[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / vm / vmg / vr / vrpg / vst / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k / s4s / vip / qa] [cm / hm / lgbt / y] [3 / aco / adv / an / bant / biz / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / gd / hc / his / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / news / out / po / pol / pw / qst / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / vt / wsg / wsr / x / xs] [Settings] [Search] [Mobile] [Home]
Board
Settings Mobile Home
/qst/ - Quests

[Advertise on 4chan]

Name
Spoiler?[]
Options
Comment
Verification
4chan Pass users can bypass this verification. [Learn More] [Login]
File[]
Draw Size ×
  • Please read the Rules and FAQ before posting.
  • Additional supported file types are: PDF
  • Roll dice with "dice+numberdfaces" in the options field (without quotes).
  • There are 19 posters in this thread.

08/21/20New boards added: /vrpg/, /vmg/, /vst/ and /vm/
05/04/17New trial board added: /bant/ - International/Random
10/04/16New board for 4chan Pass users: /vip/ - Very Important Posts
[Hide] [Show All]


[Advertise on 4chan]


File: thumbnail.jpg (21 KB, 450x300)
21 KB
21 KB JPG
This brand new 2017 Ford F-150 truck costs $20,000.

It's ALL you can afford.

You decide to...
>Drive it off the lot today!
>(WRITE IN)
>>
>>5262114
>Drive it through the lot and crush the wacky wavy inflatable arm tube man under our tires
>>
>>5262119
+ 1, fuck Wacky flailing arm inflatable tube men
>>
>>5262114
>Slap a police siren on the roof and pull over unsuspecting pedestrians
https://youtu.be/2kxnjgJfGic
>>
>>5262121
I mean drivers. Initially the vote was to run over the perestrians.
>>
File: the cru.jpg (241 KB, 1479x660)
241 KB
241 KB JPG
Rolled 1 (1d4)

>>5262119
>>5262121
>>5262122
>>5262124
You conceal your heinous laughter and elbow the car salesman.
"'Ey, mind if I take 'er fer a test drive?"

Unfortunately, he has to get inside with you to allow you to do that.

You get behind the wheel and rev the engine a lot while still in Park.

"Sir, please don't-"

You ignore his suggestions and slingshot it into Drive, screeching you over a curb and onto the grass.

"Okay sir, this test drive is over, I can't advise that you..."

While this sleezeball rattles on, you tune out...

All you can focus on is the rage in your soul emanating from...
(Roll)
1 - Literally the devil - Satan himself - Beelzebub.
2 - A big ol' thiccy w/ a slim waist and a mesmerizing booty. You must introduce yourself to her, you've never seen one as beautiful as her...
3 - Hey, what are you doing?!?! That's a guy in a costume, stop!!!!!
4 - A gang of intimidating ne'erdo'wells stalk you from the corner of the lot.

(writing)
>>
File: friend or foe.png (409 KB, 694x369)
409 KB
409 KB PNG
There he is. Mocking you. Mocking humanity. Stirring up trouble, messing with the heads of our young ladies, convincing them to try cocaine and dog sex, and dog cocaine.

To the unending bewilderment and dismay of the car salesman, you slam into The Great Satan with full aplomb.

You've... Done it...

Millenia of struggling with rulers and principalities, all put to an end by your bravery.

For some reason, the car salesman is irate. He's yelling at you so much, he doesn't notice the metal part of his clipboard embedded in his head, blood profusely dripping down his ear.

youtube.com/watch?v=eIMlXOYL3SI

He's not making much sense any more, he won't stop talking about how cold it is outside, and he keeps calling you a squiddie diddler. Hmm...

Well, this bitchin', devil-slaying, brand-new, 2017 Ford F150 is still operational. It would be a shame to end the ride here just because some dork with a clipboard in his parietal lobe says so. Let's check out the other functions of this car!
>There's no time to waste. Call your sister and tell her to put the DiGiorno's in the oven, so it'll be ready when you get home in your bitching new devil killer. Oh yeah, the clipboard guy can come to the pizza party, too, you guess. Just make sure to inform him of the "no bossa nova on the radio" policy.
>Push the dork out and scout out the town, solo. (Any ideas where you wanna go? Don't forget to rob the dumbfuck blind before you push him out!! Hah-hah!)
>Looks like this chump is asking you on a date. Put your arm around him, give him a peck on the cheek, and take him to the Wendy's drive-thru. You're going to Baconate him.
>Find the manager of this car lot and tell them you're suing their employee and their business for emotional abuse, unless they give you the truck for free.
>Dress up in the remains of The Great Satan and go spooking other customers who try looking at your truck.
>(WRITE IN)

and

Roll 1d100 with your choice, s'il vous plait.
>>
>>5262162
>Find the manager of this car lot and tell them you're suing their employee and their business for emotional abuse, unless they give you the truck for free.
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5262162
>Find the manager of this car lot and tell them you're suing their employee and their business for emotional abuse, unless they give you the truck for free.
>>
File: broad.png (158 KB, 581x447)
158 KB
158 KB PNG
>>5262198
>>5262277
Ewwww, blood! You're a known haemophobe, you're taking this straight to the manager, once you stop hyperventilating.

You walk into the manager's office, but he's not there, only his secretary.
She gasps and looks terrified when you enter the small office.
She shoos you away with disgust.

Looks like you don't necessarily get the truck for free, but...

...You've still got the keys.

And you've killed the devil, so good and evil don't exist anymore. Right?

(Do anything with/to the secretary before going back to the truck?)
(Most options include a possibility of getting the bill of sale and the deed to the truck, after all...)
>Take her to lunch with you. Don't take no for an answer.
>Spit on her for your inability to sue her. Spit on her until she runs away.
>Come back in, dressed as the Great Satan, and carve your name in her chest with the F-150 key.
>Divide her into pieces, alphabetically, then suck her blood to gain her knowledge.
>Ask her something else (What?)
>(WRITE IN)

...Then you head back to your new 2017 Ford F-150, on "loan" (?) from the dealership.

By the way, who owns this dealership?
>Some guy named Rick.
>Your parents, duh.
>Nobody, this car lot has been abandoned for years. Then who's in your truck...?
>The aliens (illegal)
>The aliens (extra-terrestrial)
>(WRITE IN)

Whatever, fuck it. You rev the engine back up and she purrs and putts.
That buzzkill is STILL sitting in YOUR truck.
He's not even responsive anymore, just gurgling. Well?
>Let him stay, you'll teach him how to PARTY!!!!
>Kick this dork out already, man!! He's leaking blood all over the new pleather!!
>Seriously, let's get this guy some medical help, the humanity of the situation is kicking in...
>(WRITE IN)

>Roll 2d100
First for interaction in the manager's office
Second for leaving the dealership
>>
Rolled 57, 17 = 74 (2d100)

>>5262399
>Take her lunch with you
>Your parents own the dealership, but their loan to buy it came from illegal extraterrestrials
>kick the buzzkill out

Fae Smelter? Is that you?
>>
Rolled 12, 33 = 45 (2d100)

>>5262399
>Take her to lunch with you. Don't take no for an answer.
>Nobody, this car lot has been abandoned for years. Then who's in your truck...?
>Let him stay, you'll teach him how to PARTY!!!!
>>
Rolled 2, 37 = 39 (2d100)

>>5262399
>Spit on her for your inability to sue her. Spit on her until she runs away.
Salivederci.
>The aliens (extra-terrestrial)
>Kick this dork out already, man!! He's leaking blood all over the new pleather!!
>>
>>5262851
+1
>>
Rolled 62, 29 = 91 (2d100)

>>5262399
>>Take her to lunch with you. Don't take no for an answer.
Some guy named Rick Sanchez
>Seriously, let's get this guy some medical help, the humanity of the situation is kicking in...
>>
File: rbf.jpg (67 KB, 735x735)
67 KB
67 KB JPG
>>5262505 Uhh... No... I'm bigdicknerdboii, totally different guy. Who's this feet smeller guy? He sounds like quite the chap, whomever he is.
>>5262693
>>5262851
>>5262875
>>5262983
Lunch: 3, Spit: 2 (Rolls: 62, 57, 2, 12 - Medium/Poor)
Extraterrestrials: 2 (+1 w/ Parents), Rick: 1, Abandoned: 1
Ditch the dork: 3, Help him out: 1, Party!!!: 1 (Rolls: 17, 29, 37, 33 - Poor)

-

The beautiful, fertile woman demands you leave the office, but you merely grab her by the wrist and tell her you'll buy her a root beer float and chili cheese Fritos boat at A&W.

She seriously doesn't want to go, so it takes a lot of force!! She stops fighting when she starts crying. Stupid girls don't know how to roughhouse OR appreciate good cooking.

By the time you wrangle her back to your bitchin' new truck, that nerd fucking died or went into a coma or something. The coroner will rule it as a suicide, just look at the trajectory of the entry wound.

"Give me a hand, toots!"

At your command, the frightened woman drags and dumps the stiff out of the car and into the street.

Mhmm. Yup. That's gonna leave a stain. Girls don't appreciate pleather, either, so she luckily won't mind.

She's frozen in fear, so you have to pick her up and throw her into the truck and slam the door, it takes a few tries, after repeatedly clipping her right ankle a bit. She yelps, but you already know those are just crocodile tears.

You enter the F-150 and lock all the doors and activate the master lock, so she can't go anywhere.

Hey, it's got a sunroof! How did you not notice earlier?

You look back at the catatonic cutie and examine her name tag.

"So... 'Tiffany'... If that is your real name... How long have you worked at Alpha Centuari Auto? Ah, nevermind, you probably don't want to talk about work, you just clocked out. You DO like chili cheese Frito boats, right?"

Complete silence. She's just shaking and ignoring you. Pretty rude...

Destination:
>Dump this ungrateful ho off at her house, she doesn't see how hard you're trying to woo her. You deserve better.
>A&W's sounds too good to pass up, even if you do get the shits every time. Rootbeer floats and chili boats, here we come!!
>You DO still have the $20k you were going to buy the truck with. You could take Tiffany to Cuisine de Chien and spoil her. You'd also be in good company to brag about your new truck. It was expensive. Tell people that.
>Tiffany is a modern woman. She doesn't need your money thrown at her, she just needs to see your heart of gold. DiGiorno's it up back at home, and introduce your family to your new girlfriend and truck.
>...But does Tiffany have a heart of gold? Let's test her with some charity work. Take the costume of the Great Satan and dress up Tiffany or yourself in it, then visit the Youth Cancer Ward in St. Blarthington's Hospital and entertain the patients.
>(WRITE IN)

and

>Roll 1d100!
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5263135
>Examine her closely. Now that you think about it, this bitch is acting weird. Could be an alien in disguise.
>>
>>5263219
+1
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>5263135
>...But does Tiffany have a heart of gold? Let's test her with some charity work. Take the costume of the Great Satan and dress up Tiffany or yourself in it, then visit the Youth Cancer Ward in St. Blarthington's Hospital and entertain the patients.
>>
File: fetus.jpg (221 KB, 1024x654)
221 KB
221 KB JPG
>>5263219
>>5263244
>>5263268
>Examine her closely. Now that you think about it, this bitch is acting weird. Could be an alien in disguise.

Your truck idles rhythmically as you sit in near-silence, eyeing "Tiffany" up and down. She still hasn't said a word since you took her out on this date.

That's not normal... Better perform a routine check to see if she's an Earthling, just to be sure.

You pretend to look away, then jump on her and begin tugging at her face.

She scratches at your face, but you have an accuracy of 68%, just enough to grab the zipper behind her left ear and tug!!

You reveal a robo-frame of a human female body, and several circuits short out, giving you a little shock!

There's a little alien inside of the head, likely piloting the body.

What the fuck!!

>That's okay, all of God's children are unique in their own way. Let the date continue. She a cute.
>Serve your country. Strap your seatbelt in and take this illegal alien straight to Immigration services.
>Ahhhhhh!! Kick this freaky bitch out of your new truck!! She'll get green juices everywhere!!
>E A T . T H E . A L I E N .
>Close the robot facemask and make out with this smoking hot babe! Try to get some action before leaving the lot!
>(WRITE IN)

Time to ditch this dealership...
>...Now, let's go get some tasty slop!
>...Because you gotta go make a stinky!
>...To procure a second truck!
>...And make fun of nerds all around town!
>No... This is home now. Your spirit is intertwined with the mana of this area now. If you leave, who will protect this sacred ground?
>(WRITE IN)

And, of course,

>Roll 2d100!!
>>
File: Spoiler Image (82 KB, 300x300)
82 KB
82 KB PNG
>>5264388
How horrifying.
>Ahhhhhh!! Punch the little green parasite in its <actual> face and kick this freaky bitch out of your new truck!! She'll get green juices everywhere!!
>...To procure a second truck.
THIS ONE'S COMPROMISED, JUST NOTICED PICREL.
>>
Rolled 91, 53 = 144 (2d100)

>>
Continue your murder rape quest instead of this Chinese knockoff Fae.
>>
>>5264437
This is bigdicknerdboii's thread, a completely different person than I.

There's nothing Chinese about an all-american Ford F-150, hombre. Not even all the parts in it that are sourced from China.

Conflicts in scheduling because I'm planning on entering the skirmjam in a few days, kind of threw a monkey wrench in my plans. It'll return on June 1st.
>>
>>5264414
Good catch!!
(Continuing in a few hours, voting still open)
>>
>>5264388
>Take the alien to immigration services
>Turn in this obviously bugged truck, as well
>>
>>5264388
>Serve your country. Strap your seatbelt in and take this illegal alien straight to Immigration services.

>...Because you gotta go make a stinky!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d3)

>Take this illegal alien where she belongs!

1d3:
1 Grow your truck collection
2 Report this illegal truck to Immigration services as well
3 Make stinky
>>
File: humble commode.jpg (36 KB, 640x480)
36 KB
36 KB JPG
An easy choice. You must ultra make America great again.

It's time to secure the borders in space!!

You plan on taking this all the way up to George Bush.

But first, a little detour to make a squirt...

Just thinking of rootbeer floats and chili cheese boats stimulated your bowels.

You turn to your right and see the robot/alien hasn't moved much at all in minutes.

Gotta stop somewhere on the way to the government building downtown.
>There's a porta potty at the dealership, may as well use it, it's the closest.
>Stop, plop and slop at A&W. Let's get sloppy with it.
>Sister's bathroom has soap. That is where you have your deepest thoughts. You need its peacefulness now more than ever.
>The truck bed is huge, plenty of room for stinky, sloppy shits in there. Plus, it's EVEN CLOSER than that porta potty.
>There are bound to be restrooms at the immigration office, let's handle business at hand, first.
>(WRITE IN)
>>
>>5264552
>The truck bed is huge, plenty of room for stinky, sloppy shits in there. Plus, it's EVEN CLOSER than that porta potty.
>>
>>5264552
Truck bed please
>>
>>5264552
>A&W
After we poop, we will be hungry again.
>>
>>5264552
>Stop, plop and slop at A&W. Let's get sloppy with it.
>>
Rolled 2 (1d2)

1 - If truck is good enough for driving, it's good enough for pooping
2 - Stack the slop on top at A&W. Even though Tiffany is an illegal alien, you'll still get her a float.
>>
File: not a hoax.jpg (67 KB, 1128x805)
67 KB
67 KB JPG
You can hold it. You hold Second Place in New Mexico's annual "Who Can Hold (sh)It Longest?" Contest. Woulda had First Place, if that cheater Billy Bob Rickets didn't surgically replace his stomach and intestines with an adult cow's.

You're still awful sore about that, maybe you can get the procedure done later and beat him next year.

But you're not as sore as you are hungry, so you ride down 7 blocks to A&W while trying not to pinch loaf, and use the drive-thru, like you've done dozens of times in the past during training season.

You order two rootbeer floats, and two Frito boats. You still have $19,978 and six cents after purchasing your food.

You pass a cup to the incapacitated alien's cupholder, and pig out on the rest.

"Tiffany" doesn't touch her food at all.

With the last cold sip and soggy chew, you've gotta tap out. Time to let slip the dogs of war.
>You'll be done in a jiffy, just gotta run in and out real quick. Three minutes, tops.
>Leave a robot alien in your truck? Are you crazy? "Tiffany" is coming to the bathroom with you.
>...But what about the truck itself? That better come inside the bathroom, too.
>Shit on the cash register and hand in your verbal resignation to the shift co-managers, Reggie and Reginald.
>Keep holding the shits in, just let nature run its course and spray when the urge arises. Also, kidnap a nearby Mexican.
>(WRITE IN)

Then, it's time to go to Immigration services.

There's no time to waste.

You've got to save this nation from the Mexicans and the Skeleton People and the Nigerians and the Arabs and the Technotaurs. Being a patriot has never been a bigger responsibility.

Jumping back in the driver's seat of your bitchin', brand-spankin'-new, 2017 Ford F-150 in the Oxford White acrylic polyurethane "enamel" with a pigmented basecoat and a clear lacquer topcoat finish, you speed down the main thoroughfares of Roswell, and witness ___________________.

>Roll 1d100!! All dice rolls will be used!!
1-20 A got-dang toothless lot lizard, trying to gum you up in a suckjob!!
21-40 A got-dang tractor, trying to suck up your time in a slow procession down the road!!
41-60 A got-dang gato, or mexican cat, trying to pussyfoot around with you in a cute display of affection!!
61-80 A got-dang sprinting car salesman with a clipboard in his head, trying to make you stiff in a last-ditch revenge attempt!!
81-100 A got-dang illegal alien UFO, trying to suck you up in a tractor beam!!
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>5266631
>Shit on the cash register and hand in your verbal resignation to the shift co-managers, Reggie and Reginald.

>Technotaurs
Best civquest since Space Monke
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5266631
>>Keep holding the shits in, just let nature run its course and spray when the urge arises. Also, kidnap a nearby Mexican.
>>
>>5266631
>>Leave a robot alien in your truck? Are you crazy? "Tiffany" is coming to the bathroom with you.
>>...But what about the truck itself? That better come inside the bathroom, too.
>>
File: BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKERS.png (446 KB, 1572x640)
446 KB
446 KB PNG
Rolled 3 (1d3)

Gentlemen, we can only shit in one place.
>>5266640 1
>>5266697 2
>>5266714 3

Road Event: TRACTOR PARADE
>>
File: DON'T MOVE BITCH.gif (1.18 MB, 356x200)
1.18 MB
1.18 MB GIF
The driver's side door closes as briskly as you opened it. You can't just leave illegal Tiff or your turbocharged truckbaby here in the parking lot.

You drive around the building in reverse one time to gain speed, and with maximum momentum, back up to where you suspect the men's bathrooms are...

It's a miss!! You wound up in the women's restroom!! But you're not a chick, swear!!

"Tiffany" hyper headbutts the windshield like a dumbass, haha. Shoulda buckled up, bro!

Your cupholder... Holds "Tiffany's" still-full root beer float with no problem!!

Oh well, you can't play groundhog or admire your truck anymore. Nature calls.

The brick building crumbles further as you open the door and jump down.

A portly woman and her portly daughter waddle out in abject, shrill terror. Now there's no one else here to worry about layin' down max volume on these honkers.

You close the truck door and perform a gesture (gif-rel) to your passenger.

(Wait... Are you African?)
>Yes
>No

(Do you even have a name?)
>(WRITE IN)

You maintain eye contact the whole time, except when turning around to flush.

It's a nice experience, minus all the screaming in the dining room and kitchen of the restaurant.

(+10 to all future fecal rolls)

I'll let you imagine all the other sounds, smells and sights of your visit to the A&W restroom.

You return to the car and Tiff's root beer float has been sucked empty, even though she hasn't moved... Curious...

Let's just hurry and turn her in.

You pull out and slam through downtown traffic...

Straight in to the annual tractor parade!!! How could you forget that was today???

You try covertly joining the parade, going 3 MPH, but you are immediately being told by traffic police to pull over!! Shit...

They won't have the proper resources to deal with "Tiff" like you can.

You consider pulling over when-

WHAT?! "Tiffany's" face just snapped shut and now she's trying to strangle you!!

What do we do, guys??

We...

>Roll1d100!
(feel free to suggest a path or solution to this current crisis)
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5267718
>Reverse Vitiligo
>Nameless

>Shot "fire" instead of "rape" because you trist firefighters more than police
>>
>>5267730
*shout
*trust
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5267718
>(Wait... Are you African?)
NO
>(Do you even have a name?)
Barbera Barker (NOT a girl)
>(feel free to suggest a path or solution to this current crisis)
Unzip her ear and EAT THE ALIEN
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5267718
>No
>Thulsa Doom
>Firm slap across the face
>>
File: SQUEESH.gif (2.99 MB, 400x170)
2.99 MB
2.99 MB GIF
Rolled 24, 32, 92 = 148 (3d100)

Illegal Alien Zeta Reticulan Deathgrip rolls

DC 1 - 67
DC 2 - 62
DC 3 - 67

You're locked in a slalom against space, time and force, now going a furious 4 MPH in the tractor parade with Tiffany choking you out! Happy hillbilly carnival banjo music pounds throughout the event's speakers at an ungodly volume, led by a quintet of hicks on stage about a quarter mile down the road.

You're... Passing out... Can't... Keep eyes open... Fading..... A..........way.................

Is this how Barbera "Nameless" Doom-Barker dies?

You keep your foot perfectly even and maintain 4 MPH... Being strangled... Choking... Dying...

An unlucky traffic cop doesn't make it out of the way of your truck in time.

No one can hear the cop's bones crunch over the twang of the electric banjo.

But running over him loosens the vicegrip on your neck and allows you to gasp for air, jolting you awake!!

You bite and slap, and cry for help.

You're putting up a formidable fight!! Good job, white man!

Was it good enough to counter and hogtie this ornery alien?
>>
File: WOULD.jpg (99 KB, 1023x682)
99 KB
99 KB JPG
You take your hands off the steering wheel and pull the robot hands off your neck.

You suck in air, taking what may be your last gasp...

...

...

...

"RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! HEEEEEELP I'M BEING RAPED!"

The crowd laughs at you and calls you a sissy boy.

Shit...

Panic sets in until...

You see some incredibly handsome firefighters and holler for their help!!

The helpful hunkettes throw axes through your truck window (dickheads...) and one lands the axe square in the back of the alien robot, short-circuiting her and popping the FaceBook™ open again.

You seize the opportunity and rip the alien out and start eating it alive.

You bite the legs off at the knees and spit them out immediately. They're oily and slimy like a frog's legs.

In anger that you had to spit out your prey, you wind up a backhand, and let loose on the tiny alien, but it dodges and uses its microscopic teeth to bite onto your cock through your pants!!

You lose motor control of your arms and flurry your bit cock with balled fists, and let your foot slam on the gas...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

**KRRRRASSHHH**

The teeth let up off your cock, you can think clearly again.

You've found a pocket in between lanes in the tractor parade, and you're going at least 30 MPH when...

Tiffany crawls on your lap to bite your cock head again!!

You feel the warm wetness of blood from the first bite and flinch, making you snag a tractor's tire, veer off into the sidewalk, and crash into a lemonade cart, pinning the lemonade salesman into a telephone pole.

The airbags don't deploy.

Awkkwaaaaaaarrrrrrrddd.......

Gonna have to talk to someone about that, maybe get it into a dealer.

A rowdy mob of civilians, hunky firewomen and cops start crowding your cool truck, probably to take pictures and get autographs.

But you don't have time for that!!!
>>
File: immigracion.png (130 KB, 831x496)
130 KB
130 KB PNG
You find Tiffany on the floor, with her no legs. She's wily but controllable now. You take your trusty 9-year old condom out of your wallet and put it over Tiffany and tie it off, so she can't bite or wriggle out and escape, and put her in your pocket.

You look the pinned lemonade vendor in the blood-burst eyes and say "sowwy fwiend", then you put your arm over the back seat and look backwards so you can reverse.

As you pull out, you see the life escape the vendor's eyes as he shits himself in a final act of low class. Tsk tsk, making a stinky? What a shame. Closed casket, for sure.

F-150 still functions like a dream. You shout out of the ax-cracked window: "Sowwy, no autogwaphs today!! I gotta go!!" You smile and give a thumbs up for pictures, which no one seems to take. Whatever.

You peel out, and the line from the telephone pole follows, somehow twisted up in your wheel well.

The pole falls, and the country rock band on stage all get electrocuted to death through their instruments, except for the drummer.

Someone throws a glass beer bottle at your truck. Thanks, pal, but it burst to pieces! You'll need a straw to suck it out of the truck bed, now.

You swear, people around these parts sure are dumb.

Taking all the stadium and street lights out for 3 blocks makes you realize it's getting late.

The immigration office is closing soon.

-

You arrive at 5:17PM, most of the cars are gone already.

Shit. You shouldn't have stopped at 7 different stores to find a bendy straw.

But the buzz was worth it. Mmmmm, Coors Light.

There's really only a few things left to do in a common, mundane situation like this. What would American Hero Guy Fieri do?
>See if the Immigration agents will handle this illegal alien now. Justice never rests!! [jump thru window]
>Just camp outside/inside the building until they come into work tomorrow morning around 8AM. Maybe get some body work on the truck in the meantime.
>American terrorism is patriotism. Round up your buddies (actually just Billy Bob Rickets) and make it look like the cartel took care of one of their own. Burn the alien in a barrel of oil.
>Go back to Flavortown and pick up a 6-pack of C.L. Smooth & Talls (Coors Light tall cans).
>The country has been compromised. Do a catch and release like Steve Irwin. Go to the nearest vato loco barrio and dump off the illegal alien with the others. Keep the fembot suit...
>F i n i s h . e a t i n g . t h e . a l i e n. We can still turn in the robot as evidence tomorrow.
>(WRITE IN)
>>
>>5268467
>Go back to Flavortown and pick up a 6-pack of C.L. Smooth & Talls (Coors Light tall cans).
then continue on...
>See if the Immigration agents will handle this illegal alien now. Justice never rests!! [jump thru window]
We can bribe them to expedite this with beers.
>>
File: NEED BEER.jpg (140 KB, 535x323)
140 KB
140 KB JPG
>Roll 1d100!
Only 1 per person, now, don't get greedy!

1st roll:
You try to head back to the liquor store and get beer and get drunk!

2nd roll:
It's a Showdown in Flavortown!!

3rd roll:
Plow into the immigration building!!!

4th roll:
Weasel in a way to eloquently explain yourself before the guards kick you into a coma!

Additional rolls:
New partners, archnemeses, acts of god and/or natural catastrophes

10th roll:
Guy Fieri special appearance in Flavortown
>>
File: index.jpg (9 KB, 225x225)
9 KB
9 KB JPG
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5268971
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5268971
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5268971
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>5268971





Delete Post: [File Only] Style:
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

[Enable Mobile View / Use Mobile Site]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.