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Explore a world where cute ponies do cute things. Or get (gently) thrown in jail.

Previous Thread: >>37469752

Prompt index and a must read to see what this is about:
https://poneb.in/EdBW4qgX
https://ponepaste.org/112
https://ponepaste.org/113

Short stories by Britanon
https://pastebin.com/gFzcBHaL

One Prison Story List
https://pastebin.com/KwwB0NVY

List of Kinderquestria Greens
https://ponepaste.org/1603

Kinder SCP Foundation
https://pastebin.com/BD3Qr3au

Magician in Prison (Ponepaste was created) by Anonymouse/ImprisonedMagician (Ponepaste Name):
https://ponepaste.org/4774
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>>37604619
The most terrifying monster of all, even worse than the changelings.
>>
>>37604662
That's cursed even by regular Equestria standards
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Fuck yeah fresh muffins
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>>37604691
You can’t say that man
>>
>>37604829
what can't I say? muffins?
>>
>>37604914
You said f*ck!!!!! you can't do that it's a bad word!!!!!!
>>
>>37604934
heck m*ffins, cupcake master pastry
>>
>>37604934
hold my cider and witness me!
Fuck, fuckity fuck, fuck ,fuck.
>>37605010
woah now jihadi Johnny cool it with the racial slurs
>>
>>37604691
>>37604829
>>37604914
>>37604934
>While Derpy appreciates a new found Muffin Friend, she kind of wished his vocabulary was a little less...uh...filled with Forbidden Words.
>The enthusiasm for chocolate muffins is great, though! She just wishes it didn't thunder whenever he says 'F*CK YEAH! Muffins!'
>...sweet guy though, doesn't make fun of her eyes.
>>
>>37604691
>naked with apron
unf, wish I could walk in on her baking muffins and tell her she is perfect the way she is and I think she is a very pretty pony.
>>
>>37605769
>>naked with apron.

>"That's silly Anon! We always wear no clothes."
>>
>>37605772
lewd
>>
>>37606701
Whoops, wrong thread. I am the big dumb
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>>37606701
>rgre
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>>37607351
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>>37607387
this anon knows what's up
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>>37608233
unf
>>
>>37607735
>>37607387
>Warcrimes in Equestria: 101
>>
>>37608793
She violated the NAP when she broke my bird feeder.
>>
>>37607387
>>37607735
You are doing it wrong, you gotta adjust it so it shoots a stream instead of a mist so you can snipe their ears from 12 feet away.
>>
>>37608846
That’s a war crime
>>
RCG-089

Danger: Cognitohazard, unknown level

Utility: Low, research subject for xenodimensional ecology and biology

Containment Difficulty: Minimal physically, unknown memetically

Description: RCG-089 is a black feline recovered from the same dimensional rift event as RCG-088 [1]. It is of a species previously unknown to Equestria. Asides from a smaller skull and greatly increased aggression towards smaller animals, its morphology and behavior are similar to the Equestrian Domestic Cat.

[1]: RCG-088 claims that it has no prior relationship with RCG-089. It nonetheless named it "Ziggerman" and was permitted to keep it as a pet until RCG-088's release from containment. The significance of the name is unknown, and RCG-088 was evasive upon questioning.
>>
>>37609202
>Ziggerman
kek
>>
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"Pinkie, you are addicted."
"Pinkie you have a problem."
"Pinkie you cant eat taco bell for every meal."
"They are alright for fast food tacos, but they're not even really that good, why do you wanna eat there all the time Pinkie?"
>>
>>37609147
Hide in the bushes and do it to random ponies that walk past.
>>
>>37604619
>S2 Luna
>not S1
>ywn be a night guard for a young Princess Luna
why live
>>
>>37609202
I am utterly surprised Kinder Scientists would let Anon keep a cat that shows "aggression towards smaller animals" and that clearly has sharper claws than the "Equestrian Domestic Cat".

The first time that cat bites or scratches Anon during "play" is when half of those same scientists are gonna faint. The other half will go when Anon laughs about it.
>>
>>37609384
But that would give them bo bos
>>
IT'S UNNATURAL!
>>
>>37610098
KEK
>>
>>37610098
I love how it is a dumbed down version of the normal one. Really makes the joke land hard if ya ask me!
>>
bump
>>
>>37610098
This is beauty.
>>
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>>37610098
kek
>>
>>37610098
Form a mob!
>>
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Greetings /K/omrades it's been a while since I've produced green for the thread, so take this story of my dumb fuckery that happened earlier today as compensation.

>be /K/ommando anon
>been inna kinder'questria for about a year now
>been looking forward to this day as ?k/ommando anon is having his wrangler Twiggles come by today to give him his weekly adjustment check up
> reality of the situation is the princesses are just having twiggy piggy say that so they can keep tabs on him
>Twiggy genuinely enjoys his antics and hearing about his culture
>it's adorable to him and he understands why the princesses want to keep tabs on him
>he's legitimately the most dangerous being in Equestria magical non ability withstanding
>He decides that he's going to surprise twilight with a lunch of whole grain flat breads and his world (in)famous Beenz and Deenz pate A'la Fagguette
> he decides he's going to try out a new cast iron skillet despite having no prior experience with cast iron cooking
>his dough at the ready he divides it up, rolls it out, flours it to make it non stick
>turns on the stove top as per usual pours vodka into the burner turns the gas on full blast and lights with a cigarette then puts le skillet on top to heat heat up
>little did anon know just how thoroughly the pan would heat up
>as anon determines the pans heat by hovering his hand over it, purple dank enters the room
"Hi anon How are you? What are ya making?"
>"Was good Purp smort, Just whippin up some flat breads for some special treat I wanna show you"
"ooooo I can't wait to try it! Can I watch you?"
>she say eyes twinkling
>Fuck muh hart
>"yeah sure"
>with that anon grabs some of the rolled out dough
>>
>>37612039
>Yfw the waiter got your order wrong
>You wanted a blue crayon
>>
>>37612463
Dumbass fucking horse, pink is objectively the best flavor crayon.
>>
>>37612387
>and then plops it down onto the cast iron
>It instantly starts burning
>in a panic anon grabs the handle with out a mitt and burns the ever loving fuck out of his index finger and thumb
>"OH FUCK! OH SHIT!"
anon exclaims hurriedly grabbing a hand towel to grab the pan and running to the door as fast as possible
>in a flight of autistic panic to find a safe place to put the hot pan down on and not smoke out his house
>twiggles is left standin by the stove speechless
>she wants to help anon but she knows better than leave a stove unattended
>so she waits with bated breath trotting in place for his return
>a few seconds later anon comes in and immediately heads to the sink to run his wounded hand under cool water
>twilight rushes to his aid hyperventilating a little
"Oh my anon those are some really nasty burns, You need to head to the hospital right away!"
>anon attempts to tell her that he's fine but before he can open his mouth the turns the stove off and is dragging him to the hospital
>while waiting at the hospital several ponies fainted at the blisters on his fingers while twilight franticly signed paperwork for him
>he's brought in on a comically undersized stretcher into the Emergency room for Emergency "surgery"
>next thing he knows he's being put under by nurse red heart
>"fuck yeah free drugs." is the last thing he remembers before waking up
>twilight and friend gasp in unison as he comes to and he is swarmed with pony hugs
"oh anon Im so glad your ok!"
>twilight says the others talked to him to but he doesn't remember shit cause he was still high as a kite and he couldn't articulate shit worth a damn
>all he remembers is grunting at them and rolling over and letting the mother of all farts let loose and then passing out
>he was able to leave the next day and gave twilight a serving of Beenz and Deenz which twilight was aghast at
>>
>>37612469
It's purple though.
>>
>>37612493
and thats all folks hopefully you all enjoy!

as a side note for any of you interested /K/ommando anons hide and seek extravaganza is still on going I haven't written anything new for it but I want to rectify that soon, sorry to anyone interested about the slow updates, It's my first long green and i usually do shorts
>>
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would ponies like lazor pointers?
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>>37613254
Probably not. The thing that makes cats like them is their instinctually ingrained hunter's instinct. I think they either wouldn't particularly care or would feel slightly unnerved at a teleporting, glowing bug.
>>
>>37613254
Depends on their silliness. If not too silly, it's a pretty light that moves around. If *extra* silly, you now have an "extradimensional being" that you can shine wherever you want.

>>37613747
Or a bug, yeah.

>Fluttershy tries observing a new type of magical bug that's recently cropped up but anytime she gets close, it zooms away to a wall or on a spot on the floor next to her, just out of reach.
>>
>>37610098
Nice.

>>37602792
>>37602807
>Codename: Secret Agent Sparkle
>Mission: follow the Hu'mun and figure out what he's doing
>Support: hidden supply caches, Big Brother Best Friend Forever
>Location: 15 steps ahead of the Hu'mun
>Your secret mission is going great!
>The secret agents in your books follow their target, but they always lose track of the bad pony at the worst time.
>You're too clever for that.
>As Princess Celestia's best student, you know her daily schedule.
>And with Shiny to slow Anon down whenever you're about to get spotted, you can beat him to her and find a good hiding spot.
>You are a genius!
>As you approach Princess Celestia's dining room, you slow down.
>Where to hide, where to hide?
"Ahah!"
>You crawl underneath a serving cart, and pull the cover back over you. Not a moment later, you hear Anonymous as he walks through the door.
>As you peek through the covers, you see Shiny right behind him, looking around to check if you're too visible.
>He looks at you and starts waving his hoof real fast. You'd wave back but you'd get caught.
>He whispers something to you but it's too quiet to hear.
>When you don't respond, he starts to shake his head at you but all of a sudden the brush you borrowed from the cleaning pony's cart falls off.
>He's gonna get caught! You knew you should have used more string but there just wasn't time!
>Shiny grabs it, and before Anon can turn around and see what happened he takes off at a gallop.
>On the way out, he passes Princess Celestia. Luckily, neither of them seem to notice what just happened. You'd hate to get your brother in trouble!
>"Oh, hello Anonymous, I didn't expect you to be free right now. How has my day treated you so far?"
>"Actually, it's been really troubling. I have some serious concerns about the feasability of this project." he replies.
>"Hm. Well, I did warn you your schedule was very optimistic, you know how my little ponies are. I hope Twilight wasn't too much of a hassle?" she - wait, did Princess Celestia just call you a hassle?
>>
>>37615050
>"Eh, relative to the rest of the class? A bit disruptive at times but I can't say I'm surprised, given how you described her."
>He called you disruptive!
>Princess Celestia said you were disruptive!
>"Yes, well she can be quite the hoofful at times."
>And now she just called you a hoofful! Why are they being so mean?
>"I'm having trouble keeping half a class on track, I'm not sure how you put up with a nation."
>Put up with? Princess Celestia loves all her little ponies!
>"I'm not sure how I do it either, some days."
>You thought Princess Celestia loved all her little ponies...
>No! Princess Celestia wouldn't lie like that! Something's going on here!
>"On that topic, I actually came to ask you about your whole 'personal student' thing, how it works."
>"Well, it's quite simple. I observe Twilight until she makes a serious mistake, look for the root personality flaw, and then arrange for a correcting influence to occur, often in the form of a test. She's been quite the project, let me tell you, but she's coming along nicely."
>You're just a game to her? You thought she loved you back.
>He laughs at you!
>"That explains a lot actually, but I meant more the logistics of it, and what are the expectations from both parties. I have a very promising pony in mind, and I think she'd take to this thing like a fish to water, but I want to be sure I understand the implications before I make the offer. I have a general idea but I'm the first to admit I'm an outsider looking in, and miss important details sometimes."
>Is he trying to get Princess Celestia to replace you? She would never do that! You're her best student!
>Right?
>You thought you were... but a few minutes ago you thought a lot of other things about Princess Celestia too.
>"Well, as you can see I was about to have lunch. I know it's a touch impolite but I do need to be somewhere at noon. Do you mind if we talk and eat?"
>"Ah, I'd be happy to, but I don't think I can eat any of what you have on the table."
>"That's quite alright."
>She lights her horn, and the sound of a bell echoes through the room.
>"Silent Service, could you fetch a griffon-style charred salmon from the kitchen, no pluck stuffing?"
>Somepony canters up to you, and the cart you're hiding under starts to move!
>Oh no!
>You try to listen for as long as you can, but the wheels are too squeaky and their voices are getting quieter.
>All you hear are snippets like "substitute" and "long-term project" and then you're too far to hear anything else.
>You knew it! That Hu'mun is trying to get Princess Celestia to replace you with that stupid earth pony Cheerilee!
>It's not your fault you don't understand Hu'mun magic!
>But that doesn't matter, does it?
>Princess Celestia doesn't love you anymore.
>She never did.
>You're going to cry.

I genuinely felt bad writing this.
Ponepaste for typo fixes https://ponepaste.org/5789
>>
>>37615138
>>37615050
Feel really bad that Twi can't recognize that a lot of what Celestia says is more endearing than anything, also sad that so she is gonna be under so much stress trying to make sure she doesn't get replace.
Wish I could hug the silly pony and tell her everything is fine.
>>
>>37615138
what an unfortunate but comical misunderstanding
>>
>>37615300
Is there any other kind in kidnerland?
>>
>>37615606
There's also Fortunate but Comical where someone or some pony is stupidly lucky but Harmony knows how the heck THAT happened.

>Anon didn't think that slipping on a banana peel would land him on top of a would be Pie Throwing Assassin/Prankster of the Royal Crown (does Twilight count for that??) but it was pretty sweet when he got Royal Discounts on the stuff he needed from the market anyway.
>He needs to go out more if stuff like this keeps happening.
>>
>>37615837
>It's Harmony actually taking advantage of Anon's naturally Chaotic Nature to set up the Weirdest Dominos Ever.
>Get the right things in order and what would've been a little mess ends up as some weird coincidence that helps the town.
>It just so happens Anon reaps the benefits accidentally as a "reward" for being apart of the celestial schemes.
>>
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>>37615050
>>37615138
>>
>>37615879
Amazing
>>
>>37609202
Interview Log: RCG-088-1|1200-10-08
Interviewer: Dr. Saffron Rice
Dr. Saffron Rice: I've been taking care of, um, "Ziggerman" for about six months now, and I'm hoping you might have some insight on some issues I've been having.
Mark Carlyle: Always happy to help.
SR: I left Ziggerman with some other animals at the veternarian unit and when I came back he- uh.
MC: You came back to a pile of tiny corpses.
SR: Yes! The worst part was that he carried one and placed it by my hooves, almost like he was proud of it! And it wasn't hunger-related predation either - his food bowl was still full and he didn't even eat anything he killed. In all my years as a biologist and veternarian, I've never seen anything like it.
MC: I think this is another one of those problems where we have completely different foundations for our understanding. Do Equestrian animals not kill for pleasure?
[~30 SECONDS OF SILENCE]
SR: This is the part where I take the amnestics, isn't it?
MC: Remember to write a report first. Castle's a stickler for paperwork.
>>
>>37616634
>Thanks to "88's" influence, Researchers actually make sure to write their reports *before* taking their "Medicine".
>Really streamlined the whole interview thing, honestly.
>>
>>37615138
Twilight needs a megadose of hugs and reassurance, stat!

>>37615879
I concur, Amazing.
>>
>>37616634
Nice. Was paperwork one of those things they just found too useful to forget? Ironic that of all the human horrors, that might be the one which slips through.
>>
>>37615138
Cool beans
>>
>>37615879
kek
>>
>>37616634
>>SR: This is the part where I take the amnestics, isn't it?
>>MC: Remember to write a report first. Castle's a stickler for paperwork.
kek
>>
>>37612515
>cooking without a license
That's really irresponsible anon.
>>
>>37615879
>filename
lmao real G
>>
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oh no flutter butter got stuck in your pants!
>>
>>37619491
>tfw have to wear stretchy clothing because ponies keep wriggling into any comfy looking hole
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>>37619546
kek silly pones forgetting they are ponies and acting like cats
>>
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>>37619546
It goes both ways really.
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>>37620272
that does look comfy
>>
>Villain of the century rolls around in kinderquestria
>All seems lost til Anon decides to do something so mind bogglingly dangerous
“Girls, get your earmuffs. I’m about to use the hard R gamare word…”
>Villain mocks him through his speech
“ZIGG-!”
>It flys out of his mouth like a thu’um and sends the villain flying across the continent
>The girls cower in fear after he used the most dangerous dark magic ever known
>>
Good night
>>
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page neighn howdy horse save
2RPGM
>>
>>37621760
2 fast 2 angry
>>
>>37620394
kek
>>
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>>37589863

>Be Anon again.
>You're on the way out of this gaudy mountain-side city.
>You see a lot of shadows moving along the ground and look up.
>In the skies above you see a lot of pegasi guards flying overhead in different directions.
>Damn it, they're working fast.
>Hopefully these disguises will hold for them.
>Either that or you can find another one of these weird hidey-holes Pinkie has.
>Along the way out you don't see any more of her 'secret' stashes, so the guard helmets will have to do.
>Approaching a guard she stops you.
>"Whoa, hey! Nopony leaves or enters the city, you know that!
>Time for another trick.
>You spot a rock along the path leading out of the city and point to it.
"Oh? But didn't you see them ducking under that rock over there? I'm sure I did! Wait here and my partner and I will check it out.
>She opens her mouth to shout to everypony else that you saw "Anon and Twilight" and you quickly stop her.
"WAIT! Don't tell anypony else. If I'm wrong I don't want anypony to laugh. My poor fragile feelings can't take it! Just keep looking ahead until I give the all clear or call for help...please?"
>You do your best to give puppy dog eyes through the mask and praying to whoever will listen that this works.
>"Alright then. I don't want to be mean to you or anything. My former C.O. actually got demoted for an entire week for hurting somepony's feelings! You know that the only demotion at our station is...3 days paid leave!"
>Apparently nopony even gets fired in Equestria because it's 'mean'.
>This fucking place.
"Well I better hurry and go get those two bad guys! Act natural and I'll be right back."
>You signal your purple companion to follow and begin walking as fast as you can down the path.
"Sucker!"
>You hastily make your way down the mountain side and soon Twilight begins talking again.
>"Wow! Anon, how'd you get so smart at tricking everypony like that?"
>You smirk underneath this weird plastic mask
"Simple. Lots of practice and not being an idiot. Humans are used to deception a lot more than ponies are.
>Twilight things for a bit and responds.
>"W-will you teach me to be smarter like that? I need a new mentor now that Celestia doesn't like me anymore, and you outsmarted even her of all ponies!"
>You decide to pat your new student on the head as you respond to her.
"Follow my lead kid and you'll learn everything in no time. Then you and your friends will have the power to do whatever you want regardless of what anypony tries to force you to do or say."
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>>37624729

>She stares ahead wordlessly a bit.
>"My friends...hey Anon, now that we're out of Canterlot, can we go back to Ponyville now?"
>You shake your head no.
"Afraid not. That'll be the very first place Sunbutt will expect us to go, we gotta play this smart before we make our return or we'll end up back in prison. Probably even longer this time.
>She looks sullen at hearing this.
>"Ok...what are we gonna do Anon?"
>You already know what to do because poners are so gullible, even Celestia.
"She's hunting us down right? The answer is simple. We'll play some pranks in other towns leading away from Ponyville until she starts hunting in that general direction. Then we just sneak our way back and into Ponyville."
>She grows excited hearing your plan.
>"That's genius! But...I thought of something just now Anon."
>You both stop and you turn to her.
"And what is that Twi?"
>"All my bits are back in Ponyville and yours probably are too! I'm getting hungry and we have no money! What're we gonna do?"
>Shit, she's got a point.
>For now the two of you soldier on. Your sure you'll have an answer soon.
>>
>>37624745
>For now the two of you soldier on. Your sure you'll have an answer soon.

The answer is robbery anon, or in kinder land borrowing without permission.
>>
>>37624745
oh lord anons probably gonna get the ultimate time out when everything is said and done
>>
>>37624920
Given that this is Kinderquestria, they probably can get away with just begging or borrowing *with* permission ("We'll pay you back, promise!")
>>
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>>37616634
Saffron Rice's private notes:
Animals reproduce in a sigmoid curve, approaching but never reaching the carrying capacity of the ecosystem. That's Ecology 101, really. Some unknown quorum sensing mechanism communicating through local Harmony fields allow animals and plants to avoid unnecessary competition and death. Herbivores eat only what local foliage can bare, and no more. Predators hunt only what they need to survive, and kill no more than they need. Starvation is avoided for all, and the ecosystem maintains a happy balance.
We've always thought this was the natural state of affairs. Sure, there were local disruptions like droughts and floods that can lead to tragedies, and anomalies like RCG-012 ("Everfree Forest") where animal populations can be caught in anomalous cycles of boom and bust. But they were suppose to be the exceptions.
But what if that isn't the case? What if it was, in fact the opposite? What if animal populations, when free of interference from Harmonic influences, continue to expand until they were forced to contract due to starvation, overpopulation, and destruction of their food source? The amount of suffering experienced by these animals must be painful to consider in even the most abstract sense, but please try.
These are not idle speculations. I believe that RCP-089 is an animal from such an ecosystem. As is RCP-088. An entire *world* of endless suffering and competition, with Harmony turning a blind eye.
I can still remember the first time I brought up this possibility to RCG-088. He just shrugged. I asked him, pleadingly, if there was a hope that some kind of group selection mechanism might allow populations of animals that voluntarily restrict their breeding to out-compete free-breeders. allowing the overall population to avoid the horrors I described.
He thought for a moment, then his eyes lit up with recollection.
>"Actually, I remembered they did an experiment with beetles, where they set them up to only select from groups that had the lowest population."
He then proceeded to describe, in detail, how the resulting populations of beetles "evolved", not cooporation, but to cannibalize each others' babies, with preference for females. I ruined a perfectly good pair of shoes that day - his, not mine.
He agreed that all these forces apply to RCG-088's species as well. And, given the consistancy of mathematics across the multiverse, to *ponies* as well.
Their home world is, in short, a vision into Tartarus.
This is the type of threat that the Group was set up to defend. Not evil wizards, jealous sisters, or chaos gods. But rather, something much more powerful, dangerous, and cruel - the utter indifference of reality.
And, if the unthinkable should happen? If Harmony should be destroyed in Equestria? That is the fate which awaits everypony, every animal, every creature everywhere.
The Group can not, must not, fail.
>>
>>37626870
>kindergroup doesn’t know what death is, but they do understand cannibalism
Otherwise a neat little report, Saffron is a lightweight who can’t handle a little infanticide
>>
>>37626891
This seems to be pretty close to the irish welcome of Luna too. I'm honestly not sure how Saffron got all the way to writing private notes before dosing herself on amnesiacs since this would have likely been before all the extreme limits on interaction with the outside world were implemented.
>>
>>37626870
Jesus Christ, that was the single densest thing I've ever written. Please feel free to ask questions and for clarification.

https://sci-hub.se/10.1111/j.1558-5646.1977.tb00991.x
The group selection study with the flour beetles is, uh, kinda sketchy honestly. *All* experimental groups, including those selecting for higher population size, had a decrease in batch population sizes through the experiment, and the effect of selecting for low population vs. no selection wasn't even *that* big. But Mark doesn't know that, and this is the one study people point to for disproving group selection, so take of it what you will. Honestly, I suspect a lot of it is just due to the selection bottlenecks causing inbreeding depression in all groups, but then again I'm not an evolutionary biologist

>>37626891
In hindsight, I probably should have put a bit more focus and eldritch horror on the cannibalism part.
Also, death is public knowledge - it's too big to hide. What isn't is that it happens to ponies.
>>
>>37626930
With the groups being so small statistical anomalies could also be a major problem. Seems like an interesting guiding study for something more serious but not something to quote.
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>>37627116
the horror
the horror
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>>37626930
>death is public knowledge - it's too big to hide. What isn't is that it happens to ponies.
How do you envision the knowledge is kept secret? What happens when somepony eventually dies from old age, illness, or an accident? Is there another secret organization constantly going around administering amnestics MiB style to the general populous?
>>
>>37627127
>Is there another secret organization constantly going around administering amnesties MiB style to the general populous?
...Anon, what you do think you were reading?
>Captcha: P2WYT
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>>37627160
Didn't the SCP researchers need to wipe their own memories after the Nightmare Moon incident?
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>>37627198
They wiped their memories of the incident, not the whole organization
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>>37627116
>>37627126
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>>37627749
The horror
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>>37627116
Haha got em
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book horse has derped, how to reset buk horse?
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>>37629502
Try booping her. Pony snootle is like a reset button, right?
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>>37629502
Grab her tongue.
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>>37630005
why is twilight being so lewd?
>>
burger meister meister burger
>>
RCG-092:

Danger: Extreme - RCG-092 instances have infiltrated the high-echelons of pony society. They have proven extremely dangerous in physical combat and have repeatedly compromised Group and civilian government personnel in their evasion of containment. Their long-term goals are as of yet unknown. White-level access only: See Addendum-092-02

Utility: None known.

Containment Difficulty: Extreme - RCG-092 instances are, compared to the average pony, more capable in a range of fields, especially fluid intelligence and social manipulation. They have been known to utilize their official authority and release cognitohazards to avoid or escape containment.

Royal Containment Procedures: Intelligence team "Rose" is to monitor all pony settlements for signs of RCG-092 infestation through thaumic sensing, visual observation, and crime records. Upon identification of a potential RCG-092, recovery team "Carlyle" is to be deployed for confirmation and recovery. All captured instances of RCG-092 are to be [REDACTED] with procedure "Hostile Interrogation". Following this, they are to be [REDACTED]. Containment rooms specifications can be found in Addendum-092-01. All containment personnel except those on the approved list are to be dosed with amnestics following each interview, and logs regarding RCG-092 containment are to be audited by RCG Counter-Intelligence on a weekly basis. White-level access only: All information of anatomical and psychological similarities between RCG-092, the Princesses, and pre-Diarch ponies are to be suppressed.

Description: TBC
>>
>>37631215
What is RCG -092
>>
>>37631555
his children
>>
>>37631215
Description: First discovered during monitoring of inadvertantly released RCG-088 ("Mark Carlyle") -related memeplexes in pony populations, RCG-092 is the designation for a complex of two different anomalies.
RCG-092-A is an alternate morphology of pony with the following traits:
Greatly increased psychological aggression and ambition
Increased ability in social manipulation and logical reasoning
Greater physical strength and size
Denser bones and increased tolerance
Altered proportions, including relatively longer limbs and snout, smaller eyes
RCG-092-B is an anti-meme complex which conceals these differences, causing them to appear to those with a Hooves Memetic Resistance Rating below 99.98 [1] as normal, if unusually large, ponies.
The traits combine to make RCG-092 likely to climb social and political hierarchies. Of note, the first RCG-092 scan of the Equestrian Diet in 1205 showed that [REDATED BY ORDER OF RCG COUNTER-INTELLIGENCE] __% of its members had thaumic signatures typical of RCG-092.
Although RCG-092 are capable of reproducing normally, they also posess knowledge of RCG-092-C, a mixture of thaumically active herbs (see Addendum RCG-092-C) which, when properly activated and consumed, transform a normal pony into an instance of RCG-092.
Scans of Royal Containment Group personnel showed [REDATED BY ORDER OF RCG COUNTER-INTELLIGENCE]
[1] Agent Carlyle is the only known member of the RCG with such a HMR Rating. Outside the Group, [REDATED BY ORDER OF RCG COUNTER-INTELLIGENCE]. Princess [REDATED BY ORDER OF RCG COUNTER-INTELLIGENCE].
>>
>>37631681
That should be "Denser bones and increased pain tolerance". Whoops.
Any guesses on what RCG-092 is?
>>
>>37631708
Regular hoers if I had to guess
>>
>>37631777
>Regular hoers are smarter than kinderpones
This is slightly worrying
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>>37631681
Kek
>>37631708
Im going to assume its an irl hoers, the only reason that a horse would have such traits attributed to them by this greens SPC foundation is because horses don't give a flying shit and just go around doing horse things.
>>
Alright, I updated the ponepaste bin to include all the new greens since last time. Sorry it took so long, I kinda kept procrastinating and pushing it back.
>>
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>>37632570
this twiggy a cute
>>37633178
this one too
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>>37633502
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>>37632570
Kindertwiggles would never say hell
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>>37633531
>>
>>37633877
Twilight's in her rebellious phase reading all kinds of forbidden tomes. She even found a book of raunchy jokes in the castle of the two sisters
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>>37633911
seems like anon has been a negative influence on her
>>
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>>37624745
>Eventually, after what you feel was hours upon hours of walking, the two of you finally made it to the base of the mountain.
>It seems there's even a town here called...Baseville.
>As stupid of a name that is; Any port in a storm.
>As you walk down the street, you see a royal guard nailing posters up on the side of a building.
>After he's done you walk up and see what the posters are all about.

>HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PONY?
>Princess Twilight Sparkle
>WANTED!
>Crimes include: Saying a class B swear, inciting a prison riot, escaping prison, impersonating a royal guard, and trespassing.
>Anypony with information leading to the arrest of Princess Twilight and her accomplice will be rewarded with 1000 bits!

>Interesting...what does the other one say?

>HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ~~PONY~~ HYOO-MAN?
>Anonymous
>WANTED!
>Crimes include: Bullying in the second degree, inciting a prison riot, escaping prison, impersonating a royal guard, trespassing, and telling a mean lie about Princess Celestia.
>Anypony with information leading to the arrest of Princess Twilight and her accomplice will be rewarded with 1000 bits!

>Ha! Seems like she figured out that it was you who told that guard that she ate around 50 cakes.
>She even called it 'mean'.
>You gotta remember this if you ever decide to fuck with her directly in the future.
>For now though, a new plan surfaces.
>You turn to bookhoers and whisper.
"Hey Twilight, I think I know how we're gonna get our meal ticket!"
>She seems excited upon hearing that you have a plan.
>"Good! Because I'm huuuuuuungggrrrrrrrrryyyy!"
>Oh god, she better not start whining again.
>The entire trip down the mountain was nothing but "Iiii'mmmm huuuunnnnggggrrrryyyy!" and "Iiii'mmmm tiiiirrrreeed!"
"See these posters? They're paying 1000 bits for the capture of Anonymous and Twilight, so all we gotta do is "capture them."
>The look of confusion she's been having a lot during your little adventure returns once more.
>"B-but...WE'RE Anon and Twilight! How are we going to get the money if we turn ourselves in?"
>You smile and begin to spell out yet another plan to her.
"Well, that's easy! Because we're not going to give them ourselves. We're going to disguise somepony else as us and hand them over. It's a stretch, but if it works it'll be a while until we have to worry about having enough bits while we're on the lam."
>First though, you need the materials.
"We'll need supplies first. Help me search for another one of Pinkie's stashes if she has one here."
>>
>>37634703
Nice
>>
>>37634703
Anon's gonna rightfully find himself turned to stone, and i don't like it
>>
>>37634703
this anon is literally worse than Hitler
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>>37633901
Twilight, have magic and Spike, don't be lazy.
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>>37635056
she wants you to help because she has a ginormous crush on (you) and wants to spend as much time as possible around (you) she's also a huge cuddle slut and lies being petted
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>>37635238
>lies being petted. huur duur < "likes being petted"
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>>37609361
>"They are alright for fast food tacos, but they're not even really that good

I suck at making tacos, what tacos are better than taco bell's? Please kind anon?
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>>37635305
not that Anon, but homemade tacos can't be beat
it's not even that hard to do
you get about a pound of ground beef, brown it in a pot, season with taco seasoning if you want fast seasoning, or make your own blend if you have some time to experiment. Mix seasoning and add a little tomato paste. Not a lot, we're not making lasagna here. mix until fully incorporated. taste for seasoning. AND I MEAN TASTE IT. seriously nothing is worse than under seasoned food. Finally we'll make the shells. Get a small shallow pan and pour a neutral oil in it. Not that much, just enough to go slightly above the bottom of the pan. fry on both sides. If you want soft shell, then fry for about 10 seconds on each side. For hard shell, up to twenty seconds on each side and you'll have to mold them with your flipping implement. I'd recommend tongs.

BOOM!!! Tacos
if you want rice, just follow the directions on the package.
>>
>>37635340
whoops, left that name on from a /tg/ thread, just ignore it
>>
>>37634703
>they disguise two random ponies as Anon and Twilight
>they actually believe that they are them and start crying due to their crimes
Super villain tier Anon here
>>
>>
>>37635368
Ya I thought that would happen and I can’t wait
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>>37635238
Silly Twiggles, could've just asked.
>>
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>>37636338
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>>37637552
war... It never changes.
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>>37637575
"War... has changed. It's no longer about nations, ideologies, or ethnicity. It's an endless series of proxy battles fought by mercenaries and machines. War, and its consumption of life, has become a well-oiled machine. War has changed. ID-tagged soldiers carry ID-tagged weapons, use ID-tagged gear. Nano-machines inside their bodies enhance and regulate their abilities. Genetic control, information control, emotion control... battlefield control. Everything is monitored and kept under control. War - has changed. The age of deterrence has become the age of control. All in the name of averting catastrophe from Weapons of Mass Destruction. And he who controls the battlefield, controls history. War has changed... When the battlefield is under total control, war becomes routine."
>>
>>37638101
>>37637575
These two statements can both be true at the same time
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>>37634962
Na twilight will not let that happen
I can see them becoming great friends
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>>37637552
>>37637575
War is heck
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>>37639455
Bebop boop be bo bop
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>>37639036
Language!
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>>37602790
>>37615138
I wonder how Cheerilee is able to pick up what Anon's trying to teach faster than their "finest scholars and scientists" (and how come a school teacher from Ponyville is among the group to begin with), I'm picturing her as their version of Einstein or von Neumann.
>>
heading to work bump
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>>37642490
kek imagine
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oh no
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>>37643849
>>
>>37643849
The internet has ruined me. I looked at the thumbnail for this image and I did not at all see Rainbow Dash stuck in a cookie jar.

I thought it was Rainbow Dash smooshed into a cylinder shape and it was a fetish image.
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>>37644296
Do I even want to ask if that kind of fetish exists?
>>
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>>37644296
holy shit my sides
>>37643855
those fillies better be careful, Its incredibly dangerous being that cute.
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>>37644390
I take it you never visited /d/?
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>>37639940
I think you mean "Beep boop boop bop, boop boop bop"
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>>37645416
"Be boo boo bop bo bo bop?"
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>>37646385
Beep boop bop.
>>
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>>37634703
>The two of you search around town until Twipie calls out.
>"Hey, I found one!"
>You run over to her and take a look inside of Pinkie's not-so-secret hiding spot.
>Inside are general party supplies like confetti, as well as a propeller hat and some fake black-rim glasses.
>You hand Twilight the glasses while you exchange the guard helmet with the hat.
>Albeit making sure that she can see you do it so she doesn't freak out again.
"Ok, put your helmet in here for now. We'll come get it later, might be best to have multiple disguises. Also, think you can work with all this party stuff?"
>After placing her helmet inside the hole in the tree, she gives a salute and smiles.
>"Sure, I could whip up something to make somepony look like us! Though I started thinking...would they actually go to prison for what WE did?"
>You shake your head.
"I doubt it. If Princess Celestia can see through our disguises like I think she can, she'll see that they're not us and let them go. But by the time she finds out we'll be out of this town!"
>She nods her head.
>"Ok...sorry, your way of things takes a little getting used to. I'll be a good student, promise!"
>You pat Twi on the head, you know by now that she likes it when you do that.
"I'm sure you will be. Now come, we got a little mischief to get up to!"

>You are Bonbon now.
> Though actually, you're Agent Sweetie Drops of S.M.I.L.E. SHHHHH!
>You're in the town of Baseville right now with your best friend, Lyra.
>You told her you're on a cross-country vacation.
>Truth is, all of S.M.I.L.E. has been dispatched across Equestria to look for the rogue princess and that meanie of a human that escaped.
>You hate lying to your bestie, but Celestia says it's ok for S.M.I.L.E. agents to lie in order to maintain secrecy.
>And if Celestia says it's ok, then it is!
>She makes the rules after all.
>The two of you walk down the street as you look around for clues, until you spot a GIANT of a stallion and a mare.
>They both seem REALLY familiar but you can't quite put your hoof on it...
>Suddenly, the big one calls out to you.
>"Congratulations! The both of you just won a free makeover! Isn't that exciting?"
>Lyra gets excited at the news.
>You are too actually!
>Though you act chill because that's what cool secret agents do.
>"WOWEE! I-I've only won like, 100 things before! Come on BonBon!"
>You follow after your cyan friend and sit down in front of his assistant.
>WHERE have you seen these two before?
"Now then, no looking at each other until the makeover is done! Don't want to ruin the surprise after all! Now my assistant will work her magic and you'll be looking great in no time."
>You feel all sorts of brushing, tugging at your fur and mane, accessories being attached and more.
>Nopony ever said you had to look like poopy while on the field.
>Suddenly, the jolly giant spins the both of you around to face each other.
>>
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>>37646976
>"TADA! ALL DONE!"
>Your eyes readjust from the spinning and you see...
"PRINCESS TWILIGHT?! HA, FOUND YOU!"
>The rogue princess gasps.
>"Twilight? But I'm not Twilight! I-I'm Lyra! But wait...y-you're Anon!"
>An obvious trick!
>Good thing you're trained to deal with that.
"Ha! Nice try Twilight! But I already said that I caught you, so there!"
>She begins scooting back away from you.
>"N-no! Stay back! Don't be mean to me Anon!"
>Why does she keep calling you Anon, even after the jig is up?
>Suddenly the giant stallion holds a mirror out in front of your faces.
>"Like it? I find it brings out...the real you. We were hired to find the two of you...Twilight and Anonymous."
>The rea-...no...no! It's not possible!
>Twilight and you both gulp.
>"Y-you mean... I was Twilight all along?"
>T-then that means...
"A-and I was Anon this whole time too?"
>The both of you stare silently at each other for a second.
>After that second of silence, a rush of emotion you can't ignore comes forth.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
>Twilight soon joins you
>"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M A BAAAAD PONYYYYYYYYYY!!"
>"AND-AND I'M A BAD HUUUUUMAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!"
>You can't stop crying!
>This whole time you thought you were Sweetie Drops, hunting two baddies only to find out the biggest twist of all.
>You were one of the baddies you were hunting down all along...."
>The two of you hug each other as the tears flow like a waterfall, the only comfort you have after finding out that you were the one who did so many bad things.
>Soon you're separated by the giant and he begins rubbing your bellies and singing.
>"Lullaby, and goodnight, go to sleep little baby!"
>Despite how AWFUL you feel, you become too tired to continue on.
>Your eyelids become heavier and heavier.
>"Close your eyes, Close your eyes, Close your eyes and go-"
>You can't hear the rest of his song as sleep overtakes you.
>You needed a nap after the revelation you just experienced...
>>
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>>37646988
>Be Anon again.
>The plan worked up to this point.
>You put them both asleep because you don't want them crying the entire time.
>"Alright, grab Bonbon there and let's get to the ponice station."
>Your companion picks 'Anon' up and puts 'him' over her back.
>"It really did! But...they were so sad..."
>Time for your usual reminder.
"They'll get over it don't worry. Besides, with this you'll get that nice, juicy hayburger you've been wanting. You still want that, right?"
>She says nothing for a moment but gives an affirmative in the form of her licking her lips.
>The two of you head to the ponice station and swing open the doors.
>The poner at the desk is doodling on a piece of paper with a crayon when you walk up.
"Hello there! We're here to collect that reward the posters mentioned."
>The desk pony looks up from their drawing.
>"What information do you ha-OH SWEET CELESTIA!!"
>She becomes startled after seeing what, or 'who' you both carried in.
>"Y-you caught them! HEY EVERYPONY, THESE TWO CAUGHT THE ROGUE PRINCESS AND THE HYOO-MAN!!"
>Suddenly a bunch of ponice rush forward to gawk at your decoys.
>They all begin cheering loudly after a moment of examining everything.
>As they continue celebrating; Two officers drag Lyra and Bonbon away, presumably into a cell that'd make a 5-star hotel look like a pigsty.
>The ponice chief comes forward with a bag full of coins.
>"Wow! You two are heroes! H-here's the bits! How'd the two of you do it?"
"Oh you know, they were about to cause some more trouble but we sung them to sleep! So, this is the 1000 bits, right?"
>The ponice chief beams back at you and nods.
"Every bit counted, recounted, and rerecounted! Thanks again! Don't go too far though, I'm sure The Princess would want to hold a ceremony in your honor!"
>Fat chance of that.
"Sure, we'll be in town. Come get us at the Baseville Inn, we'll be over there.
>No you won't.
>The two of you leave and head out of the building, with the impromptu party still going on behind you.
"I'd say that was another success! Now, let's go get you that hay-burger, you earned it!"
>Twilight begins jumping up and down.
>"YAY! Thank you master!"
>'Master'?
>Back on Earth you've seen enough porn that 'master' has a completely different connotation to you than she intends.
>And because of that, it just sounds WRONG coming from something as innocent as one of these pastel horses.
"Don't call me that, it's weird. Don't be weird Twilight!"
>She thinks for a second and comes back with another.
>"D-daddy?"
>Oh hell no, that's worse.
"Even worse! You can keep calling me Anon! Now shut up, we're here.
>>
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>>37646991
>The two of you walk in and you both order.
>You get a salad and a soda since you can't eat hay.
>While Twilight practically buys the whole stock of hayburgers and hayfries that they have.
>Including THREE chocolate milks.
>All of this costed 100 bits!
>She puts it all away like it's nothing while you calmly eat your salad.
>You suppose she learned from the best glutton there is while she was Celestia's student.
>"Mmmmm...thank you mas-Anon. This is delicious! Who knew being bad could be so good?"
>Bad to a pony maybe.
>But it's a start.
"Now you're getting it! Once we're finished we need to grab some supplies and leave town. Celestia is probably on her way here right now. While she's probably getting winded with every step, I don't want to tempt fate."
>She thinks for a moment.
>"Why do you hate Princess Celestia Anon? Did she take away your good noodle star and abandon you too?"
>So much for getting a start.
>You take a sip of your soda and give it to her straight.
"I don't 'hate' her, I just don't think she's above ridicule. Nopony is! Not her, not you, not even me! The sooner you learn that? The sooner you'll be more free than you've ever imagined!"
>She puts her hoof to her chin to think and looks back at you.
>"Y-you're right! You're saying if we all learn to laugh at everything, and-and stop taking everything so seriously, your life becomes so much more fun and carefree? Am I right?
>She finally gets it.
"Spot on. Come along my UNfaithful student, we've gotta get our supplies and get ready to leave!
>>
>>37646999
man this shit is great. thanks Anon
>>
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>>37646991
>>"YAY! Thank you master!"
>>'Master'?
>>Back on Earth you've seen enough porn that 'master' has a completely different connotation to you than she intends.
>>And because of that, it just sounds WRONG coming from something as innocent as one of these pastel horses.
>>"Don't call me that, it's weird. Don't be weird Twilight!"
>She thinks for a second and comes back with another.
>>"D-daddy?"
>>Oh hell no, that's worse.
>>"Even worse! You can keep calling me Anon! Now shut up, we're here."
holy fuck mfw
>>37646999
dude good shit 10/10
>>
>>37646999
based twiggy piggy
>>
>>37646999
KEK
>>
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Twilight found Anon's secret stash
>>
>>37631681
Interview Log: RCG-092-A-01|1205-5-17
Subject: RCG-092-A-01 ("Fleur De Lis"), first captured RCG-092-A instance, obtained during Operation Long Knife
Interviewer: Agent Mark Carlyle
RCG-092-A-01: You're not a pony.
Mark Carlyle: I get that a lot.
A-01: Why are you working for them then? Money? Power? I- our organization can offer you whatever you want - just to look the other way. It doesn't have to be difficult.
MC: Maybe I have a deep-seated sense of justice?
A-01: Perhaps. How is your moral fiber doing nowadays? How many amnestics have you administered to others and to yourself? Can you still even keep count? You know, [INFOHAZARD REDACTED].
MC: [INFOHAZARD EXPUNGED].
[NOTE: Infoharzardous conversation continues for ~14 minutes. All contents have been redacted pending Memetics Department review]
A-01: Honestly? That's messed up.
MC: You have no idea. Anyways, if you want me to defect, to betray the most powerful organization of the most powerful government on this planet, you had better give me some reasons and answers.
[RCG-092-A-01 is silent for ~ 90 seconds before speaking]
A-01: Any chance you're an archeologist, good sir?
MC: Not on this planet, no.
A-01: Then the morphological similarities between my kin and ponies of the Pre-Diarch Era must be lost to you.
MC: I vaguely remember something about that in my reports.
A-01: I come from a long line of survivors, Mark. We were desert nomads eeking out a living in the harsh sands of Saddle Arabia, breaking our isolation for the first time in generations, to see that we had once again faded into myth and legend. Forgotten. It made us the lucky ones, in a way.
MC: What was the difference between your people and the other locals?
A-01: Religion, culture, language, whether or not we took our excess babies [INFOHAZARD EXPUNGED]. Nothing that matters now. No, we weren't the ones changed. We found an entire city of - children. *Their* kind. The kind that surrounds us all in these dark days. Ponies somehow shaped and corrupted by some Power to be docile immitations of the Divine form. I think you know where I'm going with this.
MC: I want to hear it from you.
A-01: *She* did this to them, scooped out all the imperfections that made a pony a pony. The desire to fight, to [MULTIPLE INFOHAZARD REDACTED]. All their drive and all their cunning. Until she was the only one left. Well, she and her sister. Actually, things are rather more complicated nowadays, aren't they?
MC: And that makes you...
A-01: The grown-ups, yes.
[FURTHER INTERVIEW LOGS RESTRICTED TO LEVEL-BLACK CLEARANCE OR HIGHER]
>>
>>37641378
I'd assume it has something to do with her specialty being teaching many subjects instead of something vague like "Magic" or "Friendship".

Twilight is smart when it comes to spells and figuring out problems but Cheerilee has to teach the next generation all day, every day.
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>>37649352
Wait a fucking second.
Did Celestia practically lobotomize the entire pony species so that they're now the kinderquestians of today?
>>
>>37649473
They're not lobotomized.
They're children.
>>
>>37649352
interesting take, definitely enjoying it. Based on what we now know it is unlikely that Celestia can do what she did to ponies to these proto ponies. It likely too thousands of years to do and since the proto ponies would heavily resist and recognize what she was doing now seeing what ponies have become.
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>>37649352
10/10 would mating press Fleur De Lis because shes a consenting ADULT.
>>
>>37649352
It seems that everytime I read the continuation of this story I get more hooked somehow
>>
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>>37649352
The plot thickens
>>
>>37649352
The following entry is non-cannon. But I couldn't get it out of my head.

"Just as we made the tea, you must drink it."
>Celestia looked up at her guest.
>She casually took a sip, centuries of practice smoothing out the tremble in her magic, making it imperceptable.
>"So you know."
>You nod.
"As does the entirety of Equestria. Turns out an orgaization designed to suppress information on a planetary scale can also be quite useful in suppressing it."
>She hums a little tune her mother used to sing her to sleep with, when she was a little filly.
>However many millenia ago that must have been.
"Not just that, but everyone knows the metamorphesis components. We spent years making sure the required herbs grew wild throughout the continent, and in abundance."
>She smiled sadly and took another sip.
>"My my, that is a great deal of work you've put into destroying my legacy. You know that not every pony will do it right? Many of those who first made the change did so voluntarily, to cast off the sins of their race."
>You shrugged.
"Perhaps. But some will. And they will become successful in business, or politics, or their dream career. And others will get jealous and follow. That is the way of all social creatures."
>"Entropy." She spat. "Discord, chaos, and the race to the bottom. Everything that I've stood against my entire life. Everything that I've fought to save my entire race from. You must be so proud, bringing back the horrors of the old world. Just so my paradise could be a bit more like the hell-world you came from. Tell me, has it all been worth it? Do the ashes of Heaven taste good in your mouth?"
>You nod. "Aye."
>Celestia finished her cup. "Just as you have made the tea, I have drank it." She said, in a weakened whisper.
>She laid down and took a gentle repose. To look as if she had simply fallen asleep, when the guards came.
>You swapped your cup with hers and carried it with you on your way out. Not that it mattered today, but you were nothing if not thorough.
>>
>>37651437
should be
"As does the entirety of Equestria. Turns out an orgaization designed to suppress information on a planetary scale can also be quite useful in distributing it."
>>
BTW, if you have any RCG ideas, feel free to throw them my way, because I'm clean out.
>>
>>37649111
>She could barely take a sip before she spat it out and cried about how it burned her throat.
>But she swallowed just enough of the potent 'shine that she was wobbling by the time anyone could find her.
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>>37652052
Super cute, and super great.
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>>37645788
>Shining has a Royal Potty Mouth but no one ever believes it.
>Especially not Twilight!
>>
>>37646991

>master and daddy damn if did not know twilight was so innocent i would have called her one kinky pony
screws it twilight is one kinky sub
>>
>>37654290
Shining is actually the most powerful pony warlock the world has ever seen he just doesn’t want to be outed as evil because he would feel like even a bigger disappointment
>>
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>>37649352
Interview Log: RCG-092-01|1205-06-01
Subject: Agent Sweetie Drops
Interviewer: Agent Mark Carlyle

Mark Carlyle: I have to say, I'm surprised. Last time we spoke, it seemed like you were done with the Group for good. Family time not as good as you've hoped?
Sweetie Drops: You have no idea. Two weeks in, I was constantly reminded why I didn't take that much time off normally. How in Tartarus did you manage to become an agent anyways? There's a policy against that, you know.
[MC slides over a documentation folder for RCG-092 and waits as SD reads]
MC: I'm immune to their effects, not incapacitated by their infohazards, and am pretty much the only being the higher-ups know for sure isn't working for them. This thing has them spooked. Ever since the thing with Celestia, they knew the one being they thought they could always trust lied to them about something big - even if they didn't know what it was.
SD: That bad, hun? What do you need me for?
MC: Someone to talk my ideas over in their entirety. I've put together a double-blind research plan where each researcher on -092 works on compartmentalized chunks while I try and stitch it together into something coherent. Figured having someone I knew could handle her shit would help.
SD: I better be getting hazard pay for this.
MC: Double hazard pay, actually.
SD: I suppose we should get started.
[END INTERVIEW]
>>
>>37655169
Interview Log: RCG-092-01|1205-06-06
Subject: Dr. Saffron Rice
Interviewer: Agent Sweetie Drops

Sweetie Drops: These morphological changes in ponies that took place over hundreds of years - what do you think they mean?
Saffron Rice: That's the wrong question. There isn't some deeper meaning behind these sort of things - it's mostly just random chance or long-term fluctuations in Harmony resonances. It's not like it's driven by an intelligent being that can provide that type of motive.
Sweetie Drops: But... but what if it is? Dogs were bred from wolves, right?
Saffron Rice: That's apples and orange- OH BY HARMONY! I think I see something! The- the morphological changes! They're exactly the type you see in domesticated animals! Smaller faces, smaller everything, for the most part, more peaceful behavior... I'm a genius! Ponies domesticated themselves as they intensified agriculture and urbanization. Once this information is declassified, and most of it already is, I'll be able to-
[Sweetie Drops exits the office, ending the interview. Extraneous self-conversation of Saffron Rice continues for 15 additional minues until recorder capacity is reached, and is redacted for brevity]
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>>37630356
She's just showing off what a great job the spa ponies did on her tail.
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>>37655480
that is what she wants you to think anon
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>>37655205
kek
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>>37651437
Now this has been in my head for the whole day as well, that's how you know you're skilled, well done (you)
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well anon are you going to leave the lady hanging?
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>>37657164
"Why don't you have a cutie mark?"
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>>37655205

Interview Log: RCG-092-02|1205-06-06
Subject: Agent Sweetie Drops
Interviewer: Agent Mark Carlyle
[NOTE: This log has been labeled a GRADE-OMEGA infohazard, and thus should not be read by any personnel. It is retained for archival purposes only.]

Sweetie Drops: She bred us.
Mark Carlyle: What?
SD: Celestia bred us. Like... like a show pigeon. Changed the way we looked, the way we thought. Did it over enough generations that no one noticed.
MC: Give your ancestors some credit. They probably did. But who would really care that the height of the average pony decreased an inch every century?
SD: Damn it all, how could she do something like this? I trusted her. And even after I knew she lied I thought it would at least be for good reason. And the logistics of it all... I think I'm going to be sick.
MC: I'm sure *she* believes she's fully justified. In any case, I might able to help on that last one.
[Agent MC proceeds to retrieve an improvised smoking device from a locker]
MC: Here, let me light you up. Try to take a big ass hit and hold it as long as you can.
SD: I'm not smoking anything you give me. Not again.
MC: It's the first component of 92-C. We're going to need you at 110% for this, and that's pretty much what this does.
SD: There is no way you're approved to do this. Agents aren't suppose to turn themselves into anomalies. That's like the first thing they taught us.
MC: Don't worry - I'll fill the conversation log so full of infohazards Memetics won't even bother going through it.
SD: Does that still work?
MC: Oh, yeah. Let me tell you about this guy called Chris Chan. Now take another hit.
>>
>>37660800
>>37649352
Something... funny is going on in these interviews. Maybe you can pick it out.

>>37650035
>>37657845
Thanks! I really appreciate the compliments. The whole RCG thing started as a one-shot while writer's blocked for other stories, and I've really enjoyed doing the world building that readers like you have pushed me into.
>>
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>>37660800
>>Oh, yeah. Let me tell you about this guy called Chris Chan. Now take another hit.
>The face of the poor bastard that had to read the transcript
>>
>>37660817
Dude weed lmao or is he going to give bonbon the Joe Rogan dmt experience, other than Celestias Implied Master race eugenics program my mind is blank.
>>
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>>37661963
the princess demands more hats to be given in tribute.
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>>37662241
>Oh no, princess, it seems I've lost this game of poker. But I have no money to give you... Perhaps I could offer you some other payment?
>Give me your helmet.
>>
>>37662730
>ywn defeat celly in a game of strip poker ending her reign of terror only to completely upstage her and completely disarm the royal guard ushering in 1000 years of darkness
>>
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First attempt at a greentext. Holy shit, tense is annoying as hell. Prepare for autism.

>The Sandbox
https://ponepaste.org/5827

>You sat on the crappy park bench while reading today’s Equestrian Times.
>Grayscale graphics explained government subsidized ice cream.
>The only printed text on the page noted that it was being funded with human tax dollars.
>Of course.
>“I dare ya to pee in it!”
>Your ears perk up.
>”You don’t think I will?”
>You turn your attention to the little rainbow shit and her orange cohort staring each other down in the sandbox.
>”I’m gonna do it!”
>You got up and approached them.
“Do it and you’re dead.”
>The two fillies turned their heads toward you, wide eyed.
“Pow.”
>Your finger gun discharged while aimed directly at Rainbow Dash’s forehead.
>“That’s cheatin’,” Applejack was quick to defend her friend.
“I make the rules. No more sandbox. Why don’t you two go play with Fluttershy?”
>“Fine.”
>You watch them bolt off, trotting quickly toward their pink-maned friend who was sitting alone by a tree, just outside of the mulch that enclosed the playground equipment.
>Fluttershy’s ears perked up as she heard the approaching storm of foals.
>Your attention turned back toward the sandbox.
>Sturdy ceder planks served as the enclosure to only the finest Saddle-Arabian sands.
>Thankfully it remained unsoiled, littered only by sad looking sand lumps, a couple of little plastic shovels, and a play bucket.
>You remembered the good times, when only 30% of your pay was garnished to fund park equipment.
>The sandbox had been the first addition to the park that was funded through your hard earned bits and you’ll be damned if anyone pisses in it.


>You’re by the ice cream cart, cringing as the colt loudly slurped down a blue popsicle.
>The fur around his mouth was matted with ice cream residue and sprinkles stuck to the hairs.
>Fluttershy was hiding behind your leg, one eye peeking out at colorful drawings of ice cream decorating the cart.
“Did you decide which one you want?”
>She shook her head.
>You looked over the variations of diabetes that the colt had crammed into the cart.
>The huge array of ice cream flavors, toppings, and bins of popsicles defied its tiny outside appearance. Hell there was even room for his abacus.
>Sugary junk food was all ponies ever ate.
>You had every instinct to stop them whenever they funneled that shit into their bodies.
>There was the time you had talked with a nutritionist.
>She insisted sugar was the healthiest ingredient in existence.
>You didn’t buy it because her office was located inside a candy shop (but you did buy the salt-water taffy).
>>
>>37663571
“Ready now?”
>Fluttershy shook her head.
>It had been at least 5 minutes.
>“Do you like Princess Pops?” The blue colt interjected while he unwrapped a red popsicle.
>He pointed to a drawing on the side of his cart.
>It was shaped like a cutesy version of Princess Celestia’s face, dotted with beady black eyes.
>Fluttershy’s eyes lit up.
“Is that the one you want?”
>She nodded.
>You stand back up.
“Okay, we’ll get the Princess Pop then.”
>“Two bits, please,” The colt said, interrupting his foreplay with the red rocket.
“I thought this shi–stuff was free?”
>“Two bits off of all ice cream.”
“So it’s free.”
>“No. Two bits.”
>You take another look at the drawing of the popsicle. It’s marked as costing two bits.
“It’s free!”
>“i’s nmrh free!” He chomed down on his popsicle, eyes twitching as he chews it down.
>He climbed onto his cart, took the abacus in his mouth, then placed it on top of the cart.
>“One,” he slid the first bead on the bottom row to the right side.
>”Two. Three. Four.”
>“Minus one,” He slid one of the beads back to the left.
>“Two. There’s two left, so it costs two bits for the Princess pop.”
“The sign says two bits, bud.”
>“Yes. Two bits for the pop.”
>Fluttershy tugged on your leg and motioned to talk to you.
>Reluctantly you sat down in the grass.
>She whispered into your ear. “We don’t need to get it.”
“Don’t worry.”
>”It’s okay.” Her lip touched your ear.
>You stood back up.
>”I spent all morning redoing the prices,” The colt added as you eyed him again.
>You looked at the sign.
>Everything except for the Princess pop had a zero next to it.
>Inside your pocket was two bits. All you had left until the end of the week.
>Your salary was three-hundred bits per week–minus 98% in taxes which left six bits for yourself.
>You pulled your last remaining bits from your pocket and started to hand them over.
>Wait.
>The new ice cream tax.
>99% taxes.
>Shit.
>You pulled your hand back, thinking of a new plan.
“Between the two of us–”
>You pointed down to Fluttershy.
>She cowered away.
“–we want just one princess pop which originally cost four bits, right?”
>”Yes.”
>You grabbed the abacus and pushed four of the lower row’s beads to the right.
“So. Subtract one. Two, for me. One. Two, for her.”
>The colt coughed up sticky red spittle onto your face as he saw no beads remained on the right side.


>You brought Fluttershy back to the bench and unwrapped the popsicle for her.
>To no one’s surprise, Popsicle Celestia was born retarded.
>Fluttershy smiled with her foalish stare.
>“May I have some?”
“Good news, Fluttershy. It’s all for you!”
>You remembered too late that foals were terrible at holding things.
>The popsicle bounced off the edge of the bench.
>You caught it just before it hit the ground.
>Your hand got covered in melted Poplestia.
>Fluttershy kissed the popsicle as you held it up for her.
>She’s a gentle eater.
>You closed your eyes.
>>
>>37663581
>Half the popsicle had already melted down your wrist.
>You sighed.
>Fluttershy’s little tongue tickled your hand.
“Is it yummy?”
>“Mhm.”


>As you gave Fluttershy tummy rubs in her post-popsicle bliss you wondered what the two troublemakers were up to.
>You spotted them.
>They were busy dueling with sticks on the teeter-totter.
>You prayed that they both impale each other.
>”Mister Anon?”
“Yes, Fluttershy?”
>”Can we go feed the ducks?”


>You approached the bird feed dispenser.
>One bit per turn.
>You engaged your usual routine: pushing the lever, then kicking the damn thing.
>A bunch of feed fell into the catch.
>“Rarity said that’s stealing.”
>And Rarity’s a dumb cunt.
“I’ve got a life-time pass for the duck food.”
>“You do?”
“We’ve gotta feed the ducks for the rest of our lives, don’t we?”
>“Yeah!”
>There must be an evil force resonating off of you. The ducks immediately saw away as you sat down at the edge of the pond.
>“Come here little duckies,” Fluttershy whispered gently.
>Like magic, the ducks turned around toward her.
>You took turns throwing the feed to them.
“Have Rainbow Dash and Applejack been playing nice with you?”
>“Yes.”
>She giggled as a train of baby ducks following their mother joined the fun.
“How come you didn’t play with them today?”
>“I don’t know.”
“Do you think you could have fun with them once the ducks are full?”
>“I like playing with you.”
“We can still play together.”
>“They dared me to pee-pee in the sandbox.”
>You’re going to kill them.
>“Would it be okay?”
>>
>>37663585

>Only for her would you be doing this.
>The shy foal stood nervously in the sandbox, hindquarters facing the paltry “castle” that the two brats had made.
>You looked over your pristine sandbox with the premium Saddle-Arabian sand one last time.
“FLUTTERSHY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
>You looked down to Fluttershy and nodded.
>Fluttershy suppressed her giggle, closed her eyes, and started to concentrate.
>It was a long shot.
>Going while someone was around was tough for anyone.
>Surprisingly, Applejack was the first pony on the scene.
>You saw Fluttershy’s face scrunch tighter.
>She was shaking.
>Suddenly there was a loud clunk and a high pitched shriek.
>Rainbow Dash had appeared on the edge of the sandbox!
>You heard the hollow sound of liquid hitting plastic and turned back towards Fluttershy just in time to see her pale amber stream make contact with the side of a toy bucket.
>She was peeing!
>Her gentle exhale harmonized with the sizzling serenade that danced across the sandbox. Its sputters and splatters left behind darkened sand as fizzy pools were swallowed underneath.
>It hit you.
>Her young scent.
>Pungent, yet redolent. It left you breathless as her chamomile blended with the humidity of the morning breeze.
>The fraction of a smirk on her face sliced into your electric yellow heartbeat while you shakily raised your finger gun at her.
>The plastic shovels beneath gathered small droplets while a shallow well of her pee had gathered in the bottom of the bucket.
>You watched, fully asphyxiated, as Fluttershy’s relief appeared to taper off.
>She shivered, tingling with goosebumps that forced out a meek mew and a final expulsion of fluid that rained down onto the castle, kicking up sand before the nectar suffused into its walls.
>“Don’t shoot her!” Applejack yelled.
>“She now owns this land by pee-pee decree!” Rainbow Dash added.
>Your breath was short. Their high pitched yells hardly registered as you eyed the path of damp fur that ran down Fluttershy’s hind leg.
“I’m s-sorry Princess Fluttershy, my mistake.”
>Your words had come out in a low mutter.
>“You did it Fluttershy! He surrendered.” Rainbow Dash said excitedly.
>Fluttershy’s mark had been successful.
>Paper legs carried you back to the bench.
>Your swatting hand stopped midair.
>The dragonflies.
>Tammy and Philip had landed on your leg, attached to each other as they teetered on the fabric that lead into to your now empty pocket.
>In the distance you watched Rainbow Dash and Applejack congratulating her, the pretty filly with the butterfly cutie mark.

[end]
>>
>>37663593
ew pissfag
>>
>>37663593
It was going well until this weird pissing thing. But you warned that there would be autism ahead so I'm the only one to blame for reading.
>>
>>37663593
Wat
>>
>>37663593
I saw a wall of text that didn't hook me so i skipped to the end
>Piss shit
I'm glad i didn't read
>>
>>37663571
That was cute and lewd. I wouldn't mind being the sand in that sandbox. Thanx for writing it!
>>
>>37666358
Degenerates like you belong on a cross.
>>
>>37666376
I'm not a degenerate, only my penis is. Besides its not like you would say no to a mare wanting to pee on you in the shower. Kissing and pecking you whilst she rubbed herself on your legs.
>>
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>>37646999
>Twilight and you hit the stores in Baseville to stock up on much needed supplies.
>A saddlebag for her, and a backpack for you.
>Food for the journey to the next town as well.
>Which is a LOT since Twilight eats like an elephant.
>True to the rest of her kind, she mainly picks out things loaded with sugar.
>Apparently ponies actually need it.
>Or so you're told.
>You wouldn't be surprised at all if you learned that they COULD live without it just fine if a single one of them tried to break their species-wide addiction.
>However, that's unlikely.
>You also grab some sleeping bags and a tent.
>You have to get a minotaur-sized one which costs...exactly the same despite using more material.
>Pony economics are REALLY WEIRD and fickle.
>After you pay up, it comes out to 150 bits.
>The both of you have blown through a quarter of the reward money in a little over an hour!
>From here on out you're going to have to manage the spending, even if Twilight whines about hayburgers.
>You also bought some maps to navigate.
>Baseville is on the north side of the mountain, putting Hollow Shades as a potential new destination.
>If you stayed north, you'd be able to go there without having to go through the Foal Mountains.
>And you really don't feel like mountaineering with a princess in tow.
>After collecting your things and making sure nothing was forgotten, the two of skip town.
>Hollow Shades, here we come!


>Be Celly Belly.
>That cake was delicious as always!
>Now then, your guards should have plenty of entering or exiting ponies for you to inspect.
>You fly out of the castle and visit each checkpoint.
>No sign of them, at least until you see a guard acting strangely.
>No matter where you move, she just keeps staring forward with no changes in her facial expression.
"Copper Shield? Why do you keep staring ahead like that?"
>Without turning her head she responds.
>"I can't say, he told me not to...Well...you're the princess so I guess it's ok to tell YOU! See, two guards walked up and they think they saw Princess Twilight and Anonymous over there!"
>She points to a nearby rock.
>Why do you have a bad feeling about this?
>"But one of them told me that he was worried that he'd be wrong, and then everypony would laugh and hurt his feelings. He said his feelings were fragile too and I didn't want to be mean so...here I am! He said he'd be right back but he's taking a while. Maybe he's just looking REALLY good?"
>Yep, there it is.
"I'm sorry my little pony, but I believe you've been deceived."
>Her heart visibly sinks.
>"W-what?"
"I believe these two guards were Anonymous and Twilight in disguise. I'll check it out, but if they're not there then the search will need to be expanded.
>She starts tearing up at this
>"I'm...*sniff* I'm sorry I failed you princess..."
>You nuzzle the poor guard and give her a hug until she dries her tears.
"It's ok Copper Shield, you did your best! Now I'm going to go check where you told me to see if they're still there.
>>
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>>37666439
>A quick check confirms that they are indeed nowhere in sight.
>It seems the two of them have slipped the net.
>You round up Copper Shield and the rest and inform them of the bad news that the two of them are no longer believed to be in Canterlot.
>As you finish up, one of the guard's couriers runs up to you.
>"Princess! Princess! Great news! Two brave ponies have captured Anonymous and Twilight! They're in a holding cell over in Baseville!"
>As much as you'd like to believe that this is finally over, that sense of dread returns telling you that it's far from it.
"Thank you for telling me, I'll go check it out.
>With a quick announcement, you prepare the royal chariot and fly to Baseville.
>After a short flight you arrive.
>You walk into the police station and everypony bows.
>The police chief rises and looks up at you.
>"Your highness? Are you here to retrieve the fugitives?"
>You nod.
>"I'll lead you to them, we still have them in a holding cell. They haven't tried to escape, maybe they're both tired of running?"
>As you approach you here sobbing and sniffing.
>Sobbing and sniffing that sounds nothing like Twilight, nor have you known Anon to have shed even a single tear in his entire time in your world.
>You open the cell to find...your suspicions to be correct.
>It's hard to tell, but if you look REALLY closely, you can see through the deception.
>Sitting before you are two ponies covered head to hoof in confetti of different colors in a way that makes them resemble the two you're hunting for.
>Suddenly, the one resembling Anon speaks up.
>"P-princess? *sniff* Are you hear to take us away to prison for all the bad things we've done?"
>You recognize that voice...AGENT SWEETIE DROPS?
>You're assuming that her friend is the one disguised as Twilight so you opt to use her cover name.
>"No, I'm not here for that. Bonbon, can you tell me what happened?"
>She looks up from staring at the floor as she tells you.
>"I'm really Bonbon? But...I thought I was Anon all along? Or was I re-Nngh, my brain hurts!"
>It really hurts to see two of your subjects in so much emotional distress.
>You hug the both of them to help cheer them up.
"You aren't Anonymous Bonbon. You were just tricked. Can you tell me how this happened?
>She explains to you how the two of them one a makeover from a giant stallion and his mare assistant.
>This is getting out of hoof.
>>
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>>37666451
>Suddenly, Lyra joins the conversation.
>"*sniff* y-you mean...I'm NOT a bad pony? Am I really Lyra?"
>You give her a nuzzle to help her get through the emotion she's feeling.
>"No Lyra, you're not a bad pony. You're not Twilight, nor are you a bad pony!"
>The two of them cheer up and you order their release after explaining that the two of them aren't Twilight or Anonymous.
>This is getting serious.
>They've not only been outsmarting your royal guard, but even one of your best S.M.I.L.E. agents was outwitted by his mind games.
>Seems there's no other choice, you have to take charge and investigate yourself.
>You have your guards fly you back to Canterlot to stock up on some cakes for the journey, and you set off to hunt for these two yourself.
>Destination: Ponyville.
>If you know Twilight, and you do, she'll be wanting to go back home to her friends.
>And knowing Twilight, she'll drive Anonymous crazy with her whining until he concedes.
>Whether they'll have stuck together at that point is anypony's guess, though one for two is not bad.
>Maybe then you'll be able to bring your wayward student and fellow princess back into the fold and return her good noodle status.
"Don't worry Twilight, I'm coming."
>>
Anon is so going to have negative stars on the good noodle board after this.
>>
>>37666457
shit is getting real
>>
>>37666457
>your wayward student and fellow princess
My brain got short-circuited, I thought "fellow princess" referred to Anon.
>>
>>37666731
Princess Anon is too powerful to exist
>>
>>37666742
Indeed but imagine if anon wanted immortality or something
>>
>>37666457
Does anyone else want to see celestia heartbroken when celestia hears twilight call anon master
>>
>>37667923
I don't like ponies being sad.
>>
>>37668040
Neither do I but it’s funny like when Lyra and bonbon thought they were anon and twilight.
How would celestia feel if twilight got a new master
>>
>>37667923
Not especially.
>>
>>37604615
We're already on 31? God damn, it feels like just yesterday we were on number 9
>>
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geese pegasai really like messages
>>
>>37670191
>geese
kek , meant jeeze
>>
>>37670214
Flocks of pegasi angrily honking at you.
>>
>>37670214
>>37670191
I'm gonna assume you also meant massages, unless you meant that they like to deliver and or receive letters.
>>
>>37670191
>geese pegasi
You mean the ones from Vanhoover?
>>
>>37670228
oh Jesus I need to proof read more
>>37670320
kek but now its really got me thinking about what goose pegasi would be like. would they look more like geese pony abomination hybrids or would they just have thick downy feathers instead of fur, longer necks, and longer snoots than normal ponies while being more aggressive and territorial?
>>
>>37660800

OBJECT-ANDRONICUS is the designation for a play titled "Crown of Thorns", written by famous playwright Black Moon and dated to the Late Diarch/Early Monarch era. It was his first published work, and recieved a generally negative reception due to its excessive violence and poor plot structure. However, its popularity rose around a decade after his death, due to many production companies performing it "ironically". The themes of divine punishment for unknown sins, especially when dealt against unborn children, resonated with many at the time, given the alarming rising of stillbirths and late miscarriages at the time.
The play begins with the death of Blood Eagle, the King of Cheval, a fictional Prench city-state. His Queen, Morning Star, is driven into mad grief by the simultaneous stillbirth of her son, for whom she has not yet chosen a name. She then proceeds to cry and lament her loss as she holds the body of her child in the castle garden. The title of the play comes from her gathering of grass, leaves, and vines to craft a make-shift crown, which she places on its head before she lays it to rest in a shallow grave she dug with her hooves. This act is noticed by Swift Fall, the dead King's brother, who was spying on her. He interprets this as Morning Star's child having actually been born alive, which due to a quirk of Prench succession laws would mean that Swift Fall would be automatically considered King and the upcoming Royal Elections cancelled.
Swift Fall then proceeds to meet with his allies and advisors on a plan to gather more evidence, spread information, and eventually conduct a palace coup. During the meeting, they also decide to slowly drive Morning Star insane by killing off her friends and having servants pose as ghosts and furies to torment the already mentally fragile Morning Star. This was supposedly to reduce the legitimacy of Morning Star's regency and decrease popular dissent for the coup.
The information of Morning Star's weak mental state is also leaked to the opposing political camp of Duchess Assad,
also in the capital city for the upcoming Royal Elections. She interprets this as Morning Star actually going insane, and also proceeds to prepare her supporters for a violent coup.
The play then switches back to Morning Star's perspective, and the following conversation between Morning Star and her jester Sunny Smiles has been repeated quoted by contemporary historians for expressing widely-held sentiments of the time.

Morning Star: And why have the gods abandoned us? Have we not offered sacrifices in ritual, flesh, and suffering?
Sunny Smiles: Ha! Tis pony folly, not that of the gods. Even if from the Divine spring that fate.
Morning Star: You think then, that the medicore next generation, with no exceptional generals, no great kings, no wise sages, and no passionate murderers; it is from their failings that our Kingdom falls?
Sunny Smiles: Aye. The gods must have need of their passions.

TBC
>>
>>37671423
Most of the rest of the play is devoted to Morning Star's friends dying in tragic ways and the two contenders for the crown gathering their forces for a violent clash. The Second Act ends when Sunny Smiles, who is revealed to be the childhood friend of Morning Star, dies a prolonged death from poison in the middle of a dinner the two are having with Swift Fall. Swift Fall, who assumed that Morning Star would be completely mentally broken by this point, gloats and suggests that he may have used too little poison.
The climax of the story occurs when Morning Star declares that she is resigning from her position as regent, and invites all the nobles in the city for a final farewell dinner. Both political camps plan to use the dinner as an opportunity to massacre the other, and come secretly armed. Morning Star starts bleeding from her belly just as desert begins to be served, but this is either not noticed or simply not remarked on by the rest of the attendents. As they begin eating the pies, Morning Star rears up on her hindlegs to reveal a massive, poorly stiched wound on her abdomen. She then, in a deranged speech, heavily implies that the pies being served were partly made from the flesh of her womb.
In the stunned silence that follows, she announces the perfidy and evil of Swift Fall, whom she stabs in the chest with a knife. This results in an orgy of violence that ends with the deaths of all attending, with the exception of Swift Fall. Swift Fall, mortally wounded, searches around the dining room for something to crown himself with before he dies, noting that he is the only contender for King left. He fails to find one and resorts to putting an inverted jewel-encrusted bowl on his head.

Swift Fall: All the death. All the suffering. All the sacrifice. It has led to this bitter reward. It is well-deserved. As is my rest.

Swift Fall then proceeds to pull out the knife and bleed to death, ending the play.
>>
>>37671423
That should be:
Sunny Smiles: Aye. The gods must have need of their passions. Must be why they stole them from our wombs.
>>
>>37671456
Well, that was grim.
>>
>>37670754
>would they just have thick downy feathers instead of fur, longer necks, and longer snoots than normal ponies while being more aggressive and territorial
basically a goose birdpone then
damn, I miss birdpones
>>
boop
>>
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>>37674162
I would sprint over those Legos like a Kenyan on crack hearing about a 2 for 1 KFC bucket deal with fried watermelon soda to hug that specific rendition of Rainbow Dash despite being neutral about Rainbow Dashes' personality
>>
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>>37671456
Autist who can't into symbolism here. Is this supposed to mean something, or is it just like. A sad story that the modern ponies wouldn't approve of?
>>
>>37674162
>Rainbow Dash is the victim of many non-consensual hugs and cuddles.
>Anon being the main one who does so, as he's known as a serial cuddle-rapist.
>In an effort to deter him or anypony else who may cuddle-rape her, Rainbow Dash scatters LEGO blocks around herself at naptime.
>Little does she know, it won't deter him...
>>
>>
>>37669619
Same, crazy how time flies eh?
>>
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holy Jesus Christ, do all pony ears look stupidly cute, to the point that I want to touch them? with zero promting?
>>
>>37674879
Most of the story is just "what if I wrote pony Titus Andronicus lmao", but pay attention to the background of the time period. Why was there a rise in stillbirths? The characters speculate about the pattern of these stillbirths - they aren't random, but seem to target ambition, greatness, and the violent.
>>
>>37675463
Rape is not a word in their world,hape replace it
>>
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>>37666742
Anon wants magic and immortality because he is afraid of death literally becomes a dark god. The evil inside him has stopped trying to get to do bad things because every time it try’s to get him to do things it sees inside his mind and after the first time it has been broken
>>
>>37677119
>"You want to live forever, don't you?"
>"No. That's not why you want immortality. You want it because you don't want to be afraid any more. Afraid of death, afraid of wasting time."
>"We can take that all away. Give you your deepest desires."
>"All you have to do, is let us in."
>"Why don't you let us in, Anon?"
>>
>>37676229
Struggle snuggle
>>
>>37676662
top cute
>>
>>37676662
un oh
>>
>>37677185
Anon let’s the darkness in it plans to make him give serval low and medium grade boo boos. The darkness sees his memories his mind and all the insanity of humanity including their darkest history and most insane ideas.
After that the darkness just let him do whatever he wants
>>
>>37676662
>>37677605

Isn’t coffee poison to kinder ponies I mean it doesn’t even have sugar
>>
>>37677185
>The Ruinous Pone Powers try to sway Anon over to Chaos
>>
>>37678861
Anon ends up being their new master by complete accident
>>
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>>37676171
holy shit im retarded. thanks bud
>>
>>37679016
That's a big drink for such a little pony.
>>
>>37680677
She has a big thirst.
>>
>>37680677
We've already established that kinderponies' diet consists of 90% refined sugar.
>>
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I got inspired by the greentext of Cheerilee comprehending human maths last thread and made a thing:

>https://u.smutty.horse/mdprhumtqjz.wav

>>37579045
>>
>>37681359
Oh nice, looks like Anon's a regular Pythagoras.
Now let's just hope he or his followers don't break music like Pythagoras did
>>
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>37551294
>you are now princess sun bottom
>it's recess at day court, so you are eating your tenth cake of the day.
>you wonder how twilight and silver shield's secret mission is going.
>you are saddened to force your former student and guards to do something this despicable.
>But you know it is necessary from what you know about humans; They respect force.
>if you don't keep him under control, you can't fathom all the awful things that will happen to your ponies.
>this is why you fight to protect the sacred time known as recess to prevent your ponies from having to work 9-5 hour shifts and to protect them from a myriad of incompressible ideas.
>as you finish your cake, you hear a familiar voice screaming outside the courtroom; why do you have a bad feeling about this.
"let me in. I have to see the princess."
"But sir, its recess; no pony has interrupted recess in more than 200 years."
"I don't care."
"But sir, the punishment for bringing work to recess is one whole week in the timeout corner."
>the first voice paused for a minute before continuing
>"it doesn't matter; the princess has to hear this"
>his voice filled with fear but still resolute
>at this point, you have made your decision
>"corporal let him in it looks like we are going to have to cut recess 5 five minutes early"
>you hear serval gasps and even some crying
>you have to stop this now
"that is why tomorrow will have double recess, no recess all day."
>at that, the crying turned to cheer.
>then, as the doors open, the familiar face of silver shield greets you
>as you see his face, a renewed feeling of dread washes over you.
>normaly you would be mad if someone interrupted furious recess heck one time someone interrupted recess, you had them spanked you can't help but shudder at the thought.
"Sargent, what news do you deem so important that you decide to interrupt recess."
"it's the HYOO-MAN Anonymous."
>at this point, you and almost every other pony are focused on silver shield.
>they have heard the tails of the eldritch horror that is immune to all water guns and inflatable weapons attacks.
"he made twilight sparkle his slave."
>the entire court turned into a madhouse at that, but you did not even care.
>all you could focus on was the feeling of guilt as you realized that this is your fault you put your student in this dangerous situation
>you made her do something you usually would because you were too scared to do it your self and you thought she could succeed.
>you thought she could win where you feared you would fail; she had beaten Nightmare moon the spirit of chaos, discord the queen of the changeling's chrysalis. The mad centaur Tirek and made her former enemy starlight into one of her best friends. You foolishly forgot that on-off these even came close to the horror of the humans.
"quickly call all the element bearers and all our other forces and citizens away from ponyville."
"Okay, on it, princess."
>somepony said.
>>
>>37681683
Aw shnizz, not only is the Twiggy licking story back, but it looks like things are getting intense.
>>
>>37681359
based
>>
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>>37681683
fuck yeah its back
>>
>>37660800
>>37671456

Interview Log: RCG-092-01|1205-07-01
Subject: Princess Twilight Sparkle
Interviewer: Agent Mark Carlyle

Mark Carlyle: Have a seat, Princess. Can I help you to any refreshments? Maybe a sherry or some cookies?
Twilight Sparkle: Actually, I'll take a cookie, thank you. It's so good to see you again, Mark! How have you enjoyed your new job? I know it might feel like a big favor from me, but it's just what I do for my friends.
Mark Carlyle: I wish we were meeting under better circumstances. I really do. But we have ourselves a fucking problem.
TS: [Nervous laughter] Well, whatever it is, I'm sure we can be adults about it instead of losing our temper.
[Sound of shuffling papers]
MC: Don't say anything until you've read the entire document. Remember that we're being recorded.
[Over an hour of silence, interupted occasionally by the sound of shuffling paper. Quiet sobbing is audible after minute 23.]
TS: That's... that's heartbreaking. I- we- everypony trusts her.
[Unidentified scratching sounds]
TS: No, I don't think you understand, everything I've done in my entire life, everything I've worked for, suffered for, tried to accomplish, was in her name! To please her, to make her proud, to be more like her - I think, I think I'm going to be sick.
MC: Here. I have a bag.
TS: I'm OK. I'm OK. Why am I here? Why are you telling me all this? You know my relationship with her. Isn't there anypony else who can't do... whatever in Tartarus needs to be done? What does that even mean? What do we have to do? Oh, Sweet Celestia, I'm starting to hyper-ventilate.
MC: Try breathing into the bag. Look, there's actually a secret department of the RCG that sprang up after we found out. To figure out what needs to be done, and do it.
TS: Who-
MC: You're looking at it.
TS: Well. Fuck.
MC: Will you help me?
TS: Mark. Please don't ask me to choose between what my heart says and what's right.
MC: Is that your choice? To walk away?
TS: ...I didn't sign up for this. For any of this. Tartarus, I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a Princess. Count me out of these cloak and dagger shenanigans. I won't report you for this but-
[Mechanical clicking sound]
TS: I, uh... Oh, hi, Mark!
MC: Nice to see you too, Twilight. Want a cookies?
Twilight Sparkle: Of course! I'm never too good to turn down free food from my friends! [giggle] How have you enjoyed your new job? Have you saved Equestria from certain doom lately?
Mark Carlyle: That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Twilight. We have a problem. It's... big. Bigger than any of us.
>>
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>>37681359
Neat
>>
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>>37682988
Bean a while since I seen Cloppy
>>
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>>37683042
>>TS: I, uh... Oh, hi, Mark!
>picrelated but with twilight instead
My sides
can't wait to see the direction this takes though
>>
>>37681359
Based blast from the past.
>>
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>>37683042
Damn we just saw Mark using his advantage, I imagine the proto ponies/"grown-ups" and any other pony capable of ignoring the effects of the information leaks can also do this if they are also in the organization are we gonna get Bon bon doing this as well?
>>
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>>37674162
and now to find out just how long a kinderpony can truly go without hugs
>>
>>37683735
Who
>>
>>37685841
i will pet this pone
>>
>>37683042
That's like IRL savescumming
>>
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>>37683042

>Brosnan smiled for the first time since he died.
>He may have lost access to his previous... project, but he may have found a new one.
>He smiled and nodded as he watched the pony princess prattle on about how ancient tax reforms affected birth rates, but his mind was somewhere else.
>He was going to sculpt a literal Goddess this time.
>And she would never even find out.
>His specialty was a cookie infused with amnestics. Subtle. Mild. Elegant.
>The victim would never remember eating them, and neither would their appetite.
"Another cookie, Princess?"
>He smirked as she succumed to the inevitable.
>>
>>37688629
Brosnan I kneel.
>>
>>37688629
I don't get it
>>
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>>37686654
>>
>>37688730
that fucking tease
>>
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>>37651719
Kinderponies find out what sex is.

>Mark ends up having to give a pony scientist 'the talk'.
>Kinderponies react in horror and disgust when they learn what their special places are for besides using the bathroom.
>Those who learn it are also sad when they find out that there really isn't a stork that brings babies to loving couples.
>This shocking discovery leads to them discovering a second, related anomaly: Childbirth.>>37651719
>>37651719
>>37651719
>>
>>37688730
where can i find more of her?
>>
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>>37690232
I don't have an address but there are loads
>>
>>37690273
https://www.anonpone.com/quest/clopnow/gallery/22961001/
I found sauce for anyone else who may be interested
>>
Well, Ponepaste is down. When it comes back up, I'm going to be stashing all the links somewhere secret so they won't be lost. And there I thought I'd get to enjoy my weekend at the horse board caring for the horses.
>>
>>37690915
why would anything nice survive
>>
>>37690709
The artist is CBT, for those who were curious.
>>
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>>37690915
>When it comes back up
Anon... it's not coming back.
All those greens lost...
>>
>>37691609
PPA said he's handing it off to a friend "with more experience" and would provide a dump if the plan fell through.
>>
>>37691609
it'll be back and PPA has provided archives before.
>>
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>>37691624
Oic, I didn't know. Well I'll keep hope then.
>>
>>37690915
It's back up and the ownership is transferred to Not Twifag aka Floorb aka the dev for Twibooru
>>
>>37692699
What happened?
>>
>>37693470
Got hacked again so he's calling it quits >>37691814
>>
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>>37615138
Fuck... this is giving me flashbacks to flunking calculus and losing my Mother's love.
>>
>>37693657
life is hard. like math.
>>
Anyone know where I can find more of the pony scp greens?
>>
>>37694690
Here's my story from the last thread.
https://ponepaste.org/5696
There's also stuff linked in the OP.
>>
>>37683042

Interview Log: RCG-092-01|1205-07-09
Subject: RCG-092-A-01 ("Fleur De Lis")
Interviewer: Agent Mark Carlyle

RCG-092-A-01: Of all the choices, I didn't think you would take the middle ground. It seems out of character.
Mark Carlyle: Maybe. Maybe not. In any case, it's the best deal you'll get.
A-01: You know what? I don't think you're a coward or just indecisive. I think I just read you wrong. You're not an idealist, Mark. You're a snake.
MC: You don't know me.
A-01: There are two types of my kind out there. The type that actually tries to make things better, and the type that just sniffs up money and status like it's their ultimate goal in life. I think I know which one you are.
MC: Think whatever makes you happy. Will your people accept this, or am I just wasting my time with you?
A-01: Some will, some won't. Most, I think, will prefer being watched to being hunted. And those who chose to hide? Well, I'm sure they have enemies and rivals who will want to settle old grudges using you as the hammer. What are you getting out of this, exactly? A bigger department? A promotion? Celestia's personal trust?
MC: This interview is over.
>>
>>37693657
>>Fuck... this is giving me flashbacks to flunking calculus and losing my Mother's love.
ching chong anon I take it?
>>
>>37694690
Yeah I'm getting cravings for a longform green.
Alc found a really good angle on it
>>
>>37695437
Nah, white. Had a tiger mom regardless.
>>
>>37615138
Will there be more
>>
>>37696404
I'll pour one out for you next time I have a drink then
>>
>>37694900
Interview Log: RCG-092-01|1205-08-20
Subject: Princess Twilight Sparkle
Interviewer: Agent Mark Carlyle

Twilight Sparkle: So, that's it then. Another problem solved, comrpomise made, and everyone's happy.
Mark Carlyle: You don't sound convinced.
TS: You're right. I'm not. I've learned things about Princess Celestia that part of me wishes I never did. Even learned things about myself that hurt to think about.
MC: Rough. You gonna be OK? I'm always here to listen if you want to talk.
TS: You're a great friend, Mark. Remember what I told you before this all started? About how Princess Celestia's retirement?
MC: Yeah. Sounds like a lot of responsibility for you.
TS: I hope this isn't asking for too much but... I need someone I can trust to help me run things when the time comes. I know what the "Grown Ups" offered you, and your continued loyalty in the face of their promises and threats is a true show of character. Would you like to be RCG Chairman? Not now, I mean when I'm ready. It's not a one-time off-
MC: I'd be honored, Princess. Mostly just surprised I got it right the first time.
TS: What?
MC: Just a joke to myself. I wouldn't worry about it.
>>
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bump
>>
>>37699088
Is this an infohazard?
>>
>>37699088
god fucking damn it
>>
>>37666457
Princess anon most powerful defender of equestria
>>
>>37677185
Who are you
>>
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>>37701140
ponk a cute
>>37699768
maybe
>>37699821
rainbow dash is cute as well I would give her a snuggle
>>
>>37697662
I don't really like the way I ended this story. Was setting up for a betrayal from Mark and to show that he'd been working with the "Grown Ups" all along, but that just didn't make sense from a character perspective. If he wanted power, it would be much easier just to befriend Twilight and wait until Celestia retires.

In any case, the next story is classic horror, and will be my first RCG story not to feature Mark.
>>
>>37702388
OBJECT-POLYMORPH

Description: OBJECT-POLYMORPH is the designation for a parasitic predator encountered in RCG-012 ("Everfree Forest") and the Xocatl Rainforest. It has a two-stage life cycle, the first of which is a parasitic stage, when it gradually feeds from its host and replaces parts of its host's body with its own biomass as it consumes them. This stage can last for years, during which the POLYMORPH instance imitates the behavior of its host. All parts of the host are eventually consumed, except for the skin and integument, which are kept alive and sustained by the parasite for use as a disguise. This stage of its development ends when it has fully consumed its host, and the still-living skin sloughs off to reveals its true from. The skin is then consumed by the POLYMORPH instance. Adult instances are apex hunters and scavengers, with a black carapace and a vague morphological resemblence to their original host. They are most active during night and twilight hours. During their reproductive season, adult POLYMORPH instances mate, and monogamous pairs cooporate to hunt down large mammals in which to lay their eggs, which gestate in 10-14 days. It is conjectured that OBJECT-POLYMORPH had a much larger range in ancient times, which has since shrunk for unknown reasons.
Despite their aggressive nature, POLYMORPH instances have not been documented hunting ponies or other sapients, neither for food nor for reproduction. The reason for this is unknown. OBJECT-POLYMORPH is currently considered a Vulnerable species, and conservation efforts are ongoing.
>>
>>37702431
Are these meant to be changelings?
>>
>>37702431

Addendum-1: Princess Twilight Sparkle ordered animal testing for the purpose of data gathering. The reason for this is unknown. I want it on the record that this is cruel and unnecessary. Would could we possibly learn that would justify this level of suffering? - Dr. Saffron Rice

Research Note 1 (Preliminary): OBJECT-POLYMORPH parasitization can be broken down into 4 stages. All tests were conducted on the Equestrian Domestic Hog, selected for its size and morphological similarity to ponies. Progression listed is the median.
Stage 1 (0-3 days after infection): POLYMORPH larva crawls towards the brain through host tissues, although natural anesthetics prevent the host from noticing. This movement can often times be seen under the skin. Simple thaumic scans to aid physical removal are enough to prevent progression.
Stage 2 (3-13 days after infection): Larva reach their destination, where they engage in cannibalism until only one remains (all larva present in a single host are genetically identical). The survivor proceeds to grow neural tendrils which grow throughout the host's brain and integrates with host neural tissues. Until this is complete, thaumic-aided surgery can remove the larva, with brain damage to the host correlating with increasing neural integration.
Stage 3 (13-45 days after infection): Larva learns to mimick brain outputs of the host, as shown by thaumic neuro-imaging. Neural inputs to and outputs by the brain are sometimes disrupted by the larva, to increase diversity of host reactions. Tendrils begin spreading to the rest of the body, and tissues closest to the head begin to be consumed and replaced by the larva. The host does not notice this due to perceptual chances. At this stage, the larva can not be removed without killing the host. Physical and psychological development of the host, in the case of adolescents, is halted as resources are diverted to the larva. The mind of the host seems to have severe anterograde amnesia after ~day 22, due to the larva disrupting relevant neural pathways in the host. This is presumed to be intended to reduce erratic host behavior before the larva is able to take full motor control.
>>
>>37702554
Stage 4 (45-??? days after infection): Larva continues to consume the host, eventually leaving only skin and integument untouched. After day 60, thaumic scans of the host brain indicate constant sensations of pain and fear. The host brain is left mostly untouched throughout this process, and is queried by the larva only when information, generally regarding social interaction, is needed.

All animals euthanized at day 60. Screw Princess Twilight. I'm not hurting these animals any further, and I'm not letting anypony hurt more animals for the Princess's degenerate curiosity. I'll come up with something later that'll halt this line of experimentation. Until then, I'm withholding Stage 4 data. -Dr. Saffron Rice.

For the record, Twilight overrode two Ethics Committee vetos on her experiments. I have your back - something's not right about all this, and I think we've all learned our lesson about trusting Princesses. -Director White Castle

Royal Directive 01 (Twilight Sparkle): Every single one of these monsters must fucking hang. I want a plan for planet-wide extinction of OBJECT-POLYMORPH on my desk within 15 days.

Either she's going insane, or she's hiding something from us. I have a contact in the Everfree who might be able to help us - the tabloids have been speculating over why Twilight has been spending so much time there lately. - Agent Sweetie Drops
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>minotaurs show up
>the quality of the story suddenly nosedives into unfunny softcore porn
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>>37702554
>>37702601
Why is Twilight Sparkle so upset and why does she want the research data? I forgot to add this, but POLYMORPH prefer adolescent mammals when hunting - they often get protection and food from their parents, after all.
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>>37702465
They were partly inspired by Changelings, but are something else entirely.
Canon Changelings don't exist in the universe (*probably* won't retcon that later), however. The RCG has an excellent counter-intelligence wing and have the tools and training to make them a non-threat. Also don't want to do the "secret infiltrators" plotline twice.
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>>37702621
Well, my first thought is that these parasites finally mutated to infect ponies, and maybe the afflicted is someone Twilight is close to, maybe it's one of the CMC, or Spike.
Although, from the description of their reproductive cycle, described as 'hunting', it seems unlikely they able to plant their eggs without the pony noticing, so I don't think it's fatal if the afflicted immediately sought medical treatment within the Stage 1 period.

My second guess is that it's one of Fluttershy's animal that for infected.
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>>37702621
Would it have something to do with Anon’s talks with her?
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Was watching Discord again, get this fella in prison he is out of pocket
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>>37663593
I like your style
>>
Someone asked for ideas in a post I can't find right now, so here's something for the "Ponies primarily act on the world magically, while anon can only act on it physically" concept.

>Anon gets a job at a construction site.
>Beats nails through boards with brute force, and shreds planks with a saw in completely unharmonious ways.
>To keep him from disturbing their harmonious workflow, the ponies promote Anon to construction foreman so he won't have to do anything.
>>
>>37651719
>>37704549
>>
>>37702601
I can’t believe Twilight put ‘fucking’ in an official document
>>
>>37699088
>>
>>37702614
what is this in response to?
>>
>>37705932
maybe anon had an Alzheimer's moment and forgot what thread he was in
>>
>>37705987
The first time I read that I thought you meant >>37705932
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>>37702601
Meanwhile, at Black Site Epstein
"Hell of a thing to do, dragging me out of retirement." Green Bloom muttered to herself.
>But she wasn't mad. Could be mad, really, with what they were paying her. She was estranged from her family, had no close friends, and always put her career ahead of romance.
>She was utterly alone, and nopony would miss her when she went into lithostasis, awaiting the day artifice and magic would grant her an extended life. Funny how she was working her hide off, just to get more time to live.
"The Group taketh and the Group giveth back."
>Green Bloom didn't normally talk to herself. She took notes, or paced quietly in contemplation. Talking to herself was more like a nervous tic, something she did to self-soothe when everything went to shit.
>She looked through the one-way glass and into the containment chamber. At the three fillies investigating the room, eagerly chatting with each other and cracking jokes.
>Not fillies, she reminded herself. Not children. Their bodies were already dead. All that was left were monsters. The monsters that had killed them and wore their skins even now as a coat. To trick her. So they could do the same to others.
>"Umm, ma'am? Mister? Whoever's out there?" The little unicorn-thing asked. "Could we get some food in here? We haven't eaten since last night."
>"Yeah! You can't just take us away from our families and keep us here! We have rights! And we're hungry!" The crippled pegasus exclaimed.
>Green Bloom made a note to investigate if its deformity was a pre-existing condition.
>Her job was to see if their condition could reversed.
>She would at least try, since the order came from the Princess herself. But she doubted there was anything left to save.

>>37703019
You almost got it. The thing with kids is that they are more worried about getting in trouble than getting hurt, so they'll tend to hide injuries, especially if they got them doing something they weren't supposed to. This story is partly based off the time I got scratched by a feral cat, and decided to risk getting rabies than to tell my parents - even though they specifically told me they wouldn't punish me if that exact scenario occured.
>>
>>37706884
>lithostasis
Is that another word for petrification?
>>
>>37706884
Project Sauron is the designation for an auto-dictating type IV bound familiar (conceptual, sensing, non-sapient), proposed by Agent [REDACTED] and designed by Agent [REDACTED] and Doctor [REDACTED]. It is capable of producing text descriptions of images while identifying and censoring infohazards. Project Sauron was first deployed at Black Site Epstein to aid in the containment of OBJECT-POLYMORPH-A instances[1].

[1]: Although all personnel and resources were withdrawn from Black Site Epstein after 1206-01-01, Project Sauron remained active for undocumented reasons.


SAURON SEES ALL. WELCOME, PROVISIONAL CHAIRMAN TWILIGHT SPARKLE.

ACCESSING LOGS-EPSTEIN:
EPSTEIN-01-1206-01-01: THREE juvenile ponies are in a room. The room is furnished with MANY books, SOME toys, THREE beds, and a single toilet. The following is drawn on the floor with crayon: "PLEASE LET US GO WE'RE SO HUNGRY WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US"

EPSTEIN-01-1206-01-03: TWO juvenile ponies are in a room. ONE unidentified quadruped is in the room. The room is furnished with MANY books, SOME toys, THREE beds, and a single toilet. The distal right corner of the room is covered in red liquid [SAURON ESTIMATES ~43% CHANCE THIS IS A TYPE-RED CLASS-A INFOHAZARD]. The following is drawn on the floor with crayon: "I'M SO SORY [sic] FOR EATING MY SKIN I DIDN'T MEAN TO"

EPSTEIN-01-1206-01-05: ONE juvenile ponies is in a room. TWO unidentified quadruped are in the room. The room is furnished with SOME books, SOME toys, THREE beds, and a single toilet. The distal two corners of the room are covered in red liquid [SAURON ESTIMATES ~78% CHANCE THIS IS A TYPE-RED CLASS-A INFOHAZARD]. The following is drawn on the floor with crayon: "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO US WHAT ARE WE WERE [sic] SO HUNGRY DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS TO MY FRIENDS"

EPSTEIN-01-1206-01-12: TWO unidentified quadruped are in the room. The room is furnished with ONE empty bookshelf, SOME toys, THREE beds, and a single toilet. The distal two corners of the room are covered in brown stains. There is a [REDACTED, SAURON ESTIMATES ~98% CHANCE THIS IS A TYPE-RED CLASS-X INFOHAZARD] in the middle of the room. Roughly 1/4 of it has been consumed. There are unidentified markings drawn on the floor.

SEE MORE?
>N
LOG OUT DETECTED, SAURON SHUTTING DOWN
>>
>>37706915
Yeah, it is. Kinda like cryostasis.

>>37706958
I would really appreciate some reviews of this. Is the plot of POLYMORPH clear? Any confusions or questions? Was it as uncomfortable for you to read as it was for me to write?
>>
>>37706968
>>Is the plot of POLYMORPH clear?
yes the polymorph's have clearly evolved to prey on ponies and the CMC got rekt, may they rest in pasta
>>Was it as uncomfortable for you to read as it was for me to write?
Not unconformable just solemnness at the fate of the CMC
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>>37706968
only real question I have is whether the larva gained the personality traits of the CMC or if they are imitating it still to try and get out. Although I assume that wont be answered and is meant to be ambiguous as it makes the morals of starving them a little more grey especially if it forced 2 friends to eat a third.
>>
>>37706968
Holy shit. This was not what I expected to find in kinder threads, but I fucking love SCP stuff in pony settings. All i can say i hope theres more to come.
Damn. I feel real bad for the CMC. Too bad everyone at sight Epstein left before they committed cannibalism.
>>
>>37706968
Well, I certainly didn't expect one of the most unsettling things I've read in recent memory to originate from the Kinderquestria thread.

As for the plot, I would consider it less cryptic than your usual fare. You have a habit of peppering your writings with little tidbits of info that I suspect are clues that points to a fuller picture of the underlying plot, but there are oftentimes aren't enough for me to piece everything together. There are situations where this uncertainty enhances the unsettling atmospheres, as it kept me second guessing the direction the story's going. But there are also equal amount of instances where it left me feeling frustrated, as I felt I'm not clever enough to understand everything the story has on offer.

Assuming I didn't misread your intent completely, and assuming it is a style and direction that you want to continue experimenting with, I feel your writing oftentimes lacks a reveal (or twist) of sufficient oomph, a final piece of information to act as the keystone that holds every clues and hints before it together. An example short story that I think accomplished what I described to good effect would be Horse Voice's The Writing on the Wall.

Thus reaches the end of my drunken rambling. Bear in mind that I'm not a writer nor a reviewer in any way shape or form, so I can only hope the feedback I had given is of the useful variety, and leans away from the less helpful, nebulous kind à la "just get better at X lol".

This is going to be an odd question for me to ask out of the blue, but it'll continue to eat at me if I dont: are you also the one running a certain CYOA on the other board?
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>>37707667
You're right, but I did leave a slight hint about how long they've been infected.
"Physical and psychological development of the host, in the case of adolescents, is halted as resources are diverted to the larva."
Remember how the CMC had trouble getting their cutie marks?

>>37707704
Yeah, I've noticed my writing devolving into shaggy dog stories on occasion. Really just means I have to plan them out more.

>>37707697
The thing with Twilight in this story is that she is *extremely* vindictive. The POLYMORPH CMC weren't left in a room without food accidentally. Twilight set the whole thing up because they killed her friends' sisters. She also left Sauron on for a specific reason, and it wasn't scientific curiosity. Take of that what you will.
The real fridge horror is what happens in Stage 4 infection. The hosts' brains are still alive and can feel everything happening to them. But Dr. Rice decided to withhold that part of the report, so *Twilight doesn't know*. At least, not yet.


>>37707704
I don't know what CYOA you're talking about. Could you link it? Also, thanks for the feedback. It helps a lot.
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>>37707744
>You're right, but I did leave a slight hint about how long they've been infected.
>"Physical and psychological development of the host, in the case of adolescents, is halted as resources are diverted to the larva."
>Remember how the CMC had trouble getting their cutie marks?
oh fuk
>But Dr. Rice decided to withhold that part of the report
double oh fuk

I guess that settles it then, I'm just utterly clueless. Those details completely passed me by.

>I don't know what CYOA you're talking about. Could you link it?
Ehh... Don't worry about it, just a stupid haunch I had.
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>>37708235
she's gunna get it! >picrelated that is
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How do kinderponies reproduce if they don't know what sex is?
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>>37708997
>When it comes time to reproduce, kinderponies go into a trance.
>Both poners involved work on autopilot as they get down and dirty.
>Once the deed is done they forget everything that happened.
>Another trance happens when childbirth occurs.
>Doctors in the horsepital and the mother go into a trance and the baby is delivered, and then put in the holding area.
>After coming to, the only explanation for both situations comes to the minds of kinderponies
>The Stork came to the horsepital and delivered a baby for the lucky couple.
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>>37709016
>kinderponies are so innocent that harmony itself has to intervene to prevent them from going extinct
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>>37709016
>>37709031
>tree of harmony has a deep understanding of relationships and moods related to sex and love
>Anon as the only other mature creature to know these things spends a lot of time talking about degenerate shenanigans from the human world like boorus entirely dedicated to lewding someone or something and date Sims with the tree
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>>37707744
Is it illegal to fuck a polymorph filly?
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>>37708997
I the alternate angle where they fully understand sex and reproduction, but to them its just a biological function no different to eating, thus they maintain their innocence by not having our disgusting perversions.
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>>37709314
How do they ejacute without arousal though
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>>37709322
arousal is not inherently bad, its only our fucked up kind of arousal that's the problem. For them arousal would be a similar to food related feeling, no weirdness.
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>>37709387
Orgasm releases the reward drug in humans, so maybe it’s different for ponies? Like maybe instead, if harmony thinks it’s time for two ponies to mate, it begins the release of some stimulant that irritates the ponies into copulation, only stopping after insemination occurs? It gets around the “fuck for pleasure” addition aspect that humans have
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>>37709074
Anyone want a fic where anon is thought of as the ultimate evil because of a mistake and the forces of good track him to the tree of harmony and they realize that that anon and the harmony itself are friends and become very concerned and confused
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>>37709502
Not particularly. Miscommunication plots are cheap
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>>37709291
It probably wouldn't be since they aren't real fillies, At least if their status was known, but you would be at an extreme risk of getting infected.
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>>37709879
ez. just wear protection and you should be fine.
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>>37709511
They seem like that because they are a sluuuuuuug
99% of them is just characters moping and holding the plot hostage until they are done sobbing their eyes out for a retarded move from their part
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>>37709431
So a negative reinforcement ponesex instead of positive reinforcement humansex?
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>>37709387
How about we don't turn the kinderquestria thread into Casual Sex Thread 2?

I shouldn't have to say this. Stop being a faggot.
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>>37709511
I mean would it even be miscommunication he could have broken an accual law in equestria by accident and you can see how scary that would be it would be like if you were hunting Hitler or Stalin and you ran into the literally talking and being best friends with god
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>>37710307
>”hey you broke this law”
>”oh damn, that sucks I didn’t know”
Wowie zowie
>>
>>37709511
Opinion noted and summarily disregarded.
>>
>>37706958

OBJECT-FLOODLIGHT is the designation for a thaumic ritual claimed to make its target immortal on a tauntological level. It was first described in pre-Diarch Era grimoires, and knowledge of its existance is assumed to have passed from master to apprentice, although its original creator is unknown. Actual records of OBJECT-FLOODLIGHT appeared to have been used as a kind of revenge weapon, generally against rival scholars, although due to the punishment associated with this practice (forced application of FLOODLIGHT against the assailant) this was a rare event. Information on its recovery by the RCG can be found in Addendum-01 (restricted to Level Black Clearance and above).
It is the consensus of Task Force Merlin that its creation was not possible without the aid of a superintelligent familiar and an understanding of mathematics and thaumiturgy far exceeding any know civilization of any known time period.
Should the ritual be successfully performed exactly as written, the target of the ritual will be permanently bound with the following concepts:
- Light
- Immortality
- THE ROOM

THE ROOM is the name for a conceptual space completely removed from baseline reality, or indeed the multiverse. It is described as a place of blindingly white light, and of dimensions greatly restrictive to the movement of the creature present. It has been described as a "coffin" too small to turn around or lay down in. Despite these characteristics, subjects bound to THE ROOM by FLOODLIGHT know on a conceptual level (confidence == 1) the following facts:
- They will appear in THE ROOM upon physical death.
- Although they will suffer the negative sensations of sustanance and sleep deprevation, their consciousness will not be dulled or diminished in any way, including sleep.
- Once they fully enter THE ROOM, they will never be able to leave, and will remain in THE ROOM for infinite time.
- There is no one else in THE ROOM. They are utterly alone. THE ROOM can not be accessed by anyone else, and no help is coming.

The targets of FLOODLIGHT will experience increasingly frequent dreams of being in THE ROOM as they age, resulting in severe psychological trauma. For more information on the psychological effects of FLOODLIGHT, see Addendum-02.
FLOODLIGHT was claimed to have been used to prevent slave suicides by King Sombra during his reign, although this is currently unconfirmed.
FLOODLIGHT is known to result in a ~20% increase in lifespan for its targets. Thaumic tracing of FLOODLIGHT targets after death show [INFORMATION REDACTED].
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>>37711190
Maybe you should just make a Pone SCP thread.
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>>37710344
i cant think of a single country where claiming you dont know the rules will get you out of prison. so i can pjcture anon gettin into a dungeon for not bowing to the princess or tripping into a guard and breaking his cardboard spear
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>>37711286
i, for one, will not complain about gore in a kinderquestria thread when its the only active story in nearly a week. besides, we dont have enough writefags to keeps a scp thread out of page 10. and i want to see where this is going
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>>37709016
>Everything happened in a trance
>Kinderponies are Jodi Arias
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>>37711290
In the real world sure, but this is Kinderquestria we’re talking about
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what would kinder limey be like?
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>>37712570
she makes too many ponies cry so they have to keep her on the rock farm
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>>37712842
poor poners who face limey's wrath
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>>37711830
which would mean lesser punishments, not no punishments.
>>
>>37713814
There are only three justifications for punishment.

1. Deterrence
You punish someone for committing an action to deter others from committing that same action. They think, “I don’t want that to happen to me, so I don’t do that action”.

2. Rehabilitation
You wish to punish to deter the abuser from committing that action again, so that they might act in more socially acceptable ways.

3. Revenge
You punish someone to get back at them for what they did. It’s the least morally correct justification, but it is still a justification.

In the described scenario, Anon committed some unknowable evil. Let’s run through the list. It doesn’t make sense to punish for deterrence, since the ponies already fear committing that action. It’s socially disastrous, so they don’t try. It doesn’t make sense to punish for rehabilitation because he literally didn’t know. If he knew he wouldn’t have done it. It doesn’t make sense to punish for revenge because we are assuming Anon isn’t some evil monster that greviously injured or assaulted someone, and that since this is a miscommunication plot it’s literally just Anon did some socially unacceptable thing, so there is no single person who feels the need for revenge. So there’s no justification for punishment.
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>>37714302
Alright you win this one
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>>37714302
There are at least three more.

4. Malevolence.
The rulers hate the people and want them to suffer for every possible reason.

5. Bureaucracy
Thoughtlessly following laws and traditions to the letter, just because they're there.

6. Precedent
If you allow one person to get special treatment, it opens up the possibility that it could be exploited in the future.
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>>37712570
>what would kinder limey be like?
Lots of aggressive raspberries and frowning.
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>>37715182
Those are causes of punishment, not necessarily justifications for it. Ultimately, just punishment must fall to one of the three justifications I listed, otherwise it is an unjust punishment. Through after reviewing, I did miss a fourth justification:

4. Incapacitation
You punish someone to prevent them from committing the action again.

And this form of justification is a bit too extreme for kinderquestria.
>>
>>37642490
I'm a fan of this.
>>
>>37714302
>>37715182
>>37715919
>Kinder legislation
Someone contact Anonistrator ASAP
>>
>>37686654
CLOPPY
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>>37715919
Well actually upon reflection, incapacitation isn’t too extreme. It’s just very sporadically used. An example of this being Discord getting stoned. It rendered him incapable of spreading chaos.
>>
>>37689464
>ywn make a living giving ponies baths
>It's a lucrative business because most ponies turn into fussy children when it comes to taking a bath
>Got to tempt them in with the warm water and keep them occupied with toys until it's time to dry them off
>You've learned that most ponies appreciate it when the towels are freshly laundered and nice and warm
>>
>>37716914
that would honestly be comfy as fuck, at least until you get a rambunctious pony like rainbow dash who insists on splashing you
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>>37717433
Rambunctious ponies need the most attention.
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>>37716840
>kinderpones deal with ethical dilemmas
I can see it getting out of hand though
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>>37718376
because they are the dirtiest yes?
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Ideas are hard. Muse isn't here. I must have displeased her.

Love requires Sacrifice. We WILL be whole.
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>>37719364
I haven't been in Kinderquestria for months.
And I see silly snowponies yelling at American Boot.
And I am reminded of kinderquestrians.
And so I am here and I have to ask.
What's going on?
>>
>>37719553
Gaia threatened us. The planet itself sent an emissary.
"You will stop mortification of my flesh."
Or else.
It's not peace. It's disarmament.
She seeks our helplessness.
Appeasement risks extinction.
Races retreated to lithostasis.
Outside her reach.
Moon is empty.
CASE FERAL enacted.
Our Cobalt will purify the lands.
We shall return.
For reclaimation.
>>
>>37719586
>Our Cobalt will purify the lands
That's probably about the worst thing you could do to "salt the earth".
The mention of Moon and reclaimation gives me a nier automata vibe.
>>
>>37719613
The latter is entirely unintended.
The former is exactly to our thoughts.
She was Mother to us all.
But we are used to disappointment from our mothers.
Was it not our hooves that tilled the lands?
Our ingenuity that burnt away the darkness of ignorance?
She never tried to convince us. Just used threats of force.
Obey, or else.
But some times, children become stronger than their parents.
Especially their mother.
We will lay waste to her fears,
and commute her flesh to dust.
>>
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>>37719586
I still have no idea what the h*eck is happening and what it's relationship with kinderquestria, so I am gonna just give you this American Hat and lay low.
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>>37719553
The snow ponies definitely fall into the kinderequestri-lite category at times.
>>
>>37720162
That's because both kinderquestrians and snowponies have extra-large snowpities.
>>
>>37720395
I believe it.
>>
>>37708997
I like the idea that the Kinderpones have those parts, but they don't know what they do other than for going to the bathroom, but when a mare and a stallion love each other very much and want a foal, a Stork will show up and give them SUPER SECRET instructions that they can't tell ANYONE, then eleven months later, a foal comes out.
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>>37720162
But snowmares eat fish.
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>>37721521
I said 'at times'.
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>>37722903
that webm is super cute
>>
I’ve never been in these threads. If you had to recommend one story to sell someone on it, what would it be?
>>
>>37722903
I want to pamper Lyra's weird horse ears
>>
>>37723184
same
>>
>>37719364
I feel that





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