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>>36585547First for best sisters
>>36585555Quads don't lie. Take that Flower Sisters, Applejack and Apple Bloom, Rarity and Sweetie Bell, and all other lesser sisters.
>Artists rendition of the moment Princess Luna found out from her personal guard that what appeared to be "The Nightfather" (Historical ancestor of the Bat-pony tribe) was being forced to commit very provocative and unseemly acts towards the general public.>Although upon arrival in Ponyville and discovering the supposed 'Nightfather' was not in fact her late husband returned despite the simarilities, she later affirmed that her reaction was not in any way overblown and that the entire town should be ashamed of themselves.>Reports of a blood feud being declared upon a particular family are uncomfirmed, but was possibly swiftly averted by the timely intervention of Princess Celestia.>In ligher news, a small filly from ponyville won the annual award for "Dumbest question asked of a Royal", by asking if it were possible to obtain a cutie mark in blood feuds, Princess Luna deigned not to answer and the filly in question was awarded a week of supervised tutoring in the Canterlot Correctional facility.
repostan>>36584308>>36584302>>36584224>>36584178>>36584202>when anon was reborn in to anonicorn, he was reborn again with his innocence>anon and anonicorn are simply the same person/pony but is separate by cynicism and naiveté>anonicorn is all what anon is past life never really experienced>security>safety>and love>the doomstar is the manifestation of anon's past life>sadness>loneliness>stress>anxiety>but also include what he has learned throughout his adult life>the reason anonicorn "purges" this from his body, is too keep him innocent>to allow anon to still have his new life in peace>as anonicorn grows he has glimpses of the sadness of anon's old life>but each purge will allow him to forget>eventually anonicorn will have to face the doomstar>to face his past
>>36585642Sorry, but making the concept more serious doesn't make it any less autistic. Just the opposite, in fact. Like making an edgy Sonic fanfic.
>>36585580>constellation frecklesI love when art has these
>>36585642Anonicorn is best suited for less serious hijinks, making it super serious kinda defeats the appeal imho.
>>36585642careful with that there edge, it doesn't really fit anonicorn.
Would you a noodle?
>>36585948karma ponicearrest this man
https://ponepaste.org/1853Forgot to put the paste apologies.>"Y-yeah he's real nice.">She seems to have stopped having a nervous breakdown so that's a plus."So what've you got there? Ah Cinnamon just like me, what a coincidence." you laugh wanting to break the tension.>You take a bite to emphasise your words and a bounty of sensations cross your taste buds and you hum in delight."These are bloody good huh. You're free to have some if you want by the by, my treat.">"Y-yeah they're my favourite too and they go down well with a hay shake." she says nervously clearly unsure of herself.>You must have really caught this mare off guard for her to swap personalities like this."I just wanted to say, I'm sorry if I caught you off guard, I'm probably interrupting your break and all." you say as you begin to stand up.>"N-no! You aren't bothering me at all! It's just I'm a bit nervous is all." as she says this she fiddles with her mane once more.>You sit back down in your chair and pick up another doughnut."So what do you do for work?" quickly realising your mistake you correct yourself "I mean I already know you're part of the ponice force but y'know what I mean.">She shuffles in her seat slightly before she responds.>"Well I just got promoted to a senior officer today..." the pride that fitted her voice still audible through the nervousness.>Hah so that's where all the confidence came from huh?"Sounds like you're moving up in the world, say what's it like bein' an ponice officer. I'm sure you're always taking in bad guys and the like?">She slowly seems to be breaking out of her shell and gives a more confident laugh.>"Yeah, you could say that. I've taken down some real nasty ponies, like this one time where a mare was robbing this poor old stallion and I swooped in to save him!" she says with pride.>Fuck this little mare is a real cutie when she's boasting."Damn sounds like you really are a great officer, huh? I can see why you've been promoted."
>>36585958>"Hehe yeah, anyways, what about you? What do you do?" Cuffs eyes gleam with a sense of curiosity."Nothing too interesting myself." you pause for a moment and take another bite of the delicious donut "I just work for some, honestly terrible, gossip magazine. Looking to get somewhere else though if I can." you say with a grimace as you recall your job.>"Well, how do you feel about working downtown at the desk? Its fitting work for a stallion, no danger, nice pay.">Huh that's actually not a bad idea.>You hear the shrill laughter from your co-workers and grimace."Honestly anything would be better then working for Stallion Talk. Are you sure you can do that though, I mean, I don't want to cause you any trouble...">"Of course, the chief still owes me a favour and it'll be nice to have a s-sexy young colt at the front desk to greet me every morning." she says with a slight blush.>You quickly stand up and round the table to hug Cuff and she lets loose a quiet squeal."Thank you so much Cuff, here's my number." you say as you grab a napkin and write down your number. "Just give me a ring if you have any updates, and thanks again Cuff.">You leave her beet red and head off to go meet your co-workers outside.
>>36585964>Be Rough Cuff again.>Holy smokes that didn't go horribly wrong!>And that little thing you added in about the 'sexy young colt'>DAMN>That's right mom I'm not a dyke!>Next thing you know he'll be sucking on your teats like a new born foal.>Wait. Anyway.>You see Blueberry coming from around the serving desk and you see that another colt has taken his place behind the counter.>"Well who's this stallioniser that has replaced my friend over here?" Blueberry says with a slight chuckle.>You only scrunch up you nose in response and he puts up his hooves defensively>"Hey hey, just trying to congratulate my friend on a job well done with some light humour. I couldn't catch it all but it seems like it went well.""It went better then I could have hoped! I got his number Berry!" you say excitedly.>He laughs and shakes his head.>"So are you two planning to meet up again sometime?""Well I was going to play it cool and have him make the first move you know.">That's what cool mares do right?>"How about, instead of 'playing it cool' Hun, you give him a ring tonight? Maybe plan another date?" "But Berry..." you whine jokingly.>All he can do is laugh and shake his head once again.>You take another bite of your doughnut and think about how you're going to get Anon this desk job.
>>36585968>"No.""What do you mean no chief?" you plead.>"I said no Cuff, I can't be hiring just any stallion off the street. And besides this is a serious job, it can't be trusted with a colt." Hard time says sternly.>You search your mind for reasons why he can be trusted."But he's-">"No.""Don't you owe me a favour Hard Time?" you say trying to haggle your way through causing her to breathe a deep sigh.>"I do... I do." she says reluctantly.>A wide grin crosses your lips knowing that you have her and you go in for the kill."I'm cashing in that favour now then Chief. Plus wouldn't it be great having a cute human colt in our office.">"I'm getting too old to deal with you young fillies nowadays... Fine, but one mistake and he's out of here just like that other colt. What was his name?" she says scouring her memory."You mean Shady Crook?">I mean with a name like that he was bound to be a bad egg.>"Yeah, anyway tell him he starts 8'o clock sharp. And you owe me big time for this Cuff." she says as she goes back to reading through the stack of papers on her desk.>"Celestia help me." you can hear her mumble as you saunter out.Also my incompetence astounds even me sometimes.
>>36585944Honestly yeah I probably would.
>>36585944I would definitely consider it
>>36585944in a heartbeat
>>36585975aww yeah, ponecop on the case.
>>36585975>be shady crook, earned your cutie mark in sheep herding before your dad dragged you to the 'big city'.>in actual fact just to get away from his home town after a messy 'open herd' situation that some of the mares weren't aware of.>kept custody of you because he was a stallion.>eventually turn to crime because your special talant is effectively worthless here.>you just want to earn enough bits to go home and see your mom.
>>36585975Nice, ponice mares are underused.
A super flamboyantly gay man in RGRE, like Richard Simmons, Big Gay Al, or Elton John, what happens?
>>36585634>"Listen, 'Nawn, I just... I just want to 'pologize to you.">Applejack paws at the ground nervously, ears swiveling as they try to listen for sounds behind and around her.>"I think we had a... a misunderstanding about yer responsibilities as a respected and valued employee of the Apples.">She gulps nervously and peers as far to the left and the right as her eyes will allow, never once moving her head.>Like she doesn't want to fully turn around, afraid of what she'll see if she does.>"A-And Apple Bloom has been rightly punished for... for mis-representing my instructions. I mean, y'all know how fillies can be when they're just startin' to grow into mares, right?">She laughs nervously, but her voice comes out as high-pitched and uneven.>You smile and force out a chuckle, hoping to put your employer at ease; the last time you saw an equine this nervous, you were back on Earth and about three seconds away from watching your uncle Nemo get his ass kicked by his frightened horse."Listen, Applejack," you say slowly and quietly, hoping to calm her down, "It's fine. I mean, I wouldn't say 'no' to a bottle of Zap Apple whiskey if you wante-">"Great idea, sugarcube!" squeaks Applejack, nodding frantically, "In fact, how's about I give y'all two? As a... a THANK-YOU for all yer good work a-and an apology for this, uh... misunderstanding!">Well hot diggity.>You'd get sexually harassed every day if it got you top-shelf booze like that.>Another batpony face pops out of the canopy, accompanied by a flapping of wings.>Applejack's ears swivel madly, unable to place the source."And besides, we sold a lot of apples, huh?">There's a rustling of leaves as another tree becomes home to a pair of bat-ponies.>They look almost menacing with their slit-pupils and fangs that reflect the dim light of the new moon, but you don't feel threatened by them.>Applejack grunts and flicks her ears a few times, like they're full of water and she's trying to clear them.
>>36586077>"Yeah!" she shouts, "Y'sure did, sugarcube! Golly, you really are a good employee! I think that y'all deserve a raise! An'... an', uh.. an' maybe...">With an angry grunt, Applejack whips her head behind her, looking for the source of the noise.>The batponies are hidden in a nearby tree, but they aren't really making much of an effort to hide themselves.>The canopy is open to the moonlight, and one pony has her tail hanging out from the branches.>Applejack's eyes drift over and past them, but the look of concern and confusion remains.>"I..." she stutters, "L-Listen, 'Nawn. When I told you to use yer wiles, I truly and honestly meant to just be f-friendly! I'm rightly sorry if y'all got the impression that I wanted you to, uh... w-whorse yerself out fer the sake of business, b'cause that's not at all what I wanted!">You open your mouth, but Applejack suddenly spins around, taking an aggressive (or just a scared) stance.>"Did y'all hear me?!" she bellows, voice cracking, "I apologized! I said I was sorry!">And without another word, she gallops away; right past you, and away from the trees with the bat-ponies in them.>You turn and watch her go.>The shaking of leaves and the faint sounds of wings flapping are the only hints you get to the departure of the bat-ponies.>Because when you look back up to the tree line, the canopy is empty.
>>36585958Did ponepaste break?It's just giving me 504 and 503 errors...
>>36586145Oh shit, yeah. I'm getting that too.
>>36586156>>36586145Strange, I checked it out when I saw your posts but I can still get to pastes.
>>36586187Its back up now
>>36586206It appears to have been a possible attack and whoever is running it has fixed it for now.
>>36586086>>36586077What an adorably menacing honour guard Anon has.I wonder if the younger bat-pones are using Applebloom as sneaking practice, assuming she isn't grounded until she's married.
>>36585642This is a shitpost.Not even the original concept of the doomstar was this shitty, and it was pretty goddamn shitty.
>Don't leave your colts alone and unprotected, pegasi WILL snatch them.
>>36586279>Apple Bloom is stalked by younger bat ponies for practice>Plenty of places to hide in the apple farm>Constantly feels like she's being watched while doing her chores>Starts covering her windows at night just so that she can sleep properlyThis is sounding more and more like a horror game.
>>36586341>"Better watch out, Anon! It's swooping season!">Anon weighs more than a pony>More than once during the pegasi's heat week, he's worn a struggling mare as a backpack
>>36586349>"I'll steal him! No one will ever know!"Top ten phrases spoken before embarrassment.
>>36586353>"Hnnnggg! C'mon! Dang it!""...hey.">"...hey.""What're you doing?">"Oh, you know... just felt like being here, on your back."
>>36586345Maybe the feeling of being constantly watched and seen as prey will make her think twice before subjecting a colt to such treatment ever again, she should be very glad Princess Luna has a soft spot for foals, a bit of Hide and Hunt is barely a punishment when the hunters aren't allowed to pounce.
>>36585944I'm not gonna lie, her proposal sounds fun.
>>36586357>Eventually it loops back around to pega mares doing it in an attempt to impress other stallions by proving they're buff enough to lift Anon.
>>36585944>we're getting married at least once every daysounds like fun
>>36586969>Traditional pegasus waifu>Gets along with Anon, good friends with him, etc>Makes a habit of perching on his back like a backpack>Those familiar with old pegasus traditions had an idea of what that meant>Some stallions found that borderline sexually abusive; others found it weirdly romantic>Anon thinks it's cute and likes having her around>Stealthily tried to fly him up a few times, but failed to>It's okay, she likes'em thicc>Works out all year to get stronger>Wing exercises to strengthen the wing muscles>Meticulous preening to pull out damaged or old feathers that would otherwise impede or retard the growth of newer, better feathers>Increased protein in her diet to fuel muscle growth>Mating season comes around again>Traditional pegasus waifu takes her place on Anon's back>Spreads her wings wide>BIG FLAPS"What are yo-woooaahhh!">Anon's feet leave the ground>"And that, foals, is how I met your father."
>>36586716There is not enough RGRE stuff with Eris, we need more
>>36587032There was a story a few years back that had a lot of Eris observing Anon, and then I think she started a food fight with him at a water park but I don't know where it went.
>You are going to marry a rich and powerful mare.>perhaps a princess, maybe a pop diva or CEO.>You love her and she loves you, and you're confident that this marriage will succeed.>But one day shortly after the proposal and the early days of wedding planning, she approaches you quite nervously, and hands you a bundle of paper.It's a prenuptial agreements.>She says it's only a first draft and asks you to read over it so you discuss any changes you might want to make, but ultimately she expects you to sign it before you're married.Are you offended, Anons?Do you sign it?
>>36587170The fuck is a prenuptial agreement?
>>36587185Pre-marriage annulment clauses.
>>36587028This seem like a good reason to put rocks in my backpack, i mean aside form work out, if im ever going out in mating season that is
>>36585944>intensely magical shapeshifting girlfriend>wat doMarry. Impregnate. Repeat.
>>36587170Thats treason to the crystal empire rules of love, hope candyass get her for that
>>36587185Thankfully you're poor enough that your ignorance won't hurt you, but you're ignorant all the same. Might want to fix that, anon.
>>36587170A smart mareBut things got kind akward after I pulled my prenep papers and she started reeeing that I copied hers
>>36587052That just means we need more Eris stories. I read one recently that was kinda RGRE where Anon was Irish/British and it was some of that good good shit.
>>36587289I think that was LaPs.
>>36587294Sounds about right, I think it was called Chaotic Happenstance.
>>36587268A smart mare would be proposing again if your prenup papers read the same as hers, not reeing.
>>36587300Yeah that's the one, wish he wrote her more.
>>36587309I said smart mare, not non-autistic mare
>>36587185"If we divorce for whatever reason, you can't fuck me over by taking half of my things."While i hate to think equestria is even half as fucked up as our world when it comes to things like this, a worst case herd scenario would be fucking devastating.>Herd of five.>One mare is rich.>The rest divorce her.>She's left with 1/5 worth of her assets.Not even a changeling would stoop so low.
>>36587415>Anon asks about this sort of question>Ponies are aghast>"What sort of privative culture full of loveless, spiteful savages would allow that to happen?">Anon nervously tugs on his collar and says he has no idea
>>36587415don't fogget the parts about pensions and alimony
>>36587436>The idea is later used in a horror novel>Panned by critics as being genuinely distressing, it becomes a best seller>Sales are banned in the Crystal Empire, and Cadance personally burns any copy she finds
>>36587312Same that story made me feel some happy things, y'know?
>>36587185The kind of shit you need when you live in a nation too wimpy to hang judges.
>"Ugh, Trixie hates this town.""Shhh, don't be so loud.">"Trixie doesn't understand why we need to be in this dump.""Because I said so. Now make sure you stay away anypony that might remember you when you're in the market. If you see Twilight or her little friends you walk in the other direction.">"This is dumb.""Shut it. We'll be in and out before the day is over.">"Can Trixie at least wear her cap and hat?""Can you wear the most distinctive and recognizable thing about you?">"Yes!""Absolutely not, and you're fucking dumb for even asking.">You were back in Ponyville>The starting point of the little adventure in this freak-o world you had found yourself it>It hadn't been easy to get here>It seemed like half of the guard was out looking for you>Thankfully, Trixie's all-consuming terror in being put away for tax fraud meant that she was pretty good at blending into the background when needed, but even then it hadn't been easy>The wagon had been stopped more than once>The last time, the unit of guards almost saw through your paper mask and drawn on cutiemark>After the first time you had put on your "disguise", your cover of being s tax services agent had been thrown right out the window>Trixie had been... peeved to say the least, which had been pretty funny>It had been even funnier when you told her that you were actually a twice-dead alien from an entirely different universe that was here to change the future>She hadn't believed you, and went on all day about yard-spinning colts and the stories that they made up, along with some pretty colorful things about you, your family, and your mother in particular>Oddly enough though, she had still wanted to go along with your plan, which was pretty awesome, since you had no idea how you'd be able to pull this off without her>You and Trixie were on the very outskirts of town
>>36587752And even then there are cases of judges ruling them null and void and hoes still taking half of your shit, in addition to your house, car and a dog
>>36587289>we need more Eris storiesAlways true.
>>36587775>Hopefully far enough that Pinkie's Pinkie Sense didn't go off telling her that you were both back in town>She'd know you were here eventually, but if you were quick enough maybe she wouldn't find you>Trixie was in a sweatshirt with a cap on her head, hands in her pockets>You were wearing the same clothes you had worn since dying>They had been washed, but they were starting to get a little raggy>Maybe you could get some clothes made in Manehatten before going to "Our Town"?>To be fair though, even if you had another set of clothing, it'd be pretty goddamn hard for you to blend into a crowd>You weren't going to be wearing your paper mask or anything either>Hopefully there weren't any guards patrolling the village>From the hill you and Trixie stood on, you could see ponies milling around>Trixie let out a long-suffering sigh, looking up at you>"Trixie is sure she'll be able to move undetected, but she fears a large, gullible, simple-minded stallion like yourself will have a much harder time. Be careful.">You couldn't help but smile"Hey, you're the one that thought I was a tax agent.">Trixie puffed her cheeks out>"Trixie didn't believe that for a second," she said, puffing her chest out. "She saw through your ruse immediately, but it was so desperate and terrible that she couldn't help but take pity on you.""I'm sure.">You watched as a group of pegasi flew overhead>Mailponies by the look of them>They were busying carrying what looked like a piano, but they had no doubt seen you>Better get started before somepony got nosey"Alright. I'll go down first. Wait a few minutes before following me.">"And why must Trixie do that again?""Because it should look like we didn't come together.">"Why not?""Because that's what they say to do in the movies.">"...What in Luna's name is a movie?"
>>36587792>You ignored the question, giving her shoulder a pat before starting down the dirt road>You knew the layout of the town well enough to take the less used back alleys and roads>Ponies did see you, and some seemed curious, but not enough to make you worry>As far as they were concerned, you were just a big stallion wandering around lost>Hopefully>Over the next hour or so, you made your way from one side of town to another, looking for a particular horse>You looked everywhere, and had almost given up hope, when you saw her in the middle of town>She was sitting neat the town's fountain, a hay smoothie in her freak-y hand>Lyra>Human enthusiast and all around weirdo>Seeing her almost made you want to leave the alley you were standing in and rush over to her, but you resisted>There was nopony close to her, meaning you might be able to get her to come to you without anyone noticing if you were careful"Lyra!" you called as loud as you dared, eyes darting around to see if Bonbon was out and about. "Lyra! You, with the green mane and little horn!">You had to call a few more times before the mare's ears perked up>She looked around, gaze eventually settling on you>You watched as her smoothie fell out of her hands, her eyes growing huge"Get your butt over here," you said, beckoning her toward you with a hand. "I need you to--">Lyra disappeared in a flash of green magic
>>36587804>Before you could fully process that she was gone, she reappeared right in front of you with a pop>She had the same smile on her face as her horse version had the moment she had seen you>Wide, toothy, manic>"Are you a human?" she asked, bouncing in place. "You're a human, aren't you?! Please tell me you're a human!Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!">You lifted a hand up to place over her mouth, but thought better of it>Whenever you'd do that to horse Lyra, she'd lick your palm"I am, Lyra, but we can't focus on that right--">"I KNEW it. Ponies always told me I was crazy, that you guys didn't exist, but I never lost hope. Ohhhh, I have so many questions!""I know you do, but I really--">"Why are you go big? Do you have hands for feet like the stories say? Do you have a flying machine that you could show me. Ohohoho! How about--""LYRA!">"Yeeeeees?">You wiped your mouth with your hand, standing down at the thrilled unicorn"I need you to keep it together for five minutes," you said. "Can you do that for me, you silly horse?">"I don't think so," she replied happily, shaking her head"Well, I need you to try. I know you have a lot of questions. I get it. Sometime in the future I'll answer them for you, but--">"When?""Sometime soon, and stupid up for a second.">"Yes sir.">You placed a hand on her shoulder>She let out a squeal, looking at your hand, then at you, then back at your hand>She looked so happy that she looked about ready to explode
>>36587813"I need you to do something for me, something very important. Are you listening?""I haven't listened so hard in all my bucking LIFE!""Good. Your buddy Twilight, do you talk with her a lot?">Lyra stopped her bouncing, some of the excitement leaving her face>"...No, not really," she said, face scrunching up. "I talk to her here and there, but I kind of leave her alone. Twi was really never the social type when we were in Canterlot, and I never want to bother her, since she's Celestia's student and has so much going on.">"Well, I need you to bother her now," you said, leaning down so that you were eye-level with her. "Moondancer needs you help.">"Moondancer?" Lyra parroted, brow furrowing.>You nodded"I need you to go to Twilight as soon as you can. Catch up with her, get buddy-buddy again. Say something about Canterlot, about all of your friends up there. Most importantly, I need you to talk to her about Moondancer.">"Why? What's wrong with Moonie?" the unicorn asked"Your friend wasn't the same when Twilight left without a word. She's not in a good place right now because of it," you said. "She needs to go up there and fix things between them. I don't care how you do it, but you need to get Twilight up there, Lyra. Do you understand? You need to trust me when I say that this is really, really important, alright?">Almost all of the excitement had left the little unicorn in front of you>She now looked concerned, staring up at you with a thoughtful expression>"Is something bad gonna happen to Moonie?" she asked quietly"It might if Twilight doesn't get up there asap," you replied.>She nodded slowly
>>36587827>"Alright, then I'll go talk to her today," she said, puffing her chest out. "I'll drag her to Canterlot if I have to.">You smiled"Good, I knew I could count on you.">Lyra took a step back, biting her lower lip>"Mister?""Anon's fine.">"Okay, Anon. If I do this, could you do something for me? Pretty please?""Depends on the something.">She looked behind her, then up at the sky>Hopping forward, she leaned into your ear and began to whisper>As you listened, a frown came to your face, until you eventually stood back up, very concerned and not too happy"You want me to..." you began, only to stop>She nodded>"Pleaaaaaase?" she asked, clasping her hands together>You looked at the unicorn for several seconds, before letting out a sigh"Goddammit. Fine. You got yourself a deal. Just go talk to Twilight. Keep your mouth shut about seeing me too. I have a lot of secret human things going on that you ponies can't know about. Got it?">Lyra let out a squeal, giving you a hug>"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" she said, giving your chest a nuzzle>Breaking the hug, she spun around and took off out of the alley and back out into the marketplace, so excited that she nearly collided with the Cutiemark Crusaders>You watched as she reached toward the direction of the treebrary, shaking your head>That had gone pretty well...>You had sort of been expecting Bonbon to appear out of the shadows to try and arrest you or something...
>>36587844>Turning back toward the alley, you began to make your way down it>You had spoken with one horse, now you needed to speak with another>This one would be a hell of a lot harder to convince than the town weirdo>She might have also been far more important>Nothing really interesting happened as you made your way through town toward the Whitetail Forest>Not a lot of ponies came out this way, other than the occasional weather pony or two that liked to hide in the trees to snooze during their shift>You made your way down the dirt road, listening to be birds singing>There were so many of the little guys flying around>If you didn't know any better, you'd say that they were practicing >You continued along until a little bridge came within sight>Not far from that little bridge, seated above a babbling brook, was a cottage>The bird chirping was getting louder, more musical >With it, you could hear a voice>"Oh, that's very good Seederson. Um, Chirpers, could you please keep with the tempo? You're messing the others up a teeny bit. There we go. You're all doing so wonderfully.">Walking over the bridge, you saw the mare you were looking for>Fluttershy>She was standing in front of a wooden contraption of her own making>The thing allowed about a hundred birds to sit comfortably wing-to-wing>About that many were sitting on the thing, chirping away>It sounded like bird calls to you, but to her it was no doubt a lovely melody >She was moving her arms like some sort of conductor, her body swaying>Her back was turned to you, but you could feel the smile on her face
>>36587858>You stood there, arms behind your back, patently waiting as Fluttershy led her little flock through it's lesson>Some of the birds singing eyed you curiously, but none stopped their singing>As much as you needed to talk to Fluttershy, you didn't want to be a bother>Not yet anyway>She might have looked like some sort of freak of nature, but she was still Fluttershy, and there wasn't any need to give the poor pegasus a heart attack>A good ten minutes passed before she lowered her arms with a happy hum>"Thank you very much for your hard work, everyone," she said with a little bounce>One of the birds--a big, fat bluejay-- chirped, pointing toward you with a wing>Fluttershy stiffened, looking over her shoulder>You could barely see her eye with her long pink mane in the way, but she could obviously see you>She seemed to get a little smaller, ears pinning against the sides of her skull>"Oh... um. Hello," she said, so quietly that you had to strain to hear her. "You're that stallion from the other day. Are you feeling better?""I am," you replied with a nod. "Thank you for taking me into town. I appreciate it.">She slowly turned around, still hiding her face behind her mane>This wasn't the Fluttershy you had seen yesterday; the caring mare that forgot her shyness whenever there was someone in need>This was baseline, nervous Fluttershy>A tricky Fluttershy that would fly into her house if you weren't careful>Thankfully, you were wise to this little butter yellow horse, and had a trick up your sleeve
>>36587862>Lifting your hand up, careful not to move too quickly, you coughed into it>Fluttershy fidgeted with her hands, obviously uncomfortable>Taking a deep breath, you did something you knew would calm her down>You began to sing"The sun'll come out tomorrowBet your bottom dollar that tomorrowThere'll be sunJust thinkin' about tomorrowClears away the cobwebs and the sorrow'Til there's noneWhen I'm stuck a with day that's gray and lonelyI just stick out my chin and grin, and say, oh The sun'll come out tomorrowSo you gotta hang on 'til tomorrowCome what may!">Fluttershy's ears perked up>The mare seemed to get just a little bit bigger, standing up straight as she listened>The birds seemed to be listening as well, ceasing their chirping to look at you"Tomorrow, tomorrowI love ya tomorrowYou're always a day awayWhen I'm stuck a with day that's gray and lonelyI just stick out my chin and grin, and say, ohThe sun'll come out tomorrowSo you gotta hang on 'til tomorrowCome what may!">A small smile came to her face>She began to sway as you turned your back on her, lifting your arms up>Time for the finisher"Tomorrow, tomorrowI love ya tomorrowYou're always a day awayTomorrow, tomorrowI love ya tomorrowYou're always a day away!"
>>36587872>You heard chirping as you lowered your arms>Turning back around, you saw the birds clapping their wings together>Fluttershy was clapping as well, no longer hiding behind that mane of hers>"That was very good, mister," she said, taking a step toward you. "You have a lovely voice.">You cleared your throat>That end bit always fucked up your vocal cords"Thank you very much, Fluttershy. I'm glad you think so.">You took a small step toward her, ready to move right back if she suddenly got nervous>When you saw no negative reaction, you took another step, then another, eventually stopping just a few feet from her"I've heard you had a pretty good voice yourself," you said>"Oh, I don't know about that," Fluttershy replied, looking down at the ground. "There's so many better ponies than me.""Oh, I doubt that. You were the one that helped me learn a thing or two after I had a bit too much to drink at one of Pinkie's parties. I don't remember much about it, but you told me I was so bad that ponies were begging Twilight to turn me into a statue to make it stop.">Fluttershy looked back up, confused>You just continued to smile, taking another step toward her"I was so bad in the beginning, but you were so patient. You were always patient and understanding. I think out of everypony in town, you were the next one after Twilight to give me a chance. I don't know if I ever told your pony-self, but that meant so much to me in the beginning.">Another step>This time, Fluttershy took a half-step back, staring at you like you had grown a second head>You stopped, squatting down>She seemed to calm down a bit once she was bigger than you"Fluttershy, I know I sound like a crazy person, spouting a whole lot of nonsense. I know you're probably thinking that you need to go tell Twilight, or make an excuse to get away from the nutso colt in front of you. I get it. Sometimes I think I'm crazy too, and not in a good way."
>>36587879>She let out a giggle at that, taking a step toward you>There was still confusion on her face, but you could see curiosity as well>You were quiet for a few moments, trying to think on how to get your point across as clearly and believably as possible>Unfortunately for you, words weren't your strong suit, so you just decided to hit the nail right on the head"Fluttershy, when you found me I just wasn't sleeping under that tree. I came from... somewhere else. I can't really explain too much. I don't know if it's safe, and I have no idea who or what is listening to us right now. You and your friends, and everyone else you know, is in a lot of trouble. Right now I'm doing my best to fix things, but I need your help.">"Trouble?" Fluttershy said, taking another step toward you"Something is trying to change you all for the worse. It's trying to turn you into something that you're not," you replied. "It's going to do something to Twilight in particular that I can't let happen.">The pegasus took another step forward>She was so close that you could now smell the shampoo that she used this morning>"It's nice that you came to tell me this, mister, but I don't think I'm the sort of pony to come to for this," she said. "But I can take you to Twilight, and maybe she can--""She can't help with this one thing, Flutters. Only you.">Fluttershy opened her mouth, then closed it>"O-Oh... Is it scary?">You said nothing, just nodded>The mare let out an "eep", wings flapping>"Are you s-sure nopony else can help you? What about my friend Rainbow? She's awfully brave, unlike me.">You frowned"That's where you're wrong, Fluttershy. You might be one of the bravest ponies I know.">You stood back up>Thankfully, she didn't move back
>>36587891"You and I are a lot alike. We don't like crowds, or people in general. I don't know about you, but I always felt different, like everywhere I ever spoke to knew something that I didn't. Even when I tried to put myself out there and people talked with me it didn't feel right.">You shrugged"I got sick of it, that bad feeling, my anxiety. I turned away from people for the most part and gave up. Even here, and even where I was before here, it was always hard to be social. You're different from me. Where I gave up you keep trying; not just once in awhile, not when you feel up to it. You try every single day to face that anxiety, that fear. You not only do that, but you're an actually caring, kind pony while you're doing it.">You leaned forward"That is why I think you're the bravest little horse I've ever met, Fluttershy, and don't you dare think otherwise.">Fluttershy looked down at her hooves, flush with praise>"I d-don't know about all that..." she muttered>You placed a hand under her chin, tilting her head upward to look at you"Fluttershy, soon, maybe as we speak, there's someone really bad about to come back into the world. He's a genuinely awful, terrible pony. He hurts others, takes over their mind, even enslaves them and god knows what else.">"O-Oh... my...""Princess Cadence and Shining Armor are going to go try to stop him, but they won't be able to do it alone. That's why you need to help them.">You reached into your pocket, producing a letter you had written this morning"Have Spike send this letter. You need to go up north with them to stop this evil person. It'll be scary, but you need to think about all the ponies he's hurt, and will hurt. I don't need to tell you to be brave, since you are already.">She looked at the letter in your hand, eyes willed with trepidation>You could tell that she didn't want to take it>She really, really didn't want to>Nevertheless, she slowly reached out to take it>Atta girl
>>36587909>She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath>She flapped her massive wings, the force of which nearly knocked you off your feet>Seconds ticked by, and she reopened her eyes, looking at you>"What can you tell me about what I'll be doing, mister?"
>>36587915Flutters is such a good.
>>36586716>Discord as "one of the girls">Wants to summon a boyfriend that she can fuck over repeatedly [spoiler/] joke around with but all the boys in this dimension are pussies, and she can't summon beyond the environment>anon appears from the environment beyond the environment, cue courting >twilight encourages and studies the interaction as a way to emotionally control discord like fluttershy in non-RGRE universe
>>36587915Best girl. Top waifu. Biggest wings; best wing-hugs.
>>36588132Imagine getting a wing hug from Fluttershy. I'd probably cry.
>>36587915Can't wait to see more
>>36587170Those get thrown out all the time, tell me where to sign.
>>36587915Unexpectedly story is unexpectedly good.
>>36587915Fluttershy isn't my waifu, but she's a very good pony and I respect any man who loves her.Must be why she's my waifu's bff.
>>36587170Honestly this would seriously offend me and piss me off. As if I'm considering marrying this pony I would have already told them about myself and about Earth. I'm one of thse people who end up discussing a lot and marriage would have definitely come up at some time with a literal princess of love. Where I would have mentioned my relief about not having to worry about a pre-nup since ponies are loving and she'd know, as they're treated like men are in our universe I wouldn't fuck her over. For her to throw that back in my face like that, it'd make me think about what other things she felt I was supposedly lying to her about. Not to mention the cockslap of having her basically say "I love you, but I also think you're a bit digging thot" to my face in legalese.
>>36586041Fuck that kinda hurts not even going to lie.
>>36588512So you would act like an human hoe that can't understand why she would be want that, considering the legal stuff in equestria resembles earth's and stallion action as earth womenEven when you are loosing nothing you can't give a mare a simple affirmation, a little peace of mind to calm her reluctant (certanly created by exposure to thot stalions)
Archive of LaP story updated, blah blah will remove it when he takes it, blah blah he can just steal it from mine. It's inflating my paste view count so it'll be good when I can remove it.So as not to be a total broken record, what are some favorite old stories of people and what writer/writers do you hope come back/update a story? I'm going to be rereading Cow Tipping soon and as far as memory will allow I want Popped back. So many others I can't recall currently as well.Like tears in rain.
>>36585975>And you owe me big time for this Cuff.Hey, wait a minute! You can't owe someone when you cash in a favor! That'd defeat the whole purpose!Damn chiefs always throwing their weight around, grumble grumble.
>>36587170I'd be offended. I'd still sign it, probably, but it would definitely sow a seed of doubt in my mind that I've done something to lose her trust. By getting the prenup does she think the marriage won't last? Does she think I'm a gold digger? Does she think *she* is going to break it off eventually and I'm being played for some easy PR stunt? I have no qualms with a prenup, but just out of the blue handing you the papers for it is terrible. That's basically giving you an ultimatum which are devastating to healthy relationships and reeks of communication problems down the road. A talking it out beforehand and explaining why she feels a prenup is needed, before actually drafting it out, would be more comforting.
>>36587915Very well said.Butter abomination is best abomination.
>>36588546Dont worry, a short stint in jail and a sympathetic ear had their community service assigned to the rail service that stopped in their home-town.
>>36588749When I explicitly told her that men on Earth suffer through the same shit, yeah I would be angry and hurt. I'd be more then fine with offering and giving that assurance if we discussed it or hell just offered it out of the (relative) goodness of my heart. Like, "hey if you're worried about this I could sign one for your peace of mind." But the question implies she's just springing this on the guy asked basically saying she thinks I'm no better than some stallion thot so fuck that.Would write a bit of green to go with this, but never figured out how.
>>36588512>>36589222I guess that mare's name must be Neo Matrix, because she just dodged a bullet.
>>36589240As this is going nowhere we'll just agree to disagree. Now back onto the RGRE topic and working off the marriage angle, lots of fics say the stallion has the final say when a new mare joins the while some say there has to be a concensus between herd members. Which makes more sense? As it seems each have pros and cons to me. If I were a stallion I wouldn feel pretty entrapped if I got with two mares then was forced to allow their friend in as they could out ote me. But at the same time, if the stallion has final veto power, the mares are basically forced to suck up to him, no matter how compatible the potential herd sister is.
>>36587813>"Sometime soon, and stupid up for a second.">stupid up for a secondWew, this one is riddled with strange typos and misplaced words.
>>36589370The propeller got LaP years ago and it's just been an AI posting in his style all this time.
>>36588405Usually if someone says they signed it under duress, which they will claim was "He said he wouldn't marry me otherwise, which is a threat.">>36588936>Turns out the mare didn't even want to do it.>Her family were the ones who thought you were a bit digger only after her money, and her parents' were the ones who had their lawyer draft the preenup.>She was pressured into having you sign it and she's stuck between offending you or earning the disapproval of her family.
>>36588815I want Daring Douche to continue.
>>36589301>if the stallion has final veto powerI always assumed that it worked sort of like a right of final refusal. Meaning that if every mare liked the prospective new member, but the Stallion disliked her, then it's a no-go.
>>36588815I really liked the Amoeba's story about Anon, Wheel, and Scoots doing car stuff.I don't like car stories personally, but the worldbuilding around the subject was top notch.
>>36588815>what are some favorite old stories of people and what writer/writers do you hope come back/update a storySpess Anon pls
>>36589438Daring Do body pillows be in RGRE
>>36588815I liked that moonpony one where queen nightmare moon and king anonymous head down to equestria and twilight sparkle is sperging out about their bishounen moonpony son who is seducing her while she has to help them arrange a Great Hunt.
>>36589438>>36589536>A.k. yearling finds out there's a high demand for daring do merchandise >most surprisingly, daring do dakinamuras>a.k. yearling thinks there are more dykes reading her books that she thinks because no stallion would go for that>somewhere>be anon>damn who the thunk making body pillows of famous mares would be so profitable
>>36589601>damn who the thunk making body pillows of famous mares would be so profitableI wonder how big of a demand is for princess ones, and whether those princesses know/care hes using their visage to make cash.
>>36587170>>36589378>It's Princess Twilight, and it's Celestia and Luna that push her into it.>She doesn't think Anon would ever do that to her, but her elders assert that it's only a precaution.>Both had been betrayed by lovers in the past, and don't wish to see the same befall their young friend.>Still, Twilight looks at the papers and hesitates to show them to her fiance.>Is this really necessary?>Won't Anon be offended?>She barely worked up the courage to propose, and now she's supposed to hand him this?>She wants to trust her mentor, but she's torn.>In the end, she decides to write her sister in law first and see what she has to say.>Little do Celestia and Luna know, but a beatdown has just boarded the first train from the Crystal Empire to Canterlot.
>>36589378>>36587170>>36589702>anon stops stops cadence rampage short>tells that he was alreadi married previously >without the prenup>you can imagine where it ended up>>he's more than happy to sign it >because if its true love>does it even matter?
>>36585944We need more Eris / chaos Female x Human male stuff in general. > Old Lore only Human males Can make chaos females Fall in love. Only Human males Can breed the Fuzzy chaos noodel. Females of Eris species Can only get knocked up by and Fall in love with høs Human male. Ancient hidden lore. Que stuff happens
>>36589745>Cadence concedes on one condition.>The prenup consists simply of this.>If the pair betray their vows to eachother, she will personally break their legs.>Stallion or not, if Anon breaks Twily's heart, he can kiss those kneecaps goodbye, and vice versa for Twilight.
>>36587170>>36587170>Be. . . Anonymous.>This can't be happening.>Did you do something wrong? >Was it something you said? Something you DIDN'T say?>Was it because you were human?>"Anon, sweetie- I promise that this is just a precaution-""A precaution for what?">You watch as her eyes weakly look downward.>It felt like a rock landed in your gut when the realization hit. >You were both quiet for the next few seconds before your voice cracked at your next word."I'll sign it.">-and sign it, you did.>You asked to be left alone with your thoughts for the remaining day.>She eventually complied.>The moment she left you silently wept at the thought of having lost the trust of the one you love most in life.
>>36589829>crying and getting a meltdown over something that's just common sense & basic safetyThanks for being the perfect illustration of why stallions don't get to vote, Anon.
>>36589866This is why mares can't take us seriously.
>>36587170Without a second thought, I understand.There is nothing to be offended at, shes scared shitless and second-guessing everything.I want to make her happy, calm and sure of our future together.
>>36587170I would be disappointed ... in Equestria, for ever having the need for this kind of shit to exist in the first place.I would sign it but next time I see her, LovePrincess is getting cunt-punted for letting the situation goes that bad.
>>36589928>"What the buck Anon!" Cadence yelled as she rubbed her backside.>You missed her cunt marginally and kicked her flank instead, though you were already preparing for a second go."Why are prenups a thing?!">"What?""You're the Princess of fucking Love! How are prenuptial agreements a thing?!">"Wait, you're mad at me about THAT?""Of course I am! How have you let things get this bad?!">"Let-? Anon, how long do you think I've been the Princess of Love for?""Ah... What?">"I'm twenty-seven. I didn't ascend until I was fourteen, then did years of training before I even started getting real work trusted to me. Prenups have been a thing for a lot longer than I've even been alive.""Oh... Well, I mean, you should be working to-">"Reduce the need for them? What do you think I do with my free time? I offer free marriage counseling to anypony who asks, have my own mail-in advice column, and give lectures on tour at all levels of schooling around Equestria speaking of the importance of love and healthy relationships. As a matter of fact, divorce rates have dropped from thirty percent to twenty since I've become Princess of Love, and is still dropping. So, please, explain to me again why you just ran up to me and kicked my backside?""... My fiance asked me to sign a prenup.">"The rich and powerful one?""Yeah.">"And did you sign it?""Well, not yet-">"Do you plan on divorcing her?""Of course not-">"Then either sign it to assuage her fears built over a long life of always having ponies try to use her for their personal gain, or take a long look at yourself in the mirror and ask why you're putting your own feelings above hers. If you can't resolve this issue yourself, then I'm free Moonday in the afternoon for couples counseling, but until then, I need to get ready to take Shiny on a dinner date. I've been neglecting my own husband lately because I've been helping other couples out, and this night is supposed to be all about him.""... Sorry..."
>>36589949Goodness, I didn't even have a side in this "how to feel about prenups" thing and I still feel like a heel after reading this.
>>36589777Trips confirm we need Eris greens.
>>36589949Well, that was boring.
>>36589981Not even caramel would be as booty bothered as you are over this pre-nup thing, sorry that you cant easily take advantage of a cute mares heart.
>>36589974>Ass status: Blasted
>>36590074Might want to work on your reading comprehension, literally everyone in this thread is fine with the prenup (outside of this one faggot >>36589829).Doesn't change the fact that your green was fucking boring as hell. "Because I got the job yesterday", with a heavy dose of bottom-tier pathos so you could feel smug putting-in-their-place a thread that agree with you. Wow, that was worth writing.
>The dragons are excited>For the first time in forever, Equestria is getting a new prince>Prince stealing was the national sport of dragons>Whenever a new prince comes along, a dragon is chosen to steal it away from its country, then the prince's lover would come and fight them one on one>It is good sport, no one gets seriously hurt, and the mare gets to brag that they fought a dragon and lived>The dragons haven't played Equestria in a century since that Blueblood pony was a spoilsport by teleporting away and it was all but impossible to steal Shining Armor within the Crystal Empire's shield>Will Ember have what takes to steal prince Anonicorn ?
Good news: The stuff I needed to do before working on that Anon and futa!Tempest can be postponed until next week.Bad news: I spent 95% of my weekend working on it before I discovered that it could wait until next weekend. REEEEEEE. My next day off is Wednesday. I'll try to make progress on it then.Here's what I managed to get done:>Be Anon.>You wake to the beeping of an EKG machine.>Equus better not all have been a dream.>Seriously, that'd be some daytime soap opera levels of bullshit.>Pain hits you next.>Hello, old friend.>You open your eyes to see a fretful batpony nurse.>Good.>"Hey, you. You're finally awake.""But I wasn't trying to cross the border...">"Huh?""Never mind. An old line from a misspent time. Did we win?">"Princess Twilight saved Equestria and convinced Tempest Shadow to turn against the Storm King!">"Yay for her. I'm more concerned about Inky. How are she and Gloom?>You don't like the nervous look that the nurse gets. It's not a "I'm so sorry for your loss" look, it's a "I have bad news that I have no responsibility for but which will almost certainly enrage you" look.>You know that look better than you'd like like. You should. You've worn it often enough.>"Well? Out with it, mare.""YourwifewantsadivorceandcustodyofyoursonohFaustpleasedon'tkillme!"*whump*>Your head hits the pillow. You haven't felt this level of emotional pain in years. Not since Sue. Compared to this, being stabbed would be a pleasant change of pace.>You try to stifle your shriek of anguish, but it comes out as a whine.
>>36590260Yes. I meant to tag the post saying the green was boring.
Babby Gloom, somewhat aged up. ;-)Fortunately for everyone's sanity, Anon dicking Tempest is the point of this green, not Anon's custody battle.
>>36589573YeeeeessssThat one has lots of potential.
>>36590264Ember is fucking dead.She either dies because>a)Anon is not on it and retaliates with full retard force>b)Celestia is not on it and retaliates in his defense>c)Rarity comes to his rescue and turn Ember into a set of boots via simultaneously controlling 100 needles enchanted to pierce dragon scales
>>36590267>No Inky Rose>Divorce out of nowhereAt least you're starting out your dick-sucking story with being a total faggot so that nobody is confused about what they're getting.>My wife left me and took the kid>I need some horse dick, stat!Mostly I'm just mad because now all I want is a good Inky Rose RGRE story.
>>36590287>"That wasn't very entertaining">>"WOW BRO WOW BEW BEW B-B-BEWWWWW ASS BLASTED LOOK AT HOW MUCH OF A BIG WHINY BITCH THIS GUY IS"Don't be so salty that nobody likes your shitty green, nigger.
>>36587170As written, being surprised out of left field by the prenup AFTER the marriage proposal, I might be ticked off. I'd much prefer it if discussion of prenuptual agreement happened during discussion of what a marriage might look like. That the idea be warmed up to BEFORE the proposal.The key element is warning vs surprise, not the idea of a pre-nup in itself.
>>36590430A single post isn't expected to be a novel, dipshit. Saying "this 1-post green sure was boring," is something that you only do when your ass is (as has been pointed out) blasted because the post shows how much of a faggot someone would be for whining over the prenuptial agreement.
This mare secretly wants to snuggle, but don't tell anypony because then her friends will make fun of her.
>When the local monarch comes to the conclusion that you are her ancient human lover reborn into a new body and sent back to her>when she's actually absolutely right
>>36590469>no cutie markMODS!
>Anon finds out that ponies like boops>Like, REALLY like boops>They come to him for his boops>At all hours of the day and night>And beg for them>Anon begins to wonder what he's done
Of course I won't sign the prenup, that would ruin all my schemesWhy would anyone want an ugly mare like you hahahaha
Best waifu, pegasi are perfect.
>>36590507>just bringing a cloud into the house>not even thinking about how the moisture will just RUIN the hardwoodtypical mares, never thinking even once in their lives if it doesn't involve their clit
Look at this gay horse.
>>36590375>>36589573I like the prompt that was like that, but instead of being on the moon they were all in the dream realm like some sort of tantabus hybrid and Twilight summons her literal dream colt, along with his entire family.
>>36587777>>36589777This, digits confirm it.
>>36590264>and it was all but impossible to steal Shining Armorimagine how assblasted they'll be when they learn some random bandits in buttfuck nowhere managed to kidnap shining for a while
>>36587170I’d be a little insulted but understand the reason for caution.If the marriage is based on actual true love I don’t have anything to fear.
>>36590424>and turn Ember into a set of bootshm, i wonder if shed dragon scales are/were one of those really rare and valuable materials for armor or armored clothing?>"Fashionable enough to wear at the Grand Galloping Gala yet strong enough to thwart any would be assassins, and it's naturally insulated too! Is there anything dragonscale can't do?"
>>36589777The trips confirm it we need more Eris greens.
>>36590425Who said anything about Anon sucking or taking dick?
>>36590751it amazes me how so many anons forget or ignore that futas have a perfectly good womb to impregnate. they just take the term 'squirter' to a whole new level
I want to hug both of these.
>>36590751>>36590765Don't be naïve. If the dick weren't going to be a focus, it wouldn't be there in the first place.
>>36590789They seem more mashmallow than normal, winter coat hits some ponies stronger than others it seems.
>>36590812>A pony's size increases by about 15% during the winter due to the sheer amount of fluff they grow
>>36590424I never did like the autistic rarity powers.
Secretly a hopeless romantic
>>36590765Oh no. You've uncovered my fiendish plan. Whatever shall I do.Mind you, I think it only works with ponies and other imaginary sapients - a RL futa pussy under the balls would probably smell like a really bad fish kill, unless its owner was extremely scrupulous about personal hygiene.
>>36590425There's actually a legit RGRE reason for that, which will be explained later.
>>36590267Is there a ponepaste for this? I think I'm missing some parts.
>>36591002>Learned everything about romance from books.>Books dont lie, and they make explaining her feelings so much easier so of course she's going to use those techniques, its obviously what couples do.>"Hey is it hot out here or just you?"
>>36591234>Rainbow starts to rely on passages she's read in romance books (which she denies ever having, because romance books are gay and they're for colts) to woo Anon>Is desperately afraid Anon will realize that she's not as smooth as she says she is, and that she's only using lines from books
>>36591228Eh, the paste is in just as much of a shambles. I've just been posting snippets occasionally so you know that I'm still working on it.
>tfw no bf
>>36592604You were cuter before you were promoted, scab.
>>36592556>tfw you try to summon an Inccubus and bound it to your will but end up foalnapping some sort of giant ape >tfw it appears to be sapient and now you need to make it look like an accident>tfw when it's a male, you might even use the possible cultural and phisiological differences to justify doing lewd stuff, for science, before Celestia takes him>so misson failed successfully ?
>>36592604>It's a "Twilight was ugly as a unicorn and hooked up with Anon (because pony beauty standards =/= human beauty standards and Anon doesn't think she's ugly), but now she's an alicorn and is considered beautiful" prompt but in reverse>Twilight was an attractive unicorn, but she never got any dick because she was too busy being a socially oblivious student 18 hours a day>Now that she's ascended to alicorn status, she doesn't look attractive>Her proportions are all off and her appearance has dipped down into uncanny valley >Anon is oblivious to how her new looks are apparently hideous (character perversion aside, I mean) and has no trouble dating her>something something some ponies see this as romantic, what with love transcending physical beauty>something something luna and celestia are single because alicorn anatomy looks kinda freaky to normal ponies>something something rgre
>>36593009Like this? https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34743110/#34743110
>be anon>write shit prompt>doesn't go anywhere because it's shit>post it in thread known for making green>it's still shit>advertise your own shit because nobody wants to touch your shit>because it's shitSasuga, Anon-sama.
>>36593052I dunno, I was just inverting the old "x-pony is ugly because reasons" prompt after >>36592757 said she looked better as a unicorn.
>Be Anon>You have just discovered that garlic bread doesn't exist in Equestria>Immediately set out to resolve to issue
>>36593324The fuck is this? And why are they so ugly?
>>36587170I'd be offended if she DIDN'T present a prenup and instead began redistributing her assets into the rest of the herd, or worse, an asset holding company. I don't trust a mare who just hoofs her bits off for the jewnicorns to drool and oogle at.
>>36593389You'll find out in 3 days.
>>36593416...Why do I have a really bad feeling about this all of a sudden?Shit.
>>36593528Who's the dad?
>>36593614Either (You) or Shining, depending on storyline.
>>36593721>>36593528long live the kingnot really rgre but I fucking never get a chance to post this pic anymore
>>36591086If Human Futas were real they'd hate misionary because they'd be getting their nuts mashed in every thrust.Also, they'd have to use menstrual cups because random boners would shift their sanitary padsHorse futas would be the primary cause of teen pregnancy, and leading cause of birth defects due to self fecundation. A horny mare on her first estrus with a ready supply of cum to Turkey baster into themselves just a few beslly salps away makes it inevitable.
>>36593389Calarts inclusivity horses are compulsory, non-compliance is double plus ungood thoughtcrime
>>36594070>Futas>having nuts Any weeb can tell that futas don't have balls
> Anon keeps hearing about what happened at various sleepovers> He always says he has plans when invited to a sleepover, partially because it sounds kinda fruity, and partially because he can't sleep if it's too noisy> While he is at the Carrousel Beautique, paying for his new swimsuit, he mentions to Rarity that he doesn't get why ponies are always having sleepovers> She has a bad feeling, and asks when the last time he went on a sleepover> He scratched his cheek"I think I was fourteen at the time, so fifteen years ago? Yeah, that sounds right."> Rarity faints, then immediately revives> She insists that he go to a sleepover this night, it's not healthy for someone to go so long without bonding like that> He frowns at her"Fine. I'll go with you to a sleepover, and see what I've been missing."> Rarity hurriedly agrees, glad that he's finally being sensible> It isn't until he leaves that she realizes what she agreed to> Rarity begins to sweat at the thought of a stallion at her sleepover> Luckily the other mares are also pretty coltish, so he shouldn't feel too out of place, but still> She has a lot of preparation to do for the night
>>36594234>then immediately revivesDid she have the ray gun?
>>36594234Now this sounds like a cute and amusing prompt that I would love to see expanded.Damn Lewd Sleepovers thread never has any non-lewd sleepover stories.
>>36594234>>36594244>>36594249>Spend all night playing Beck of Service Wendigoes with a bunch of mares all night
>>36594139What's the ones who have both a full male set with nuts and also a full female set with ovaries called then?
>>36594249Challenge mode: don't make it lewd at all. Have Anon just learn to connect with another person, as ponies do.
>>36594339Full Package Futa, Hermaphrodites, take your pick; its usually one of those two.
>>36594346>>36594249>>36594234>Twilight had her FIRST sleepover while in ponyville.>She only had Spike sleeping in the same room as her.
>>36593009Alicorns shouldn't be hideous, or even uncanny valley.But the idea that they aren't 'conventionally attractive' is a neat one.Ugly isn't the right word, but it's a very rare 'normal' pony who would see them as a physically attractive mate.Beautiful in an ethereal sort of way. Like an elf whose face is very gaunt and angular with a chin that could sink the Titanic (looking at you TES Elves).Maybe even thought of as a little androgynous to a pony's eyes (mares tend to have rounded faces, and stallions more angular, full grown Alicorns seem to be in the middle.)And poor Luna has no ass to speak of. A problem that Celestia has tried to solve via Cake, and that Twiggles and Candyass are too young to worry about quite yet.
>>36594358>Futas have balls>>36594139>Futas don't have ballsNext you'll tell me futas have balls but no dick, this is the " femenine looking futas without dick or balls" thread In /d/ all over again
>>36594437Man, if you're getting anal retentive about what terminology refers to which specific arrangement of nonexistent, primary sexual characteristic combos in your cartoon porn, you may need to rethink your life.
>>36594109that's literally not Calarts though. If they were they would overly simple and round, overly shiny, and have bean mouths
>>36594493I see you don't browse /d/Go to that hellhole and you will understand
>>36594529I think I remember making in a thread on one of the NSFW boards, and I specifically said "no futas" in the OP. Someone posted a futa in there, and when they were called on it, they insisted that this female bodytype with a penis on it was not a futa because it did or didn't have balls on it.I think that something's wrong with all the futa in porn. Not that it exists at all. There's plenty of weirder stuff. But that it's so overwhelmingly ubiquitous that it keeps popping up in every other search I make on tagged image sites like gelbooru. I don't hold anything against the more niche fetishes like the diaperfags, because that stuff never shows up in my searches accidentally. It's pretty well organized so that I don't have to see it.I also have a bit of a pet theory that the overwhelming commonality of futa porn has something to do with all the people suddenly "discovering" that they're trans. There's more to it than just the porn aspect, but I do believe that what's commonly available on the smut landscape plays a role.
>>36594393You wot, Luna has a large healthy butt.
>"Dear Anon,Please let me touch your butt. It's so firm and round. Whenever I look at it I want to lick you all over like an ice cream cone. If not your butt, can you at least crush my head between my thighs.Thanks and yours truly, PinkieP.S. I'll give you a cupcake for free if you wear stripped socks into the bakery next time you come in.
>>36594636>Dear PinkieYour terms are acceptable
Yellow shy horse wife
>>36594721>dating a convicted sex offender that's is out of the regostration due to a favor of the princesses
>>36594636You had me at "dear".
>>36594413Youre pretty good
>>36594636>Changeling knows they've scored the jackpot when you come in with the striped socks.>one thing led to another and you end up in the bedroom.>problem is being half starved and suddenly served a buffet means you wear her out before you're done.>uses a quick bit of mind magic to swap places with another, disguising any odd discrepency you might notice by making you sneeze.>have to get a third 'pinkie' tagged in.>and then a fourth who showed up already disguised, good job being on the ball sister.>three changelings disguised as ponka rest underneath the bed, basking in the afterglow the pair above are radiating.>They hear soft snores as a pink head drops down into view and quietly whispers to them.>"Stop being silly bedbugs and get up here and snuggle, he's too big for me to cuddle on my own."
>>36595011What a good quartette of changelings. I bet this will be confusing (and possibly frustrating) for Pinkie when/if she finds out.
Tribal mares when?
>>36595128What a rude way to refer to zebras. Not all of Zebrica is like that, Anon, they've got plenty of big cities. There might be a few tribes of zebras who still hunt and gather, but that's their choice.
>>36590930Why? It isn't insanely powerful, it's just what an autist would be able to do if they could individually control many things with their mind. Being insanely precise is only as powerful as the strength of the weapon you're precise with, it's a good powerset with a high skill ceiling but can't be broken as neutralizing the weapon is an instant loss.Unless you meant the turn into a set of boots part, that was embarrassing to read.
>>36595479what’s wrong with boots? There’s only so many scales small enough to be flexible. You can make boots or maybe a scarf or underwear, but the last two would chafe horribly.
>>36585944Can never have enough noodle.
>>36595479>autism is a magical powerHollywood go and stay go.
>>36595502No, the magic is the superpower. Being retardedly precise is just what autists and aspies do.
>>36595479Rarity doesn't need some kind of edgy combat superpower at all.She makes dresses and locates gemstones. She's funny, adorable, and a good singer. That's more than enough for one pony. She doesn't need to be anything else.
>>36595493More of a problem with the 'turning into' bit.Suggests either tf or brutally murdering a dragon, both of which is way above Rarara's paygrade.I don't know. I think I'm just one of those fags that don't like to see pones hurt or be hurt.
>>36595532No, she makes friends with the dragon and uses some of the dragon's shed scales to make boots.
>>36595529This is RGRE, a mare must be able to defend herself and her stallion.
>>36595529But muh powers.
>>36595551Nah. That might be the ideal, but look around at society now. There are plenty of dudes that can't defend themselves, let alone someone else. Add to that the spin that Rarity is often coltier than most mares and the shonen rarity schtick makes less and less sense.
https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34743110/#34743110I had this page open on my browser and can't for the life of me remember whyIt's a single response thread from 2019 with Twilight acting like a total colt
>>36595564You're gonna shill that shit prompt twice in one thread? Really?
>>36595570Ohh, that's what it wasFuck i was scared for a momentNah, not that anon just am idiot with poor memory
>>36594437Futas have external ovaries that look like balls
>>36595277>they've got plenty of big cities.Plenty of big cities they took from the pony settlers. Any zebra population that kicked the ponies out always ends up falling into ruin just a few years later. If it weren't for billions of bits in Equestrian aid being sent to Zebrica on the taxpayer dime, they'd be starving en masse.Zebras just can't handle any kind of societal organization on a scale larger than a tribe.
>>36595562>look around at society nowEquestrian society is under the organization of the Celestial Sisters and the other Alicorns. It isn't suffering under generations of Griffin-propagated cultural subversion and a slow titrating of various kinds of poisons in the water supply, food supply, and the mass media and education system.
Good evening.Just an update, I am alive and work slowly progresses. That is allGoodnight
>>36595795Good work! Keep that up and don't die.
>>36595287>She will never knock you on the back of the head and drag you back to her unga bunga cave
>Turns out Anon wasn't the first human in Equestria >About 80 years ago, some nice man with a silly Germane accent appeared in the middle of Canterlot castle>after all the initial and shock and awe and such, he became a beloved painter and children's author >Though this man went by the pseudonym 'Uncle Addy,' the big giant swastikas he put on everything made his identity pretty clear>Anon still isn’t sure whether or not he should even tell these silly little horses - apparently, they all see Uncle Addy as a sort of national father figure, despite the fact he's been dead for 40 years>it doesn't help that Celestia can't stop talking about his penis
>>36596561Uncle Addy just wanted to keep good people safe from usery, destructive social+moral subversion, and pavement-kin level degeneracy like lopping off dicks and calling the dickless male a female.It's nice to know he got to see his dream come true it in tiny colorful poner land.
>>36595497That's a fact, I mean look at this tuft, and look at that ass.
I dunno if anybody has told you guys yet, but you can now link to line numbers in ponepaste now
>>36589777There was actually an Eris blowjob ponepaste that was almost entirely AI generated iirc, it was on the Monthly Popular for a little bit, then fell off the list. Couldn't find it again, maybe someone else has the link saved?
>>36594636>can you at least crush my head between my thighs.>my head between my thighs>my head>my thighsnow I'm just picturing Ponka going "Hey Anon watch this!"
>>36589949Thinking of Cadence doing lectures about healthy relationships makes me think of Anon joining her to tell horror stories of why such things are important.>Anon was an idiot in the world of love before coming to Equestria, and made a lot of mistakes in his many failed relationships.>Mistakes he learned from and wants to share with others so they don't have to learn the hard way like him.>Now when Cadence is done with her lecture, she introduces him to give real world examples of what a bad relationship can cause.>Anon describes the rushed proposals, the failed marriage, the rocky breakups all in gritty detail, leaving ponies horrified and resolute to listen to him and the princess so they don't end up a heart broken husk like the human before them.
>>36596844>so they don't end up a heart broken husk like the human before them.there's still hope for me, right Cadence?
>>36596873>She gives a strained smile.>"Of course, Anon. I'll find the right mare for you soon. I'm sure of it.">You paste on a small smile yourself, hands in your pockets and posture defeated."Yeah, I'm sure you will.">The two of you head towards the train station and back to the Crystal Empire.>You might not have the love of a mare, but you do have two best friends and an honorary niece waiting for you.>And O&O with the fellas.>They've all been gushing about how unique the campaign you've been running is.>Like a dark fantasy where every session they struggle not only with the dice, but their own morality and a harsh world fighting their every step of progress.>Tough, but challenging.>Shining even thinks you could write a book in the style and that it'd be a bestseller, but you're sure he's just being nice.>What kind of pony would be into the bleak, depressing worlds that reside inside your head?>The same gothic type who would love to date you and revel in the darkness by your side.
>>36596954>and an honorary niece waiting for you.>ywn be Flurry's cool alien uncle that she goes to after "running away" from home>ywn promise a young, naive Flurry that, one day, you'll show her your old home>ywn tell her the most mundane stories from your life, only for her to be enraptured by every word about your old planet>ywn find peace in a lonely life spent ensuring the closest thing to a daughter you'll ever have avoids the pot holes of life that fucked you over
>>36595107Ponka joined in at the end.
>>36596561>Upon arrival, Uncle Addy quickly proved that the ponies who speak Ponish and related languages are the natural masters of the world, and the other ponies are at best servants and at worst vermin to be purified>Crucially, he theorized the slavic-equivalent speaking ponies must be genocided as they are the Unterpferden, a cancer on the face of fair Equestria>That is why there are no slavic-speaking ponies left in Anon's time>As well, the reason Ponyville shat on Trixie and knew she was culpable for the actions of Snips and Snails, was because they knew that as a gypsy Trixie inherently lacks morals and should be hunted and killed like the degenerate she is (for which, unfortunately, the limp-wristed community of Ponyville lacked conviction)>Thanks to Uncle Addy, the Equestria Anon arrives in is pure and beautiful>He shudders to think at the chaos and degeneracy which must have ruled 80 years ago
>>36597047>slavic-equivalent speaking ponies must be genocidedBut that's not true. Slavs were viewed as Aryans, if my memory serves me right.
Are there any stories that follow this structure?Anonpone tries to tell the mane 6 he's actually an alien from EarthTwilight assumes Anonpone was abused by a mare and created a fantasy world to deal with itPlot twist: Twilight was actually right
>The road had been long and arduous, filled with too many trials and tribulations.>But finally you had made it.>The small village hung tightly to the edge of the cliff almost teetering on the brink.>You sit your backpack down and take perch on a small rock taking in the lush green forests that surround you.>Wind sways the trees and breezes across your sweat covered face.>You had been in these lands for a few years now, never truly being able to settle down.>Sure these Equines had been kind, some would even say un-rightly so.>They had all begged you not to go off traveling Equestria.>"A good colt like you should be finding a mare to settle down with Anon." they'd say.>But it was something you couldn't quite explain, an inability to find peace.>The fact that your sins would follow you, and if you slowed down that they would eventually catch up to you.>Perhaps this is as it was meant to be, that you had been cast out of God's kingdom for your many crimes, left to wander, never knowing true peace.>You reach down into your bag and pull out a small flask, taking a large swig you can feel the cool water wetting your dry tongue.>Looking off into the sky you can see that the sun was beginning to fall and you brought your bag onto your back once more and set off.
>>36597170There is deeper meaning to this I have somehow overlooked
>>36597170>By the time you broached the tips of the mountain the moon had already taken its perch in the sky.>There weren't many houses and those that were seemed to have their lights shut off for the night.>But one, the one closest to the edge still beamed brightly and you could see the feint shadow of a small pony in the window.>You walk over to the home and knock on the small wooden door.>A crash comes from upstairs and soon after you see the door creak open slightly.>"Who's there. I wasn't expecting any guest-" the small mare says through the crack before pausing.>The mare lets loose a small eep and quickly shuts the door.>You hear another crash and the mare calls out to you.>"Don't come any closer beast! I'll blast you away if you try to get in!" she says her voice quaking."I apologise for bothering you miss. Especially so late at night, but do you happen to know where I may spend the night, I'm a traveller you see...">The door creaks open again slightly.>"I can't say I've seen a colt like you before." she says one of her eyes appearing through the small gap."I'm from out of town ma'am, I apologise for giving you a fright there, but as I said before I'm looking for a place to spend the night.">She lets out a ponderous hum and the air is thick with a heavy silence for moments after.>"How many bits do you have? And do you mind sleeping in the same room as a mare?" she asks in quick succession."Enough to pay for board, and as for my room mates I have no care.">She seems to accept this and opens the door fully revealing a slightly aged mare.>"I'll show you the room, then the bits." she says walking off into the next room and out of sight.>After a few moments you find yourself in a small but comfortable room with two beds already set up.>Once you have checked out the room the old mare looks at you expectantly and you pull out a small bag of bits."I assume this should cover the costs?" you say handing it to the elderly mare.
>>36597177>She takes a moment to count how many bits are in the bag, nods her head and returns upstairs.>You place your bag at the end of your bed and lie down noticing the presence of another in the room.>"She treat you the same she did me?" the voice says with a hint of humour."As well as you could expect to be treated as a stranger." you reply, the voice only giving a husky laugh in response.>The small mare in the other cot had a Golden mane and brownish red coat.>"Name's Dusty Trails. Nice to meet you stranger, can't say I've seen anything like you before, what are you, if you don't mind me askin'." she says with a tone of curiosity lining her voice."My name is Anonymous, its nice to meet you too miss Trails. As for the question of what I am, I'm a human, and I believe I'm the only one of my kind in these beautiful lands.">"Can't say I expected quite a polite stallion out on these roads. You sure you ain't one of 'em changeling things in disguise?" she says with a small chuckle."No miss, just a wandering soul looking to find peace.">She doesn't respond to that and the silence in between you two is thick.>"I see, we all 'ave our own demons. Goodnight then 'mister Anon'." she says as she rolls over in her cot>You shut your eyes and you find that sleep comes quickly.
>>36597181>The thin rays of light which pierce the small sheet covering break into the room causing you to open your eyes slowly.>You sit up in your bed and look around the room.>"Mornin' Mister Anon." you hear Dusty say as she stretches and slips out of her cot.>She meanders towards the door and disappears beyond the precipice leaving you alone in the room.>You reach into the small bag of yours and pull out a small scrap of paper.>The only thing aside from your clothes that you ended up taking into this world.>A small note, written to those who might care for it, explaining why you did what you did.>You see Dusty's golden mane peaking from out of the corner of the door frame and you quickly stash away your note.>"The old mare's cookin' us some grub, if you ain't quick I don't have qualms with eatin' a stallions food." She says in a semi-joking tone.>You put your bag onto your back once more and follow the smell of fresh food.>The old mare and Dusty both sit at a rickety looking table with small bowls of cooked vegetables and oats and you can see a bowl placed out for you.>Taking your seat the old mare looks up from her food for a moment and nods as though to acknowledge your presence at the table.>"Morning sonny." she says then goes back to eating her food."Good morning ma'am, and thank you for the food." you say as you sit down to eat.>You all eat in silence and you begin to think about the trails ahead, you were going to need to stock up on supplies soon."Ma'am, do you happen to know where I could stock up on food supplies and the like?">She seems to think for a moment and softly shakes her head.>"Not around here sonny, no-pony has much food to spare. Hay I wouldn't have even cooked you up a meal like this if she hadn't gotten the food for it." the old mare says whilst nodding her head in the direction of Dusty.>"Ah what can ah say, I thought a stallion like you deserved a good meal." Dusty says with a small smirk.
>>36597184>The generosity of these ponies was astounding, especially when it came to strangers that they had just met less then a day ago. It almost makes you suspicious."I see, thank you Miss Trails for this meal, and miss...?" you say turning your attention back to the old mare.>"It's Star Gazer sonny." she says between bites of her meal."Thank you miss Trails and miss Star Gazer for this beautiful meal." Star Gazer only nods in response but Dusty gives you a warm hearted smile in reply.>You push forward your empty bowl and stand up from your chair."I must be off then, thank you for your hospitality miss Star Gazer." You say walking towards the entrance.>When you breach the outside you have to cover your eyes as the sun shines into your eyes.>You hear the sound of hooves clopping on wood behind you and you turn to see Dusty Trails behind you.>"You care to have a travelling companion 'Mister Anon'?" she says with a hopeful smile.>You frown slightly and the mares smile dampens a bit.>"I won't get in your way, its just better that you have a mare with you on these trails 'Mister Anon'.""Fine, as long as you can keep up." you say begrudgingly>Its too damn hard to deny this cute little Equines.>Her smile bounces back and she quickly rushes to your side.>"You won't regret it 'Mister Anon'.">As the two of you are walking down the trail you see ponies out and about making their business.>They see you with Dusty and give you a cautious wave and you give them a small nod in response."So why do you want to travel with me Miss Trails. I'm not the best travel companion not to mention we're strangers." you inquire.>She pauses for a moment and puts her hoof to her chin.>"It seemed like you needed a friend.""Hmmm... I suppose you ponies are like that.">Soon enough the two of you found your way out of town and the buildings are replaced with large trees and the chirping of birds.>"So, do you have a destination in mind?"
>>36597186>"If you see any white berries out here let me know, they're the only non-poisonous berries 'round these forests.""You've walked these paths before then?">"More or less, I've been travelling ever since I was a little filly y'see." she says looking into the deep forests.>You nod and the two of you continue onwards until you hear a the sounds of a rushing stream.>It's a good enough time as any to get some rest, the two of you have been walking for hours."Lets go fill our bottles and wash ourselves off. I'm starting to run low on water." you say while drinking the last drops from your flask.>"Hadn't realised my marely wiles were so strong." she says with a joking tone and a large grin causing you to laugh with her."Don't think I'll be that easy missy.">The two of you head towards the sound of the rushing stream and as it gets closer you catch a glimpse of it through the trees.>Once you reach the river you go to take off your clothes almost forgetting about your newfound companion.>She seems to be watching you quite intently and you just shake your head.>"What? Can't a filly get some eye candy from a good looking stallion?" she says with a small chuckle"There isn't much to be seen miss, this old body has seen its fair share of rust." you say taking off your shirt and walking into the knee-deep stream.>Soon enough Dusty tosses her saddle bags to the side and follows you into the stream.>"If you need some pony to wash your back Anon, well I'm right here." she says before dipping her head into the water soaking her mane and coat."I'll manage for the moment miss.">"Ah well it was worth a shot 'eh?">The two of you wash yourselves in relative silence, aside from a few remarks from miss Trails."Are there any towns nearby miss Trails? Aside from the one we just visited of course." you ask idly
>>36597190>"Not that I know of, these parts of Equestria are rougher, part of the reason why I wanted to come along with you y'see. Too many bandits and monsters out here for a good stallion to be walkin' into without protection.""I see. Thank you miss Trails.">"Just call me Trails, no need to add the 'miss' anymore. We're friends now, no need to be so formal around me.">You nod and continue to enjoy the cool water flowing against your skin.https://ponepaste.org/4115I have my fears of this green being >not rgre enough
>>36597194Seems plenty RGRE to me, they reacted appropriately to an odd looking male traveller.Is this modern day equestria or a time period before?
>>36597204It's set in modern day Equestria, its just that anon passed by a backwater village in a much rougher part of 'questria
>>36597213Nice, Dusty trails seems like a qt, bit thirsty but still cute.
>>36597194This is so promising! Finally, an adventure green!
>>36595685Thus are the glories of a literal " reign of a thousand years"
>>36597131That would actually be an interesting subversion of expectations. The overused prepackaged Anonpone conflict turns out to be true.
>>36597194>an rgre adventure greenVery, very nice.
>>36597771>He finds out about Glimmers commune and moves in.>Makes his problems worse since it's exactly what he wanted from his fantasy world but he was still miserable.>His very visible conflict when everyone gets their cutie marks back is what clues the other ponies into the fact his problems run a bit deeper than they thought.>Twilight is worried he might be suffering some lingering effects and invites him to ponyville so they can try and help, a ? isnt too far away from an = after all, and it might mean his special talant is 'lost'.>Anonymous goes along with it since she might be able to make him human again once he gains her trust.His special talent is being a good actor.Almost good enough to fool himself.Almost.
>>36596633Seconded, I want this
>>36597912>"I can't believe Berry's clit is that big. Drunk or not her ex was an idiot to leave her."
>>36596633Any idea what thread it was in?
Haven't found the story so far but I did find a prompt about Eris being a Femcel.The few dudes who are open to trying a roll in the hay with Eris always end up fleeing the scene because she has a weird eldritch chaos vagina.She hasn't actually been sexed for decades. She will not admit this.
>>36597824I like it, its interesting. It would be difficult to write though. It'd be hard to keep it from coming off as an extremely generic fic without immediately blowing the twist.
>>36597948>filenamei want to give aryanne strong daughters
>>36597983I vaguely remember one greentext featuring RGRE aryanne documenting her pregnancies and home life with Anon. It was comfy.
>>36597983>>36598006>when your blood isn't pureHey Ari que paso
>>36597983Don't we all, Anon, don't we all ...
>>36597824>Almost good enough to fool himself.Make it Malkavian/Ravnos style, and I'm in.
>>36598040dear god she's adorable
>>36598040>>36597948>Equestrian properganda.>"Come home and be a family man.">"Just foal me up senpai.">"A warm hearth is a happy heart."
>>36597983I want to give Aryanne 12lb of lead buckshot to the face
>>36598138>I still find my unfading love for my mate as powerful as day one
Well I couldn't find that Blowjob story but I found AponymousAuthors Eris story from before he deleted everything, spans like 5 threadshttps://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/32326217/#32336360
>>36598163I'm certain there's some skilled write faggot out there who will make more Eris fics. They better at least.
>Smug mama Dash>Family gets blasted into NGRE and are trying to find a way home>NGR Rainbow Dash finds herself weirdly jealous of her RGR counterpart
>>36598255>"Wait my teats get HOW big after one foal?!"
>>36598244Digging through all this there's a lot more than I thought but most of them are just one offs or one extremely long story in Dadonequus.
>>36598151Anon, if there is that much heavy metal in your semen you really need to stop eating the paint.
>>36598255We did that. It was fun.
>>36598255>The universe broke yesterday.>Twilight said something about alternate realities and the infinite complexities of chance and change, but you weren't really paying attention.>You were focusing on other-you.>Apparently, this one comes from a universe where the stallions are fruity and where you married an ape.>Somehow, this made you happy.>And bigger?>You scoff, looking your alternate-self up and down>Big teats, bigger rump...>...bigger wing muscles...>Seriously, you can see them from all the way over here.>What, did she fly around carrying bricks?>You aren't sure if the universe has it out for you, or if this is just one more infinitely complex coincidence (the same type that brought other-you here), but just as you finished this thought, the ape walked into the room carrying a foal.>...Scratch that; two foals.>Something gallops between the ape's legs with the awkward gait every foal has when they learn how to run.>>"Mama!">...THREE foals?!>The other Rainbow Dash spreads her wings wide and gives a mighty flap.>Quick as a flash - your pride won't let you admit that it was quicker than YOU - the other Rainbow Dash zips across the room to where her "husband" and foals are."...holy oats.">That's it?>That's the reason why your flight muscles are so big?>You're trying to tell you that by other-you got stronger and faster (WAY faster) because she settled down and got married?"No way.">Other-you's ear twitches, and she smirks as she turns around.>She looks smug; painfully smug.>"Believe it, hot shot. Mama got these-">She raises her wings and flexes those muscles.>"-by learning how to fly while carrying all this extra weight.">You're jealous.>You aren't going to lie to yourself; it seems pointless when an alternate version of you is inspiring these feelings.>You're really jealous of those results.>And, as you do, you lash out."Yeah, and all I had to do was marry a monkey.">The last thing you see is other-you's eyes narrow angrily.
>>36598323I like the version where RGRE-Dash seduces her counterpart.
>>36598386>Dash was of the opinion that Anon deserved the best, and she couldn't think of any mare (other than herself) who even came close to that>So, herding was out of the question>Then something happened that the (alternate) egghead described as universal coincidence (or something, she wasn't paying attention), where she and her husbando got spat into another world>Another world with another version of her>Now there are TWO mares who are the best.>The gears begin to turn in Rainbow Dash's head>Maybe herding isn't out of the question after all
>>36598323RGRE dash comes from a Mono RGRE"normal" dash is from a herding NGRE
>>36598415>NGRE Rainbow Dash thinks RGRE Rainbow is being selfish for not herding>RGRE Rainbow Dash thinks NGRE Rainbow is a cuck for wanting to share her future husband with a group of other mares>"What, do you hide in the closet and watch them have sex with him?"
>>36598266But the lead acetate tastes so good
>>36598491>Kirin start drinking leaded gasoline as their favorite beverage
Today is a nice day out and I have idea for a lil green or at least the gem of it.Prompt thing I suppose, What would you guys do with your herd on a nice balmy sixty degree day with the sun shining and a cloud not to be seen? There a faint breeze and spring feels like its come again.>Take the herd out and enjoy the day, maybe bring out some food to cook outside while tossing about the old hoofbal with everyone else.
>>36598974Hike, picnic, fishing.
>>36598974Well I'm a proud cadenzan catholic, excuse you, so my WIFE(1) and I would just enjoy the company of one another in nature, thank you very much.
>>36597194This is great, and more RGRE than a lot of what gets posted in this thread. Looking forward to the next part.
>>36598974>tfw that neat little green with the herd of one of each pony variant stopped being written.The crystal poner not doing well with warm weather was a neat idea.
>>36598323>OGR Rainbow Dash remains stubbornly upset at her RGR counterpart>Feelings of resentment start to slip away when one of RGRainbow's younger foals momentarily mistake OGRainbow for their mother>Rainbow feels feelings she isn't sure what to do with
>>36598999I like to imagine that Cadence only accidentally made the "Cadenzan" religion and she didn't mean to rival Celestia's "Religion". Might even be funnier if Celestia admits even hers started as an accident but everyone rolled with it too long to just take it away.
>>36599713>Ponies bulk up with fur in the winter>It's selectively shed in the spring when estrus hits>Only the softest smoothest fur remains as a way to attract mates>Anon unintentionally teases Rarity by petting her and complimenting her soft fur, not knowing he's blue-beaning her>"...that's fine, darling. I love a colt who plays hard to get."
i've been gone like a yearwhen did https://ponepaste.org/ happen?
>>36599841December. Just slightly after Pastebin shat itself hard. Some anons were prepping for it when we all saw those warning messages when accessing pastes back in Sept/Oct. Have had some anons compile a gigantic mega of greens they could from autumn just in case pastebin did what it did.https://mega.nz/folder/4gwEmCrJ#g0rinvi8aPkPzNvmuI3dkw
>>36599829But what if Anon, dispise not being a horse fucker, tease and blue-bean his mare friends on purpose ?
>>36598974> Sixty degree> Past halfway to boiling point of waterAssuming it's a herd of Kirin it must be nice and cosy, so probably hot cocoa and roasted chestnuts.
>>36599893>automatically assuming it's one of your special-needs european temperature measurementsSorry, but over here in the USA we have enough brainpower to understand actual temperature measurements without having to have things simplified as much as possible for us.
>>3659997360's kind of cool for "balmy" though, low 80's would be better in °F. Certainly better than his assumed temp of 140°F.
>>36599973If I use bottles of my own piss to measure height when the rest of the world uses meters, that doesn't mean I'm the genius between them and me.
>>36599893I want a kirin waifu just so I can see how she'd adapt to winter life. Like it's early October, and she's already covered in 3 layers to keep warm.
>>36600050>Winter breeze comes in>Dry snow creates dunes everywhere, whipping across the cobblestone roads>Ponies are finishing up gathering their firewood>Kirin waifu is sitting 2 feet away from the fireplace, silently crying and asking herself why she ever thought moving here was a good idea>"C'mon, keep it together. Anon's real good with his tongue, that's gotta be worth it."
>>36600042>using a french measurement systemIt's like you want to be smelly and gay.
>>36600042Most of the world consists of retards and Communists.Ergo, if you want to be a retarded Communist, feel free to use the metric system like everyone else.>The Metric System: So good, the government had to force people to use it against their will.
>>36600042Sure, but if someone says he's 6 tall, you know he means pissbottles, not meters or decimeters, if you're honest with yourself instead of intentionally obtuse.
>>36599987It's a subjective description, so it really depends on the speaker. Someone from an extreme northern latitude will find 60 balmy.
>>36600113How many pissbottles tall is a pony?Show your work, and express it as a function of pixels vs. candycane.
>>36600146Are we using the standard mason jars, or are we reusing bottles that used to contain other liquids? Because a liquor bottle for example can come in many shapes and sizes.
>>36599973>actual temperature measurementsThe fuck is that suppossed to mean, amerimutt snowflake? What is a zero in burger ? The temperature too cold to go out in the cold and loose all your life savings because you scraped a knee in the ice? The temperature aluminium lower recievers crack ? The temperature niggers in the curb are actually dressed for with those gigantic overcoats and boots?
>>36600160Piss bottles are the standard 2 littler dispossable pet cola bottles. The standard mason jars are cum jars, a unir of volume, not height.
>>36600176Makes sense to me. Then surely we should categorize the height in liters. "I need this wall 18 liters tall".
>>36600146If a person is 6 pissbottles tall, this tells me that 14 inches>pissbottle>8 inches, so given that ponies are 38-50 inches tall, they are 2.6-6.2 pissbottles tall.So if someone said that a pony was 1 tall, I could say that they meant meters instead of pissbottles and if they said 12 tall, I could say that they are using decimeters.
>>36600163Clearly it's the temperature that makes New York shut down for a week.
>>36600195And here I thought I'd never need to use math again once I graduated high school.
>>36600181A 2 liter PET soda bottle is 300 to 330 mm tall.
>>36600206>if anon is 20 times the size of his miniature, which is trapped inside a squash soup jar, how many jars tall is anon?
>>36600130Room temperature is usually around 70...>>36600064Just gotta do pic.
>>36600241D'aww, perfect waifu
>>36600241>room temperature is usually around 70...>t. never paid for electricity or heatingI bet you turn all the lights on in your house all the time, too.
>>36600224>Two Anons leave a train station at the same time. One in Canterlot, and one in Ponyville.>One Anon is 3 piss bottles high at the hip, and the other is 2.5 bottles at the hip. Use this to calculate stride.>One is moving at 18 cum jars per hour, and the other is moving 15.>Where will they cross paths?
>>36600241What a qt.Need to push her around in one of those BBQ grills with wheels.
>>36600263>He doesn't have LED light bulbsSo do you still have one of those old TVs where the picture would get messed up if you held a magnet to the screen, and how there was a button dedicated to degaussing the unit?
>>36596633>>36597929Alright I found it. It’s not exactly RGRE but it is Erishttps://ponepaste.org/523
>>36600263I'm now convinced you live in an Antarctica like climate.
>>36600285That was a good find, sorry I wasn't much help earlier.
>>36600274>his TV isn't a large af piece of wooden furnitureSoulless.>>36600286I'm just not an equatorfag.
>>36600294No worries, it was a hard find. No tags, no real title, the only reason i found it was because i dug it up in one of my discord servers.Besides, now thanks to you we’ve found more Eris content. More the merrier yeah?
>>36600314Yeah it does seem pretty hidden.
>>36600163The fact that you can't fathom what 0° F could possibly mean is proof that your brain is incapable of critical thought.
Anyways, back to the forum topic
>>366001630 degrees farenheit is the temperature road salt stops working at, and you can expect icy conditions when driving even where road crews have proper equipment.
>>36600341I want mares from the Crystal Empire to laugh at mares in Equestria when Ponyville shuts down after it gets 3 inches of snow. And then they call you sugardick and tell you to get back in the kitchen.
>>36600286My house is generally under 60°f/15.5 C in the winter, less in the basement and corner rooms, and warmer on the second story.This is normal for continental cold climates. We went 14 days straight with temps under -20c for our highs earlier this month. I use zone heating to conserve energy.
>>36600341>Magic causes global cooling>Celestia is a climate change denier>Uses magic to push the problem away>Exponentially more magic has to be used as the world gets colder
>>36600361Ponyville canonically gets plenty of snow (see Winter Wrap-up). It's places like Appleloosa that will all curl up and die. Maybe some other places.
>>36600384New Yoke doesn't do to good.
>>36600371Gaaaay. I'd much rather have a smaller house that's actually capable of sustaining human life. 60 degrees would have ice growing on my balls.
>>36600360>free coalIts a hearths warming miracle!
>>36599987Here it was 3C for the high after 2 weeks of highs in the negative teens to twenties C. I didn't bother with a jacket, my tee shirt was enough, at least until the sun went down.
>>36600361>Ponyville is horse Texas>Uses separate magical grid from rest of Equestria>Tries to secede from Equestria>Mayor Mare blames the government for the snow
>>36600409>Mayor Mare says residents of Ponyville would rather freeze to death than receive aid from Canterlot>Quits and immediately moves some place warmer
>>36600416>Chrysalis rigs next election>Somehow does a better job than Mayor Mare
>>36600416>Some dumb ziggers living in the inner city die from cold because they're roo dumb to make fire>this is a problem?
>>36600395Put on a sweater or sweatshirt. You'll be fine.
>>36600395It's not a big house, but the floor plan isn't super efficient, and I use wood for heat, mostly. I ice fish so I spend time sitting still on the ice in deeply negative temperatures recreationally and I snowmobile, which can add 100+kph winds to -40 C temps and colder. 15-16C is very comfortable jeans and t-shirt temps for me. I run hot and have good circulation.I'm miserable in hot weather unless I've got some time to acclimate, but it seldom gets above 35c here.
>>36600440So. Finland, or Siberia?
>>36600295I figured it out.My house is absolutely tiny, so it's cheap to heat.
>>36599973>>36599987I have just the meme for this
>>36600440I like to keep my bedroom window cracked open in the winter. 15-ish C is perfect.
>>36600409>Anon tries to use current events for inspiration>Just relabels people and places and doesn't show unique interactions between the events and the setting of Equestria>Forgets that weather in Ponyville is scheduled, so they wouldn't have to deal with weather that their infrastructure couldn't handle
>>36600456All the parts of Minnesota I visited were surrounded by trees. I couldn't really imagine 100+kph winds there.Guess I haven't seen enough of the state.
>>36600503While 100 kph winds happen, especially out in farm country, but also as storms that break big chunks of the forests like matchsticks, but I was referring to driving a snowmobile 60+mph in the cold.
>>36600503>I couldn't really imagine 100+kph winds there.it'd be like east iowa august 11th last yearpegasi mares would be utterly horrified that we let our weather get so out of control there was a hurricane equivalent 7,000 miles inland, let alone the constant fucking tornadoes tearing the midwest to pieces every year
>>36600361Isn't that place under a magic dome that makes it warmer than most temperate places all year round?
>>36600520I dunno, I stopped watching years ago.
>>36600500Ponyville is next to the everfree forest, the main source of erratic weather. Electricity is relabelled as magic because ponies would probably use magic as a substitute for electricity because there was no point in discovering more about it. The comparison between Ponyville and Texas is made because both are areas of land previously known for being some weird rustic place that is turning into an important center for advanced technology/magic.
>>36600568Twilight was moved from Canterlot to Ponyville because the magic is cheaper in ponyville. Twilight uses external magic to cast crazy spells, which is costing Celestia a fortune
>>36600584Then a winter storm from the everfree messes up the systems which gather ambient magic
>>36600568>Anon comes up with a bullshit reason why his relabeling of irl stuff with pony isn't dumb.
>>36600568Are there any canon examples of the Everfree causing freak storms for the town?
>>36600520Just in town. I imagine there are plenty of Greater Crystal Empire ponies who are the only ponies that look down on the ponies of Whinnysota/Whinnyapolis when they start to talk about winter weather.
>>36600601Here's a quote from the show to show you it would have happened without the intervention of the weather team. "Since the Everfree's weather's uncontrollable, we get a lot of rogue clouds and the like comin' in from it, and it's our job to keep them from causing problems on top of doing everything else right! Not easy! "
>>36585975>Tfw no mare to fed post withI really like Cuff I hope to see more of her Please take thisAlso I know I switched the color scheme, but I REALLY like redhead pones I hope you don't mind
>>36597131Please stop being politicalAlso, bump!
>>36600584>"Twilight! Have you seen our magic bill this month!? For me's sake, turn out the magic-lights and turn off the magic-TV when you aren't using them! And stop messing with the magic-thermometer, the magic-heating's EXPENSIVE!"
>>36600652Thanks Nignogs, me love you long time
>>36600652Magnificent work, Nignogs
>>36600631The only thing that's coming up in google is an pony roleplaying wiki. https://twitterponies.fandom.com/wiki/Ponyville_Weather_TeamGot an episode for that quote?
>>36600679according to the mlp wikia>"When the ponies venture for the first time into the forest, Applejack surmises that "It ain't natural; folks say it don't work the same as Equestria". In Bridle Gossip, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash elaborate that the plants grow on their own, animals take care of themselves, and clouds move without pony intervention."Applejack: The Everfree Forest just ain't natural. The plants grow...Fluttershy: Animals care for themselves...Rainbow Dash: And the clouds move...Applejack, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash: All on their own!I dunno if that means you get storms and shit coming sailing out from over the Everfree, but it sounds like at the very least it's more wild and chaotic there. Having a thunderstorm appear all on its own over an area right next to where you live would probably do something to your own weather just by being next to the conditions that create said storm. cold fronts, pressure, something like that. Things might get fucky in ponyville as a result of shit going on in the forest (which they have to compensate for), but it doesn't necessarily sound like a tornado's going to shoot out of the Everfree and fuck Ponyville up.
>>36600690Oh yeah, the forest does its own weather, but the only major storms I can think of in the show are pony-made. Even if we accept that the forest will throw out wild storms on occasion, it's not a polar region, so it wouldn't have access to cold beyond what is typical for the area.
>>36600652>that cross sectionok what the fuck am I looking at nignogs? half blueberry half regular donut, or is it half a bagel with an inch of cream cheese smothering it?
>>36600697Maybe it has to do with being close to Los Pegasus? That's to the west of Ponyville (right near the oceans), and it's near some mountains. Cloudsdale is to the north, and might be close enough to the colder climate that they'd could probably get some sort of arctic air coming down. Nothing serious, but they might have harsher winters than Canterlot some years. There are dry and desert regions to the south of Ponyville, including an area south of Los Pegasus that's all dried up, probably thanks to those mountains. To get from LP to Canterlot, you have to pass right over Ponyville. Maybe bringing in colder air from the north and stormy weather from the ocean to feed Canterlot (and the area around it) some wet weather is a joint effort from these two pegasus-controlled cities to push the desert back (cuz things turn into a dustbowl real fucking fast as soon as you exit the south edge of the Everfree), and sometimes some of it falls astray on the path there and just does its own thing over the Everfree.But I'm just bullshitting this as I go along, so I'm probably not even close to being right. But it's still fun to speculate.
>>36600345That's actually quite interesting. as a retarded non white from an interior FREEDOM-less country we were taught at about 7 or so years of age 0°f was the transition point of salt water, which seems stupid and arbitrary in any climate were it never snows, winter is the cold dry season and roads cannot frost over because the last rain was back in the hurricane season four months before the few zero degree days of winter. But in America everyone drives everywhere everytime, so knowing when it becomes deadly to drive or too hot hot to get in a car it's so vital it makes no sense to use anything other than farenheit.
>>36600398My town had over 15 registered deaths of exposure in the only two Sub-Zero days it's had since 2010. On the other hand, most of March through December you can expect 40°c + temps at any moment past sunrise, a few 45+ weeks in May and August. June and July we get tropical storms so it doesn't rise further.
>>36600756Vanhoover looks comfy.
>>36600314I did find this prompt that seems half decent.>The problem I have with Eris is, what is her conflict?Probably the same deal as with Discord.Selfish, impulsive, warped sense of right and wrong. Liable to do things for the lulz/chaos, without thinking anything through, least of all the actual impact on others.Maybe she wants a baby, but has put absolutely zero thought into what goes into being a parent. She's never been responsible for another creature's wellbeing like that beforeActually she's probably never been "responsible" in her life.>Eris and Anon finally decide to have a kid>After a mighty struggle with her eldritch uterus his sperm finally gets her pregnant>She gets bored of the extra weight quickly and tries snapping her claws to age up the kid to be healthy and get it out>But it doesn't work>The baby inherits her chaos magic so she can't use her get out of everything free card on it>Panicking ensues"Eris just calm down, it'll be fine">"FINE!? Are you seriously that dumb? I grew up on my magic""Well it can't be that bad, you should be able to adapt pretty quickly without it">"Anon, honey, babe, you're being stupid again, and not in the cute way that made me fall for you.""But-">"The most exercise I've gotten in my entire life is when I had to walk through Chrysalis's hive""Oh">"Yeah! Oh! Oh shit, what if it stops my other magic, what if I can't teleport? What if I can't warp reality? How am I supposed to get into places?""Maybe you could use a door?">"What you mean that thing that peasants use?">God damn it some days you love your wife and some days you hate her>You're not sure which it is today
How quickly do gender roles change in Equestria? Did they move as quickly as they did here on Earth, where each decade marked a noticeable difference in how the fairer sex was treated? Or do they move much slower, with change taking decades to be noticed? Would there be a huge difference between what's expected of a young stallion versus what was expected of his grandfather back when he was his grandson's age?
>>36600945For the last thousand years there has been no change due to equeatria being a peaceful utopia. And due to a very low stress environment, males produce less and less male sperms, so, over time, male populations have decreased to nearly only 1 male to every 6 females. The count varies from place to place, as hectic places like manehattan have higher male births, but its not enough to change the over all ratio. So males being the rarer sex, mares have become instinctively protective of them, because with less males around, they become more and more important to keep safe and happy so they can continue to mate with the more abundant mares. So mares tended to fall into more dangerous jobs, while stallions tended to fall into safe manual labor jobs because they still have the natural muscle power most mares will never match.
>>36600962No I know that, I mean is there like a stallion's suffrage where they want silly things like voting rights and equal pay.
>>36585944I would that one.
>>36590486Prenuptial agreements permanently ruined the entire concept of marriage.
>>36600813Houston or Corpus Christi?
So are we going to talk about RGRE at any point in this or?
>>36601027Base 4, the pony measurement system divides in quarters and every measurement is a horse or cowboy pun: Four inches to a hoof, four hoofs to a step, four steps to a stride, four strides to a throw, four throws to a Lariat, etc.
>>36601096Give us greentext or take the autism up your proverbial ass. Those are your only two options. Always have been.
>>36601105Spiteful and with a black and white outlook. How very much like a stallion. It's bedtime and I don't want to write anything, so take this pic instead.
>>36601055I'm using Celcius, so obviously Laredo
30+ shitposts deleted.Nice work!
>>36601125666 lbs of milk and ass
>>36601125>"You heifers lay off on the new boy!">"Cause he's mine."
>>36600652Fuckin' beautiful Nig Nogs, I'm glad to hear that everyone is enjoying the story.
>>36600395>capable of sustaining human lifeI think the threshold for that is around 0 Celsius for ambient room temperature, including toddlers playing around without a shirt. It's been done.
>>36601361Yup, but it takes acclimation. You drop someone from the high arctic in the hottest places in the world, and they'll generally live for at least a couple hours, even if they can't find water, and indefinitely if they can get sufficient hydration. You take someone from the hottest places in the world and drop them in the wilderness where it's colder than -40 and they'll be dead in under 30 minutes.>>36601096I've got a green to drop, but I try not to drop green right before bed if there's a threat that the thread will roll over before I wake up for work tomorrow. If we were lower that 400, I'd probably post it, but we were 470 a minute ago and now still 429.
>It's been centuries since the last time there was an assassination attempt on an Alicorn.>They used to be a regular occurrence, especially just after Luna was Mooned, and Celestia was the only one around.>Most commonly from foreign powers seeking to weaken Equestria, but also the occasional uppity noble who didn't like the decisions being made>Celestia is famed for practically never directly retaliating or even acknowledging that an attempt on her life was made.>Quite a few dignitaries were expecting a few threats, or at the very least an exceptionally menacing look full of implied 'I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.'>But she was always sunshine and smiles, happy to share another slice of cake and some tea.>In some ways this was even more unnerving than to be confronted by an angry sun goddess.>These beings who believed themselves powerful, now forced to see another who considers their actions not even worth noticing.>Celly could pull this off because in most cases she was truly unaware than anything untoward had occurred.>And only occasionally did she rely on her impressive powers of Regeneration to survive. (Usually when a poisoning was attempted)>No, in most cases she Mrs. Magoo'ed her way out of danger.>After it happened enough times, the superstition that spread around the world was the Fate itself protected her, making any further attempts folly.>The only attempts on her life she ever acknowledged, were ones that did not only target her, but were part of the most recent supervillain trying to take over the world and flat out attacking the castle. Complete with monologuing, publicly challenging her, and so on.>something something RGRE
>>36601463I need full link for archival purposes
>>36601459>some foolish noble attempted on anonicorn's life after he rejected the thousant marriage proposal>queue mom nuke
>>36601459>Anon the assassin is sent to do what he does best>Serve cake to the princess.>Poisoned cake but still.>After the inevitable failure he tries again and again in increasingly frantic and unique ways to dethrone the princess.>Celestia wonders who this cute colt is that started working in the kitchens and if he's single.Fuck maybe I'll do something on this.
>>36601496>A slice of cake soaked with enough poison to kill a score of unicorns or several earth ponies is just a delicious and stimulating tiramisu according to Celly's belly,
>>36601468He meant you can link to specific lines like this: https://ponepaste.org/1047#1337
>>36600718Pick whatever sounds more saccarine, She's also got candied cherries and pocky on that plate and appears to be drinking some kind of float through a bendy straw.
>>36601459>In the background, the head of her intelligence services, Subtle Tea, constantly worked their plot off to diffuse any situations that would pose a real danger to her safety, all without her knowing.
>>36601556On the other hand, doesn't let you do much with "basically indestructible"
>>36601556Subtle Tea is a great pony name and im going to steal it for a future story. Thank you Anon
>>36601518>Be Rasputanon>Going around Equestria using your fucking sick magic powers you got from God>Tell these unenlightened ponies of how you were the royal physician>The little prince had weak blood so you smacked his doctors and got them to fuck off>The tsar was a total bro, really chill, truly a best friend>His wife was a cunt though>Total prude and she talked shit about you behind your back>But the nobles were the worst>They actually thought you fucked the queen while your best friend was trying his best to lead the country during a war>You might have used drugs and fucked like a rabbit but you honored the bro-code>Then the fuckers fed you poison cake and wine>Honestly it was pretty good/10 would be poisoned again>After you asked for seconds the bastards shot you and threw you in a river>At least you think that's what happened, your memory gets fuzzy after you felt the furst bullet lodge itself in your chest>After you spread your life story, or as the ponies called it "mad ramblings" enough they sent their tsar to come meet you>It was a she>Fuck, hope she's not as bad as the queen back in Russia>Turns out she's pretty chill>She reminds you of the tsar>You miss him sometimes>At least you and Celestia can have fun regaling each other of your adventures in court>She even enjoy poison too
>>36601909truthfully, I actually stole it from Phoenix_Dragon's A New Way
>>36601469>>36601459>Some of the nobles used these assasination attempts as a way to blow off steam after being annoyed by the princess.>she never acknowledged it and it made them feel better, so wheres the harm?>Unfortunately the prince doesnt share her sun powered "BURN IT ALL" metabolism and a poison she describes as 'spicy' is enough to leave him bedridden with chemical burns all the way down to his stomach.>Thankfully he already shows signs of regenerating, albiet slowly.>Canterlot is horrified that somebody would attack the prince in such a manner, some in particular making note of the fact he WAS hurt by this. >Celestia wanted to tear up the city in order to find the monster that hurt her little colt but was told that would only cause a panic among the innocent ponies.>Settled for locking doen the city until they find the responsible party.>Luna simply waited for nightfall, sent out the night guard to report anyone sleeping restlessly or attempting to flee, and proceeded to interrogate every noble in canterlot.>They found the culprit in two days, who confessed to hiring a changeling to do the actual dirty work.>Luna wanted them publicly executed.>Celestia wanted them stripped of everything they owned and locked away.>Argue for a few days before Anon mentions that he just wants them to go away and not hurt anypony else.>So they offer the noble the choice of a bottle of the same chemical the prince drank, or permanent banishment from equestria.>Anon never saw that pony again.>Later recieves a simple 'Get well soon card.' and a small clay jar of honey.>"Sorry, too used to your mother. Will use something milder next time. Your love was delicious.">Booty-bothers (almost) the entire royal guard that a changeling snuck in TWICE and no one noticed!
You fags seem to be in desperate need of green every time I'm about to finish up something.Will post soon™
>>36601910>she even enjoys poison tooKek
>>36601032>Prenuptial agreements permanently ruined the entire concept of marriage.No-fault divorce ruined marriage, prenups were a bandaid to patch the gaping wound.
>>36602182>the one changeling in the guard desperately hoping this new guy doesnt blow his cover.Those cookies the prince bakes are incredible.
>>36601910>>She reminds you of the tsar>mfw remember what happened to the tsar and his family
So when is SQA updating?
>>36602692>Rasputin protecting Anonicorn from what happened to Alexi, nevermind how unlikely it is to happen in RGRE>But he was already deadGod told him then
>>36602731School's being extremely school rn, I'm squeezing in writing when I can but its slow going. Plus I also had a great idea for an update that should go before the one I was working on up until a few days ago, so that certainly didn't help haha.
>>36602891>School's being extremely school rn, I'm squeezing in writing when I can but its slow going.I know that feel.
>>36602891I'm cool with you taking your time; just keep checking in!
>>36602940I think he means Idol Hooves, the main character in Changeling of the Guard.
>>36602950I haven't read it, so that would explain why I was confused.
>>36602182>"Sorry, too used to your mother. Will use something milder next time. Your love was delicious."So, is this changeling the goto bug when the nobles want Celly poisoned? And the fact that what was said was "next time" means that Anonicorn would be targeted again. Tia and Luna will not be pleased about that.
>>36602998He's doing it so the prince could slowly build up immunity to stronger poisons
>>36603022>tfw he used iocane powder without having had the prince build up an immunity to it
>>36602998>>36603022Why not one of the tribes? Unicorn supremacy is a common one, militant pegasi are another, and if you really want a curveball, it could be something like an earth pony attack on the alicorns so they can finally eliminate those pesky active magic expressing ponies once and for all.
You janny nigger If you wanna delete shitpost at least delete the whole chain shabbos goy
>>36603031>Celestia recently okay'd a portion of the Everfree being cut down.>Enter the earthpone who speaks, and kills, for the trees.
>This land of colourful ponies was not without opportunities for one with a profession like your own.>Ponies still held grudges, some even required a more skilful hand to execute those grudges.>And so it led to you being dressed as a chef creating a most exquisite cake for the magnificent Princess Celestia.>Quite a beautiful pony, even by objective standards, her mane gleamed and reflected the sunlight just so and her coat was a pure white.>A shame that you had to snuff out her sunshine, but a man must do what a man must.>"Oi you there, Anonymous how's that cake coming along? Celestia doesn't pay for stallions to stand around daydreaming." the short mare to your side says her oversized chefs hat nearly covering her eyes."You can't rush perfection dear, its a delicate art I perform.">The mare merely rolls her eyes at your words.>"Just get it done." she says as she turns away and leaves the room.>You check to see that you're alone and you slip a small vial out of your chest pocket.>Tipping the small vial's contents into the cake batter a sludge like liquid slips out and sizzles in the pot.>Almost ready now.
>>36602998>>36603031>Bug gets paid to sneak into a place and mess with some food.>No one is (usually) harmed.>Repeat customers.>Get to improve their sneakiness when the guards change up security.Sounds like a sweet gig for Drone #47
>>36603071"Princess your cake has arrived, I hope it is to your liking." you say with the silver platter in hand taking the lid off.>"Thank you, Anonymous was it?" she says with a warm smile unaware of the fate that will soon befall her."Yes my Princess." you say putting the platter onto the table in front of her.>She takes a knife and fork in her magic and begins to cut away at the cake slicing it into equal portions.>You always liked to watch your victims up close, to see their final moments. >It always granted you a sense of peace, to see the end of a life.>A slice of cake was levitated to her lips and eaten with such grace and beauty.>No matter how much you try, you cannot take pleasure in this kill, knowing such a beautiful mare would be nothing more then a lifeless shell soon robs the moment of all its exhilaration. >Her expression after she swallowed the piece of cake was the same. No slow realisation, no pained gasp.>Did the poison not work? Surely not, you've used this poison before>Did you not add the right amount? It can't be that, you added the entire bottle!>So what allows her to elude the grasp of death.>She hums in pleasure, licking her lips and going in for another slice.>"My, my, Anonymous you have quite the talent for baking, even moreso than the average stallion." she says fitting another piece into her mouth.>You can only stand there flabbergasted.>"Simply beautiful Anonymous, the flavours blend so well, the aroma and best of all the icing." she says as she finishes the last few pieces.>"You must tell me where you got the recipe for this, is it a human recipe?" she says her eyes full of delight and wonderment.>This should not be. She should be breathing her last, and yet. And yet she shows no sign of even the slightest discomfort.
>>36603077"Y-Yes my Princess, it is a recipe from my father and not something I could share to anyone.">"Ah, quite a shame, I suppose its all the more reason to keep you around then. " she says with a beautiful smile.>"Would you mind fetching me some tea dear? All that cake has left me wanting some, and I was wondering if you had a special recipe for that as well?">A second chance to finish your work, thank you Princess."Of course my Princess, I shall be on it at once." you say with a small bow and head off towards the kitchen.
>>36603079>What to do, what do to.>Ah, you still do have that dragonfell poison, perhaps if you combine it with the blackroot...>Yes, yes that should work.>You enter the kitchen doors once more and see the small chef mare from before, eyeing you cautiously.>"Anonymous. If you're angling for my job as royal cake maker, you have another thing coming! Even if I have to put a stallion like you out of the job, I'll do it." she says venom lining her voice, her pristine blue mane and pink coat dishevelled and disordered."I have no such intentions miss..." you say trailing off.>"It's HEAD CHEF Thick Cuts to you mister.">You're going to need her to leave somehow."Mis- Head Chef Thick Cuts, I must perform a sacred human recipe and I cannot have an uninitiated watch me complete it, can you please leave me for a moment.">She angrily shakes her head stomping off towards the door muttering something about 'stallions thinking they own the place.'>Once you hear the door slam behind her you quickly lock the door behind her and get to work gathering the ingredients for the tea.>Some Kirin tea will do quite nicely, you set the kettle onto the flame and wait for it to boil.>You reach into your leg pockets this time and pull out the small pouch of dragon fell placing it into the still boiling kettle.>And now for the blackroot, you grab a mortar and pestle from the side and crush it into a fine dust.>Hmm, that should be fine enough, this has to do the job you've laced the tea with enough poison to kill an entire squadron of ponies.>You reach into the cupboard and grab out a pristine teapot and teacup placing them and prepare yourself.
>>36603081>"Anonymous, I can't tell you how eager I've been to try your tea, I just know it will be delicious.">You nod and place the teacup down in front of her pouring the surely toxic liquid into the cup."Of course my Princess, its do die for." you say with a thin smile on your lips.>Once again she levitates it to her lips and blows on the liquid.>Come on, come on. Hurry up.>She continues her futile attempts to cool it down until she finally brings the cup to her lips and takes a sip.>Her eyes go wide and a shocked expression comes over her.>It worked, now you just hav->"That was delicious Anonymous! Simply delicious! Surely you must have worked yourself to the bone with this... this master craft! The flavours, my word. I've never tasted anything quite like it!" she gushes.>You brow furrows and you fight back a scowl.>"What's that expression for Anonymous, be proud of yourself! With talent like this I'm sure you'll find a good wife in no time." she says the smile on her lips unwavering."I apologise my Princess, its just that I know I can do better." you say through gritted teeth.>She laughs softly and good naturedly,>"Do better my dear Anonymous? In all my years of being alive there has never been a chef that has come close to your craftsmareship and care for details. It rivals perfection itself!" she says taking another large gulp of tea quickly downing the entire cup.>The teapot is lifted in Celestias magic and the cup is full once more."May I take my leave my Princess?" you ask struggling to hide the frustration in your voice.>"I was hoping I could enjoy your company a while longer, my dear Anonymous, but if you must leave I suppose it cannot be helped." she says clearly saddened with your words.
>>36603086>You need more time to plan it would seem, and getting to know her daily routine wouldn't be the worst first step."If it would please you my Princess, I can keep you company for a while longer." she claps her hooves together, letting loose a small squeal and you must admit, you had to smile at such a cute display.>"Thank you Anon, please take a seat." She says as she pulls the chair opposite to her out.>You take a seat and one of the cups are levitated over to you but you quickly stop it."I'm not very thirsty my Princess, but I appreciate the gesture.">"Please just call me Celestia, you've more then earnt the right with your cuisine alone.">"May I ask about your homeland Anonymous?" she pauses to gauge your reaction and continues when you answer with a slight nod "What was it like?">You pause not expecting a question like this."It was... Grim. Food was hard to come by and it was a lawless land, people took what they needed and left nothing." you say with a grim expression.>Celestia seems shocked by your words but says nothing."The days were long and hard but I did what I had to survive, sometimes even going days without food and sleeping on the side of the street.">"Surely a good mare would have taken you in..." she says trailing off.>You can only shake your head at the sentiment."I apologise my Princess but my world doesn't have such charitable souls. They only know to fend for themselves and their families.">The words were left hanging in the air causing it to grow thick with tension.>"I assure you Anonymous, you will never go without board nor food while I am ruler.">You want to believe that the words are hollow, to just dismiss them as being lies from a dishonest politician but you can't, you can feel that the words are genuine and that they are filled with honesty."I see... Thank you, Celestia." you say with a grim smile on your lips.
>>36603091"No, come to think of it. I don't think I have." as you say this her eyes light up and she leaps from her chair with such grace.>"Let us go and see it my dear, it looks simply beautiful in the afternoon light and I'm sure a stallion of your nature could appreciate its beauty.">She nudges you from behind causing you to walk forward then quickly joins you by your side after you begin to walk to your own accord.>Perhaps the gardens will give you some inspiration for your next assassination attempt.
>>36603096I forgot the ponepastehttps://ponepaste.org/4131
>>36603096I can't help but think that "assassin" might not be the best profession for someone who is possibly the most easily recognized individual in the entire world.>"Did you see the culprit?">"Yeah! He was tall and green, just like that alien stallion, Anonymous!">"Now we just need to find someone matching that description. Hmmm."
>>36603130Now that I think about it that makes too much sense but Anon could just swap clothes to become an entirely different person to everyone around him agent 47 style. The only problem would be to find clothes that fit him.
>>36602045Are they a mlp greentext writer? Because I can’t find them with my weak google skills.
>>36603130>I can't help but think that "assassin" might not be the best profession for someone who is possibly the most easily recognized individual in the entire world.Accurate.>>36603141Retarded shit like that only works if you lean into it for the comedy. Muh edgy assassin anon doesn't lend itself to comedy, unless you're just going to double down on how shit he is at his job.
>>36603171>AssassinNon spends his days LARPing as 47>Does a completely shit job>All the ponies just humor him>This is how you get shit like the homing briefcase.
>>36603179>Changelings also humour him because he's a walking example of how not to infiltrate.>And also gives out snuggles and all you have to do is ask.>Almost seems as starved for affection as they are.
>>36603197>His mannerisms match 47 extremely well>Not because he's an emotionless assassin, but because he's absurdly autistic
>>36603171>>36603130I suppose I should have put more thought into that before I started but oh well, it was fun to write. I appreciate the critique.
>>36603213It doesn't have to be a masterpiece to explore an interesting concept.
>>36603239this>>36603213Don't beat yourself up about it. It was well written from a technical perspective and interesting if nothing else
>>36603076>"snug as a bug in the ceiling.">>"Isn't it 'snug as a bug in a rug'?">"Why would I want to be in a rug?"
>>36603179>It was a hearthswarming gift from his "handler" because he can't throw for shit and broke more windows in a week than sandlot baseball did in six years>Now if only she could get him to stop putting potatoes and ketchup in everything within sight
This thread is unusually long
>>36603905longposting is an rgre art
>>36600790>the transition point of salt waterHow salty is the salt water? What kind of salt are you using? A copper salt is preferred at colder temperatures during winter because normal rock salt stops working to dissolve ice at around -14C.At least they use a nice round number that's easy to remember for the other end of the scale: 98.6 F is supposed to be their other main number to use for scale. It's supposed to be a normal person's body temperature. Why didn't they go with 100? Fuck if I know.
>>36600968That's up to the individual author to decide.
>>36604058I was trying to spark discussion.
Hootershy needs more RGRE representation.
>>36604301>Shy Nerd that turn into a trixie thundercunt after some drinkshaven't we already had home greens like this ?
>>36604341>This autist is backgreat
>>36604301>Wow this girl has such big boobsThere's your prompt, you can go now.
>>36604373>lol ew girlsAnon, I call lots of people faggots. But you are a massive gigantic cock-sucking ball-slurping ass-pounding gayfag. Later I'm going to write all about RGREqG with big tits just because female parts make you cry.
>>36604373>wowowow boobs are dumb and don't belong in rgre>oh boy i wanna motor boat those big fat teats, look at that big fluffy chest tuft, i can't wait to read more greentext about nerdhorse with a big round assLiteral autism
>>36604517>>36604525>>36604564>prompt is literally just porn>call it out>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>36604517I literally quadruple dog dare you to write an EqG story that isn't just porn or gamer sunset. Actually write something interesting. Oh wait, you can't.
Repost of old prompt:>Mares with disabilities are often seen as unable to provide, thus often end up kicked out of their herd>This is what happened with Derpy >Of course Anon just finds her cross eyes cute>Unfortunately Derpy thinks he's just trying to play a mean prank on her when he asks her out