WHAT UP YOU LAME MOTHERFUCKERS. DO YOU WANT TO TAKE PART IN THE GREATEST MOST EXCITING ONESHOT YOU'VE EVER EXPERIENCED IN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE?!!DO YOU WANT TO LIVE OUT YOUR FANTASY OF BEING THE MOST CHAD CHARACTER IN ALL OF FICTION?WELL LOOK NO FURTHER THAN THIS QUEST WHERE YOU PLAY AS ROUXLS KAARD!!!!OH SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHOS ROUXLS KAARD YOU MAY BE ASKING? WELL DUMBASS ALLOW ME TO TELL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!*ahem*Rouxls Kaard is a character from the RPG game Deltarune, he appears in both chapters. There he serves as a minor antagonist to the party. In chapter 1 he challenges the user to a few incredibly easy puzzles before sicking K.Round on Kris and the party. In chapter 2 after splitting from the party he dedicates his service to the queen and dons a pirate outfit challenging the player to another game losing handedly. From there he uses the thrash machine to assist Kris and the others in then defeating Giga Queen.BUT THAT'S THE PAST YOU PUSSIES. CAUSE THIS QUEST IS ABOUT ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY.ROUXLS KAARD IS TYRNA SMASH THAT HOT COMPUTER QUEEN PUSSY. AND YOUR GOING TO HELP HIM. SO BETTER FUCKIN GET TO IT. WELCOME TO ROUXLS KAARD QUEST
...huh odd you don't recall having voices in your head before. Well regardless, your name is Rouxls Kaard you are the servant to uh... well at the moment no one you think? Perhaps Ralsei? But he's a prince not a King or Queen. Ah speaking of that, you had plans to ask her grace on an expedition of sorts. Hm... who would be the best person to ask in regards to advice for that?> FUCK THE ADVICE GO AND ASK HER LIKE A MAN> RALSEI MAY BE A LITTLE PANSY AS BITCHBUT HE TENDS TO GIVE GOOD ADVICE> LANCER IS A GOOD BOY MAYBE HE COULD HELP> UH LIKE MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE OR SOMETHING?
Asking Lancer for help will result in nothing but tears, humiliton, and suffering.> LANCER IS A GOOD BOY MAYBE HE COULD HELPAll things that Kaard deserves.
>>5361132>LANCER IS A GOOD BOY MAYBE HE COULD HELP>Iammonitoringthisthread.jpg
>>5361132> LANCER IS A GOOD BOY MAYBE HE COULD HELPAlways bet on Lancer
>>5361152>>5361173>>5361181Ah Lancer, that endless ball of annoyance and frustration that impedes you at every step. You sure hope he's doing alright. Actually, he's been hanging out with Her grace ever since she arrived in Castle Town. Girldad and son bonding he's called it. Perhaps he might know how to break the proverbial ice!You begin to search the castle, you can usually find Lancer riding around the castle walls on that flaming tricycle of his. "HI LESSER DAD!" he zooms by on the roof above you "Ah hail there young Lancer! May I ask thou for a momenteth of thine time?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vUWVdw-QXg"OKAY! What's the haps?" "I hast just been wondering if thou hast any sort of um, interesting information regarding her majesty?""Oh you mean girldad?" "Yesth, 'Girldad'" you reply"Why?" "Why! Of course, why becauseth..." > JUST BE HONEST WITH YOUR SON ROUXLS > SAY YOU WANT TO CELEBRATE HER 1 MONTH-ISH ANNIVERSARY> SAY THAT IT WOULD NOT BE LOGICAL TO CELEBRATE HER GREATNESS ALL THE TIME?
>>5361219>> SAY YOU WANT TO CELEBRATE HER 1 MONTH-ISH ANNIVERSARYI'm not completely convinced that Lancer has any grasp of time, so this might work
OKAY IM JUST GONNA GO AHEAD WITH THE ONE SUGGESSTION THEN
>>5361266No rush, man--sometimes /qst/ is just a little slow, is all. Do whatever you think is cool, though!
"Well, it'sth just so happenth that her Grace's 1 month (ish) anniversary of arriving in this lovely town is fasteth approaching!""Oh wow! Really! Yeah that sounds a great idea!" Lancer says "Ah wonderous! Now then-" You pick up Lancer"Please do tellst me more!" "Okay! So she likes gaming, she likes me, she likes laughing, she likes you, she likes to run DO-""WAIT, WHAT THAT LAST ONE" you yell in a panic"Oopsie I said a no no!" Lancer laughs knowing full well what he just said "Pleaseth Lancer my dearest roundeth boye, what do you mean she likeths me? Like as an idea? Is it mine demeanor? Please telleth me!"Nope, you used up all my secret points!" Lancer gigglesOH SHIT LOOKS LIKE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE AN IN! WHAT DO YOU PLAN ON DOING WITH IT> TRY TO GET MORE OF THAT INFO OUT OF LANCER SOMEHOW > LEAVE HIM BE AND GO ASK RALSEI FOR MORE HELP> YOU GOT AN IN MY GUY JUST GO ASK THE QUEEN
>>5361274>LEAVE HIM BE AND GO ASK RALSEI FOR MORE HELP"Oh my most fruityeth of caprine nobles, would thou help thy puzzleer in his hour of need?"
>>5361274>> LEAVE HIM BE AND GO ASK RALSEI FOR MORE HELP
You opt leave Lancer be for now giving him a small wave goodbye and go to search for Ralsei. You may not like it but he's wise, more wise than most other Darkners are. You find him making some new concoction in the castle cauldron... nope no other words that begin with c for lobby."Hark mine fruity caprine companion! would thou be willingest to help thy good friend?" you ask "We're friends?" he asks "(Also what did he mean by fruity?)""But of course, thine princelyness! What about when I sold you wonderful items to help you defeat the King, Or when I lent you mine wonderful thrash machine" you respond "You attacked me and friends before you did both of those things" Ralsei deadpanned"In the past!" you throw your hands up"Well alright then I suppose." he sighs "What do you need help with?""A small blue birdie hath told mineself that Her Grace may have feelings for me. So I wast simply wondering if thine hadst any advice on howeth to make an exquisite date request!?""What! Mr. Kaard that's fantastic! But um, I-I've never a-asked anyone on a date before." he hides his face in his hands "E-even my first impression with Kris and Susie wasn't the best!" he laughsYou look at him deadpan. "Well that's obviously not what you wanted to hear. Ummmm." he thinks before raising a finger "If she really like you then I think it'll be fine if you just be yourself!" he beams...WOW THIS GUY IS A FUCKING IDIOT > BUT WHAT IF HE WASN'T SHOULD YOU JUST GO FOR IT?> CLEARLY HE HAS BETTER INFO JUST ASK FOR MORE> YOU GOTTA FIND SOMEONE ELSE THIS ISNT WORKING
>>5361314>CLEARLY HE HAS BETTER INFO JUST ASK FOR MORE"Could thou at least direct me to a location worthy enough in its beauty to serve mine request well?"
>>5361314>> CLEARLY HE HAS BETTER INFO JUST ASK FOR MOREThoumst hadst better quit fuckingst around, fouxl!
> CLEARLY HE HAS BETTER INFO JUST ASK FOR MOREGive me your strongest potions, cauldron-boy.
SORRY GUYS I HAD TO STEP OUT AND MY FUCKING CAR BROKE DOWN. WRITING NOW.
is this from fnaf or forkknife or undertale?
You look at Ralsei with an incredulous look on your face. "ARE. YOU. FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" you shout"U-Uh!" Ralsei suddenly looks panicked "CANT THAT CAULDRON MAKE ANYTHING?!""No- I I can only use it to make cakes at the moment!""Ugh, fine can thou just whipeth me up a battery acid pie. It wouldst serve as an excellenteth bribe if nothing else.""C-coming right up!" Ralsei runs to the cauldron and begins doing... something? You're not quite sure. But suddenly something bursts out of the cauldron. You rush to it and grab it as it lands in your hands. "Ah excellent! Pleasure doing thine business with thou!"You step away and leave Ralsei standing there baffled and relieved ALRIGHT HOT SHOTS YOU GOT KNOWLEDGE, YOU GOT PIE, ANYTHING ELSE?> NAH BITCH LETS GO SMASH THAT COMPUTER PUSS> MAYBE JUST ONE MORE THING
>>5361476>JUST ONE MORE THINGWe need flowers. I recommend an artfully tangled bouquet of computer wires.
>>5361476>> MAYBE JUST ONE MORE THING
>>5361476>MAYBE JUST ONE MORE THING
"Hmm perhaps her Grace would liketh just the teeniest of further appreciation!"You begin to wander aimlessly across the fields of the Castle Town. A lot of the flowers are gorgeous but they don't seem to be very reminiscent of the ones she had back in the Cyber World. If only you could make some, alas perhaps flowers were not meant to be."HEY! HEY! YOU'RE LOOKIN' [Lost in Thoughts All Alone] THERE GOO MAN!"You turn with a jump "Dost though mean, good man?""NO!" "Ah." you respondhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54hspvf6b5c"YOU'RE TRYING TO HOOKUP WITH THAT [Acid reflux] [Hochi mama] AREN'T YA?""Yes?????" you respond. "WELL THEN YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT [Number #1 rated salesman] FOR THE JOB!" he laughs"THE NAMES SPAMTON G. SPAMTON.""Rouxls Kaard" you say with a bow "ALRIGHT THEN MR. [Play by the Rules] LET ME ASK YOU THIS, DO YOU WANNA BE A [BIG SHOT]?"...a whateth?" "[BIG SHOT] TOP OF THE LINE, CREAM OF THE CROP, THE BEST [Like no one ever was]""hm..."THIS GUY SEEMS KIND OF SKETCHY BUT IT COULD LEAD TO SOME GOOD SHIT> SURE WHY NOT YOU'LL GO FOR IT> EH PASS I DON'T THINK YOU CAN TRUST THIS GUY
>>5361954> SURE WHY NOT YOU'LL GO FOR ITGotta be big to get tight computerussy
>>5361954> SURE WHY NOT YOU'LL GO FOR ITA queen needs a king
>>5361954>SURE WHY NOT YOU'LL GO FOR IT
A big shot huh? Eh why not."Very well, verily I shall accept thine offer!""ALRIGHT THEN GOO MAN HERE YA GO!"He holds out what appears a bright red ring, glowing with some sort of power. "AND SINCE YOU'RE TRYING TO WOO THAT [hochi mama] THIS ONE IS [on the house]!"You look at the ring and get, almost immediate bad vibes from it. IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING RIGHT? RIGHT?> YEAH YOU'RE RIGHT, TAKE THE RING> TAKE THE RING TAKE THE RING TAKE THE RING> TAKE THE RING TAKE THE RING TAKE THE RING TAKE THE RING TAKE THE RING TAKE THE RING TAKE THE RING TAKE THE RING> [Hyperlink Blocked]
>>5362039>> [Hyperlink Blocked]Honestly the only real choice here
>>5362039>[Hyperlink Blocked]>inb4 it's a phone.
>>5362039>[Hyperlink Blocked]Thank you Spamton, very cool.
You back away suddenly from he strange little man"On secondeth thought, I think I'm just fine withouteth that." you respondSpamton laughs "AHAHAHA EXCELLENT CHOICE [for you] THOSE LITTLE BITTY BOYS IN YOUR HEAD SURE MADE ALL THE BEST DECISIONS FOR YOU! A CLASSIC [puppet on a string] SCENARIO!""I begeth your pardon?""DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT WITH [Brainpower] LIKE THAT YOU AND THAT [hochi mama] SHOULD BE JUST FINE [good luck!]" he then disappears back into the garbage. "Most... bizzare." You say before turning away. Well now that nonsense is taken care of. I think it's about time you go see the queen, no?> Yes, enough dilly dallying!> Hmm. perhaps one more detour couldn't hurt?
>>5362066Hehe meta > Yes, enough dilly dallying!Let's get our Computerussy! We can't live without it!
>>5362066>Yes, enough dilly dallying!>cout << Appropriate computer pun for this situation that I don't know
You decide it's finally time to just go and ask Queen out like you had intended. With quick pat down of your garb you begin walking around The Castle Town trying to search for her. Eventually you do, she seems to be coming up from the holding cell where the former king resided. "Oh Man Making Fun Of That Guy Never Gets Old" her eye monitor displays LMAO There she is, now's your chance! "Pardon me my most excellent and elegant majesty" you call to her. "Hm? Oh It's You Aren't You The Worm Guy?" she asks Agh, that's right. "Y-yes I am thine 'Worm Guy'" you respond with a bow"Oh Cool So Like What's Up?"Alright Rouxls go for it, your time is now! You pull out the pie and gesture to her "My most divine and humble beauty, wouldst though bless this mere worm with thine company?" "...Are You Asking Me Out On A Date?" she asks"...Yes" you askThe silence that follows is only a few seconds but it feels like it lasts forever. You stand there pie held out eyes clothes bracing for the inevitable rejection that she will more than likely rain upon you. Here it comes, it's gonna happen you know it oh god here it comes you're gonna fucking get it-"Yeah Sure Okay." her screen displays LOL"...""...""...""Really?" you ask "Uh... Yeah?" her screen now displays LOL with a question mark. "Oh." you say ...> ...> Wait like, actually?
(forgot image and music)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2elgFRAiKZ8
(while I wait for votes. I'm actually curious if any of you participating actually find queen attractive. Cause I didn't expect when starting Chapter 2 but then did as I played)
>>5362159>Well fuck you didn't think you'd get this far, the two of you should go grab dinner or lunch or something>"Do you have any dietary restrictions I should know about?"A restaurant is a classic date choice. Better than a movie. I recommend an internet cafe for her queenliness.
>>5362159>> ...We'st arth notst surprisitith, foulxs! T'wis precisithly arth we plannedtst!
...you stay silent for a moment before recovering"hahaHAHAHAHAHA!!!! But of course! Thou hast fallen for my magnificent charms!" "Alright Man Tone It Down" she says with a chuckle"Understood, now then where would you like to attend thisth most marveloust encounter madame!" "Isn't There Only Like, The Castle Town Here?" "Of course... the roofeth it shall be!" You hold her hand and then float up to a balcony overlooking the entire Castle Town. "Thine view your Grace" you bow"Sick It's Not Cyber World But This Place Has a Certain Charm To It" she looks to you as she finishes the sentenceAlright, she threw you a bone Rouxls don't fuck this up> Ah of course especially all of the charming denizens!> Ah of course the view is quite magnificent isn't it!
>>5362223>> Ah of course especially all of the charming denizens!
>>5362223> Ah of course the view is quite magnificent isn't it!
flipped a coin writing now
"Ah of course, especially all of the charmingeth denizens of this most faire Castle Town!" you say "Yeah I'm Looking At A Pretty Charming Denizen Right Now." her heads up displays the word HOT"Wha- mwah? But of course milady." don't freak out, play it off. Play it off. "It only maketh the most sense that I Rouxls Kaard would draw your attentions!" "How Do You Draw Them?" she asks "I- uh, pardon?" you respond"That Was A Joke" her heads up display says LOL"Aha! Of course it was haha!" you make your way to the pie you left on the balcony "Perhaps we can simply enjoy this pie that I hath procured for the occasion My Grace?" "Sure." she joins you on the balcony. You grab a slice of the pie directly with your hand as is customary and suddenly stop for a second. The Queen was a computer, but you were... not that. Could you even eat this? Would it disintegrate you from the inside out? Would you just drop dead on the first date? Damnit why did you not consider this befo-"Huh This Doesn't Taste Like Battery Acid But What It Does Taste Like Is Good." her heads up display shows LMAOYou take a bite and find what appears is the flavor of a lemon cream pie, with a sort of sour lime glaze. It's pretty great in all honesty. You make small talk with the Queen between bites. She hides it well but you can tell she's a bit homesick for the Cyber World, this place is much smaller than her home. She intersplices those hints at her sadness with jokes and comments at the expense of others. Such as that 'Top Chef' gentlemen. You don't blame him too hard however, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who could say no to Lancer. She also talked about the heroes of light. She seemed quite fond of Kris and Susie to an extent but she also mentioned someone by the name of Noelle and just straight up ignored Ralsei. There was a bit of a different tone in her voice when she brought her up. Hm. > Ask her more about this Noelle girl.> Ask her why she forgot Ralsei.> Don't say anything
>>5362321>Ask her more about this Noelle girl.
hey there folks. we'll be back tomorrow
"What's this about a Noelle?" you ask "She Was The Girl I Made Myself Responsible For." Queen says "Made yourself responsible for?" you ponder"Yes I Sensed She Was Sad For Some Reason. My Prime Directive Was To Make Her Happy, So I Tried To Do That By Any Means Necessary. Even If She Didn't Really Want That." she says "I see, how did you eventually stop?""Well It Sure Took A Lot Like Kris (Nearly) Defeating Me And What's His Face Telling Me About The Roaring." she says "The Roaring? I believe Ralsei has mentioned it at some point." you claim"The End Of Everything As We Know It. Kind Of A Bummer" she says "Indeed." You nodAn awkward silence falls over the both of you. Well you made it awkward. > Try to divert the conversation > Apologize for killing the mood.
>>5366473>Try to divert the conversation
>>5366473> Try to divert the conversationWe'thst apologize for nothingthst
>>5366800To add on to this, perhaps we can ask her more about her history with Lancer? As far as we know, he's only ever had Dad and Lesser Dad (aka Rouxls). Perhaps we can try and course correct with some stories about his shenanigans.
"Ah ha of course, Mine most sincerest apologies your Majesty!" you stammer"Eh It's Alright. Thanks For Caring." she says sincerely "Speaking of careth! How have thingseth beeneth between thou and Lancer?" you ask "Oh Lancer? I Love That Little Man." she smiles "Me And Him Like To Play Doom WADS On The Weekends.""It seems as if thou hast steppedeth into the world of Girldadhood most easily!" you say "Yeah I Guess So." she responds "I Do Feel Like We're Missing Something Though." "Hm? What so?" you ask "Well Like Parents Are Usually Like a Unit." she starts "Yes?" "So Like Maybe We Could Like Do That Unit Parenting Stuff Together." she asks she steps a bit closer to you, she lightly begins stroking your arm "Maybe Even Make It...." she leans into your ear "Official." ...> DO IT DO IT DO IT NOW GO GO GO> WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR
>>5366863> DO IT DO IT DO IT NOW GO GO GO> WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR