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>What is Flutterrape?
Flutterrape is a collection of stories about ponies trying to have sex with Anon, the only human in Equestria. While the title implies that it is Fluttershy trying to rape Anon, others may follow in her stead and attempt their own versions of rape. There are different versions of Flutterrape, but most are lighthearted stories about the ponies failing in their comical attempts to get into Anon’s pants. Just because your story has Anon in it, doesn't mean it fits in this thread. Check other threads (AiE, RGRE etc) about story content before posting.

>It's been 9 years, how is this thread still alive?
A perverse mixture of Necromancy and spite.

>How do I start writing?
Use your imagination, you nitwit. Additionally, brush up on your grammar and abandon your standards.

Writing Guides:
Clever Dick's Tips For Short Stories -- https://ponepaste.org/1274
Driverbang's Writing Guide -- https://ponepaste.org/1275
Navarone's Writing Rules -- https://ponepaste.org/1276

For additional information, lurk. There used to be a Writer's Guild, but it died. So many threads have died, but only Flutterrape has remained. We shall always remain. We are bound to the fate of the board as a Lich is bound to its phylactery.


Masterlist: https://ponepaste.org/user/FlutterrapeGeneral
Author List: https://ponepaste.org/1270
FIMfiction Group: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/211640/flutterrape
Request Bin: https://ponepaste.org/1268

Thread Archive: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/search/text/Flutterrape/

Old thread: >>36715714
Teeny penis
Second for fire horse
But what would make Darth Celestia think I’m worthy enough of ruling by her side?
Hey, I was only a few minutes off the correct date!
Or at least correct in my timezone, but frankly my timezone is ahead of the majority of you, therefore it's the only timezone that matters.
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Pinka Pu makes even rape fun.
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Yeeeah, work that grill baby.
And thus, the thread is consecrated.
This is the way.
>You stand at your kitchen counter, quietly slicing vegetables and potatoes for a broth.
>Hum to yourself as you work, largely oblivious to the world around you.
>Carrots are sliced, broccoli and onions follow, potatoes join them. It's a methodical, calming process, and the only sounds you register are the slicing of your knife through the produce and the 'thunk' of the blade against the wooden chopping board.
>You briefly pause and look up, staring out at your Ponyville garden with an unfocused gaze.
>A smile works its way onto your lips. You live a simple life, and don't want for much. You have a decent job, you've been largely accepted by the community, and you have a few friends that like to spend time with you.
>It was rough at first, but you got here in the end. You've done well for yourself, given your situation.
>With a contented sigh through your nose, you go back to chopping with a bit more zest.
>You slide everything into a pot and after covering it with a good amount of water and seasoning, set it to boil.
>Then, you turn around and find yourself staring at Daybreaker - Fallen Princess of the Dawn and Harbinger of the Alabaster Apocalypse.
"Ah," you say bluntly.
>"Good day, Anonymous," she purrs.
"Is it?"
>You glance again outside at the idyllic town.
>Yep. It's on fire and ponies are running around screaming their little heads off.
>If you had a nickel.
>You regard the hell-horse before you again with a frown, then look down at her gold-shod hooves.
>Gesture at them with a hand.
"And did you not think to wipe your hooves," you gesture further at the wide open back door, which you now see is actually no longer a door but the ashen remnants of one, "before you barged in unannounced?"
>"I have arrived at this wretched village to claim what is mine," she hotly asserts. You say hotly both because it's a funny bit of wordplay on account of her arsonist tendencies, and because her breath is actually hot enough to peel the skin on the tip of your nose.
"Am I to assume that I am what is yours?"
>"Correct," her grin is malicious.
"And are you going to continue burning Ponyville until I go with you?"
>"Hah, I think I shall continue tormenting the scum that lives here until I am satisfied. Claiming you is my reason for coming, they are but an afterthought."
"Right." You hold up a finger. "Just one moment, please, before you rape and likely incinerate me."
>"Oh I don't know," she muses as you crouch to retrieve something from under your sink, "I think I could turn down the heat a bit so that I can enjoy you for a bit longer. At the very least you'll have a very fetching tan once I'm done with you."
>Her grin stretches wider.
>"I always did like my stallions tall, dark, and handsome."
>You stand up again and face her at a respectable (and safe) distance.
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"Any other lewd comments before we're done here?"
>"Only to confirm that I am a top, and that if you even think about trying to roll me onto my back whilst we have bed-breaking sex I'll bite you as hard as I can. In fact, I may just do that anyway, since I've never tasted human blood before and imagine it's rather palatable."
"I shall be sure to keep my genitals as far away from your mouth as possible, then."
>Her eyes gleam.
>"Oh Anonymous, don't give me ideas~"
"Uh huh. Anyway, you can go now."
>"Hah! Do you presume to order me around, human? Please, do continue, I love it when my consorts have spirit, it makes it all the more satisfying when I break them."
"Guess that's why they call you Day-'breaker' then, isn't it?"
>"Aha, very good," she smirks.
"Very," you promptly reply.
>Then you squirt her with your spray bottle.
>She recoils, visibly shaken.
>"GAH! What in the hells--"
>You squirt her again, right in the face.
>"What is that?!" She shrieks, back-peddling away from you as you follow her, still spraying.
>The mist graces her flank as she turns to flee, and it hisses on contact with her fur.
>The mare howls in dismay and gallops from the scene.
>"You've only delayed the inevitable, Anonymous!" She turns to face you as she monologues, "I will retu--"
>You've already caught up, and squirt her in the eyes.
>She drops to the ground, writhing around and waggling her front hooves in front of her face defensively.
>"Stop! STOP! Mercy!"
>You don't let up, squirting her trembling hooves a few times and then once on her exposed belly. She squeals and lets out a sob.
>"It's not fa-aiiir!" She whines.
>Eventually, she's dripping with water and steam surrounds you both as you relentlessly squirt the mare at your feet, who is huddled into herself on the grass in your back garden.
>You continue to spray until eventually a very soggy and upset-looking Princess Celestia pouts up at you, her mane and colour scheme having returned to their usual hues and non-lethal temperature.
>Miraculously, the town is no longer on fire as well, and the screaming appears to have stopped.
>"Th-thanks..." she mumbles.
"I know estrus hits mares hard, but god damn, woman, learn to control yourself."
>"It's easy for regular ponies to complain about heat, Anonymous, but I have the power of the sun coursing through my veins. My heat isn't uncomfortable, it's downright volcanic!"
"Excuses! Now get out of here, I need to tend to my broth."
>"...Could I not stay for lunch?"
"After pulling this crap again? Definitely not. I don't reward bad behaviour, now GET!"
>You squirt her a final time for good measure.
>She wails like a sea lion and staggers to her hooves, wings flapping erratically to carry her into the sky and away from the merciless spray-bottle marauder.
>Shake your head as she goes.

Mares, am I right?
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>when Celestia goes into heat, it's literal
I laffed. Good show.
>Public indecency
>public lewdity
What does that mean?
So would Anon have to evade her cartoonish antics to avoid being raped by her? Could Pinkie Pie just then abuse toonforce to make duplicates of herself and pin Anon with multiple against one?
Cool Ape Cock
It rhymes with Got Chunky Brick.
Humongous Monkey Drivingaminicar
If it would be lulzy, yes.
Haughty, maniacal demeanor.
>Be Anon.
>You are sitting on your couch watching some MLP-related video. What it is is up to you.
>You notice a somewhat disturbing giggle from the video. You make sure your device is plugged in plugged in properly and get back to sitting, but you still hear the giggle, but it’s only a little bit louder this time.
>Your monitor starts turning black with a mid-sized white oval in the middle as the giggling gets louder and louder until it eventually reaches the volume of what a human would sound like giggling.
>You unplug your device and plug it back in, but to no avail.
>Finally you notice a pink hoof manifesting itself from the oval and protruding beyond the screen and into your living room.
>The rest of a pony follows it.
>Yep, it’s Pinkie Pie.
“What did— how did— what the hell?”
>“I couldn’t help but notice you were watching some videos about me and saw you were getting, how do you say, very excited to see me?”
“What the hell are you even doing in my living room?”
>“Silly human! I’m Pinkie Pie and can do practically ANYTHING!”
“Oh, OK...”
>“So just sit down right there as your good buddy Pinkie Pie satisfies you.”
>You notice Pinkie Pie tearing your pants off and immediately sucking away at your d*ck. You try to get away, but she holds you in place.
>Soon after, another Pinkie Pie emerges from your closet, takes your shirt off, and starts kissing you all over your belly and face, ultimately involving being hugged and French kissed by her.
>You try to resist the urge to nut, but the two Pinkies are getting the best of you.
“Pinkies... I’m... gonna... nut...”
>You soon blow your payload into the first Pinkie Pie’s mouth and she gulps down every last drop. A white flash of light is seen on her horn and back as a horn and pair of wings emerge beneath.
>“You really know how to show a mare a good time, Anon. I can’t believe I’m an ALICORN now!”
^“Ooh, really? I wanna be an alicorn, too!”
>Another Pinkie Pie emerges from the air vent above you.
#“Me, too!”
>A fourth Pinkie Pie comes in through the next room.
~“Me, three!”
>This will mean that our physicists will be about to have to throw away pretty much everything they’ve worked on, won’t it?
I think the catch-all charge would be, "lewd and lascivious conduct" in most states.
>Prisoner No. 1701-A
Prison, the final frontier. These are the continuing voyages of the starship Justice. Her ongoing mission: to explore strange, new ways of messing with society, to seek out bad actors and punish these humiliations, to boldly arrest whom nopony has arrested before.
What about altered states?
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currently mourning the loss of anon's duck
>Fluttershy weighs 40 pounds
If she weighs 40 pounds, I'll prench kiss Fluttershy

>And then they all drag him into the screen, never to be seen again. . . Until the next episode.
It's like The Ring combined with entirely too much pink energy. I approve.
His duck?
>"And this is my sister, Limey!" Pinkie proudly presents her sister.
>"Limestone," the mare corrects, a scowl firmly fixed upon her.
"It's nice to meet you, Limestone," you politely respond.
>Her eyes trail up and down you, sizing you up.
>You do the same to her, noting her taut muscles and sharp edges. Hers is a physique that exceeds even Applejack's; a body sculpted by her work into the same form as the rocks that surround her.
>She catches you inspecting her, and a slight smirk replaces the scowl, which you try to match with your own nervous smile.
>"Yeah, I think I could take you on."
"Hah, we'd best stay in each other's good books then, hadn't we?"
>"I dunno, I kinda like a bit of friction."
>Pinkie watches this with beaming glee.
>"This is great! I knew you two would hit it off! Okay, so I'm gonna go see what's on for dinner, see you both later!"
"What? Where--"
>She's already vanished in a cloud of pink and dust, leaving you alone on the outer edges of the Pie family rock farm.
>Amongst the huge boulders that surround you, there is only Limestone.
>The mare cracks her neck and stretches a few limbs, the steel-cords beneath her fur loosening and tightening.
>You fold your arms and try to make conversation until Pinkie gets back.
"So, uh, how long have you run the farm for? Pinkie said you'd taken over operations here sometime after she moved out."
>"Yeah," Limestone shrugs casually, "I've been running the place for pa since I was ten."
"Ten? That's a bit young, isn't it?"
>"For some pathetic citypony, sure, but rock farms breed hard ponies. Hard mares, especially," she says with a wink. "I probably could have started working the place when I was eight, but I needed to finish learning my math before I could handle the accounts."
"Wow, you're pretty much set for life then, aren't you?"
>She shrugs again, her smirk fading back into her usual scowl.
>"Maybe. Life is a long time to spend in the same place though. I don't see many ponies. Or stallions."
>You feel the hairs on the backs of your arms stand on end, and you look around again to confirm that it's just you, the rocks, and Limestone out here.
"Right... so should we follow after Pinkie? I think she mentioned dinner?"
>"Pinkie'll be fine, knowing ma it's just gonna be rock soup again anyway. Besides, I don't think I've worked up enough of a sweat to excuse taking a break yet."
>She grins at you, her eyes narrowing and darting over your comparatively frail form again.
>"Think you can help me with that, Stick?"
>"Sure. You're tall, thin, and there's nothing to you. I was kinda hoping you'd have a bit more muscle on you so you could help me lug a few rocks around, but I don't think you'd be much good at anything around here."
>She takes a purposeful step forward.
>"That being said, I gotta admit I've always had a thing for lanky stallions. Pair of brothers came by the farm the other year looking to sell us some crap. We didn't buy any of it, but I'd have happily sampled either of them. Maybe both at once, I could probably take them. They left before I could try anything though."
"I-I uhh, I'm gonna check on Pink--"
>"Hey, quick question."
>"How long do you think a mare could stand not having anyone around to scratch her itch?" She corners you against a boulder and your back presses it, further reinforcing the feeling that you've been trapped. "See, I've got a book. A little book, I got it from a travelling salespony years ago. Full of all kinds of freaky stuff. At first I thought it was gross, but wouldn't you know that growing up changes a girl's tastes. Used to be weird but now it's kind of exciting, can't tell you how many times I've read it through. Of course, I have to hide it from the others, can't be doing having Marble walking in on me with my hoof between my legs, I've gotta be a good rolemodel for her. Still, it's full of all sorts of scenes involving mares and stallions and I'm kinda curious to see if it matches real life."
>She punches the face of the rock just by your hip, regarding you with a hungry gaze as you flinch.
>"How about this: You help me out with a little problem I've been having ever since I saw you wander onto the farm, and maybe I'll go easy on you. I've got a lot of things I wanna try out from my book and something like a decade of sexual frustration to work through. Come on, Stick. Be a gentlestallion."
>A final grin.
>"Who knows, if you do a good enough job maybe Holder's Boulder will pair us up and we can be married. Then I'll really be able to unwind."
"I-I think I'll pass."
>"Aww, that's a shame."
"Yeah," you give an uncertain laugh, "it is, I'm sorry."
>"No, not that. It's a shame that you think you actually have a choice."

>"Hiya Nonny! Ma's prepared dinner - it's rock soup! Can you believe that?! It's like, my favourite!" Pinkie cackles as you push through the front door, then retreats back into the kitchen to continue helping her parents.
>You stagger into the house and sit down at the dinner table across from Pinkie's sister Maud.
>She blinks slowly at you.
>You wear a thousand-yard stare, unable to effectively speak.
>"You are covered in bruises," Maud observes.
>A low whine escapes your lips, but nothing else.
>"You were out at the eastern fields," she continues, "that's where Limestone prefers to work her afternoon shift. You met Limestone out there."
"Hhhh..." you squeak, trying not to move too much on account of the pain.
>"Limestone is a very pent-up pony. I am glad you were generous enough to help her. I can tell that you did because I can smell Limestone's musk on you. It is a very powerful smell that she thinks she can hide whenever she's done reading her book. She cannot hide it. We were starting to worry that she would not find anyone."
>You look away from the wall behind Maud and focus on her somewhat.
>The mare nods in affirmation of something.
>"I think you would be a good husband for her. I will tell mother and father, they will be pleased."
>She promptly leaves, and you slump further into your seat, your every bone and muscle screaming in agony.
>You think your pelvis might be broken.

And that's how Limestone Pie found true love. She lived happily ever after.
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Now they can get her a new headstone.
Pinko is disturbingly calm in this part. I don't like it. Almost like it was all planned.
"You wanted to see me, Maud? What's the problem?"
>"Hello Pinkie Pie. I am glad you came to visit us in this time of crisis," Maud says without a single inflection in her voice.
"When I saw your letter I knew it was serious - you used an exclamation mark!"
>Maud shuffles in what you can only describe as sheer, unrestrained discomfort.
>"I was worried."
"Absolutely! So what's up?"
>"We need to do something about Limestone. She is getting worse."
"Worse how? You mean grumpier?"
>"No. She is using her book several times a day. It is distracting her from work and causing a smell."
>You cringe - Limestone's book of lewdness was feared within the Pie household. Cloudy Quartz had spied its contents only once before needing to be rushed to the family doctor with a case of the vapours. The rest of you had learnt to let evil lie, especially given how aggressive Limestone had become since becoming a mare.
"Several times? H-how many?"
>Maud pauses to think.
"Holy-- that's more than a few!"
>"Yes. It is. Marble is afraid to stay in our bed because Limestone has started groping her in her sleep."
"Poor Marble! Is that why she's cuddling her safety rock?"
>The two of you look over at the corner, where your younger sister Marble is trembling in a corner with all four hooves wrapped around a big smooth piece of sandstone.
>"She has found it hard to get rested. We need you to find Limestone a husband so that he can breed the angst out of her. Mother thinks only at least four foals will calm her down. I think she may need more. Limestone was always the most hormonal of the Pie sisters."
>You blink.
"A husband? Like, a husband-husband?"
>"No, I mean a husband."
"Oooh," you nod. "Okay! I'll get Anon, he's single and has trouble saying no to people!"
>"That sounds good. But how will you convince him to come here?"
"I'll lure him here under the guise of meeting our family and spending a nice afternoon with us!"
>"That is a good plan."
"Yes, yes it is..." you rub your hooves together in a scheming manner, "but really, what he doesn't know, is that he'll really be spending a nice afternoon with us and meeting our family! It's the perfect trap!"
>"You are very devious, Pinkie Pie."
"Aww, thanks Maud! You always know just what to say!"
>"Yes. I do."

Maud has a way with words. She writes poetry, don't you know. They're all about rocks.
>Marble and Anon bond over a common groping
You write a damn good maud my brother.
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She never scored
And let's hope she never will.
kek, that was great. Good Maud and Pinkie dynamic.
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>Fluttershy invites you to come inside her box
She learned that anything is possible in the world of imagination.
>You enter the box
>Turns out it's a magical realm, and now you find yourself in a world made of cardboard full of cardboard ponies and cardboard nonsense.
>Can you escape the cardboardverse before Fluttershy finds you?
>Will you escape with your cardboard waifu?
>Can you make it out without getting a single papercut?

>The entire time you're both in there, Twilight is losing her mind trying to figure out how the hell Fluttershy managed to do this without Discord's help.
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>a magical realm
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Thanks, I was sure there must be a Flutterbutt version of that.
No problem anon.

>You stare at her.
>You stare at the black box covering her naughty bits.
>You place your hand on your hips as your head, shaking, drops to your chest.
"Goddammit," you mutter.
>You reach forward and slide your zipper down.
>Fluttershy pumps her forehoof, a delighted squee escaping her muzzle.
Anon's spent too many years looking at them dirty mangas from japan where all the girly bits are censored.
>she then realizes that anon can't give her the HMD because the censor is in the way
>task failed successfully
"When you set out to fail, and you succeed, what have you done?"
In the mangas they just mash their censorbars together and it seems to work!
I've often wondered how the models feel about the artist sticking electrical tape to their genitals.
It's Japan. The models are probably into that.
>Fluttershy is on top of you.
>She's been here several times in the past, and the outcome is rarely in your favour.
>You struggle, but rope binding you to the bed holds you fast. Your head flops back against the pillow and you wearily groan.
"Again. The bed trick -again-. How many god-damned times are we going to do this?"
>Fluttershy shrugs as she expertly unbuttons your shirt and pulls it open to reveal your chest.
>"If it works, it works. Stop making your house so easy to break into and I'll stop tying you up whilst you're asleep."
"Why are you making it out like it's my fault?"
>She sighs impatiently.
>"Because at this point, Anon, it sort of is. The first few times? Sure, that's me being pro-active in our relationship--"
>"--But at some point it's like... come on! Put in a -little- more effort to stop it from happening at least?" She bats her eyelids at you. "It's almost like you -want- this to happen."
"No, definitely not. I suppose I'm just too lazy to do anything more than replace the locks on my doors."
>"And now you're paying the price. Hey, quick request, please could you call me a dirty filly when I'm riding you? It's been a fantasy of mine for a really long time."
"Isn't raping me enough? You have to make me humiliate myself further?"
>She finishes getting your pants down and stares at your crotch.
>"...Uhh," she intones.
>"I'm not... what -is- this?"
>You raise your head again and look down at yourself.
>Where your genitals were, there is now a large black square. The square appears to be two-dimensional, and seems to track your vision so that it's always facing you head-on. It even clips over your inner thighs, but you don't feel anything touching you.
"The hell?"
>"This isn't you?"
>Fluttershy reaches forward and taps a hoof against it. It sounds like tapping a glass window.
>She is struck with a thought, and looks between her own legs.
>Standing up so she's on all-fours, she turns on the spot trying to get a good look at her own loins. Your brow furrows as you get a full glimpse.
"Yeah, it's on you too."
>"Seriously? What's going on?"
>"Allow me to answer that," comes a new voice. Masculine, and formal.
>A stallion wearing a crisp suit steps out of the shadows of your bedroom.
>You share a look of confusion with Fluttershy, then turn back to the newcomer.
>He adjusts his tie and clears his throat.
>"My name is Buzz Whack. I'm here representing the Equestrian Entertainment Commission."
"What," you deadpan.
>"The, um, who?" Fluttershy seems equally baffled.
>He comes to the side of your bed, not at all bothered by the risqué situation he's materialised into.
>"Your actions have been deemed inappropriate for the audience at home, so you have been censored accordingly."
"What the f*** are you talk--" your curse instead came out as a loud beep.
>You stop mid-sentence and look in horror at Fluttershy.
>She has a hoof over her mouth, her eyes wide.
>"Y-you can't censor Anon! Swearing is his favourite pass-time!"
>"I'm afraid we have to," Buzz replies, "inappropriate language and visuals are to be blocked to protect the sensibilities of the people at home. This struggle-snuggle has been marked with a teen-rating, so at the most you can say "hell" and push each other around."
"Struggle-snuggle? Buddy I'm getting r**** here-- of for f***'s sake."
>He shakes his head.
>"Please try and control your language, otherwise we may be forced to take you off the air."
>He forces a smile.
>"Now, please continue doing what you were doing."
>He doesn't move, and Fluttershy glances at you nervously, then back to Buzz.
>"A-are you just going to stand there?" She enquires.
>"I'll monitor you until I can be sure that you're complying with regulation. Please, act like I'm not here," he maintains his smile.
>Fluttershy gulps and looks to you again for reassurance.
>You're lost for words, so you just shrug.
>With much hesitation, Fluttershy moves herself into her usual position over your body, her front hooves on your chest and rear legs spread apart as she guides herself down onto your--
>As your genitals meet, it makes a sound like two glasses tapping.
>She tries again, a few more hollow taps sounding around your still bedroom.
>"I, um... I can't do anything, Anon," she says weakly.
"So what are we supposed to do now?" You ask Buzz.
>He shakes his head.
>"Yes, penetration is also banned, even if it's just implied, so you'll just need to pretend."
"How are we-- how is -she- supposed to do that?"
>"I'm sure she'll think of something."
>You both look at Fluttershy.
>She thinks for a moment, then flops forward onto your chest.
>"I give up. Let's just cuddle."
>Buzz seems happy at this.
>"That'll be well within the parameters, I should think. Thank you both for your time, please enjoy the rest of your evening."
>He wanders back into the darkened corner of your room and appears to vanish into nothing.
"So are you going to untie me at least? Not like you can do anything now."
>"I don't know, you have a mouth and I have a tongue."
"...Please don't, that kind of thing was probably censored as well."

>It wasn't.

Damned censors.
Great job anon.
Does the word rape actually get censored now?
On the EEC? "You're a big meany!" gets a pg-13 rating. These are ponies you're talking about.
This censorship just peeves me right off!
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Only an hour to page 10, don't know what's up today.
Fast board is fast.
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>"It's just kind of weird you don't have a cutie mark is all. How about you get mine tatooed onto your flanks? That way everypony will know who you belong to."
Whom, Nutter Butter. The word you're looking for is "whom."
I can see her trying to tatoo you with that while you're sleeping.
Don’t die while I’m sleeping
Don't tattoo my butt while sleeping.
Don't sleep while I'm tattooing your butt.
If you wake up with butterflies on your butt, let us know...
mediocre story time
>be Anon
>be at home
>be getting ready for the day's errands
>in fact the first one should be here in...
>you hear that signature knock on the door
>you walk over to the door and open it
>you see Flutterball standing on her hind legs and dressed up in a very stylized outfit of pants, a shirt, and coat, detailed in an unusual yet attractive way
>Her pink mane was cut shorter and dyed a golden yellow color and her tail was gone, either stuffed in her outfit or cut very short
>"U-u-um hi Anon."
"Hey Butters."
>she lets out a quick sigh
>"I-Is um... I-Isssss..."
>her face shows exasperation, though its more directed at herself than you
>you're not in the mood to fight off a sex-berserked Fluttershy
>however you cock an eyebrow, amused by her sudden ineptness
>she fumbles out a sizeable roll of paper from a pocket on her outfit
>her hooves hold onto the roll itself, while her wings slowly feed the paper in front of her eyes
>kind of like an organic scanner or orator
>she begins again in a more confident voice
>"Are brilliant blondes with a slight vision impairment and large teats located on the barrel..."
>she drones on, totally focused on the paper in front of her
>you quickly lose attention and go back to the rest of your errands
>"...capable of kicking flanks and chewing..."
>you double lock all possible entry points and leave through the backdoor and lock that up too
>you make your way to the road and head into town

>you picked up some parts to fix the pipes in your house and a book from the library on plumbing thanks to the crusaders three
>Twilight still hasn't figured out a way to move the highlights in her mane the quarter inch back to their proper spot
>she still blames you of course, even though Discord actually did it the absolute mad lad
>a voice booms from the sky
>you look towards the source of the voice
>it's Luna, and she doesn't look happy to see you
>the ponies in the immediate vicinity look at you and Luna, who is hovering a few feet above and away from you
>your eyes narrow and mouth forms a slight grin
"Sorry, no solicitors and I don't deal with lunatics."
>Luna's eyebrows and nostrils flare
>you do a 360 and walk away
>Luna swiftly flies back in front of you
>now she's sneering at you too
>you expected her to keep on using her Royal voice and you managed to jam your fingers in your ears and prevent any permanent hearing loss
>you got pushed back hard despite bracing yourself against her voice
>"HI PRINCESS! HI NONNY! Is it true? Did you and 'Shy..."
>right next to you was the ever bubbly Pinkie Pie, having appeared out of nowhere
"No Pinkie, and you shouldn't listen to what the crazies say."
>Luna was simmering with rage, so much so that even Pinkie's usual smile bent into a concerned wrinkle
>"This matter does not concern thee, Laughter!"
>Luna turned back to you, hissing
>"And thee, Anonymous! Kindness's obsession over thyself hast tainted the realm of dreams, so much that we were forced to intervene!"
>"We had to venture into thy chaotic dreams to determine traits thee find 'sexy' and tell Kindness of them."
>her muzzle was only inches from yours, you could smell her halitosis, see her soul-piercing gaze, and feel the heat of rage radiating off of her face
>"If thee will not give thyself to Kindness willingly, then we shall aid. Her. By. Force."
>she punctuated the last few words with quick jabs of her hoof to your chest
>the pupils and irises of her eyes were glazed over by a bright, white glow
>Pinkie tapped you with her hoof, you looked down at her
>her mouth was agape with awe, eyes fixed on The Night Princess
"I think you should do what she says, Anon."
>you didn't catch the other half of that sentence
>instead you swiftly pulled Luna into a light kiss, grabbing the back of her head with your hands and touching your lips to hers
>before you pull yourself away, Luna helps you out by kicking you with her forelegs
>you fall on the ground, and look up at the Harbinger of the Night
>her fearsome demeanor was replaced by an uncharacteristic nervous breakdown
>she wiped at her lips and tongue with her forelegs and hooves, whimpering the entire time
>you pushed yourself up with your arms
>Luna's eyes darted around, finally settling on yours briefly before she let out a remorseful cry and flew away sobbing

>you turned to Pinkie, still awestruck
>you asked her coyly
"You think she liked that?"
>"...I don't know..."
>she stared straight into your eyes, her voice trembled slightly
>"Nonny, if you need to leave town for a few days, I know a place you can stay and the ponies there are super nice and we can have a 'you kissed the princess' party there too."
"Sounds nice, but I think I'll be okay."
>you get up on your feet and Pinkie raises herself to a proper stance
>"Are you doing anything else today?"
"Yeah. I've got a few more errands to run, why?"
>her tail twitches
>"Its my Pinkie sense, like something bad's gonna happen to you. Can I come with you?"

>the news of you kissing the Lunar Queen spread around town like fire
>most ponies gave you a wide berth, almost expecting you to go up in smoke at any second
>fortunately that didn't happen
>the rest made some attempt to ask you, mostly out of curiousity or fuming inquisitiveness
>you and Pinkie generally told the truth to those ponies
>the Queen of Gossip was an exception
>Rarity would have skewered you on a thousand needles if Pinkie hadn't vouched for you and distracted Rarity long enough for you to cleanly get away
>that encounter convinced you to go home
>you ran into AJ and speedy azules
>you said hello to them and moved on, thankful that they didn't ask any questions
>Eventually Pinkie Pie met back up with you, her cheery demeanor returned
>"Heading back home, Anon?"
"Yup. I'll see you later."
>"See ya~!"
>you got back home, the sun was close to touching the horizon
>Yellowquiet still was where you left her, just on the ground instead of standing
>you entered your home through the back door
>you set your stuff down and checked on Fluttershy through a front window
>she was almost done with her scroll
>you quickly brewed yourself some tea and poured it into a mug and disposable cup
>you got through your front door and to about where you left her, cups in hand
>you set the disposable cup down on the ground by her
>"...and easily capable of earning more doctorates your fetish, Anon?"
>In that dejected reply, you could almost sense a flash of pure anger
>"A-Are long and complex backstories your fetish, Anon?"
"No Fluttershy."
>"What about-"
>she spots the cup of tea next to her, smelling its aroma
>"Is this for me?"
"Yes, and not my fetish."
>she picked up the warm cup in her hooves and took a sip
>an enthusiastic hum vibrated in her throat
>"I will treasure this cup until we get married, and then it won't matter anymore because your cups will be my cups!"
"It's late Flutters, go home."
>"Until we meet again, my love."
>Fluttershy leaves and you go back inside as soon as she's airborne

>you hear rustling noises coming from the kitchen
>the thud of your now shut front door and footsteps towards the kitchen alerts your unwanted guest
>a familiar cheerful voice rings out
>"Hi Anon! Have you made any friends today?"
>"Oh that's too bad!"
>You turn around the corner and see none other than Princess Celestia, raiding your fridge and shamelessly eating dainty little mouthful of cake
>She stares at you, embarrassed and mouth coated with cake crumbs and frosting
>Ever since your falling out with Twilight, Celestia had taken up the mantle of ensuring the resident human makes some friends
>However, you suspect that she enjoys coming by to get away from the castle and to be playfully coy with you
"Help yourself to the cake; there's hot tea on the stove if you want it."
>you went to take a seat at the coffee table
>Celestia came in a minute later, carrying your teapot, pairs of mugs and plates, and left over cake
>she offered you a plate of cake, but you declined
"Why did you break into my house, again?"
>"The backdoor was open."
>you remembered that you did leave that door unlocked
>she got you there
>"And you could not carry my plush, voluptuous, royal posterior out of your home, much less toss it any respectable distance if your previous attempts were any indication. I believe they were your words..."
>you were 20% mad at her comment
"Don't push it..."
>she chuckled at your threat
>The smile on her face faded, her tone was graver
>"I've heard you kissed my sister..."
That's not bad, go on.
>>"I've heard you kissed my sister..."
Oh snap! What's gonna happen now?!
You can't leave us hanging like that Anon, you gotta continue pls?
>you will never keep a steady flow of leftover cake in your fridge so as to constantly attract celly to "break in" and "steal" it
>you will never make her favorite cake and surprise her with it when she comes hunting for leftovers
>you will never be given a friendly royal-butt-bump that sends you hurtling to the ground, the impact causing a multitude of compound fractures
>you will never contentedly wheeze your last onto the kitchen tiles, a mortal who has witnessed firsthand the majestic power of a deity's derriere
bros... i'm feeling it...
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>"Is preening your fetish?"
I hope you keep going.
>"Hi Anon! Have you made any friends today?"
Funnily enough, I read "How many friends have you made today" earlier on. It was alright.

Thanks for the green, Anon!
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>You wake to the sound of knocking.
>Wiping the sleep - and mane - out of your eyes, you drag yourself out of bed with a wide yawn.
>You didn't catch what the clock read, but it must be early.
>Who could it be? It's not normal that you get guests at this time in the morning.
>You open the door a crack, and then fully as your jaw drops slightly.
>"Good morning, Fluttershy!" The human is beaming at you.
>He reveals a long, narrow lollipop from his coat pocket and points at it.
>"Is licking a lollipop your fetish?" Without waiting for an answer he slides it into his mouth, making a big show of licking it and covering it with spit. He groans and moans as he does so.
>Your wings have fully unfurled; you watch him unblinking, your breathing shallow.
>All other sounds are irrelevant to you; all that matters is what's happening in front of you.
>Your eyes are locked onto his every motion, refusing to even entertain the idea of blinking lest you miss a microsecond of the display.
>Finally, he finishes with a single long lick from the base of the lollipop to the tip before drawing back and giving you a suggestive wink.
>You swallow heavily, and have to lean against the doorframe to support yourself.
"Yuh..." your mouth is full of spittle, the same way it would be if you were staring at a delicious meal after a day's fasting, "y-yes, oh sweet Celestia yes it is, is this happening? A-are you--"
>He crouches down and reaches forward, cupping your face with a hand. A distressed, needy whine escapes you.
>His loving eyes gaze into yours, and your heartrate trebles.
>"April Fools," he whispers into your ear, then he pulls back and grins at you.
>You stare back dumbly at him, body shaking.
"I-I don't know what that is."
>His smile falters.
>"...Don't they have April Fools in Equestria?"
>You shake your head, still yet to have blinked in the last minute or so. Your entire body trembles, sweat building all over your coat.
>"Oh. Uhh, well it's a whole thing on Earth where people prank each oth... er..."
>He studies you with a building sense of unease. Your wings are fully spread to the point of aching, and your eyes have shrunk to pinpricks. The last of his smile vanishes.
>"...I may have made a serious mistake."
>The human yelps as you grab his collar with both hooves and drag him inside, kicking the door shut with a hoof.
>His protests are muffled by your cottage, and no one can hear him scream all the way out here.

Prank responsibly today, guys.
I wouldn't call this one mediocre. Unless I was making a Fury Road reference, maybe, because we have witnessed you.
Incredible job
That was really good
Live by the prank, die by the prank. Or at least held down and forced to enter Fluttershy. Same thing, really.
It's the only way to live.
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What a strange mare.
I got a green for you, lads
Just need to check the formatting
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I can't wait.
Different Anon with a different green here, but...
I’m so sorry
>The sound of birds softly singing draws you from your sleep.
>Slowly, your eyes ease open expecting to greet the bright morning sunshine.
>But instead you find yourself staring into darkness.
>An unknown warmth brushes against your side, alerting you to its presence.
>There’s something in the bed with you.
>”Oh! Uh! Morning, Anon.”
>You groan.
>It’s only Fluttershy.
>Looking left, you can just about make out two curious blue eyes looking up through the dark.
“What do you want?”
>”I was just wondering if, um...”
“If darkness is my fetish? Ugh, what time is it?”
>Her feathers shuffle.
>”Well, no...”
“If blankets are my fetish?”
>”Not exact-“
>You halt mid sentence.
>Something strikes your nostrils.
>What the fuck?
>Curious, you take another whiff, is something cooking downstairs? Last time Fluttershy tried making lunch you caught her dripping a luminous green potion into your bowl of soup.
>Whatever it is, it’s really strange. Almost like slightly rotten carrots mixed with cauliflower.
>It’s pretty unpleasant.
“Hurgh. What’s that-?”
>”Are dutch ovens your fetish, Anon?”
>Suddenly, the sound of a feeble trumpet squeaks into the sealed blanket.
>It all clicks together.
>You leap from the bed, racing to shove open the window as you cough your lungs up.
>”Not even a little bit?”
>”...maybe if we tried a thicker blanket?”
>Yellowhorse keeps trying to explain her revolting actions as you push her, cautiously ass-first, down the stairs and out the door.
>She rolls back onto your front lawn with a defeated frown.
>”Can I use your bathroom maybe?”
>”Aw, darn.”
That's not even the worst version of that guess to hit this thread.
Imagine the police having to come for Princess Twilight and Equestria being stuck in a land without a ruler...
>”Thank you kindly for dropping by, Anon!”, Granny Smith beams at you from the end of the table
Oh no, the pleasure is mine, Ms. Smith! After all, it’s not often I get…invited, to dinner.
>You let the word “invited” slide out of your mouth like rotten fruit
>Big Mac is too busy wrangling Applebloom into her seat to notice your disgust
>Applejack, or rather your kidnapper for the evening, notices all too well, and hoofs your shin under the table
>”Something the matter, sonny?”
Oh nothing! Just uh, this cider is a bit stronger than I’m used to. Very good stuff, Ms. Smith!
>”Oh, pshaw you.” The elder mare blushes and twirls her hair
>If she had thumbs, you’re pretty sure AJ would be using them for a thumbs-up right now
>There’s got to be a way out of this dinner
>You don’t want to end up forcibly married to APPLEJACK of all ponies
>Trixie maybe, but not AJ
>You mull things over quietly, thinking of a way out as the family settles into what sounds like usual Sunday dinner conversation:
>Big Mac talking about a squirrel he saw on a date with his marefriend that week
>Applebloom going on and on about some new math they’re being taught in school
>You feel a light tapping on your shoulder
Hmm, huh?
>”Anon,” Big Mac whispers, “Granny Smith asked you something.”
Oh. Oh! Sorry Granny, I was just busy thinking about this cider, aha. What was your question again?
>”Oh you’re fine, sonny. I was askin’ AJ, what exactly does your fiancé do for work?” Granny chuckles, “After all, raisin’ a family is easier when everyone can pitch in somehow. So whatcha do, monkey boy?”
>The thought of marriage sends shivers down your spine
Well Ms. Smith, if you must know, I’m a stand-up comic.
>”Yer a funnyman?”
Yes ma’am. I’ll admit the money could be better, but it keeps the roof from leaking.
1 / 4
>Granny closes her eyes, her brow furrowed in thought
>Applejack looks ready to break out in a nervous sweat
>Under the table, however, she's rubbing her hoof up and down your leg
>Granny, eyes still closed, finally speaks "I'm not sure I can give my blessing to this."
>AJs hoof smashes into the floor, narrowly missing your toes
>"But Granny I love him!"
>"Quiet down, Applejack."
>Reluctantly, and with a heavy pout, she goes quiet
>You feel like getting up and leaving right away, but you've also seen enough tv to know you're not quite out of the fire yet
>Granny resumes, "I'm not sure I can give my blessing to this...unless your beau here can make me laugh."
>AJ smiles harder than you've ever seen her smile before, and you've got a smile on your face as well, because
As it turns out, I actually have a joke I've been saving for just such an occasion!
>The Apple Clan, as if on cue, hushes and stares at you with great intensity, and you begin:
>Okay, so there are two men, a cowboy and an indian. And they're walking across a vast desert with nothing but a train track running through it
>The sun is high, the air is dry, really parched these two men are, yeah
>And they're walking by the tracks, they've maybe been walking for a few hours now, when the indian stops the cowboy with his arm and says "wait"
>The indian man gets down on his hands and knees on the hot desert sand, and he puts his ear to the ground
>And after a moment he stands back up and says to the cowboy, "train come"
>The cowboy, bewildered, looks up and down the line and sees not a sight of any train
>So he shrugs it off and the two men continue walking through the scorching desert
2 / 4
>After another hour or so, sure enough, a train rolls on by, and a kind child on board throws them a canteen full of cool, delicious water
>But the cowboy, he's baffled now, he turns to his companion and says "how did you know about the train?"
>And the indian, with a wry smile, responds "shaky ear"
>He was able to feel the distant vibrations, you see
>Now the two men continue walking through the heat, their thirst satisfied
>Only now they have a new problem: they've been walking so long, so many hours in fact, that they begin hankering for a meal
>So the cowboy and indian draw their rifles as they walk, hoping for a sign of maybe a stray deer, or perhaps an unbranded calf that they can shoot for supper
>And the two men, they walk on and on , for another hour or so
>And their bellies are rumbling, and they're so hungry
>When, suddenly, the indian man stops the cowboy with his hand
>Just like before, the indian man gets down on his hands and knees, spike
>And he stays there a moment
>And then he gets back up and says "deer come"
>The cowboy, incredulous, demands of his companion, "how do you know"
>And the indian, with a wry smile, responds
3 / 4
"sticky ear"
4 / 4>>36796985
April fool c:
I'm really glad to see you're alive Greggums.
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>"sticky ear"
God dammit, I chuckled.
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Thanks anon, I'm structuring my life for once and I'm realizing how much I need to catch up on in order to have free time so I die a lot
That and I keep getting stuck on /vp/
>Pic related
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Truly all her dreams are being realized.
Well I hope you come back again soon.
I still have stories in the pipe for like, three threads
And I need to finish my overly melodramatic series lol
Pro tip: it is a bad idea to make your first writing project a long form one, and I would go back in time and make fracture a one-off if i could
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I'm glad this was the first thing I read when I got up.

And it's from Greggums too! Son of a bitch it's been years, I hope you've been doing well.
Well even if you aren’t writing it’s good to know you’re around.
I believe in you.
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god we need more limeyrape
my raspy voiced queen
Zigzag did a pretty good one for April Fools awhile back, don't know if he binned it though.
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Hw many times has Fluttershy farted on Anon in this general?
Too many.
do you wremember how many jews were gassed in your life?
>not wanting to be gassed by qt poni
In Equestria, you hit bongs.
In Soviet Ponyland, bongs hit YOU!
If I had wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted.
Now fuck off back to the 20th Century.
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>Day whatever.
>Trying to enjoy the morning coffee, before--
>Knock, knock, knock...
>Too late.
>Rise from your seat, stomp over to the front door.
>Open door.
"Whatever it is, it isn't my fet-- Who the hell are you?"
>"Listen, dweeb. I don't care what your fetish is. You're my fetish. So get ready, cuz hear I--"
>Welp, this is new.
>And you had just replaced that door after Fluttershy peed on it.
>Whip out the bear spray.
>"Gimme that!"
>Whatever she is, she snatches the bear spray away from you.
>Then she sprays it into her beak like a spicy Binaca Blast.
>"Now come here and give me some sugar, dweeb!"
>Whimper in fear...
>Fucking Gilda...
Anyone have the bits of the one green that never got finished where Anon gets told he's autistic?
God I wish I'd saved that, I'd thought he'd come back.
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Please keep going with that story it was off to a really strong start.
I intend to, I had to take a nap and I just woke back up. Don't think I saved it however, so if someone's got it, that'd help.
Oh, I'll probably get back to work on the limestone green too now that I'm awake, that one I know I saved.

Something something limestone develops a foot fetish something flutterrape.
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The jazz music stops when non-ponies get involved.
>A changeling tries to get Anon.
>A minotaur tries to get Anon.
>A dragon tries to get Anon.

Finish your story, you hack fraud. People were enjoying it.
Here's the archive for it:
Sounds great, I’m really looking forward to it.
We really don’t see much Gilda here, so thanks for that.
What a rude and uncouth mare
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A changeling?
How many of Fluttershy's (successful) rape attempts were actually Chrysallis?
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Would Chrysalis try to date someone who is not royalty?
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Would you?
Probably none? She can't feed on Anon's loathing of Fluttershy. She could probably impersonate Anon and feed on Fluttershy's feelings for him, but she'd have to either wait until he was out of town or else do something to get rid of him first.
And I'm not sure if what Flutterbutt feels is healthy love. It might be bad for a changeling.
In a heartbeat
Don't know why things are so fast today.
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>"Anon! It's Fluttershy!"
"What's she done -now-?"
>"Remember when you impregnated her last year?!"
"...No? I think I'd have remembered something like that."
>"...Oh, wait, yeah-- no, you were asleep and I helped her break into your house and ride you to climax."
"Twilight what."
>"Come to think of it, I did the same. We both took turns."
>"You're a -really- heavy sleeper and at some point we both kinda just wanted to see what we could get away with before you woke up."
>"I was grinding my marehood against your face for like, thirty minutes and you didn't even snort. Fluttershy was taking your entire length up her butt the whole time."
>"...So anyway! After all that, Fluttershy got pregnant!"
"But you didn't?"
>"Silly Anon, alicorns can't get pregnant!"
>You rub your chin in thought.
"...So when Celestia forced you to become one against your will...?"
>Twilight shivers, her teeth clenching.
>"I-I won't... cry... I said I wouldn't..."
"O-oh my god Twilight, I-I'm so sorry."
>She takes a deep breath.
>"Hoookay! Okay! I'm good! Haha, just had a moment there, sorry! Anyway, Fluttershy just went into labour with your kids! But not me! I'll never be able to have any! None! Ever! HaHA!"
"Kids? Plural?"
>"Yes! But the problem is that she just won't stop having them!"
>"She'd given birth to like, eighteen of them before I came to find you! The doctor doesn't know where they keep coming from! I think it's a magical problem, and come to think of it Fluttershy and I did some -crazy- stuff to you and then each other last year so that might have something to do with it, but the point is that you're now the lucky father to probably like twenty-something horrific human-pony hybrids!"
"...Well that's just awful."
>"Worst part is that you'll be expected to pay child support for all of them!"
"This is just a dreadful, dreadful story, Twilight, and I'm ashamed to be a part of it."
>"Haha, aren't we all, Anon!"
>Twilight looks at the camera.
>"Aren't we all."

Yes, I'd like one barren, baby-crazy Twilight Sparkle to-go please. Hold the wings.
But she's only barren because of the wings
Don't let Rainbow Dash hear you say that...
Dash is barren because she's fucking dirty.
And AJ knows, too. Look at her face. LOOK AT IT
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>shots fired
Board's quick today.
You're quick today.
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>>"Silly Anon, alicorns can't get pregnant!"
But Cadence got pregnant.
Fine, she's crusty.
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>page 10


>"Is piracy your fetish, Anon?"
Software piracy.
She does look okay in that.
Not bad anon
Cadence isn't a real alicorn. She's a unicorn with cardboard wings stuck to her back that's managed to bullshit her way this far.
Flurry is an optical illusion.
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Wait a minute. If she's just a unicorn in disguise, then maybe she CAN get pregnant. I'm so confused!
Well no, Cadence is a fake alicorn, hence the cardboard wings and her crippling fear of rain and strong winds, but Twilight is a real alicorn, which is why she can't get pregnant and will be able to last about another year before her madness drives her to shoot up a hospital.
Come on Anon, try to keep up, the MLP lore isn't that complicated. Faust was very clear about all this.
Oh hey, something with flutterbutter
How about Scootaloo? She's a giant chicken disguised as a pony.
Scootaloo is an evolutionary missing link between Pegasi and Earth Ponies. She wasn't born, but was instead discovered in a glacier far to the north, cryogenically preserved by time. Now that she's free, she can wander the earth with her feeble wings that evolved merely to slow descents and hover. It would be many thousands of years until her descendants would be capable of fully-fledged flight.
This is also why we never see her real parents; they died eons ago.
The two ponies that show up in the show masquerading as her parents only adopted her, both because she's an orphan and because she's an endangered species.

Incredible work as always - frenemies is the best Anon/Flutters dynamic.
>Cadence isn't a real alicorn. She's a unicorn with cardboard wings stuck to her back that's managed to bullshit her way this far.
Then how was she able to fly and retrieve the Crystal Heart?
Magic, duh.
Magic, duh.
There’s our next OP image.
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"Alright, Floots. I give up."
>Yellowbutter peers over her newspaper with a triumphant grin.
>"I guess my Easter egg hunt was too difficult for you, huh, Anon?"
>Sinking into her couch, you yank the stupid fabric bunny ears from your head.
>The ones she MADE you wear.
"Yeah, haha. Real hilarious of you to steal my house key and hide it in an easter egg. I looked under every rock in town. Can you just tell me where it is?"
>"Oh, I dunno..."
>Newspaper rustles.
>Flutterbutt is staring at you with what you think is supposed to be allure.
>She eases back into the chair, her hind legs slowly opening for you.
>"You might have to dig a little to find it."
>You look at her.
>And then down at her dumb yellow coochie.
>And then back up at her.
>Aw, fuck.
>She didn't...
"You didn't..."
>With the most obnoxiously coy giggle you've heard in your life, Floobleshooble bats her mane over her shoulder.
>"Oh, geez! I-It's looks like you're going to have to p-put your fingers up m-my... funtunnel..."
>It really looks like she's got you here.
>That is, at least, until you remember your five years at Magician school.
>Of course! How could you forget the most defining years of your life?
>You whip a black top hat out of thin air, along with a long plastic wand.
>Her brow slopes.
>"Anon, what are you-?"
"Alakazoo! Alakazussy!"
>"W-Wait! That's not-"
"Retrieve my house key from Fluttershy's pussy!"
>An orb of brilliant green light envelops your hand.
>You roll your wrist, and voila!
>In your palm sits your house key.
>It's completely dry, fortunately.
"Well, this was fun. Happy Easter, Flubbershy."
>As you stride through the front door a feeble voice calls out behind you.
>"Um, Anon? Don't suppose you know how to get an egg out of my-?"
"Why don't you go ask your chickens?"
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I thought this was our next OP image
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>"Alakazoo! Alakazussy!"
>"Retrieve my house key from Fluttershy's pussy!"
Magical. Thanks for the laugh, Anon.
Hope you guys are having a swell Easter. As swell as an Easter can be, anyway. Not sure what you're supposed to do other than eat chocolate until you feel sick.
"No, but sea shanties are. Keep going."
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>"Brace yourself, Anon, it's time for that steamy, sloppy makeout session you promised me!"
I can promise that I've never once talked or thought about talking to you. You look like a pop-tart made an OC. Where's my regularly scheduled rapist?
Oh you silly feeble minded little gay, I'd never agree to something like that.
Put 'im in the bed with the Flutter's mom and her daughter
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>“Step right up and you’ll see a tail, a tail of a fateful pony...”
>You're sat on a park bench reading a book, since you have nothing else better to do.
>Then, your vision goes dark as two soft hooves cover your eyes from behind.
>"Guess who!"
"The angel Gabriel finally here to put my soul to rest?"
>"Nope! A little birdy told me that today was a special day for you, so I decided to get into the spirit of the holiday!"
"By 'little birdy' do you mean Twilight."
>"Uh huh!"
"I told her not to tell anyone else about humanity's weird egg-festival."
>"But it sounded so cute! And I had a bunny costume already so it was easy to get dressed up."
>She removes her hooves from your eyes and leaps over the bench, coming to land before you and presenting herself with a flourish.
>"Ta dah! Do you like it?"
>She's dressed in a black hoodie with blue ears grafted to it, complete with a set of goggles for some reason.
>You stare at her in dumb shock for a moment, sweat forming on your forehead as she smiles meekly at you, waiting for your judgement.
>"Do you like it?" she says in a hesitant voice.
>A trembling hand grasps your chest as you drop your book.
>Fluttershy cocks her head, ears flopping to the side.
>"What's wrong?"
"Hhh... Hnng--!" you collapse to the ground before her, gasping and clawing at the ground.
>"A-anon!" she yelps, her playful attitude slapped off her face.
>Her hooves stamp about in a panic, the mare not sure what to do with herself.
>You can't speak. Your heart thunders in your chest. Breathing has become difficult and your pumping blood has become a rising chorus in your ears.
>A purple shape shunts Fluttershy to the side, and you find yourself staring up at Twilight's horrified expression, your eyes pleading with her.
>"No! Fluttershy what have you -done-?! Don't worry Anon, we'll get you to a hospital!"
>She levitates you off the ground and in a flash you all dematerialise from the park.
>You're deposited in a sterile corridor and unceremoniously dumped on a wheeled-table. Twilight barks orders at a pair of stunned hospital staff off to one side, and the two leap into action, running you down the hall towards the emergency ward.
>Twilight canters alongside you, assuring you that everything is going to be fine.
>You almost start to feel better, but Fluttershy's anxious face - along with her adorable little ears that she probably spent an evening carefully sewing onto her precious little outfit whilst humming to herself - comes into view and your heartrate becomes erratic again.
>A doctor, having barged into the theatre from another door, growls at the pegasus, gesturing wildly at the exit.
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>"Hell's teeth, get her out of here! She's making it worse!"
>He points a hoof at Nurse Redheart, who shrinks back from his furious gaze.
>"Redheart! You too! This was caused by cuteness and cuteness is only making it worse!"
>She looks at the floor bashfully, a pink blush spreading across her cheeks coupled with an embarrassed smile. She paws at the ground, her head ducking lower.
>"I'm not -that- cute..."
>A clipboard crashes into the wall next to her, and she bolts from the room before the good doctor can drag her out himself.
>He sighs, then leans over your body, placing a steady hoof on your chest.
>"Breathe, son, breathe. Focus on my face and my voice, it's alright. Clear your mind, don't think about anything cute."
>You do as he tells you, shuddering breaths blending into calmer motions as you feel your body stepping back from the brink.
>Twilight speaks up.
>"Do you need me to leave too, doctor? Am I not helping being here?"
>The doctor shakes his head.
>"Don't worry, miss Sparkle, it's only cute mares that can cause this reaction. You can stay."
>She blinks, then scowls.

Poor Twilight.
Fluttershy needs to be more careful, though. She can't marry a corpse. No, don't give her ideas.
I suppose we are fortunate that necrophilia isn't her fetish.
What the fuck
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Last rescue bump.
Post or die.
>wake up and
>you sigh
>put down the coffee
>go downstairs
>open the door
>it's a bright yellow gorilla, with yellow feathery wings and pink hair
>it speaks in Fluttershy's voice
>"So, Anon."
>"Is Flutter Ape your fetish?"
>the pun is so horrible that you die from it
>bad end
Everyone’s gotta sleep sometime.
Can't sleep. Pegasus will rape me.
>“Is mating like rabbits your fetish, Anon?”
>no hοoves
That’s rough.
>And you had just replaced that door after Fluttershy peed on it.
Fucking kek.
No. Its all a ploy. A trick. A ruse! All an elaborate scheme to get you to unload your baby gravy inside her pussy!!

Free hugs.
I laffed.
Das rayciss mang...
Hyoomins arent monkees.
Does it count as a trick if she just straight up says that’s what she wants?
>Fluttershy rapes (You).
>Her life's goal achieved, she goes back to being a kind pony who takes care of animals.
>She basically forgets you exist.
>The struggle snuggle was just a one-night stand.
>What do (You) do to get on with your life, since you're still stuck in Technicolor Donkey Hell?
Raping her back is the only logical conclusion. This is no longer Flutterrape, but Flutter rape.
Yes, Anon. Shes counting on the fact that you haven't gotten laid since you got to horse world.
>I do already Flutters
'sup Satan. Yes. Yes, it does. Tricksy ponies, trying to take (Our) precious virginity! We hates them, etc.
In Equestria, Fluttershy >rapes you.
In Soviet Ponyland, you >rape Fluttershy!
>Fluttershy attempts to emigrate to Soviet Ponyland
>But it's a G1 phenomenon, and she can't get her hooves on a time machine
She’ll get bored and try again eventually.
Nice tits.
>Fluttershy attempts to defect to Soviet Ponyland
>Glimglam tells her "I don't do that any more"
Fluttershy just needs to be more discreet about how she asks.
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>Now Anon, Ah know what you're thinkin-Hey, don't shut the door on me!
>Look, let's get the formalities out of the way
>Ah know why Ah came here, you know why Ah came here
>But thing is, Ah took this potion four days ago
>It was only supposed ta last for a few hours
>Please help, Ah'm too embarassed to go see Zecora twice in one week
"Hello, Starlight."
>"Oh! Fluttershy, uh, hi. Again."
"I-I hope you don't mind, but I thought you might appreciate this little pie I made?"
>"That smells delicious, but..."
>"Well, it's not that I don't like you, Fluttershy, but we really don't hang out that often and you've been bother-- coming to see me all week."
"I just thought we needed to see more of each other, what with us being such good friends!"
>"...Sure. Still, thank you for the gift."
"Would you like to share it?"
>"Sounds... good?"
"I'll just go ahead and cut it in half... there we are! Now there's one half for you and one half for me. Split down the middle. We're both getting equal parts. We're both equal."
"It's nice, isn't it? Being equal? M-makes you kind of wish everywhere was like this, huh?"
"Maybe you could give that whole 'Our Town' thing a second shot here in Ponyville--"

She'll get there one day. The things she does for Anon.
She'll crack that nut eventually.
>Anon enters the room, hoping to share that pie with Starlight.
>Little does he know that Fluttershy roofied the pie.
Now I want to write something about Anon, who learned magic back at Earth and after being transported into full-time magic Equestria now incredibly mad.
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I need to stop getting bored and using photoshop to edit dead memes on my lunch break.
No, please, keep getting bored and using photoshop to edit dead memes on your lunch break. I love this stupid shit.
jesus fuck
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Moved all my greens to https://ponepaste.org/user/Mshakezilla. Currently working on something now, will have something in a few days maybe. Also, I'm back
I'm so glad you were able to save your stuff, LitWoH getting purged was some bullshit.
I saw you uploading your stuff earlier and was glad to see it. Would you like me to add you to the FR masterlist? If so, what would you like your short description to be?
I didn't even know that existed. If you want to me to be on that then that would be fine. As far as description goes I think it should be noted that most of my LATER greens are Flutterrape. Whereas a lot of my older ones are mostly waifu stories.
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Here you are, buddo:
Glad to have you back with us.
Ty, Anon.
A dangerous game indeed.
Kek. Anon's fetish is Eris.
Is it just me or have we had a few writefags returning lately?
Mshake left for work related reasons iirc, but yeah there've been a few.
Is that tree Fluttershy in disguise?
I think it might be.
Yep. She's always close and watching
I guess this kinda fits here.
Dunno if rapey enough
I don't know if you're rapey enough.
Fluttershy teaches Anon how to be rapey enough.
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If you think about it, it's a public service!
So really all she's doing is teaching him to make that face.
I think you've got one "L" too many in that sentence.
>You rub your eyes with some fingers and try not to sway too much in your seat.
"Bwuh?" you blearily grunt.
>"I said, are you sitting comfortably?"
>You look down at where you're sat in bewilderment.
>You're crammed into a dated school desk in what seems to be Fluttershy's home.
"I guess?" you're still too drowsy to be anything other than suggestable at the moment, so you decide to roll with it whilst your brain finishes loading up and re-establishing the correct hierarchy of priorities.
>"Great!" Fluttershy squees. "So, welcome to Love Questing One-oh-One! I'll be your teacher, Fluttershy. Do you have any questions before I begin?"
>You shakily raise a hand, still a bit out-of-it, and wait for her to point a hoof at you.
"A few, if you don't mind."
>She nods eagerly and motions for you to continue; you clear your throat.
"How did I get here, why am I here, what possible need would I have for these lessons, and when do we break for lunch?"
>"I drugged and dragged you here last night; I got lonely and wanted some company; one day you may need to swab a mare's throat with your throbbing human meat - preferably mine - and we'll stop at eleven-thirty for some tea and sandwiches and maybe to practice what you've learnt so far."
"I kinda had one more question."
>"Go on?"
"Does this count as extra credit? Professor Douglas said side-courses wouldn't help."
>"Yes, yes it will," Fluttershy confidently states.
>You're happy with this answer, even though you haven't seen or spoken to Professor Douglas in over ten years following your ill-fated attempt at attending college. However, your brain still hasn't finished sorting itself out, so you haven't caught up that far yet.
>"So!" She flips a sheet over on her presentation board to show a few brainstorm-bubbles and bulletpoints. "We'll start with a scenario for the class: You want to have sex with a soft, gentle, motherly, kind, easy-to-please pegasus mare with wide birthing hips and excellent vaginal muscle control who only wants what's best for you and loves you for who you are in spite of your flaws despite what that hussy Rarity thinks, but she says no! What do you do?"
"Re..." you squint at the board and rub your chin in thought, "Respect her wishes as a woman and go about your day...?"
>"Wrong answer!"
"Ah hell, I knew I'd suck at this course."
>"The correct answer is to pin her against the floor of her cottage and breed her until she's full to bursting with your hot human cum whilst her pet bunny watches from the corner. Are you writing this down?"
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>Crap. You fumble for a bit and shakily pick up your pencil, messily scribbling down her words on the paper before you.
>"The thing you must remember when struggle-snuggling, or planning to struggle-snuggle, is that consent is just a concept invented by ponies and has no intrinsic value. Can you repeat that back to me? 'Consent has no intrinsic value'."
"Consent has no intrinsic value..." Hm, that doesn't sound right. Ah, your brain has finally caught up. "Hey wait a minute! This isn't my university and you're not my Social Studies Professor! She was black, and also not an actual horse!"
>"Um, th-that's not true, I just had a race-change operation--"
>You stand up as best you can, the cramped school desk fixing itself around you as you rise and restricting your movements to a crooked hobble bent over at the waist.
"This is bull, I'm dropping out again and going to bricklaying school like my dad said I should."
>"But the market is oversaturated with cheap labour! You'll never find a job!"
"Screw you, Fluttershy, you won't stop my dreams of laying bricks."
>And so, you hobble out of Fluttershy's cottage/university and make your way to Fillydelphia, where you enrol in a trade school and become one of the finest bricklayers Equestria has ever known.
>You do all of it with a school desk wrapped around your body, which only adds to your mystique.

Good show, Anon. Dad would be proud of you.
Based and brickpilled. lel/10
Brick/10. Excellent work, Anon.
Fantastic. Just the right kind of fever dream for the prompt.
Why is this thread so dead?
Isn't this RAPE-ril?
>Why is this thread so dead?
A lessening of traffic driven by the broader deterioration of the pony fandom at large and by extension fewer visits to /mlp/; compounding filters of public attention mean that a niche within a niche within a niche within a niche will find itself enjoying far fewer participants, ergo, a dead thread.

>Isn't this RAPE-ril?
What the hell is a rape-ril.
>What the hell is a rape-ril.
April. Rapril. Raperil.
We're always kind of like this, but it'll probably pick up eventually.
The best month of the year, of course.

>Rape-ril is like estrus season but extra rapey
>When a certain flower in the everfree blooms and releases its sexual spores every spring, all the mares in ponyville get increasingly desperate for sex, regardless of whether they're married or not
>All the stallions in town lock themselves away for their own protection, though the married ones still have to deal with their ravenous wife every night
>Anon, of course, doesn't know about any of this
>He just wants to buy a freaking grapefruit for his latest culinary masterpiece
>He goes to the market
>It's only mares
>Something something rapey chaos ensues
Traffic is higher now than it was a couple years ago, though. The board goes through cycles of activity and inactivity
What if married mares acted normally during rapril (because they would nightly assault their husbands), but it's the /single/ mares that get all rapey? And their desire to wed a stallion increases exponentially? There'd be a crowd of mares not only trying to bed anon, but trying to wed him. Cue potential herds fighting over who gets to rape anon this time.
Interesting premise but it seems a bit too RGRE. Am I wrong? Idk. Maybe I'm just a dick.
I may have gotten mixed up as to what thread I was posting in halfway through, FR and RGRE are the main ones I read
I mean it's not like the threads aren't similar, there's certainly more bleedover than I expected.
January 1st, 2022: FR, RGRE, and Tsundere all merge to create one super-thread fuelled by sexually frustrated mares.
Mark it on your calendars.
Isn't that just AiE?
And oh, what a day that shall be.
AiE on a bad day, yeah.
>that angel bunny
>those digits
Toppo kelly
"I'd like to call this council to session."
>Fluttershy's head jerks backwards with a sickening snap, the mare's body crumpling to the floor.
>You sigh, rubbing your eyes with a hoof.
"Eris, would you -please- stop killing Fluttershy."
>Eris, the draconequus languidly floating beside the table, shrugs and takes a long sip from her can of fizzy-pop with an unnecessarily long crazy-straw protruding from it.
>She finishes with a satisfied sigh and smiles sweetly at you.
>"What? Not like she's going to stay dead."
>A blur of ominous green, and the yellow pegasus drags herself off the tiles and back into her seat, her hooves twisting her head back into its proper position with a series of unsettling groans and visceral sounds. She cringes as she does so, a tremor jolting through her entire body.
>"C-can you not do that anymore? I don't know if you've ever died before, but it hurts."
>"Really?" Eris says amusedly, "I'd better look into the heart of the issue, then."
>Eris snaps her fingers and a small beating heart materialises above it, floating in a shimmering gold aura. The beast regards it with faux-curiosity.
>Fluttershy squints at the beating heart, then puts a hoof over her chest. She rolls her eyes, and manages to say "for the love of--" before dying again.
"Eris, please put Fluttershy's heart back in her chest."
>"Fine," she shrugs and with a pop the heart disappears, Fluttershy awakening once more with a laboured gasp.
>You sit up in your seat at the head of the table in your private study and try to be as professional as you can, given your company.
"Now, we're all here for a noble purpose, I'm sure you agree, and I was hoping we could put our heads together to make it work."
>"Anon, right?" Eris smiles. "My favourite topic."
>Fluttershy, despite having tasted death at least seven times already during the meeting, six of them at the hands of Eris and one of the by sheer accident, nods eagerly.
>"I think we can really come up with something good!" The pegasus offers, "Maybe an accord? But then... I don't know what you've already got planned, Cele-- Princess, um, Celestia..."
"No need for that, Fluttershy," you smile warmly, "we're all friends here."
>"Most of the time," Eris corrects.
"Most of the time," you confirm.
>You clear your throat and begin your prepared speech.
"We're all here for a common purpose - we all really want Anonymous."
>The three of you spare a moment to look at the large framed picture of your mutual flame hanging over the fireplace and sigh lovingly. You love how the artist capture Anonymous' natural look of sheer terror whenever he ran into any of you.
"I believe that a stallion's place is at the home, raising children and tending to the household. Eris, you love Anonymous so much you're willing to brutally murder anyone that gets between you and him, and Fluttershy... what -do- you want, Fluttershy?" you and Eris look at her quizzically.
>"Oh, um," Fluttershy fumbles with her hooves, "I-I just really want to bounce on his lap. With or without his consent, I'm not picky."
"Right. But we're all in agreement that Anonymous is the light of our lives and we only want what's best for him. I want him at home where I can protect him and have his babies. Eris, you want him to never leave your sight and if he leaves you'll kill him and then yourself. And Fluttershy, you're just... -really- horny, all the time." Fluttershy nods sagely. "That all being said, I think if we work together, we can reach an agreement where we all get what we want."
>"Question," Eris raises her hand.
>"Why don't I just kill both of you and take Anon for myself?"
"Because I have the Elements of Harmony on my side and we'll turn you back into stone."
"And when you get out of prison again Anonymous will have long-since died."
>"Oh, good point," she concedes.
>"I might have a solution to that--" a timid voice ventures.
"We're not desecrating the dead, Fluttershy."
>"So when we get Anon," Eris says, "how are we going to share him?"
"Well, I was thinking that, having the largest thread, I could have him live with me in the castle, and the two of you could just visit him on occasion?"
>"What?" Eris narrows her eyes, "That's ridiculous, Yandere is far larger than Reversed Gender Roles."
"Aha, Eris, dear, we have more recurring users. Right now, my thread is at three-hundred posts and seventy-five users, whereas Yandere is at four-hundred and still in the high sixties. I think my thread is more popular."
>"Why should that matter? My threads are more active and produce way more artwork than Reversed--"
"That's -highly- debatable, my threads have a large archive of creative works both greentext and artistic alike--"
>"All your threads ever do is complain about the purity of the content! At least my thread can all agree on what is and isn't Yandere."
"The pathetic bleating of a few bad apples isn't enough to sour the bushel, Eris. My thread is larger and produces more content, therefore -we- get to have the lion's share of Anon. There's no need to get upset, I'll let you visit him three times a week."
>"How about I just turn your pretty little castle upside inside-out, hm? Maybe that'd suit your fancy, -your highness-?"
"And now you're being petty-- see, this is exactly why Anonymous needs a strong, capable, MATURE mare to look after him. Not some mentally ill pervert that just wants him for his body."
>Eris pauses, then scratches her head.
>"Wait, by that do you mean me or Fluttershy?"
>You purse your lips and glance at Fluttershy.
>She's sat watching you both, shaking her head in condescension.
"Something on your mind, Fluttershy?" You cock your eyebrow.
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>"Oh, this thread is larger, -that- thread is more active." She sneers. "You two need a reality check, my thread is the -oldest-. We had Anon first! My threads predate the very existence of the board! We were sampling that hot monkey dock before you two were even conceived! Heck, I'd go as far as to say that my thread is the reason yours even exist!"
"Oh keep deluding yourself all you want. You're old news, grandma, Anon needs a thread that doesn't have cobwebs all around its vagina and doesn't smell like a crypt."
>"I do -not- smell like a crypt! And my cobwebs are cleaned regularly, thank you very much!"
>You roll your eyes and look back to Eris.
"The human stays with me. No more arguments."
>"MY husband stays with me," she counters, "and if you try to take him by force I'll glass this entire planet and then kill myself."
"And she says she isn't mentally ill..."
>"First of all, Celery, I never said I wasn't. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every second of it."
"Wow. That's the best quote I ever heard on a school-filly's social media page. Give me a break, Anon deserves a stability that only I can give him."
>"Not on my watch you're not," Eris snaps her claws and the room fills with giant black metal balls with skulls on them.
"What are--"
>"Novelty cartoon bombs. One snap of my fingers and this entire castle goes nuclear and takes you and I with it."
"What will that -possibly- solve...?"
>"For one it'll wipe that smug smirk off your stupid horse lips, and for two it'll..."
>She trails off and scrunches up her face, having lost her train of thought.
>"It'll... Oh come on I just had it..."
>Eris thinks to herself for a second longer and finally grins.
>"Got it!--" she says, snapping her fingers. She then realises what she did. "Oh fu--"

>Out of the smouldering wreckage of the palace, a bloodied pegasus skeleton dripping with charred gore and dust staggers out from under a pile of rubble.
>She looks back at the obliterated remnants of the once beautiful structure and shakes her head.
"Typical. Youngsters these days have no respect for their elders."
>With that, she walks off into the sunset.
"Flutterrape lives to fight another day."

>Her disgusting skeletal appearance wasn't Anon's fetish either, unfortunately.

We've not got much, FR, but we've got the cantankerous spirit of an old woman that refuses to die, and no one can take that from us.
I loved this, and I love you for making it. No homo.
That's an A+ from me.
You should post this in the other threads too, they’ll probably get a kick out of it.
Tre bien. It's meta and I love it.
Perfection. I hope this gets a bin, I need to be able to share it.
>"So, Anon, is kicking holes in the Fourth Wall your fetish?"
"Goddamnit no, Fluttershy. And stop harassing me before the mods shut down the thread."
>"You're no fun."
"And you still don't take the hint."
>"Is obliviousness your fetish, Anon?"
kek, thanks from rgre. love you guys, no homo
Well done, faget, well done.
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Fucking glorious
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Did you get the threads mixed up?
Kind of
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Liz McLaren blesses this post.
That's brilliant. Creepy, but brilliant.
FUN FACT: Besides having a bag full of bananas, Princess Celestia also has an armory full of Cave Johnson brand Combustible Lemons. So lock your doors at your own risk.
>Liz McLaren
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Would you let Pinkie Pie suck you off if she asked, "pretty-please with sugar on top?" and gave you the puppy-dog eyes?
Yes? She wouldn't even have to do all of that. Ponka a hottie.
Neeegative. Don't stick your dick in crazy.
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There is good crazy and bad crazy. Pinka Pu is the good, happy, life-affirming kind of crazy, the Daffy Duck kind of crazy. Fluttershy will kill your pets, cook them, and serve them to you. Fluttershy is bad crazy. The rest of the Mane 6 call her "Nutter Butter" behind her back. Stay out of her shed.
Hmm... perhaps in light of this revelation, I would allow the Ponk to suckle my schuckle.
So who is the more dangerous rapist?

Fluttershy, with her yandere personality, grim determination, and fetish-guessing?

Or Pinkie Pie, with her complete disregard for the laws of physics or causality, and her propensity to burst into song at the drop of a hat?
Music is reality-warping magic in Equestria. Pinkie Pie is far more dangerous, because she bursts into song and dance routines constantly.
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This. Also, Ponky Poy is a reality-warper in her own right, aware of and with access to the Fourth Wall. She could even be posting in this thread and we'd never know.
>Music is reality-warping magic in Equestria.
>check 'em
Watch the show. Music compels most or all who hears it to put on a spontaneous song and dance routine. It's even possible that some of the scene transitions it accompanies are more literal than we thought as viewers. S P O O K Y
Like the end of the “Spongebob” movie? I’m surprised the only instance where the battle of who controlled everyone’s minds through music happened in the >no hooves franchise if that’s the case.
I'll put it at the top of the next 'Thread Shorts' paste I create, promise.
Amazed so many people liked it.
Yeah Anon’s just lucky nobody’s figured that out yet.

No, I'd whack that changeling with a newspaper.
And you call yourselves /mlh/ fans, baka my head.
Liz McLaren is the famous human mare explorer that goes on life-threatening expeditions to claim new lands and hunt dangerous game.
She is famous for being the only human mare to tame the bitey reed marten.
I think it just depends on how far Pinkie is willing to go to achieve her goal.
>Flutters want the HMD
>Anon no want the Flutters
>Ponko thinks Anon is afraid
>Ponko convinces Anon to let her tickle his pickle with her tongue.
>Anon reluctantly agrees.
>Anon loves it.
>Ponko and Anon begin doing it regularly because Shes just helping him conquer his fears.
>They have casual sexy times for weeks while trying to keep it under wraps from Flutters.

Not really Flutterrape but an interesting concept nonetheless.
It’s close enough to FR that I doubt anyone minds.
>Pinkie sniffs wetly, tears welling as she peers up at you.
>"P-please, Nonny. I-I just really really like you a-and I wanna do this for you! Please let me do it, I-I'll only be a minute!"
>You gaze down at Pinkie Pie, who has been stood before you trying to get you to take your pants off so she can engorge herself on your family jewels for the last twelve and a half minutes.
>You frown as you watch her.
>Her eyes dilate even further than before, the black of her pupils swelling.
>You read once that pupils expand when looking at something they like, so from that you can infer that Pinkie must -really- like you.
>But that's not what bothers you.
>What bothers you is the fact that her pupils won't stop growing.
>You watch with slowly building dread as the black overtakes the baby-blue of her irises, then the white of her sclera.
"Uh, Pinkie?"
>Her lower lip vibrates even harder, and she emits a low whine.
>At this point both of her eyes are entirely black. But not a regular black. The black of Pinkie's eyes seems to beckon not only you, but the very light in. It is like the sun's rays hit them but don't escape. With no light reflecting off them they lose all depth and dimension and become like a starless night. Each is an abyss, and as you stare unflinchingly into them you feel yourself become weightless as the world around you ceases to register.
>Pinkie's eyes are cavernous pits, and the primitive instincts within you paradoxically scream for you to both run in terror from this new unknown, and to delve deeper into the mystery before you. Caught between fight and flight, you are paralyzed into indecision, yet still you can sense that they are drawing nearer.
>Her eyes yet widen. They encompass your horizons of your sight, but are they truly growing, or are you just leaning closer? You can't tell anymore. You can't feel your hands or feet, and have no bearing on whether you're standing or falling.
>All you can see is the pink-rimmed black. For a moment you think you see a flicker in the depths, but you realise all too late that your mind is simply trying to make sense of the sheer emptiness devouring you.
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"Pinkie," your words sound deaf in your own ears. Did you even utter them? Or is the darkness before you playing with both your vision -and- your mind?
>At that point, it is all around you. There is nothing to see, there is only void.
>You manage to twist yourself away from where Pinkie was standing, but it no longer matters. In every direction you look you can see into eternity, but for every stretch of distance there is naught.
>Are you upside down? The blood rushes through your ears, but you can't feel the gentle pull of gravity anymore. You float, and despite your best efforts cannot find purchase on any surface. You are adrift in nothing.

>You then blink hard and gasp, your hands gripping your living room rug as you find yourself abruptly regarding the wooden beams running along the ceiling.
>Your entire body is saturated with sweat, you're completely naked, your heart beats two-hundred times a minute, and a great tremble wracks your form.
>More gasping, and the world stops spinning, you sit up and try to get your bearings, only to find Pinkie Pie standing up as well from between your widened legs.
>She wipes her mouth and beams at you.
>"That was -great-! Was it good for you too? Huh? Was it?!"
>She bats her eyelids at you suggestively.

>And that's how you developed a fear of the dark.

Watch out for that pink one. She's an elder god in sheep's clothing.
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Huh. Thanks for the advice.
If she can do that with just her eyes, I'd hate to see what happens when she turns around and lifts her tail.
Time would stop, suns explode, fall to winter, winter to spring ect. ect.
>Anon witnesses the death of the universe on an infinite loop before waking up with a softening erection and a wet crotch.
Now the real question is whether that is the preferable option to being cognizant while railing the horse.
Well if you still fell the sensation, yeah I guess.
My only complaint is that RGRE is not Bombshell.
In all fairness she doesn't seem to be all that well known outside RGRE.
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>You are captured by Pinkie Pie!
>Just what you need, another miniature equine rapist.
>But she doesn't want to have sex with you.
>She wants you to play with her.
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>She's very insistent about it.
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>Applejack won't let you live without a kiss...
>"If ya can't keep kissin' me more than 50 times an hour, yer gonna get it!"
"Wow, 50... I didn't know you could count that high!"
>And that's when the rape began.
Can't say no to more AJ.
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>You chase Pinkie around the park for thirty minutes, glad to be doing something other than running for your life for once.
>Little did you know that recreational light-hearted fun like this is how Pinkie reproduces.
>She ends up pregnant.
>Gives birth to triplets.
>They're all balloon animals.
>Your face when there's no escape from this technicolour hell.
>They're all balloon animals.
My god... how?
top kek

Reality is afraid of Pinkie Pie.
This was a good time. Thank you.
>Be Anon.
>On this sunny morning.
>Enjoying the silence and solitude of the peaceful land of Equestria until the inevitable confrontation comes.
>A racking pain in your mind each time you hear it...
>The dreaded plague upon your otherwise harmonious existence.
>As harmonious as you can be in a world of magical and childish ponies, anyway.
>You shake your head, trying to purge any and all thoughts of her and continue chomping away at your Wheaties.
>Why Wheaties?
>Because Wheaties are good for the gains.
>You know this to be fact as you once saw it in a YouTube video.
>You glance up at the box.
>On the cover was a picture of some zigger running super fast.
>You turn the box around to find another picture of it at the corner of the box.
>Just under the nutrition facts with a little speech bubble wherein the words "its a healthy start!" were displayed.
>Sometimes it amazes you at just how similar yet different your world is from here.
>Looking back down at the half empty bowl, you can't help but think you should've just said "fuck it all" and bought a box of Sunflakes.
>A cereal that actually tastes good.
>Celestia's favorite morning treat.
>Clinically proven to make your ass as fat as hers, of course.
>God what you would do with that ass...
>Just wanna nibble it.
>Oh well.
"Still gotta sweep my doorway." You say, thinking out loud while unenthusiastically chomping, "Hopefully it isn't bad today-"
>*knock knock knock*
>You drop your spoon, making a clinking noise against the clay bowl and sink in your chair.
>There it is.
>The horrid noise of your privacy being violated.
>By none other then the horse who wishes to /actually/ violate you.
>You cringe and rub the temples of your head.
"Lets suck todays dick I guess."
>Lazily getting up from your squeaky wooden stool, you slowly trek to the door.
>With a sigh of discontent, you drag your feet with each step.
>Arriving at the door, you whine and grab the knob.
"Here we fucking go."
>You open it, revealing... /her/.
>"Good morning my loving coltfreind!" An overjoyed whispery feminine voice murmurs to you.
>A voice with which you were all to well, and unfortunately accustomed with.
>The object of your despair.
"Hurry up. I'm still hungry." You say, in a demanding tone.
>She giggles, taking your harsh tone as a gesture of love.
>"Oh Anon," She says, gleefully, "I love a stallion who can make demands~."
>You cringe and groan.
>"I think today is the day!" She closes her eyes and places her hoof upon her chest, "I finally have the right guess!"
>You lean against the door frame, leaning your head back and closing your eyes.
"Do tell." You say with a heavy breath and shaking your head.
>Flutterbutter smiles, and turns back.
>"Okay Discord, you can go ahead."
"Whoa," You snap out of your lethargic stupor, "hold the fucking fun bus-"
>"Hello Anonymous!" Discord says, popping out from the bushes at the edge of your yard.
"GO. AWAY." You hiss through tightly clenched teeth, "Only horrid shit happens when your around!"
>"I know! Isn't it simply amazing!" He says, giggling like the chucklefuck he is.
>The last time she brought this cock noodle, you were shitting cotton candy for a whole day.
>Cotton candy shits are not your fetish.
>How she came up with that is beyond you.
>Clearly it was influenced by Ponk.
>Nor is having your spine magically removed to be be crippled and having Fluttershy take care of your disabled ass.
>Fortunately, Twiggy was able to reverse said shenanigans.
>No doubt you'll be seeing her again today once this is over.
>Ignoring you completely, because this dude is a fucking anus, he raises his paw and gives his fingers a snap.
>You close your eyes and brace yourself for whatever may come.
"Oh god, oh fuck, oh no, I'm dead, I'm some kind of retarded animal!" You are surprised by the soothing sound of nothing exploding, "what the fuck did he...?"
>You slowly open your eyes and survey the scene in front of you.
>To your bewilderment, nothing was wrong with you.
>You give yourself a quick once over.
>Feeling around your body.
>Not seeing or feeling anything wrong, you can't help but breath a sigh of relief.
"What...? What did he do?"
>"Oh Anon, I'm so happy!" Fluttershy rears up and hugs you.
"Hey, HEY! Hooves off you crazy bitch!"
>You unravel yourself from her forelegs.
"The fuck did he do now??"
>"What ever could you possibly mean, Anonymous?" Discord says, leisurely floating towards you and Whispershy, "Such harsh accusations wound me, y'know."
>He dramatically places his claw upon his head.
"I mean every time I see you, something terrible happens to me, from shitting candy, or having my testicles turned into a clitoris that I have to unzip to-"
>You stop yourself, noticing one key thing missing.
"Where... where is it??" You say, a wave of horror washing over you.
>Your house was gone.
>It has ceased to be.
>The only remnants of it were the indentation in the ground from the foundation and piping.
>She gives you her usual retarded ass happy fucking face.
>"Well, I thought that Discord doing something to you physically wouldn't work, and I can't ask him make you fall in love with me." She giggles, "That would be unethical."
"Ethical...?" You say, grinding your teeth.
>"Mm-hm!" She nods, "So I decided to be more practical with today's approach."
"PRACTICAL!?" You say, running your hands across your head, "Where is my house!?"
>"Oh Anon," Discord says, slithering up your back and lightly placing his lion's arm around you, "Your house is just fine. All I did was relocate it."
>Fluttershy hugs your waist again, nuzzling your dick and balls through your boxers.
>Her wings slowly grow erect.
>Would've been a good idea to put on more layers of clothing before answering the door this morning...
>You push her off again.
>"We're going to be able to spend so much more time together now! Ever since you moved to the furthest edge of town-"
"Furthest edge from your dinky ass cottage!"
>You thought a longer walk would slowly dissuade her from anymore bullshit.
>Clearly she's smarter then she looks.
>Also you didn't really think that hard.
>Thinking is for suckers.
>"I know." She continues, "Walking all that distance was starting to grow so tiring. So I bought your house and-"
>"Ah-ah, don't interrupt, human." Discord snaps his claws and replaces your lips with a tightly sealed zipper.
>"And then I asked discord to move it next to mine! So we can be neighbors and I can just walk right over every morning!"
>You unzip your mouth, and aggressively point to your lips.
>With a smug smirk, Discord snaps his claw again to undo the spell.
"Pleh! Fuck! Or watch me sleep you little pervert! And whats all this shit about house buying?? HOW THE FUCK IS THIS LEGAL?"
>"Oh poor, deluded, little human," Discord chimes in booping your nose, "Fluttershy simply asked Mayor Mare for the deed to your house."
>You shake in anger. A boiling, white hot seething rage had began welling up inside you.
>It had taken all you had to move to a new location.
>All your savings.
>Now, not only are you broke, but you got fucked over anyway.
>"Yes! Now we can be neighbors and I don't have to walk all this way to see you every morning! I can just walk outside my door and over to yours."
>At the sound of those last few words, your rage was replaced by a deepening woe.
>The very idea of having this little psychopath as a neighbor is enough to make you want to find the nearest chainsaw, rev it up, and drive it through your chest.
Presumably, it's a good thing that Equestria hasn't invented chainsaws yet.

If they had, then presumably timberwolves would be much less of a problem than they are.
"This... can't be..."
>You collapse to your knees, breathing hard.
>Nearly hyperventilating with tears welling up in the corners of your eyes.
>"Oh look hes overwhelmed with emotion!" Discord says, clapping.
>He knows what hes doing...
"F-fuck you..." You say, sobbing and burying your face in your palms.
>"Well," Discord says, ignoring you again, "with my work done here I think its time I took my leave, ta-ta!"
>He hugs Fluttershy and poofs away like he always does.
>Fuck that guy.
>"C'mon, Anon." Fluttershy says, nudging your arm with her snootle, "We should get you home to your brand new location."
>She hugs you again.
>The tears stop.
>You take a deep breath, and try your best not to murder this bitch.
>Doing so would not only land you in a prison cell for the rest of you already pitiful life, but it would enrage the fuck noodle who just poof'd your house away in a snap.
>You take a moment and regain your composure.
>Looking straight, with a dead expression, you sit on your knees and look straight ahead.
>A small wind gusts, kicking up a few leaves and blades of grass.
>Carrying them across what used to be your yard.
"I'm done." You say, finally.
>"Good, now lets get going, my love."
>You get up and walk towards Twilight's castle.
>"O-oh, are we going to visit Twilight?" Fluttershy says, sticking to you like gorilla glue on a nappy headed retard.
"NO!" You yell, anger resurging and turning aggressively toward her, "Uh, n-no. Fluttershy look, why don't you go back and make sure my house is in the right spot, okay?"
>Your eye twitches.
>"Oh, okay!" She hovers up to eye level, "'I'll see you soon, my cutie human." She rubs your head and pecks the tip of your nose with a kiss.
"Ach!" You wave your arms, getting her away, "Alright just go!"
>"Okay! I'll see you soon~." She says with joy, fluttering away.
"God damnit why?? WHY THE FUCK IS SHE FREINDS WITH THAT COCK??" You yell, walking to Twilight's castle.
>You seethe and ramble on about how everything sucks.
>Garnering much attention from the towns ponies as you walk by.
>They normally see your outbursts as just you being you.
>Its expected now.
>Big ape with anger problems.
>Who they occasionally ask for ear scratches from...
>Today, however, you were just a tad more livid.
>Also you were still half naked.
>Wearing boxers and a tank as Disco-fuck-nut just teleported all your clothes to the land of no return.
>AKA, Fluttershy's property.
"I'm going to DEMAND from that purple cunt a way to fix this!!"

"It was fucking bullshit! Fuck this shit! I fucking hate your dumb stupid ass yellow friend!"
>Be Anon still.
>Ranting and raving on and on to Twiggy about how your life sucks and everyone is inbred.
>That last part doesn't really apply, your just angry and need to add some extra insult arrows to your rage quiver.
>Maybe the next time you see Discord you can call him an overused prison fuck-toy.
>Yeah. That'll show'em.
>Within the hallowed halls of Twilight's friendship tree castle thingy made of mirrors'n shit, your words and expletives echo as you vent.
>She sat in her throne with a tired look of both concern, and exhaustion, as you pace back and forth at the opposite end of the large crystalline table.
>She has had to intervene before when things get a little too crazy with the yellow menace.
>Fortunately for you, she seems to understand your plight after you had explained it to her.
>At least enough to realize you needed help.
>And once again, she appeared to be willing to give you some.
>But not before you'd regale her with a whole slew of curse words and explicit phrases birthed of a deep seeded rage.
>Its as though she /knows/ about Fluttershy's insane obsession with you but, is unwilling to step in.
>Or maybe shes just so damn innocent and naïve that she can't comprehend that one of her dearest friends wants to rape you.
>Regardless, your beginning to reach your wits end.
>Its as though there is no escaping these throes of perdition.
"And this bitch, THIS BITCH, has the nerve to get that wiggly, iggly, child molester vibe giving off, FUCKHEAD Discord involved!!"
>"Anon, you told me everything that happened already, if you could just calm down-"
>"ANON!" Twilight shouts, getting your attention.
>"Please just calm down, I can use my magic to undo this and put your house back in place. It'll be just like when I put your spine back in."
>Goosebumps cover your body as you shudder.
>You can't help but cringe now each time you hear the word spine.
>"Just as well, I can use my influence to undo the purchase she made to your home."
"Yeah sure, thanks. But what about the last time you had to intervene? And the time before that. AND the time before that!"
>She sighs defeatedly.
>"Listen Anon, I know Fluttershy can seem insistent with how she treats you, but its just her way of-"
>"...Her way of showing affection and friendship towards you."
"God damnit Twilight, you're being stupid again!" You stomp the floor with your still bare feet, "How many times have I told you to stop that!"
>She buries her face in her hooves.
>Dealing with Fluttershy's messes involving you must be taking their toll.
>She'll probably develop PTSD from this.
>If you don't beat her to it, at least.
>Still, you are more then justified as Fluttershy has performed exceptionally well in earning your purest, brightest ire.
>Twilight, however,, even now doesn't seem to truly feel the gravity of the events that have transpired since this odd obsession with you from Whispershy started.
>"Anonymous, I'll have a talk with Fluttershy." Twilight hops from her seat and begins walking towards you, "She can be very reasonable and understanding when you calmly talk things out. Thats what friendship is all about and more importantly, blah blah blah..."
>Your mind drifts.
>Hearing another lecture about holding hands and making friends is NOT what you were prepared to hear.
>Thoughts linger in your mind, conjuring up scenarios even worse then the one your in now.
>Whats to stop Fluttershy from just going a step further?
>Whats to stop her from just asking discord to teleport her and you to some random ass dimension where the only way to stay alive was by fucking her??
>Whats to stop her from asking him to create some kind of portal that constantly teleports your dick in her pussy??
"Oh god..."
>"Celestia? I don't think we should involve her in this."
"No!" You stare intently at the ground, "I just realized... this will never end."
>There must be someplace you can go.
>Somewhere, someplace or organization you can join that will give you not only distance, but a guarantee this shit won't continue.
>A way out.
>More importantly, a way of putting more distance between you and Fluttershy.
>Twilight tilts her head.
>"Anon, I know we can resolve this." She gently places her hoof on your leg.
>A way to guard yourself from this constant wall of bullshi-
>It hit you like a metric fuckload of bricks.
"Thats it..." You say, reaching an epiphany, "YES!! THATS IT!"
>"Uhm, Anon? Are you okay?"
"Yes! Haha, yes!" You pick her up and hold her out in front of you, practically dancing with joy and spinning in place.
>"Wha-! Anon! Put me down!"
"Oh, sorry."
>You stop, looking into her eyes.
>She blushes, irises slowly growing to nearly encompass her whole eye.
>"Y-y'know... if you want to, I mean." She laughs like a dork.
>Shaking your head, you let her go.
>Causing those thick purple cheeks to make an audible "pomf" on the floor.
>"Owe! Oh..." She whispers to herself, "Why can't he look at me like that always..."
>"Nothing." She says, crushed.
"Anyway, I know how to get away from all this." You say looking up with optimism and hope for the future, "How to solve all of my problems and get away from her forever!!" You clench your fist.
>"What?" Twilight asks, rubbing her flanks, "How?"

"Yeah hi, I'd like to sign up for the guard please."
>The recruiter narrows his eyes, tilting his head as he leans forward on his desk. Eyeing you up and down.
But then what if this happens? https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/35603808/#35604673
Oh boy. Here we fucking go. First green in damn near a year. Hopefully I didnt make too many mistakes. Sorry for any I missed.
Heres the paste for joo dudes; https://ponepaste.org/4543
Is pretty cool though. I chuckled sensibly.
Sorry for the lame joke combo breaker. I can never resist shit like that.
I'm liking where this is going
Pls more
God I missed you, this is great, only mistake I noticed is your instead of you’re in a lot of instances.
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It's good to see you again! A few instances of using "then" instead of "than", as well as what >>36828978 mentioned, but otherwise it was fine.
Wondering where things will go from here, and hope you continue it soon.
This is gonna be great, glad to have you back.
Can’t wait to see more
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>Over half of them are of her and Anon
More like SHITfics, lmao gottem
I still have a deck of that, it's a fun game but I have no friends to play it with
Wait that's a game? I just saw the image and saved it.
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"You just poked a hole through the condom"
>"I know"
>"It's not -working-, Spike!"
>Twilight slams her hoof on the table to punctuate her point, startling a still-sleepy Spike out of his daze.
>He yawns again and looks blearily to the hanging clock on the wall of the library.
>It's five in the morning, and Twilight has been up since four-thirty obsessing over something she saw in a dream.
>She does this often - dreams something terrible, thinks it's a vision of the future, then goes about trying to do something about out - but he wishes she'd at least leave him out of it.
>Unfortunately, he happens to be two things: her 'Number One Assistant', and her little brother.
>At that thought, he smiles despite himself and covers his yawn with a hand as he stands up.
>He waddles around to her side of the table and wraps his arms around her chest, sighing into her fur.
>Twilight blinks a few times and looks down at him, a small smile infiltrating her distress.
>"Heh, thanks, Spike..." she strokes his spines and enjoys the hug for a moment, "but this is still all wrong!"
"Can't it wait until morning?" He cracks another yawn into her chest.
>"It's morning now."
"Until it's -more- morning."
>"No, Spike!" She shrugs him off and starts pacing, as she is wont to do when she's allowing her daunting intellect to catastrophise a given situation. "I've had the awful realisation that my efforts to ship Anon and Fluttershy aren't working, I can't just go back to sleep!"
"Like you've said already."
>"But Spike, it's never -not- worked!" She opens her secret book, smothered in annotations, sticky notes, and sticky substances Spike dared not think about. "Every ship I've created whilst in Ponyville has come true. Lyra and Bon Bon, Big Mac and Cheerilee, Flitter and Cloudchaser, Scootaloo and her Rainbow Dash dakimakura... Mister and Misses Cake!"
"The Cakes were already married though."
>"Yes, but they weren't -properly- married. They weren't acting like two ponies in love -should- be."
"That... okay," he sighs. "So what's gone wrong with Anon and Fluttershy?"
>"I don't know! They're the perfect match, but something just isn't clicking between them! I've encouraged Fluttershy to take a more hooves-on approach and she's been doing alright, insofar as Fluttershy is capable of asserting herself, anyway. But Anon has been completely unreceptive. I fear I may have to take drastic action to help this ship set sail."
"But why do you -need- to do this, Twilight...?"
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>"Because they'll be super cute together! The big scary human and the shy timid pegasus. Opposites attract, Spike, they'd be adorable together!"
"Don't you think meddling in the love-lives of people around here and acting like some freaky puppet master is, I dunno, manipulative?"
>"I prefer the term puppet -mistress-, Spike."
"That's not encouraging at all, Twilight."
>She shrugs and evokes her magic, sending her book back to its imposing chest in the far corner and sealing it once more behind several padlocks and chains.
>"I have to take action, Spike," she says, determined, "If they aren't going to get with each other then I'll have to do it myself. If this ship won't cast off I'll -make it- cast off, I don't care if the bottle doesn't break against the bow."
"...I don't think the whole boat analogy works anymore."
>She ignores him, rubbing her hooves together conspiratorially and giggling in the same unhinged manner Spike had come to fear whilst they'd been living in Ponyville.
>She never used to do it, but something about being surrounded by so many unwitting 'test subjects' triggered something Machiavellian in her.
>Spike was too tired to stop her from scheme though, and instead crawled under the table and curled into a ball, content to sleep through the impending disaster.

Anon better watch out.
>while you were playing vidjeo games, Twilight Sparkle was studying manipulation under Princess Celestia
>while you were sitting on your ass eating cereal, Twilight Sparkle honed her craft on ponies all over Ponyville
>now she's set her sight on you and Fluttershy
Where were you when you realized Twilight Sparkle was the real villain of /FR/ all along?

Also this reminds me of Friendship is Witchcraft's version of Look Before You Sleep
>Twilight Sparkle was the real villain of /FR/ all along
[MOTHER] strikes again. She can't keep getting away with this.
I hope Slasher's still around, even if he wasn't posting a whole lot it was nice that he was here.
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Don't be silly, Anon. Don't you remember that Twilight is a Princess now? I'm far too busy with diplomatic missions and balancing the budget to go around acting like some cartoon villain.
And apparently Twiggy's ego has grown so far out of control shes talking in the third person.
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The Great and Powerful Trixie would be proud of her.
Well good for Trixie. Glad she has something to be proud of in her otherwise bleak existence.
Trixie's not that bad, at least her complete lack of subtlety makes her an easy to deal with rapist.
Safety boop.
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We can boop if we want to
And leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don't boop
And if they don't boop, well
They're no friends of mine
How lewd
Damn, this is the kind of twi I've been missing. Wish we got green in this vein more often.
Master manipulator Twi is always pretty good.
You know what's fun? Actually striking the mood to try making up a story, getting a few hundred lines in, taking a break for a few mins, breaking your wrist and coming back hours/days later with absolutely no fucking idea what you were going for anymore and no motivation to try picking up again anyway cause your wrist hurts.

I suspect Fluttershy punishing me for writing something gay.
I’m sorry that happened to you Brownee.
Oof, sorry to hear that. Hope your wrist gets better in good time.

Randomly breaking body parts -does- sound like something Brownee would do. Man's a walking accident.
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I'll have you know I went a solid year and a half without needing a hospital.

Last year sucked.
Might I suggest wrapping yourself in bubble wrap?
Yea, the last year sucked, forsooth and verily, like a mighty vacuum cleaner.
Lewd horses are best horses.
That would just draw the attention of autistic children who would pop it.
Also it's Brownee so chances are it would backfire somehow.
My God. We're going to have to wrap the bubble wrap in more bubble wrap.
>wake up
>shower, shave, start breakfast
>open the door
>it's Fluttershy, wrapped almost completely in bubble wrap, with just her head sticking out
>"So, Anonymous," she says
>you slam the door
>your cornflakes have gone soggy
>such is life in the Pone Zone
Got a chuckle out of me. Good job, Anon.
>Fluttershy's presence wilts cornflakes
truly a torturous power
Not if soggy cornflakes are your fetish.
>"Bite the pillow, Anon! I'm going in dry!"
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There are a pair of Kirin on your front porch who claim that you promised to "teach them the ways of human love", and say they will burn your house down unless you let them in.

What do?
Ask them how drunk I was when I told them this. Also how did they get my address?
>You sip your water and consider their announcement as you lean against your front door's frame.
"Alright," you agree after a moment.
>The two grin at each other, then back at you.
>"Great! We knew you'd make the right choice," says the lighter mare, Autumn Blaze. "So where do we start?"
"Well," you finish your glass of water and set it aside before smiling at them, "the two of you know nothing about human mating habits, do you?"
>"Not a single thing! But you said they'd be easy to learn, so lay it on us! Or lay it -in- us!" Autumn giggles with her friend, who remains silent.
"Oh sure, it's easy. The first thing you need to understand is that humans are a very strange species compared to ponies or kirin, so a lot of this stuff might not make sense, but if you follow my instructions I'm sure we'll be 'banging' in no time at all."
>"Banging!" Autumn nudges her still-quiet friend. "That's my favourite activity besides talking to myself. Alright, mister human, let's get this show on the road! So what's first, whipped cream on the teats? Feeding each other strawberries? Passionate love-making under the moon?"
>She leans in conspiratorially.
>"...Floor tiles?"
"Oof, haha, no, nothing quite so scandalous, Autumn. Trust me, you'll be good at it."

>Autumn's friend, whose name you still haven't been told, merrily dusts away at your mantlepiece, then trots over to your set of china and begins carefully cleaning it.
>Autumn herself feeds you another grape as you lounge in your chair reading a book.
>"Are you -sure- this is how humans do it?"
"Oh yes, this is what many back home would consider an intense baby-making session."
>Autumn frowns and carefully plucks another grape off the stem, pushing it between your lips.
>"If you say so..."

>In a shocking turn of events, both of them end up pregnant.
>Perhaps you shouldn't be trying to outsmart Equestria's magic.
> "That's my favourite activity besides talking to myself."
Fucking kek.
Probably from Fluttershy. This sounds like one of her silly-ass schemes.

(You) got Trollestia'd!
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Life is a cruel joke and I'm the punchline.
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>"Is cucking me your fetish, Anon?"
"...Uh, yes, it is."
>"Great! Now we can be together!"
"Well no, Fluttershy, that's the whole point of cucking someone."
"Sorry, man, that's just how it is."
>"C-can I at least watch and pretend I'm the mare you're making love to?"
>She sighs.
>Watch her go and shake your head.
"If I didn't find this so hot I'd feel bad for her."
>You turn back to your partner.
"Come on Prince Rutherford, let's go back to bed."

Cursed? Yes. Was that going to stop me? No.
It could be one of Twilight's nutty schemes. You know, an attempt to introduce Anon to the joys of equine sexual behavior, or something like that. Or just a research project. Who knows.

Come to think of it, the Kirin were pretty good friends with Applejack, but why would she come up with a scheme like this?
>What started as simple yearning for hugs and cuddles evolved into full-blown need for foals.
>Anon's dick is in for a pummeling.
>This tends to happen whenever cuddles are not provided when demanded.
>So all the rapes perpetrated on Anon's person are simply the result of not providing less invasive forms of physical affection when requested.
>Luna appoints Anon is Celestia's official royal cuddle servant in order to prevent any further rape incidents and requires Anon to live in the castle.
>And because she wants cuddles also.
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>"Hiya Nonny! A little birdie told me transformation really tickles your pickle!"
Ignore this.
But what if the castle is too far from where I work? Would she ramble about the age of working remotely or something?
So what if this happened? https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/36056918/#36057377
I actually wish freckly human Ponk was real, because I would SO totally bang her. And marry her. And have a dozen kids with her. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm rather horrified.
You'd be the royal cuddler, Anon. They will pay you handsomely. You'll also be accommodated with your own living space right next to Celestia's room, for emergency ear scratches. And sex. Willing or not.
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So basically, you would be royally screwed.
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You monster
You son of a bitch!
>You say that out loud
>Celestia stares at you for several seconds with an unreadable expression until she lets out the loudest gigglesnort in history
>Half an hour later, once she can breathe again, she gives you the additional task of making more puns and jokes of the same caliber at least hourly or else face double, no, triple cuddle duty
You reap what you sow, Carlos, you fucker
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>page 9
I think I’d rather suggest that Stephen Coltbert do it.
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I hope Zigzag's doing alright, really looking forward to that DnD story he's working on.
Not the vase.
A fate worse than death.
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>"Is keratin your fetish?"
That Anon plushie looks like he's in danger.
He's a smol boi.
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Would be hard to fight her off with her crazy ass strength. She'd probably crush your dick inside her pussy.
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You could say she's gonna rock your world
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>Pinkie hooks you and Maud up for a night.
>Little do you know, Maud is in extreme heat and is going to pulverize your pelvis into pulp.
check'd, but goddamnit, Carlos
That Anon is an absolute Maud lad.
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The Pun is strong with this thread...
You can’t keep getting away with this.
We still haven't hit rock bottom
keep digging
I may not be one for barbies, but if shapeshifter Pinkie approached me I'd say yes in an instant.
if she goes anthro I'm breaking up with her
I don’t think many would blame you.
Love this one
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this artist is fantastic, but i hate giantess. i hope he makes some alternate proper-sized anon stuff one day.
He did one for us then vanished off the face of the earth. I visit mmp every now and then to see if he's back, but nothing so far.
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Confound these horny ponies.
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>"It's your fault for being so damn sexy..."
Those sure are some big eyes you've got there Dash, you alright?
>Sad Dash
>Sitting on storm cloud
Fuck you, I didn't ask for these feels.
The Anon theme song for /flutterrape/ is obviously https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5mtclwloEQ
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>Barrels are your fetish, Anon?
>That wasn't a question
o fug she's learning!
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>meanwhile, back in Equestria
>you're eating breakfast annnnnnnnnnnnnnd
>you sigh
>go downstairs to answer the door
>Fluttershy is wearing a purple and green checkered jumpsuit with a row of enormous, hoof-sized yellow buttons
>white makeup on her face, an enormous yellow hair bow, and, topping it all off, a big red clown nose
>"So, Anonymous," she drawls
>"Are clowns your fetish?"
>you stare at her for a long time
"I came here to get away from Clown World," you say, dejectedly
>she blinks
"Is the circus music in my head too loud for you? I can't turn it off."
>you collapse and begin crying
>Fluttershy just stares
>you curl up into a fetal position
>she slowly closes the door and tiptoes away
>you continue weeping
"Clowns. Why did it have to be clowns?"
>it was just another day in the circus that is your life in Equestria
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>Clown world follows you to Equestria
No... No! NOOOOO!!!
>no escape from Clown World
As long as she's got four hooves, I'll take her off your hands at no charge. Don't care if she's upright or not.
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How would Ponyville’s finest handle Celestia?
>"...Hey Anon?" Fluttershy pokes your arm.
"What's up," you don't shift from your position.
>"You um, have a visitor."
>You break from your book on 'Ten-Thousand Useful Tips For Over-inflating Lists' and look askance at your window overlooking the garden.
>Princess Celestia herself is outside your house, currently licking your window seductively.
>You're impressed that she can slobber on glass in a manner that evokes feelings of arousal, but then who even knows what dark power alicorns dabble in.
>Fluttershy shuffles slightly closer to you, clearly put off by her Princess' raw display of matriarchal dominance.
>"She's really going at it."
"That glass will be more horse-drool than fried sand by the time she's done, make no mistake."
>"Should we tell her to stop?"
"Why? She's clearly having a great time."
>"She's drawing love-hearts in her drool."
"It is what it is."
>"It's going to stain the glass when it dries, you know."
>"Didn't you ever learn how to look after a house? It's basic home economics. That's going to leave a permanent smudge on the glass if you don't deal with it quickly."
"That's bull, glass doesn't work like that."
>"Technically it's horse, and yes it does."
>You both watch Celestia leave a lingering smooch on your window and finish with a wink in your direction.
>"You'll have to come out someday, Anon," you hear her say.
"She's right. I need to pick up more strawberries from the market."
>Fluttershy gives you a worried look.
>"Oh my, don't let Applejack hear you say that, she has really strong feelings about strawberries."
"Well what a coincidence, I have really strong feelings about strawberries too, in that I want them in my belly."
>"I want you in my belly," Celestia's muffled voice says.
"That doesn't make sense, Celestia," you call in response.
>"Does too," she pouts.
>You dismissively wave a hand at her and look back to Fluttershy, who doesn't look any less worried.
>"I really think you should do something about the glass before it gets worse."
"If I go over there I risk getting dribble on me."
>"I'll cover you in more than just my dribble," Celestia quips.
"See what I mean? She's gonna get freaky as soon as I get near."
>Fluttershy shakes her head.
>"I don't think so. If she wanted to do anything she'd have opened the window already and come inside."
"There's no way a horse with an ass that fat is fitting through that window."
>"Hey!" Celestia barks, eyes narrowed. She then looks back at her own butt and winces. "Alright, you might have a point."
"Too much cake I think, Princess."
>"Look me in the eye and tell me you'd be able to resist if you had all the shortbread in the world a mere servant's call away."
"Better watch out with saying things like 'mere servant', Princess. That's how you get Communism."
>"No comment on the shortbread?"
"I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of being right."
>"Aha, I knew it."
"So can you please stop licking my window?"
>"I'll do it when you come and stop me."
"Promise not to do anything weird if I do?"
>"I promise."
>You stand up, walk outside with a broom, and attempt to push her away from your window whilst Fluttershy watches fearfully from within.
>Push the bristles against Celestia's chest.
"C'mon. Budge."
>She calmly takes the broom from your grasp with her magic and incinerates it.
>Then picks you up and simply wanders off with you floating alongside her.
>Fluttershy doesn't know how to react, so she calls after you that she'll take care of your garden whilst you're gone.
"You said you weren't going to do anything weird."
>"I lied."
"That's unethical."
>"I'm a princess, I can do whatever, and whoever, I want."
"Man, you are just -asking- for Communism at this point."
>"I'll worry about that when it happens. Come along now, we're going to Twilight's library."
"Why there?"
>"I want to bed you in front of my student, preferably in her actual bed. I think it'll be terribly amusing to see her reaction."
"Sic semper tyrannis, Celestia."
>"If I can't resist shortbread is it really so surprising that I'd do something like this?"
"You raise a valid, if ignoble point."
>"I thought as much."
>She smiles to herself, humming in bliss as she enjoys her stroll from your house to her student's, nodding at reverent passers-by as she goes.
>"I love being in charge."

Man, that Celestia. What a despot. She'll get her just-desserts someday, and I'm not talking about more shortbread.
Love how casual Celestia acts about kidnapping Anon to rape him in front of her student.
>tfw abuse of power is my fetish
Oh that Celestia, what a cut up. She eats sweets, she licks windows, she rapes people.
What a character. What a green. I liked it.
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How about a hot punch, Berry? Be a good mare and I'll give you a sugarcube.
>"Uh-huh," Berry answered, without looking at you, before moving further down the bar.
>You kept the glass at your lips and sipped at your drink in intervals, having already downed the previous one in seconds.
>The Ponyville Watering Hole wasn't much with its creaky floorboards and its tawny tweed curtains, which made you feel more like you had come to visit your grandma rather than get drunk.
>But every Friday evening, after the long and stifling hours of the work week had finally subsided for a time, you looked forward to claiming one of its wooden stools and calling it home until midnight.
>It wouldn't be considered a big event for the week to anyone else, but your life since coming to Equestria had become too small for any big events to happen to you.
>You spent any free time that had been granted to you by yourself, alone with your own thoughts.
>It was just as well.
>There was nothing in this world to spend your time on, and no one to spend it with that you could think of.
>You were isolated, and the end of the week served always as a reminder of this.
>Yes, it was the end of another work week, in more ways than one.
>Fluttershy had been on your ass all this time as well, mostly in hopes of burying her face into it.
>Every morning saw something different from her.
>Today you had opened your door to see her with a gallon of water, a funnel, and a glistening tube that was literally meant to go in your asshole.
>She looked happy too.
>It was concerning.
>"I'm a bit concerned for you," she began.
>You sighed.
>This ought to be good.
Why's that?
>"Well, I couldn't help but notice that you were on the toilet for an awfully long time last night."
>Yeah, but that was because you had been reading.
I also happened to be alone last night, or I at least thought I was.
>"Well, I take care of a lot of animals that have problems, you know, relieving themselves."
>The thought of Fluttershy jacking off her animals invades your mind.
Thanks, Fluttershy, but I'm not interested in whatever sick interests you have.
>"Oh, I don't mean like that. Come on, that would just be weird."
>Oh, but her xenophilic obsession with your penis isn't?
>"No, it's nothing like that. I give them enemas."
>Of course she does.
Do you really need a gallon jug of water for that?
>"Well you have a big colon."
>What does she base that on?
>"Did you know that some ponies believe that enemas can give you boners?"
>She smiled while saying all this, by the way.
>This was normal to her now, normal to you now.
>She danced in place for a moment, her anticipation getting the better of her.
>"So I was just thinking that, well, maybe I could--we could . . ."
>You walked past her, but she followed you, tube in hoof, and kept prodding you to try out her sick little experiment.
>You clenched the entire way to work.
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>Remembering this wracked your shoulders with shudders.
>You had to wash them down by swallowing the rest of your drink.
>Why did such a weird little pony have to attach herself to you when you found yourself stranded here in Equestria?
>It wasn't like you had ever sought her out or anything.
>The glass emptied and came down, revealing a mostly empty bar for a Friday night.
>Mostly because Fluttershy was standing in the doorway, smiling at you.
>The shudders came back.
>Soon she was sitting next to you.
>You tried ignoring her, looking the other way, but she began scooting her stool closer, trying to bump shoulders.
>When the silence became unbearable, she spoke.
>"So you come here a lot."
Actually, the phrase is you come here often. And it's supposed to be a question.
>"Well then how about if you started coming in here often?"
>She rubbed her flank with her hoof.
>You stared at her blankly until she lost what little confidence she had.
>"You know, if you want to, that is. . . ."
>Fluttershy sighed and faced towards the bar.
>You still scooted your stool away from her a bit.
So what do you want now? Why are you here?
>"It's just that I've noticed that you come in here every Friday night."
That's not something you just notice like it's nothing, you crazy stalker.
>Berry Punch approached the two of you.
>"Nice to see you finally visiting my place, Fluttershy."
As opposed to just watching me go in it from the bushes.
>Berry frowned briefly at your muttering before addressing Fluttershy again.
>"What'll you have?"
>"Oh, I don't know. I'm not much of a drinker. I guess I'll have whatever my friend's having."
>"Alright, one punch."
No, no.
>You waved Berry to a stop.
Pardon me, Berry, but I couldn't help but notice the absence of the word hot in your response.
>"She said herself that she ain't much of a drinker. Ain't that right, Fluttershy?"
>Fluttershy turned her ears down and began softly tapping her hooves together.
>She turned to you for answers.
It's a bar. Get a real drink.
>"I'm fine with whatever you want to give me."
There you go. So give her a cider, Berry, if only for the grace of the God that none of you heathen ponies believe in.
>If you were going to have to suffer Fluttershy's company, then you were going to make her suffer the same.
>Soon as Berry left, you noticed Fluttershy had begun happily rocking in her seat.
What's with you?
>"Nothing. It's just that this is kind of exciting. I usually don't drink cider unless it's in season."
I see.
>You shouted down to Berry at the end of the bar:
Make it a double!
>After cheers, you watched Fluttershy eagerly down half her mug of cider.
>Upon the drink leaving her lips, she sighed in satisfaction and wiped away the suds that clung to her upper lip.
>You couldn't help but feel a little proud of her.
I guess you aren't a yellow belly when it comes to a drink.
>"It's really good. Maybe I should come here more often."
>She batted her eyes at you.
>You rolled yours in response and looked away.
>Usually, you never saw Fluttershy this late in the week.
>You hadn't been expecting her again until Monday morning.
I thought you had your animal sanctuary to look after on weekends.
>"Well, that's where I'm going first thing in the morning. So I can't drink too much."
Don't worry. I'll probably be leaving soon.
>"Uh-huh. Sure."
>She sounded careless when she said this, which you found odd until you checked the time.
>It wasn't even ten yet.
>This damn pony--she knew your routine even better than you did.
>Oh, wait, she's your stalker: she's supposed to.
>You kept looking away so she couldn't see the vexation that wrinkled your eyes.
So what is it, you're no longer content with bothering me every morning? Now you have to disturb my nights too?
>She took a while to respond, probably trying to find a better way to put it to you.
>"Um . . . yeah, kind of."
>You what?
Wow. That was honest for a change.
>You began turning to face her, only to see that she had been leaning over towards your side already.
>A faint blur of yellow quickly escaped your periphery by the time you were fully facing her.
>Under your direct scrutiny, her eyes shrunk in their whites and both of her hooves mechanically went and hid themselves behind her back.
>Yeah, she'd done something while you weren't looking.
>Probably was trying to grab your ass or something.
>Now you had been staring so long that she was hyperventilating through clenched teeth.
>She was probably thinking that she had sunk this, that you were going to leave her.
>But you decided to let her off this time.
>You took your searchlights off of her and faced towards the bar.
So it doesn't look like you brought anything with you this time.
>"H-Huh? . . ."
>She swallowed nervously, regaining her composure.
>"Oh, no. No, nothing like that. I just thought that a change from what we normally do might help us, um, come together better."
So you're not going to pull any of your crazy rape schemes tonight?
>You left the offer for her to stay in your good graces open.
>It took her a while, but eventually she got the hint.
>"Um, sure," she said, nodding to herself. "Maybe we can just try to have fun for a change, and, you know, try to ignore all the tension that's built up between us."
There's no tension. I don't like ponies, Fluttershy. I keep telling you that.
>"I know, and it makes you so tense," she said, patting you sympathetically on the shoulder. "But don't worry, none of that is going to get in the way of our fun tonight."
>Her patting soon turned to rubbing.
>Lots of rubbing.
>Once she began to drool and tremble in her seat, you had to brush her off.
>"Sorry. . . ." she said, wiping her chin.
Well, nobody's perfect on their first go. But are you really serious about not trying any funny rape stuff?
>"You have my word on that."
Well, that's great. I'll cheer to that.
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>You raised your drinks together.
>But you had to stop just before you got to drink.
>There was a little partially-dissolved tablet resting at the bottom of your glass.
>You heard Fluttershy choke on her drink before she reached over for yours.
>"Oh, um, wait, don't drink that one."
>You eyed Fluttershy's nervous smile suspiciously as you raised your new drink, your old spiked one having been taken away by Berry.
And no funny rape stuff this time?
>"Yes, starting now. For real this time."
>She told the truth.
>Really, after just two-and-a-half ciders down, she couldn't have done anything else but.
>Even sitting upright in her stool was proving difficult.
>She had begun rocking again, so much that the legs of her stool were lifting up off the floor; but this time she didn't seem to know it.
>You placed her hand between her wings before she could roll backwards onto the floor and break her neck.
>She scrunched her slightly-red muzzle before her head bobbed over to your side.
>"Thanks a bunch for catching me," she slurred.
>You eased her back up in her seat.
Don't mention it. You know, if I had known that a couple ciders would have done this to you, I would've slowed down a bit.
>She smiled as her wobbly eyes looked you over.
>"You're nice. No, wait, no, you're considerate--and nice. Did you hold me earlier?"
Well, yeah, you were falling.
>"You touched me between my wings?"
I had to react fast.
>She nodded slowly.
>"I had a dream where you touched me like that once, but . . . I probably shouldn't say any more than that."
>She reached for her drink and finished her third cider.
>"You know, I want to tell you--I wanted to tell you something, now, for a long time, but . . ."
>She went quiet, her face turning down towards the bar and looking pensive.
>Then here eyes widened and a loud belch echoed off the wooden walls.
>Berry even came out from the bathrooms were she had been cleaning to ask if some pony had broken something.
>But all she found was you leaning on the bar, doubled over in laughter, and a blushing Fluttershy with her hoof pressed up to her lips.
>"Oh goodness," Fluttershy slurred. "I didn't mean to do that."
And what did you mean to do instead?
>She raised her chin high and proclaimed:
>"I . . . don't remember."
>Then she sighed and her entire face flushed with color.
>Her head went limp and she slammed her cheek down onto the bar with a loud thud that rattled the glasses.
>You sipped your drink.
>Then you called to Berry:
Close my tab, Berry, like a good mare.

>You and Fluttershy left the bar and walked home amidst a humid starlit night.
>Well, you walked home, to her home--with her cradled in your arms.
>She was half-conscious and stirring to keep herself that way.
>Occasionally, when she would feel herself nodding off, she would nuzzle her muzzle into your shoulder to wake herself back up.
>She had just finished doing this before she hummed to herself and settled in your arms.
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>"This is so-o-o-o-o nice," she said, drawing her words out.
>"Don't ever put me down. Please."
I'm going to have to when we get to your place.
>"My place?"
>She chuckled lowly.
>"But there's supposed to be no naughty stuff. You said!"
And there isn't. You're going to pass out as soon as I put you down.
>She clung to your chest.
>"Don't put me down."
I won't do it right now.
>"Okay, good."
>The lights of town faded behind you as you entered the dark cool meadows that surrounded Ponyville.
>Your footsteps on the dirt road were little thuds, each one punctuated by the twinkling of the stars overhead and the chirps of the crickets in the nearby forest.
>Fluttershy's gentle voice appeared:
>"I'm sorry we didn't get to do much tonight."
We did fine.
>"No, I got too drunk. We had to end it early."
The only reason I go to the bar is to get drunk. I had a good time.
>"You did? Really?"
>You told the truth.
Yeah, I did.
>"That's good. I'm glad."
>She rested back in your arms.
>"I'm sorry, anyway."
It's okay.
>"I would give you a hug, but I know that you don't like that . . . when I touch you."
>"I'd really like to do that right now."
>"Touch you, I mean."
I know.
>She closed her eyes.
>"You make me feel warm, like I am right now. This is how I always feel when you're near me. Dizzy, swirly, happy. Warm. . . ."
I didn't know that.
>"Why do you think I like you so much?"
>You had never really thought about that.
>Still, you had enough of your faculties to stop with your gut response of "because you're an insane fetishist, my dear."
I don't know.
>"Me neither. I just saw you and it happened. The first time I saw you, it was like--Wow!"
>She opened her eyes wide and pawed at the sky before her, seeing only that and an upward view of your chin.
>When she stopped she sank back in your arms and into sleepiness.
>"You know what I mean?"
>You had no idea at all.
Kind of.
>"I'm sorry. I wish I knew too. Then maybe I could . . . I don't know, do something."
What were you going to say earlier?
When we were at the bar, you said you wanted to tell me something.
>Her pinched up expression and half-closed eyes made her face look blurry.
>But still she nodded to herself and said clearly:
>"Oh. You're my best friend."
>You almost stopped walking for the first time that night.
>Instead you looked down at her for a moment before continuing.
I know that's not true.
>"It is."
What about Twilight, Rainbow Dash, all your other friends? Even Applejack should be in there too.
>She shook her head.
>"I don't mean them. With you, it's different. You're my best guy friend."
I'm not sure I believe that either.
>"It's true. I don't hang out with Spike that much. And my brother!"
>She spoke that last part like it had always been a well-known and contentious topic between you.
>"My brother doesn't care about mom and dad, takes advantage of them. He only cares about himself, and what he can get out of you."
>Her eyes were downturned in a glare now, as she was in rant mode.
>"I don't want to be mean, but if I could call him what he was right to his face, I would."
What would you call him?
>"He's a . . . He's . . ."
>She wrinkled her muzzle and spit out her words:
>"He's misguided!"
>She crossed her arms and began pouting.
>"In his life, that is."
So he's like a loser?
>"Well, yeah. But I didn't want to say it like that. It's mean."
Sure it is.
>"It is!" she bellowed, as though you didn't believe her.
>Then she winced, her own volume giving herself a headache.
>"Sorry," she said, thought it seemed to be mostly to herself.
It's fine.
>She smiled up at you.
>"But you."
>With the tip of her hoof, she began tracing a little circle on your chest, right over where your heart was.
What about me? I'm mean, but you still . . . feel a certain way towards me.
>"I do. I like you."
>"You want to know why?"
I thought you didn't know why you--
>"You put up with me, even though I don't know what I'm doing. And let's face it, I don't."
>She sighed to herself.
>"Even if I had more experience with this sort of thing--you know, dating--I'm sure my shyness would still find a way for me to blow it all anyway."
>She folded her ears before looking up at you again.
>"I appreciate how patient you are with me. I really do."
Well you don't really give me much of a choice.
>"I do, though. You could call the guard on me. They would lock me away just like any pony else."
Maybe I'll do that.
>"But you won't, because you're nice."
Maybe I'm not as nice as you think.
>"I know you are, though. You're a good person. Maybe that's why I love you, I'd like to think that's why."
>You hummed to yourself.
So all I have to do is not be a good person and you'll leave me alone?
>She was silent.
Yeah, it's true that I've never had you arrested. But why should I? You only really bother me in the mornings, so you're not a complete inconvenience to me.
>Her eyes were half-open and she was thinking hard to herself about something in her semi-conscious state.
I've got my routine same as anyone else. Wake up, see you, go to work, come home and sleep. It may be even more inconvenient to get rid of you at this point. I may not be a pony, but I'm a creature of habit same as anyone else.
>"Is that the only reason though, is it really just because it would inconvenience you so much?"
Well, come on, that's a big reason. I see you all the time.
>"That's not completely true. I leave you alone sometimes."
Well, yeah, but . . .
>"Actually, I see you more than you see me. I spend most of my day thinking about you. In a way, I see you all day, even when you aren't there."
>You nodded.
That doesn't surprise me. I mean, if any pony was going to do that, it would be you. You're the only pony I know who still thinks of me even when I'm not around.
>You stopped.
And you know, that's really something. Because . . .
I don't have anyone else who's that close to me anymore. They're all gone.
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>You looked up at the night sky, trying to see beyond, to somewhere you had left and could never return.
>Fluttershy's gentle hoof stroked your chest.
>It was a salve for your crying heart.
>You looked down at Fluttershy's smile and it reminded you that you were still loved.
>And you smiled, as your newfound happiness shone through the pain.
Come on, Fluttershy. Let's go home.
>You started walking again.
So I'm your best guy friend, huh?
>"Yes, you are. I said so, didn't I?"
Well what about Discord, and Angel?
>Fluttershy paused, then scrunched her muzzle.
>"Oh shoot. I forgot about them."
>She shrugged and settled back into your arms, closing her eyes.
>"Oh well. Nothing's perfect."
>"Did I get drunk?"
Don't worry, I'll come by in the morning if you need help with your shelter work.
>She fully opened her eyes and sat up in your arms a bit.
>"Really? You mean it?"
Yeah, I do.
>"I won't do anything funny. No rapey stuff, I promise."
I'll have to remind you of that in the morning.
>"Thank you. Are you sure you'll have the time to come?"
I've got nothing going on. I can make it.
>"Thank you so much."
>A moment passed.
>"Um, you--you knew where I was going with that when I asked, didn't you?"
Well you did apologize earlier for getting too drunk, so I figured. . . .
>"See? You are nice."
Well, nothing's perfect.
>She settled back into your arms.
>She was nodding off, fighting to stay awake.
>"Maybe you can come by here more often . . . ?"
Yeah, maybe.
>"I was scared, I thought that if we were friends, that you and I . . . you would never fall in love with me."
I can't give you everything you want, Fluttershy. But you've given me a good night tonight, and that's something that I haven't had in a long time.
>She was silent for a moment.
>Then she rested her head against your chest.
>"I'm glad."
>Soon she began snoring, her sleepiness overtaking her.
>But she said this, half-mumbled into your chest, before she drifted into a peaceful sleep:
>"We're both different in our own way. But that's why I like you."
>It was then that you promised yourself that somehow, someday, you would give her something good in her life, as she had given you then.

gotta get used to this new post limit
I'm done now, Mshake. love your story by the way, your stuff tickles my funny bone
Dude I was shitting myself when I hit post and saw a bunch of green already posted. Fuck. Okay, I'll post the rest now.
It's good the be the Queen.
yeah, maybe you should delete that earlier post and just start over? might make it easier for everyone to read both mine and yours

either way it's not big deal. back in the day people used to interrupt each others greens all the time
And she can fly.
That would explain the smudges on my second-floor bedroom window.
>Princess Celestia herself is outside your house, currently licking your window seductively.
Yeah just did. will start over in like ten minutes. Now I'm all stressed because I'm retarded and need a cig.
you click that little box next to your name so that a green check mark appears in it. then you go to the bottom of the page and click the button that says delete; it's in the bottom right, next to the thread style thing
kek, it's fine. thanks, Mshake
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Aww, that was really sweet, Anon. Great job!
>A few days later...
>You lay snoozing on the couch on this typical sunny day in pony land.
>No better way to spend an afternoon.
>Fortunately, this morning's, as well as the guesses for the last few days since the incident, have been rather tame.
>Tame as they can be with Fluttershy.
>Like, How she brought a cartoonishly large, jumbo sized, industrial fan the size of a house to your yard, cranked it up to full power,
and nearly blew you away.
>Sex in hurricane force winds to start your morning is not your fetish...
>Or just yesterday, when she showed up in a wizard robe and face paint, carrying a tomb of demonic magic.
>Upon her face was white and black paint, most of her face covered in white with sharp black stripes going from the bottom of her cheeks, over her eyes. and to the top of her head.
>Upon the tomb's cover was a pentagram (still wondering how that symbol exists here), etched into a fine black leather with dark red runes skittering across it's surface.
>She actually got a chuckle from you when she said she was going to summon a plague of snakes to devour you for your insolence.
>Don't think she thought that one through.
>She can't do magic.
>Much less read runic magic of the dark arts.
>However, you were able to pick her up and punt her in the rump to send her and her cheesy costume flying.
>Had to wash your foot after you did...
>Smelled like mare musk.
>So, the usual.
>Regardless, you could care less whatever she attempts now.
>You'll be leaving in time.
>After careful thought and examination but not really, you came to the conclusion that joining the equine guard was the most prudent decision to make.
>A free ticket away from Ponyville and the rapist in yellow skin.
>Paperwork is already filled out, signed, and sent off.
>Even got a quick ship date.
>The recruiter had his reservations, of course.
>Not everyday a half naked dude walks in and says "sign me up!"
>Well a half naked human, anyway.
>But then again ponies are always naked...
>Honestly thought the whole alien thing would disqualify you.
>Propitiously for you, it didn't.
>Wasn't even an issue.
>In fact, why even think about it?
"Mmm... just one more week..." You say, rolling to your side as you enjoy this epic nap.
>Twilight had kept true to her word.
>Moving your home back into it's proper place and asking Mayor Mare to undo Fluttershy's deed owning shenanigan's.
>Much to her dismay.
>Either way it allowed you to enjoy quiet times like this.
>*knock knock knock*
>Mostly anyway.
"God damnit..." You say as you awaken into a groggy, zombie-like state.
>You roll to the edge of the couch and sit up, rubbing the temples of your head.
"Motherfuckers ruining my nap." You mutter.
>*more knocking*
"Okay! Fuck..."
>You lazily rise from your couch and trip over the table directly in front of it, falling to the floor with an audible thud.
>You manage to prop yourself back to your feet and meagerly walk to the door.
>Upon opening it, you're greeted by two little mares.
>Two mares you're well acquainted with.
>One of witch, sexually frustrated and wants you to satisfy her baser instincts of procreation.
>The other, Liked clothes'n shit.
>It was Rarity and Twiggles.
>No doubt here to congratulate you on your enlistment into the royal guard.
>Such a grand-
>"Anonymous, dear, can we come inside?" Rarity asks, in a rather serious tone.
"I dunno, can I?" You laugh under your breathe, looking at her rump.
>They look at each other with a puzzled expression.
>So innocent.
>Which is odd considering their choice in friends.
"Heh, nothing nothing." You shake your head, "Whats up?"
>"Anon," Twilight says, "I think we should talk about this decision you've recently made."
>You cross your arms and stand firm.
"What about it?"
>"Well, its just that," Twilight waltzes right into your house, ducking her head under and between your legs.
"Oh yeah bitch just walk right in..."
>"Hm?" Twilight tilts her head.
>Fucking ponies man.
>No sense of personal space.
>You look back at Rarity, who smiles sheepishly.
>With a sigh you step aside and allow her access as well, closing the door behind her.
"Okay, so. Now that you've successfully committed home invasion, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
>"This choice you made recently."
>"Anon, please." Rarity begs, "We're being serious."
>You roll your eyes and go to the kitchen.
"I don't see any issues here." You grab a glass from the cabinet over the sink and fill it up with some cold water, "I get to leave, and I get
to not be harassed by your socially stunted friend anymore!"
>"That 'socially stunted' friend has a name you know!" rarity says firmly.
>"Rarity, please." Twilight says, calming her down, "Anonymous the human-"
"Ohh ho-ho! My full name! This IS serious." You say, with great sarcasm.
>"We... think it would be best if you reversed your decision and remained here in Ponyville."
>Your expression goes from playful to serious as you give them a dead stare.
>Taking a sip from your glass, you point to the couch.
>They both hop up and take a seat.
>You walk over and sit in the chair just to its side, to better engage in this conversation.
>Taking another sip, you breath deep.
>You nod and place the glass on the table in front you, leaning forward on your knees.
>Sitting, you contemplate.
>"Anonymous?" Rarity asks finally, breaking the silence.
>You look at her.
>Then at Twiggy.
>Nodding lightly while you do.
>They look at each other, puzzled.
>"Sooo... you'll stay?" Twilight asks, with a glimmer of hope in her voice.
>You lean back in the chair, rubbing your chin with your finger.
>Silence once again sets in.
>Screaming loudly as you stare at the glass of water, admiring the translucent light reflecting through the
water and onto the table from the window.
>You close your eyes.
>And nod.
"I've GOT it!" You loudly clap your hands.
>They both yelp in surprise.
"Fuck no! I ain't changin' shit! Ya'll can both," you stand and thrust your hips, "SUCK, MY, BALLS."
>This gesture got a slight hue of red in Twilight's cheeks.
"You both know I was gonna say no, right?" You sit back down.
>"Then what in Equestria was all that??" Rarity asks, frustrated.
"All what?"
>"All that thinking and nodding?" Twilight asks, just as annoyed and a little aroused.
"Oh." You wave your hand, "I was just fucking with you."
>"Ohhh you... You!" Rarity, says, struggling to find an appropriate insult.
"Mhm, yeah come on. You can do it."
>With a bored expression, you do an unenthusiastic and slow clap.
"Now your just embarrassing both of us, Rares."
>Twilight sighs.
>"Anon please, we are being serious here. We care for Fluttershy's well-being."
"Not for mine, clearly. Do you have ANY idea what crazy shit this bitch likes to pull off?"
>Twilight opens her mouth, about to respond.
>She pauses, remembering all the crazy and screwy shit her yellow friend has done.
>"Well you should accept her feelings!" Rarity butts in, "After all, you're always alone aren't you? Why not be an item with Fluttershy?"
>You put on a guilty face and sigh heavily.
"Oh Rarity." You shake your head, "The reason why I don't accept her feelings is because..."
>You get up from the chair and move over to the couch, sitting /very/ close to the white unicorn fashionista.
>"A-Anonymous?" She says, a slight tinge of red in her cheeks.
"Is because of MY feelings," You place you finger on her chin, bringing her eyes to meet yours "for you."
>"Wha-wha-what do you mean?" She says, face now beat red.
"Oh don't act like you don't know!"
>You bring her in and tightly embrace her in an affectionate hug.
>"Mm??" She lets out a surprised whimpering noise.
>So cute.
"I've always felt this way! since the moment I laid eyes upon your beautiful body..." You smell her hair, "your luscious mane...
your fair and vibrant sapphire eyes..."
>"Ah... Ahh~?" She struggles for words, "I don't understand. You never said anything before!"
"Sh-sh-sh-shhh... Its okay." You comfort her, petting her head.
>Twilight looks on.
>Wings jutting straight out and with beads of sweat forming, collecting, and dripping down her face.
>Her eye twitches as she observes your fingers slowly closing and opening to caress Rarity's supple body.
"I've always been so afraid to tell you." You look down at her, loosening your grip and rubbing your hand up and down her back,
"But now that I'm going... I feel like I have to tell you."
>"I-I... I..." She says, shuddering and with her eyes darting side to side.
"NO!" You bring her in close again, "We mustn't, Rarity! It would never work! Not while Fluttershy's heart yearns for me..."
>"Mmmm..." She whimpers again, as uncomfortable as she can be in the horribly wretched and awkward situation you've put her in.
"Rarity?" Your hand slowly moves further down south to her flanks, "Before I go," You bring your face mere inches from hers, and deeply inhale,
"why not give each other a night to remember?"
>She coos, shaking in your arms as your palm rubs against her cutie mark.
>Her lips quiver, clearly thinking of your proposal.
>"Ah~... AH!"
>Rarity quickly pushes herself away from you, panting hard.
>Her eyes lock into the glass of water.
>She picks it up, splashes herself with it, and vigorously shakes her head side to side.
>"Bbbbt!" She calms down a bit, breathing steadily returning to normal, "Whew..."
>Rarity freezes in place, now embarrassed.
>"Uhhh... I uhhh- OH!"
>Think you broke her.
>"Uh, g-goodness! Look at my mane, haha!! Its all wet!!" She laughs hysterically, jumps from the couch, and runs to the door,
>The door slams behind her.
>Twilight gawks in utter shock, jaw practically hitting the floor.
"Think I overdid it?"
>"Do you really?" Twilight asks, pain in her eyes.
>"Have feelings for Rarity? /Have/ you had feelings for her all along??"
>Twilight leans forward, forelegs holding her up as she hangs on your next word.
"What can I say? You ponies are so easy to fool."
>You pause.
"Although..." You look back at the door, "Her body did feel pretty nice."
>You smirk, and look at Twiggy through the corner of your eye.
"Think I should go for it?"
"Joking. Again. See now this is what I mean, Twiggs."
>She glares at you.
>In an absolute state of disbelief.
>"Whats wrong with you??"
"Heh, where do I start?"
>"That was awful! Think of how shes gonna feel now!"
"Oh no," You cover your mouth, "O-oh my goodness, Twilight you're right. What have I done?"
>You place one hand over your heart and the other on your forehead.
"Oh woe is me, Twilight! For I was raised without proper care and love!" You begin fake crying, "I never even knew my own father! Oh god!"
>You bury your face in your palms, shaking.
"But the worst part is... *sniff*" You squeak, "I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!!"
>You smirk and look back at Twilight, who is sitting there seething.
"Oh come on, its all in good fun."
>Twilight closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, holds it, and releases after a few seconds.
"Damn. Haven't seen one that long in a minute."
>"Anon." She says your name somberly, eyes closed.
>"As princess of friendship, I'm obligated to take this type of behavior in stride in order to preserve said friendship."
>Making a lot of assumptions in that statement...
>"Listen, I know that when it comes to her wanting for you, Fluttershy can't seem to show how she feels like a normal pony."
"Still trying to find out what 'normal' means for you."
>"Look, all I'm saying is that Fluttershy is obviously unstable when it comes to you. So if-"
>"You leave... just know, you'll have to face her again someday."
>The air in the room seemed to grow a bit heavier.
>"I know it doesn't seem like anything to you but, I just don't think shes capable of moving on. I'm not sure shes ever had somepony shes liked before."
>Twilight shuffles in her seat.
>"I just don't know what she might do when she finds out you've left us."
>You'd by lying if that part, "left us" didn't hurt a little.
>Shes making it sound as though you're leaving your whole ass family behind.
>You look out the window, the very same window Fluttershy broke not but a month ago after getting Rainbow Dash to launch a baseball through it.
>Only for her to come to the door, wearing a backwards baseball cap and chewing bubblegum asking "are fillies breaking your window your fetish?"
>Like your some fucking pedo!
>Good thing moments like this don't last.
>Still, maybe you should tone down the sarcasm and be sincere for a moment?
>She deserves that much, right? After how shes always helping?
"Twi," You sigh, "look. I-"
>"But if you really don't like Fluttershy," She interrupts, with a tinge of hope in her voice, "and you were joking about Rarity,
maybe we can do something...?" She puts her hooves together and flutters her eyes, "Sometime?"
>And there it is.
"Get out."
>The following week...
>Its ship day!
>At long last.
>You've managed to keep this under wraps from the yellow terror.
>Figured one of her friends would spill the beans eventually.
>Doesn't matter now.
>You await your ride this early morning at the train station. Orders in hand and nothing else but the clothes on your back.
>Your recruiter specifically told you to only take your paperwork and clothes to wear.
>Well, he actually said nothing about clothing.
>But you're not going in but ass naked.
>Not having a coat of fur to cover up the ol' balls'n dick really can be inconvenient here.
>You look up to the sun as it slowly peaks over the horizon.
>Only about an hour longer.
>Having no immediate access to tell the time whenever you want via some kind of electronic device, has made you privy to telling the time just by looking up.
>Not that clocks don't exist here, its just something you've picked up on over the years.
>You lean back on the bench, completely carefree.
>The icing on the cake of all this, was that your train leaves early enough to avoid Flutterbutter's guess today.
"Ahh..." You sigh in content, "No more of her. Ever again."
>You lean back even further, stretching and sinking into the bench while letting out a moan of rapture.
"No more fetish guessing, no more random ass pink hairs in my underwear drawer, no more waking up to having a rapist sniffing my crotch..."
>You reminisce all the things you don't have to put up with anymore.
"The training part will suck. Oh well, least I'll get to wear that shiny armor and walk around with a spear or something."
>You can see it now already.
>Poking and jabbing at ponies trying to enter places they shouldn't.
>Shouting, "Respect my authoritah!" while doing so.
>Ohh yes.
>You glance over to the sun, now fully arisen over the hillside.
"Train better not be late..."
>Oh well, nothing can ruin this day!
>This is going to be fucking great!
>This is going to be awful.
>How can you possibly break it to Fluttershy that Anon is leaving?
>Be twiggy.
>Purple, smart, and Celestia's favorite.
>Now and forever.
>Sitting at Anon's doorstep, you await the confrontation with Fluttershy.
>She usually shows up around this time.
"Oh what do I even say?" You think out loud, "'Sorry Fluttershy the human of your dreams is leaving forever because he hates you.'?"
>You whine and stare at the ground, playing out the scenario in your head over and over.
"Maybe I should just say it fast. Like ripping off a band-aide?" You tap you chin, "Hmmm..."
>"Say what fast, Twilight?"
"Oh, whenever Fluttershy-BAH!!"
>Before you had even noticed, there she was.
"Oh! F-Fluttershy! Good morning, heheh." You laugh nervously as you regain your composure.
>"Oh goodness Twilight, you don't look so good." Fluttershy places her hoof on your forehead, "Hm. You don't seem to have a fever. Are you well?"
"I'm fine, Fluttershy. Listen," You take a breath, "there's something you should know-"
>"Are you sure, Twilight? You seem very nervous for some reason."
>You stand up. Gonna need to look her in her innocent, pure, teal eyes for this.
"Fluttershy... I..."
>You hesitate.
>She stands there silently, searching the deepest recesses of your brain for your next words.
"I have to tell you about... wait, what is that?"
>Your attention is redirected to the little doll resting on her withers.
>It was a miniature doll of Anon.
>"Oh, this?" She turns her head and grabs it in her mouth, delicately grabbing it and holding it in her hooves.
"Oh." You can't help but feel even worse, now.
>She made him a doll.
>Celestia only know how much love and care she put into it.
>"I was gonna ask Anon if voodoo was his fetish this morning."
>Wait, what?
>And come to think of it, it kinda smells a bit... musky.
"Fluttershy, why does it smell like that?"
>You crane your neck and sniff.
>Such a familiar scent.
>Why it almost smells like- oh sweet Celestia no...
>"Uhhh." Fluttershy blushes, putting the doll back on her withers, "I really like this doll?"
>"Anyway, Twilight, Its time I saw my dear and loving coltfreind."
>She really is delusional.
>Fluttershy walks next to you and knocks on the door.
"Fluttershy, can you please just listen? Anon... won't be answering this morning."
>"Oh dear, is he trying to hide in his room again?"
>"Thats okay."
>Fluttershy steps off the doorstep and begins digging around the bushes next to the door.
"What are you-"
>She pops her head back up, holding a dirt covered key in her mouth.
>"I hid his spare key from him in case he locks his door without remembering I may need to come inside every now and then."
>You stare in awe.
>Shes clearly further gone then you realized.
"Since when have you had that??"
>"Oh, um. I snuck into his window one night and took it from his dresser. It was wrapped so neatly in one of his comfy socks."
>You shake your head.
"Fluttershy, just listen."
>She unlocks the door and opens it up, walking right in.
>"OH but I can't, Twilight! I have to see my beloved!" She takes the doll from her back and begins petting it's head, "Hes probably all scared and alone, wondering where his marefreind is!"
>She continues in.
"Hng! Fluttershy! Anon is gone!"
>"Gone?" She tilts her head, "Oh dear, he usually doesn't go grocery shopping until Tuesdays at 10am."
"No, I mean hes gone gone. He left town." You say, in a weak, depressing tone.
>"Oh. Ohhh," She giggles, "Well when is he coming back?"
>You look away.
>The smile on Fluttershy's face slowly erodes away into a look of mild concern.
>"Twilight?" She asks, a little anxious now, "When is he coming back?"
"Probably never." You sigh, "He joined the guard."
>Her outburst surprised you.
>"What do you mean he joined the guard??" She gets in your face, "What if he gets hurt, or stubs his toe, or he needs to have his feet licked in his sleep??"
>You cringe a little.
"...What was that last one?"
>"Twilight, if this is a prank, its not very funny!" She closes her eyes and looks away, "Hmph!"
"Its not a joke! Anon signed up over a week ago. His train left this morning."
>"You KNEW?? And you didn't tell me??"
"I didn't want to say anything because I thought you'd handle it better if he were already gone! I thought it'd help you make peace with it!"
>"Noo! Oh my sweet human man-hunk! My big, honking, human pleasure center! I'm coming to the rescue!!"
>Fluttershy takes off out the door to the train station.
"Oh no."
>You fear what she may do when she finds him already gone.
"I better follow her."

"Ho-lee FUCK this shit is late..."
>Be Anon again.
>Lamenting the tardiness of this fucking train.
>Damn the rail system.
>Gonna run for president and make a new rail system!
>With flapjacks!
>And hookers!
>Aw screw the whole thing.
>Your train of thought is interrupted by the sound of train tracks rumbling and the sound of a steam engine making its way
to the station.
>You quickly stand and walk but a few feet from the edge, eager to board.
>At long last the train arrives, stopping and opening up it's doors.
>Ponies from all over seem to pour out.
>Not really, there were only like fucking 5 of them.
>Small place, Ponyville.
>No time to contemplate this, however.
>Time to board!
"Ahh..." You pause, foot in the door, "Goodbye, Ponyville. I'll remember all the good times I had."
>The good times were far and in between, but you'll remember regardless.
>None of which involve the yellow.
>"Ticket, sir?" The porter asks.
"Oh, here ya go."
>You hand him your orders.
>"Ah, yes of course. I heard we were picking up a new recruit from this town. Pick a seat, wherever you like." He gestures to the open car,
"Only take a single morning's ride to Canterlot. Feel free to relax."
"Oh, thank you."
>You walk into the car and take a seat next to the window.
>A few moments go bye, and the train jerks as the conductor pulls the wire to blow the horn.
"Ohh ho ho!! Here we go!"
>You get all giddy.
>As the train begins to pull away, you look out of the window.
>Your heart skips a beat as a wave of cold, dark, dread washes over you.
>There she was.
>Standing just a few feet away, only separated by the train car itself.
>Staring intently into the windows of your soul with a gaze so piercing she may as well have singed a hole into the window.
>Even as you pull away, and watch her shrink into the distance, you cant help but feel a chilling feeling creep up your spine.
"Oh god..."
>She must've found out.
>No! No.
>Its fine.
>She has no way of getting to you now.
>Everything will be just fine.

"Fluttershy!" You pant, finally catching up.
>Had no idea she was in this good of shape.
>Be Twiggy again.
>Now at the station watching the train Anon must've just left one shrink away.
>"Hes really gone..." Fluttershy says, somberly.
>You take a moment to catch you breath.
>Fluttershy must've ran as fast as Rainbow Dash to get here.
"I'm sorry..." You say, finally.
>"Its okay, Twilight."
>She turns with a disconcerting smile on her face.
"I-It is?"
>You can't help but feel a little creeped out.
>"Yes! I know how I can still be with him!"

>Be Fluttershy.
>"Um, hello. I'd like to sign up for the guard. I-if thats okay."
>The recuiter narrows his eyes and tilts his head, leaning forward on his desk.
Okay, here is the next part, my dudes. How will things work out now? I dunno. Next part idk when, may be busy for the next week or so. Hopefully it won't hinder my ability to write too badly.

Here is the paste for joo dudes: https://ponepaste.org/4543
That was good. Always nice to see some green where Shy and Anon get along, even if its only because alcohol is involved.
I hope you bin this, it was really nice.
Great work as usual man, missed having you around.
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>"Um, hello. I'd like to sign up for the guard. I-if thats okay."
Oh boy here we go.
Thanks for the update, Mshake. Looking forward to more; don't feel as though you need to rush it out, we can wait.
>Oh boy here we go.
I know, right? Fluttershy in the royal guard is a bad idea in general, Fluttershy in the royal guard trying to "fraternize" with Anon is disastrous.
Now she's gone too far.
Fluttershy started a thread ON THIS BOARD!

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Motherfucker I'll find out where you live
Very nice job.
Oh the thread's almost over, what should we use for the next OP?
That one.
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What can I say?
I'm a sucker for the classics.
Seconding Satan on this one
So am I. Ignore this retard >>36854927
Yeah that looks pretty good.
Satan has a point.


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