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ITT: Side-splitting equines, The thread peaks early, Anon get shot down for shitposting, A crime procedural lamb, Somewhat satanic Futaloo, Luna's DID continues to be a sight to behold, "it's okay to eat shit", " unnecessary self-indulgent verbosity", Celestia hits Anon with a brick wall, Being deprived of a horsefucker.org email, “Of course, I will volunteer for the electrocution.", The nonstop passing of the night, You remember the eps where Fluttershy was a dragon and Rarity was a zebra, don't you?, TFHAnon's story is moving along, "It matters not who you shitpost with, but who you shitpost against.", "KEKDANCE: ENDGAME", Is it really an adventure if there's no rape?, Having the entirety of human history on your backlog, Deadmaufive, "But have you read ____?", My Little Something, Something is Something Else, Reasonable justifications to not kill your enemies, A fascination with griffon phallus, and airship autism rising up and consuming us all.

FiMFiction Starter Kit (recommended fics):
Winners:
http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png

List of Reviews made by the Anons in this thread:
http://www.mlpficreviews.org.uk
Use the commands ">review <story link>" and ">discuss <story link>" to add reviews to a story.
Userscript for extra features: https://u.smutty.horse/mdqwgwxhujh.js

>How do I write fanfiction?
Ezn’s guide - https://eznguide.neocities.org/
Politics and the English Language - https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/
Perfect Pancakes - https://cafedelites.com/best-fluffy-pancakes/
Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - https://poneb.in/g4VpEg4f
Horse Behaviour - https://www.equestrianandhorse.com/equus/behaviour.html
Setting a story in motion - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufO8LbwTdu0
Taking criticism - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v4R2ZcxPlA

>Can you pre-read my story?
Post it on Google Docs with comments enabled and give us a link.

>Reviews and riffs that are likely not up anymore:
Fillyanon's Bookshelf - https://ponepaste.org/5555
Notkickass222urmom's Reviews - https://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmom
IHeartShinzakura's Reviews - https://ponepaste.org/user/IHeartShinzakura
Rhorse's (Updated!) Horse Behavioral Notes - https://ponepaste.org/932
Appleanon reads fics - https://poneb.in/wmGX7FPm
Deluxe Big Master Review List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9Bz7UnEbxo-svlXa2tV49PJkP-yFuR7pRXiBUn-IeU
A Guide to Rational Fics - https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2020/4/2/2312216.jpg
The Royal Canterlot Library's Top 16 Fanfics - https://royalcanterlotlibrary.net/top16/

>Voiceguy's archive:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-VuBo5xPdifNsnXXGGySudMIgnVLvLQI

Previous Flight >>37856218
>>
I, for one, really like the ponies.
>>
>>37870457
>horsefucker.org email address
Holy shit I need me one of those. Where can I get myself an invite?
>>
>>37870510
I like the bugs.
>>
>>37870457
>autism rising up and consuming us all
Now there's a thread title if I ever saw one.
>>
>tfw the thread shits itself all because you mentioned grappling hooks

>>37867121
You could call it a critique of communism, in a way. Communism's end goal is an egalitarian utopia made up of small communities ("communes") of workers who self govern and share their community's burdens and benefits. Starlight was going for that, only instead of equal power being distributed among the "workers," she's seized it for herself and refuses to give it up or bring herself to equalize with her followers. It's essentially the main issue with communism--the inability of leadership to cede their power to the masses once they get it.
>>
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>>37870699
In this sense, you are obviously right, but to me this kind of argumentation feels just a bit too contrived when the cult explanation just slips on like a glove.
>a remote town, far from the rest of civilization
>its inhabitants seemingly all fully believe a certain mantra that to outside observers sounds odd at best and outright dangerous at worst
>the doubters are shunned and have little way of expressing their worry
>the leader is a deeply charismatic and seemingly magnanimous pony, who turns out to be selfish and somewhat of a sociopath
>new "recruits" are forced to undergo basically PG-13 psychological torture, until they (seemingly) give up and give in
This to me screams places like Jonestown or Rajneeshpuram.
Meanwhile, if it was truly a critique about communism, then Starlight wouldn't be taking away cutie makrs, but rather forcing ponies to work as whatever jobs the commune needed at the moment. Thus playing into the whole planned-economy and "everyone is equal because everyone can be everything" ideas.
Or at least that's how I see things. However, while I did learn extensively about the USSR in school and I did read Marx's manifesto out of curiosity, I still wouldn't claim I'm particularly well-versed in the topic, so feel free to disregard my rambling as bullshit if it is.
>>
>>37870546
Same. What kind of bugfics do you like, friend?
>>
>>37870906
I'll give most any fic featuring a bug a shot, even if its about changedlings, unless it looks like complete garbage.
A recent read that I enjoyed was Trouble in Tiatarta and its prequel. I haven't read the prequel's prequel or the prequel's prequel's prequel, though.
>>
>>37870963
Have you read Adventures in the Life of Beetle (by Symphony in 152mm)?
If you haven't, the prologue and the first chapter might put you off since they aren't that well written (they tend to stay in place a lot)
Later chapters are much better, though
>>
>>37870991
I'll throw it on the list. Not all that big a fan of human transformation (tends to smell a little self-inserty) or that questionable update schedule, though.
>>
>>37871001
As far as I'm aware, it's not a self-insert. No wish-fulfillment fantasies, either.
>>
Airships cool
Airplanes cooler
Steampunk battle tanks made by flimflam Brothers incorporated coolest
>>
>>37871051
>Airplanes cooler
Not intending to reignite the argument, but just know that you're wrong and planes will never match the sheer sexiness of airships.
>>
>>37871061
Lord tirek is never wrong and airships are inferior aircraft
>>
Why is it even a discussion of whether or not it's plausible for ponies to easily make large masses fly when they have ENTIRE FUCKING FLOATING CITIES? Just stick a fucking turbine on a chunk of Cloudsdale, throw some walls around it, and boom you've got a fucking air fortress.
>>
>>37871051
all beaten by the chad unarmed, unadorned pegasus
>>
>>37870901
>Meanwhile, if it was truly a critique about communism, then Starlight wouldn't be taking away cutie makrs, but rather forcing ponies to work as whatever jobs the commune needed at the moment.
You mean like how the ponies working as baker and tailor were terrible at their jobs?
>>
>>37871051
Airships are cooler because they naturally have a more fantastical element to them but airplanes are undoubtedly more kino thanks to better aesthetics and the associations.
>>37871139
>just stick a turbine on an oil rig, throw some guns on it, and boom you've got a fucking battleship
>>
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>>37870457
Rec me some villain protagonist fics
>>
>>37871196
>>just stick a turbine on an oil rig, throw some guns on it, and boom you've got a fucking battleship
This, but unironically.
>>
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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/505676/resolution-of-a-queen
'Resolution of a Queen' is an eight thousand-word shortfic. All were hoping that with the Changelings reformed and their endless hunger sated, the species can now turn a new leaf and leave its past behind. Yet, as more and more of them fall to an illness nopony has heard about before, Twilight, in her desperation, turns to their former queen for help, whom reveals the harrowing diagnosis and "cure." Through multiple perspectives the reader is shown how both sides cope with the news and whether they ultimately accept the queen's offer.
As much as I like the "A-plot" of this story, what truly made me appreciate it is how it presents clashing philosophies. The ponies' over-reliance on control is not something the show every directly spells out, but the way the author introduces the concept just makes things click. They want everything under control or else they get, as the fic puts it, "panicky." I personally find this brilliant. It turns the well-intentioned species into unwitting antagonists who, in a way, infect everything just like the Changelings infiltrated their lives.
Then the fic goes one step further and just as it establishes this notion, it immediately also calls it into question. Is Chrysalis right about her assessment? Do ponies really corrupt everything or is it her who's so stuck in "how things always were," that she's completely unreceptive to change and that there might actually exist a cure for the Kuru? Furthermore, I really like how spiteful and cold she acts, yet her mask slips every once in a while and she shows just how desperate and hurting she is for her children.
I'm also a fan of how this story was capable of making Spike intimidating and nuanced. The way he talks about his compulsion and how he already faces discrimination due to who he is is a nice way of broadening the world, without going to far from the main narrative. I'm not sure if the author was thinking of G5, when mentioning the idea of the "collapsing pillars" of pony-creature relations, but it's a foreboding analogy.
There is one big pain point in the whole narrative in my opinion: The story's crescendo, in which Chrysalis is forced to euthanize much of her own hive, feels... insubstantial. I don't even mind that it happens "off-screen," the issue is rather that both Starlight and Spike take the whole thing so nonchalantly compared to how anxious they were earlier that I didn't even realize what has happened until I went back and re-read the chapter. It's almost played as a joke with Chrysalis saying that Starlight is "going to hate this plan" and then the next chapter begins with her saying "I hate this plan." It's an amusing gag, don't get me wrong, but it further made the whole situation feel less dignified than the story was building up to.
Overall: 7/10 Despite this, I very much enjoyed reading this story and I recommend it to anyone who likes impactful dramas and ethical dilemmas.
>>
>>37871253
I'd gladly shill my fic again, but I'm not quite sure if it applies for your definition of Villain Protagonist.
>>
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>>37871186
Alright fine, you got me there. I still stand by the cult-stuff, but I concede that argument completely backfired.

>>37871254
Honestly, if you fantasy super-weapon is anything less than Howl's Moving Castle, are you even trying?
>>
There's got to be at least one satire about one of the popular fandumb ships. Homophobic Bon Bon née Sweetie Drops "herding" (marrying a mare in anticipation of a polygyny), it's not rocket science.
>>
>>37871349
I know there's one fic where it's revealed everyone assumed Rainbow was a stallion.
>>
>>37871373
Just read good fics lol
>>
>>37871273
Nah, communism does try to have people doing work they have aptitude for. Glimmy fits the profile of charismatic cult leader much better.
>>
>>37871373
Yeah, this is something I've lamented too some threads ago. Pinkie is probably the hardest to depict from the entire M6. She has to be somewhat whimsical or else she'll feel OOC, but she also can't be too overbearing because that could hurt the narrative.
Though I'll take a too silly Pinkie every day over authors who deadpool her. Fuck that.
>>
>>37871427
Have you been sent any dick pics in Fimfic PMs yet?
>>
>>37871427
I think she's somewhat similar to Discord in this regard, only he's more crazy.
>>
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>>37871445
No.

>>37871452
I suppose that's true, but you can ignore Discord much easier. He can be an effective narrative tool, but ultimately he's far more optional. You can't really write an M6 adventure without opening that can of pink-worms.
>>
Whats a good way to actually take my million words of worldbuilding notes and turn them into a story thats actually entertaining to read. I would like to stop dreaming about self-insert magic fight with celestia please
>>
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>tfw you realize that Anonfilly comes from the land of snowpity
What if he was the one who showed us the light?
>>
>>37871497
The reviewfilly might be ESL, but she's not retarded.
>>37871487
Start writing a story in the world you've built.
>self-insert magic fight with Celestia
Even if 'kill your darlings' wasn't a thing, I'd still tell you to murder that cringe.
>>
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>>37871497
Sorry to be a disappointment, but no, I haven't come up with the term. I was, however, one of the two people who theorized that it comes from our word for armpit. This image is the work of the other anon, who at the time used a Rarity flag.
Though I sadly have to say, I'm not a massive fan of your pic related. I think it's a fairly bad explanation, as it doesn't really show how the creator of the expression likely caused his mishap. "Szánalmas" is indeed a far more common word for "pitiful," however, in this instance I think OP actually used "alja," which is a much more archaic term that's also far closer to "alj," meaning "the bottom of [something]."
>>
>>37871510
The dreams are every fucking night.
>>
>>37871547
>The NMMflag fag keeps getting g dreams of beating up Celestia
I dont know, seems kinda fitting
>>
I hate warfags I hate warfags
Remember men of the page, war is the gayest point in any civilization's history. Why's everyone so eager to "die" in the arms of another man? I think we all know the real answer.
>>
>>37871820
What if I like war because that means I can stay behind and fuck the wives of the men who went to fight?
>>
>>37871839
That's pretty straight, but not enough to counterbalance the raw homosexuality put off by the battlefield. History will remember that you tried though.
>>
>>37871820
It's not that big a deal. If you die you just go to heaven anyway. Everyone dies and that's a good thing. War is a non-issue.
>>
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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/507308/nightmare-moon-is-asalespony
'Nightmare Moon is a...Salespony?!' is a one thousand and five hundred-word comedy oneshot. As the title implies, Nightmare Moon has returned, but rather than using intimidation or force, she intends to sell her idea of an eternal night to the ponies, citing the many benefits they would receive if they allow her plan to go through.
I have to admit that I'm not really into the kind of humor that iAmSiNnEr's previous "Twilight blows stuff up"-saga featured, so I was hoping that perhaps I'll enjoy this story more, since it deviates from the usual (explosive) punchline. The end results are mixed.
On one hand, I do like the absurd humor of NMM/Luna dropping the whole ancient evil-act and instead painting a bold picture of how her Equestria would work. I also found the pith helmet and Celestia hiding behind a curtain jokes amusing.
On the other hand, however, for every 'proper' joke the fic makes, it also spends a paragraph or more on explaining stuff that's fundamentally irrelevant because this is a shitpost. Reading fairly straight-faced blurbs about tax reforms or how crops can be grown without the sun could make for compelling topics in a more serious fic, but here it just stalls time, without adding anything. Deep down I was hoping that all this was just a diversion while the story builds up to some massive punchline that ties everything together and makes me eat my words. My hope was promptly dashed, however, at the moment Luna began to talk about Raid, NordVPN and all the other shitty sponsors you see on Youtube. This is the punchline we get. The story derails itself, without even properly resolving the "conflict."
Ultimately, it's a serviceable comedy fic, especially because the author isn't trying to sell it as anything more than a shitpost. However, I feel like it doesn't really do its job well as it could, as it neither has enough jokes, nor a satisfying conclusion.
Overall: 4/10 As with any comedy fics, your experience may vary wildly, so my recommendation ultimately comes down to whether you find the gags above funny or not.
>>
>>37871846
You can't fool us, soldier. You just want to lie in your battle-brother's arms """"dying"""" while he strokes your hair, don't you!?
>>
Do we have anonfilly’s future reading list somewhere? I want to toss another one of mine at them.
>>
>Chapter 22 - Humility and Hope
This is just too perfect
>>
>>37871893
I've been using
>https://ponepaste.org/5555
as my reivew and future reading list.
However, now that I do have a fimfic account too, I'm currently migrating stuff so that it can be reached from both.
Which story would you want reviewed?
>>
How do I become a better reader? That and be better able to articulate why I like certain things in a story? I've read plenty of stories that I've loved, but I feel like I'm unable to properly appreciate them.
>>
>>37871961
Low-key want to say "start writing" since that's what made me become so much more aware of the little details.
But that's clearly not for everyone.
If you watch/read anything outside of MLP I could recommend looking up (video) essays about them. Anything that deconstructs a piece of fiction to show why it's great or bad.
I'm a weeb and all the anime analysis videos I've seen probably made me a much better writer and reader.
>>
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>>37871961
>be better able to articulate why I like certain things in a story?
Usually when I sit down to write a review, I try to make a mental list of three things:
>what did the story set out to achieve
>what did it do that helped achieve this
>what did it do that hindered it
These can be anything from simple things (the story is chock full of grammar issues) to very elaborate stuff (the author managed to reinterpret characters in a way you never expected them to be.)
Once this is done, I just open a text editor and write my review, without worrying too much about either the length or the content. You know, just let those thoughts and emotions flow.
Once this is done, I re-read it. This is good for two things: One, it allows me to catch grammar mistakes (being ESL means there are plenty of those.) Two I'll decide whether I even agree with and whether I can justify the stuff I've written down. Many times I've scrapped hundreds of words (~560 words is the limit of a 4chan comment) because I realized what I was about to submit something simply retarded.
Finally, and this is why I like the character limit the site imposes on you, I cut out everything that's unnecessary so that the review fits inside 3000 characters. Commonplaces, repeated information, etc. This, I find, leads to a much better end result overall.
I'm not claiming this is the best way or even necessarily the way that will work for you., however, I hope this more practical description might help you a little.
Also >>37871979 does raise some nice theory you should definitely look into.

>I feel like I'm unable to properly appreciate them.
Can you elaborate a bit on this part? What sort of "appreciation" are you missing?
>>
>>37872010
I'm not really sure. I guess it's just that I think a lot of the stuff is lost on me or that I don't have a legitimate understanding of it. Like "in one ear, out the other" but for reading. I don't really know how to better explain it than that, unfortunately.
>>
>>37872038
Essentially, you want to become a more active reader, correct?
>>
>>37872040
I suppose so, yes.
>>
>>37872010
So you think my reviews suffer by having a lot to say, especially for longer fics?
>>
>>37870518
cock.li is the site. It's like a privacy-oriented mail service that, like protonmail, claims to not store or publish users' personal data. Unlike protonmail however, it's run by one guy. That's mostly a good thing but some webpages don't recognize it as a valid mail for registering. YMMW but once I got banned from a local vidya forum for having an "offensive" mail address. I think they were just offended by the implication seeing as they let my @cock.li alt account stay.
>>
>>37872050
I definitely cannot make such a sweeping statement. Especially, because if I did, I'd be contradicting myself too. When I reviewed 'Empty Horizons' and 'Pegasus Device' I wrote reviews that were six and five comments long respectively and those still feel like the proper lengths they deserved. Keeping myself to the character limit simply helps me cut out the unnecessary parts. That is all.
If I had to criticize your critiques (we're getting really meta here), I think the only real problem with them is that sometimes you either go into too much detail or too little. This is a problem I face sometimes too, so I sympathize, but that just makes it all the more evident to me. For instance, your 'Hand of Doom' review basically gives away the whole plot. Meanwhile, in a later review, whose title now eludes my memory, you talk about some kind of pillar which - to me personally - was so confusing that either me or someone else had to ask about it.
All in all, while I think you still have room to improve (who doesn't) I think your reviews are fine NMMAnon. I certainly enjoy reading them.
>>
>>37872108
Did I, after reading the review i dont think i went over any of the plot elements or twists, I covered the introductions of the main cast and some of the locations they went to but not the plot beyond something youd find in the summary. "Daring do and friends compete with doctor caballeron to find the mysterious hand of doom" Is that really too much detail?
I dont know what the pillar thing is though
>>
>>37872147
Okay, perhaps not the whole plot, but I think mentioning stuff like how Caballeron is supplanted midway the story and how Celestia apparently did a bunch of dark shit is something that I think would at least elicit a spoiler-warning in the beginning of the review.
>I dont know what the pillar thing is though
IIRC in one of the sequels some corrupted form of humanity builds a spire of sorts that then collapses on them and wipes them out. I remember you mentioning that it was dumb and random. My point is largely is that if it's dumb and random to you, who has the story fresh in their mind, imagine how hard it is for us to follow unless you elaborate.
>>
>>37872163
OH YEAH I REMEMBER.
Yes that was child of order, And the whole pillar thing wasnt actually explained at all in the story, its part of why I didnt like child of order.
>Be future virus humans
>Infect ponies to become human
>get everyone together and destroy a bunch of cities to gather material
>Build a great big tower
>As its finishing you and all your new human friends get absorbed into the tower
>Tower collapses in on itself revealing a smaller tower
>Nothing else happens

It just kinda happened, the bad guys "Won" but them winning basically didnt do anything beyond blow up a bunch of cities.
As for Hand, and ill spoil this part because it bears mentioning
White, who ends up being a fundamental part of the good guy team doesnt end up as a part of it till half way through the word count and after whites "family" take over Caballeron's side. Im not sure how else i would cover that since its not the climax where caballeron is supplanted its before things really hit the fan. Though i suppose spoiling it wouldnt have hurt. Ill do that more in future.
As for Celestia doing a bunch of dark shit, thats just a fact of the setting thats pretty explicitly told, and is a core part of the villians motivations basically since chapter.. 3 iirc. I didnt think that was much of a spoiler, any more then mentioning that Rainbow dash was going to be joining DAring on her quest
>>
>>37870518
Here friend. Make sure to choose horsefucker from the drop down. https://cock.li/register?invite=a8ebab04396b63dec9d7b41210f2db5b5790de652e54869e7b89fcabea41ca51
>>
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This marks my one hundredth review I've submitted to this thread. Time sure flies, doesn't it?
I have been thinking for a while which fic should be the one I review to celebrate the occasion. However, after remembering that someone recommended this to me and reading it, I knew it had to be this one.

>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/118727/sun-princess
'Sun Princess' is a one thousand and seven hundred-word oneshot. Unlike my usual reviews, I'd rather not put a summary here. If, by some faint chance, you haven't read it yet, I implore that you do so before reading on. You will not regret it. This fic's score is perhaps one of the easiest 10/10-s I've given yet.
This story is a quintessential tragedy. The author beautifully depicts how a dog's simple yet deeply devoted mind might work, through flawless prose and flowing descriptions that stab directly at the readers' hearts. By using titles instead of names, such as the eponymous "Sun Princess" and "Faithful Student," while also mentioning the "lessons" the dog learns, the author juxtaposes the relationship of Applejack and Winona with how Twilight might have felt next to Celestia.
The narrator recounts how idyllic her life was and explains how things worked thus far. In Winona's mind, Applejack is perfect in every way: Immortal, infallible benevolent and all-knowing. To her, she's basically a god. So when her own state begins to deteriorate, she doesn't doubt her owner. Instead she only blames herself for failing her, then despairs at how her entire life was ultimately pointless, before finding some comfort in the fact that she would be remembered and - twisting the knife one last time - how "at least [the Sun Princess] would last forever." This, among many other examples in the fic, is a masterful display of what I could only describe as peering through the eyes of an innocent. By this I mean that because the narrator is a dog, she doesn't fully grasp the places and the meanings of the events around her. However, because the author weaves obvious clues naturally into the narrative, it immediately becomes painfully clear to the reader what's happening. And all of this is done in a way that doesn't feel either pretentious or patronizing.
I genuinely can't think of any criticisms about this fic. Perhaps some might say that depicting the suffering of animals is an easy or cheap way to tug at the readers' heartstrings, but even if there is some merit to that statement, this story does it in an exceptional way, that I can only praise.
Overall: 10/10 This story depicts the happiest and saddest moments of keeping a pet in a dignified and deeply moving way. I can only recommend it.
>>
>>37871487
Learn how to write and write about good ideas kek. It will take a lot of skill and effort to integrate a ton of worldbuilding into a story in an interesting way, but it's definitely doable. I'd say just work on learning how to tell a good, concise narrative first and foremost, making many smaller, practice stories where you try to tell the story in the most efficient manner possible. This will teach you an understanding of what makes a story work, and all the pieces and how to weave worldbuilding around that. Consider that worldbuilding itself is a skill you will need to learn and reinforce, and requires a careful approach. I think a useful method (since i myself also have a million billion words of worldbuilding) is to write in such a way that the worldbuilding is actually relevant to the story being told so that it is inherently integrated on a fundamental level. For example if you wish to detail how cool a certain type of gem is and the powers it provides, have part of the story or a plotline surround the item and its power, providing a narrative purpose for it and also a means to explain this element of your worldbuilding. This can be done in big or small ways all throughout your story. There will be some things you simply will just need to cut, however.

Consider as well that a balance must be struck between concept and detail. Readers LOVE their imagination running wild. How does this work? What's over there? You don't always need to explain everything, and so long as you set it up enough, you won't need to. Sometimes detailing every single principle of how something works bores people or crushes their inspiration, so be careful and don't define too much unless it's absolutely necessary. A good example is MLP: FiM. A lot of ideas were had to fill up the world by fans, but as the seasons progresses the world was filled up and this cut off many avenues for intrigue or expression, as the wild lands yonder were filled with boring human cities and other things.

I would suggest creating a sort of setting bible in which you condense and connect your ideas into a coherent piece, making a "good copy" once and for all, and then figure out a story, or stories, to best weave these ideas together
>>
So I've been reading the night is passing and I'm trying but 12 chapters in and its failing to grab me. My biggest issue is that its just so... boring. Already theres a bit of a focus problem in that its three independent narratives working with, at least so far, not much in the way of overlap between the two, and the way that its paced ill get to a point where "oh finally rainbow, rarity and flutters are doing something interesting- wait no the chapters over and its time for a twilight episode, and now we need a spike episode right after it, guess I'll have to wade through these sections so I can get back to the part I was mildly interested in."
Like, something that consistently bothers me is when stories go out of their way to try and make me imagine a more interesting story. You can kind of get away with it when you're running an a plot b plot thing, or you have both perspectives directly interacting. You dont really have that so far and its making it difficult to find time to read it.
The worldbuilding hasn't done a lot with it, its just edgquestria but with much of thr details scrubbed out. I get that theyre trying not to "show the monster" but things don't feel that tense for me for that to work out and it's not over the top edgquestria like fallout equestria so I can't even wring enjoyment out of it by mocking it.
I'm going to finish it, since it's already complete and I want to see where it actually goes and if it finally becomes interesting, but im having trouble doing that
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>>37872632
>I'm going to finish it, since it's already complete and I want to see where it actually goes and if it finally becomes interesting, but im having trouble doing that
Just imagine it's an airship.
>>
>>37871961
>That and be better able to articulate why I like certain things in a story?
Unironically, by arguing on the internet. Just post your opinions ITT until someone calls you a moron, so that you're forced to think carefully about why you hold that opinion in order to write a decent rebuttal. Or read other anons' opinions until you find one you disagree with, and write out in detail all the reasons why that poster is a moron.
Or, the less confrontational approach: whenever you see someone post a detailed explanation of why a fic is good/bad, think about which of the things they mentioned apply to other stories you've read recently
>>
>>37871937
For fun? Anarchy, since I put a lot of heart and soul into that one, and it’s one of my longest. But you might have a better time reading Return of Sunset due to length and relative ease of getting into.
>>
The Twilight Engima plot guess: The gem from the very start is yet another dark energy thing like from The Celestia Code. That's why they're stealing it.
>>
You can throw a lot of shit at B (which I do), but I'm at least going to acknowledge that I can respect someone willing to still lurk the place that pretty consistently does nothing but throw shit at him.
Now I wonder if AID is still lurking after I told him to go neck himself or if he actually left.
>>
>>37872965
Was it even AID? I heard it was some guy who got mistaken for AID and rolled with it.
Though then, who really cares. I haven't heard from AID in a while and the less I think of B the better.
>>
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/193170/its-complicated
Has anyone read this? How is it?
>>
>>37873103
I didn't read it but looking at it all I see are red flags
>First Person POV, HiE
>sex, dark, romance, comedy
>2 million words [incomplete]
>5 out of his 7 fics are incomplete/cancelled
I'd be extremely shocked if it was actually good.
>>
Why is there a pancake recipe on in the "How do I write fanfiction" section of the OP?
>>
>>37871262
>7/10
>first-story author
That's pretty impressive, I might check it out. Although it's probably not the writer's actual first rodeo
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>>37873074
It was both. One was AID, and after he was told to fuck off another one was mistaken for him.
>>
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>>37873158
Why shouldn't there be?
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>>37873158
You need to eat to fuel your writing
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>>37870991
>>37871001
>>37871015
Update: this actually spurred him on to rewrite the prologue and chapter one.
>>
How do I get the Reviewfilly to follow me?
>>
>>37873304
Have you tried sugarcubes?
>>
>>37872965
What?
>>
>>37873158
Its a metaphor for good writing habits.
>>
>>37873332
Please don't try to lure fillies(adult human male) with sweets.
>>
>>37873399
If the AHMfilly gets her(him)self lured by sugar then that's entirely on them.
>>
A huge share of fimfiction authors, maybe a third of them, can't even write the story description without errors. That's just a couple of sentences that they can freely choose, and they fuck it up.
What is the explanation for this?

I don't think the explanation can be ESL. Many of the mistakes are against such rules that most European languages conform to. Maybe for example from a native Chinese speaker I would expect that reason, but we don't have many those.

I don't think the explanation can be very young age. The level of ability required for writing a couple of sentences for your story description without fucking up, is something even the average 10-year-old should possess, and the younger groups of authors on fimfiction are a couple of years older than that.

I don't think the explanation can be lack of effort. The effort in making an account and submitting a story is greater than writing 2 fucking sentences.

What, then, is the explanation? Are they genuinely mentally handicapped?
>>
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COPE author is getting bullied in his own comment section again. These two are the longest and most upvoted of the bunch, but there are a bunch more further down asking for the same thing.

A reasonable response would be something like: "I see this is a common problem, so I'll clean up some of my notes on the language and try to post them this weekend". But the actual response, of course, is total silence. The author's last comment on this fic is from three weeks ago, regarding a trivial grammar error.
>>
>>37857259
It worked. I'll see about changing my email address later.

It's been two days or so and my first story hasn't been allowed to become public yet.
>>
>>37873442
You're reading too much into it. They're just young, or were people who were never practiced with spelling and grammar. It's not a requirement in life to possess these skills, so many people don't care to put the extra effort in to refine their grammatical sense, or care to write very well. Fanfiction is entry-level with zero barrier, so people with no writing experience are making stories as well.
>>
>>37873443
You know a story fucked up when Alondro makes dozens of comments on it and receives 0 downvotes. The more I hear about COPE the more it feels like the author got so wrapped up in making the language and was so eager to share it that they completely failed to make anything but the most barebones poorly built and thought out story around it.
>>
>>37873443
Sad to hear that. I don't read incomplete fics but for a moment COPE looked like something I might really enjoy. Maybe he reconsiders.
If not, I'll wait until he posts his notes and "cheat" by referencing them too early. Unless he's not planning on ever releasing the notes.
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>>37873527
Lot's of people have been asking for one. Nicely, even.
Part of me wonders if the author will just double down and keep his conlang secret.
>>
>>37873442
It's a combination of young age, looser and less effective teaching since English is now the super bad wh*te language of racism and oppression, and the general degradation of the language from the Internet, texting, and casual use that is accepted without censure.
>>
What is it about fanfiction that invites diarrhea of the keyboard? I've run into plenty of stories that would be good stories, if only they were paced better, trimmed down, and overall tighter. Fifty-thousand word chapters and stories that are over 550k long, but are still nowhere near completion make no damn sense. Particularly when much of it is just bloat, characters for the sake of characters, random arcs and scenes for the sake of arcs and scenes. Does nobody outline and attempt to follow some semblance of story structure?
>>
>>37873550
"I would have written you a shorter letter, but I did not have the time."
>>
>>37873549
It's actually just Ameritard schools being shit.
>>
>>37873550
I for one am glad we have a free medium that allows art for the sake of art that isn't constricted by market related decisions. But if you enjoy being told what is right and wrong by a system only designed to maximise profit then go ahead.
>>
any other shared universes like the Gentlemanverse but less retarded?
>>
>>37873561
That's a part of it, but hardly the only part. Adults had already relaxed the formality of their typing in e-mails and texting, while younger people were typing during games and finding ways to speed that up; drop capitalization, drop punctuation marks, remove words if the general sense can be kept. Then this just kept continuing, but now with ever younger audiences not just seeing that but also contributing their own uneducated drivel.

I know how dumb this example is, but look at comments on Youtube. Kids typing out shitty worthless opinions with shitty worthless skills flooding the medium with terrible practice of the language. And no one corrects them or calls them out or stops it, so it just gets reinforced more and more.
>>
>>37873442
Same reason most people need others to proof read for them. They filter out their own mistakes in their mind when they read it.
>>
>>37873571
Please cease this forced boomer meme you fucking faggot. That bullshit was spewed out by retards when phones were the new young thing and old retards had to go against it because le new thing bad, and literally the moment we moved to internet based messages where price is independent from length that stopped being a problem. All the Internet did was expose how the majority of the population is fucking retarded. But if the videos you're watching on YouTube have comment sections flooded by illiterate kids, that's your fault for watching garbage channels, because any channel actually worth watching on that site will usually have decently to well written comments underneath. The purported collapse of civility and culture you ree about has been proclaimed for hundreds of years, thousands even. Stop being a faggot.
>>
>>37873589
>because le new thing bad
Go back to plebbit shitstain.
>>
>>37873556
A fair point.

>>37873564
It's not about being told what's right and wrong, but rather about what makes for a more compelling story. More doesn't mean better. Including a bunch of scenes and arcs that don't add to the main thrust of the story -- either in plot or theme -- purely for the sake of having more to read isn't an improvement.
>>
>>37873589
Uh huh. So no societal influences, no cultural changes due to easier communication and more casual conversations. Nothing from popular media, viral media, foreign media, or anything else. The one and only reason according to you is:
>>37873561
>It's actually just Ameritard schools being shit.
>t.- zoomiezoom
>sent from my iphone9
Sorry you couldn't get a green card, try again in seven years.
>>
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>>37871262
>anonfilly reviewed my shit
Thanks you! Honestly, this feels like a pretty fair review: You've identified what I feel are the stronger pillars of the story, but also where I vastly needed to expand it out and trim the poorly-timed humor to make the emotional hits work. I mentioned last thread that I felt this 8k word fic needed the longfic treatment to show the ponies coming to terms with what happened, and it's an admission I'll stick to here: I set the characters up right, I just didn't follow through on them. One thing I am glad worked well was the question of 'who is right?' being a gripping one; I feel like that's a dangerous scenario to play with, as you risk edginess or making everyone unappealing and so ruin the conflict
>I'm not sure if the author was thinking of G5, when mentioning the idea of the "collapsing pillars" of pony-creature relations, but it's a foreboding analogy.
A similar idea in that it points towards eventual civil strife, and G5 just happened to introduce a similar concept; this is a story I've had in draft for years and only recently got the drive to finish and push out.

>>37873163
>Although it's probably not the writer's actual first rodeo
You'd be correct. I've written some stuff before, and frankly if I were to show off my actual first scribblings they'd be rightly mocked for how mediocre they are.
>>
>>37873621
Plato said the same thing about people writing things down degrading the message being recorded and destroying its meaning. People have been making this argument since antiquity and it hasn't come true.
>>
>>37872252
Thank you friend, I'd suck your cock no homo.
all the homo
terms and conditions apply
>>
>>37873550
One factor is stories that get popular by being tolerable and having a reliable update schedule. If your main goal is "post at least two chapters every week", that makes it easy to just ramble on and skimp on the long-term planning.
>>
>>37873568
xenophilia
oh wait, you said less retarded. sorry.
truth is, anon, all shared universes are retarded. it's in their nature.
>>
>>37873606
>Including a bunch of scenes and arcs that don't add to the main thrust of the story -- either in plot or theme -- purely for the sake of having more to read isn't an improvement.
if anything, that's the opposite of art for art's sake. it's a behavior more akin to rent-seeking, which the brocialists like >>37873564 insist is part of "late stage capitalism".
>>
It's funny how easily you can tell what posts here are by writers and which are by simple readers.
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>>37873589
This.
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>>37874506
But what if I'm a complex reader?
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>>37874506
Oh? Am I a writer?
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>>37874506
>tfw you consider yourself a writer
>tfw your published wordcount is still just over a measly 20k
Bros...
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>>37875032
Hey, I have way more published words than you, but only about a quarter of those are any good.
Don't beat yourself too much.
>>
>>37875034
I have over 200k published words, and most of them are mediocre at best.
Still, I wonder how obvious it is in my other comments that I'm a writer...
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>>37874506
I am but a simple writer and what is this...?
>>
Did the Americans wake up?
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>>37873442
They don't put much weight into perfect grammar / spelling, which is correct.

An enjoyable story > perfect grammar / spelling.

You see top billed Featured stories all the time with very blatant grammar / spelling mistakes but nobody really cares aside from nitpickers.
>>
>>37875106
American's been up since 5:00 a.m. putting ""turkey"" in the """oven""" bruh.
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>>37875109
Right, and as we all know, the feature box is the best place to find enjoyable, high-quality stories
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>>37875113
True, it was a bad example.

What I mean is, I have read lots of stories that I enjoy that have glaring mistakes. Nothing that's so bad it's distracting, but regardless, if the point comes across and the story is entertaining that's what matters most.

The only time I can see perfect grammar mattering is if one of your characters is supposed to be anal about grammar and you write their dialog with grammar mistakes.
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>>37875111
correct
>>
>no one wants to comment on stories anymore.
Seems odd that I have zero comments, weird.
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>>37875398
You probably don't have enough grammar mistakes in your story.
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>>37875402
I guess. Though the thought does count. Im bored.
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>>37875432
>*I'm bored
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>>37875457
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>>37873332
Oh, you drive a hard bargain!

>>37873664
Ah, I did assume correctly then that you must have previous experience in writing. Just like the other Anon, I too was shocked to see how good it was for a "first" story.
>as you risk edginess or making everyone unappealing
That is true, but if you can make everyone at least somewhat appealing too, I think the risk is averted.
This all aside, I hope I'll see further works from you. I really like your style!

>>37875398
Which one is your story, Anon?
>>
>>37873564
Story structure, editing, and clean, tight storytelling predate the corporatization of creative endeavor. Hell, authors that were paid by the word still knew the value of a lean story, even if they indulged in purple prose. Putting in unnecessary characters and arcs isn't art for the sake of art, it's just bloat and vanity.
>>
>>37875875
>t. Faggot
>>
>>37875109
With rapid output I can understand missing lots of errors in the body text, but that doesn't go for the fic summary - it shouldn't TAKE any effort at all to write a couple of coherent sentences! That's not about effort.
Although maybe that's a good thing. In my experience, the amount of language and stylistic errors is a pretty good predictor for how good the fic will be, much better than ratings (I concede that that's a low bar to compare to). So losing that would be losing a good clue whether to keep reading.
>>
>>37875398
I get the same thing. I guess it just means it's not amazing enough to comment on but not bad enough to comment on either. I get some positives, just not always proportional to likes / views. I guess that's normal though.

I try to comment on anything that I read, even just to say good job / this could be better (as the case may be).

>>37875908
I think it's more that they simply don't even think about the grammar / spelling and release it "as is".

I would rather have THAT then at the other end of the spectrum where you get boring, dry, nigh autistic "perfectly grammared" stories riddled with purple prose.
>>
This thread doesn't actually know what purple prose is.
>>
>>37875964
To me, the worst is seeing your dislike counter go up, but no comment left.
I can definitely deal with someone saying "yeah, I didn't like this, this, and that" or "this garbage is way too edgy wtf xd".
What I can't stand is this feeling of insecurity. Are my dislikes coming from the fact my fic is just not their thing? Admittedly my writing is edgy
Or are they coming from the fact that it's just poorly written?
Being this insecure about it really blows
>>
>>37875974
It's drive by down votes, haters, russians, bots and people who disagree with you opinions.
>>
>>37875964
Grammar and spelling mistakes have nothing to do with prose and/or narrative style. This is just an excuses for people to lazy to edit or proof read.
Also having a blatant spelling mistake or broken wording in your short description is one of the biggest red flag in the world. You didn't even care enough to fix such an obvious mistake that will be the first thing people see about your story.
>>
>>37875989
On the other hand, sometimes people are kinda done with a story and end up paying less attention to the short desc because it's done and they're just eager to push it out. And sometimes they don't submit it to their proofreader unlike what they did with the chapters.
>>
>>37875969
Please, enlighten us.

>>37875974
I know what you mean but after making posts in here for some time and being on FIM for ages I realize honestly you just need to accept it as what people do. There is no "perfect" way to use the rating system.

At the risk of sounding like a schizo, I am starting to think that other writers who release their new stories might be downvoting competition to get an edge popularity-wise (since downvotes make your story less "Hot"). I have no evidence of it, but I would not put it past people.

Personally I only downvote if a story is propagating real world, politically-charged shit (like the tranny / BLM stories when they also provide a link to donate to some "charity") or it's some meta garbage. If I don't like the genre, I just don't read it. If it sucks I give criticism in the comments. But not everyone has to follow that way of doing things.

>>37875989
I was generalizing about "grammar nazis" - I've seen them engage in purple prose, or what I would call purple prose (I have a low threshold for "colorful writing" so that's a me problem, in this case).

You can have that stance on descriptions. I don't believe that this is what most people believe. I don't care one way or the other but I'd take a fun story with mistakes over a perfect one, grammatically, that's dry. Not that you can only have one or the other, but I'm sure you get my point.
>>
>>37875398
>>37875974
You think that's bad? Now imagine running a CYOA style story that depends on users commenting and providing input for the story to progress.
I've done everything I can to remind the readers of this fact, from updating the description to adding a reminder in the Author's Notes at the end of the latest chapter, but up until this point over the last 4 or so months I think I've MAYBE gotten one or two commenters on fimfic who actually had anything to contribute towards progression.

Trying to get those fimfic readers to comment is like pulling teeth. Thank goodness for the based fellow anons on this board who have kept things going though.
>>
>>37875997
Valid point but first impressions are still very important. If the first thing I see for your story is that you can't proof read three sentences, why would I assume the full story is better?
>>
>>37875981
I wish I had the confidence to believe that.

>>37876016
>it is what it is
Yeah. I pretty much just need to work on my confidence, honestly.

>At the risk of sounding like a schizo[...]
I'll admit I do low-key suspect something like that. Maybe not as the primary reason, but it's crossed my mind.

>I pretty much only downvote[...]
I'll admit that I don't do nearly enough reading anymore, so it's not like I personally upvote or downvote anything all that often. As much as there are stories for which I get this primal urge to dislike them (usually because it's some gross fetish shit), I refrain from doing so (I know, I'm the greatest, most altruistic person to ever live, you can thank me later.)

>>37876019
Yeah, that sounds like pure pain. I'm sorry to hear that, anon.
>>
>>37876016
I get your point and this is probably a me thing as well. I pick up on technical mistakes super easy and they snap me out of the narrative. So this might just be autism.
>>
>>37875969
That's when you write about Twilight, right?
>>
>>37876083
It doesn't mean you are autistic - perhaps I and others are not stringent enough.


In any event, I'm not saying that people SHOULDN'T strive for grammar / spelling without obvious mistakes, but I wouldn't want anybody to not write because they think they need to have an editor / proofreader for every single thing they publish (not always possible and even then it can cost money / take forever to get your writing back).

In some cases this will be necessary (i.e. for ESLs or smoothbrains who make really distracting errors) but I think in general most people have spelling / grammar that's good enough to get by as long as the stories themselves are fun / interesting.

Sadly they will miss out on having you (and others, I'm sure) as a reader, but then again, we shouldn't live our lives trying to please everyone.
>>
>>37875974
Blame Fimfic's atmosphere for that. It's been a pattern for years that people complaining about a story without stuffing their comment with "constructive advice" get attacked and, ugh, downvoted, which some people put a lot of stock into despite it having no meaning whatsoever. Over time it has conditioned many readers not to post empty complaints, so they just hit that thumbs down button and close the tab.

It's so bizarre watching readers get into arguments about comments being downvoted. You'd think it was taking food off their table with how invested they get.
>>
>>37876099
You're thinking of lavender prose.
>>
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Hell fucking ye, finishing writing a chapter is a pretty good feeling. Knowing that you have to edit it, less so.

What are YOU writing right now?
>>
>>37876173
Finished editing a big fat chapter, now I've left it in my editor's hands for suggestions.
Meanwhile, writing the next chapter, which is the transition to the next arc.
And BOY am I excited to be finally be starting that arc.
Not to mention, I'm having a fuckton of fun writing the transition chapter (not because it's a transition chapter, but because what exactly happens in the chapter)
>>
>>37876119
I'm not sure if I'm rolling my eyes harder at you taking the term autism seriously on 4chan or at the inexplicable double line break after the first line.
>>
>>37876173
Editing is the best part, though. I certainly find it the easiest. But congrats. I've been dragging my feet with no excuses. Haven't written that much in the last month, though I did start on an Anon story. It might never see the light of day - I find the idea pretty interesting but my execution might just be generic.

>>37876204
Double line was a typo. And did you think I took it seriously?

captcha: HP0MY (so close)
>>
>>37876173
>What are YOU writing right now?
This post.
>>
>>37876231
Editing is easy, but it's time-consuming. Especially when you're having fun writing a huge chapter and suddenly you have to spend time and effort making sure it all makes sense.
>>
>>37876204
>'m not sure if I'm rolling my eyes harder at you taking the term autism seriously on 4chan or at the inexplicable double line break after the first line.
Anon, that's pretty obviously a redditor. Bring easily triggered about autism and unnecessary line breaks are their defining characteristics.
>>
>>37876249
Empowering.
>>
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>>37876231
>Editing is the best part, though. I certainly find it the easiest.
When you're talking about "editing," what is it that you exactly mean? I understand the word of course, but I'm not entirely sure in this context just how much it encompasses. Is it when you proofread, reorganize parts and make sure everything makes sense?
If so, then I'm not sure I share your enthusiasm. It's certainly the most rewarding part of the work. For instance, as I was writing my story (that's stuck in approval-hell), the editing ultimately lead to (what I consider) a much more satisfying narrative climax, but I'd also call it the hardest and most tiring part of the whole experience.
>>
>>37876231
>Editor
How do you acquire such a creature? Perhaps I should get one too. Or at the very least a beta reader.
>>
>>37876305
There's a group on fimfic. I've only had to use it once, and I got a really good editor out of it.
Not sure if it's always that easy, or if they're all as great as mine, but to me it was the best decision I ever made.
Through his edits, he basically taught me to write well, and I can't help but cringe my ass off when I look at old stuff now (which is good because it means I've just improved that much)
>>
>>37876305
>>Editor
>How do you acquire such a creature?
There are more online writing groups than you can shake a stick at. Many of them are set up hook up writers with editors. Now, some of them require you do read and edit in order to have your stuff read and edited, fair is fair, but its not like finding an editor is some sort of mythic quest like finding a virgin female at a whores convention.
>>
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>>37876285
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>>37876019
Can you link your story?
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>>37876119
Begone Redditor
>>
>>37876251
I like being able to look at what I wrote without worrying that I should be writing - not nitpicking (which is what happens when you edit as your write). I also edit at least 24 hours after writing something, so I can see it with a fresh mind. But I agree those long sessions where the words just FLOW are really great.

>>37876293
I edit / proofread my stuff myself so I just take edit to mean "take the first draft of writing and change it / make fixes where necessary to the point where I can say this is worth publishing". I also end up reading the whole thing a few times (usually) to get an idea how it sounds and such.

Perhaps other writers such as yourself put a lot more effort into editing. I try not to double-guess myself a lot of the time or overly scrutinize myself, leaving a lot of the writing as is unless there are glaring problems. Perhaps that is why I am also not a top tier writer, as it were.

>>37876305
I don't use one but just look around FIM groups. There used to be something through EQD but I mean this was back in 2012 so I suspect that's not a thing anymore.
>>
>>37876434
Yeah I almost always start editing that long after finishing a chapter. But given that I routinely end up with 8k-18k word chapters, I end up having to split it up between multiple sessions (or else I burn out)
>>
>>37876272
No, I'm pretty sure he's just a retard and a faggot and a disgrace to Pipp fans boardwide.
t. Redditor
>>
>>37876488
That's what I said.
>>
>Some people unironically believe the bulk of pony fanfic involves Twilight and Spike
>>
>>37876434
Ah alright, then we are on the same page.
>I try not to double-guess myself a lot of the time or overly scrutinize myself
Yeah that's fair. One has to eventually make the call or else you'd never put out your story.
In my case, however, it turned out to be very much warranted. I was about to hit submit, when I decided "eh, let's re-read it one last time" and then I realized the very event that sets the plot moving is basically resolved with a shrug, even though it's a life-and-death situation. Ultimately, while I'm still not entirely happy with it, I was able to fix this in a way that feels more impactful.
I also greatly expanded some chapters, so the lines between "editing" and "writing" were kinda blurred. But then again, this is my first story, so how I'm doing it is probably anything but usual.
>>
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There has been no Ancient Humans take at G5 yet, right? The G5 setup practically asks for it - magic disappeared, ponies use some circa 2020 human technologies. Who is this mysterious enemy that could be at fault?
>>
>author includes youtube links in chapters
>This video is unavailable
>no way of finding out what it was
Why this
>>
>>37876624
>Humans finally get to Equestria
>Fuck things up so hard society collapses, magic disappears, and history is lost
Yeah that sounds about right.
>>
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>>37876676
>a single Anon is enough to bring all of Equestria to its knees
Now is that with or without unleashing the power of >rape ?
>>
Wow you guys spent so much of last thread talking about airships that someone actually messaged me about it. Guess I missed out.

If anyone still cares, the next chapter of Sunken Horizons has a very good chance of coming out this month and will probably be over 15k words.
>>
>>37876231
>captcha
What, rationals?
>>
>>37876231
Harry Potter and the Methods of (You)
>>
>>37876755
A true rationalist would be a catholic time terrorist.
>>
>>37876624
>G5
You have no idea how much I want to do a Conversion Bureau spinoff where it's G4 brutally dominating and converting G5. Lean completely into the dogshit edge of CB and do it up stupid proper.
>>
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Oh hey so I caught up to The Runaway Bodyguard and its current (complete) side story and got slapped with this
Fair enough I guess, I usually try really hard to consider the death of the author, I can only hope it's not obnoxiously prominently shoved into the fic.
>captcha GJAYJ
>>
>>37871253
The Lunar Guardsman
>>
>>37876664
>author uses tracks from Youtube in every chapter
>"Start this at the beginning of the next scene to set the atmosphere!"
>it's gone or censored
>tfwIdontknowwhatIwassupposedtofeel.jpg
>>
>>37871452
Wrong. Discord is crazy but not hyper nor naive. Pinkie is crazy but she also exhibits a child-like optimism and wonder, combined often with child-like logic.
The fine line is writing her to be absurdly naive but not as just yelling annoying immature ADHD.
Discord, meanwhile, defies logic at will but not because of any child-like-ness or naivete, but entirely intentionally.
>>
>>37876664
was it a story about lyra?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ccl13B6MTeQ
>>
>>37876784
Pinkie isn't really the traditional naive though. I think the line is drawn at her naivety never having negative consequences. It'll sometimes be unexpectedly effective where other approaches might not be (the trees in episode 2), and sometimes completely ineffective and comical in their failing (her doing whatever it was she tried to do with the dragon), but they usually won't have BAD consequences. Pinkie's naiveness extends as far as she can get away with it without things going majorly to shit. They can go a little to shit (Luna Eclipsed, Best Night Ever, Cranky episode), but she pulls back from that. And when things are serious from the get go, she is capable of being relatively serious too, while still keeping her silly flavour. She's hyperactive and extremely extroverted, but she also understands those around her and is capable of reading the mood well enough. She's uncomfortably forward at times but it's something she does by conscious choice and not merely by nature, which means she's able to reel it in when the situation calls for it.
>>
>>37876766
The entire continent of G4 Equestria time-travels into the future (G5 days), and is now next to the G5 Equestria, and the Barrier of G4ness expands and threatens to cover the world?

And now I can't help but think of the HOI mod Equestria at War. Time-travelling duplicate Equestria seems like a much more interesting second continent than their OC Griffon continent.
>>
Where do I go to ask for help finding an Old Fic where Twi and the Princessess go to the dragon lands and are treated like labour horses?

This there a thread I've missed or a forum I can go to? Only asking this because I've spent 40 minutes on FF searching and not getting anywhere.
>>
>>37876831
That is why warfags are cringe. They're handed the universe and all they can think of is
>Bro, what if [existing race] were the axis powers!?!?!??!??!?!?!?
Maybe they out to axis some bitches out instead
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>>37876841
>axis some bitches out instead
>>
>>37876849
It sounds very vaguely like "ask" so it kind of works.
>>
>>37875901
Then enjoy your DoaM, shitstain
>>
>>37872528
>discuss https://www.fimfiction.net/story/118727/sun-princess
>10/10
Really? I own two dogs, grew up with them, and yet I didn't think it was that impactful. I thought the metaphors and parallels were neat, and that itself is praiseworthy, but when the gimmick made me stop and go "oh, that's neat! pretty clever, haha!" it kind of diminished the emotional impact. I never felt like it was "twisting the knife" at any point, last time or first time.
Now fortunately I haven't experienced the death of a close pet yet (though, running up on 12 years on the oldest, realistically it's not unlikely to happen within the next few years). But stories are meant to let the readers experience things which they've never encountered IRL - might not even be able to ever encounter - so I don't think that for a story whose entire point is depicting a deeply emotional moment, "you have to have experienced it yourself to get it" is a valid excuse.

Now I don't think it's a bad story, per se. It's pretty clever, I'll definitely grant it that much. It's also quite hard to write a (short!) story that mostly relies on emotional impact, and not have it come off as either pretentious or just completely flat. Sun Princess does achieve a measure of emotion and in only 1.7k words; it didn't tug at my heartstrings much but I got what it was putting across, so to speak, and it didn't feel either boring or pretentious. I just don't think it makes for a 10/10 story. I'd have probably given it 8/10 if I was generous, because it's pretty well written and like I said quite clever; maybe 6 or 7/10 if not, because ultimately without a big impact, there's not that much substance to it. Enough to be above the average of 5, for sure, but the question would be by how much.
>>
>>37876851
I...I know, anon. Everyone knows. There was no confusion about what was said.
>>
>>37872882
Hm, interesting guess. As the resident iisaw series recommender/guide (for the past few threads at least), I can tell you that holy shit I don't even remember the plot at all. Like shit, I always took them as "fun but light adventures" that make for an entertaining read but don't really deserve too much thought, but I hadn't realised just to what degree I'd forgotten all the details.
>>
>>37876863
Well, then they outta get to it!
>>
>>37876865
Props for being able to separate the story from the author, anon.
>>37876868
Y'all'd've done it already.
>>
>>37873158
>cookies recipe was added in mid-July >>37270109
>was changed to pancakes in early August >>37357209
>somebody points it out for the first time just now
>meanwhile the Mein Kampf pastebin was pointed out like in the first half of the first thread it was put in
I don't get it. Do people read the OP or do they not?
>>
>>37876858
Maybe you just have a smoother brain.
>>
>>37876902
It was pointed out several threads ago, and people decided to keep it in. Lurk moar.
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>>37876173
Sadly nothing. I have too much IRL shit going on right now that distracts me enough that I couldn't genuinely focus on writing. And I'd have plenty of stuff to write right now. (Including my Jinglemas story that has a deadline)
>>
>>37876902
they do and also do not. c'est la folie, anon.
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>>37876858
Well, I guess I'm just really easily impacted by the depictions of innocent characters dying in tragic ways. I have an old dog, to me the story hit close to home. Feel free to chalk it up to me being biased.
>stories are meant to let the readers experience things which they've never encountered IRL
However, I have to disagree with this part. Should authors not write about love then? Or grief? Or any other stories inspired by human emotions and day-to-day occurences?

>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/507301/the-changeling-not-so-civil-war
'The Changeling Not-So-Civil War' is a one thousand and three-hundred word EaW oneshot. As Thorax is seemingly at his wits' end and facing immediate destruction at the hand of the loyalist Changelings, the tide of the war is suddenly turned by a divine intervention.
I will admit that I'm not overly familiar with EaW. With due diligence, I tried to thoroughly read its wiki and understand the setting and circumstances, however, I'm fully unaware of the inside jokes and references this fandom-inside-a-fandom has. The reason why I'm clarifying this is because I'm about to rip into this fic and I want to make it clear, that I'm doing it from a lay-reader's perspective. Perhaps, if you're in on the joke, this is a fantastic shitpost, though, due to the lack of a comedy tag and the general weakness of the plot, I have my doubts.
With that out of the way, what really is there to say about this fic? The entire plot is carried by an almost entirely literal deus-ex-machina in the form of a golden Changeling, who's seemingly both invulnerable and possesses psychic powers that'd make alicorned-up Twilight's magic blush. He basically singlehoofedly turns the tide of the entire war by making short work of Thorax's enemies. He also does this with no explanation and seemingly gains nothing from this. Finally he leaves, but not before turning Chrysalis herself into a nu-ling.
There are zero stakes in the story, nor any introspection from any of the characters. The godbug just poofs into existence, does its thing, then poofs out once more. It's pure, distilled wish-fulfillment, but sadly not the kind that would leave one satisfied. The sad thing is that there is merit in the concept, a deep examination of how a warring world would react to such an overwhelming force suddenly appearing is something I could see in a fic. Would the favored nation begin to fear its benefactor? How would the allies react? Would they be willing to put up with such forces? Would the enemies keep on fighting or with morale broken would states simply crumble to dust? Sadly nothing of sorts can be found here.
Overall: 2/10 This fic does the bare minimum to be called a story. Can't recommend.
>>
>>37875964
>I would rather have THAT then at the other end of the spectrum where you get boring, dry, nigh autistic "perfectly grammared" stories riddled with purple prose.
False dichotomy. For some reason you assume that stories where the author puts effort into their grammar must therefore also be shitty from a storytelling perspective (or are often going to be so). This doesn't make any sense.
Not only are we talking about authors putting in SOME thought to grammar and not changing anything else about the story, thus resulting in a net improvement to the story, but generally there's a correlation between authors who spend a lot of effort on their story and authors who put out good stories. And, incidentally, those who put in a lot of effort tend to also put in the extra effort to double-check their grammar and spelling.
>>
>>37876019
To be fair fimfiction is just a shit place for a CYOA. It's a common format for quests on the board, but I'm pretty sure most readers on fimfiction don't expect that at all and are unfamiliar with the concept. And I don't mean that it's hard to understand or anything, just that they aren't used to having to comment to drive the story forward so they don't even realise what's happening.
When you say that it's a CYOA, they either assume you're using feedback from somewhere else (like, say, some private Discord server they're not in!), or just hope other people comment so they can sit along for the ride and read the story just like they would any other story. And when you use responses from the board and continue putting out updates with no comments, that probably just reinforces that first view, that this is a "read-only novelisation" of some quest/CYOA running somewhere else.

>>37876373
I am like 90% sure this is the Buggy CYOA author, unless there are other board CYOAs whose authors post itt that I'm not aware of.
>>
>>37876615
Consider that Tolkien took over a decade to write The Lord of the Rings. It's about 450k words, meaning an average output of less than 4k words a month.
Certainly this was not because he could only type out ~100 words a day on his typewriter. Instead, it's because he probably rewrote an entire book's worth two or three times over. If you ever have way, WAY too much free time, The History of Middle Earth can be a pretty fascinating read, and not just for details about the worldbuilding of Tolkien's world but also for a lot of insight into the writing process for the entire thing. Christopher Tolkien basically organised and annotated all the drafts in chronological order, giving a full timeline of how the ideas and writing evolved. In the early drafts (and especially near the beginning of the book), some element or plotline surviving into the final version with minimal changes is a notable event, not the rule.

Of course different people have different writing styles. But the point is, editing does often involve rewriting parts, or marking them down for rewriting. I guess it's a matter of semantics whether you treat it as a "writing -> editing -> repeat" loop, or whether you make a hard cutoff and say that after a certain point it's all called "editing" now unless you like completely scrap and rewrite a chapter or something.
>>
>>37876830
I suppose she's naive and child-like, but not dumb. That's the key to her character. Unfortunately even writers on the show frequently didn't get that, and wrote her actually naive and hyperactive and basically like an immature, overgrown dumb child.
Nevertheless, my point was that she still carries that air of naivete, whether she's written to be dumb or not. Discord is entirely the opposite. Pinkie is random because she uses 3-year-old logic (and then somehow makes it work); Discord is random because he's a millenia-old god of chaos so he freely rejects any logic you try to apply to him, purely to spite and stump you. They're not really comparable.
>>
>>37876839
By FF did you mean Fimfiction, or Fimfetch? If you meant the former, you could always try the latter
https://fimfetch.net/
>>
>>37876904
I dunno about that but maybe I'm just autistic and can't empathise, that's possible. That said it's not like I've never been emotionally affected by a story. Some have even made me shed tears.

>>37876927
>Well, I guess I'm just really easily impacted by the depictions of innocent characters dying in tragic ways.
I suppose that's my point, beyond "oh Winona is dying" I didn't feel like the story did anything to really give any impact to this. Maybe it's because it's too short, and while I did say it managed impressively in 1.7k words, maybe that's just physically too short for me to get emotionally invested enough to care (whereas for you it might be enough). I don't know.

>However, I have to disagree with this part. Should authors not write about love then? Or grief? Or any other stories inspired by human emotions and day-to-day occurences?
Bad phrasing on my part. I meant to say "stories are meant to BE ABLE to let readers experience [new things]". Point being, if you write a story meant to evoke an emotion in the reader, it shouldn't rely on the reader having a similar life experience to draw on. Otherwise it's not the story evoking the emotion, the story is then just serving as a catalyst to bring up the memories and have those cause emotion. That's cheating.
>>
>>37876909
Dangit, I pretty much always catch up to every post in this thread and I guess I must have missed that somehow.
>>
>>37876927
>>stories are meant to let the readers experience things which they've never encountered IRL
>Should authors not write about love then?
Oh they should, so at least I can experience it through their stories :^)
>>
>>37877074
this too
unironically I feel like the closest I've ever come to experiencing romantic feelings has been when reading romance stories
>>
>>37877074
>>37877092
Sounds like you could solve each other's problem.
>>
>>37877095
No way, I'm saving myself for Anonfilly
>>
>>37870457
>My Little Something, Something is Something Else
Does this one count? https://www.fimfiction.net/story/448590/my-little-slugs-nature-is-fascinating
>>
>>37877099
Get in line, faggot. The reviewfilly is mine.
>>
>>37877095
Yeah same as the other anon
>>37877103
Personally I'm not too picky, any Anonfilly will do
>>
>>37877101
No, there's dozens of fics like that. "My Little Something, Something is Something Else" is referring to a hypothetical fic literally called "My Little Something, Something is Something Else". No "My Little Slug..." or "My Little <anything else>..." but literally "My Little Something <etc.>".
>>
>>37877108
>but literally "My Little Something
I didn't know you wanted a fic about your penis, anon.
>>
>>37877105
What if you both tfd into anonfillies?
>>
>>37877117
In that case I'd be game, provided the other anon is too.
>>
>>37876488
>he's just a retard and a faggot and a disgrace to Pipp fans boardwide.
Could've been worse, at least he's not an Albanian.
>>37876841
Indeed, there are so many other wars to rip off from (cue someone doing Emu War in Equestria).
>>
>>37877117
What if we all tf'd into anonfillies? Wouldn't that be great?
>>
>>37877135
Yes please.
>>
>>37877135
>Conversion Bureau
>But all humans transform into Anonfillies
>No matter their personality before, they become absolute little shits
>The world ends in magic and nuclear fire
>>
>>37877113
Don't we all?
>>
>>37877157
>>No matter their personality before, they become absolute little shits
No see that's what I disagree with. Of course you'd have your complement of mandatory little shits. But then you also need the quiet anonfillies. The really depraved anonfillies (that disgust even the other shits). The nerdy anonfillies. The well-read literature critic anonfillies. The doomer anonfillies. And so on and so forth.
If everyone just gets mind-wiped into a little shit, then it's just so much less interesting.
>>
70% of population becomes anonfilly
10% become Apogee
10% become Luftkrieg
6% become Zala
3% become Nyx
1% become Dyx

None of them have dicks. Cock and semen becomes Equestria's biggest exports.
>>
>>37877017
former, trying the latter.
Thanks, Anon, never want to be the annoying grub in a thread but where else do you ask these questions.
>>
>>37877239
Don't you mean imports?
>>
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Any comfy stories about chrysalis doing mom things. Doesn't qctually need to be anon
>>
>>37876173
A one shot for my world, an Equipologist is going to a small town up north in "Libertalia" to figure out why there's so many birth defects, and is going to a town that doesnt want help, and hates Equestria as a whole.
>>
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>>37876373
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/499520/buggycyoa
It's nothing particularly special, but if you like changelings and/or comfy day to day life in Equestria, you may find some enjoyment reading this.
I will say that the first chapter is rough and on my schedule to eventually have a rewrite. When I started BuggyCYOA I had a very low opinion of my capabilities as a writer(still do), and didn't really expect very many people to become interested in it, let alone keep it going strong nearly 100k words later.
Basically what I'm getting at is I was still figuring out my style and how I wanted to do things in the first chapter or two worth of content.

>>37876965
You are correct. To be fair, I should clarify my earlier statement in that while direct CYOA participation from the fimfic crowd was something that I hoped for, it's not necessarily something that I expected to get from them, since it is such a different thing from the norm there.
To their credit, the story on there has managed to attract a few followers, that while they don't participate in the CYOA aspect of things, they do frequently leave insightful comments regarding what they think is going on in the world as new chapters come out. I really love and appreciate reading the perspective of others like that. It gives me an idea of how good(or bad) of a job I'm doing expressing various things through my writing.

The main reason why I even put my CYOA on fimfic to begin with was during one of those times that ponepaste went down. It made me nervous when I suddenly realized that I had a rapidly growing fic on hand, and if the worst ever happened and ponepaste went down for good, I would be SOL. So for redundancy sake, I made myself a fimfic account, submitted it for approval and crossed my fingers. I honestly wasn't expecting it to get approved for one reason or another, but I'm thankful that it did.
>>
>>37876841
isnt that just eaw
>>
>>37877544
Damn, I wish I'd gotten fifteen bucks a day to get vending machine snacks while I was in school, that would have been way better.
>>
>>37877570
eaw
more like
ew
amirite?
>>
>>37876016
>downvotes make your story less "Hot"
If they do, it seems like it's not by much. The foalcon incest fic that's been featured since yesterday is currently sitting at 93/56, and I can't imagine it was doing much better at the moment it became featured.
>>
>>37877544
PaulAsaran wrote a pretty interesting story that revolves around (EqG) Chrysalis's struggles in coping with what a terrible mother she's been and her drive to improve.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/494997/change-inc
>>
>>37877558
hippologist.
>>
>>37877633
Now that's a zing
>>
>>37870901
I'd say it's a blending of both. I've certainly seen the Jonestown parallels (he was greatly influenced by communist ideology and even contemplated emigrating to the Soviet Union or Cuba before deciding to an hero everyone instead), and am still shocked no one wrote an edgy dark comedy parody.

>>37871487
Write a fic centering on a character who can explore the worldbuilding: a story about a new mage learning about Equestria's magic, Twilight being thrust into the geepolitics, a military officer dealing with some foreign crisis that's threatening to drag in Equestria, etc.

>>37871528
Isn't it just an elaborate "lurk moar" joke /mlp/ ran with? The first reply (>>36890490) to the first "what is a snowpity?" question seems to suggest so.

>>37873442
>What is the explanation for this?
They write the story, then throw together the Fimfiction cover page in twenty minutes before posting it. Being excited at finishing a fic or the first chapter, they don't bother editing it or spending time crafting a careful synopsis to bait readers in and instead just click "Submit" to get the story out.

>>37873443
He's gotta be seething that everyone hates the conlang he worked so hard on. It's the only explanation I can think of.

>>37873550
>about fanfiction
No editor. Even the 90% of crap novels out there that aren't self published have had someone read and edit them first. You sacrifice polish and tightness for "creative freedom."

>>37877157
>But all humans transform into Anonfillies
>they all immediately start arguing with each other about rigid dirigibles and their role in Rites of Ascension
>the world ends in autism and airships
>>
>>37878016
>They write the story, then throw together the Fimfiction cover page in twenty minutes before posting it.
See, for me, I can't write a story if I don't already have a concise summary/description to start it off with. I have an idea, and jot down some notes, but before writing any chapters I feel out if it even works.
>>they all immediately start arguing with each other about rigid dirigibles and their role in Rites of Ascension
>>the world ends in autism and airships
This is fine since I was right and the NMM flag was wrong.
>>
how do I fix my grammar?
I try to fix, but I still get told my grammar sucks.
Help.
>>
>>37878432
Either use some tools like google docs, get a patient editor, or find some books on grammar and read 'em
>>
>>37878436
what grammar books would you recommend?
>>
>>37878442
Dunno, I'm an ESLfag (technically it was my fourth but whatever) so the only ones I know of are the beginner level grammar textbooks.
>>
>someone is consistently posting shota/loli fetish content of characters unrelated to MLP in one of the groups
>>
>>37878432
Read, like, a lot. Real books, classics, ones that are guaranteed to have been carefully edited and proofread and have spotless English - since there's no reliable indicator to know whether any particular fanfic has been carefully edited or not quite (some even really popular fics have may have errors that might have slipped through here and there).
>>
>>37878465
This. I should have mentioned it in my first post, but it's definitely the most fun way to improve, albeit the most time-consuming one.
>>
>>37878461
who and which group?
>>
>>37878432
Throw that bad boy into grammarly after having edited it yourself. It's surprisingly good.
>>
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I have decided that once and for all, completely definitively, that The Rise of Firefly and The Flight of Firefly are my favorite stories on the entire damn site, and that for every week in which the latter does not update I will hack off one of my limbs. In the event that I am limbless, I will then immolate myself like those Buddhist retards in protest.
Unrelated guardsmarebat image, but she cute.
>>
>>37878529
>grammarly
>good
You might suffer from a disease known as stupid.
>>
>>37878554
Not him, but the paid version of Grammarly is actually pretty decently good
>>
>>37878554
What's so bad about it? Sure it fucks up sometimes but it's good at detecting spelling mistakes that google glosses over for some reason and highlighting errors that you didn't notice.

You're not supposed to just blindly click change on everything you know.
>>
>>37878556
>paid
>>37878559
If you're genuinely unable to discern why Grammarly sucks on a basic conceptual level you're probably a terrible writer to begin with.
>but muh spellcheck
You mean the thing that already comes for free with every actual writing software, even open source ones, all of which offer a version that's *better* than the one Grammarly gives you?
>>
>>37878582
Unironically, the paid version of Grammarly is useful enough that I pay for it. I pay for literally no other subscription service in existence.
>You mean the thing that already comes for free with every actual writing software
Google Drive/Doc, Word and the online Office google docs mimic have the most bare bones spellchecker possible, and for Google Drive/Doc specifically once you get past a few thousand words in one doc it straight up stops functioning 75% of the time.
>>
>>37878605
>Google Drive/Doc, Word and the online Office google docs mimic
About the level of knowledge I expected from someone who pays for Grammarly honestly. Enjoy being a part of the Design.
>>
>>37878559
Spelling errors are something that even basic bitch software spots. Grammar errors on the other hand...
Part of the issue with grammarly is that it misses the subtleties of the English language. It can be a good tool if you know what you're doing (since it can spot mistakes of inattention), but if you don't it'll do more harm than good, since it'll highlight perfectly intended sentences as having mistakes.
A while ago I saw a video on the topic but I can't be fucked to dig it back up
>>
>>37878653
agreed, I can see it being good for writing a report or something, but the fun of writing fiction is to have control over your language. don't let an algorithm write your sentences for you - own them.
>>
>>37878636
Gatekeeping is one thing, I'm often one for gatekeeping, but what you're doing here is just plain retarded snobbery. 'Mahaha, you listed the three most used platforms on which people write things, but not the retarded 0.001% market share one I use.'
Blow it out your ass
>>37878653
Yes, that's how every writing tool works. If you don't know what you're doing and expect it to write shit for you, it won't work. You can apply this to anything from a function that shows num of words in a doc to Google Translate to whatever.
>>
>>37878655
Except Grammarly explicitly markets itself as the thing that does the writing for you. Also
>0.001% market share
Libre and Open are massively popular, stop being an ignorant faggot. If I really wanted to go for a deep cut I'd have brought up Scrivener, which honestly would actually be a massively better use of your money compared to Grammarly.
>>
Horses only sleep for 3 hours, why the fuck weren't they enjoying Luna's night more?
>>
>>37878664
LO is great for writing offline, but there are no decent FOSS solutions to collaborate on something (like when you have an editor)
There are solutions, but they're janky as fuck. If it was up to me I'd be using the jank over gdocs, but my editor wants gdocs.
>>
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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/498989/future-of-a-kingdom
'Future of a Kingdom' is a two thousand-word oneshot featuring Celestia and Luna. As the two diarchs meet late during an afternoon, they discuss how the kingdom has fared over the many years they've ruled and how things might change once they have relinquished the crown and passed power on to Twilight. Luna is somewhat skeptical, but Celestia is adamant that her student will do things even better than they have. As the two separate and Luna begins her nightly duty of watching over dreams, she too becomes convinced that things will work out just fine.
This one is a tough story to review. On one hand, there is much to be liked here. The prose is very nicely written, the author spares no words on details and flavor text. From the murals to the alicorns' conversation about their subjects, the fic sells that this is indeed a long-lived and prosperous kingdom, ran by two almost godlike beings. I also found the idea intriguing that "time passes faster" for alicorns too. Even for an eternal, how much time is too much time? Can they eventually get chained down in their own preconceptions and cause pain inadvertently? The fic doesn't give a definite answer, but I don't consider that a fault, even asking the question was engaging enough.
However, things start to break down when the main conflict of the story rears its head. Luna's argument of how Twilight is far too young and inexperienced to be given full trust is honestly far more compelling than Celestia's "uhh yeah, but have you considered determination and hope?" reasoning. I wouldn't really have a problem with this, if the fic presented it as a character flaw, but with Luna becoming so quickly convinced, the fic implicitly makes it seem like her worries were unjustified. This is even more annoying because the fic completely side-steps the issue of why they're abdicating fully in the first place, instead of acting as mentors for Twilight and easing her into her role. Not only that, but Luna then even brings up Twilight's friends as the ones who'll give her guidance in her hardest moments, knowing fully well that, - unlike them, - they are not immortal.
I understand fully that the author was bound by the show's questionable narrative choices and they didn't want to turn it into an AU fic, but still, sadly this means that the reader will be left with the same unanswered questions that S8 and S9 also brought with themselves.
Overall: 5/10 I wish I could give this story a higher score. As I've mentioned, the prose is indeed very nicely written and Celestia and Luna debating the future is an intriguing concept. However, this fic's inability to commit to a more believable explanation sours the dignified atmosphere it worked so hard to build up. I recommend this fic for its prose, but be aware that it'll most likely leave more questions than answers.
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>>37878684
Because the ponies of Equestria aren't horses. They look vaguely similar and share some behavior patterns with IRL horses but that's about it. They're also magical so sleeping a lot longer to regenerate would make sense.
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>>37878725
But less sleep per day means more hours potentially spent fucking per day.
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>>37871367
>reverse trap
Not what I was asking for but link please.
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>>37878691
You know you can just copy things back and forth between your offline software of choice and Gdocs, right?
>>37878684
>Horses only sleep for 3 hours
TIL I am a horse.
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>>37878731
You raise a good point.
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>>37878734
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/412364/you-know-im-a-mare-right
Sadly it looks like it was left unfinished.
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>>37878742
>>37878731
TFW all the clop can be canon because there's a 5 hour window of time each day where ponies drop all daily activities and just fuck.
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>>37878653
Yeah, I agree. That's what I use it for, to spot things that google docs doesn't.
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>>37878719
This is the fate of all fics that embrace season 8 and 9.
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>>37878691
>not just emailing it back and forth until you get chapter_4_11-22-21_rev3_edited
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>>37878737
Yeah but it's inconvenient as all fuck to keep all synced up, with formatting and whatnot.
On top of that I do actually travel enough to make writing on my phone a viable option that I use regularly. Plus like... If I'm selling my soul data to jewgle anyway, might as well take advantage of their software.
I never use it for projects that don't have a reason to be put online, but if it's gonna be on there once, why not have it on there to begin with.
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>>37878966
If you're gonna do that just check it into source control, this is a solved problem.
But most people want real-time collaboration. And unfortunately I think that anon is right, I don't know if there's any FOSS solution for that that works well. I think Nextcloud might have something like that built-in, but that requires hosting a Nextcloud instance yourself and all that.
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>>37879058
Technically... Git would actually work for the way I collaborate with my editor. But given how much of a normie repellent it is, I doubt that would work. Especially since the XML files underlying odt documents would be a pain to edit in plaintext.
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>>37879085
>inb4 just typeset your entire fic in TeX
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>>37879085
Yeah git with ODT would be a pain, but you could still just edit them in libreoffice and check in the files with git in a black box. And pray you don't need to manually resolve merge conflicts.
Actually, I wonder if anyone's made a git plugin for libreoffice, one that could like display merge conflicts in wysiwig in the editor itself so you don't have to merge in XML by hand. I think this sounds feasible, only question is whether anyone's gone through the effort of building it.

>But given how much of a normie repellent it is, I doubt that would work
Some online collaboration services support git sources; I know Overleaf does, so when I was writing my thesis I kept it in source control locally and ocasionally pushed it to Overleaf directly from my terminal because my supervisor preferred having access to an online editor for convenience. That being said overleaf is kind of academic-oriented and gdocs is very very normie-oriented so maybe google doesn't have that feature. In which case just do >>37879087 and use overleaf lmao
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>>37879087
I unironically use vim + markdown + git for all my writing. If I ever actually finish something, I'm planning to write a pandoc plugin for converting to fimfic bbcode.
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>>37879085
You wouldn't have those problems if you use Markdown or BBcode for formatting.
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>>37878743
>Checking the comments
>True story: I didn't realize Applejack was a girl till Apple Buck Season, and I didn't realize that Rainbow was also a girl until Dragon Shy.
>Heh, truth be told, for the first two seasons, I thought that both Dash and Scootaloot were males
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>>37879132
I used to think of Scootaloo as a colt for the longest time. Even though I knew she was a filly, my brain internalised her as male and whenever it actually mattered or got brought up, I'd always go "oh right, of course". It took ages for me to finally start thinking of her as a filly.
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>>37877544
>15 dollars for lunch
That's half a week of food worth right there
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>>37879278
Fool, that's two whole weeks.
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>>37879284
15 weeks if you live outside America.
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>>37876173
>https://hackmd.io/@Fillyanon/SJzdnsROt
Just finished this. It's a 3k shortfic between Twilight and Celestia. I wrote it after the subject of my previous review left an ambivalent impression and after reading a comment on in another thread in which the Anon said that he imagines the princesses to actually be their nightmare form by default and how their "regular" form is just them limiting themselves. I found the concept so intriguing that I wrote a fic about it.
As previously, I would really appreciate any sort of feedback or thoughts.
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>>37879746
Oh hey it's not G5 this time.
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>>37879794
Just because I don't really mind G5 and was willing to write it about it, doesn't mean I've turned into a G5only-fag.
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>>37879803
That's not what I meant, I meant more like "oh hey I'm interested in reading it this time".
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>>37879746
>capitalising Sun and Moon
Based fellow Eurochad. Though you missed one of them.
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>>37879746
Put some comments in the paste. Overall pretty good, minor fixes throughout but basically no major criticisms with the structure or plot.

With one exception: Celestia switched to cackling villain roleplaing in an instant, which just feels weird. Was she just trying to scare Twilight and impart upon her just how much of a monster she used to be? Fair enough, it's still somewhat weird, and later she talks about how much she regrets it which again makes it questionable that she'd roleplay as her old self just for show.
Not sure how I'd fix that (it'd probably require rewriting Daybreaker's dialogue and demeanour, and might need tweaking Twilight's reaction too a bit to have her react more to the information rather than Daybreaker's conduct), and it's prooobably mostly fine as-is.

Otherwise I quite liked it. Maybe except for some minor details but you can go through the comments.
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Forgive me, if this is common knowledge, but how many days does a usual approval take? I've checked the archives, but most results are pretty old and vague. They seem to say anywhere between one or two weeks, does this still apply?

>>37879819
Ah, fair enough and thanks!

>>37879828
Good catch, thanks.

>>37880050
I'm really glad you enjoyed the fic! Even with the exception.
>With one exception: Celestia switched to cackling villain roleplaing in an instant, which just feels weird.
I'll be honest, my original idea was that simply Celestia switched to Daybreaker mid-monologue and then rolled on with her sad shtick like that. But then I figured, while that'd be surprising (in-universe I mean), it wouldn't be nearly as impactful, so I wrote her to be a bit more evil.
However, as you've correctly pointed out, it does feel off. I'll try to think about how to make it feel a bit more natural.
Thank you (and the other Anons who also chimed in) very much for the comments!
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>>37880110
It used to be a lot faster, but I have a friend whose fic was stuck in approval hell for like two days or so
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>>37880119
Isn't Majin the only story approver nowadays?
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>>37880188
I've recently seen a fic approved by Eldorado, so no, he's not the only one.
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>>37880119
Ah, I've submitted my story three days ago. I guess I'll keep on waiting then. It's almost nine thousand words long, I assume that might also play a part.
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This talk of story approval reminds me of the first story I wrote that had to be approved.
I wrote it in 2014 and now I'm curious about just how bad it was/about how much I've improved.
But I'm also scared because I know it's not going to be good in the slightest.
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>>37878432
I would simply choose not to make grammar mistakes.
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>>37879746
I really liked it, it's my favorite of the stories you've posted so far. The idea is very interesting and adds something new without making it look forced. Some errors aside, the execution is pretty good, too. The opening/introduction is exactly how long it should be and it makes sense. In particular I really liked the way Twilight reacts to Princess Celestia's actions. It just feels very natural.
To address what >>37880050 said, I thought this part was actually pretty clever. It does feel kind of strangely sudden but the concept isn't half bad. Daybreaker/Princess Celestia remains calm for a couple sentences transformation, plays her little 'Evil Queen' act to emphasize what she's saying and then goes back into her regular Princess self while continuing her story - still in the Daybreaker form. I feel that separating the forms would weaken the core concept. The way the scene plays out makes it rather obvious that everything Twilight witnesses was carefully planned by Princess Celestia beforehoof. I think you could leverage this angle to make it fit the rest of the fic more without resorting to making Princess Celestia more evil. Maybe after she responds to Twilight asking her if she regrets the things she's done, she could add that even playing her old self is still painful?

Was the S9-related bit necessary? I get that it's there to explain why Princess Celestia is telling Twilight all of this but pointing to a much more distant time (instead of "in a couple years") would work just as well, if not better. You could have Sun Horse explain that even she doesn't know when exactly will it happen but she decided that Twilight should know it as an alicorn and - one day - their equal.
It's probably not a big deal for most people but I personally really dislike seeing references to haber's seasons and especially the finale.
Pic unrelated but cute.
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>>37880349
>couple sentences transformation,
*sentences prior to her transformation
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>>37880349
I'm very happy that you liked it.
>she could add that even playing her old self is still painful?
Oh, that's brilliant. I think this more or less fixes the issue completely, I'm gonna use it. Thank you!
>Was the S9-related bit necessary?
Not really, I just figured that'd be the most reasonable timeframe for her to tell this story. I share your distaste for the last two seasons, so if you think it'd work better this way, I'm happy to accommodate that request.
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>>37880349
>It's probably not a big deal for most people but I personally really dislike seeing references to haber's seasons and especially the finale.
Most people agree with you, actually.
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>>37880382
Nah, it's really only a thing with subhuman retards I wouldn't define as "people" and I'm really disappointed in the reviewfilly for associating with that scum.
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>>37880398
calm down
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>>37878719
Honestly, it's really fucking hard to make anything decent out of the whole "princesses retirement" thing after the show fucked it up so badly to begin with. I credit this author for trying to give it a good shot, but at a certain point you're working under the moronic core conceit that the Princesses just decided to fuck off and leave a Twilight who has exactly zero ruling experience to do her own thing while they literally move into a retirement home. You just can't edge around that; it drags itself along with the story, and it's even more fucked up here because Princess "I just got back a few years ago at most" Luna is the one the story tries to beat over the head with the message of "suuuure, it'll be fine, don't worry!"
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>>37880349
>Maybe after she responds to Twilight asking her if she regrets the things she's done, she could add that even playing her old self is still painful?
I'm the anon you quoted and yeah that sounds like a great solution. I'd also add something to the effect of "but I did it anyway just to show you firsthoof the complete picture of just what we used to be like, to make sure you had a chance to see it all exactly as it was back then", just to make sure it isn't seen as silly or self-flagellating of Celestia to do it.

>>37880398
I wrote apparently 54 comments on the draft, and then reviewfilly listened to my (and an agreeing anon's) criticisms. Maybe if you'd given your editing advice instead of being angry itt, you'd have been able to convince filly to steer the story in a way you'd have preferred.

On a more serious note, see actually >>37880435. This anon is talking about a completely different story, but it perfectly highlights the problem at hand. It's not even the nod to S9 itself (as much as I hate it, when honestly editing a fic I wouldn't hold it against an author if they wanted to reference it in their own story), it's the fact that this is one of the major flaws of S9. It would be a bad idea to include it as a plot element even if S9 didn't exist, and the show itself including a terrible idea doesn't make it any less terrible to use the same idea yourself.
It plain and simple doesn't make sense for Twilight to transition to ruling the entire country and replacing the Royal Sisters in just a few years. It doesn't make sense whether S9 says it happened or not. This fact makes S9 shit (because S9 doesn't make sense as a result), and this fact also makes other fics that use this as a plot element shit completely independently of S9 being shit.
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>>37880381
>if you think it'd work better this way, I'm happy to accommodate that request.
The way you've written is definitely reasonable, perhaps more so than my quick band-aid fix, but it does have the unfortunate side effect of implying S9. Given my personal biases, I would in fact prefer the non-S9 version. But that's just it - my take based heavily on my biases.
Ultimately it's your story so you should go with whatever option makes the most sense to you.

>>37880398
Love you too, Anon.
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>>37876853
I think DoaM is garbage too, but I think DoaM is garbage because its execution is, not because it violates some abstract rule about how writing should be conducted that you must impose in advance on a story and that automatically voids it of quality if it isn't followed. It's far too convenient, simplistic, and frankly stupid to claim there is such a thing as the kind of hard theoretical foundations of writing you are convinced exist. There are certainly guidelines, but they don't necessarily indicate the best path. They indicate the easier one, the one which, if followed, leaves less room for fuckups. But a story's quality should be judged by the story itself, not without reading it and instead comparing it to a list of things it should and shouldn't do. That is a sterile, shortsighted, and deeply flawed approach to not just writing and reading but media as a whole. There's nothing that can't be done, it's about doing it well. Some things are harder to do well, yes. You're a coward and a fool if you think that means attempts at them should therefore be banned.
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Feeling good about myself. Just finished a chapter that I wrote in exactly three days (which is record time for me).
Now I just need to edit it, but since I have a good idea of what exactly I want this chapter to be, that shouldn't be too much of a hassle.
I'm also really proud of the chapter itself. As a whole, but also especially of a particularly messed up scene that I felt uncomfortable writing.
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>>37880435
>while they literally move into a retirement home
I love how people who complain about the ending will inevitably bring this up and expose themselves as faggots who are either going off of hearsay or payed 0 actual attention during the show. Always a delight to see you void your own opinions by highlighting your lack of knowledge.
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>>37880493
>a particularly messed up scene
We finally getting that juicy anonfilly >rape we've all been craving?
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>>37880507
Unfortunately no, anon. It's not hot, just very messed up. At least it should make most adults uncomfortable. Hopefully.
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>>37880518
>It's not hot, just very messed up
I'll be the judge of that.
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>>37880518
Link the story, I want to judge for myself.
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>>37880526
>>37880523
Thing is, are you willing to read through 182k words to get to it though? If not, I can link the chapter (once it's edited) and give you some context.
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>>37880550
It's fine, I want to get a sense of the type of content that you make. Now stop being a cocktease and link it already.
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>>37880603
Aight, but I feel like a bit of a tard for posting it like the third time in a week
Nevertheless, here you go. If you'll excuse the FoEggotry
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/471022/fallout-equestria-mercenary-tale (I also have a 15k chapter that I included in the count, despite it still being in my editor's hands)
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>>37880627
Can you spoiler what this messed up content is exactly? Because if it's rape, necrophilia, child abuse, bestiality, cannibalism, or slavery, then you were a liar to say it's not hot.
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>>37880643
It's a lovey-dovey scene. Between a ~14 year old and a ~25 year old. Involving Stockholm syndrome. It's not fucked up because of the exact content, but because I've written it to be sickly sweet, almost like you'd expect in a romance fic. Then again, I guess I was a liar since it does involve slavery.
Maybe I'm just a wuss, but I was uncomfortable writing it. Considering I didn't feel a thing when writing child abuse, cannibalism, general slavery, and of course >rape, I doubt it's just that.
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>>37880672
Ah, cool, reminds me of my current relationship.
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>>37880686
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>>37880728
They'll turn legal in just a little over a week.
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>mfw Twilight literally became Daybreaker in the show
Alright, I went over the notes you left for me and fixed the obvious ones. I'll return to the rest after a good night's sleep. Thanks again for your feedback, honestly I'm learning more about both storytelling and English grammar than I have during the twelve years I've spent in elementary and secondary school.
>"former-student"
>is there a Hungarian feature that would make you write it this way?
Regrettably no, there isn't. I was probably thinking about how "ex" is used, but "ex-student" would have sounded even sillier.
The Hungarian version would be "volt tanítvány." "Tanítvány" simply means student, but in a fairly dignified way. Kind of like how the word "scholar" implies a certain level of prestige. "Volt" is a pretty catch-all verb, it means "previous", "former", "have/has/had been." I reckon the reason why I struggle so much with the tenses is due to us not really having direct equivalent and largely relying on context and verb manipulation instead.

>>37880728
>pic isn't called daybreakek.jpg
Bit of a shame.
>>
Somewhat on-topic.
Have you ever used real life experiences to dirctlyfuel your writing?
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>>37880349
>filename
Worry not, cowtist has not come to this thread yet.
Actually, I haven't been to tfhg in a while. AIPomgeonon, is cowtist still there?
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>>37880865
Yeah. Someone once asked me if I was my room mates father (he's older than me) and I used that for a bit in my story that turned out very popular.
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>>37880865
Yes. Though it's the unoriginal shit like abuse.
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>>37880889
I use my experiences playing runescape to write
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>>37880865
i channel my alcoholism and resentment against the system into all of my characters. also my latent homosexuality.
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>>37880865
I once used my last relationship to fuel a clopfic.
It's one of my most popular stories so far. I wonder how my ex would feel if she read the story.
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>>37880899
Send it to her anonymously.
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>>37880865
>>37880889
Actually, I also tend to write a lot of places in my fic from the places I've been to irl. Not really an "experience", but still something I use to fuel my writing.
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>>37870510
Ive relapst into this board after leaving around episode 100 so i guess the ride never ends
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>>37880910
Damn, son.
You missed some pretty good fics.
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>>37880865
Yes.
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>>37877691
Once you get to "93/56" you are pretty much safe. It's the very beginning that is risky - plus, word on the street is that number of views divided by time since story has been published is the biggest factor. Big, if true. So you are right, it's not a big factor. But it IS the only way a sneaky little competitor can sabotage your fic without outting themselves as a cheater.

>>37879132
>>37879264
This makes no sense to me, but then again I got into MLP when I was almost an adult. To the people who make this mistake: was it because you were like 10 at the time? Scootaloo, RD and AJ are all very obviously female, albeit to varying degrees each is a tomboy.

>>37880229
>2014
Aye, I had to go back to my story from 2012 and remove a reference to that god-awful "Charlie Sheen winning" meme. I think even in 2012 that was outdated.

>>37880493
Good job friend.
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>>37880783
>I reckon the reason why I struggle so much with the tenses is due to us not really having direct equivalent and largely relying on context and verb manipulation instead.
Yeah that's fair. I think many languages have weird tenses, I don't know if any of my native languages have equivalent tenses to English.
One way I like to think of English tenses though is that, especially for the past, they allow you to define tenses relative to a different point in time. So for instance, relative to the present, if I ate something in the past it's "I ate it", simple past tense. If I'm eating it in the present it's "I eat it" ("eating" but that's besides the point). If it's gonna be in the future, it's "I will eat" (because English does not have a non-compound future for some reason).
But if I'm telling a story about what I just described in the previous paragraph, then what was in that paragraph in the present is now in the past. And so all the tenses shift. Now, the past is in the past - RELATIVE to a past moment in time. So now it's "have eaten" for the past of the past, "ate" for the present of the past which works out to just simple past, and "was going to eat" for the future relative to the past. (Or "would have eaten" for a hypothetical future, etc.)
This is of paramounf importance to storytelling because stories are written in past tense. So things happening during the story shift from present to simple past, things happening before the story are in whatever the "has happened" tense is called, and things happening after the story are in weird future-past constructions. (You might note that simple future tense implies that something continues past the reader's own present - which can be used, yeah, e.g. you can end a story by saying "and now the alicorn will live forever" or something.)

Similar constructions are possible for future tense too, but they're less common. (Off the top of my head, "will have happened" for future-past, obviously "will happen" as the simple future for future-present", and "will be going to happen" as some convoluted future-future maybe? Not sure.) Useful for writing prophecies I guess maybe.

Uh I didn't mean to write so much, hopefully this doesn't sound patronising. They just didn't teach us this in school either and dumped a bunch of English tenses on us, and personally I think it makes sense to try to think about when it's happening and relative to what point of view to determine the correct tense.
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>>37881002
I will now write an entire story in future tense just to flex.
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>>37881013
I think it could be an interesting experimental idea - in fact I'm surprised I can't think of any. How come skirts never wrote a shitpost story entirely in future tense?
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>>37880865
Often. Virtually every one of my stories has some kind of irl influence - I'm not much for inagination. Go on a late night touge run through the mountains? Story about a pegasus flying around the ridges around Cloudsdale. Go plinking in the woods? Rarity goes target shooting. Fill out government paperwork? Jokes about the gubbermint. It's a direct pipeline.
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>>37881017
I think, sketching it out in my mind, I'm realising that English's lack of a non-compound future makes it really clunky, because it consistently sounds not quite like a story being told.
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>>37881013
You inspired me to write a future tense greentext just now. It's... odd to write in that tense.
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>>37881048
Yeah it'd be clunky but that's half the point. What do you mean by "sounds not quite like a story being told" - wanna post an example?
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>>37881073
Well, when you write a story, there's this unspoken understanding that the narration is meant to paint a picture in your mind, and as you read you're not merely focusing on the words but instead taking the meaning from the words and constructing the story itself in your mind and getting immersed in it (coincidentally this is also why glaring grammar or logical mistakes are bad, they break the flow of immersion and take you out of the experience and suddenly remind you you're reading data someone in the real world made up and your wonderful vision is naught but a fleeting illusion built out of lies). With future tense, it's like there's this double layer of narration to get through that makes it feel like you aren't actually reading a story about what's being told, but instead the story you're reading is about someone telling the actual story to you. I look at a future tense narration paragraph and my mind adds an extra layer of abstraction where the image that's meant to be painted comes out blurry and dream-like and the concrete one is replaced by a character reading out those words. However, it is quite possible that getting deep enough into a fully future tense narration would tear down that wall, which is probably there just because of how the tense is usually used.
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>>37881106
Right, that makes a lot of sense. Future tense kind of feels like a prophecy or prediction, since the events haven't happened yet, and so it feels like you're reading this prediction about the events rather than reading about the events themselves.
But that's a feature of future tense in general, I don't think the compount future is really to blame.

I still think it would be an interesting experiment, to have it in future tense but otherwise attempt to structure and narrate it just like a story. I think you're onto something with expecting the barrier to break down eventually - I would expect the same. But the only way to find out for sure would be to write it and see.
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>>37881123
See, the thing I'm most afraid of is that the amount of words it would take you to get used to future tense narration is more than the amount it will take for will to reach semantic satiation.
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>>37881156
No it won't
>>
Anyone here read >https://www.fimfiction.net/story/390375/an-apple-sleep-experiment ?

I'd like to critique it a bit. Short description:

>When Applejack is left with no options, she turns to Twilight for a spell that will keep her awake in order to finish her work. It works like a charm… until she realizes it doesn’t wear off. Slipping into madness, Applejack turns into a monster.

This story, as per the description and the author's own comment, is a Cupcakes-esque shock fic based upon the "Russian sleep experiment" creepypasta. The attempt here is to create a grotesque horror story utilizing Applejack in such a scenario, with its own quirks and storyline. Right away I unfortunately have to say contrivance is this story's greatest folly. The conflict arises due to Filthy Rich, prior to the story occurring, taking advantage of Granny smith's need for money to support their farm in dire times, and locking her into a predatory "deal with the devil" of sorts. I have not watched the show in some time, but during the zap-apple episode where he interacts with the apple family, he seemed to be very cordial, putting up with Granny Smith's hillbilly antics in a good-natured way. The author has written him here throughout the narrative as a generic evil rich guy in order to drive the conflict. Long story short, another deal is struck to repay the debt by providing DOUBLE the usual amount of zap apple jam to Filthy Rich. This is the basis of the story.

There is a bizarre heatwave going on in the background of the setting, which is the cause of the Apple Family's present troubles. It wilts their trees and makes working very difficult. On the subject of contrivance, the next chapter opens with what I assume is the author realizing "oh shit, this heatwave makes no sense whatsoever" as Twilight is used to directly explain the how's and whys to us:

>Pegasi are having trouble finding water to make clouds and rain
>The Princesses are looking for a spell to transmute saltwater into rain clouds because saltwater "doesn’t process the same in Cloudsdale’s weather machines"

But this leaves me with many questions:
-What are pegasi homes made out of? Are they a different type of cloud that doesn't get evaporated in droughts? Could you break off pieces to help farmland grow?
-The idea of something as simple as separating salt from saltwater being a spell out of reach and needing to be developed by is hysterical to me
-Clouds in real life can be made from saltwater, in fact if you live on the coast, to my knowledge, you'll be in a region that rains enormously. It stands to reason that the process of evaporation and condensation would remain somewhat the same, so I don't understand how this is a problem.
-Celestia controls the sun itself. Does she get off on torturing her own ponies and causing mass strife? Couldn't she just gently move it away a smidgen? Tell it to cool down? Why did it get this bad in the first place?

Cont.
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>>37881232
I have a problem that this whole story exists is because Applejack's farm has excess money problems because of the drought. Granny Smith kept the finances a secret, sure, but once that secret is out, could Applejack not ask for aid from Twilight (princess, personal connections to the ruler of the land) Rarity (owns high-tier fashion businesses; is generous). Applejack is also an Element of Harmony and hero of the nation, and her farm is relied upon by Ponyville. Surely they could chip in monetarily, or she would be receiving some kind of government stipend? Even then I think she has a lot of sources to ask for help

The story carries out with a reasonably standard progression of events, from her being angry at being exploited by Filthy Rich, her condition worsening, hallucinations, etc, until she becomes a rampaging monster who kills ponies in an abandoned part of her orchard, thinking they're Filthy Rich.

At one point she is confronted by Lyra in the middle of the day in Ponyville, and AJ knocks her out, drags her to Sweet Apple Acres, and executes her. Did nobody see Applejack that entire time? AJ is stupidly durable for some reason. During her spree she has been awake for a week or more, her hind legs have been fractured and set incorrectly, suffers massive exhaustion and heatstroke, and is covered with wounds, but is perfectly capable of moving quick enough, manipulating tools, and bucking ponies to death.

Eventually, two really funny things occur. Rainbow Dash, fast flyer, is the one chosen to enter the dense region of the orchard and administer an antidote to Applejack, and not Twilight who is very powerful with magic. Applejack seems to be possessed by a demon now, somehow, and delivers what is probably the cringiest speech i've ever read:
>“You think there’s anything left in here to cure, Rainbow?” Applejack taunted, leaning in close. “Do you still believe you’re savin’ me?”
>“Didn’t ya know Rainbow? Ah am the thing you fear most! Ah am the madness crawlin’ around under yer skin, squirming… writhing around inside just waitin’ to get free…”
>“AH AM THE INEVITABLE! AH AM THE HARBINGER OF FEAR AND THE MESSENGER OF TRUTH YOU SILENCE WITH HOPE…”
>“And that truth… is that in the end, there ain’t nothin’ at all… ‘cept me”

AJ is cured and imprisoned. Twilight tries to gaslight AJ into thinking she overworked herself and did all that evil stuff because of heatstroke. Presumably she does this to not take the blame for making the potion. Everyone is content to let her rot forever. She also refuses to speak of what happened to AJ's siblings, and lets her know Glimmer is replacing her as an element. I find that hilarious. Story end.

I'm not really considering giving this a "final thoughts" section. I really just wanted to go over these problems it has. It's a really bog standard shock/ gore "Cupcakes" fic.

Anyways who here has read it? Any thoughts? Am I retarded or missing something?
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>>37881263
No it is exactly as retarded as it sounds. Much like cupcakes, youre supposed to read it as a black comedy
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Well, gentlemen, did you write today? Did you publish today?
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>>37880865
Literally every time I write clop.
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>>37880468
This is a nice and civilized way of expressing the widespread contempt felt for S8+S9, thank you anon.
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>>37881356
We don't have those here, we have horses.
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>>37879746
Hm, well let's see
>begins with a line that reads "It was a beautiful, sunny day in Canterlot": -1 from score
>Twilight is an alicorn: another -1
>acknowledges Season 9: -1

Otherwise, I like the idea. I'm not sure how it fits into the timeline of the universe, as in, was Equestria a shithole for so long after its foundation? Regardless, I'll take it, as the concept isn't bad (even if by your own admittance it wasn't your own). Your prose is servicable enough, and the dialogue is enjoyable too. Overall, it's a nice little fic, even if Celestia flexing as Daybreaker felt weird at first, but then again, that's the point of the fic
Overall, I'll give you 6/10 for this one. I bet you can do even better, you might even get featured eventually (which isn't necessarily a measure of quality, but they can occasionally line up with each other)

On a somewhat unrelated note, my first story took 4 days to be approved, and it was 6,5k words long. Yours in the queue is longer so take that into consideration. Also, it also depends on how many stories are submitted, can the mod be fucked to go through the queue etc... But as you're surely aware of, you can self-approve anything after your first story.
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>>37881356
I wrote today but I'm disappointed with how the story is going at this point.
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>>37881477
How so appulfren?
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>>37881491
Just doesn't feel like I'm doing a good enough job making the characters and location come alive, I feel my descriptiveness and world-building is lacking for the moment.
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>>37881507
Ah, I feel you.
Have you thought about just stopping entirely for a day or two, read stuff or watch some movies to recharge creatively, and then go back?
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>>37880216
>It's almost nine thousand words long, I assume that might also play a part.
They're not going to read the whole thing, so the length shouldn't matter too much. Pretty sure they just skim it to check that the content isn't too blatantly rule-breaking and that it relates to ponies in some way.

>>37880435
The only time I've seen a princess-retirement plot handled well was in Method, where it was also done in a way totally unlike canon in almost every way.

>>37880500
It's hard to fault people for confusing Silver Stables with Silver Shoals. If they'd stuck with Seaward Shoals (which according to the wiki is the original name of the town) it would have been less of an issue.
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>>37881534
Maybe.
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>>37881547
>The only time I've seen a princess-retirement plot handled well was in Method
You're welcome to take a shot at The Moon's Apprentice, then.
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>>37881356
I wrote a paragraph worth of green text for a shit post, does that count?
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>>37881557
>Teleports away with a surfboard and refuses to elaborate
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>>37881718
Literally better than pretending to die in a teleportation accident.
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>>37880865
Sometimes, when I'm really feeling burnt out, regurgitating stories I've heard from friends and family just ends up being a good dose of pony.
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>>37878432
Read the Purdue OWL. https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/purdue_owl.html

>>37878548
>tfw you're waiting for Flight to finish and then realize there's a whole 'nother fic after that that needs to be written

>>37878605
Word's spellcheck is good. It's the open source ones that are complete ass.

>>37879132
I didn't realize Aldrovanda, from Mendacity, was a girl until about four chapters in, and by then I'd already started reading her dialogue in Garak's voice, so just stuck with it.

>>37881232
>having trouble finding water to make clouds and rain
That's retarded. Did the guy not watch Hurricane Fluttershy? They pick a town's water supply. All he had to do is say the weather factory broke, Cloudsdale can't make any clouds while they scramble to fix it, and until it's fixed, there's no rain so water rationing's in effect.

>Twilight does huge damage control and throws AJ under the bus by invoking a "princesses do everything" fanfic justice system
Kek. Maybe it is a comedy.
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>>37880865
Yes, both directly in indirectly. Really, it's kinda hard not to, even if you're not deliberately doing so in a direct insert sort of manner. Once or twice I've had people comment that sometimes my dialogue seems a bit off, or has too many shorthand phrases, or things such as 'ol''' or 'trainin'' versus 'old' and 'training'. Part of it is me trying to give the character a particular voice or etc, part of it is that I live in the south, have the accent - rather, I don't sound like a northerner - so, y'know, when I think or speak dialogue it's in my voice and other voices I know, unless I deliberately have given the char an accent or etc. That's kind of an oblique example, but also just generally speaking, one's real life experience in any possibly comparable scenario for a given scene dictates sorta how they approach it, or even just generally what their mental attitude is. At least according to my shrink, if I feel like I'm being patronized I hate it to an abnormal degree and may respond with a not-quite-justified bite. From my point of view, of course, that ain't it, but with the gift of sapience and introspection, if I squint and tilt my head, per se, I can see that seep over into some of my writings.
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>>37880865
I only write self-insert wish fulfilment where the main character is exactly me and has all my personality and life experiences
However I've never been to Equestria so unfortunately I can't draw on actual life experiences for most of my stories. So not really no
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>>37882326
Just go fuck a real horse so you have material.
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>>37880894
>latent
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>>37882345
more like blatant
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>>37881507
Fair, but that's really the sort of thing that can be polished up in the editing stage. Get the words out now, and later go back. You may even find that it reads a lot better than it feels now.
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I just read a blog on Fimfiction that states stories should have openings that fit their genre. So for example, an adventure story should have a hectic opening, setting up the overall mood of the story. Do you agree with this, or nah? Do you expect a story with the "adventure" tag on to throw you straight into the action? If not, how many words do you give a story for /something/ to happen?
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>>37882564
The Lord of the Rings's opening disagrees with this person's statement.
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>>37882564
I expect the writer to know that good writing isn't something you achieve by following a formula.
If everyone in media res'd their Adventures, we'd get tired of it really quick, and not doing that would become the new thing.

It's good if every word you write has a purpose. That doesn't mean the story has to be very fast and action packed.
Just that it doesn't have to be boring.

Mono didn't get voted Best Fic Ever by "Literally Who: A Jury Of Your Peers" by writing Micheal Bay movies. It's all slow mushy stuff and it hits really hard.
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>>37882564
Not necessarily. It can be a good idea to set the tone early, but at the same time, you really don't have to.
If you want to write a tragedy about someone who will lose his family if he doesn't go on an adventure, there's no problem with you opening up with a very happy scene, even if the rest of your fic is going to be dreary and have a pessimistic vibe.
Similarly, you could write a hectic opener for a slow fic about a dying mare (possibly due to the injuries she received in the opener).
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>>37882564
This depends on the definition of "opening", and the length of the story. It's down to proportion really.
If a (long) story spends its first 10% doing something really mellow and comfy and then suddenly turns into a frantic danger-filled adventure, then there's gonna be whiplash. Simply put, if I came for the adventure I'd have left by then, and if I came for mellow slice of life I'd start really enjoying it and then get disappointed when that gets pulled out from under me. However, if like the first 2% (say a 4,000 word initial chapter in a 200k story) is different in tone, I wouldn't bat an eye - there's nothing wrong with starting with a setup and introduction before diving right in. Also, if there are hints that things will become different later, then it is actually fine even to drag it on for longer - for instance, if there's mention of a war brewing but the character spend a while just getting to know each other during a tense peace (with frequent mentions of tensions increasing and maybe some characters even talk about signing up for the army), and later the war breaks out, then it's fine to drag on the first part for multiple chapters: the war won't come as a surprise for the readers. And any tone shift will also be natural: after all, surviving in wartime is drastically different to living during (even tense) peacetime.

>>37882574
I was actually thinking of that while writing the above. A Long-expected Party is 10k words long, while the entire Lord of the Rings is about 450k. Immediately in Chapter 2 (Shadow of the Past) you get a full loredump about how the Dark Lord is coming and the world is gonna go to shit.
The tone does end up shifting throughout the books as they get closer to Mordor and the situation goes from "some evil wraiths are hunting for the Ring while the heroes hide out in inns and villages" to "literal war with tens-of-thousand-strong hordes of orcs marching for conquest" but again it's expected and natural.

Also incidentally, LotR's chapter lengths are an excellent counter-argument to the retards claiming chapters should have consistent lengths. See http://lotrproject.com/statistics/books/chapters: some of the shorter chapters are like 3-3.5k words, "average" chapters vary between 6k and 9k+, and multiple chapters sit above 10k (including the absolute unit that is The Council of Elrond, which would probably make people reee if they saw it in a fic).
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So The Behemoth Came To Canterlot was discussed in the previous thread. Is there a link to someone who has made sense of the story and can spoonfeed it to me?
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>>37871349
Addendum: traditionally unicorns are a symbol of homophobia.
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>>37882593
Based Tolkien giving us the tools to btfo snobby fanfic would-be critics from beyond the grave.
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>>37882680
Resident Behemothanon here, anything in particular you want to know? I can just do a dump of all the major plot stuff so far but I'd rather avoid just spoiling the whole thing for no particular reason. It's getting more streamlined in the current arc, we've had several chapters all chronological in order or almost.
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>>37882742
While I'm at it, weekly recap:
Twilight gets to the archives of the laboratory, with a magitech computer, and learns that ponies there reverse engineered portals and are using pegasus magic to control them. She also learns a bit more about the attack plans. Meanwhile, but actually slightly after, the Crystal Empire is being evacuated, ponies who can actually help with the fight are being gathered there (but also Lyra), and Sunburst apparently built a mannequin army. Also we have some confirmation maybe of what coils actually are. Twilight's heading back to her Equestria.
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>>37882697
Based.
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>>37882697
A 'unicorn' is also a term used to designate a bisexual girl who's either single or in an open relationship of sorts and is willing to engage as the third member of a threesome with an existing straight couple. They're called unicorns because everyone wants one but they're rare as fuck and some say they don't even actually exist.
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>>37882593
Lord of the Rings breaks and enormous number of rules. It'd be considered unpublishable today.
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>>37882879
Tolkien's work was already considered borderline unpublishable back when it came out. If you think him being forced to split LotR into three books was bad, realise that his original plan was to finish the Silmarillion first and then publish everything together as a single tale of gems and rings.
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>>37870457
I’m interested to know if there is a front page archive for Fimfiction. Like to see what fan fictions where top in 2013 etc.
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>>37882886
Is The Silmarillion technically a deadfic?
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>>37882886
Three *volumes. It was always meant to be split into six books (and still is - it's just traditionally published with two books per volume). Yes I'm autistically anal about this, especially when people call it a "trilogy".

>>37882919
Considering the author literally died, yeah, very much so.
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>>37882939
Some publishing house could Tom Clancy it if they wanted to, right?
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>>37882879
Rules are meant to be broken. Just as long as you actually know what you're doing. Which Tolkien did. Just like with that fimfic with faith and stuff. It's not about what you write, it's about how you write.
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Damn Pareto and his awfully correct principle!
I feel like I'm spending almost as much time on working out the last issues with my fic as I've spent on writing the bulk of it in the first place. Still, at least I think I was able fix them all in ways I'm personally happy with.
It can be reached on the same HackMD link, if anyone's curious, but they're mostly small fixes (the intro, no more S9 implications and Celestia now expresses that she very much doesn't enjoy to play queen.)
By the way, Reviewanon, is your crawler dead? None of my five new reviews since the 21st have registered on your site.
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>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/507550/the-royal-bakers
'The Royal Bakers' is a two thousand and three hundred-word oneshot. As it turns out, while Celestia is great at making pancakes, she is an absolute disaster when it comes to cakes. Luna, after witnessing the tragic extent of her sister's failings, offers to bake one with her, during which the two sisters bond over their past memories.
As one can easily realize from the summary above, this isn't exactly a high-stakes story. There isn't really even an actual conflict, other than, of course, the fact that Luna can't sleep due to Celestia's incredibly loud attempts at baking. However, as this is a SoL story, I don't consider this a problem. Especially because the fic is actually very comfy and heartwarming. The already cute narrative is further enhanced by the story's nicely-written prose, which really carries the atmosphere. The author really hams up Celestia's absolute shock when she realizes there is no more cake in the pantry and through dramatic repetition and vivid descriptions of the sisters' emotions turns an otherwise banal scene into a comedic one. None of the jokes really feel like knee-slappers in this story, but I also don't think this is an issue. They are still amusing and, just like the lack of high stakes, their goal is also to make the narrative feel simply nice. I also have to mention that I liked the author's attempt at justifying Luna's baking-skills. It feels believable and logical, not to mention, calls back to a really nice episode.
As for negatives, I don't really have many things to say. The only thing that really jumped out at me was the fact that the story spends quite some time emphasizing how important Luna's job is and how important it is to her, yet by the end of the fic morning breaks and the whole thing is just largely forgotten about. I don't really expect the author to mention any sort of serious negative repercussion, but maybe it could've been played for a joke. A simple "Wait, since you're here, who watched over our subjects' dreams?" / "Oh. Oops." exchange could have worked for me. It's not a massive issue either way, but for a story that does almost everything else very well, this felt surprisingly noticeable.
Overall: 8/10 A short and sweet fic. While it doesn't bring much new to the table, nor does it shake the reader with some sort of massive philosophical epiphany, it accomplishes well what it sets out to do: It makes you feel warm and nice inside. I very much recommend this fic to anyone who's looking for such things.
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On this whole subject of breaking rules and being successful because of/ despite it, I think Fallout: Equestria is unironically a good example. It does so many things that would be considered wrong, and outright detract from the fic's quality, but it is successful BECAUSE it does these things (immense pointless loredumps, aimless wandering and autistically long looting lists of items like a video game, tension and conflict being nonexistent due to healing potions or retarded enemies meaning it feels like a power fantasy, etc). In fact if the story shortened and cleaned itself up of all these issues it has, I doubt it would be nearly as successful as it is today, because a lot of its flaws are what people actually enjoy, and it resonates with them because of this. Isn't that weird?
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>>37883240
Skimmed through it, left I think just like three more comments + there's my nitpick about tea temperature, and everything else looks good to me.
(By the way, a lot of comments were deleted, others are still there but just "resolved" - is this something you do on your end or an oddity on hackmd?)
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>>37883416
No anon, people liking garbage for retarded reasons isn't weird, just an unfortunate fact of life we've all become aware of as isekai as a genre has gained popularity.
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>>37883416
FoE fics tend to not be comprehensive packages, glaring flaws are typically a given. The original's strength is in its lore, Project Horizons' is in its characters, and I'll be damned if I've seen one that had a legit good plot. FoE actually seems to work better the smaller the scale is, but FoE is also known for being the one with the giga-size world-at-stake fics, so authors end up dragging themselves into trying to do far more than they should.
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>>37883454
Yeah, that's one of the things that annoyed me about PH, and the reason I absolutely refused to have any stakes of the sort in my own story
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>>37883454
>The original in its lore
Really? PH has great charachters dont get me wrong but it almost entirely fixes all the absurd parts of Fo:E's lore
>>37883471
I dont understand
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>>37883481
I meant the escalating stakes. The fact that the world had to be saved from destruction and all that. I cared about the characters, not the world.
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>>37883484
Oh, hahah. I can see why you wouldnt be as happy with the ending then. Personally I liked the plot as a whole and it was a great ending for Blackjack's charachter and the themes as a whole, but if you were hoping for Blackjack and the gang to have their happy ending then i can see why that would be frustrating
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>>37883503
Nah, that's not exactly it. I despised the ending despite PH being my favourite work of fiction overall. I didn't despise it because it was tragic, I despised it because it fell flat.
Buuuut I'm not gonna go into a rant about it, especially since I had a massive rant about the fic in /foe/
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>>37883513
mind linking it?
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>>37883516
>>37867454 (around there)
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>>37883481
>>37883503
"Fixes" might be a strong word. The Littlehorn revelation is great, others are not. As for the ending, like I said over in /foe/, the final act whiplashes so hard that it ought to count as a genre shift, and if the audience isn't able to keep up with that, it burns people hard.
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>>37869039
The Twilight Enigma leans heavily on The Luna Cypher. You can't skip it. The Tuna is much reduced.
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>>37871253
You've been reading Make A Wish, haven't you?
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>>37873442
>The level of ability required for writing a couple of sentences for your story description without fucking up, is something even the average 10-year-old should possess, and the younger groups of authors on fimfiction are a couple of years older than that.
You overestimate western education.
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>>37876865
My guess was entirely right.
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>>37876990
I've never learned how to redraft. I've put way too much work in to my work to just throw it out and start over.
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>>37878691
Just put it on fucking GitHub.
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>>37883684
GitHub is not FOSS though
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>>37879119
>>37879105
These guys get it. One is a based programmer and the other looks like a mathbro. Follow them.
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>>37883684
I'd say it would be weird to find mlp fanfics on Git, but that would require me to pretend I didn't use it to illegally download DnD manuals stored on it.
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>>37883425
>is this something you do on your end or an oddity on hackmd?
A bit of both. Usually if you edit a text which has a comment on it, it's fine. But if you accidentally delete the whole thing (can happen if you want to rephrase something completely), then the comment itself is irrecoverably gone. It's probably the thing I like least about HackMD, everything else is pretty nice.
The resolved stuff is all me, I mostly use it to mark stuff I've already fixed, though as you can see, I'm not overly precise with it.
>my nitpick about tea temperature
I'm not entirely sure what to do with that one. Or whether to do anything with it in the first place. Don't get me wrong, your nitpick is fair and your suggestions are great, I just can't really picture how to add such a trivial info into the story in a way that doesn't feel out of place.
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>>37883707
There's no such thing as a "based" programmer.
T. Programmer
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>>37883617
Which educational system is actually good then?
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>>37883727
Hard knocks and trial and error
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>>37883727
Private ones for rich people.
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>>37883481
>it almost entirely fixes all the absurd parts of Fo:E's lore
>Dude Goldenblood lmao!
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>>37881718
Was it actually a sigma fic all along? Have we been fooled?
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>>37883707
>mathbro
I wish, I'm a compsci fag
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>>37883741
Yes. Don't forget Eater and Legate. Forcing existing characters to act retarded is so much worse then writing your own characters.
Goldenblood is awesome
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I want my fic's cover art to hint at a specific theme. The theme is character development/coming of age. Any idea how I could get that across without being obnoxious about it?
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>>37883727
Pretty much what >>37883732 said.
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>>37883758
Animated gif of the MC's balls dropping.
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>>37883712
Well you could literally just change the tea from green to black. Green tea is brewed around 80*C as I said, so the whole "wtf how are you drinking this" scene feels a bit contrived. Black tea is brewed near boiling so the scene actually works. All that's necessary is to replace the words "pale green tea" with something like "fine black tea" or whatever.
If you wanna get fancier, you can also use something like "lapsang tea" for example. Lapsang souchong is also brewed near boiling and maybe it sounds a bit more refined than "black tea lol".

>the comment itself is irrecoverably gone. It's probably the thing I like least about HackMD
I was actually wondering why so many resolved comments were still cluttering the paste kek. There's no easy way (that I can see) to check what's resolved and what isn't, so when going through the second time it wasn't obvious at a glance which comments you'd fixed and which still remained.
>irrecoverably gone
I think if you click on the number of comments in the top-left, you can then toggle "show hidden" and it seems to bring back all the 'deleted' comments.
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I dread proofreading. I get paralysed between trying to spot small things like how to improve each sentence and big things like making sure that everything flows and nothing is redundant.
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>>37883792
Leave it to other people then. There's nothing worse than trying to proofread your own writing. But when you're reading someone else's text for the first time, anything slightly awkward or out of place immediately jumps out at you.
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>>37883727
Independent charter schools are a good option. They're still publicly funded, so tuition isn't an issue, but they get a lot more leeway to run things how they please. For higher education, there are private colleges out there that offer work-as-you-go programs, letting you pay for your tuition in part or whole by working for the college.
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>>37883727
Ours isn't so bad.
Of course it depends greatly on the school you go to and one can argue that the kind of lexical knowledge they teach there isn't overly useful in the "real world," but I do like the fact that we learn about so many things that even if you only remember a third of what they taught you in school, you can still hold a fairly educated conversation about many things.
I hope I don't sound snobby, this isn't an attempt at saying "wow I'm so smart," I'm just happy the teachers tried so hard to broaden our knowledge.

>>37883758
Think of something that relates to the character's childhood and frame it in a way that shows that thing being left behind.
I'm not entirely certain if this isn't obnoxious as well, but it's hard to recommend anything better without knowing the situation more.

>>37883786
>"show hidden" and it seems to bring back all the 'deleted' comments.
Ah that actually brings out 'hidden' comments. Which is yet another button you can press after you resolve a comment. It's a complicated mess, though it does make sense.
Deleted comments can't be recovered that way sadly.

>>37883792
I feel the same way about reading the feedback I get.
It's an absolutely retarded feeling and I'm always a bit mad at myself, because it's not like the Anons here are trying to be rude, hell, I can't be grateful enough for they're giving up their own time to help me with absolutely no strings attached.
Yet every time I first open the comments page, I feel a lump in my throat, which I have to then consciously ignore.
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>>37883811
>relates to the character's childhood
I don't think that would actually work in this case (since it would essentially have to be a character, and I've decided to have her stand alone on the cover).
Thanks though, it gave me some other ideas; specifically I'm looking for some inanimate or plant-based symbolism. Will do some research on my own end
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>>37883811
>Yet every time I first open the comments page, I feel a lump in my throat, which I have to then consciously ignore.
Think of it this way: someone liked your writing enough to spend like an hour or two carefully reading every word and giving detailed suggestions on how to phrase things better.
And remember that even experienced professional writers use proofreaders.
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>>37883755
>My OC was behind everything and was fucking Fluttershy! Isn't that such a great addition to the worldbuilding along with all the stupid anime shit?
You're retarded. I mean, we already knew that, but, damn, you are really retarded.
I sincerely hope you're just a shitposter playing contrarian because if these are your real opinions? Wow.
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>>37883893
>My OC was behind everything and was fucking Fluttershy! Isn't that such a great addition to the worldbuilding along with all the awesome anime shit?
Yes.
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>>37883893
Damn, I just realised Goldenblood was a hero; he took a bullet for Equestrian society by keeping FS out of other relationships.
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>>37883894
Go back to sperging at airships.
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>>37883882
I know, I know. That's what I was trying to say with my second sentence. Again, I am very grateful for such Anons, it's amazing how much help I've gotten already. I just feel like utter shit when I begin reading their comments.
>And remember that even experienced professional writers use proofreaders.
Yeah, I guess that's something worth keeping in mind. Writing is such a weird world. Thanks Anon.





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