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Explore a world where cute ponies do cute things. Or get (gently) thrown in jail.

Previous Thread: >>37343968

Prompt index and a must read to see what this is about:
https://poneb.in/EdBW4qgX
https://ponepaste.org/112
https://ponepaste.org/113

Short stories by Britanon
https://pastebin.com/gFzcBHaL

One Prison Story List
https://pastebin.com/KwwB0NVY

List of Kinderquestria Greens
https://ponepaste.org/1603

Kinder SCP Foundation
https://pastebin.com/BD3Qr3au

Magician in Prison (Ponepaste was created) by Anonymouse/ImprisonedMagician (Ponepaste Name):
https://ponepaste.org/4774
>>
>>37469752
>”hey ponies! The skin on the end of the elbow is called a wenis!”
>>
>>
>>
Lyra, after stealing a sip from Anon's morning coffee.
>>
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awww yis muthafucking fresh bread
>>
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>>37469764
qt
>>
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>>37470456
>>
>>37470693
>I will now proceed to pleasure myself with this filly
>>
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Prompt time to liven things up in here, this time for another addition to the cultist pony pile:
>Kinderponies are naturally drawn to cult behavior
>In fact, every single pony in Equestria is secretly in a cult of some fashion
>Some follow an ideology rather than a deity, like Starlight's equality cult
>Others, worship beings they deem powerful
>Since it's Kinderquestria, the bar is stupidly low on what's considered powerful
>So Celestia can stay awake an entire day with no nap-time, and not even get grumpy?
>Cult.
>Luna is brave enough not only to be unafraid of the dark, but to also deal with the nightmares of ponies?
>Cult.
>Anon gets a boo-boo and doesn't run crying to the horsepital, but just walks it off?
>You guessed it, cult.
>Each Kindercultist all wear the stereotypical black robes.
>Even when it doesn't even make sense, like if they're in a Celestia cult.
>Religious debates happen too, but instead of it being which cult is the most right, it's more in the ballpark of "My dad could beat up your dad!"
>One may argue that Celestia is cooler than Anon, because she can eat him under a table when it comes to cake.
>While the other may argue that Anon is cooler, because he can obviously receive more boo-boos without crying for his mommy.
>When everypony is a cultist, is anypony?
>>
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>>37470776
>Pony cultist worships the stock market
>Ponecoin is dropping drastically
>All of the pones who own the stock are throwing tantrums and selling
>Other Cultists are smug and buy the dip
>Market closes for snack break and nap time
>Once it opens again the stock shoots back up.
>Holder cultists are smug, those who sold and pouting
>Stock drops again
>Rinse and repeat
When will they learn?
>>
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>>
>>37470776
>Anon accidentally creates a Cult of Anonymity.
>Followers refuse to be acknowledged by their real names instead preferring Brother or Sister Anonymous while the true Anonymous is just that, Anonymous.
>Only the initiated know that the real Anon is identifiable because of his socks.
>Allows for Anon to commit hijinks unobstructed and get lost in crowds of his followers.
>After all, it's pretty hard to discern which of the suit wearing, green construction paper with eye-holes in it and definitely not bipedal ponies is the real Anonymous.
>>
>>37471855
oh lord, hopefully poners just use that power for kinder shitposting and that kinder criminals don't use it for crime>
>>
>>37472554
>hopefully kinder criminals don't use it for crime
if they do then they get their home flooded with pizzas they have to pay for
pineapple pizzas
>>
>>37470768
You assume the filly will you give a choice.
>>
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Conclusion to the Sincerest Form. Green can be read from the start here: https://ponepaste.org/5376

>You pant and heave
>Your hooves can take you no further
>You don’t know how long you’ve ran for, but it looks like this Saturday is reaching its end as the sun starts to crest over the horizon
>It’s going to be dark soon
>All around you are the tall trees of the evergreen forest, claws of the earth jutting out and waiting to claim you
>Normally you would be terrified right now
>But the shame and embarrassment you feel is somehow overriding your fear
>Is this what bravery is? To have so many things to worry about that you forget what you're scared of?
>You don't know if you like it
>What you do know though is that it's lonely out here
>At least there's nopony to call you a scaredy pony
>Except you
>You just want to go to a place where no soul knows who you are
>Maybe then somepony might mistake you as brave for running so far away

>You try to catch your breath by sitting against one of the huge oaks and gathering your thoughts
>You’re going to miss a lot of things now that you’re a pony on the run
>Your greenhouse filled with bright cheerful blooms
>Your nice comfy bed that protected you on cold nights
>Your playset that you spent countless afternoon and bits on
>But most of all, you'll miss your sisters…
>The way Roseluck would do her flower arrangements with so much care and precision, worried that a messy bouquet would ruin somepony’s day
>How Daisy was so particular and secretive on a recipe she made for Sunflower Seed salad, always making it for any special occasions or whenever any of her sisters was feeling down
>”Never a gloomy day with Daisy’s Sunny Salad tray!” she would say
>You smile at the memories
>And just as quickly, you frown
>Are they going to miss you?
>Maybe it’s better that you went away, stopped being a burden on them
>Now they can go to the playground without worrying about you
>This was what it was all about, wasn’t it?
>Right?
>Your thoughts return to that day in the new park that started this mess
>Stupid slide
>Stupid fears
>Stupid you…
>You sigh
>Nothing to do about it now, it’s over now
>You hear the hooting of an owl echo through the woods
>Wind rushes pass the branches and it causes the trees to creak and groan at you
>But still, you don’t feel afraid
>You don’t feel much of anything
>Just some sort of vague sadness
>It’s when you’re on the last page of a book and you know that you’re going to have to say goodbye to it after spending hours with it
>It’s Like when you say bye to a friend that’s moving away to another town
>It’s like when you’ve ran away from home and know you can’t ever go back
>Maybe one day you’ll have enough courage to explore the cold north, fight a Changeling, or do somersaults in the air
>But you know for a fact you’ll never be brave enough to face them again, not after today
>>
>>37473321
>Your mind wanders off to other faces in Ponyville and inevitably it goes back to the idol you wanted to emulate
>Anon…
>You thank Celestia that he wasn’t there to witness your breakdown at the park
>You just wanted to be brave like he was!
>You’ve never seen him cry, cower, or back down from anything before
>Granted, the stallion could lift up at least three ponies and was as tall as five, but his courage still had to count for something
>You once even saw him drink two cups of black coffee!
>What would Anonymous do?
>Your brain racks to find an answer
>You hardly know the guy though
>You’ve been observing him for a while now, but you’ve never actually talked to him
>Maybe…maybe he’ll know what to do?
>You look down on a hoof
>You’ve been carrying around your Anon doll since you ran from your sisters
>He’s been silent this entire time
>You hold up your doll with his black fabric suit and bouncy ball head
“Anonymous, what should I do?”
>As expected, you’re met by a blank stare and the ambient noise of the forest
”I-I don’t know if I’m scared, Anonymous. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I kinda wish I was scared. Then I’d know that I’m feeling something”
>Again, there is no reply
“Please, just talk to me. I don’t want to be alone…that’s what I was always most afraid of. That I wouldn’t have friends because I was a scaredy pony. That my sisters wouldn’t want to be with me anymore”
>You can feel your lips wobble and your vision Cloud as Anonymous refuses to talk to you
“Please…”
>The crickets start to play their song as the sun disappears beyond the horizon and darkness covers the land
>You can feel a sort of darkness cover you too, one that’s coming from your heart
>Until suddenly, you hear a familiar voice in the distance
>”Moon River, wider than a mile…”

>Your ears perk up as it catches a song in the breeze
>It’s Anon, and he’s…singing?
>It’s a slow tempo and it sounds faint, but you can hear it all the same
>You get up on your hooves again and cautiously follow the melody through the woods and onto a dirty path
>”I’m crossing you in style, someday…”
>The words feel like they’re coming out in a trance, he’s following a beat but no infliction to his tone as the song goes on
>”Oh dream maker, you heart breaker…”
>Eventually you reach a ravine with a large stone bridge connecting the two sides
>The weathered grey stone shines in the bright moonlight and you can see Anonymous at the center of the bridge, tossing small stones down into a river below
>You try not to focus on just how above the rapid currents the bridge is
>You gulp and begin to walk towards him inch by inch
>Your curiosity overtakes any hesitation you have as you approach
>You’ve seen him plenty of times from afar, in fact some would say you’ve been watching him obsessively
>>
>>37473346
>You’ve never seen him like this though
>He’s hunched over at one of the ledges, his arms crossed as he leans over, a pile of stones he must have gathered next to him on the ledge
>”Wherever you’re going, I’m going your way…”
>He tosses another stone from the pile he has set up down to the river and you can see it impact the water, though the river is too strong to form any ripples around it
>You’re about halfway down to meet him when you see his face
>He seems apathetic, showing neither happiness nor sadness
>But then you see him smile without warning
>That’s good!
>He stands up and straightens his posture before lifting himself up to stand on the ledge of the bridge
>That’s bad!
>He could get hurt if he accidentally falls, just like one of those stones he was tossing!
>Your trotting takes you right behind him
>You’re not sure how to talk to him
>In your stories, you’d impress him so much with something cool you did that he would be the one to say hello to you first
>But this isn’t one of your stories

“H-hi there”
>You say it hardly above the level of a whisper, scared that you might startle him and make him trip off the bridge
>But he’s calm as ever as he turns his head to you
>”Oh. Hi to you too”
>His mouth gently smiles despite his situation, yet his eyes don’t follow along
>He turns his back to look forward and sits down, his legs hanging over the edge
>”How was your day today?”
>There’s a lot you can tell him
>You just don’t have the words to properly express it
>Where would you even start?
“It’s Uhh, it’s been okay, I guess. How about yours?”
>He nods sagely
>”Good to hear. My day has been good. I decided that I’m going to…go home today”
“But don’t you live on the other side of Ponyville?”
>He let’s put a small laugh before taking another pebble to cast it below the bridge
>”That’s just a house”
“Aren't homes and houses the same thing?”
>”Houses are just where you sleep. Home is where the heart is”
>Wait, do humans not have their hearts in their chest like ponies do? Maybe he keeps it under his bed on Earth but forgot to bring it with him!
“What’s your home like on Earth?”
>His words are honeyed and nostalgic
>”I lived in a small apartment. It was about a quarter of the size of the house I live in right now, but I thought it was cozy. I had a lot of books to read, I liked to read, you see. I’m sure nearly all those books would pique Twilight Sparkle’s interests”
>You listen intently to his words, and you realize that this may be the first time he’s talked in detail about his life on Earth to anypony
>”I had friends too. Friends I made back in school and some I made at work. They were nice, I could talk to them about anything and they’d listen to me”
“Did you play tag and nap with them a lot?”
>>
>>37473358
>Anonymous chuckles before replying to you
>”No, I guess nobody ever suggested it. We had fun doing other things”
“What did you all do for fun then?”
>”Nothing too special. We ate at restaurants, watched movies, bowled, those sorts of things”
“Princess Celestia says that anything can be fun if you’re with friends, even things like clean up time or washing dishes”
>”And she’s right. I miss my friends a lot. But I miss my family even more”
“I remember you said my flower reminded me of your sister”
>He turns his head back to you and your mane catches his eye
>You can see him grin
>”That’s right, I met you at…the new playground, I think? Lily, right? Sorry if I got it wrong, I’m just no good with names”
>Stars form in your eyes and you smile wide
>He remembered your name!
“You got it right! I’m Lily Valley!”
>”It’s nice to meet you again, Lily Valley”
“So how far is Earth from here? Hopefully you don’t have to walk too far. My hooves ache if I trot for too long”
>”It’s pretty far. In fact, I’m not sure where it is really”
“But then how are you going to walk there?”
>”I’m not going to walk”
“I think running would just make you really tired”
>Anon takes the last of the stones he has and tosses them over the ravine, your eyes following them as they hit the hard surface of the water and get sweeped away
>”This is where I woke up. I remember thinking about how blue the sky was”
“Were you taking a nap here today?”
>”No, I mean when I woke up in Equestria. This-“
>He takes both his arms and sweeps them around
>”-is where I came from”
>You crane your neck around to look around the forest and the bridge
>But didn’t he say that Earth was far away? How can he be from the bridge if this isn’t Earth?
>His story is getting kinda confusing for you now
“If you’re from here, where’s your family?”
>You see his shoulders slump
>”Well, right now my dad is probably getting back from work after his shift, microwaving a pizza he bought and turning on the Price is Right. My mom is likely putting my sister to bed and reading her a story. What kind of stories do you like, Lilly?”
“I like making my own stories. They have a lot of action and the good ponies always win!”
>”Hehe, you really are like my little sister. She would have liked you. She really would have liked Equestria, I think. Maybe she’s changed. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her”
“But Anon, you’ve only been here for a few months. I know that seems like forever but you haven’t even seen your first winter here yet”
>He sadly shakes his head as he still stares off into the rapids
>”I didn’t get to see her for a long time even before I got to come here”
“Why? I see my sisters everyday when we eat breakfast together. Like today we got to share some cereal”
>>
>>37473361
>”My mom and dad…”
>You can see him think about his next words carefully
>”…decided that they didn’t want to live with each other anymore. So my sister lives with my mom and I used live with my dad before I moved out”
“Oh”
>You’re at a loss for words
>This is the first time you’ve heard about a mommy and daddy taking a field trip away from each other
>It doesn’t make any sense to you at all
>Anon doesn’t seem to be in the mood to explain though
>You try to make him think about something happier
“What did you and your sister do last?”
>”I took her out for a hamburger. She ordered a kid sized coke and a cheeseburger. She got to color the placemat and drew a picture some clowns and elephants since I promised her that I’d take her to the circus soon”
>You see a slight tremble come from him before he settles down
>”I never did get to take her to the circus. I will though. After I get back home”
>He turns his head and smiles at you
>You notice it again though, where his mouth is turned up but his eyes don’t follow suit
>It’s worrying, and you feel like something is amiss
>You just don’t know what
>You try to smile back at him but struggle to do so, your lingering feeling becoming apparent
“T-that’s nice, Anonymous. The circus sounds fun. I wouldn’t know though, I’ve never been to one”
>”Oh, why’s that?”
“We’ll I’m kinda scared of-“
>Everything
“-Clowns…and elephants…and crowds, and tents, and peanuts, and lions, and-and-”
>Oh no, you’re doing it again
>You’re just listing out everything that makes you apprehensive and nervous
>There’s no way Anon is going to be friends with you, he knows you’re a scaredy pony now!
>He chuckles
>You can feel your heart grow sad as he laughs at you
>But then he turns his body to face you as he continues to sit on the ledge, reaching up to your mane and scratching it in comfort
>”There, there, it’s okay to be scared of things. My sister was scared of clowns too but I told her how much fun we’d have at the circus. After that she started drawing pictures of them and was excited to meet one”
>You close your eyes and enjoy how his finger feels combing through the hairs
>You open them again after he takes his hand back, hiding how disappointed you are that it’s over
“It’s not just clowns or the circus though…c-can I tell you a secret?”
>He nods his head
“Do you promise not to tell anypony?”
>”Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye”
>You grow confident about this, there’s no way he’d break a sacred Pinkie Promise!
“I…I’m kinda sorta…you see, I…”
>You gulp a lump in your throat
>This is it
>This is where your story really ends
“I’m a scaredy pony””
>”Hmm, why do you say that?”
“It’s because I’m scared of a lot of things, things that other ponies aren’t scared of…”
>”Like the dark?”
>>
>>37473368
“Yeah…”
>”Heights?”
“Oh yeah, definitely
>”How about strangers?”
“Yep”
>”I don’t think you're much of a scaredy pony then. Look around you”
>You do as he says, turning your head this way and that
>You’re at a loss to what he means before you face him again and quirk an eyebrow
“I don’t get it”
>”Everything I asked you about is right here. It’s night, we’re on a bridge over a tall chasm, and you hardly know me. But I don’t see you scared or anything like that”
>He’s...he’s right
>You don’t feel scared at all
“But that’s only because you’re here. And there’s more than just the things here that I’m scared of”
>”I still think you’re a brave pony. Sure, you might be scared of plenty of things but courage isn’t about having no fears”
“Really?”
>”Yeah, it’s about being able to face your fears. To not let them control who you are”
>Once again he takes his hand and pats your head
>”And if you’re scared of a lot of things, then that just means you have a lot of chances to prove just how brave you are”
>This is it, the true ending to the story
>Anon called you brave and is giving head pats!
>You can feel a huge grin overtake your face and a warmth spread from your heart outwards
“Thank you, Anon. Those are really nice words”
>”I mean every bit of it. You’re a brave and nice pony, Lily. Like I said, my sister would have liked you. I’ll tell her all about the brave little pony I met that kept a flower in her head”
>The human stops patting your head and puts both his hands on his thighs before slumping over again, his head tilted down to make his expression unreadable
>”I think there must have been a mistake somewhere. That my sister was supposed to go to this land of nap times, crayons, and innocent horses that like having their manes brushed”
“What do you mean? Don’t you like it in Equestria?”
>You frown, unsure how Anon is feeling
>He never seemed sad to you, and was happy enough to help everypony
>You search your memories for anytime when someone budged in line in front of him or maybe took his snacks without asking
>”It’s nice here, but this place would have been perfect for her. She’s at the age where she thinks her big brother is the coolest person in the world”
>He chuckles before turning his head down to the drop in the ravine
>”Maybe I’ll still get to see her outgrow that phase…”
>You open your mouth to reply back to him but he cuts you off with a grin and a sudden determination in his eyes
>But his gaze look empty to you, like a house that has all the lights on but nopony is inside to give each other cookies or hugs
>”I’ll be sure to tell her all about you”
“How? You said Earth was really far away and you didn’t know how to get there”
>He keeps staring at you with his smile and empty eyes
>”You should head back home, Lily. Your sisters must be waiting for you”
>>
>>37473375
>You’re taken aback by his sudden suggestion and you feel like he’s trying to get rid of you for some reason, but for what?
>You’ve been here for a while so he’s not waiting to meet someone
>And you don’t see any bags with him, so he’s not trying to sneak away some snacks to eat privately
“O-okay, Anonymous. I’ll see you later?”
>You can feel the seconds pass by as he continues to stare at you, like the words are trapped in his throat but he’s not going to let them out of his mouth
>But then he nods at you
>You feel relieved as you let out a gentle breath you didn’t realize you were holding in
>You meet his grin with your own grin as you start to trot away from him

>Wow, you really are a brave pony if Anon thinks so!
>You can’t wait for you and Anon to start hanging out with each other and he’ll be so impressed that you can drink coffee without syrup, marshmallows, or sugar in it too
>You can't wait to get home and tell your sisters about this
>Getting home…
>You stop at the end of the bridge
>Things that Anon said made you confused about how he was going to see his own sister again, even if he didn’t know how to get home
>A strange queasy feeling starts in your gut
>You don't’ know how to describe it
>It’s...it’s like every bit of you knows that if you leave now, something bad will happen
>But not to you
>That’s a different feeling, a familiar freight that has often taken hold of you
>No, this sensation is telling you that something bad will happen to someone you like
>You turn your head
>Anon is standing tall on top of the ledge of the bridge again, looking out at the forest
>You can see him whispering to himself in the pale moonlight
>You’re not sure what to do
>Anonymous said to go home, and you’ve always known him as somepony that knew best
>He’s like a Princess Celestia that’s doesn’t know magic
>And what if he gets annoyed with you if you try to talk to him after saying goodbye?
>Then he won’t want to be your friend anymore and that’s all you wanted for the past week!
>Once again, your fear paralyzes you
>A voice that’s always been with you speaks in your mind
>The voice that always comes to you in your most sad moments of doubt
>>
>>37473383
>The voice of fear
>”Just go home to your nice and soft bed and sleep the night away. Don’t bother Anon. He’ll be okay, he’s an adult after all”
>You turn your head back to the forest and away from the whispering man
>”He said that you’ll see him again soon. Maybe he just wants a better view of the river? There’s no way he’ll get ouchies. He’s just waiting for a chariot to take him home, probably”
>You star to trot away from the scene
>But your hooves are firmly rooted in place and you feel compelled to stay
>You can hear another voice speak out
>This one is new
>It is gentle and caring
>The voice of ear always kept you safe
>But this different voice wants to to see you grow
>It sounds just like Anon’s
>”Courage isn’t about having no fears…”
>You turn your body and start to clip clop your hooves back to the man standing on the edge
>”...it’s about being able to face your fears”
>And right now, Anon needs help facing something
>You get behind him and look up to the back of his head
>As you were getting to your spot, you could hear him click his heels and eavesdrop what he was whispering repeatedly
>“There’s no place like home”
>He makes no indication as to noticing that you’ve come up to him again
>You can see him slightly trembling as he’s up on the bridge
>In the faint breeze, you can also hear him sniffle and gulp lumps in his throat
>It reminds you of something
>Something that happened only just recently
>Of a mare terrified of the world, stuck on the top of a slide, paralyzed by the spell that fear held over her
>Of a being kind enough to say the magic words to break that spell
>Now it’s your turn to say them
“Did you want to get down from there?”
>Anon slowly turns towards you and you can see his face
>He is crying
>The tears are flowing freely as he looks at you
>You show the best concern that you can as you wave him over to you
>Slowly but surely, he kneels down and puts a leg on the part of the bridge that ponies are actually meant to stand on
>First one leg, and then the other, until he’s standing before you in silence
>You do the only thing that you can think to do when somepony is crying
>You hug him
>He’s a big guy so you can only really wrap your hooves around one of his legs but you can feel just how chilly he is and how much he’s shaking
>But he shakes harder and harder as time passes
>Did...did you maybe do something wrong?
>Before you can break off your hug, he kneels down and embraces you, his head buried in your mane as you can feel the hairs getting wet from the tears
>You don’t mind though
>Anon needs help, and you’re going to help him just like he helped you
>His arms are wrapped all around you and you can feel his body warming up, how you’re breathing life in him once again
>You both hug each other in silence, just two beings caught in their own part of the world
>>
>>37473394
yes once again meeting yours
“I’m sorry that you’re not home, Anon”
>”It’s not your fault Lily. It’s not anybody’s fault really”
“But maybe I can still help you find a home here”
>He looks at you inquisitively
>You try your best to stay reassuring under his gaze
“You said that home is where the heart is and I’m sorry you left your heart back on Earth. I could help you make a new heart! I like making things. Things like this!”
>You take your Anon doll and hold it up to his face
>The real thing doesn’t quite know what he’s looking at, at first until he notices the similarities
>Pipe Cleaners to form a body
>A bouncy ball for a head
>And black napkins for a nice suit, complemented with a red tie paper clip
>He takes the doll in his hand carefully, afraid that somehow his touch will make your crafted interpretation of him shatter
>You’re nervous as he examines it closer from back to front, side to side
>But then he laughs hard, a genuine laughter from the gut that makes you happy
>He finishes his merriment and speaks to you
>”You made this, Lily?”
“Yeah! I can also make your new heart really pretty too! We could draw it on some construction paper and cut it out with some safety scissors! After that we’ll use some glue to put glitter on it and hang it in your house so that it can turn into a home!”
>”Having a new heart would be nice, and to have it made be made by such a sweet pony”
>Again Anon can’t help but laugh
>You don’t know why he’s laughing so much since he was crying just earlier
>Humans must change their moods really quickly
>Oh well
>If he’s happy then you’re happy
>Still, his new home isn’t going to be like the old one on Earth
>And you’re sure he’ll still miss his sister
>You know that you certainly would if you were the one sent to Earth
>You look at both the doll and the giant holding it and an idea forms in your head
>>
>>37473405
Whoops, accidently copied and pasted that wrong. Ignore this part.

PROPER CONTINUATION FROM >>37473394
>This is much better than what you imagined it would be like in your games of pretend
>This is actually real

>You’re the first to break the silence
“Are you okay, Anon?”
>It takes time to regain his computer but sure enough, he takes on his calm voice again, but this time his words are unsteady
>”No”
“What’s wrong?”
>”I’m scared”
“What are you scared of?”
>”I just want to go home, Lily. I had my own life on Earth. I had friends and a family back there. A sister that looked up to me”
>He takes his head away from your blonde mane and looks at you, his eyes puffy and red and his frown pronounced
>”And now she probably thinks I decided to just run away or got hurt. I just want to tell her I’m okay. To go back home and hug her, and take her to the circus like I promised”
>This is the first time you’ve had to comfort somepny before, and you hope you’re doing it right
>Listening
>Just listening until they’ve told you their story
>”I don’t feel like I’m home. This place is great, but it was never meant for me”
>Anon finishes his thoughts and looks away from you
>You can see some tears going down his cheek
>You take a hoof and help rub it off of him, his eyes once again meeting yours
“I’m sorry that you’re not home, Anon”
>”It’s not your fault Lily. It’s not anybody’s fault really”
“But maybe I can still help you find a home here”
>He looks at you inquisitively
>You try your best to stay reassuring under his gaze
“You said that home is where the heart is and I’m sorry you left your heart back on Earth. I could help you make a new heart! I like making things. Things like this!”
>You take your Anon doll and hold it up to his face
>The real thing doesn’t quite know what he’s looking at, at first until he notices the similarities
>Pipe Cleaners to form a body
>A bouncy ball for a head
>And black napkins for a nice suit, complemented with a red tie paper clip
>He takes the doll in his hand carefully, afraid that somehow his touch will make your crafted interpretation of him shatter
>You’re nervous as he examines it closer from back to front, side to side
>But then he laughs hard, a genuine laughter from the gut that makes you happy
>He finishes his merriment and speaks to you
>”You made this, Lily?”
“Yeah! I can also make your new heart really pretty too! We could draw it on some construction paper and cut it out with some safety scissors! After that we’ll use some glue to put glitter on it and hang it in your house so that it can turn into a home!”
>”Having a new heart would be nice, and to have it made be made by such a sweet pony”
>Again Anon can’t help but laugh
>You don’t know why he’s laughing so much since he was crying just earlier
>Humans must change their moods really quickly
>Oh well
>If he’s happy then you’re happy
>>
>>37473424
>Still, his new home isn’t going to be like the old one on Earth
>And you’re sure he’ll still miss his sister
>You know that you certainly would if you were the one sent to Earth
>You look at both the doll and the giant holding it and an idea forms in your head
“Anon, you said you wanted to send a message to your sister, right?”
>”It’d be nice to”
“How about we have your doll send it for you?!”
>You can tell by his confused look that he’s not following along with your idea
“It looked like you thought that the river would carry you back home, but I don’t think it can since it just goes to the ocean, I think. But if there’s maybe a portal then we could send the doll through it so our sister knows you’re okay!”
>You try to smile wide at the end of your idea presentation, hoping that he’ll find it worthwhile
“It’s your doll, Lily. I couldn’t ask you to throw it away for me”
>”I made it because…”
>You think about it for a moment
>Why did you make it?
>You gathered all the materials and thought that you’d create your new role model
>But you don’t keep it locked away in your toy chest or leave it on your study desk
>No, you play with it regularly and treat it like all your other toys
“...because I wanted to be friends with you”
>You move your head closer to him and nuzzle his cheek, just like you would to one of your sisters to show affection
“But now I have the real thing, so I don’t need it anymore”
>Anon is silent as he looks at you
>Your heart is pounding in your chest, afraid that maybe you just embarrassed yourself in front of him
>Then he whispers gently to you, to the point you can hardly hear it
>But you hear it regardless, for that’s what friends do
>They listen to each other and help them face their fears
“Thank you, Lily”
>You nod as you take the doll from his hands with your mouth and walk up to the ledge
>You raise yourself up with your front two hooves and put your jaws away from the bridge
>And then release
>The play thing down as you expected it to, straight down and once it splashes into the water, the river takes it away to parts unknown
>But as it leaves, you wave goodbye to it, making a wish to a star that it safely makes it to Anon’s sister
>You get down back on your four hooves and look at Anon
>He seems...relieved
>Like a weight he was holding on his back is finally gone
>You notice that as he stands up, he stands up straighter and more properly than you’ve ever seen him before
>The emptiness from his eyes are gone, now filled with gratitude
>You make a suggestion to what to do next
“C’mon, Anon, let's go home!”
>”Sounds good to me”
“It’s dark out and I’m scared of the dark, but I’m sure it won’t be too bad since you’re with me”
>You smile at him
>He smiles back
>>
>>37473432
Later On…
>Frost and cold has taken Ponyville, like the winter wonderland that comes every year
>But the festive season isn’t what’s on everypony’s mind
>No, it’s the fact that it’s the middle of the summer and it’s snowing
>The weather Pegasui are not at fault, but rather a certain villain
>A villain that goes by the name of…
>”Discord!”
>The name is shouted out by a charismatic mare that goes by the name of Lily Valley
>”Hmm, something I can be of assistance with? I have a very busy schedule. I’ll have you know that I plant to win the snowpony contest, but I’m always ready to make time when the time comes”
>True to his word, Discord is bundled up in his winter gear, a single fuzzy hat, and is creating a snowpony out of the white flakes falling from the sky
>”But it’s not winter yet Discord, nopony has their list for Santa Claws planned out yet!”
>The two are in the middle of the town square as their debate rages on, just like the snowstorm around them
>”Don’t be a spoil sport, Lily. You ponies are always so used to the weather being controlled. Just let it be a little more chaotic for once. Enjoy yourself. Here, have some coco”
>Not once does Discord look to Lily as he focuses on shaping his snowpony with his appendages
>With a snap of his fingers, a palm tree sprouts out of the snow in front of Lily as she deftly dodges at least two coconuts that fall out of the tree
>Two!
>”You’re nuts, Discord!”
>”I’ll sweep up those shells later. Or maybe I won’t? All part of being the embodiment of chaos and all that, you understand”
>Lily growled
>Normally a swift buck with her legendary hooves would be enough to solve her
>But Discord’s magic was powerful
>He’d likely change her legs to gelatin before she could make the strike
>No, this problem called for her wits
>”I challenge you to a game of riddles!”
>Just as the Drconian was about to place the button eyes on the snow pony, he twisted his entire torso to face her with glee
>“Ooh, a game you say? What’s the prize? I always wanted an all expenses paid vacation to Manehattan. Oh sure, I could just teleport there but it’s so much more fun when someone else pays for it”
>”If I win then you’ll stop the snow and clean this all up!”
>”And when I win?”
>”Then you can take my vintage Castle of the Two Sisters play set”
>”Not something I’m terribly interested in, but we do have to move the plot along. Consider your challenge formally accepted”
>”I’ll ask you three riddles, Discord, and if you answer all three correctly then you’ll be the winner”
>”How about two?”
>”Three”
>”Two and a half?”
>”Three”
>”Oh why dost thou have to be such a party pooper? Fine. Go ahead and search through that dusty mind of yours for some real challenges”
>>
>>37473437
>Discord summons a podium and graduate’s cap for himself to idly stand next to, his pose bored as he yawns
>Lily poses her first riddle to him, pointing a hoof dramatically at him
>This is it, time to be a hero again
>”What’s so fragile that saying its name breaks it?”
>Discord mouths his mouth but no sound comes out
>Confused, Lily approaches the Draconian closer and strains one of her ears
>The being of chaos puts on a smug look as he once again mouths his answer
>Lily sighed
>He definitely knew what the correct response was
>Before she could tell him he got it right, Discord suddenly starts having a coughing fit
>Or rather, it’s more like he’s trying to spit out a hairball like a cat does
>Eventually a full sized toad comes out of his mouth and it croaks in a dull tone before Discord discards it
>”Right then, sorry about that. Frog in my throat. As I was saying, the answer to your riddle is silence”
>Rolling in her eyes in annoyance, Lily simply nodded
>This was going to be difficult
>”If only my super cool friend Anon was here, he would know what to do”
>”Someone call my name?”
>Turning her head to town hall, Lily saw the man of steel wool emerge from the doors as he strides triumphantly to Discord and Lily
>”Sorry I’m late Lily, had to finish up some papers for the Mayor”
>”It’s okay Anon, everything’s going to be okay now that you’re here! You see-”
>Just then, Discord poofs right in between the mare and the human, him facing Anon
>”I made it snow, so Lily challenged me to a game of riddles to try and stop me. She struck out in her first swing and only has two more tries left. There, I just summed up the last five minutes in two sentences. Do I get my gold star sticker now?”
>Lily groans
>Undeterred by Discord’s anics, Anon is ready to pose his own riddle
>”Alright Discord, if you’re so good with riddles then answer this one. There’s a man that lives on the tenth floor of a building. Everytime he leaves his home, he always takes the elevator to go the first floor, but everytime he goes back home, he stops at the seventh floor and walks up three levels to get to his own apartment. Why is this?”
>Discord and Anon leer at each other in a really tense way that’s really dramatic
>But then DIscord laughs
>”Easy. He’s a short, so he can reach the first floor button everytime he leaves, but can only reach the seventh floor button when he gets back home”
>All anon can do is sigh
>”Yeah, yeah, you got it”
>”Oh ye of little brain. Please Anon, you wound me. I’m a being made out of the infinite potential of chaos and pure streams of consciousness. I invented lateral thinking. I AM lateral thinking. Well Lily, I dare say that your play set will soon be mine. Maybe I’ll color it with some markers and glue some doll heads on it or something”
>Anon and Lily looked at each other, hoping the other would have a plan of action
>But they both frowned
>>
>>37473441
>This was truly their darkest moment
>Not when they had to save the Crystal Empire from the evil of King Sombra
>Or when they had to evacuate the Teddy Bear village before the stuffing monster attacked
>Or when they had to eat all the cookies that were overcooked at Sugar Cube Corner
>No, only a miracle could save Lily’s Vintage Castle of the Two Sisters playset from the 1986 Haspone Hearth’s Warming Eve Catalogue with special glow in the dark towers
>But a miracle came
>Two in fact
>”Everything all right here, sis?”
>”Rosie, Daisy!” Lily says excitedly
>Daisy and Roseluck trot slowly and cooly towards the two heroes as a beam of light shoots down and gives them a spotlight
>Discord puts a han to his cheek as he once again leans over his podium, uninspired
>”Don’t tell me I have to summarize the plot again. I hate it when new characters get introduced in the middle of the conflict that don’t have prior knowledge. This isn’t a moment for exposition”
>Roseluck is the one to reply
>”I think we can gather what’s happening here, and we have the key to defeating you!”
>”Oh really, now? And what is it, the power of love between family or something along those lines?”
>”No”, Daisy states, “It’s a riddle you’ll never solve”
>”Try me”
>”Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?”
>For the first time in centuries, Discord is stunned to silence
>The three sisters and Anon give brohoofs to each other
>Then, fire envelops DIscord’s head, hot enough to start melting the snow around the village but not so hot that it would burn marshmallows
>His voice screams in anger
>”That's not how these stories are supposed to go! There’s no theme or morality to take from this! All you did was ask a nonsensical question and call yourselves the victors!”
>Summer is returning as the lush greenery of the land comes back and the clouds part way, likely to get ready for Princess Celestia to swoop down and give our heroes their properly earned medals
>The man in the black suit takes out a pair of sunglasses from his pocket, also giving each mare around him their own sunglasses that match their coats as well
>”Yeah”, Anon says
>In unison, all four of them put on their sunglasses and cross their own limbs in a really cool pose as they stare at Discord
>”Deal with it”, Daisy says
>>
>>37473447
>With all the snow melted from Discord’s headlamp, he gives out one last scream of anguish before disappearing is a puff of smoke
>And then every single pony came out of hiding from their homes and started to clap their hooves and cheer their names
>On cue, Celestia comes down with four medals in her mouth to bestow upon the three brave ponies and the really brave human
>She speaks in her regal and motherly tone
>”Daisy, Lily, Roseluck, and Anon. For valor and wits far above what is expected to perform in the line of duty, I give to all of you these milk chocolate gold foiled medals. Except you Daisy. I know you prefer white chocolate”
>The cheers of the crowd grow even wilder as each of the recipients are given their medal but quite down again when the Princess continues her speech
>”Thanks to all of you, the Equestrian way of life of peace, harmony, and friendship has been saved. May Ponyville forever be a home to all!”
>Home


>Home
>That's where you are right now
>Sitting on the floor of your wooden cabin just outside the village,
>Next to you are three sisters that you regularly invite for play time now
>Roseluck as she smiles and looks to her sisters
>Daisy as she idly listens to the pretend speech given and brushing the doll that represents her
>And of course, Lily
>Lily is using her best imitation of Princess Celestia as she wiggles it around to talk, her playset spread across the floor to use however the world of your minds see fit
>The four of you just saved the day again in your combined imaginations
>Just like how she saved you a few weeks ago
>You still have aches in your heart from time to time
>You still miss your old home
>You still want to see your sister again
>Lily has made things easier though
>She’s a pony that you can talk to, a part of your new support network
>Of course, you never get into the heavy stuff with her, it’s always about how you miss some things or how you feel sad sometimes
>>
>>37473456
>But it’s enough just to have someone listen to you
>Now you have something to look forward to every time you wake up in the morning, instead of dreading a new day, alone with just your thoughts
>What you can be excited about is seeing Lily again, along with her sisters
>It’s like having a sister again
>Occasionally you get dark moments, times to when you want to go back to that bridge again and...try to go back to Earth
>But then you remember that night that Lily stopped you
>Maybe one day she’ll tell you why she was out alone in the woods too
>All you know is that you’re thankful that she was there for you, like an angel with a flower in her hair
>You felt scared, alone, and confused as to how you wanted to move forward
>But in trotted this sweet pony that chased your fears away
>You look over to a far wall at the only thing hanging from it, next to the front door
>A framed picture of a heart drawn with a crayon, red glitter covering the entire shape
>At the bottom of the picture is a single phrase written in shaky green crayon
>”Anon’s Home”
>This is your home now, and it’s filled with love and kindness
>You’re not going to go away anytime soon
>You turn your attention back to Lily as she’s about to wrap up her Celestia speech
>You told her that bravery is facing your fears
>You were afraid that you were going to be alone for the rest of your life, surrounded by little ponies that didn’t know just what a burden reality can be
>Like walking around a field of flowers and trying your best not to accidentally stop on any of the natural bouquets
>Subsequently, you were bottling every bit of sadness that was festering in you
>She listens to you though and always has an innocent idea to cheer you up
>Sometimes it’s naps, playtime, or just simple warm hugs
>You like the hugs the most
>Lily stops imitating the Princess and puts on a big grin that melts your heart as her sisters start to praise her storytelling abilities
>You clap your hands together too to compliment her
>There’s plenty of reasons to give her praise
>Afterall, She’s the most courageous pony you know
>You hope that maybe one day you’ll be just as brave as she is

The End

Thanks for everyone's patience and a big thanks to the Anon that gave me the original prompt.
>>
>>37473461
c u t e
u
t
e
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>>37473461
yep that was very nice.
thanks for finishing it.

one little spelling error i caught do a "find" for the word "computer"
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>>37473461
Blessed green!!!
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>>37473461
FUCK my heart! 10/10 green friend absolute top cute wholesomeness, this is the shit i come here for.
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>>37473461
Great stuff my man, I for sure wasn't expecting Lily to save Anon but I really should have seen it coming! Thanks for finishing it
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lyra's in your bed after eating all your oats
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Anyone got any ideas for greens they'd like me to write about? The whole Snowponies thing got me reinvigorated about these cute horses.
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>>37474844
>kinder snowpony green
would be based, honestly snowponies are the best thing to have happened on the board recently
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>>37474844
About Snowponies specifically? Maybe a little something on cave paintings in a cozy cave.
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>>37474844
I would like pic related in a way of anon teaching how to cook a fish. Like going
>snowponies see anon camping
>they see anon putting fish close to the fire
>all the snowponies retreat instead pic related
>anon give a fish to the pony, really tasty compared to eating it raw
>snowpony now tries to figure out how to do the same
>a lot of silly failed attempts with the worst one being literally throwing a filly on the fire
>anon properly teaches to snowpony how to cook
>also how to start a fire
>fast forward, the future generation of snowponies praise and pray the figure of anon like if he was a kindly God
>>
>>37474844
anon escapes equestrian scp only to end up in snowpony scp
>>
>>37474911
>Anon lands in prehistoric Equestria in the middle of an ice age
>Goes full survival mode and lives like this for years hunting prey and foraging for things
>Captures weird pony thing that has wild fur
>About to skin it
>But looks into its eyes and sees too much soul in it to go through with it
>Lets it go but uses stealth to follow it, curious if it truly is intelligent and if it has a tribe
>Eventually finds their primitive village of huts that are around the mouth of a cabe
>Sneaks into the cave and looks around to see what they store in it
>It’s full of art that depicts their culture painted using their hooves on the wall with paints made out of crushed berries, fruits, dust, etc.
>But one thing stands out
>A figure with long clawed limbs and an angry expression
>It has two arms and two legs
>It finally dawns on him that it’s a crude stick figure representation of him holding his spear
>The snow ponies must have been watching him without realizing it
>He’s depicted as an angry and vengeful monster that destroys everything around him
>Anon has a moment of introspection
>If these ponies are the only form of sentience around, he doesn’t want to be remembered as something to be feared
>He leaves the village
>From then on, Anon leaves gifts of berries, fish, and firewood sometimes when the snow ponies are napping
>He also protects the tribe from wandering monsters here and there before they can reach the village
>Eventually the snow ponies realize who has been leaving gifts and protecting them
>Depictions of Anon shift from being a horrible monster to a noble protector that watches over the innocent
>One day a delegation of snowponies come up to his makeshift tent
>He’s confused at what they want
>More gifts maybe?
>They don’t speak the same language and subsequently communication is difficult
>The head of the delegation presents him with a wooden bowl filled with some kind of green liquid
>Anon is about to drink it but the head pony stops him and tries to signal him to follow them back to their village
>He does so, and they all arrive at the cave he had snuck into before
>The representation of him as a devil figure is still there, but there’s also another figure
>It’s similar in body structure and is a stick figure, but subtle differences such as a serene expression and triumphant posing over various beasts makes it much more heroic
>He looks at the head delegate for answers and finally recognizes her
>It’s the first snowpony he had met
>The one he spared so long ago
>She leads him to a part of the cave that is covered in hoof prints of all shapes and sizes
>She puts her hoof onto a print, an identical match, and then looks at Anon
>He then realizes what the green liquid is for
>He dips his hand into the bowl, letting the liquid run over his palm
>He then takes his hand and plants it firmly on the wall in an empty space next to all the other hoofprints
>He is now a member of the tribe
>>
>>37475222
Hundreds of thousands of years later…
>It was the archeological find of the century
>The oldest snowpony village in existence was discovered and excavated to learn more about the distant ancestors of modern day ponies
>Of special interests was the cave paintings
>One of the more striking scenes showcased two bipedal gods
>One was an evil demon that wielded a spear for wicked purposes, slaughtering all that opposed it as it enslaved snowponies
>The other was a benevolent being that gave the gift of generosity and protected the innocent
>Dating of the paintings indicates that art of the evil god ended before the benevolent god’s
>Most speculate that this means the snowponies thought a battle between the bipedal gods had occurred and ultimately good triumphed over evil
>But the cave painting that captured the most attention was a wall covered in only hoof prints and a symbol
>The symbol was faded but the green that made it up lasted well over
>It was noticeable that snowponies made an effort to avoid covering it up with their prints
>It was also easy to know what the symbol meant
>After all, even after all this time it was still in use
>Etymologist believe that it shows five trees rising over a hill
>Readers of modern day Ponyish know it as the symbol for “Friend”

That’s what I had for an idea
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>>37473461
This is a really sweet story, thank you for writing it.
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>>37475222
>>37475226
I love this story. The snowponies are real sweethearts when you get to know them.
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>>37475226
>Etymologist believe that it shows five trees rising over a hill
Maybe also something about how they interpret the thumb to be a weaker tree as it's shorter and leaning, like it's going to fall over, but thanks to the strong intertwining roots of all the trees it's able to stay standing with the rest of them.
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>>37475226
It's a great idea, and Anon got what he wanted. He managed to be remembered as a friend and not something to be feared. His legacy lives on in those five trees.
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>>37475318
Love the world building. I was considering including a part about Anon leading an exodus of the tribe to a more hospital climate and that’s how Equestrian ponies came to settle on fertile land after a migration from the frigid north, but didn’t want to detract from the simple storytelling.
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>>37475226
>>37475318
>"Friend" ship is what fought off the wendigos and other creatures of the night.
>"Friend" ship is what brought different races together to create a stronger group.
All part of the grand design.
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>>37471855
>Ponies in the Cult of Anonymity believe that by just giving up their names and identities, they can be a part of something bigger than they are.
>Unshackled by the burdens of identity, they're able to live life fuller with their brothers and sisters.
>And all it took was an alien monkey arriving in their world to show them the light.
>And if they get to protect him from the ponice being mean to him so he doesn't go to scary prison? Well, that's even better!

>Meanwhile, Anon is loving this gig of being the savior to a cult of ponies pretending to be him.
>He can get away with so much more with them at his side!
>For instance, he can just boop some random pony and run into the crowd of his followers, and the ponice will be so confused he won't get sent to boring-ass pony prison!
>>
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>>37475226
I like this
>>
Anon actually turned into a god.
Modern Anon is just a reincarnation/avatar of the ancient anon.
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>>37475226
tis good
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>>37473461
Holy shit it got finished! Thank you for the great story. Maybe Anon can get one of the alicorns to magic a letter back to Earth saying he's ok.
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>>37473461
I'm filled with every possible feeling right now.
ARG!
Best story ever. I'm going to save the text in case the archive sites fail (again).
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nerd hoers wishes to share horse weeb snacks with you< do you accept?
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>>37477495
hors pocky is just straw covered in chocolate
>>
>Inb4 Ancient Anon ends up being the true creator of "Friendship is Magic".
>But he probably didn't call it that. Probably something like "STICK TOGETHER SO YOU DON'T FUCKIN' DIE" but it's not like the little ponies knew what he was saying.
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>>37477969
>"BEHOLD."
>"THE ORIGINAL SPEAKER OF THE "FORBIDDEN TONGUE""!
>"Watch as lightning shoots across the sky at his very words!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP."
>B O O M.
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>>37477969
It was called that but gets censored by the kinder world so that kinderpones can't hear it. To them it just sounds like the adults in Charlie Brown whenever there's a curse word.
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>>37478710
>>
>>37479213
>The ancient phrase was lost to time, the only translation left were "STICK TOGETHER SO YOU DON'T-" and the rest became a garbled mess followed by etchings of lightning bolts.
>It's theorized that these are unknown translations for "get very bad booboos".
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>>37479939
anons face when looking down from pone heaven
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>>37480196
"FUCK YES, THEY LIVED! Got the damn saying wrong but fuck it, they lived through me being there, they earned the goddamn right to change it up."
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RCG-088

Danger: Existential - Catastrophic KM-088 Mental Resulpting Scenario

Utility: Wellspring - 200+ years of technological knowledge in excess of Equestrian civilization, see Addendum 088-01

Containment Difficulty: Variable - minimal with basic containment; extreme infohazard generator with utilization

Royal Containment Procedures: RCG-088 is to be contained in a standard large bipedal containment unit and be given three (3) omnivorous or carnivorous rations of its choice. Additional privilages varies depending on its level of cooporation, see Addendum 088-02 for details. Unless it is being actively consulted, RCG-088 is to communicate with an electronic message board in constructed language "SAFE PIDGIN", which was designed to minimize its ability to communicate complex ideas. Should it attempt to nonetheless communicate ideas outside of its allowed volcabulary, communication should cease immediately until official review. RCG-088 is aware of its properties and will attempt to avoid expressing infohazards. However, it still does so unintentionally. All personnel interacting with RCG-088 must carry multiple Class-A amnestics in case of exposure.
Description: RCG-088 originates from an alternate universe with a much more chaotic and competitive memetic landscape. This has resulted in its acquisition, utilization, and ability to synthesize memes and memeplexes which are mentally hazardous to Equestrian organisms. It is physically unremarkable, roughly analogous to a minotaur with simian traits, and prefers to be called "Mark", which means [INFOHAZARD REDACTED] [1]. It claims to have arrived in Equestria via unknown methods, although there were thaumic signs of a local spontaneous spatial rift.

Addendum 088-12: Given the imminent enactment of the Eclipse Contingency, RCG-088 was consulted for advice. RCG-088 is a self-described [INFOHAZARD REDACTED] engineer, meaning it is knowlegable in [INFOHAZARD REDACTED]. RCG-088 then concocted a plan to avert the KD-001 Royal Dominance Shift Scenario utilizing metal piping, ball bearings, fuel oil, and chemical fertilizer [2]. Further details are highly infoharzardous and sanitized versions are available only to director-level personnel. - Director White Castle

[1]: Yes, the origins of its name is an infohazard. The safe part is that it means service to a deity. The infohazard is the nature of said deity. The interviewing team came out of the room covered in vomit, having dosed themselves with amnestics. Every researcher curious enough to listen to the recordings has done the same. The name itself, however, is safe (as far as we know). - Dr. Green Bloom

[2]: As far as we know, the infohazard generated was only a byproduct of its true function. This is one of the few incidents for which RCG-088 has expressed discomfort. That alone should be enough warning not to dig further. Dr. Green Bloom
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>>37480938
This is roughly what I was referring to when I wrote "electronic messaging board". Mark presses buttons, which then transmit an electronic signal.
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>>37480946
Why do you have 388 speaking bonobos?
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>>37481303
he doesn't, he has thousands.
>>37480938
not gonna lie anon this really scratches my autism itches.
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>>37480938
Moar
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>>37481326
Thanks, I just thought the idea of humans being eldritch monsters was cool. What do you like about it?

>>37480938
Incident Log: 088-01|1201-03-01 The following script was found etched on the inside of a basement ventillation shaft in Site 88. It is unknown what events are being referenced. Of note, RCG-088 has never had access to said basement and does not fit in the ventillation system. The author has yet to be identified.
"WHO IS HE? WHAT DOES HE WANT? HOW MUCH HAS HE FORCED US TO FORGET? WHY DO I KNOW MY BEST FRIEND IS [INFOHAZARD REDACTED] IF I NEVER HAD A BEST FRIEND? WHY HAS THE PRINCESS BEEN CRYING?"

Incident Log: 088-01|1203-01-07 Princess Twilight Sparkle made a surprise visit to Site 88. It is unknown how she acquired knowledge of the facility, as Princess Celestia had not informed the Royal Containment Group of any disclosure to P. Sparkle. Due to the first Directive of the Group Charter ("We serve at the pleasure of the Princess and her deputies"), site staff allowed her entry. After a guided tour, she requested to meet with RCG-088. It is unknown how she acquired knowledge of RCG-088, although [REDACTED DUE TO ONGOING INVESTIGATION]. After a briefing on RCG-088's characteristics, P. Sparkle proceeded to speak with RCG-088 for 3 hours, at the end of which she exited the containment chamber in tears. P. Sparkle then requested that all recordings of her conversation and logs of her visit be destroyed [3]. RCG-088 refused to elaborate on its conversation with P. Sparkle, claiming privacy concerns. All privilages granted to RCG-088 for good behavior have been revoked, pending investigation. Group Charter Directives have been amended due to this incident.


3: [REDACTED DUE TO ONGOING INVESTIGATION]. Since, as stated, we serve at the pleasure of the Princess, not Princesses. - Director White Castle
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>>37481446
Researcher Note: Green-Bloom-01|1203-01-10 I think we have been far too lax in RCG-088's security. We originally assumed that its mind was fundementally similar in capability to ours, except with extra hardening in regards to memetic threats. This made sense, after all, given how helpful and above all *normal* it seemed - when it wasn't casually spouting ideas that would drive ponies catatonically insane.
We were wrong. RCG-088 wasn't just raised in an incredibly competitive memetic environment, where memes and memeplexes battled for dominance in the minds of sapients, but also in a similarly competitive *social* environment. The signs of this were scatter throughout its interview logs. The way its mind came to be, "Evolution by Natural Selection", is itself an infohazard to beings with a Hooves Memetic Resistance rating of less than 98.
I'm trying very hard to write this before I have to take an amnestic, so my analogies will be rough, but among its most dangerous abilities is a form of pathological empathy. Imagine a ferrier, making horseshoes by hoof. He doesn't pour the metal directly into a mold shaped exactly like he wants it to end up - he has to instead account for the distortions the cooling process will have upon the shoe. In short, he has to be able to predict how the metal will act as it cools, and then plan around that so as to produce an end product of a certain size and shape.
The terrifying fact is that I believe RCG-088 can do this to ponies. While empathy to you and me is just the ability to feel another's emotions directly through their gestures and words, empathy to RCG-088 is the ability to pour your mind into a certain mold, letting thoughts and ideas that are your own shape your conclusions to something that *it* wants. I believe this is how it managed to get a message to Princess Twilight despite all of its conversations being audited. It led our own agents to a decision *it* wanted while they thought they came up with it themselves.
I'm not sure what we should do about this - if this theory is true, then the Group, indeed, all of Equestria could be hopelessly compromised. But if that is the case, nothing we do matters anyway, so we must assume the opposite.
I have the following proposals:
1. SAFE PIDGIN is to be revised, removing roughly 216 of the 486 symbols.
2. All interactions with RCG-088 are to be kept to an absolute minimum. All non-essential interviews (psychological evaluations, "friendly visits") are to be cancelled indefinitely
3. All agents and researchers who interact with 088, regardless of whether they feel they need it, are required to take an amnestic afterwards.
4. All information obtained from 088 are to be passed through a committee, who are then to vote whether or not to destroy said information. A single for vote results in amnestic application to all members of said committee and destruction of information.
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>>37481712
Researcher Note (cont):
Furthermore, I have reason to believe that its appearance of normalcy is an act. When first discovered, RCG-088 was behaving highly eratically, yelling infohazards and it attempted to fight Royal Guards. Its subsequent calm demeanor and geneal friendliness was assumed to be a result of it acquiring the "right" Equestrian values through acculturation.
I'm convinced that this is impossible. In fact, if it were true, it would contradict *everything* we know about it. Firstly, regardless of how objectively right our values are, they simply have not been subjected to the same selective pressures as the memes from RCG-088's native dimension. Given that's the case, why would it assimilate to *our* values? It does against everything we know about pathological memetics.
Secondly, everything we know about RCG-088 is from interactions where it didn't communicate infohazards. Our staff have been specifically instructed to amnesticize themselves if they encountered an infohazard. Early on, virtually every interaction with RCG-088 resulted, in fact, in amnestics use. And RCG-088 knows this. It also knows from experience what we consider infohazards.
Think about that for a moment. Seriously take a few minutes and think about it. It could say literally anything it wants to anypony, follow that up with an infohazard, and then know for certain that the staff involved will forget about that incident.
How many times do you think a ferrier needs to make a horseshoe for the same hoof before it becomes second-nature?
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>>37481858
my brain is too small to understand what is going on but I like it
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>>37481869
Say Mark wants to convince you of something. He makes an argument. You respond negatively. He then says an infohazard ("Let me tell you about this guy named Jeffery Dahmer"), you take an amnestic, causing you to forget the entire interaction, and then he tries again. And again. And then he weedles out every dark secret you have, maybe even threatening you physically and force-feeding you the amnestic.
And then you forget. From the times you do remember, however, Mark is a great guy, a great friend. He just need to learn more about what information is dangerous to ponies is all. It's the same experience for everypony who's interacted with Mark.
At least, that's what Green Bloom suspects. Or maybe that's just what Mark wants her to think. But she didn't think about that last one - she was crunched for time writing that report, after all.
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>>37481986
>And then he weedles out every dark secret you have, maybe even threatening you physically and force-feeding you the amnestic.
>kinderquestria
eh
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>>37482005
We're half Poneprison now, remember?
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>>37481858
Researcher Note: White-Castle-01|1203-01-12
I want it on the record that I think you're being paranoid. Princess Twilight has been pressuring us hard to improve conditions for all sapients under containment, and you're not helping. You have no evidence that anything you wrote about actually happened - just speculation.
I'm going to go through your proposals one by one.
1. Partially approved. The idea is fine - we don't want jannies to risk insanity every time they bring him a slice of pizza, but 216 is too many. At least let him communicate what toppings he wants on his food.
2. Partially approved. Site 88 is for containment and research, not socializing with anomalies. Every interaction with 088 needs to be for good reason, and social calls are bad for discipline.
3. Denied. Doesn't this conflict with the rest of your report? If we forget every interaction, this would just give a theoretically evil Mark the ability to do more harm. Did you even think this one through?
4. Denied. You're just being paranoid, and Twilight is threatening to slash our budget as-is. We can't afford this even if we wanted it.
Either come back with actual evidence or calm down. We have thousands of hours of recordings and you have one of the highest Memetic Resistance values ever recorded. If you want to test your sanity sifting through them all, be my guest, but you are better than baseless accusations.
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>>37482141
Based Green Bloom locking the crazy monkey in a box and throwing away the key for the good of all of equestria.
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>>37482141
Really enjoying this more serious take on SCP this far (or maybe it only seems serious because we only ever read about Mark from the kinderponies' perspective? The message left in the vent is genuinely chilling, I don't know if it's just a throwaway line to play up his eldritchness or if more information will be revealed, but I'm certainly hoping for the latter)
Also refreshing to see is the use of more mature vocabulary compared to other stories.
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Grade A infohazard right here
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(mind_game)
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>>37482964
Oh god damn it. Lost the fucker.

Now makes me wonder how seriously Pones/SCP-esque Pones would take The Game.
-------
>An accidental breach of RCG-088 has happened.
>He himself hasn't left the containment but an Infohazard he shared with personnel has and has thus been dubbed RCG-088-1 for safety concerns.
>Anyone seen purposely talking about 088-1 and trying to share it's effect with others must immediately be taken into custody and administered Class A Amnestic along with whoever they spoke with.
>To think that this creature would have such a {REDACTED} spread all throughout his culture.
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>>37482964
I [REDACTED] [REDACTED] you.
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>>37480938
>>37481446
>>37481712
>>37481858
>>37482141
>>37483719
Imagine if it switched to Anon's perspective (or...Mark? In this case. But I'm going with Anon) and it's just a bunch of silly ponies that would like for him to stay inside his home and bring him Delivery sometimes.
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>>37482141
Interview Log: RCG-088-1|1203-01-13
Interviewing Personnel: Dr. Green Bloom
Green Bloom: I want to talk about the Eclipse Contingency. Somepony scratched these words into a ventillation shaft at this facility. I suspect they may be related.
*Green Bloom shows RCG-088 and unredacted version of Incident Log 088-01|1202-03-01*
Mark Carlyle: You realize we've had this discussion more than once, right? It always happens the same way - I tell you what happened, you freak out, and then you take the amnestics.
GB: I'm currently taking powerful mood stabilizers. They'll let me hold it together until at least I write a report.
MC: Fine. Ask away. But for the record, I warned you.
GB: What events were the message referencing?
MC: I know what the redacted notes about Eclipse say. I also know that they leave out the important bits. Ponies seem to think that I used the ball bearings and fuel oil to make some kind of slippery trap, and that's just not true. What actually happened was [INFOHAZARD EXPUNGED].
GB: ...That was why Celestia was crying in public, wasn't it?
MC: Yeah. Yeah, it was. She told be that she seriously considered having me [INFOHAZARD REDACTED], but that she knew how things looked from my perspective. You ponies really convinced me that it was an "end of days" sort of thing, instead of just a sisterly spat, if a violent one. So I did what I thought was necessary. She said she would have done the same in my position.
GB: Are you implying that Princess Celestia is resistant against your infohazards?
MC: I'm implying a lot more than that. Read between the lines. Equestria is like a pencil standing on its tip in the middle of the forest. If you find something like that, you have to ask two questions: who put it like that, and who's [i]keeping[/i] it like that.
GB: I'll keep that in mind.
[Interview Ends]
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>>37484780
>ball bearings and fuel oil
Oh fuck, he had them construct a pipe bomb and used it on Luna?
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>>37484780
So how do you guys think Anon did it?
I think he made some sort of gun, maybe had the oil in one part and the ball bearings in the other. Lit the fuse and it basically acted like a shotgun. Pic related.
>>37484965
I like your idea as well, sounds much easier to do then mine.
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>>37484965
I was implying this in Addendum 088-12, but had to get more direct since no one got it.
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>>37485005
I recognized the components when I read that part, it just didn't click for me that they'd actually went ahead and used it, especially if they didn't understand what it does.
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>>37485046
I thought Anon used it, since he said " I used the ball bearings"

Also, now that I am thinking about it. It seems killing or having someone be killed is an infohazard init of itself. Or at least thats what I am understanding from
>She told be that she seriously considered having me [INFOHAZARD REDACTED]
Maybe this is why the villain's get banished or turn to stone so often.
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>>37469752
>Magician Anon is in Prison.
>As expected.
>What wasn't expected was that the whole place was kinda like if a Spa, a motel and a Therapist's office decided to rent out the same complex.
>What ALSO wasn't expected was that most of the "evilest of evil villains" were staying here as this was a "Maximum Security" type place.
>And Sombra's attention was tee-totally on Anon. Apparently saying that he was a Magician had something to do with it.
>Not the attention was bad, per se but the guards and warden acted like it was something quite strange.
>Anon didn't really mind though, as long as the little Wizard behaved. And if he behaved enough, he'd show off a trick!
>Like he was now!
"-and is this your card?"
>"Snrt! No! Of course not-"
"Oh? Then let's check behind YOUR EAR-"
>Cue the excited wizard noises.
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>>37485488
mein Herz
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>>37484780
Interview Log: RCG-088-1|1203-01-21
Interviewing Personnel: Dr. Green Bloom
Green Bloom: I suppose congratulations are in order. Not sure how you managed it, but Princess Twilight just sent a royal decree to get you go free.
Mark Carlyle: Well, as fun as it was being in this facility, I've always wanted to see Equestria outside of this box you ponies kept me it.
GB: Before we go though, there's one last piece of the puzzle I couldn't quite figure out.
MC: Oh? Perhaps I can help.
GB: "WHY DO I KNOW MY BEST FRIEND IS [INFOHAZARD REDACTED] IF I NEVER HAD A BEST FRIEND?" What do you think the vent writer meant by that?
MC: Let's just say that sometimes, you miss the forest for the trees.
GB: You're normally not one for riddles.
MC: I'm normally not about to be free for the first time in years. This interview is over.
[Interview Ends]
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>>37485925

Dr. Green Bloom's notebook (do not steal)

1. RCG-088 is evasive about the subject.
2. References freedom. Implying that freedom may be revoked if he divulges more information?
3. "Sometimes, you miss the forest for the trees." Implying that we're overfocused on something, but missing the bigger picture? Something hiding in plain sight.
4. Vent writings imply use of amnestics beyond class-A. Selective removal of memories very difficult, leaves behind residues just like this. Why did we administer them? To protect him? No, to protect *us*.
5. What are we protecting ourselves from? Something in plain sight. Something worth forgetting a pony for. A fellow Group researcher for.
6. Writings link the amnestic administration to the Eclipse Contingincy. Need to look over those notes again. Have to restock personal supply of amnestics.
7. What am I missing? Have I been here before? I have class-B and even class-C amnestic packaging in my apartment. What am I trying to forget? Why are they all from the past month? Why the buck am I taking so many amnestics?
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>>37485946
This is some antimemetics division tier bs.
I can't help but feel that the story is slipping into grim levels that are a bit too much for kinder.
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>>37486030
Kinder, or even standard MLP.
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>>37485946
>Addendum 088-02
I'm hooked! I feel like the story is a bit darker than the usual kinder story but it's great nonetheless
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>>37486364
Took me a while to notice the mistake, please ignore the addendum 088-02 bit
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>>37486030
Well it seems the story is over now that Anon is no longer in prison. Since I think this is was more about PonePrison then it was about kinder. Generals were merged
On the plus side, there still is that whole Kinder SPC dealio if you wanna clear your pallet
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>>37485946
What if ||Green Bloom was the vent writer?||
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>>37486897
And in a massive brain fart of epic proportions, I fuck up spoilering text
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>>37485946
Im assuming anon and or mark used an anfo pipe bomb, for those unaware anfo is an explosive mixture comprised of fetilizer or ammonium nitrate and a fuel like gasoline, to due luna in because of a vast misunderstanding of the nightmare moon situation? that's pretty heavy for a kinder green. but I guess it's good for an anon in pone prison.
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>>37487239
made a slight error ANFO is comprised of 94% ammonium nitrate and 6% fuel oil
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>>37486897
>vent
sus
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>>37486817
It's not over. The last part is the hardest to write, but it does tie everything together rather neatly.
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>>37488187
Don't rush it, been great so far, been a fan of SCP outside of ponies for a while and always love these mashups.
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>>37485946
Researcher Note: Green-Bloom-01|1203-02-30
[NOT APPROVED FOR PUBLICATION]
This is my final, well, anything as part of the Group. This note is also highly infohazardous, so if you're going to keep reading, I recommend having an amnestic ready if you want a few more peaceful months.
Did you know that one of the words for human in RCG-088's language is the word "mortal"? Even the way his species conceptualizes itself contains knowledge of death.
The real question is, why didn't we? How did we manage to keep from ourselves the fact that ponies, well, died? It's not even *that* uncommon an occurence.
I suspect Princess Celestia is involved somehow. Selective mental blindspots and the widespread availability of amnestics are also part of it. The fact that ponies seem to isolate themselves as they get older is another.
Having pieced things together myself more than once, I can tell you that staring your mortality in the eye is the singular most unpleasant experience of my life.
But it's not the big realization that smothers you is it? It's the constant dread of the clock counting down, knowing that each day lived is another closer to obliteration.
RCG-088 didn't even realize how different we were until the Eclipse Contingency. He built a weapon and gave it to us in the assumption that we knew what it meant to take a life. But we didn't even know what it meant to die.
In any case, you can consider this my resignation letter (I mean that poetically - I've filed out the actual paperwork for it). The human is free now, and everypony knows that he can't keep his mouth shut even when he wants to.
I've left a note to myself to invest in amnestics manufacturing. Highly recommend you do the same.

That's the story. Hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it.
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>>37488318
Certainly a little interesting but a bit worrying that they have such easy access to memory altering drugs and that interactions Anon/Mark damn near *require* constant use of it.

Unless we just go to his perspective and it turns out it's all less serious than we think (other than, maybe, the death).
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>>37488318
jesus now it took a turn towards 1984
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>>37489122
I think it's closer to We Happy Few
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>>37488318
Interview Log: RCG-088-1|1200-09-22
Interviewing Personnel: Dr. Green Bloom
Green Bloom: So, I'm hopped up on enough mood stabilizers! Let's start the interview.
Mark Carlyle: I want to state for the record that our dear doctor here is refering to sherry. And you've only had like, one glass. Actually, you know, what? Let me have some too.
GB: Hey! This was a gift from my aunt. You don't even need it to stay calm while you, well, you know.
MC: You mean talking about basic things from my world?
GB: My notes say that we already went through "war" and "suicide" in a previous interview.
MC: I honestly still can't believe you needed to take amnestics just for that. I mean even ants fight each other.
GB: Yeah, but ponies are different. We're as different from the lesser animals as they are from rocks.
MC: Pussy. I bet you'll faint when I bring up the idea of bullies who actually enjoy what they do.
GB: Nice joke, but I kicked over a few sand castles myself when I was a filly. It was one of those terrible things you do because it got you something you want. I stopped because it hurt me on the inside as much as it did them.
MC: Yeah, so was I, but I actually enjoyed it.
[30 SECONDS OF SILENCE]
[INFOHAZARD REDACTED]
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Poor Dr Bloom, I hope she's able to find peace after her resignation.
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>>37489289
kek
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>>37489289
"So."
>Mark turned to look at the new arrival at the park bench.
>He let himself smile, a little.
>"Green Bloom. Didn't expect to see you today."
>She shuffled a little closer as the two of them watched the sunset together.
"We were friends once." She said, matter-of-factly.
>Mark's fingers found their way to her mane in a gentle pat.
"I'm sorry."
>He blinked.
"For treating you like an enemy. Just because you're, well, you - it doesn't mean you're a bad person. In fact, you've been kind even when we weren't. So... yeah."
>Mark sighed. "Alright then. I suppose I also have something to appologize for."
>Green Bloom's head snapped to attention.
>"When I first got here, I didn't understand you ponies. In many ways I still don't. So I thought that when ever one of you had your..."
"Fright response."
>"Right, fright response, it was like, I don't know, some kind of foreign programming. Like a barrier that I just had to find a way around before I could tell you the really interesting stuff humans did, like the Apollo missions and-"
"Mark." Green Bloom was dead serious now. "Mark, what did you do?"
>He hid his eyes in shame, the rays of the falling sun casting a perfect shadow. "How do you fit a square peg in a round hole? In pieces."
>It took a long moment, but Green Bloom finally understood.
"And once you have enough pieces... you can't hide them, not even from yourself."
>"Not every pony is as strong as you."
"What was her name?"
>"Sweetie. Sweetie Drops. You would have liked her."
>She didn't bother to say goodbye.
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Damn. Celestia must not have known what the pipebomb was, or she would have avoided using it. That means either the foundation took matters into their own hands, or they gave it to her and said it would solve the problem and she trusted them without digging for more info. Either way, reading that Luna got an Irish welcome was quite the shock, kinderquestria doesn’t usually go that dark. Well done, I’ve enjoyed this!
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>>37490443
Interview Log: RCG-088-1|1201-01-30
Interviewing Personnel: Agent Sweetie Drops
[NOTE] This entire document is a potent infohazard - class A amnesticization has previously failed in preventing its spread. - Director White Castle
Mark Carlyle: What's wrong, Sweetie? You look like crap.
Sweetie Drops: Remember that story you told me about the snake and the apple?
MC: Yeah, the Garden of Eden.
SD: I think I finally understand what it means now. And I think I finally understand humans.
MC: Is this about what went down during Eclipse?
SD: Yeah. I'm the one agent in the entire Group who declined amnesticization. You know why?
MC: I really don't.
SD: I didn't used to wake up in cold sweat every night, fearing my own demise. Part of me honestly misses blissful ignorance. The kind where you didn't live in the inevitable loss of everything. And everypony. But then you gave me the Fruit of Knowledge, Mark.
MC: I'm not sure I understand. I also don't like being compared to the devil.
SD: Until I saw Luna's face [INFOHAZARD EXPUNGED], I didn't know even that ponies died. Nopony did. Well, maybe Celestia. But as I watched [INFOHAZARD EXPUNGED], I had a realization... I was trying to make Equestria a better place, how could I do that without the fundemental truth of existance?
MC: Shit.
SD: The price of Knowledge is the fear of Death. The Eden I used to live in is now closed to me forever. I understand that now. And I know that I can't keep working as Celestia's problem solver if she would lie to me about something *that* important.
MC: So what now?
SD: I'm going to quit, go home, and spend time with my family. Time is so much more precious than I thought. Even if we don't have a set expiration date like humans, there is only so much time I'll get to spend with them. And you're going to help me.
MC: How?
SD: Talk everypony who knew me into forgetting I ever existed. I'm a valuable asset. Too valuable to let slip through their paws. Besides, I don't want to give them this burden. You have a way with words, this I know.
MC: Well, shit. Good luck, I guess.
[END INTERVIEW]

I kept forgetting to add a Garden of Eden allegory to my story, so here it is.
Not sure if I want to write why the RCG decided to use alien weaponry on Luna though - my idea is that there was a fundemental breakdown in communication. Celestia told them to only act if she lost and didn't look over their revised plans, Luna forced her into hiding briefly, and everyone in the RCG freaked out and responded with maximal escallation. Which was basically asking Mark to "Make the Bad Mare go away". Which he did, since he was convinced Nightmare Moon's victory meant the end of all life in Equestria.
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>>37490601
"End-of-days scenario", with how Nightmare Moon is all about "nighttime eternal", I could see how a miscommunication like that could arise.
What was Mark alluding to when he talked about "square peg in a round hole"?
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>>37490672
You solve impossible problems by removing the problem.
If your pieces aren't square, they'll fit in the round hole.
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>>37490987
Now say it again, but for retards like me. How does it have anything to do with the story?
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>>37492084
Different Anon but I think it means Mark chipped away at pony's memories (and perhaps Sweetie Drops-who might be Bonbon-as well) until the "piece" he wanted to work did it's thing.

Aka, no one knows who Sweetie Drops is now but there's a chance a Best Friend of hers thinks she's dead now or some such.
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>>37490601
This is pretty dope my guy.
>>
>Kinderponies have a special ability
>If enough of them collectively believe that something is true, and with enough fervor, that something becomes reality.
>Think like Orks from 40k, where a rocket painted a certain color is faster, because they believe it's true.
>Celestia and Luna didn't originally have the ability to raise the sun/moon, but enough ponies believed they could, and so it came to be
>So when Anon arrives in this strange world, he must be careful
>If too many of them get the wrong idea about him, it won't be the wrong idea for much longer
>>
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>>37493445
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>>37490601
So, Alcatraz, is this supposed to take place in the "canon" Kinder-SCPverse? Like, with Anon being SCP-064? Or is it a Kinder-SCPverse-"inspired" green, where some SCPs might not have the same designation? Just asking because I want to list the story as being "non-canon" to thr "canon" SCPverse so people won't get confused about SCP classifications.
>>
>>37492084
>>37492359
I think it was more of an implication that she was killed (obviously a lie from Anon so that they wouldn't look for Sweetie Drops anymore).
>>
>>37493557
Forget I said this. Also, can I get a ponepaste for it so I can put it on the list?
>>
>>37493519
Most people forget the Orks need lots of them to believe in something rather than just a single individual.
Also fuck GW
>>
>>37490672
I really regret using that metaphor. A better one would have been "How do you make a ship in a bottle?"
Human ideas are a square peg, and every time you try to force them through a round hole (pony minds) said hole starts freaking out and shutting down. Mark thought this was a sign of them being controlled by an outside influence, so he tried to work around it by cutting these ideas apart and presenting them seperately, sneaking them under their guard. The Garden of Eden story was one of these pieces. And once you have all those pieces in your mind, there is no going back - you'll just piece them together again if you take amnestics. Even if you try to forget about each individual piece, you'll still realize that something is wrong by the absence and figure things out by the shapes of the voids. This is what happened to Green Bloom.
It's why Green Bloom was so scared of Mark and why she went to make up. The containment procedures were a farce - Mark could have bypassed them any time he wanted. But he tried not to, because he didn't want to hurt ponies.

>>37493774
I'll edit everything and have one up later.
>>
>>37494229
pony harmony means that if one kinderpone believes something, everyone believes something

this is how monsters under beds become real, but also special rhymes that are chanted before sleepy time that ensure no monsters will hide under your bed that night.
>>
Boo
>>
>>37492046
Cute
>>
>>37494833
what if anon were to use this aspect of kinderworld to be wholesome for the ponies

>ywn tell the ponies that the town was protected by an angel who would play with the monsters if they ever appeared under the bed
>ywn tell ponies that a little chant before a kiss will actually heal the wound instead of just making it stop hurting
>ywn tell the castle staff that a certain room is where the princesses can rest and time goes by slower for them so they can rest then tell the princesses so they go there when they're tired
>ywn create a whole holiday.where a feast is at the end of a pathway so everyone can have a party
>>
>>37484780
So, Luna died right?
>>
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anon went to surprise visit flutter butter one night on the tail end of a walk that he was on, knocked briefly before walking in hearing the sound of frightened hoof taps on the floor trying to run. He assumed it was an intruder, instead her got >picrelated. How does anon go about fixing the situation and letting flutter butter know he doesn't care that she wears socks?
>>
>>37496989
Show her his socks that he has on. That or just leaving, she will figure it out once she realizes Anon didn't tell anyone
>>
>>37496989
>he doesn't care that she wears socks
what a fag
>>
>>37496318
>While Anon can use it to improve the lives of kinderponies, the kinderponies themselves can also unintentionally make things worse as well.
>Monsters under beds and in closets became real.
>Cooties became real, and ended up becoming a pandemic!
>Most 'monsters' like manticores exist in Equestria because they were originally myths. Until enough ponies believed in them, then they weren't myths anymore.
>Boo-boos became so serious to them because they BELIEVED that they were serious, leading to a much lower pain tolerance than we have.
>Anon has his work cut out for him, as he has to battle with the collective consciousness of ponykind to make any sort of positive change.
>>
>>37497275
>For the last time, there is no monster under your bed!
>No cooties don't exist either, that was a joke that I thought was funny. Thought it was until everyone started acting like they were infected.
>Manticores do exist, though just don't go into the forest and you will be fine
Ponies just keep on making stuff up while Anon is constantly trying to keep things under control before the new ideas manifest into reality. On the plus side at least he is not a corpse.
>>
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>>37497340
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>>37497350
>"Spiritual Liege Anon, your words are masterfully written. While you've been in stasis for the last 10k years, we've followed them to the letter and upheld being Celestia's best and brightest."
>You were only asleep for like a day
>Where did they even find your journal?
>>
>>37497383
>Turns out it's hard to hide stuff from creatures with barely a sense of privacy and a love for Hiding Games.
>Now Anon has a whole new bunch of issues and he's only JUST woke up.
>...hopefully, 10 THOUSAND years really didn't just pass and it's just this little, purple spaz exaggerating by a bunch.
>>
>>37497017
>>Show her his socks that he has on.
what if anon did and now she thinks he's a perv too
>>
>>37497350
Now just give him a Text-to-Speech device, and we're golden.
>>
>>37497350
>>37497383
>KinderW40K
Now there's a thing...
>>
>>37498237
>My Little WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHG-
>>
>>37498986
>"Oi, gurlz! We'z got sum gits ovah eer dat dun'now bout Bosslestia! Dey iz lookin to get krumps iz seenin loik!"
>>
>>37499004
Celestia is friendly but kind
Luna is kind but friendly
Ponies really are kinder Orks
Changelings are kinder nids/genestealer cults
What are some other factions?
>>
>>37497655
She would never think negative things about her spiritual liege he is perfect

Ohh I can’t wait for anon to get stronger and smarter because all the ponies think he is so awesome
>>
>>37499202
Keep in mind that stronger and smarter for a kinder pony is likely just being able to do long division and carrying four fold up chairs.
>>
>>37499286
>Anon is as tall as or taller than the Princesses.
>He can pack so many things.
>He knows MATH.
>There's also the fact he is the only one of his species which means he is the only one to "lead" his people....of which he is the only one.
>So thus starts the questions of "Are you a Prince".
>>
>>37499157
Discord would be a Chaos god easily, main problem is who would be the chaos cultists?
>>
>>37493774
https://ponepaste.org/5696
Here's the ponepaste.
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>>37499286
But would it not just add to his strength and intelligence
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>>37500949
>getting flustered
>not smiling smugly and booping the princess right here and there
she pretty much asked for it by handcuffing him in front instead behind the back
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>>37501182
You'd have to marry her then.
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>>37501399
>fluttershy learns the value of proper cuddle protection
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>>37500596
>>37500949
>>37501399

Welp, im starting to see the pattern.
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>>37500531
Ugh Kinder Economics
>>
>>37470776
>Ponies all wear the same kind of robes so sometimes they wind up at the wrong cult meetings, and get embarrassed.
>The other cults are surprisingly comforting about things like this.
>Sometimes the following also happens:

>"Wait, this isn't the Celestia Cult?"
>"No, this is the Luna cult?"
>"I thought this was the Anon cult?"
>"Nuh-uh, this is the Cadence cult."
>"I thought it was the Twilight cult."

>They all just decide to play board games while still wearing the robes.
>The winner decides which meeting it was.
>>
>>37503077
That is adorable but also makes me think that Anon (or *Rarity* of all ponies) would try to fix the robe issue with symbols or colors or *something* so no pony has to ask confused questions anymore.
>>
>>37503077
>>The winner decides which meeting it was.
This is strangely my new favorite Kinder trope.
>>
>>37503077
>kindercultists taking turns deciding which deity to worship
>"Mom says it's my turn to be the cult leader now."
>>
>>37496318
>>37497275
>>37497340
What if we have it the wrong way around? What if it's the world that's hyper-reactive, not the ponies?
What if their kinder-ness is a ploy by the alicorns to keep their subjects safe?

Reminds me of an old vidiya called Perimeter, where the psychically-gifted humans discovered a way to enter and colonize the noosphere.
Predictably, what was slowly shaped by centuries of human history grew even more reactive when exposed to human minds directly.
To save humans from being overrun by their own subconscious, those gifted humans created a kind of a religion centered around them to keep humans focused and thus lessen the effect they had on the mini-worlds they colonized.
It's not the whole story, but hopefully it gets the point across.
>>
>>37503895
Reminds me of this post from the last thread
>>37344489
>>
>>37504044
That's because they both were made by the same person.
>>
>>37504420
Obviously. How many people use the word "noosphere?"
As of today, I've seen literally one.
>>
>>37504620
People who play STALKER.
>>
>>37504689
Cheeki breeki
>>
>Anon was a nutritionist before he ended up in Equestria
>A profession that doesn't seem to exist here.
>After months of studying ponies and their dietary habits and needs, he makes a not-so shocking discovery.
>Kinderponies, despite their looks, are very unhealthy.
>Multiple nutrient deficiencies, caused by a race subsisting mainly on hay and baked goods.
>Too much sugar, even counting the fact that they need way more than humans do.
>And ironically, despite being herbivores, ponies aren't eating enough fruits and veggies.
>Including not enough variety when they do.
>Anon eventually comes up with a dietary plan to help kinderponies reach their potential.
>With Celestia's blessing, a test study is done on 'The Anon Diet'
>Multiple of her guards, as well as The Mane 6 are volunteered for the test.
>Hopefully, these childish horses will actually stick with it for the study to actually go through.
>>
>>37504689
Don't forget the people who read about the mechanicus in 40k, they rely on it heavily.
>>
>>37505897
It's funny how they call "noosphere" the wrong thing — the Warp, or Immaterium, would be the noosphere.
AdMech's is probably a technosphere, or maybe a datasphere.
They sure are juggling a lot of spheres there.

>>37504620
Not a lot, it would seem. I mean actually use it, not just toss it in with the vidiya quotes.
What can I say, I can't help it, I like "weird" stuff, like when eldritch Anon is actually an eldritch entity.

Incidentally, it'd be fun to read about actual eldritch Anon trying to have a relatively quiet life in Equestria, while hapless ponies somehow keep spotting his metaphorical tail and devil horns.
Maybe he's retiring, or just tired of everyone starting cults and doing weird and creepy stuff to "appease" him or manipulate into giving them powers from beyond the space and time.
>>
>>37506162
>Equestria is just a retirement home for eldritch entities
>Celestia, Luna and all the other powers that be are eldritch in nature but hide it because cults are to much work
>Anon is still getting used to hiding his eldritch nature and gets tip and tricks from the others
Fund it
>>
>>37505506
>Twilight is ALLLLL about studies and tests, so, even with her addiction to hayfries and burgers, she actually sticks to the diet and keeps her friends in check.
>If autistically so.
>The guards are more diciplined than the average pone so of course they would listen to an order by Celestia herself.
>If childishly so.
>The only issue Anon will have in the future? How in the hell can he get REGULAR ponies to stick with the diet?
>>
>>37504620
SCP recently started using Noosphere in a dedicated context
>>
>>37506374
Infomercials telling ponies that all the cool foals eat their veggies.
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>>37506283
There are so many kinder eldritch Alicorn stories but they never get updated. Shit sucks mang
>>
>>37506283
I prefer the variation
>Anon is actually just a regular guy, but all the Eldritch monsters believe he's also secretly one of them, and he's too afraid of what might happen to correct their misunderstanding.
combo that with a bonus
>being a regular guy actually is pretty eldritch in their universe after all

In any case, as long as it ends with shenanigans, followed by cookies and head pats, it's all good.
>>
>>37506765
I agree with this guy right here. Who's willing to write it is the question though.
>>
>>37506765
There was one exactly like that if I recall correctly. Didn’t get continued for long if I remember. Celestia and Luna saw Anon vomit, and they assumed he was a fledgling elder god who wasn’t very capable at hiding his true nature yet
>>
>>37506822
as do I, and here it is! Thankfully it had Eldritch in the name or else I would of never found it. Since Anon, Celestia and Luna are all not tagged.
https://ponepaste.org/2835
>>
>>37506860
Somehow, even with all the eldritch pone stories I've seen, I don't think I remember reading this one before.
>>
>>37507402
It’s cuz it’s rgre
>>
>>37506374
>The easiest to keep to the diet, the gold medal goes to: Applejack.
She already eats plenty of apples. The only difficult part was getting her and her family to eat MORE than apples.
>Second Place: Surprisingly Pinkie Pie.
While she does enjoy her sweets and made a bit of a fuss at first, when hearing about how so many of her friends weren't going to be doing so well if they kept to their current diet, she trademarked both what would soon be called the 'gelatin method' and the 'cheese method' where she serves fruits inside of sweet flavored gelatin and serves vegetables with a respectable amount of melted cheese. It's been a surprising hit.
>Third Place: Twilight Sparkle.
While she was dead-set on her curriculum being the most efficient way of putting an end to bad eating habits she had a hard time not eating fast-food whenever she got a craving. It seemed to be something that she learned from her mentor.
>Fourth Place: Fluttershy
The yellow pegasi is sitting just shy of Twilight's placement if not only because of Discord being a force to be reckoned when it came to questioning their intellect; the god of chaos stating that they could protect Fluttershy from any health-problem that she could possibly develop. Discord was unable to properly come up with a comeback when you brought up the fact that he would still be willingly allowing her to contract such diseases in the first place. As it turned out, Discord was the one with terrible eating habits, and Fluttershy had been indulging in his poor decisions a bit too freely. The God of Discord is now on a slow ride to nutritional recovery.
>Fifth Place: Rainbow Dash.
The bull-headed jock being angry that she didn't land in the top three places; insisting that because she was 'constantly burning calories' that she could eat whatever she wanted. You were quick to shut that idea down, and asked the mare to forfeit her secret stash of snack foods that she kept under her bed.
>Last Place: Rarity.
The fashionista was far too hooked on sweets to allow her to freely give-up on her constant snacking. Having shown actual signs of withdrawal from her lack of sugar, you had to implement a new diet slowly and carefully; slowly replacing sweets in her diet with more healthy sweets like grapes and boiled sweet potatoes or yams. Hopefully, the next time she decides to throw a fit she will choose to snack on a boiled yam instead of downing ten gallons of ice-cream.
>>
>>37484965
Yeah, sounds like ANFO pipe bomb
>>
>>37505506
>>37506374
>>37507765
>ponies are notmally big
>usually suppose to look as big as big mac or shining armor for stallions
>something like fleur for mares(although fleur is skinner than the normal pony)
>>
>>37507765
>Sweet potatoes
Rarity is living on the dangerous side, thankfully its just normal potato's that are toxic to horses.
>>
>>37507765
>After the trial, the results are in.
>Poners who stick with it are more capable all-around
>Pegasi are faster and can fly for longer periods, Earth Ponies are stronger and gave more stamina, and unicorns' magic is stronger.
>Everypony thought Anon was a quack when he came to Equestria babbling about a field of medicine that didn't exist in their world.
>But...the results aren't lying
>Even Princess Celestia is trying this eating healthy thing now.
>Though even she is having trouble, not being able to gorge herself with cake all day long anymore.
>Luna is having an easier time of it, but still misses her 10 moon pies a day.
>>
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Not to get to political but I saw this while I was browsing the boorus and thought it fit in kinderquestria.
Although it brings up a lot of questions on how organized kinderpones can actually be.
>>
>>37510067
Just Ctrl-F "cult" in this and the last few threads and you'll see what people came up with.
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>>37510067
Eh, as long as people don't go full retard than it's fine.
>>
>>37510067
The whiskers make it look like a cat.
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>>37510577
If that's supposed to be something other than a cat, someone has made some major mistakes.
>>
>page 10 boops
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>>37508200
>(Nutritionist) Anon mentions taking out Fried Potatoes out of a diet if they can.
>Ponies stare at him wide eyed as he just tells them to not fry their *poison* and eat it.
>>
The kinderapocalypse is upon us
>>
>>37512729
holy lewd
>>
>>37510577
I think the cat is the symbol of leftism?
>>
>>37513542
I was going to say thats stupid, but then I remembered that democrats are donkeys and republicans are elephants so thematically it checks out.
>>
>>37514019
Kindercrats are Cats while Kinderpublicans are dogs maybe?
>And the only ideological difference between them is which pet they prefer to have more
>>
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they see you! you better start running because they are going to struggle snuggle you
>>
>>37511909
>Anon's gotten a lot better at knowing Pony body's and what they can handle but sometimes he lets slip things from his old world.
>Like saying to not eat fried potato products, to go easy on eating spaghetti with tomato sauce and to go easy on adding cheese to broccoli.
>Normal tips for humans, literally telling ponies "Don't eat these poisons and Tummy Hurters in these ways".
>He's trying to catch himself doing this, he really is but it's a bad habit.
>>
>>37514641
>implying any of us would struggle against mare cuddles
>>
>>37515451
>>Implying any of us would struggle against mare cuddles
I agree, I wouldn't resist I would snuggle the back
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>>37515701
>> I would snuggle the back
wow me am retarded. "I would snuggle them back'
>>
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>last update was 23 days ago
Why do all good things die so young?
>>
>>37515825
>Pic related
Nothing like a plan backfiring, eh? Poor Porple got licked back and now shit's gone wild.
>>
>>37515825
Wait, which one is this referencing? I still somehow hold up hope that Eldritch Anon will get an update one day.
>>
>>37516901
I think it must be that adorable short series wherein Twilight tries to be "mean" to Anon by licking (and thus, stealing) his burger, only to be licked in return, thereby throwing the world into (presumably) chaos.
The story has yet to be concluded.
>>
>>37517261
Ya I might keep making it I kinda thought it was bad and I went way off topic going into back story’s for characters and had no like grammar or spelling.
Also I though no one was interested
>>
>>37517290
Always remember that for every comment there’s probably ten to twenty lurkers. Whenever I post a kinder I normally get maybe eight or so comments but the views on the ponepaste gets to the hundreds. I know I enjoy pretty much every green here but I never feel compelled to really post a comment on them.

My most popular story is one that took only a half a hour to write but has 500 views on it.
>>
>>37517312
Ya I know the lurking thing but ya I guess it will post it on ponepaste
>>
>>37516901
I was talking about this from last thread
>>37392541
>>
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>>37517290
I was interested, thought it was some good stuff.
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Mister Anon- A Field of Flowers

>It’s such a good feeling
>To know you’re alive
>It’s such a happy feeling
>You’re growing inside
>And when you wake up, ready to say
>Snap Snap
>I think I’ll make a snappy new day
>It’s such a good feeling
>And you feel good every morning because you make good days for boys and girls that need it
>You are Anon, but the little ones you help in your office often call you Mister Anon
>But you’re not going to the office today, it’s your day off after all
>Working on your garden today sounds like a splendid idea right now
>You place on green polo and comfortable well worn sandals
>Before walking up to your front door, you made sure to feed your goldfish a few flakes
>You also made sure to announce that you were
“And now I’m feeding Dorothy some flakes”
>It’s a habit you picked up from someone else
>Someone you owe a lot to
>After putting away the fish food, you open your coat closet and pull out a sturdy apron and sun hat to put on
>Your front door swings open easily and a bright world smiles at you
>As usual, the sun greets you on a blue sky
>An especially blue sky today
>A pastel one in fact
>That’s new
>The neighborhood has also sure changed
>Instead of the typical modern day buildings that populated the town, there were now thatched roofs on top of colorful buildings
>No roads either, just paved pathways lined with mossy stone that spaced the homes a fair distance away from each other
>There doesn’t seem to be any soul in sight either, just the breeze tickling your skin
>You look around the exterior of your home and yard
>While the world around it has changed, your home is the same as it ever was
>Which importantly also meant your gardening tools were easily available
>You take your thick gloves and start to whistle a tune as you put them on
>Looks like you’re in a new neighborhood
>But things always work out in the end, just as you tell your patients, so you’re not too worried
>You have no enemies, and you can’t imagine that someone would up and take you and your home and plant them in such a lovely place with any ill intent
>You shrug your shoulders to yourself
>Hopefully your new neighbors can explain what day the garbage is taken out
>And when things are sorted out, you might just call the office to use some vacation days to stay here a little longer
>After filling a bucket with your tools and some bundles of flowers, you walk over to the front edge of your lawn near some bushes
>You kneel before a flower patch and take a small trowel to dig up some of moist soil
>This will be a good spot to plant some pansies that you bought yesterday
>You take the purple flowers out of your bucket, when suddenly you can hear a femenine voice
>”Ooh, those are pretty!”
>”Pinkie, Shhhhhh!”
>You look up from your work
>And see nothing
>You scratch your head before continuing your planting
>>
>>37517583

>You don’t want the pansies to feel lonely, so next are some orange lilies
>Just as it happened last time, the moment you pull out the flowers, a voice rings out again
>It’s an entirely different one this time
> “I must say, our new neighbor has a certain eye for color coordination. The purple and Orange just go so lovely with each other!”
>”Gosh darn it, Rarity, we’re suppose’ to be spyin’ on the fella right now, not complimenting his choice of flowers!”
>”Wait, we’re playing Secret Agent right now?! You all said we were playing Hide and Seek! Ugh, I should have just kept napping on my cloud”
>”Girls, quiet down! What if he hears us?!”
>You heard them
>But you smile at their antics
>It’s obvious to you through their behavior and tone that it must be some neighborhood kids just curious about who you are
>You notice that the voices are coming from an alleyway down the street and you shout towards that direction
>It’s not a loud shout though, and you’re sure to say your words calmly and slowly
“Hello, is anyone there?”
>A few beats pass by before you get a reply
>You think her friend had called her Pinkie?
>”Nope, nobody here at all, Mister!”
>You chuckle
>Yep, just some kids having some fun is all they were
“Well if anybody does come around, I’d be more than happy to garden with them. It’s a lovely day today, be a shame to just stand around and let it go to waste and gardening with other people is always fun”
>Just like all children, they have no idea just how loud they are when they try to whisper
>You can’t see them, but you can hear them clearly
>”Hey Twilight, what’s a people?”
>”I don’t know, Rainbow Dash. The Princess still hasn’t replied to my letter yet”
>You hum as you ponder d
>People was a word that toddlers typically learned easily
>And your visitors sounded older than toddlers with their usage of vocabulary and sentence structure
>Something wasn’t adding up quite right
>”Oh umm, Rarity, where are you going?, if it’s okay for me to ask you…”
>”I for one am going to greet our guests. He seems like a perfectly respectable Gentlecolt who would put his milk in after his cereal. Don’t look at me like that, Twilight! I am a big mare that can make her own decisions”
>”He’s still a stranger though! The Princess says to always remember stranger danger and to look both ways before crossing the street!”
>Gentlecolt?
>Mare?
>Princess?
>You are well and truly confused now
>You do as you always suggest what to do when in distress
>Ask for help
“Hello, is there anybody that can help me? I’m new to this place and could use someone’s help to answer some questions. It’d be nice to meet you too. My name is Anon”
>”We’ll that does it, I ain’t gonna’ leave somepony to fend for demselves’ when they holler out for help. You with me, Fluttershy?”
VWJJY
>>
>>37517589

>”S-sure. I guess he’s not a stranger anymore since we know his name now…”
>Six kids step out of the shadow
>Well, not kids exactly
>They were the size of kids though, the only difference was that two of them wings, two had horns and they were colors of an art pallets
>And they were all ponies
>You grin at them
>They seem nice
>The pink one hops up to you as you stand up and relax your posture
>”Hi there Mister! We were playing Hide-and-Go-Spy right over there! Betcha’ you didn’t know we were watching you!”
>The purple horse slaps a hoof on her own forehead in exasperation
>You summarize that this one must be Pinkie
“Oh really? I had no idea”
>This time the blue flying one speaks up as she crosses two of her hooves while looking at you
>”Yeah, we’re just cool secret agents like that. We do jobs for the Princess all the time. Like last weekend when she sent us to Manehattan to stop a thief from stealing like a bizzilion cakes”
>”Rainbow, it was two dozen cakes”
>”Like I said, Twilight, a bizzilion”
“Wow, you all must be very important. What’s the name of the Princess?”
>”Her name is Princess Celestia and she’s the best Princess ever! I should know, I am her student after all. She takes care of everypony and makes sure there are snacks and nap time everyday!”
>From their earlier conversation they were having, you crassume the purple one that spoke up is Twilight
“She does seem like a very caring per-“
>You stop yourself from making a mistake”
“Like a caring pony. Does she live near here?”
>”No, Princess don’t live in small towns, Mister Anon. Every Princess lives in a castle and her castle is in Canterlot”
“Is it far from here? I wouldn’t want to interrupt her while she’s sitting down to eat dinner or doing things that Princess do like…”
>You mock a thinking pose
>You needed more information on what sort of leader this Princess was like
>And the best way to get kids to talk freely is to engage them in a question they already know the answer to
>On cue, every pony gives you answers
>”Share their super delicious yummy cakes that have extra frosting!”
>”Check the closet and under the bed for dastardly monsters waiting to snatch unsuspecting ponies away to ruin their manes!!”
>”Help find lost pets like dogs, and kittens, or little bunnies, or bear cubs, or…”
>”Find interesting books to read that have good stories and pictures!”
>”Judge races to see who the fastest pegasus is!”
>”Cut the crust off o’ peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a side of apple slices ya eat when you’re done with all your chores for the day!”
>You nod thoughtfully at all of their responses and
come to the conclusion that this Princess Celestia indeed must be a good pony
>And that these ponies here are at the mental age that you’re used to working with in the office
>You wonder if they’ll like hand puppets

KMRK4
>>
>>37517595

>You make a quick mental note to see if you can create a pony hand puppet later before talking to the six ponies again
“Thank you for telling more about Ms. Celestia, neighbors. Are your parents around? I’d like to speak with them”
>The yellow pegasus raises a hoof, as if you’re a teacher in a classroom
“Yes, Ms…?”
>“My name is Fluttershy, Mister Anon. We don’t live with our parents. We’re all fully grown mares”
“Oh of course, how silly of me”
>You gently slap your head and grin
“Do you think it would be possible for me to meet the Princess? Hopefully she isn’t too busy right now”
>”I would think she is quite eager to meet you”
>That voice is new
>It’s mature and comforting, like a mother speaking to reassure her child that the world is a bright and happy place
>It reminds you of your aunt, the one that cared about you when no one else would
>The man on the TV taught you that you were special
>But your aunt was the one that made you feel special
>You involuntarily smile at remembering her and turn towards the source of the voice a large white pony that’s only about a head shorter than you are
>She flies down from the sky and lands next to her little ponies, like an Angel descending down from Heaven
>The Princess beams a gentle grin at them as all of the ponies excitedly wave at her
>Then she turns towards you and looks at you with her large eyes that glisten in the morning sun
>She bows her head before rising again
>”Pleased to meet you. I have to apologize, for it seems that my student and her friends have already made my introduction for me, so you have me at a disadvantage”
>You follow her example by bowing your own head as you speak
“There’s no need to say sorry, Princess. My friends call me Anon”
>”Please, rise up, there is no need to be so formal. And Celestia will do just fine, Mr. Anon”
“Thank you very much, Ms. Celestia”
>”Please, just Celestia, Mr. Anon”
>You decide to do some good natured ribbing
”I’ll call you Celestia when you decide to drop the mister for me”
>You tilt and smile your head to indicate it’s all in good humor and she grins in kind to you
>”Then we are at an impass, Mr. Anon. That is fair, call me as you like”
“How about I call you over for a nice brunch? I’m afraid that I made a bit too many sandwiches the other day and will need help finishing them up”
>”I appreciate the invitation and I am happy to accept. Twilight, why don’t you and your friends go off and take a nap? It’s about that time now I believe”
>The six small ponies seem worried that Celestia will be alone with you, but she chases away those fears
>”He seems to be a very nice being, aren’t you Mr. Anon?”
>You nod at her suggestion
“A lot of people say that I am and I don’t think all of them must be wrong. How about when you’re done with your nap, I give you all some stickers for being such good helpers to the Princess?”
>>
>>37517598

>All six of them get exited over the prospect of getting stickers
>Even Fluttershy is thrilled in her own cute subdued way
>Celestia and you watch the colorful parade of ponies go off to a local park to nap in the afternoon sun
>When they’re out of sight, she turns her attention back to you and continues to speak in her gentle tone
>”I must commend you, Anon, you act very calm for a being who has been thrown in such unique circumstances”
>Your relaxed tempo of speech is unchanged as you address her, the two of you walking through the front door of your home
“I’ve learned through working with kids how to be adaptable. I’m still learning everyday of course, as we all are. I have to compliment you for being so calm about all of this as well, Celestia. This is your town and I don’t think you have many of me here”
>Your refrigerator opens up and to take out a tray of cucumber sandwiches you made the other day
>You also notice that the lightbulb inside the fridge isn’t working, likely meaning there’s no electrical connection anymore
>You’ll just have to invite your new neighbors over for dinner, wouldn’t want to waste the food in there
>“If I can be candid with you, I was observing you and my little ponies for some time to see how first contact would go”
>After laying out two plates and setting the sandwiches out, you take a seat at a chair while Celestia does likewise, herself sitting on one of your sturdy wooden chairs not dissimilar to how you imagine a dog would
“How did I do?”
>”You passed with flying colors”
>An aura encompasses one of the sandwiches and it’s lifted up to her mouth as she takes a small bite out of the thing
>You’re not too surprised to find out magic exist here
>What else would you call this place besides magical?
>You took one of the smaller sand which cuts with your digits and start digging into it as well
“I would offer you some tea, but something tells me my stove top wouldn’t work”
>”Do you plan to stay long? I could send for a repair pony to look at it for you”
“I don’t know how long I’ll be staying, but I wouldn’t mind for it to be too long. It’s a very pleasant place with pleasant company”
>”I’m happy you think it to be so. In truth…it wasn’t always like this”
>She takes a final bite out of the levitating food item and looks aside in a slight melancholy
>You are a stranger in a strange world and you don’t want to pry too far
>But you’re one to always offer help or at least an ear to air emotions
“Oh? How so?”
>”It was another time, many, many lifetimes ago. To speak of it would be to invite memories best left forgotten and regrets that linger for far too long”
>Just how long has Celestia lived you wonder
>She sighs wistfully before using her magic to lift another sandwich
>>
>>37517605

“Do you have anyone to speak with about these things? We often times ruminate in the isolation of our own minds, but it often leads to circular thought”
>”It is a track I’ve traveled many times, the grooves of regret in my mind. I have dissected, examined, reconstructed, and dissected them again countless through many centuries. I have come to accept those regrets. What is done is done. I have my sister as a confidant. Though…our relationship has only just recently rekindled and she has changed to a degree”
>You remember reading a passage on the experience that death has on the psyke
>That ultimately the only promise given to anything that is born is that one day it will die and all of its regrets will be gone with it
>But what does it mean for someone who has lived for so long?
>Does immortality breed immortal regret?
>You want to say something, to bring her peace of mind like the children you work with
>But she is no child, she’s the ruler of a nation and is leaps and bounds more mature and authoritative than anyone that is around her
>You can’t reach out to her as a counselor
>Instead, you’ll offer support as a friend
>As always in the construction of personal relationships, reciprocity is key
>She showed you vulnerability and now it is your turn to do likewise
>You feel that she knows this, after all she’s had centuries of practice to create connections
“I see, reminds me of my own sister. She’s a fair bit older than I am and we weren’t very close as kids”
>She listens intently to you, just as you would to her
>”I’m sorry to hear that. Sibling rivalry can be such a terrible thing”
“I won’t say that I was without fault in the rift we had. We both were just so angry with each other and telling each other our feelings was the last thing we had on our minds”
>”What created this division amongst you two?”
“We felt that we had to compete for our parent’s affection, act as if there was a finite supply and that the other would hog it all”
>In your private thoughts, you muse that they didn’t have much attention to give at all
>”In some way I can relate to that. My own sister felt that the love of our ponies was monopolized by me. I tried to convince her otherwise but…well, there’s always more that we can do. There isn’t a day that passes by when I don’t ponder if maybe I could have done something different”
“I like to think we’re our own harshest critic, Celestia. I am sure that you did what you could to the best of your ability”
>”Thank you for your confidence, Anon. I appreciate your kindness”
“And I appreciate that you’re willing to open up to me”
>You both smile gently at each other as sunlight continues to stream through your kitchen window
>Very rarely are close connections created so quickly
>This leads you to one conclusion
>Celestia doesn’t have close friends
>No, what she has is children
>>
>>37517609

>An entire kingdom of children that look up and adore her as a mother
>Parents fill two roles in the lives of their kids
>Functional and emotional
>In the functional role they provide basic necessities and limits for their safety
>In the emotional role, they provide esteem, love and affection
>The child isn’t expected to do likewise however, and should not be expected to since they’re not yet ready to fulfill either role properly
>If those six ponies you met outside are considered adults…
>Then when was the last time anyone fulfilled an emotional role for the Princess?
>How lonely must it be at the top?
>What is it like to be the only tree in a field of flowers?
>To give shade to all of the sprouts on fiery summer days and to give them nutrients in the autumns that follow?
>And what is it like to see them wither and die as winter settles in?
>To see just how fragile and precious life is as you continue to endure alone as the snow falls, in a field that used to be so full of life?
>You’ll never be able to imagine the sheer amount of loss Celestia must have faced at this point in her long lived life
>But you can still try to help make good days for her
“How is your sister doing now?”
>”She mainly spends her time in her own room. I visit whenever I can”
“I suppose being the Princess must be a busy job”
>”My ponies are always in need of crayons and warm blankets. But no, the delays in between my visitations is due to my own hesitation”
>Celestia looks down, avoiding eye contact with you
>It doesn take a genius to know that she’s feeling shame
“Does she seem angry at you?”
>”No, not in the slightest”
“And that’s what makes it harder to see her, isn’t it?”
>Celestia looks at you curiously as if you just found the last piece of a puzzle that has been vexing her
“You feel that you did something terrible, Celestia, so you think you deserve retribution”
>”I hadn’t thought of it that way, but perhaps that is so”
“We Don't know what anyone else is thinking because we’re not them. If your sister was angry at you, then you would know for a fact that she is being honest with you. But since she isn’t…”
>Celestia is a quick one and already knows what you’re implying
>”…then I don’t know if she really has forgiven me. That maybe she is only telling a lie to make me feel better, making her more miserable in the end”
>You nod
>>
>>37517619

“I don’t want to intrude in where I’m not invited, but in my experience, that’s what it was like with my own sister when we reconciled”
>”How did you two make up?”
“It was the small things we did. We talked to each other more often, made it an informal schedule to see how our days were”
>”That is all it took for the two of you? I’m afraid I may need a grander gesture than that to beg for my sister’s forgiveness”
“There wasn’t a big speech or trip that turned our relationship around. The small things are what matters the most because the small things are how we spend most of our time with others. I can tell you how many times we’ve spent a vacation together, but I wouldn’t be able to count the hours we’ve shared just talking and listening to one another”
>Celestia hums in thought before replying to you in earnest
>”And suppose she doesn’t want to see me?”
>You detect a bit of uncertainty in her voice, an unsure tone that stems from thinking about every possibility, including the bad ones
“Then give her space to think. She’ll know that you made the effort and that it’s her turn to make the effort now. If she chooses not to, then that’s her own choice”
>”The first step is always the hardest, as it is said. Very well then, Anon, I’ll take your advice into consideration. Thank you for listening, I appreciate it”
“And I appreciate that you took the time to come visit me. My door is always open for you”
>”Likewise to you”
>It is just as you expected, a nice brunch with a nice pony
>There isn’t any sort of startling revelation
>No prophecy that needs to be filled
>No dramatics that needed to be done
>You two are just two adults establishing a friendship
>And with every connection, it is created piece by piece and will hopefully endure, no matter how long the oak has to stands tall and firm amongst that field of flower
>Now that tree won’t be so lonely anymore
>Celestia helps you clean up the plates and place them in your sink
>The two of you are just about to wrap things up when you hear soft knocks on your door
>Followed by a loud voice from a certain cyan pony
>”Just how are they supposed to hear that?! Here, let me try!”
>Three loud bangs emanate from your door soon after
>You chuckle and Celestia follows you to the door as you open it
>Six colorful mares look at you and Celestia, half of them still rubbing sand out of their eyes as they yawn
“Did you all have a good nap?”

>Pinkie is by far the most energetic one
>”Yeah! I think I dreamed about some furry ponies that liked to hug each other in small igloos. I wonder if they’d like cake”
“I’m sure they’d like cake that you would make”
>”You really think so?!”
“Everything is possible in our imagination. In fact, I know a place where there’s a King and Queen that live in a storybook and they and their subjects have all sorts of adventures together”
>>
>>37517624

>Twilight develops a keen interests in your words
>”Wait, how can they live in a book? It’d have to be a pretty big book that isn’t so flat. Is it a pop up book that has trees and mountains growing out of it?”
“Everything is possible in the Kingdom of Make-Believe. I’ll take you all there sometime, but for now I think I promised some good little ponies something. Now what was it?”
>Once again you mock a thinking pose
>And once again they all shout excitedly
>”Stickers!”
>You snap your fingers
“That’s right! I’ll go get them right now!”
>As you walk into your study to grab a sticker book, Celestia takes the six ponies at your front door and trots out with them to your open yard as the sun continues to shine upon the clear blue canvas of the sky
>You return to your seven neighbors with your sticker book in hand and place it on the ground, inviting them to browse through it
>As they flip through the pages together, they ooh and awe at the selection you have
>”A fine fellow who has exquisite taste in both floral arrangements and adhesive images, who would have thought?”
>”Wowie zowie, these are some pretty rare stickers! I’ve never seen that one with the pizza slice surfing before!”
>After some deliberation, they all choose their own unique sticker for themselves
>Twilight chose a cartoon owl reading a book and placed it at the tip of her horn
>Rarity decided to place a pink Diamond sticker on one of her hooves as an accessory
>Pinkie placed the aforementioned surfing pizza slice next to some balloons that was on her flank
>Applejack stuck an electric windmill on her hat, saying that the strange contraption reminded her of the windmill she has on her farm
>Fluttershy liked the sticker of a smiling carrot but asked to instead rip off the paper behind the sticker as well, so that she could give it to one of her animal friends later
>You, of course gave per permission to it after she nervously requested permission from you
>Rainbow Dash found an image of a jet and asked you what it was
>You explained that it was used by humans to fly around
>She then asked if it was fast
>After you said yes, she swiftly ripped the sticker out of the book and attached it to one of her cheeks
>Celestia boops each of their noses and compliments them on being such good helpers that could follow directions well
>”Now what do we say to Mr. Anon, girls?” Celestia says
>In unison, the first new neighbors you met today shout
>”Thank you Mr, Anon!”

“Thank you for making this day so special. Though, I do have to ask something”
>”Go ahead Mister Anon, I’m sure we can answer anything got! We’re cool like that”
“Are you the only ones that live here? I haven’t seen any other ponies around at all”
>Pinkie Pie slaps a hoof on her forehead
>>
>>37517628

>”Oh yeah, that’s right! When we heard your house was here, we told Everypony to hide until we knew it was safe. Let me give them the special signal that it’s okay”
>Pinkie turns around to the houses that surrounds your home and jumps in the air as she shouts, her voice reverberating through the streets
>”Hey everypony, come on out and meet Mister Anon!”
>Then you feel a tremble in the ground
>Your eyes soon reveal what is causing it
>From out of the homes and the alleyways comes a parade of ponies of every shape, color and size, some as tall as your waist and others that just barely reach your knees
>Some have wings, others have horns, and still some have no need for either
>Every color of the rainbow is prancing towards you to get on
>But they all have one thing in common
>A smile on their face and an intense curiosity to meet you
>They all speak at once, trying to grab your attention as they go on your yard and approach you
>”Wow, you’re tall!”
>”Are you a mare or a stallion?”
>”Do you like strawberry ice cream or carrot cake better?”
>”Your garden looks very nice!”
>”Can I have a sticker too?”
>”What are those things at the end of your hooves?”
>”Are you and the Princess dating?”
>”Do you always wear clothes?”
>Despite so many voices and bodies surrounding you, it doesn’t get overwhelming at all
>They don’t shove each other around or yell too loudly
>Some are brazen enough to get on their back legs and hug your leg to try and get your attention better as you feel their soft fur and little bellies rub on you
>Those with wings hover around you up and down like hummingbirds
>You can’t help but laugh at how adorable they all are as their cute little voices wrap around you
>You look over at Celestia who is giggle as well as she raises a hoof to cover her mouth
>Her ponies are all around her and you, each special in their own way by just being who they are
>You are in the field of flowers
>And you will be with the tree that stands tall in the middle of it for as long as you can
>Just as you grow a garden in your yard, you’ll see these little joys grow and develop into the best they can be
>As you start rubbing ears and booping the noses around you, you decide that you will indeed stay for a bit longer
>And every morning you’ll wake up and say
>I think I’ll make a happy snappy new day
>Because you’re Mister Anon, and you make good days for the little ones that need it

The End

Ponepaste link: https://ponepaste.org/5712
>>
>>37517553
Is there a continuation of that pic?
>2nd panel Twiggy in training headband and legwarmers holding a dumbbell in her magic
>3rd panel hyper-muscle Twiggy with comically small head, headband and legwarmers, with a huge cake on her back, towering over dumbfounded Celestia that is looking up to her with her snout between Twiggs horsepecks, yucky veggies laying at her hooves
>>
>>37517589
>VWJJY
>>37517595
>KMRK4
What do these things mean?
>>
>>37517845
catpcha
>>
>>37517845
supersecret cheat codes
>>
>>37517634
love it
>>
>>37517634
As brutally great as every Mr. Anon story is.
ie. very.

Are we to consider this the cAnon Mr. Anon origin story? Mr. Anon Begins, if you will?
>>
>>37518650
Yep, intent was that this would be the origin story. Because every start implies that there will be an end.
>>
>>37517918
>Anon knows magic
>The magic of cheat codes

Wait no, then this is just even more of an isekai.
>>
>>37519537
>Anon gets bored one day at a Pony Swap Meet and finds a lawn gnome.
>It was kind of funny to see something like this and it reminded him of a certain game while he was checking it out.
>After picking it up, he couldn't help but mumble 'Motherload'.
>All of a sudden, his pockets felt heavy with Pony Cash.
>>
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I want to boop a Kinder pony
>>
>>37519604
>He enters the Konami Code by tapping on the ground, hopping and whatever else he needs to do.
>Suddenly, he feels 30x healthier and for some reason has a gun and PLENTY of ammo at home.
>....probably a fuckin' nerf gun knowing ponies but hey, free shit.
>>
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>>37520365
>Anon with his oldfound but newly applicable knowledge quickly heads to his home
>He grabs a piece of paper from his desk and writes
>~
>sv_cheats 1
>Discord shows up, puts the paper in his mouth and spits it back out onto the desk.
>Discord then turns into a cloud of butterfly's with a black and pink checkered pattern and fly's away
>It reads "only server operator can change its value"
>Anon's face when
>>
>>37517553
I was thinking of taking it in a sim direction within kinder equestria think non-consental boobing and head pats and twilight starting to like it
>>
>>37520397
If this happened to me I'm yelling like a researcher and b-hopping away.
>>
>>37520592
I don't understand what you mean by sim direction but everything else seems good. Remind the reader what this relationship looks from the outside by including outsider POV, like what you did with the royal guard who witnessed the lick.
>>
>>37521370
SIM or submission is mandatory is a thread about bdsm sexual training and sexual slavery.
I am thinking of going on a route that looks like that to kinderponies ie non consensual belly rubs and twilight liking it
>>
>>37521439
Ah, I haven't gone to those threads before. Ya learn something new every day! As for the direction, go full speed ahead and write what you want to write as long as its lighthearted like kinderquestria is suppose to be. Since slavery in kinderquestria seems like it would be a bit dark if you go deep into that aspect, ya know what I mean?
>>
>>37520397
You know, this has the weird implication that *Discord* is the one allowing the "cheats"...or at least is the messenger boy for whoever allows them. Think he has anything to do with it or is he just fucking with an Anon that's trying to get way too much way too soon?
>>
>>37521776
Maybe discord is also using cheats himself under the guise of chaos magic. If he is the messenger for whoever allows them one has to wonder who would be the one allowing this
>>
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how do anons in the thread imagine their first encounter with kinder pones be like? do you imagine there being a zecora like scenario or pones dramatically acting like the end is nigh?
>>
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>>37520397
>It is a nice sunny morning in ponyville when Anon saunters up to twilights treehouse
>He speaks into the air tdetect followed by tcl
>Anon phases through the door, passing by spike who while looking in his direction doesn't register that anything odd is happening.
>Anon proceeds into twilights bedroom and hovers a few feet in the middle of said room.
>As his plan is nearing fruition he says the final words
>player.placeatme 00064B33 1000
>The universe stutters and slows for a few seconds as if confused by the sudden influx of solid dairy product before resuming its normal rate of time
>Anon admires his handiwork as a thousand wheels of cheese suddenly appear all over the floor of the room as well as engulfing twilights bed.
>The obscene amount of which were also knocking over various items and furniture creating quite the cacophony of noise.
>Thankfully no books were harmed in the making of this prank, Anon doesn't want to actually break anything of value to Twilight
>Spike, upon hearing the commotion hurries up the stairs and opens the door. Only to be knocked over by a golden tide of edible wheels as the new free roaming wheels bouce down the stairs carrying spike with them the entire way.
>Anon, feeling a smug satisfaction at a job well done phases thru wall and cheese alike as he decides how to spend the rest of his day.
>In surgarcube corner Pinkies pinkie sense is acting up, but she doesn't know why.
>>
>>37523690
>Pinkie can sense "Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eaters" with her Pinkie Sense.
>Anon cannot escape the curiosity of The Pink One for long when he dicks around.
>>
>>37523690
>anon decides to globally blast https://youtu.be/MJdz3i44dIc
>makes the sky turn red and puts a waving soviet flag overlay in the sky
>makes it so when the ponies move they get spammed by COD hit markers for shits and giggles
>glimmer has the kinder equivalent of sudden violent orgasms' when she hears the anthem
>>
>>37524291
>The more Anon uses his cheats the more likely it becomes that pinkie finds out
10/10, one has to wonder what would happen when she finds out
>>
>>37523690
>>37525563

>HAAAAXXXX!!!!
A cake then flies out of nowhere hitting Anon square in the head.
>>
>>37526908
Considering Pinkie breaks physics all the damn time BUT as a hero, I can see her doing this to stop Not-So-Good Shenanigans.
>>
>>37526949
>Admin Pinkie vs Cheater Anon.
>The Secret War shall be brutal and full of mutual pie throwing.
>>
>>37520397
>"Hey guys, DeSync here and today we're gonna have some fun in Equestria."
>"First we're gonna do some classic bhopping, just use this hill here...hey Dashie, how's it goin."
Later...
>"Okay so there's no Civil Police here so I'll have to make do with this Royal Guard. Next I'll just have to find a soda can..."
>>
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glim a cute
>>
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remember to always pet your kinder poner
>>
>>37528540
Always
>>
>>37521439
A thought I had on my way home for work. Considering you already established what slavery is to Kinderponies, I imagine Twiggly Wiggly would be worried that Anon will make her work for him in a boring 8 hour job. With minimal breaks, etc. Given she already thinks his world was kind of like Sombra's Crystal Empire.
>>
>>37522586
It's SYSADMINON. The true God of equestria and the one who asigns the rules of the universe. He's a chill, hands off kind of god; allowing Celestia and discord to manage basically everything. They are also the only ones who know he exists, and he's the only being other than flutters who can boss around discord.
>>
>>37529566
Kinderequestria us just a game he made
>>
>>37529675
Kinderquest Ria is an RPG made by Anon, that he was isekai'd into
>>
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how would the kinder pone react to such a situation?
>>
>>37530680
Just stick him with derpy and let them have a grand old time.
>>
>>37530848
He wouldn't even be able to mess up her name because how much could you fuck up *Derpy* of all names?

Plus, she a cute.
>>
>>37531167
"Hey Dopey"
>"It's Derpy"
"Dolly"
>"Derpy"
"Delila"
>"Derpy"
>repeat ad nauseum
>>
>>37531167
witness me
>Dappi
>dorpeh
>dappy
>darpo
>derby
>darbo
>darpe
>derbe
>muffins
>>
>>37531193
>Anon can't call her "Muffins" anymore unless he *has* muffins on hand.
>Gets her way to excited and stuff.
>>
>>37531203
>anon is a bit of a dickhead
>calls derpy "muffins" specifically to get her excited
>tells her hes got a special muffin for her
>its oatmeal raisin with reduced sugar
and that's how anon got classified as a tier 3 villain, the highest tier of villainy on par with sombra, tirek, chryssi, and discord.
>>
>>37531216
>Derpy actually takes and eats the abominable muffin with gratitude
>no muffin left behind
>>
...And that's how she ended up as a Euclid class SCP
>>
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I guess the thread sleeps this week
>>
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Will you make lyra's day? or will you crush her soul?
>>
>>37532898
Scratch her hear with one hand and tug her tail with the other
>>
>>37530155
>isekai'd
Cursed
>>
>>37533916
What does it mean to be isekai'd anyways. From what I have gathered most of the time someone from a different universe is either transported to another world or dies and ends up in another world. That is the extent of my knowledge on the subject
>>
>>37533979
That's exactly what it is.
>>
>>37534111
huh, thought there might be more to it. Glad I was able to understand everything secondhand.
>>
>>37533979
Reborn. Though sometimes the Japs just make a guy get transported to a different world like in Tron.
But that's technically called something else.
>>
>>37530680
>trixie
That's a low blow and he knows it
>>
>>37535111
It's funny tho
>>
>>37535868
No it isn't
>>
Boards fast today
>>
>>37536152
https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/37536253/#37536290
>>
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>>37537798
oh jesus
>>
>>37537826
But what level is the sword?
>>
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>>37537826
smart girl
>>
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>>37538417
this and the attacking the sun at night post are the best
>>
>>37539267
Pity the Guardsmen does it for me.
>>
>>37539627
the Guardsmare pic is great though, but the screens give me nostalgia because such things is why I eventually started coming to 4chan.
>>
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flutter butter is cute
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pony is extremely happy to see you
>>
>>
Boop
>>
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>>37542882
>>37543570
definitely
>>
A little something I've been writing on the side. Enjoy.

"Come on Twiggles, lighten up!"
>You're Anon and you're doing your favorite thing in this lame-ass world.
>"N-no! My name isn't-!"
>Teasing Twilight Sparkle.
"Haha! But you are THE Twiggly Wiggly!"
>"Please stop, I don-"
>She couldn't stand your teasing, the wet blanket that she is.
>Heck, a crowd has actually gathered around the two of you, watching in horror as you mess with one of their princesses.
"Twiggy Piggy!"
>"STOP!"
>She's getting really flustered now.
>Against your better judgement, you continue.
"I'll stop when you admit your name is Twoggle Woggle!"
>"NO! STOP IT!!"
"Twergle Spergle?"
>Her face goes red in rage as she's about to start a tantrum.
>Oh you love these!
>"WILL YOU JUST GO AWAY YOU...YOU...
>"ASSHOLE!!!"
>Twilight's hoof darts to her mouth as everypony in the crowd's heads snap to her.
>A chorus of gasps ring out from among the horde of poners.
>Some go slackjawed that one of their princesses just said a bad word, others are tearing up and getting ready to cry.
>You could even swear you heard somepony say "OOOOOOOO, I'M TEEEEEELLLLIIIIIIING!!!"
>There was the crowd, sure. But the minute she swore? That caught EVERYPONY'S full attention.
>"WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!!"
>Oh great, here come the 'Ponice' to take you to jail.
>A carriage with "Ponyville Ponice Department" crudely painted on it pulls up to the both of you.
>You're approached by the officer who pulled it, who is currently taking the flashing red and blue lights off of her hat.
"Princess Twilight? I'm sorry but you're gonna have to come with us."
>Twilight starts turning a paler shade of purple
>"W-what? No! But! I-it was a mistake! It just slipped out!"
>The ponice mare shakes her head
>"I'm sorry Princess, but it's the law. Even princesses have to follow it! You're under arrest for saying a Class B swear!"
>Oh shit, this is great!
>You never in your wildest dreams could've imagined this outcome.
>Though...
>"You too Anonymous!"
"What? But what did little ol' me do? She was the one who swore at me!"
>Let's see if this works...
>"You're under arrest for Bullying in the Second Degree. It's not up to me to decide what happens after this regarding her swearing at you. Now please, come quietly."
>Oh well, prison here makes Norwegian prison look hardcore. Plus, it'd be nice to get a little vacation. Maybe even see what Twilight does in prison.
"Alright, let's go"
>You hop in the carriage and the doors are gently closed behind you as you take a seat.
>Twilight is shaking and sweating like crazy right now.
>The ponice mare starts up her imitation of a police siren again as the carriage begins to move.
>>
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>Soon the two of you are brought into a courtroom.
>The justice system of Equestria is very streamlined, since any actual crime is so rare here.
>Plus with pony attention spans being so limited, it's best to keep the ball rolling.
>You both have your court cases.
>Both of you are found guilty and sentenced to a week in prison.
>Though, your sentence was originally three weeks. However, the judge knocked two weeks off because Spergkle 'traumatized' you.
>She even got some gold star taken away from her or some shit, she became hysterical after that news hit her.
>What a baby.
>You both re-enter the carriage and are hauled off to the prison.
>*sniff* "B-but I AM a good noodle!"
>Really?
"Twilight, are you seriously bent out of shape over some sticker?"
>She glares at you through her tears.
>"It wasn't JUST a sticker Anon! *sob* It was a good noodle star that Celestia gave me! I've had it ever since I was a filly! But now..."*sniff*
>She continues sobbing and crying all the way until you pull up to the prison and are led out and into the building.
>She begins hyperventilating as you're led to the processing area.
>Twilight rapid fires prayers to Celestia under her breathe as she spergs out over the realization hitting her of where she is.
"Will you stop that Twilight? If anything, the other inmates are going to think you're an easy target if you keep freaking out!"
>She only shakes and prays harder after you say this.
>After being processed and being changed into your jumpsuits, you're led to your cells.
>Or cell, because apparently they think it's a good idea to lump the two of you into the same one.
>This is better than you could've ever imagined! The two of you will have so much fun!
>You're led into the spacious apartment-like cell
>The guards close the door behind you and leave the two of you alone.
"Welp, home sweet home Spackle!"
>You walk over and sit down in a chair, picking up a newspaper that's lying on the wooden table.
>Let's see if anything interesting happened lately, besides the obvious.
>"Why Celestia? Why do I have to share a cell with HIM!"
>You feign offense with your hand to your chest.
"Why, don't be so rude Twilight! I'll have you know I'm a WONDERFUL roommate!"
>She darts her head over to you, with an angry look on her face
"It's your fault I'm here in the first place! If you wouldn't have bullied me I wouldn't have said a bad word! Then I would've never gotten arrested or lost my good noodle star!"
>>
>>37544106
>>37544110
>You're really doing it, you're really going to try to make Twilight "evil"!
"Let me give you a thought experiment Twilight. Imagine you want that good noodle star back. But Celestia won't give it back to you because, I don't know, she's busy packing on more blubber with a giant cake or something. What do you do?"
>She thinks it over
"C-cry?"
>"No! Why is her approval so important to you?"
>She strengthens her resolve
>"Because she's my mentor! And-and she made me a princess! And she's a goddess and, and-"
"And she decided, my dear purple princess, that you're not worthy of her approval! All because you said one teensy little word!"
>Maybe this one was too far, but you're on autopilot at the moment.
>This crushed the resolve she was building, you're really doing this.
"A word that, in my world, is said every day, thousands and thousands of times."
>Fear quickly shows on her face.
>"No! No more about your world! I needed therapy the last time you told me about it!"
>Right, you don't want to break her completely. Just to make her stop being such a little bitch about EVERYTHING.
"My point is, you're here for something that is so minor that my kind finds it absurd. If me teaching you to not just sit there and take it, and instead not give a shit is being a villain. Then sure, I want you to be a villain!"
>She gasps again, but seem to be actually considering it.
>"I...I...I can't! I may not be a good noodle anymore, but I can't be EVIL!"
>How is she still not getting it?
>Oh right, ponies aren't the brightest bunch.
"I'm not telling you to be EVIL Twi, I'm telling you that you don't have to care anymore about that big white whale and her stuffy, boring rules. I mean, are you seriously telling me there's NOTHING you've ever wanted to do, but couldn't because she said you couldn't for whatever arbitrary reason she came up with?"
>She thinks and smiles back, you got this.
>"W-Well...there IS one thing...See, Celestia has a secret archive that I'm not allowed to go into. She told me that it's for her only and that there's all sorts of scary things in there."
>Yes. Yes, you can work with this.
"There you go, so if you don't have to care anymore, we can go there!"
>Confusion returns to her face
>"But, we're in jail...we can't go there right now..."
"Twilight, do you really think we can't just leave? We can! Just follow my lead, and do EVERYTHING I say, when I say it. And you'll get to your archive."
>Confusion is replaced with nervousness as she realizes that she's about to commit to being a "villain"
>"O...ok."
"Good! Now, watch and learn Spergkle!"
>You open the unlocked door to your cell and walk out.
>>
>>37544120
>You open the unlocked door to your cell and walk out.
"This way your highness!"
>You say sarcastically as you bow and gesture outward.
>She carefully steps out of the cell and to your side, time to put this impromptu plan into action.
"Ok, so what I want you to do Twilight is open every door we pass. That'll cover our escape.
>She gasps once again.
>"But...then bad ponies will be let out and wreak havoc!"
"Don't you worry your purple little head. The guards will capture them all because they're not cool like we are! If you want to see what's in that archive, just do it!"
>With more hesitance, she complies and begins opening all the doors in the hall with her magic.
>Ponies begin running out of their cells. Shouting and cheering as the guards come running to try to get them to go back.
>Nopony really stops you as you both walk down the halls as they're too busy with all the other prisoners.
>Twilight has the look on her face like she just killed somepony.
>Well, if murder was even a thing here.
>"Halt! Back to your cells prisoners!"
>Two guards that are guarding the exit approach the two of you, styrofoam spears out.
>Twi lowers her head and begins to walk back before you stop her.
"Hang on there Twilly Willy, check this out!"
>With two extended fingers, you boop the guards on their snootles at the same time.
>They both go cross-eyed and begin speaking gibberish as they sit down on the hard granite floor.
>With a slight push you open the front doors to your freedom.
"Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty, free at last! Let's go Twilight, you did it!"
>She follows along, still having that mortified look on her face.
"Come on now, why the long face? Besides y'know, being a horse and all."
>She looks at you with tears in her large eyes
>"Anon! I just broke out of jail! I'm a wanted criminal now!"
>So close, yet so, so far.
"I know, isn't it great? You did spectacular by the way.
>She really didn't, but you've broken her heart plenty today.
"Now that we're on the lam, we'll need to get us some disguises. Let's get that sorted and we'll get you to your archive."
>The two of you walk away from the prison, the chaos still happening behind you.
>>
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>>37544129
this is gunna be good
>>
Just noticed I mistakingly forgot to add a part between posts.
So here it is:
>>37544110

>You feign offense once again.
"Why Twilight! I didn't TEACH you such language! I'm even sure Celestia didn't either! You swore at me because you had it in you all along champ!"
>She reacts to that with horror.
>"No! I couldn't have had it in me...I'm a good noodle!"
>She's still going with this?
>Time to change that.
"Twilight. Honey, sweetie, princess. You're not a good noodle! Good noodles have that star, and right now? You don't!"
>She looks heartbroken as the realization hits her.
>Without skipping a beat you continue
"But that's ok! Because you know what? You're free now!"
>"H-how am I free? I'm in prison! That's the opposite of free!"
>You continue spelling it out for her.
"No Twiggles! What I mean is, you don't have to carry Celestia's fat ass on your shoulders anymore! The world is your oyster now, and you can do WHATEVER. YOU. WANT! You just gotta, y'know, not be a pushover."
>She gasps at your own swear, but processes the rest of what you said
>"Y-you want me to be a...
>she drops to a whisper
>"...a villain?"
>>37544120
>>
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>>37544764
https://ponepaste.org/5736
The ponepaste link for it. Thankfully with no parts missing this time. More to follow in the future.
>>
>>37544796
This is some real good pasta. Looking forward to seeing Twilight slowly morph into a true villain.
>>
>>37544129
This Anon is literally worse than Hitler.
>>
>>37544129
Anon is playing with fire. There is something very wrong about Kinderquestria, with possible dark undertones. I personally would be terrified to step out of line to such a degree, especially corrupting other ponies.
>>
>>37544764
>>37545563
Can't wait to see if "The Archive" is just something stupid like Celestia's diaries or cake recipes or if it's just some *really* dark books that tell the truth about the world.

Either that, or they find Celly Belly's "stash". Being a long living being can be a right bitch sometimes when everyone around you is so damn silly.
>>
>>37544796
I wonder if the its the universe itself or the powers that be that keep the world as it is. Regardless of the answer if Anon keeps this up SOMETHING is going to give him a reality check.
>>
>>37545628
>>I wonder if it's the Universe itself or the Powers That Be.

>Fate used to have a grand ol' time making things work for the cute little poners.
>...and then the monkey thing got dragged in from his world and all of a sudden she wants to tear her mane out from frustration.
>>
>>37544110
Twilight just got noodle zoned hard.
>>
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>>37546316
>Making things work for the cute little poners
>Making things work
>It just works
You see that pony over there? You can boop it.
>>
>>37546399
The Greatest Salesman in the world
>>
>>37547378
In the kinder world you just need some flashy lights to sell anything
>>
>>37544764
This is great please make more
>>
>>37545115
I mean who could be mean to kinder ponies
>>
>>37545584
Maybe it’s not really dark but just dark to the ponies like maybe celestia used to give spankings or something
Also I kinda want this to end with a twilight that is more sure of herself and ready to lead equestria no longer needed celestias constant approval
>>
Has anyone ever done The Call to the Void type stuff for Kinderquestria? Like, where ponies realize or find out that Anon has this little voice in his head that says "jump".
>>
>>37549773
I would be more surprised if no one wrote stuff like that, honestly that would be quite neat IMO
>>
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>rarity has a letter for you, what does it say?
>>
>>37550516
>I like you. Do you like me?
>[ ] Yes
>[ ] Yes

She's a devious one.
>>
>>37550664
Write in my own answer
>[ ] Yes
>[ ] Yes
>[X] Maybe
>>
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>>37473461
>>
>>37549773
>>37549792
>All beings of Harmony (aka, pretty much most of Equestria, *especially* the ponies) have have it gently guide them and "whisper" to them to influence decisions that lead to Magic and Friendship.
>When Anon arrives, Harmony tries the same with him...only to be met by a VERY crude voice telling her and Anon that they ought to go kill themselves.
>...a more than worrying thing, honestly.
>>
>>37551134
I'd think that would instantly put someone on the "extreme villain to be" list.
>>
>>37413289
>You are princess twilight sparkle hero of Equestria, Saviour of the crystal empire the princess of friendship you have even defeated some of this worlds greatest evils.
>despite all of these achievements you have never been more terrified in your entire life your longtime friend and potential future colt friend has just made you his slave.
>as you follow him you think about what will happen now and what your life will look like

>Will anon force you to work for extremely long periods of time with no naptime or recess breaks at least you would have 2 hours off for lunch and dinner he would at least allow that right.
>as you think more you realize what if anon doesn't let you see your friends or family again you remember Sombra kept ponys away from their friends and loved ones as punishments you start to panic
>you suddenly start feeling hot and your breathing is a lot heavier you are sweating a lot
>"hey twilight are you okay"
>Anon asks looking right at you your friend no owner looks at you with worry
>after a pause and reaches out with his hand starts to scratch behind your ear oh Celestia this feels good you start to nuzzle against anon
>after you calm down you remember what you learned from the pony's under Sombra's control that it was better to just do what they said and not to fight it
>"I am great anon there is nothing wrong at all"
>you lie hoping that he won't catch it please don't find out and punish me
>"twilight I know something is up you and every other ponies are acting weird even weirder than normal"
>crud he knows now okay everything is fine this is anon your talking about sure sometimes he can be a bit weird and scary but he is still your friend and he isn't going to do anything bad to you he is not going to make you work for 8 hours a day he is not going to prevent you from seeing your loved ones and he is not going to use physical punishments on you.
>after you finish thinking your little mantra you answer
"Just feeling worried and stressed is all you don't have to worry about anything
>"twilight, of course, it matters what you are feeling"
>you pause for a second, of course, it matters you are feeling you are his slave after all and if you are not feeling well then you cant work 8-hour shifts.
>"twilight you are my friend heck you are probably my best friend in this weird pony land"
>you take a huge sigh of relief
"Thanks for the kind words anon I think I am going to be just fine"
>"you sure twi"
Anon asks worry still coving his face
>"yep i am sure anon"
>you say worry gone from you
>"well if you say so twilight just remember I am here for you"
>you finish your walk-in more or less silent as you finally realize where you are going you are going back to your home your castle well I suppose its anons castle now as well all the stuff you used to own it's going to be a pain asking anon for permission to use everything
>as anon walks into his castle you wait for him to invite you inside.
>>
>>37551294
>"hey twilight you coming"
>"ya I will be there in a second anon"
as you enter the castle anon asks
"twilight tell me what's going on with every pony today why where they all screaming and why did you lick my food"
>>
>>37515825
there I updated it happy
but seriously thanks man for reminding me i honestly thought no one cared
>>
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>>37549773
I remember only a short prompt where Kinderquestria has better version of the Void Call: it... nudges ponies to do good, friendly things instead of self-harm.
>>
>>37551294
>I suppose it's Anon's castle now as well all the stuff you used to own
She doesn't own it since slaves can't own anything but Anon STILL has to lick everything to own it. Or all this stuff will be nobody's.

Qué Twilight begging Anon to lick castle and every buk, lest it will be licked and claimed by Chrysalis or something. She already made an effective plan, so that Anon will spend only 2 weeks licking stuff instead of a whole month.
>>
>>37551301
Oh, a lot of us care, Anon. We like this story.
>>
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>>37551301
>there I updated it happy
I am happy! Also no problem at all for reminding you about the story. It is nice to be reminded that people are enjoying what you create after all. I for one am glad to see that you have continued it
>>
>>37551301
I'm enjoying it as well. Interested to see more from you!
>>
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>>37552710
>premarital butt touching
Someone lock this monster up
>>
>>37552897
you have to find out who it is first!
>>
>>37551301
What a silly filly, I wonder when Anon will figure out what is happening and if he will try to mess with everypony once he does. Not in a mean way, and he'll defiantly apologize to Twilight first, because it was stressing her out and that isn't cool.
>>
>>37553367
the hoof looks purplish pink? So I think it might be twilight who is currently abusing her position as the princesses good noddle to touch butts.
>>
>>37553367
Its Starlight Glimmer. I think this is when she was doing her whole commie thing with the cutie marks.
>>
>>37551301
This update was funny.

The only thing about it is the lack of punctuation made it slightly difficult to read.
>>
>>37547378
>>37546399
His final act was to resale Skyrim to Microsoft for millions
>>
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>>37554258
>>37546399
>>37547378

>Todd Howard ends up in Equestria
>Wrings hands as he realizes how gullible kinderponies are.
>Begins selling a new edition of Skyrim each year, with ponies buying it up.
>Most are too dumb to figure out that it's the exact same thing each time.
>Ends up becoming the richest being in the entire planet he's ended up on.
>>
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>>37544796

>You are Twilight Sparkle, former good noodle.
>Princess Celestia...why have you forsaken me?
>Anon says that she doesn't approve of you anymore, but that can't be true right?
>RIGHT?
>She did take away your star, and Anon says it was just for saying one little word that just slipped out when he was bullying you.
>Is he bullying you now?
>No...No you don't think so.
>You hate to admit it but...he's making a surprising amount of sense that you can't deny.
>You feel like crying that Celestia has abandoned you like this, but you don't have any more tears to cry after all that's transpired today.
>"Now let's see, should be arou-AHA!"
>Anon goes over to a tree and begins pulling things out of it.
>On the tree is a sign that says
>"Pinkie Pie's Speshul Seecrit Tree Stash DO NOT STEEL!"
>Whenever you one day return to Ponyville, you gotta teach Pinkie how to spell better.
>"Here, put this on Twilight"
>You're met with...somepony new? What?!
"W-who are you? Where'd Anon go?!"
>The imposing figure wearing a cowboy hat and wearing a pony mask sighs.
>"No Twilight! It's me Anon, I'm in disguise! Here's yours by the way."
>He holds out a groucho marx mask for you to take, and you put it on.
"Are you sure this will work Anon?"
>He laughs at your question.
>"Ha! It worked on YOU didn't it? And even I have to admit you're not as dumb as most ponies are! Now where is that archive of yours at?"
>Uh oh, you forgot ONE teensy little detail.
"I kiiiinda forgot that it's in Celestia's castle...heheheh."
>He just rolls his eyes at this.
>"Cool, let's go."
>How's he not scared? You feel like making an accident on the ground just thinking about it!
>The two of you travel through the middle of Canterlot, along the way the two of you stop as you both hear the town crier ringing her bell.
>"ATTENTION! ATTENTION EVERYPONY! A riot has occured at Canterlot Correctional Facility! Many guards and inmates were reduced to tears before the prisoners were sent back to their cells. However, two inmates escaped in the chaos and are believed to have incited the riots! The rogue Princess Twilight Sparkle, and Anonymous the Hyoo-man are wanted by the crown! If you see them, contact your local ponice at once. Do NOT try to apprehend them yourselves! Princess Twilight has powerful alicorn magic, while Anonymous is more cunning than a fox! Stay safe everypony and remain vigilant!"
>The crowd looks around and talks among themselves in fear.
>Not seeming to notice that the two of you are standing among them.
>Wow, he was right, this DOES work!
>You feel sad though to hear that they all consider you to be 'rogue princess'.
>Is that what you are now?
>You DO have a rap sheet now, and one that is growing by the minute.
>But you REALLY want to see that archive, and Celestia no longer approves of you.
>So maybe it really doesn't matter anymore...
>The two of you press on towards the castle, super secret books here you come!
>>
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>>37555525
>You're yet again Anon.
>The two of you are walk in to the castle and head inside.
>Twilight leads you down a maze of hallways until you see two guards standing near a sign that says:
>Restricted Access, guards only!
>You already have an idea.
>You turn to Twiggles and whisper.
"Ok Twilight, follow my lead again. You did great last time, keep it up."
>"Are you going to b-boop them again?"
>You shake your head
"No, different plan. Just do what I do to the other guard.
>You turn the corner and walk over to one of the guards.
>"Halt! Guards and Princesses Celestia and Luna only!"
>In a flash you flip one of the guards over on his back and begin rubbing his belly
"Lullaby and goodnight, Go to sleep, Go to sleep little baby!"
>The guard's struggles slow as Twilight runs up and copies what you do with the other guard.
"Close your eyes, Close your eyes, Close your eyes and got to sleep!"
>The guard is snoring now and soon the other follows.
>You look to the side and see a broom closet, and drag the both of them inside.
>You take off their helmets, replacing them with Twilight's groucho mask and your cowboy hat.
"Well, that's an improvement if you ask me! Here, put this on!"
>You hand Twiggles a guard helmet.
>She nods and puts it on.
>You open the twin doors and walk past more guards as you head to the archive.
>Eventually finding yourself between the doors and another set of guards.
>"Celestia and/or Luna only! Sorry guys!"
>Twipie turns to you with a worried face. You got this though.
>Not feeling like rubbing another belly and singing, you decide to outsmart the two of them.
"Oh, well she actually sent us herself! See she's busy eating her 50th cake today, so she asked us to grab something for her to read from the archive before naptime comes around. You know how it goes!
>The guard scrunches and stands in silence for a few seconds
>"Hmmm....ok! You better hurry though, naptime is coming soon! If she doesn't get it, she might get grumpy!
>The guard opens the door and lets the two of you in.
>She shuts the door behind the two of you and you walk in a bit before turning to your purple companion
"Well Twilight, the fruits of your labor has arrived! Dig in!"
>She looks like a fat kid in a candy shop as she runs up to the bookshelf, grabbing as many books as she can and begins reading.
>>
>>37555531
Can’t wait to for more
>>
>>37555531
Can't wait to find out what's in the archive
>>
>>37555660
Can’t wait for more
>>
>>37555531
So cute, yet so sad.
Twilight is a good noodle.
>>
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>>37555531
oh shit nigga she actually did it
>>
>>37554957
>in state of constant mlem
but thats obviously wrong?
>>
>>37555531
I kinda want twilight to be anons student by the end of this and have him giving her stickers and head pats
>>
>>37555792
And have twilight see him kinda like she sees celestia.
>>
>>37555531
Huh, anon is kind of an asshole but considering he is helping twilight out this much he cant be that bad.
>>
>>37555681
it’s tax codes and government financial records, self-authored smut, and philisophical ponderings
any of the three would mentally destroy a poner like the fucking necronomicon
>>
>>37557152
>it’s tax codes
Oh no no no no-
>>
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what would hanging out with the kinder stallions be like?
>>
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>>37557715
>anon has to keep kinderstallions from putting gum in the hair of mares they like
>stop them from playing ball next to the store of fragile things
>essentially killing themselves
>>
>>37558195
>>essentially killing themselves
Hopefully you mean socially and not literally
>>
>>37558281
have you never been a young boy before? i used to play in those giant concrete tubes they use in construction. there was a giant pit and we used to fight next to it. I'm honestly surprised I'm not dead right now.
>>
>>37558519
i used to fight with my classmaters with bamboo sticks

we usually sharpened the tip beforehand
>>
>>37558696
Used to roughhouse quite a bit, and semi often it would turn into even more than that and we would regret it the next day. We also messed about in abandoned buildings and construction sites at night pretty often, amazed no one broke anything and our parents never figured it out despite the many bloody noses and black eyes.
>>
>>37558519
>>37558696
>>37558838
>Anon casually speaks out his childhood escapades with Twilight, just getting nostalgic about old times.
>Little does he know, he's freaking her the *fuck* out because he's just casually telling her that children on his world would very well give each other High Class Boo Boos...for *fun*.
>The fact she didn't faint on the spot had to be a testament of something but Celestia only knows what exactly...
>>
>>37558881
Ah fourth of July, the day were we shot roman candles at each other and tried to dodge them. Fun times.
>>
>>37558881
This thread was so active yesterday
>>
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>>37558696
Same except it was just random kids around the neighborhood. Unfortunately we didn't have access to something as high quality as bamboo so we just grabbed random sticks and grinded them against the sidewalk until they were moderately pointy.
>>37558881
Sometimes you really have to take a step back to appreciate these situations. Just imagine if a giant showed up in your town one day and loved reminiscing about how much fun his childhood was with how he and his friends used to tear each other's limbs off and stab one another.
Anon really does need to be careful around those little ponies. One serious slip-up and they'll think he's a demon straight from hell.
>>
>>37559921
I guess
>>
>>37559391
>>37559980
Imagine Anon thinking that the ponies at least act like *regular* kids instead of "The Absolutely Best Behaved Kindergarteners Ever".

Like, he thinks they'd be interested in loud stuff, socker boppers and general tomfoolery but they think he's trying to introduce dangerous weaponry and/or ideals.

>Such things that probably make him pretty popular among *Villians* of all people. And maybe The Sisters, if not Luna.
>>
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what does teacher pone see?
>>
>>37559980
>>37561276

>anon arrives along with his kid brother
>kid brother immediately becomes the most dangerous villain thus far

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7Ke2OKdQNs

>anon has to keep him on a short leash just to keep the ponies at ease
>this is what you get for not beating your kids
>>
>>37558881
I remember my brother and I once got into a briar fight after hacking down some briar vines.
>>
>>37561899
>Anon trying to teach calculus and imaginary numbers.
>It's like speaking Ancient Alien Gibberish at everyone in that classroom.
>>
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>>37563013
>>
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>twilights face when she overhears anon singing what what in the butt to himself
>>
>>37556881
But he's not helping Twilight to be nice, he's helping her to be mean; so that she gets in trouble, and/or causes trouble for everyone else.
Anon should be exiled at the very least after this.
>>
>>37563013
>Twilight convinces Cheerilee that anon could teach the class ancient alien knowledge
>Cheerilee begrudgingly lets anon teach class for the day while she supervises
>The students don't understand a single bit of it, even Twilight is embarrassed because the class didn't learn anything so the experiment is a failure
>Cheerilee understood though
>She understood everything.
>>
>>37563013
>>37563168
>>37565215
>Twilight mistakenly assumes that because it's "Ancient Alien Knowledge", others would learn it really quickly.
>Sadly, like anything, it takes time to learn something and even then, you need at least some background and some previous knowledge to make it all work.
>Enter Cheerilee, a teacher extraordinaire who *must* know all kinds of subjects to be able to teach, who slowly starts understanding the lesson plan of the strange "Hyoo-man".
>Sure, she didn't get it all at once (imaginary numbers and variables are a headache on their own) but it was enough for a seed to grow within her mind that she should study up more.
>>
>>37564844
You think kinder ponies exile creatures
>>
>>37565434
What is the moon?
What is the time out room?
What is the bad pony corner?
>>
>>37565434
This thread literally used to be called anon in kinderjail, so yes
>>
>>37566053
So instead of putting him in jail they would exile him despite the fact there would be nothing preventing anon from just keep on being evil
>>
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>>37566109
>The princesses banish Anon because he is quite frankly a bit of an asshole
>send him to his own private island where there isn't really anyone so he can't cause havoc
Anon is about to pull what is referred to these days as a "pro gamer move"
>>
>>37565215
>>37565247
kinder-Lovecraftian
>>
>>37566492
I can't believe Vsauce Michael was the one who said that
>>
>>37555531
More please
>>
>>37566492
They put anon in timeout he just leaves the timeout
Ponies
>>
>>37566572
Need some more of that, yes sir.
>>
>>37566572
Will never ever be finished, unfortunately.
>>
>>37567611
Fine. I’ll do it myself.
Cont. from >>37565215
>In front of Cheerilee, the Hu’mun is gesticulating.
>Her eyes dutifully track his motions, flickering between his "hand" motions and the incomprehensible figures on his chalkboard in the proper manner, but her gaze does not.
>It is, Twilight remarks to herself, a quite peculiar fashion by which Cheerilee looks, as though there is something singularly entrancing, demanding ceaseless attention, yet simultaneously at the edge of the horizon and barely detectable by mere vision.
>The tome of alleged knowledge, supposedly containing the collected and consolidated works of many of the Hu’mun's finest "mathematicians" though seemingly filled with madness, slows to a rest in its owner’s grasp.
>A question has seemingly been asked of the Equine assemblage, as though one of the collected members might present their own comprehension of the lesson and, an assumed understanding of the material confirmed, allow it to continue.
>Such a synthesis is, of course, not forthcoming.
>Twilight scans the room, locking eyes with surprisingly few others, Cheerilee excluded, with most too preoccupied with frenetically scribbling the shapes and symbols, the rest searching for something more comprehensible in the familiar and more meaningful shapes of the terrain outside the classroom windows.
>The Hu’man clears his throat, and after an uncomfortably long pause, finally realizes that there is no answer to be found from the class.
>With a sharp motion, the tome is closed and pinned to his body by an arm, and he makes to trade seats with Cheerilee.
>She does not rouse, though by this time a majority of the students have begun to realize the lecture has ended.
>Seeing that the so-called schoolmarm is in no condition to stop them, and lacking any other immediate authority figure to reimpose oneself upon their actions, they flee as though a single body, pouring from the schoolhouse with a mixture of joyous cries, groans of relief, and no small amount of stumbling.
>As Twilight makes for the only remaining pony in the room, the Hu’mun exits without a word, leaving the two alone.
>>
>>37568140
(As an aside from the Anonymous author, the best way I’ve personally found to get this specific style of writing is to just… not proofread or do any second passes, so please forgive any errors or omissions which may have occurred, trusting that they will be corrected should this tale ever exceed the status of mere "high-effort shitpost")
>>
>>37568140
>>37568180
>Your name is Cheerilee, you suppose, though even that proves difficult to dredge from the unfathomable waves which even now assault your mind.
>You slowly come to realize that there is another pony in the room with you, trying to draw your attention, though such an act is impossible, the amorphous concepts you contemplate now etched indelibly not into a mere physical object, but your psyche itself.
>Names, patterns, phrases for things which previously, having lacked categorization, had also escaped your notice did so no longer.
>And these thoughts, in being seen for the first time, seemingly now noticed you.
>Unable to hide in the vast and flat plains of your own understanding, the entity which previously titled itself Cheerilee was being crushed by concepts entirely alien to any preexisting mind.
>Integers are far more intriguing than the lavender mare.
>If there were more integers than many, if indeed as claimed an unlimited amount of integers, then one could busy oneself with counting from birth to death and never reach the end.
>And if there really were such procedures as detailed in that impossible Tome, mathematical rituals to transmute truths about the world into "real numbers", to count the hoofsteps around the schoolhouse and then effortlessly, as if by magic, so determine the number of hooves which might fit inside?
>>
>>37568441
>There was at once a slithering sense of horror, that down this path one trots lies something which is best left buried, and that to unearth it would instantly damn Cheerilee to a fate worse than death, but strain as she might, she could not wrench her mind from the tracks it now found itself careening down.
>The seed of thought had been planted, and Cheerilee’s mind and soul is fertile soil.
>Mathematics more complex could determine the number of stones a well would take to fill, the number of shingles a barn would need, the speed and size of a river from mountain to ocean.
>There were rituals which would infalliably discover numbers hiding in the limits of eternity, the edges along endless curves where there is never quite nothing.
>One could derive, through calculations, all things, from the composition of reality itself to the paths which the celestial and lunar bodies were truly fixed upon, and indeed even the final violent fate of those bodies.
>And as the stygian knowlege fully blooms, spreading like a fungus through the cryptlike passageways of thoughts and fears, the contradictions in these numbers reveal their hideous and final truth.
>Tears are at once streaming down a face, a hitching laughter emerging, interrupting a maddened voice which seemingly comes from nowhere at all.
"We’re not real. We’re just numbers."
>>
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>>37568441
Poor Cheerilee, she was not ready for the cruelty that is mathematics.
>>
>>37568593
I have another speck of inspiration that leans a lot less into gibbering loquaciousness and more into "kinder ponies are dumb and can’t do algebra" where understanding basic geometry makes Cheerilee seem like she’s gone insane.
Basic plot is Spergle freaks out and worries that Celestia’s going to kick her out of magic kindergarden for being indirectly responsible by approving the lecture and demands Anon keep it a secret and do his best to fix Cheerilee.
Cheerilee, not actually being insane, is excited and does her best to learn more from Anon, who excuses it to Twilight as “the only way out is through”
Events conspire, chance to prove her dark knowledge, etc etc etc
I am aiming to have at least the first part of something along those lines out in the next week or so here.
>>
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>>37568666
Woah. I thought this was a oneshot kinda deal. Glad to hear that you will be continuing it! Don't worry to hard about having to push it out, the threads will still be here a week from now.
Probably a new one for this general but still, the point remains.
>>
>>37568574
Kek. I'm not well aquatinted with Lovecraft's work, but your prose does appear suitably purple as befitting his style.
>>37568666
There's more to come? Wonderful!
satanic trips, how fitting
>>
Boop
>>
Kinder bump
>>
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>>37568574
Cheerilee is patient zero for Anon's worship cult.
>>
>>37568574
kek I'm glad my prompt actually yielded something good
>>37568666
based also checked
>>
>>37571336
>Cheerilee thinks she's starting the first "Fan Club"/"Appreciation Club".
>A certain Crystal Guard Pony by the name of Brilliant Gleam would contest such a statement.
>>
>>37571878
Fund it.
>>
>>37571878
>>37573135
>Brilliant Gleam and Cheerilee run apposing cults.
>Gleam's is all about how Anon is a sort of "Allfather" while Cheerilee's focuses more on him having "Ancient Knowledge."
>Considering how old math is on Earth, Cheerliee is technically very much right.
>>
>>37574591
>>Cheerilee is technically very much right.
>Which means her cult actually has *some* sort of staying power...but they mainly just wanna teach math.
>On the flipside, *Gleam* is also technically hitting the nail on the head with Anon being "fatherly" but that's more him being kind and gentle with little pones that ask him questions.
>>
>>37571878
Speaking of Brilliant Gleam, was that green ever uploaded to ponepaste?
>>
>>37574783
It's right there in one of the lists in the OP message, I think.
>>
>anon plays a doofenshmirtz-esq villain because he thinks it's cute how the little ponies react to his shenanigans
>kinder ponies see him as the most diabolical bad guy in the history of equestria
>but however is always defeated by either a turtle, an owl, a pompous cat, a energetic dog, a tiny alligator and a very ornery rabbit
>>
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>>37575811
>Anonymous Mischief Industriaaaaal
>>
Wake up
>>
>>37576446
I'm gonna stay in bed all day.
>>
>>37576459
What a rascal
>>
>>37576459
Don't feel like picking up my phone
>>
>>37575405
I don't know this brilliant gleam fella, but I ctrl-f all the links in the Op for gleam and the only line that contained it was
>The good and the righteous shall be blessed with a brilliant gleaming
So whatever it was I don't think the story was saved.
>>
>>37577660
The story is called Eldritch Anon, it just features a Crystal Guard Pony named Brilliant Gleam. It's in the Kinderquestria Ponepaste link but I can just copy+paste right here for convenience sake.

https://ponepaste.org/2927
>>
Page 9
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>>37566572
ponecraftian
>>
>>37565215
>>37568574
Have some prompt and green inspired doodle
>>
>>37579045
holy shit an artfag graces the thread! dare I say... Based?
>>
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>>37579977
this picture always makes me smile because the ponies reaction just feels so right for the situation.
>>
>>37579045
That's the face of a mare knows to much.
Nice touch with the apple
>>
>>37579045
Now make her learn Trig identities
>>
>>37579045
Knowledge is power
>>
>>37582143
France is bacon
>>
>>37579045
wow, absolutely based and drawfagpilled.
>>
>>37579045
Good shit, dude.
>>
>>37579045
I’m >>37568574 and was having a pretty shitty day. This is my first piece of fanart. This just made my week, thank you so much! And thank you >>37565215 and >>37565247 for the inspiration for my green.
>>
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you get to kinderquestria after dying but all the ponies look like >pic related, wat do?
>>
>>37584433
I don't see a problem, they are still cute.
>>
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>>37584433
Where is the problem?
>>
>>37584433
Live as a hermit.
>>
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>>37555531
>Big Purple marathons book after book as you stand there.
>Now you're actually getting interested.
>What does Celestia think is so bad that she has to keep even her book-addict of a student away from this place.
>Even after she became a princess?
>You pick up one of the books Twilight set aside in the 'finished pile' and flip through it.

>"January 14th, 1382"
>"Two more criminals were sent to the executioner today for theft..."
>She used to have ponies executed? How'd they go from that to...WHATEVER you even call this clusterfuck of a country?
>"Crime has really gotten out of control in Equestria! It really breaks my heart to see an increasing number of youths put to the paddle. It hurts me so much more than it does them to see my subjects' hindquarters set ablaze by th-"

>Oh. Aaaand you lost interest.
>You put it back down and pick up another.
>It's just records of when ponies were born and when they were put in a "bye bye box for their forever nap"
>AKA when they died and were put six feet under.
>Despite your boredom at the really...anti-climactic nature of these books, Twiggles meanwhile looks entranced.
>Her usual look when she's burying her cheeks in a book instead of a hayburger.
>Mixed with...something else you can't tell at the moment.
"Twilight, is this really it? This is boring!"
>She looks up from the book with tears welling in her eyes.
>"H-how could she hide all this from me? S-she used to have ponies spanked? She put ponies in timeout for 2 whole months?! How could she-he-he-heeeeee?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
>Twilight bursts into tears...loudly.
"SHH! Quiet or somepony is going to hear!"
>"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"
>She isn't stopping the waterworks
"Twilight."
>You give the crying horse a shake to try and get her to stop.
>"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
>You are NOT getting caught today. Not now.
"TWILIGHT!"
>You put your hand over her mouth to stop her.
"Shut up! You're going to get both of us caught! Do you want to go back to prison?"
>She slowly shakes her head no to your question.
"Then be quiet! We might already be compromised now. I don't know if these disguises will work on Moby Dick but I don't want to find out...yet at at least."
>Suddenly a new voice comes from beyond the door, one you recognize as belonging to...
>"-was that sound? Is somepony in the archive?"
>>
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>>37585125
>FUUUUUUCK
"We gotta go. Quick, find a way out!"
>You both look around frantically.
>You don't care about getting sent back to prison, you could just break out again.
>You care more about the little progress you're making with Twilight on teaching her to stop being so uptight about these kiddy rules and laws.
>"Oh! Two guards went in, they're getting your book now while you eat your 50th cake for the day!"
>A silence hangs in the air as you find a window.
>Please don't be 100 feet in the air.
>"I haven't eaten 50 cakes today! And I never sent anypony to retrieve anything from the archive!"
>"Quick, open the door!"
>You peek and see there's a ledge just underneath the window.
>It'll do.
>You grab your purple protege and jump out as the door opens.
>You both press against the wall underneath in hopes that she won't look under the window.
>The wait feels like an eternity as you hear the clicking of her metal horseshoe...things against the marble floor as she moves around the room.
>>
>>37585127
You can't leave us hanging like this anon, I can't take the suspense.
>>
>>37585127
>>37585142
Same
>>
>>37585127
Sounds like she is more mad about someone saying she ate 50 cakes rather then the whole archive deal.
>>
>>37585127
>Anon! Isn’t this a mister meaner?
>>
>>37584558
>>37584582
based hoersy pone aficionados
>37584867
no you 4 u
>>
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>>37585127
can't wait to see more of this
>>
>>37586062
Same
>>
Saved
>>
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Local human becomes big criminal, assassinates a element of harmony!
>>
>>37585127
Does anyone else want to see anon get immortality and become a ruler of equestria after celestia sees how this does not phase him in the slightest
>>
>>37588511
No.
>>
>>37588511
I actually already have the ending of this planned. >That isn't what happens.
>>
>>37588673
Darn
>>
>>37588673
Thank god
>>
>>37565247
>>37582143
https://youtu.be/tyeJ55o3El
Anon teaches the kinderpones through the use of simple cartoons and song.
>>
>>37473461
It's been a while but I'm the anon that did the original prompt, I basically checked out of the thread for the longest while and only came back to see it today. Granted, there's no way of me proving that fact, but a lot of shit has went down in my life recently and some of it has poetically enough been fairly scary, so reading this before I'll be going to hospital again tomorrow to get checked up was very nice. Thanks writefriend.
>>
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>>37585127
>Eventually the sound grows fainter and you both breathe a sigh of relief.
>The two of you carefully start moving to get back onto the streets of Canterlot.
>Time to hit the road out of this city.
>You've got childish horses to fuck with and a princess to teach many lessons to.

>You are now Princess Celestia, and you're upset!
>Somepony spread a really MEAN lie about you.
>Saying that you ate 50 cakes today.
>That's not true at all!
>You only had 30!
>Gotta keep the royal waistline trim somehow after all.
>Oh. They also broke into your super secret archive where you hid all the bad things you've done, and things that are boring enough to drive anypony else besides you and your sister insane.
>Anypony else except...
>She was here; Your good noodle of a student.
>And that human stallion who's always being mean to everypony was probably with her too.
>You bet he was the one who said you ate 50 cakes!
>Thankfully, you know just how to stop this.
>You quickly gather your guard captains and brief them on the situation.
"Now that everypony is here I will begin."
"Twilight Sparkle and Anonymous the Human were here in this very castle! I believe that they disguised themselves as guards and broke into the castle's archive that only I and my sister are allowed inside of! He also told the guard at the door a really mean lie about me!"
>They all look around at each other nervously after hearing those names.
>Twilight has always been powerful, especially after you made her a princess.
>And Anonymous has been making your subjects cry or throw tantrums after his first few weeks here. His latest victim being Twilight herself.
>Why is she teaming up with him if he got her in so much trouble?
>Is it because you took away her good noodle sticker?
>She didn't know she was going to get it back after she served her sentence?
>Back to your plan.
"They weren't in the archive when I looked, but I believe them to still be here in Canterlot. I want any and all travel to this city shut down. Anypony either leaving or arriving must be verified by me until Anon and Twilight are either caught or verified to no longer be present within the city limits. Now move out everypony!"
>Your captains give a salute and rush out to inform the guards under their command of your orders.
>Anonymous has gone way too far this time.
>Insulting you, luring poor Twilight into a life of crime and villainy...you'll give him an ENTIRE month for these evil acts of his when you catch them!
>Until your guards find them though, you have a cake to finish.
>It's vanilla buttercream, your favorite!
>They're ALL vanilla buttercream
>>
>>37589863
>Is it because you took away her good noodle sticker?
>She didn't know she was going to get it back after she served her sentence?
This is some next level tragedy right here.
>>
>>37589863
Kek
>>37590000
checked and yeah truly the tragedy of the century
>>
>>37589863
lol
>>
>>37589863
I would introduce teh cellybelly to Ice cream cake.
>>
>>37590000
Yew truly terrible
>>
>>37590000
Sometimes one will fall to darkness after believing themselves to be abandoned. also bump
>>
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>>37590000
From my point of view Celestia is evil!
>>
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>>37591674
You were the chosen one twilight! You were meant to reform Anon not join him!
>>
Boop
>>
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>>37593146
I don't like you very much!
>>
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ponies just love boxes
>>
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>>37594175
You were my best friend! We were sticker buddies!
>>
>>37589863
>vanilla buttercream
Extremely based
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>>37589704
Everything check out alright, Anon? Lily is always with you.
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>>37589863
>Twilight when she finds out she was going to get the noodle back.
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I wonder if the Three Stooges would be appropriate in Kinderquestria
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>>37596280
>Three humans constantly giving each other boo-boos.
I think it'd be banned instantly, with abject horror when learning that humans actually find it funny.
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>>37568140
>>37568574
>>37568666
Instead of working on my new story I procrastinated by setting up a bin and second-passing some of my recent stories.
If you've already read this in the thread don't bother with the ponepaste; I really only edited some minor phrasing and repeated words.
https://ponepaste.org/5758
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If you could go to an amusement park with a pony who would it be? also would you try to get them to ride the sling shot with you?
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>>37597398
What do you mean "with me"? No fucking way am I getting on one of those contraptions.
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>>37597421
It probably wasn’t build with our weight and size in mind. Probably wasn’t built with any weight or size in mind. How did this ride get built in the first place?
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>>37597421
then what rides would you go on, me personally I like anything that spins.
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>>37595407
Things went well and I'm starting to feel better on the meds they gave me, with some luck I won't need to be especially brave in the future but I'll just have to see how it goes.
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>>37568666
The plot’s changed a little from my original idea, blame the characters taking it off script.

>Slowly, so slowly, the feeling approaches.
>Something undulates at the edge of awareness, just past conscious recognition.
>A long-forgotten idea swirls in the fog, its shapes suggestive of concepts beyond mortal reckoning.
>The name surges forth, consuming your thoughts until all you can shout is
"Product!"
>You are Twilight Sparkle, and you have just blurted out the answer in class without being called on.
>"Close, but not quite, does anybody else have an answer? If you do, please raise your hoof and wait for me to call on you, it's polite to let other ponies have a chance to share."
>You can't help but feel that part might have been aimed at you…
>Purple gives way to redder-ish purple as your face heats up.
>You blurted out the wrong answer in class without being called on.
>The only way this could get any worse is if you had to go to the bathroom because your tummy hurts and Celestia doesn't notice you waving your hoof and you throw up on the desk and everypony sees and starts pointing and laughing and Celestia says you're not her best pupil anymore and
>Breathe. You graduated magic kindergarten a long time ago, and Celestia's not teaching right now.
>Anon, your bestest Hu'mum friend, is.
>Celestia said he was a very smart Hu'mun, and she's the smartest and bestest pony every and she's always right, so you're sure Anon is very smart too, but everything he's been saying is really hard to think about and
>"Twilight?"
Huh?
>"The question was, 'How would you tell how many 1-snout wide squares would fit in this box, if all the sides of the box were 3 snouts long?'. Twilight, do you know the answer? You were really excited about sharing an answer earlier, so I wanted to give you a chance to answer this time."
Oh no, oh no oh no oh no
>Everybody is looking at you and you're gonna get kicked out of magic kindergarten for not paying attention and
>Breathe.
>Breathe.
>Breathe.
>"Twilight, do you need to see the nurse?"
>Own up to what you did or it'll just get worse.
"No, I just didn't know the answer and I panicked. Sorry for worrying you, I'll pay more attention."
>"That's okay. Take your time. While Twilight is thinking, does anyone else have an answer?"
>Risking a peek, you swivel your head and see that nopony else has their hoof up.
>"Do any of you want to try answering anyway? Don't worry, it's okay if you get it wrong, I just want to see how many ponies understand what we're doing so I know what I need to explain better."
>He's been going on all day about "multiplication" so you're sure it's something to do with that, but you still don't know how you're supposed to use it, or even how to cast it. It's been hours and he hasn't even drawn a spell pattern!
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>>37598756
How are you supposed to know?
>Hesitantly, you answer.
"Count how many squares fit in the box?"
>"Yes, how would you count the squares that fit."
>You're totally confused.
>Anon puts on a disappointed face and calls "Cheerilee?"
>"Nine. Multiply the sides." she replies.
>He praises "Very good."
>And there's the other thing (besides multiplication) that doesn't make any sense.
>She's been answering every question correctly so often that Anon stopped calling her a while ago.
>You are Celestia's personal student and Ponyville's most magical unicorn, with a gold star to prove it.
>Cheerilee is an earth pony.
>But somehow she can understand everything Anon's been saying about the Multiplication spell, use that to make her own spell pattern, modify it to count how many one-snout-long squares fit into a three snout-long square, and then cast it without anypony noticing?
>You just don't get it.
>Celestia could do that, but Celestia can do anything because she's really smart and big and good at magic.
>On guard for Anon's voice, you start paying attention as he speaks to the class.
>"Alright, I think everybody here has done a really good job so far. I know this is really confusing, so I'm proud that you all worked so hard to understand it. I'm going to work with Cheerilee to make a better way to explain this, you can go home early today. Class dismissed. Cheerilee, can you stay after for a few minutes?"
>You join the flow of ponies as the classroom empties and take one more look at Cheerilee, walking over to Anon.
>Something doesn't make sense, which means something is wrong.
>And you're going to get to the bottom of it.
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>>37598758
Also up on https://ponepaste.org/5762 though at the moment they’re identical.
I personally prefer boards because of the interactivity so anything I write will be on /mlp/. Only bother with the ponepaste if you care about typos or whatever or are two weeks in the future.
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>>37598773
>Two weeks in the future
What do you know that happens two weeks from now that I don't?
I like the perspective change to Twilight, you ask me she is just jealous of Cheerilee
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>>37598792
Well "hu'mum" gets fixed to "hu'mun" for one, allowing the summoning ritual to proceed.
Really though, just that in two weeks from now I’ll have slowly been fixing up typos and stuff, and this thread may be archived by then.





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