is up there with one of his own, we’re fucking doomed without someone to counter it and snap us out of it. Personally, I feel like Syb is probably the best bet for that, if we leave Art in charge of the others instead. But in that case, we would only tell Art to follow Eddie and Keek if they give the signal to go through the portal, since we know they don’t have Tim’s influence at all. Unless somebody has something to input or a better idea.

Really, this throws a wrench in the plans. It’s not ideal, but we need some way to counter that Fugue.
>>
>>5385609
Addendum numero dos:
Having thought it over a bit, I reckon we might be able to get by with Tucker, Gus, Kiki, or Eddie. I want to ask Sybil if she thinks the remote that puts us in our fugue might also be able to break someone out of Tim’s hold, as possibly ridiculous or far-fetched as that might be. If it’s possible, then we can bring one of them and leave Syb behind to provide her magical prowess in holding the line at the portal. Otherwise, she’ll have to come with us, and we can leave both a radio and her doll with one of the non-Stan-serumed crew to communicate with. I would have thought about this more last night, but I was blitzed.
>>
>>5384876
Q1: WHERE’S STAN HEADED NEXT?
>THE FORT! YOU’VE GOT A FLYING MACHINE!

Q2: WHO’S COMING WITH YA? CHOOSE NONE, SOME, OR ALL OF ‘EM!
>PETE
>LIL’ STANLEY!

Lil Stanley is on stealth / remote duty. Pete is drivng, with orders to drop us and gtfo. Will Tim/Boris expect our trump card to be a feral raccoon? Honestly if they've been paying attention probably not.

Q3: WHAT CRAFT YOU TAKIN’?
>PETE’S CHOPPER!

Assume Tim is listening to our plans. Spoken plan is to assault city hall while we infiltrate it away from the main attack. The real plan is of course the heli drop off with the all racoon strike force.

Here goes nothing.
>>
>>5385679

Last minute concern I have no idea how to address, what if Boris is in City Hall guarding the portal? I assume he'd return to hunt us down, a taunt about murdering his giiiiiirl friend might help there. Just don't want to get into a situation where he's holding Art hostage and then Art suicides so we can finish off Tim. Not that Art would ever do something like that... right? Right?
>>
>>5385684
I would assume Boris is going after the Lich himself. That was their plan anyway.

I’ll vote with your plan here >>5385679 but we need to know what we’re gonna do with the others. We either have them hold the portal to prevent reinforcements, use the portal and destroy it to achieve the same effect at the cost of possibly stranding us without aircraft, or have the flat out use it and leave it open just in case. I’m leaning towards the second option, but I want to know what you think.
>>
>>5385741
Also, I think we very much should tell Sybil, and ONLY Sybil, our plan. The reason being that if the others assault the portal expecting to meet us there, or not knowing what to do any further, they might assume we didn’t make it to the portal, or that something else happened to us and they may thus be prone to acting rashly in an effort to do something about that. It should be fine to have Syb tell the others the deal once they reach the portal, given that we should be inside the fortress by then, making it more-or-less pointless information to Tim by then.
>>
>>5385754
I'm definitely in agreement about letting Syb know the real details.

I think the decoy team's plan should be to hold the portal until they can't, then go through and destroy it if they can. I don't really want them getting killed in the fortress, but getting killed on the ground ain't much better. Ideally they'd be securing an escape route for us when the fortress starts to fall out of the sky.

There's no way in ontological hell that thing isn't falling.
>>
Got plans right now so unfortunately I can't write an update for the rest of the night (which is a bummer because oh MAN look at all the SICK STRATEGIZING!) and will probably be a little busy Sunday as well around 11am.

I can probably make a quick update EARLY SUNDAY AND AFTER 3PM PST! sorry for the late response and hope to see you then!
>>
>>5385770
>There's no way in ontological hell that thing isn't falling.
Exactly my thoughts. Alright, I think we’re in agreement then. Let’s rock and roll.
>>
>>5385773
>>5385770
>>5385754
>>5384876

+1 Supporting all of this cause it's a solid hell of a plan!
>>
Do you guys ever think our decisions might worry the others? I mean, Stan is supposed to be an idiot, and here we go tactically analyzing the situation and developing a battle-plan like we’re mother fucking Irwin Rommel. I’d like to see how Bones writes this one out.
>>
>>5385075
>>5385121
>>5385510
>>5385602
>>5385609
>>5385657
>>5385679
>>5385684
>>5385741
>>5385754
>>5385770
>>5385773
>>5385874
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Okay, so there were a few flips and flops along the way, but if I understand correctly the plan is the following:
>PETE FLIES BOTH STAN AND LIL' STANLEY TO THE FORT
>REST OF THE GANG CAPTURES PORTAL AT CITY HALL, HOLDS IT UNTIL THEY CAN'T ANYMORE, THEN DESTROY IT BEHIND THEM AND ASSIST IN FORT
>TELL ONLY SYB WHERE STAN'S GOING
Apologies if I forgot anything--I noticed a few other votes in the fray, but this seems like the most popular one? Writing!

>>5386254
Stan is like a cornered raccoon--vicious, unpredictable, and flea-ridden!
>>
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You open your mouth to answer Pete’s question, but the words get stuck halfway out of your throat as your eyes lock with a few choice members of your team: Art. Mitzi. Talbot. Inspecting the aircraft, only a few of them return your stare with a smile or a wave, but you don’t respond as TIM’S words resonate through your spacious skull:

“EVERY skeleton in this wretched burg is MINE, you freckled FOOL! Whatever they see, I SEE! Whatever they hear, I HEAR! Whatever they touch… well, you get the picture.

The last bit sends a shiver down your spine–damn it, Talbot, he just HAD to get all handsy last night, didn’t he?! Putting those memories aside for now, you instead focus on what you know. As a plan slowly sprouts from the dirt in your fallow head, you find yourself snapping your fingers to get Sybil’s attention!

Inspecting the VTOL with Art at her side, The Goth turns almost immediately, as you’ve conditioned her to do, and raises a pierced eyebrow your way. Seeing your grave nod, she trots over as fast as her platform boots will take her, arms wrapped around her thin midsection to battle the cold!

“Yes, Stanley?” She shivers in a helpful tone! “What’s our plan, hm?”

Your plan, you begin as you motion her towards a nearby public restroom, is private, so-

“Uh, Stan?”

Frozen in place by Tucker’s voice, you turn to notice the others looking at you like a bunch of squirrels noticing food in your hand. “What’s going on? Do we have a plan?”

Yea, you nod, you just, uh… you just need to ask Syb about some magical stuff real quick!

“Y-yes!” The Goth adds emphatically, “there’s bound to be plenty of defenses, an-”

“Couldn’t we just talk about it together, then?” Art asks as he and Gus exchange confused glances.

“Yea!” Eddie agrees, “We always get everybody’s input! I say something encouraging, Denise mutters creepily-”

Ehhehheh… It… it’s t-true!” Denise giggles as she continues tinkering with your REMOTE CONTROLLED DUCK.

“Mitzi makes a dry comment or two, and Talbot closes it all out with something brash and stupid!”

“YEA! That-wait, what did you say?” Bellows Talbot before glaring at Eddie.

Yea, well, you stammer, caught in a figurative trap, you um… you also need to take care of, erm…

GIRL TROUBLES!
https://youtu.be/wiX8CJqt3Fc

“OH SHIT!”
“EWWW!”
“TMI!”
“NEVER MIND!”
“Gotcha.”

As the male half of the team expresses their concerns, you take that as your cue to scurry off to the bathrooms! Works every time!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5386547
Pressing her waifish frame against you for warmth, Sybil doesn’t let you go until you enter the restroom. Inspecting the stalls for any eavesdroppers, you lean against the back wall next to a busted tampon dispenser as Sybil gives the room a once-over.

“Curious… we seem to discuss quite a lot in the restroom nowadays, don’t we?”

Better than the roof, you reply with a shrug. Giggling politely at your shitty joke, your BFF sidles up next to you and lets out a relieved sigh. “Can you believe it, Stanley? He’s fine… well, he and Mitzi, of course, but still…”

Yea, you mutter as you awkwardly scratch the back of your head, you, uh, you didn’t mean for it to get so bananas…

“Oh don’t you start.” Sybil huffs as she lightly punches you in the shoulder, “Not every hair-brained scheme of yours is going to work perfectly, Stanley–I’d be far more worried if they all did.” Giving you an appreciative smile, The Goth shakes a few loose bangs out of her pale face. “They just… hopped back up, you know? Like they rose from the dead!”

Yea, uh, you stammer uncomfortably, she doesn’t think they’re…

Undead? No, Tucker and I were certain they were still alive.” Sybil replies as she bites her lip. “But I can’t be certain they would have survived had we not used that SERUM, so… thank you, Stanley.”

Giving your shoulder a squeeze, your friend’s relieved smile shifts into one of concern. “But I presume that serum, or rather what’s in it, is why we’re talking out of earshot, yes?”

Shit, you smile, she really oughta add ‘mind-reader’ to her resume!

“What, you didn’t know I can do that?” She counters with a wry grin! W-wait, so on Valentine’s Day she-

“Just kidding. All jokes aside, Stanley, I know what you’re getting at–you don’t want THE LICH to be privy to whatever it is you’re planning.” She explains before letting out another defeated breath. “And I’m almost certain I won’t like it either, will I?”

Yea, well, you mutter, it’s a bit of a doozy, you’ll admit.

“Marvelous.” The Goth groans as she starts to massage her temples. Is she cool?

“I feel a migraine coming on,” she replies pointedly, “but maybe it will go away if you explain quickly.”

Yea, you doubt it, but here goes…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5386555
To your surprise, Sybil manages to hold it together for your entire explanation! So that’s it, you conclude as you erase the visual aid you drew in the muck on the floor, any questions?

“Comments, mostly.” Your BFF sighs, still rubbing her sore head. “For the record, Stanley, I think it’s a terrible idea: what…” she pauses mid-sentence as the scenario plays out in her head, “... what if you fail? If it’s just you and that pet of yours-”

That’s exactly why you’ll need her and the others to head in too, you interrupt, that and you’ll need an escape route for when things go pear-shaped… and they will!

“Don’t worry, I’m not refusing.” Sybil frowns, clearly bummed that she isn’t refusing. “And despite my misgivings, it’s probably the best plan we have for now… and will have.”

“Don’t worry, teach,” Explains Ly, “Stan’s got Nats an’ I–no way anyone’s gonna pull one over us!”

“You’re right.” She smiles, “You’re in good hands, Stanley, and I know better than to fight you once your mind is set on something, so…”

Bringing you in for a hug, Sybil presses her modest chest into your face! Score!

“I know you don’t need any more weight on your shoulders, but please, Stanley,” She whispers, “PLEASE come back. You’re the only family I have, after all…”

Well jeez, you mutter, still trapped in the HUG DIMENSION, you weren’t planning on it before, but if she’s asking, well-

Your joke is met with a flick to the forehead. OW!

“Alright, that’s enough of that.” She says with a giggle. “So shall we put your insane plan into action, or was there anything else you wanted to say in private?”

Is there?
>NOPE, TIME’S-A-WASTIN!
>KEEP AN EYE ON MITZI, ART, AND TALBOT, PLEASE!
>YOU’VE GOT HER DOLL JUST IN CASE!
>THANKS FOR BEING A PAL!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5386558
>KEEP AN EYE ON MITZI, ART, AND TALBOT, PLEASE!
>THANKS FOR BEING A PAL!

All of these, but the first is probably the most pragmatic. The last is probably the most important.
>>
>>5386711
I second this motion.
>>
>>5386711
Thirding
>>
>>5386711
supporting this
>>
>>5386558
>>5386711
+1
>>
>>5386759
>>5386711
>>5386774
>>5386779
>>5386887
>KEEP AN EYE ON THE JERKS!
>BUT ALSO THX BB :))))
Writing!
>>
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Yea, you nod as a troubling thought begins to make itself comfy in between the sparse folds in your brain, it’s gonna suck, you preface, but she and the others are gonna have to keep a close eye on-

“Talbot… Mitzi… and Art.” Sybil interjects with a serious expression. “Don’t worry, Stanley–-I’ll watch each and every one of them… and I won’t hesitate for a second if they grow unruly.”

Uh-huh, you nod sarcastically, and does that include her Artie-Wartie t-

For. A. Second.” She repeats with an even more stone faced expression than before. “We’ve come too far to let personal feelings get in the way, Stanley. Trust me.”

Uh, okay, you mutter in an apologetic tone, but wow, she answered that really quickly-

“When you’ve been burned as much as I have, Stanley, you learn to keep some ointment close at hand, to use a clumsy expression.” The Goth explains in an eerily-pleasant tone!

Well uh, you stammer, that’s… pretty much it, you guess…

“Excellent. Once more unto the breach, hm?”

Yea, well, you continue as you gently grab the retreating Goth by the shoulder, there is one more thing…

“Well… as long as it’s quick…” Sybil sighs with a hint of impatience, “There is a horde of skeletons on our tails an-”

Tackling your BFF into a surprise hug, you look up at her mildly-shocked, but not unhappy eyes and send a smile her way. Thanks, you mutter, for being such a great friend…

Staring at you for a few more moments, Sybil brings you closer into her embrace and lovingly pats the back of your head. “Someone has to look out for you…. ‘S only fair that I do it, given all you’ve done for me…”

Holding each other for another silent moment, the taller girl lets loose another sigh. “Not that I don’t appreciate this, Stanley, but if you don’t let go now I might start to cry, so…”

Oh! Yea, uh… okay! Letting your friend go, she gives you a warm smile before gesturing towards the door.

“Shall we? They’re helpless without us, after all!”

Yep, you nod, let’s get these cows a-moovin’...

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5386994
“-heard it can be acidic.”
“Shit, WHAT?! Keek, is that true?”
“...That isn’t sign language, right?”
“Nah, she’s just flipping you the bird.”

Emerging from the restroom into the full brunt of the bloody storm, you find your crew taking cover within the two aircraft discussing what you assume was your explanation for running off to chat.

“There you are!” Art remarks, prompting everyone to look your way, “Do we have a plan yet? Those skeletons aren’t that far away, y’know!”

“All in good time, Artie.” Sybil chides, prompting the security goon to simmer down. “Stanley, I believe you have the floor.”

Damn right you do! Climbing atop Pete’s chopper to address the crowd, you immediately reconsider and climb back down after spending a few seconds in the blood blizzard! Okay, you huff, you’re… you think you’re ready!

Any last words to your motley crew? Sybil will explain the plan unless you vote to do it yourself!
>DELIVER AN INSPIRING SPEECH!
>TAKE SOMEONE ASIDE FOR A QUICK PRIVATE CHAT! (WHO?)
>NOPE, LET’S GO!
>EXPLAIN SOME OF YOUR PLAN TO EVERYONE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5386995
>>DELIVER AN INSPIRING SPEECH!

>SOME OF YOU MAY DIE...
>>
>>5387000
The trips have spoken.
>>
>>5387000
>>5387007
>INSPIRING SPEECH!
Oh boy, I knew this was coming. CHOOSE THREE OF THE FOLLOWING CATEGORIES OR WRITE IN YOUR OWN SPEECH/SUMMARY THAT I CAN ADAPT!
>THE WORLD IS WATCHING!
>NOT ONE MORE STEP!
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>HIGHLIGHT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US AND THE SKELETONS!
>OUR FRIENDS ARE COUNTING ON US!
>I'M PROUD OF YOU GUYS!
>TIM'S ASS IS GRASS!
>EVERYONE WAS WRONG ABOUT US!
>APPEAL TO THEIR PATRIOTISM!
>MAKE AN INCREDIBLY-FORCED METAPHOR!
>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE BARELY RELATING TO THE CURRENT SITUATION!
>SHOUTOUTS TO ONE OR MORE PEOPLE!
>REMIND THEM WHO THE CLEARWATER SANITATION COORDINATORS REALLY ARE!
>THEY ALL KNOW WHY THEY'RE HERE!
>DO IT FOR YOUR LOVED ONES!
>YOU'RE BUYING DRINKS WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER!
>WRITE-IN!

On an unrelated note, might have plans later tonight so this might be the last update! Gonna be housesitting for a week starting Monday as well, so when I post it'll be from another, non-formattable device!
>>
>>5387113
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE BARELY RELATING TO THE CURRENT SITUATION!
>EXCESSIVE LEANING ON THE FOURTH WALL
>>
>>5386995
>>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE BARELY RELATING TO THE CURRENT SITUATION!
>>EXCESSIVE LEANING ON THE FOURTH WALL


>>5387113
Niggra, you're trying to kill Bones with this vote, aren't you?
>>
>>5387145
I uh... I am Bones...
>>
>>5387145
Oh. gotcha. Well don't worry: ole' Dem's got a PLAN!
>>
>>5387113
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE BARELY RELATING TO THE CURRENT SITUATION!
>EXCESSIVE LEANING ON THE FOURTH WALL

But just throw in a quick, “No matter what, it’s been an honor.”
>>
Gotta run, but I'll try to update again around MONDAY 4-5PM PST! Hope to see you then!
>>
>>5387113
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>TIM'S ASS IS GRASS!
>I'M PROUD OF YOU GUYS!
>>
>>5387113
A classic pre-battle speech (from RL, not fiction) has a few basic parts: I) an opening that focuses on the valor of the men rather than the impact of the speech, II) a description of the dangers arrayed against them, III) the profits to be gained by victory and the dire consequences of defeat, IV) the basis on which the general pins his hope of success and finally V) a moving peroration; the big emotional conclusion of the speech. As such, I'd like to vote for

>I'M PROUD OF YOU GUYS!
>THE WORLD IS WATCHING!
>OUR FRIENDS ARE COUNTING ON US!
>DO IT FOR YOUR LOVED ONES!
>HIGHLIGHT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US AND THE SKELETONS!
>STEAL A QUOTE FROM A MOVIE/VIDEO GAME!
>>
>>5387146
I mean with writing a really long update.

But I’m switching the vote to this cause I think our crew deserves a serIous speech >>5387392

Seems like either way the vote goes the impending update will be long. Best make it a good one.
>>
>>5387134
>>5387170
>STEAL QUOTES
>LONG-WINDED PERSONAL ANECDOTE
>LEANING ON THAT 4TH WALL

>>5387332
>BASICALLY THE ABOVE BUT MENTION HOW TIM'S GONNA FRIGGIN' DIE

>>5387392
>>5387590
>ACTUAL SERIOUS SPEECH DISCUSSING WHAT'S AT STAKE AND HOW PROUD YOU ARE!

From where I'm standing it looks like Stan's usual bullshit wins if we're counting the TIM'S ASS IS GRASS as a vote for the above--in the interest of finishing the quest in this lifetime, I'm gonna run with those! Also get hype--I don't have formatting powers here! Writing!
>>
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All eyes are on you as you noisily clear your throat–they all know what’s coming next!

“Oh boy, speech time, huh, sis?!” Nats chirps excitedly! Damn right it is, you reply with a nod and a grin!
https://youtu.be/VTsD2FjmLsw
You’ve lost some good people, you begin as you sweep the crowd with determined eyes. Friends, allies, players, both living and undead. Some to bullets and bombs, others to sheer boredom and dislike of the shitty choices we vote-err, made. But whoever they were, they did everything they could to get us here: to the final bout!

Sybil nods and Mitzi even stops reading her magazine for a moment to listen!

They didn’t start this fight, you add, that’s all on those colossal FUCKSTICKS SONNY and BORIS! TIM did a lot too, but you want everyone to be clear once we hit the talk show circuit, so…. Yea!

The film student’s eyes light up at the words ‘Talk Show’!

Anyways, you continue, they might have started this whole thing, but you’re ENDING IT! THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD, but you’re FINISHING THE FIGHT!

You pause for claps, but nothing comes. Guess people are cold. That or you gotta say a little more. You never asked for this, you sigh as you dramatically shake your head in disappointment, and you’re sure no one else here wanted to join either!

“You DID kidnap me, y’kno-”

SHUT UP, ART! What you’re trying to say is that when life throws a lemon tree at you… you, uh…

“... plant it?”
“C-cons-construct a lem-lemonade stand?”

No, damn it, you make shit with it, okay? Denise was pretty close, but… look, no one asks to have a lemon tree thrown at them, but you’d have to be a complete idiot to just leave it there! You can make, like, smoothies with those!

“Sorbet, maybe.”
“Lemon meringue pie?”

Sure, whatever! Are they even listening to you right now?

“It’s pretty cold, Stan.”

FINE, you snarl, you’ll get to the point!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5388036
Feeling your grip on your captive audience slip, you decide to take things into OVERDRIVE! Sniffing a few times to emulate something resembling a sob, you give it a second before really getting in there!

There’s… there’s a LOT of things you never wanted to do, you continue, things you would’ve outright refused if you could! Like this one time back at Good Boy–y’know, BEFORE it churned out skeletons–you were almost done cleaning this vat, right? Must have taken you hours just to get down to the metal!

“HAH! I know how THAT feels!” Laughs Talbot with a knowing grin!

DON’T INTERRUPT! So you were just about finished when you saw it: this big ole’ RAT CARCASS melted over the nozzle at the bottom of the vat!

“A RAT in the VAT? What’d you do about THAT?”

Honestly, you shrug, you didn’t do anything. Apparently it caused a huge BONE SPILL the next day and hurt a few people, you think, but-

“Hey, YEA, I saw that on the news!” Roars Eddie in excited disbelief! Holy CRAP, that was YOU?”

N-never mind, okay!? The moral is that you can’t always get what you want… and, like, sometimes you HAVE to clean up the melted rat from the vat because… because even though it sucks in the beginning, at the end you might find, like, a bunch of friends… and they help clean the rat up and buy you lunch afterwards!

The mild confusion on everyone’s faces is slowly replaced by something resembling gratitude… and maybe happiness?

Look, you conclude, slamming the bottom of your fist into your open palm, it’s been a long journey, and no one’s coming out without an asskicking–looking at you, Art!

“Screw you, Stan!”

But it all comes down to this moment, you hiss! We win or lose it all in the next hour! Maybe longer than that–lord knows /qst/ is slow–anyways, make me proud, you command as you sweep your hand across the crowd, make YOURSELVES proud!

You probably hold your pose for a minute or so before anyone starts clapping, and when they do it’s… well, it’s not BAD…

“Hey, it was a good run, kid!” Ly praises as you motion Pete over to you, “But I coulda’ swore I heard somma’ dose lines before…”

N-no, you stammer, those were all you!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5388037
Before you can retreat into the old man’s chopper, you feel several hands snag you by your shoulders! Hey, what the hell, assholes?!

“Oh no you don’t, Stan!” Sneers Mitzi as she and the rest of the crew pull you closer!
“Not without a GROUP HUG!” Adds Eddie as the hug in question envelops you! Fighting it at first, you let your pals take the lead as they fill the air with cheers and laughter!

“Alright, everybody,” Sybil interjects using her teacher's voice, “We can save the celebration for after the mission!”

“Well what IS the mission, huh?” Talbot asks, prompting the others to do the same! “We haven’t decided on it yet!”

You’re going ahead, you answer in a solemn voice as you gently break free of your friends, but Syb will fill them all in on the rest!

“Wait, so you’re just leaving without us?” Asks Eddie as confusion spreads across his stubbly face! “You sure about that, Stan?”

Yea, you nod, because you know that whatever happens, the CLEARWATER SANITATION COORDINATORS can handle it!

Your invocation falls onto confused ears.

“... who?” Asks Art with a genuinely perplexed expression.

YOU GUYS, you roar! That’s the damn GANG NAME, REMEMBER!?

“Oh yea, we DID do that, didn’t we?” Remarks Tucker as he and Eddie share a nod! “Totally blanked on it!”

“Okay, everybody, clear the landing pad!” Orders Pete with mock authority in his voice! “Unless you’re takin’ the other bird, kid.”

No, you reply, shaking your head as Sybil shepherds everyone else towards the VTOL, he’s your ride.

“You got it. Hop in and tell me where we’re headed, okay?” Nodding a response, you climb into the troop transport area of Pete’s chopper as the others watch from afar with varying degrees of worry, confusion, and sadness on their faces!

“Don’t worry, sis–we’ll see ‘em again soon!” Nats says as the propellers start to whir above you!

Yea, you sigh, you hope so…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5388038
https://youtu.be/J3X3g8LdVGI
You feel a small jerk as the helicopter breaks free of the snow building up at its sides. Rising into a shaky ascent, your ride is bumpy, but it holds firm!

“Give em hell up there, Stan!” Shouts Art as you continue to rise! “And stay away from the grenades this time!”

“Leave everything to me, okay?!” Adds Sybil as she BLINKS high enough to give your hair a playful tousle! “Focus on what you do best!”

“Seeya in a bit.” Waves Gus with a hint of pride in his monotone voice!

“Come back with a story–I’m gonna need details!” Eddie yells as he waves his notebook at you!
“WE’RE gonna need details!” Adds Tucker as Kiki scrambles up their backs and waves goodbye to you with both hands!

“Keep that strength up, yea?!” Shouts Mitzi as she chucks a fresh bag of PICKLE CHIPS your way! “And if you find anyone who tore up that NATIONAL GUARD BASE, give ‘em an extra ass-kicking from me!”

Reaching out for the bag, your hand is intercepted by a fuzzy blur! Landing on one of the seats with a triumphant chitter, LIL’ STANLEY shoots you a mischievous wink as she makes herself comfy! Great, you groan, maybe she can FAT your enemies to death!

“O-OH NO! S-STANLEY, P-P-PLEASE C-CATCH!” Trying in vain to return your REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK, Denise is already in tears after the first two tries! Stumbling into the snow, her sobbing stops as a familiar Evening Sanitation Coordinator scoops the duck out of the snow with a GOODBOYNIUM TENTACLE and prepares to throw it at you with a mixture of pride and fear in his eyes!

“Don’t… don’t worry, Stan–I’ll be the first to pull your ass outta’ the fire!” Roars Talbot as he sends the duck packing in your direction! Snatching it out of the air, you can’t help but let out an impressed ‘OoOH!’ at the new hardware attached to it–are those LASER CANNONS!?

Distracted by the new toy, a familiar pain in your forehead jolts you back into reality! “C’mon, kid,” Tsks Ly’s disembodied voice, “You seriously gonna leave ‘em without even wavin’ back? They’re CRAZY about’cha!”

FINE, you groan as you try to suppress the smile growing on your face! Peering over the edge of the chopper, you wave to your pals until their bodies and cheers are lost to the roaring blizzard…

…leaving you to realize that this might be the last time you see them.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5388041
“Now I may be an’ old fart,” Pete remarks over the chopper’s intercom, “but if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were plannin’ something.”

Yea, you huff as you make your way to the cabin with Lil’ Stanley and your duck in tow, and he’s not gonna like it one bit.

“The FORT, huh? Well I can’t say I like it, but…”

Hang on, you sputter, he KNEW!?

“Well NOW I do!” Pete laughs as he continues to wrestle with the controls, “I’m guessing the others don’t know, do they?”

It’s complicated, you sigh as you try to sit up straight as the wind buffets you around, but if this is gonna work-

“I getcha… after what happened at that Drive-In everything Cliff did finally made sense.” Interrupts Pete in a serious voice. “Poor son of a bitch…”

Yea, you hiss, you’ll get revenge for him… for ALL of them!

“Atta’ girl. Sit tight, then, because something tells me I ain’t gonna be givin' ya’ a comfy landing!” Rising higher through the clouds, the old man shoots you a reassuring grin!

Why… why is he taking this so damn well anyways? For all he knows he’s gonna die doing this!

“Well let’s just say I’m a people person.” Pete replies in a matter-of-fact tone. “I’ve been talkin’ to people all over since this whole thing started, but no one boasted more about ya’ than ole’ Burton did… well, maybe some of the other JOPLINERS came close, but…”

Seeing you bite your lip, Pete gives your shoulder a light, but welcome, shake. “Aw hell, kid, me an’ my big mouth… here I am tryin’ ta’ encourage you and I’m just makin’ ya’ feel WORSE…”

No, you stammer, shaking away the feelings like a pack of mosquitos off your face, it’s fine!

“Well in any case, let’s just say I also owe you kids for saving my ass back in the desert.” He concludes. “Giving you a lift is the least I can do.”

Yea, well… before you can respond, your flying chariot fights through the blizzard with whining motors and roaring engines before finally busting into the EYE OF THE STORM…

And in the center sits your destination: TIM’S FORTRESS!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5388044
“Huh.” Remarks your pilot as the sky around you turns a menacing shade of red, “Thought it’d be bigger.”

Yea, you agree with a derisive snort, dude’s definitely compensating for something! Sallying forth towards FORT DUMBASS, your heart skips a beat as a swarm of countless specks emerges from behind the fortress–enough to block your view of the citadel as they draw close!

“Cripes!” Ly exclaims as you and Pete exchange worried glances, “Dose’ must be da’ things we saw durin’ dat’ ASTRAL SPYIN’ we did!”

Yea, you snarl, those guys SUCKED! Stupid FLYING SKULLS!

Your words barely leave your lips before the horde of FLYING SKULLS tears through the sky to intercept you in a symphony of SCREECHES! You’re just about to pick a weapon to fend them off with when another challenge bursts through the magical blizzard–a BONE DRAGON!

“HANG ON, KID!” Yanking the control stick away from the beast, Pete sends you, him, Lil’ Stanley, and, of course, the chopper tumbling to the side as the dragon just barely misses you!

“Now I know you didn’t expect this to be a relaxin’ ride, but would you mind keepin’ them off our back?” Asks Pete as he prepares to open fire on your attackers, “We’re gonna need a bit more than these guns to stop them!”
https://youtu.be/xgcap-5IBsY
Yea, you reply, grinning mischievously as you unbuckle from your seat, you think you can handle that!

Q1: WHAT DO YOU FOCUS ON FIRST?
>THE SWARM! THOSE SKULLS ARE NASTY!
>THE DRAGON! HE ONLY NEEDS TO GET ONE BAD HIT IN!

Q2: WHAT WEAPON DO YOU USE TO ASSIST PETE?
>ROCKET LAWNCHAIR!
>GRANDPA’S REPEATER!
>BACKUUM 1000!
>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUCK 2.0!
>N4 AUTOMATIC RIFLE!
>BE A TOTAL-GODDAMN-MANIAC AND LEAP OUT THERE WITH YOUR CLAWS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5388045
>>THE DRAGON! HE ONLY NEEDS TO GET ONE BAD HIT IN!
>BACKUUM 1000!
>>
Sorry for the one update today, but it's getting late on my end and work's already getting crazy so I'm gonna call it for tonight! Should have more TUESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Hope to see you then!
>>
>>5388045
I feel like the only reasonable approach here is to Backumm the skulls into the dragon
>>
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>>5388098

I will pretend that that was my complete and wholehearted intention in the first place even though I had no plan beyond haha backuum go brrrrrrr. YEAH, THAT'S RITE IT WAS.

Adding this to my vote >>5388063
>>
>>5388105
I was going to suggest sending out the new improved duck myself until I saw you mentioned the backuum. Or maybe go for rocket laucher aoe against the skulls.
>>
>>5388045
>>5388098 +1
>>
>>5388098
>>5388105
>>5388170
>KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE BONE!
Ingenious! Gonna sneak in a quick update here before work:

ROLL ME 1D100+10(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 LOTS OF SKULL AMMO, +5 JANITOR TOOLS, -5 LOTS OF TARGETS, -5 AERIAL INFERIORITY) TO TAKE DOWN SOME BOGIES WITH THE BACKUUM! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 91 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5388387
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5388387
>>
Rolled 57 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5388387
>>
>>5388392
>>
>>5388392
>>5388396
>>5388399
>HIGHEST ROLL: 101!
That's the way to do it! Writing!
>>
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You slip the straps of your trusty BACKUUM 1000 over your shoulders like a superhero’s cape as the cloud of burning skulls descends on your chopper like a pack of flying piranhas! Firing into the crowd with the helicopter’s guns, Pete simultaneously banks to the side and gives you a perfect vantage point for your weapon!

“Dis’ is gonna SUCK, huh, Stan?” Ly remarks with a laugh as you set the vacuum to the ‘COLLAPSING STAR’ setting! No, you growl, it’s gonna be GREAT!

Snatching a bungee cord off the wall, you waste no time wrapping it around your waist and diving out of the helicopter! Flipping the ‘ON’ switch, you barely manage to brace yourself before the BACKUUM’s nozzle immediately starts sucking up skulls like they were free samples!

By the time the skulls know what’s happening, it’s already too late–try as they might to fight the suction by dodging and sending fireballs your way, shitty magic is no match for HUMAN INGENUITY!

You let loose a sinister cackle as the device sucks up both skull and fireball alike, and as Pete deftly pilots your metal steed through the blood-red skies and the monsters you share them with, you fight bone with bone and send your unwilling captives back at their friends with a flick of the ‘BLOW’ switch!

Their strength in numbers swiftly becomes their weakness! Sending a steady stream of flaming skulls careening into their friends, the air fills with countless chain explosions as your payload erupts into flames on impact!

“Atta’ girl!” Pete cheers as your pursuers quickly become the pursued, “Don’t stop now!”

You weren’t planning on it, you shout as you scoop up some more ammo! Swinging around the bottom of the chopper like a messed-up yo-yo, you grit your teeth through the nausea as the skull horde struggles to get a fireball past your defenses–when they fight the BACKUUM, you just slam them into someone else! When they send multiple fireballs your way, you just spin around and gather them like plums off a tree!

As the cloud slowly begins to dissipate as its tenants, or what’s left of them, plummet out of the sky, your other target bursts from the blizzard and snaps at your heels with a mouth full of flames!

“Oh right, he’s still here!” Observes Nats as Pete yanks you and the chopper out of the flames. Yea, you snarl, but not for long!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5389000
Still convinced it’s the ruler of the skies, the BONE DRAGON tears through the cloud of skulls and homes in on you with murderous intent burning in its glowing red eyes!

“He looks hungry, Stan!” Shouts Ly as you scoop up some more skulls. Good, you fire back, because you’ve got plenty to go around! Sending a heaping serving of skulls and fireballs in the dragon’s direction, you blink in disbelief as it shrugs off the small explosions like raindrops as it dives towards you with open jaws!

Hanging a left, the chopper gets out of the way just in time to avoid becoming a snack, but as you watch the dragon continue to hang onto your tail, a devious plan forms in your head–one that puts your BACKUUM into overtime!

Dipping and weaving through the magical fireworks show around you, Pete gives you plenty of ammunition to work with–scooping up fireball after fireball, you can almost feel the heat inside your backpack as you keep sucking them up! Now THAT’S what you call comfort!

As the old pilot mows down even more skulls daring to intercept you two, you parry a few yourself with a series of well-timed kicks! Feeling your back start to sting from the burning projectiles housed inside the tank, you fire an EYE LASER at the dragon’s big, dumb face to get his attention again! That’s right, asshole, you roar as you flip him the bird, I’m talkin’ to YOU!

The beast rushes towards you with a bone-shaking roar as a geyser of flames erupts from its mouth! While Pete dips the chopper to the side, you take your chance and run with it: flipping the switch to ‘BLOW’ once more, you send all the contents of your BACKUUM flying towards the dragon’s open mouth, and by the time the medieval monstrosity figures out what’s happening, it’s too late!

Empowered by the flames, the fireballs coalesce into one giant fireball before disappearing down the beast’s gullet! With one last rumble from its stomach, the dragon EXPLODES into a massive conflagration that reduces most of the remaining skulls to ash!

“Now dat’s what I call heartburn!” Ly laughs as Pete cheers from the cockpit!

… OOOhhh, you mutter, he was making a JOKE when he said this would suck! You get it now!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5389008
“Okay, kid, I think we just bought ourselves some time!” Pete shouts over the intercom as you begin the arduous journey back up the bungee cord towards the chopper! “Hang onta’ something–gonna try to drop you off before the next wave!

He doesn’t gotta tell YOU twice! Seeing another cloud of skulls forming on the crimson horizon, you’re just about to climb back into the aircraft thanks to Lil’ Stanley reeling your tether back in when a ray of impossibly-bright light singes your lifeline! Hanging by a thread, you barely manage to swing out of the way of a small, dark blur as it buzzes past your cheek!

“What was THAT!?” Exclaims Nats as Lil’ Stanley continues to pull you up with renewed purpose!
“Don’t matter!” Ly replies with a panicked yelp! “CLIMB, STAN!”

ROLL ME 1d100+10(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 LIL’ STANLEY HELPING, +5 FENCER’S FEMURS, -5 HEAVY BACKUUM, -5 PETE FLYING LIKE A MANIAC) TO CLIMB TO SAFETY! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 2 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5389013
>>
>>5389023

WHERE IS EVERYONE TO UNDO MY SHITTY ROLL?
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5389013
>>
>>5389136

I got you
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5389013
>>
>>5389023
>>5389138
>>5389156
>HIGHEST ROLL: 60!
Close one! Writing!
>>
In stark contrast to your days back in gym class, you scamper up the rope with almost blinding speed! If only ‘Dreamboat’ Derek could see you now!

… shit, is he single? Well you’re DEFINITELY going to your next High School Reunion after this–you can rub this little adventure in everyone’s FACES!

“FOCUS, STAN!”

Oh yea, gonna die. Right. Clambering into the safety of the helicopter like a cockroach climbing out of a bathtub, you and Lil’ Stanley exchange worried glances as another blast of light shoots through the cabin area just past your head!

“You get a bead on whatever’s buzzing us, Stanley?!” Pete shouts through the intercom as he starts up the evasive maneuvers again! “Instruments ain’t picking it up–too small an’ too fast!”

“Small, huh?” Muses Nats as another laser TEARS into the hull!
“An’ FAST!” Yelps Ly as you manage to get a glimpse of your attacker thanks to the mighty combination of BONE SPEED and FEMININE INTUITION! Following your eyes, Lil’ Stanley hisses in displeasure–evidently she doesn’t like it either, and why would she? After all, no true raccoon cares much for…

A BAT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLJJRJY1Tcs

Rushing past the helicopter with a menacing SKREEEE, THE BAT sends a menacing smile your way that gives your own toothy grin a run for its money!

“Stan, LOOK!” Barks Ly as he nearly snaps your neck following it! As if the malevolent mammal wasn’t wicked enough already, Ly’s warning bears unsettling fruit: stuck to its metallic wings are a PAIR OF HIGH-TECH CANNONS straight out of a sci-fi flick… and they’re gunning for YOU!

“Dat’ stuff on ‘em–it’s gotta be GOODBOYNIUM!” Adds Ly! “Dis’ is gonna get hairy, Stan!”

Not if YOU can help it, you snarl! Though your bungee cord is dead and buried, your helicopter’s still flying–that means you ain’t outta the fight yet! With Lil’ Stanley perched on your shoulder in a fighting stance, you strike a heroic pose as you prepare to end this bloody rivalry ONCE AND FOR ALL!

WHAT DO!?
>UNLOAD EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT AT THE BAT! ROCKETS! LASERS! BULLETS! HARSH LANGUAGE! SHOOT! SHOOT! SHOOOOT!
>IT’S SMALL, RIGHT? JUST BACKUUM THE S.O.B!
>YOU’VE GOTTA BE SURE… SEND OUT THE REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUCK!
>WAIT… LIL’ STANLEY LOOKS LIKE SHE’S GOT A DARING PLAN!
>WRITE-IN!

That's all for tonight, by the way--should have more WEDNESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Sorry for the late updates--work's been real busy since we got back! Hope to see you next time and thanks as always for playing!
>>
>>5389179
> YOU’VE GOTTA BE SURE… SEND OUT THE REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUCK!

Duck versus Bat in the ultimate showdown.
>>
Could Lil Stanley ride the duck?
>>
>>5389225
Lil' Stanley can indeed ride the duuuuck.
>>
>>5389179
>> YOU’VE GOTTA BE SURE… SEND OUT THE REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUCK!
>>
>>5389179
>YOU’VE GOTTA BE SURE… SEND OUT THE REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUCK!
>>
>>5389179
>YOU’VE GOTTA BE SURE… SEND OUT THE REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUCK!
It is taking all my willpower to resist the Lil’ Stanley mystery box option, but there’s no point when the duck has already been called forth.

>>5389225
FOR WHÆT PVRPOSE?
>>
>>5389179
>Bat it away with the mop
We do have a bonus to that, and for batting a bat it oughta count twice!
>>
>>5389366
I would have gone with this, if it weren’t for the bat having literal laser cannons Attached to its wings, meaning it can just stay out of swatting range. Unless we got creative with another bungee cord.
>>
>>5389191
>>5389229
>>5389273
>>5389336
>THE DUUUUUCK!

>>5389366
>BATTER UP!

Writing!
>>
With a flourish of your gloved hands, you grab your REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK from your pockets and raise it into a launch position! If this leathery-winged loser wants a duel, he’ll GET a duel! Retrieving the CONTROLLER as well, you notice a new button soldered onto the side–a BIG GREEN ONE MARKED ‘PHASED PLASMA CANNONS-WARNING: HEAVY BATTERY DRAW!’

Flinging the feathered fighter into the fray, Lil’ Stanley salutes the duck-billed device as you dramatically point towards the furball of skulls… and THE BAT!

LAUNCH, DUCK! SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND CONQUER THE HEAVENS!

“... and you razz ART fer’ watchin’ dose’ Japanese cartoons…”

>ROLL ME 1d100+5(+5 DENISE UPGRADES! +5 A FATED ENCOUNTER! -5 MANY BOGEYS!) TO BEAT ON THE BAT! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5389927
>>
Rolled 86 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5389927
The time has come. Only one shall survive.
>>
Rolled 73 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5389927
>>
>>5389944
>>5389952
>>5389968
>HIGHEST ROLL: 91!
Writing!
>>
File: duckfly.jpg (20 KB, 480x360)
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https://youtu.be/oWni0LIzQck
Whipping the DUCK out of the helicopter, you flick on the CONTROLLER and sail into the wild red (but normally blue) yonder like a duck-billed eagle! Sensing a newcomer in the fray, the skulls you didn’t annihilate earlier rush to intercept, but they aren’t the predator here!

Executing a perfect barrel roll, you break through the bony barrier with a triumphant ‘QUACK’ as you stun them all with a well-placed press of THE RED BUTTON! Dazed, confused, and utterly perplexed, skulls fall like raindrops as you push through to your opponent–his rodent-like face scrunched into a delightedly-menacing grin!

“Scree…” He begins as THE BAT rushes to meet his challenger head on, “SCREE scree? SCREE, scree SCREE scree SCREE! KEEEEE!”

“What… what’s it doing!?” Sputters Nats as neither combatant pulls away from the impromptu chicken game!

“He’s MONOLOGUING!” Ly exclaims! With only a hair's-breadth of space left, the DUCK and THE BAT let loose their attacks, but both go wide! Brushing past each other, both fighters whip around at breakneck speed to overtake each other once more!

“D-da G-FORCE!” Ly stammers in disbelief, “D-dere’s no way any normal pilot could survive dat’!”

Then it’s a good thing the REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK isn’t a normal pilot, you snap! Rushing to reach THE BAT’S flank, you’re blocked once more by another wave of SKULLS! Letting loose with a storm of FIREBALLS, you barely manage to spiral through the bullet-hell-esque assault before you feel the controller quake in your hands! What the hell!?

Carving through the bony wall with a burst of PLASMA, the DUCK soars gracefully through their charred remains as THE BAT comes around for another attack! Diving below a pair of lasers, the REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK loops back up and around, placing itself right behind its opponent’s rear!

“SCREE!?” Exclaims the bat as it dives to the side! “Scree KEEe…. Keee SCREEE!”

“Gee,” Nats remarks as your now FULLY-AUTONOMOUS DUCK chases its quarry with a series of PLASMA BLASTS, “Sure would be nice to speak BAT right now, huh?”

Yea, you groan, why couldn’t you pick up any USEFUL skills!?

Speaking of useful, the DUCK’s persistence pays off–unable to shake its tail, THE BAT attempts a risky maneuver–pausing mid-flight for a swift turn around, the belligerent bloodsucker bites off more than he can chew–with pinpoint accuracy and brutal efficiency only a REMOTE-CONTROLLED RAPTOR could have, the DUCK BATTERS THE BAT’S sensitive ears with a laser-guided QUACK and a FLASH!

Bushwhacked and bewildered, THE BAT barely manages to fall out of the way in time! No sooner does he regain his bearings, however, does he notice the DUCK coming around again for another assault! Filling the air around the menacing mammal with PLASMA, the superheated projectiles turn THE BAT’s wings into Swiss Cheese!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5389992
Wounded, but not broken, THE BAT spits out a mouthful of blood before letting out a hollow screech!

“Scree… scree SCREE keee kee… Hiss.”

If the REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK has any mercy programmed into its circuits, it doesn’t show it. Rushing at THE BAT once more, his opponent lets loose with a countervolley of lasers! Like two firecrackers spinning off into the night sky, the DUCK and BAT carve through the remaining SKULLS too stupid to vacate the area, and as they lock into a death spiral together, Pete uses the opportunity to hasten towards the FORTRESS!

WAIT, you sputter as you rip open the cockpit door, where the HELL is he going!?

“It’s now or never, missy!” The old man shouts as static starts to fizzle over your CONTROLLER’S screen! “We won’t have another opening like this!”

But THE DUCK, you howl! Is he gonna be able to catch up!?

“I… I dunno, Stan,” Pete sighs, unable to formulate a proper answer, “... but we can’t forget why we’re here.”

DAMN IT, you roar as you slam your fist into the side of the hatch, DAMN IIIIT! Fight, DUCK! FIIIGHT!

>ROLL ME 1d100+8(+5 DENISE UPGRADES! +5 FATED ENCOUNTER! -2 BATTERIES LOWER, BUT NOT LOW!) TO EARN YOUR WINGS! BEST OF 3!
>>
Rolled 23 + 8 (1d100 + 8)

>>5389994
>>
Rolled 96 + 8 (1d100 + 8)

>>5389994
He was a worthy opponent. We will remember him.
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5389994
>>
Writing the last quick update of the night--sorry for the delay!
>>
File: laserbarrage.gif (220 KB, 420x280)
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You slap the CONTROLLER against your hip, but no dice–the static only intensifies! You’re just about to chuck the damn thing out the windshield when you see it–a flash of activity on the feed!

Filling the skies with a triumphant QUACK, LIBERATED DUCK sends THE BAT flying once more, but not in the way he’d like it! Crashing through a few remaining SKULLS and covered in glowing plasma, your fiendishly-fanged foe tumbles head over heel as the GOODBOYNIUM falls from his fur in toasty clumps!

“He’s doin’ it!” Roars Ly as you triumphantly pump your fist! “HE’S DOIN’ IT!”

Screeching in pain and disbelief, THE BAT fills the air behind him with lasers–his two cannons blasting until they melt onto the wretched beast’s burned flesh! Soaring through the maze of lights with the greatest of ease, LIBERATED DUCK closes the gap between his foe with grim efficiency, and like a duck pouncing on an unlucky bug, it’s OVER.

“S…scree…”

But how does it end, exactly? NO ROLLS NEEDED.
>PLASMA. LOTS. THERE’S NO BAT LEFT ONCE THE BARRAGE IS DONE!
>COOPERATION! DISORIENTING THE BAT AGAIN, THE WAYWARD RASCAL RUSHES STRAIGHT INTO YOUR ATTACK (WHICH ONE?)!
>MESSILY! THE DUCK KNOCKS THE BAT INTO THE CHOPPER’S PROPELLERS!
>WRITE-IN!

That's it for tonight--will have more THURSDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Hope to see you then!
>>
>>5390105
>MESSILY! THE DUCK KNOCKS THE BAT INTO THE CHOPPER’S PROPELLERS!
>>
>>5390105
>COOPERATION! DISORIENTING THE BAT AGAIN, THE WAYWARD RASCAL RUSHES STRAIGHT INTO YOUR ATTACK!
>PUT ONE BETWEEN HIS EYES WITH PAP-PAP’S LEVER-ACTION!
A noble enemy deserves an honorable end.
>>
>>5390105
>MESSILY! THE DUCK KNOCKS THE BAT INTO THE CHOPPER’S PROPELLERS!
>>
>>5390113
>>5390151
>MESSY!

>>5390148
>DIGNIFIED!
The committee has spoken! Writing!
>>
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>>5390986
No longer in control, all you can do is watch as THE DUCK delivers grim justice to your leathery-winged foe! Snatching the dazed bloodsucker in its beak like it were a chunk of freshly-tossed bread, your knight in feathered armor brings its prey up towards the chopper’s propellers with a merciless glimmer in its glowing red eye!

“Skre-”

With a whip of its long neck, THE DUCK hurls THE BAT into the spinning blades, soundly defeating its would-be nemesis and turning him into a BAT BLEND–EXTRA FINE!

“HOLY COW!” Roars Pete as the whole helicopter lurches from the sudden finisher, “Hang on, Stan!”

He doesn’t have to tell YOU twice! Clinging to the nearest wall your hand can find, you watch as the air around you is sprayed with THE BAT’S liquid remains! Bathing in the fresh coat of red paint, THE DUCK performs a showy loop-de-loop as it fills the air with a triumphant ‘QUACK!’

As the two of you lock eyes for a moment, you know what must be done. Raising your CONTROLLER for THE DUCK to see, you promptly throw it to the floor of the chopper’s cabin, dashing it to pieces!

“What da’ HELL, Stan!?” Roars Ly as the pieces tumble out the open sides of the chopper, “Now we’ll never be able t-what da?”

THE DUCK gives you a stoic nod before breaking off its escort of your helicopter. Leaving you with one last ‘QUACK’, LIBERATED DUCK dips below the blood-red clouds and vanishes from sight.

“Where’s he going?” Asks Nats as Ly watches him go with a solemn look on her bandit-masked face.

Wherever he wants, you softly reply. He’s in control now…

“Works for me!” Pete chimes in as he brings you closer to THE FORTRESS, “And the timing couldn’t be any better either–look!”

For every skull you’ve downed come five more–rising from every nook and cranny in THE FORT’S sinister masonry, they waste no time in rushing to intercept your ride! As if that weren’t enough, a distant bellowing betrays the approach of another BONE DRAGON… or MORE!

Pete, you mutter as you buzz the citadel’s walls, you gonna be okay!?

“Don’t worry about me, kid, just worry about your LANDING!” He barks as he straightens the chopper out! “Sorry to rush, Stan, but it’s now or never!”

With the skulls descending upon your ride and limited options, you scan the castle below and quickly pick a landing zone:

>THROUGH THAT STAINED-GLASS WINDOW DEPICTING TIM! SCREW THAT GUY!
>THAT OUTCROPPING WITH THE GARGOYLES–YOU CAN CLIMB ALONG IT AND FIND A BETTER WAY IN!
>THE BALCONY! MAYBE THAT’S SNEAKIER?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5391016
>THROUGH THAT STAINED-GLASS WINDOW DEPICTING TIM! SCREW THAT GUY!

How could we not? Stealth is almost certainly the best option, but fuck it!
>>
>>5391016
>THROUGH THAT STAINED-GLASS WINDOW DEPICTING TIM! SCREW THAT GUY!
>>
>>5391023
>>5391030
>WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY!
Flashy and fierce, hell yea!
>ROLL ME 1d100+10(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 FENCER'S FEMURS, +5 EMU LEG BONES, -10 UNCERTAIN ODDS) TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Probably gonna be the last update of the night, too--friggin' wiped from work today... should have more FRIDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST!
>>
Rolled 34 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5391173
Knock, knock, bitch.
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5391173
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5391173
God damnit I forgot we always flub these dramatic entrances.
>>
THIS is gonna be a fun one to write... See you tomorrow!
https://iasip.link/?IlN0YW4gRnVja2luZyBEaWVzIg==
>>
The stealth ship has sailed, you reason as you spy a TALL, GRANDIOSE STAINED-GLASS WINDOW depicting TIM in all his undead unglory below you! If your dramatic duel with THE BAT didn't tip him off by now, the second wave of BURNING SKULLS screaming as they rush your ride must have! No more sneaking! The answer is simple: time to make an entrance!

Letting Lil' Stanley scramble up to your shoulder, you give Pete a quick salute and a rushed goodbye--you'll see him when he picks you up!

"Give 'em Hell, kid!"

You take a few steps back and a steadying breath before leaping out the side of the chopper and into the fresh cloud of SKULLS! Using their craniums as footholds, you and your raccoon assistant hopscotch from head to head past a gauntlet of FIREBALLS over to the window.

Pushing off of your last stepping stone with both feet, a primal roar escapes your throat as you draw GRANDPA'S RIFLE!

TIIIIIM, you howl like a madwoman, YOU'RE A DEAD M-AAAAAGH FUUUUUCK!

The good news is that the window's a lot less-sturdy than you anticipated--crashing through it like a freckled baseball, the gaudy art piece is torn asunder the minute you collide with it!

The bad news is that despite your many powers, shards of glass still sting a LOT. It also doesn't help that in all the excitement you totally forgot to armor up. Whoops.

Emerging into a dizzyingly-high spiral staircase like some kind of messed-up Christmas Ornament, you quickly realize you aren't alone--mildly stunned by your entrance, a squad of skeletons clad in MEDIEVAL ARMOR immediately begin chucking bones at you like throwing axes while another familiar figure floats down to greet you: one clad in a familiar GREEN ROBE WITH AN EYE INSIGNIA!

The member of the ORDER's in no talking mood, however--pointing a skeletal hand in your direction, a ray of crimson light grazes your side as you continue to fall, giving you a sensation akin to being poked with a cattle brand!

Still reeling from the glass and the skeletal wizard's attack, it takes you a moment to realize that you overshot the stairs a little bit. Soaring over the SKELETAL KNIGHT'S attacks, your leap instead deposits you into the yawning abyss dominating the center of the chamber! As you fall to your pretty-certain doom, Lil' Stanley digs her claws into you as she looks for a good stairwell to ditch you for!

>ROLL ME 1d100+5 (+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 FENCER'S FEMURS, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, -5 ENEMY INTERFERENCE, -5 INJURED) TO FALL TO RELATIVE SAFETY! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! IF YOU HAVE A SPECIFIC STRAT IN MIND TO STOP FALLING, WRITE IT IN!
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5391678
Clearly we use the time honored strategy of riding rocket laucher explosions to safety.

What could possibly go wrong?
>>
Rolled 64 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5391678
>>
Rolled 44 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5391678
>>
>>5391750
>>5391752
>>5391791
>HIGHEST ROLL: 69 :^)
Writing!
>>
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Well, you think to yourself as you swap out GRANDPA’S RIFLE for your ROCKET LAUNCHER, at least you won’t have to worry about Lil’ Stanley falling off! Spinning to avoid the hail of bones from the skeletons lining the stairs around you, you take aim for the nearest bit of masonry below you and let loose with a rocket!

The whizzing projectile impacts with the wall almost immediately, and spreading your arms wide for, you dunno, ‘WIND-SPACING’, or something, your gamble pays off when you’re launched back towards where you came from like a yo-yo being pulled back by its string!

As the stairs crumble below you, you take the opportunity to engage in a little more redecorating, starting with the steps carrying SKELETONS! Letting more rockets fly with reckless, but relatively normal in your case, abandon, you reduce several squads of BONE KNIGHTS to dust, scattering their melted armor to the air like napkins at a gusty picnic!

You’re just about to land when your robed acquaintance from before blinks into your path! Caught in his bony embrace, Lil’ Stanley barely manages to leap off of your head before a jolt of magic energy courses through your body. As you feel your blood boil under your skin, your ‘pet’ lands on the sorcerer’s hooded head and immediately tears into it like a plate of nachos!

Startled, confused, and utterly mortified, the Order Skeleton loses concentration just long enough for you to burst free of his grasp… that and deliver a fistful of CLAW into his temple! Collapsing to the floor in a sputter of blue flames, your opponent surrenders his BONE MARROW to you easily as you toss Lil’ Stanley back onto your shoulder and continue storming up the stairs!

TIIIIIM, you repeat with renewed vigor, YOU’RE A DEEAAAAAD MAAAAAAN!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5392033
Thankfully for your legs, the stairs top off after a few more SKELETON KNIGHTS and another ORDER MAGE. Using them as a battering ram, you crash through the DOOR at the top of the staircase and emerge into a room you’d rather not have stumbled into again…

“Aw CRIPES,” mutters Ly as you stare at the mammoth hourglass-esque tube filled to the brim with BONES towering over you, “It’s everyone’s BONES!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC5REupC3Lc
“And LIFE ESSENCE too, I bet…” Nats growls as you hear the sound of armored footsteps approaching from yet ANOTHER massive staircase above, “Well… it USED to be here if my nose is working right…”

That means you’re CLOSE, you reply as you exchange a nod with your pet raccoon. GOOD…

Readying your weapons, you plot your course up to the top of the tower where the mastermind awaits!

What route do you take?
>SLOW AND STEADY UP THE STAIRS! YOU WON’T BE BLINDSIDED, BUT…
>THE MIDDLE–YOU CAN HOP ACROSS FROM STAIR TO STAIR, BUT THAT LEAVES YOU OPEN…
>CLIMB UP THE BONE TUBE! RISKY, BUT FAST!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
Think I'm gonna call it here tonight, actually--got barely any sleep last night and we're coming close to big stuff, as I'm sure you can imagine. Should have more SATURDAY AROUND 10-11AM PST! Might do another roll or two, but if you want another update that's when it'll probably happen since I'm friggin' POOPED.

Thanks again for playing!
>>
>>5392036
>SLOW AND STEADY UP THE STAIRS! YOU WON’T BE BLINDSIDED, BUT…
Go with the route loaded to the brim with his minions and slaughter every last one of them. I want to make a point on how badly he fucked up not finishing us off when he had the chance to do so TWICE.

>TIIIIIM, you repeat with renewed vigor, YOU’RE A DEEAAAAAD MAAAAAAN!
I mean, technically, yeah.
>>
>>5392036
>>SLOW AND STEADY UP THE STAIRS! YOU WON’T BE BLINDSIDED, BUT…
>>
>>5392036
>SLOW AND STEADY UP THE STAIRS! YOU WON’T BE BLINDSIDED, BUT…

Army of minions? More like an army of scooby snacks!
>>
>>5392036
>SLOW AND STEADY UP THE STAIRS! YOU WON’T BE BLINDSIDED, BUT…
>>
>>5392056
>>5392072
>>5392110
>>5392179
>SLOW AND STEADY! TAKE YOUR TIME!
Hell yea! Let's see how this goes...
>ROLL ME 1d100+10(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 SLOW N' STEADY, +10 JAZZED UP ON JUSTICE -5 INFERIOR NUMBERS, -5 ENEMY MAGICAL SUPPORT) TO CARVE A PATH! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! Don't forget to mention what weapons you wanna use!

Next update will probably be SATURDAY AROUND 10-11AM PST!
>>
Rolled 71 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5392192
Keep the armored infantryskellies at a distance, and cut them down with our n4 and laser eye blasts, but close in on the mages with our telescoping mop and ABS to take advantage of both of their weaknesses.
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5392192
>>
Feel free to roll again... it's been slow lately, huh?
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>5392192
>>5392447

I AM ROLLING THE FINAL ROLL LIKE A BOSS
>>
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>>5392458
>>5392255

Supporting this by the way.
>>
>>5392458
Ho. Ly. SHIT.
Writing! No clue how I'm gonna do this one justice, but...
>>
>>5392458

Well shit, you delivered on that one.
>>
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Standing at the foot of the towering chamber, you feel a dull ringing in the back of your head as TIM’S forces rush to cut you off from your goal. Clacking down the staircase snaking upwards around the tower of bones in the center wielding swords, maces, and axes made of bone, they stare into your soul with glowing red eyes… betraying nothing in their cold, lifeless gaze.

The buzzing grows louder as you watch them descend alongside a swarm of BURNING SKULLS and several SKELETAL MAGES clad in ORDER OF THE WANDERING EYE ROBES. That’s right… Curt… Bea… Boris… Sonny… they all watched you fight tooth and nail to get here, and they did it with SMILES on their faces.

“S-Stan?” Nats stammers as you feel Lil’ Stanley tug on your short hair, “I… I’m still wiped from today, so if you’re planning on more DEMON stuff…”

The first squad of SKELETAL KNIGHTS meets you at the foot of the stairs as the ringing grows to a pounding. As their eyes burn holes into your face, you don’t see mindless skeletons–you see CLIFF…

STRIPES...

WYATT…

ANDRE…

TEEVOR...

RODHI…

POPS…

And all the others who sacrificed their unlives to get you here knowing full-well what they’d get for their treachery.

Tongues of fire rise through your face as you remember each and every one of them, and as your hands subconsciously reach for your GOO MOP and N4 RIFLE, you feel something build in your mind–not irritation, or pity, or worry…

This… this is RAGE.

‘Go with the flow’ you think to yourself as you stride to meet your attackers. As your thoughts go dark in your head, you surrender yourself to pure, unadulterated instinct!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5392515
You don’t even bother aiming the rifle. Firing from the hip like a gunslinger out of an old Western flick, you wade through the first flurry of spells aimed at you as if they were dodgeballs tossed by a toddler. Sidestepping the explosions on the ground around you as if they were puddles at work, you empty the remaining magazine in your rifle into the KNIGHTS and swat the stragglers aside with a decisive swing of your mop to their helmeted heads.

Lil’ Stanley squirms into your pocket for cover before handing you a replacement magazine. Swapping them out like you’ve been doing it for years, you immediately empty it into the swarm of SKULLS without taking your eyes off of the next squad of skeletons on the landing above you!

Though most of the SKULLS manage to avoid your blind fire, you hit enough to make a scene–catching one in mid-fireball, you set off a chain reaction of explosions that rises all the way to the top of the chamber catching SKULLS, KNIGHTS, and even a few MAGES in the crossfire! Undeterred by fear or any feelings whatsoever, the skeletons above continue to hold their ground as you slowly ascend.

Though sharpened bones, flaming orbs, and eldritch bolts fill you like a pincushion, you’ve got plenty of MARROW to work with. Still carving through the KNIGHTS like they were cobwebs, you get to a point where you don’t even bother drinking the stuff anymore, and by the time you’re halfway up the tower you’re covered head to toe in MAGIC MARROW like some homicidal abstract art piece!

You don’t even look when you fire your rifle any more. Every time you pull the trigger, something gets shot: SKULL, MAGE, KNIGHT, who the hell cares anymore? As you shove your GOO MOP straight through a MAGE’S cowled skull like a spear, you feel a dull burning in your throat. You’ve been screaming this whole time–you can’t recall when you started.

Powering up the stairs fueled by MARROW and pure anger, the chamber eventually becomes your canvas. Your foes still attack as you climb, but you don’t bother dodging anymore–it’d distract you. Scattering their bones and weapons across the room like the dust you spent so long cleaning at work, their dwindling numbers only fuel you as you reach the final flight of stairs.

As the SKULLS and final MAGE gather to overwhelm you near the center, you flick your EYEPATCH up and counter them with one last LASER BLAST–one that turns the last few enemies into a fireworks show celebrating your victory! You don’t stop there, though–carving a burning swathe through the central tube, you let TIM’S treasure trove spill out into the tower as one final ‘SCREW YOU’!

With that, you mount the final step and find yourself standing in front of a massive set of familiar double doors.

You made it.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5392516
A wave of nausea washes over you as you push the doors open, but rather than open up into the final staircase leading to TIM’S chambers, you instead find yourself walking into an unfamiliar place–a lone platform floating high above a bottomless abyss of alien colors swaying around you like seaweed in the tide!

“Stan…” Ly mutters for the first time in minutes, “Somethin’s wrong here…”

Yea, you growl in a low voice as you continue towards the platform, it screams ‘BOSS FIGHT’, doesn’t it?

Lingering in the center of the platform, you fail to notice anyone out of place–no TIM, no BORIS… you’d almost be disappointed if it weren’t for the icy chill running down your spine. Searching the abyss for answers, the shifting colors and shapes around you offer none. As you make for the stairs leading up towards what you hope is TIM’S CHAMBERS, you feel a familiar, but very unwelcome presence emerge from behind you!

>ROLL ME 1d100 FOR REASONS! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5392519

BORRRRRRRRRRRIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
>>
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>>5392523
>>
>>5392523
You might wanna buy a lottery ticket or ten today, anon. OOF!
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5392519
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5392519
>>
>>5392523
>>5392547
>>5392548
>HIGHEST ROLL: 97!
Writing!
>>
>>5392523
>>5392463
THE TIME HAS COME.

NONE SHALL LIVE.
>>
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Still fueled from your climb, you have no problem sidestepping the attack! Feeling a force akin to a wrecking ball rush past where you were just standing, you barely react as you respond with a smug laugh!

Boris, you smirk as you turn to face your co-worker, you were wondering when he was gonna show up…

“Parble.” Purrs a familiar snide voice, “You’re beginning to make a habit of exceeding my expectations.”

“D’oh maaaan, I TOTALLY whiffed that one, huh~”

Whirling around, you find yourself staring at a mountain of servos and armor topped with a pair of cheerful eyes hidden behind a familiar gas mask/helmet combo. Sheepishly rubbing the back of her helmet, BEA steps aside to reveal CURT BLACQUIERE hovering above the center of the platform with one arm calmly tucked into the small of his back.

“That you did… though I’d be remiss not to attribute some of it to Stanley’s growing skills.” The mage replies with a hint of bemusement in his stern tone. “A shame you never stopped by for that consultation, Parble.”

So much for PYRAMID POWER, huh? Why’d he even bother getting his little club to put that barrier around THE LODGE anyways? Crossing your arms around your marrow-covered chest, a cheeky grin forms on your face. Or did BORIS think that all up for them too?

“Nothing so jejune as that, I’m afraid…” Curt shrugs with a nonplussed look on his face, “Ponderosa… Bruckmann… they had their uses, but I’m certain even YOU’RE aware that there are greater powers at play here, yes?”

You blink as confusion starts to make itself comfortable in your head. The hell’s THAT supposed to mean?

“Use your head, Parble.” The mage tsks disapprovingly, “A necromancer older than most CIVILIZATION comes to Clearwater and your first instinct is to DESTROY him? Can that mush in your primitive skull even begin to fathom what knowledge he could impart on the right disciple?”

“Not to mention that sweet, sweet im-mor-tal-i-ty~!” Croons Bea as she mimes a chef’s kiss in front of her respirator! “Talk about benefits, huh, Stan?”

So what, you respond with a frown forming on your face, they’re WORKING with him?! How batshit ARE they, anyways?!

“A small price to pay for eternal life.” Shrugs Curt as a crackle of MAGICAL ENERGY pops idly from his outstretched hand. “But there’s one more ‘i’ to dot before then, Parble: a trifling matter involving that WILD MAGIC you’ve been cultivating in your body.” Extending his hand your way, he makes a beckoning motion with his pointer finger.

“Surrender it to me.”

How do you respond?
>SO YOU’VE BEEN PULLING THIS SHIT FROM THE BEGINNING, HUH?
>THIS WILD MAGIC–WHAT’S SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT?
>HOW CAN HE TRUST TIM ANYWAYS?
>BEA, YOU DON’T REALLY BELIEVE ALL THIS, RIGHT?
>SCREW IT–SUCKER PUNCH THESE CLOWNS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5392654
>HOW CAN HE TRUST TIM ANYWAYS?
>>
>>5392654
>>THIS WILD MAGIC–WHAT’S SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT?
>>HOW CAN HE TRUST TIM ANYWAYS?
>>
>>5392654
>WRITE-IN!
>I don’t get it. They’re just like Tim and all the other jackasses. They have all this power and knowledge and they could do anything with it, but instead they choose this. Why? Curt of all people should be smart enough to know why it’s wrong. Just like too much of anything, life would be worthless if it never ended. Isn’t it, like, a lack of something that grants things value? They teach you that in echonomics. How much more would we care for flowers if they didn’t go away every winter?

But in more Stan-speak. Basically, I want to dig into why they’re doing this and also try and guilt trip them, even though I suspect it’s a doomed effort anyway.

And Satan makes a good point, too. >>5392666
>>
>>5392666
>>5392727
>>5392738
>TRUST?
>WILD MAGIC?
>GUILT TRIP!
Screw it, let's do 'em all! Writing!
>>
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Sure, you scoff, adding in a derisive snort for good measure, you’ll hand it all over in a jiffy–there’s just one thing you wanna know first…

“I predicted as such.” Replies Curt with matching snarkiness. “Speak.”

“H-hey, Curt?” Coughs Bea, unsure of the best time to interrupt, “C-could I have some more medicine after this? I’m starting to feel-”

“Yes, dear,” The mage answers with a smile, “You’ll have all the medicine you could ever want once this is over…”

Sounds like he’s got things all planned out, you continue as you warily step back from Bea’s hulking form, aside from one important detail!

“Please,” Curt replies with a vague hand gesture, “Enlighten me.”

His whole plan hinges on TIM, right? How the hell is he supposed to trust the guy anyways? It’s not like he’s the most rational guy around…

“You’re correct–that IS a problem.” Nods the mage as he swishes your point around in his tattooed head. “Or it WOULD be… if I trusted him.”

But he just sai-

“Consider that MARROW sloshing around inside of you as a bargaining chip, Stanley.” He explains as Bea pokes her mammoth finger at your belly. “Once I’ve acquired it, LORD TIBIUS will have no recourse but to cooperate.”

So everyone keeps saying, you snarl, but what the hell does it MEAN!? You’ve got powers, sure, but-

“That marrow grants more than mere PARLOR TRICKS, you fool!” Snaps Curt as he blinks to a spot in the air closer to you, “Inside you lies most of THE LICH’S power–enriched tenfold thanks to that chance mutation of yours that refines WILD MAGIC!”

“Two times two is four–four times four is, uh…” Bea counts out loud to herself,

“SIXTEEN.” Curt impatiently interjects. “And were you a practitioner of the ARCANE ARTS, Parble, you could use that wellspring of power to MOVE MOUNTAINS! SHAPE CONTINENTS! But you know no more of magic than that wretched vermin in your pocket knows how to file a TAX RETURN.”

Looking up from a packet of thick documents, Lil’ Stanley peers over a tiny set of reading glasses and hisses at the mage!

So that’s it, huh? TIM’s investing a little? Cashing out now that you’ve juiced up his marrow?

“In layman's terms, yes.” Chuckles Curt as a grim smile forms on his lips. “Which is precisely why I intend on laying claim to it first.” His grin fades as quickly as it appeared. “Frankly I’m shocked your purple-haired friend didn’t beat me to the punch–then again, she IS a mere NOVICE…”

And he’s a mere PRICK, you growl! And that’s a stupid plan, too!

“Your feedback is appreciated.” Replies the mage as he waves your comment away. “Truly.”

Well THAT didn't sound genuine.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5392835
Letting it all sink in, all you can come up with is a disappointed sigh.

“What’s wrong, Stan? It ain’t personal, honest!” Bea explains with a jaunty smile behind her mask.

You just don’t GET it, is what’s wrong, you reply in an earnestly PEEVED tone! Curt has this whole Order of his backing him up–a bunch of knowledge to work with… and THIS is how he uses it!?

“Yes,” Curt scoffs, “THIS is how I ‘use it’. Such are the perks of being the archmage.”

Okay, smarty-pants, you counter, if he’s so enlightened, then shouldn’t he know this is a terrible idea? He’s just setting himself up for one big fall!

“Is that so?” Replies the mage in a bemused tone, “Well then I suppose you’ll be able to tell me where I’ve erred?”

Too much of anything is bad, you explain–like, imagine if flowers didn’t die and come back to life every Winter, right? There’d be no value! He wants infinite life, but, like, it’s just gonna be a prison, won’t it?

“Well not if you have a SHORT life in store already…” Huffs Bea in a voice that implies more than you can interpret. Before you can tug on that line, a slight chuckle from Curt grows into a loud fit of derisive laughter!

“You… oh Stanley, the one thing I’ll miss when I’ve obtained immortality is your charming attempts at wit…” he laughs, wiping a lone tear that drips out from under his eyewear. “Why must the uneducated always turn to reason in their final moments?”

“Yea!” Snickers Bea, “Just like that goofy COMMANDER back at the National Guard Depot, right, Curt?!”

Wait, you snap, what was that about the Guard Depot!?

“Oh man, you shoulda seen him!” Giggles Bea as Curt bites his lip in displeasure, “We were on a mission to ice the COMMANDER, right? But he and a bunch of other survivors were holed up in a panic room, so we went in pretending to break through the skeletons, and-”

“ENOUGH, Bea.” Barks Curt! “It’s ancient history.”

“Ooookay….” Whines Bea as she crosses her arms. “I was just sayin’ that he tried to do the same thi-”

“BEA!”

“Yeesh, sorry!” Apologizes the exosuited amazon, “Me an’ my big mouth, huh?”

Anything else you wanna ask?
>WHERE’S BORIS?
>SO YOU’VE BEEN PULLING THIS SHIT FROM THE BEGINNING, HUH?
>BEA, YOU DON’T REALLY BELIEVE ALL THIS, RIGHT?
>SCREW IT–SUCKER PUNCH THESE CLOWNS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5392838
>SO YOU’VE BEEN PULLING THIS SHIT FROM THE BEGINNING, HUH?
>>BEA, YOU DON’T REALLY BELIEVE ALL THIS, RIGHT?

Then...
>SCREW IT–SUCKER PUNCH THESE CLOWNS!

We'll use these guys as the warm-up before we beat the crap out of kill Boris.
>>
>>5392838
>BEA, YOU DON’T REALLY BELIEVE ALL THIS, RIGHT?
So if I’ve got this straight: Bea has some sort of terminal illness and Curt has taken advantage of that by promising her immortality, and keeping her leashed to his whims by providing her with some kind of “medicine.” What a scumbag. Bea is just a doofus who probably didn’t have many other choices, but Curt is fucked.
>>
>>5392838

> USE OUR ANCIENT RACCOON BOND TO INDICATE TO LIL STANLEY THAT SHE SHOULD CIRCLE AROUND FOR A GOOD OLD FACE CLAW AMBUSH ON CURT.
> ALL THE OTHER STUFF HERE
>>5392842
>>
>>5392878
+1ing this
>>
>>5392878
Yeah, this.
>>
>>5392878
>>5392897
>>5392900
>ANCIENT RACCOON BOND!
>YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A WHILE, HUH?
>BEA, YOU REALLY BELIEVE THIS?
>SUCKER-PUNCH!

>>5392842
>THE ABOVE MINUS RACCOON POWERS!

>ROLL ME 1d100-5(+5 RACCOON BOND, -5 NOT MUCH COVER, -5 ARCANE AWARENESS) TO LET STANLEY SLIP! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 81 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5392908
>>
Rolled 50 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5392908
>>
Rolled 15 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5392908
>>
>>5392913
>>5392922
>>5392953
HIGHEST ROLL: 76!
Writing!
>>
>>5392913
What does this anon even need us for?
>>
>>5392961
yfw he turns out to be the Crit-Fail Poster and this is his triumphant redemption arc
>>
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>>5392961
>>5392969

KONO CRITFAILER DA!!!
>>
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Bea, you mutter under your breath in disbelief, you don’t REALLY believe in this crap, right? You really think Curt’s gonna keep you around!?

“Dooohohoho~ I know what you’re doing, Stanley, you Naughty Nelly, you~” The goon chides as she retrieves her STUN STICK from a hip holster, “And it’s not gonna work, missy!”

Makes no difference to you–while the security goon gives you her response, you’re already reaching out to Lil’ Stanley TELEPATHETICALLY!

To your surprise, you feel your fuzzy friend stir in your pocket!

“Stan!” Hisses Ly under his nonexistent breath, “She’s doin’ it! You really ARE part rac-”

“She’s STALLING, Bea. She thinks you’re an IMBECILE.” Curt interrupts as you feel Lil’ Stanley scurry down the back of your leg! “My associate IS correct about one thing, Parble–you’re merely postponing the inevitable.” A faint red glow envelops the mage as Bea pulls out the end of her weapon revealing it to be some kind of STUN FLAIL! Cracking it like a whip out to its full length, the device crackles with electricity as Curt glows with another type of energy!

“Farewell, Parble… and do give my regards to Boris and Sonny when you reach Hell–I’ll be sending the former to meet you VERY soon.”
https://youtu.be/NP4Y7o8ufAY
Erupting with a blinding red light, Curt gestures towards Bea and sends a wave of energy over her body! Spinning her flail over her head with a menacing giggle, the security goon’s movements blur as they exponentially speed up!

>ROLL ME 3d100(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON SPEED, +5 RACCOON DISTRACTION, -5 BEA HASTE, -5 CURT HASTE, -5 TWO AGAINST 1) TO AVOID THEIR INITAL ATTACKS! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 19, 57, 32 = 108 (3d100)

>>5393004
>>
Y'know what? Gonna give you a +5 to the roll because TECHNICALLY you're not 1 against 2... you've got a RACCOON ALLY!
>>
Rolled 92, 57, 80 = 229 (3d100)

>>5393004
Well, we tried to save them.

We tried.
>>
Rolled 39, 3, 51 = 93 (3d100)

>>5393004
>>
>>5393047
>>5393015
Can we get a bonus if we counter by swiping ice claws across the ground to send Bea sliding?
>>
>>5393054
You know what? Sure! Looks like you passed already, but still!

>>5393005
>>5393047
>>5393052
>HIGHEST ROLLS (+10): 102! 67! 90!
Writing! Might be the last update of the night because I've got plans, but we'll see!
>>
>>5393047

POSITIVE CLUTCH.
>>
Let’s try to focus on taking down Curt, even though if they’re smart (which they’ll have to be to have made it this far) she’ll be keeping herself between Curt and us to act as his shield. I feel like Bea can probably still be saved, Curt is definitely beyond hope, though.
>>
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You manage to add a little ICE to your BONE CLAWS just as Bea’s STUN FLAIL darts for your waist like a viper! Dropping below it like a limbo pole, you immediately segue into a backflip and drag your claws along the platform’s marble-like floor causing streaks of frost to scar its surface!

“Watch your step, Bea.” Warns Curt as he materializes next to you! “You as well, Parble.” Swiping at his head, your attack is soundly thwarted when his eyes emit a blinding light! Though you manage to close your eyes just in time to avoid being affected, you open them just as the mage sends a wave of crackling energy rushing towards you in a broad cone!

Leaping to avoid the attack, you find yourself in perfect STUN FLAIL RANGE! As you realize your mistake, Bea helpfully demonstrates it for you as she immediately rushes you with a flurry of swipes!

“We! Never! Got! To! Spar!” Advancing with each swing of her flail, the agile amazon keeps you on your toes! With each of her steps equating to about three of yours, it doesn’t take much for her to keep up! To make matters worse, the brains of the outfit takes the opportunity to warp far out of the arena and pepper you with a cornucopia of magical projectiles!

“FIREBOLT! ELDRITCH BLAST! FROG’S REVENGE! FLARE!”

Dancing between the flail and the spells, you use the confusion to your advantage and get Bea to follow you onto the ICEY DIVOTS you carved earlier!

“Careful, you foo-”

No dice, pal! Placing one of her mammoth boots onto the frost, the security goon tumbles almost immediately! Falling towards you like a felled redwood, she lets out a panicked ‘WOAH!’ before slamming into the ground TWICE as fast thanks to Curt’s HASTE buff! Nice going, nerd!

Slapping a gauntlet across her mask to regain focus, Bea sweeps at you from the ground with her flail, and just as you leap into the air to avoid her, you feel yourself become lighter–almost as if you were in space or something!

“Look out, Stan!”

Ly’s warning couldn’t have come any quicker! Spinning towards Curt’s last position, you find him holding you aloft with a telekinetic hand!

“Avoid THIS, vermin!”

As he moves to fling you into the abyss, a familiar fuzzy face peeks out from the back of his coat! Wasting no time in pouncing on his face, Lil’ Stanley’s distraction is just what you need to ‘swim’ free of Curt’s grasp just in time to avoid a few swipes from below by Bea’s weapon!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5393081
Dislodging your ‘pet’ with a sudden burst of FLAMES enveloping his body, the mage sends a fireball after Lil’ Stanley as she leaps onto the platform and scuttles towards an edge!

“Hmph! Say your goodbyes to your SISTER, Parble!”

Aiming your LASER EYE at Curt’s blurry form, you put it on hold as Bea slides between you like an exoskeletoned ballerina!

“How’d ya’ know I used to ice skate? Hockey AND Figure Skating, don’cha know!”

Bea’s definitely running defense, but you’re also worried about Lil’ Stanley… What’s next?
>PUT BEA OUT OF COMMISSION–SHE’S TOUGH, BUT NOT INVINCIBLE!
>DEAL WITH CURT–IF YOU CAN JUST GET A SHOT…
>GRAB LIL’ STANLEY–SHE’LL NEED PROTECTION BEFORE SHE CAN SLINK OFF AGAIN!
>WRITE-IN!

That's all for tonight--got plans this evening AND tomorrow, so expect some delays! Might have more for ya SUNDAY AROUND 10-11AM, but we'll see!
>>
>>5393082
>>DEAL WITH CURT–IF YOU CAN JUST GET A SHOT…

Curt's a dick. I'd rather get the jump on him than Bea first since we'll be stuck fighting either-or after we defeat the first one.
>>
>>5393082
>GRAB LIL’ STANLEY–SHE’LL NEED PROTECTION BEFORE SHE CAN SLINK OFF AGAIN!
Snag the furball, she’s our ace to defeat the wild magic weakness, we need her. Plus, she saved our hide once. We might be able to leap over Bea with our Emu Legs!
>>
Actually, I misread the situation. Disregard >>5393101 and go with >>5393088
>>
>>5393082
>DEAL WITH CURT–IF YOU CAN JUST GET A SHOT
>>
>>5393088
>>5393102
>>5393126
>HURT CURT!

Might as well get the rolls going before signing off, right?
>ROLL ME 1d100(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 EMU LEGS (GOOD JUMPING IDEA, ANON), -5 CURT HASTE, -5 BEA HASTE, -5 BEA INTERFERENCE) TO MASH THE MAGE! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Also consider which weapon you'll use: >CLAWS? GRAMPS' RIFLE? CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION? ROCKET LAUNCHER? N4 AUTOMATIC? MOP? BACKUUM? EYE LASERS? SOMETHING ELSE?

Gonna use ELEMENTS too?
>(FIRE/ICE/ELECTRICITY/MAGIC)
Remember--creativity means BONEUSES!

Also that's REALLY it for tonight--maybe update Sunday in the morning PST. We'll see!
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5393192
I’m sure like most mages he’s relatively weak in melee. That’s what he uses Bea for anyway. What I don’t know is what he’s weak to. I wanna try cracking him across his bald noggin with a magically-powered goo mop. It will either go exceptionally well, or very poorly.
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5393192
If Curt wants our wild magic let's give some magic
>>
Rolled 32 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5393192
>>
>>5393217
I think you might need to sacrifice another goat. You’re starting to lose your favor with the dice gods.
>>
>>5393212
>>5393213
>>5393217
>HIGHEST ROLL: 67!
>GOO MOP WITH MAGIC ATTUNEMENT!
Writing!
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>5393263

It’s a new morning, bitch.
>>
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Yea well, you growl as you extend your GOO MOP, try to skate on THIS! Rushing headfirst towards the security guard towering over you, you dart between her swinging SHOCK FLAIL as Curt’s FIREBALL explodes right on Lil’ Stanley’s heels!

“An amusing trick… for vermin.”

While you leap and use Bea’s masked face as a stepping stone, Curt sends a crackling orb rushing towards your raccoon’s fleeing form! Having just barely managed to dodge the FIREBALL, the second time she isn’t so lucky–the orb collides with Lil’ Stanley’s tail and immediately envelopes her in an electrical blast!

Yowling in pain, your pet rolls to a halt across the platform as Curt lets out a menacing chuckle. You don’t like seeing her hurt, but it proves to be just the distraction you needed–turning back to face you, Curt looks your way just in time to see your MAGIC-CHARGED MOP swinging at his bald head!

“NGH!”

He tries to blink to safety, but you’re faster! Fueled by Lil’ Stanley’s pain and your general hate for the guy, you bring your cleaning tool crashing onto Curt’s skull with a surprising amount of resistance!

Gritting his teeth as you push past an invisible force, Curt mutters a quiet “I see…” before you’re both launched in opposite directions!

Though he manages to catch himself with a well-timed blink, the mage seems slower than he was… and whatever force was surrounding him flickers with a faint red light!

“Insolent FOOL!”

Extending his finger towards your falling form, a fine beam of light bursts from the tip as Bea leaps to spike you into the ground like a volleyball!

>ROLL ME 3d100+10(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +5 FENCER’S FEMURS, -5 BEA HASTE) TO LAND SAFELY! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

>>5393510
Sorry, can't count that for this one, but good roll!
>>
Rolled 94, 100, 58 + 10 = 262 (3d100 + 10)

>>5393512
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
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>>5393514
I mean... I can definitely count THAT one.
>>
>>5393514
>>5393516

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrI6sjCNSdI
THAT'S RIGHT.
>>
Rolled 87, 47, 31 = 165 (3d100)

>>5393512
Holding out for a second 100
>>
Rolled 88, 26, 62 + 10 = 186 (3d100 + 10)

>>5393514
OH SHIT
>>
>>5393512
There’s no way my roll can hope to match up.


>>5393514
>>5393510
Bruh.
>>
>>5393514
>>5393562
>>5393563
>HIGHEST ROLLS: 104! 110!!! 72!
Writing!

>>5393567
Just gotta believe, my man
>>
>>5393572

Time for Curt to DIE.
>>
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A gamble presents itself, so you take it! Rather than dodge Bea’s hand, you instead grab it and use it to pull yourself downwards!

“Wh-huh!?”

Flabbergasted by your move, the security goon is too stunned to move as you drop to her side and yank her arm into the direction of Curt’s laser! Intercepting it just in the nick of time, the air fills with the smell of burning metal and flesh as the light envelops her entire arm!

A quiet whimper escapes Bea’s mask filter as you make tracks. Tumbling away from a frantic swing of her SHOCK FLAIL, an unsettling hissing noise hits your ears as the security guard’s arm bursts into ash!

You’re barely upright before the amazon rushes you with a primal roar! Blinded by the pain in the still-sizzling stump of her arm, Bea attacks you with a flurry of blows from her flail, but none of them connect!

“Cease toying with Stan and KILL HER, you braindead OAF!”

Blinking into existence behind you, Curt joins in on the attack with a few swipes of a RADIANT BLADE sprouted from his gloved hand!

“You’re making us look like FOOLS!”

Nah, you snicker as you step to the side and let the two crash into each other, this is all them!

Growling in growing frustration, Curt swiftly teleports out from under Bea’s prone form and glares at her from above!

“C-Curt?” Hisses the giant as she spits a gob of fresh blood out her filter, “C-can… can I have some m-medicine now? She’s tougher than I thought… l-like REALLY TOUGH…”

A fed-up sneer forms on the mage’s face as he blinks to avoid your opportunistic gunshots, but it’s quickly replaced by a bemused smirk.

“Why yes,” he smiles as he retrieves a THIN, UNMARKED VIAL from his coat pocket, “What are partners for?” Chucking the thin tube at Bea’s trembling outstretched hand, he uses the confusion to send a volley of ARCANE BOLTS your way!

>ROLL ME 3d100+10 (+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH) TO DODGE THE BOLTS! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 7, 10, 71 + 10 = 98 (3d100 + 10)

>>5393592
HERE WE GO AGAIN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
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>>5393597
OH SHIT, BROTHERS.
SOMEONE ROLL BETTER BEFORE WE DIE.
>>
Rolled 68, 31, 72 = 171 (3d100)

>>5393597
I gotchu anon
>>
Rolled 55, 59, 58 = 172 (3d100)

>>5393592
>>
>>5393597
>>5393605
>>5393623
>HIGHEST ROLLS: 78! 69 :^)! 82!
Writing!
>>
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His magic’s fast, but you’re FASTER! Cartwheeling out of the magical dart’s paths, the projectiles hit the ground behind you and explode into clouds of glittering dust!

Landing on your feet with a muffled ‘SQUEAK’, you exit your cartwheel and immediately bust out an EYE LASER BLAST! Curt blinks away, of course, but not before the laser grazes whatever field’s surrounding him, and with a sputter of magical energy, the shield flickers out of existence!

So, you huff as the events of the last few updates start to catch up with you, had enough yet?

“No…” Purrs Curt as he watches Bea empty the contents of the VIAL down her mask filter, “I don’t believe I have. But how about YOU, Bea?”

“Nrgh… this… it feels…” She gurgles as she immediately falls back onto her knee clutching the SHOCK FLAIL in her quivering grasp, “d-different, Curt… it… h-”

“Hurts? Now why on Earth would THAT happen, I wonder?”

A predatory smile forms on the mage’s face as Bea keels over and empties her stomach’s contents all over the platform! Moaning in pain, you watch in confusion as a chunky crimson slurry burns through her eye lenses! Watching her armor bulge and contort, you shoot an accusatory glance at Curt as he watches with grim amusement! What the hell did he DO to her!?

“I could explain, but you’ll get your answer soon enough.” He purrs before sending another DISINTEGRATION RAY your way! “Suffice it to say that Bea’s ailment isn’t one that can be cured in a hospital… but perhaps if she assisted The Order with a few experimental concoctions, well…”

“HhHURRRRtttS!” Roars what USED to be Bea as her body starts to stretch and twist like roots of a tree! “HRrrRRGGgGgGHS!”

Blinking behind you, Curt stabs at you with a RADIANT BLADE before retreating from your GOO MOP! You’re SICK!

“Now, now, she read the disclaimer…” Laughs Curt as he watches curved, yellowed teeth burst out of his guinea pig’s mottled green skin! “And she got what she wanted, did she not? See for yourself, Parble…”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5393671
Following his finger, you watch in growing horror as what remains of Bea rises onto four beastly arms sporting claws longer than you are tall! Staring at you with bloody ichor oozing from clusters of insectoid yellow eyes, she opens her new gaping mouth and lets out a baleful SHRIEK that coats you and the platform in viscous ichor that burns your eyes and nostrils just to look at!

“Strength. POWER. Fitting for a brute such as her, is it not?” He muses as he sends a cloud of hissing vapor your way! “‘Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing…’”

You BASTARD, you hiss as you slide past the cloud and fire at him with POP’S RIFLE, she was his PART-

“She was a TOOL, nothing more!” Roars Curt as he cuts you off with a FIREBALL! “A substance-dependent BLUNT OBJECT–as if I’d share immortality with the likes of HER!”

Batting the FIREBALL back at the caster, you swear under your breath as he disappears and reappears above his new ‘pet’. “But I suppose I can’t be TOO displeased… the data she’ll provide tearing you to ribbons shall prove quite useful once I shed my mortality…”

Oh yea, you growl as Bea slowly stalks towards you, he’ll shed his morality, alright! The mage shakes his head as a sigh escapes his mouth. “I’m sure I’ll miss that endearing naivete, but not today, I’m afraid…”

Floating behind the beast, Curt sends a fresh wave of MAGICAL ENERGY over his creation as Bea prepares to pounce!

What do? CHOOSE ONE!
>YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT BEA’S CAPABLE OFF–ATTACK FROM A DISTANCE!
>BEA HASN’T LUNGED YET–RUSH HER AND SHOW WHO THE REAL PREDATOR IS!
>YOUR DISTAL DECOY–MAYBE IT’LL DISTRACT BEA!
>LEAPFROG OVER THE ABOMINATION AND STRIKE AT CURT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5393672
>Ice up the floor and let Bea slide off the platform
In her current state she probably won't be able to recover.
>>
>>5393672
>CHUCK A FLAMING JAR OF JAM AT CURT
Hopefully can get Bea to eat him alive if he smells like jam
>>
>>5393682
This. We can drive her toward the edge and dodge with a quick burst of speed from our legs.

I had hoped she could be redeemed. I didn’t think it was beyond her yet. But I wager whatever affliction Curt has imparted upon her is something that can’t be cured without another wish-granting pearl or a lot more time and knowledge. And we don’t have either.
>>
Actually, forget this >>5393701

This >>5393696 might just be absurd enough to work. It’s a gamble, since Curt may very well have some sort of direct control over her, but maybe not. He’s arrogant. He might just plan on leaving her to wreak havoc while he hangs back or takes off. Do this but make it an electrically powered jar instead. Hopefully the electricity will stun him and drop him from the air.
>>
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>>5393672
>>5393696

+1 JAM IT!
>>
>>5393682
>ICE AN' EASY!

>>5393696
>>5393714
>FLAMING JAR OF JAM!

>>5393707
>JAM, BUT ELECTRIC!

Looks like JAM wins it! Here goes something...
>ROLL ME 3d100+5(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, -5 BEA HASTE)--1 to dodge Bea, 1 to Dodge Curt, and 1 to bean Curt with some FLAMING JAM!

Gonna have plans soon, so if I drop off the face of the Earth that's why! Expect more updates MONDAY AROUND 10-11AM PST, but maybe more will happen tonight!
>>
Rolled 71, 91, 45 + 5 = 212 (3d100 + 5)

>>5393779
>>
Rolled 85, 86, 23 + 5 = 199 (3d100 + 5)

>>5393779
It is truly a talented man who can craft jam as potent a weapon as it is on toast.
>>
Rolled 23, 24, 79 + 5 = 131 (3d100 + 5)

>>5393779
>>
Rest easy Dr. Devon, knowing you helped us save the world.
>>
>>5393991
The lot of the perished good is to inspire bravery from those still fighting.
>>
>>5393781
>>5393782
>>5393803
>HIGHEST ROLLS: 85! 96! 84!
Writing! Sorry, got a little fucked up at an early Labor Day thing. Feeling spiffy now!

>>5393991
>>5394041
Never underestimate the power of preservatives
>>
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On any other day being attacked by a freakish abomination might slow you down, but not this time! Rushing towards Bea head-on, your BONE SPEED proves useful once again when the ex-security goon lashes out at you with both the STUN FLAIL encysted into her claw and her barbed, whiplike tongue covered in teeth like a lamprey’s!

Somersaulting through the attacks, you leap onto Bea’s leathery, elongated snout just as she snaps at you with a mouthful of gnarled, yellowed teeth! As you scamper up her nose and over the still-growing crests and spikes on her head, Curt snorts derisively as he sends a cloud of freezing gas your way!

You vault over the attack using one of Bea’s spikes as the beast struggles to shake you off. Returning the favor with a blast from your LASER EYE, the mage predictably disappears right before impact! You’re one step ahead, though, and in a flash of FEMININE INTUITION, you produce the last JAR OF JAM from your pocket and set it ablaze with FIRE!

A tingling in your ear points you towards his destination, and with 100% confidence you hurl the JAR at Curt! By the time he manifests, it’s too late to dodge, and with no more fshield around him the mage is caught completely off-guard by your improvised sticky bomb!

A howl of pain fills the abyss as Curt’s close is set ablaze! Cursing your name, he douses himself with a water spell that quenches the flames, but the damage is still done–still covered in Vitamin C-rich napalm, the hissing jam clings to his skin and burns it as the air fills with a mixed scent of burning meat and fruit!

Finally shaking you off, indecision clouds Bea’s simple mind as the smell reaches her reptilian nostrils!

“HER, you lumbering IMBECILE!” Snarls Curt as he struggles to wipe off the jam, “KILL HER!”

With growing confusion in her multitude of eyes, Bea lunges at both of you–bouncing between Curt and you like a monstrous pinball! Though Curt manages to stay out of reach, he’s distracted! That’s something!

>ROLL 3d100+5(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, -5 BEA HASTE) TO AVOID THE BEAST! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 9, 6, 31 + 5 = 51 (3d100 + 5)

>>5394400
>>
Rolled 18, 73, 72 + 5 = 168 (3d100 + 5)

>>5394400
>>
Rolled 47, 84, 67 + 5 = 203 (3d100 + 5)

>>5394400
None shall halt the crusade of the righteous
>>
>>5394411
>>5394435
>>5394480
>HIGHEST ROLLS: 52! 89! 77!
Writing!
>>
Should've used ice after all.
>>
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Having grown larger than a barn, keeping out of Bea’s claws is no small feat, even for YOU! Growing angrier with every swipe of her claw and gnash of her teeth, the beast presses the assault even as she juggles chasing Curt around!

Clawing at you like a taloned tornado, Bea comes close to spilling your guts, but only manages to tear a few holes in your coveralls! Though you lament the loss, it’s better than the alternative, and as you continue to dance and dodge around the snarling abomination, you start to see her breaths grow heavier and her attacks slow down!

“It seems even SHE is growing tired of your antics, Parble!” Snaps Curt as he appears high above you with both of his jam-covered arms stretched high above his head, “I certainly have!”

You’re happy to hear it, you growl as you leapfrog over Bea! Smirking at your rebuttal, the mage sends a rain of burning spears towards the platform!

Sidestepping one that gets WAY too close for comfort, an idea forms in your head as Bea writhes in pain behind you–in order to keep the FIRE SPEARS coming, Curt can’t move! That’s your in!

How do you get him!?
>BACKUUM A SPEAR AND FIRE IT BACK TO THE SENDER!
>BURN THE WITCH! LASER EYE TIME!
>VAULT OFF OF BEA AND HIT HIM IN CLOSE RANGE!
>YOU’VE GOT GUNS–BLAST THE PRICK!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5394514
>BURN THE WITCH! LASER EYE TIME!
>>
>>5394514
>>BURN THE WITCH! LASER EYE TIME!
>>
>>5394514
>BURN THE WITCH! LASER EYE TIME!
>VAULT OFF OF BEA AND HIT HIM IN CLOSE RANGE!

Let our smile be the last thing he sees.
>>
>>5394520
>>5394521
>>5394567
>BURN THE WITCH!

>>5394567
Only room for one vote, but I'll assume if you hit 'em then you wanna claw his face off!

Here goes something--don't miss!
>ROLL ME 1d100+20(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, +10 CURT AND BEA TIRED OUT) TO BLAST'EM! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 16 + 20 (1d100 + 20)

>>5394599
TIME TO DIE, CURT!!
>>
>>5394599

Oh, I more meant bound off Bea, get reaaaal close and then blow his head off with the laser. Bastard would probably blink anyway if we got that close.
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>5394599

Smile for the flash!
>>
>>5394619
Gotcha! Can do, my dude.
>>
Feel free to roll again--just need one more!
>>
Rolled 29 + 20 (1d100 + 20)

>>5394599
>>
Just barely!
>>
>>5394618
>>5394621
>>5394679
>HIGHEST ROLL: 52!

>>5394682
You said it, kid. WRITING!
>>
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Still dancing around the spears, you wait until Bea gets close before making your move! Vaulting onto her snout as she snaps wildly at you, you use the welcome boost to leap towards Curt! Tracking your approach with a wicked smile forming on his face, the mage quickly abandons his current spell and points his finger your way!

“Predictable. BEGONE!”

A DISINTEGRATION RAY bursts from his finger tip as your jump takes you straight into its path! Gritting your teeth, you do your best to dodge the spell, but only manage to send it burning through your shoulder instead of your skull!

A sensation akin to having hot rebar pushed through your skin courses through you, but you hold firm long enough to flick your boss’s eyepatch open… and reveal the LASER you’re about to send through Curt’s sorry ass!

“You-”

You give the mage a toothy grin as your own surprise bursts from your eye and bores a bowling ball-sized hole between Curt’s shoulder and ribcage! An unsettling hiss escapes his mouth as he falls on top of you causing you both to tumble back to the platform!

Landing in a heap, the mage gasps for air as he blinks away from you! Before you can chase him, however, you feel an immense force press you down like a piano sitting on your back! As you crash to the floor, you glare at Curt as he sneers at you with one hand over the sizzling hole in his torso, the other extended towards you!

“That’s…” He growls in a hollow voice, “That’s… QUITE enough of that…” Bringing his hand lower, you feel even more weight on your back–enough to bring you to your knees!

“Impressive, Parble…” He grunts, each breath shallower than the last, “But not impressive enough, I’m afraid…” Peering past you, the mage’s wicked smile deepens as you hear something big slowly creep up from behind! “I suppose… suppose I should be pleased… one last… battle… before immortality…”

You freeze up as you feel gobs of steaming slobber drip onto your back.

“BEA!” Barks Curt with rapidly-fading authority, “Leave the marrow to ME, you buffoon!”

Curt, you grunt as the gravity continues to pull you towards the ground, you-

“Save your breath, fool–I could crush your bones into a PASTE if I wanted to!”

Curt, you repeat with a fresh smile on your face, you’ve… you’ve got JAM on your shirt…

Confused, it takes Curt a moment to realize what Bea’s salivating over…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5394764
The mage only has time for a short yelp before his mad science project leaps over you and pounces on him! Filling the pocket dimension’s shifting walls with a terrified scream, Curt desperately tries to crawl away as you feel the magical gravity lift from your shoulders!

“PARBLE!” He shrieks as Bea tries to break past the thin, flickering SHIELD he’s holding between them, “You… you can’t leave me like this!”

Yea? Why not?

“STANLEY!” Roars Curt as his concentration starts to falter, “I COMMAND YO-”

Command HER, you scoff as you point to the jam-crazed beast about to tear him limb from limb, you were never too good at following orders anyways! Locating Lil’ Stanley and scooping her weak form into your arms, you hobble towards the stairs leading upwards as the abyss around you starts to quake and ripple!

“PAAAAARRRBLEEE!” Curt cries! “PLEEAAASE! NOT LIKE THIS! YOU STUPID FOOLS-”

“Let’s hope dat’ prick lets us out…” Remarks Ly as you fight through the pain in your shoulder! You’re about to respond when Curt answers for you–as you ascend the staircase towards the exit, your ears are treated to the sickening, if not somewhat satisfying, sound of a big-headed NERD getting torn open like a Christmas present behind you!

“Huh. Never mind.”
“D-don’t look back, y-you guys…” Stammers Nats as you push through a dimensional fold into a blinding light! “Yuck…”

Emerging into a stone castle hallway adorned with skull torches and a fine red carpet, Curt’s screams and Bea’s baleful moans fade into the wind like a bad dream! Looking behind you, all you see is the rest of the hallway and the door leading back out to the towering chamber you cleared not too long before!

The hole burned through your shoulder confirms you weren’t dreaming, and as your raccoon slowly regains consciousness in your arms, she gives you a thankful chitter before the two of you stop in front of two massive double doors!

“Dis’... dis’ is it, Stan…” Ly whispers, “Two more sets a doors, one more flight of stairs… an’ we’re there…”

Yea, you huff as you slowly catch your breath, he’s got that right…

What do you do next?
>CLIMB THOSE STAIRS… HE’S WAITING!
>CALL YOUR PALS–STATUS REPORT!
>CHECK IN WITH LIL’ STANLEY–IS SHE COOL?
>TALK TO LY AND NATS REAL QUICK!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5394767
>>CLIMB THOSE STAIRS… HE’S WAITING!
>>
Gonna call it here for tonight, but should have more for ya around TUESDAY 4-5PM PST! Thanks for playing and best of luck--we're in the big leagues now!
>>
>>5394767
>CHECK IN WITH LIL’ STANLEY–IS SHE COOL?
>DANGLE SOME PICKLE CHIPS IN FRONT OF HER NOSE! THAT’LL PICK HER BACK UP!
>MIGHT AS WELL OPEN UP THAT REAPER LOLLIPOP; YOU COULD USE SOME CARBOHYDRATES AS A PICK ME UP.

I would like to know if the Reaper Lollipop does anything useful before the end. Hopefully not what would be implied by its name.
>>
>>5394767

Changing my vote >>5394775
to >>5394790
>>
>>5394790
sure why not, Gonna laugh my ass off if Stan actually dies right before the final boss because of this
>>
>>5394829

Imagine that kind of anticlimactic ending after like 2.75 years of buildup.
>>
>>5394790
>>5394826
>>5394829
>CHECK IN WITH LIL' STANLEY!
>CHIPS!
>REAPER LOLLIPOP!
Writing!
>>
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You feel your heartbeat quicken as you stare at the ornate, massive doors, so much so that you find yourself slumping into a sitting position at the foot of the wall!

“You okay, sis?” Nats asks in a concerned tone.

Yea, you nod, but you’re not so sure about fuzz-face here… giving the raccoon a few scritches behind the ears, a pang of concern courses through your head as she responds with a quiet whine.

“Riiight, Curt got her with a spell, huh?” Ly remarks sympathetically. “Poor little furball…”

Running your fingers through her matted fur, you notice no signs of injury. Tough little cookie, ain'tcha?

The woodland critter’s ears perk up a bit at the word ‘cookie’ giving you an idea! Reaching into your voluminous pockets, you retrieve one of the countless bags of PICKLE CHIPS and cut it open with one of your claws! Shaking a few salty snacks into your outstretched palm, a wry grin forms on your face as your ‘pet’s’ nose twitches in anticipation! So THAT’S your game, huh, FATTY?

Chittering something mean in Raccoonish, she continues to feign nigh-catatonia in your arms even after you gently shove a chip into her mouth! After letting you stew for a few minutes, the raccoon finally relents and snatches the whole bag out of your hands!

“Well,” Ly muses as you let the woodland critter take the chips, “She recovered quick, didn’t she?”

She’s tougher than she looks, you reply as you scratch her belly! Helped take down Curt too!

“She sure did!” Nats agrees as the raccoon stuffs her whole head into the bag, “Do um… do you think she’ll be okay against TIM, though?”

Lil’ Stanley’s eyes widen in fear at the sound of the lich’s name!

“Dat’s a universal sign if I ever saw one!” Says Ly. “Y’know, we could always have her link up wit’ da’ others if we really wanted…”

Responding with a noncommittal shrug, a light growl escapes your stomach as you watch the raccoon scarf down the bag of chips. Hey, mind sharing a bit w-

A hiss escapes the bag the critter’s head is stuck in. FINE! Reaching into your pocket once more, your hand wraps around a familiar shape–one resembling a small, wrapped SKULL!

Fishing the item out, you feel a cold chill run down your spine as you stare at the REAPER LOLLIPOP you got ages ago!

“Where’d DAT’ come from?” Asks your skeleton as you unwrap it. You got it in DEATH’S OFFICE, you reply as if he’d just asked how school went today!

“Wait, wha-”

Sticking the lollipop into your open mouth, you’re pleasantly surprised at the tangy flavor that spreads through your mouth! BLACK CHERRY, you remark, top shelf!

Little did you know it’d be the last sensation you’d ever enjoy. Not long after opening it, your impromptu repose against the wall becomes your permanent resting place. Try as she might to wake you, Lil’ Stanley’s efforts ultimately prove to be in vain.

Your friends never find your corpse, but TIM sure does!

THE END
>>
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>>5395784
OW! OOOOOOOOW!

“For the LAST DAMN TIME,” snarls Ly as he sends a sharper pain through your head than you’ve ever felt before, “STOP. JOKIN’. ABOUT. DAT. SHIT! Yer’ scarin’ NATS!”

“I…” sobs the demon’s disembodied voice, “I thought… I thought we D-DIEEEED!”

Okay, Ok-OOOW! OKAY, DAMN IT! YOU WERE JUST DOING IT ‘IRONICALLY’! OW, STOP IT, DICK!

“WHAT DO YOU SAY?! SAY IT, STAN!”

Jesus, f-OW! SHIT!

“SAY IT!”

Okay! “Sorry”! Now can he s-AAAAUGH, FUCK!

“We’re about ta’ fight da’ BIG CHEESE an’ yer’ here jokin’ about a DEATH SUCKER!? GET REAL!” Roars Ly with genuine anger in his voice! “We’ve come TOO far, Stan! TOO FAR!”

Alright, you groan, ALRIGHT… You’re… you’re SORRY, okay? You were just messing around!

“Yea, well,” huffs your skeleton, “Save it fer’ AFTER, okay? Which reminds me: we doin’ dis’?”

ARE YOU?
>YEA!
>ONE MORE THING! (WHAT?)

DO YOU BRING LIL’ STANLEY WITH YOU?
>YEA!
>NO!
>>
>>5395798
>>YEA!

>DO YOU BRING LIL’ STANLEY WITH YOU?
>>YEA!
>>
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>>5395784
Nearly had us with that 15 minute wait.
>>
>>5395798
ARE YOU?
>YEA!

DO YOU BRING LIL’ STANLEY WITH YOU?
>IF SHE’S UP FOR IT!
>>
>>5395805
He is a son of a bitch.
>>
>>5395798
>YEA!
>YEA!
>>
>>5395802
>>5395828
>YES AND YES!

>>5395813
>YES AND IF SHE'S DOWN!

WRITING!
>>
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Oh yea, you nod as you stow the lollipop stick under your hat, you’re doin’ dis!
https://youtu.be/_wiwdlu-Zg0
Placing Lil’ Stanley on your shoulder (the non-wounded one, of course), you get up from your ad-hoc seat and make your way toward the double doors at the end of the hall! As if sensing your approach, they both swing open in tandem as if inviting you in.

“Welp,” Ly sighs as you linger outside for a moment, “It’d be rude not ta’ go up now…”

Steeling yourself and clenching your grime-covered fists at your side, you stroll in like you own the place and are immediately bowled over by an icy gale! Tumbling head over heels, you and Lil’ Stanley grab onto the doorframe and stare at the vast abyss between you and TIM’S INNER SANCTUM floating in the center of the fortress! Who BUILT this shithole anyways!?

As if the fort’s owner heard you, a step materializes out of thin air made of solid bones… then another… and ANOTHER!

Rising one by one like stepping stones in a creek, the floating platforms drift in the roaring winds, but hold firm… firm enough to give you a solid path to TIM’S TOWER!

Taking a cautious step onto the first bone stair, you take a steadying breath as it holds firm beneath you. Great, you mutter as you hop to the next one, all TIM has to do is let you drop!

“I’m thinkin’ he’s long past killin’ us outright by now.” Ly guesses as you slowly but surely make your way across, “Kickin’ us outta’ his house wouldn’t do him any good.”

You hope he’s right! As Lil’ Stanley’s claws dig into your shoulder, you do your best not to look down as you scuttle across the dizzying expanse below. Despite the winds pushing you around like moshers at a Metal concert, you manage to make it across, and your feet only touch the tower’s stone for a second before its front doors open inwards into a inky void!

Striding in like you own the place, you lose a little bravado when the doors slam shut behind you leaving you in complete and utter darkness!

Standing there for a solid minute, your path is illuminated when a pair of eerie blue torches flicker to life ahead!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5395933
More and more torches burst into flames as you continue down the passage. Illuminating innumerable paintings and busts of the fortress’ owner, you get the feeling he’s watching you as you finally come to the penultimate set of doors–their surfaces clad in the darkest ebony devoid of any light whatsoever!

“Hey Stan?”

Yea, Ly?

“Whatever happens,” your skeleton whispers as if you were on hallowed ground, “it’s… it’s been fun.”

A derisive snort escapes you as your toothy grin lights up a portion of the immeasurable darkness. Yea, you laugh, well wait until you see what happens NEXT!

“He won’t know what hit ‘em, sis!” Cheers Nats as Lil’ Stanley stuffs a clawful of chips into your mouth!

THRSH RGH, you sputter!

Time to make an entrance!
>KICK THE DAMN DOORS OPEN!
>EYE LASER!
>KNOCK POLITELY!
>WAIT UNTIL HE GETS ANNOYED AND OPENS THEM FOR YOU!
>WRITE-IN!

Gonna call it early tonight--going back to my main computer tomorrow and I've gotta pack up where I am now. Should have more WEDNESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST!
>>
>>5395937
>>KICK THE DAMN DOORS OPEN!
>>
>>5395939
>KNOCK POLITELY!

I've seen how our entrances go, we kick that door and we'll stub our toe or something
>>
>>5395937
>KNOCK POLITELY!
Basically what >>5395964 said. If Tim had wanted to end us, he could have done it a while back. He’s expecting us to do something brash. Let’s play a little psychological warfare on him and act unexpectedly. It’ll hopefully confuse him.
>>
>>5395937
>>5395939
>>5395964

Switching even though the temptation to do the typical Stan thing is overwhelming.
>>
>>5395978

The most Stan option is to look for a vent...are there any vents?
>>
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>>5395964
>>5395974
>>5395978
>KNOCK!
Tell you what--let's do one more quick update, shall we? WRITING

>>5395805
>>5395824
>picrel
>>
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Sensing danger, Lil’ Stanley retreats into your pocket! “Errr, Stan? You choke on a chip?”

Lingering in place, you don’t answer Ly, or rather you CAN’T. After everything TIM’s done… after all he’s put you through… everything in your body–your being–your VERY SOUL tells you to kick the door open with a snappy one-liner!

But you just can’t do it. It’s what he expects–what he KNOWS you’ll do!

Also you’ll totally hurt your leg on this thing–it’s like, five times bigger than you! Seven, TOPS!

So instead of breaking the door down, you do the opposite–the UNTHINKABLE:

You knock.

No answer.

You knock again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeYWfOXZp7Q
Filling the hall with an unearthly creak, the two doors slowly swing inward as if the bony bastard had just heard you! Just when your eyes are starting to adjust to the darkness inside, a circle of skull torches give you a hand! Flickering to life with a chorus of unsettlingly-human screams, you slowly realize that you’re not looking at torches, but skeletons strung up like Halloween decorations!

“Weeeellll now!” Begins a distant voice that sends a fresh chill down your spine, “Learning manners RIGHT before our meeting? Now THAT’S what I call HUMERUS!”

Past the ring of skeletal tiki torches and across the glass floor covering the tower of bones from the lower levels sits an all-too-familiar figure in a macabre throne held together by several shaking skeletons! Resting his yellowed cheekbone on his knuckles, TIM’s bony tentacles flit idly around him as his glowing red eye regards you with eager amusement!

“Well don’t just STAN there, LAZYBONES… come in!”

An invisible force drags you towards the lich as the doors slam shut behind you! Glancing at the bone-molded ceiling towering high above you, the unseen force deposits you a scant few feet away from TIM’S throne–close enough that you can feel the icy air emanating from his wicked form!

“Y’know… for a JANITOR you certainly know how to make a MESS of things… if I’d known you were going to deliver yourself straight to me, well…” the lich explains with an evil cackle, “I wouldn’t have bothered springing that trap in the Drive-aah, what am I saying? OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE!”

Whipping his skull back in mirthful laughter, his voice ricochets around the chamber!

“Now then…” He hisses with a hint of bemusement in his tone, “Can I get ya’ anything? Snack? Drink? How about a BACK MASSAGE? These phalanges are MAGICAL, you know!”

How do you respond to this twisted S.O.B?
>IT’S OVER, TIM!
>JUST SHOOT THE ASSHOLE. SCREW PLEASANTRIES!
>WHERE’S BORIS?
>HE REALLY DIDN’T THINK THIS THROUGH, DID HE?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5395994
In a magical floating medieval-esque castle? Probably not. Besides, something tells me that Tim can see just about anything going on in here—especially this close to his own chambers.
>>
>>5396054
>>IT’S OVER, TIM!

nice job with the Tim pic
>>
>>5396054
>WRITE-IN!
Like a typical villain, I doubt he’d care if we ask a few questions first. He’s arrogant and narcissistic. Sure of his own victory.
>HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN WAITING TO DO THIS?
>I’M SURE HE KNEW GOODBOY PLANNED ON BETRAYING HIM. SO WHY DIDN’T HE STOP IT?
>WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT US EXACTLY? OUR WILD MAGIC AND WHAT IT MEANS?
>WHY? WHAT DO YOU GAIN IN THE LONG RUN? WHY DIDN’T YOU USE YOUR POWERS TO DO ANYTHING BETTER THAN BE A JERK? HE COULD’VE BEEN A HERO!
>>
>>5396055
Like her raccoon ancestors, Stan can ALWAYS find a way in... whether it's to forage for scraps or create a den, she'll find a way!

>>5396062
Thanks, anon! Even a broken clock's right twice a day, huh?

Alright, that's REALLY the last update of the night! See you guys WEDNESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Thanks for playing and hope to see you then!
>>
>>5396068
>spoiler
On par with my favorite artwork of yours next to the one for High Scholar Izitha and the one you did for Stan taking a selfie with a skeletal dragon.
>>
>>5396074
I am this ID also, by the way. Damn internet connection.
>>
>>5396074
Now I gotta know which one's your FAVORITE, anon! Unless I misread and it's the Izitha one--I really liked drawing that bitch. Dragon Selfie was fun too!
>>
>>5396054
Can we get a massage maybe :)
>>
>>5396054
>WHERE’S BORIS?
>>
>>5396090
It was the Izitha one, because I thought the glow effect and her robe designs were cool as hell. Looking at it again though, I think this one of Tim is the new number one.
>>
>>5396054

> WRITE IN
> DO YOU HAVE A PLAN FOR THE HEROE'S SIGIL?

Let's see if we can wind him up a bit. I have a sneaking feeling Boris is waiting to ambush Tim, and I'd like for Boris to lose a few limbs doing it.
>>
>>5396233
Sure, why not? Switching to this.
>>
>>5396233
To clarify: are you asking if he has a plan if someone shows him the sigil?
>>
>>5396361
Sure? I, and presumably Stan, don't have any idea how it works , but I do want to make Boris's life harder.
>>
>>5396054
>>5396233
>>5396065

Switching to combine these votes. Time for Boris to pay his dues.
>>
>>5396488
Or this works.
>>
>>5396095
>BACK MASSAGE SOUNDS CHOICE RN ACTUALLY

>>5396110
>WHERE'S BORIS!?!

>>5396233
>PLAN FOR HERO'S SIGIL?

>>5396488
>>5396705
>SIGIL
>HOW LONG?
>GOODBOY?
>WHAT ABOUT OUR MAAAGIC?
>WHYYYYY

Strap in, folks--gonna be a long one. Writing!
>>
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Alright, you know he’s evil and all, but a BACK MASSAGE sounds friggin’ AMAZING right now, so clearing your throat in an attempt to dispel the awkwardness, you ask if TIM can get you, uh, ‘set up’.

“But of COURSE!” He croons in that nasally-voice of his as a skeletal thrall forms behind you and starts kicking the crap outta’ those KNOTS in your back! That’s the TICKET!

“Seriously?” Hisses Ly as you bite your lip and close your eyes for a moment, “Dat’ does it–gonna sign ya’ up fer Special Ed-ooh, hey, dat’ DOES feel good!”

RIIIGHT? Spellbound by the skeleton’s magic hands, you wrest control of your mind back long enough to ask a question–after all, villains LOVE to spill their guts right before the final battle!

So, you begin, voice quiet and shaky from the ongoing massage, he thinks he’s gonna win, huh?

“Would I be this calm if I wasn’t certain?” Replies the lich in an unnervingly chiding tone!

Well you-OH MAN, right THERE! YES! Ahem, nothing’s uh… nothing’s set in stone, man! How long has he-little more to the left-how long has he been planning this, anyways? This kind of evil couldn’t have been planned overnight!

“HAH! Longer than you can COUNT, MOP JOCKEY!” Laughs the lich as his skeleton throne and torches join in, “Tell me, worm: what do you know of THE DRUIDS?”

Well, you ponder aloud, they don’t celebrate Christmas and your uncle always talks about how they run all the ban-”

“DRUIDS, Stan.” Ly politely corrects.

Oh! Well you know HE’S one, you explain, and that he got his ass kicked a while ago, but that’s about it!

“I SEE…” Purrs TIM as he runs a phalange across his chin, “Very well… I shall elucidate for you… THE MYSTERY OF THE DRUIDS!”

Dramatically raising his bony hands skyward, small, glowing puppet strings sprout from the lich’s hands along with two equally-luminescent puppets–both wearing humble robes and wearing bone charms in their impressive beards!

“My Circle met in what is now the Scottish Isles on a swampy, wretched rock bereft of anything save for insects, brambles, and bogs. There were others like me, of course, but they require no mention–nor do they deserve it!”

What was the island’s name, you ask with mild interest.

“IRRELEVANT!” Booms the lich as your masseuse takes cover behind you! “Besides, if you tried to pronounce it you’d go mad… or accidentally bite your FAT TONGUE off! FOCUS!”

Hey, your tongue isn’t FAT, oka-

“In those days solitude was common, and with little outside interference we were free to commune with nature and study in peace… for a time, at least.”

Your eyes widen in surprise as the puppets dive into a squabble!

“But as always, POLITICS reared its ugly head! The Archdruid fell ill and we knew a replacement would be needed… you can imagine how THAT went, hm?”

Sure, you shrug, whatever!

“Hey, YOU ASKED TO HEAR THE STORY! LOSE THE ATTITUDE!”

>CONTD.
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>>5397142
So lemme guess, you groan, already growing bored, they had a few disagreements, right?

“Impatient cur…. OF COURSE we QUARRELED!” Roars the lich as you, the masseuse, and even the puppets are flung towards the doors! “I was to be the Archdruid–ME! But those thick-headed simpletons made another our leader… that’s when I knew, Stanley–that’s when I learned the hideous truth of this world: that merit means nothing… NOTHING… in the face of POPULARITY!”

Wait, you interrupt, barely stifling a laugh, did… did he seriously turn evil because he wasn’t POPULAR?! What is he, a High School Gir-

“An intriguing conclusion coming from someone who too felt like an outcast!” Sneers TIM, prompting your laughter to fade as quickly as it arrived! “Yes, Stanley… I know aaaaalll about you… you and your sickly upbringing… the handful of friends you barely managed to cling to…”

Fuck YOU, you snarl, he doesn’t know JACK!

“I daresay I know you better than you know yourself, my dear!” Snickers the lich with a hint of malice! “And it matters not–while you festered in your jungle of raging hormones and need for attention, I FLOURISHED!” TIM booms as he sends a wave of RED FLAMES across the chamber! “While those imbeciles barked at the moon and chewed on mushrooms, I communed with THE OLD ONES–the gods whose names faded long before mortals could utter them! As they grew fat and complacent, I grew STRONGER! BOLDER!”

Rising from his throne, TIM finally gives you a reminder of just how tall he is–standing upright like that Christmas tree they put up in New York every year, he leers at you with a vile twinkle in his eye!

“When those loathsome ROMANS landed on the island my metamorphosis was all but complete. Though my peers fell to their weapons, I alone emerged from the fray… and as I stood basking in the steaming blood of Druid and Roman alike, I knew what must be done–what I was born to do!”

You can almost hear a storm brewing outside as the lich dramatically spins in the air! “Using their fleeting LIFE ESSENCE, I performed the forbidden ritual–and as the island crumbled under my power, I bid the weak, quivering confines of my mortal flesh behind… and when I awoke again, the world had forgotten me!”

Clenching his bony fist in your direction, TIM’s crooked smile deepens. “Despite some… setbacks… I did not die, and though I was cut down before my conquest could truly begin, I didn’t die… and when my spirit awoke once more, I found myself in a new place… one RIPE for the picking full of feebleminded sycophants eager to do my bidding at the promise of worthless trinkets!”

CLEARWATER, you murmur as the pieces slowly fall into place, you came to CLEARWATER!

“I practically BUILT this town, you NUMSKULL!” Snaps the lich with genuine offense in his voice! “But yes… you’d be surprised what a pack of DOGS will do if you throw them a few BONES!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5397143
Alright, you scoff, so if he’s so smart and knows Clearwater so well, why didn’t he stop Sonny from trying to BETRAY him, huh? Or did he not even know about GOOD BOY’S plan?

“Betray?? BETRAY!? HA!” TIM falls back into his throne as his laughter echoes across the room! “Is THAT what you call it!? BETRAYAL?!”

Yea, stupid, you reply, it means when someone tric-

“I know what it MEANS, you CRAVEN CUSTODIAN! Do you really think I’ve lived THIS long by trusting my blundering subordinates!?” Clicking his teeth together in irritation, TIM leans closer to you as if telling you a secret: “Bruckmann, my PHYLACTERIES, even that buffoon BORIS… they were all TOOLS, don’t you see!? Violent pawns in this game of mine!”

Seems like a lotta’ extra work if he’s just trying to gather up corpses, you scoff! Pretty lame!

“For all their plotting and scheming, all they managed to do was provide me with the ESSENCE I required.” Shrugs the lich as he leans back into his skelethrone. “And with the remaining humans freezing to death rattling their cage below, it’s only a matter of time before I gather up their remaining corpses and march them out of this miserable burg… a shame you won’t be alive to see it…”

A glint appears in TIM’S eye as he stares at you. “And I imagine neither will dear, sweet Sonny, will she? It’s a shame, you know–when she was a child she spent her days howling and crying at the gifts she received from her father and I… but once she grew older she started to believe she was better than everyone else… quite the nasty habit… and a fatal one, hm?”

More where THAT came from, you hiss through clenched teeth.

“I’m SURE there is, Stanley… especially with her craven partner still scurrying about like a rat. But not to worry–you’ll be long gone by the time I deal with that BONEHEAD!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5397145
The massage continues, but you aren’t into it anymore. So that’s his big plan, huh? He’s gonna take all the magic you gathered and slurp it up?

“Ah, you finally figured it out!” Laughs TIM as you brush off the skeletal masseuse, “Saves me the trouble of explaining it–good thing, too… I know how much you HATE BIG WORDS!”

Tell me something else, then, you snap! How’d he know you were going to… to REFINE all of that energy anyways?

“I didn’t!” TIM answers with a laugh! “I’ll admit I was a little… IRKED… when you refused to become a thrall back in the FACTORY, but once I discussed the matter with your coworkers I began to taste opportunity on my lips!”

So THAT’S why you aren’t dead, huh? Because he messed up?

“Don’t sound so proud, Stanley–I had just woken up and you’re as pitiful as they come–were I to take my time examining you I would have recognized it almost immediately–I don’t know how you happened upon such a wondrous mutation, but once I knew what had fallen into my clutches, well…” A spider scurries out from a gap in his grinning yellow teeth. “I daresay you made me rethink my entire scheme, my dear. It’s not every day you find something so fantastically USEFUL!”

Pointing his fingers in your direction, you feel a fit of dizziness overwhelm you bef

hen you awaken, you find yourself face-down on the cold glass separating you from the mountain of BONES below the chamber.

“HA! And THAT too!” Hoots TIM as he slaps his knee with delight! “Not much of a hero when you can be turned on and off like a nightlight, now ARE you?”

Yo

n and off a few

mes bef

ops.

“NEVER GETS OLD!” Roars TIM as he falls into another cackling fit! “Bursting at the seams with WILD MAGIC and even comes with an OFF SWITCH–that’s RICH!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5397147
Still reeling from several reboots, you spit another question at the lich: Why?

“Hmm?” Asks TIM as he cups a hand to where his ear used to be, “Speak up, fool, I can’t hear you when you mumble, y’know! Kids these days…”
WHY, you repeat! What does he gain from trying to take over the whole world like this!? I mean, it’d be an improvement here in CALIFORNIA, but the rest of the world!? He could have been a hero with all of his abilities!

The lich cranes himself forward and looms over your prone form with malice in his glowing eye! “Why?” He echoes in disbelief, “Why NOT!? Look at all the POWER you pilfered from me, Stanley–do… do you REALLY think you’d have gotten this far without them? With ONE!?”

I mean, you mutter as you scratch the back of your head, you HAVE been rolling pretty well an-

“Foolishness, Stanley… FOOLISHNESS!” Booms TIM as he leans forward even more! “You mortals feud over the pettiest of reasons: riches, land, gods, even IDEAS! While my peers were cut down by a band of gaudy-armored savages over the promise of land, I bettered myself! When their ‘grand’ empire fell, I achieved IMMORTALITY!”

Rising once more from his throne, TIM raises both hands into the air and sends lighting crackling across the room! “While self-proclaimed ‘wise men’ and ‘philosophers’ struggled to find meaning in their pitiful lives, my meaning was clear: I had conquered DEATH ITSELF, and as I stepped over his ragged corpse, I laid my unclouded eyes on the Earth for the first time… and I knew it was MINE for the taking!”

The lich makes a grand gesture around the chamber as you hear the wind howling outside! “With the power I retrieve from your bones, I shall sweep across the land like the light of the sun: purifying all I see with my enlightened judgment!”

The room quakes around you as you feel yourself slowly float above the ground!

“With my divine power I will reshape this vile place… molding it like clay into a land suitable for MY greatness! Long have I waited, Stanley, but at long last… the time is NIGH!”

Dropping you to the floor like an old toy, a hollow laugh escapes TIM’S nonexistent throat as he smiles at you. “And you, my dear… you just put me AHEAD of schedule. Some HERO you turned out to be, hm?”

Speaking of, you stammer, still shaking off the lich’s speech, didn’t he get beaten before? You could almost swear you saw some kind of SIGIL-

In an instant both you and Lil’ Stanley are hurtling towards the ceiling!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5397148
An unseen force crushes you against the sharp bones molded into a grim tableau above TIM’S throne, and as you struggle to fight against the gravity, you watch as the lich slowly levitates up to you with an outstretched hand and a murderous look in his eye!

“I REFUSE to hear his name… or anything else of his!” Pushing you harder against the ceiling, TIM slowly regains his crooked smile as pain begins to shoot through your back! “Do yourself a favor, my dear: leave history as history… who knows? Maybe if you behave yourself I’ll make you into something DIGNIFIED once I’ve taken care of you… a towel girl, perhaps? Or maybe a STOOL?”

A wicked laugh escapes the lich’s mouth as he drops you and Lil’ Stanley to the floor again, and as the latter chitters in pain, a look of bemusement forms on TIM’S face!

“Well, well, I KNEW I smelled a little more marrow…” Bringing the raccoon closer with an invisible hand, TIM glances at you as if he’d just come up with a fun new game!

“Tell me, Stanley… you’ve been such a well-behaved girl, would you care to check in on one of your friends before we end this dance? Your purple-haired pal, perhaps? Or maybe her beau and your first ally in your crusade against me?”

His eyes narrow with delight as he savors each and every possible choice. “Ooh, or maybe that red-headed HUNK of yours, hmm? It’s a wonder you didn’t SMOTHER him the other night with all that tongue you u-”

SHUT UP, you roar as you struggle to pick yourself back up! Shut the hell up!

“You’re right–It’d be MUCH more fun to enthrall him again, wouldn’t it?” Muses the lich with a shrug. “Perhaps there’s someone else, then? Someone new… or someone you haven’t seen in a while? I wonder how your brother will feel knowing his idiot sister KILLED the world?”

You don’t even give him the satisfaction of a response. Charging up a fresh EYE LASER, y

“Such a stubborn will you have, Stanley.”

Picking yourself off the floor again, you immediately ready another bla

“Really now, dear, this is beginning to get AWKWARD.”

Damn it, you hiss, is h

“HEY, it’s FUNNY AGAIN! NYAHAHAHAHA!”

>CONTD.
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>>5397150
The reboots slowly start to take their toll–as your face grows progressively more and more sore with each shutdown, you feel your heart and lungs grow sore as your brain struggles to catch up with them! Stop, you hiss, still sprawled out on the floor, just… just stop..

“You know what? You’re right–neither of us have time to check in on your little friends!” Chuckling to himself, TIM takes Lil’ Stanley’s floating form and hurls it across the room and into the wall! Slamming against it like a cartoon, the critter slides listlessly down to the floor and lies there as you feel yourself get picked up in The Lich’s telekinetic grasp!

PATELLA me this, Stanley…” Purrs your captor as you struggle to break free, “What is a mage’s greatest asset? Surely you know by now!”

You feel a faint tickle in your ear as you continue to fight against him! D-don’t… don’t call me ‘SHIRLEY!

“Amusing. Answer the question.”

Well?
>STAY SILENT! SCREW YOU!
>NOW, BORIS! (DISTRACTION!)
>EYE LASER THIS KOOK!
>HIS SELF-RELIANCE!
>HIS MIND!
>WILLPOWER?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5397151
>WRITE-IN!
BLOW A RASPBERRY AT HIM!

It's probably something like POWER. Or possibly CONTROL, but screw him.
>>
>>5397172
>RASPBERRY!
Writing the last update of the night! HERE GOES
>>
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Oh, you give him an answer, all right! Sticking your tongue out as far as it’ll go, you purse your lips against it and blow as hard as you can!

RNNNNK! WRONG!

With a snap of TIM’S bony fingers, the tickle in your ear becomes akin to a massive centipede burrowing through your ear canal! Nearly biting your tongue in half in surprise, the sudden pain coursing through your head causes you to drop to your knees as your vision swims! What… what the Hell-

Not Hell, no… not YET, at least! Nyahahaha!” The Lich’s booming voice distorts upon entering your ears! “And for those listening at home, the answer, my dear, was his MIND!

As if on cue, the centipede becomes a drill--its invisible bit carving deep into… wait…

You see, Stanley, no matter how much POWER a warrior obtains,” Continues The Lich as he looms over you with a faint red light emanating from his temples, “There is nothing… NOTHING… that can shield him from a mage with the right spell… especially when it targets his WEAK MIND!

Something prods at the edge of your consciousness as you feel your senses fade. It wants to get in the driver’s seat, you think as your already slow thought process slows even further, it wants to-

That’s right…” Purrs TIM as you feel your body go limp into his waiting bony tendrils, “Just a tiny rest and your mind will be ALL MINE… get some beauty sleep, Stanley… you could USE some! NYAHAHAHA-

Your world collapses around you before you can flip The Lich one last bird.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5397208
A loud noise rouses you from your unintended slumber! Snorting as you wake, you find yourself sitting in a cozy, if not somewhat old-fashioned LIVING ROOM–specifically in a well-used RECLINER with the footrest stuck firmly open under your feet!

There’s the noise again–a rustling in the bushes behind the drawn window blinds… a faint rumble from the tan ceiling above you… a rapping at the front door.

You know this place, of course, but the familiar setting doesn’t calm you down any–and as you regain your bearings, you detect another presence in the PANTRY hidden away in the modest kitchen behind your seat.

Stan’s Kitchen, you mutter to yourself in growing worry, or rather her Parent’s Kitchen.

No doubt about it, you think as you free yourself from your comfy prison, this is the house she grew up in, but if that’s the case, you continue…

Why do you feel like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff?

The medium-sized LCD television standing on a worn-out stand in front of you reflects your worried face revealing you to be:

>LY: STAN’S SKELETON AND MOST STEADFAST SUPPORTER!
>NATS: DEMON TENANT AND MASCOT SUIT ENTHUSIAST!

Identity confirmed, you start by heading to:
>THE PANTRY! SOMETHING’S IN THERE!
>THE WINDOW! MAYBE YOU CAN GET A GLIMPSE AT WHAT’S OUTSIDE?
>UPSTAIRS–IS SOMEONE CREEPING AROUND?
>THE FRONT DOOR–WHAT KIND OF PERSON KNOCKS AT THIS HOUR?
>SHOUT! SEE IF SOMETHING COMES TO YOU!
>WRITE-IN!

That's it for tonight, folks--might have an update or two THURSDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST, but I'm also gonna be kinda busy, so no promises! Thanks again for playing and sorry for the wait--back in my old digs again!
>>
>>5397212
Shit--whoever you choose is in the FAMILY ROOM, not the LIVING ROOM! My bad!
>>
>>5397212
>>LY: STAN’S SKELETON AND MOST STEADFAST SUPPORTER!
>THE PANTRY! SOMETHING’S IN THERE!
>>
>>5397212
>LY: STAN’S SKELETON AND MOST STEADFAST SUPPORTER!
>THE PANTRY! SOMETHING’S IN THERE!
>>
>>5397220
>>5397212

Support. You got this Ly.
>>
>>5397212
>LY: STAN’S SKELETON AND MOST STEADFAST SUPPORTER!
>THE PANTRY! SOMETHING’S IN THERE!
>>
>>5397220
>>5397225
>>5397232
>>5397418
>LY!
>PANTRY!
Writing! Got plans later tonight, so I'll see what I can whip up! NO COMPLAINING!
>>
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Being the closest and most immediate threat to... well... whatever's going on, you give the FAMILY ROOM another once-over before creeping towards the source of the noise!

Creeping, you scoff internally, what da' Hell is goin' on anyways? As you run the last few minutes through your head a few times, you enter the kitchen to find it in a state of... you guess you'd call it 'controlled chaos'.

The Parbles were never 'spic and span' types, but that doesn't mean they were slobs, either. Aside from the odd coffee stain on the kitchen island and one side of the sink filled with hand washed (but not yet dried) dishes, the most cluttered thing you can see is the surface of the refrigerator--its white surface stuffed with old Post-Em Notes, family photos, and, of course, countless comic strips cut from the newspaper.

Stealthily retrieving a STEAK KNIFE from a cedar knife holder, you try your best to keep your bone rattling to a minimum as you slink over to the PANTRY DOOR! Despite your quiet approach, whatever's hiding behind the wooden accordion-sliding door freezes as you draw closer, no doubt thanks to your damn jingling ribs!

You count to three in your skull as you gently wrap your bony fingers around the doorknob, and you barely get to 'TWO' before the pantry EXPLODES open, showering you with fresh wood chips and a cornucopia of soup cans and dried goods! Without Stan's speed to ferry you out of harm's way, you instead rely on the tried-and-true method of crumbling into a heap of bones on the floor!

"RRRAAAAAAAARRRR!"

Your idea pays off in spades--no sooner do you fall to the ground does a creamsicle-colored blur LAUNCH from the pantry with a pair of sharp claws extended and ready to slice you into ribbons! NATS, you sputter from the floor, It's me!

"Ly!?"

Sailing into the dining table, the demon crashes through the wood and tablecloth like a missile and lands in a heap still clad in her MASCOT UNIFORM! "Ly," she repeats as you reassemble and help her up soon after, "What's... what's happening? This isn't Stan's-"

Her mind? Yea, you nod with forced courage in your voice, you know... Must be somethin' else... shooting a glance around the KITCHEN and FAMILY ROOM, you fail to find any more noise sources, but one thing's for sure:

Something's coming!

>CONTD.
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>>5397947
"TIM was doing something before we blacked out..." The demon continues as she slowly pieces things together, "You think this is it?"

A rustling in the bushes answers her question for you. Scanning the bottom floor of the house with your knife ready to rock, you give Nats a curt nod--you're bettin' on it! Extending her claws, Nats turns and gives you a worried glance.

"We gotta' find Stan--if this is her mind-"

The two of you are interrupted by the crash of breaking glass! Then another! And ANOTHER! Before you can rush to investigate, your answer crashes through the kitchen window next to you in the form of a trio of red-eyed skeletons!
https://youtu.be/ctOR8O5i-o0
As you stomp one of their skulls in, Nats takes care of the two others with her claws, but as the home invaders poof into nothingness, they're quickly replaced by even more skeletons climbing through the shattered window! Before you can react, the whole bottom floor is filled to the brim like a Holiday Party! Dressed to kill and then some, the skeletons barely look at you before marching towards the stairs.

Watching them go, an unnerving thought crosses your mind--STAN'S ROOM! It's UPSTAIRS!

As Nats tears into the skeletons, you decide to:
>ASSIST HER! WIPE THEM OUT!
>BARRICADE THE WINDOWS! BUY YOURSELF SOME TIME!
>FIGHT YOUR WAY UPSTAIRS! NO TIME TO WASTE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5397948
>>FIGHT YOUR WAY UPSTAIRS! NO TIME TO WASTE!
>>
>>5397948
>>FIGHT YOUR WAY UPSTAIRS! NO TIME TO WASTE!

God if only we had some mermaid smut to distract them!
>>
>>5397954
>>5397981
>UPSTAIRS!
No time to lose!
ROLL ME 1d100-5(+5 NATS SUPPORT, -10 INFERIOR NUMBERS) TO GET ON UP THERE! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 41 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5398104
>>
Rolled 9 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5398104
>>
Rolled 15 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5398104
>>
Well it was a good run guys.
>>
>>5398222
trips of truth
>>
Just got back and I'm pretty wiped, so let's table this until FRIDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! RIP Art, by the way!
>>
>>5398122
>>5398133
>>5398212
>HIGHEST ROLL: 36!
WRITING!
>>
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While Nats gets to work grinding the party crashers into mulch, you rush to get upstairs--whatever's happening it's gotta be related to Stan, and you of all skeletons know that if she’s anywhere in this joint, it’s gotta be her room! If she’s busy playing one of those damn Dating Sims again…

Quickly relaying your plans to Nat’s blurry mascot-suited form, the demon clears you a path through the marching skeletons, but it doesn’t last! For every bonehead torn to shreds, you realize as you rush towards the stairs with your STEAK KNIFE held aloft like you knew how to use it, three more enter from the inky darkness surrounding the house!

Shoving one of said invaders to the side, you hop over another just in time to nearly get skewered as a colossal BONE SPIRE RIPS through the wooden foyer floor! Half-dodging, half-collapsing out of the way, you barely manage to recover before even more burst through the walls and turn the Parble residence into a pincushion!

GO, LY!” Barks Nats as she struggles to keep the tide of skeletons from reaching the stairs, “I’LL HANDLE ‘EM!

You give the demon a thankful salute as you rush past the emerging spires and head upstairs. You’re just about halfway there when you feel something akin to a lasso wrap around your ribcage, and when you stop to look at what’s snared you, all you see is empty air!

Well, well, well… this mind isn’t so empty after all, is it?

Jerked backwards by an invisible bungee cord, you flip around mid-flight to find yourself staring straight into TIM’S sinister eyes–their glow even brighter than before! Yer’ makin’ a huge mistake comin’ in here, pal!

Is that so? Well… I think I’ll manage.” Grinning through a mouthful of gnarled, yellow teeth, a low, menacing chuckle escapes The Lich’s mouth as more BONE SPIRES emerge!

Now let me guess: you must be that ‘LY’ character Stan’s so fond of…” Whipping his other hand towards Nats as she leaps above the crowd to deliver a decisive blow, TIM sticks her to the ceiling by sending a SPIRE through her torso! “And a pet DEMON too… how CUTE.

Fighting to break free of the sorcerer’s grasp, you shout Nat’s name as she struggles to unimpale herself!

To think my attempt to enthrall that JIBBERING JANITOR would produce a glitch like this…” Spinning you around in his telekinetic grasp, TIM examines you like a work of art! What da’ Hell did he say!?

I said you’re a MISTAKE, thrall. An OOPSIE. A WHOOPSIE-DAISY!” Laughs TIM as the home, and the dimension itself, starts to quake around you! Glancing upwards, you can already hear a commotion from Stan’s room! NO!

YES!” The Lich answers as more skeletons march single-file up the stairs! “Listen close, LY! HA! Get it?!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5399164
Lifting you higher towards the ceiling for a moment, TIM brings you close to his face as the first floor starts to warp around you!

Just a few more seconds and your custodial companion will be reduced to a drooling idiot barely able to stand!

The commotion upstairs grows louder–is she fighting? Your vision’s starting to fade…

Not that that’ll be much of a change for the big dope! NYAHAHAH!

No, you mutter under your nonexistent breath, she… she can’t!

MMMmmmyes she CAN, actually!” Snickers TIM as he shakes you around a bit! “Turns out the poor girl can’t hold a candle to even ONE of my thralls here in her own MIND… sad, really!

As Nats continues to fight the SPIRE stuck through her chest, you feel something well up within your bones–something primal!

You know the worst part, pal? Poor kid won’t even know she lost!

Something POWERFUL!

Oh well… it’s a mercy, really–you’re her skeleton–do you REALLY think she woulda’ survived past thirty? Be honest, now!

ROLL ME 1d100+20(+50 SUPPORT STAN! -10 INFERIOR NUMBERS, -10 TIM MAGIC, -10 REALITY BENDING) TO SUPPORT STAN! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF THREE ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5399166
Fuck him up Ly.
>>
Looks like you passed, but I got plans tonight as well, so we might have to continue SATURDAY AROUND 10-11AM PST! Still got two rolls left, so try not to mess 'em up! Hope to see you next time!
>>
Rolled 80 + 20 (1d100 + 20)

>>5399166
>>
Rolled 33 + 20 (1d100 + 20)

>>5399166
>>
>>5399168
>>5399238
>>5399247
>HIGHEST ROLL: 103!
WRITING!
>>
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Just when you’re at your breaking point, you hear something tumble down the stairs behind you!

AHA! There’s our Sleeping Beauty now! Careful, you numskulls!

Turning to follow where TIM’S gaze is, you see Stan lying at the bottom of the stairs with fresh blood and wounds seeping through her modest nightshirt!

SIIIIIS!” Shouts Nats as she struggles to break free of her bony prison!

Welp, no need to ‘STAN’ on circumstance here!” Jokes The Lich as he drifts towards Stan’s unconscious form, “Now if you excuse me, folks, I’ve got a date with POWER to ke-

Seeing TIM reach out for Stan causes your rage to spill over. For a brief moment The Lich’s grasp over you falters, but that’s all you need to get your arm free! Snatching your skull off of your spine, you raise it over your head and bring it CRASHING DOWN on your captor’s skull with an almost comical ‘BONK!

W-WHA?!

More confused than anything else, TIM pauses long enough for you to get another smack in… and another. And ANOTHER! Clubbing his hooded, antlered skull like an angler finishing off a fish, you barely notice when he lets you go!

ACK! STOP TH-OW-AT, YOU I-OOF!-MBECILE! M-AAAUGH!-Y CONCENTRATION!

Having regained your entire body, you slap your skull back into its socket and play a little CHIN MUSIC on this sonnovabitch! Spinning both arms like windmills, you deliver a beatdown of cartoon proportions as TIM’S braindead thralls watch with blank eyes!

GET ‘EM, LY!” Cheers Nats as she gets to work snapping the spire in half, “GIVE IT TO ‘EM!

A fire burns where your heart would be as your punches go up and down The Lich’s body playing him like a xylophone! When that gets dull, you detach one of your arms and go to town on him baseball style!

STOP!” Roars TIM as you smack him in the gob and send his skull spinning on its axis, “I… I COMMAND YOU!

You don’t hear him. Knocking the sorcerer over somewhere in the middle of the smackdown, you get on top of him and get to work mashing his skull into mashed potato!

STAY! DA’! HELL! AWAY! FROM! STAN!

YOU CAN’T-

Standing the mage up one last time, you ready another whirlwind punch and deliver a showstopping UPPERCUT straight to his jaw sending TIM reeling as it FLIES OFF!

As the wizard topples over a nearby couch and lands in a heap in the FAMILY ROOM, you feel the fire inside you die a bit–STAN, you shout, you okay!?

Still bloodied, the girl doesn’t respond.

WHAT DO?
>MAKE SURE TIM’S DONE HERE!
>WAKE STAN!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>MAKE SURE TIM’S DONE HERE!

Keep that bastard down! Have Nats check on Stan if the evil skeletons are stunned.
>>
>>5399804
>MAKE SURE TIM'S DONE!
That's the ticket! ROLL ME 1d100+40(+50 PROTECT STAAAAAN!, -10 TIM MAGIC) TO FINISH KICKING HIS MENTAL ASS! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 35 + 40 (1d100 + 40)

>>5399906
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>5399906
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5399906
>>
>>5399939
>>5399976
>>5399994
>HIGHEST ROLL: 125
WRITING!
>>
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Concerned as you are, you know better than to leave TIM to his own devices even if you did just knock several of his blocks off! Pushing past the crowd of idle skeletons, you motion Nats over to Stan’s passed-out form as you make your way towards the sorcerer’s crash site! Go grab Stan, will ya?!

ROGER!” Having snapped the BONE SPIRE jutting through her chest during the beatdown, the demon rushes to Stan’s side as you climb onto the knocked-over sofa in the LIVING ROOM! Not that it’s ‘living’ anymore, of course.

Sure enough, the bony bastard is already rising from the floor. Turning to check on the two of you, The Lich looks just in time to see you flying towards him, elbow extended and ready to take him down again!

Oh for crying out lo-

To TIM’S credit, he gets a spell off before impact, but it’s too late–you’re already on him by the time he casts it! Laying into his mental projection again, you feel reality quake around you once more, but this time the SPIRES and skeletons start to depart!

NOOO!” Roars The Lich as he desperately swipes at you with his claws, “I CAN’T CONCENTRATE, YOU FOOL!

GOOD, you roar, THAT’LL MAKE IT EASIER TA’ KICK YER’ ASS! As Nats drags Stan up the stairs, you feel The Lich’s bones splinter under yours as his grip on Stan’s mind wanes, and as he struggles to fight back against your righteous onslaught, his army slowly fades away into the ether around you!

You’re just about to cave in his ugly skull when you feel reality shift once more, and with a wave of dizziness you start to feel like you’re being dragged away somewhere!

LY! SHE’S WAKING UP!” Reports Nats as you grab TIM’S neck to stabilize yourself for one more punch! Winding up for the mother of all haymakers, you feel the sorcerer slip out of your grasp in the form of a black mist! HAH, you laugh as you watch him depart into the abyss, come back soon, ya’ cloak-wearin’ FOSSIL!

If The Lich hears you, he doesn’t respond. Watching him depart, you rush over to Nats and check on Stan as she stirs from her slumber. Is she okay?

I… I think so!” Nats replies with mild uncertainty, “But now what?

Now, you hiss, it’s all up to her…

With that, the mental house falls apart around you as Stan’s eyes open with renewed vigor!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5400056
When you open your eyes, you find yourself on the transparent floor of TIM’S chamber. Jabbing his fingers in your direction, disbelief clouds TIM’S stone-faced expression as sparks of magic leave his fingers… and do nothing else!

YOU… WHY WON’T YOU SLEEP?!

“Because we’re here ta’ wake her lazy ass up, ya’ spikey-headed asshole!”

Stan…” Whispers Nats, “I’m ready to go again… you know what I mean!

Ly’s right–though you feel something groping for a ‘switch’ in your head, something keeps slapping it away! Cracking your knuckles, you step closer to The Lich as a toothy grin forms on your face! What’s the matter, TIM? Afraid of a little janitor?

Insolence…

Roused by his sour voice, you feel a wave of energy wash over you. That’s right, you think to yourself, Ly and Nats…

IMPUDENCE!” Rising from the floor himself, The Lich’s eyes glow bright with growing rage as the glass below you starts to crack!

IMPOSSIBLE!

The last word comes out as a roar that echoes across the chamber and bursts the floor open like a baseball hitting a window! As the bones cached beneath rise into the air, the mirth in TIM’S voice is replaced by pure, unadulterated HATRED!

YOU….” He growls like a roll of thunder, “YOU WILL HAVE ETERNITY TO REGRET THIS, STANLEY! UNENDING SUFFERING!

Great, you smirk as you rise to your feet, because that’s a lot longer than he has left! Unable to contain yourself any longer, you prepare to give TIM the thrashing he’s deserved since the beginning!
https://youtu.be/yXheIQ4mwno
DO YOU USE DEMON IGNITION?
>YES! RIP HIM TO SHREDS, NATS!
>NO, YOU WANNA KICK HIS ASS ON YOUR OWN!
>>
>>5400061
>>YES! RIP HIM TO SHREDS, NATS!
>>
Well dang, I'm humbled! People REALLY don't want Bones to end so they're taking their time voting today! I'm gonna have plans in less than an hour so here's what we'll do: I'll give this vote a little longer, then if there's a bit more of a consensus I'll whip up one last update! If not, we'll just keep this open until SUNDAY!

Regardless, expect more updates SUNDAY AROUND 3-4PM PST--maybe earlier!
>>
>>5400061
>YES! RIP HIM TO SHREDS, NATS!
Me busy lately. Much do. Little time.
>>
>>5400061
>YES! RIP HIM TO SHREDS, NATS!
>>
>>5400062
>>5400235
>>5400237
>BANG BANG BANG, PULL MY DEVIL TRIGGER!
ROLL ME 3d100 FOR SOME DEMON IGNITION ATTACKS! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! GOT ANOTHER QUESTION FOR YOU TOO:

HOW DO YOU ATTACK?

>UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL! TEAR HIM TO SHREDS!
>FROM AFAR! THROW STUFF, EYE LASERS, KEEP AT RANGE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
Rolled 64, 92, 62 = 218 (3d100)

>>5400431
>>UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL! TEAR HIM TO SHREDS!

YOU FUCKERS BETTER NOT MISS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
Rolled 80, 61, 64 = 205 (3d100)

>>5400431
>>
Rolled 99, 48, 22 = 169 (3d100)

>>5400431
UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL! TEAR HIM TO SHREDS!
>>
>>5400436
>>5400455
>>5400468
>HIGHEST ROLL: 218!
>UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL!
Writing!
>>
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Nats, you snap as mountains of bones rise around you, LET’S TEAR HIM TO SHREDS!

Crashing down upon you like tidal waves, your vision goes dark for a moment before it comes back tinged RED! As you dig your way out like a rocket-propelled drill, TIM is already waiting with a RADIANT BLADE taller than him! Darting to the side, you feel the radiating heat sting your demonic skin as it hurtles towards the ground!

DIE! DIE! DIIIIIE!

The Lich sends a squadron of BURNING SKULLS your way, each one quaking and eager to explode! Dipping and dodging between the explosions as they light up the chamber, you screech to a halt when the sorcerer’s blade parries your claws and holds you in place!

The whole room shakes as the two of you clash blades–neither giving an inch! Feeling every tendon in your devilish arms start to burn, you almost consider disengaging before you feel something give in TIM’S defenses–THERE!

Filling the air with a beastial roar, you shove his magical blade aside and pounce! A peculiar buzzing tickles your teeth as you dig in–no doubt a barrier similar to what Curt had. All the same, you carve through like it was a Thanksgiving turkey and get a few clawfuls of cloak and bone before an invisible force blasts you backwards!

THIS CHANGES NOTHING, STANLEY! NOTHING!

Crashing through the wall, you hang by a claw over the dizzying expanse below the fort for a moment before you notice an army of spectral skeletons rushing towards you to finish the job! Pulling yourself back in, you swat the freaky phantoms aside as BONE SPIRES burst from the bones below to halt your advance!

Some of them you dodge–others you just slice through, but as you close in for another attack, a cloud of black mist washes over TIM– a shroud that makes your demonic spine chill just looking at it! Staying the course, your fears prove to be valid–every second within the mist feels like a million gnarled fingernails and teeth scraping at your flesh, and though you immediately feel boiling devil blood ooze across your flesh, you push through long enough to tear through TIM’S ribs!

AAAAUGH! MY STERNUM!” Contracting in shock and pain, The Lich grabs for you, but you’re already gone! Bursting out of his back like a red-eyed bullet, you’re caught by the sorcerer’s backhand and sent flying through another wall!

Saving yourself again, you look past the rush of spectral skeletons to find TIM aiming five glowing finger’s worth of spells in your direction!

DEATH RAY!

ROLL ME 3d100 TO DODGE THE SPELLS! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 15, 35, 85 = 135 (3d100)

>>5400815
>>
Rolled 49, 74, 14 = 137 (3d100)

>>5400815
>>
Feel free to roll again--Sundays tend to be a little slow!
>>
Rolled 38, 72, 24 = 134 (3d100)

>>5400815
>>
>>5400816
>>5400820
>>5400877
>HIGHEST ROLL: 137!
Writing!
>>
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Fatigue similar to the one you felt earlier at the DRIVE-IN slowly settles into your demon-powered muscles, but you can keep going…

You have to!

Rushing TIM’S hand dead-on, you falter for a moment as you’re met by a kaleidoscope of beams–each one hissing with the foul stench of DEATH! Buffeted between a horde of spectral skeletons, you find yourself unable to dodge, and as you grit your teeth and brace for impact, you feel the beams cut through your body and burn away your flesh like acid! Crumbling off of you in rotting chunks, your skin lands amidst the sea of bones at your feet as you continue onwards, but as you get into attack range of TIM, The Lich is already sending a rush of magical force in your direction!

Flung into the wall once more, pain shoots through your back as the whole tower quakes and a few skeletons from the ceiling above fall to the ground! Though you ache all over, the sorcerer’s petty laughter spurs you into action–you tore a hole in his stupid chest, after all–he ain’t bulletproof!

Stan…” Murmurs Nats as TIM sends several tidal waves of bones at your prone form, “D-don’t worry… I can keep g-going as long as you c-can!

Great, you snarl as you punch through the waves one after another, because you’re in to win it! Leaping to avoid a bouquet of BONE SPIRES piercing the floor below you, you take refuge on the wall as TIM sends more exploding skulls your way!

He’s not gonna get tired, you think as you pounce at The Lich just in time to avoid the resulting explosion, so you need to finish him FAST! Tearing a fresh hole in his side as you pass, you land on your feet and prepare for a counterattack!

WHAT DO?
>KEEP GETTING CLOSE! HE’S A BITCH IN MELEE RANGE COMPARED TO YOU!
>ATTACK FROM AFAR–WHITTLE HIM DOWN!
>THAT SIGIL–MAYBE IT COULD MESS WITH HIM IF YOU CARVED IT?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5400901
>THAT SIGIL–MAYBE IT COULD MESS WITH HIM IF YOU CARVED IT?
>>
>>5400901
>>THAT SIGIL–MAYBE IT COULD MESS WITH HIM IF YOU CARVED IT?
>>
>>5400901
>THAT SIGIL–MAYBE IT COULD MESS WITH HIM IF YOU CARVED IT?
>>
>>5400901
>THAT SIGIL–MAYBE IT COULD MESS WITH HIM IF YOU CARVED IT?

Right into his god damned skull!
>>
>>5400901
>THAT SIGIL–MAYBE IT COULD MESS WITH HIM IF YOU CARVED IT?
>>
>>5400914
>>5400936
>>5400974
>>5400976
>THE SIGIIIIIIL!
That's the ticket! ROLL ME 3d100 FOR ARTS AND CRAFTS--I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! Oh yea, and I'll be assuming you're gonna carve it into his head UNLESS YOU WRITE SOMETHING ELSE IN, BUCKO!
>>
Rolled 3, 42, 22 = 67 (3d100)

>>5400987

...wait a second is this a holy symbol? And we're demon mode?

Oh dear
>>
>>5400994
Sweet mercy someone save me from those shitty shitty rolls.
>>
Rolled 71, 96, 87 = 254 (3d100)

>>5400996
I gotchu anon
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5400987
>>
Rolled 75, 51, 5 = 131 (3d100)

>>5400987

Ignore this. >>5401017

>>5401005
Positive clutch.
>>
>>5401005
>Evil, ancient lich’s greatest weakness is a mystical Wingding.
>>
Catching up for the first time since finding this in the archives. Reminding people there’s still a banked crit, and I feel the need to point out that if eating Tim’s lieutenants gave us powers, eating HIS bones oughta supercharge them. Why wait until he’s dead?
>>
>>5400994
>>5401005
>>5401018
>HIGHEST ROLL: 254!
WRITIIIIIIIING!

>>5400994
>Holy Symbol + Demon
:^)

>>5401047
As the prophecies foretold, anon!

>>5401050
Oh shit, WELCOME! Perfect timing, too! Hope it wasn't too painful of a journey... if it was, then good news: shit's almost over! Seriously though: thanks for reading!
>>
>>5401073
The fae ending hurt, but I eventually put aside my disappointment long enough to get to Demon Stan. That helped me get over it enough to continue onward for real.
>>
>>5401084
>Fae
>Ending whatsoever
Nyeheheheh.
>>
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With your flesh still rotting off from TIM’S last attack, you know you’ve gotta turn the tides… and fast! You ate all of his stupid filpactories, so what’s his deal still being so damn tough!? How did they manage this the last time!?

Wait a sec… that’s IT! With the SIGIL still fresh in your memory, you dive to avoid a massive purple FIREBALL and are flung across the room again, this time smashing into the wall with catastrophic results! Shook by your demonic form hitting it, a whole section of the tower crumbles into the abyss creating a massive hole in the chamber!

THE FIRST THING I’LL HAVE YOUR WRETCHED HUSK DO IS CLEAN THIS ALL UP!

Pounced on and pinned by a squad of SKELESPECTERS, you struggle to break free as the bones around you move to bury you beneath them!

IF THERE’S ANYTHING LEFT, THAT IS!

Goaded by TIM’S taunts and the encore of DEATH BOLTS charging on his outstretched fingers, you push off the ground and use the opportunity to free your arms from the ghost’s icy clutches! Rolling out of the way just in time, you bounce off of a nearby BONE SPIRE and use it to leap towards The Lich! You get close, but like the rest of the mages you’ve fought, TIM has no trouble blinking out of your path!

That doesn’t stop you, though! Continuing through the air, you spin as the mage casts another trio of FIREBALLS at you and push off the wall just before they hit it! Launched by your EMU LEGS and the exploding spells, you’re launched like a demonic missile straight for TIM’S head!

Seeing your intent, he sends a few panicked swipes of his RADIANT BLADE in your direction–though the sizzling blade of light comes close, you’re faster, and with a decisive stab of your BONES CLAWS, you anchor yourself against his chest and immediately get to work giving him a tattoo he’ll never forget!

CEASE YOUR TRICKS, YOU CRAVEN CUSTODIAN!

Harnessing all of his power, TIM EXPLODES with a rush of magical force that sends you flying and burning from head to toe! Spinning through the air like a wayward baseball, you take out yet another section of the chamber and send it tumbling into the abyss below! As you cling for dear life to a remaining wall while The Lich continues to push you back, your eyes start to sting as you notice something glimmering on his forehead!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5401099
It doesn’t take long for TIM to notice either–as the mark continues to shine brighter and brighter, you feel his magical power wane, and as you muster the energy to fall back onto the floor, the pain in your eyes grows unbearable and even spreads to your body!

STAN!” Hisses Nats as you hear TIM roar in anguish, “I… I can’t-

Before she can finish, you feel the demonic power vanish from your body as the light fills what little nooks and crannies remain in the chamber! Wracked with a wave of vertigo and fatigue, you collapse face-first into a pile of bones as your eyelids try their damndest to close!

“Not yet, cupcake!” Shouts Ly as you feel yourself fading, “Just… just hang in there a little longer!”

You feel your bones help you to your feet as TIM keels over mere feet in front of you! This… this is it, you think as pure willpower keeps you going,

This is the end…

Stumbling over like a ragdoll, you can just barely see TIM writhing in agony amidst the sigil’s burning light!

NO… NOT…. LIKE THIS! MY… MY EMPIRE… MY WORLD… MY ETERNITY!

It’s time. How do you clean up this mess?
>WRITE-IN ONLY.
>>
>>5401104
As amusing as it would be to HOLY WATER SPRAY him into death, I don’t think that’s got the oomph and Boris is still around here somewhere. I vote for curbstomping him and getting ready for the real final boss battle.
>>
>>5401104
Pop one through his brain case with Pap-pap’s rifle. This is for Stripes, Cliff, Wyatt, all the skeletons and all the normal people he ended for his selfish pursuits.
>>
>>5401104

>>5401128
Support and consume the marrow afterwards. If Boris IS the true final boss, we'll need all the power we can get.
>>
>>5401084
Hindsight is 20/20, man.
>>
>>5401128
Support. Hit him with the Chinchilla too, that was a gift from a skelefriend too.

Reduce him to so many god damn pieces he's going to need super glue for his next scheme.
>>
And if we have enough downtime use our mop to play golf with his bits.
>>
>>5401116
>CURBSTOMP!

>>5401128
>>5401133
>>5401163
>GRAMP'S RIFLE AND CHINCHILL! MAYBE GOLF TOO!
WRITING!
>>
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Every movement hurts. Even with Nats hiding deep inside your body, you still feel a burning sensation in your eyes as you approach the bony bastard on the floor, but that doesn’t stop you–at this point nothing could.

S-STAY BACK!” Whimpers the once powerful mage as he struggles to cast a spell at you! “I… I COMMAND YOU!

You can’t help but shake your head at that. So this is the mighty and powerful TIM, huh? ‘Today… this place… To’MARROW’... the world’?

COWARD!” Hisses the mage as you slowly draw your CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION,This… this is but a mere SETBACK! I always return–-ALWAYS!

Yea, well, you sigh as you take aim at his chest, not this time, pal!

WAI-

Whatever he’s peddling, you ain’t buyin’. With the cold, detached look of an overworked Evening Sanitation Coordinator, you empty the gun into his body–each blast reducing his tattered cloak and weathered bones to VAPOR!

THIS is for THE TRIO, you snarl as you take out his left leg!
THIS is for ANDRE! You add as his right leg is next to go!
THIS is for POPS AND THE JOPLINERS, you roar as his right arm is reduced to dust!
THIS is for TEEVOR, RODHI, AND THE OTHER ATLANTEANS!

You hesitate when all that’s left is a whimpering, quivering torso and skull.

“Man,” remarks Ly as you replace your shotgun with GRAMP’S RIFLE, “ta’ think we used ta’ be SCARED of dis’ creep!”

Feeling your skeleton help you aim your rifle with your weary, shaky arms, you paint an invisible target on TIM’S pitiful skull. THIS, you conclude, taking your time with each syllable, is for LY, NATS, THE GANG, AND EVERYONE ELSE!

NO! NOOO-

The shot rings out across CLEARWATER signaling the end of the horror… for now, at least. As The Lich’s eyes dim into nothingness, the whole fortress stands still as you fall to your knees… and let loose an Earth-shaking VICTORY SCREAM!

Watching the flocks of lingering FLYING SKULLS become inert mid-flight, you feel a tickling feeling in the back of your chest as the reality settles in: you DID it.

… until TIM’S eyes light up like a Christmas tree.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5401200
Drawing you close like a black hole, the skull slowly drifts into the air as you feel something tugging at your very essence!

STAN!” Ly shouts as you fight your exhausted body and try to get away, “LOOK OU-

You feel like you’re being dissected as a burst of energy rushes from the skull and takes root in your chest! Feeling tears well up in your eyes, you flop helplessly on the ground as something starts tugging at you! Ly, you sputter as you feel invisible hooks snag under your flesh, what’s…. What’s happening!?

“I… I dunno!” He shouts in a distant voice! “Just… just hang on!”

You take his advice without question, but it’s no use–try as you might to fight it, you feel your essence slowly draining away as a faint blue rush of energy leaves your body and enters the skull!

ELEMENTAL ETHNOID LOST
DISTAL DECOY LOST


With every passing moment your fatigue multiplies, and like someone tearing pages out of a book, you feel parts of yourself being lost to the skull!

FENCER’S FEMURS LOST
SEA LEGS LOST


“STAN…” Groans Ly as you struggle to remain conscious, “It’s… it’s gonna be okay, honey… you’re gonna…”

DENTAL DEFENDER LOST
ROCKABILLY RIBS LOST

Wait, you stammer, feeling your strength leak out of your body, what’s…

BONE CLAWS LOST
EMU LEGS LOST


An indescribable emptiness fills you as you realize what’s happening–with every bit of strength you lose, the skull glows with renewed energy!

BONE SPEED LOST

“Stan…” Ly repeats in a distant voice, “Don’t…”

You only have seconds left.

How do you spend them?
>TRY TO HOLD ON TO LY
>THANK LY
>TRY TO GRAB THE SKULL
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>5401203
>>THANK LY
>>TRY TO GRAB THE SKULL
>>
>>5401203
>TRY TO GRAB THE SKULL
>>
>>5401203
>LASER THE SKULL
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>>5401208
ONE vote, Sneaky Sally!
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>>5401203
>TELL LY TO KICK HIS ASS
Well, Ly was turned into a lieutenant so he’s about to be a real boy. After fighting for dominance, of course.
>>
>>5401203
>>5401212
>>>TRY TO GRAB THE SKULL

I DIDN'T READ THE FINE PRINT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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>>5401210
>>5401240
>TRY TO GRAB THE SKULL!

>>5401211
>LASER THE SKULL!

>>5401223
>TELL LY TO KICK HIS ASS!

Here goes something...
ROLL ME 1d100-30(+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 DEMON STRENGTH, -20 DEMON IGNITE FATIGUE, -20 POWER FATIGUE) TO GRAB THE SKULL! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 96 - 30 (1d100 - 30)

>>5401303

Good luck, boys.
>>
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>>5401317
SHEIT
>>
Rolled 32 - 30 (1d100 - 30)

>>5401303
>>
>>5401303
>>5401332
Ah, didn’t notice it wasn’t Bo3. We really beat the odds on this one.
>>
>>5401336

It is the best of three.
>>
Yep, one more roll! Make 'er count!
>>
I find no coincidence that yesterday's Wordle was 'Tibia.'
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>5401303
>>
Not one, but two 96s.
>>
>>5401317
>>5401332
>>5401345
>HIGHEST ROLL: 66!
Youse a buncha real motherfuckers, you know that? Writing!
>>
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Feeling Ly fade from your body, you fight through the pain, fatigue, and nausea long enough to throw yourself onto the skull! NO, you groan, no you DON’T!

Pinning it with your body, you hug the glowing skull close to your chest as it continues to grow brighter and brighter!

Don’t…” Echoes Ly in a voice that sounds miles away, “Don’t ever give up, Stan…

You AREN’T, okay?! Now just hold tight while you figure this thing out! Wrestling with TIM’S skull, you realize that it doesn’t seem to be turning into a monster or anything… in fact, you daresay it’s…

It’s just a container.

I…” concludes Ly’s departing voice, “I’ll always support you…

NO, you shout, sending a spike of pain shooting through your body, don’t even THINK of saying stuff like that! Not NOW, damn it!

You don’t get a response. Lying on the layer of bones blanketing the chamber, you barely even react to the frigid winds rushing in through the holes and buffeting your limp form. Ly, you repeat, don’t… don’t do this, please…

But the chamber remains silent save for the humming of the glowing blue skull in your arms…

LY LOST

… until something else approaches from above…
https://youtu.be/mHjH3DyKChU
Powerless to react, your eye catches some movement from outside the chamber, and before you know it a familiar figure descends from above like a spider closing in on a trapped fly. Keeping out of view of your LASER EYE, BORIS closes in on your impromptu resting place with a familiar GOLD MASK on his face and a REVOLVER on his toolbelt next to a TELESCOPING MOP.

Typical, you spit as you struggle to crane your aching neck, couldn’t bother showing up earlier, could he?

Rather than answer, BORIS responds with a long, drawn out sigh before fiddling with his headphones…

And turning them OFF.

“Heya, bumblebee,” he says in his usual carefree tone, “‘Fraid the game’s over.”

Turning to get him in eye range, your gesture’s met with a sound ‘THWACK’ to the side of the head!

“Easy now, Stannie,” Continues Boris as he deftly sheathes his TELESCOPING MOP back into his belt, “Keep that up and someone might get hurt, get me?”

You don’t… and you never will.

>CONTD.
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>>5401405
https://youtu.be/dxTtWkVR4y8
Still reeling from your powers being absorbed into the skull, you can’t really refuse his offer.

“Cool,” he smiles, “Figure we’ve got some time before we’re done here…” Seeing the SKULL hugged close to your body, your coworker lets out a hollow laugh. “Ah. Gonna be needing that too, but feel free to hold onto it for now.”

Taking a seat on a hill of bones near you, Boris pops a fresh stick of painfully-minty gum into his mouth.

“Y’know, after my leg healed up a bit after the accident I took up a bunch of new hobbies: Tai Chi, Shooting, Creative Writing, Painting… but you know which one really stuck with me, bumblebee?”

You don’t bother responding. He’ll tell you anyway–he always does.

Trapping.” He concludes with a smile in his voice. “Nothing like it, Stannie–gets you outdoors, challenges you to think ahead, and after setting it all up…” He pauses before letting out a nostalgic sigh, “you get to prove to some wayward critter that you’re smarter than it. Better.”

That explains a lot, you croak, vision still spinning from the blow and your fatigue.

“You catch all kinds of stuff:” Boris continues, not bothering to respond to your jab, “Possums, coyotes, sometimes a deer… but you know what my favorite is?”

Still out of range, he leans in a little closer to your dazed face.

“Raccoons.”

Rising from his seat, your fellow janitor paces behind you as you continue to take deep breaths on the ground. “Chunky little bastards. Crafty too, but that’s not why I like ‘em.” Coming to a halt a few feet away, Boris turns your way once more. “No, Stanley, I like them because possums? They play dead. Deer? Freeze like they’re invisible. But raccoons? They’re fighters.”

A gunshot cracks across the sky as the janitor fires his revolver at something… or someone.

“Doesn’t matter if all four paws are snared–they might greet you with those puppy dog eyes of theirs, or maybe they try to break free, but at the end of the day they never go down without a fight, Stannie… even when you bash their brains in with a bat they STILL have to thrash around for a few minutes!”

You feel a boot nudge your side.

“Y’know, seeing you here right now? Limp like a noodle and barely able to fight back?”

Another one of his famous shit-eating laughs escapes his mustachioed mouth.

“You look just like one of those raccoons, Stan.”

It feels like someone emptied a glow stick into your head, but you feel like you can still put a few words together…

WHAT DO?
>TRY TO BLAST HIM AGAIN! SCREW YOU!
>TELL HIM SONNY AND HIS PALS ARE DEAD!
>WHY? WHY’D HE DO IT?
>SAY NOTHING–HE DOESN’T DESERVE IT!
>TRY TO EAT THE SKULL! SCREW THE CONSEQUENCES!
>WRITE-IN!

That's all for tonight--should have more MONDAY 4-5PM PST! Home stretch!
>>
>>5401407
>TRY TO EAT THE SKULL! SCREW THE CONSEQUENCES!

I don't care what happens-- I don't wanna lose the whole quest to this guy!
>>
>>5401405

>LY LOST
This hits harder than Art's second death will.
F
>>
>>5401407
Chuck the skull off the fortress, even if we have to run to the edge and jump to do it.
>>