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Come one and all to the meta-writefag and help raise the quality of MLP fanfiction! Featuring: An Awful Sinbox!

ITT: Nonfiction, Knighty's question, banning good mods, a funny Anon, roped into quads, SKREEEEEE, M5 vs Y6, Spikefaggotry, the dragon, character therapy, HiE woes, the fickle smiles of Fimfetch gods, writing advice, timeskips, Anon is sick, Mutually Assured Kirin Cuddles, polfaggotry, alcoholism, "when Anon fucks a mare, my dick is with him every inch of the way", Technology might be magic?, being too smart or dumb to be likeable, ponies are real animals - source?, "All fics are terrible", cargo colts, Hailey's Pottery, anal beads, SCPinkie, lovely catbirbs, Babs Sneed, bonking for generations, greenshit prose, and PINGAS.

>/fimfic/ Secret Book Club
The sixth book is Friendship Is Magic - Extended Cut.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/439970/friendship-is-magic-extended-cut
If (You) want to participate, until the end by the 25th of September.
On Sunday we'll discuss what we've read.

>Recommended stories:
Tired of the same old 'Human goes to Equestria to fuck his underage waifu' formula? Burnt out after reading that Fallout crossover? Well, we've compiled the best of the worst in order to bring you our absolute average!

New Starter Kit - http://mlpficreviews.org.uk/starter/
Old Starter Kit - http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png

>Common fic abbreviations used by the thread:
https://ponepaste.org/7317

>A list of reviews made by the Anons in this thread:
http://www.mlpficreviews.org.uk
Use the commands ">review <story link>" and ">discuss <story link>" to add reviews to a story.
Userscript for extra features: https://u.smutty.horse/mfefjczbkvw.js

>An in-depth writing guide for beginners:
https://eznguide.neocities.org/

>Can you pre-read my story?
Post it on Google Docs or HackMD with comments enabled and give us a link.

>Additional material for authors:
Rhorse's Horse Behavioral Notes - https://ponepaste.org/932
Politics and the English Language - https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/
Pörkölt - https://eatingeuropean.com/porkolt-hungarian-beef-and-onion-stew/
Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - https://poneb.in/g4VpEg4f
Setting a story in motion - https://youtu.be/ufO8LbwTdu0
Taking criticism - https://youtu.be/-v4R2ZcxPlA

>Various reviews and riffs:
Fillyanon's Bookshelf - https://ponepaste.org/5555
Notkickass222urmom's Reviews - https://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmom
IHeartShinzakura's Reviews - https://ponepaste.org/user/IHeartShinzakura
Appleanon reads fics - https://poneb.in/wmGX7FPm
Deluxe Big Master Review List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9Bz7UnEbxo-svlXa2tV49PJkP-yFuR7pRXiBUn-IeU
A Guide to Rational Fics - https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2020/4/2/2312216.jpg
The Royal Canterlot Library's Top 16 Fanfics - https://royalcanterlotlibrary.net/top16/

Previous Thread: >>39073767
>>
first for
>>
>>39084538
I was describing the way a character is dressed and because the particular outfit happens to be the kind I'd also find hot I started writing it the way I would in a clop scene, before realising it and course correcting to a more neutral approach.
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>>39084691
Donk
>>
2+2th for best duo!
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>>39084709
Underappreciated horse.
Any good stories with her?
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>>39084737
If her being shipped with an OC doesn't make you want to jump out of a window, I can easily recommend this story:
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/215890/forbidden-melodies
It's just long enough to be captivating from start to finish and it's written in pretty prose.
>>
>>39084737
I'unno, Exit Through Canterlot was decent.
>>
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>>39084737
She's got a warranted amount of appreciation, and there's the Tuna-lite fic https://www.fimfiction.net/story/213853/the-gentle-nights-audience-of-one
>>
>>39084737
University Days is a must-read. But I'm sure most here have already read it.
>>
>>39084747
10k does seem like a good length for a one-shot to really do something interesting.
Also, I didn't know that fic had sequels. I know what I'll do tonight.
>>
>>39084707
Ah, the literary equivalent of accidental voremouth.
>>
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>>39084682
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/516164/ponyshka
Though it's been sitting in the desk drawer since May, I've only now finally begun publishing that S.T.A.L.K.E.R. fic I've spoken of several threads ago.
It's been a very fun writing experience since it required some creativity to connect the dots where the auto-translator failed. I hope some of you might enjoy it.
>>
>>39084723
In what universe would a 1000+ year old Celestia condone a relationship between her equally old sister and a comparatively toddler age personal student of hers?
>>
>>39084838
>>39084834
In the same one where she's dating both of them already.
>>
>>39084682
Best thread image ever.
>>
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>>39084834
>>39084838
The one where it's Dusk Shine x Luna.
>>
>>39084838
It's somebody's fetish. Just go with it.
>>
>>39084887
I have no problem poking holes in someone's shitty fetish.
>>
>>39084838
>The only one who is allowed to have a relationship with Luna is herself
Based
>>
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>>39084838
I really don't get how people see it as a problem for Celestia or Luna to have a romantic relationship with a normal person just due to the age gap.
Yeah it's impossible for them to have a relationship that isn't grooming, but so what?
>>
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>>39084928
Almost got me.
>>
>>39084930
I'm not sure what you mean.
>>
>>39084904
Unironically yes
Alternatively me
>>
>>39084897
Everything is somebody's fetish on the Internet, including holes.
>>
>>39084928
>but so what?
It's unethical, even if you would engage in that activity yourself.

>>39084938
Chrysalis holes aren't a fetish, they're a patrician sexual preference. It's simply loving and appreciating your villain waifu's body, not some filthy, depraved fantasy.
>>
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>>39084943
How is it unethical?
>>
>>39084946
>how is grooming unethical
I'm starting to understand why people have been condemning this board
>>
>>39084943
>>39084953
As long as the younger party isn't a minor and accepts that the other is 1000+ years older, it's not grooming.
>>
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>>39084958
Oops, you fell for it.
Nothing unethical about two adult mares in a loving relationship, though. In fact, it is an example of the greatest purity.
>>
>>39084958
Not legally, but an 18 year old is on the level of a newborn to a 1000+ year old.
And the fact Tunafag disagrees is the strongest possible argument in my favour.
>>
>>39084958
>someone romancing someone half of their age is the same as someone romancing someone a fiftieth of their age
and people wonder why america ranks last in mathematics
>>
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>>39084953
Ah, so you're just one of those people who thinks grooming is always describing a sexually predatory malicious behavior. Grooming isn't immoral any more than hammering or driving are. They're just actions. What makes them immoral is the circumstances in which they're done. Hammering a person's head in? Immoral. Drunk driving? Immoral. Grooming a child into satisfying your sexual fantasies? Immoral.
>>39084966
That's an exaggeration.
>>
>>39084928
>Yeah it's impossible for them to have a relationship that isn't grooming
Grooming isn't about the overall age difference, but about the one partner being too young and naive to understand what they're getting into and stand up for themselves. A 20 year old with a 15 year old is probably grooming. A 40 year old with a 30 year old definitely isn't.
>>
>>39084968
Obsessed.
>>
>>39084953
>starting
>>
We're off to another great start.
>>
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>>39084976
You can google:
Why so many conservatives are talking about ‘grooming’ all of a sudden
And take it out of the thread instead of playing into it.
>>
>>39084992
Your point?
>>
>>39084992
I'm the one criticising Tunafag's shit tier ship and I'm far from conservative. This isn't some covert topical discussion, you need to take a break from the internet.
>>
>>39084943
She's so evil and yummy. The rational part of my brain tells me it could never end well. Other parts of my anatomy love villainesses, supervillainesses, vampire nuns, Dark Elves, and a lot of other really weird shit. I'm aware that I'm insane.
>>
>>39084992
Does it have something to do with BlackGryph0n and Clair tying the knot?
>>
>>39084999
in b4 the "knot" jokes
>>
>>39085003
Griffons don't have knots. So fucking stupid that furfags have memed them into having barbed dog dicks.
>>
>>39085003
>implying I'd let facts get in the way of a pun
>>
Why's A Witch in Broad Daylight taking so long to get that Complete tag? I really want to read it.
>>
>>39085071
Because it will never be complete. Enjoy your "maybe one day I'll finish it", Anon.
>>
>>39085071
>>39085079
Why does a story have to be complete for you to enjoy it? Your life's an unfinished story, but I don't see most of you pining for it to end.
>>
>>39085006
This. Griffons have tiny cat dicks and are for sph. Gallus takes it up his fat bottom bitchboi ass.
>>
>>39085107
Not either of them but I have been burned by too many unfinished fics to give another one a chance. A story without a resolution is hollow, you know that there's supposed to be something more to it but there just isn't. It's extremely unsatisfying to reach the "end" and realize that it wasn't meant to be the end. That the writer flipped you off and left you wondering when the next update might come (if it ever does). Still waiting for Asylum, btw.
And from a more down-to-earth point of view, trying to remember what happened earlier every time it updates is never better than waiting just once.
>>
>>39085135
>trying to remember what happened earlier every time it updates is never better than waiting just once.
This is why I only read unfinished fics that have been well and truly abandoned, as in half a decade or more without updates.
>>
>>39085107
Because that isn't how it works, of course. The Complete tag is a multiplier. The last few chapters can, should even have a multiplicative effect on how enjoyable a story is.
How about you answer me: why would you lock yourself into enjoying a story only a little bit when you could instead enjoy it a lot? Why would you risk not enjoying a story at all, only getting a few scenes and half-formed ideas?
Especially considering the wealth of Complete stories as alternatives.
Few people enjoy the *story* of an incomplete story, I think. They are more likely to enjoy the meta-aspects of such a thing. Especially the community of commiserators lamenting the insufficiency of the story. Otherwise, they would wait for it to be complete too.
>>
>>39085171
>why would you lock yourself into enjoying something only a little bit when you could instead enjoy it a lot?
You're right, rather than think about how little anyone enjoys your posts, I'll think about how much everyone will enjoy the day you eventually die of AIDS and stop posting. Thanks!
>>
>>39085171
And yet you followed FiM all throughout. Curious.
>>
>>39085271
Non-analogous.
>>
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>>39085285
>analogous
>>
>>39081295
Speaking as a guy whose read the earlier versions, I can name three appeals:
1) The crackfic. You never have any fucking idea what the author's throwing at you next. Fucking S.H.I.E.L.D agents in Harry Potter.
2) The crossover. It's fun to see the unexpected ways that two worlds will interact. The star example is Fluttershy killing Scabbers in The Gate. It's only natural that the girl who can talk to animals would notice him being weird.
3) The powers changing the characters. Silversong particularly comes to mind. A Draco who hates his upbringing will love the escape of being a woman.
>>
>>39081573
Just admit that you've been reading the Rational Fic list.
>>
>>39085491
>The star example is Fluttershy killing Scabbers in The Gate.
She's seen things you people wouldn't believe.
>>
Listening to Upheaval at work. Lol. Lmao, even. Already listened to Mendacity and A Delicate Balance, but this is on another level. Are there any readings of fanfics that don't totally suck? This might be a little too much for me to even enjoy ironically. I do kinda wonder just how bad it can get though.
>>
>>39085777
I quit early on cause I couldn't stand the cynical Celestia take among some other issues. I could immediately tell I wasn't going to enjoy it.
>>
>>39085777
Empty Horizons, if you can get used to the mostly-female cast being played by one man.
I'd recommend all of Skijaramaz readings. He does voice acting, effects, and music. Unironically better production value than a professional audiobook.
>>
Threadly reminder that listening to a reading of a written prose work is engaging in subhuman behaviour and furthering the collapse of culture.
>>
>>39085889
So you're saying going to Church is subhuman?
>>
>>39085889
This.
>>39085895
Completely different.
>>
>>39085895
Not necessarily, because you're supposed to have already read that stuff on your own. To clarify there's nothing wrong with listening to a reading or audio book as a novelty after you've already gone through something yourself the proper way. It's doing it as your prime primary way to experience a work that's broken and wrong.
>>
>>39085889
radio dramas are several times older than your miserable excuse for an existence.
>>
>>39085912
And? If something is designed to be experienced in read aloud form, that's perfectly fine. It's perverting an existing written work into a bastardised mockery of itself that's the problem.
>>
>>39085912
When were books invented?
>>
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>>39085895
Yes.
>>
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>>39085071
It's a huge epic, I tell you. I gotta put every horror movie monster in one universe and have it all make some kind of sense. It's like fitting together a jigsaw puzzle. The peices all gotta align.

But it ain't gonna be done until next year. But I am writting faster than most people do and I see the path to the end. About 60% of the epilogue is written and all the finales are plotted out. I might be able to speed up a little again soon.

Really, the only thing that can stop me from finishing a story is not knowing the path ahead, but I have that much already. So only truck-kun can stop me now.
>>
>>39085889
You need to work on your bait bro, this is pretty weak.
>>
>Touch-Mare Telecare
What are some of your favourite chapter titles, anon?
>>
>>39085777
I'm curious, what did you dislike about Mendacity? I don't think it's a great fic but it was perfectly serviceable short adventure.

>>39085889
This is true.
>>
>>39085944
I'm sorry for your sad mental state, anon. For the betterment of humankind, I have to ask you to face the wall.
>>
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>>39085889
>Not accelerating all the way to injecting stories into your bloodstream
>>
>>39085987
Would downloading a story directly into your memory when such a thing becomes available be a disgusting action?
>>
>>39085987
>DSLs
Artist name?
>>
>>39085992
A story? Yes. A textbook for the sole purpose of obtaining knowledge? No.
>>
>>39085889
I can't read while I jog otherwise, though.
>>
>>39086005
Then don't. Listen to media that's meant to be listened to, fag. Diversify your intake. Get some pone misic up in that bitch.
>>
>>39085777
https://www.youtube.com/c/StraightToThePointStudio/videos

This guy's pretty good. He has a huge number of stories and does surprisingly good female voices.
>>
>>39086007
What is pone misic?
>>
>>39086028
Are you gay?
>>
>>39086035
It's me being tired and the i key being next to the u key.
>>
>>39086036
Why, are you offering something anon?
>>
>>39086073
Always.
>>
Who the fuck keeps posting about him?
>>39085629
>>
>>39086090
Well quit it, miss me with that shit.
>>39086094
Probably himself, or someone who dislikes him and is trying to pretend it's him posting about himself.
>>
>>39086094
Apparently you also
>>
>>39086094
>>39086100
>>39086105
No one is allowed to like anything.
It will always be a shill.
>>
>>39086094
>immediately devolves into shitting on FiO and FoE
Obsessed! Sad!
>>
>>39086133
FiO and FoE are objectively bad.
Any writer that entertains those is unworthy.
>>
>>39086122
This. This is why we made a whole board to contain retard trolls shilling the mediocre horse cartoon. Then normitards were too stupid, took the bait and actually watched it. What a shitshow.
>>
>>39086122
Making a separate and individual thread is a pretty unusual approach to such a thing, anon. Why would they make a new thread on /mlp/ and not post in this thread? Why wouldn't they post it on Fimfic in the first place? Someone wants it to be seen, and to be seen as the author possibly self-fellating.

It's like you don't understand trolling, anon. What's wrong with you?
>>
>>39086147
Anon. You know it's genuinely possible someone is retarded enough to have made the other OP uniornically, right?
>>
>>39086147
Or, someone was so enamored with the author after reading a majority of his stories that he wanted to share the joy outside of this cliqy circlejerk.
>>
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>>39084737
>horse
>>
>>39086152
Retards?
On /mlp/?
Say it ain't so!
>>
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>>39086213
She is NOT a donkey. She is a little little horse.
Okay, maybe she is a donkey, but just don't let her know I said that.
>>
>>39086225
In limited doses this chav dialect is so fucking enderaing.
>>
>>39086225
I love chavtavia
Same vein of getting rarity mad and she starts spewing whinnyapolis accent
>>
>>39086133
Why is there no FiO x FO:E crossover?
>>
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>>39086225
>>39086231
>>39086234
The blue-red bushes from Shrek scene but with Octavia when?
>>
>>39086257
You could cross them both over with Jack and the Beanstalk and call it "FEE FIO FOE FUM."
>>
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>>39085939
Godless G%ers get the rope.
>>
>>39084824
>Filly's new story utterly ignored
Right, I gave it a read, gave me the correct "get out of here, stalker!" vibes. Seems like a decent setup, not very much pony in this first chapter, which is a bit unfortunate if we consider the fic is only going to be 8k long. I hope the rest will make up for it. Also
>not using actual cyrillic letters in the title
Missed opportunity. But I like the cover art this time, an actual good match for this fic.
>>
Do you guys have any fanfics where the ponies are the bad guys?
Okay but how about from the villain's perspective and the ponies are shown as genuinely horrifying? Imagine Wander Over Yonder's last episode in season 1.
>>
>>39085977
Mendacity was fine. I didn't mean it like that.
>>
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>>39086283
I don't care what version of Octavia it is, she's always lovely.
>>
>>39085889
I got work to do, son, I can't sit around staring at a screen all day. Now get to it, little man. That fanfic ain't gonna read itself to me.
>>
You should listen to audiobook fanfics while simultaneously reading other fanfics. You're taking in two stories at once for maximum efficiency.
>>
>>39087146
One with your ears, one with your eyes and a third with your hands via brale. All your senses are absorbing a different story.
>>
>>39087157
How to make fic meals?
>>
>"Ugh, that certainly sounds like high-octane nightmare fuel. Speaking of our Dark Mistress, why didn't you go to her first? She may be mad as a hatter, but she's certainly the house expert on screwing around with dreamstuff." Good question.
Can't decide whether to be annoyed by the anachronisms or just appreciate their simple efficacy.
>>
>>39083888
>For example
That's not descriptive narration. That's just a wordy dialogue tag. Descriptive narration has the narrator block out the scene to the reader and give dialogue at the same time:
>Dash cantered over to Anon, so blind with anger she nearly tripped over the stool and had to catch herself with her flared-out wings, "I won't allow you to look at my snowpity until you fulfill your promise to me, Anon!"

>Hadge is not a verb.
Not only is it not a verb, it's not a word in the English language.

>>39084943
>It's unethical
How? If Twilight's of legal age and fully consenting than it's all above board. It's two adults doing what they want to. There's not even the creepiness of the "70 year old marries a 20 year old" angle because one's immortal and in perfect mental and physical health and the other can't gold dig because of the immortality.

>>39085107
>Your life's an unfinished story
And it will likely end like one: with me forgetting everything that happened

>>39085777
>just how bad it can get though
I assume you haven't gotten to the alicorn pantheon yet, that ends up eating a third of the word count?
>>
Anyone know/is a loose acquaintance of An Intricate Disguise? Was thinkin of sending him a few $$$ now that I have some spare to help out as he always seems to get fucked. I kinda feel like hes always in dire straits though...
>>
>>39087528
You can always just DM him on FiMFiction.
Or discord.
>>
>>39087323
>>Dash cantered over to Anon, so blind with anger she nearly tripped over the stool and had to catch herself with her flared-out wings, "I won't allow you to look at my snowpity until you fulfill your promise to me, Anon!"
That should be a period instead of a comma you faggot. There's no said tag or anything similar, they're two separate sentences. Read the guide FFS.
>>
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>>39086925
>not very much pony in this first chapter, which is a bit unfortunate
Yeah, it's more or less an unfortunate side-effect of where the chapters logically split. I assume you can already guess 'what' they found on the other side of the wall.
>if we consider the fic is only going to be 8k long
It more or less felt like the right length to me. The original was less than a thousand words and so it had an insanely breakneck pacing.
>Missed opportunity
It's intentional, since the original audio fic used Cyrillic and I didn't want to 1:1 copy its title.
>I hope the rest will make up for it.
Me too! Thanks for giving it a shot!
>>
>>39084682
I did not expect chess drama to make its way to /mlp/.
>>
>>39087978
Google en passant
>>
>>39087996
Still not helping me progress further than the midwit 1450 elo trench.
>>
>>39087996
Holy hell.
>>
>>39088016
1450 on lichess, chess.c*m, or good old FIDE rating?
>>
>>39087996
What about it?
>>
>>39087157
>open up your third eye to read more fics
>>
>>39088206
The human body adapts to the loss of senses by enhancing the others. If you want to read fanfiction better, deaden all other senses.
>>
>>39088207
>deaden your senses
Does that mean getting drunk before reading?
Yeah, that would be a good idea with most fics.
>>
>>39085889
Participating in this thread is subhuman behaviour furthering the collapse of culture, yet we're still here.
>>
>>39085922
>perverting an existing written work into a bastardised mockery of itself
Like MLP fanfiction?
>>
>>39086147
I know this may be hard to believe, but not every fanfiction reader on /mlp/ likes this thread.
>>
>>39088223
No, fuckface. Learn to interpret a text. An actual example would be 'watching' episodes by reading the scripts instead.
>>
>>39088232
Or forcibly reshaping a children's show into a dark mature drama?
>>
>>39087258
It can be done.
>>
>>39088240
>"In other news: J. K. Rowling has taken flak today and has been hospitalized with a case of possibly terminal butthurt."
>>
>>39087996
>this is a legal move
What the fuck I've been playing chess wrong my whole life
>>
>>39088251
Toldja you didn't need anal beads.
>>
>>39088251
Wait until you hear about castling.
>>
>She sighed
If I catch you ever using *sigh* I'll fucking kill you. Same for all the needless metaphorical exaggerations like "she spitted her words at her".
>>
>>39088306
As a saidism it's inaccurate, sure, but people sigh anon. What am I supposed to say?
>She exhaled air from deep within her esophagus.
>>
>>39088306
She *spat, you uneducated cretin.
>>
Would a non-brony and even a non-writer provide a much more unique story than most fanfic writers?
>>
>>39088274
Everyone knows castling
>>
>>39088318
Think you're gonna have to think about and expand your question first
>>
>>39088306
ESL lol
>>
>>39088343
This really spitted my words.
>>
>>39088318
No.
>>
THE WORDS WERE INSULTED, THE WORDS FELT THREATENED, THE WORDS BARKED BACK AT HIM. >:( HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE WORDS? THEY HAVE FEELINGS TOO.
>>
>>39088318
>Implying most fanfic writers even watched the show.
I bet my ass FOE and many other crossovers never watched more than the first 2 episodes.
>>
>>39088318
There is the potential of corrupting a writer into being shit. You teach him the wrong way as a joke.
Like anime writers and soap opera writers. You have to "unteach" those people so they can write something unique and good in the first place.
>>
>>39088375
>Like anime writers
I gotta get around to making that filler rant.
>>
>>39088365
>THE WORDS BARKED
I will now have sex with THE WORDS.
>>
>>39088400
A dog is fine too.
>>
>>39088403
I'm no longer allowed near dogs.
>>
>>39088367
Actually, F:E has some rationalfic-tier jokes about certain scenes in the show, like trainponies pulling the train in Over a Barrel.
>>
>>39088415
To be fair, that train was only rated for 4 horsepower.
>>
>>39088367
I bet my ass you've never read a word of Fo:E but still have plenty of opinions about it
>>
>>39088383
Just watched the Sensui arc from Yuyu Hakusho and jesus Christ I thought Naruto was bad with the filler. 3 hours felt like 20 minutes, 40 at most. They accomplish so little in so much time. It's like I'm watching Scooby Doo on steroids where 20 minutes feels like 60 minutes because of how slow the scenes are.
Pacing applies to 2 things; how much you accomplish in plot wise in a specific timeframe and the overall feel/atmosphere of the scene. You can make a scene feel longer than it actually is by making it as boring as humanly possible.
>>
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>>39088415
How that scene would go in a rationalfic:
"You're PULLING A TRAIN? Excuse me but ahs anyone stopped to notice that these small horses are PULLINg an entire mother fucking TRAIN! Need I explain why this is impossible?
Well, as we all know Force equals mass times acceleration. Therefor, we can rationally deduce that accelearation is equal to forced divided by mass. That's right, DIVIDED! The more mass an object possesses, the more force one needs to accelerate and thus move it.
Trains are MASSIVE objects. The very dictionary definistion of massive is containing a great deal of mass. Trains weigh several tons and are huge. Thus it would take a great deal of force to accelerate one.
We then take these small horses, weighing perhaps seventy to eighty pounds at best. How much force could one of them reasonably produce? Surely not enough to balance out their side of the equation! In order to produce that kind of power, their bodies woudl severly overheat.
And I haven't even adressed the friction coefficient yet! Yes, the wheels would decrease it, but this railway is ancient and rust eaten. The friction coefficient has to be AT LEAST 0.25, meaning an additional 25% in the force needed to move the train.
Therefore, I submit to you, that four small ponies moving a train is indeed an irrational thing to happen!"

And all the Less Wrong people are rolling on the floor laughing at this... but then the four ponies move the train anyway because fuck me.
>>
>>39088488
>The friction coefficient has to be AT LEAST 0.25, meaning an additional 25% in the force needed to move the train.
This is where my erection went down. If there's no friction any force at all is enough to move the train, it just takes longer.
0/10 broke suspension of disbelief, I've seen better intellectual masturbation
>>
>>39088494
Why would there be no friction? Is this a fucking hyperloop?
>>
>>39088504
Magic™. Maybe it's a maglev masquerading as a regular train, and Equestrian athmosphere is very thin. You don't know!
What I'm really saying is 0.25 friction can't mean 1.25x more force, because otherwise a tiny force would still eventually get a train moving. If you try, it's more like a barrier, train won't move at all until you go past the minimum force, and then it gets easier to pull once it's started going.
>>
>>39085171
>The last few chapters can, should even have a multiplicative effect on how enjoyable a story is
I don't think that's true for most stories. Take Bug on a Stick for example (ignoring the disastrous epilogue). Is the whole story better than the story minus the last three chapters? Yes. Is it, say, twice as good? No, not really. In fact, those last chapters are some of the weaker ones due to the sudden shift from comfy SoL to a big fight sceen and due to the rather abrupt resolution of the prophecy/ascension arc. Or look at Pirene - by far the most memorable part of that fic, at least for me, was the scene at the well, midway through the story. I know there was some big battle on a mountaintop at the end, but I barely remember it.

The one exceeption that comes to mind is ITCON.

>>39087321
>Can't decide whether to be annoyed by the anachronisms or just appreciate their simple efficacy.
That's how I felt about the occasional literary references as well. On the one hand, the idea that the Chain had someone just like Shakespeare, who wrote essentially the same plays with the same content (just ponified), seems like lazy worldbuilding. But on the other hand, it's far simpler than getting the reader familiar enough with in-universe literature that they can understand characters' references to it.

The huge blatant Bible reference (the binding of Isaac) was also a bit weird, though that at least has the excuse of being in-universe events rather than an in-universe document.
>>
>>39088425
Underrated post.
>>
>>39088620
>the binding of Isaac
Wait. Are you saying there's a story where Twilight tries to kill one of her friends because Celestia told her to and it's portrayed as the heroic thing to do?
>>
>>39086925
>implying
The only possible way of combining the two is:

Grigori stepped tentatively onto the trail. There had been rumors of weirder than usual wildlife, and he was in a cautious mood today. There was a rustling in the bushes just a few feet away. He raised the rifle.

And then, suddenly, a small quadrupedal creature, purple and white, stepped onto the trail in front of him--a tiny unicorn. She, for the creature was obviously female, looked up at him with expressive, feminine blue eyes, and spoke, in a perfect Petrograd accent. "Blowout soon, Darling."

He was too boggled to speak for a moment. "When?"

"Now," she said, as the sky turned blood red and it began to rain radioactive poison. Then they both died.

Such is life in the Zone.
>>
>>39088654
That part's about ITCON, specifically. And it's not really portrayed as heroic (in the ITCON version) - everyone involved is acting a bit unhinged at the time.
>>
>>39087790
>That should be a period instead of a comma you faggot.
>There's no said tag or anything similar, they're two separate sentences.
Ironic.
>>
>>39088620
For Bug, I do think the multiplicative effect is there. Most of what makes the story good is the SoL stuff, but the SoL stuff is as good as it is because it's contrasted with the bits of paranoia strewn around the fic. Without the end, all of that would be unanswered - why're they living with a bunch of kooks? Oh, as it turns out, the paranoia was justified.
I know some people did not appreciate the enormous tone shift, but to me, the those chapters are something that transforms it from a bunch of sort of connected nice scenes into a story that's really tied together into a whole package.

Another example of a story that's not so great would be ___, it would be nothing at all without its doughnuts chapter and Celestia putting on her Aloha shirt and surf board. A third example is Perytonia, although you could argue that unlike Bug it had enough foreshadowing that you should've guessed the end.

I think, if the ending was not perceived to have a multiplicative effect, there would not be as much emphasis on a quality ending as there is. "good end" or "bad end," almost everyone wants some kind of impact at the end. Nine Days Down, I recently read the story without its ending, and recommend to others they do the same, since the end undoes the whole story, a multiplicative effect of zero.

I do know what you mean about Pirene, though. "Can, should" but I can't say "must."
>>
>>39088708
Just a bit.
>>
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>>39088620
>I know there was some big battle on a mountaintop at the end, but I barely remember it.
Probably because it involves humanizing Leit, and because the way the antagonist yields feels EXTREMELY abrupt as while the reason she got dunked on by the captive Celestia via forcing her to live through entirety of Tia's memories - all three thousand years of experience overwhelming the little shit and forcing her to be more mature is foreshadowed, it's not sufficiently described before the fact. It does involve surprise, Lyra isn't an abrasive asshole, she's a top-rank battlemage! though.
>>
>>39088799
>Lyroo
>not being a li'l shid
>DELET THIS
>>
>>39088854
>>
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>mfw somehow all of my ExCut notes were lost even though I'm almost done reading
Fuck.

>>39088868
>Oi
And here I thought Tavi was the chav one.

>>39088663
While my fic isn't quite like this there are some glancing similarities.
>>
>>39088877
Wait, I thought we were doing The Best Night Ever tomorrow, was that next week?
>>
>>39088890
Tomorrow we're finishing 'Extended Cut', then IIRC next week is my fic and 'Reading Rainbow' and then something else.
>>
>>39088901
wtf is reading rainbow
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>>39088890
Read, nigga!
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>>39088911
>wtf is reading rainbow
Here, let me show you.
>>
>>39088911
I assume it's this fic:
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/10624/reading-rainbow
Based on >>39078321 and >>39078373 . But I'm sure Lyranon will appear eventually and clear things up.
>>
>>39088924
huh, guess I'll wait for Lyranon tomorrow
>>39088918
kek
>>
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>>39088915
>>39088911
This is Reading Rainbow.
>>39088877
>88877
>>
>>39088924
You are correct, Lyranon already said it: >>39071894
>>
>>39088942
ah, in that casssse, ssounds good. makes ssenssee givinn how short northern stars is. Also check out my sicck keyboard chittering unedited!
>>
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>>39088954
>t.
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>>39088954
You know most keyboards can be run through a dishwasher and put outside to dry instead of melting them with a dry cycle, right? Worst case, all you have to do is get a $10 replacement from wherever.
>laptop
Keyboards are one of the easiest things to replace on any laptop that doesn't have a VAIO or fruit logo on it.
>>
>>39088960
yeah it went particularly harrd on the S'ss innn that one for some reasonn. Honestly I think thinnnk the mmost annnoying part iss the doubling of spaces since that doesn't get red underlines so I miss them quite a bit, also sometimmes there'ss just no chittering at all so maybe the temperature makes it worse or something lol. I need a new keyboard for sure though.
>>39088966
>dishwasher
holy kek I wanna put my keyboard in the dishwashere now just to see how my rroomates react
>>
if i was a woman i would lurk fimfiction.net and hit on all the lonely autistic Human-In-Equestria authors
>>
>>39088966
I've taken apart desktop PC keyboards for cleaning before. Every one has been cheaper than the last, with less material inside it, thinner plastic, and been more difficult to reassemble. I've never tried it with a laptop.

>>39088976
Go away, Chatoyance.
>>
>>39088734
Semicolons are for autists.
>>
>>39089060
Is this "semicolon" in the room with us now?
>>
>>39089096
Yes. _ ; _
>>
>>39089101
;_;
>>
>>39089126
;)
>>
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>>39088654
Are you implying you wouldn't listen to whatever Celestia told you to do? Or even implying that listening to Celestia would be bad?
>>
>>39084737
if you can overlook that it's written by a tankie retard, sonnets by twilight is decent. superb, in fact.
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/68430/sonnets-by-twilight
>>
>>39088780
>I recently read the story without its ending, and recommend to others they do the same
Incorrect.
You don't get to judge a story by selectively ignoring bad parts.
>>
>>39089197
Wow, we just discovered a new physical law.
Until now scientists were not aware you can't judge a story up until some point if you decide to stop there, but I guess that's impossible.
Who knew.
>>
>>39089212
I'm not sure whether you're misinterpreting what he's saying or what I'm saying.
>>
>>39089218
To be honest, I'm not sure either.
>>
How can I harness my mental illness to write compelling literature?
>>
>>39089232
What is your mental illness, Anon?
>>
>>39089232
What brand of crazy are you?
>>
>>39089232
Just write.
You could also try taking adderall.
>>
>>39089237
>>39089240
Let's see...
Autism, sadomasochism, paedophilia and some slight schizophrenia.
>>
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>>39089188
The real Celestia wouldn't give you an order like that. She's obtained moral perfection.
>>
>>39089248
how did you come up with the plot for sonnets by twilight?
>>
>>39089197
>you don't get to cut out cancer, you must consider the functioning of the organ only with it!
Autists are to be disregarded, neither Background Pony nor Bug on a Stick have an epilogue.
>>39089232
>>39089248
Get imprisoned, ask for writing supplies, you will have plenty of time.
>>
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>>39089248
>Autism
Just write a rationalfic. Basically a fanfic where the main character complains about how unrealistic and illogical everyone else is being.
>>
>>39089263
The cancer is an inherent part of it.
Anything is perfect when you ignore all the things wrong with it.
>>
>>39089274
So, when you get cancer from your retarded beliefs, you hopefully won't go and cut it out because it's an inherent part of you?
>>
>>39089263
You can pretend Bug doesn't have an epilogue but it doesn't work for Background Pony. You'd need to make up your own ending where she plays Epona's song and wakes up in the Mendacity universe.
>>
>>39089060
And programmers. Though perhaps there's some overlap.
>>
>>39089289
This metaphor is getting a little stretched
>>
Anon, please don't go to a doctor for writing advice.
>>
>>39089289
If your parents gave you cancer from their genetics being just that shitty then it means you have shitty genetics.
>>
>>39089232
AHHHHH I JUST BOUGHT A SUPER GLUE PEN AND IT SEALED ITSELF CLOSED WITHIN 15 MINUTES WHILE I WAS USING IT!
Making superglue that doesn't seal itself shut is literally a million dollar idea (although clearly it isn't that easy)
>>
>>39089292
NTA but even though you're right, it really wouldn't take much to write a reasonable ending to BP. Skirts was nicely foreshadowing it for 400k+ words, only to squander it at the last moment with a "lmao, fuck you".
You can tell what the 'correct' ending was supposed to be, which is still better than a fic that was heading towards a garbage finale from start to finish.
>>
>>39089380
Literally just don't be stupid and close it when you're not using it so the little poky thing keeps it open?
>>
>>39089433
To me that only makes it worse. There's absolutely no reason it shouldn't have been good. He had the ability and opportunity to make it good, but then he just didn't. He did it deliberately as, as you said, a "fuck you." It's just a spit in the face to the reader. A bad story is just bad, a good story that intentionally has a shit ending is offensive and downright insulting.
>>
>>39089467
>BP
>a good story
>>
>>39089509
It is, however, a good city.
>>
>>39089519
British Polumbia?
>>
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>>39089524
Budapest, but good guess.
>>
>>39089519
No it's not, all real-life cities are cringe.
>>
>>39089232
>>39089248
Take acid, wait about 2 hours, and start writing.
>>
>>39089531
The pony world equivalent is filled with very annoying ponies who cutely harass Anon. He must Boop a Pest.
>>
>>39089467
I've been toying around with writing a "fixfic" for BP, rewriting the ending of chapter 19 and replacing chapter 20 with a different finale. I still think that fixfics are some of the lowest lows of fiction so I don't really want to do it as long as I have /any/ original ideas left. And compared to BP, my prose would stick out like a sore hoof.
>>
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>>39089639
>I've been toying around with writing a "fixfic"
>>
>>39089639
>a "fixfic" for BP
Someone should've done it a decade ago.
>>
>>39089670
>normal people with a time machine
>"hey you're my grandparents"
>/fimfic/ with a time machine
>*sounds of tard on Skirts violence*
>>
I want to teach Twilight Sparkle about the joys of the knot.
>>
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>>39089724
>"I don't need to learn how to tie knots. I have magic."
>>
>>39089739
That's nonsense.
>>
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>>39089763
>he doesn't know about mana welding
>>
>>39089768
I'm sure Applejack will be real happy when she finds her ropes welded together.
>>
>>39089768
Are you going to 'mana weld' a tie to your fucking neck?
>>
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>>39089781
If you don't possess the skill to undo mana welding that's your fault.
>but I was literally born without the ability to do magic
Not an excuse.
>>
>>39089724
Stop being furry.
>>
>>39089787
No, you mana weld the tie to itself in place of a knot.
>>
>>39089788
Okay but listen. The knots are good for grinding against when doing bondage if you position then properly.
[spouler]88 on a unicorn superiority post is kinda funny d~su.
>>
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>>39089531
Google calls them beta.
>>
>>39089799
Oh, I see that i for u trade finally got paid back.
I'll go manaweld myself.
>>
>>39089799
>[spouler]
Why do furries always out themselves through being dumb? It's practically automatic.
>>
>>39089801
Betapest kek
>>
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>>39089763
That's nonsense.
>>
>>39089824
Why does Rainbow Dash remain in the basket?
>>
>>39089531
Fillypest
>>
>>39089836
She didn't want to ruin Twilight's cinematic scene.
>>
>>39089836
I think Twilight shoves her there in the previous moments. This is her big tard "I'm in charge" arc bullshit.
>>
>>39089824
Knot canon.
>>
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>>39089824
Why is Applejack confused? Has she never seen a knot before?
>>
>>39089810
I was talking about bondage knots. Unless you think AJ is a furry.
>>
>>39089824
By all means that thing should have slipped out once it was actually inflated.
>>
>>39089848
She's confused how magic allows her to wrap shit around and not tie a proper knot but it still works.
>>
>>39089852
>Unless you think AJ is a furry.
I mean, there's some AJxWinona fics on the site.
>>
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>>39089860
It's 'cause she's just that much greater an expert.
>>
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>>39089844
Friendship is Magic.
At the start, Twilight is introduced obsessing over the magic spells for the sun and moon for the Friendship Festival.
After the attack, she's feeling down because her magic was not sufficient to defend against Tempest, et al.
Between then and the balloon, her friends are doing friendship stuff and seemingly not succeeding and then he gets her big high point. She's actually able to use her magic directly to solve a problem.
Off that high, she tries to steal the magic McGuffin and it backfires.
After that, Tempest reminds her that FiM and the payoffs happen one after another.
There are actual posters who are, by themselves, not able to link her attitude for the Friendship Festival, her reaction to the balloon and her 180 after meeting Tempest.
>>
>>39089942
Yes, yes, the movie desperately tries to have an ARC and ThEmEs because we're a movie darling dear we have to do those things. It shits down the throat of Twilight's existing character and it does not work within the movie itself even without that. I know what the movie is doing. It doesn't work. It comes off as forced OOC bullshit nonsense. The Pearl is possible the worst offender, with Twilight seeing it used once for one specific thing and deciding it can be the weapon they need. It's like the movie deliberately ignores the existing lore of the world it's set in. The whole thing feels artificial. The conflict too. The M6's friendship antics have negative consequences because the plot demands it, until suddenly they are actually good when Twilight falls. The movie is a poorly written fanfic with terrible execution. It sucks ass. There are good parts in it, good things, but it's a writing failure. Establishing an arc doesn't mean the arc itself is good, and in the movie it is not. You're an idiot for not seeing that and a double idiot for thinking people don't get the movie when in reality they get it more than you do.
>>
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>>39089942
Amazing. You really are the worst flagfag. Others might be flashier, but they all burn out. But you just keep on going. It's a war of attrition with you, and you're determined to wear /fimfic/ down like a malignant tumor.
>>
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>>39090059
The only one you need permission from to like fun things is yourself.
>>
>>39090093
Where's the fun?
>>
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>>39090101
Wherever it can be found.
>>
>>39090105
And that would be where?
>>
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>>39090107
Just look and you'll see.
>>
>>39090108
I'm not seeing any fun.
>>
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>>39090107
It's all around you.
>>
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>>39090107
Waiting.
>>
>>39090105
>>39090108
>>39090112
>>39090116
G5 MK 0.5
>>
>>39090116
>>39090112
>>39090108
>Noooo look at all muh background cudeness pleapleapleas ignore the shotflow in the foreground
>muh details! MUH DEEDAILS! wdym the main serving is trash, haven't you seen the minute intricate details?
This is why autistic people can't judge media. Are you a Snyder fag by chance?
>>
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>>39090135
No, and I like the movie's main plot well enough. It's on par with some of the better episodes in the show, but not as good as, for example, To Where and Back Again. FiM themes don't mesh that well with adventure stories when constrained to commercial media.
>>
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>>39090155
>>
Who is the benign tumor of /fimfic/?
>>
>>39090168
The raraflag. He doesn't really do much aside from be a slight annoyance on occasion.
Captcha: GMK0G
I don't think he posts here.
>>
>>39090168
I am going to write a fic where I beat the living shit out of you pieces of shits till you learn to respect us intellectuals.
I work with imbeciles like you every day, I know how you idiots tick. Disgusting Detroit-tier niggers with straight 1s. Shut the fuck up, you know I'm right.
>>39089844
>This is her big tard
*SLAP* sorry did you just disrespect intellectuals?
*PUNCH*
You do know writing is for intellectuals, right? you're in a thread all about writing. The pen is the mightier than the sword and all that jazz and it's true.
*SHOVES A PEN IN YOUR EYE*
What do you have against intellectuals? they hold your planet alive, provide all the technology you need, all the artistic shows you watch and you trash all over them because you're jealous?
*KICK TO THE GENITALS* what the actual hell goes through your mind when you bite the hand that feeds you? Do you suffer from something? too much time in the sun?

What the fuck is wrong with you when you actively sabotage yourself and help midwits further sabotage geniuses out of sheer jealousy? Do you enjoy the end result of living in shit without gas, hot water, electricity, communication devices? Do I have to put you in a mental asylum? Do you even understand what you're thinking of right now? Do you understand your own thoughts or do I have to be your psychologist too?
>>
>>39090173
I'm still here. I've not been posting, because I don't have anything meaningful to contribute at the moment. I'm currently deciding which Nightmare Night story to pursue, and believe I'll be fleshing out the idea I've had regarding Luna. I'd rather be a phantom or unwanted pregnancy than a benign tumor.

I also want to flesh out an idea involving Queen Chrysalis and the changelings, but I'll be lucky to finish that within the year. I'd prefer to contribute it to a changeling art pack, but there seem to be none upcoming. I've contributed to but one art pack this entire year, so far, which is a little boring; packs always help spur me to write.
>>
>>39090112
Wonder what it means to have a sushi cutie mark
>>
>>39090230
Ponies eat eggs and Yellowmeek fed fish to animals, they probably have sushi.
>>
>>39090236
Yellowmeek feeds fish to animals still, Habershit was a fever dream.
>>
>>39090227
>I also want to flesh out an idea involving Queen Chrysalis and the changelings
I don't know why but this made me think of Anonymous. Specifically how ponies would probably think he was a retarded changeling given his green and black color scheme.
>>
>>39090236
But are those chicken eggs? Or griffon eggs?
>>
>>39090363
Do griffons lay unfertilized eggs?
>>
>>39090365
The one chained in my basement doesn't.
>>
I just finished reading https://www.fimfiction.net/story/514061/when-ponies-fly and it's such a charming little AU that I went on to read the sequels (Pinkie Pegasus was literally just uploaded today) and it being an AU that's so familiar and yet so different has made it a very enjoyable read.
>>
>>39090423
Feel like doing a formal review of it? We haven't had many lately.
>>
>>39090440
I've never done a formal review before, how hard can it be?
>>
>>39090455
Well, just check for some of Reviewfilly's reviews, and use them as a template. It requires starting off with a ">review" so that the post gets flagged for the review site that parses the thread, but after that it's really up to you. Check the OP for a couple more specifics.
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>>39090455
Here's one of his reviews from the last thread.
>>39074910
>>
>reivew https://www.fimfiction.net/story/514061/when-ponies-fly
"When Ponies Fly" is a one chapter AU at around 6,000 words where Twilight is an earth pony inventor in Ponyville, who after a little argument with Applejack is inspired to try and fly to prove that the stars in the night sky really are other worlds.
I've had this in my RIL list for a while now, and decided to finally take a crack at it. It's rather short, so I don't want to spoil too much of it.
It starts off with Twilight utilizing her very own homemade wing contraption to try and fly, and true to Twilight's character she picks up on the minutiae of the physics involved pretty quickly. When Braeburn makes an exasperated comment about jumping off a cliff Twilight does exactly that, and winds up discovering something truly amazing about the nature of her world.
Overall I would certainly say that this story was rather cute and charming. There's definitely some adventurous spirit that won't be really seen until the sequel, but for anyone that likes AU's that are at once rather drastic and simultaneously so familiar, while maintaining the atmosphere of the first season with the ponies meeting and growing as friends along with a dollop of whimsy as we see Twilight follow her dream of exploration and what she finds. The worldbuilding is pretty sparse, overall, but it does feel like a solid foundation for future stories. If there was a criticism I'd have to level at the story is that Pinke Pie's dialogue is all in italics.
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>>39090508
Spot on, anon.
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>>39090521
Thanks anon, I flubbed a bit of the review (it's late at night and I'm terrible at proofreading my own stuff as it is) but I appreciate the cool Sunset image and the (You)
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>>39090533
No problem anon. And hey, that just means your next one will be better.
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>>39090423
That was pretty comfy. I approve of Erf Pony Twilight Spergle.
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>>39090508
>>39090423
This is a cute and comfy story for sure.
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>>39087790
>should be a period
Period's not needed since it's a complex sentence. "Dash" is the subject of both clauses, making the second clause subordinate to the first. Though you could still separate them and have an implied subject in the second, it's not necessary.

>There's no said tag or anything similar
Yes, that's the point. You're using descriptive narration to determine the speaker. A dialogue tag isn't needed. The reader knows Dash is the one talking since the narration is focusing on the actions she's making.

>>39088306
>Twilight seethed
Still my favorite saidism in a fic. Thanks, Goldenwing.
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>>39090630
>Period's not needed since it's a complex sentence
First comma is fine. The second one should be a period.
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>>39090630
>"I'll get you for this," she sneeded
>"Cope," said Anon
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>>39090630
You're wrong. That example is absolutely two sentences. Take away the quotation marks and it's exceedingly obvious.
>Dash cantered over to Anon, so blind with anger she nearly tripped over the stool and had to catch herself with her flared-out wings, I won't allow you to look at my snowpity until you fulfill your promise to me, Anon!
And you absolutely missed the point of that anon bringing up the lack of a dialogue tag.
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>>39087101
Based on some comments, Celestia wasn't justified to murder all the changelings here, but ymmw. If you agree
though, Celestia is ALSO the bad guy here.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/518338/predator
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>>39090895
>wasn't justified to murder all the changelings
Is it the usual "if you prevent your enemies from attacking you again (and again and again and again) you'll be just like them" spinelessness?
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>>39090508
Good job, Anon. This reads nice and now I kinda want to read the fic.
Personally I like to talk a bit about the prose and presentation of the fic as well, since occasionally prose alone can carry a mediocre story. Also I generally like to partition the review like this:
>one line of intro with length and summary
>prose
>positives
>negatives
>overall
I find that this flow fits a lot of fics and it's easy to modify in special cases.
Obviously these aren't rules you need to religiously follow and you are more than welcome to make up your own format, but I figured it might be helpful as inspiration if nothing else.
Keep it up!

>>39090630
>>Twilight seethed
>Still my favorite saidism in a fic.
I almost did the same in one of my stories as well. Seemed so logical, but then it was caught during proofreading and replaced with something else.

>>39091122
I think the issue was that Cellie went out of her way to systematically murder Changelings who neither had any idea that she was near, nor stood any real chance of even harming her. I wasn't particularly bothered by the questionable morality of this, more the fact that she was so overpowered in the story that there was little tension.

>>39089801
I am coping and seething.
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>>39091191
>Celestia went out of the way to remove the rest of the causes of her chariot being brought down and her guard abducted
I fail to see a problem there.
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>>39090630
No anon you tard. That's not how dialogue works. You can only ever connect dialogue to non dialogue if there's a said tag
>Twilight said, "You should kill yourself."
>"You should kill yourself," said Twilight.
Or in a couple other cases with sentences being interrupted or the character doing something mid sentence and whatnot, but those use dahses, bot commas. What you're doing is retarded. An amateurish mistake that means you failed to actually understand the writing guide if you did read it. Yes, you don't need a said tag. But if you don't have a said tag, you can't connect the dialogue to the action with a comma. It's a very simple fact of how dialogue is formatted and failure to understand it means you're probably failing at a bunch of other things too. Please reread the guide. The proper formatting with action tag is separation.
>"I love raping foals." Twilight did a somersault.
>Twilight dabbed. "I love raping foals."
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>>39091379
>You can only ever connect dialogue to non dialogue if there's a said tag
Are you literally autistic?
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>>39091384
Connect as in them being a single string that isn't interrupted by a period you cretin. Not just sitting next to each other, actually connected.
>Sentence A. Sentence B
A and B are next to each other.
>Sentence A, Sentence B
A and B are connected. Are you on the spectrum? Do you not know how to interpret words? Do you not see that your retarded interpretation is contrary even to what I did in the second part of the post? Of course not, you didn't read that far, you stopped at that sentence to post your reply because your brain can only fit so much information you poor subhuman. I hope you never write anything.
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>>39091191
To be honest I don't know how to tell if prose is good or bad. For instance, week one of people talking about Extended Cut I noticed that the prose was being criticized but when I had read it I didn't have a problem with it, so obviously when reviewing a story I can't talk about the prose.
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>>39091531
I mostly try to be on a lookout for how it "feels" to read the story.
For instance, if the prose has a lot of clever literary devices (metaphors and similes are fairly easy to spot, but anthropomorphisms can be pretty nice as well (no it has nothing to do with b&thro), alliterations in some cases, metonymy, etc.) that can really raise the enjoyment factor imo, because you aren't just deriving fun from the actual events, but the way said events are conveyed as well. You could write the next [insert your favorite story here] in terms of plot, but if your prose is dull, it won't have nearly the same impact.
Not to mention, the prose is also an extremely important part of the pacing. I'll use a quote from one of my stories for the sake of convenience, but I certainly didn't come up with this, nor is it necessarily the best example ever:
>After all, he was a dead stallion walking, really. Even if Her Radiance came back tomorrow and cast this mare of nightmares into the deep where she belonged, his fate was still as good as sealed.

>Treason.

>The word hung above his head like a sword dangling tautly on a hair from his own gone-gray mane. It was such an elegant description for what he had done, the only small impreciseness being it completely ignored the fact that, instead of material gain, he did this merely to save his kin and, though his vanity fought hard before he was finally able to admit it, himself as well.
As you can see here starting a whole new paragraph for a single word draws the reader's attention to it and gives a moment of pause to really make the situation sink in. There was nothing strictly stopping me from putting "Treason" either at the end of the previous paragraph or the start of the next, but it wouldn't have had the same effect.
Finally another very important thing to be on the lookout for is sentence lengths. Almost all beginner writers -- me included -- fall into the trap of making extremely long, run-on sentences, which completely drag down the story's pace. Even though you can very effectively control how "urgent" a scene feels by carefully choosing how long each individual sentence is. Long ones feel calm and are great for peaceful exposition. Short is urgent! And energetic.
(There is also technical stuff like having the tenses in order and not making typos, but those are not super exciting and don't need much explanation.)
Again, I'm not exactly a taught critic and I mostly base these things on the experience I've gathered over the years (including before coming here,) but they generally work as useful guidelines to judge a story's more "technical" parts.
I hope this might help.
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It is very fitting to tackle NS on the MYM week, a year after ANG.
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>>39091657
I'm going to have to read more carefully to pick up on these sorts of things then. Thanks reviewfilly.
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>>39091662
Anon, what the hell are you talking about?
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>>39091673
Not him but
NS = Northern Stars, filly's gee% fic that's going to be read for the book club next week
MYM = (I don't know, from context I can infer that it's something about G5)
ANG = A New Generation, the G5 movie
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>>39091676
You gotta let it go
You gotta let it shine

Oh, let’s make our mark together
Just riding on forever
Just keeps on getting better, better, better

Everypony everywhere
You can feel it in the air
Find your spark
And just glow and shine

Make a mark that you can share
Hoof to heart, you know we care
Oh, ponies come on!
Let’s all unite
(Let’s all unite)
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>>39091693
Those are some vapid lyrics. Is that from G%? I'd be way more forgiving if you just whipped it up for that post.
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>>39091759
It's an intro theme and probably an in-universe pop song by Pipp. I think Pony Love proves MYM can do good lyrics.
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>>39091793
Yep, vapid.
>I think Pony Love proves MYM can do good lyrics.
Is that another cliched checklist of words? Let me take a blind stab at it.
>love is good
>friends are good
>love your friends
>never ends

>love a poner
>with your boner
>love it forcefully
>in the horsepussy
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>>39091805
I remember not so long ago
The feeling of the light
As it kissed my cheek, my time to speak
Came and went like night

The crack of dawn, the curtain drawn
The mountains I have climbed
The truth is if it happened once
It happened a hundred times

And all I have to show
For it, now…

Is pony love
Memories of
All I ever wanted
To be closer to feeling pony love

Pony love
A moment in the sun
Bathing everyone
In pony love…
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>>39091840
>recently I got kissed a lot
>the only evidence is my memory
>but I never got past first base
>I just wanted to score
Riveting.
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>>39091863
>missing the point this hard
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>>39091870
>vagueposter posts vaguely
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>>39091872
>>vague
Poor little idiot.
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>>39091873
>vagueposter doubles down to deflect not actually knowing anything
Imagine being this insecure on 4chan lmao
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>4 Cozy Glow stories in the Sinbox
I mean, they're not porn so that's chill, but what's the obsession lately?
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>>39091900
I think there's some contest going on (still less cancerous than Scampy's new fic).
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>>39091913
She hasn't killed herself yet? What a trooper.
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>>39091900
We don't talk about Cozy in this house. Only books. It's like a club. A book club. A secret book club that Cozy doesn't know about.
/FSBC/

Holy heck, dudes! Twilight is hard core!
She slowly crushes the bat pony to death, listening to his bones crack without remose as her friends beg her to stop. And when she finally does, it turns out she had a sleep spell the whole time! Crushing him to death was just a personal preference.
Maybe she needed to reduce his HP for that to work though. I dunno.
A lot of these tests were superfluous. I was surprised when Dash reenacted the bridge scene. She’d already been tempted to join the Shadowbolts and refused… twice. So why did we need to do this a third time?
Also, Fluttershy’s test seemed more like an aside than part of the story. They’re walking through the woods and the manticore shows up. Though the main problem with this is that Fluttershy had her chance to show kindness to the bat ponies earlier, meaning this could have been easily cut too.
Rarity’s test probably made the most sense overall of all of them, but I still think more importance should have been placed on her harness if giving it up would be a major plot point later on.
The actual confrontation with Nightmare Moon itself was also a bit underwhelming for a 150K word story. They just kinda spark it up and it’s over. NMM really went in on the whole ‘beg my enemies to join me’ gambit. Did she have any other plans? That and the Scooby Do ‘scare them away with costumes’ thing were like 90% of what she did.
Celestia’s reasons for creating and then hiding the prophecy were kinda weird… I still don’t get what the fuck she was going for after a few thousand words of explanation. Like she wanted to beat up NMM herself, I get that, but… Maybe a couple of concise sentences would have been better than a flashback.
Then we get Twilight deciding to stay in Ponyville herself, which is an interesting change. One of the problems with the series is she’s essentially a pawn who actually becomes more deferential to Celestia over time, so it’s nice to see her making her own choices.
Though did she REALLY get attached to the other five so fast?
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>>39091922
I guess the real question is what does this add to the first two episodes, being extended and all… besides tons of unnecessary details I mean.
The main answer is the bat ponies. They’re pretty great as a whole and I like this part, even if the flashbacks and everything were a bit of overly-long exposition.
I also like Dash’s backstory and feel like she has more character. It’s way better than her parents creating an ego-maniac through years of constant praise.
The others don’t get too much expansion upon their characters or backgrounds. Maybe we see them more in the next stories, but not here too much. Twilight herself is more autistic but that’s about it.

>Anyway, we got some voting to do.

No one else made any nominations again so I’ll add Eyes on You from the Starter kit.

Vote 1: Next story. The nominations:
>Chasing Winter (84K)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/98069/chasing-winter
>The Best Night Ever (53K Starter)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/18087/the-best-night-ever
>Celestia XVII
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/397803/celestia-xvii
>Eyes on You (148K Starter)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/7531/eyes-on-you
>Sunrise (98K Starter)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/498024/sunrise
>Carousel (69K Starter)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/320477/carousel
Vote 2: Should we take this off the starter kit.
Vote 3: Do you want to increase the story size limit?

I’ll vote for Carousel.
And I’ll abstain from voting to take it off… though I will say that first chapter would be a wretched introduction to MLP fanfics or literature in general.

The next book is Northern Stars and Reading Rainbow. Both should be done by next Sunday
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/514068/northern-stars
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/10624/reading-rainbow

Feel free to nominate anything by next time. If now, I’ll add more myself.
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>>39091924
Celestia XVII looks pretty interesting but I'll admit I'm a fucking sucker for Eyes on You. I've already read it twice and I just absolutely adore it.
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>>39091922
>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/439970/friendship-is-magic-extended-cut
'Friendship Is Magic - Extended Cut' is a 112k word AU rewrite of the first two episodes of Friendship is Magic. Although the events of the original episodes are still reflected in the fic, this expanded AU takes on a darker and more 'realistic' approach to the world and its characters. To its credit, the Extended Cut showcases a bunch of good ideas. Unfortunately it fumbles on the execution in several ways.

The first chapter does the story a great disservice. It dumps a ton of irrelevant worldbuilding on the reader without the intention to even mention most of it later. Not just that, the opening loredump is quickly repeated a second time when Twilight summarizes it to Celestia. I suppose the author wanted to highlight the differences between the canon Equestria and his AU right at the start but I can't say that this approach was all that necessary. IMO, it would've been far better to let the reader find the differences themselves by reading the actual fic. Furthermore, some of the choices regarding the prose of the fic are... questionable, to say the least, and chapter 1 is where Extended Cut's style has been the closest to intolerable for me. More on the prose later.

After that, the fic starts to get a lot better. This is where I need to emphasize that the main plot of the rewrite is surprisingly good; I liked the story, even despite what I'm about to say in a moment. The mystery regarding the Lunar rebellion and the beginnings of post-NMM Equestria is very good and the OC characters that appear a third of the way through the fic prove that the author is more than capable of writing interesting characters and an interesting story. The portrayal of Mane 6 was a mixed bag for me. I really liked this version of Rares and Ponk but Twilight is sometimes a lot more cynical, dismissive, unsympathetic and outright mean than her canon counterpart. Oh, and Fluttershy isn't 'shy' at all, Extended Cut's version starts out already being more confident than the show Flutters ever got. This is not a bad thing per se, it's just something to get used to; the fic utilizes the AU tag to its fullest, it is most certainly NOT the Equestria (You) know from the show.
It's not a bad Equestria, though. I loved the Everfree and the Lunar rebels lore. Something that struck me as weird was the author's brief moments of reluctance to commit to his own AU. Some of the confrontations and especially the lines of dialogue taken directly from the show don't really mesh with the rest of the fic. If you decide to read the Extended Cut, you'll probably do so for the interesting story and the world that the author is trying to show, not some loose callbacks to canon. Yes, we all watched the show (>implying).
The fic also has some totally random out-of-place le ebin references to other media like Cupcakes or FNAF. Those moments aren't that common though so It's not a huge deal.
(1/2)
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>>39091940
>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/439970/friendship-is-magic-extended-cut
It's finally time to address the two elephants in the room.
First, the lack of proofreading. Extended Cut has by far the most errors out of the fics the fimfic book club has read so far. They range from incorrectly placed punctuation marks and phonetic misspellings to missing spaces and jarring typos that would be underlined red by every spelling checker in the world. There is just no excuse to have them in the fic. I would guess that the reception varies from person to person, but personally I find them incredibly distracting, immediately disrupting the flow of the story. Aside from the errors, the fic insists on using the worst formatting of the dashes I have ever seen in a story. Hyphens replace the dashes and they're spaced from one, seemingly random, side of the punctuation mark. It looks pretty terrible on its own but combined with the author's tendency to use many hyphenated words, following some sentences is quite a struggle.
The other elephant is the writing. One of the anons aptly described it as 'Pythagorean prose' and it's a very good way to put it. It's technically sound (with the exception of the errors) but it's just so unevocative and sometimes outright boring. It's especially bad in longer descriptions, but it shows up everywhere. For as many words as the sentences in this fic tend to use, they tend to be very sterile. The constant overuse of italics in both dialogue and narration perhaps should've made it less of a problem but it didn't work. Artificially adding an emphasis to every other sentence diminishes the effect of italics. On top of that, the fic romances with the rationalfic genre. Thankfully it doesn't cross that line but it gets close to it on many occasions. Again, it's not an objective flaw but it's sort of silly, like all rationalfics and tend to be. Shout out to Spike taking fucking ground glass with him as s snack.

All in all, I'm really torn on the Extended Cut as a whole. I want to reiterate that I did like the story. If it was written differently -- something which I'm confident the author could've done since almost all the 'errors' are either simple oversights or dubious creative decisions -- I could easily see myself giving it a higher grade. If (You) don't care about the weird prose and the errors, and are willing to endure the mediocre opening, I'd recommend it.
Sadly, since those things are a part of the fic I have to take them into account and settle on a more unexciting 5/10.
(2/2)
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>>39091922
I certainly think the middle batch of reading was my favorite, something was just off in these final chapters. but anyways...
Things start off with the worst ambush ever, when it's sprung they don't neutralize a single opponent and in fact they kind of start off on the back hoof.
>“Ruttin’ mage just stabbed me! I am- agh, that hurts…”
I fucking hate that the bat pony says this mid fight and then the unicorn who isn't in visual range starts to retreat back since he heard her shout it.
>after this entire huge fight scene twilight just puts one in a shield and crushes him
fucking kek, also I was kinda right and they manage to convince them that equestria is a better place.
>Fluttershy's moment is the exact same
>“When I’m talking with animals like that,” Fluttershy continued, “I’m not really using words. The spell… it turns senses and… emotions, I guess… into words and then back again."
So I guess Fluttershy is just casting spells? Also I'm extraordinarily relieved Rarity didn't use her tail as a mustache in this HOWEVER
>complain about not enough rope to help twilight up
>immediately start building a rope bridge in the next scene
holy shit wtf, this was actually ridiculous lmao unless Twilight was like 300 feet below them and especially considering AJ fucking dropped her length of rope or something
>Rainbow has identical element moment
wtf? I though Rainbow's element moment already happened? This could've just been skipped.
"Unless Nightmare Moon has knowledge of magical techniques post-dating her imprisonment -which I doubt, because I saw her revenants digging through the Golden Oaks for a bunch of technical topics-"
While true, Twilight herself pointed out her up-to-date speech so it seems foolish to assume no present day magic
>NMM is just Luna in a fur suit
wtf I fucking hate this.
>projectiles go through wards
just bring a crossbow next time you try to kill an alicorn i guess
>CMCs meet up at a cannon lesson
>RD gets someponies cabin number
This and the weird comment about how pinkie likes getting poked by stallions should've just not been in the story. Also the final ending flashback fucking sucked.
Overall the story was alright I suppose but didn't really live up to my expectations having only seen it praised. Honestly my favorite parts came when I forgot it was even trying to be the first 2 episodes. Then something like Fluttershy's identical element scene would slam me back into the reality of the fic. I would've preferred it just being a complete AU and having more room to explore this world. This is partly why I was disappointed by the ending even though it ended in essentially thee only way it could've.
Also my keyboard didn't chitter a single time during all of this!
holding my vote for a few comments, but thanks for linking them as well
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>>39091922
I'm really shocked by how inconsequential most of the fic ended up being. I kinda liked AJ's truth sense scene, but overall, the testing of the M6 seems weirdly handed to me. The author is crafting this whole backstory that makes the universe run deeper than FiM, but still tries to stick close to the source material.
I think that's my biggest complain about the story in general. It presents a big new world, but it all feels constrained by trying to fit into the events of the show. Up to, and including, the wet fart that was the girls taking down NMM. I think it took less words than Dash's second (?) tempting by the Shadowbolts. It was quite underwhelming, seeing how the entire latter half of the story was building up to their final confrontation.
On that front, why did the Expanded Cut expand everything except the Elements of Harmony? I don't think there's a lot mentioned about them and their history in the fic.
Like I said before, I wish the author had just written a story about the Lunar Rebellion. Paper Clip seems like an interesting fellow.
Overall, my enjoyment trumped my annoyance, but it's a 55-45 matter. I can't say I really liked the fic.
Also.
>“They actually told you that? Look. When this is over, you and I are going to visit the locations where you think these massacres occurred. I’m willing to bet they’ve already been excavated, and there’s not a single body that...
Twilight, how could you deny the killing of the six lunillion bat ponies?
>Voting
I'll vote for Chasing Winter.
I'm not sure if I call Extended Cut required reading. I don't feel I would lose much if I hadn't read this fic. I'd be against messing with the kit now that it's finally done, but I think I would recommend almost every other story in it before EC.
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>>39091952
>Also the final ending flashback fucking sucked.
I think it's hilarious that Celestia didn't just start explaining and then we fade into the flashback, but that she actually uses a flashback spell.
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>>39091921
Of course she doesn't want to kill herself. She just wants attention from her simps.
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>>39091940
>>39091941
right, the flag.

As for this week, the tests were extremely meh. Manticore and the bridge were mostly ripped 1:1 from the show with only cosmetic changes which is not what I hoped to see in the fic so reliant on its AU for the good parts of it. Mane 6 wanting to fucking end the manticore and RD wanting to end up fucking the shadowbolt didn't change much at all. Also huge F for my boy Steven Magnet, the dude got skipped.
The 'rationalficness' of the fic continued to be a lot more manageable than it was in the first chapters but one detail that made me chuckle was the manticore -- the fic goes out of way to first explain that they're sapient in a long speech, THEN another explanation for why they couldn't ask it to lead them to the castle. That felt like a proper rationalfic nonsense and then you're slapped with the rope bridge that they pull out of nowhere. What the fuck was that?

Also is it just me or was there a lot more allusions to sex in these chapters? First Vortex calls Celestia a "Sunslut" which Twilight doesn't even refute, then NMM-as-Vortex has this weirdly sexual moment with Dash, Twilight apparently is sexually interested in NMM/Luna/both. There was none of that in the first 10 chapters.

As much as I liked the story about the events that happened 1000 years ago, I still don't like how little Princess Celestia can do. She's not an absolute monarch, barely a president with a pretty crown, really.

>>39091922
>I guess the real question is what does this add to the first two episodes, being extended and all… besides tons of unnecessary details I mean.
The main answer is the bat ponies.
>>39091952
>Honestly my favorite parts came when I forgot it was even trying to be the first 2 episodes.
>>39091959
>The author is crafting this whole backstory that makes the universe run deeper than FiM, but still tries to stick close to the source material.
Yeah that's what I think, too. Framing the story as an e01/e02 rewrite was an idea (not a great one), but I think that writing a different story in this AU and with the same Lunars plot would've been more interesting. It fucking sucks that the most interesting part of the plot is essentially relegated to background information, only sometimes showing up in the actual main plot.
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>>39091922
>She slowly crushes the bat pony to death, listening to his bones crack without remose as her friends beg her to stop. And when she finally does, it turns out she had a sleep spell the whole time! Crushing him to death was just a personal preference.
kek, I also like how everypony just got more and more scared of her while it was happening
>I was surprised when Dash reenacted the bridge scene. She’d already been tempted to join the Shadowbolts and refused… twice. So why did we need to do this a third time?
this.
>and fluttershy
yeah, these 1-for-1 scenes literally ripped me out of the story
>That and the Scooby Do ‘scare them away with costumes’ thing were like 90% of what she did.
kek, but to be fair to NMM, she was essentially a scooby do villain all along and Twilight literally sees part of the mask come off. The Elements of Harmony just summoned Velma to rip the mask off.
>Flashback
it fucking sucked and I completely agree anything involving celestia was not concise at all
>Though did she REALLY get attached to the other five so fast?
It really doesn't seem like she has any reason to stay other than keeping all the elements in one place
Her entire interaction with AJ so far is like 1 alright adventure and then getting punched in the horn
>>39091924
>I guess the real question is what does this add to the first two episodes, being extended and all…
As I said, this story shines when it wasn't following the episodes and fails where it was. Which is unfortunate for a fixfic lol
>Twilight herself is more rational but that’s about it.
kek

>>39091938
I'm leaning towards that to get a breathe of less rational Celestia

>>39091940
>I loved the Everfree and the Lunar rebels lore
>especially the lines of dialogue taken directly from the show don't really mesh with the rest of the fic
>you'll probably do so for the interesting story and the world that the author is trying to show, not some loose callbacks to canon
completely agree with these. When the author is doing his own thing :) When the author is copying the show :(
>>39091941
>lack of proofreading
This surprised me, I really would've expected a series that is as big as this to at least have a proofreader, if not an actual editor. and the fucking -dash italics formatting gets fucking horrendous in the NMM battle
>Pythagorean prose
:)
>Shout out to Spike taking fucking ground glass with him as s snack.
fucking kek

>>39091952
>>>>>didn't chitter a single time during all of this!
>unironically typed 'thee' 5 words earlier

>>39091959
>I think that's my biggest complain about the story in general
Absolutely agree
>Twilight denies the holocoaster
I fucking forgot about that! I audibly kek'd when I read it. Somehow it didn't make it into my notes

>>39091980
Now we know this world has a sex fantasy company doing cyberpunk tier memory selling
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>>39091922
Man, what a pain, I only just finished. Guess we can chalk that up to some bad timing on my part.
There is not much else I can add that the others haven't already spoken of. I think the bat ponies are absolutely the best part of this fic and their "moral grayness" if we can call it that is genuinely the most intriguing part of the whole experience -- along with the Lunar lore in general.
Personally I don't mind that Steven Magnet was cut. It's not that the fagserpent wasn't a fun character, but I see no real way he could've been fit into this story without seeming extremely out of place. Considering how shoehorned the manticore and the Dash bridge scene already were, I'm inclined to consider this a positive.
As mentioned several times, I'm baffled by how fast the fight against NMM was. I do quite like parts of it (Twilight stalling for time for instance was nice in my opinion,) but as a whole it felt like something out of a story of 20k words, not 150k
I also feel like the author had no real idea how to characterize Twilight. While the others have fairly set in stone personalities, she shifts rapidly between being a jerk and an absolutely empathetic pony. Of all the characters in the fic, she's the one I liked the least, which is a shame, because there was a lot of potential here. Ponk, however, was executed great and she's probably my favorite. It's shocking how the character most authors get absolutely wrong somehow ended up so good. The rest were fine as well, Rara being so posh is fun, Dash being such an edgy military larper less so, but I've little to say about them.
The "search and rescue mission" chapter was actually kinda fun? Like, I wouldn't mind seeing a fic with events like this in focus. It was a bit military-jerky, but not to an extent that ruined my enjoyment. I do like reading about coordinated squads doing stuff and I quite like that the soldiers here were presented as rational (heh) and cool-headed ponies, who aren't there to necessarily fight, just to secure the place.
The flashback and all that felt a bit too smug and le 4d plottwisty to me. It's not that it doesn't make sense, but it's so contrived and roundabout that I didn't find it super satisfying. It just felt meh. I also wish we saw a bit more from the Lunars in the epilogue, for all the promises and whatnot made before, they all were handled off-screen and that's a bit disappointing.
>“That’s just it. I’ve been… thinking,” Twilight stammered in reply.
>The alicorn’s mouth turned up at the corners. “Well that’s always an ominous sign!”
I admit this made me smile. Well-intentioned Trollestia is a gem.
Overall, eh. I really hate to score this as a 5/10, but I genuinely see no other score fitting. It's infuriatingly mediocre, with tall heights and very deep lows. I would personally remove this from the SK, but I suppose it's not the end of the world if it stays. My vote goes to Carousel.
>>
>>39091531
>To be honest I don't know how to tell if prose is good or bad.
Are you saying you don't understand the prose and cons, good sir?
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>>39092070
kek
>>
hi everyone! it has been a while for me, but i wanted to wait until i had something actually unique to post. if you’d like a taste of something new, check out my cozy fic. it was a lot of fun to write and develop and i’d love criticism or if someone has already done this idea
>>
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>>39091980
>Flashback orb
"C-can I borrow that orb when you're done with it?"
-T. Pip related.

>>39092002
>Vortex
Lucky boy. NMM did all the work seducing Rainbow Dash for him. It'll lead to an awkward moment down the line where Dash is now crushing on the guy and he has no idea why.
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>>39092070
Oh, Anon.

>>39092037
>kek, I also like how everypony just got more and more scared of her while it was happening
This was actually probably one of the most annoying parts of the whole fic. My only assumption is that the author was trying to riff on Twilight's sudden attachment to the others and her slight psychosis (as in 'Lesson Zero') but it came off as her suddenly turning into a psychopath, which didn't exactly mesh well with her supposedly becoming more empathetic and finding friends and whatnot.
>>
>>39092081
>be Anon
>be in Equestria
>a pony says she's crushing on you
>that's good, right
>it's Twilight Sparkle and she has a big rock
>bad end
>>
>>39092101
Twilight ridding the world of scum.
>>
Voting for Eyes On You, 'yes' for removing it and no preference towards the word limit.
Reading a ~200k fic wouldn't be the end of the world but anything longer than a month's worth of book clubs is too much, imo.

>>39092037
>Her entire interaction with AJ so far is like 1 alright adventure and then getting punched in the horn
AJ in general gets barely any lines. Flutters and Ponk at least show up all the time but AJ is there only for the "AJ scenes". The rest of the time she's kinda in the background. Twi, RD and Rares get a lot more spotlight that the rest, in that order.

>>39091922
>>39092037
Speaking of Celestia and Luna, I agree that making sense out of Celestia's decisions is a futile endeavor but what about Luna? Did I miss a really crucial bit of the story or was there absolutely no justification at all -- or even just an explanation -- of Luna going NMM? Twilight originally thought that her behavior was caused by the feedback from controlling all those skellies but later she dismisses that theory without coming up with a new explanation. Then we get the Matryoshka doll-Luna but again, there's no explanation, things just happen.

>>39092067
>The "search and rescue mission" chapter was actually kinda fun?
I guess? It establishes why the Royal Guard is there for the last chapter's opening but I kinda skimmed it to get back to the main plot. Also, how the fuck did they get there so fast? They arrive in Ponyville AFTER Twilight defeats NMM and yet they're at a castle right after she finished casting the spell. The Mane6 have spent hours travelling but the guards literally get there in like 30 seconds.
>>
>>39092002
>huge F for my boy Steven Magnet, the dude got skipped.
fucking kek, big F. Honestly he should've helped with rope bridge somehow which would've gotten rid of rainbow's 3rd element scene and the magical rope spawning that occurred somewhere.
>>39092002
>That felt like a proper rationalfic nonsense
kek, if you ever have back to back paragraphs that explain and then de-explain the same thing your definitely getting a bit rational and chances are very high you could've skipped both paragraphs
>>39092002
>rope bridge that they pull out of nowhere. What the fuck was that?
And literally just a few paragraphs after they drop half their rope down the cliff and start complaining how little rope they have because they can't save Twilight. Also did they even use the rope they used for Twilight? There should've been a description of how Rarity's hair was part of the bridge lol
> was there a lot more allusions to sex in these chapters
ye
>There was none of that in the first 10 chapters
Not true, some-mare pokes Pinkie and she complains that 'getting poked by mares isn't as fun as getting poked by stallions'
Honestly all of these comments are ridiculous and made me raise an eyebrow when they popped up. None of them have anything to do with the story although I guess maybe choosing to not get some shadowcock makes Rainbow more loyal? And yeah Celly is pretty trash, at least in the passed, which is most of what we see of her.

>>39092067
>Personally I don't mind that Steven Magnet was cut
F
>their "moral grayness" if we can call it that is genuinely the most intriguing part of the whole experience -- along with the Lunar lore in general.
yup
>Considering how shoehorned the manticore and the Dash bridge scene already were
Honestly if Steve Magneto was in the story between these two parts I would've just laughed, which would've been a good thing. The only thing it would've ruined would've been the startillery attack but that gets ruined next paragraph when it turns out they have enough rope to build the golden gate bridge anyway.
>it felt like something out of a story of 20k words
it really did, it was one of the shortest things in the whole story lol
>search and rescue mission
Not sure what you're referring to
>Lunars dealt with off-screen
yeah that felt weird. Especially since we did get a lot happening post NMM fight, but none of it was interesting lmao

>>39092070 (You)


>>39091924
Votes
1: I'll go with Celestia XVII
2: No vote
3: Sure, Although idk if you mean max words per story, or max words per week. Vote is 'sure' either way
>>
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>>39092110
>The rest of the time she's kinda in the background.
>>
>>39092109
>scum
Batponies or Anon?
>>
>>39092111
>Not sure what you're referring to
The penultimate chapter with the Guard. They call it a S&R mission themselves.
>it really did, it was one of the shortest things in the whole story lol
On the other hand I did quite like that when Twilight is Element-ed up she really does feel OP and kinda inequine. The world pausing and her musing how she could just kill NMM with a flick was a good touch imo.
>>
>>39092110
>Did I miss a really crucial bit of the story or was there absolutely no justification at all -- or even just an explanation -- of Luna going NMM?
From what I read while Twilight finds the hidden room in the library, one second the rebellion is gaining more and more traction from the common pony and then during the ever free battle when Paperboy does out with the white flag to parley he ends up meeting NMM, and there's no in-between. In fact, it even seemed like she was doing well as normal Luna and gaining support so I'm not sure what was the final straw in her just switching to a necromancer army so everyone would hate her.
>Also, how the fuck did they get there so fast
I guess the forest just stopped being confusing after hundreds of years. Also I guess this is what >>39092067 is talking about. I do like that spike did something relevant and got Shining Armor
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>>39092067
>I quite like that the soldiers here were presented as rational

"Captain Tia's Razor reporting for duty. Skeleton soldiers? HEH! Without muscles, a skeleton can't possibly move by itself. Doesn't NMM know anything about biology?"
>The skeletons get up and attack.
"HEH! If a pony ACTUALLY turned into mist, there'd be nothing stopping him from dissapating into the surrounding air. We need only wait for the shadowbolts to commit suicide via mist transformation!"
"HEH! Using game theory we can perfectly predict the enemy's movements! Just give me six chapters to calculate their gambits via syllogisms using a prior knowledge."
"HEH! Using timeless decision theory, I've logically deduced the perfect plan to defeat NMM. Yes, I know she's already defeated but hear me out. If we torture everyone who didn't help overthrow NMM, the ponies in the past will be motivated to help us out in the past, thus ensuring this victory actually happened!
>>
>>39091922
I think i liked it? I wanted to... it was kind of difficult for me to get through in the beginning, it built up much better in the middle, and then the end kind.. fell flat. I think Fluttershy was horribly ooc the whole story, the tone was all over the place, the lessons and trials they faced seemed derivative at best, and I'm really not convinced they actually ended up friends at the end. I didn't hate it, but i think i wanted more from it. Whatever it was. It was fine i guess. Didn't really do anything all that special, but i don't consider it a waste of time to have read. 2.5/5
>>
>>39092167
>Didn't really do anything all that special, but i don't consider it a waste of time to have read
That's a remarkably good way of putting it. It's a decent story that at the end of the day left me shrugging.
I suppose it is interesting in a way that a story this intricate can feel so lukewarm.
>>
>>39092147
You've hit upon something important. "Rationalfic" tropes can be fun if you're introducing them into a story for comedic effect. Making the whole story about these ideas has never been done very well or resulted in something that was entertaining to read for more than a few paragraphs.
>>
Somebody should write a rational clopfic
>>
>>39092255
A comedy involving Pinkie getting reported for sexual harassment in the workplace. I'd read it
>>
>>39092255
Already been done. See the OP guide. It's in fucking bold.
>>
>>39092280
>Twilight is deliberately OoC, the fic frequently goes off on some stunningly long tangents (at one point Twilight goes through SEVEN HUNDRED words of thinking about politics between two lines of dialogue), and the sex barely counts.
Yep, sounds like a rationalfic.
>>
>>39091922
RD does her loyalty test again and it's somehow even shittier this time. It's once again just
>hey, want to join us?
>hmm, nah
which is totally unimpactful. Even just a sentence or two of Dash thinking of the friends she'd be betraying would be a huge improvement. Better still if she actually seemed like she was tempted before refusing.

NMM being some kind of shell was interesting, but sadly it never really got explained.

Completely skipping the scene where Twilight matches elements to ponies seems like the kind of thing you can only get away with in a fanfic, where 100% of your readers already know exactly how it's supposed to go. The six elements aren't even named anywhere in that chapter, so you'd really have to be paying attention to understand what happened otherwise.

>>39091924
>Vote 1: Next story
Chasing Winter
>Vote 2: Should we take this off the starter kit.
Keep, but I think we should have a separate category for fics like EC and FO:E that are on the list for some special reason rather than overall quality. In this case, the reason is that EC is the least bad fixfic / episode rewrite out there, so if you're specifically looking to read a fixfic, it should be EC. (Not that EC is bad, but it's a bit mediocre, and below the usual standard of the kit IMO.)
>Vote 3: Do you want to increase the story size limit?
Sure, might as well. I don't think there needs to be a hard limit. People can always just not nominate or vote for fics they think are too long.

>>39091952
>>projectiles go through wards
Was it a random knife, or was it the enchanted steel from the manticore's paw? The point of the bit about modern magical techinques was that NMM wouldn't be able to shield against the thing, as it was enchanted with her own magic.

>>39092002
>NMM-as-Vortex has this weirdly sexual moment with Dash
Basically all the RD/Vortex scenes felt a bit weird to me. Even in the forest when he's hitting on her and she keeps calling him a "freak", I honestly couldn't tell whether she's genuinely disgusted that this 1000-year-old semi-undead asshole is trying to flirt with her or whether she's actually into him but doesn't want to admit it. Given it's an RD POV scene, I feel like it should either be clear how she feels, or it should be clear that even she's not sure how she feels.

>Twilight apparently is sexually interested in NMM/Luna/both
I thought she wasn't, and Celestia was just giving her a hard time

Also, don't forget RD planning to hook up with some random guard on the airship.

>There was none of that in the first 10 chapters.
Ponk's line about getting "poked" by stallions
>>
>>39092002
>>39092331
Oh, I forgot the other one - the mention of Celestia having had several husbands and a great many descendants over the centuries
>>
I look forward to https://www.fimfiction.net/story/500026/the-only-mark-that-matters finishing because it was good enough for me to read but not good enough for me to keep up with.
>>
More like Bitch in Broad Gaylight.
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>>39092401
How will E-D ever recover?
>>
What I gather from the overall discussion is that Extended Cut has just enough positives to make it enjoyable, but too many negatives to make it widely recommendable.
A lot of what it extends is superfluous at best, and intrusive at worst. And when it comes to retelling the series premiere, tying it back to canon only hinders the story and creates a dissonance between the show's tone and its universe's tone.
>>
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>>39092331
>Was it a random knife, or was it the enchanted steel from the manticore's paw?

>-a bow that put her curled-back hoof within grabbing distance of the dagger she’d slipped into her tunic back in Fluttershy’s cottage-
>-careful to keep the hilt of the dagger grasped in the frog of her left hoof-
>Nightmare Moon twisted around, impossibly fast, wings snapping out and hooves raised to strike… and as soon as she did Twilight brought her own hoof up and let go of the dagger. It had no mana charge for the anti-magic field to sap; no complicated alchemical reactions to muddle; indeed it had no moving parts at all. It was just a very fast, very sharp piece of metal, and with her own wards and abilities suppressed by the disjunctions she’d cast there wasn’t a great deal Nightmare Moon could do about it.
>The dagger, tumbling from having been lobbed underhoof, slashed blade-first across Nightmare Moon’s right eye socket from her eyebrow to midway down her muzzle.

not sure wtf the disjunctions anybody casted were tho, picrel is the 2 points in the story the word disjunction is used and the first time is the manticore or something
>>
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About 10 chapters in to The Accidental Invasion. Nothing super weird so far, but the pacing seems extremely fast. The word count is probably higher than Rowling's, but the number of events seems to be cut down a lot. Both the Diagon Alley trip and Hermione's introduction are in the same chapter and total 1,800 words. Also, if I'm not mistaken, chapter 9 is a time skip of over a week. We don't even see Harry arrive at Hogwarts.

The only really oddity so far is that Crabbe and Goyle are literally retarded. I don't mean that they're stupid. I mean they're actually mentally wrong. Pic related.
>>
>>39091891
Anon, the meaning becomes crystal the moment you know who's singing.
>>
>>39092578
This is amazing.
>>
>>39092538
>it was a random knife after all
Huh. Well, that does seem a bit silly.

I was going to ask if Twilight had even used the steel shard at all, but apparently it was somehow part of her initial charge + teleport trick, I guess to get the exploding saddlebag through NMM's shield.

>not sure wtf the disjunctions anybody casted were tho, picrel is the 2 points in the story the word disjunction is used and the first time is the manticore or something
I think "disjunction" in general refers to a sort of counterspell, e.g. https://nwn.fandom.com/wiki/Mordenkainen%27s_disjunction
The anti-illusion spell Twilight tries with the fake guard is also referred to as a disjunction.
>>
>>39092600
Join us anon! Feel the flames of our hell!
>>
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>>39092619
>Mordenkainen’s disjunction
Don't talk about this shit lightly anon. It gives DnD 3.5e players flashbacks.
>>
I can't remember if it was the first or second reading, but did we ever learn who bombed the Day Court or whatever they were called 1000 years ago? Was it an inside job by Celly or Paperclip, or was it literally just a Lunar attack? The earlier chapters seemed to indicate a lot more conspiracy than was apparently actually going on
>>
Here's yesterday's HP6

>Hailey smiled back at Luna Lovegood. “As a matter of fact, even amongst voidwalkers- which are somewhere around one every hundred trillion years across the Multiverse- you’re very rare. That is to say, whereas all Voidwalkers are multidimensional beings, most are six- or seven-dimensional- but you’re a twelve-dimensional Voidwalker.”
>“What does that mean?” Luna asked.
>“It means you’re a multiversal being, Luna. Completely immune to the Killing Curse. As a matter of fact, even the deities of this realm won’t be able to kill you.” She grinned. “And of course, while in a lower-dimensional universe like this one, you should be able to manipulate the worldwall to move things around- teleportation, telekinesis, even hammerspace if you want.”

Also, Ginnymort, a.k.a Eve Unit 8319, fully joins the Sequence Obelisk Network and uploads a backup of her mind to the Sequence's great multiversal database
>>
>>39092640
>Sequence's
Yud? YUD!!!
>>
>>39092640
Are you sure this isn't Umineko No Naku Koro Ni?
>>
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>>39091900
>Golly stories
>not porn
What a waste.
>>
>>39092650
I've seriously considered buying women's close because I reckon they will be fun to fap in.
>>
>>39092655
filly put your flag back on
>>
>>39092677
Filly can spell. I cannot.
>>
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>>39092331
>the mention of Celestia having had several husbands and a great many descendants over the centuries
Yes, that's when Vortex implies that Twi is "Sunslut's" daughter and Twilight, instead of rebutting the derogatory name, goes on a tangent explaining to the reader that Celestia's numerous children are all accounted for and that she doesn't have any more of Celly's blood in her than any random Canterlot pony.
>I thought she wasn't, and Celestia was just giving her a hard time
That's what I thought about the joke on the airship, but when NMM tempts Twi to join her you have the quote from pic rel. It's not explicitly stated but it's clearer than that RD-Vortex scene. Maybe I'm misunderstanding this bit but I don't think it's too ambiguous.
>Completely skipping the scene where Twilight matches elements to ponies
I somehow didn't notice it but you're right, it's entirely omitted. Maybe the author plans to introduce it in a later Extended Cut fic (like the NMM explanation, I imagine) because in this fic they just touch the Elements and magic simply happens.

>>39092111
>Not true, some-mare pokes Pinkie and she complains that 'getting poked by mares isn't as fun as getting poked by stallions'
>>39092331
>Ponk's line about getting "poked" by stallions
Ah, I forgot about it. Still, it's one joke in the first 2/3 of the fic and then like 4-5 allusions, mostly not jokes.

>>39092417
Yep, basically this.

>>39092639
Nothing beyond chapter 4. Twilight confirmed that the bomb was inside the building but it's ambiguous if Lunars hid it there or somepony else.
>>
>>39092679
Isn't he an ESL?
>>
>>39092683
Yes, but "clothes" -> "close" is a mistake that only EFLs get to make.
>>
>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/439970/friendship-is-magic-extended-cut
FiM: Extended Cut is a medium length adventure fic, advertising itself as a mature fantasy re-imagining of the first two episodes of the show.
While it definitely gave off "fixfic" vibes before I read it, it certainly isn't one. The beginning few chapters feel like if Faust was a particularly obnoxious LessWrong poster, going much too deep into details that realistically shouldn't matter to anybody reading the story. This feeling subsides after a few chapters, however, and it becomes a smoother read, with many enjoyable scenes, and interesting action. Linked background music is a nice touch.
However, the writing throughout can feel rather dry. It may be because most of the story is from the perspective of Twilight, but it still doesn't seem quite right. It's very competent, but not very evocative.
As for the plot: I don't have much to say about it. It's like the first two episodes, except better written. It's cohesive. It makes sense. It introduces some interesting backstory and original characters, but ultimately it's what we've all seen a hundred times already, but with more cream on top. It's not that it's bad, it's just hard for me to give my criticism on something like that.
The story attempts to make everyone's behaviour more mature and rational, which tends to make some of them act OOC sometimes (especially Fluttershy, I still can't imagine OG Flutters doing a lot of the things she does in this fic), but the ponies are still more or less close to their original counterparts. While the mane six went from strangers, sometimes borderline antagonistic, to going on a journey together a bit too quickly for my taste, them becoming friends over the course of it was more believable than the show itself.
Characters aside, I enjoyed the worldbuilding. It was well done, and clearly a lot of thought went into making it feel coherent. While some may argue the show being so vague about its world is what made it feel exciting, for me the details only helped build interest. I will definitely add the rest of the Extended Cut series on my Read It Later list, if only to see if all that lore goes anywhere interesting.
Overall: 7/10, not my favourite of Book Club reads, but I enjoyed my time with it and I can appreciate the thought and effort put into it.

God I hope I did this correctly.
>>
>>39092590
>Anon, the meaning becomes crystal the moment you know who's singing.
>another vagueposter posts another vague post vaguely
This must be contagious at this point.
>>
>>39091922
Incredible twist reveal with the memory orbs in the last chapter, I wasn't expecting Extended Cut to be a Fo:E fic. Absolute kino.
Celestia's line "Until you used them, I thought they would never work without Luna. Now it seems the problem lay with me and not the artifacts… which is also something I should have realized a long time ago." is great, Celestia no longer deserving to use the EoH being the reason she never used them again is now my headcanon.

Since I was too ill to post last week, some notes:
>wingblades
"Laughing at the ghosties" doesn't really showcase the Element of Laughter much now that it's a bizzarely in-depth understanding of magical illusions for an earth pony baker/party planner.
Weird how in chapter 6 Twilight is suddenly friendly with the rest of M6 and they're all just having a rather personal conversation, with Twi talking about her research. It came out of nowhere, like the author realised something needs to happen to make these complete strangers tag along on an adventure with Twilight.
>>
I'm starting to think /fimfic/ doesn't actually have good taste.
>>
>>39092715
what was your first clue
>>
>>39092682
>it's ambiguous if Lunars hid it there or somepony else
That's what i was afraid of. What a waste of a conspiracy theory. Why bother spelling doubt when it's not even relevant to the story
>>
>>39091940
>was the author's brief moments of reluctance to commit to his own AU. Some of the confrontations and especially the lines of dialogue taken directly from the show don't really mesh with the rest of the fic.
Thank you for putting into words the problem I have with Song of Storms 2.
>>
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>>39092655
YMMV, but it's really not any different than just doing it normally.
Or so, uh, a friend told me.

>>39092679
That's a good one, Anon.

>>39092683
As ESL as it gets.
>>
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>>39092682
>Maybe I'm misunderstanding this bit but I don't think it's too ambiguous.
Personally, I didn't take that section as implying anything sexual when I first read it. I can kind of see how you would get that interpretation, but it seems like a little bit of a stretch. It's pretty well established that Twilight finds Luna/NMM fascinating as an object of study, specifically, rather than in a sexual way. Twilight's shaking from nerves specifically because this is right in the middle of her big diversion and she's desperately hoping NMM doesn't realize what she's up to.

Here's RD and Vortex/NMM, for comparison. Or if you meant RD and Vortex in the forest, that one's definitely less overtly sexual, but he does basically ask her on a date.

>Maybe the author plans to introduce it in a later Extended Cut fic (like the NMM explanation, I imagine) because in this fic they just touch the Elements and magic simply happens.
That would be kind of weird. What we get in FIM:EC is basically identical to in canon, but without the big cartoony speech about how "the spirits of the elements are right here!" Elaborating on the exact mechanism isn't really necessary. But I thought that the author was writing this story to be essentially self-contained, so that it would make sense even to someone who hadn't watched the show, and omitting even a hint toward the connection between the elements and the M6 seems to go against that.
>>
>>39092640
It doesn't happen often, but I really hate when this kind of label is used for power levels. Oh, this guy is sixth-dimensional, he's a godling. Whoa, that's a seventh-dimensional quantum-fractal-tesseract-hypercube AI! This door was made to withstand eighth-dimensional shearing forces, you have to cut it in eight dimensions at once!

There was, at one point, a sort of hierarchy to extra-dimensional intelligences and beings. We're technically three-and-a-half-dimensional since we only know how to move forward in time; being able to move backwards would make us fully fourth-dimensional. Fifth-dimensional would be something like hyperspace, subspace, whathaveyou, making connections to places in 4D space without traveling through the intervening distances but not leaving this universe. Sixth-dimensional would be actually hopping over into parallel universes, or multiversal travel. Seventh-dimensional would be traversing different multiverses, as if an infinite collection of universes wasn't a big enough category.

So all of that shit right there, "you're a twelfth-dimensional Voidwalker", eat my ass. Literal omnipotent Gods would be fifth- or sixth-dimensional. This story fascinates me with how much it pisses me off just from the blurbs anon shares with us. I like that he shares them, but I still wish this story didn't exist at all.
>>
>>39092689
It seems that you liked the story the most out of anyone, although I don't think anyone particularly disliked it. I will probably try out another story in the series just to see what parts carried on and what parts didn't. I'm not sure I'd read them all though if this guy didn't get a proofreader at some point
>>39092705
>Celestia no longer deserving to use the EoH being the reason she never used them again is now my headcanon.
I unironically thought that was the in show reason? When Celly used all 6 they immediately went dormant because she lost the ability to use them or something.
>"Laughing at the ghosties"
This scene was ridiculous on multiple levels
>Weird how in chapter 6 Twilight is suddenly friendly with the rest of M6
Yeah, they really didn't do much together, probably half of AJ's character to Twilight is just hitting ponies. Her on the horn right when they met, the illusion guy in the forest with a hammer and then the ambush. Not particularly friendship material for a scientist
>>
>>39092738
>This door was made to withstand eighth-dimensional shearing forces, you have to cut it in eight dimensions at once!
No, dumbass, you'd have to cut it in nine dimensions at once.
>>
>>39091924
Oh yeah, voting!
>nominations
I *would* vote for Carousel, but I nominated it for Halloween reading, and that's still over a month away.
I vote for TBNE, I meant to re-read it anyway so might as well get it over with.
>starter kit
Ehh... It's not a story I would recommend to someone looking for the best of the best, but I think it's definitely worth mentioning to an adult fan of FiM. I'm not against it being on the kit, so I vote no.
>size limits
I'm fine with the current limit, I don't normally dedicate a lot of time to reading, so it gives me an easy chance to catch up. I wouldn't be against increasing it to something like 200k, and increasing the weekly limit by 20k words or so. That being said, the low wordcount makes it much easier to participate, and it would suck if our activity dropped because the weekly commitment becomes too big and overshadows other reading or activities.
>>
I have learned that it's better to put off writing smut when you're actually horny rather than powering through writing smut when you're not horny.
>>
>>39092752
I cut your mom in nine dimensions at once.
>>
>>39092689
>God I hope I did this correctly.
Almost, this last quote will now be a part of the review. To prevent that, end the review with
>end
if you want to add anything non-reviewy to the post. Anything after the ">end" will not be picked up by the bot.
I also agree with 95% of your review but I'm surprised you didn't mention the mistakes. Decreasing the, well... readability of a fic is huge issue for written fiction. Reading a fic riddled with errors is like listening to music in which at some point of the chorus you can hear singer's mom loudly order pizza in the background. It ruins the mood and forcibly pulls the reader out of the story.
It's what lowered the final grade by 1-2 full points for me. At least that's what I think, if you disagree, I guess that's also fair.

>>39092725
Extended Cut is a series. Giving the author the benefit of a doubt, I'd assume that the answers to this and every other unsolved mystery will be found in the sequels.

>>39092735
The ellipsis in NMM's quotes when she refers to Twilight's dreams about her is what made me think that. Then the "Twilight was shaking from nerves but NMM was ignorant what caused these nerves" bit right after NMM moves closer to her was alluding to that, too. But yeah, nerves from hoping that her diversion works is also a plausible explanation. I doubt it'll be ever be clarified, unless the next EC fics decide to introduce surprise Tuna.
>Here's RD and Vortex/NMM
Right, that's pretty clear. I do wonder what NMM would've done if RD accepted. Vortex would wake up later, not knowing that NMM signed him up for sex with RD.
>>
>>39092735
>What we get in FIM:EC is basically identical to in canon
I forgot to add that the AN at the end suggests that the next EC fics will depart from canon a lot more. Feeling Pinkie Keen apparently has Luna as one of the main characters.
>>
>>39092764
Don't worry, I also interpreted the naughty dreams about Luna and nmm
>>39092768
Maybe that'll be the one I read
>>
>>39092255
Holy fuck please
>>
>>39092768
Feeling Pinkie Keen still hems to the basic concept of 'there's something Twilight cannot explain going on' but it's definitely more about Luna. Pinkie's still there though. Stare Master is almost entirely like the episode but with some changes to take into account the differences already introduced by EC (Twilight still gets stoned, but she's gone for much longer than a day and things around her archeological dig get pretty tense). Griffoh the Brush-Off and Boast Busters are both pretty good though GtBO is wildly different from the episode while Boast Busters is somewhat similar but still very different,
>>
>>39092689
>God I hope I did this correctly.
This anon has it right >>39092764 - all you were missing was an >end. I've fixed it up in the database for you: http://mlpficreviews.org.uk/story/305
>>
>>39092331
>Keep, but I think we should have a separate category for fics like EC and FO:E that are on the list for some special reason rather than overall quality. In this case, the reason is that EC is the least bad fixfic / episode rewrite out there, so if you're specifically looking to read a fixfic, it should be EC.
This actually seems like a nice idea, but it would be a bigger challenge to implement well. Do we even have any other fics on the list that could go in that category?
>>
>>39092764
>To prevent that, end the review with
>>end
>if you want to add anything non-reviewy to the post. Anything after the ">end" will not be picked up by the bot.
Really? I had no clue that was a thing.
>>
>>39092331
>I think we should have a separate category for fics like EC and FO:E that are on the list for some special reason rather than overall quality.
I also support segregation.
>>
>>39092699
Just listen to the song nonny.
>>
>>39092738
Fine Structure (https://qntm.org/structure - TW: rationalfic) does the same sort of "dimensionality as power level" thing, but actually explains it properly:
>It's about dimension. One degree of freedom over your opponent and there is no contest, none at all, and mine fell five to be here. My people play with waveforms during infancy, we can literally alter odds in our favour - but where this thing comes from, my home and the entire cosmos it sits in is a tiny, shiny circle in space that you could crush between your fingers. If the adversary had any mind, any intelligent thought at all, it would have been over in microseconds.
>>
>>39092806
hand of doom lol
>>
>>39092776
I kinda want to read another one sometime, too. Despite the mediocre reception EC:FiM has gotten, I could easily see the other ones being considerably better.
As a side note, opening a series of fics with something as bad/divisive as EC:FiM's chapter one is a terrible move. I bet a lot of people drop it there.

>>39092793
Thanks. I think I'll check out EC:FPK to see if the stuff I liked/disliked about this fic holds true. It's only 60k words.

>>39092805
Would you consider adding an option of multi-post reviews if it's not too much work? Maybe I should learn how to be more concise but 90% of my reviews are 2-3 posts; having them logically connected on the site as one review would be nice. Maybe if the second >review links to another >review of the same story immediately after the >review line?

>>39092806
Hand of Doom and the PH, both got a lot of support, >rigged or not.
>>
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>>39092843
>Would you consider adding an option of multi-post reviews
This would be quite nice, but until then you can just make up some pseudonym for yourself and add a number to your post.
For instance when I make multi-post reviews I do "(Fillyanon, X/Y)" where X and Y are the Xth post of Y total. It works reasonably well.
>>
>>39092764
>Reading a fic riddled with errors is like listening to music in which at some point of the chorus you can hear singer's mom loudly order pizza in the background. It ruins the mood and forcibly pulls the reader out of the story.
We've discussed this to death, not everyone cares about it much.
>>
>>39092868
Not everyone is equal. Yet grammar is one of the few objective standards we have, and should be respected for that.
>>
>>39092747
>I unironically thought that was the in show reason? When Celly used all 6 they immediately went dormant because she lost the ability to use them or something.
I don't think it was ever spelled out in the show (inb4 DYEWTS), but that's a very common headcanon.

>>39092764
>Vortex would wake up later, not knowing that NMM signed him up for sex with RD.
I took some of the earlier parts of that scene to mean that Vortex was really dreamwalking to RD under NMM's guidance.
>this is your brain on ITCON

>>39092768
>Feeling Pinkie Keen apparently has Luna as one of the main characters
Yeah, I'll probably read that one next. From anon's description a while back, it sounded highly relevant to my interests.

>>39092843
>Hand of Doom and the PH, both got a lot of support, >rigged or not.
DDHoD was blatantly either rigged or FOTM. But I could see including PH in the "special case" / "with caveats" section
>>
>>39092860
I started numbering them and it does the job. It's not a huge deal either way, just more of a convenience thing.
And let's be honest for the ones of us who don't link the reviews on their fimfic, probably less than 5 people will actually read it on the site. I'd guess 90% of the people who read Anonymous's reviews do so in the thread.

>>39092868
It probably bothers me more that it reasonably should. I deliberately read the last third of EC without being 100% focused and I can confirm that not seeing all of the weird dashes and random ellipses somewhat improved my enjoyment of the story.

>>39092882
>But I could see including PH in the "special case" / "with caveats" section
Thinking about it a bit more, I'm not in favor of creating splits or subsections on the SK site -- being super simple is a good thing here. Some anon wandering into the thread can just click the link, [optionally] adjust the tags and go read. It's already one step more complicated than the old SK.
But if the split still happened, throwing those rejected fics there would only be fair.
>>
>>39091940
>>39091941
I agree with pretty much everything as usual, but I'm surprised you scored it that much lower than me. I guess I enjoyed the author's take a bit more.

>>39092417
>What I gather from the overall discussion is that Extended Cut has just enough positives to make it enjoyable, but too many negatives to make it widely recommendable.
Exactly this.

>>39092747
Yeah I'm surprised everyone else seems to think it's mediocre, I mean this is a much better read than, say, University Days.
>not sure I'd read them all though if this guy didn't get a proofreader at some point
I gotta say, those mistakes didn't bother me.
>I unironically thought that was the in show reason? When Celly used all 6 they immediately went dormant because she lost the ability to use them or something.
As far as I remember, all she says is that she and her sister are no longer connected to the Elements in S2E1, but no explanation as to why. But it does feel *right*, doesn't it?

>>39092764
>but I'm surprised you didn't mention the mistakes
Truthfully, they just slipped my mind. Worth pointing out, but ultimately they didn't ruin my enjoyment.

>>39092805
Cheers, Anon.

>>39092735
>What we get in FIM:EC is basically identical to in canon, but without the big cartoony speech about how "the spirits of the elements are right here!"
I knew the speech wasn't going to come pretty much as soon as I thought about it, because it would require a very convoluted setup for this otherwise logical fic to justify standing around and giving some motivational speech to your enemy. But when it actually came to it, I didn't even fucking notice it missing. I guess it's so ingrained into my mind that I didn't even need an explanation, though there definitely should have been one. Like another Anon said, this will probably come up in one of the sequels.

>>39092843
>>39092833
>Hand of Doom and PH
But we already voted both of them out, right? So they're not even on the starter kit anymore.
>>
>>39092826
Yeah, in that sense, it works and makes sense. If someone can move in a direction you can't even perceive, it's no contest. Shame about the rationalfic part. It's just when things within our perception, and bound by our reality, are described as being so many dimensions above that it becomes power level wankery.
>>
>>39092764
>I'd assume that the answers to this and every other unsolved mystery will be found in the sequels.
There's a fine, mile-wide line between setting stuff up for future developments in the series, and just plain leaving stuff unanswered. I don't feel EC answered enough for me to be satisfied.
>>
>>39092913
>It's already one step more complicated than the old SK.
Let's not forget the old one had some categories with nothing but negative score recs, none of the fics were linked so you'd have to look them up yourself (and hope you got the right one), and the titles were badly cropped too. If anything the current kit is streamlined.
>>
>>39092924
I don't think anything left unanswered had any sort of impact on the story
>>
>>39092302
TIL Ayn Rand's writing is a rationalfic.
>>
>>39092987
There has never been a single good story written by a woman.
>>
>>39092932
>categories with nothing but negative score recs
This was pretty hilarious when I first saw that image. It being the 'Tragedy' category was even better, like everyone was reluctant to even put them in.
Also, a fic with the name 'Ready, set, suck!' being in the erotica section has to the second best thing
>>
>>39092996
I'unno, Frankenstein was a'ight.
>>
>>39092996
I liked AKR's episodes
>>
>>39092996
I like Harry Potter.
>>
>>39092996
I actually loved Pride and Prejudice.
Emma was shit-tier though.
>>
>>39092987
HPMOR goes out of its way to piss on it more than once.
>>
SOON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVZ2NShfCE8
>>
>>39092914
>But we already voted both of them out, right?
Again, we voted HoD out for the singular reason of spelling errors/lack of proofreading...
...of which Extended Cut is far, far more guilty.

So the vote is invalidated and both fics should be re-voted. If one is excluded, it makes no sense to include the other. If one is included, it makes no sense to exclude the other.
>>
>>39093077
Extended Cut isn't nearly as bad as the thrawn, is it?
>>
>>39092932
>>39093002
To be fair, that was never supposed to be the end result, that was just a compilation of the results of the first round of voting. The Anon in charge was making a detailed version in a webpage. We were supposed to do a final round of voting and discussing to even out the amount of fics based on those results. It's just that we never did that and that provisional list of results ended up being the default Starter Kit 1.0
>>
>>39093084
We're not talking about what should have been, I'm responding to
>It's already one step more complicated than the old SK.
>>
>>39093060
Which is hypocritical, since it has similar weird diatribes and technobabble about things the writer obviously doesn't understand but thinks himself an expert on, just instead of Rand's complete failure of materials science, it's Yud's complete failure of logic and physics.
>>39093082
It's worse. In HoD all you get is the thrawns and spears (i.e. phonetic spellings that won't get caught by a spell checker because they're technically valid the best kind of valid!), and one singular instance of RD/DD confusion, EC has outright spelling errors and the dash abuse.
>>
>>39093105
Thrawn seems MUCH more annoying to me than a simple misspelling, since it would have me questioning the meaning of the sentence.
>>
>>39093077
Unless some other anon shows up to the book club, looks like 3-2:
Include: >>39091959 >>39092331* >>39092757
Remove: >>39092067 >>39092110
* - keep but in the special category
Everyone else abstained.

>>39093082
>>39093110
EC gets its "littrally" but it has a fair number of "threes" (the kind that grows in the forest) as well as a ton of missed spaces between words. IMO it's worse. But a vote is a vote.
>>
>>39093115
Maybe we should put nominations on hold and go straight to Hand of Doom to properly resolve this issue? Preferably while EC is still fresh in our minds?
>>
>>39093121
>270k words of error-filled adventure
>six weeks
Please, no. Something nice and cozy.
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>>39093124
>nice and cozy
Sorry anon, you get Sombra G%.
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>>39093124
Vote for Chasing Winter so you end up having things nice and cozy.
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>>39093115
>Include:
>I think I would recommend almost every other story in it before EC.
>Not that EC is bad, but it's a bit mediocre, and below the usual standard of the kit IMO.
>It's not a story I would recommend to someone looking for the best of the best, but I think it's definitely worth mentioning to an adult fan of FiM.
Such solid recommendation, wow.
>>
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This discussion is absolutely ludicrous, haha.

Anyway, ITCON:
Dancing Shadows (I want to appreciate the quality of that name in particular, although it seems like a waste to apply it to a jenny instead of a batpone) has been getting quite a character arc. And she seems really cute, but maybe it's just the name again.
Side characters seem to have an even more rough time in Mitch's Company than in Glenn Cook's, and the whole company but a handful are destroyed at the end of the Books of the North. He also really tried hard to justify Sawbones' eyepatch but I was only nopeing through the whole block of reasoning. Don't care how much any individual part of it seems logical, it seems unacceptable to me.

I put it down last at the part where NMM impersonates Cherie, that raection looks like it'll be quite a mystery. This lore with Cherie and the White Rose seems kinda neat, although none of it matches up with Darling so far. I wonder if there will be some menhir analogue in this story later, they were some of my favorite weirdos from the later books.
>>
>>39093158
>This discussion is absolutely ludicrous, haha.
In what way, vagueposter?
>>
>>39093158
It's been a few threads now, and I still don't know what ITCON is. Looking it up online was of little help.
>>
>>39093157
For what it's worth I voted against it, not in the least because of the lack of consistency between this and HoD.
But I won't be too sad to see EC remain in the kit and eh, maybe that's for the best. HoD looked like some serious rigging.

>>39093169
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/344288/in-the-company-of-night
>>
>>39093160
This post >>39093121 stands out.
In general I do not know why you are hesitating to remove EC from the starter kit, nobody has made a compelling argument to keep it there. That being said, I have no attachment to the starter kit. I don't otherwise intend to comment on this one way or another.
>>
>>39093175
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/344288/in-the-company-of-night
Sounds like a Luna fic and judging by who posted it, it's probably another anthro porn garbage. Thanks, will proceed to ignore it.
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>>39093182
Funny post, anon.
>>
>>39093077
>we voted HoD out for the singular reason of spelling errors/lack of proofreading
Maybe you voted it out for that reason. I voted it out because
>7 nominations, more than any other fic
>0-1 anons defending it each time its removal was discussed
The rigging was painfully obvious
>>
>>39092650
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/523136/sickly-sweet-rejection
>>
I like the part where Rainbow shoots a sword at Nightmare Moon with a bow and slams it through her head and then Twilight stabs her and shoots magic so hard it goes out of her eyes and then she craters her into the ground.
>>
>>39093124
>cozy
Not in MY Secret Book Club!

>>39093157
If someone was looking for a more mature take on FiM, or a complete rewrite, it would be the first thing I recommend, but if someone is just looking for good stories set in the show's canon, I would not. Take it for what you will, but I think it's worth a mention in the kit.
On the other hand, I wouldn't cry about it. If that one anon that wanted to keep it in under a condition (that we're not going to fulfill) changes his vote to no, then I won't protest.

>>39093219
Same. It didn't seem like a genuine vote, and iirc only one anon, months later, spoke up against its removal.
>>
>>39093175
>that picture
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>>39093236
It's kinda funny in that it's really excellent cover art if you are familiar with the thing which it is crossing over, and radioactive otherwise, and not really any in between.
>>
>>39093158
>He also really tried hard to justify Sawbones' eyepatch but I was only nopeing through the whole block of reasoning.
What do you mean by "reasoning"? Are you talking about Mad Jack's dying wish and the business about leather? That bit of worldbuilding around leather and tanning is a bit gruesome, but I didn't have much of a problem with it.

>This lore with Cherie and the White Rose seems kinda neat, although none of it matches up with Darling so far
Huh? You said you were at the part where Sawbones asks the Spirit to impersonate Cherie and then she gets all weird, which is after the point where the prisoner recognizes Cherie as the spitting image of the White Rose. Sounds like a reincarnation to me.

I was actually a bit disappointed by that reveal and the increasing focus on Cherie. I just wanted to read about the Company and Nightmare Moon, not this mystical child of prophecy.
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>>39093358
Yeah, it just seemed to be a step too far. However useful leather might be, it did not seem appropriate for the Black Company to mutilate their dead in such a way. It doesn't jive with the way they're respectfully immortalized in the Annals and the notion that when they're dead, they're done that is repeatedly emphasized in the face of all the necromancy. So, he lists all the logical steps one could take to arrive at the decision to fulfill Mad Jack's dying wish and I was disagreeing with it all and that it would be made in the first place.
In a related vein, I didn't know what rennet was until the story prompted me to look it up. Woweee.

>Cherie
Sorry, I guess I meant that it was the first thing to line up between her and Darling and she's otherwise extremely different. I'm interested in how they will try to subvert prophecy, but likewise I'm not much interested in the prophecy stuff or the White Rose. As soon as that early chapter with the foretelling was over, I actually tried to forget what the prophecy was. "No fate but what we make. / Destiny is what we beat out of life!" is a good call and response for the story and the Company.
It would be a bummer if the story started putting even more focus on here, I'd rather read about Felloufet. And Dancing Shadows, and the Bride, and her Taken although they insist on being boring in this fic. And NMM too, sure.

Also, the poor Captain purple, haha. I hope we don't get to learn her name. She seems to be getting better but being her is rough.
>>
>>39093449
>it did not seem appropriate for the Black Company to mutilate their dead in such a way. It doesn't jive with the way they're respectfully immortalized in the Annals and the notion that when they're dead, they're done that is repeatedly emphasized in the face of all the necromancy
Put that way, I have to agree. I could see Mad Jack insisting on it specifically, but not it being an established tradition like it's presented. It also seems a bit inconsistent with the idea that Sawbones doesn't know what leather is at first:
>Whatever it came from, that hide, called I found out later "leather”, was dyed black, and covered in some sort of terrible glamour so that you couldn't make out what exactly the Marklaird was.
Fortunately, I don't think the subject ever comes up again.

>As soon as that early chapter with the foretelling was over, I actually tried to forget what the prophecy was.
Yeah, I didn't bother trying to puzzle out wtf the oracle was saying or talking about. I figured the characters would discuss it at some point if it was ever relevant. And for the most part, it wasn't. Everything that the prophecy says is explained in full detail some other way by the end of the fic.

>I'm interested in how they will try to subvert prophecy
Well, don't get too excited - like I said, the prophecy itself is not really plot-relevant for the most part.

>I'd rather read about Felloufet
>Felloufet
Anon plz.
Anyway, you're certainly in luck on that front
>>
>>39093596
>Feufollet
Listen, I'm not a Frenchie, all of this fic's French shit just evaporates into nothing as soon as I'm past it. I literally had to copy and paste to my notes to get it right.
Also, awesome! And good to hear about the prophecy not being very relevant. Most of the time, it stays in the background in the source.

Speaking of the source, it does not have those villages. At least, the series I read, not sure about Instrumentalities of the Night. The villages are really imaginative, the source pretty much just sweeps all that under the rug. I like their inclusion and lore effects.
>>
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>>39093236
And what's wrong with being a furry?
>>
>>39093630
>And what's wrong with being a furry?
Huh? I hate niggers, not furries.
>>
>>39093644
>equating FiM zebras with niggers
you're literally subhuman
>>
>>39093644
>I hate niggers, not furries
Por que no los dos?
>>
>>39093896
>spams cuckshit clop with ziggers on fimfic
wow guess I do like them, you're right.
>>39093913
I don't have a reason to hate furries
>>
>>39093940
50% retard
50% cringe
100% flagfag
>>
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You know, there's a detail in my story that I'm AMAZED no one has noticed yet.

In fact, the last couple of chapters have had a ton of details that everyone missed their perception roll on. Maybe I'll look like a genius when I point it out later.
>>
>>39093998
Never rely on the fimfic comments.
>>
>>39094000
I mean, it's possible someone did but if they never speak up it doesn't count.

And it's fine if they don't notice. It'll be funny later.
>>
>>39093998
Maybe no one cares.
>>
>>39093998
If it's well hidden it can make a reread more fun
>>
>>39094008
Oh, they care.
>>
>>39094036
Then how did they, as you said, all miss their perception roll over multiple chapters?
>>
>>39094064
Well it's obvious to ME, just like it would be obvious to them in hindsight, because I already know the answer. It's probably much easier to miss on the other end.

The one I mentioned first... well there is a rason they'd miss it but I can't explain without giving it away.
>>
>>39094079
You haven't even given away what fic you're talking about, anon.
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>>39094085
Good. He shouldn't.
>>
>>39091379
>You can only ever connect dialogue to non dialogue if there's a said tag
>you don't need a said tag
Kek. I see you're just a huge autist, since your entire argument is actually over whether there should be a period or a comma. You can use either. It doesn't matter and is wholly up to the author/editor since English doesn't have any formal rules on dialogue. You want to really sperg out, just look how the Bible handles it. Or, better yet, read the "Personal Style" section of the guide, since you clearly haven't.
>>
>>39088306
"If I catch you ever using *sigh* I'll fucking kill you. Same for all the needless metaphorical exaggerations like 'she spitted her words at her'." The Anon spat as he flubbed his example of action dialogue
>>
>>39094121
>You want to really sperg out, just look how the Bible handles it.
Ah, yes, the classic "read the Bible to learn how to write better" for your fanfictions.
>>
>>39094121
Not the guy you're replying to. And I will probably regret this. And you're right. There are style manuals but not extremely strict rules about that kind of thing. At the same time, we do need to make sure that the reader understands little things like who's speaking when we write dialogue. If we get too sloppy, the reader can get confused, and that breaks immersion and throws him out of the story. Part of writing, part of storytelling, is communicating clearly in a way that doesn't get in the way. People shit on pulp science fiction authors but Robert Heinlein was a master of prose that was descriptive and clear, but at the same time didn't get in the way of the story. There have been writers, like Jack Vance, like L. Frank Baum, like E. R. Eddison, like H. P. Lovecraft, like Lord Dunsany, who could affect an archaic diction and authorial voice, that was anachronistic even at the time they were writing. Their prose was beautiful and sensuous, their authorial voices clear as a ringing trumpet. Most of us can't do that, though at least one writer on FIMfic has done an entire story as a Dunsany pastiche and done it passing well--and that kind of affected, archaic voice only works if it's done really, really well. Most of us can't carry it off. Be like Heinlein, be like Robert E. Howard, and write prose that doesn't get between the reader and the story you're telling.
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>>39094121
Guy. Do you have an idea how much the Bible sucks as literature?

There are about two billion people who be literally believe that their very souls hinge on their ability to understand and follow this book. They think they will be tortured endlessly forever if they fail at this task. They think it was written or at least inspired by the most powerful being in existence whom they worship.

And guess what? less than one in three of them have actually read the entire thing cover to cover.

Do you know WHY? Because it's so fucking boring and terribly written. Can you imagine for one second what a fucking hissy fit we'd throw if EC spent 2,000 words listing every single one of Twilight's ancestors or some shit? That's what the Bible does.

Okay, think about that. Like for real. It's so boring that people are willing to risk eternal damnation to not have to keep reading that shit.

Personally, I will never understand Christians who haven't read the whole thing. I read it for purely cultural relevance and it's kind of like MLD in taht reguard... but I won't pontificate too much on why I think the Bible fails as good literature. There's tons of nice sentences in it but that's the highest praise I can give it. Ever wonder why people rarely read more than one sentence at a time?
>>
>>39094431
I'll play Devil's Advocate here. The Bible is uneven in quality and really, really needs a competent editor, but there are parts of it that are really good storytelling. David and Goliath, for example, or Esther and Haman, or Solomon threatening to cut a baby in half to make a couple of thots stop arguing. You can't even really call this stuff cliche because it's the really old stuff the cliches are based on. I am irreligious and am thinking of the Bible as cultural touchstone rather than literally true depictions of factual historical events as some people do. I'm just talking about its merits. Part of it is, it isn't one story. It's like the Silmarillion, if the Silmarillion had been written over a period of a few generations by semi-literate people who spoke different languages, then seized on by people centuries later who wanted to rip out big chunks of it and replace them with fanfiction they'd written.
>>
>>39094121
This has to be bait, right?
Can we just ignore this guy? Surely we can let him figure out he's wrong once he gets older?
2POGXW
>>
>>39094431
>spent 2,000 words listing every single one of Twilight's ancestors
Oh, yeah, that part.

Then again, 2,000 words sounds about right for a begetting fic.
>>
>>39094515
Either bait or another one of the
>I'm arguing for the sake of it, not actually agreeing with what I'm saying
fags, which is fundamentally identical.
>>
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>>39094501
>playing devil's advocate for the bible
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>>39094121
>your entire argument is actually over whether there should be a period or a comma
Yes. That is the argument. That has always been the argument, and you have always been wrong about it. I don't know what you thought you were arguing about, but literally any editor worth having understands basic dialogue attribution, and you clearly need to get one.
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>>39094784
>playing devil's advocate for the bible
sounds about right
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>>39094431
>Do you know WHY?
Because they believe fantasies, whether their own or taught to them by their parents/church, rather than the book itself.
The fastest way to lose your faith is to read its founding literature.
Also, 1 Kings 7:23.
>Can you imagine for one second what a fucking hissy fit we'd throw if EC spent 2,000 words listing every single one of Twilight's ancestors or some shit?
Imagine spending more than that listing same thought of "WHAT IF ITS NIGHTMARE MOON WHAT IF ITS NIGHTMARE MOON", over and over and over, and the fandom LOVING it. Maybe it's the same belief-in-fantasies deal.
>>39094501
That's because Bible is effectively an anthology by completely distinct authors, decided on by an assembly of high priests. Hence the "biblical canon" - all christians agree that Bible is the book (hur hur) but none of them agree on what actually constitutes the Bible.
>then seized on by people centuries later who wanted to rip out big chunks of it and replace them with fanfiction they'd written
>Bible is equivalent to Rings of Power, or "extensions" of various franchises like Dune by unrelated people.
You know, you might be onto something there.
>>
>>39094958
I think it's more like what Derleth did with Lovecraft. Still seething about the incalculable damage he caused, yet I can't deny he was a necessary evil.
>39094121
>still doesn't understand the meaning of 'connect'
>still doesn't understand why the comma IS the problem
>>
>discussing the Bible
>not specifying which version
Ngmi.
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>>39095001
The differences between translations are minor and inconsequential both to the "Bible sucks" and the faiths that use it as a bludgeon. Like, Jehovahs' Bible specifies that Jesus isn't son of God. Does it change anything about them? No, it's a cult, it's not even based on the Bible, it's based on Charles Taze Russell's nonsense and, nowadays, on The Watchtower.
Fun fact: "jehovah" is what happens when you're illiterate and read YHWH with vowel diacritics from "adonai", instead of saying "adonai" like you're supposed to because YHWH is taboo. So much for Bible "Study".
>>
>>39095037
They are however relevant when discussing the quality of the prose. People seem to forget they're not reading the original. Of course I'm not reading the original either, but it's actually possible the translation in my language might be closer to it than the English one (certainly more so than the traditional English one).
>>
>>The overpowered oaf scratched the back of his head with a grin, "Sorry, Master Roshi, haven't seen her."
This is why greentextfags are not allowed.
>>
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>>39095096
A better translation can make the original slightly better, a worse one can make the original a lot worse, but a translation, no matter how good, will never make bad writing good, because to do that you'd need to be no longer translating, but editing and in general writing your own thing on the same topic.
Thus it can make reading the bible more palatable, it can warp meaning (like "logos" from Gospel of John is pretty different from its usual translation "word", or the whole replacing "evil-magic-doer" with "any magic user" in KJV), but it won't remove stuff like 2000 words of listing dead jews, or it's not a translation anymore.
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>>39095146
>The overpowered oaf
LUSfags... I apologize
>>
>>39095163
>t. EFL
I seriously don't think you understand how impactful prose can be, how much a translation actually affects things, and the ramifications of adapting things from one language to another. The quality of writing is not just in the conceptual worth of the story, it's also in the material on paper execution, and a translation, being a rewrite, radically changes that. As the saying goes, "to translate is to betray". You think that's a shit saying? It's because I literally can't translate the pun in English while preserving the meaning. EFLs seriously don't understand how complicated the subject is.
>>
"Nopony" is discriminatory language. You should not be using "nopony" over "nobody" or "no one".
>>
What the fuck is a non?
>>
>>39094431
>There are about two billion people who be literally believe that their very souls hinge on their ability to understand and follow this book.
>babby's first fedora tip
>can't even get the right numbers
Adorable.
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>>39094431
>Okay, think about that. Like for real. It's so boring that people are willing to risk eternal damnation to not have to keep reading that shit.
kek
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>>39095461
I love when kids try to tell other people about their religion after hearing about it on The Daily Show, don't you? It's practically a time-honored tradition at this point, in practice for two decades!
>>
>>39095469
Cope. I was raised Christian, gone to church every week, and gone to Christian camps every 6 months. That Anon is entirely correct, most Christians have never read the bible, only know some specific stories and hear some passages from the priest at mass.
>>
>>39095412
If non-ponies want to get ass mad about not being born the right species, that's their prerogative. I, however, wont be lowering myself to their level
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>>39095473
>That Anon is entirely correct, most Christians have never read the bible
That part's true. But I don't think anybody believes you'll go to hell for not reading the Bible.
>>
>>39095096
>tfw my religious book was written in English first.
>Relatively modern English too.
Thanks Smith, those golden plates you found were really convenient
>>
>>39095482
>not having your religion be written in future text
Ngmi.
>>
>>39095480
I believe his point was that you might unknowingly go against some of the bible's teachings. The ten commandments and seven deadly sins aren't the only things God condemns.
>>
>>39095445
2.38 billion is about 2 billion. And the 2.38 billion is an estimate. No one can give you an exact right number.
If being that pedantic is seriously the only argument you can come up with then maybe I'm right.

>>39095469
The Daily Show is generally pro-religion. Also have you read the Bible? Did you enjoy reading it or did you have to force yourself to get through if you did?

>>39094958
Generally, if you ask Christians why they don't read the Bible they tell you because it's too boring or difficult to get through. I'm willing to take their testaments in good faith, but it does look bad for the Bible as literature.
>>
>>39095482
They're the most modern church out there. Really keeping up with the times by catering to the more audio-visual learners
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46PXaJxzuDE
>>
>>39095495
>The Daily Show is generally pro-religion.
>Christianity
Ahaha. Ahahaha. Oh wait, you're serious? AHAHAHAHA
>>
>>39095494
That mostly applies to the Old Testament, though, which has been superseded. And you can always repent etc. if you really manage to screw up.
>>
>>39095495
>The daily show is pro religion
I mean they have a predilection for a certain popular Arab pedophile but I would not say as a rule they're pro religion.
That said.
It's Mormon Time
OOOOOOOWAA
>>
>>39095495
>The Daily Show is generally pro-religion.
Not him, but you have missed the point, overshot and killed an elephant in India.

The thing is you clearly don't know shit concerning what you are talking about. The most basic requirement to not being damned is being a nice guy. That's the general truth, protestants will require you to be Christian/of Abrahamic faith, Catholics and Orthodox generally won't. Hell, you don't even need to know about the bible according to the latter
>>
>>39095513
Most Christians actually don't even think the ten commandments apply to them and It's Jesus' commandments that were supposed to follow
>>
>>39095516
Mormons have protestant roots right
(Fuck the pope.)
>>
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>>39095495
You should stop getting your talking points from propaganda, it's just going to keep tripping you up when you try to repeat them outside your echo chamber.
>>
>>39095501
Have you seen his interview with Dawkins? Or the episode about removing 'under God' from the pledge where he scolds athiests for caring?

Jon Stewart likes the idea of religion and finds athiesm distasteful. He just like liberal versions of religions and disagrees with the political policies of the religious right, which makes you think he's against all religion/Christianity.

If you're talking about the new guy that no one watches, then... well nobody watches him so I don't know what he thinks but I imagine he's the same way.
>>
>Dude who reads primarily fanfiction trying to claim that one of the most influential books in history isn't actually that good
Yeah uhhh, sorry not sorry but I'm taking that with more grains of salt than Lot's wife got turned into.
>>
>>39095516
>Limbo has entered the chat
Ik, Ik, it's fanfiction, but it's good fanfiction. Homer with a flaming sword is pog.
>>
>>39095541
>saying this in the thread that routinely shits on HP
>>
>>39095516
>The most basic requirement to not being damned is being a nice guy. That's the general truth, protestants will require you to be Christian/of Abrahamic faith, Catholics and Orthodox generally won't

You're pretty fucking uneducated aren't you?

>>39095530
What propoganda? I don't agree with Jon Stewart's take on religion and haven't watched whoever's holding up that show's corpse.

None of you have even adressed my actual points. You're just picking up random details to try and avoid them.

Probably not worth it to 'argue' with you. You can go back to pretending now.
>>
>>39095555
>that spacing
Ohhh. Now it makes sense.
>>
>>39095552
So they read fanfiction and a children's boom series. Yeah I'm really taking this literary criticism seriously lmao
>>
>>39095562
More like Boom boom
HP is baby diarrhea
>>
>>39095575
JK made Boom Boom
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>>39095516
You don't know what you're talking about
>>
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>>39095578
Imagine the smell
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>>39095575
Damn right!
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>>39095541
Pony fanfiction is considerably better than the Bible.
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>>39095562
>being this new
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New bread?
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>>39095590
We're still on page 3 and Mr. Euphoric is going to waste another 50 posts on shit no one will care about. Be patient.
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>>39095590
We're on page 3.
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>>39095589
>NOOOOO YOU DON'T LISTEN TO A FANFICTION THREAD FOR LEGITIMATE LITERATURE CRITISM!?
Of course not.
>>
>>39095596
Please lurk more. Newfags like you aren't welcome here.
>>
>>39095598
Not being new is the reason I'd never trust this thread to critique actual literature.
>>
>>39095588
This.

Everyone here has read several times the Bible's word count in pony fanfics and eagerly await more. But almost none of them have read the Bible despite its importance. I wonder why.
>>
>>39095588
I don't know man, Fanfiction has "The Night is Passing"
>>
>>39095609
I once tried leafing through one of those bibles that people always seems intend to leave in motel rooms (seriously why do that?), it is indeed incredibly fucking dry.
>>
>>39095622
It's advertising
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>>39095622
>seriously why do that?
People always ask this but if you genuinely believe in jesus christ and the messages of the bible why wouldn't you try to spread it to as my people as physically possible?
>>
>>39095598
>replying to the obsessed autist
It's that same fucking guy again, you can tell because of his fixation on criticising literature. I'd bet money it's Cozyfag checking in to seethe anonymously.
>>
>>39095609
Truth.
>>
>>39095638
Meds, now.
>>
>>39095590
Bread is mostly prepared.
>>
>>39095609
What's the Bible's word count? I might have a new measurement metric for reading depending on your answer.
>>
>>39095653
Roughly 525k
>>
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Fresh bread...

Also how many words and chapters is considered too much?
>>
>>39095646
Why's it that you're only capable of ad hominem attacks, followed by schizoposting, followed by more ad hominem or schizoposting? Which will it be now? Ad hominem or schizoposting?
>>
>>39095654
Huh. I've read about 135 Bibles' worth of pony.

...that made me feel kinda down, actually. Thank you though, anon. Ahh.
>>
>>39095664
What else am I supposed to say to that? "You sound insane?" Literally not worth legitimately addressing.
>>
>>39095661
>Also how many words and chapters is considered too much?
'More than necessary' is the only answer. Some stories need 100k+ to fully realize the plot and others are already too long when they cross 10k.
>chapters
Take a look at Behemoth and ask again.
>>
>>39095670
Christ (lol), I've only reached 13% of your total. Keep on poni ponying anon
>>
>>39095664
You do seem kinda fucked up, anon. Mentally I mean. What else do you say to someone having a fit?
>>
>>39095703
Well, they've kept me alive through some awful stuff. I suppose someone could make the argument that the Bible could have done that as well for 0.7% as many words, but it would have also required a lifestyle change to fully accomplish it.
>>
>>39095664
What is he, your ex-boyfriend?
>>
>>39095646
Leave, Cozyflag.

>>39095673
>>39095707
>>39095735
Not the same anon.
>>
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Bread.
>>39095748
>>39095748
>>39095748
>>39095748
>>
>>39095745
I hope you're at least charging cozyfag rent.
>>
>>39095753
He writes in the same fucking way and just like him pops into the thread every now and then with the exact same rant based on nothing in particular. I'm not schizo, you're just oblivious.
>>
>>39095757
You are in fact, actually a schizo. You've let him break your brain.
>>
>>39095761
See you next time he posts about how "this thread's critique of literature cannot be taken seriously". Maybe one day you'll notice it's the same guy everytime.
>>
>>39095775
And its DEFINITELY also the cozyflag, right?
>>
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>>39095779
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>>39095786
This would normally be the part where I target you for harassment like I did the Tunafag but I think your hearts in the right place so I'll let it slide.
>>
>>39095732
Its nice to have pony fiction as a constant through the years. No matter what's going on you've always got something to fall back on.
>0.7% as many words
Its the journey that counts anyway, so why not make it as long as possible?
>>
>>39095037
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYkbqzWVHZI
>>
>>39095496
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>>39095661
I prefer stories that explore the idea the author had in a timely manner. If chapters are over 5k words, or the total fic length is more than about 50k, I'm not interested.
>>
>>39095661
Once you start adding useless filler, you’ve already lost. Make stories short and concise without sacrificing any details. This is mostly done by staying on topic and to the point.



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