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First for best duo!

Second for best null

Third for third place.

test

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>>40328401
Did it work?

Has any fic tried to do the Dying Earth genre? It seems like the genre could have alot of potential for fics

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The secreter club is dining on tastier fare than usual, >>40327101
If you want to participate, this week's catch (up to and including chapter 9, Celestial Summons) is served Saturday the 23rd.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/94526/twilights-plan

Also, besides the six fics at the tail of Starter Kit Hell, a seventh exists. Since it seems so cursed, Rariflag suggested starting it as well to decide if the hell should continue for yet another week, or if the club instead collectively drops it.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/163879/i-dream-of-luna

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>>40328408
Yes.
For a few weeks I haven't been able to post because I kept getting a Connection Error. We had a big blackout due to the rain. Some equipment blew up, and it affected the internet companies, too. I assume their centrals had to be rebooted. I don't know.
Point is, I can post again.
Yay!

>>40327435
Because fanfic readers often want longer stories. The whole reason for reading fanfic is because there's a story that you finished but want more of. After the first Star Wars trilogy, the Star Wars Expanded Universe was a perfect commercial example of this. The books were usually low-quality and with no market beyond serious Star Wars fans, but those fans devoured everything they could. Why? Because they liked Star Wars. They wanted as much Star Wars as they could get, and this was their only option. Million-word doorstoppers weren't commercially viable (and it was probably more profitable to sell a bunch of shorter novels anyway), but the fans would have read if they could have. And it's the same with MLP or any other fandom.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/437468/the-virgin-princess
I didn't care much for this even with the somewhat uplifting moral at the end. Too much of a fic about making Twilight suffer just to make her suffer. And the author pointlessly and awkwardly injecting their own politics a couple of times.

>>40328432
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/483427/pegasus-device-reckoning
^:)

Toxically wise fics?

I fucked up. I've trapped myself on a train with only https://www.fimfiction.net/story/540863/a-hogwarts-harmony for offline reading material.

>>40328627
If you can post here you can find something else.

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>>40328445
Welcome back Anon!

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Reposting the new chapter of my erotic horror story, the Pie Family Horror Story.

A band of plucky nerds find themselves trapped inside the house of the Pie's and must escape them, and a horde of horny zombimbo's.

A pdf of the previous chapters-
https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/Pie-Family-Horror-Story-Ch-1-4-Compilation-PDF-973482850

>>40328627
I've found that two to three medium length (10k-50k words as fimfics defines it) sorts me out for all sorts of occasions. There's been quite a few times when a good fic or two has gotten me through long stays at clubs and festivals.

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Since this thread also seems to like(or like to hate) harry potter fanfics I thought I'd recommend the three HP fanfics that really stood out to me in the entire hp fandom.

>https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6243892/1/The-Strange-Disappearance-of-SallyAnne-Perks
A short mystery story that gives a lot of depth to Dumbledore's character while at the same time keeping you curious and providing a satisfying answer and emotional end. Feels almost like it could have been a part of canon but doesn't let that stop it from being creative.

>https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9767473/1/The-Eyes
Horror/Crossover with the Cthulu Mythos. This is eldritch horror handled right, ususally when you'd see someone make a crossover with a horror property it's diluted, nerfed or otherwise not given its proper respect. Not here. The gods are powerful, the gods are eldritch and the story knows that. I won't spoil the story but the plot flows well and meshes fantastically with the otherness. Probably features my favorite Snape characterization in any fic to date. He's bitter, he's spiteful, but at the same time he is human.

>https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12800980/1/Worthy-of-Magic
Dark/Adventure story. I feel a little wrong about reccing this, because some chapters are way too tryhard edgy and some of the characterization feels off. But, despite its flaws it has things I feel are worth checking out. First of all: The magic. It really feels fantastical in this story, like the characters here are actual mages rather than wand-wielders. Second: Harry himself when he isn't being a sadist. I feel like this story offers you the point of view of a truly unique character, the problem is that the author drowns him in edgyness at times and that really take away from him. Third: The supporting characters and how the plot evolves without Harry's interference. Read up until the trial and a bit past that, the fic is unfinished and goes down in quality after that event.

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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/539999/the-200-words-contest
The 200 Words Contest is a 1k words experimental sort of story where Twilight has Pinkie Pie create 200 word stories in different categories. So here comes a review of each of them.
-Not Without You
NWY is a 200 word Drama about the importance of friendship. The Storm King has returned, and it's up to Twilight and Spike to acquire the materials necessary to defeat him. But they won't do it without each other.
This was enjoyable. I liked how Twilight and Spike's characters come off strong despite only having a few lines of dialogue.
-Philomena's Portal Faux-tastrophy!
PPF is a 200 words SoL about how Philomena makes a mistake. A mistake that leads to reality breaking all around Canterlot. Thankfully, Discord is there to help, and remind her that she should listen to Celestia.
It's a nice story, but it lacks impact. Even for a SoL story. Too much is spent going on about the chaos ensuing and not enough about Philomena's grief. Likewise, Discord as a deus ex machina is just too convenient of a way to close the story.
-Once Forgotten
OF is a 200 words Horror about something that lives beyond the known world. Something hungering for the light within ponies.
This is the weakest entry so far. There's some good prose, but it's all in service of no plot. There's nothing told beyond there's a spooky thing out there, and if you get too near, it'll turn you into a ghoul.
-Homer Simpson in Equestria
HSiE is a 200 words YAGTH comedy. In it, Homer Simpson goes to Equestria.
Pinkie cheated and used CelestiaGPT. Which is obvious with how flanderised Homer feels. A few lines got a smirk out of me, but this is exactly what you imagine it will be.
-The 40 Words Contest
T40WC is a 200 words experimental sort of story where Twilight has Pinkie Pie create 40 word stories in different categories. So here comes a review of each of them.
--Rarity's Kingdom
RK is a 40 words Drama in which Rarity defeats Grogar. He had it coming.
--Lyra's Date
LD us a 40 words SoL in which Lyra overthinks her date plans with Bon Bon. But Bon Bon appreciates her efforts nonetheless.
--Baby C4K35
BC is a 40 words Horror about babies, the scariest thing of all. I think a round of editing could've turned this into an intriguing rhyme about a scary creature, but it falls short as it stands.
--Cheese Supreme!
CS! is a 40 word Comedy about being trapped in the Drive-Thru.
--The 5 Word Contest!
T5WC is a 40 words experimental sort of story where Twilight has Pinkie Pie create 5 or so word stories in different categories. So here comes a review of each of them.
----Applejack's Confession
AC is an 11 words drama about a relationship
----Poke
P is a 5 words SoL story about animal abuse
----Last Pony
LP is a 7 words story about the dangers of minorities
----The biggest joke of all of Equestria!
TBJoaoE is a 1 word story that should've won the entire contest
----The 1.4 Word Contest
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/289663/summer-island
Summer Island is a 10,8k words Adventure~ish story. Scootaloo is now an airship pilot and she encounters Sweetie Belle after a long time when the latter is looking to travel to some faraway land.
This is tagged Adventure, but it should really be SoL or Drama. The story carries a melancholic mood. Scootaloo is happy with her new life, but you can tell there's the longing for the days before. Sweetie Belle has a similar conflict, but it's worse in her case because her singing career has taken a turn due to her being under pressure from the record label. She just needs a vacation, and doesn't care if she's leaving a lot of important things on hold.
The trip itself is fun. Rather uneventful, but it does a good job of showing the inner workings of a small scale airship. Also, seaponies. Anyway, the heart of the story is still that conflict of your current life and the nostalgia for your younger years. I think it's handled pretty well.
In the end, we don't have a big resolution, but an understated conclusion that leaves both Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo satisfied. They're happier now, and they feel optimistic when they think about the future.
Overall, a pretty enjoyable tale. Definitely recommend it.

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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/437468/the-virgin-princess
A pointless "what if immortality was terrible but actually even worse?" Twilight torment fic. This story explores Twilight's amnesiac condition that, as one commenter pointed out, is similar to 50 first dates. It was briefly interesting to see in what ways Twilight copes with her affliction, but ultimately pointless because it's unbelievable. Celestia could not have ruled like this, nor would Cadance have been able to grow as she did in the show if she had this affliction. Likewise, nopony would have simply allowed Twilight to continue her suffering, only the author.
I didn't read the prequel chain, but everything in the fic implies it's all awful. Finally, the fic has lots of irrelevant politics injected in to it.
>end
Also, the bomb scene was utter nonsense.

For someone who calls themselves "FanOfMostEverything", their comments on my 1000 words entries suggest that they are not, in fact, a fan of much at all. I didn't expect that much hostility from a judge, especially after Bike's positive comments.

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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/145660/octaves
Octaves is a 15k SoL story about the challenges of working in the record industry. Also, no romance!
Told almost exclusively from Octavia's point of view, she sees Vinyl pursuing a career as a musician. She doesn't understand much of her genre, but she's a good friend to her and supports her every step of the way.
Meanwhile, Vinyl goes through the usual steps of any small musician who gets to work with a big label. How demanding they are. How some like to micromanage every aspect of the creative process. How they set unrealistic expectations. How they wish to stripe any aspect of individuality of a product so they can market it to a wider audience.
This takes a toll on Vinyl. She never stops working, but we see how hard it is for her to keep fighting the executives to keep her vision, as well as how the critical reception for her first songs impact her.
The story is pretty good. Understated, perhaps. There's no scene where Vinyl cries under the rain and rips her contract apart. But it is solid in its ideas and the delivery.

>>40329335
FoME has standards so low I wonder how bad you messed up.

>>40329335
He and la bicyclette have pretty different tastes, so it's not entirely unexpected for them to feel differently.

>>40329335
Link? I want to read the hostility.

Is there any fics of a human having to survive in the forest/everfree on fim?

>>40329518
Nope, not gonna go there. If I'm gonna talk about people behind their backs, I'm not gonna give out any clues as to who I am.

Looking at some of his other comments, it seems that he tends to be nasty towards fics he doesn't like. I don't think I want to interact with this person.

>>40329335
Yeah, he didn't like mine either. That name is a tad misleading, huh?
Not that this is a problem. He just simply can't understand my genius. The process. He actually gets hit by it so hard, he gets blinded by its majesty, and remains paralized.

>>40329681
I'll just have to read through all of the comments, then.

>>40329695
I wouldn't have been so shocked if he just said it didn't work for him. I didn't expect my entries to be everyone's taste. I write for myself, and if someone else doesn't like it, well, there'll be no hard feelings from me. That's just how fiction is sometimes.

But in one of his comments, he basically said that he refused to give my story a chance; he decided he didn't like it before reading it. I don't know why. I'm not going to argue with him, because that's a waste of time. No, I think in the future, I'll just avoid him.

If I could say one thing to him, it would be: Try watching some cartoon ponies; they might make you feel better.

>>40326518
>'The Bells' Toll' not even being mentioned?
Thanks for thinking of it, but it's a poem. I knew what I was signing up for. There's a reason there isn't a poetry tag.

>>40327101
>schizo club
>reading a 36:1 fic
I see the regression begins anew.

>>40328432
>any fic tried to do the Dying Earth genre
Isn't that the entire post apocalypse genre? "Magic is dying and Equestria's running out of time" is a theme in almost all of them.

>>40329312
>it's a "readers force the author to add the [Dark] tag" fic
Always funny to see the author's tone not aligning with what the readers are seeing.

>>40329839
>Always funny to see the author's tone not aligning with what the readers are seeing.
Reminds me of The Archetypist.
What are other examples?

>>40329335
His comments on my entries weren't hostile, though I admit I was kinda amused at him accusing my 1000 story of being 'rushed.'

>>40329917
>1000 story of being 'rushed.'
What other way is there to write a 1000 word story? its not like you have room for world building.

>>40329974
It depends on what you want to do. You don't have room for an epic backstory. You do have room for a single leisurely scene, but not for two. Part of the challenge of writing a story this short is finding a premise which doesn't need more than one scene (or a handful of very short scenes). (Another part of the challenge is finding a premise that actually fills a thousand words. Some of the entries felt padded to me.)

>>40329704
I just finished going through them all.
He really doesn't like anon or cruelty in his reads, the former enough to ostensibly hang a story outright. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing in general, but as a judge such idiosyncrasies, I think, are better left at the door.

>>40330197
>He really doesn't like anon
Extremely fucking based and completely justified.

>>40329335
I've written some pretty divisive stuff, divisive enough to invite fairly hostile commentary, and yet I've never once had fome speak negatively of my work. I must tickle his balls or something. Eitehr that, or you just posted excerpts from mein kampf and called his mother a whore.

>>40329424
Yes, but it also seems if the story doesn't pander to the certain band(s) of autism he has, he's gonna deride it. No biggie, just doesn't line up with his reputation as much as some anons here expected.

>>40329917
>>40329974
It being short doesn't mean it needs no polish.

>>40330197
At least with the AJ/Anon romance, he was upfront about his personal dislike for the ship. And despite that, he gave constructive criticism.

My fic seems to have instantaneously triggered his distaste for cruelty. His reaction was strong enough that he didn't say anything that I thought was constructive. Maybe the fact that he had such a reaction is a kind of unintended compliment. I've always wanted to trigger people with quality writing.

>>40329839
>Isn't that the entire post apocalypse genre? "Magic is dying and Equestria's running out of time" is a theme in almost all of them.
I think they meant Jack Vance's Dying Earth, where the line blurs between magic and technology and more has been lost than is remembered and civilization has balkanized into bizarre little societies who scheme and struggle as the dying sun gutters and flickers over them all in its senescence.

>>40329335
I can't remember any specifics but I mentioned it once or twice in the thread, but I only ever notice them doing insane shit. Specifically I recall dropping a story that went complete retard, and when I do this I often check comments to see if at least the readers can see that shit just got fucked and I saw FoME saying it was a particularly good chapter or something of the sort.

A Ghost of a Chance is still dead...

>>40331207
I'd assume its cause ED is focusing on WiBD since it seems to be reaching its climax. It will be kinda funny though to learn Zest's ultimate fate before her story is over though.

>>40331314
>I'd assume its cause ED is focusing on WiBD since
I'd put my cock up your ass to reach my ultimate climax

>>40331320
>getting shit all your cock
thats gross fag

>>40331343
niggers tongue ur anus

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>>40331207
I mean, which one do you want a new chapter of next? I kind of see this as all part of one project.

>>40331440
I wonder if we'll get a new Skeleton next month.

>>40331440
Honestly both. But it'd be kinda weird if Witch reaches its climax or even conclusion, all while Ghost is stuck on some mid-arc, and then Ghost finally gives us the lead-up to Witch long after the latter is resolved. And, the way things are going, it feels like Witch is approaching its end as everything is slowly coming together (unless there's some extra plot threads ED plans to open).

Also, I only really caught up to Ghost recently so I kind of never paid much attention to its publishing schedule, but has it slowed down Witch publishing pace significantly? I never really remember noticed any big gaps in new chapters while keeping up with Witch that I could in retrospect attribute to Ghost. My experience so far has been that I've been keeping up with Witch and now I've realised there's actually a second story that I can read for absolutely free!

Though looking back at Ghost it's clear it has had a bunch of publishing gaps in the past. So seems like ED might indeed be focusing on Witch to pump out chapters faster and get the current climax just right, and that his modus operandi is to just update Ghost as he gets the chance to (haha) in-between Witch updates when the latter's pace is slower and he can wind down publishing a bit.

Of course overall I think we're absolutely spoiled with the update rates on both, especially if he doesn't disappear at the last minute. Still, though, I'm itching to hear more about Zest.
Plus it stopped right as we got to important lore on the azoth spell.
Actually, now that I think about it, maybe this is why it's on-hold: Witch is the primary story, so maybe ED wants the spell to be shown off there first so Ghost readers don't get spoiled compared to non-readers, and then once Witch has covered it, Ghost can continue in its tracks?

>>40331457
>he

>>40331468
>has

>>40331469
>he has mich

>>40331469
>no

Writing horsewords is the only thing that gets me enthusiastic anymore. I have lost all hope in relationships or in meeting a woman, as well as in any professional successes. I just want to write MLP fanficton and be left alone.

>>40331515
How do I reach your level of enlightenment?

>>40331544
By having anons commenting on your story being the only positive feedback you ever recieve. Just fail at everything else in life and be moderately good at horsewords and it will come naturally.

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>>40331645
>By having anons commenting on your story being the only positive feedback you ever recieve.
For me it's the occasional chat message in TF2 complimenting and/or raging about me. I'm still an enthusiastic person though.

>>40330764
That's what I meant, I think that the "dying earth" genre has great story potential and interesting world building given the world of the show

>>40331691
>I'm still an enthusiastic person though.
I'm happy for you, anon. Keep up that spirit.

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>>40330197
If there's ever something that should not be idiosyncratic, it would be a judge disliking bad things.

>>40331468
>girls on the internet

>>40331877
the dogs all gotta be talking to someone

>>40331759
I've been toying with the idea that EqG is a pony world that the magic was drained out of, trapping ponies and creatures in less-magical forms. I'm not sure where to go with it, though.

>>40330764
Sounds like G5.

>>40328445
>Connection Error
Did you try the old-school reply box, or only the quick reply? At one point years ago I had trouble with Cloudflare giving me a bonus captcha when I tried to post. The quick reply doesn't know how to deal with that, so it would just spit out "connection error" or some similarly vague message. But I was able to post using the form at the top of the page, which can handle the bonus captcha and presumably other weird issues as well.

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>>40329335
>>40330762
So you like it when someone who is disgusted by disgusting things expresses their disgust in a professional manner? It would make sense to submit a story to the contest with no hope of winning if you get a captive audience in the form of the judges.

I guess, then, if FoME doesn't play along and just calls it what it is without any dress up, that would be disappointing.

>>40331939
Not a fan of eqg but that ounds interesting

>>40332121
>you like it when someone who is disgusted by disgusting things expresses their disgust in a professional manner?
Yes, I do. But I dislike it when someone who is disgusted by disgusting things expresses their disgust in an unprofessional manner.

I didn't intend the story as trolling. It was a serious entry. The story describes things that are unpleasant, but it's milder than some other entries. I made a conscious effort to not include anything I thought was gratuitous. He's free to dislike it. The fact that he disliked it as strongly as he did is evidence that it still had an emotional effect on him, and I count that as a kind of indirect victory.

If you want to keep hinting that I'm incompetent, by all means go right ahead. Part of the fun of being anonymous is that we can sling insults at each other all day long.

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>>40332279
Incompetence wasn't what I was hinting at, but malice. More than just knowing a gross fic is going to get a negative reaction, that it its point.

That particular audience can't toss out a downvote a few paragraphs in and put the experience behind them, the judges are expected to hold themselves to a higher standard and post a comment veiling their disgust. But, if their rejection is just as unveiled as a downvote, throwing your own shit right back at you, that's not the effect you want.

>>40332369
Not necessarily, if one counts as victory the evocation of said emotional response. And one certainly could, as is not the intent of all writing to so evoke?
And if the intent be to evoke disgust, as it must have been, all the better that it overrode a man's otherwise nobler thoughts.
There's obviously a line that oughtn't be crossed, and surely it varies on a case-by-case basis, but bereft the work in question I reckon we could go back and forth thus until we're all dead.

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>>40332408
Nah, sounds like a late justification, even, dare I say, cope. You were clearly hoping for something else originally, >>40329335 and it wasn't given.

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>>40332436
Perhaps that I were him, and I would agree it does come off clearly as a post-hoc declaration of victory. But I'm not.
I am the guy that wanted a link to the fic earlier and decided to read through FoME's comments for a bit of entertainment, tho.

>>40332369
That other anon >>40330197 described FoME's triggers as Anon and cruelty, not Anon and disgust. You're the first one to bring up disgust (just CTRL+F, you'll see).

I'm more guilty of depicting cruelty than of trying to evoke disgust. But I had no malice. One of the characters in the story is cruel, and the story could not be told without depicting that character's cruelty. I think some other stories were more graphic, but my depiction of cruelty seems to have affected FoME emotionally. If I successfully evoked emotions from a reader, then I succeeded.

Also,
>>40332408
>>40332446
isn't me.

I think the CAPTCHA is telling us all to chill: DY420

>>40332000
Not baroque enough! Also the sun isn't guttering like a candle stub, inflicting a constant background threat of doom.

>>40329900
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/131181/what-is-love
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/188873/princess-lunas-suicide-solutions
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/520572/the-kings-harmony
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/505682/the-everfree-slayer
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/335170/would-you-please
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/125951/you-must-be-new-here
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/286271/twilight-sparkle-kills-equestria
That's just from a quick search for "dark tag." The list goes on and on.

Why the fuck are people so bad at commas?

I spent most of my day editing a document at work. The author, who is a native English speaker and a college graduate, is completely hopeless at commas. He wrote lots of long sentences with clauses nested in clauses stacked on top of clauses, but he put in no commas. He seemed completely unaware that you can and should set off dependent clauses using commas. The few times he put in commas, they were in nonsensical places like, this.

I know why people are bad with dashes and semicolons and colons, but how does anyone end up this bad at commas?

>>40332616
You'd think if they spoke and read the language, they would be good at writing it too.

>>40332564
You're right they should have had the first special be about how the sun and moon stopped moving the moment magic came back. They really should have leaned into G5 being a post-apocalypse Equestia.

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>>40331455
It's possible. I actually wrote about 60% the NARC (like DARE but with necromancy instead of drugs) story before what you know as A Skeleton in the Closet and it's still mostly at that amount. Eventually the current one will be given the subtitle 'Nightmare Night' since it's actually a sequel to this story. Also the title makes a lot more sense what with the whole necromancy plot.

I've made no progress on OG Skeleton in over a year, but I did read SC:NMN in literally one week so who the fuck knows.

>>40331457
I kind of wrote it so it will work on some level wether you read it before during or after AWiBD. And yes, it wasn't a coincidence that right after Zest achieves the height of her power you see that she's actually doomed in the future.

Reading it all in chronological order when it's all done gives and obvious complete story with NMM. But I still think it will work on some level if you read all of Witch first. The main theme of Ghost is hope/doom. All the characters represent different ways to react to impending doom, etc.

The Azoth spell and breaking the curse protecting Twilight, for example, are largely dismissed as impossible in Ghost, for example. But there's a sort of thematic irony in that. Though I can't say too much more without spoiling certain things.

Is there any decent fics involving stygian?

i'm going to do it i'm gonna post a new fic
OH GOD IM POOOOOSTIN

>>40332999
Sorry, tripsanon.
But no.

>>40332616
I do corrections and revisions for a university professor I work with and he always says that what I'm the most helpful at is in placing commas. He's a well-read guy who writes a lot and still his use of commas sometimes baffles me.

>>40332999
I liked this one
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/507125/any-port-in-a-storm

>>40331493
>style

>>40332616
>The author, who is a native English speaker
There's the problem.

>>40332616
they aren't taught. I'd blame modern teaching methods, but I wasn't taught commas properly way back in the 80s, when you'd expect standards to have been a bit higher than now. It's a constant issue in my fics.

>>40332828
>but I did read SC:NMN in literally one week
Oh yeah? Well I read it in one evening!
I'll assume you meant write

>I kind of wrote it so it will work on some level wether you read it before during or after AWiBD.
True, but the general pattern I'm noticing is that Witch provides sweeping information about the cosmology, with some details about the implications for day-to-day life mixed in at times but largely detached from those, and then Ghost fills in a lot of details on that end. And it feels like Witch is intended to be the one providing the "reveals" for major stuff, while Ghost is the side-story giving supplemental information for the curious.
Certainly a reader would be able to very much enjoy both even if they read Ghost entirely before Witch or something, but still, I can glean an intentional structure there.

>All the characters represent different ways to react to impending doom, etc.
>The Azoth spell and breaking the curse protecting Twilight, for example, are largely dismissed as impossible in Ghost, for example.
Also, on this note, it reminded me of how interesting I found that perspective shift. I think it's in the chapter in Ghost where they're talking about getting help for defeating Crater Cemetery, and throwing out ideas like maybe even contacting a lich or something because of how powerful they are, followed by a throwaway comment of how witches are by far the most powerful monsters in existence even compared to liches. Really put into perspective the sheer scale of power levels in your world. When reading Witch, it's very easy to forget sometimes that Twilight literally is the most powerful person in the world (or perhaps second most powerful or so, if you count Starlight, arguably; it gets messy when considering gods and maybe-gods), and that there's a huge spectrum of creatures and fighters many of whom are powerful in their own rights, but still don't even compare to the witches.

>>40329335
Are you any of
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/537254/cry-me-a-river
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/539756/the-icy-shards-of-guilt
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/539957/making-ponyville-a-better-place
?

>>40333148
Seconding that, I really don't like the canon character (as much as the poor fag can even be called one with so little screentime), but this story did him justice.

>>40329335
Odd, when it came to my stuff he was pretty positive or at the very least cordial.

>>40333275
>but this story did him justice.
Had you read it before or just now?
> I really don't like the canon character
Me neither. I don't like the Pillars all that much in general and even less the retcons they brought with them. Whenever I write about past Equestria I prefer to just ignore them and focus on Star Swirl.

>>40333244
must be the first. it's the most hostile and the one that mentions cruelty specifically. It's also, as fome says, needlessly cruel. There's no pay-off, no narrative structure beyond "here's some ponies, look how they suffer, it's sad". just a series of contrivances to try and present the writer's poorly disguised fetish for pain and suffering as some sort of badly written catharsis.

>>40333331
>Had you read it before or just now?
I wrote a review of it months ago. Why?

>>40333384
Just curiosity. I'll go look your review, I'm interested.

>>40333244
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/537232/theyre-still-with-me
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/538561/a-vicious-cycle-of-nightmares
A couple more potential candidates I think. The former for the brevity and sharpness of FoME's comment, and the latter for the almost universally negative response in each of his replies.
I'm leaning toward the latter here or the second on your list myself.

>>40333244
Well, the first story depicts cruelty, and FoME does call him out, but the author responded, and earlier ITT the author said he wasn't going to respond.

The second story doesn't really depict cruelty, and again, the author responded.

The third story depicts cruelty, too, and the author didn't respond. But to me, FoME's comments read more like boredom and exasperation, not being triggered on cruelty.

>>40333552
The guy who brought up cruelty isn't the one who first complained. Reread the chain.

>>40333561
Correct, but someone did reply to that post in a manner that suggests they may be the one who originally took umbrage with the response he received, citing his fic seemed to have triggered FoME's distaste for cruelty despite his efforts at avoiding gratuity, stated in an even later reply.

>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/510562/the-thrill-of-the-hunt
'The Thrill of the Hunt' is a 17k word shortfic in which Chrysalis has sex with a clumsy artist femcolt.
Or at least that's how I'd describe this story if I wanted to be coy, but that wouldn't do it justice. While it is indeed a clopfic, the story's first chapter uses sexuality very lightly and for purely plot related purposes and I'd easily recommend it to readers who aren't fans of porn as well.
'THotH' tells a surprisingly round story even though it almost exclusively focuses on the Queen's attempts at hunting down her prey, all told in prose that's unapologetically purple, yet surprisingly easy to read. I particularly liked the way the forest and its relationship with the changelings were characterized, the reader really get the impression that though Chrysalis is in control, she's very much not the only presence with power. Even though it's just the backdrop, the Everfree feels like a dangerous and exotic location that thinks and *really* doesn't want you to be there.
As for the characters, I love the way Chrysalis is depicted here. It's firmly AU territory, yet still familiar enough to make her feel like herself. She is sort of like a fae in this story, preying on travelers, but—unlike the canon version—without any plans of world domination or even really harming anyone. She's much more primal than that in this fic, but that also allows her to be far kinder and curious than show!Chrissy ever was.
While the OC himself is a bit more shallow, because Chrysalis is primed for emotions, we get a far deeper look into his emotions than one would in a different story. The rich descriptions about what his reactions are to QC's advances paint a complete picture and so I think he is a satisfying character despite being a literal one-trick-pony. I also found it really cute how detached Chryssy is from pony society, so things as simple as art completely confuse her and make her all the more fascinated with the colt.
In short, the first chapter is an occasionally a bit lewd and largely timeless fable about a pure hearted artist winning the heart of an ancient queen. Very sweet, very poetic. Comparatively the second chapter is almost purely just porn. Good porn mind you, it's cute, mostly vanilla, and even the one unusual fetish it features is done so modestly that you'd be forgiven to think it's just flavor text. One thing I feel is important to mention is that this is a good end story. I suppose it's a bit of a spoiler, but I really wouldn't want anyone to skip this fic expecting it to end in tragedy just based on the title and the implications.
Overall: 7/10 It's a story with lovely prose, cute characters and interactions, fairly hot porn scenes, and an interesting take on the Everfree. Easy recommend.

>>40333609
I can't help but feel we've somehow broken you.

>>40333609
>cutesy romance story with a second chapter of mostly vanilla clop
Picked up, it's kino. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/475601/a-catch-to-remember does a VERY similar thing to what you've described in the review (down to the culture differences), but with a seapony OC instead of AU Chrysalis. Also has really nice prose and cute characters.

>>40333627
using an oc is an automatic downgrade.

>>40333628
I don't mind OCs as long as they're not bad, especially in something like a oneshot romance with some porn.
And an alternative universe version of a canon character (like Chryssie here) is basically an OC, too.

>>40333609
>fairly hot porn scenes,
You know I've barely browsed fimfic for a year or two, I was here when filly first started posting and a few months after that, and I seem to distincitly remember him explicitly disavowing any interest in even reading lewd at all, citing the desire to focus on literature for literature's sake, and leaving sexual gratification out of it.
And now we've got compliments of "porn scenes" being "fairly hot" in reviews.

>>40333635
pony butts are just that amazing

>>40333611
Well unbreak me then already.

>>40333635
Yeah, yeah, let's post the filly depravity line chart, I am a lot less prudish these days. I still highly prefer non-porn though and usually read the site with the filter on. Even with this story I was explicitly asked to take a look.

>>40333644
>Yeah, yeah, let's post the filly depravity line chart
Oh so this is a common observation? Carry on then

I read Holes (from the feature box)
The idea of a nuling trying to recapture his heritage by having holes (and the general idea that the old changelings actually might've looked good before they were fucking bastardised, and this being at least partially acknowledged in-world) is interesting and neat, nor have I ever really seen this tackled before
However it's a 2k word story and still manages to somehow have a fucking side-plot of ocellus x smolder romance for whatever fucking reason
Also the final tone seems very moralizing and seems to go somewhere along the lines of "umm judging by appearance bad ok? you can make yourself look ugly intentionally and that's beautiful :)" which is just icky

My guess is that you don't see this kind of thing "done well" because authors who actually like (normal) changelings will simply avoid post-S6, and especially S8-9, as a setting. And since this premise depends on it being S8, it simply will never be done well, so fair enough.

Don't think it deserves a proper >review, but just wanted to post some thoughts on it

>>40333275
>>40333331
Honestly, I like stygian, I thought he was interesting however I didn't like the retcon the pillars brought, especially with hollow shades since that was supposed to be a Bat Pony or at least theorized as being one

>>40333918
I'm happy with that since bat ponies are cringe

>>40333646
We made a pretty big deal about it the first time he read straight up clop

>first chapter was a blast to write, over 2k words in one day
>second chapter is an absolute drag, barely getting through with no feeling of accomplishment
I just have to keep at it, right, anons?

>>40334074
Do what I do, shelve it for months then dig it up and give it a rushed conclusion.

>>40333950
What about gay clop?

>>40333926
Bat ponies are not cringe, You're cringe

>>40334165
Gay Clop makes my wiener hard

>>40333918
I'm a faggot who prefers most headcanon over whatever canon the later seasons brought.

>>40334214
Me too

>>40334214
How brave and controversial.

>>40334178
I don't think it should be like that. You may be overcooking your wiener.

I keep having trouble reconciling efficient writing with compelling character work. I try to develop characters and emotional situations through conversation and interaction but they always feel meandering, whereas when I read other people they seem to be able to get across a lot in only a few lines. I also have the problem of writing a lot of questions and answers in the conversation and that feels a little unnatural. Any advice on how to overcome these problems?

>>40334468
Read more in a critical manner.

>>40334178
i love coltcuddling so much it's unbelievable
not gay tho

>>40334588
It's not gay to begin with

>>40334808
Is it gay at the end?

>>40335137
No

I need fics where stallions have raw, intimate, and tender love together.

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>>40333663
That's what the >discuss command is for, you know. Also, it's kinda weird that however overtly moralizing the ending tone was, you seem to have missed the moral.
Ocellus never says why she hates Hyaline "wearing" holes, but my interpretation of it is not that she thinks Hyaline is ugly. The nulings hate what Hyaline is doing because they hate their heritage, they hate being reminded of the bad times. The moral at the end was that they shouldn't hate Hyaline for reminding them of their own heritage, even if they hate the reminder.

Also, https://www.fimfiction.net/story/542666/holes#comment/11699373 breaks down the primary failure of the story, which is that it fails to address Ocellus and the nulings entirely legitimate, inarticulate rage at Hyaline. Hyaline doesn't understand what he is representing by "wearing" holes, and apparently doesn't even care to understand, nor that what he's doing distresses his hivemates, usually a lot.

>>40335222
That's kinda what I was getting at, yeah, just poorly phrased. "It's ok to pull whatever shit you want, and 'express yourself' in ways that piss of everyone around you; and it's everyone else's job to smile and nod at you for being stunning and brave."

>>40334468
Have you ever noticed how rare it is for characters in a show (any show) to say goodbye to each other? If they do, it's to set up something, like two characters staying behind to say something to each other about the one who just left.

Goodbyes are boring, so good writing skips them. A lot of boring stuff happens in real life. Just skip it. Skip it all, and skip it everywhere. Only show the reader the good stuff. If a scene starts slow, skip the start and jump to the middle. If a scene ends slow, skip the end and stop in the middle. If the reader needs to know something that happened in the boring parts, tell instead of show.

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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/542676/prometheus
Prometheus is a Dark 1,7k story. In it, Twilight learns about the horrors of Big Pharma.
You may notice the wordcount is quite small. It is. This leads to what the author acknowledges as "unconventional layout/p{u}nctuation". By which it means, big blocks of text that include several speakers, narration, introspection, and transitions.
Messy? Perhaps. Unreadable? Certainly not.
I'm willing to put my hand in the fire for this story. I feel the paragraphs flow in a way that make an engaging read.
Granted, I don't think this style would work on an average length story, but I think the writing was interesting.
How about the plot?
It's alright. There's this new revolutionary drug that manages to cure some severe ailments. And the company came out of nowhere. And this is their very first product. How curious. I'm sure the way they acquire their resources is a hundred percent ethical. Eeyup.
Anyway, the ending is the biggest downside of the story. It's good in concept. And to a degree, the execution is alright. But it's just too fast. Twilight finds out Hippotech is harvesting human livers for enzymes, and this leads to over six thousand ponies being saved every year.
She's horrified, but realises the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Still she has a moment of reluctance and regret. But then the story is over.
Eh... That's kinda lame. Even more so considering all the elements for a more impactful ending are there.
Then again, any deeper exploration would've turned this into a far longer story. Which I would've liked to read.
In the end, while I wouldn't call this a great story, or anything, I still think it's a worthwhile read that does some interesting things.

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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/87224/all-about-rarity

All About Rarity is a 200k Dark Romantic Tragedy. In this story, Rarity is obsessed with achieving the fairytale life of her dreams. Despite her (new) relationship with AJ, she begins an affair with Shining Armor soon after the royal wedding and things spiral from there.
More than anything, I think the epilogue pushes the flaws of this story out into the open. That's jumping ahead a little, but I do think it needs to be addressed. It's... pretty verbose with its writing at times but overall readable. It does have quite a few errors, though.

Rarity is an absolute nutjob in this. Within the story, she:
>Constantly cheats on AJ
>Spreads tons of slander about Cadance within upper social circles (and is also willing to be tribalist toward EPs)
>Threatens to lie and tell RD that FS molested her while she was drunk just to keep FS from telling anyone about her affair with SA
>Drops a fucking chandelier on a pregnant Cadance
>She was, in addition to that, perfectly fine with both Cadance and her foal dying in the emergency surgery that would need to be done after she was taken to the hospital
>Goes batshit and starts a fire in a room full of ponies

So yes. Nutty. As such, when the story tries to make you pity her it just... doesn't work. What gets set up/revealed for why she's the way she is just does not eclipse her being such a reptilian.

That isn't only an issue for Rares. The reasoning for Shining being willing to cheat on Cadance (within the very year they got married) is... strange. He's not comfortable getting intimate with Cadance in the way he is with Rarity so he cheats because he uh... loves his wife so much and doesn't want to sully her? He just has a very warped few of intimacy and I wish this was touched on more.
To speak of Cadance... uh. She's forgiving. WAY too forgiving, to the point it's legitimately mind-boggling. Rarity reveals the affair? Oh, she's known for a while, she just didn't want to say anything and risk upsetting things. But, now that things are out in the open, "could you please stop sleeping with my husband?"

Never in the story does Cadance show even an iota of hatred, or disgust at what Rarity did to her. It's painting her in the light of a truly loving, willing-to-understand person but ffs. This is the same mare that is responsible for you ending up in the hospital and risking the chance of dying in surgery, both you AND your foal dying in surgery, or your foal dying or being born with brain damage. They both turn out fine but she quite sincerely was not hoping for that. Some contempt, please, even just a glower or something.

But ultimately I can look past that, because the ending does, at least, leave Rarity miserable and exiled, for a time, from Equestria. She ruined her chance at a happy life with AJ, destroyed her own name, and hurt all her friends, just because she couldn't let go of some childhood dream.

(1/2)

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>>40335498
>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/87224/all-about-rarity

Then the epilogue comes and gives her a happy ending. Three years later, she returns to Ponyville, having fulfilled her mandatory three-year exile and (somehow) paying off her debt of two million bits. She heads to SAA, AJ sees her through the window. AJ rushes to her and takes her into her loving embrace.
If the story had gone in different directions, I would not have minded this epilogue. But as it stands...

It tries, a lot, to make it seem that Rarity has good inside her that is trapped beneath an unhealthy obsession. But too often do we see just how disgusting a person she is. Thinking about SA while getting intimate with AJ, callously thinking she could kill FS when she comes and tells her that she saw her cheating on AJ, the way she'll read ponies and adjust her behavior to manipulate them accordingly. Because of all that, something like this just doesn't work. It already requires a loooot of suspension of disbelief to read about this version of Rares, but I was willing to do so under the assumption she'd get her comeuppance. The ending was already just 'okay' in my eyes, but the epilogue just... yeah. Happy when it shouldn't have been. To compare it to another story, just like Subjunctive.

In the end, this is a story about an unwell, obsessive Rarity starting an affair with a Shining Armor that has a very unhealthy view of sex, and includes a one-note, love-blind AJ and a Cadance that seems to value Rarity's 'friendship' over every other thing in her life. It's a pretty wild ride, all things considered. I can't say I liked it as a whole, but I was able to read it and not drop it.

Oh! Pinkie. Pinkamena, I should say. Probably the funniest thing in the fic. 'Pagliacci', the author referred to her as, and reading her dialogue/internal thoughts was just... lol.

(2/2)

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>>40335507
>spoiler
I warned you about the last chapter, bro; I told you, dawg.
unless you're >>34004018 in which case fuck you for not warning me

>>40335587
Indeed you did. Boy, what a strange experience that whole fic was.

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>>40333644
>let's post the filly depravity line chart
If you say so.

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>>40334808

post the gayest fics you have

>>40335710
That would be the OP: >>40328362

I am putting wingblades into my fic unironically.
It will work because the monsters are made out of darkness so they have no physical bodies to stop the blades and the blades are made out of light.

>>40335732
dear sweet celestia

>>40335732
Based.

>>40335344
Let me guess, they kill in the process.
Liver can fully regrow from very small portion remaining, either 25% or 10%, don't recall exactly. Harvesting liver is fine, harvesting liver whole is unethical.

>>40335814
No, the fic gets that right. They harvest a little at a time from unwilling human donors.

>>40335821
Inefficient. There'd be plenty of volunteers for the sake of mares if they'd just asked.

>>40335833
based marefucking schizo

>>40335498
>>40335507
Sounds like the worst kind of wreck. I really hate it when an author tries to write all the elements of a tragedy, including the self destructive flaws of its protagonist only to backtrack and make everything okay at the end. The more disastrous the protagonist the more dire his ending should be. The way you were describing the story made it seem like something along the lines of Madame Bovary, which would have been very intriguing, but then the story seems to go off the rails quickly. Pity.

>>40336309
agreed, the whole point of tragedy is to illustrate the failure to succeed despite one's best efforts
nothing is cheaper than trying to illustrate that and then going "oh but it's actually ok" via accident of fate because the author flinches away from some essential aspect of existence

>>40335269
That's pretty good advice. I write every conversation with a purpose in mind, something to be accomplished in the exchange. I suppose I might be trying to hard to avoid looking like a stage play. I like reading older stuff and in those conversations could go on for a long time, touching on mang subjects and character moments, but maybe I'm not cut out for that style.

here's a GOAT'd tip for all you:
drop those "she said" "he asked" "she said, (action) things
if it's just two characters talking, your dialogue should be enough to differentiate between the two characters. only include "s/he said/asked/interjected" etc when it's a break from the conversation or to interject action
compare:
>"Oh, I don't know about that," Twilight said, rolling her eyes.
>Fluttershy looked away, and frowned before saying, "I think that's the right thing to do."
vs
>"Oh, I don't know about that." Twilight rolled her eyes.
>Fluttershy looked away and frowned. "I think that's the right thing to do."

>>40336334
That is one way of making a tragedy. My favorite variant is the one in which the protagonist's own character flaws are at odds with their objective and what keeps them from realizing it in a satisfactory way. IMO it's more engaging when they are the architects of their own hell. That fanfic seemed like a good opportunity for that, but to have the protagonist getting away with it just makes the whole exercise feel pointless. You can have the main character succeed, but then the tragedy tends to reflect on the setting, on the environment that allows such people to thrive, such as in Nightcrawler, for example. If here Rarity is forgiven by the Element of Honesty for her deception and honestly abhorrent behavior the whole thing feels like an endorsement that makes everyone else look just as bad as its protagonist.

>>40335498
>>40335507
Reminder that she's NOT Rarity and doesn't come even close to the real Rarity. It's just a mentally ill mare who took the name of Rarity and exaggerated the original's flaws. Take solace in that, anon.

>>40336446
It's actually very, very funny that you say that because in the fic she changed her name. Her real name is actually Lapis Lazuli, and, just for the kicker, her parents from the show are just her foster parents. She's not even blood-related to them, or Sweetie Belle.

>>40336446
What the fuck? Please elaborate.

>>40336472
Yeah, I read the fic. Making her NOT Rarity actually brought me relief, and I can laugh at her for being such an over-melodramatic bitch that the real Rarity will find it cringe. But this made the fic look bad because it's not about Rarity; it's about a crazy, desperate mare who impersonates Rarity, making the impact of the Mane 6 relationship with her pointless after what they have gone through together in the show.
>>40336475
Read the fic anon.

>>40336486
>I read the fic
Ah, of course. But yep, crazy how it ultimately doesn't actually have much of anything to do with 'Rarity', kek.

>>40336512
Too bad it's quite an old fic. I would've asked the author to add bloopers or alternate endings where the real Rarity shows up and punts that despicable hag into oblivion for hurting her friends.

>>40336381
I agree with the principle, but imo both of those examples can work. The former is for a 'slower' scene where adding a bit of extra time between the characters' speech adds to the impact, while the latter works in general.

>>40335498
>>40335507
Sounds extremely fucking kino.

>>40335169
but it can get gay in the middle. if that's what you want, i mean.

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>>40335507

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>>40335684
Oh I remember that thread kek
Has filly fucked a horse yet?

>>40337015
I wonder why Rainbow Dash's cutiemark ended up being the site's logo.

>>40337036
The old site used to have it switch between different cutie marks.

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>>40337036
because it's 20% cooler that way. duh!

>>40337036
I think it makes sense in a way. While obviously Twilight is more associated with books, it's Dash who really gets into reading despite originally being against it, which I think is a pretty common story with fanfiction.

>>40337036
It represents the readers' IQ.

>>40337252
That's unfair to RD.

>>40338102
RD would totally be into HiE.

>>40338249
she's something of a xenophile, it's true

>>40338262
She's canonically racist.

>>40338320
not against griffons

>>40338249
RD would write fanfics about Daring Do finding an ancient long lost race known as humans.

>>40338353
With a clop sequel on an alt account.

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>>40335636
Of the author's many betrayals, the one that struck me the hardest was Fluttershy's ignorance, I thought she was playing along for the trip, but suddenly nope!

>>40338336
Specifically against griffons.
>realizes her best griffon friend was a cunt
>proceeds to hate all griffons and refer to them as an inherently shitty race afterwards
She's right, though. Gabby's autistic, she doesn't count. The only creatures that are bigger assholes than griffons are dragons with yaks closely behind.

>>40338386
Gilda was only a cunt because Dash was a cunt too.

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>>40338423
Yeah, it's a wonder how Flutters avoided getting corrupted by her.

>>40338433
Fics for this feel?

>>40338498
I don't think I've ever seen a fic where Gilda befriended Flutters instead. Would make for a fun AU.

>>40338520
there's this thing:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/82184/fluttershy-gets-filled-a-lewd-lyric

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>>40336909
Fucking lel

>>40338370
>Fluttershy's ignorance
Yep. That, more than anything else, soured the hell out of the fic for me. Utterly horrible, with the whole mess that was the pirates coming just before. The whole back half is just a real mess.

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just for fun

>>40338761
Gee, thanks. You, and >>40328706 too
Now we only need one more to complete the schizo triumvirate

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>>40339053
no, thank you. I could probably explain the story. it's a screenshot challenge that I accepted, write a short story based on a screencap obviously. the screen is immediately after the roar gilda does in the street. it looks like gilda is eating her lol

it's also from a longer one that I wrote, several "grampa gruff tales", yeah

>>40335732
Based and action scene pilled.

>>40335833
>You get to have sex with this cute mare, but we get to harvest 90% of your liver for the miracle enzymes
Would certainly be a new spin on the prostitute clopfic genre. Each sequel gets progressively more extreme in the organ donation as the mares get cuter and cuter.

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since you liked that, I'll post the original story

The Tale of the Hungry Griffon

1

"Gather round, griffs young and old!" Grampa Gruff croaked once again.

There were four griffons already present, including Gilda, and
there was no other griffon in sight in Griffonstone, the desolate
place they called home.

Gilda decided she'd better get back to the kitchen and bake
some scones. It was late, and she was getting hungry.

"Yeah, I'mma sit this one out." she said, strutting away from
the fire they were sat around.

Grampa Gruff watched Gilda as her backside wobbled off into
the darkness, then turned back to face his small audience.

"Today, I shall tell thee the story of Glinda, the hungriest
griffon in all of Griffonstone. Her feasts in Ponyland have
become legendary!"

He began the tale.

One day, Glinda was visiting Pony Town near the center of
Ponyland hoping to find some superior cuisine. As she was
strolling along, a yellow mare was walking backwards for some
reason, and bumped into Glinda. She was Flutter Pie, a pony who
lived in Pony Town.

"Hey, watch it! I'm walkin' here!" Glinda bellowed.

The pegasus pony recoiled in terror.
"I'm s-sorry.." Flutter Pie said.

Glinda groaned. "I'm starving, the crummy pony food in this
place isn't good enough. I can't find anything decent to eat!"

Glinda looked up and down at the pony.
"Say, aren't you one of those magical mane ponies or
whatever?"

"y-yes.." Flutter Pie replied. "I... I represent the symbol of
kindness."

"Kindness, you say?" Glinda tapped a clawed finger on her
beak. "well, I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse. How bout it?"

"Well I... I don't really know, I suppose I could... um.." Flutter Pie
stuttered. She was an expert tamer of dangerous animals, but
she had never beheld the magnificent griffon up close before.
Glinda could smell Flutter Pie's sexual excitement.

The griffon's intimidating form moved closer to the transfixed
mare. Before Flutter Pie had finished speaking, Glinda's huge head
was hanging over her, the beak opening.

Huge gobs of saliva dropped from Glinda's mouth in long, stringy
pieces onto the ground. As Flutter Pie stood before the massive,
expanding beak, her cunt began throbbing in anticipation. She felt
an overwhelming urge to feed the griffon.

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>>40339295

2

The townsponies watched in disbelief as Flutter Pie agreed to
become Glinda's meal. Lowering her head, she offered herself to
it and waited for the inevitable.

Flutter Pie could smell the warm stench of Glinda's breath as the
beak slowly enveloped her head, preparing to swallow her whole.
She could hear the whistling sound of Glinda breathing through
her nose as the darkness surrounded her. Flutter Pie reached her
hoof down between her legs and rubbed her mound desperately.
As she was being pulled down inside, Flutter Pie came inside Glinda's
mouth, and her fluids squirted out with some force directly onto the
griffon's tongue.

Glinda swallowed down Flutter Pie and the bitter, pissy tasting juices
whole all together in one gulp. "mmmm, cheeky!" she commented, with
a chef's kiss and a large belch.

Doodle, Oodle, and Wet Noodle, the three pasta ponies of Pony Town
all fainted in unison.
"L'orrore ...la orrore!" said Doodle.

Glinda then took off, her meal weighing her down greatly, and her
wings beat even more mightily. She landed on a cloud, and laid down
on her back, spreading her body out lazily.
"Time for a nap." Glinda thought. She fell asleep happily, wondering
how she was able to lay on top of clouds without falling through.

The next morning, Glinda predictably felt her guts rumbling loudly.
"That time again.." She said aloud.
Glinda headed to the place of her satisfying meal, to take an equally
satisfying dump.

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>>40339314

3

As Glinda touched down on the exact spot where Flutter Pie had been
standing, her wings blew things everywhere like a helicopter,
much to the dismay of the townsponies.

Lowering herself down on her clawed hands, she raised her muscular
hind quarters proudly and spread her huge wings so that everypony
around could witness her brilliance. Glinda's anus began being forced
open by the truly epic griffon log that she was about to lay down.
The huge hunk of shit was halfway out of Glinda's massively stretched
asshole.

"HHHHHNNNNNNGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" Glinda growled, her face
turning bright red.

THUD! After twenty seconds of heaving, the over-sized lump of dung
was finally expelled from Glinda's sore, tortured hole. Her sphincter
twitched and throbbed gratefully as it slowly closed.

"Aaaaahhhhh..." Glinda sighed with relief.
"Sometimes you just gotta get it out!" she said smugly, then flew
away somewhere.

The stink of Glinda's filthy ass was making the townsponies eyes
water. They looked sadly at the huge, solid fecal load that had once
been their friend and fellow townspony Flutter Pie.

Grampa Gruff had reached the end of his tale.

"They learned a lesson," he coughed. "That day, the ponies of Pony
Town, I tell thee they learned a lesson. That no measure of "Kindness"
can satisfy a truly hungry griffon! As the townsponies watched the
vast griff turd slowly dry in the sun and degenerate into mere dust
in the course of the following week, they cursed the foolishness of their
kindness, and they all lived miserably ever after! The end!"

>>40338532
I ended up having a laugh with this.
I kinda wish there was more clop in verse out there.

How would you write a world full of just alicorns and none of the "regular" ponies

>>40339439
Prior to pony Tower of Babel.

>>40339330
Go neck yourself.

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I read Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn. Haven't read a full original fiction novel in a while, and I've enjoyed the author's previous works, and fuck me if I'm going to /lit/.
It's about a Chicago reporter who travels back to her hometown in the countryside to cover the murders of two little girls who had their teeth removed post-mortem.
It was pretty good. A lukewarm review, but it's hard to encompass the many heights and deep lows of the narrative in a succinct manner.
Sharp Objects is nowhere near as gruesome as what the summary may suggest. In fact, the more hard hitting scenes have nothing to do with the murders. The core of the story is Camille Preaker's personal issues as well as her strained relationship with her mother and the town of Wind Gap.
The story carries this raw melancholic feel through its pages. Camille feels out of place both in Chicago and in Wind Gap, barely able to relate to anyone in either city, and the few with whom she does can hardly be called healthy relationships.
The crime mystery side of the story is sparse. Camille follows the police investigation, and tries to uncover a few leads of her own. However, those serve more to flesh out the town and its idiosyncrasies as well as the family of the victims which, in turn, further paint a picture of the stagnant nature of Wind Gap.
Upon further consideration, that's a good way of describing the book. Suffocating. Smothering. Like lifeless air. Not only in its ambiance, but in the nature of several key characters. More specifically, Camille's mother. Adora Preaker.
She's probably my favourite character, as well as the one I despise the most. She presents this aura of elegance, proper of a high class woman, while an aura of possessiveness and control exudes from every action she takes.
The plot is good. The setting is good. The mood is good. The characters are good. What isn't?
I'd say the pacing. I like slow paced stories, but when I'd read through two thirds of the book and there hadn't been any progress on the investigation, I was afraid we'd end up with a non-resolution. Thankfully, that doesn't happen. What we get is a speedrun of a good ending.
The last three chapters needed to be at least twice as long. There are moments where there are plot related reasons for things to speed up, but that sprint in the last segment of the book didn't do it any favours. Quite the contrary, actually, as it lessens the impacts of a few last revelations.
I still enjoyed the book. I think it's pretty good. I recommend it, for sure, with a few caveats regarding the content. Nevertheless, Gone Girl is still Gillian's better story. I'll have to read Dark Places and see how that one fares.
Tying it back to pony, are there any good crime ponyfics?

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>>40339491
oh did it hurt your fee-fees

>>40339439
Like I do, hoping to not create a trainwreck in the process

>>40339439
dowas

>>40337036
it's probably the most iconic cutie mark, regardless of what you think about the pony

>>40339597
>are there any good crime ponyfics?
obligatory Starlight Over Detrot

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>>40340542
In addition to this, it has a lot more aesthetic synergy with the logo than any of the other M6 cutie marks.

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Oh no no no no...

>>40340560
Obligatory
>anything that isn't a million+ words long?

>>40340613
>eqg
And nothing of value was lost.

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>>40340613
>Pinkie wants to fuck Twilight's brother
lol

>>40340632
Are you implying that's some sort of reason to dismiss it?

>>40340613
What's that from?

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>>40340811
Yeah, it's not like there's any way to tell.

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>>40340613
>ayy Rarity is a genuine and unironical dragon/dogfucker
Somehow EQGfags got even more fucked than finalefags.

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>>40340818
russian shill detected

>>40340853
It's the default 4chanx config

>>40340821
Rarity confirmed for white.

>>40340853
I don't care whose tool is it, yandex's image search is far better than the alternatives. It actually finds the image, which is something google image NEVER gets right.
The other links are sometimes good, but only for weebshit.

>>40340649
Shining Pie fics when?

Any advice on how to write grimdark without fucking up? I want to describe horrific imagery and situations without coming across as a tryhard but I don't want to downplay how bad they are.

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>>40341293
You've already fucked up, but you might be able to fuck up less if you do it the way DoWaS does it.

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>>40341293
Fungeranon asked something really similar a few threads ago, it might help you too.

>>40341323
>Fungeranon
That's what they're calling me? I like it.BTW I'm 9433 words in already. I might start editing the first chapter soon and share it for feedback, or maybe I should just keep writing.

>>40341293
What if the protagonist was genuinely a good pony and them seeing horrific things is amplified by their good character

>>40341439
Working on that.

i'm gonna do it i'm gonna post another fic
OH GOOOOOD IM POOOOOOOOOOOSTIN

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Just finished "Hinterlands" and Rambling Writer didn't disappoint, what an awesome story. I loved the characters and really grew attached to them, and the plot was quite riveting, especially in the second part of the story. Definitely recommend to everyone ITT. And yes, if you want to read the story, DO NOT look at the description of the sequel "Urban wilds", it contains heavy spoilers of some major plot points.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/429737/hinterlands

Do you guys know of any similar fics? I've already read "the needle" from the same author (also a great story) and put the hinterlands sequel into my RiL list.

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>>40341502
You didn't really say what it's about, but I see some similarities in the description to https://www.fimfiction.net/story/473890/horse-of-the-rising-sun

The long description for this fic is basically unrelated to the fic's contents.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/473890/horse-of-the-rising-sun#comment/10793771
Plum pony and a powerful unicorn venture into the frozen north to find a lost monastery. After finding them, the denizens of the monastery think they're the last surviving ponies. The adventuring duo bring in windigoes accidentally, there is a dramatic survival/fight plot. Basically everything ends happily.

>>40341502
>>40341553
>You didn't really say what it's about
Yes, i hoped for the recommendations of people who've read it and know what it's about but i really should've described it a bit more.

Essentially it's a story about a group of bounty hunters following a necromancer in the lands far north, beyond the borders of Equestria. As the story goes on you realize that not everything is as simple as that, and there may be more to those bounty hunters and the necromancer than you'd initially think. The story contains a couple interesting plot twists. It also constantly switches perspective between the necromancer and different bounty hunters, so you slowly begin to piece together the whole picture as the plot progresses.

>>40341342
Do both.

>>40341502
>it contains heavy spoilers of some major plot points.
I love Rambling's stuff, but he's really bad for doing this. "Gloaming" did the same thing. I quite enjoyed that one, too, though. It's a pretty easy recommend from me if you liked "Hinterlands"

Hailey is back, so where are her posts?

>>40341598
I think I'll finish chapter 2 first, then edit the first one and show it off here. Then I'll go between working on a new chapter and editing a previous one before uploading. I'd love to pass them all through here, but I feel that would reduce my viewercount significantly so I'll just do it a few times.

>>40341981
>I feel that would reduce my viewercount significantly
It's unlikely that many anons itt would follow past the first/second chapter in the first place. Posting a chapter or two at once is fine, but past that it's probably better to just post on fimfic and make an occasional shill post here.

>>40339439
It would probably have to be one of those "fall from decadence" lore origin things, since a SoL/Comedy/whatever just begs the "why not just make them regular ponies?" question.

>>40339597
>murder mystery in a small town
>it's actually about mommy issues and neighbor drama
Honestly, sounds shit. Either write the boring SoL fic about how much you hate your small town upbringing, or write a suspenseful murder mystery.

>any good crime ponyfics?
These City Walls, and that's been dead for over a decade. There is not a single other good crimefic on Fimfiction, owing to writers' fear of doing OCs and having to awkwardly shove in the M6 to the role. I've scoured the entire Thriller and Mystery groups and come up bone dry.

Do Changelings Dream of Twinkling Stars? is the closest, but that's more of a conspiracy mystery fic than a crimefic. There's also a few oneshots that are okay (Curse, Bless Me Now; I, Witness), but don't scratch the itch that well.

>>40340613
>sticker book merch
Don't forget to put AJ's pickup truck in your next fic.

>>40340649
>>40341135
I just realized there aren't any Shining Pie 1 on 1 fics.

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>>40341293
You are already deviating by wanting to write grimdark ponies. This is simply something you must accept before moving forward. Even at its darkest, when ponies are at their lowest with a scene that references underage ponies signing up for a draft, the ponies still ultimately end up fighting by having slap-fights and bouncing on top of eachother in the Sombra War Timeline.
>"B-but what about the villains and their terrible plans!?"
The villains exist solely to get trounced by the protagonists a mere episode or two after their introduction, never being allowed to do anything substantial, and nobody dies during their brief reign or assault. There is also a tonal and conceptual difference between "Vague plan for world domination" from a cartoon ancient evil and "I really love personally, viscerally dismembering ponies and raping children."

I find there to be a couple approaches to grimdark:
>Ponies are unaltered, and have a terrible situation thrust upon them and react to it as they would in the show. This is probably the most reasonable one. It requires no changes to how ponies work and how their world functions, but you are somewhat limited and need clever solutions to various problems.
>Ponies are now terrible. Something in the past or a series of events has caused them to change from happy and nice to being more 'human' and prone to rape and murder. You are required to figure out how to approach this if you want to write something like FO:E for example, where ponies fighting is necessary to the narrative, but you want to keep the spirit somewhat intact. You NEED a sensible understanding of how to get from A to B for this. Not just "I think this makes sense", but does it ACTUALLY work?
>Ponies were always terrible. Little explanation is given besides basic human reasoning with no 'evolution' from A to B. You literally don't care. Just a cynical outlook on the show and ponies, making them brutal and callous 'behind the scenes' because 'thats just how the world works' going against what we see in the show.

I think there is a lot of value in contrasting the optimism and kindness of the show, and how clueless ponies would be in the fact of REAL tragedy or violence, and this should be worked with to create a compelling and heart wrenching narrative. You could also just not care, because a lot of fans clearly do not.
Some people take the show at face value, some follow the behind-the-scenes implications to forge new ideas or expand upon the world, and others extrapolate bizarre conclusions like "Well an economy exists so somewhere there's a rich pony molesting children just like real life!"

Maybe ponies are forced to fight unrelenting monsters, but they RUN AWAY because they are prey animals, largely pacifistic, and are built for it. Or you excuse them fighting back because these creatures are terrible and they are merely defending themselves. Figure out something according to your goals and understanding/ perspective of canon.

>>40340560
I still remember NMMfag talking about how it stole its ending from Project Horizons. I haven't read either but even though he was wrong about the stealing part it sharing enough similarities to be comparable makes it sound like retarded anime marvel shit anyways.

>>40342609
>slap-fights and bouncing on top of eachother in the Sombra War Timeline
Nopony was fighting to kill or even harm, in that case. Sombra wanted more fresh bodies to enslave. The ponies were fighting their mind-controlled loved ones. They were all fighting to distract and subdue, not beat anyone to death.

>>40342556
>"why not just make them regular ponies?"
Alicorns are ideals. Whatever their cutie mark is in, they're going to be the best at it. It's like "why use Twilight Sparkle, instead of an ordinary unicorn?": It's so the screw-ups can be bigger and better.

>>40343124
Over a Barrel, then, which is their version of a frontier town raided by indians. They gunfight by throwing pies in a battle where very important things are on the line for both sides that they care about complete with play-acted 'deaths'.

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>discuss https://www.fimfiction.net/story/542851/and-they-all-cheered-my-name
I've already expressed a fairly strong disinterest in Treetops' work, but I figured, what the hell, here's a story without a [Human] or [Anon] tag, let's have a look. It's still post-S9, but whatever, one can give that much benefit of the doubt.
It actively irritates me how nice the core concept is compared to the execution. Twiggles visits Celestia because she needs advice—because of an uncaring choice she made, some random schmuck got his house burned down, killing his wife and leaving him jobless, which caused him to resort to muggings, until he accidentally kills a pony in self-defence. All this ends up being too much for him and he confesses his crimes to Twilight in prison. So far so contrived, but still, the idea of her having to do justice in a situation where in a way she's guilty too and not knowing what to do is *nice*. So is the idea that Luna didn't snap because she wasn't as liked as Celestia, but because ponies actively wanted her to be more like her sister and when Cellie herself echoed that sentiment, Luna went over the edge. I also like that Celestia wasn't mourning her sister just for the fact that she had to banish her, but also because she wasn't able to properly explain it to her subjects that it's really all of their faults and especially her own.
However!
Holy fuck, even putting to the side how ridiculously contrived the circumstances are to make both Twiggles and the murderer guilty but also not guilty, the way Celestia's confession is handled is so irritating. For one the sheer melodrama really takes away from the moment's seriousness. See picrel, you can so easily imagine the "dun dun duuun" sound effect after it. And for two it implies that through all that one thousand years she never actually tried to rectify all this, "Welp, they didn't listen to me during my initial address, I guess I'll bottle this up forever and never bring it up again." I'm convinced RT didn't intend this impression about her, but that's really how the whole thing came off. Not to mention the whole thing ends with Twilight just going "Hey, now I know what to do!" "What?" "You'll see ^:))))))" and the story ends almost immediately afterwards.
I'm a sucker for "heavy is the head" stories, but still the fact that people are eating this mess up and praising its apparent nuances is baffling. The prose tries hard to be colourful, but comes off as almost AI written in its rigidity and while there is a good concept here with ideas that are a genuinely good spin on the intro myth of the show, it's held back so hard by an author who's clearly only really experienced in writing le funny green man shortfics.

>>40343211
Shows well if you have enough followers, anything can get featured.
But kudos for him at least trying to write something without that green motherfucker. Perhaps one day, he will become a normal horsewords writer.

>>40341293
Just treat atrocity appropriately and have characters react to it how they should and I doubt anyone will really mind.

>>40342609
Great post, I appreciate your input in all its detail and scope. I have in mind a combination of the first two . Ponies will be rougher and more prone to conflict because of circumstances beyond their control (mainly setting and time period) but for the most part they'll be fighting monsters rather than other ponies. I want to keep an underlying theme of hope against hardship and the struggle for a better world amongst the tragedy, so maybe it will work. Thanks, anon.
>>40343359
Not bad advice either, thank you. That's what I was hoping to do too.

>>40343448
Thanks. I hope it helped. I am interested in writing a post-apocalyptic pony setting despite my strong respect for keeping things in line with the show. This has caused a fair bit of dissonance in my mind and lead me to think about this topic a lot. My understanding is not yet perfect as I have yet to formulate some kind of guide document consolidating my ideas and discussing with friends about these ideas. Good luck with your own endeavors.

>>40342565
Time to fix that. Homewrecker Pie sounds based.

>>40343477
The post apocalypse can take on many forms that are fitting within the show's setting. One of my favorite examples is Fading Time (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/518459/fading-time)
I also wrote a post apocalypse one that was well received, although it came with quite a few caveats that justified it being the way it was. So it can be done without losing track of the show's themes.
>Good luck with your own endeavors.
Thanks, you too.

>>40343554
>also wrote
Link it or no balls.

>it's an early fandom fic
>it's a CMC and tree sap joke
Just fucking end me.

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>>40343588
Sorry, anon, we tried to end you but just covered you in tree sap!

>>40343575
I shared it when it first went up through here, it might be a little awkward doing it again, but okay.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/330054/the-victor.

>>40343591
I'd fuck every living thing in that picture.

>>40343634
giant poodle moth is not for sexual

>it's an otherwise serious fic
>but if you read together the first letter of every chapter title, it spells "die tranny"
I'm a troll genius

Why can't I write anything original and I am only interested in horsewords?

>>40343747
I checked mine and the last few chapters spell out "CBT CP".

>>40343826
CBT does draw foalcon, close enough I guess.

What is your favorite alternate MLP universe?

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>>40344135
Apotheverse is my favorite of many beloved but untagged AUs.
TEL if it has to be tagged: not many important things are lost in the AU, and many more good things were added to cover the loss.

>>40343747
reported

>>40343514
It really does.

>>40331877
>>40331468
Isn't being a girl the most extreme form of erectile disfunction?

>>40328994
I tried SallyAnne Parks a while ago. I only lasted a few chapters. It was too focused on the plot without anything else going on.

What was the solution to the mystery anyway? I didn't like the time travel hints.

'Twilight's tiny twily tulpa' has a nice ring to it.
>/FSSBC/
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/94526/twilights-plan (part 1/3)
I was presented with this fic, and I was expecting it to be some alright cloppy romcom, and I figured that would be an atypical but not unpleasant club read and it's not like the main one will ever read something this sex heavy. I will say that it's fortunate for this story that we read LLTE not too long ago and the memory of what a truly awful fic is like is fresh in my mind. ToD's memory is still fresher however, and it does this one no favours.
There's some bits I like, sure. The comedy is nice when it's not winding up a punchline too long to not make you see it coming and get bored. The whole origin of nightmares sequence was really nice and I'd even say fitting for a Tuna fic. The sex gets repetitive but I've read worse. It could have been a passable fic.
But there's so much dragging it down. Typos are abundant and worse repeated; the author genuinely thinks you say span instead of spun for example. That's the least of the fic's problems. The tone is all over the place and it keeps shooting itself in the groin. Oh yeah, we just saved AJ from a traumatic nightmare about the death of her family, let's talk about the shibari fetish she got as a kid from reading a misplaced book and give her a sexy dream. That scene honestly feels vomit-inducing disrespectful. FiMC has similar scenes of confronting both trauma and early-developed fetishes and it blows this out of the water, but really it comes down to one of the two main problems this thing has. The pacing is fucked. Far too many scenes are merely told rather than shown. Far too many things happen without being given the proper weight. I'd say it's to get to the sex, but even the sex feels skimmed over at times.
Then there's the other major problem, which is multifaceted and layered, but can mostly be boiled down to: The author has no fucking clue what kink is like irl. I can buy Twilight being inexperienced, but Luna comes across as a fucking clueless idiot in this, which deeply contrasts with her role as wise and ancient and powerful. There are multiple instances of her doing shit to Twilight without establishing boundaries first, and when they actually have The Talk the fic only deigns us with a single paragraph of 'they had The Talk'. So much of what happens in this thing is not okay in a relationship, from the nightmare chase to the first dream sex. And it would be okay if this was porn. Porn has an implicitly different narrative contract with the reader, and understanding that you can enjoy the fucked up stuff in it, and it can choose to be morally wrong and relish in it because both reader and writer have that agreement. This thing presents itself as romance, and then it fucks itself up by being all willy nilly with consent and boundaries. Also, everyone acts like an idiot.
Feel already free to pick what we'll read after this is done:
>https://ponepaste.org/8813

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>>40344453
Haha, what a negative reception! This fic is just so much fun on so many levels for me. Where to start?
I like the positivity in general. Twilight and Luna are so completely dedicated to giving each other the best possible time. They're both very capable of that, although Luna operates on an entirely higher level, and they're not held back by much so the amount of pleasure they can give each other is immense. This fic also could’ve taken the route that Twilight is bad at sex, but it’s even better that it made Twilight not that at it while Luna is much more creative. In my opinion, this fic puts the lie to those periodic notion that lesbian horse sex is boring. It's fun being taken on this ride, for sure. This early in the fic, the source of the conflict between them has not really been laid out yet, but there have been some flags planted. In the meantime, it's just a fun, hot romp.

I love this depiction of Luna. There are only a few indications of her desperation for connection and intimacy. Certainly, they motivate her a lot, but her personality isn't consumed by them. She's so playful and enthusiastic.

The worldbuilding in the story is also superb, on the grand scale level with early Equestria headcanons, the Dreaming and the cosmic sisters' relationship as well as the small scale with goings-on in Ponyville. I really like how many little plot threads are woven into the story and spread across chapters: the life cycle of Rarity's fainting divan, and the various pieces of knowledge that Twilight brought back in time with her to help her friends in small ways. The various ways in which the townsponies and reporters interfere with Twilight's affair also help to give a sense that there's a whole Equestria out there continuing to happen alongside the story.

The humor is really excellent, this is easily my favorite comedy on the site. I also like how ruthlessly Spike is disposed of every time he comes up, and it amuses me how much more effective an assistant Lil'Twi is than Spike, despite her being incorporeal.

My only real complaints are the typos, especially the discreet/discrete mixup in one of the chapters. Besides that, the Applejack picnic scene is extremely jarring. It's pretty efficient, and leveraged for half a dozen plot points in the story, but still it generates such an absurd whiplash that it can't be called anything except a blemish. And some vague complaints – this fic uses a “NMM is an external entity” concept, which I don’t like, but it’s mitigated by the fact that the nightmare which consumed Luna is one of her own creation. I’m not sure I can believe that Celestia doesn’t know who Midnight Whispers is, but it never actually matters.

>>40344453
I ran out of characters but seriously: This author has no concept of what normal conversations about sexual topics are actually like. It would be fine if the fic was more overtly a comedy and leaned into the exaggeration, but because it keeps tying itself up in more serious plot elements and reining in the more out there moment it all comes across as extremely stupid. Rarity's divan is treated as the gag it is, until suddenly it isn't. Luna decides that Twilight's illusion GF should be her own secret alter ego and as far as we know she did not tell Twilight about this, and if she did then it's wirtten horribly. The whole wind spirits side plot felt uneeded and odd. But again, the supposed sexual conversations are just the worst. Everyone is just disrespectfully open and curious about things in ways that not even characters in free use AUs are, and Twilight just gives them the time of day instead of being at all defensive of her own privacy. It all feels so extremely off and the supposed serious nature of things ruins it. I would get it if this was a sexual comedy, but the fic doesn't present itself that way, instead it's a comedy with sexual elements that forgets to give the serious parts any kind of respect but doesn't actually have anything comedic happening to balance out the tone. Not until AJ starts crying about her dead parents at least, not that that's given any respect either. I don't want to call the author a male virgin trying to write lesbians and failing, but it's certainly what the whole thing feels like and it's just majorly icky. The averag Tailso' fic has a better grasp of moral standards than this thing and I'm including the purely plotless clop ones.

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>>40344453
>So much of what happens in this thing is not okay in a relationship
>then it fucks itself up by being all willy nilly with consent and boundaries
This fic isn't over so quickly that these complaints of yours are set up and wrapped up in just the first third of the fic. I appreciate how blind Twilight is written to be to these issues, and while I won't claim that Twilight's Plan is intended to be a definitive manual on d/s, I will spoil that Luna's behavior is central to the conflict for the story and it gets addressed, at least to my satisfaction, after this infatuation phase.

I think that you've unnecessarily set yourself up to assume the worst of the author, though.

>>40344465
Oh right, yeah, the whole Nightmare Moon trauma thing is really stupid too, bot how it's suddenly brought up and how Twilight has no tact over it.
I hope you experience sponataneous internal decapitation by the way, it would be a blessing to all those unfortunate enough to have to interact with you. Zaid is less blinded by his love of Twinkie than you are by Tuna and it's staggering to see how brainless you become at reading it. It's hilarious how you suck Numbers's dick about consent in fics but then are here singing the praises of a story where by al means there's a ton of questionable stuff going on, probably because you don't actually want informed consent but just a feel good label to indulge in your kinks without hurting your own feelings. It's odd too to see you 'love' a depiction of Luna as a bumbling idiot with no real concept of how to handle a relationship, but then I suppose you probably lack any real experience there yourself.
Fuck you and see you next week.

>>40344489
>>40344453
Right, next week it's up to and including chapter 16, Flight.

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>>40342609
>>40343448
It's a really basic pitfall, but still the most basic and common one for stories to fall into,
https://old.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/c0i9h8/for_dystopian_worlds_how_grimdark_is_too_grimdark/
>>40341313
Where DoWaS elevates itself by strictly sticking to your first approach, it also falls prey to gratuitous edge. That is, incorporating grimdark elements that don't serve the story but just atmospheric. Repeating over and over how awful the setting is.

>>40332616
I've said this many times in this thread already. I am a native Brit and I didn't get a decent grasp of commas until my final year of university. I still don't have a strong grasp.

>>40344890
Same. Americans seem to be just as bad. Canadians seem to be even worse, but at least they apologise for it.

>>40344896
UK education is a joke. I wish that I could join arguments about how the pegasus live in Rome, but I know fuck all about Rome.

Guess I'll repost this link.
https://www.grumpyoldarchive.co.uk/teaching%20physics.asp

>>40344901
Ancient greece, akshually.
it was a joke even back in the 80s. my maths and science education was godawful; I had to pick it up on my own time, after the fact. I had to pick up a lot of things after the fact... the one absolute truth I learned from all of that is that nobody is going to help you succeed. You have to work for it yourself, in spite of them. It's stupid and it's condemning generations of kids to a life of arrogant ignorance, because they get high marks in subjects they fundamentally don't understand.

>>40344912
I learned the same. I distinctly remember a huge spike in my year 9 Chemistry grade when I stopped trusting the teacher. Unfortunately, by A-Level I learned that the only resource you could trust was the mark scheme of past exams. This was not a good way to learn the subject.

>>40340613
Who the fuck is Vonathan?

>>40344489
I tried warning you guys, but you didn't listen.

>>40344489
Funny how Tunafag didn't react to this post

>>40345723
how will he ever recover

>>40345723
The fewer posts from him the better, no matter the reason.

>>40343793
Because you're based

>>40343514
Nah, Cadence would be totally into it.

>>40346121
Or, if you decide: "REEE! ACW is not canon!", you can have a Piening Armor story without Cadence.

I need some Discoshy please I am a faggot and I want something to make me feel.

>>40346157
>disco shy
Well, alright.

DRAGON — The foul beast slowly turns to face you. Its nostrils waft plumes of dark smoke, that contrast heavily with its pale yellow fangs that it bare at the first sight of your appearance. Glaring through the smoke, its cold, reptilian eyes measure you without the slightest hint of movement, as malice glints in them from the harsh sunlight.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Hard: Success] — With great effort you manage to tear your eyes from the creature in front of you, you glance around and take in your surroundings. Your friends are scattered around you, all of them bruised and slightly singed, but miraculously still well for the most part. Still, their faces speak of defeat and dejection.

EMPATHY — Deep down they all understand now, just as yourself, that this is not a fight they were ready for.

DRAGON — "[Roars]"

ENCYCLOPAEDIA — Though dragon-pony relations have never been a topic that particularly interested you, you still possess quite a bit of knowledge when it comes to animals. And you are very much aware of the fact that dragons are an apex predator. Their sharp claws, fire breath, and sheer size lets them fight nearly any creature with ease. Dragons are said to be carnivores, believed to make no distinction between sapient and non-sapient creatures. Or so you have heard. By the size and looks of it, what you have encountered is a dragon in its prime. And the fact that it's roaring at you implies...

COMPOSURE [Heroic: Failure] — SWEET CELESTIA, WE'RE ALL GONNA BE EATEN HERE. RUN! RUN ALREADY!

YOU — It is all too much. You slump onto the ground. This whole mission was a mistake. You weren't meant to come here. You knew this was too dangerous. It's all over. The world falls into silent darkness.

DARKNESS — ...

But then... Like a spark in pitch black, there is that one little part of you that refuses to go mute.

THAT ONE LITTLE PART — "Is it really time to give up?"

YOU — "There is nothing I can do. I'm too weak, too afraid."

THAT ONE LITTLE PART — "And what would Angel do without you? And the other critters? You've sworn to protect them."

YOU — "They... I..."

THAT ONE LITTLE PART — "And your friends? They have done so much for you. Even now they allowed you to sit this one out, when you're the one who understands animals. They are on the ground now because of you."

>>40346121
That just makes it better.

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>>40346250
AUTHORITY [Godly: Success] — This is it. Give him a piece of you.

YOU — You take a deep breath and let yourself go. "How dare you... How dare you! Listen here, mister. Just because you're big doesn't mean you get to be a bully! You may have huge teeth, and sharp scales, and snore smoke, and breathe fire. But you do not—I repeat—you do not! Hurt! My! Friends! You got that?"

DRAGON — The beast shrinks back from your verbal assault, its chest visibly collapsing from the impact. Its pupils dilate—where was once malice, now lies fear. A brief rumbling noise erupts from its throat, another roar?

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Easy: Success] — No, you have heard similar from your own animals before. This is a whimper.

YOU — Seeing his reluctance to answer, you raise your voice again, "Well?"

DRAGON — The dragon looks to the side, his voice a mere whisper compared to its boisterous roars. "But that rainbow one kicked me," he says with genuine hurt.

EMPATHY — It must have really hurt him.

AUTHORITY — Don't ease up. Not yet.

YOU — "And I am very sorry about that. But you're bigger than she is, and you should know better. You should also know better than to take a nap where your snoring can become a health hazard to other creatures."

DRAGON — "But I—" You're still not done. You don't let him finish.

YOU — "Don't you 'but I' me, mister. Now what do you have to say for yourself? I said, what do you have to say for yourself?"

DRAGON — Thick droplets of tears begin to fall from the eyes of the cowed dragon. Its once-proud body slumps, radiating a sense of defeat that trumps what your friends have felt. It is completely defenceless. Your word means life or death.

KINDNESS [Trivial: Success] — That's quite enough. You've done all you needed to protect your friends and get the point across. At the end of the day, he had not hurt anypony seriously. And he has shown remorse. There is no point to this conflict anymore. Send him on his way.

YOU — You release the tension from your body and breathe out. This feels a lot more natural. You slowly and carefully approach the dragon and, in a much softer tone, say, "There, there. No need to cry. You're not a bad dragon, you just made a bad decision. Now go pack your things. You just need to find a new place to sleep. That's all."

DRAGON — The dragon bares its teeth again. This time, however, it is more like a smile. He raises his mighty wings and ascends from the ground, leaving you behind without as much as a goodbye. It doesn't matter, you have accomplished what you wanted. It's time to make sure your friends are alright.

>>40346250
>>40346255
Who should the narrator be, Celestia or Luna

>>40346314
Why not both of them? Offering slightly different perspectives, backing up each other or disagreeing sometimes. I think it'd be kino.

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One more week.
>/FSBC/

[Twilight Sparkle Makes a Cup of Tea]
I WILL fight tooth and nail to defend this fic. Only 1.6k words, but it's high among my favorite stories on the whole site.
It's perfect. Really, that's pretty much it. The fic achieves precisely what it wants in the best possible way. Authors (good authors, even) spend twenty times as many words and still fail to write a story as impactful as this one.

[WIMIIW]
Eh. I guess if you ever run out of dialogue body language, you can reference this fic.
That alone would be over-the-top in most other contexts, but it's justifiable here given that this is what the fic was trying to do. My issue with it is that I don't see why it deserves to be in the SK. Even among the one-on-one conversational fics it's at best alright. Twilight should have better arguments than this, but the author wanted to make it clear that FS is in the right, so Twi just stands back and doesn't really argue. I'll pass.

[Statistics]
This fic is always divisive. It seems that for half the anons it works, and for the other half it just doesn't. I'm in the former camp; I've read it three times in the last two years, and the ending still makes me tear up a bit. One of the more evocative takes on the "Celestia sad because Luna banished" idea for me. Some of the lines are really clever, some just hit hard, and then the part where the pacing picks up near the finale is just great. As far as experimental/non-standard fics are concerned, this one doesn't even succumb to its own gimmick though if not for the word limit, I wouldn't mind it being ~25% shorter. I'll even forgive the "Guardstallians" typo.

[Taken for Granite]
Why is this here? We don't need the crackship to end all crackships in the SK. Good for (You) if you liked it, but I felt nothing.

[A Nice Game of Chess]
See this? This is good. Really good; it feels like an episode of the show, and that's a huge compliment. A very nice characterization of Twi and the Reaper isn't bad at all, either. Despite the [Death][Drama] tag combo, there is no manufactured melodrama. It won't show up on any Top 10 lists of ponyfics, but it was a very pleasant read. A great fit for the SK, too.

[Sun Princess]
This is a more controversial take: it's just fine. Out of the 'pet dies' fics, it's probably the most condensed one, being well-written and hitting the feels it needed to hit. And yet, despite being the emotional faggot that I am, neither the first read nor the reread for this book club really did much of anything for me. It's difficult to say why a fic was a miss for me; maybe it felt too condensed or tried too hard. "Not pony enough"? I can't tell.

If I were to rank them, I'd go: TSMaCoT > Chess > Statistics > Sun Princess >> WIMIIW > Granite.
Next week, I Dream Of Luna. Will it turn out to be a nightmare? I hope not. Read the story and see for yourself. It will be the last Starter Kit fic; hopefully we can make the adjustments to the list in the OP afterwards.

>>40346504
>Twilight makes a cup
This is good. Really good almost. The tense shifts can be a bit disorientating but it absolutely nails the feeling it goes for, that fairy tale like quality childhood has and Celestia doubly so had for Twilight. The whole narration and story is geat too. Unfortunately, the central topic is a bit too weak to justify the level of melodrama reached. I get melancholy over times past and I've even felt similar things recently, but going to this degree over it is too much when both characters are still around and it almost feels like it hints at a loss of connection that just doesn't fit Twi and Tia. So yeah. It has a lovely feeling to it, but is sadly too over the top for its own good on the whole. A different ending might have helped.
>Would it matter
It makes sense for Fluttershy to be the one to ask because of all the metanarrative reasons that make the answer ambiguous, but I'm not sure it makes sense for her as a character. It's the kind of question you'd expect more out of Twilight, but at the same time Twilight is a better fit for the one on the receiving end specifically because of her trauma. And I think that's kind of the fic's problem. It has a structurally sound quandary but it forces characters into it, and rather than adapt it to them it adapts them to it. It weakens the whole thing and gives it a forced feel. While the author has a good point to make, it feels like he's sockpuppeting the characters for it more so than having organic drama happen between them.
>Stats
Should be 'than one hundred' instead of 'then'. I've said before that I find this overrated. I still do, but I like it more this time around, I think it's dependent on my mood. It actually got me emotionally this time. Still, it's biggest problems stays. The numbers themselves just blur out as you read, and because some are purely headcanon about population numbers and I can't be bothered to see if they make any sense it makes you miss out on the time-related ones that tend to be reasoned and fitting, like the nights accounting for leap years. I still think the ending is a bit weak, the wording isn't strong enough. The whole thing could have been better, but it could have been a lot worse, so it's good I guess.
>Granite
I'm legitimately saddened by this story. On a serious analysis, it manages to effectively use its absurd premise to counterbalance the excessive melodrama of its tone, and whether by accident or by design the end result is legitimately good.
>Chess
I was there when 'Priest found the exploit that this story's tags use, and now I regret not reading this when it came out. It's really nice and good at not going too far into certain details. And it annoys me to no end that Rambling can write stuff like this, yet utterly fuck up the Tantabus series. Still, very nice story.
>Sun Princess
Still one of my favourite fics in the site. This time I started crying earlier.

>character plays an important role but isn't tagged
>tagged character barely does anything
Which one is worse?

>>40346513
>>40346504
Now to shit on your takes.
>Cup
It's a great fic, sure, but the premise is absolutely bullshit unless you assume it's AU. "DAE Twilight is le big sad because she lives elsewhere??" fuck off. I really like the feel and narration of this story, but that kind of ending resolution is something you put in a fic about grief, and this is not that. Celestia is explicitly still alive and by god her and Twi are still friends, it makes no sense for Twilight to be this melodramatic over it unless you assume she has some kind of mental problem.
>Would
The body language is a nice touch, yeah.
>Stats
Come on now. The ending is the weakest part. It lives off of the emotional charge of the buildup but the actual wording is painfully amateurish, the one good line the story has gets blown at the start and those last sentences feel really tacky. And it having multiple typos still is unforgivable.
>Granite
I'm sorry you have no taste.
>Chess
Y'see, the joke is that [Death] is a character tag.
>Sun Princess
Who's your favourite pony?
>That ranking
Ew. SP>Chess>Granite/Cup>Stats>>Matter.

>>40346504

Oh boy, another /FSBC/ I will participate in? I guess that happens when the barrier for entry is so low.

>Twilight Sparkle Makes a Cup of Tea
What I gleaned from this one: Twilight makes tea exactly how Celestia did to cope with the fact they grew distant, and to remember the good times when she was still her Most Faithful Student. But what happened, happened, and the past shouldn't matter that much anyway, so she ditches the tea in the end, and goes on with her day.
This was practically a very abridged, very concise version of "Eternal". I liked it.

>Would it Matter if I Was?
It's another one of those stories, I understand, where the discussions about the fic's concept far transcended the fic itself. Maybe it's a good thing I only read this now the first time? Most of those discussions get more autistic the further they go. But, about the fic...
I don't think Fluttershy would be as much of a little shit as she's depicted in the fic. Aside from that, I don't think this one was that much of a big deal. I think this fic really became a classic because of the moral dilemma, and not because of how great it is. It's decently written, sure, but it's far from outstanding. I liked the little tidbit of Twilight subtly preparing to fire a spell. Good touch. Also, there isn't really a conclusion, the ending feels really abrupt. As if the author felt this will be good discussion-fodder, and deliberately left it open ended.

>Statistics
One thousand and forty two words, in a single chapter.
Ten stories on an account.
And one, that will shine eternally.
Okay, my attempt isn't as good as the author's of turning statistics into a fic with a unique format, but you get now it's /that/ fic. And it's still good, even reading it after 11 years, and the ending still hits, and yes, this deserves to be among the "classics". Haters gonna hate.

>Taken for Granite
This was a valiant attempt at comedy... an attempt. The wut factor was there, but that wasn't enough to make this story for me. But truth be told, even the author's comments implied this is more or less an ironic shitfic. I don't even know how this got on the list for this week, but whatever, it was only 1k words.
meh/10

>A Nice Game of Chess
It was a nice story. I expected halfway through Death itself keeling over sobbing, all "I'M SO ALONE!!!"-like, but luckily, it didn't happen. The dialogue was fine, and in a "dialoguefic" like this, that is essential. It had a pretty upbeat tone in spite of the premise, which strangely lines up with the show's spirit I think. Can recommend.

>Sun Princess
Another story that's considered a classic, and deservedly so. A tearjerker yes, but it does it well, and never becomes TOO sappy. Like the metaphor throughout the narration/in the title itself. This could be a story regarding certain two other characters as well. But I don't think I will say anything more, because there isn't anything about this one that wasn't already said.

>>40346513
>>40346528
>the central topic is a bit too weak to justify the level of melodrama reached
>it makes no sense for Twilight to be this melodramatic
It's a bit of stretch to be sure, but if you suspend your disbelief for a moment and let it do what it wants, the story's tone could feasibly convince you that this is an appropriate reaction (even if its not). With Twilight moving out of Canterlot after living most of her life next to Celestia, it's not really that difficult to imagine that it'd be so hard-hitting for her. Doesn't even need to be the 'loss of connection', just the reality of a physical distance between them depriving them of those little things like taking morning tea together would be enough.

>a forced feel
>sockpuppeting the characters
Definitely feels like this. They're not really out of character, but the situation is engineered in a way that makes it unnatural. Also good point that starting this debate doesn't really fit FS. I'm assuming the author for going for her empathy, but it's a week justification.

>The numbers themselves just blur out as you read
The idea, I think, is to absorb them to get a decent idea of what they're describing, without typing them into a calculator or something. A hundred years of Celestia being in this mood, the same number of dismissed Night Guards and the ponies refusing to accept Luna's betrayal -- those kinds of things.
>The ending is the weakest part.
It's the worst written one, probably, but at that point the fic has been building towards it for 95% of its length, so just the fact that it's there and it's not terrible is good enough.

>I'm sorry you have no taste.
It happens sometimes. It's just too absurd for the melodrama to work for me. I don't think it's bad or anything (none of the weeks this week are actually too bad).

>[Death] is a character tag
Yes, I got that when I read it. But when you first click on the title, it makes a different impression.

>Who's your favourite pony?
I am afraid of answering this question now. Please ignore the flag.