>"I hope dinner's ready..."
>"You remember what happened last time, don't you?"

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>Wake up several hours ago with a hangover.
>Super horny but I'm trying to stop fapping.
>Fantasize about Mayor Mare forcing me to breed "troublemakers" -- Vinyl, Trixie, Berry Punch - to calm them down and make them respectable members of the community.
>Only once they're all ludicrously preggers do I get to breed Mayor Mare as a reward for a job well done.

Never let mares tell you that stallions aren't lewd.

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>Be Anon
>Local human fella turned Oil Sheik
>Kinda
>You were pretty dirt poor, but you did have more than one wife like a sheik
>Three in fact
>All thanks to that Zephyr fella, whom two out of the three wives disliked greatly
>You were happy that Rarity had gone along with it, what with how pretty she was
>She could absolutely have anyone on this planet you bet, but she seemed pleased as punch with the whole thing
>Oddly enough, Rainbow and Fluttershy did as well
>You thought Rainbow in particular just wanted to be your wife to get out of marrying the other fella, but she seemed genuinely affectionate
>Fluttershy was...
>Extremely affectionate
>A life of not having a male to smooch because she couldn't stand colts because, again, her brother, would do that to a mare
>Things were still a little strange
>The pegasi kept trying to build nests around your house, and all of them got sort of funny around your closet and your sock drawer, but you didn't have any complaints
>In fact, your official wedding was going to just be a few weeks away
>Rarity had wanted you to plan it, so you'd have "the wedding you'd always wanted", but when she found out you were fine with just going to the courthouse and getting papers signed, she took over the planning
>She did her best to hide it, but you were pretty sure she was excited to be the planner
>You were fine with it, but the girls did feel sort of bad about how quick things were going
>So they compensated you
>With sex
>A lot of it; any way you wanted it too, though some were more eager for certain things than others
>You saw why sheiks had more than one wife
>Four-ways were fucking rad
>More so with beautiful mares
>They could really do things with their mou--
>"ANONYMOUS!"
>You jumped, nearly dropping the onion you had been staring at, lost in your thoughts of mare sex
>You, and everyone else in the market, turned
>There was Zephyr again, in full armor, holding a spear
>Beside him, looking less than happy, was Sporkle
>"Anonymous the human!" the stallion bellowed.
>You looked at your soon-to-be-wives, then at the colt
>You waved
"Good morning."
>Zephyr looked flabbergasted for a second, then he cleared his throat
>"I challenge you to single combat!"
>Rainbow rolled her eyes
>"Zephyr, get out of here," she said. "I'm done with your horseapples. Forever. We're getting married, and you're not going to mess it up like you do everything else!"
>"That's where you're WRONG, beloved," Zephyr said
>Rainbow visibly gagged
>"While this SLUT stole you out from under my tender care, I still have one more trick to save you. To save you all!"
>He stamped the butt of his spear into the ground
>"Single combat. Anonymous. I challenge your right to wed Rainbow Dash."
>Dash threw up her hooves
>"TWILIGHT!"
>Twilight flinched
>"He... technically can challenge, Rainbow."
>Beside you, Fluttershy just sighed
>Beside her, Rarity began fanning herself

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>>40505831
>"Stallions fighting for the right to wed a mare. Oh my goodness..." she breathed
>"Hey, coltfight!" somepony yelled
>A crowd quickly gathered around you all
>You just sort of looked around
"Hey Zephyr, buddy, we really don--"
>"The only thing I wish to hear from you is "I surrender", you harlot," Zephyr said. "Otherwise, I shall show you how a guard fights!"
>Twilight facehoofed
"Well, I'm not gonna do that, and I really don't want to fight, buddy."
>"You don't have a choice, jezebel."
>Rainbow turned toward you
>"Anon," she hissed, gesturing that you kneel
>You did so
>"I think you just need to beat the crud out of this colt," she whispered.
"What?" you replied.
>"I think Rainbow's right, Anon," Fluttershy said. "Sometimes the best lesson is pain."
"...Jesus, Fluttershy, that's your brother."
>"Oh, I know."
>Rainbow's face scrunched up
>"You don't need to hurt him really badly. Just give him a few hard knocks. He'll start crying and give up."
"...Do I really have to?"
>"..."
"..."
>"..."
"..."
>"...I'll wear the things."
>You blinked
"Pardon?"
>A hint of pink came to Rainbow's cheeks
>"I'll wear those dyke-y things you like, and I'll do that thing with my mouth."
>Her face got a little redder
>"As many times as you want too
>You perked up
"Just a little beating? Alrighty then!"
>Standing up, you walked over to one of the stands, helping yourself to a broom handle
>The little mare frowned, and was about to complain, but some mares around her shushed her and threw their own bits onto the counter, motioning you toward Zephyr
>You gave the handle a few practice swings, then stepped toward the stallion
>Twilight looked over her hoof, then just let out a suffering groan
>"You... can you both just not kill each other for Celestia's sake?" she asked
>You watched as Zephyr tied his spear to some special loop on the side of his armor
>It took a good long while, and you could hear some muttering and cursing to himself as he did it, but eventually he had the weapon attached to his side
>"I can't promise than, m'lady," Zephyr said. I shall defeat this whore, and if he lies here slain then it is the will of Mi Amore Cadenza herself."
>"...No. No it isn't, you big, dumb--"
>With a warcry, Zephyr charged toward you, limbs flailing, spear bouncing, his head tilted down toward the ground
>The yell made you jump, but you held your broom out
>Zephyr wasn't particularly fast
>He also wasn't flying
>Which was weird, but you weren't going to complain
>You tensed, readying to dodge a strike
>Then you sort of looked at the stallion, and his big, dumb spear, and relaxed a bit
>As he ran toward you, you stepped out of the way
>This wasn't at the last moment
>He still had a good twenty feet to get to you, but he didn't notice, what with his head being down and all
>...Eyes were closed as well now that you were looking at him
>As he closed the distance you, safe from any thrust, smacked the end of the spear as hard as you could
>There was a crack

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>>40505895
>The spear tip jolted down, sinking into the dirt
>Zephyr's warcry turned into a shriek as he was catapulted up into the air
>His weight caused the spear to sink deeper into the ground
>The straps holding the spear to his side somehow held and you, along with around one hundred ponies, watched as he was hoisted up at an awkward angle by the spear, not able to move
>Zephyr's rump was angled toward you
>Armorless and vulnerable
>You looked toward Rainbow, who just made a swinging motion with a hoof
>You shrugged, then, holding the broom handle like a bat, you walked over to the colt
>"You slutty monster, you'll never--EEP!"
>You started laying into his backside
>Smack after smack, causing the stallion to squeal and flail like a little girl
>The crowd around you let out groans, noises of delight, and curses as bits were exchanged
>Give him credit, Zephyr lasted longer than you thought he would
>You literally beat his ass for a good five minutes before you heard him shout:
>"STOP! STOPSTOPSTOP! I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP!"
>He covered a now thoroughly black and blue butt with his back legs and wings
>"YOU WIN! YOU WIN!"
>A cheer rang out amongst the crowd
>Twilight shook her head
>"Thank Celestia..."
>Her horn glowed, and Zephyr's spear was pulled from the ground and teleported away
>The stallion himself was laid gently onto his stomach, looking miserable
>You put the broom handle down onto the ground, walking over and kneeling down next to him
>"How could you have beaten me" he asked, as you put a hand on his back, giving him a few reassuring pats. "I fought with love in my heart..."
"That's easy, buddy. You're a three foot tall talking horse and I'm a fully grown man."
>Zephyr blinked, as if the idea had never occurred to him
>"Oh..."
>"Anon, if it's not too much of a bother, hit him a few more times just so he learns his lesson," Fluttershy called
>You frowned
>Jesus...
>One of your wives was a real firecracker, huh?

>>40505948
Heh. I guess Dash was wrong about Fluttershy getting mad if Anon beat up Zephyr.

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>>40505831
>>Fluttershy was...
>>Extremely affectionate
all is right in the world

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>>40505948
I see Fluttershy is going to be the disciplinarian for all the foals of the family.

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look at this cute pony
all she wants is for every mare to have a loving househusband to tend to the smaller world while she's at work
also i just realized there could be all sorts of entertaining interactions between prench duchess Fleur and germane Aryanne over rightful clay or rightful lewd time

>>40507122
Just need Octavia and Applejack to complete the set.

>>40506372
>Be Anon
>"Mr. Mous?"
>And also be very upset
>A ponice officer has just shown up at your door, with none other than Mono Trail, your oldest daughter
"Yes, that's me. What is the meaning of this?"
>"Sir, your daughter and her friends were found being truant."
>The ponicemare glared at Mono from the corner of her eye before venomously adding "Among other things."
"Truant? Mono, is this true?"
>Mono morosely nodded, refusing to look at your face
>You shake your head in shame
>She was always a rambunctious foal, but you had never thought she'd go so far as to play hooky
>Your attention is brought back to the ponicemare when she clears her throat
>"Seeing as she's underage and this is her first offense, I figured it'd be best to let her off with a warning."
"Thank you, officer. I'll be sure to have her mother talk to her." You say, emphasizing the word "talk"
>You turn and point towards the interior of your home and Mono whimpers as she slinks past you, ears folded back and wings limp at her sides
>The ponicemare nods curtly, "See that you do."
>Her eyes trail down your form, her frown melting into a smirk upon reaching your crotch
>"Y'know, if you're having trouble keeping your foals in line, I could always...lend a hoof~" She licks her chops while blatantly staring at your groin
"Thank you but I have it under control." You close the door on her and head to Mono's room to see her sulking on her bed, hiding beneath her turquoise wings
"Mono. I'm not mad."
>She parts her wings a bit to let her shame-filled eyes take a look at you
"I'm just disappointed."
>She let out a pathetic groan
"If you think that's bad, just wait until your mother comes home."
>Mono Trail shoots up, her wings spread and fur standing on end
>She gulps before shakily speaking up
>"W-w-which one?" she squeaks out
>You sigh
>Dramatically, of course
>Rarity taught you well
"Mama Shy."
>Mono's anguished wail could be heard in Canterlot

>>40499542
What about engie?

>>40507276
>Which one
Do you think children have a greater bond with their true mother or are all of their mothers treated pretty much as equals. I wouldn't be surprised if the foal count gets high enough in a herd that some of the mares forget which one they gave birth to

>>40505948

Not quite my cup of tea, but still technically well-written. Good job, LaP.

>>40507313
As always, it would depend on who spends the most quality time with them.
Captcha: VK XXX

>>40505948
Thank you

>>40507276
"It's your own fault for getting caught, Trail."

>>40507276
Shy may not have a belt, but a damp wing is plenty to fear.

How do you think ponies do dental work in Equestria? I'm having a hard time imagining a society that has straw-roofed cottages and cobblestone roads, also having safe hypodermic needles and sophisticated local anesthetics. Will that one toothpaste horse brazenly give me extra knockout juice so that she can touch my ding-dong?

>>40508569
There is more to equestria than ponyville. Manehatten has skyscrapers, and there is always magic.

I had a dream last night where my horsedaughter had to console me, because I was worried she was going to an hero, because I had to console her, because her coltfriend cheated on her and she thought she wasn't a good mare. I blame you all for this.

>>40508569
sounds like a question for Colgate. mare's a miracle worker, but she hates how my teeth just need a little extra cleaning instead of being rotted to the gums with how much Dr Pepper I drink

>>40508569
>https://medicine.uq.edu.au/blog/2018/12/history-syringes-and-needles
1844
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Procaine
1905, or
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocaine#History
1855
>http://www.historyofdentistry.net/dentistry-history/history-of-dental-instruments/
1868-1914

It would be fairly recognizable as modern dentistry. They would probably use some magic to patch things, instead of amalgamate fillings. (Just like they can heal a nasty broken limb in three days.)

And yes, she'll give you extra laughing gas.

>>40509070
>extra laughing gas.
Only because stallions are bigger and they need a larger dose... Right?

>>40509119
Of course! No inappropriate touching going on, here!

>>40509119
>>40509136
>"For the last time, Caramel, the main ingredient of the anesthetic being "rapeseed" does not indicate anything about its application."

I have traveled forward in time exactly one year.
What have I missed?

>>40509569
>Missed
In this thread? Lmao

>>40509569
Mare Fair (previously Florida foalcon), Haber suicide, g4 reboot

>>40509777
>suicide
That's extremely not Friendship of you, anon. Shame on you.

>>40504882
Alright I epic failed at having the update done but I got more work done in the last 48 hours than the past three months combined. As such I'm going to put a new, but much more realistic, completion date for the end of this week. See you then gang.

>>40510365
Based and batpilled

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Plush earth pony asses that you can really dig your fingers into and knead.

>>40510491
Like a cat?

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>>40505948
made me chuckle/10
I hope you do some more

>>40510541

More like kneading bread dough. Really wring it and squeeze it.

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>>40510902
I want Pinkie to help teach me how to knead her cake and help put a bun in her oven if you know what I mean
inb4 she takes the request completely literally

>>40507287
Didn't engie promise he'd never leave a story unfinished?

>>40511216
It's never LEFT unfinished if he returns to it some day/year/decade.

>>40507287
Overrated imo.

>>40507287
Working on his OG fiction now.

>>40511494
Is there a link?

>>40511587
Nothing actually released yet, I dont think.

>>40510365
Aw yissss

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Maud's secret shame - she's a crossdresser!

>>40511400
>aggressively retarded

>>40511870
thats a gross missuse of ballbras!

>>40511870
SMACK

>>40512168
Would a mare flinch or stand firm after a tit smack?

>>40511870
why do this guys pones look like pudgy cats

>>40512871
Depends. Is she a masochist?

>>40512883
I don't see it

>>40511870
>journalist forgets that teatbras are a thing as well
smartest journalist mare

>>40511870
i didn't know that the pie family was related to the trottingham mare of janitorial unemployment
must be 2nd or 3rd cousins or something

>>40513119

Might just be that earth pony genes select for big asses and big teats.

https://twibooru.org/1643392
(NSFW, natch.)

>>40513472
No wonder she's so angry, she's kicking herself in the tits every time she walks!
She should do what Pinkie does and hop everywhere, that would prevent that.

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>>40513484
>2nd spoiler
you're making too much sense anon

>>40513119
They're related through their cousin Cheesecake.

>>40513484

This was the only picture I could find of big crotch-titty Limestone that didn't look absolutely terrible.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/545454/1/heat-season/operation-heatsink

>>40513598

Derp. The FimFic link is unrelated, just something that I found with a few RGRE elements.

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>>40510986

>>40513605
>TOTALLY NOT SHILLING MY FIC
Nice setup. I want to see where this goes.

There's an extra " at the end of:
“Um, how scary is it? On a scale from one to ten, I mean,” the resident wallflower asked in her timid voice.”

>>40513886

Flattering compliment, but I'm not the author. Literally just saw it, read it, and went "hey, this is kinda RGRE."

Besides, I'm too racist to give myself a handle like "Sahelanthropus." (Sahel man.) Though if he is from the Sahel, he has a shockingly good command of English.

>>40511927
Considering engie is a woman, yes, she is aggressively retarded

>>40512168
>smack Maud's teats
>they harden on impact
>grope her teats
>they're super soft
>Maud has non-Newtonian teats
Alternatively, NANOMACHINES, SON!

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Baby-crazy stallion hours in here.

>>40514135
Proof?

I tell twilight sparkle and her nerd friends when they are over at her house about the existence of internet porn, and show how Ai, can make porn which somehow still works on my computer, and other electronic devices.

What happens.

>>40514897
Lame bump

>>40514897
In this thread? They go "woah" over something dumb like how "intense" human men's sexual desire is or some equally gay shit people should've grown out of before high school.

If the thread were about its topic, then idk... say the tech would get out somehow and a bunch of underage colts would have to try and petition the adults to prevent the fillies from creating and spreading AI porn of them at school. There'd be friction from the adults, a combination of classification ambiguity and illicit interest in the photos, and some members of the EoH would eventually have to intervene. Flutters and Dash at least, since they'd both be sensitive to public humiliation. They'd probably be joined by the CMC eventually, who'd be trying to shake suspicion for spreading the materials after the whole gossip paper fiasco.
Things would come to a head when an insecure colt feels driven to self-producing, shocking and disturbing the community and driving the point home. The ringleaders would come forward in shame and everyone would begin healing. There would be a collective decision that humans and their Satanic contraptions aren't compatible with Equestria, and Anon would be kicked out forever, never to darken the MLP fictional universe ever again.
Amen.

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Next up on Colty Mares Secrets' Revealed: Roseluck and her predator fetish!

>>40514135
>Engie
>Woman
Okay now I know you're full of shit

>>40514135
A woman or a "woman"?

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>>40515760
I member the predator memes.

>>40515214
Self producing what do you mean?

Also I don’t think they would kick anon out, if he just gave them the technology, he could easily have said it could be used for none sexual things, and he thought they had a lot more sense then they did.

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Mares want to smooch you. Pick up the little one and fuck her horseshoes off while the rest watch. Then make her a sandwich

I always like the idea of a top level super powerful caster being a fucking autisitc math nerd because magic is just fantasy programming or something.
I wanna watch a wizard passionately lecture to his students about the genius of the magic equivalent to the DOOM fast inverse square root.
Really shit like that just adds life and immersion to a magic system imo. Always takes me out of it when harry poter wizards can just go "alabama ballbra" and someone's head explodes. Too easy.
Anyway something something twilight doesn't think colts can do magic cause they're too stupid. I dunno I'm drunk.

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>>40516622

Pick up...Pipp?

You sure that's possible?

>>40516622
Pass, pass, smash, smash.

It seems I am still a figure of some controversy.
To all who feel anger or distress at my memory, I have one demand:
>Surpass me.

>>40517046
>Engie has been lurking this whole time.
Finish your greens, faggot

>>40517146
Too busy writing a novel.
Maybe after.

>>40517156
Fine. Finish the novel, THEN finish your greens, faggot

>>40517156
For the record, I'm glad you're still alive.

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>>40517029

A man of good taste.

>>40517156

Hey, Engie, good luck. Your writing style may not click well with me for some reason, but you have quite a lot of natural talent, and apparently the time to refine it and put it to use. I hope you get published.

>>40508569

Yes, APA, yes she will, and she'll do more than touch it. You'll wake up afterwards and wonder why your crotch feels so wet, and where your ball-bra went.

And pick up your socks.

>>40516636
Can your unicorn wife run DOOM?

>>40516863
oh dam thats kinda hot. What would EGREquestria think of a colt who's into chubby mares?

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>>40516636
The fast inverse square root algorithm was for Quake III Arena, it's used to calculate the normal vector of a polygon, which are useful for games which have lighting and/or physics engines. As DOOM has neither, it would have no need for algorithm.

>>40517619
ID software nonetheless. tomato tomato

>>40517046
I tried, but I just keep getting an esl. Maybe I should use my spell check, also what greens did you write anything with twilight.

>>40516636
Power and skill are two separate things. Powerful unicorns like twilight, or the princesses are not the most skilled. Lesser unicorns are actually the ones who typically move magic forward, because they actually need well formed spells, whilst powerful unicorns can just brute force their will onto the world. Twilight can easily learn and cast spells due to her raw power. No pony can actually just read a spell and cast it immediately without practice, twilight is just using brute force in place of true understanding.

>>40517927
Typical Pegasus reply.

>>40514897
I might use the technology to make porn of princess Celestia as a stallion, during their April fools, equivalent how does she take it. I get that twilight would be furious but I kinda think Celestia would laugh her ass off.

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>>40517441

I mean, I can see the appeal of a chubby mare, but would you really want to date an influencer? Personally, I prefer a nerd.

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>Trixie knows that rape is sex without consent
>no, consent cannot be revoked at some indeterminate later date
>but she's a retard
>thinks the inverse is also true
>in her mind consent without sex is also rape
>she tried her best to get Anon to fuck her, but he wouldn't budge
>to her she's just been horribly violated
>thinks her sadness at being rejected is proof of this
>takes matters into her own hooves

>>40518440
It's Celestia. There's nothing you can show her that would shock her after all the years she's been alive.

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>>40519274
Thanks for reminding me. I'm gonna go masturbate to nignogs' art now.

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>>40518225

Here's a FimFic version: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/457545/follows-a-little-spark

I stopped trying to follow it, but I'm pretty sure Twilight is the primary love interest.

>>40517046
You’re in no position to demand anything, and neither are the people in this thread, because none of you have leverage. Pompous post. Silence, or different wording, would have had more positive effect. Wish you well on your novel.

>>40519270
I do think it would be funny, if she saw hundreds of pictures of her in different styles of her with a massive throbbing cock.

>>40520197
I agree. Not because I think it would be funny, but because it is my fetish.

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>Sometimes you just gotta dress like the sort of girl all colts want.

>>40504899
you cried until it was ready?

>>40521404
I don’t even like it, I just thought it would be funny. If you want something else, what’s another what we could prank celly.

>>40518565
Hey, my post!

>>40520197
>>40520356
Based

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>>40520197

I know which artist I'm going to use for the next OP now, lol

>>40516636
>eq/g/
>i only spellweave in arcanum, literally perfect language
>are you guys excited for Melon Tusk's new orb intelligence?
>i only use free as in freedom spells
>bought griffonian grimoire, got cheap spells
>the only good OS is Feathera, Doubloon is for retards, Minty is for ziggers, Archaea is for autists
>runeless spellweaver, look inside, find runes
>arcane state drive heats up, becomes mundane
>is LyreOrber good with The Orange Router?, no I'm not an apple we don't smell in the dark
>imagine buying an apple spell kit, enjoy your proprietary backspelled spellweave

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why do thirdies think dicks on girls are hot?
like they'll unironically choose defending that shit as their hill to die on

>>40521549
That's pretty hot

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An short update on Nightmare's Anon
https://ponepaste.org/9136

>"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"
>Twilight readied her horn as the stranger stopped in its tracks
>It's cloak billowed in the wind as its head turned slightly towards her group
>"Yes?"
>She had a pause on what she was going to say
>What was it?
>"I'm waiting."
>Hold on! The words caught up on her mouth
>Wait
>She held her head up high and responded marely
>"That basket belongs to me."
>"No it isn't it's mine."
>"Wrong! That was in custody of Equestria, therefore it doesn't belong to you."
>"I mean I did ask for it and you gave it away."
>"That-That doesn't count!"
>"Wait wasn't Nightmare Moon carrying that according to Applebloom? If that's suppose to be her, why does she look gangley?"
>Fluttershy chimed in, already ruining your mojo
>"Yeah she kinda left it behind. You know how she is."
>The figure 'shrugged'
>But if it knew her...
>"Then you must be in league of her! A minion of evil!"
>All the mares readied themselves for a fight
>Only for a colty spontaneous laughter erupted from the figure, even holding his middle section with his other limb
>"-HAHAHA! Oh that's a riot. You really don't know?"
>The stranger had to stop himself giggling before speaking
>"Well I would tell you, but it's patient confidentiality so goodbye."
>It turned around and started walking away.
>"Oh no, you're not getting away that easy buster!"
>Rainbow Dash sped towards the figure mustering up all the strength her wings had
>Everything was in slow-motion, butterfly wings fluttered moved at a snail's pace, blades of grass flowed in a pattern to her eyes
>As she was a hoof's close to the figure's cloak, it turned around suddenly
>In one smooth motion it brought up a single stubby claw from its sleeve, and gently touched her nose
>She could see it mouth something to her
>'Boop'
>The sudden downward thrust on the tip of the blue projectile changed its trajectory entirely
>Right into the ground
>Rainbow Dash landed face first into the grassy terrain and left a long trail of misplaced earth and mud until she stopped
>Her legs bucked in a panic as it protruded from the mound of dirt gathered from her landing

>>40521995
Oh hey it's been a while, welcome back. So this anon has magical powers?

>>40522159
The magic of ~whimsy~

>>40521995
Kek

>>40520356
Not my fetish, I just thought it would be funny, and tried to make a new idea for the thread or something. Now it seems like the thread is happy the jannies, deleted shit.

>>40521549
Not exactly what I had in mind, as I didn’t want anon to clop to them, but yeah pretty funny I guess.

Also what would you do with Ai or tech in equestria.

>>40520404
i would snuggle the fucking shit out of that twig

>>40522354
>Not my fetish, I just thought it would be funny
It's my fetish, but I don't see how it would be funny.

>>40521995
Wait
I don't remember this

>>40522489
Like, maybe you use porn as a joke, like they don’t know what ai is, so Celly would think their are hundreds of artists. How would it effect her political credibility, maybe only part of them are futa, and the rest just have different proportions for her assets, and they are all over canterlot castle and ponyvile.

>>40520404
Let me cuddle you.

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>>40523137
mmhmm wife

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>>40517208
>Yes, APA, yes she will
I feel witchcraft upon me.

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>>40522736
>Celly would think their are hundreds of artists.
>"Oh, anon, this human art is, um... wonderful."
>"You humans certainly have an interesting style."
>"No wonder they can't even govern themselves properly."

>>40517156
Good luck, man

>>40523757
Tell her your kind created new intelligence for the reason of making more art.

>>40504882
what are gender roles

>>40524555
The expected behaviors and goals given to an individual by society, based on their sex and class.

>>40524555
Picture a black and white TV show from the 1950s, like Honeymooners. It's like that, but the stallions are Alice and the mares are Ralph.

>>40523757
lol
>and are those, um "fingers" too?

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Imagine getting sexually harassed by mares, going to a guardsmare patrol for help, and then getting harassed by the guardsmares

>>40525525
Get it on with the guardsmares, form a herd with them and they first mares group will leave you alone, them its just a matter to keep them happy and its all golden from there, foolproof plan!

>>40525525
>"Maybe if you didn't walk around swinging your hips like a slut, mares wouldn't give you so much trouble."

There's gotta be at least a few mares who are really into belts instead of socks. What could be hotter than an article of clothing explicitly designed to prevent other clothes from falling off?

>>40526017
Now that's just weird.

do you greet your mare when she comes home with a pitcher of martinis, just like on Bewitched?

>The instrument was generously sized for a pony, but a tad small for you
>No matter, you could make it work
>Just telling the girls what happened didn't feel right
>It felt shameful
>But mix it in with a heaping helping of self-aggrandizement, and you could make it a boast
>And there was no better way to puff yourself up with a song. Good for the soul
>You fingered a simple little diddy on the guitar
>Yeah, that's the stuff
>You'll have to rhyme on the fly, but you had enough shared campfires behind you to not be too terrible
>Here goes nothing
"Along about nineteen eight or nine
He left Tennessee somehow alive
He never would have gathered that Canterlot mud
If he hadn't been such a strange Tennessee Stud
The boneheads tryin'a be his sweethearts all
The princesses worried 'bout a bad outlaw
He sent them a letter by his pal Blueblood
And he strode away still the Tennessee Stud
The Tennessee Stud is long and lean
The color of the sun, and his eyes are green
He has the nerve and he has the blood
And you'll never meet a horse like the Tennessee Stud"
>"So that's what happened."
>"Shut up, Kissy."
"He drifted on down into no mare's land
He crossed that river called the Rio Brand
He raised his fists in a griffon's row
And he won him a skin full of silver and gold
Well those griffons wouldn't let him free
He might'a fought another two or three
He jerked his gun, and one fell with a thud
And they cursed the name of the Tennessee Stud
The Tennessee Stud is long and lean
The color of the sun, and his eyes are green
He has the nerve and he has the blood
And you'll never meet a horse like the Tennessee Stud"
>"What's a gun?"
>"You'll find out sooner or later."
"He got just as lonesome as a man can be
Dreamin' of his life in Tennessee
The Tennessee Stud's green eyes turned blue
'Cause he was a-pinin' for a sweetheart, too
He loped right back across Appleoosa
He built his store and a still for all
'Round came the filly with the pastel hair
And he wanted her as his Tennessee Mare
The Tennessee Stud is long and lean
The color of the sun, and his eyes are green
He has the nerve and he has the blood
And you'll never meet a horse like the Tennessee Stud"
>"W-what? Anon!"
>You winked at Kissy Wings with your last line, but you couldn't hold back a chuckle
>Even Bombshell had a laugh
>Nothing wrong with teasing the new mare
>But she sure looked fetching with that hint of a blush under her pale pink hide
>You strummed through the melody one more time as the thought ran through your mind
>Ah well
>Maybe you'll have someone someday

* * *

A little silly thing before I disappear again.
Stick around, RGRE.
I can't come back to finish my greens if the whole thread gets propellered

>>40526659
I kneel

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How small is too small for a pony? Personally, I think anything smaller than a good-sized spaniel is pushing it.

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>>40526799
i knew I saved this pic for a reason
love u nignogs. n-no homo

>>40521871
kek

>>40526659
njnj

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>This might look like an unassuming pony
>Maybe a little lanky
>Sorta dike-y even
>But don't let the looks fool you
>Under this laid back, goofy horse is an apex sexual predator
>Her primary prey?
>Humans
>From tail to snout she's been evolutionarily designed to entice and delight a human fella
>She can smell a human male from ten miles away
>Her voice is the most pleasant pitch for their ears
>Her eyes are able to cause any human looking to be lost in them
>To them, she's the softest, fluffiest, has the best wings, the cutest hooves, and the most pleasant odor
>Once her prey is found, she will mate with him for life and beyond
>She hasn't quite gotten with the world's only human Anon yet, but when she does she will have a 100% success rate
>The second she gets Anon into her and Gleamings bedroom, she's blowing his back out, sucking his soul out of his body, making him a race traitor, all of that lewd stuff
>Then she'd have herself a cute alien horseband to care for and spoil
>Then, very soon, babies
>A lot of them

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>>40527123
counterpoint: moon brushies

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>>40527123
No chance. No escape.

>>40527123
Look at this hero.

>>40527206
I ain't no homewrecker gal.

>>40527123
That's funny. Well race play is hot I kinda want to do something with twilight, then maybe become race traitors together.

What will the news say.

How would mares react to a smol cute stallion who'd make a perfect house husband whose also hung like an elephant complaining about his giant cock always dragging on the ground wanting to get a reduction?

What in the everloving derail is even going on here?

>>40527356
That would be like a women talking about getting her vagoo shortened to relieve cramps or something. The analog for boobs is balls, so the question should be about getting his balls shrunk to relieve chaffing or something.

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>>40523757
I'd imagine seeing themselves in that form makes them uncomfortable since that would be the equivalent on putting a vagina on a guy

crack fic idea

>"Look at this! This is some dyke shit going on."
>"Calm down rainbow, it's just a drawing."
>"They emaresculate me by giving me a colt's equipment! This is some cowshit."
>"We can't judge Anonymous'... interests since he did live in another world."
>"But your highness! Don't you think that what they're teaching their is wrong? I mean look at you in this, you don't even have a single shaft in you yet there's guys all around!"
>Celestia's mouth forms a thin line at the brow-raising picture
>"Why don't we just change his taste then?"
>The Mane Five plus Celestia turn to Pinkie stuffing herself with the tissues found on Anon's trash
>"I mean-" *chewing* "-just yesterday I was able to convince Nonny about trying the Super Sugary Summer Special cupcake and he thought it was disgusting until he tried it."
>"Now he can't have enough of it."
>Everypony in the room had a big thunk
>"So if we can make him taste some mare pussy, he'll change his preferences?"
>"I mean... It makes sense since magically speaking, Anonymous is a virgin when I checked."
>All of them turned to Twilight
>"...What? It doesn't hurt to check if the colt staying at your home is one. It's not creepy."
>"Twilight may be on to something here."
>Celestia turned to the balcony overlooking Canterlot
>"If we can make Anonymous' taste turn to something favorable then maybe his obsession will subside, maybe even disappear."
>She turns to the Mane Six
>"Now, who'll volunteer tribute to do the honors."
>Everypony looked at each other, first with concern, then with shiftiness

I did it. Now just need to edit.

>>40528871
hell yeah

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>>40528581
>Pinkie stuffing herself with the tissues found on Anon's trash
>>*chewing*

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Big ol' milkers.

>>40529470
>a dyke wearing stallion's lingerie

>>40529481
Not stallion's lingerie. The existence of the term ballbra implies the existence of bras not meant for testicles, hence the reason to differentiate. Bras for teats 100% exist in RGRE

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>"I'm sorry to say, your request I cannot foray."
>Be Rarity
>With you was your herdsister Fluttershy
>Both of you had found yourself in Zecora's hut
>You were both here on behalf of Rainbow, who was currently keeping Anonymous "busy"
>Something about socks and a ponytail if you recall correctly
>Lucky mare...
"Zecora, darling. I know that this is a strange request, but we do need this potion made," you said, placing a hoof against your chest. "Bits are not an issue--"
>"Bits are fine, but for this I cannot get behind," the zebra interrupted. "A potion to grow a seed in alien soil is a task great indeed. I challenge and a danger that I'd like to be a stranger."
>You and Fluttershy exchanged glances
>Your newly formed herd had gone to Twilight to see if there was anything else Zephyr could do to bother you
>Unfortunately, there was
>An ancient, no doubt forgotten law where a stallion could force another stallion out of a herd of high statue mares if the latter was not able to give the mares children
>Twilight had sworn that she was combing through Equestrian common laws to purge this and any law like it, but that would take time
>From what Fluttershy and Rainbow said, Zephyr was lazy, but he was also desperate to have Rainbow, meaning he might just find this law
>So, the three of you had decided to nip it in the bud
>None of you knew if Anonymous could knock up a mare
>But, you were all sure the magic of the zebras could fix that
>There were stories of them making potions that would let one be impregnated by rocks
>Meaning a simple alien should be a piece of cake
>Fluttershy, though never saying anything out loud, seemed the most determined to be impregnated by your "stallion"
>Normally, she would have shied away from the shaman's refusal, but instead she closed the distance between them
>"Mrs. Zecora. I'm sure you know what happened in the market with my brother, right?" she asked
>"I was there for a spell. I know what of you tell," Zecora said with a nod."
>"I, um... love my brother, but it isn't a very good person," Fluttershy told her. "He's trying to do something that will make Rainbow miserable, probably for the rest of her life if we let him. It's why we're here, and why we need this portion. I'm sure it won't be an easy thing to do, but I need you to consider helping up."
>Zecora have her a long look
>"Forgive me if I seem to scoff at your plight, but the stallion cannot be that bad, right? He is just a colt, sure and true; perhaps a little pushy, but what can you do?"
>To your surprise, Fluttershy just smiled
>"In that case, why don't I bring him here for a little while?"

>>40529522
>but it isn't a very good person
>person
Fluttershy, is there something you'd like to share?

>>40528581
>>The Mane Five plus Celestia turn to Pinkie stuffing herself with the tissues found on Anon's trash
that is vile

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>>40529522
No ulterior motives here at all, Fluttershy just wants to help a close friend.

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>>40529522
>Be Rainbow Dash
>Be at your house
>Wearing socks
>Mane and tail tied up in a ponytail
>But BUCK all of that!
>Anon's face was currently between your legs
>You didn't know exactly what a jolly rancher, but the big colt seemed to think your mare juice tasted like it
>From his eagerness, he seemed to like jolly ranchers
>A lot
>A worrying amount even
"ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"
>You had never had a colt go down on you before
>Colts didn't really do that
>Like, at all
>They also didn't suck or bite your teats either
>Or squeeze and pinch your flanks
>Or pull your tail really hard--
"BUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK~"
>You shook, coating Anon's face and neck with your cum
>It didn't even slow the stallion down from his licking and kissing and whatever the hay he was doing with his teeth
>That was your fifth orgasm
>At this point, you're pretty sure this stallion is trying to kill you

~_~_~_~_~_~

>From the place behind a convenient bush, you watched as Fluttershy and Zephyr left Zecora's hut
>They had only been there for ten minutes by your best estimation
>Zephyr was chatting his sister's ear off as they walked by you
>Fluttershy was just nodding, clearly only half listening
>You waited until both were completely out of sight before leaving the bush and making your way toward the hut
>Fluttershy had assured you that this would work, but you had your doubts
>They had been in there for such a short time after all
>Nevertheless, you knocked on the shaman's door before opening it
"Zecora, darling?"
>There, in the middle of the hut, right next to her couldron, sat Zecora
>The Zebra had her tail tucked close to her body
>Her ears were drooping against the sides of her head, and she was slumped as if she was exhausted
"Zecora? Are you alright?" you asked, trotting over toward her
>Zecora made no move, as if she hadn't heard you
>Moving next to her, you saw a haunted look in the shaman's eyes
>"He was... terrible," she said
>You frowned
"Dear, you didn't rhyme--"
>"You'll get your potion, Rarity," she interrupted, staring off into the distance
>Slowly, she laid on her belly
>"That thing CANNOT reproduce," she whispered
>A little rude to a colt, but you'd take it
"I'm in your debt, my dear," you said with a smile. "I--"
>"He cannot reproduce," she repeated.
>...
>You really needed to speak with Zephyr yourself
>The stallion seemed a little... extra, but he really didn't deserve all this
>Probably...
>Hopefully...

>>40529555
>No ulterior motives here at al
Sure. Except maybe the tiny issue of ending up in a herd with her own brother if he invokes that law replacing anon.
Pretty retarded for such a law to exist, but whatever

>>40529522
>>To your surprise, Fluttershy just smiled
>>"In that case, why don't I bring him here for a little while?"
This is a hate crime.

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>>40529573
I imagine the herd would just break up at that point, which would leave Rainbow to her fate.

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>>40529571
giving rainbow brain damage through cunnilingus

>>40529684
her brain is already damaged

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>>40529695
making rainbow braindead through cunnilingus

>>40529684
>>40529716
>Fluttershy and Rarity come home
>Find a hastily-scribbled note instead of Rainbow and Anon
>"took r-bow D to glue factory, pray for mojo"
>Rarity face-hoofs and goes directly to the hospital
>"I wish he'd stop calling it that."
>Rainbow is hooked up to machines that keep her heart beating and her lungs breathing
>No brain activity
>The herd is horrified
>Anon blames himself
>Everyone visits daily of course and try to see what they can do, but Anon practically lives in the minotaur-sized chair he dragged next to Rainbow's bed
>Weeks pass
>Anon is doing a cross-word when he drops his pencil
>Gets up from his chair, bends over to pick it up
>Feels a firm pat on his ass
>"Have you gotten into the ice cream again, 'Non?"
>Anon is a stress-eater.
>Anon turns around to find that Rainbow Dash is now conscious
>Calls a nurse immediately, they do tests, etc
>It's discovered that the stimulation overwhelmed Rainbow's brain, and it shut down to protect itself
>Rarity and Fluttershy are notified (family/herd gets priority) and they rush in, hearing something they never thought they ever wanted to hear again
>The sound of Rainbow Dash snoring, snoozing in Anon's arms while he curls up around her on her hospital bed
>Anon now only saves eating his mares out for special days like their birthday, and always sets a timer to avoid putting one of them into a coma
>Nurse Redheart sort of becomes a friend of the family, and likes to embarrass them in front of their foals by enlightening them as to exactly how their dad put (smug) mama Dash into the hospital all those years ago

>>40529571
What did Zephyr do to our Zebra?

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>>40529571
kek, made me think of this

>>40530159
Damn... hospitalized from orgasming too hard...

>>40530199
Exist.

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>>40529571
>You can eat out Rainbow until she's stupid
>Rarity and Fluttershy though?
>Each time they cum, they seem to get hornier and hornier until you're held down and fucked stupid
>More often than not, both you and Rainbow end up half conscious on the bed/floor/couch while the other two go about their business
>Lord help you if you bite one of their teats

>>40530595
>Rainbow is just a hair trigger quickshot
>Rarity and Fluttershy don't calm down until they've been creampied

>>40529571
Flutters is almost scarily strategic in this one.

Deranged janny strikes again.

>>40530159
A horrible scenario. Not cause you leave them braindead for a while, but cause you are not allowed to eat marebox.
My biggest turnon is eating box, being unable to is a sin against my soul.

>>40531750
Nothing says you can't eat marebox, you just have to be a little less enthusiastic in doing so. I guess similar to if your partner enjoyed gentle treatment, but is turned off by a hard pounding. Or something. I don't know, it's not like I'm ever going to have sex.

>>40531750
>>40531772
or if one of your girls is giving you a particularly hard time you can just pin her clit in place and annihilate it leaving her catatonic for the day

>You, Anonymous the Unicorn, stirred in your slumber.
>After yesterday, you felt like you could’ve slept for a week.
>Celestia always brings that damn sun up, so here you were waking up once again.
>Gently moving your big old hoof around the covers, you play out an unusual morning ritual that’s worked its way into your repertoire.
>Eventually you bump it into someone, and a quick ruffle of her fur confirms it’s Cut.
>Then it occurs to you: is it weird you’re able to tell Pike and Cut apart by how fuzzy they are?
>Hmmm.
>Trying not to face the harsh reality of the answer to that question, you continue idly running your hoof through Cut’s fur.
>You don’t know what she’s been doing, but it's been a lot softer recently!
>Cut clearly appreciates the attention, cooing softly in her sleep and scooting up against you.
>Heh, if Pike’s your huggable living teddy bear, Cut’s your squeezable living pillow.
>Hey, speaking of your living teddy bear... she doesn’t seem to be around.
>Or at least you can’t feel her.
>Which is odd, it's a rarity for her not to either be on top of you or under you in some way.
>Seeing as her bat brain seldom has her up before you.
>You’ve often wondered how she doesn’t find those positions uncomfortable, but then again /you’ve/ never found them uncomfortable either.
>Some weird pony thing you suppose.
>Almost as weird as your damn hyperactive nose!
>A nose that’s smelling... breakfast. Lots and LOTS of breakfast, the most intense breakfast you’ve ever smelled!
>Your eyes snap open in perfect sync with Cut’s.
>”Do you..?”
>You nod back.
>Now that you’re focusing on it, it smells like someone cooked an entire breakfast buffet in your own damn house!
>Still shaking off the dregs of sleep, you and Cut languidly flop off Pike’s shortened bed and trot out of the bedroom.
>Only to find that the kitchen counters have, in actuality, been filled to the brim with plates of breakfast food.
>You aren’t sure what else you expected.
>”EEEEeeeeeEEEEeeee...”
>Your head whips toward the defeated sound.
>Their lies Pike, face up on the ground, looking utterly deflated.
>”eeeeeee...”
>Without hesitation you rush to her side.
Lifting the small bat in your hooves, you cry out: “PIKE! Speak to me!”
>Her eyes roll over to focus on you.
>”Eeeee— Oh, hey you two. I,” she interrupts herself with a wide yawn, “I didn’t hear you get up.”
>You blearily look around the room, once again taking in the breadth of the meal set before you.
“I mean, not that I don’t appreciate a surprise breakfast. But what is all this?”
>Unsteadily, she extracts herself from your hooves, still blinking the sleep out of her eyes.
>“Oh, this? I woke up a little earlier than usual so I figured I’d... you know, put something together!”
>”A /little/ earlier?” Cut marvels under her breath. “This must have taken hours...”
>You think Cut’s right. Based on the state of Pike and the sheer amount of food, it seems like “a little earlier” is a serious understatement.

>>40531917
>But why? Pike /hates/ getting up early.
>Even years of guard training never managed to get that out of her.
>There’s definitely something more going on here.
>Heck, it left her so out of it she didn’t even notice Cut say anything, and she’s got the best hearing here!
>”Then when I was done, I realized I still had some time and didn’t know what to do and—”
>She interrupts herself with another fanged yawn.
>Alright, enough is enough you say.
“Well, let’s get you back in bed and then we can worry about eating.”
>”What? No! Eat now while it's still warm!”
>Knowing she’s far too weak to fight back, you assert yourself as the man of the house and throw her over your shoulder.
>”Nooooo! Anoooooon!” she feebly cries.
“No buts! Back to bed!”
>She struggles the whole way back of course, but compared to what you know she’s capable of, this is nothing.
>Heck, by the time you’ve even gotten back to the bed, /that/ even seems like too much for her.
>She’s resigned herself to quietly mumbling about being “marehandled” under her breath and nothing more.
>But, you’re taking no chances.
>Very gently, you levitate her over and act quick as a flash!
>Before she could even hope to wiggle free, you’ve got her wrapped in a blanket cocoon of impenetrable might.
>Which, in her current state, means she’s now stuck on the bed no matter /what/ she does.
>”Nooo! I’m not a moth, I'm a baaaaaaaaat...” she cries.
>But not even a moment later, those melted away to the soft sounds of a snoozing Pike.
>You let out a relieved sigh and turned around just in time to catch Cut walking in with three plates carefully balanced on her back.
>Aaaah she was going to serve everyone some breakfast in bed, that genius!
>She knows she’s a genius too, you can see the wisps of a satisfied smile on her face.
>At least until she focuses too much on balancing the plates and trips over her hooves.
>”WoooOOOAAAHH!”
>For a moment it almost looks like she’s going to salvage it.
>She leans into the stumble, hard.
>So hard that she actually manages to keep the plates from immediately flying off her back.
>Unfortunately, it was also so hard there was no way for her to recover.
>The lean rapidly turned into a fall, pulling her hooves right out from under her.
>But just when the plates start to leave her back...
>You reach out.
>Being a unicorn, who you’ve decided must be the most OP of the tribes, you’re unconstrained by things like distance or number
>You don’t have to throw yourself off the bed and rush over to Cut so you can catch her, you just /do/.
>Before even a crumb can hit the ground, Cut and all three plates are perfectly caught in your hands like you’re Spiderman.
>It takes Cut a second to open her eyes, having clenched them shut in anticipation for her reunion with the floor.

>>40531920
>When she does, she silently sends you a grateful smile.
>Which you must say goes /fantastic/ with her embarrassed blush.
>Seeing as you’re already on a roll today, you decide to hoist Cut into the bed directly for some of that breakfast in bed.
>She is heavier than Pike, obviously, but with a few extra hands...
>Wait, would that actually help?
>It's all going back to your horn anyway.
>Would distributing the weight further /actually/ result in less strain if it requires you to project more hands to do so?
>What’s the baseline thaumic strain per hand to weight lifting ratio?
>...you’re going to kill this line of thought before you lose your focus and drop her.


>You are Nocturnal Pike, and you just had one weird dream.
>You woke up /really/ early, but despite that, you were unusually ready and raring to go!
>So ready to work in fact, that you decided to capitalize on these feelings of domesticity and surprise your herd with some breakfast!
>Breakfast you made, only to realize there were still a good couple of hours before they’d be up.
>Which left you with nothing to do but make something else!
>And something else. And something else...
>Why does the entire house smell like breakfast food?
>”W-Well I’m not exactly the most /well-versed/ in magical theory. But if I had to guess, the weight distribution seems like it would offset the cost of maintaining the hands up to a certain point.”
>”Ah but I want to know what that point is! Although, it would probably vary by weight. Hmmm damn.”
>Great. First thing in the morning and your herd’s already being NERDS.
>Better put a stop to that!
>You attempt to stretch your hooves, only to realize you can’t move them at all.
>It feels like you’re wrapped in something. Wrapped TIGHT.
>Snapping your eyes open, you find yourself bound to the bed.
>Wrapped in a blanket cocoon that seems suspiciously familiar.
>Oh no.
“Anon.”
>He pauses mid-bite of some even more suspiciously familiar breakfast food.
>”Oh you’re up!”
“I didn’t turn everything in the ice box into a gigantic breakfast, did I?” you flatly ask.
>He shares a sheepish look with Cut.
>”Well, not /everything/.”
>Oh no! It was real! It was all real!
>Awwwww what were you THINKING!? Is everypony supposed to eat breakfast leftovers for the next week?!
>It had just been so... fun!
>It was /fun/ to try out all those new recipes knowing that Anon and Cut would eventually dig into them.
>All without even the slightest fear of reprimand.
>Besides, it's not like you had anything else to do in what counted as the wee hours of the morning for you.
>”This quiche is really good, Pike!” Cut says between mouthfuls. “I didn’t even know we /had/ pastry dough!”
>You let out a sigh, still a little disappointed in yourself for getting so lost in the moment.
>But... you suppose it's not all bad.

>>40531923
>Massive waste of food or not, neither of /them/ seem particularly upset about it.
>If anything it seems like they love it!
>You can spy a plate left out for you, but an attempt to reach for it just serves to remind you that you are still functionally imprisoned here.
>Sure, you could probably fight your way out of it. But where’s the fun in that?
“Are you two going to unwrap me?”
>You nod your head toward the food they left.
“Or is this one of those restaurants where the waiter hoof feeds you?”
>Anon’s eyebrow shoots in that adorable way it does whenever you say something that offends his human stallion sensibilities.
>”Wha— no. You are messing with me.” He turns towards Cut, concern creeping into his voice. “That’s not real.”
>Focusing as hard as you can, you pray she picks up on your mental cues.
>Times like this you wish she was a bat.
>There are few things better than talking at frequencies other tribes can’t hear right in front of them.
>She blushes, “Well, uh I don’t know anything about that—”
>NOOOOO!
>”—but Aunt Jargon made me go to a restaurant where we ate /off/ of a stallion once. It was uh... not great.”
>Huh, that was a /very/ convincing delivery by Cut.
>Too convincing.
>Anon rolls his eyes, "Okay, now I KNOW you two are full of it.”
>”It's true!” she cries, “She wanted to celebrate some award the paper got, so she dragged me along!”
>Cut crosses her forehooves like she’s incensed, but she seems more sad than anything.
>”I don’t even LIKE sushi. And the stallion was really weird about it too.”
>You don’t really want to admit it, but you’re starting to believe this really isn’t a joke.
>Cut’s humor rarely leans toward absurdism, and this seems too out there to even be funny!
>Anon still clearly doesn’t believe her, “And what, was he naked? Oh ew, was there hair in the sushi!?”
>A shameful blush colors Cut’s face, and she completely refuses to look either of you in the eyes.
>Okay, either her acting’s gotten way more convincing, or she’s not joking.
>Whispering, she replies, “Full tack.”
>Your heart stops.
>Anon, his weak Unicorn hearing not tipping him off, asks, “Sorry, what?”
>This time, Cut manages to get her voice above a whisper.
>”H-He was in full tack.”
>Uhhhhh WHAT!?
>There is not a doubt in your mind she’s not joking now, that reaction was too real.
>The heck was Jargon thinking!?
>Cut STILL has trouble keeping it together when things get lewd, and that's with her /coltfriend/.
>In what world would putting her in that situation be a good idea?
>You're all lucky the poor mare didn't have a stress-induced heart attack!
>The reality of the situation is rapidly dawning on Anon now too.
>Now with far less mirth, he asks, “What, like that horse riding stuff you two wanted me to buy at Silkens?”
>Cut only barely manages a nod, before locking eyes with her hooves and starting to idly tap them together.
>A tell you instantly recognize as something she does whenever she’s embarrassed.

>>40531926
>Anon, who clearly also believes her now, is flabbergasted, “Why on Earth did Jargon do that?”
>Cut flinches ever so slightly, and grimaces at the memory.
>”S-Something about it being easier to talk to stallions after I’d seen one dressed up. I don’t remember.”
>Stars damn it, that is EXACTLY how that idiot would justify it.
>An angry screech starts to build in the back of your throat, but you force it down.
>Add that to the long list of reasons you hope Jargon puts you in a self-defense situation one day.
>Anon was obviously equally unenthused.
>While he shook his head in disapproval, his mind was no doubt already slinging expletives never before heard by ponykind.
>”Unbelievable,” he mutters. “There’s something wrong with you ponies.”
>WHAT!? Hey wait a minute!
>Who’s Anon think he is, trying to act holier than thou and lay this on the equine race?
>You’ve heard his stories about humans and you’re not going to take such SLANDER lying down!
>Deciding it is decisively not fun to keep waiting, you fight valiantly against the blankets constricting you.
>Thanks to some choice applications of your finest anti-grappling techniques, you eventually loosen the knot.
>Then, with naught but a flex of your marely mare muscles, you are freed!
>Anon was so busy smiling at your fight he couldn’t even hope to prepare himself for your accusatory boop.
>It of course lands true, and he lets out an adorable, “wooah!”
“Don’t you start mister! I’d bet my fangs humans had the same thing— no, something even weirder!”
>He shakes it off, and you note he’s getting better at recovering from those.
>”Nuh uh! I NEVER heard about something like that happening back home! What would even be the point? Beat off while you eat?”
>Anon stops dead as a look of true horror blooms on his face.
>One that mirrors yours.
>It seems the same horrible revelation occurred to you the same moment it did to him.
>Slowly, fearfully, the two of you turn back to Cut.
>His voice was uncharacteristically unsteady as he asked, “Jargon didn’t... y-you know... did she?”
>Cut blinks, her eyes lacking comprehension.
>”Did she what?”
>You and Anon share another uneasy look.
>Neither of you want to say it, to breathe the horrifying possibility into existence.
>So you settle for making a certain hoof motion every mare knows.
>This time her eyes light up.
>”Oh. Oh! EWWW! NO! What is wrong with the two of you!?”
>Anon raises his hooves defensively.
>”Hey, hey, you’ve gotta admit Cut: your family’s let you see some pretty weird stuff.”
>Like the wind was sucked right out from beneath her metaphorical wings, her righteous indignation evaporates.
>”W-Well I guess I see what you mean. But she wouldn’t do that!”
>You and Anon double-team her with a flat look, but surprisingly she stands her ground.
>”She /wouldn’t/.”
>He chuckles, “Yeah, well I don’t believe you. And that’s just /another/ reason why you and I are going to play hooky today!”
>You stop, utterly surprised.

>>40531934
>It's not abnormal for Anon to skip work, but Cut too?
>Besides, you’d fully expected to spend the day alone at home to test out being a housewife.
“Since when?”
>”Since you were out cold. We discussed it and seeing as /someone/ decided to blow through nearly every bit of foodstuff we had at our apartment, I figured the three of us could take a trip to the market. Spend some time together.”
>That certainly doesn’t sound like a bad idea!
>Although, you feel there’s something “off” about it.
>Something you can’t quite put your hoof on.
>Ah well, it probably doesn’t matter.
>Cut buts in, “A-And while that still sounds like a good idea, I can’t just not show up to work! I’m the chief editor!”
>Hmm, she seems oddly reserved about the idea of not skipping work.
>Cut’s work ethic was nothing to sneeze at, you’d think she’d have an easier time standing her ground on an issue like that.
>Certainly an easier time than defending that creep Jargon.
>Is there something going on here?
>Anon rolls his eyes, “And /I/ said don’t worry about it! Just blame it on “whimsical” old me.”
>”But—”
>”It’ll be /fine/. Just tell Jargon I insisted we spend the day giving you exposure therapy to my balls or something.”
>The room goes silent, only the sound of Cut’s dropped fork hitting the plate rings out.
>You know she’s thinking what you’re thinking.
“Or, now hear me out, instead of going to the market we could /actually/—”
>”Oh hush.”

>But unbeknownst to all of them, a grim warning lay in wait just outside their door.
>A warning Anon himself had written and would subsequently ignore.
>On the calendar, in big bold red letters was the message: “STALLIONS BARGAIN DAY THE MARKET: DO NOT GO SHOPPING”.


There we go, at long last. Hoping to get back in the groove now. R8 h8 and if you wanna read from the start, start here https://ponepaste.org/158

>>40531937
I can't wait to see what the catty stallions at the market have in store for the protagonists

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>>40531937
>“STALLIONS BARGAIN DAY THE MARKET: DO NOT GO SHOPPING”.
https://youtu.be/6b6Sn0RBmRo?si=-sVkm1HW7Sv0-ClM
my body is ready

>>40531937
I love you. These updates are always worth the weight
The dynamic between the 3 is so good

>>40531937
it's always a joy to read more of LaS, thanks for sticking with us for so long
>>40532196
>The dynamic between the 3 is so good
Their personalities really do compliment one another especially when it comes to potential for reader amusement

>>40531937
>“STALLIONS BARGAIN DAY THE MARKET: DO NOT GO SHOPPING”.
kek

>>40529533
"Person" is category of things that think. Humans is people. Ponies is people. Dragons is people. Yaks is, um, well, the point is "people" doesn't just mean "human", it means a lot of things.

>>40529533
The etymology of "person" is weird. It looks like the Romans borrowed a word for Mask from Etruscan and meant it as a role as in a stage performance. It has simultaneously always been a word for humans, but not limited to mean humans.

>>40530159
I find hard to believe nobody ever found out and documented the fact that extreme sexual stimulation would cause brain resetting. Especially since the princesses are DEFINITELY into some S&M shit and would go into overstimulation for shits and giggles.

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>>40531970
>>40532094
>>40532196
>>40532243
>>40532249
Thank you kings. Sorry it took so long, but now I'm hopefully over the hump so updates will be coming much faster. This will NOT be half life 3

>>40532831
>This will NOT be Half-Life 3
"He says, moments before the demonic magicka of Gabenus Newellio The Unfinisher consume him whole... One more story incomplete to feed Gabenus's ravenous hunger..."

>>40532918
>Cause of death: consumed whole

>>40533391
You do not want to know what happens to those not consumed whole.

>>40533409
For them, it wasn't worth the wait

>>40533426
It's worse... They start making capeshit marvelslop.
Truly a fate worse than death.

Iowa

>>40532831
I'm late but thank you

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Marelet, marelet of them all,
Just as wide as she is tall.

>>40529571

LaP. You're not shitting on Rainbow like you usually (and deservedly) do.

Are you okay? What's wrong?

>>40531934
ok, maybe im too dumb but i dont understand what jargon not did, by the way, thanks for the uptade, i love you green text

>>40534163
SMACK

>>40534427
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nyotaimori
plus the idea that clothing is erotic and nakedness is normal.

>>40534427
They're asking if she beat off while she ate.

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NO MARES
EIGHT HOURS
NEED MARES

>>40519274
Bombshell my bombloved

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>>40535078

>>40535550
She's a cute little hopeless romantic.

>>40537045
why is the pony pooping sandwarms

>>40529571
>jolly ranchers
have you forgotten that her nickname has been Skittles since like, the beginning of the fandom?

also there are some ESL-like issues with some of the spelling/grammar/word choice, otherwise it's a really nice story. good job! keep on writing!

>>40450800

Are you going to continue with your green theEQGkid?

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>>40531937
>and if you wanna read from the start, start here
Holy shit that was a lot of fic anon, I'm fairly new to these threads so I was unfamiliar with yours, but after reading from noon to... fuck i think almost 5am yesterday lol? I still wasnt caught up lol. Finally finished today though, and you got me really hooked lol. I like that you're mostly using OCs and saving the show chars for cameos. It's given the story a good layer of unpredictability imo, it feels fresh. I'm really looking forward to seeing it continue :>
Oh, and please tell me you'll give followup appearances for the Wonderbolts like you did for Prince Blueblood & Co, the scene with Spitfire and Fleetfoot was fucking gold!
Speaking of that scene though, in a world of pastel technicolor ponies, what would even classify as "stallionist danger hair"?

10 aint it

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>"Firing our cleaner?"
>"Are you out of your bucking mind?!"
>"I don't care if he might be stealing military secrets!"
>"That alien colt has the fattest shitter I've ever SEEN, mare!"
>"If we can him moral in this base will plummet! Do you want that? Huh?!"


Anon is stealing secrets, but only bad ones that don't tell anyone anything important. It drives his superiors crazy

>>40539589
I can see how the average human might sexualize the pony rear (it resembles a bent over woman) but how would that work in reverse? Wouldn't it be the opposite, where humans have smaller butts?

>>40533937
<3
>>40537795
Glad to hear it! Good to know despite its length getting away from me I can still hook new people. And I do have a little something something planned but I won't spoil it yet.
And as for the spoiler, I think of it like a bad OC. Mane colors that clash extremely hard with the coat and would appear (to a pony's eye anyway) obviously "unnatural"

>>40539705
Humans have really big butts.
Compare humans with their nearest evolutionary cousins. Humans, being bipedal, have much bigger muscles back there. A well-toned human ass is comically large by the standards of a quadruped.

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>>40539589
>"Hey, you hear the Wonderbolts for a new cleaner?"
>"Yeah. They say he has the biggest, juiciest butt you've ever seen."
>"Lucky bitches. They get that and we get dykes in maid outfits because the princess is a weird pervert."
>"Shoulda been a fast flyer, feather head."
>"You know who'd a fast flyer?"
>"...You better not say my dad."
>"Your dad--"

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>>40539801
>Anon is maybe 5 or 10 pounds overweight
>Keeps hearing mares mutter about "dat flank, tho" and comparing his ass to various baked goods
>Anon becomes self-conscious about his weight

>>40539872
>>"You know who'd a fast flyer?"
>>"...You better not say my dad."
>>"Your dad--"
>"GET OUT!"

>>40539872
>we get dykes in maid outfits because the princess is a weird pervert.
Those are all either POWs or the ultimate form of punishment for fuckups in the guard and you can't convince me otherwise.

>>40540062
>Anon starts working out with Bulk Biceps. YEAAAH!
>Doesn't skip leg day.
>Anon's ass goes from a curiosity for ogling to a genuine mare magnet.
>Unicorn mares walking into walls (and earth pony mares walking through walls) while staring at Anon's ass. Pegasai falling with suddenly-rigid wings.
>Luna is baffled by all these big-assed stallions in everypony's dreams.

>p9
you cowards

>>40539705
It might not be exactly size, but they way the butt is shaped. It's hard to describe it in words, but pony butts are a lot more "oval" while human butts are more circular. Circular butts might genuinely be seen as attractive in Equestria, meaning even Anon would get some attention over it.

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You know, I see a lot of breeding and pregnancy talk just in general on /mlp/ but I rarely see people write about the actual foals born.

I've been thinking, in a herd setting, foals would probably pick up characteristics/interests, not just from their mom and dad, but other mares in the herd as well, causing a sort of fusion effect of these ponies.
Like, I was thinking up cutie marks that might end up belonging to these foals, and came up for one in which Anon is herded with Rarity and Maud.

The foal in question would take on one mother's love of fashion, but also the others love of petrology (studying rocks).

The end result would be a little filly who ends up being a jeweler who excavates, cuts, polishes, and creates her own accessories, such as rings and earrings.

Cutie Mark would be pic related- a fusion of Maud and Rarity's talents.

What are some other fillies or colts you can come up with that have developed unique personalities from being around your favored herds?

>>40541706
interesting proposal. how do you explain odd ponies out like ponka in her family?

>>40541733
Outside influence. In this case the sonic rainboom. Up to that point, she was a lot like her family.

Plus, in general, black sheep syndrome isn't unheard of. Sometimes ponies can take completely different paths then their families, but we're mostly focusing on the ones that don't.
That being said, you could also come up with a foal that, like Pinkie, is an outlier, and explain what puts them at odds with their mom(s) and what the resulting cutie mark might be. Like Rarity's foal ends up being into construction, wearing a gaudy safety vest and helmet and whistling at stallions. She'd be mortified.

>>40541733
It sounds more like a strong possibility, than a hermetically sealed certainty.

Skill floor inheritance via pedigree is a real thing irl.

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>>40541733
The Pinkamena personality is closer to her family. Psychotic breaks in Equestria could be reversed too where your mind shatters into soft pillow, and kittens, and sprinkles, instead of gibbering madness.

What are some other mares/cutie marks I should try fusing?

What would the talent be?

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Would you impregnate a sphinx, Anon?

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>>40541796
Fluttershy and Octavia in a herd produces a filly who loves playing music for then animals at her mom's sanctuary to help them relax and recover faster.

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Hey gang, Smutanon here. No, I am not back to writing yet. I did do a short one-shot, though. Let's say that it's a side story in the Alien Encounters universe.

So, what do you think you would act like if mares actually started hitting on you? How bizarre would that actually be?

Equestrian Magic

>Be Anon.
>A Jewtuber of minor success.
>After finishing a video, you sit down to watch it to make sure there's no errors.
>The video starts running.
>"Hey, guys, xX_Faggot_Youtuber_42069_Xx here."
>"Yes, I'm back. Yes, really, as you can see from my tan and unshaved beard. No, I did not eat any enchanted food that made me stay there forever, the time was not dilated where spending a few weeks there meant that hundreds of years passed here or vice versa, I did not kiss any magical frogs that turned out to be cursed princesses, I did not fight any dragons, or any of that other stupid tropey shit."
>"You need to remember that, while Equestria is a parallel reality and has weird creatures we have in our myths, they're far from a perfect match. All those fairytale tropes are also something that we came up with, and none of them take place in Equestria. So, no, while it's a magical an bizarre place, it's not like what you think."
>"So, now that we got that out of the way, I'm sure you have questions. "Magic, what's that like?" And so on. If you're still in the disbelief or bargaining stages and don't think that Equestria is real, then this video is not for you. Yes, we have met aliens, and yes, they are real, and yes, I just came back from a two-week vacation there. So. Equestrian magic."
>"Most of you are probably going to ask "What's it like when they touch you with that glowy stuff and hold you in their magic field?", or "How does it feel to ride one of those pegasi carriages?", or other kiddy stuff. Yeah, you heard me. Kiddy. Stuff."
>"We already saw people reacting and making stupid faces when ponies did their magic. Telekinesis is magic 101 for every unicorn, and flight for pegasi is the same as walking for us humans, not to mention that we already have tropes of our own for that stuff. There's hundreds, no, thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of books, comics, and movies about wizards and superheroes with those exact abilities - telekinesis, flight, all that stuff. No, for you, my viewers, I am going to tell you about something far, far stranger than you could possibly imagine, something that I experienced myself. Something mind-boggling. Something truly alien, not a "ooh, sparkles" type of thing. I'm certain some of you have heard that their females don't act like ours? Yeah..."
>"So. I was in this bar, having a drink..."
----------------------------------------
>You sit on a slightly too short bar stool, sipping on your beer.
>You half expected for the ponies to have some kind of crazy, glowing, bubbling, frothing magical drinks that would turn you inside out, but no, they have more or less the same stuff that bars stock on Earth.

>>40542218
>Ales, beers, ciders, (though ciders are far more popular than beers, a reverse of how it's on Earth), mead, stronger spirits, and so on.
>The crowd seems largely similar to a crow of humans, and at the same time, entirely and completely bizarre.
>It's not like they're acting strangely. It's exactly the fact that they're acting like a bunch of humans, while they're a bunch of brightly colored magical ponies is what's throwing you off.
>You notice that a lot of ponies keep glancing at you, looking you up and down again and again.
>You're not terribly surprised. You are a literal alien, after all. Humans do the same thing back on Earth, only ten times worse.
>With how many intelligent species they already have, you guess it's a little less shocking to see another one tossed into the mix.
>You examine the ponies too, though you do it from the corners of your eyes, trying not to draw any attention to yourself.
>Don't want to offend someone and get your ass kicked, and then get kicked out of the country, after all.
>Unfortunately, it seems like your dumb face attracted too much attention anyway.
>Three ponies approach you, taking up the stools on both sides.
>Internally panicking, you try to decipher their body language.
>All of them are smiling, their ears aren't pinned back or folded like in those photos that you saw of pissed-off ponies, so you're not in trouble... You hope. They're also females, so they're not very large.
>Two of them have wings, and they're slightly extended, though.
>You dearly hope that that's not a signal of "I'm going to drop-kick you if you look at me funny".
>Their tails twitch occasionally, which is also not a signal you know the meaning of.
>The one to your left flags down the barmare, and glancing at your mug, puts down a bunch of coins on the counter.
>"Sailor's cider, please, whatever my friends order, and a refill for the lord here."
>Lord? The fuck?
>You say absolutely nothing as she turns and winks at you, feeling your gut tense up.
>This is what you were afraid of.
>Everything seems normal and exactly the same as on Earth, until you trip over something you can't make heads or tails of.
>Her friends place their orders too.
>"Mead, please."
>"Two shots of applejack."
>The barmare works fast, and a few moments later, a fresh mug of beer lands in front of you.
>You slowly keep drinking from the first mug, not sure what accepting the drink means in this situation.
>The pegasus that paid for the drinks turns to you after taking a deep pull from her mug, licking off the foam of her slips in a weirdly slow and demonstrative way as she looks at you with a grin.
>"So, big guy, been in Equestria long? You have that disbelieving look a lot of newcomers have. Not that the portal's been open all that long, but, you know."
"Oh, mm, no. I've barely been here for... Well, less than two days. This is just my second day."
>"Ahh, that explains it. Vacation?"
"Yeah..."

>>40542220
>"Heh, quit panicking. Don't humans chat each other up in bars?"
"Well, they used to, though I think they do it less these days."
>The pegasus sitting to your right speaks up.
>"There's rumors how it's near impossible to talk to people back on your world. Any of that true, or just ponies making up stupid manure to get in a newspaper article?"
"Well, I mean... It's not entirely wrong. These days, people just... Talking to someone out of nowhere is a way to get called a weirdo or shouted at, in some places. Not that anyone likes nutcases like that, but they kind of poisoned the well for everyone else."
>"That's pretty messed up."
"Not going to argue there."
>The first pegasus speaks up again, making you turn your head.
>"So then, you wouldn't mind if we chat for a while?"
>You turn back towards her.
"Uh, I guess not..."
>The unicorn, who was sitting behind the second pegasus, downs one of her shots and levitates the other one.
>"In that case, mind if we go to a table? Talking like this is pretty awkward."
"A-alright..."
>You finish your first mug and take the one that the mares bought you as you stand up.
>They suddenly stick very close to you as the four of you navigate the bar while trying to find some empty space.
>One pegasus and the unicorn press their sides into your legs, while the second pegasus flaps her way in the air behind you.
>The bar is fairly crowded, so it's not that easy.
>Eventually, you find a smallish booth in the corner, the mares guiding you towards it.
>At their gentle nudging, you go first, and they move in after you, trapping you.
>It looks like it'd fit four ponies comfortably, but with you there, it's a bit of a tight fit.
>The mares seem to rather enjoy that fact for some reason, the unicorn and the pegasus all but draping themselves on your sides with massive grins.
>You jolt a bit as you feel something grab your legs.
>Looking down, you notice that the mares have wrapped their tails around them.
>Still confused and with no other actions available, you take a drink.
>Fortunately, the mares are entirely happy to keep pushing the conversation themselves.
>"So, what's your name?"
"Anon."
>"Well, pleasure to meet you, Anon. I'm Thunder," The cider-drinking pegasus introduces herself.
>"Name's Spring Showers," The one with the mead says.
>"Solder Spark," The unicorn toasts you before downing her shot.
"Ah, it's a pleasure, ladies. Um, thanks for the drink."
>"Oh, don't even mention it. It's how we do things here in Equestria when we chat someone up. Common courtesy, really," Thunder says.
"Alright. Good to know."
>"So, what brings you to Equestria?"
>You sigh internally sigh in relief at the safe and innocuous topic.
"Well, I wanted to see the place, really. An alternate dimension? Anyone would be interested in that."
>"Yeah, but what about it was that you wanted to see? It's a rather big topic, to say the least. Quite literally the entire world."

>>40542227
"Ah, well, it wasn't the cities or the tourists spots. The country isn't anything too stunning, no offense. It's really nothing you wouldn't find on Earth. I haven't been to the magical cities like the ones made of clouds, of course, but the other stuff, well, it's just the same as anywhere. It's the people that's the interesting part."
>All the mares seem extremely satisfied by your answer, for some reason. The unicorn grins at you with lidded eyes.
>"So, you wanted to see and learn more about ponies?"
"Yeah? I mean, what else is there to do?"
>"That's wonderful! We'd be happy to provide you with lots and lots of close-contact, first-hoof experience! Very, very happy," Thunder almost purrs, leaning into your ear and almost whispering the last part, her breath tickling your skin.
>You tense up as Solder does something similar, putting a hoof on your thigh and slowly rubbing it back and forth.
"M-hmm. Learning is a two-way street, and we'd love to learn more about humans, too. Telling you everything you want to know would be great fun, though. And I do mean *anything*," She grins, ever so gently rubbing her nose against your cheek.
>You notice that her muzzle is incredibly soft. The only reason you don't lean into her when she pulls back is because you're so tense.
>"I think you're scaring him a bit, girls," Spring Shower warns them, though she's still smiling as she watches you.
>Their reaction is quite opposite to what you expect them to do after such a warning.
>Thunder leans in even more, pressing her muzzle against your ear.
>"Aww, poor guy," She coos. "Humans don't act this way, do they?"
"N-n-no, not really," You stammer.
>"Shhh.... Shhhh... It's okay. You're in Equestria. We do things a little differently here," She soothes you, gently running circles on your chest with her hoof. "That's why you came here, didn't you? You want to experience something different?"
"Yes...?"
>"Well then, don't be afraid. We're not going to hurt you, I promise. We just want to show you some Equestrian hospitality. It's quite flattering that you decided to come here, you know? It's nice. Means that you find us interesting. Makes us want to be nice to you too," She keeps whispering in your ear.
>You take a deep pull from your mug as the gears turn in your head, smoke almost coming out of your ears.
>You mentally smack yourself at the ridiculousness of it all.
>Two fluffy, adorable pastel ponies are rubbing up against you, and you're practically shitting your pants, as if you were facing down a xenomorph.
>They probably just like to communicate physically a bit more. Herd species or something like that.
"Right, right. Sorry, I'm just a little overwhelmed. Take it easy on me, alright?"
>"Oh, sweetie, don't worry about that. We're not that kind of mares, we know how to treat a stallion right," Solder reassures you, rubbing your thigh again.
>"Would you like a hug?" Thunder asks, suddenly extending her wings as far as the limited space allows.

>>40542229
>Your thoughts completely derail for a few seconds as you examine the fluffy pony next to you, her wings outstretched as she shows them off to you.
>You can't help but trail their lines and contours, every feather as she smiles proudly once she sees how thoroughly you're checking her out.
"Sure," You eventually say, not even remembering to what you're agreeing to.
>Immediately, she latches on to you, wrapping you in a feathery embrace.
>...
>Did you just die and go to heaven?
>Holy shit this is amazing.
>Your hands shoot up almost without you thinking about it, wrapping themselves around the pony and pressing herself against you.
>Your face is completely stuffed into her fur, the fluff a heady mix of strange scents.
>You already guessed that ponies must be soft, but the scent...
>Ozone, definitely, that odd smell of wet earth after rain, and what you guess is the scent of the mare herself.
>Sweat, but not to the degree that it's offensive. It's quite nice, actually.
>"Oooooh..." Thunder exhales breathily.
>"Wow, he really latched on to you, huh?"
>"Poor guy clearly needed it."
"Sorry," You say, gently pulling her off.
>"Nooo, you clearly need more. Far, far more."
>"Allow me," Solder volunteers with a smile.
>She can't envelop you like pegasi can, but she's still enthusiastic.
>Gripping you tightly, she nuzzles your chin, rubbing her entire head and mane on your neck.
>You can't help but inhale her scent as well, when she raises her head a bit and her mane ends up in your face.
>She smells like a mare. She also smells sparkly.
>As you sit there, some part of your brain keeps analyzing the events.
>It takes a bit for it to catch up, but you finally get something workable when Thunder leans back in to just barely nibble on your earlobe, only with her incredibly soft pony lips, with no teeth.
>The drink. Calling you a lord. Rubbing your thigh and getting all physical. Offer of the "lots and lots of close-contact experience".
>Of course, just because that bit of your brain came to a conclusion, the conclusion itself is quite a thing to attempt and process.
>They're hitting on you.
>They're.
>Hitting.
>On.
>You.
>YOU.
>*ATTRACTIVE FEMALES* are hitting on *YOU*.
>And they're not just trying to get free drinks from you, either. THEY bought YOU a drink.
>You freeze completely as the mares keep grinning, running their tails along your legs, and otherwise caressing various parts of your body.
>You weren't this stunned and confused when you stepped through the portal, saw ponies doing magic, or anything remotely like it.
>Put all of those things together, and it'd make just a tenth of how alien and impossibly surreal the experience is.
>Oh yeah. Equestria's an alien dimension alright.
>Solder's hoof wanders from your thigh so close to your dick, she's almost touching it.
>That makes you start moving again, reflexively taking another pull from your mug.
>It's the last of it.

>>40542232
>"Want me to get you another drink, stud?" Spring Showers immediately asks.
"I, ah... Maybe?"
>You ponder what she called you as she flaps off.
>Stud.
>It's not a word humans use often, but you get the meaning.
>Yeah, it looks like they're done being subtle.
>Though you guess they weren't very subtle to begin with.
>And even that was probably putting it mildly. You just didn't get the signals they were sending you.
>You trace the forms of Thunder and Solder Spark as they lean against you, smiling happily when they see that you're checking them out. flexing a little.
>"Like what you see, big guy?"
"Yes, quite... Quite a lot."
>"So, that thing about learning about each other... I heard that you guys don't smell things as well as we do?" Solder asks.
"I have no idea how well ponies smell things, but judging by your noses and muzzles, I'd say that's a definite yes."
>"Your sense of touch is way better than what we have, though, right?" Thunder adds, clopping her solid hooves together.
"I'd assume so, yeah."
>"Well, Anon, I'll be honest with you, we've been smelling you quite a lot. And, let me tell you, I like it. But it seems quite unfair and one sided. So, want to... Touch me?" She inquires, moving he eyebrows up and down at a ridiculous speed.
>You swallow nervously as your mouth suddenly becomes dry as a desert.
>Spring Showers saves you as she hoofs you a mug, from which you take a deep pull, finally finding your voice again.
"Yes..."
>"Well, go on then. Don't be shy, I don't bite. Unless you ask nicely."
>You follow her command, gently running your free hand through her coat.
>Solder Spark snorts.
>"Come on, Anon, she told you not to be shy."
>Using her magic, she gently grabs your hand and guides them lower... And lower... And lower.
>Your eyes go a little wide at the sparkly sensation as she takes your hand all the way to Thunder's - flank, you think it's called?
>Then, she uses the same magic to make you give Thunder's flank a strong squeeze.
>"Oooh... I like that."
>The magic disappears immediately after, your hand reflexively unclenching as you quickly pull it back.
>"So, Anon, are you enjoying learning about ponies with us?"
>You grimace as your dick starts straining against your pants.
"Yes, maybe a little too much, even."
>"Oh dear, we didn't meant to make you uncomfortable..." Solder dramatically gasps.
>"It must be this crowd. Would you like to go somewhere more quiet and... Intimate?" Thunder breathes in your ear.

>>40542235
------------------------------------
>The video is almost at its end.
>"And that's it. Equestrian magic. Answer me, honestly. Did any one of you think of such a possibility? Sparkles, spells, all that stuff, sure. But did any one of you ever thought you might get honestly *hit on* by three mares at once? Equestrian magic, I tell you. Left me stunned. Speechless. Flabbergasted. Lost. Confused. Floored. Surprised. Shocked. Bewildered. Astonished. Confused. Dismayed. Overwhelmed. Astounded. Breathless. All of that stuff."
>"Yes, unicorns smell sparkly. What does that mean? Well, it means that they smell like sparkles. No, I am not going to qualify that statement in any way. Unicorns smell like sparkles. If you want to know what that's like, you'll just have to go to Equestria and smell one."
>"That's it. That's the end of the story. What, were you expecting something else? Yeah, okay. I went with them and they showed me some magic. Sparkles and stuff, you know? Yup, that's it. End of story."
>With a nod, you hit the upload button.
>As it's doing that, your thoughts keep wandering, coming back to those three mares hitting on you in that bar.
>That was still the most surreal, unbelievable experience of your entire life.
>Among the souvenirs you brought with you, there's a small slip of paper with an address in Equestria and a small note written on it.
>"Come visit if you're ever in Equestria again, stud - Thunder and the gals."

Ponepaste:
https://ponepaste.org/9528

>>40542241

Good stuff.

>>40542241
His sense of smell seemed to work just fine there. Sparkly is a good smell. I bet Fizzlepop Berrytwist smells the most sparkly.

>>40542371
It's not that human sense of smell doesn't work, it's just that ponies have it better. They'd be able to effortlessly smell the same things while sitting across the table, instead of needing to stick their noses into each other's coats.
>>40542345
Of all the bizarre and reality bending things ponies are capable of, hitting on guys, including ones that women wouldn't look twice at, is the one that baffles and mystifies people the most.

>>40541733
The exception to prove the rule.

Pondering how an averaging effect of talents would affect pone society would be an interesting story too, if not Rgre.

>>40541733
Adoption.

>>40541733
Forced expression of her parents' sublimated desires for merriment and frolicking.

>>40541733
She’s also the twin with Marble.

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1.06 MB JPG

>It's an old tradition for both the day and night guard to have a few studs in the barracks
>It was always seen as a way to help increase moral and discipline amongst the ranks, especially during spring
>No hot-blooded mare would have the threat of sex being taken away by the higher ups without a very good reason
>For the studs, it's seen as a well paying government job that helps Equestria's troops
>In recent years, humans have become the preferred studs, as they can be trained much more easily to please so many mares in a shorter time without extensive use of magic or potions
>With humans, you also don't need to hire as many studs; usually one male per two units, where with stallions or gryphons one per unit was needed
>The guards themselves really, really, really like hands
>Many studs will wear the colors of their unit, as well as some trinkets their mares get for them

>>40544387
>>It was always seen as a way to help increase moral and discipline amongst the ranks, especially during spring
>moral
>adjective
>concerned with the principles of right and wrong behavior and the goodness or badness of human character
or
>noun
>a lesson, especially one concerning what is right or prudent, that can be derived from a story, a piece of information, or an experience
compared to
>morale
>noun
>the confidence, enthusiasm, and discipline of a person or group at a particular time
i'm not angry at you personally, anon, but this particular typo makes my fucking autistic blood boil

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>>40544594
Fuck yeah, a fellow grammar nazi! Preach, brother!
Same damn thing here as well!
>40539589
>"If we can him moral in this base will plummet!
moral-E!

>>40544619
>>40539589

>>40542241
good shit