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Bored On Duty Edition

>Ongoing
Everyday Life With Guardsmares: https://ponepaste.org/1047
Everyday Life With Guardsmares FAQ: https://ponepaste.org/1058
Sword and Shield: https://pastebin.com/swXBKkRg
Elsewhile in the Royal Guard: https://ponepaste.org/2346
Feather Scarf: https://ponepaste.org/1087

>Out-of-Thread Honorable Mentions
>RGRE
The Long and Short of It: https://ponepaste.org/158

>Complete
Skin and Oki: https://poneb.in/zsYqrMin

>One-shots
A Hearth's Warming Patrol: https://pastebin.com/dPwemUph
Saint Destruction: https://ponepaste.org/1074
Hate Sex With Gunny: https://poneb.in/21ZhUgzy
"Sir, Yes Sir!": https://poneb.in/9WeeGgq7
Duty Bound: https://poneb.in/WfLZh5EW
Anon Pointedly Does Not Get Sex with a Guard: https://poneb.in/zi1KcnVC
Sirdubs: https://poneb.in/ZVfta6Ti
Spankybat: https://poneb.in/Q7viBeuf
The Final Test: https://poneb.in/s7Drg7s3

>Prompts
Las Pegasus Vice: https://ponepaste.org/1070
CLOPS: https://ponepaste.org/1071

Possible Propeller Victim:
D.O.I. P0ne's in Our World: https://u.smutty.horse/lyytghicrpw.txt

>Ded circa December 2020
Links to dead stories: https://ponepaste.org/3473

Anon’s Regiment
Brave and Vannie
Valiant Heart
Careful's Charge
Going Bump in the Night
Reassigned
Vigilant Shield
Magic and Mud
Finding It
Sniper Anon
Silver Star
Meadow Stockade
Copper Wing
First Time Massage
Anon Y Mous, Hierarch of Hagoland
Whiskey and Cigars
The Mountain Keeper
Steel's Charge
Southern Comfort

Previous Thread: >>36284461

>Remember, no homo.
>>
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>>36397519
Poor Anon... so many impending cuts...
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>>36397519
Sure, little pony! I'll help you!
>Lift edgepon by tail
>Shake until armor bits start falling off
>Once disarmored, cuddle
>>
I want some big strong cutie to cuddle with me at night, guarding me against the brutal cold of winter.
>>
>>36397016
Ya forgot the description OP.

This thread is all about Equestria's mares in uniform. Whether they're a fighting troop, a backwater garrison, or the ponice, all are welcome subjects for art & green.
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I love this mare. I wish she had more art
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>>36399989
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>>36399989
Spearmint a cute
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>>36401078
Why do I feel like the one in front has people locked in there basement?
Something about that face strikes me as oddly sinister
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Feather Scarf a cutie. <3
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>>36401639
Would scratch behind ears and let sleep in
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>>36401639
You're not wrong.
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>>36404573
I don't know but with the shading it makes their muzzle seem... off.
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Just started playing kingdom come deliverance and it's making me want to draw even more guardsmare art
>>36404758
The muzzle is the hardest part of a cartoon pone to shade
>>
SQA has updated The Long And Short Of It again:
>>36405623
>>36405623
>>36405623
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>>36405576
idea, Feather Scarf doing a mlem face.
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>>36405576
Very comfy pic.
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>>36405576
It's a very comfy game and perfect pony material IMO
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post your mare guard OC's i wanna see em ^:)

>>36400507
she a qt, but why the sad face?
>>
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>>36407760
>post your mare guard OC's i wanna see em ^:)
You can basically just scroll up for those
>>
>>36408050
yes, still encouraging those few shy anons. There are some mare guards out there that's quite stealthy.
>>
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>>36407760
I wanna, but I wish to daw her more first and break my bad habits so I can write some greens to introduce her.
>>
>>36405576
>Good to see you Henry!
>>
>>36407760
I think it's more confused or questioning than sad.
>>
>>36405576
Noice
Who are they?
>>
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>>36407760
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>>36409256
That... does not look comfortable.
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I want a guardmare to call me a bad boy
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>>36411543
bad boy
t. from my imaginary tulpa
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>>36412170
I came
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>>36397897
I want to turn Violet from a guardmare into my broodmare
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>>36414237
Are you going to woo her with musical theater?
>>
>>36414261
Well, according to South Park...
>>
>>36414335
You're gonna have to spoonfeed that reference to me, chief.
>>
>>36414341
S15E11. Randy makes a broadway musical after learning that they are filled with "subtext" that causes women to want to give hour long blowjobs.
>>
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where are our guards when we need them...
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Because of this thread whenever I read something with guard/military characters I wonder what a guardsmare would think of it.

I bet they would get a kick out of Guards Guards! by Terry Pratchett
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>>36417281
Imagine being the proprietor of the coffeehouse/bar where all the guardsmares come to get a warm drink and comfy blanket after a long, hard shift out in the cold.
>>
>>36417281
cozy
>>
What story are vannie and brave from?
>>
>>36418699
"Brave and Vannie"
>>
>>36418736
oh, it's dead
>>
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>>36418743
Alas.
>>
Well, stories aren't updating fast enough for me, so I've mo choice but to try my hand at writing. No idea how long I'll keep this up, but here's a start.

1
“How did we get so lost?”
>”Dust Devils, ma’am.”
“Dust Devils?”
>”I reckon. That sudden sandstorm, and now all the landmarks are jumbled up? I’d say a Dust Devil picked us up and dropped us way off course. Crafty buggers.”
>You are Sergeant Glacier, and you are melting.
>The desert sun burns overhead. The sand burns underhoof. Even the air burns at it presses up against you.
>Your Royal Guard armour feels like your own personal oven. And the oversized sword slung across your back doesn’t help at all.
>Trotting alongside you, Private Punch - your pegasus companion - seems to be faring a little better.
>Only a few flecks of foamy sweat are visible beneath her golden armour, contrasting sharply against her dark coat.
>Of course, you being a northern unicorn with a dense mane and lengthy fetlocks, most ponies handle heat better than you. You’re practically swimming in your own sweat.
>Seriously, what was the lieutenant thinking, sending you of all ponies out here?
>What were *you* thinking, trying to reach Tranquility Springs on hoof in the middle of the day?
>It hadn’t *seemed* that far when looking at the map in Appaloosa’s Royal Guard outpost...
>And now you’ve managed to get lost before even reaching your first assignment as sergeant.
>Great start, Glacier.
>With a sigh, you finally reach the top of the dune you’ve been struggling up.
>Squinting against the glare, you scan the horizon.
>Rocks. Hills. Rocky hills.
>Nope, still lost.
>That dark line way in the distance is *probably* the Macintosh ranges, but given the size of the range, it doesn’t really help narrow down your position.
>You consider your options.
>None are very appealing, but there is a clear first step.
“I’ve not heard of Dust Devils before, private. Tell me about them.”
>>
>>36419174

>You hate to defer to a subordinate - your very *first* subordinate - when it comes to dangerous wildlife. That’s supposed to be *your* area of expertise.
>But you’d be a fool to risk your lives and your mission for the sake of your pride.
>”Well ma’am, I don’t know if there’s been any, y’know, proper study or anything. I’ve just heard folklore and campfire stories. But the ponies around these parts tell about sudden sandstorms which come outta nowhere and leave travelers disoriented, sometimes miles off course.”
>She turns to fully face you, and you see the corners of her mouth twitching.
>”The way the buffalo tell it, the sandstorms are whipped up by these *eeevil*, mischievous desert spirits - the Dust Devils - who lead travelers to their doom with mirages and illusions, feeding off the poor bastards’ desperation and despair.”
>Punch narrates that last part in an exaggerated “spooky” voice, waving her forehooves in the air for emphasis.
>For a desperate and/or despairing mare, she seems awfully chipper.
>Seriously, how does she have energy to prance around like that?
>Grinning at your deadpan stare, she returns to her normal voice.
>”I guess they’re sorta like the, uh, Hearths’ Warming spirits. Windigos? You have them up north, right boss?”
“There hasn’t been a confirmed Windigo sighting in centuries, but I get you.”
>You frown.
>This information is concerning if true.
>Windigos are an old bogeymare all throughout the north.
>If you’re dealing with creatures of that nature, your trusty sword isn’t gonna cut it.
>Heh. Sword puns.
>The heat must be getting to you. You’re sounding like your dad.
>You chuckle slightly. It comes out more as a cough.
>You try to swallow. With your parched throat, it feels like swallowing sandpaper.
>This leads to more coughing.
>Punch drops the goofy grin and kindly hoofs over her canteen.
>It’s still mostly full. Your own ran out half an hour ago.
>>
>>36419178

>The dusky pegasus watches you closely, professional concern on her face. You want to tell her to stop gawking, but you suppose she’s just doing her job as a medic.
>Still, you’re not going to show weakness in front of your one and only subordinate. You force yourself to take only a single mouthful.
>The water’s uncomfortably warm, but your throat immediately feels better for it.
>Burying your feelings of relief (and desire to down the rest of the bottle), you quickly replace the cap and put on your professional sergeant face.
“Thank you, private.”
>You float the canteen back with your unicorn magic, giving Punch a grateful nod. She gives a grin and a mock salute in return.
“You’ve spent some time with the local buffalo then?”
>”Aye, ma’am. Just finished a two week exchange program with ‘em.”
“I see. So how do the buffalo deal with Dust Devils?”
>Her grin gets even wider, and she ruffles her wings.
>”Mostly they ask me to fly up and look for landmarks.”
“Is that so? Well, far be it from me to question the ancient wisdom of the majestic buffalo. Get your flank into the air and see what you can see, private.”
>With another salute, the pegasus launches herself into the sky, a blast of hot air and sand splashing against you.
>Squinting, you watch her lazily soar in slow circles overhead. A dark smudge, armour glinting in the sunlight, set against an impossibly deep blue sky.
>A few minutes pass.
>You wish you had some shade.
>Eventually Punch glides down to a rest beside you.
>”I reckon we’ve overshot Tranquility Springs, sarge. There’s a town northeast of us, on the other side of that low ridge. Maybe an hour away on hoof.”
>She waves lazily to a brownish plateau away in the distance.
>You think you can just make out rooftops peeking out beyond it.
“Very good, private. Let’s get going.”
>You start trekking down the sand dune, but Punch seems to hesitate.
>>
>>36419182

>”If you like, I could fly ahead and get some help? Find a wagon, or maybe fetch some more water?”
>She’s looking at you with that concerned medic’s eye again.
>You’d kill for some cold water right now, but you’re not about to let yourself be coddled by a subordinate.
“Tempting as that sounds, private, I think we’d best stick together. I can manage another hour. And besides, if the Dust Devils strike again, where else will I find a Private Punch? The buffalo were quite specific about them.”
>Punch grins and falls in beside you.
>”Right you are, boss.”
>>
>>36419183
I don't know where this is going, but I like how its written.
>>
>>36419183
As a wise Anon in ancient times said: "Moar"
>>
>>36419163
I miss them as well as Careful and Solemn too. I hope all them writefriends are doing ok.

>>36419183
It's a good start. I look forward to see where you take us.
>>
Hey hey, you can't just go dying on me when we just got a whole new story started!
>>
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>>36418356
The Burrito Blanket Brewhouse for Beautiful Broads?
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Finished the game so now I can go back to drawing guardsmares
>>
>>36421434
What game? Did we miss something, Neuro?
>>
>>36405576
>>36421470
>>
How has this not been used as interlude music for a Lily Glamerspear-centric chapter yet, anyway?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZton86SuOg
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>>36418356
>>36420972
I guess I know what I'll try to open if I manage to get isekai'd to Equestria.

>>36421434
Excellent. Was it any good?
>>
>>36422304
Probably the comfiest game I've played in years 10/10
>>
>>36421434
Looks like a pretty comfy little village.
>>
>>36419183
Seems like some good poners in a harsh situation and it would be satisfying to see them get some relief
>>
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>>36425540
>bipedal ponies
Aside from it looking really dumb, in this case it's unnecessary too, since they are both unicorns, they can just levitate Although it seems both have lost their horns
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What if you went to Equestria...

Knew about basic gunsmithing...

Figured the rest out through experimentation...

...and a lot of explosions...

And became the Patriarch of the Equestrian equivalent of the Krupp family?

Imagine being assigned bodyguards as first a military contractor and later as Armaments Minister. Little ponies scurrying around trying to keep you from blowing yourself up...blowing the building up...blowing the entire block up...all while fending off the changelings and griffons who are constantly trying to get their claws on you or your designs.
>>
>>36427655
Lots of room for a goofy slice of life series here, but also one where broader narrative themes should be analyzed, considering the consequences of your actions on society at large. The odd thing is, there's very little chance you'd actually be the first to introduce the idea to the ponies. Lots of people come up with ideas we distinctly associate with modern times, centuries ahead of any implementation. For example, the first multi-stage solid fuel -- and even liquid fuel rockets, complete with delta wing stabilizers and bell nozzles, was imagined in a manuscript dating back to the *1500s*.
>>
>>36427689
This is a really solid point. I don't know how far you want to go with pony-tech autism, but consider that ponies already have fireworks and metalworking. They probably can make cannons, even single-pony-carryable ones. But, is it really a good idea to be carrying around explosive powder on every soldier when 1/3 of the population can drop lightning on you? And is it really even needed when another third of the population has a magic blaster strapped to their forehead?
>>
>>36427794

Pinkie already has a party canon.

What Anon does is revolutionize it. The Krupp gun was one of the first mass-produced breech-loading guns, and had incredible power, range and reload times for it's era. Remember, Twilight Sparkle is not typical for the entire unicorn race, most of them have much more limited abilities. Long range artillery could make unicorns much less of a threat by enabling them to be hit well beyond the range of their spells and perhaps with a force that overwhelms all but the most powerful personal shields. Similarly, developing flak canons would give ground armies cover against pegasus attacks, especially considering pegasi aren't metal vehicles being driven, but are themselves the vehicle. They can't take hits nearly as well since they're made of flesh not metal.

As you said, it all depends on how far into the TiM hole you want to go, and how gritty of a story you want to make. But it is certainly plausible IMO and could set up some funny scenes.
>>
>>36427655
>Anon figures out it requires some of the most powerful magic in the land to accurately forge machine and temper the parts yet still easier than making the tools to make the tools to make the tools to make anything significantly complex
>>
>>36427655
Celestia would skull-fuck you
>>
>>36428155

I mean, by this logic why bother with guards at all?
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1
>>36419174

2
>You are Private Fruit Punch, and you are melting.
“Ahhhh, this hot tub is *so good*.”
>You were a bit disappointed to find that Tranquility Springs doesn’t actually *have* any hot springs. But this is a pretty nice consolation prize.
>Seriously, after slogging through the desert in your armour all morning, this feels *amazing*.
>The tub is just a simple wooden barrel filled with hot water, but already you feel your muscles loosening and your eyelids getting heavy.
>The nice little stallion who runs the nice little hotel has been super accommodating. No doubt glad that the Royal Guard have finally arrived to deal with the town’s monster problem.
>Whatever that is.
>You should probably figure that out at some point.
“Hey, sarge?”
>”Hmm?”
>Lazily opening an eye, you spot your new crystal pony sergeant resting on a wooden bench on the other side of the washroom, methodically washing her bushy blue mane with her unicorn magic.
>She’d declined the offer of her own hot tub, opting instead to soak her hooves in a small pool of cold water.
>Odd mare, but whatever floats her boat.
“So, uh, what kind of monster are we hunting here, anyway?”
>She continues to focus on lathering and rinsing as she answers, her voice even and measured.
>”We’ve had reports of an unidentified creature scaring the locals. So far it hasn’t caused any real harm, so until we know more we won’t be hunting anything. No point unnecessarily antagonizing it. For now, our job is to observe and advise.”
“Aww, and I was hoping to see the big scary monster hunter use her big scary sword on a big scary monster.”
>The big scary monster hunter in question snorts in amusement, and begins drying her mane.
>With her armour and sword replaced by a fluffy pink towel, the turquoise unicorn looks a lot less intimidating than she did this morning.
>>
>>36429888

>”Sorry to disappoint, but the Parks and Wilderness Guard aren’t the macho monster hunters rumour would have you believe. Most of the work we do is to *minimize* the chance of dangerous encounters.”
>Laame!
>Perfectly reasonable, but still lame!
>”In fact, should we encounter anything *truly* dangerous, standard procedure is to retreat, call for reinforcements, and engage with overwhelming numerical superiority. Seeing as we are the only Royal Guards for miles around, I’m afraid that’s not going to happen.”
>“Heheh. Damn. I wanted to see how you use that monster of a sword of yours.”
>Glacier’s weapon is almost as long as you are!
>Granted, your standard issue spear is longer, but couldn’t be more than a third of the sword’s weight.
>”Magic, mostly.”
>Well that just makes you more curious!
>Unfortunately, sarge doesn’t seem interested in volunteering more, and frankly you don’t have the energy to press for details. You’re enjoying this tub way too much.
>Oh well.
>You’ll bug her about it some other day. When you’re not half asleep.
>You sink further back, watching the wisps of steam curl up towards the wooden ceiling.
>The sounds of Glacier’s drying stops, and you hear her lay back and sigh contentedly.
>Hazily, you realize this is the first time she’s stopped working and relaxed all day.
>Even after arriving at Tranquility Springs, she went directly to speak with the mayor, the sheriff, and one or two other important ponies, before organizing your lodging.
>(In your opinion, a shower ought to have been your first stop.)
>You have to admit, she’s got impressive stamina for a unicorn.
>Not to be tribalist.
>You idly ponder if all sergeants are just naturally tough bastards? All yours have been.
>Still, you were starting to get a *liiittle* worried out in the desert. She didn’t let it show, but it must have been tartarus under that thick northerner coat.
>>
>>36429896

>Tough bastard or not, dehydration and heatstroke cause more injuries per year than any monster.
>Seems odd to send a northerner to deal with a desert problem.
>Another question drifts lazily into focus.
>Eventually, you work up the effort to break the comfortable silence.
“So... Does the PWG normally send you guys out solo? One monster, one mare, that kind of deal?”
>You hear Glacier sigh before answering.
>”No, this is… not standard deployment. Typically investigations are performed by a whole squad of specially trained Parks and Wilderness Guard.”
>”We - my previous squad - were tasked with investigating the disturbance at Tranquility Springs. En route we received an urgent summons to deal with a sudden chimera problem.”
>Ooh, they deal with chimeras? That's pretty cool.
>”The detour was pretty far out of the way, so our CO decided to send me on alone to act as an interim advisor to the local guard.”
“Ha! Must have been quite the surprise to find there *was* no local guard.”
>”Pfff. No kidding.”
>You share a chuckle.
>Due to some sort of mixup, the entire regional guard detachment had been called off to Celestia knows where just days before Glacier was supposed to meet them in Appaloosa.
>Granted, the detachment is only like a dozen ponies or so. Deserts don’t normally need a lot of guarding.
>You were just finishing your cross-training with the Appaloosa buffalo, so it made sense you were called in as a temporary replacement.
>What’s ridiculous is that you’re apparently the *only* replacement they could find in time. And they couldn’t even give you a concrete answer on when to expect reinforcements.
>Your meeting with Sergeant Glacier at the train station would have been hilarious if it weren’t so awkward.
>Heh.
>>
>>36429911

>A single monster hunter, in a region she can barely survive, advising a lone guardsmare, who’s not even supposed to be here, on how to defend a town neither of them are familiar with, against a threat nopony knows.
>Yep, ridiculous is right.
>Still, Glace seems pretty sensible. If the two of you are just chasing up rumours around town until backup arrives, you’ll be perfectly fine.
>...
>Unless a big scary monster attacks.
>That might be pretty cool though.
>>
>>36429913
And thus is our prelude to an encounter with a poor, displaced Anon? I like this setup. Its a delightful mix of fustercluck and worldbuilding.
>>
Anyone know why I can't access the brave and Vannie paste bin?
>>
>>36430583
Because pastebin shat itself hard back in December when they were panicking about some sort of porn law being passed or something. They were preemptively restricting access to all "suspect" pastes, whether by forcing them to be private or just straight up denying access to it/removing it. It was on such a large scale that pastebin basically fucked itself by showing to people that no one should use their service. Thus the pony alt-paste sites started to appear and anons who saw the writing on the wall back in Oct started compiling all stories they could into a gigantic mega archive ahead of such an event. Pastebin has since undone much of their bullshit; but the results are that many pastes are now lost, as well as the fact that users have to login to manually unprivate pastes if they still exist but are still restricted.
>>
>>36430613
So where can I read it?
>>
>>36430655
https://poneb.in/8E2vAnyi
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>>36428285
because Celestia likes to surround herself with hunky mares and stallions
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Goddammit I just finished brave and vannie and I know there's not gonna be more
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>>36433430
F
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>>36433435
Why'd it die?
>>
>>36433453
Writefag disappeared on us.
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>>36433456
Fucker, and at suck a plot cliff too
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>>36429913
Pretty good into. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
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>>36429913
I don't care even if this becomes another typical "Anon in Equestria" story, pls continue. Also
>page 10





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