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File: 1.png (174 KB, 1073x811)
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Express quest CYOA part 3
You're a delivery pony in a dangerous land where there are a lot of magical thingamajigs.
Last Part: >>37233158
Inventory: https://pastebin.com/jASmwp3R

((I've gotten more busy these days, but I'd rather continue this slowly than give up again. Updates will be a bit slower, and there will probably be more text posts. But I want this to remain an image quest primarily.))
>>
>>37511992
oooh, it late hours right now
>>
>>37511992
TIGHT FLANKS TILDE TIGHT FLANKS TILDE TIGHT FLANKS TILDE!
>>
>>37511992
I thought I saw this marked as cancelled on Anonpone, but it's nice to know I was wrong
>>
>>37511992
oh hell ye
mail time
>>
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((Last time: You delivered the second package. Got attacked by the customer. Got saved. Then did some more stuff in town, like drinking. Then that night, the customer was found dead, and a fellow employee was getting hauled away for the slammer. You now awaken in front of your boss))


>>37362766
>"(Tilde) Helped us escape some bandits."
Sage stares over at Tilde for a second then back to you. "Not bad. That's what's called initiative. So, the package?"
>37362852
>>"What if it's a test?"
Sage pauses before giving a big grin, "Wow. You may be dumb, son, BUT, you're smart in all the right places! HOWEVER, no, it isn't a test. Just whisper it in my ear okay?"
>>37362772
>"The one to Silo? It was a statuette that a bandit said held lots of power."
Sage looks away, his smile being wiped away by a wave of nervousness when he hears that. "Dammit, of course it was that."

>>37363088
>weren't you going to hire her anyways if I had came a few seconds later than her yesturday?
"Technically an employee's contract doesn't kick in until you do your first delivery. We only had enough money for one hire. So, I thought I'd decide who'd get it the old fashioned way!" Sage says.

"WHAT!? You hired both of us just to fire one of us on day one!?" Tilde yells angrily.
"I only accept the best!" Sage says.
"We really weren't supposed to be accepting new hires in this region anyways. The bigwigs back in the cities weren't happy about that," Waco mutters.

>>37362742
And then Poke falls out of bed and begins twitching as his brain short circuits from thinking about it to hard.

Sage looks down at you, "Now son, are you stupid enough to go above and beyond? Because if you want, I might have some special work for us today. Something more than just running city mail. If we can sort this situation out, maybe this Region will be back in a position where we can do more hiring."
>>
>>37512173
>>37512182
Give him the blep.
>>
>>37512182
I have never felt more stupid in my life sir!
>>
>>37512173
The best. Right. That's us. What's your plan? We have nothing better to do tonight, daddy.
What has become of the arrested mare?
>>
>>37512182
Can we have an energy drink?
How many beans?
>>
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>>37512064
TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE TILDE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>37512182
Far beyond what you thought possible.
welcome back QM
>>
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>>37514269
>>37512199
>>37512194
>"I have never felt more stupid in my life sir!"
"Okay! Then I'll tell you everything. So: we are indeed working with some shady clients like the Beer family. And I'm pretty sure they just tried to frame you, and then successfully framed another employee of mine named Wink." Sage says. "THIS CAN'T STAND"
"We're indoors, sir" Waco mutters, covering his ears "And, really, we need a plan. We could find proof of her innocence."
"That makes sense. Find the real killer, beat him up, then take him to jail!" Sage says.
"You sure that's gonna work?" Tilde says "Last night me me and Poke saw your employee -- I'm guessing she was Wink -- getting carted away. The police didn't even take questions, probably arrested her on the spot, which isn't exactly standard procedure, even out here."
"Hmm, Does that Zebra have influence with the Koth Police- Wait, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!?" Sage points at Tilde. "Dammit. You've heard too much now. You're an unpaid intern"
"Unpaid!?"
"For now, and if you think you're running off and telling anyone, I'll show the local Hero's union your background check and that you're in town" Sage says.
Tilde shuts up.
Sage continues "Anyways. If we can't find proof of her innocence, we'll break her out!"
"Uhh... are you sure you wanna do that, boss?" Waco says
"Did I stutter?" Sage replies "What, do any of you have any better ideas?"

Deciding time.
>>
>>37515340
I don't think Wink would be able to lift Bōks-eez. He was really big.
Wink said it was a unicorn.
>>
>>37515340
Let’s put our detective cap on, with Tilde as our Watson if Sherlock Holmes were retarded.
If it doesn’t work, I’m with the bossman on breaking Wink out, as long as we’re compensated so we don’t get our forelegs broken by the beer mafia for not paying up in time.
>>
>>37515340
What is the punishment for murder around here?
If mafia owns the police, exposing the real killer won't do anybody any good even if, despite all odds, the assassin didn't leave the city several hours ago. Nobody will listen. I suggest misdirection. Tilde and Poke will cover their coats in ziggiest stripes they can paint and break Wink out. In the meantime Waco will contact the heroes and tell them that Tilde has finally lost it, and she's planning to attack the police station tonight and break out a dangerous assassin because the bear mafia believes that the assassin failed and wants the assassin killed in a particularly painful way. Waco only heard a part of the conversation, so he's not sure if Tilde works with the bear mafia or tries to save the assassin from them. At the same time Sage will use his connections to find out who sent the statuette and frame them for selling bad stuff - something something the statuette gives AIDS to the user, I don't care. Once we'll have Wink, Waco will describe Tilde's accomplices to the heroes: our face and the face of the real assassin. Make it a real witch hunt, give the assassin some well-deserved publicity. That's all for now, I don't have a conclusion in mind.
Oh, and if anybody gets caught and interrogated, he should tell them that it's all the idea of that mare from the photo. She introduced herself to us as the new regional manager of the beer mafia.
>>
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>>37515681
…what?
>>
>>37515924
Exactly! They were trying to fuck us up with clevers, but they are not prepared for nonsense.
>>
Bedtime bump
>>
Holy shit express quest! I've been waiting, I've been dreaming!

>Updates will be a bit slower, and there will probably be more text posts.
As long as you don't go nasapone on us, there's no worries, OP. It's like that image, where an artist puts down his cake and he's like "oh man, my cake is really late" but then the audience arrives and they're like "holy shit a cake is finally here! awesome!"

>>37515340
Ooh jailbreak time!
>>37515681
Out of all this, the one thing I will support is zig paint for the jailbreak. Both as a bit of a disguise, and to confuse the fuck out of everyone as long as we don't get caught and examined too closely. Maybe they'll think there's a zebra mafia working to avenge their fallen kin.
>>
>>37515340
I think we could ask Tilde later if she has any ideas considering her... dubious background.
>>
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>>37515681
>>37515924
>>37515944
>>37518676
((I should mention, the beer mafia isn't all zebras. as evidenced earlier with those guards.))

You describe your plan to
>Disguise yourself and break out Wink.
>Get someone to tell the heroes that Tilde is going to kill Wink while your doing the breakout
>Ask Wink who it really was. then tell the Heroes that you and the real killer did it and hope they'll believe you

Everyone stares at you.
"Uh... wouldn't you... just end up getting arrested still?" Sage says

"YOU ARE NOT USING ME AS BAIT!" Tilde sputters.

"Well, there's one good idea in there" Waco says. "The police fear the heroes more than they do any mafia. maybe they could help"

"No! We don't need em!" Tilde says
>>
>>37519145
Maybe we could disguise ourselves as heroes? People notice uniforms more than faces. We can walk Wink out easily that way.
>>
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Waco sighs "Fine. How about this. You three can attempt to do your dumb plan to break her out, and in the meantime I'll go to the crime scene and use my high intellect to prove Winks innocence! If the police don't listen to me, I'll tell the heroes, and then the police will HAVE to let her go if they want to avoid a scandal!"

"Better than standing around here all day!" Sage says before turning to you and Tilde. "Okay, so about that disguise idea: I have something that could... help us with that. A secret weapon. The question is, who do we disguise ourselves as? Maybe we could disguise ourselves as police and just say we need to question Wink so we could sneak her out."

Tilde raises an eyebrow "Secret weapon? But also, if we disguise as police, how do we get her out? They'll notice! We could disguise ourselves as members of the Beer mafia and just do a normal break in. If they see us on our escape, they'll think the Beer Mafia did it!"

>>37519228
>"Maybe we could disguise ourselves as heroes?"
"Ah! Now that isn't a bad idea at all! Maybe they'll think the Heroes are taking this case over!" Sage says

"You sure they'll believe us?" Tilde asks.

So if this is the plan you're going with who do you plan on disguising as?
>>
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>>37519312
Heroes, after all, anyone can be a hero. Beans by any means!
>>
>>37519312
Disguise as beer mafia guys who hastily disguised themselves as heroes. Double false flag!
>>
>>37519312
I like this >>37519477
Beans by any means is a good comeback, too.
>>
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Before you can say anything Sage screams "WAIT" and then grabs an energy bar unwrapping it and shoving it into your mouth. "I forgot you didn't get breakfast! You can't perform on an empty stomach. Continue!"
>>37519477
>>37520007
>(Muffled) "Heroes, after all, anyone can be a hero. Beans by any means!"
"Then lets do it! I'm glad you're with me. If Waco finds something, good for him. But I've got a manager's hunch that we shouldn't be lollygagging. The Beer Mafia could be sending someone to assassinate Wink before she talks! LET'S GO!"

Undeterred by the the looming threat of one of the most dangerous crime groups in the nation: Regional Manager Sage, Deliverypony Poke, and Unpaid Intern Tilde set off for the Heroes chapter, all as a part of their plan to ultimately break out of their falsely accused fellow employee, Wink, from the police station she's trapped in.

"So how is this going to work? I am NOT getting into any fights with Heroes," Tilde says.

"You can hide nearby until we get you a disguise." Sage says. "Like I said, I have a secret weapon. Remember the conch shells we used to talk on your first delivery, Poke? Well, that's not the only magic Thingamajig we use. I have an Artifact that will let me copy someone's appearance and voice for one hour. It's pretty rare."
"What!? How are you carrying something like that?" Tilde asks.
"We use it sometimes when sending delivery ponies into territory they're unwelcome in. It's only used for emergencies, as it's pretty expensive, and I think it's kinda wussy." Sage says. "Hmm, we could use it to make me look like a high ranking Hero, then you two can follow me around as lower level heroes. We just need to get you two some uniforms while we're there." Sage looks at the building pensively. "We could try sneaking in!"
>>
>>37520272
Tilde is pretty sneaky, but we wouldn’t want to put her in danger by sending her into a building full of heroes.
Do they have a back door? Maybe a locker room in their building where we can snag some uniforms?
>>
>>37520272
Tilde is the most recognizable pony here. If the masking device has only one charge, she should be the masqueraded one.
>>
>>37520321
to be fair, Sage IS the 'regional' manager for the postal service. He might be well-known in the place.
>>
>>37520425
Right. Then Tilde should stay here and sorta be a lookout.
>>
>>37520272
All the art is so incredibly cute.
>>
>>37519477
I feel like Tilde would do exactly this if she were bored
>>
Bunp
>>
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>>37520438
>Tilde should stay here and sorta be a lookout.
>>37520289
>Do they have a back door? Maybe a locker room in their building where we can snag some uniforms?
Letting Tilde sit this one out, you and Sage go around to the back of the chapter building to see if you can find any way to stealthily get in.

"If it weren't for the fact they were heroes, I'd barge in there and just grab what we need already!" Sage grumbles.

You see a that at the back of the building there's an area for someone to pick up trash.
There's also a ladder to the roof, which looks undefended.
>>
>>37523632
Trash area. We can act like garbage ponies to get into the building to get the disguises to act like heroes. Now we're thinking with portals
>>
>>37523632
Trash.
>>
>>37523704
>>37524101
But it's an area to pick up trash and carry it away, not to carry it in. How will we get inside without looking suspicious?

>>37523632
A much more stupid plan would be to grab some trash and then climb the ladder to the roof. There is no way anyone sane will suspect a break-in or infiltration if they see that.
>>
>>37524116
They'd have to take the trash out through a back door, wouldnt they? Unless the heroes are as retarded as Poke and carry their trash through the front door all the way to the back. Or if they go upstairs and down the ladder to the back.
>>
>>37524132
Yes but they take out the trash, then garbage ponies come to pick it up. Right? Point is it wouldn't work to pretend we're garbage ponies and then walk inside, because garbage ponies wouldn't ever need to go inside.
>>
>>37524143
what if its full-service garbage collection, because theyre heroes? No hero should have to carry their own garbage when we can do it for them!
>>
>>37524171
kek
>>
>>37523632
Sage has an artifact, How long does it take to recharge? The way he worded it makes me think it has multiple uses.
>>
Work bump
>>
>>37525872
>>
>>37526930
>>
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>>37524746
>"How long does it take to recharge?"
"The artifact? The recharge time is an hour, dummy!" Sage says as if you somehow should know that already, even though most ponies wouldn't.
"Here, take a gander." He holds up a needle. "It works like this: you need get your hooves on the hair of someone you saw in the last hour, loop it through this needle, and then give yourself an itty-bitty jab. Then you'll copy that individual's appearance for an hour. You need to know what the pony looks like, though, or it OBVIOUSLY won't work. Get me?" He stuffs the needle back into a tiny pocket on his shirt.

>>37523704
>>37524101
>>37524116
>>37524132
>>37524143
>>37524171

You grab a trash-bag and start heading up the ladder.
Sage grumbles, but he follows your lead. "What in the world are you doing? Aw, you know what, what do we have to lose?"
The roof is empty, and you are able to find a door leading down to the second floor.

You start walking down the hallway, turning a corner to see a skinny looking unicorn Hero leaving the locker rooms. "Huh? Uh... are you supposed to be here?"

>"Full-service garbage collection! No hero should have to carry their own garbage when we can do it for them!"
"Oh..." the unicorn mopes. "I don't deserve it... See, I'm not a full hero yet, just an UnderHero" he points to his cap. "I failed my advancement exam today..."

Sage, seeing that he's not being stopped, impatiently starts to inch around the kinda-sorta-Hero as he looks at you.
>>
>>37528081
>”You can’t spell Underhero without Hero. You’ll get em next time, champ. It’s only a matter of time and heart. This garbage pony believes in you!”
Sage already knows what’s up. We can distract this Underhero a little with our pep talk while Sage goes in ahead of us. He seems like a good kid anyways
>>
>>37528081
On one hand >>37528200
On the other hand it's not like he's gonna question us. We're supposed to be here after all, garbage pony business! So we can cheer him up (who knows, maybe he'll help support the cover story later if/when things get suspicious, or provide an alibi if there's ever an investigation), but then we move on after Sage and leave the underhero behind.
>>
>>37528081
I am suspicious of that horny horse.
>>
>>37527618
>>
>>37528081
Poor little feller.
>>
>>37528081
Okay, I'm down for this. We can maybe give him a little pep talk, a hoof on the shoulder kinda deal, and snatch a hair off of him while we're at it, just in case. Just one thing though, if we go through with it, make sure to wink at Sage so he knows what's up, but don't be subtle about it at all on account of retarded so the jr. hero here thinks the garbage pony is winking at him for some reason. He may or may not find it disconcerting, which would be funny.
>>
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>>37531149
>>37528200
>”You can’t spell Underhero without Hero. You’ll get em next time, champ. It’s only a matter of time and heart. This garbage pony believes in you!”

Just as you're saying this, the door swings open.
"Uh-oh..." Sage just was passing it, though the two ponies who exit seem to ignore him and go up to the pony you're talking to.
"What are you freakin' doing, Squishy? Why are you chatting it up when I told you to get back to the gym and start running until you collapse?" One of the Heroes, a more serious looking one, asks.
Another hero with a big grin chimes in: "Yeah, heh, I, don't really think that's gonna do anything. Heh, I mean, he can't run fast, he can't lift much, and his magic sucks! He can make things more slippery, I guess, but maybe don't join something like the Heroes if that's all you're good at!" He laughs in a canned way that is less amused and more gleeful in his superiority.

You just notice, right as you're about to give "the signal" to Sage, that he already went into that locker room while no one was looking, and he just came out with the trash bags looking a bit more filled up. They're most likely containing some uniforms.

Just as Sage exits the more serious Hero who was berating Squishy looks at you. "Who are you and who let you in here?" He then turns to Sage. "And who's this big oaf? Your friend?"

Sage walks next to you and mumbles. "We need someone high ranking. Someone with a fancy big hat! These three are noponies!"
"What was that?" The serious hero says
"Ah it was nothing, son" Sage replies.
"Yeah whatever, okay, back to what I was freakin' talking about, who are you two?" the serious hero asks.
"Sorry no autographs, you hicks," the smiling hero says with a big grin.
>>
>>37531569
Be disappointed.
>>
>>37531569
No autographs? We're garbage ponies! We're the lifeblood of the city; the true unsung heroes; the humble workers that toil tirelessly to allow everypony else to live! Without us, your precious HQ - and the entire city! - would be nothing but a pile of stinking, rotting miasma!
"No autographs"! You should be the ones asking for OUR autographs. Hmph!

But a true servant of civilisation does not let himself get distracted by unappreciation from the ignorant. Come, Sage, there are many more garbage bags to be collected, and much work to be done. They may sneer at us, but we will always be here, faitfhully taking out their trash come insults or high snow, so that they can run around doing their hero business unimpeded.
>>
>>37531569
Poor Squish. Just like high school. Do they have high school in the post-apocalyptic wastes or whatever this is? I mean, I guess we probably didn't graduate, even if they do. Maybe we can use this for some revenge of the nerds type shit, but with a little less rape. Squishy might be down. Slippery Squishy. We could totally do something with that.

At any rate, maybe the guy at the front desk told us we need to take out the garbage in the head office and we're having trouble finding it. These jamokes almost certainly regard whoever low-ranking desk jokey they've got down there with the same disdain as Squishy, so they probably wouldn't even bother talking to them about it. They might not even tell us and just leave us with Squish to figure it out. That would be perfect.
>>
>>37531569
I absolutely hate that smiling smug fuck’s face. Good work QM for making the most punchable character so far.
>>
>>37531884
This but less insulting to the other two heros’ egos. No need to get them upset.
>>
>>37531956
Why? He's a fucking retard, I love him already. He's the kind of guy that will spew out a half-dozen condescending remarks then, satisfied with himself, let us go on our way to sabotage the rest of the HQ. Practically the best kind of hero there is.
>>
>>37531943
>Do they have high school in the post-apocalyptic wastes or whatever this is?
(secondary education exists, as does post-secondary education. Up to you guys how much schooling Poke had.
I might as well tell you guys so it isn't as confusing as I make it: it's no wasteland, you live in a developing country with more modern cities on the coasts, it's just that you're in the crime-filled boonies/frontier with tons of monsters and magical items.)
>>
>>37532724
Poke has a theoretical degree in physics
>>
>>37532817
Fucking kek, this.
>>
>>37532817
>Poke's actually a math savant
>in his brain it all makes sense, the numbers, they all come together in an instant and it just works: the language of nature
>it doesn't matter though, because the rest of him is retarded, there's a lack of ability there that means he can never transpose those ideas outside of his head in any meaningful way whatsoever
>>
Bump
>>
i want to pet poke
>>
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>>37535400
And Tilde too, right?
>>
>>37511992
Why is the big hat attacking them
>>
>>37536056
I believe it's meant to represent an overarching plot thread.
>>
Bedtime bump
>>
>>37533790
>all the papers and research come to him easy
>but talking with professors makes him come across as a drooling retard so he gets saddled with tons of stupid busywork
>he has to stay up all hours to get things done in time and drinks to take off the stress
>ends up with a crippling soda addiction after trudging his way through grad school
>the best job he can get is still as a deliverystallion
>>
>>37539493
I can relate. He shoulda gone to pony tradeschool.
>>
>>37532817
supercharged and Fantastic-pilled
>>
>>37531943
>>37531884
>You suddenly, charismatically say: "No autographs? We're garbage ponies! We're the lifeblood of the city; the true unsung heroes; the humble workers that toil tirelessly to allow everypony else to live! Without us, your precious HQ - and the entire city! - would be nothing but a pile of stinking, rotting miasma! 'No autographs'! You should be the ones asking for OUR autographs. Hmph!"

The once laughing hero looks noticeably annoyed and flustered at the reminder of your claim to importance in society. "I-I don't even understand what your saying. I can't speak stupid, which is, uh, your language, uh. So, um-uhh, lemme try, here we go: UH-DOOOY."

>You continue "But a true servant of civilization does not let himself get distracted by unappreciation from the ignorant. Come, Sage, there are many more garbage bags to be collected... "

Finally, the more serious hero says "Ugh. Yeah, yeah, whatever. You know what, Squishy, just verify these idiots aren't trying to steal from us and meet us at the gym later."
"Yes, Notes," Squishy replies. So the more serious hero is named Notes.

"So, where did you need to go?" Squishy asks, looking a bit more satisfied.
>>
Bedtime bump
>>
>>37540238
May be a long shot, but if there's a resident barber we could maybe see if we walk in on a big hat hero getting a cut and scoop up a bit of the hair since we're trashponies cleaning up the place.
If not, we could see if they have a hat room, wait for a big hat hero to put their hat away and see if there's a strand of hair in their hat.
If not either of those, we could see if they have quarters and look for a big hat hero that's sleeping to pluck a strand of their tail.
If not ANY of those, well, let's hope Sage got the three uniforms we need and that one of them fits him.
>>
>>37511992
>Express Quest is back
>its been a week
belated welcome back QM, missed this

>>37540238
>Where did you need to go?
First, drop off these bags outside. Then come back here and get some more bags.

If Tilde is sitting this one out, maybe she can smuggle the bags away for us once they're outside.
>>
>>37540582
>>
>>37543363
>>
>>37544956
>>
>>37546188
>>
>>37535673
Tilde is cute!
>>
>>37540238
We don't have the building memorized, so wherever trash is temporarily stored
>>
>>37540238
Every room, preferably by uh, descending importance, so everyhero can be freed from their wreched squalor!
since we're going into the can here, is there a chance we might see whats-her-face steam lady behind bars if she got transferred here?
>>
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You tell Squishy that you're going to continue your job cleaning the building. He lets you go by, looking more concerned about his earlier interaction with his team.
>>37542604
>First, drop off these bags outside.
You go outside and drop off the trashbags in a safe spot nearby Tilde, before grabbing more. That way the heroes can't see that you're stealing.

>>37540629
>May be a long shot, but if there's a resident barber we could maybe see if we walk in on a big hat hero getting a cut and scoop up a bit of the hair
You tell Sage about this plan. "Hmmm, not a bad idea! YEAH! Let's do it"

You re-enter the building. Squishy is gone now, and you start looking for a barber shop.

What luck! They have one.
"Great!" Sage says, "But remember, we need to see who we're copying for the artifact to work!"

The both of you peek inside. To your shock, he see him. It is a Big Hat Hero, but it's also the guy from yesterday that you kicked. "-how could I just forget something like that? I saw her over at Silo, I saw THE Tilde with my own eyes."
"You sure about that, Numbers?" The barber asks. "She could have been someone that looked like Tilde. It's not like you've ever met her, very few of us have."
"I've heard the stories," the stallion, who apparently is named Numbers, says. "I would have gotten her and taught her a real lesson if it weren't for that random dumbass that was with her."
"I think you would have gotten her if you didn't go all out with one of your speeches," The barber jokes.
"Oh come on! I was excited!"
>>
>>37550112
Pass along to sage that the big hat in there would recognize us.
>>
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>>37550112
Lets see if we can send in Sage to pick up the hair and eye Numbers so we don't get made. If not, then I guess we've got to be very very quiet.
>that random dumbass that was with her
guilty as charged
>>
>>37550112
We could attempt to chloroform both of their asses with the sleep water, but it's probably best to do what >>37550217 says and for Sage to get ready to clean up the hair for when they're done.
>>
>>37550112
I wonder if he noticed his glasses were under his hoof before he got up or not. Also if his chin still hurts. His name is Numbers, and he has a glass jaw, might be useful info. Also I think he could pull off a dress.

>>37550217
Seconding this.
>>
Bedtime bump
>>
>>37551226
>>
>>37550112
Didnt we break his glasses? Are those spares?

>>37550217
>>37550581
+1 these, we can probably grab they hair when they're done and gone, then we go in to collect.
>>
>>37550112
>>37550507
This
>>37550217
And this
>>37552283
And when they finish and turn around to leave? He’ll recognize us instantly. Better to get it over with or have Sage do it now
>>
>>37552283
Nah, we just set his hind hoof on top of them. I still say we should have licked them.
>>
Bump
>>
>>37550507
The dumbest of asses
>>
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>>37550507
>>37552283
>>37550217
>Pass along to sage that the big hat in there would recognize us.

"Oh yeah? Too scared!? Guess I'll just have to do it myself!" Sage whispers before entering as the two start to finish up. The hair gets thrown away into a trash bin. Sage grabs it, but as he's starting to leave, Numbers turns to him. "Wait, who are you? I've never seen you before. Are you an underhero?"

"Uh, yeah sir. That's right! Custodial services who is also an 'underhero' at the same time! I'm new!" Sage says, straining to think of a believable story.

"Don't you have a uniform?" Numbers asks

"Well uh... DUH, of course I do!!!" Sage yells.

"Why aren't you wearing it?" Numbers asks.

"OH! I uh... I FORGOT, yeah let me go and grab it really quick" Sage says before running out

Sage dashes out and grabs you in the hallway, whispering: "We need to get out of here quick, ! I got a good look at him, and I got his hair. I was able to get 3 basic uniforms in that locker room earlier, but no big hats! Maybe heroes wear the lackey's clothing sometimes. I'd still look like that guy!"

Cut your losses and try to pass with three underhero uniforms, or risk grabbing a big hat in the building, where ponies are growing more suspicious of you?
>>
>>37554766
Too risky, and Tilde's probably getting worried too. We can adapt to what we have.
>>
>>37554766
Sage is about dumb as we are. Custodial services and underhero at the same time...

That barber mare is cute though, and she looks like she wants Number's number. That could be good to know. Maybe we could use that to our advantage if we need to look like him and keep him busy and out of the way later. We could also disguise ourselves as him and get some ponetang. Like revenge of the nerds but with the rape this time.

Leaving would probably be the smart thing. But it seems that neither of these two are all that smart. Maybe we can make our way out the front door and grab something along the way?
>>
>>37554766
BIG HAT BIG HAT BIG HAT BIG HAT BIG HAT
>>
>>37554766
BIG HAT GET!
Can Sage tell us how to achieve swollenness? I wish to be physically fit to attract Tilde's attention. She is very pretty.
>>
>>37554766
Wow sage is a retard, we have a cover story clear as can be and he doesn't stick to it.
>>
>>37555146
Don't say that to his face. He's our boss after all.

>>37554766
What do about Poke's background? Did you already have something, or can we make something up? I liked that one anon's suggestion that Poke is a retarded genius.
>>
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>>37555154
so far from what we've seen he's completely retarded with enough charisma to appear as somewhat presentable to the untrained eye, with occasional spikes in charisma that somehow luckily work in his favor.
in other words, what >>37532817 said
>>
>>37555281
2 Charisma, 6 int?
>>
>>37555281
This
>>37555742
writing ≠ mechanics
House has 5 INT according to the GECK. He’d be less intelligent than Fantastic by that logic which isn’t reflected by the writing.
>>
>>37555775
Nobody likes him and knowing the proper definition of theoretical is Int. He's also high as fuck when you meet him. House is actually an idiot, he's a savant when it comes to technology but has no idea when it comes to anything else. His mind may have also deteriorated since pre-war.
>>
>>37555789
Responding to the question "Do you have an understanding of theoretical physics" with "I have a theoretical degree in physics" is witty, not intelligent. Wit may have a correlation with intelligence, but is mostly understood to be associated with charisma, speech, etc. I don't think knowing the definition of theoretical puts someone an intelligence point up. If you read Fantastic's dialogue, you can tell that even aside from being a junkie, he's a dumbass. It's even revealed that the terminal he's convinced is the most important turns out to be the intercom system.
House is nowhere near an idiot. He's definitely a technological savant, but he's also pretty politically intelligent, since his plan pretty much works out flawlessly if you follow his questline the way he tells you to.
>>
>>37555828
Until someone else tries something directly under his nose, and they will. Also did you know it's possible to drop 6 points of int with drugs?
>>
>>37555868
>and they will
now you’re just making up headcanon. Even if that happens, you can’t deny his intelligence in handling the NCR in the past, using the Legion to keep the NCR busy from focusing on the Strip, dealing with the other factions, and so on. Is he a strategic genius? Some could say so, but probably not. He is, however, much more intelligent than most of the citizens of the Mojave at the very least.
>drop 6 int points with chems
again, mechanics ≠ writing
>>
>>37554766
https://youtu.be/cWd2WVlljl8
Teach me how to swol!
>>
Safety bump
>>
>>37554766
big hat big hat big hat big hat
>>
>>37556971
We can bump if you want to
>>
>>37557947
We can leave our bumps behind
>>
>>37557947
we can keep this thread alive
>>
>>37557510
>>37555112
>>37554879
>More votes for getting the hat.

>>37554792
>Maybe we can make our way out the front door and grab something along the way?

You suggest trying to find a proper Hero uniform, going through the unexplored first floor to see if they have a room with more uniforms on your way out.
As you head that way, you see a laundry room on the first floor, not too far from the door leading to that entrance room that you visited yesterday.

"Aww yeah. Perfect!" Sage grins enters and sees it, and several big-hatted uniforms are there. But just as Sage is grabbing one, you hear a voice

"You again!? What are you doing messing with that?" You see that serious hero, Notes, say as he stare right at you two grabbing Union of Justice property in the laundry room. He stands there next to that grinning hero. Notes continues: "Come on you idiots, spit the truth. What are you doing grabbing our uniforms! I have no problem delivering justice to a couple of hicks."

"Busted!" That grinning hero quips. He lifts up a small knife with his horn, but only that. Only some unicorns like Repa from yesterday have a unique power. Most unicorns can only do a few basic things like magically lifting small objects. This guy must be one of them.

"Darn it!" Sage grunts, he looks at you. "I can handle these two. Just get out of here, I don't want you getting hurt if this gets ugly."
>>
>>37559147
>"Excuse me? Are you aware of the Union of Justice Hero Bylaws concerning Uniform Maintenance and Consistence of Decency? This uniform is clearly defective, and according to Title 37 Section 24 Subsection 19, "Any Union of Justice Official 'Hero' garments including ANY sections of a stored uniform must be regularly checked by a Union of Justice Sanitation Official or any contracted Sanitation Official lest the offender be PUNISHED by expulsion or any additional discipline decided by the discretion of their superiors for violation of these standards... Your uniform looks a little off-cuff, Mr. Notes, do I need to perform an inspection to see if you're up to code and in need of disciplinary action? Or may my colleague and I resume our business with this offending uniform uninterrupted?"
bullshit 100
>>
>>37559147
Help em fight. Throw things at them.
>>
>>37559454
The guy is called Notes. Motherfucker is probably a stickler for rules and would know if such a claus existed....then again we did bypass him earlier with our bullshit, and Poke is stupid. Yeah this checks out.
>>
>>37559454
And if he objects, it was implemented last week. At the very least, we can offer Sage a good distraction.
>>
>>37560297
If there are another uniforms could put it over his head.
>>
>>37559454
kek, this
>>
>>37554766
Find the closest filly and rape her
>>
>>37559147
Don't be dumb. Grab the big-zig uniforms and get the fuck out while Sage fights off the retards. Have you seen that guy? He looks like he could take both those guys, so I'd believe him when he says it.
>>
>>37562071
>Don't be dumb
Issue number one with this proposal
>>
Bump
>>
>>37559454
I like it. It’s stupid enough to probably not work. Perfect
>>
Bedtime bump
>>
>>37559147
>>37559454
Voting for this
>>
>>37559147
>>37559454
Voting against this
>>
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>>37559147
voting against >>37563623 in support of >>37563514 voting for >>37559454’s response to >>37559147
>>
>>37563623
>>37563761
voting for both of these
>>
>>37559147
Faggots!
>>
we boompa
>>
>>37566098
boopa tilde’s snoota
>>
>>37559454
>>37560484
>>37561517
>>37562997
>>37563514
>>37563623
You concoct a perfect plan and say:
>"Excuse me? Are you aware of the Union of Justice Hero Bylaws concerning Uniform Maintenance and Consistence of Decency? This uniform is clearly defective, and according to Title 37 Section 24 Subsection 19, "Any Union of Justice Official 'Hero' garments including ANY sections of a stored uniform must be regularly checked by a Union of Justice Sanitation Official or any contracted Sanitation Official lest the offender be PUNISHED by expulsion or any additional discipline decided by the discretion of their superiors for violation of these standards... Your uniform looks a little off-cuff, Mr. Notes, do I need to perform an inspection to see if you're up to code and in need of disciplinary action? Or may my colleague and I resume our business with this offending uniform uninterrupted?"

Does it work? Rolling
(4 or higher and he's convinced. Any dubs is crit success)
>>
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>>37567133
THE PERFECT PLAN
>>
Rolled 4, 8 = 12 (2d10)

>>37567133
Rolling
>>
>>37567133
Is it by your post's number or the number of the response?
>>
>>37567311
From the way its worded, I'm assuming and hoping its QM's post number for the roll.
>>
>>37567133
YES





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