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Previous Thread: >>36364306

Prompt index and a must read to see what this is about

Short stories by Britanon

one Prison Story List

Kinder SCP Foundation

List of Kinderquestria Greens

"A date with Rarity" by NotAWriterAnon

Pone Prison Story List

Kinder SCP Foundation

List of Kinderquestria Greens
>Image Name
Maybe it's because he has a bad habit of escaping?
>Forbidden Tongue Edition

>Anon's thrown in jail because saying fuck too many times makes the big, scary lightening show up.
>Also, Fuck is illegal to say and has been for so long that only Celestia knew that what he was doing was "wrong".
New Bread with a different OP picture for once. Nice.
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Oh shit it's a new thread, time for Anon's meltdown hour.
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fuck yes fresh bread
Also I'm not going to say it but you and I will both know what you did
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This song slaps.
Has anyone written a good ol' prison break green?
>sneaking through the guard house during nap time.
>Convincing ponies that see you in prison stripes you're just wearing pajama's and are on your way to a slumber party.
There's potential.
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>Prompt index and a must read to see what this is about

The link's dead.
>Any pony guard that wakes up and sees you are lulled back to sleep with a quiet lullaby.
>Others have to be told "This is just a dream" and that one actually needs a moment to work.
>Being in Pony Prison kinda sucks but this escape will be all worth it when Anon gets his hands on a certain Purple Smart.
>Little tattle tale just HAD to be nearby when he stubbed his toe...
>KinderTwi is like that teacher's pet that everyone gets annoyed by occasionally.
>She's grown out of it some but by Tartarus (and to the Princesses' Wit's End) was she a real bad Tattle Tale.
>These days you have to do something pretty "Major" for a letter to get written about you so at the very least Celestia wasn't getting notes anymore about a young colt taking an extra cookie...
>But that newest letter about the "ape man" speaking "a very bad word that made the sky angry" was definitely a shocker.
More "demon" Anon with the power of cursing when?
Eldritch and/or Forbidden Tongue Anon please?
Still waiting for the cultist pone green
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> scp kinder Anon he radiates Warm Dad energi makes poners brave attention and listens more, Also becomes a bit sleepy:
>Kinder SCP Foundation
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That's a big Lyra.
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Continued from: https://pastebin.com/f0xzNGAp

>You followed Femanon to the Solar Guard barracks, which makes you one of five possible batponies.
>But you’re also the only one with a sweet red mane, so you’re Commander Keen!
>You’re still thinking about what Raspy said earlier.
>It’s true that you’d like to be Her Majesty’s knight. You were a little mad when Femanon came out of nowhere.
>And you still would be, if she wasn’t so good at this.
>Her Majesty made the right choice. But that won’t stop you from getting just as good as she is! And then you’ll be a knight too!
>The vertically gifted soldier turns to look at the five of you as she rests her hand on the door to where the Day Guard sleep.
>”I’ll just sneak in and grab them really quick. Shouldn’t take long.”
>She slips in before anypony else can say anything.
>Raspy growls.
>”I don’t like her. She’s so detached about everything! I got up in her face and she just blew it off. She’s like a robot!”
>Pummel Plume gives her a sidelong glance.
>”Perhaps because constantly showing emotion isn’t a good thing. I like her.”
>”You would, you snooty noble.”
>Plume reaches for the pillow on her back, and that’s your cue to step in.
“Stop it! Both of you! Plume, I’ve told you before that you aren’t allowed to hit fellow guards. I’m only going to let you off the hook so many times! And Raspy, trying to get a rise out of Princess Luna’s personal guard is one of your dumbest ideas yet. Knock it off. If I thought she wasn’t good enough, I’d take it to the princess myself. I don’t need you to defend my honor.”
>Both mares shy from you slightly. Plume inclines her head in deference.
>”My apologies, Lady Commander. I’ll try to restrain myself in the future.”
>Raspy just crosses her forelegs and grumbles.
>She’s your best friend, but sometimes she drives you nuts.
>Still, things seem to be under control for now.
>Just as you gingerly set your hiney on the cold marble floor to wait, the door swings wide open. Femanon staggers out, carrying a struggling earth pony!
“Wait, what?! Femanon, why did you-?”
>”She was sleeping my- I mean his bed, the little creep!”
“What does that matter? You just had to get the notes!”
>”He kept them under the padding in his bunk, I didn’t bother checking first because there shouldn’t have been anyone in it to begin with! Ugh!”
>Femanon growls irritably, sinking to her knees to better control her captive. One hand stays clamped over the mare’s mouth while the other offers you a stack of parchments.
>”Here. These’ll keep us busy for a while.”
>You take them, flipping through the first few.
>...Wow, these are really detailed. Names, ages, scribbles about recent activity, even rough schedules. It’s hard to believe a stallion gathered all this alone.
>You look back at the Moon Knight.
“This is great, but... let your friend down. We need to talk this out.”
>...Wow, you can almost feel the reluctance. But she does let go, and the earth pony doesn’t waste any time.
>”What the flying flip is going on here?! Who’s this?! Who are you?! Why are you going through Anon’s stuff?! If I don’t like your answer I’m throwing all of you creeps in the dungeons!”
>Before you can even get a word in, the walking suit of armor snaps at her.
>”You want to talk about being a creep, Twayblade? After sleeping in a missing guy’s bed? We’re only taking the notes because I knew you morons wouldn’t even think to use them.”
>”How do you know my name?! You must not know anything else about me, or else you wouldn’t mouth off to me you oversized tin can! I’ll sleep in my colt’s bed if I wanna!”
>You’ve never seen Femanon show emotion like this before. Her fists are clenched and trembling, and her voice comes out as a snarl.
>”Keen. Talk to this idiot before I knock her out. Please.”
>”Oh yeah?! Do it! Bet you can’t!”
>This is the first time you’ve ever been glad to not be able to see Femanon’s face.
“Guardsmare. Simmer down.”
>”Or what?! Who are you, anyway?! Why are Night Guard working with a trespasser?! I oughta-“
>Okay. Just remember what the Princess taught you about dealing with rude ponies. Steady eye contact, firm voice, and be a polite jerk.
“If you’d stop talking for a minute, I’ll tell you. Maybe they don’t teach you how to count stripes in the Sunshine Club, but I’m Commander Keen. The only ponies who get to boss me around are the princesses, and these-“
>You wave the papers
>”-belong to Princess Luna now. Go back to bed.”
>The pony - Femanon called her Twayblade, you think? - paws the floor uncertainly, clearly taken aback.
>”But- But they’re Anon’s! Why would Princess Luna care about a stallion’s notes?”
“Where do you get off asking? Back. To. Bed.”
>She growls, grumbles, and puffs herself up, but you just keep cool. The other girls close in a little bit too. She finally gets the message then.
>You all finally leave, hurrying back to the meeting room.
>You’ve never seen Femanon act like that before. You should ask her about it later-
>”Hey Femanon, you were really gettin’ into it with that solar goon back there. Do you like that missing guy too?”
>Or Raspy’s just going to tease her about it right away.
>The towering knight seems calm, but there’s still a bit of bite to her voice.
>”No. I just hate chicks like that.”
>”Chicks like what?”
>”Pushy creeps. He told her a million times to buzz off, but she never did.”
>”But that’s how you get guys, isn’t it?”
>Femanon doesn’t respond, but you get that feeling again. That you’re glad you can’t see her face.
>You are the princess of the night, so you must be Luna.
>Everything has been even better than you’d hoped! Anonymous is frightfully effective at almost any task you set him to, and has revealed himself to be a charming, stoic fellow.
>He very rarely complains and seems to know a little about everything. He’s even good at board games!
>So much so that he’s beaten you multiple times. Which is a state secret. A princess must maintain appearances.
>But perhaps his greatest trait is his ability to think for himself. He went so far as to recover his old notes and distribute them among your team captains without being told. If all goes according to his plan, the entirety of the 4th Street Snack Snatchers, along with a dozen other gang leaders and treat dealers, will be moving into your dungeons this very night!
>You lounge in your chambers with your knight, whiling the time away. You stare intently at him over a chessboard while swirling a goblet of grape juice.
>He sips upon his own glass idly. You’d hoped offering him some of your best drinks would make him lose his edge, but he doesn’t seem fazed at all!
>His bishop cuts across the board into your ranks.
>You almost say a swear.
>You have only a moment to panic to before you are saved by a rap on your chamber door.
“Alas, it would seem we must put the game on hold.”
>Anonymous snickers in a way you would surely not tolerate from anyone else.
>”Of course. I’ll get you next time.”
>You harrumph before addressing the visitor.
“Who goes?”
>”It’s Keen, Your Majesty! It’s urgent! I’m coming in!
>Anon slams his helmet over his head so hard you think he hurt himself, but your guest gives you no time to ask if he’s alright. The door flies open and closes just as fast, admitting a very anxious batpony.
>”Princess, I wanted to talk to you before the others did. We were going to report on how we did with our new leads, and, uh... w-well, I wanted you to hear it from me first.”
>Commander Keen stands as straight as she can, looking you in the eye.
>”They did their best, Princess Luna. I swear they did! On pudding cups! They just- I mean-! Sometimes things go wrong, and- and-“
“Enough, Commander.”
>She is the best of your guards, in more ways than one. You know of few others who would dare spout half-baked excuses to your face just to protect their friends. But mistakes must be addressed.
“What happened?”
>”...Several of our marks got away, Princess.”
“How many is several?”
>”Almost... almost all of them. W-we only caught five.”
>You take a slow, shuddering breath.
“Bring them to the court. And your team captains as well. After I hand down the sentences, I shall deal with them.”

>You stand beside Princess Luna as she glowers down at a group of visibly sweating batponies, so you must be Anon.
>The night princess’ mood had only gotten worse upon discovering that her five new dungeon inhabitants were just low-level muscle. Not a single crook that mattered got grabbed.
>So now, you get to watch these little idiots get grilled.
>Luna opens up on them.
>”You had pages of notes. Days to prepare. The full might of the Night Guard behind you. And yet you stand before me with what can only be called miserable results! How did this happen? I believed the five of you to be better than this.”
>There’s a torrent of excuses and sullen mumbling from Plume, Raspy, and Slip. Lulladive and Keen remain silent, the former staring at the floor.
>”My sincerest apologies, Princess! I very nearly had them all, but these two incompetents-“
>”Oh no! You aren’t throwing us under the cart, Plume! Princess, this dumbutt charged straight into her mark’s hideout from the front! Half the flipping city knew we were out for arrests before I could even get started!”
>”And I had to try and cover both of these numbskulls. Just let me go alone next time, Princess, I can-“
>The audience hall echoes with the alicorn’s rebuke.
>”Your inability to cooperate astounds me, gentlemares! It would seem the reason you are constantly outshined by my sister’s warriors stares me in the face. For all their flaws, for all their simplicity, at least the Solar Guard can work together! Have you no shame?! I ought to send you all back to training for this!”
>The three blamers look like they might cry. Keen keeps a good poker face, but you detect a trembling lip. Lulladive’s head hangs even lower.
>Luna continues, her eyes never leaving them.
>”I shall be taking direct command of the next capture attempt. Any more of this foolishness will be punished on the spot. You are mares! Soldiers! Not bickering children! Now return to your quarters and think about how to better comport yourselves.”
>They beat a hasty retreat, bowing and scraping. Luna turns to you.
>”Is there any way that you could find our wayward criminals again? Quickly?”
“I can probably get Fourth Street to show themselves. We’ll have to use them to figure out how find the rest.”
>”That will be enough.”
>Luna’s face finally softens. She falls back into her throne, sighing.
>”You are a blessing, Anonymous. It’s comforting to have you helping me.”
“And you’re a fun boss, Princess. I get to chase nobles off and drink grape juice on the clock. I’m with you for life.”
>She raises an eyebrow.
>”With me? F-For life?”
“Sure. Do ponies not do lifelong service here? Some soldiers do it back on Earth. It’s pretty rare though.”
>She seems a little disappointed for some reason, but smiles.
>”I cannot possibly refuse.”
>The rest of the night is much like all the others after that. Give petitioners the evil eye. Follow Luna around. Speak as little as possible. And you’re always dismissed before she goes to greet Celestia at dawn.
>As you get ready to head home and sleep, Luna stops you.
>”Anonymous. I would say we are friends, wouldn’t you?”
>”And friends are willing to show affection to one another in public, are they not?”
>...Oh boy.
>You were a teenager once. You know an excuse to touch a member of the opposite sex when you hear one.
>You’ll never understand what ponies find so enthralling about you, but this particular pony saved you from being trapped on the moon, gave you a job, and literally bought you a drink first, so...
“Want a hug, Luna?”
>Her jaw goes slack and her eyes widen, clearly not expecting you to offer first.
>”I- Well- Yes! Please!”
>The alicorn rears, forelegs spread wide. Her head usually only comes up to your shoulders, but now your helmet’s visor is filled with blue pony fur.
>As far as hugs go, it’s not bad. No surprise sexual harassment even.
>You do your part and squeeze her back.
>It lasts a good while. A minute or so. But she finally lets you go. When she pulls back to look at you, the fur around her cheeks is a shade darker.
>”Sweet dreams, Anonymous.”
“Thank you, Princess. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
>You’re conflicted as you depart the castle.
>Luna’s been polite so far, and working for her is the most fun you’ve had since coming to Equestria. You meant the hug, but that’s all it was.
>A hug.
>Is this going to snowball? Are you going to have to fight off another demigod?
>Wracked with nagging worry and slight regret, you move through the streets of Canterlot in early dawn.
>Your way home is filled with such thoughts, and you drift off to sleep thinking about how to get off the moon by yourself.
>You’re lying on your back, staring up at the canopy of your four-poster bed, so you must be Luna.
>What a specimen. What a male! To offer a hug so casually! To make a heart such a yours flutter!
>When was the last time you felt like this about a stallion? You cannot recall. It has been so long, and the pickings so meager.
>You can hardly wait to see him in action! Imagine the gallantry!
>You hope to guide your guards down the right path as well. With any luck you’ll be able to make them work together.
>If you can just get them to see the power in unity, they will surely surpass the Solar Guard!
>The excitement keeps you awake well into the day. You haven’t undertaken anything like this since before your banishment! And you won’t even have to travel for it!
>It will be a night to remember!

And that's my Knight of the Moon update. Gonna try and update regularly again, so expect me in two weeks. We're gonna finish A Month in Jail, boys. I swear on the ancient writefags who put me on this path.
Aaaaaand since Pastebin decided to nix this one too, you can read it here: https://ponepaste.org/569
absolutely fucking based physicsanon, to me you have the perfect balance or RGRE and Kinder that it almost brings a tear to my eyes! full homo here, you are a great green texter. fuck I need to stop being gay and get motivation to write green, to attempt to get to your level of greatness
But you have to let go to boop
>not pony eskimo nose booping
PhysicsAnon has returned. The Prophesy has begun. I, too, shall soon begin my return.
Damn good green here, I was wondering when the next update was coming! A pretty nice blend of Kinder and RGRE in my opinion.

More greens, yes.
>pony eskimo nose booping
But what if you're back to belly?
hold her hoofs and rub her belly
simple hyoomans a toler than poners simply point her head up then look down and deeply into her eyes and eskimo boop away
Very nice job, but anon needs to learn to stop being such a literal faggot.
>Anon needs to learn to stop being such a literal faggot

How so?
Well first anon needs to realize sticking his penis in another dudes butt accomplish nothing and is just another fettish, and turn to the opposite sex for companionship.
What does that have to do with the story?
poner licks your nose before you can boop
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lick her back and nibble her ears
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Nice song
I don't get it.
Are you offering me your pills? What for? Do they help you ignore reality when it hurts your feelings?
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A little too extreme for kinderpones I feel
They're cyanide tablets.
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ponys face when /k/anon describes the concept of mechanized and industrialized warfare to her causally in passing at the sugarcube corner when drinking his morning black coffee, and reading the newspaper about the recent griffon-pony boarder skirmishes. of course the kinder version and not the horrifying IRL human kind, and of course furthering the idea to ponies that he is some sort of tactical and strategical genius
>Anon works as a Kinder-exorcist. He chases ghosts away from the ponies they bother. What methods does he use?
A spray bottle of holy water
>a spray bottle filled with Celestia's gamer mare bath water
>>36528801 > Anon chasing the mare Ghost away with his boy cooties
He dresses up like a bigger ghost and scares them off.
>He doesn't know it's ghosts because Kinderghosts just look like ponies wearing shitty sheet ghost costumes.
>To him, he's working as a Guard chasing away "trespassers" from pony's homes.
>To ponies, he's a local guard who SOMEHOW knows exorcism, too!
> bandit pones with cardboard weapons called the papercut crew, becoming the number 1 moste dangerous bandit Crew in Equestria for the many owies they give out like candy, Human Anon beats Them by hosing Them Down, when they come to rob his House. Now Anon in a special Agent and kind amused.
Continuation from >>36491186

Chapter 4- Which details the oath that Coco Pommel took rather unwillingly and the daring escape that soon commenced

>He stands up again and puts his hands on his hips triumphantly
>”But that changes today! For I see that thou are to be my savior, sent by the noble Polomare! Tell me, is she a queen?”
“She acts really queenly...”
>”Splendid! I shalt vow my loyalty to Queen Polomare when we make our escape”
“Well really, she just wants a few pictures of thee- I mean you”
>”Then let us hope her painter can capture a fine portrait of a fine knight for her! This model is ready to go on his errantry quest once again!”
>He holds the pose for several seconds as he looks off to nothing and you stare at him in silence
>You cough to break the awkward silence
“How are we going to get out of here?”
>”In truth I do not know. I am sure that the fates will favor us and an opportunity will present itself soon. It happens in every tale of titans and heroes”,
“Hopefully something happens. I still need to get some things done for Suri before work tomorrow”
>”Hmm, just what is your position in Queen Polomare’s court?
“Oh, I’m her assistant”
>It was a lot of work
>She didn’t say thank you a lot either
>Or ever really
>But you were sure that you’d get rewarded for all your hard work eventually
>She’d bring you up to all of her bussinessmare contacts and designer friends one day
>She just has to, you work so hard for her
>It’s only fair
>”Hmm, that will not do”
>He walks over to you, his stature towering over your own equine form as you reach barely around his lower abdomen
>Your pupils turn into pinpricks as he scrutinizes you closely
“S-sir Anonymous?!”
>”For my first of many gifts to Queen Polomare, I shalt forge you into a champion worthy of her name”
“No thank you, I’m pretty happy to just be an assistant”
>A quick lie made under pressure
>”There thou art again and thy little dreams. I will just have to teach thee to reach for unreachable stars myself”
“But I don’t want to! I just want to be a fashion designer, not a knight!”
>”The weaver and the knight are not so different, they take what materials they can and through determination and dedication, create new and wondrous things with them. One is simply -significantly- more perilous”
>”Adventures will be your lessons and all the realm thy classroom”
“I’m not much for adventure, Sir Anonymous. I think I’d like to stay as far away from it as possible really. Ponies get hurt on adventures and miss naptimes”
>”You will face many challenges and sorrows, but when it all ends and you meet your creator, you can be proud to say that you lived a life worth living and worth reading about”
>Creator? Was he talking about the stork that delivered you?
>Every thought that comes to mind tells you to just say no
”Adventures happen to other ponies, Sir Anonymous. I..well, I’m just Coco Pommel”
>You’ve thought of these sort of things before, what pony hasn’t dreamed of going on a grand quest and being the hero of their own story?
>Reality, as always, would crash in and remind you that you weren’t meant for adventures and the closest you’d ever get to that sorta excitement was reading books and watching movies
>It still hurt to say it aloud
>Your large eyes turn down to the floor
>But then Sir Anonymous kneels down before you and you can see his legs lowering as you look up to him again
>”I see more than just a pony named Coco Pommel before me. I see a mare who is looking for something, yet she knows not what it is. Thou hath been sleepwalking for thy entire life”
“How can you know something like that? I’m happy where I am, really I am! I have an opportunity to become a successful fashionesta a-and...”
>Your mind races to grasp other joys in your life
>It finds nothing
>”You speak with the voice of a frightened pheasant and not the hounds that chase it. Thy hounds are much more personal I feel. And yet, thou hath not denied my invitation. You remind me of the tale of Cinderella. A young lady whose self-esteem was crushed, but she still found her happily ever after. Though, thou shalt be more proactive to find thine happy ending”
>Once again he stands over you
>”It is time for you to awaken from thy sleep and finally dream, Cinderella”
>Your eyes blink a few times at him as you absorb his words
>You have decided that the human really is insane and that coming here was ultimately a mistake
>Still, you needed him to finish your assignment
“I’ll do it, as long as you’ll come to the studio tomorrow. I really need you to meet Suri. Preferably before snack time, if you can”
>”I will oblige. Now kneel, and recite my words precisely so that we may seal thy oath”
>Your hooves get off from your seat as you lower your forehooves and keep your back legs straight
>”I vow to fight for the right without question or pause”
“I vow to fight for the right without question or pause”
>”To be willing to march into Hell for a Heavenly cause”
>You have no idea where those places are
>Is Hell far from Manehattan?
“To be willing to march into Hell for a Heavenly cause”
>”And I know if I’ll only be true to this glorious quest”
“And I know if I’ll only be true to this glorious quest”
>”That my heart will be peaceful and calm when I’m laid to my rest”
>He wasn’t talking about a forever nap, was he?!
“That my heart will be peaceful and calm when I’m laid to my r-rest”
>”This is my quest, to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far”
“This is my quest, to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far”
>”To reach the unreachable star”
“To reach the unreachable star”
>“And to dream the impossible dream”
>Deja Vi hits you
”And to dream the impossible dream”
>”Now rise Coco Pommel, your service starts now”

>A queer feeling washes over you
>Like stepping into a play you haven’t rehearsed for
>It’s not all together a bad sensation
>As you start to stand, you do something you haven’t done in a long time
>You play pretend
>Your imagination stitches together a different reality than the one around you
>You are no longer in a library meeting room, but a royal court in a stately castle with stone floors and beautiful tapestries that depict epic sagas hanging on the walls
>The three plushies that sit on the table are warriors and nobles in fine clothes and armour who judge you worthy to call you one of their own
>And before you is your new mentor, his arms crossed as his plates gleams from light shining in a wide window, the majestic curtains parted to allow the even more majestic sun to shine
>From once there was rust, there are now accolades of past deeds and glory
>The knight beams at you, a teacher proud to see a pupil ready to learn
>This is a new world filled with adventure
>Where you can find a life worth living and reading about
>Where Coco Pommel matters

>Suddenly, you are broken from your trance and return to the real world by the sound of a door opening behind you
>In steps a pegasus with a serving tray carefully balanced on his back with peaches, grapes, mini-muffins, and more juice boxes
>He speaks in a sing-song tone as he eyes the tray carefully as to not drop it
>”Ohhh Sir Anonymouusss, it’s dinner time! And then after that we can play some checkers and read some stories and…”
>He turns his head forward with a smile before but then notices you
>He turns that smile upside down to a frown
>”Wait, who are you? You’re not supposed to be here!”
>Your heart races as dread fills you
“Don’t mind me at all, I’m just visiting”
>You give a nervous smile to the pegasus as he stares at you
>Before he can respond, Sir Anonymous makes his stage presence known
>”Quick my squire, we must make haste while the gate is unbarred!”
>Anonymous makes a beeline to the pegasus as the pony quickly ducks to the side, tray spilling all over him
>As he sprints, you can hear him shout one more thing
>”Fare thee well Lord Evermore, Lady Do, and Sir Burnferno! May we meet on sunny fields once again!”
>You feel bad for the pegasus and have to resist the urge to help pick out the grapes and crumbs from his mane
>But right now you need to catch up with the human, who knows where he might wander off to?
>With a hasty apology you rush pass the now food encrusted pony as he tries to shake the filth off himself
>Outside the door, you find Anonymous running towards the stairs that lead down to the second floor
>You take your hooves and speed walk as fast as you can since you’re not suppose to run in a library
>Luckily, Anonymous can’t actually move all that fast and his motion is restricted by that clunky armor of his
>Unluckily, the behemoth’s plates sing a choir that can rival the loudest of musicals
>Many students on the first floor are already turning their heads up to you in curiosity as the two of you quicken your paces on the third floor
>Once you both reach the stairs, Anonymous jumps from the top of them and noisily tries to roll onto the second floor as he hits it
>It isn’t a graceful maneuver and you can see that he is stumbling forward in a daze after he gets back up from the roll
>You opt to carefully go down the stairs the normal way
>Princess Celestia says to always be careful going up and down stairs!
>Once you make your descent, you hear the pegasus from earlier shout from the doorframe of the room you were in, his voice carries a bit of desperation in it as it echoes throughout the open design of the library
>”The green crayon has left the box, THE GREEN CRAYON HAS LEFT THE BOX!”
>Down on the first floor is is a librarian unicorn who comes out from another room and gasps at the sight before her as a fashion designer and a knight make their getaway
>Her horn glows and she shoots magic up in the air
>It explodes in a green flare that scatters glowing particles that fall like snow upon the shelves and desks
>From your vantage point you can see bookkeepers abandoning their loaded carts, cleaning staff dropping their mops and brooms, and even a one pony dropping the donut he was snacking on as they all rush to the second floor
>Soon you and Anonymous are trapped in a narrow hallway that overlooks the book shelves
>The ponies in front of you slowly edge forward
>The ones behind you do the same
>One of them speaks in a comforting tone, though there is an edge to it as she continues to trot forward inch by inch, watching for any sudden movements
>”C’mon Sir Anonymous, it’s almost bedtime now. Why don’t we just take you to your bedroom and you can tell all of us about Hansel and Gretel again? We really like that story!”
>Anonymous stands his ground as he looks down to you
>”It would seem as though we art trapped and with no magic carpet to fly upon. Dost thou have any clever ploys to use?”
>You say nothing as your heart continues to beat in your ears like a drum growing louder and louder
>You can feel beads of sweat drop drop from face as you back away from the wall of ponies around you
>Eventually your flank hits a guardrail that is above the bookshelves
>You see a crazed look overtake Anonymous
>”A splendid proposal, Squire Coco!”
>Before you can question what he means, the man of rust pulls you up from the ground and your hooves dangle in the air as he holds you by your stomach
>He then takes the guardrail and jumps over it
>The fall is only a few feet, but you can feel your stomach lurch as you scream
>The bookshelf tilts forward as he makes his landing, and it takes him half a second to regain his balance as he drops you next to him
>There is no time to try and hop back to the second floor as the bookshelf finally starts to fall down and the two of you are forced to jump forward to the next one
>...which is also starting to fall down as the one you were on previously collided with it, scattering countless books
>Again the pattern repeats as the two of you jump forward to keep ahead of the falling shelves that tumble one after the other
>The ponies on the second floor now rush over to the first floor and pursue you on the low road as you and Anonymous take the high road
>Your hooves gallop to keep up with the human besides you as you both run from your pursuers
>He is much taller than you and his strides much longer to boot as his makeshift rusted suit of armour, in a style that’s about a thousand years outdated, clangs heavily with each step
>It’s like listening to a drawer full of utensils being tossed to the floor every time his feet find purchase
>He is an entire kitchen’s worth of spoons and forks in a localized storm
>It doesn’t help that his green plastic cape keeps tickling you in the face as you two run
>You’re not entirely sure if all of this mayhem is registering in his mind as you can see a manic grin through the slits of his helmet’s visor
>For your part you feel panic and fear
>The bookshelves are eight times your height
>In other words, a fall from here would result in one serious boo-boo and crying
>Hundreds of books spill onto the floor of the Manehattan public library you find yourself in
>You hope that nopony is underneath them getting ouchies
>You also hope that you won’t have to clean this all up
>By your quick count, you both are being pursued by five librarians, three janitors, and a very grumpy student
>They’re all yelling things at the two of you but the sounds of banging from the armour next to you, the shelves hitting each other, and the books spilling over drown out any attempt at communication
>You see ahead of you that at least fifty books are starting to glow in a magical aura as they levitate and coalesce together into a barrier that’s as wide as an entire shelf
>The human speaks in a grandiose tone
>He is a knight that has found a worthy challenge
>Or so he believes
>“So they wish to erect a wall of sorcery before us?”
>Your words are interrupted but the occasional pant
”M-Maybe we should get down f-from here, Sir”
>”Nonsense my teal squire, it is but another obstacle between us and the sweet air of freedom! If they so choose to be a fortress gate, then I will act the part of the battering ram! Huzzah!”
>Sir Anonymous picks up his pace and lowers his head as he charges forward past you
>...only to trip over his own two feet and flail his arms as he slams into the wall of words with his entire body
>The force of impact is enough to clear out a human shaped hole through the wall of bindings and first editions as you follow his tumbling body
>He dangles from the edge of a shelf with only his two arms
>You stop to bite a part of his cape that over his shoulder to help him get back up
>It didn’t seem to like a good idea to put one of his rusted gauntlets into your mouth
>You pull with all of your might, which isn’t that much all things considered, until finally he sits next you
>Before he can thank you, he darts his hand up and points at something behind you
>”Hark my ward! A feathered arrow of fate threatens to pierce you!”
>True to his word, you see a pegasus librarian speeding at you with his arms outstretched, a grim face of determination in his eyes
>His fur is covered in juice stains and as he closes in on you, you can see some smashed grapes stuck in his hooves
>You freeze
>Your instincts kick in and you do what you normally do in the face of adversity
>No, not nod along silently with Suri
>You duck and cover as you close your eyes shut, and hope that whatever is bothering you goes away and doesn’t come back another day
>In this moment, a single thought crosses your mind
>Adventures are awful

And that's all for now folks. Expect the end of Act 1 to be posted next week.
What an epic tale!
So is this Anon like Don Quixote, or was he REALLY from medieval times?
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pretty exciting though i never really liked the cliche of book shelves falling over, those things are really heavy and the taller and older the more likely attached to the floor.
fucking kek
I have a question for the thread: when reading /kinder/ greens, do you envision the ponies to be normal, mlp sized, or do you picture them to be smaller, fluffier, and more foal-like in appearance?
Full on Don Quixote. From our time and it’s revealed later why he went nuts. It involves books, much like the original character. This was originally going to be called Man of La Marecha.
I imagine them to be normal, it’s funnier that way for me.
Whoops, meant to reply to >>36530231
Normal. Why would they ever be otherwise? It's the same ponies we know and love, just acting slightly more adorable.
I know, but I couldn't help but picturing smaller to match the child-like behaviour. Like somewhere between knee and waist high, with proportions similar to pic related, but with more and softer fuzz.
It depends on the green. There was one that I read where I'm sure they were meant to be smaller than usual because Anon was carrying a bunch of them at once.
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This is a fun one! Thanks Anon.
Did not expect a library full of tard wranglers lmao.

So I guess if you found yourself literally IN a land of fantasy creatures, you'd start to blur the lines, especially in this post-internet world where almost everyone has ADD at this point.
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oh no
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wut a qt3.14
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Sometimes smaller can be right cute but other times it's just funnier to imagine a bunch of these mlp sized dorks pondering on the wonders and dangers of using a pencil to draw instead of a crayon.
I smell possible Eldritch Anon/CULT shenanigans again.
>dangers of using a pencil to draw instead of a crayon

Pencil peasant:
>has to be sharpened in order to work
>the tip is prone to snapping, requiring resharpening
>needs an additional piece of equipment (sharpener) to be useful
>sharp tip dangerous
>core is brittle and snaps when dropped, rendering entire thing more or less useless and unrepairable
>hard &uncomfortable exterior
>cannot be easily eaten
>needs clean paper to be used upon
Crayon master race:
>sharpens itself as you use it
>does not require you to get additional hardware
>soft tip safe to use
>does not break easily and even when it does it can be put together with relative ease
>soft and somewhat malleable
>can be eaten without a problem
>can be used upon about any surface

Why hadn't you taken crayon pill yet?
Was the dishwasher anon story ever finished? It got a couple updates for the adapted version on fimfic but died pretty quickly.
Ah but what of pens? How would a little pony react to an anon that uses pens?
They are mythical artifacts wielded only by the Princesses.
Pen is just a side-grade to a regular pencil, trading the need for sharpening and core brittleness for even more picky paper needs and a privilege to just flat out stop working for no apparent reason when you most need them.
>>They are mythical artifacts wielded only by the Princesses.

>One day, Anon has to sign something.
>Doesn't matter what he had to sign, that's not important here. It could've been a contract, a delivery thing, who cares.
>What matters here is that he did not feel comfortable using a crayon of all things to sign with.
>He felt it wouldn't last too long...and it honestly felt silly.
>So, casual as can be, he whips out an old pen from his world and quickly scribbles down his John Hancock.
>There was a silence after Anon finished but he was too quick to leave and do whatever other business he needed to before they could get a word in.
>Anon has just accidentally brandished a national treasure that was thought to only be wielded by Princesses that knew how to use them properly (and Twilight but that's because she's...Twilight..).
>Anon signs Amarezon package and brings his box into his home.
>The next day, there's a crowd outside his own and a petition to evaluate his "Princessness".

Where the FUCK did "own" come from?
>Thanks to a lack of a spellchecker (phone died a long time ago), Anon has to deal with realizing he misspells a damn good bit more than he realizes.
>Granted, he spells better than MORE than a good portion of HALF this damn place but it still bothers the little Grammar Nazi in his brain.
>Thank god for Erasers and whiteout (twas a bitch to get) but it still didn't lessen the blow of realizing how much he relied on a proper spellchecker.
>So yeah, avoid Anon's house when he's writing, his Bad Words make the sky cry.
>And of course, every FUCK earns a lightning strike.
>And another bit in the Swear Jar.
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why are poner snouts so boopable?
>And a new swear jar to replace the broken old one.
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>In lieu of taxes, it was just easier (and honestly, FAR more profitable) to make the giant hyooman pay the "Swear Jar" tax.
>Every Forbidden Word he spoke was another bit into the ever growing pile in the Swear Jar.
>The ponies didn't think that they needed that big of a jar or even more than one, thinking this "Forbidden Magic Master" would learn his lesson...
>...the fact that they need to buy a new jar is a testament to how Anon never did.
>A part of the town wants to be ashamed of Anon for all the Bad Words...
>..but honestly, they can actually afford to fix things now.
>No more did the tax pony have to put the Puppy Eyes of Shame onto stubborn ponies to pay things, they just had to wait for Anon to swear up a storm (literally, funny enough) and all of a sudden the Library has enough funds to get new books and fix up stuff.
>Get Anon a job to help fix the library? Save some bits on the ponies that would've normally taken forever or were scared of hurting themselves.
>And if Anon hurt himself? He swore enough to make a hill shake, fills up the jar again and takes care of his own booboos.
>Some may say this is a cruel system, relying on horrible magics to get things done and what have you.
>But when the old roads get fixed and the hospital finally has enough bandages for Big Ouchies, all will know of Anon's great deeds.
I always love seeing art with this viewpoint and remembering just how smol pones would be.
Anon is the cornerstone of equestrian economy
Nothing like bitching about a spelling error to get folks to write about a Swear Jar Anon story.
>Anon opens a petting Zoo but the visitors are the ones getting pet!
Anon is the powerhouse of the cell
I'm having a giggle. This is funnier than it should be.
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> Anon Discovers that mares are really really dumb like gorilla glue + Black Chick dumb. And thus begins anon’s regime of pranking all mares. Tasty pizza under a glasstable for Princess candyass, she knocked herself out. Cake made of laxatives for Princess Sunny Butt. Changing Princess Lulus clocks and putting Toothpaste under her nose. Leaving a letter at each prank in shitty crayon claiming to celly for Lulu, shiny for candy and Lulu for celly. Watch the. Chaos udfolde !
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>glass table pranks
>Cake made of laxatives
not cool
>framing letters
way not cool
>throwing Shiny under the bus
you have no idea how disappointed I am with you right now.
You have some issues anon
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anon into kinderquestria with an irl hoers, one day his hoers goes missing and as he searches for it finds it inna court painted with cellys colors.
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She’s the tallest so she gets to be in charge.
fuck i love that comic i wish there were more hoers poner interaction shit like this
>inb4 this is Anon's POV of that one short green where Celestia turns into an IRL horse, and Twilight is trying to hide that fact from the Day Court.
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beb boob :DDDDDD benis
that cat birb is silly
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Do you like to imagine that only Equestria is kinder-ized, with the rest of the world being normal? Or do you like to imagine that everything, from the ponies to griffons to the yaks, are Kinderized?
Kindergryphons sound adorable.
First time in this general
Can I have some of the best greens you guys managed to write?
A sort of must-read list?
We don't really have a "bests list," but I'll recommend you a few of my favorites.
ponepaste.org/569 Knight of the Moon
ponepaste.org/568 Ink Well & Anon
ponepaste.org/116 Untitled /kinder/ Nurse Redheart green
ponepaste.org/2928 Anon, Underwater Ceramics Expert
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Here's a more updated List of greens that the OP has: https://ponepaste.org/1603
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pony dances
a kinderpone party is the only place I'd ever feel comfortable dancing in front of others
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Chapter 5- In which Coco Pommel deftly dodgers her assailant and the escape that commenced in the prior chapter concludes

>Your body tenses as you wait for the pegasus to catch you
>Like playing a game of tag when you know that the “it” pony is much faster than you
>You tremble
>You whimper
>And then you feel a jet of air...whizz past your head
>You peek out with one eye and see the pegasus trying desperately to come to a stop
>It’s too late though, his body slams into the pillows of a napping corner and you can see the relaxing pillows have already done their job as he snoozes peacefully with peaches in his mane
>It would seem as though he did not expect you to duck and didn’t have enough time to adjust his flight path
>You don’t have an opportunity to sigh in relief before Anonymous is back on his feet again
>”And so the tortoise wins over the hare once again! Razor sharp thou art!”
>He gives you a wink before running forward and jumping again, you following right behind him
>The main entrance of the library is about eight more shelves in front of you, but there is one problem
“S-sir! There’s no way for us to get down when we reach the last shelf!”
>”Whom hath said anything about descending from there? Look hither, Coco, fortune favors us!”
>All you see is a chandelier about half his size that hangs low in front of the shelf
>And another guardrail that is connected to the second floor that is in turn is a few feet in front of the chandelier itself
>Your mind puts two and two together as you shout at him, the first time you’ve raised your voice in a while
“This is crazy! YOU’RE CRAZY!”
As always, forgot to mention that it's a continuation from this: >>36529503

>His manic smile still does not leave him as he scoops you up in one arm in the middle of a jump before the last shelf
>”To the common mare and stallion, infinite ambition is insanity. Of course I am crazy, my squire, for my quest demands it so!”
>With one more leap he bounds away from the last bookcase and reaches out with his free hand, his other arm still tightly clutching you
>”But I am also Sir Anonymous, Knight of the Last Page!”
>Your screams are louder than the books falling onto the ground as his free hand manages to grasp a pole of the chandelier as it sways forward
>The ponies chasing you on the ground floor can only stare dumbfounded at the swinging monkey in heavy armour
>Sir Anonymous’s leap was powerful enough to make the chandelier lurch forward and upward
>His shower curtain cape waves through the air behind you
>He takes the arm holding you and flings you onto the second floor
>You manage to land on all four of your hooves and feel them shaking like gelatin
>The chandelier continues to swing forward and then back as the crystals attached to it clink together
>Anonymous tries to swing his legs to make it go further like a typical playground swing, but his mass is just too great with all of his armour on
>Plaster falls on him and your eyes follow the trail of dust to the ceiling
>The chain that holds the chandelier is being pulled apart from its fastenings
>With no time to get a greater arc on the swing, the human makes a leap of faith towards you!
>Which he fails by quite a few feet as his hands never are even close to reaching the railing
>He crashes into the carpeted floor, face forward
>The chandelier also comes undone from the ceiling and falls down right on top of him
>You gallop down nearby stairs and are soon by his side just as he starts to bend his arms to get up and move the obstruction off of himself
>The pipes must have been hollow and the crystals just plastic decoration as you note that none of them are shattered on the floor
“Are you okay?! You took a really big fall and the chandelier followed right after you!”
>He coughs a few times from the plaster dust that landed on him before slowly standing up and dusting himself
>”Winded, but not defeated. It’ll take more than furnishings to finish off this knight!”
>A stampede of hooves reminds you that the two of you are not alone as those giving chase continue with their hunt
>But the last domino of books finally falls over and the ponies around it scatter away in a panic before anypony gets hit
>Anonymous and you make a break for it through the front entrance and once again you are embraced by the Manehattan night air

>The two of you continue to run and run for a few blocks until you look back and notice that nopony is no longer pursuing you
>At this point the two of you are panting and leaning against a graffitied wall with nasty phrases as “Mayor Packback is a doo-doo head” and “For a good hard cuddle call Wishing Star”
>Normally these kinds of words would make you wince back but you’re just too tired to care
>How could this night get even worse?
>You feel a single drop of water land on your forehead
>Then another
>And another
>That’s right
>The Manehattan weather team scheduled rain tonight
>That would explain why there weren’t any pedestrians around
>Your fur starts to get soaked and since you didn’t expect to stay out this late, you didn’t bother to bring an umbrella
>The water drips down on Anonymou’s armor and makes a sound akin to a tin bucket getting filled up
>”A fine mess we have left, I’d say, a fine mess indeed! I must say, thou takes to adventure quite well for a mare who hath never done so before. Though, thou did miss an opportunity for witty retort as we fled”
>Your breaths are still long and drawn out as you look at him incredulously, your eyelids narrow to prevent rainwater from hitting your eyes
>”Perhaps something along the lines of ‘We shalt be checking out now’ or ‘Let’s skip to the end’ in reference to our bounding through the shelves. Fear not though, my cream squire, I will not be counting this against thee, for after all this was thine first of many outings. Even Sinbad stumbled on his first voyage”
“We could have gotten serious boo-boos back there!”
>”What is adventure without risk? And we shalt be risking far more than boo-boos in our service”
“About that, Sir Anonymous,how long am I supposed to be helping you on your quest anyways?
>”My quest is eternal”
>You gasp as your heart is caught in your throat before he continues on
>”But you are not undertaking my quest. Thine quest is to find that which thou seekth, thy own impossible dream”
“How will I know when I find it?”
>”I have not the foggiest idea”
>You sigh in frustration
>This day has gone on long enough
>You look at a clock post a fair distance away
“Well, I should be going home now. It’s past my bedtime and I need to make sure I brush my teeth and comb my mane out. I can give you the address for the office, let me just write it down”
>You take out a crayon and some paper and scribble down the address of the studio, the paper getting wet but the great thing about crayon is that it doesn’t smear
>Anonymous takes the address from you and tucks it away
>”Thou hath more than earned thine rest, Squire. I shalt be continuing my errantry until the appointed hour tomorrow”
“Aren’t you going to go to bed also? It’s really late now”
>”I cannot let a little thing such as slumber disturb my journey. It is as well that I have no pillow to lay my head upon”
“You...have no bed?”
>He nods as the rain drops off from his helmet onto the pavement
>Not once have you seen his face, but you can’t help but imagine a puppy shivering in the cold as it takes shelter in an alleyway while it rains
>You sigh
>You can’t just let him wander around in the dark with nowhere to go in the rain
“Would you like to stay for the night at my apartment, Sir Anonymous?”
>”Thy idea has merit, Cinderella, strength in numbers, afterall and we know not when our captors will give up the chase”
>You nod
>At this point it’s easier to just go along with his delusions than it is to challenge them
“The walk from here isn’t too bad. I don’t have any bits for a cab so just follow me”
>Your hooves ache as you can feel the horseshoes strike against them with every step
>On top of that, the rain starts to intensify
>At this point your mane and saddlebag is getting drenched despite your best efforts
>Suri isn’t going to be happy about some of the designs getting wet
>You’re cold
>You’re tired
>And you’re hungry
>This is the worst day of your life
>And yet, through it all, a voice in your mind tells you something
>You’ll have even worse days in the future, so get used to it
>The Big City is an uncaring place filled with uncaring ponies
>Your boss taught you that, it was her first lesson
>At the end of the day, there’s nopony you can rely upon but yours-
>You hear two clicks behind you and stop your train of thought as you turn your head
>Sir Anonymous is removing his cape and steps forward
>”Thou assisted me in my hour of need, and now it is time I returned the favor”
>He drapes the shower curtain over your confused body
>You can feel the patter of rain repelled away by the plastic but you still eye the human perplexed
>”Hold on tight now”
>Before you can react, he raises you up with both his hands
>The sudden moment is nearly enough to make you sick but then he lifts you over his head and lowers you upon his shoulders
>Soon you find yourself sitting on his shoulders and wrapped in a plastic sheet
>His hands gently grasp your legs to keep you balanced while your tummy rests on his helmet
>Wow, you’ve never felt so tall before
>The Metal isn’t too uncomfortable to sit on either, smooth enough to not feel any protrusions and it’s a welcome relief on your hooves to not be walking anymore
>You open your mouth to thank him but then he feels a rumble in your stomach
>”Haha! Grand adventure does tend to create grand hunger! It is no house fabricated out of gingerbread, but hopefully this ought to do”
>He lets go of one of your legs to reach into a gap in his cuirass and pulls out the pudding cup you didn’t get to earlier
>He must have swiped it right before you two fled
>The cup is a little dented and beat up but the seal is still perfectly on it
>In your state though, it looks like the most delectable thing in the world
>He removes the seal from the pudding cup and raises it up for you to enjoy
>You take it in your hooves and with the absence of a spoon, simply raise the cup up to your mouth and start using your tongue to scoop up the contents
>The smooth chocolate favor goes down well and you can feel yourself drying up under the cape
>A little bit of the chocolate accidentally ends up on your snout and you scrunch your nose slightly but can’t quite reach it with your tongue
>”I hope that my squire finds her reward most agreeable?”
>You take a break from lapping up the pudding
“Thank you very much, Sir Anonymous”
>”Thy gratitude is not needed. Thou hath earned this and tenfold more, Cinderella”
“So who is this Cinderella pony? I’ve never heard of her before”
>”A tale told many times by many tongues to many people. Guide me into the path to thy abode and I shalt regale thee with it”
>You nod and use your free hoof to point the way to your apartment
>The giant walks to where you point as he carefully balances you on his shoulders
>”Once there lived a gentleman whose wife had unfortunately gotten sick. In her last moments she called her beautiful young daughter to her side, her name was Cinderella…”
>As the human tells you the story, you can feel your mane starting to dry and your body warming up
>The steady rhythm of his walking combined with the desert you just ate makes you relaxed as you lean more and more into the helmet until your head is resting entirely on it
>The story he tells you is a nice one filled with glass slippers, a Prince Charming, and pumpkin carriages
>You try your best to keep awake and continue to direct the giant that holds you, but your eyelids get heavier and heavier around the time when Cinderella is about to leave the ball as the clock strikes midnight
>A small nap wouldn’t hurt...
>Before you’re whisked always to dreamland though, you find yourself mumbling to your new mentor
“Maybe adventure’s aren’t so bad afterall…”
>You cannot see nor hear him as you fall into your slumber, but the human smiles as he feels your body slump into his shoulders and head, snores raising and lowering your tufted chest
>”I’m glad to hear that, my little Coco-Nut”
Meanwhile Back at the Library…

>Dinner with your family is always great!
>Ma and Pa’s diner is doing so well these days ever since you helped invest in it
>But they always make time to make the last plate of the night your’s
>Although, it’s getting kinda hard dodging some of their questions now
>Like when the next time Mousy is going to stop in is
>It was the nickname your baby sister gave him when she couldn’t pronounce it properly six years ago
>He just laughed as he continued to cradle her in those arms of his
>It’s been three months since they last saw him
>Not since the incident

>Your hooves trot up the steps and your horn glows to open up “The Moon Also Rises by Hemmingneigh” door of the library
>What greets you as you step into the lobby is a fine mess you’d say, a fine mess indeed
>An entire row of bookshelves has been knocked over, thousands of volumes spilling over the floor
>Right next to you is a chandelier that fell off the ceiling, the decoration laying mangled as a layer of plaster covers it
>Some of the staff are trying to clean up the mess with brooms and dustpans, a few earth pony teams are pulling the shelves back in alignment one at a time with ropes as well
>For your part you keep a rather neutral expression
>Spirit, one of your oldest colleagues notices you and starts to run towards you, panic evident on his face
>Also evident is food stains all over his body along with feathers that aren’t of his own stuck to some dried juice on him
>Even in this catastrophe, you can’t help but smile at his ridiculousness
>”Paprika, you’re finally back! Oh it was horrible!”
“Did somepony forget that the books go on the shelves and not the floor again?”
>”No, it’s even worse than that! The Green Crayon is gone, Anonymous ran away!”
“Really? But I made sure the signs were written in extra bold marker so that he wouldn’t open the door”
>”He had help, there was a cream mare with a blue mane with him! They ran out the door and now I’m wearing his dinner”
>You had a feeling Coco-Nut wouldn’t give up her hunt
“Hmm...the guild isn’t going to be happy about this”
>”The Guild is going to be the least of our issues, Paps. He wasn’t the only one that escaped…”
>You eye him wearily
“What’s the situation?”
>”Everypony was so preoccupied catching up with Anonymous that nopony noticed the other crayons slipping out from the box. The Pink, White, Grey, and Yellow crayons got away too”
“Relax, Spirit, everything is going to be okay. Just remember what Anonymous used to say”
>”Let me grab that for you?”
“No, that all of our problems are always smaller when we look back at them”
>”This is a pretty big problem though”
“Oh yeah definitely, this is huge, but let’s just keep pretending it’s small so that we don’t panic”
>Once again you grin at the old Librarian as he gives you a half hearted nervous smile in return
“There we go! How about you help pick up some of the books and I’ll be right there after I put my saddlebag away?
>Spirit nods glumly at you before flying off, a few grapes fall off of him as he leaps up
>You probably should have told him to take a shower first
>Your hooves trot up to the circular foyer desk and you use your magic to pick up your saddlebag and plant it next to your chair
>Thoughts of how you’re going to address this to an outraged Guild fills your mind
>Still, Coco-nut’s actions might prove to be advantageous for you
>Speaking of which...
>You open up a nearby filing cabinet and your aura leafs through the folders before finally finding the one you seek
>Library Card Applications
>A single sheet of paper that has an attached photo of a young nervous looking mare flies out and floats before your face
>Let’s see here...
>Name, Birthday, Cooties Status, Gender…
>Ah, there we go

End of Act 1
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Ponepaste link: https://ponepaste.org/4073

And that's all for Act 1. As planned, don't expect Act 2 to start until at least a minimum of about a month from now, when the first chapter of Act 2 is posted, then it'll go back to a weekly update schedule. Hope everyone is staying warm. Here's some Coco with cocoa.
oh fuck the plot thiccens. good shit muh nigger
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pet the filly
Added to the list.
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Same, they wouldn't judge when all I know is the good ol' string dance.
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Silly Fillys trying to get to Page 10
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Yeah, that guy did.
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i would pet the living shit out of that dappy
Is Flurry Heart and swear-demon Anon green kill?
Eldritch Anon posted last thread saying he was still around and working on the green I believe. Hell I'm just happy that Knight of the Moon got a surprise update.
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pony seems to look up too anon
What a silly mare.
identity theft is a serious crime rainbow dash
That's good to know, I was getting worried.
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literal boop
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>a pegasus flying full speed into pillows and immediately falling asleep
I love this green, its peak slapstick
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>multiple crayons
I'm so curious and hooked.
Thanks for the good greens, they've been my little happy highlight of each week.
This is much more horrifying to me than it should be. It’s like staring into a mirror.
It's like she's unintentionally imitating Hannibal Lecter
What kind of mirrors have you been looking into anon?
A Circus Mirror
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She's such a kind mare! She comes around every morning to compliment Anon's hedges and bushes. I heard she even tries to get the Flower Trio to help him out with his garden sometimes! She'd be a perfect fillyfriend.
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pony is ready for boop, will you boops?
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>Tallest gets to be in charge.
>Technically speaking, being tallest doesn't MEAN you're a leader but it certainly helps to have someone that ponies can (literally) look up to.
>In comes Anon, a man of sizable stature (to ponies) who is either as tall or a smidge bit taller than than the Princesses.
>Pony Brains demand they listen to Tallest but they know gosh darn well that the Princesses are Princesses.
>Cue confusion.
I like to imagine it's the whole world, honestly. Just everyone going along with the "safe world" rules.

Granted, it would be a little funny if it turned out this Kindergarten Country was the TOP country somehow in a world where everyone else was "normal".
Petition to make Anon a princess, problem solved(?)
>everypony procedes to say they preferred Anon before he got wings
Was thinking about doing an Around the World in 80 Days style green just to imagine what other Kinder places would be like but thought it’d be a bit too ambitious for me.
page neigh boop
>For some reason, Anon vehemently refuses to be allowed wings.
>It has something to do with "looking silly and weird" or something. Not that the Princesses looked weird, it just seemed he thought HE would.
>He was also weirdly certain he'd only get taller and go against things he believed in when he was first introduced.
>There are those that respect Anon's wishes...but there are of course the curious few who wonder what would happen.
>>Tallest gets to be in charge

>Somehow this comes full circle into "Anon is Eldritch".
>Because he is a tall being who does NOT take a leadership role despite his overall helpfulness.
Don't you fuckers let this die.
>Eldritch Anon except the ponies nut up and take him in to be "contained".
>Really, he just follows them in to whatever little office they wanted him in so he can do interviews and stuff. He even gets sweets if he gave really good, honest answers.
>Not something to be SUPER excited about but it was kinda cool.
>He doesn't know anything about any "anomalous effects" he has anyone though, he just feels as "normal as ever".
>The ponies are pretty sure he isn't lying but it does bring up some disturbing questions on what he considers "normal".
>According to his answers, he's able to withstand S-Class Booboos (HIGH rank!) and worse, he can stay up past naptime any time he wishes and even further, he can use a variety of sharp objects without fear of being harmed and that was only the tip of the iceberg.
>What he doesn't know, which is what the Ponies were researching, was that he had a rather calming effect on creatures that are caught unawares. Being in his presence has been describe as "being around a really great dad" even when he doesn't do anything necessarily "fatherly".
>A similar effect is said to happen with Celestia (and to a lesser degree, Luna) but the Pony Researchers obviously don't have her locked up for that.
>It just makes them more confused and willing to put up with odd shenanigans if it meant that they can get answers to their burning questions.
>hold cookie in front of snootle to watch it sniff snoff
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i don't think i could ever contain the desire to pick random poners up
Hah! Poners would be lining up to get a ride from anon.
>It's all fun and games until all the (VERY GROWN AND QUITE TALL) Princesses demand to get "rides" as well.
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>Leadership in Equastria is determined by how tall you are or how many ponies you can lift up
>After all if you're the biggest then that means everypony is going to look up to you and carrying ponies around is like carrying the weight of a nation on your back
>Using magic to enhance your strength or levitate ponies is considered cheating and renders your challenge invalid
>Anypony that wants to challenge leadership has to beat the current leader in a pony lifting contest
>Local leaders like Mayor Mare can lift up at least three ponies at once
>She's actually stronger than the Apple family
>Shining Armour had to lift up the previous Captain of the Guard and four other guards in full uniform before he got his promotion
>The Crystal Empire accepted his and Candence's rule only when they stood together and lifted up four crystal ponies, an amazing feat considering how heavy crystals are
>When Luna tried to dethrone Celestia, it was a contest between who could lift up more of the palace staff, loser got sent to the moon
>Turning into Nightmare Moon was considered cheating and akin to taking steroids but she was evil so she didn't follow the rules
>Enter Anon
>Little does he know that going around and picking up the cut widdle ponies for a little ride is actually him issuing warnings of a leadership challenge to come
>Mayor Mare is determined to hold onto her position and is working out in her spare time, lifting up teddy bear dumbbells and sleeping without the heater on
>Meanwhile Celestia hears about a monster that might try to usurp her and is drinking protein shakes instead of her cake in preparation for the challenge
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>teddy bear dumbells
Even though Bulk Biceps is like, ten times stronger than Mayor Mare, he's just in it for the gains, not the authority.
Say what you will, but thats something I can respect.
>Your spine's a single straw away from snap city.
>But to get leverage you have two hands absolutely full of Princess plot.
I would do it.
power lifter anon when?
So naughty words are generally considered to have magical effects here, correct?
And Latin is sorta associated with magic too, or at least the names of spells, right?
With those 2 ideas in mind, what would happen if Anon recited Catullus 16?
Swears are, to an extent, magical in their own right. It's an invocation of a taboo, which will have an impact on any who hear for whom the taboo still stands. The reaction, the instinctive discomfort caused is what gives these words power. In a society that regulates discussions of sex, "fuck" might be a swear. In a society that considers blasphemy a sin, "damn" or "zounds" might be a swear. In a society where bodily functions are not discussed publicly, "shit" might be a swear. In a society where nothing is sacred, where the breaking of boundaries is encouraged, where there are no taboos, words that were previously swears lose their power and become just words like any other, though new taboos may come to take their place. Rapid changes in English-speaking societies have caused people to lose sight of this and to think of swears as just a list of words you aren't "supposed" to say. Swears are not merely a linguistic construction, but a psychological and social phenomenon, and thus the power comes not from the words themselves, but the context that surrounds them.

So when looking at a Kinderquestrian society, one might expect to see more taboos than what one might expect to see in a modern human society, and thus a more extensive list of swears.
>>So when looking at a Kinderquestrian society, one might expect to see more taboos than what one might expect to see in a modern human society, and thus a more extensive list of swears.
>Doesn't hurt that the air is literally filled with magic.
>Taboo Speech (or otherwise known as "Swearing" and "Cursing") end up as horrid words you only mix together to do terrible magics.
>One could even call it Barbaric Magic or perhaps Heretical Magic.
More lore
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oh no
>"Big tall alien from beyond this realm wants to pet you with his cheeto dusted hand"
What other horror stories will you find in a Kinderquestria book store?
>”That one time you heard a weird noise in the basement and thought it was a monster but it turned out to be the water boiler and other horrifying tales to tell around the campfire”
>kinder pones find out anon is also afraid of things
>like how he does not like being in the basement while the light is off
>so he turns off the light and runs like hell
This is a normal fear. If you don’t run fast enough then the shadow creatures will grab your legs and drag you into the underbasement.
>In Kinderquestria, the shadow demons are real
>Anon tries to run up the stairs from the basement, but he can't because all of the steps are tiny as fuck and he keeps slipping
>The demons get Anon, and he starts swearing like a sailor, thinking that he's going to die
>The demon ponies get scared and start huddling together in fear from the titanic ape who's spewing Forbidden Words
>Anon sees one shadow demon start to cry, and despite being confused as fuck, he starts trying to comfort them
>All of the demons immediately latch onto Anon so that he'll comfort all of them.
>Anon pets the shadow mares to calm them down, and they all fall asleep snuggled up next to him
>They are mean
>bullies, without mommies
>but you
>you will be worse
>hug and cuddle
>until its is done
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A basement below your basement? Now that's spooky.
>There’s an evil counterpart to each pony in the underbasement
>Evil is a bit stretching though
>More like mischievous kids who like to pretend they’re villains and their pranks are harmless enough
>Cackling is mandatory after each deed
>Their cutie marks are just mirrored images that are horizontally from the ones on top side
>Viola has a violin and plays scare chords every now and then when you’re about to do something
>She has a roommate, Cassete, who composes dance music and always, just always, sneak a fart in every song somewhere
>Parity still gives things away but always lies about how much she is going to give away. Instead of half of her cookie, she’ll only give you a quarter of it
>Punkie Pie keeps booping you without asking for permission
>Grapplejack likes to wrassel and roughhouse but never takes it too far
>She’s also nearly 1/3rd your size so it’s more like she’s hugging your leg really hard as she struggles to lift you up
>Fluttershy and her pet dustbunny, devil, terrorize you by leaving passive aggressive notes that have candy attached to them
>Rain Dasher is basically just Rainbow Dash except she has no idea what rain is since it never rains in the underbasement
>Oh and her mane is black
>That’s about it
>You do notice that there’s no Twilight Sparkle counterpart though
>You ask if there’s anypony that would for the criteria of her
>The ponies have no idea who you’re talking about
>They do state though that years ago one small filly decided to leave the underbasement and she had a purple coat with a pink highlighted mane
>anon brings this to kinderquestria
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>>They do state though that years ago one small filly decided to leave the underbasement and she had a purple coat with a pink highlighted mane
MFW genuine fear
>When the Demon Ponies all crowd around Anon in fear to hug him, he accidentally lifts them all and talks softly to calm them down.
>Thanks to Equestria's silly rules, this technically means he's broken several records of "lifting ponies for leadership".
>The question now though: Does this mean he can challenge Celestia (by accident or on purpose) or does this just simply mean he's Leader of the Shadow Demons?
The big spook.
Normally we call that the "Changeling Hive" but I guess the Shadow Demons got to it first.
>This is a point of contempt for the "Rival Factions" in Anon's basement (and "subbasement" apparently)/.
>The Shadow Demons clearly had dibs first but the naughty bugs were trying to encroach on their territory just because Anon felt sorry and was nice to them!
>...granted, that's kinda why the Shadow Demons were there in the first place but they were there first!
And that filly was named Sound Minde and never abused her magic or became a power crazed mare. Think a twilight without the total lack of morality or social skills. It would be kinda funny since moste people would Think a even worse Twilight would be around. And then when they worry they just find a Well ajusted mare better than purple book horse. Also reluctant shadow demon King Anon when ?
Would this mean that Anon ALSO carried a bunch of Changelings and comforted them, too, accidentally breaking a local Queen's/Chrysalis's record?

>Anon is now either King of the Changlings *and* the Shadow Demons or he's at least considered a "Local Leader" for both factions.
>He doesn't really know the schematics behind it, he just knows that a bunch of weird, vaguely pony shaped beings really like his basement for some reason and he's damn sure it's gotten bigger.
>>Anon is now either King of the Changlings *and* the Shadow Demons or he's at least considered a "Local Leader" for both factions.
What is this, a Bethesda game?
Make him reluctant and/or just being himself with a dash of shenanigans from whatever town he's in and it'd kinda be funny to read.

Reluctant King Anon and his merry band of weirdos.
Imagine finding a shadow version of someone you know and it turns out the "demon" is a helluva lot more adjusted than they are.

>Reluctant Shadow Demon King Anon when?
>Dragging you into the underbasement was actually an accident by the part of the shadow pones
>You see, it turns out there's a version of you too
>It was some guy that also got transported to Equestria also
>He just ended up in the underbasement instead of topside
>He didn't even know there was a topside until you got dragged down here
>You don't mean "some guy" as an insult either
>You're just some guy too
>In fact, that's probably why the two of you are pretty similar
>When you flip neutral around, you still end up with neutral
>It's like trying to find the opposite color of the color grey
>You both are pretty chill since nothing can really harm you both in this world
>To the ponies, you even look the same since they're so unfamiliar with humans
>Despite the fact only one of you has a goatee
>He also got turned into the reluctant local leader of the daemons since he enjoyed hugging them and lifting them up
>Though officially Sellestia was the ruler of the kingdom, but she spent most of her time trying to hustle Hasbro merchandise
>Shadow Daemon Ponies believe that the topside is a scary place where there's a giant orb in the sky that will blind you if you look at it too long, not like the comfy glowing nightlights in the underbasement
>It's also too humid
>They believe that if you go up the stairs when the lights are on, then you'll get dragged up by Light Daemon Ponies
>So when they saw Anon running up the stairs towards a light, they mistakenly mistook him for THEIR anon and dragged him down to the underbasement for his safety
>Now the shadow daemon pones are experiencing a mixture confusion on how there can be two anons or ecstatic that they now have TWO DADS
>That's TWO gifts for Hearth's Chilling Eve now!
>Some worry there might be a civil war as the two of you struggle for dominance and rulership of the underbasement
>The two of you are just happy that there's another adult to finally talk to in this weird world
>Second Anon is technically leader just because Sellestia doesn't pay that much attention.

OK, that's actually a little funny in a way.
>Two Anons
>Ponies think they'll struggle for dominance, but what they don't realise is that they agree to share power like some Roman Emperors did
>In truth, First Anon could give a damn about being a ruler but if a Shadow Daemon Pony gets confused or needs help, it's not like he won't help.
>He's reluctant, not an asshole.
Man these threads have evolved. Last time I was here it was just "Anon is in prison but it's basically daycare." for months straight.
based and ment pilled
It took me a second, but that's quite good.
I think the appeal is that it’s cute pones doing cute things. If anyone wants to get their rocks off, then there’s already dozens of generals for that. As one anon said, flutter rape is a sexual fantasy while Kinderquestria is a dad fantasy.
> Anon vs the cuddly shadow demons. Becomes the king through his Mighty snuggel and petting combo attacks. Anon learns that all basements anywhere in pony world are connected through the hall of Doors that the Leader gets to use. And thus the basement adventures began.
>Anon opens a Movers business / Moving Company and movies the stuff from the Old Home to the new Home using his new basement power. Only accepts customers moving from a Home to a Home with basements.
I ment moves not movies damm you autocorrect
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kinderpony is going to surprise buttcuddle you for not bumping the thread
>Be Batpone
>You are another Dark Sisterhood initiative who wishes to triy her hand-er, hoof-at sneaking up on the "Nightfather", "Dreadfather" or whatever you want to call the role of "fatherly figure to PG 'assassins'."
>Like those before you, you just had to be sure this is truly "Him", a surprising thing given that you were a batpony, a race of who's majority readily believed the tale.
>By the time you were behind the Nightfather, you were ready to pounce from the darkness...only to hear him call out.
>"Say, what are you doing there, hun?"
>In a panic, you pounce anyway! Landing square on his back, you-!
>...cannot move him. You cannot even change up your attack into a Sleepytime Snuggle.
>It slowly dawns on you that you have failed your assault and surely you would be seen as a failure for not believing the tales of the NIghtfather. His next words, however, put a pause to your thoughts.
>"Oh! Clingy one, huh? 5th one this week, haha!"
>You soon felt strange digits pat on the top of your head, a calmness slowly coming over.
>Was this...his mercy? Or was he lulling you?
>You knew not but your eyelids fell, heavy and weary..

>Be Anon
>Another little cute pony wanted to jump up onto your back for rides or something.
>You never really know what for but a little pat and they were out like a light!
>Oh well, you never really minded...but you definitely need to talk to someone about it soon.
>You swear you've one of them mumble "father" before. You hope they're OK...
Now all we need are batponies hanging from Anon's arms like in that one anonistrator story.
top cute
I concur, that is some high quality stuff.
Anon being swarmed by floofy birbs
Vehicular manslaughter or just straight up homicide?
Anon becomes Lord of Reality
The one true EQ DAD of kinderland
>Turns out that magic kind of makes things lighter.
>Including ponies.
>Anon has ponies try and swoop on him, pounce on him, all kinds of silly things.
>(Especially if you say >>36588110 is a part of this)
>With all the napping ponies on his back, Anon just continues on with his day...unknowingly shredding the records of..er...*several* leaders..
>Even Discord's but no one knows if he cheated for his or not.
based pencils
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>Because Anon is NOT made of magic or have magic inside of him, he's about as heavy as you imagine.
>Any ponies that try to beat his "records" by lifting HIM find it quite impossible.
>Even Celestia has issues!
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this filly needs petting
>An Anon brings back the Dark Sisterhood prompts.

Yes, nice.
>Much like the guards in a certain franchise, random guards here "know" who Anon "really is".
>Despite their "hails", he never really catches them correctly because they're always mumbly and nervous. But again he hears "..-father" and really begins wondering what was going on.
So small. Not even up to the knee.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WcGJ_xqqQ8Y Anon using the intercom system at Schools and stations to play this, just to get the keks
>In Equestria, things are typically split between Order/Harmony, Disorder/Evil, and Chaos/Randomness.
>Generally those who are in each group are easy to identify, ie, Princesses are Good, the villain of the week is evil or disorderly and Discord and the Everfree are Chaos.
>However, not all are all that easy to identify or one pretends to be one thing while they are another.
>Examples: Sombra acted like he was giving Order when he was really doing Evil, Twilight (hear me out) several times thought she was doing Good when she was doing a good amount of Disorder (or perhaps even Chaos) and so on and so forth. There are bound to be other examples but surely the gist is gotten by now: Sometimes one is hard to label. Especially so when some can just flip flop around with the labels.
>Which brings us to our current conundrum: Anon.
>He has arrived to Kinderquestria via shenanigans and has taken a national interest due in part to him being one of his kind and for how sudden he arrived. This means, of course, a meeting with the Princesses...and Discord, who wanted to tag along.
>And once Discord met the man? The absolute GLEE in his eyes should have been the first signs of trouble.
>The second was probably him bragging about how there's "finally another chaotic being to that darned list of yours!"
>Apparently, Anon later learns, he's like a "wonderful little bundle of chaos loosely wrapped in a somewhat orderly bow".
>Whatever that means.
Anyone have the prompt index saved? Intrested in taking a look and brainstorming.
I remember that Anonistrator said he made a list of a bunch of unused prompts he found while scouring the older Kinderquestria threads on Desuarchive, so you could check his PonePaste to see if he has them up there.
>Anon isn't wholly a Goody Two Shoes but neither was he a Horrifying Villain. Just a lovely inbetween with more hints toward being Good.
>It's just that sometimes he can come up with silly things that'd run Discord for his money.
>We're talking full "WRITE THAT DOWN, WRITE THAT DOWN" when Anon gets bored and blabs about an idea.
>Discord using Anon's "Bored Musings", even while reformed, can be an awful thing.
>Messy stuff, even...
>tfw you troll kinderscientists by telling them "this one weird trick" your people discovered involving sticking a buttered toast to a cat's back
>tfw they believed you
>tfw they try to replicate it
>tfw it worked
although this is seen as nothing but a gimmick, because levitation charms are really not that rare in Equestria
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Does this mean that anon can fly?
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Back to page 1 we go!
Cum in the kinder pony
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"You alright, Celly?"
>"Umph, I'm fine. . . Just. . . Warming up is all. . ."
"Wow, and here I thought that I was the dense one-"
>"You are, and that's the problem!"
>It gets to the point that Anon's already beaten several records but he refuses to take anyone's leadership roles.
>Which is...technically a problem.
>Sure, everyone gets to keep their roles if he rejects but everypony (and, perhaps, everycreature) will goshdarn well know that HE'S the title holder for "Who Can Lift The Most".
>It gets rather silly when Mayor Mare expects out of town guests but they knock on Anon's door instead.
>Then it gets VERY silly (and perhaps a bit nationally troubling) when the same thing happens when it happens to Celestia as well...
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Silly pony.
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oh fuck pony bit me
>Kinder physics are actually Troll physics
Or it works because they believe it works
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>It just works
>Troll physics work in Kinderquestria because that's how ponies expect them to work, and reality is too big of a softie to disappoint those cute ponies.
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Petting Ponies Plump Bellies
>Kinder physics is just Cartoon Physics on crack.
>Remember when Roger Rabbit said "he could only do it if it was funny"?
>It's about like that.
>Not everyone covered in oil in the rain would fly but if it was funny? They'd be floating around like mad.
>Anon doesn't take the roles but people/ponies sometimes act like he has them.
>One too many times he's had to point down a path to get someone to Mayor Mare or tell someone to go to Canterlot.
>Who knew packing around a bunch of sleepy pones meant all this trouble?
>>Cartoon Physics on Crack.
>The statistics on this are actually rather skewed. The average pony does NOT break the laws of physics on the regular.
>That's just Pinkie's Shenanigans taken into account.
>Also, no one counts Discord's, don't even ask.
>Gets enough prompts to make any writefriend lose their minds.

writing is hard anon
I know bro, I know.
I'm too busy procrastinating.
I'm ESL and possess as much creative flair as a sheet of balsa
>I'm ESL and possess as much creative flair as a sheet of balsa
Lucky cunt.
If that means what I think it means, I can assure you that you probably speak English than most people who've spoken it most their lives.

Go god damn wild.
I've got enough stories I'm already not writing.
Been writing out a Mister Anon story that will be posted tomorrow. Ashamed to say I’m stuck at the last section for the past 4 days now. Also trying to think how Manehattan Knights Act 2 will go.
Good shit.
What good are prompts if nobody has the talent, time, or desire to write?
it's always naptime in kinderquestria

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