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File: sleeping quarters.png (78 KB, 575x400)
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You find yourself laying on a stiff, uncomfortable mattress. It would not be accurate to say you “woke up” here. You simply became aware that you, in fact, are lying on your back on this shitty mattress, like a toppled over beatle struggling to stand upright on its 6 legs. Your joints wail at you in disapproval as you struggle to sit upright.

Parallel to your own, there is a twin sized bed next to you. In the corner you are directly facing, there is a television affixed to the upper wall. There is a sparse desk with a phone, a wooden dresser, and two doors. One door leads to some kind of commodore, while the other door leads to unfamiliar and unnerving territory. A hallway of some kind? Horrifying.
>>
>>5260081
its beetle, not "beatle"

exit your sleeping quarters into the hallway
>>
>its beetle, not "beatle"
You were not referring to yourself as a "beetle". Bugs are gross and small. You were obviously alluding the psychedelic superstars, THE BEATLES. You are one, too; A psychedelic superstars, not a Beatle. It's so sad that John Lennon was transmogrified into a hideous insect-man.

>exit your sleeping quarters into the hallway
You step out of the room and into the hallway. There is little to no light, and you feel the cold metal that comprises the floor and ceiling on your bare feet.
Immediately AHEAD of you, there is a rusted device on the wall. It looks like some kind of telephone or PA system. There is a speaker below a microphone jutting out of the gizmo. To the right, there is a number pad.
To the EAST of you, there is a closed metal door.
To the WEST of you, there is a slightly cracked open door. Light from the other side pours into the dark hallway.
>>
>>5260096
Squeeze thru the cracked door to the WEST
>>
>Squeeze thru the cracked door to the WEST
To squeeze your flesh instrument through the tiny crack between the door to the west and its respective door frame would be a monumental feat of physicality. One that would require an ONTOLOGY check.

Assign one of the following values to ONTOLOGY (ONT):

* 80
* 70
* 60
* 50
* 40
>>
>>5260112
>50
Nice and even.
>>
**50 has been allocated to ONTOLOGY (ONT).**

Now that quantifying your physical attributes is out of the way, it's time to slip through this crack.
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

ONTOLOGY CHECK:
SLIP THROUGH THE DOOR CRACK
>>
**ONTOLOGY CHECK FAILED!!**

You try your hardest to squeeze through the small slip, but just can't. You are far too big, and the crack is far too tiny.
In your struggle, however, you inadvertently push the door open. You realize the door swings both ways. Maybe you should've started with that...
The hallway is now filled with light from the other room, illuminating the once dark space.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>5260332
Go back and kick the stupid door
>>
**ONTOLOGY CHECK FUMBLE!!!**
You step back, preparing a power stance. You then swing your leg, full force, at the open door. Your leg bounces off the door, stinging in pain.
**1 POINT OF DAMAGE.**
**9/10 HP**
This isn't over, door...
>>
>>5260380
Check out the other room; there could be something to destroy the door in there
>>
Sworn Enemy: Doors. Gain bonuses to all attempts at destroying or otherwise interfering with entrances.
Their invasion stops here.
>>
>>5260524
>Sworn Enemy: Doors.
Doors, gates, entrances; They all fill you with disgust. They represent a liminal passage from one space to the next. Does your visceral hatred stem from a fear of change? Or would you rather see a world that is a plane of experience, not a rhizomic nightmare that is reality and relationships. Regardless, the world would be a lot better if there weren't so many fucking doors.

**IDEOLOGY POINT SPENT:**
You now have a BONUS DIE to checks related to doors and breaking and entering.
**2/3 IP REMAIN.**
>>
File: tall room.png (179 KB, 825x1100)
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>>5260506
>Check out the other room; there could be something to destroy the door in there
You walk to the metal door to the EAST. As you pop the handle back and pull it towards you, a musty smell fills your nostrils. The room ahead is both wet and creepy.
You step into the chamber. It's much taller than the hallway and the sleeping quarter. You can make out that there are safety railings and some kind of machinery softly humming. However, the darkness is too much. If you want to find a tool to destroy that door (and hopefully every other door) once and for all, you'll need to obtain a light source.
>>
>>5260554
darkness is nothing out of the ordinary. i am, presumably british, so it's something i should be used to by now. either way, if my object-subject relations are still impaired by a lack of light, search for a light switch
>>
>>5260554
try the dresser
>>
>presumably some kind of insect
>struggles with doors
Gregor Samsa, is that you?
>>
>>5260554
Try and hum in synch with the machinery
>>
>>5260554
Forego the light source. Sniff. Deeply inhale the scent, study it. Study all scents with this deep interest from now on. Maybe we can see important items through our smell alone.
>>
>>5260619
>search for a light switch
Your natural Englishman's night vision is not enough. You bumble through the pitch black chamber, running your fingers across the cold walls. Eventually, your hands land on a switch. You flip it, but nothing happens.

To create a hypothesis as to why the light switch does not work, you must make a COMPREHENSION check.
Assign one of the following values to COMPREHENSION (COM):

* 80
* 70
* 60
* 40
>>
>>5261589
>Try and hum in synch with the machinery
You feel your oral cavity vibrate as you hum on pitch with the mechanism. No puzzle is solved or hidden doorway revealed, but for a moment you take in the moment of melodic synchronicity with the machine.
>>
>>5260635
>try the dresser
You return to the sleeping quarters and open the wooden dresser. Affixed to the door is a rectangular mirror. You are immediately confronted with the fact that you are only wearing a pair of gray boxers. You don't recognize them.
The dresser is filled with an assortment of trousers, work boots, belts, socks, undergarments, white dress shirts, jumpsuits, and neon colored construction jackets.
>>
>>5261700
>Comprehension
40 lmao i like playing as a dumb person
>>5261701
deng
>>5261706
Dress up in our nicest looking outfit we can throw together
>>
>>5261710
**40 has been allocated to COMPREHENSION (COM).**

>Dress up in our nicest looking outfit we can throw together
You slip on some *GRAY TROUSERS*, *BLACK SOCKS*, *WORK BOOTS*, *WHITE DRESS SHIRT* with the top button unbuttoned, and a *NEON ORANGE CONSTRUCTION JACKET* over the shirt.
**CONFIDENCE BONUS DIE!**
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5261622
>Forego the light source. Sniff.
COMPREHENSION CHECK:
SMELL THE CHAMBER
>>
>>5261720
**COMPREHENSION CHECK FAILED.**
You take a giant whiff of the machine chamber. The stench of moisture, rust, and engine fluid attacks your nostrils.
You gain no new information about this room and feel sick.
>>
>>5261722

Can you feel that?
Ah, shit
OOWAAH AH AH AH
OOWAAH AH AH AH
AWH, AWH
AWH, AWH
AWH, AWH

Drowning deep in my sea of loathing
Broken, your servant, I kneel
(Will you give in to me?)
It seems what's left of my human side
Is slowly changing, in me
(Will you give in to me?)
Looking at my own reflection
When suddenly it changes
Violently it changes (oh no)
There is no turning back now
You've woken up the demon in me
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
>Get up, come on get down with the sickness.
>>
>>5261728
>Get up, come on get down with the sickness.
A primal sensation overcomes you. Your head aches as the aroma of the chamber fills your mind. At first, you fight your bodily reflexes, but then you GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS.
The sound of your vomit hitting the floor echoes throughout the room. You wipe the puke from your mouth, the taste of stomach acid stinging your mouth. As painful as it was, getting down with the sickness was certainly cathartic.
>>
>>5261731
Try to kick the door again now that we have boots on
>>
Rolled 85 + 20 (1d100 + 20)

>>5261732
>Try to kick the door again now that we have boots on
ONTOLOGY CHECK:
KICK THE DOOR (2x BONUS DIE from BOOTS + SWORN ENEMY: DOORS)
>>
Rolled 21 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5261735
[SECOND ROLL]
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5261736
[THIRD ROLL]
>>
>>5261736
>Try to kick the door again now that we have boots on
**ONTOLOGY NORMAL SUCCESS.**
With your feet now armored with blue collar footwear, you take a running start and drop kick the door. It comes right off the hinges, and into the room with all the light.
Take that, you stupid fucking door bastard.
>>
>>5261738
Howl with success and then examine the surroundings
>>
File: mess hall.png (152 KB, 800x600)
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>>5261740
>Howl with success and then examine the surroundings
You stand over your fallen opponent and give a shrill victory howl. You hear the sound echo through the structure. Your morale is fortified.

You step into the luminous room. There are lunch tables and benches spread across the mess hall. Abandoned dishes and meals sit deserted on the tables.

To the NORTH there is a bulletin board with maritime memorabilia and various office place documents pinned to it.
To the WEST there is a despicable double door.
To the SOUTH there is a shuttered counter. Next to the counter, there is another one of those PA system telephone doohickeys.
To the EAST is the door you came from.
>>
>>5261753
>Eat the lingering, lukewarm lunches for sustenance and flavor
>Then head west and smash that dumbass door
>>
Rolled 48 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5261762
>Eat the lingering, lukewarm lunches for sustenance and flavor
At random, you pick up a spoon and begin digging in. You choose what was probably once a porridge of some kind, but the white goop has solidified into a yellow crust around the bowl edges. The rejected meal is certainly giving you sustenance, but is lacking in flavor. It's chunky and doesn't go down smoothly, but you need to refill your recently emptied stomach.

>Then head west and smash that dumbass door
ONTOLOGY CHECK:
SMASH THAT DUMBASS DOOR (BONUS DIE from SWORN ENEMY: DOORS)
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>5261779
[SECOND ROLL]
>>
>>5261780
>smash that dumbass door
**ONTOLOGY NORMAL SUCCESS.**
With your entire body, you hurl yourself at the double doors. It doesn't come off the hinges like the previous victim, but the wood is now chipped.

**TWIN EGRESS'S HP: 3/4**
>>
>>5261785
>Just keep headbutting that danged idiotic door
>>
>>5261785
Look for a trash can or something you can use as an improvised battering ram
>>
>>5261787
>Look for a trash can or something you can use as an improvised battering ram
In the corner, you find a cylindrical trash can. You dump out it's contents (mostly plastic utensils and food waste, however there are some documents here and there) and use it against the door.
**EQUIPPED TRASH RAM**
>>
Rolled 34 + 20 (1d100 + 20)

>>5261779
ONTOLOGY CHECK:
SMASH THAT DUMBASS DOOR (2x BONUS DIE from TRASH RAM + SWORN ENEMY: DOORS)
>>
Rolled 71 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5261791
[SECOND ROLL]
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5261792
[THIRD ROLL]
>>
>>5261791
**ONTOLOGY NORMAL SUCCESS**
Using your TRASH RAM, you smash through the double doors, dealing a staggering 4 damage!

**TWIN EGRESS'S HP: -1/4**
**DOOR DESTROYED.**

The double doors are reduced to splinters. No passageway is safe from you and your garbage can.
You can see that behind the now destroyed double doors is a hallway to the WEST.
>>
>>5261795
>Celebrate the slaughter of the wooden foe in rhythmic fashion
>>
>>5261795
take a moment to call someone important, then ADVANCE
>>
>>5261795
Use the garbage can to crown yourself king of the passageways. Then proceed west in search of more doors to senselessly destroy.

You really need to create some sort of philosophy about your destructive acts in case someone asks too. What is a door but a non-committal wall? Weakness like that disgusts you.
>>
>>5261823
>>5261829
>>5261938
+1
>>
>>5261823
[[this is op, new phone lol]]
>Celebrate the slaughter of the wooden foe in rhythmic fashion
You tower over the broken pieces of the double doors. You prepare a victory dance.

In order to break it down without making an ass out of yourself, and other general feats of a social nature, you must make a MAGNETISM check.

Assign one of the following values to MAGNETISM (MAG):

* 80
* 70
* 60
>>
>>5261829
>take a moment to call someone important
You approach the PA telephone gizmo. You don't know the number to call anyone important, so you just input a random string of buttons. A high pitched tone emits from the speaker. It is interrupted by a cheery female voice.

PRERECORDED WOMAN: "The number you dialed is invalid! If you'd like to re-enter the number, press *. If you'd like to speak with an operator, press #."
>>
>>5261938
>Use the garbage can to crown yourself king of the passageways
You slip into your TRASH RAM. It is now your GARBAGE CROWN. Although it is unassuming and smells like literal garbage, it is a signifier of your daring exploits against the doorway enemy to all who look upon it.
You can't see anything and your arms are stuck to your side. Your hands stick out of the bottom of the can. You try to take a few steps, but you immediately trip over some of the trash on the floor and eat shit.
If you want this to be a crown truly fit for the KING OF THE PASSAGEWAYS, you'll have to remove the lower parts of the can and cut out some eye holes.
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5261938
>create some sort of philosophy about your destructive acts
COMPREHENSION CHECK:
FORMULATE PHILOSOPHY
>>
>>5262539
**COMPREHENSION NEAR MISS!**
You take a step back and rationalize this man-on-door violence. It makes perfect sense to you, but you admit that you'd have trouble explaining the motivation behind your actions to the layman.
You think it has something to do with doors's noncommittal-ness? Things either let stuff in or keep stuff out. You don't get to pick and choose.
Whatever philosophy you finalize down the line, you're obviously referring to it as the DOOR PILL.
>>
>>5262546
Doors are a barricade. They are nothing but an obstacle between man and the great unknown, yet they are too two-faced to even commit to being a worthy foe, like a true wall. A door is a contradiction, a paradox; it is entrance, exit, and blockade, an obvious target for all. Suffer not the door to live, for the door is anathema to progress. Mankind reigns unbound.
>>
>>5262561
>Doors are a barricade. They are nothing but an obstacle between man and the great unknown, yet they are too two-faced to even commit to being a worthy foe, like a true wall. A door is a contradiction, a paradox; it is entrance, exit, and blockade, an obvious target for all. Suffer not the door to live, for the door is anathema to progress. Mankind reigns unbound.

Yeah, let's go with that. That sounds good.
>>
>>5262525
80 MAG
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5262607
**80 has been allocated to MAGNETISM (MAG).**

MAGNETISM CHECK:
BUST IT DOWN OVER THE FALLEN REMAINS
>>
>>5261823
**MAGNETISM HARD SUCCESS!**
In absence of music, you feel the groove from within. Your interpretive dance is a flawless combination of a primal warrior's victory rally, and a funky breakdown of a psychedelic superstar.
You truly did dance like the decimated corpse of a double door was watching.
>>
>>5262626
https://youtu.be/LMdOhFwuUFc
>>
>>5262532
Take off the garbage crown for now and try dialing 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3
>>
>>5262824
>Take off the garbage crown for now and try dialing 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3
You instinctively dial the number for SES (Supernatural Emergency Services).
You are greeted with another prerecorded message.

PRERECORDED WOMAN: "This Internal Company Telecommunications System is only intended for internal Weatherman Cargo Transportation calls. If there is an emergency, please dial the appropriate emergency services on a personal device, or contact your nearest supervisor! Thank you!" You can hear the woman's fake customer service smile in the recording.
>>
>>5262840
Try and remember your name
>>
>>5262862
>Try and remember your name
You search your memory, trying to recall your name.

SELECT FIRST NAME:
>Gregor
>Harris
>Tate
>Sam
>Cassius
>Clem
>Silver
>Morgan
>Charlie
>Jesse
>Eve
>Harmony
>Maryam
>[FILL IN THE BLANK]
>>
>>5262877
>YAMHILL (always all caps)
>>
>>5262877

>Yamhill (with a sensible number of capital letters)
>>
>yamHILL (half on caps)
>>
>>5262897
+1
>>
>>5262897
Gregor Samsa was a German, anyways.
>>
>>5262897
Your first name is **Yamhill**. The number of capital letters just depends on your mood.

SELECT MIDDLE NAME:
>Danger
>Neon
>Psycho
>Killer
>Sexy
>Adhesive
>Zesty
>Ethereal
>Thunder
>Death
>Romance
>Truck
>Looker
>[FILL IN THE BLANK]
>>
>>5263110

>Truckfreak, named after dear old grandma
>>
>>5263110
>Yamhill
YAMHILL YAMHILL, THE NAME THAT STRIKES FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF DOORS EVERYWHERE
>>
>>5263110
>>Truckfreak
>>
Truckfreak
>>
>>5263293
Your middle name is **Truckfreak**. It's a name that brings back memories of Mee Maw Truckfreak and Paw Paw Crazyass.

SELECT LAST NAME:
>Pearson
>Locke
>Cooke
>Parker
>Wimbledon
>Macdonald
>Peterson
>Fletcher
>Sanders
>Lawson
>Baters
>Ball
>Powell
>[FILL IN THE BLANK]
>>
>>5263594

>Yamhill
the name so nice you gotta rock it twice
>>
>>5263594
>Locke
and Load
>>
>>5263671
+1
>>
>>5263594
yamhill "TRUCK FREAK" yamhill
>>
>>5263671
Your last name is Yamhill.
You aren't sure if you actually have a last name, or if you're simply YAMHILL with a Truckfreak sprinkled in there.
You see your reflection in the ceramic bowls and cups in a new light. There is a newfound sense of identity. For a brief second, everything begins to make sense.
You are YAMHILL TRUCKFREAK YAMHILL.
>>
>>5263705
Call the operator and tell them who you are, and make sure you demand the proper respect as you do. Let them know the garbage king calls once again
>>
>>5263720
>Call the operator and tell them who you are, and make sure you demand the proper respect as you do. Let them know the garbage king calls once again
You call the operator, and his voice unenthusiastically responds on the other end. His lackadaisical attitude is a stark contrast to the fake excitement of the prerecorded woman.

TIRED OPERATOR: "Operator speaking. How may I assist you today?"

YOU: "The name's Yamhill Truckfreak Yamhill. The garbage king sends his regards. Because he's me."

TIRED OPERATOR: "Okay then... How can I help you, Mr. Yamhill?"
>>
>>5263737
>"You got any idea where the hell I am, mate?"
>>
>>5263737
engage in psychic combat with the operator over the phone
>>
>>5264000
+1
>>
>>5264105
+1
>>
>>5263737
start screaming and howling into the phone. the operator won't know who hit her
>>
>>5264000
YOU: "You got any idea where the hell I am, mate?"

TIRED OPERATOR: "Let's see here..." There is a pause, and then the silence is broken. "You are in Whitby, Mr. Yamhill. Normally there is a dock serial number, but this is the only harbor in the town so it's just '1'. Any other questions?"
>>
>>5264257
>start screaming and howling into the phone.
You hoot and hollar like a bloodthirsty chimpanzee. He ignores you.
>>
>>5264105
>engage in psychic combat with the operator over the phone
In order to enter telephone psychic battle, you must first make a HYPERSTITION check.

Assign one of the following values to HYPERSTITION (HYP):
* 70
* 60
>>
>>5264277
HYP: * 70
>>
>>5264277
>60
We need 70 for gun-fu
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5264282
**70 has been allocated to HYPERSTITION (HYP).**

**THE REMAINING 60 HAS BEEN ALLOCATED TO LUCIDITY (LUC).**

HYPERSTITION CHECK:
PSYCHICALLY ASSAULT THE OPERATOR
>>
>>5264299
**HYPERSTITION NORMAL SUCCESS.**
Your psychic barrage against this stranger is successful. You hear the voice on the other end trail off, but then he returns to ask you if there's anything else you needed. It seems that you can't quite make his head explode with your mind from this distance.
>>
>>5264300
>UNCHAIN ME FROM THIS PRISON!!
>>
>>5264300
>"Whitby, Whitby... wherebe Whitby? A harbor, so coastal, but... The king remembers nothing. Nothing but his hatred for the despicable door."
>>
>>5264303
Which one? The prison of human experience? The mortal coil? The karmic cycle of birth, life, death, and rebirth? The ol' ball and chain of marriage? You'll have to specify which prison you want to be unchained from.
>>
>>5264346
YOU: "Whitby, Whitby... wherebe Whitby? A harbor, so coastal, but... The king remembers nothing. Nothing but his hatred for the despicable door."

TIRED OPERATOR: "You remember... nothing?"
There is a slight tinge of concern in his voice. Only slight, though.

TIRED OPERATOR: "Okay... You're in Whitby. It's a town in Scotland, right up against the North Channel. They say you can see the West Quarantine Zone from the beach, but I've never visited."

He pauses.

TIRED OPERATOR: "And Scotland is in the United Kingdom. Which is in Europe. Which is on Earth. Is that sufficient?"
>>
>>5264783
>Harbour
>Whitby is in Yorkshire
suspicion increasing
>>
>>5261706
>and neon colored construction jackets.
>colour
hmmm... this narrator... cannot truly be hyper-British? (paranoia increases)
>>
>>5264808
I am not the HYPERBRIT. YOU are.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5264800
>Whitby is in Yorkshire
COMPREHENSION CHECK:
BASIC GEOGRAPHY
>>
>>5261706
>a pair of gray boxers
immediately destroy this pair of foreign underwear. Remain naked until some >grey underpants can be found
>>
>>5264812
**COMPREHENSION EXTREME SUCCESS!!!**
As the operator speaks, you immediately notice the discrepancy. Whitby is not in Scotland, it's a little south in Yorkshire. And, if there was a 'Quarantine Zone' you could see from the beach, it'd be to the East, not the West.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5264814
>destroy this pair of foreign underwear
ONTOLOGY CHECK:
DESTROY GRAY BOXERS
>>
>>5264820
**ONTOLOGY HARD SUCCESS!**
You reach into your pants and rip apart the foreign boxers. The torn fabric falls down your pant legs. You will allow your junk to be free within your trousers until you find a properly spelt pair of underwear. You'll go out naked if you have to, so long as your special bits are kept safe with Englishmen fabric.
>>
attempt to self-determine social class by pronouncing the following words out loud: grass, glass, dance, valet
How do these words sound phonetically
>>
>>5264783
Go back to escaping
>>
>>5264836
>>5264851
Actually wait, no need
>And, if there was a 'Quarantine Zone'

Failure to deploy the subjunctive is indicative of one's social standing. After wallowing miserably a bit at our lapsed education, check the operator's accent for any hint of vocal fry.
>>
>>5264836
>attempt to self-determine social class by pronouncing the following words out loud: grass, glass, dance, valet
Your vowels are somewhat open, and your accent is slightly nasally. You are, admittedly, quite common sounding.
>>
>>5264851
>>5260812
We are trapped in a Kafkaesque nightmare anon! Nothing is as it seems! I dread to think that we are not even hyper-British... We could be an impostor, ensnared within a lie!
(overwhelmed by paranoia)
>>
>>5264865
Nonsense. If you are not hyper-British, then what are you? The thought is too distressing to continue contemplating.
>>
>Reassure ourselves of our Britishness
>>
>>5264869
(paranoia abates)
ah ok, I will trust you for now.
I thought that was part of the puzzle, discovering if we were not actually hyper-British.
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5264879
LUCIDITY CHECK:
REASSURE BRITISHNESS
>>
>>5264909
**LUCIDITY NORMAL SUCCESS.**
The paranoia quells. Something is definitely off here, but it isn't your Britishness.
>>
where the fuck is qm
>>
>>5264816
>"Strange. Very strange. Is this Earth, as in the Laniakea Supercluster, Milky Way Galaxy, Orion-Cygnus Arm, Solar System, Earth?"
>"Everything feels faded..." Point out the conflict in geography.

I smell a conspiracy.
>>
>>5265352
YOU: "Strange. Very strange. Is this Earth, as in the Laniakea Supercluster, Milky Way Galaxy, Orion-Cygnus Arm, Solar System, Earth?"

TIRED OPERATOR: "Yep, that's the one. I don't know of any other Earths."

YOU: "Everything feels faded..." You point out the conflict in geography.

TIRED OPERATOR: "Oh... er..."
The slight tinge of concern in his voice grows to worry.

TIRED OPERATOR: "Mr. Yamhill, do you know what year it is?"
>>
>>5265640
>"Please tell me it's 2022."
>>
>>5265640
"Yamhill was my father's, grandfather's, great-grandfather's, great-great-grandfathe...(20 minutes later)...eat-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather's name. Please, just call me Hillyam."
>>
>>5265640
1987 retard
>>
>>5265647
YOU: "Please tell me it's 2022."

TIRED OPERATOR: "No... It's 1994. Whitby hasn't been in Yorkshire since the 60s."
His disquietude has now completely overtaken his demeanor. He isn't sure if this is a prank call of some kind, or if there is actually something mentally wrong with you.
>>
>>5266333
Okay operator, I need you to patch me through to the queen. This is a matter of national emergency and I need your full cooperation
>>
Oh shit, think of the money we could win off of horse races and football matches when we correctly guess the winners
>>
>>5266353
YOU: "Okay operator, I need you to patch me through to the queen. This is a matter of national emergency and I need your full cooperation"

TIRED OPERATOR: "I... don't have the queen's number. You can speak to the captain of the ship, his office is right by the phone you're using. But uh... take it slow I guess? I don't know."
>>
>>5266386
Except every time we win something with our knowledge of the future, a killer midget materializes on the other side of the world, and tracks us down!
>>
>>5266553
We then begin to pinpoint this, and only utilize our knowledge when we know the midget will materialize in the sea, hundreds of miles from a coast!

But eventually, you get sloppy and a midget gets saved by a cruise liner who sees him drowning. You overcome his surprise attack and eventually only summon the midgets into volcanos.
>>
>>5266386
Unfortunately, using divination and visages into the future with intent to gamble is against most major legitimate betting rules. However, you can usually get away with that kind of stuff in more underground circles. Just pray you don't get caught.
>>
>>5266407
Alrighty then my fine assistant, ring up the captain for me, and make it snappy
>>
>>5266625
YOU: "Alrighty then, my fine assistant, ring up the captain for me, and make it snappy."

TIRED OPERATOR: "Okay... Connecting you to the captain. Please hold."

A bubbly tune plays on the speaker, and then is interrupted by a gruff voice.

CAPTAIN: "Hamyill? I see you've woken up. Or, rather, *heard* you wake up. Was that you making all that fucking noise earlier?"
>>
>>5266649
>"I haven't fucked or made fucking noises in years, sir."
>>
>>5266649
>"It was for a good cause, a crusade against the wretched door! ...If I have a paycheck, please don't take that out of mine, thanks."
>"On a less-important note, I appear to be suffering some strange variety of severe amnesia and/or temporal displacement. Who are you?"
>>
>>5266659
YOU: "It was for a good cause, a crusade against the wretched door! ...If I have a paycheck, please don't take that out of mine, thanks."

CAPTAIN: "I'm not paying you, although the company's not gonna be too happy if you busted down a bunch of doors. It's not up to me if whether they make you foot the bill or not."

YOU: "On a less-important note, I appear to be suffering some strange variety of severe amnesia and/or temporal displacement. Who are you?"

The man on the other end is silent for a moment, then heartily chuckles.
CAPTAIN: "Well, you've certainly kept your sense of humor over the years. That's a good one. How about you quit being a 'time traveling amnesiac' for a moment and talk to me in my office? Company doesn't like us overusing the phones."
>>
>>5266687
Captain are you being held hostage by one of those infernal apertures? blink twice if you need my help!
>>
>>5266687
>"Soon after my awakening, I was a beetle for the briefest of moments. 'Twas not a delusion, aye--Captain, my captain, I am well and truly a man displaced. Would you remind me, good sir, of the location of your office?"
>Try and sense his intentions using your nascent psychic abilities.
I still smell a conspiracy! Are we going to get ambushed? Is this a coverup!?
>>
>>5266737
YOU: "Soon after my awakening, I was a beetle for the briefest of moments. 'Twas not a delusion, aye--Captain, my captain, I am well and truly a man displaced. Would you remind me, good sir, of the location of your office?"

CAPTAIN: "Of course, of course. It'll be to the right of the double doors leading out of the mess hall, Mr. Beetle."
He is not taking your condition seriously.
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5266737
>Try and sense his intentions using your nascent psychic abilities.
HYPERSTITION CHECK:
GARNER CAPTAIN'S INTENTIONS
>>
>>5266819
**HYPERSTITION FAILURE.**
You attempt to pry into his psyche and extract his motivations. Alas, his psychic defenses are too strong.
>>
>>5266822
Can't even tell if this is because he's a legit psychic or if it's because we're still violently delusional. Either way, once he sees us DRESSED IN THE GARB OF THE KING, that should help our cause for "sudden onset of incredible neurological disorder."
(Side note: I know nothing about England - or Britain, for that matter - so will need someone to tell me if shit's fucky)
>>
>>5266816
>>5266819
>>5266822
>Bash down the Captain's door to show him we mean business.
>>
Rolled 71 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5266988
ONTOLOGY CHECK:
BASH DOWN CAPTAIN'S DOOR (BONUS DIE from SWORN ENEMY: DOORS)
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5269220
[SECOND ROLL]
>>
File: remy office.png (506 KB, 1620x1080)
506 KB
506 KB PNG
>>5266988
>Bash down the Captain's door to show him we mean business
**ONTOLOGY NORMAL SUCCESS.**
You step over the broken pieces of the double doors. There is a flight of stairs ahead of you, and a hallway that stretches to your left and right. You locate the first door to the right. Target acquired.
You sprint towards the entryway and jump, catapulting your body into it's wooden frame.
When you look up from the ground, you find yourself in an office. You see no remains of the door in the room. That's a bit strange, but you reason that you must've simply decimated the door beyond visibility.
A man in his mid 50s to early 60s looks down at you.

CAPTAIN: "Well, you're certainly commiting to the bit."
>>
>>5269417
>"That's where you're wrong captain. I've commited to the Brit... The HYPERBRIT"
>>
>>5269440
Quality quip
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>>5269440
this
>>
>>5269440
+1 blimey...
>>
Another one bites the dust.
>>
>>5260081
Thanks for running, QM.
>>
File: titlecard.gif (2.71 MB, 1200x800)
2.71 MB
2.71 MB GIF
>>5269440
FROM THE ASHES, WE RISE

YOU: "That's where you're wrong captain. I've commited to the Brit... The HYPERBRIT"
Fuck. That line was so fucking cool. Holy shit. It's so cool, it's deserving of a badass title card.

Yeah... That's the shit.
>>
>>5281335
>"Captain you have to listen to me carefully, we are being Narrated!"
>>
>>5281557
+1
>>
>>5281557
YOU: "Captain you have to listen to me carefully, we are being Narrated!"

CAPTAIN: "Narrated? I haven't been Narrated since the 60s."

It seems the Captain is a stubborn soul who is brushing past all of your concerns. If you could somehow find empirical evidence of your altered mental state, he might start taking you seriously.

CAPTAIN: "Well, I've got your personals in this box right here."
He gestures to a worn cardboard box sitting on his cluttered desk.
CAPTAIN: "I'd suggest you collect your belongings and get a move on. Wouldn't want to make her wait any longer."
>>
>>5282069
>gather belongings
>ask him what our current mission is



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