What is a 'Satyr Abomination' thread about?A satyr is what happens when a human and a pony decide to get freaky and end up having a child. The top half is mostly human, the bottom is from pony mom (or pony dad). This thread is dedicated to the art and written works about these lovable creatures.>What about other species?The show had quite a few different intelligent species by season 8, 'everycreature' and all. Pick your poison, but /mlp/ is mainly into ponies.>What is the world/characters/personalities & attributes?The most common setting is one or multiple Anons in Equestria. Most of the established characters are in the list below, the personalities mostly vary from green to green. Just ask the thread about common headcanons.Satyrs by Parent: https://pastebin.com/d7T2GaDkStory by Parent: http://pastebin.com/qFf46ep5Author List: http://pastebin.com/RFgtrECqSearchable Archive:http://anonpone.pineapplecomputing.com/search/?tags=satyrDiscord:https://discord.gg/4yAUDzKDropboxhttps://www.dropbox.com/sh/m74cw1zph214irq/AACgNqIgES4fQORdx3rooQoVa?dl=0Kid Icarus ROM Hack: An alpha hack for the NES Kid Icarus game.https://filebin.ca/3NORheK9hIFr/hope.ipsOld thread: >>36108914
>>36148456When is a satyr no longer smol?
>>36148903When they're big!
>>36148456go home pogo
>>36149012But how big are they?
>>36149224FFS Pogo, you have a family, go there, they miss you or something
>>36149522>FFS Pogo, you have a familyHe's a kid? The only family he has is his sister and his mother, and of course that douche who dares to call himself Pogo's dad just because he's dating his mom since she's alone, what with Pogo's real father being long gone.How do you think a situation like this would end like anyway?>Anon is gone (dead or another victim of that cursed cigarette shop)>Satyr's mother is all alone with her kids>She eventually starts dating again so she won't feel lonely>The one she's dating wants to get to know her cute little satyr kids better
>>36147647So Zarina was the bottom?
>>36150793>what with Pogo's real father being long gone.he went to flavor town
>>36150863He'll always be RIGHT HERE in our hearts. Mostly clogging the arteries.
>>36150610That face looks like it came from tumblr, jfc
Satsuma and her mother watching police chief Pogo giving a press conference on TV.>"Sure, everybody loves Pogo these days, but he could be a real little shit when he was younger.""Mom, c'mon, you've just had too much to drink. Please don't say anything you'll regret.">"Seems like I'm the only one that remembers how he used to flip girls' skirts, play pranks on us with fake spiders and constantly try to peak under my tail.""Mom, stop.">"How he didn't get expelled from school for harassment still baffles me to this day.""Well if he was that bad then why did you date him in high school?">"I never said he wasn't attractive, and besides he became quite charming as he got older.""Well obviously there was a reason it didn't work out. Besides, he's married now so he can't be that bad.">"Yeah... if only I hadn't been such a prude and let him get passed second base.""Mom!">"Although, does it count as third base if you just stoke it a little but don't actually finish him o-""Stop!">"There's some advice for you, sweetie. If you really like a guy, don't be afraid of putting out for him to keep him interested. Don't go overboard though or you'll get a bad reputation.""let him get passed second base." Is it "passed" or "past" in this sentence? I've always understood it as past only being applicable when talking about something that happened before the present, such as, "In the past, he never got passed second base.">>36150132Which satyr can hold their alcohol the best and which the worst?>>36148456Better call the Ghostbusters. https://youtu.be/MfLXkHawebI>>36151163Not all satyrs can be cute, there's bound to be some uggos as well.You'd probably get a few with birth defects like centaur morphology or deformed half pony half human faces.
>>36151561>you just stoke it a little but don't actually finish himSound like she owes him precisely one nut. You don't just leave a guy hanging like that, or so I've been told. No homo.>>36149012Has there ever been a case of a pony satyr reaching over six feet in height?
>>36151676>Has there ever been a case of a pony satyr reaching over six feet in height?Ponysatyrs can only reach 1.60 at best
>>36151713Fucking satyrlets, when will they learn.
>>36151717Blame their pony genes
>>36151717>>36152005>Hating on satyrs' heightDo you also hate ponies because of their size? If so, then how do you plan to have cute satyr babies when you end up in Equestria?
>>36152028Pony females are the perfect height for standing doggystyle, that's what matters.
>>36151717>Fucking satyrlets>Notice satyr struggling to reach up to the box of cereal on a high shelf.>"Little help, dad?">Walk over and move box to an even higher shelf before ruffling their hair and walking off without saying a word.It's a hard world, they've got to learn to get by on their own.
>>36151561>Which satyr can hold their alcohol the best and which the worst?I have a theory that satyrs that can fly would be affected worse by alcohol because they have a more developed sense of balance that's more easily thrown out of whack.
>>36152207Just like your average pegasus then?
>>36152041You can be having sex with them while using their back to rest your morning coffee on and to fill out the newspaper crossword against. Once you're done, you've got a handy tail to wipe your mouth/ hands with if needed. Life is good, but breakfast is weird in the Anon house.
>>36151676>Sound like she owes him precisely one nut.>"I was really awkward and nervous at the time since I'd never had a boy alone in my room before, let alone done anything like that. I do feel bad about leaving him hanging like that, though, not to mention how he had to sneak out through my bedroom window.""Please stop talking.">"I don't exactly blame myself. I mean how was I to know my dad was going to be home early that day?""I don't want to hear any of this.">"I do wonder just how far we'd have gone if we weren't interrupted.""Why do you always get like this after your second glass of wine, and why do you have to vent to me?">"I wonder if we'd have made a good couple.""Are you even listening?">>36152207Drunk flying is an increasing problem in Equestria.
How are you dealing with no nut november, my satyr pal?
>>36152785"As well as no nut October went, and no nut December will go."
>>36152399>Drunk flying is an increasing problem in Equestria.Much like those damn delinquent pegatyrs and batyrs that get drunk in the evening and hang out in the belfry or high up in the various construction sites around town shouting obscenities and throwing empty bottles at passers by. Three times I've complained to the mayor's office about this and three times I've been told they'd "look into the situation" and yet they've done nothing. If they refuse to do anything about it then I suppose it's up to me and my trusty .22 to set those hooligans straight.
Nom stop nut november > no ut november
>>36153730Stop cooming so much, you're burning out the language center of your brain.Look at Gummybuns. She's ready for no nut 2020 to end, but only because she's eager for no nut 2021 to begin. What a good girl.
>>36153756Thats mustbe unhealty
>>36154378There's nothing unhealthy about being able to break thermal cameras just by pointing them at your crotch if it makes you feel good. Especially if it makes daddy happy.
>>36154764You're the reason why people hate this general.
Alright satyrs, hand in the forms I gave you last week and lets see where you want to be shipped off to for your three weeks of work experience. Before you ask, Pogo, no, official booby inspector isn't an option so I hope you've written a serious answer or else I get to choose where you'll be going.Do you have work experience at school in the states? I'm assuming you know what I'm talking about.
>>36156499princess its a job?Because 80% of the satyrs want to be one, even the boys
>>36156931>even the boysGod damn homosexual agenda turning our satyrs gay. Next they'll be wanting to introduce transsexual storytime to elementary schools.>>36156499"Mumble, you've written mortician here, are you sure you're up for that?">"Sure.""Really, you don't mind being around dead bodies.">"Can't be worse than the living.""Well it's your call, so long as your parents don't object. Speaking of objecting, Mistake, no you can't have work experience as a porn star.">"What, why not?!""Because you're only sixteen years old, and I wouldn't even know who to call to arrange that."
>>36157075>God damn homosexual agenda turning our satyrs gay.Princess are strong and a ok role model for the boys
>>36157746i need a satyr version of that
>>36158093There's a reason Utah married her.
>>36158486Based DFC chad
>>36158989Small tidders makes the milk all the sweeter.
>>36158989Flat Chest and Big Tiddies are equally blessed.
>>36159645That's why Utah married them both.
>>36160324FagA real man goes with one
>>36160676More wives can handle more babies.Apples gotta Apple.
>>36160777Fucking pathetic, i knew the apples were a bunch of weak ass niggas
>>36160788Remember kids, auntie Murmur says monogamy is badass.
>>36160676Having just one girl or many are both valid options
>>36161247Polygamy is no good
>>36161247"While I agree with the message, did you really have to use such a revealing picture of me?">"Sex sells.""Are you sure that doesn't defeat the purpose of advocating for chastity and monogamy?">"Listen, the only way to get through to teenagers is to appeal to their most basic instincts, they're like animals.""Right... I guess I'm just uncomfortable having these posters put up around the high school. My children go there, what might they think?"
>>36163441"Cardio's mom has got it goin' on!"
>>36163806>"Cardio, your mom's hot, I totally want to suck on her fat tits.""Dude, what the hell, man?">"Relax, it's a compliment. She's a fine looking lady and it'd be my privilege to put my dick in her ass.""Would you cut it out?">"Chill, I'd buy her dinner first because I'm a gentleman like that.""She'd laugh at you, you know that right? She wouldnt even take you seriously and just think you were a dumb, horny teen.">"Maybe, but she can't stop me thinking about her when I jerk off tonight.""You're sick in the head."
>>36164369More of her please
>>36165112I want to bully her for not being as cool as she pretends she is.
>>36165581So which satyr is the coolest if not her?
>>36166869Does he even have a shiny Charizard? The girls won't hold his hand and agree to be his girlfriend during recess unless he does.
>>36166973Which would be the most sought after "girlfriends" during recess in satyr elementary school? Which would be the easiest and hardest to get a kiss from, and the easiest and hardest to impress?>>36151717>Sterling stands in front of his bedroom mirror and tenses his muscles, a look of extreme exertion on his face."Come on... Grow!"
>>36167150Sterling will always have Thalia.
>>36167150>Which would be the easiest and hardest to get a kiss from>Little Murmur sits playing in the sandpit down at the local park, her father keeping an attentive eye on her from close by as he chats casually with some of the other parents.>A young satyr boy of about her age approaches her, visibly apprehensive.>Looking back over his shoulder, he sees his group of friends both encouraging him while at the same time making clucking sounds, making it clear that if he chickened out now they'd tease him about it all day.>Only now did Murmur notice him as he stepped closer.>She stood up.>"What do you want? Can't you see I'm playing here?">The boy fidgeted nervously, her blunt question catching him off guard.>"Oh, u-uh... my friends and me think you're really pretty.">Murmur tutted, rolling her eyes.>"So you're not blind, congratulations.">The boy laughed awkwardly.>"Y-Yeah, and, um... I'm really sorry-but-they-dared-me-to-do it!">Murmur looked confused as he blurted out his apology, not having time to react as he leaned forwards and briefly kissed her on the cheek before pulling back and blushing madly.>Anon looked on a little surprised, having seen what had happened but not having heard the exchange."Huh, that's kind of cute. I wonder if that's her little boyfriend or a crush from scho-">Anon stopped mid-sentence, his theories shattered as his daughter shoved the boy to the ground and kicked sand in his face while frantically wiping her cheek with her sleeve.>Grimacing, Murmur kicked yet more sand over the boy as he scrabbled to his hooves before running back to his friends.>Looking to her father, Murmur pointed after the fleeing satyr.>"Daddy, I need a doctor! That boy got me pregnant!"Old green, just reposting.
>>36167520Years later that boy would become her husband. 10/10 - I'm a sucker for a good romance.
Your little satyr proudly presents you with the crayon drawing they've been working on for half an hour, expecting you to hang it on the fridge. It's kinda shitty and it's hard to work out what anything's supposed to be, but when asked what your favourite part is you answer...What's your answer?
>>36168817Gently ask them to tell me about the picture without actually asking what it is.Usually works.
>>36168817"I like it all so much that I can't decide. What's your favourite bit?" Hopefully their answer may help me work out the overall theme.
>>36168792Big if true. Romance a great.
>>36168792Good to hear he took responsibility.
>>36167520>That evening.>"Why do I have to load the dishwasher, daddy? I already cleaned my room AND fed the fish.""Because, sweetie, whores do chores.">"Huh, what's that mean?""Nothing, poppet, just daddy being silly. The reason's because your sister's feeling sick so had to go to bed early today.>>36170478She didn't leave him much of an option, she pursued him voraciously in the last year of high school.>(Unnamed stereotypical nerd satyr boy) looks up from his textbook as Murmur sits herself down on his desk in front of him."Hey, you look lonely always sitting by yourself. Want some company?">He stutters a little adjusting his glasses.>"Uh... I was just reviewing my notes from algebra this morning and, um...">He watches awkwardly as the girl undoes the top button of her shirt before stretching with her arms raised high and chest thrust out.>"Do... d-do you need help with your homework?">Murmur rolls her eyes, leaning forwards to give him a clear view of her cleavage."No, idiot, I'm flirting with you.">"Oh... alright.">>36166275Certainly a contender along with Icarus.>>36148456What's Pogo doing hanging out with Celestia in the first place?
>>36170567>"No, idiot, I'm flirting with you."Clueless as he may be, he'll catch on eventually.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXv_ZE4z5cM
>>36170567>What's Pogo doing hanging out with Celestia in the first place?He won the school contest with the prize being that he got to spend a say and a night at the palace and be treated like a special guest by the staff.
>>36170567Lucky lad, getting to touch fat bat tats.
>>36172388Only after she literally had to reach out, grab him by the wrist and place his hand on them because he was too nervous and awkward to take any initiative. It took her months to get him to open up and come out of his shell around her.
>>36172441"Fondle me. Now."
But does Murmur actually have fat bat tats, or is she more of a booty bat?
>>36174948>But does Murmur actually have fat bat tatsThey're not as prestigious as her sister's, but they're still top tier. She has a booty you could bounce a Bit off.>>36157677>>36158093Remember not to let your satyrs eat junk food too often.
>>36174948I think whatever Yuzu is, Murmur should be the inverse. If Yuzu has fat bat tats, Murmur is the booty bat.
>>36172000"You mean I can name anything and the chefs will make it for me?">"Correct, anything you like.""Thirty packets of ketchup!"Cute, I don't remember seeing this one before.>>36175429>Remember not to let your satyrs eat junk food too often.Only often enough to maintain prime thiccqness.>>36175988Judging by the pictures, the two of them look pretty much identical, though I'm sure whatever minor difference there are would be enough for them to argue and tease one another over.>"Maybe you should try switching to low fat yogurt, or else you're going to start having trouble fitting through doors with that fat ass of yours one of these days." "At least my boobs won't sag to my knees by the time I'm thirty, cow tits.">"Hey, yours are almost as big as mine."
>>36176115>Cute, I don't remember seeing this one before.Was meant for >>36174073
>>36176115Don't let them live a life without breeder hips.
>>36177220Actually now that you mention hips, do you think childbirth would be as painful and potentially dangerous for satyr girls as with human women? On the one hand they're bipedal, which means a narrower birth canal, but then again maybe their biology is different enough that it wouldn't be quite so bad.
>>36177388I'd say they at least how powerful equine pelvic muscles, so not as bad as for human women.
>>36170567>What's Pogo doing hanging out with Celestia in the first place?What's a unicorn like Twilight doing becoming Celestia's favorite pet?
>>36176566it's one of those rare posted pics, because someone hates drakes or something, i don't know why.we need more drakes
>>36178732>more DrakeSTRAIGHT UP TO SATYR'S FAAAAAAAACESTRAIGHT UP TO HER FAAAAAAAACESHE BEEN DOWN SO LONG THEY LOOK UP TO HERTHEY LOOK UP TO HER
>>36178732When it was Thistle it was fine. Then they made Garble's asshat son and the Fizzle twins the scale fuckers sperged out for. Drakes have been trash ever since.
>>36179232Hello... based deparment?>>36179644What?
>>36178732>>36179644The only reason the Fizzle twins are kinda frowned upon by some is because of that incest faggot who would never stop shoving his incest shit down everyones throats literally every single time anyone posted them. That was a long time ago, but the damage that incest-obsessed cunt caused apparently still lingers.
>>36179946Someone made two woobie incestuous dragon twins that got forced into every conversation. It drove off a ton of content creators who got sick of them.
>>36179971They didn't start out incestuous. >>36179949
>>36177957Let me answer that question with another question. What have Celestia and Jimmy Savile got in common?
>>36180138Let me answer that question with another question. Do you think everyone knows who Jimmy Savile is?
>>36180158A good question, but let me ask you this. Do you think it'd be hard for anybody with an internet connection to find out?
>>36180182'Tis a good question. But think about this question. If people were not allowed to ask questions, only being told to use google every time they wonder, then what would this site be like?
>>36180158And to think the Canterlot elite knew this whole time but helped to cover it up.
>>36180494How formal.I'd rather give daughteru a golden hug and snuggle.
>>36181177A compliment and a firm handshake, best I can do.
>>36181246>daughteru shakes her head and mutters 'ok boomer'
>>36181251Okay, I yell poggers and dab while moonwalking out of the room, that'll show her who's hip with the kids and what have you.
>>36181276>"Dad NO.">Anon cruises by on his longboard hitting his vape>"Stop before someone I know sees you.">'Sees what? How based I am?..Based on what, I'm not sure, but I hear it's the bees knees, you know.'>"I'm begging you, please stop."
>>36181289>>Anon cruises by on his longboard hitting his vapeBetter be watermelon flavour, I hear that's the most zoomer.
>>36181289Gotta mow that lawn good and early on a Saturday morning, preferably if Satyr was up late the night before.
>>36181656Stop this is not funny when it's actually your dad and he sings so fucking loud specifically on saturday mornings and just says "It's my house" when you tell him to shut up.
>>36181670https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9r_nMzdTu4"Wakey wakey, daylight's wasting. Don't you have horse school to go to or something?"
>>36182470>Sure, I'd love to come over and study!>...Wait, y-your dad is King Sombra right?>Uhh I forgot I-I have to wash my hair that night and s-something suddenly came up I'm sorry!
>>36182470We need more satyrs in school uniforms.
>>36182481He was thinking she was Bella?
>>36182470Salai is actually probably the cuter one here.
>>36183280Go to bed Salai
>>36183407What's wrong with homely, comfy girls?
>>36182535If we're going to the cliche animoo style classroom, I reckon this would be more or less the seating plan for some of the satyrs.>Pogo.Near the back nearest the window, often making paper airplanes or tossing things at the other kids and playing innocent when they look back to see who it was.>Garret.Rearmost middle row, largely keeps to himself.>Icarus.Directly in front of Pogo, but has a gentleman's agreement that if Pogo messes with him he'll beat the snot out of him.>Alex.Left hand side, near the middle>Yuzu.Generic anime protagonist placement, right hand side near the window, gets easily distracted >Glimmer.Front and center, always the first to raise her hand like her life depended on it.>Mistake.Dead center, has to be kept separate from Yuzu or else they spend the entire lesson whispering and passing notes, not paying attention.>Sterling.Left hand side near the front.I'm not really basing this off of anything, it's just my gut feeling and also a way to bump the thread.
>>36184399>class full of satyrs running with their arms out behind them>interrupting class by shouting "nani the fuck?!"I feel bad for their sensei.
>>36184408"先生、おはようございます">"What? Young lady this is Equestria, we speak Equestrian here!
>>36184399>Mistake has to be kept separate from YuzuWhenever any of the kids that sit beside Yuzu are off sick or want to skip school, Mistake morphs into them and sits in their place to be by her friend. This results in her being marked absent a fair bit or else the person she was changed into getting into trouble for not doing their homework and the teacher not buying their excuse that there weren't there that day, because they clearly were.>Drizzle.Who? Oh, That weird girl! Nobody really remembers where she sits or pays much attention to her. Actually... is she even in their class? Sits there by herself not interacting with anybody, just doodling in her notebook and occasionally jotting down the odd name of a classmate here and there.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pL1plgdPbg>Prism.In front of Mistake (when she's actually in her assigned seat) sometimes has to pick gum, paperclips or staples out of her hair but has yet to ever catch Mistake putting anything there to begin with.>Hope.In a higher grade, student president for the third year running.
Hey stop leaving all these random kanji lying around the house and saying "..How bothersome" when it's time for chores, animu /satyr/
>>36184468>Drizzle sits in bed writing in her diary."I didn't get given a swirly by the mean girls today either which makes it almost a week since they last shoved my head down the toilet. Maybe things are looking up? Pogo tried to shoot a spitball at Sterling today but it missed and hit me in the face. It was kinda gross, but it had a lot of his spit on it and it and it hit me on the mouth, so does that man we shared and indirect kiss? I kept it and put it in my desk drawer, that's not weird, right?">She clicks her pen a few times before continuing."Mistake got a glance at my sketchbook today and said my gun drawings were pretty cool, so I've decided to cross her name out for now. Oh, and Prism gave me some sweets she made to give to my bother and say were from her. They were pretty tasty, but next time she shouldn't make them all heart shaped. Scandalous Maid Cafe 3 releases tomorrow so I'll have to think of an excuse to get out of gym class and get sent home early."
>>36184478It can't be helped desu.
>>36184510>"父, ただいま!""About damn time, dinner's been ready for fifteen minutes.>"あ, ごめん, ごめん.""Don't you gomen me in that tone of voice, young lady. I didn't shitpost in the great meme war to have my own daughter speak anime at me. You talk the correct way like I taught you.">"Ugh, fine.""So what do you have to say about coming home late and nearly letting dinner get ruined?">"I'm sorry dad, that wasn't very poggers of me.""That's more like it, apology accepted."I think this may be the most cancer I've ever crammed into one post. In the weebverse, are the members of what would usually be the anime club instead part of something equally cringey, like a Family Guy fanclub?
>>36184903That whole thing sounds more like something satyr's pony mom would say.
>>36184918I don't know, I'm not sure if pony mom would encourage her child to speak in zoomer slang. Besides, this takes place at the front door, and pony wife is in the kitchen where she belongs.>"皆さん, いただきます!">Pony wife tilts her head in confusion.>"Anon, I think our daughter's having some kind of seizure.">Anon sighs."No, she's just a fucking weeb."
>>36184948>and pony wife is in the kitchen where she belongsIs that seriously how you'd treat your own wife? What would your satyr kid think of you treating your wife like that?Also, a good dad can be in the kitchen sometimes. What kind of father would you be if you can't even cook food when your wife's not there to do it?
>>36184948I bought my pony wife a new oven for her birthday, the Deluxe Gas Princess. That beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board and a hoof soaking tub, because as a mare she'll be standing in front of it all day.I know, I'm spoiling her.
>>36185006>"Daddy, as a girl does that mean that I'll never be anything more than a pretty face doomed to a life of domestic servitude, toiling away in front of a hot stove to cook for my husband?">You reach down and ruffle her hair."Of course not, sweetheart, you're a satyr! Only pony mares live like that.">"Really? Thanks, daddy!">She leans in and gives you a kiss on the cheek before skipping off happily.>That girl of yours, shucks.>Now if only you could get her to stop listening to that dang ol' devil's music.>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAiNxKdyG5U
mom's cool, too, you know, /satyr/she's down with teh memes and all other manners of coolness and what the kids are jiving about
>>36185041>"Eww, mom.""What, I'm just fitting in with you kids.">"You just posted cringe. You have lost subscriber.""What does that even mean?"https://youtu.be/yDhQjmwEdD4?t=13
>>36185033>"So I was talking to mom yesterday and she said that she read in a magaz-">Anon chokes on his coffee, overcome momentarily by a coughing fit before regaining his composure and staring at his satyr with a look of horror."Wait, she can read? Dagnabit, she'll be wanting to vote next!" >"But, dad, we live in a constitutional diarchy, there is no voting.""Oh... oh yeah, thank god for that."
>>36185033M-Mister Anon, sir?Shucks, I'm awful nervous askin this but...might I have permission to ask your daughter Yuzu to the sock hop this weekend?I-It's all on the up and up, sir! Nothing but fellowship, classy tunes, and these dynamite peanut clusters my ma makes for us
>>36186677Well dang, how could a man say no to such a polite young man? And one with double dubs at that.
>>36186677Have her back no later than 9:30, and no funny business. She'll tell me if you try anything.
>>36187346>This hepcat's got the same repeating numbers, pumpkin>"Dad, no.">..Man, you always harsh my buzz, little mama
>>36185033I wish we had more wholesome 1950s style satyr art.
>>36188883I fucking hate that art-style, it only was created to seel junk food and car stuff
>>36188931Other way around. The pervading art styles of an era are also used by its advertisers.
>>36185033>"Of course not, sweetheart, you're a satyr! Only pony mares live like that."However you're still required to learn how to cook, clean, sew and do the washing and ironing.Imagine a crossover between the lewdverse and the wholesome 1950s verse.
>>36189196A girl is expected to be wholesome, pure, presentable, and hardworking.Until she goes into daddy's room, and she's expected the be utterly shameless, submissive and servile.Thus is the womanly way.
>>36189213I'd rather just have a normal daughter to be honest.
>>36189196>Well shucks, Pogo, I'm no prude, and to prove it, we're going all the way tonight!>C'mere and hold my handOh my word, /satyr/!
>>36189314Better be using protection, I taught my daughter better than to hold hands without gloves on.
>>36189196>However you're still required to learn how to cook, clean, sew and do the washing and ironing.Sonfu must be taught wood and metalworking, as well as basic DIY and mechanical skills.
>>36189437You forgot how to mention how to handle a gun, skin an animal, handle himself in a fight, and the basics of debate and eloquence.A man reaps many rewards, at the cost of many responsibilities.
>>36186677Depends who's asking. Better not be one of those pesky zegros.
>>36189437>>36189455Wish my dad had taught me that shit.Don't fail your sonfu's, /satyr/
>>36189803Apart from a little bit of welding, plastering and general construction knowledge sprinkled with the odd bit of surface level know-how here and there, I'd have to look most stuff up on wikihow beforehand in order to teach anything useful to my son.
>>36189896>Sonfu always says "Dad that's not how Bob Vila does it..">[annoyed toolman grunts]
>>36189896Then let it be a bonding experience as you learn together.
>>36189793But what if your boy wants a zatyr girl?
>>36192903"As a what, a housemaid?">"No dad, as a wi-""Good choice, those folk make excellent domestic helpers. Though, just remember to keep an eye on your valuables, you know how those sorts like to steal."
>>36193156>"You know why those stripe kids seem faster than the rest of you guys?">Dad c'mon>"When your mom is going into labor running from the cops it just comes naturally! Ha HA!"jesus christ raimi dad
>>36193547Who be this be?
>>36193703Kaos real shape
>>36193873Radiance would still press.
no page 9 for you, boi
DJ still dead?
>>36195825Think people said a few threads back he pisses around on /co/'s steven tumblrverse threads and doesn't really draw at all anymore.
>>36197832Five more minutes.
>>36195825i think most of the artists in general ended up leaving due to the talk here getting really stagnant.
So you're just going to let your daughteru wonder off onto other boards by herself?>>>/tg/75999871What if she finds her way onto /b/ or /r9k/?
>>36197972>/b/: "Ah she'll be fine, it's so much of a normalfag board now.">/r9k/: "NO YOU MAY NOT KEEP A PET NEET IN THE BASEMENT."
>>36197972>Lewdzu tugs her younger self by the hand."Come on, let's go see what's on /d/ now.">Little Yuzu tried to pull away but is held tightly.>"No, daddy said we have to be home by dinnertime!">She sniffles, wiping her eyes with the back of her free hand.>"We're gong to get in trouble.">Lewdzu scoffs."It's fine, don't be a baby. C'mon, there's so much to see.">"I don't like it, all these girls have boy willies.
>>36198349>"NO YOU MAY NOT KEEP A PET NEET IN THE BASEMENT."To be fair, as long as you feed and let your neet have internet access they'll probably be happy enough. They're like certain reptile species, just make sure you feed them and keep them at the right temperature and they'll do fine. Unfortunately, certain more autistic breeds of neet don't like being handled and may bite if you try to pet them or pick them up.You could probably get by with a six foot by eight foot cage with a bed in one end, a decent gaming computer, a large drip water bottle and a bucket in one corner for them to poop in. Just toss in some snacks and Mountain Dew twice a day and they'll be fine. Just be aware that they don't move around much and thus aren't the most interesting of pets.I imagine Drizzle to agree to this life if it meant she didn't have to go outside or interact with strangers. You could even put a collar on her and walk her around the house for a little exercise now and then. Speaking of exercise, it may be necessary to handcuff your neet to a treadmill to force them to walk or run for a little while for the sake of their health.
>>36198400>"Stop struggling, we have to get you ready for your new owner.""I don't wanna be sold! Please, I'll clean my room, I'll start showering, I promise!"
>>36198400Man I'd hate to be the guy working in the photo department at Sears that day.>"..Dude, is that some kind of fetish club meeting or something?">"What? Nah, it has to be. I mean look, they have a satyr in bondage!">"..Wait..'A merry Hearthswarming from family and Drizzle'..?"
>>36198892>>"What? Nah, it has to be. I mean look, they have a satyr in bondage!"Behind a curtain in the basement of the Carousel Boutique, Sapphire runs a secret business dealing in "specialized" attire and "novelty" furniture and equipment. She also offers lesson in knot tying.
>>36198916Sapphire is always willing to help answer questions and share her knowledge of caring for a sub.>Anon looks down at the gagged, blindfolded and thoroughly restrained figure of Drizzle upon the floor before turning his gaze to Mistress Sapphire."Uh, you sure those ropes aren't too tight? I get the gag and the blindfold, but perhaps tying her up is a little much, don't you think?">Sapphire smirks, striking the restrained girl across the flak with her riding crop and eliciting a pained grunt.>"Not at all, Anon. NEETS are truly pathetic creatures, too weak-willed to cope with even the most basic of daily responsibilities. Left to her own devices, this sad little worm wouldn't remember to feed or even clean herself without a master's firm hand to guide her. It's a mercy for them to be dominated so completely, to have all their worldly worries taken away from them when such freedom as the rest of us enjoy only brings them distress and anxiety.""Right, if you say so.">Sapphire nodded.>"Trust me, she'll be much happier once she learns to submit herself completely to your will and stops worrying over making tough decisions for herself. An empty head is the key to a sub's happiness. They shouldn't worry about anything other than making their master happy. I know it may seem strange, but it would be cruel to train them otherwise.">"Cool, and about that 'other' problem?">"Oh yes, I have a chastity cage in just her size ready and waiting. It will solve the excessive masturbation issue right away. Deciding when they get to cum is just another decision a sub shouldn't be forced to worry about. In my own experience, any more often than once every two or three months is spoiling them, and watching them desperately trying to rub themselves on the bars of their cage is ever so entertaining."
>>36199073Dagger can confirm. She and her owner are very satisfied.
>>36199427>DaggerCompletely forgot about her.
>>36198400>>36199073Go for a slightly larger 6ft X 10ft cage so you can fit a giant hamster wheel that acts as a generator connected to a battery that your neet can plug a Hitachi magic wand into. This way she has to exercise to try and produce enough electricity to power the vibrator so that she can try and use it through the chastity belt. Inevitably the charge would be insufficient to achieve climax, thus encouraging her to further exercise out of desperation. Soon within the span of a few months you'll have a fit and healthy neet that's been edging herself inadvertently for weeks to do with as you please. Just remember to spray some Febreze in there now and then to mitigate the stink.Okay, now I just want to talk about wholesome things.
>>36199506This is why there's an entire family of Pie's who just keep rocks as petsNo cages, no 'gear', no waivers having to be signed
>>36199506>Okay, now I just want to talk about wholesome things.I'm down. Comf and cuddles and daughterus in sweaters.
>>36199506>"It's a mistake to believe even for a moment that a neet can ever be the equal of you or I, Anon. It's simply a fact of life that they're inferior and must be treated as such for their own good. They don't think like normal worthwhile people do, being unable to cope with responsibility or the need to care for themselves. Unable to see the world in anything but the most simplistic of terms or strive for anything beyond the fulfilment of their most basic urges. It's regretable, but they're truly incapable of even conceiving goals beyond that of immediate gratification. That's why you'll never hear them talk about their hopes and plans for the future and why videogame addiction and compulsive masturbation is so common among them. This does of course make their training as pets fairly simple, as a neet that's been denied access to their Nintendo Switch or locked in chastity for a few weeks will do just about anything you order them to if they think it'll earn them their release. Sadly, most neets are truly worthless creatures and suffer from a chronic lack of motivation, which is why unlike with all other pets I personally advise an owner to practice negative reinforcement instead of reward based training. To use one of my own pets as an example, he may prove reluctant to lick my hoof in excange for a good boy point and five minutes of videogame time due to his natural apathy, but he'll be begging to follow my orders if it'll mean I'll stop tightening the vice around his testicles or pouring water on his keyboard."
>>36199621I want to go winter camping and toast marshmallows with daughteru.
>>36200094Nothing but your clothes, gear and a fire keeping back the cold. A cold that you can always feel just enough of the not get too comfortable, to keep you alert.Maybe take her hunting, maybe just sit around and eat the food you brought along instead of really roughing it.
>>36200136Personally I always like being a little too cold and having my bedroom slightly chilly, because it makes it all the more satisfying and comfy when you've been under the sheets for a while and have gotten all warm and snuggly. I imagine this would be even better if you had a satyr to cuddle with.
>>36200211Hello, based department?The warmth is just 10 times better if you're coming in from the cold.
>>36200373>Hello, based department?>"Dad, I'm not saying that everytime you call."
>>36201267>Daughterooni has the audacity to ask to be sent more money for college yet she won't even call her dad based.
>>36202439>"Dad, please I need money.""I sent you three hundred Bits just last week.">"I know, but textbooks are expensive.""I'm not sending more, get a part-time job or something.">"But-""That's final.">"...Fine then I guess I'll just have to let those zebra guys do me raw tomorrow night since I don't have money for condoms.""What?">"That's what I need the Bits for.""No you don't, you're just making up lies to twist my arm.">"Do you really want to take that risk?""If you think that-">"You think mixed babies are cute, right?""Fuck that, I'm not having any El Goblinos in my family.">"So can I have like, two-hundred Bits.""Fucking fine, holy shit."
>>36202556If she's even threatening such shameless behavior, you've already fucked up as a parent. Much less if she's actually doing it.
>>36202630This. Even one appearance on Satyr Maury Povich is one too many.
>>36202556>>"...Fine then I guess I'll just have to let those zebra guys do me raw tomorrow night since I don't have money for condoms."Then nine months later Satsuma was born.
>>36202653That explains why she's so good at running and so bad at not getting into trouble with the cops.
>>36202656>>36202653>Satsuma tosses her water bottle at her friends as they sit sniggering at her."Would you shut up? I'm not half zebra, how many times to I have to tell you that?">"I dunno, Sumi, you're lookin' kinda dark to me.""I'm just deliciously tanned!">"Sure you are.""My mom even had me DNA tested to try and find out who my dad was and the results said I was one-hundred percent pony satyr, no zebra at all!">"Those test are only like ninety-eight percent accurate.""I am not half zebra!">"Okay chill out, it was just a joke. Here, have a stick of gum, it's watermelon flavor.">>36193547Imagine trying to sleep as her. Lie on your back and your wings get crushed, lie on your side and your horns mean you can't put your head flat on the pillow.
>>36202715>Satsuma walks in the zebra part of town wearing stripeface makeup.>"What's good, muh ziggers."
>>36202715>"I was one-hundred percent pony satyr, no zebra at all!""Yeah right, let me see the results... Say's you're 75% human. So your dad was a human too?"
>>36203565Unlikely or else she'd be smarter than the average satyr, Boo-Boo.
>>36203565"I was one-hundred percent pony satyr, no zebra at all!">"Yeah right, let me see the results... This isn't a DNA test, it's a spelling test, you retard."
>>36199956I'd read a whole book by Sapphire about how to care for your pet neet.
>>36204309Same, so much about neet girls being keep nice and leaky.I suspect there's also an entire section on maximizing your neet's milk output for fun and profit.
>>36192903who are our zatyr gals?
>>36204309>>36199956This was originally greentext but I changed it, so expect weird formatting. Also It's not proofread."After a time, an owner may wish to start breeding their neets, as acquiring them can be a costly and time consuming endeavor through the usual means. True though it may be that a neet's family and parents especially will likely wish to be rid of them, their disgusting habits, their unwashed odor and the burden they place upon the family, all of which mean that they'll happily sell their neet to you for pittance, the cost of legal paperwork and the myriad of other formalities soon adds up.You may think that encouraging two neets to breed would be an easy task considering their natural inclination for self-gratification and near obsession with sex, however it in fact can prove all but impossible at times. For example, if you put a male and female neet in the same room together, far from engaging in normal social interactions, they will instead both become increasingly nervous and take to sitting in opposite corners of the room and begin playing on their Nintendo Switches while sweating profusely. Neets are naturally fearful and skittish around the opposite sex. Don't forget, it was partly due to their incredible awkwardness and incompetence at attracting a mate that lead them to becoming a neet in the first place. As they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it stop playing Legend of Zelda long enough to perform coitus."
>>36206623"An additional complication if you've followed my advice in chapter three about lacing your male neet's food with female hormone supplements is that, though it does indeed help create a more placid, docile and easily controllable male and I still advocate for the practice, it does however mean that even under ideal circumstances your male would likely be incapable of performing the traditional masculine role involved in sexual intercourse. Indeed, if you've been supplying supplements at the dosages I recommend, your male will likely be unable to achieve and erection to begin with and will show little interest in the provided female aside from as a potential partner for co-operative multiplayer.Given these complications, I instead encourage the following method for breeding your neets.The male should be made to assume position #6, which can be found under the 'Basics of Domination' in chapter four, as this will provide the easiest access. If you can't quite recall the specifics, this position resembles 'doggystyle' with the male's upper body lowered so as to be resting upon the floor or mattress and backside raised high with tail strapped to the side out of the way.Rather than penile stimulation which will only needlessly excite the male, the use of an electronic prostate stimulator* should be employed instead, as it will allow for the collection of semen without the need for any pesky orgasms or even the removal of the male's chastity cage.It is likely that due to the male's laughable testosterone levels and the effects of the prescribed hormone supplements that the volume of semen produced will be quite low, so it is important to avoid any spillages.If such accidents occur, be sure to have the male lick it up as a punishment and to reclaim some of the wasted protein."*My recommended model of elector-stimulator can be found in the "notes" section.
>>36206626"Upon successful collection be sure to offer the male some gentle encouragement, and if you deem it appropriate, perhaps even five minutes of Reddit time. Just remember not to let your male look at any of those naughty no-no NSFW pages or else they may get silly ideas in their head.Next comes the fertilization of the female.If you've followed my advice detailed earlier in this book, you will have kept a log of when your female goes into heat and thus be aware of when is the most opportune time to try and breed her. If not, well I did tell you it'd come in handy, silly.In all seriousness, the signs of the year's most intense estrus cycle should be obvious to even the most unobservant of masters, so knowing when to preform the insemination shouldn't be too difficult.The process of insemination itself is easy, as the female will be eager for any kind of sexual activity and will almost always willingly comply.Remember, neets are pathetically weak-willed by nature and so she will likely be unable to resist her basic urges.Have her assume position #6 identically to the male, and with the use of a insemination syringe** squirt the collected semen as deeply as possible inside her vagina."**Find my recommended brands of syringe in the "notes" section.I could go on.
Do it /sat/
>>36206851I fish my dad flexed on the other dads by doing one armed handstands, too.
>>36206870>I fish my dadMaybe this is my subconscious telling me it wished my dad took me fishing more as a kid via typo.
>>36206630>>36206626>>36206623>Darcy is the kind of mistress that will engage in gentle femdom, jerk off encouragement and mommy play, always being sure to call you a good boy afterwards.>Sapphire will kick you repeatedly in the balls, deny your orgasm and make you say thank you for the privilege while making you lick her hooves afterwards.You can choose only one.
>>36206913Damn it, I just want to escape the lewd and write wholesome green but I keep getting dragged back in.>Sapphire will kick you repeatedly in the balls, deny your orgasm and make you say thank you for the privilege while making you lick her hooves afterwards."Oh dear, look at what a disobedient little slave you are, trying to get hard without permission. How pathetic!">"Sorry, Mistress.""How should I punish you I wonder? The pliers or bullwhip perhaps, or maybe I should dust that sad little excuse you call a stallionhood in itching powder and lock it away for the rest of the day?">"No, I-""No? Did you just say 'no' to me, pet? My, that deserves an even more severe punishment. We have to make sure you learn your lesson about who's in charge here, don't we?">"Y-Yes, mistress.""Good boy, I think the electric cattle prod should do for now."
>>36207182Garret watches in annoyance as yet another satyr wearing a trench coat with the collar popped up, dark sunglasses and a fedora walks into the store, ignoring all the clothing he'd spent painstaking hours making and instead heads through the curtain behind the counter and down the stairs to the basement, his sister's place of business. Why were so many people willing to pay for the horrible things she did to them? Judging by the muffled screaming he could hear coming from below some days, it was a miracle they hadn't had the cops called on them yet.
>>36207211Apart from being a brutal BDSM mistress, she also offers parents a NEET rehabilitation service where you can leave your embarrassment of a child with her, sign a few waivers, and over the course of six months or so she'll turn them into a functioning member of society by any means necessary.>Hungry skeleton of a satyr jumps as the door of the basement slams shut behind him, leaving him in a pitch blackness.>"What the heck, this doesn't look like any anime convention I've ever seen... Hello?">Wandering blindly into the middle of the room, he stops suddenly as he hears the sound of a sadistic female chuckle from somewhere in the inky blackness before him.>"Who... who's there?""My oh my, what do we have here?">Lanklet satyr recoils back and shields his eyes as the basement is suddenly flooded with blinding light."Oh dear me, you're certainly a scrawny specimen.">As his eyes adjusted to the brightness, the satyr boy saw before him a purple-haired satyr woman standing before him clad in skin tight leather and latex, a riding crop in one hand and a cruel smirk upon her lips.>Fighting back his anxiety at being in the prescience of actual 3D female, the boy swallows nervously.>"Hey, who are you? I was told there was an anime convention her with a manga signing.">Sapphire laughed, playfully striking the riding crop against her thigh."My apologies, you were lied to.">"Seriously, you mean I missed my World of Fightcraft guild's big raid for nothing?""Poor boy, does that upset you?">"I'm like, the main DPS guy, so yeah, I wouldn't expect you to understand but I'm actually important.">A brief condescending grin spread across Sapphire's face."Oh dear, if only I'd known who my latest project was to be I'd have rolled out the red carpet.">The boy scoffs.>"Whatever lady, I'm leaving."
>>36207820>Sapphire chuckled."I'm afraid that won't be an option. You see the door's quite firmly locked and your parents have granted me custody of you for the next six months.">"What are you talking about?">Sapphire took a step towards him, jamming the riding crop on under his chin and forcing his head back a little."You see, sometimes when parents fail so utterly at raising a good, functioning member of society... Well, they give me a little call.">She narrowed her eyes at him."In exchange for a hefty sum of money signing a few legal documents acknowledging that I'm not to be held accountable for any damage caused in the process, I take their worthless shut-in filth of a child and mold them into something useful to society. I'm sure you can now surmise by now that this is precisely the situation you now find yourself in. The whole anime convention was just a little lie to get you to actually come out of your bedroom for a change.">"W-What? That can't be legal!""Oh I promise you it is. My lawyer is very good and she assures me everything is entirely above board.">"Hey c'mon, just lemme go and we can pretend this never happened.">Sapphire lit up with delight at the sound of fear in his voice."Oh my, are you frightened? How pitiful, you really are a sorry excuse for a male. Don't worry, the next few months need only be as painful as you make them. Be a good boy and you'll leave here a man to be proud of... Misbehave and well, the next six months could be rather unpleasant for you indeed.">"Listen lady, I-">In an instant, Sapphire drew her riding crop back and brought it swiftly down across the front of the boy's thighs, causing him to double over forwards and fall to the floor."From now on you'll call me 'Mistress' is that clear, pig?"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVcLIfSC4OE
>>36207211>heads through the curtain behind the counter and down the stairs to the basement, his sister's place of business>Judging by the muffled screaming he could hear coming from below some days, it was a miracle they hadn't had the cops called on them yetUhuh, and this whole thing takes place in the shop while their mom, whom owns the shop, knows nothing about it?
>>36207875Nah, I expect they'd get their own place. Sapphire's just using the basement as a temporary location until her usual place of business is done being renovated. Suspend you disbelief, just like Sapphire suspends badly behaved pets from the ceiling by their testicles.
>Big Mac, Femanon and her brother 'Uncle Anon' watch from the porch as little three year old Darcy once again bends over to pick up a shiny red apple laying upon the ground, inadvertently spilling several of the others she'd already collected from the oversized bucket she held under an arm as she leaned forwards.>Fem hummed thoughtfully as she observed her daughter.>"Do you think we should tell her she's been picking up the same half dozen apples over and over again for the last twenty minutes.">Uncle Anon takes a sip of his beer."Don't you dare.">"Nnnope.">Big Mac and Anon share a look of agreement.>"That's about the cutest thing I've seen all day.">Anon nods."She's happy, she thinks she's helping. Besides it'll tire her out for bedtime.">Fem shrugs.>"I suppose you're right."
>>36207977Now that's the kinda cute stuff I come here for.
>>36207989Yeah, sorry for all the fetish stuff from before. When I get an idea in my head I like to run with it until I get bored of it.
>>36207977>Feigning a look of amazement as his niece proudly presents him with her apple bucket, Uncle Anon reaches down and ruffles her hair."Oh wowie, did you really collect those all by yourself?">She nods happily."Well I sure know who's getting an extra scoop of ice cream after dinner tonight for being such a hard worker. How many do you think there are?">Darcy looks contemplative for a moment.>"One millionbajillion.">Anon's eyes widen."That many, really?">He glances down into the bucket filled with around seven or eight apples in total."Hmm, I think you're right, it must be at least that many."
>>36207977>three year old DarcyLet's assume Granny Smith was still alive for awhile after Darcy was born. Would she have been an amazing great-grandma?Just imagine Darcy sitting on the porch with her old man Big Mac's not actually that old, she just likes to call him that and looking at the stars while thinking about her great-grandmother and the few words of wisdom she'd give to her now and then during Darcy's youth.
>>36206630If Sapphire's feeling especially cruel then she can allow the guy to believe that he's actually going to be allowed to have sex (Just like in one of his Chinese cartoons!) and even provide him with a pair of the female's used underwear so he can get himself worked up, all so she can further mock and humiliate him for his look of disbelief and disappointment when he finds out the truth.
>>36208728Whichever young stallion willingly enters her lair must be one lucky pony in the end when they get out.Of course, mares are allowed too.
>>36208853The Stockholm syndrome will have kicked in long before the agreed upon time of incarceration ends and the newly mindbroken toy will gladly pay for the privilege of being allowed to stay for longer.
>>36208893>A few days later, the news are out that some are missing>And those missing were either last seen talking with one of Rarity's kids>Or entering her kids' shop at night
>>36208919I'm sure she let's them have some contact with their families in the form of written letters, since she is such a merciful mistress after all. Of course they'll be punished if she finds out they wrote anything negative about their time with her or express any desire to leave.
>>36208853They enter as virgin neet losers, but they leave as socially competent Chads. Results guaranteed, mostly because if you don't change then you don't get to leave.
>>36208985By the sound of it judging by the way she treats them I think her aim is to turn them into obedient little drones that can contribute to society rather than Chads. Maybe she tailors the final product in one direction or the other based on the request of whoever's paying for her "rehabilitation" services.
>>36209412Dairy cow is the best use for a neet.The 'work' is just sitting there, and they can do their preferred hobbies of eating, sleeping and gaming at the same time.
>>36208944>Of course they'll be punished if she finds out they wrote anything negative about their time with her or express any desire to leaveThat's a bit difficult to do when the royal guards are pinning her down, isn't it?
>>36211128It's all nice an legal, Anon, she has the consent papers and liability waivers to prove it. I realize this is incredibly dumb and would never work in the real world, but I'm just having fun with it.>>36207829>My lawyer is very good and she assures me everything is entirely above boardIt's the perfect relationship. Sapphire gets legal protection from prosecution and in return she supplies Yuzu with docile young men that have been conditioned to obey any order given to them, just how she likes them. God knows she can't get a man on her own and the option of simply paying for one that's already been mindboken into the ideal domestic servant/walking sex toy is looking increasingly appealing to her.Toss in Tonsils supplying Saphire with under the counter medication, hormone supplements and steroids as well as helping fix up any particularly nasty wounds she's inflicted and you have the perfect triad of femdom.
>>36193547I like that her two designs aren't mutually exclusive. She can probably choose to look however she wants at any given time.
>>36211267Given that Kaos is born in Equestria among ponies, and that her dad is what he is, I seriously find it hard to imagine she'd want to look anything like this>>36193547That just looks like something made by trannies. Claiming that's Kaos' real shape is a disgrace to all things satyr and MLP.
>>36211249"So based on the preferred characteristics you gave me, I've compiled a list of the most promising candidates I currently have in stock.">Sapphire hands Yuzu a small stack of papers across her desk, each detailing the physical and mental traits of one of the pets she had in her care, each with a photograph of the candidate in the top right corner.>Yuzu began glancing through to profiles as she continued listening to Sapphire."I won't lie, your request was... rather specific, let's say. A male, preferably five to ten years younger than you, obedient, servile, capable of performing all the household chores including cooking, cleaning and basic maintenance tasks.">Yuzu hummed in acknowledgement as Sapphire continued."In addition, he had to have strong jawline, deep voice and be at least six feet tall.">Yuzu nodded, pausing and reading through one of the profiles more closely.>"Ideally, yes.""Of course you understand that finding a satyr of that height is difficult at the best of times, especially considering the less than prime male specimens I'm often given to work with in the first place.">"That's why I'm paying you as generously as I am.""Naturally. Next, you also requested that the candidate must be good with children as you had a teenage daughter at home, and should preferably be able to assist her with her homework.">"She has private tutors, but any extra help is good and I can't be around as much as I'd like.""I see, and next you specified that the candidate must be able to appear entirely normal in front of your daughter or out in public so that he could meet your father, yes?">Yuzu nodded fervently.>"That's absolutely a requirement. He needs to be able to fake it under questioning.""Understood, and lastly...">Sapphire glanced down at the note upon her desk.
>>36211548"You required that the male be extremely submissive in bed, willing and able to perform at a moments notice, but also would never try to initiate anything on their own and would know to leave you alone when they're not required.">"I want them to understand that I'm in charge and that sex is something that happens when I decide, not them.">Sapphire chuckled."Well that at least certainly won't be a problem. All my stock is taught that an orgasm is a privilege, not a right, and that they're not the ones in charge of deciding if they're allowed one.">Placing one of the pieces of paper facing towards her companion on the desk, Yuzu tapped the photograph.>"What can you tell me about this one?">Sapphire glanced down at the profile."Number Twenty-Three, a good choice. He came to me a little over seven months ago and has proved remarkably malleable to my training methods, largely due to his castration phobia.">"Are you sure that counts as a phobia? I imagine most males would comply if threatened with that.">Sapphire smirked."Undoubtedly, however this one breaks out in cold sweats and starts shaking if he so much as hears the sound of scissors. It proved incredibly useful during his obedience training and I've been sure to foster this fear, so you could consider using it at your own discretion if desired.">"Anything else?""He was a gacha game addict when he came to me, but now thanks to my aversion techniques he's completely free of his compulsion. He's also reasonably competent in social situations as you requested as well as being tall.">Yuzu frowned a little.>"He seem rather lanky to me.">Sapphire shrugged."Give me a few more months and with the right hormone supplements and encouragement and I could get him to bulk up without issue."
>>36211553>Yuzu looked down at the picture of the satyr once more.>"And, uh... what about his performance in the bedroom?""Well he's not much to write home about size wise, though thanks to my training he's now able to last for however long you want him to without cumming.">"Oh really?""I believe he may be physically incapable of reaching climax now without permission, as he's learned that doing so results in punishment.">Yuzu nodded thoughtfully.>"Alright, and what's his name?">Sapphire opened her mouth to respond, then hesitated, a blank expression passing over her for a moment."I forget exactly, but currently he'll respond to either his number or 'Pig' if you'd prefer. Again, I can condition him to respond to any name you want if you allow me a few days.">"Good, good... Now about the return policy. Would you be okay with taking him back if I happened to find a real boyfriend?">Sapphire raised an eyebrow and had to prevent herself from smirking mockingly."Do you think that's likely?">"Hey, it's possible!"Okay, I'm bored with this femdom stuff now. I'm not even into it. I want comfy feels and wholesome green now.
>>36211548>"Of course you understand that finding a satyr of that heightDon't turn satyrs into racists who only looks for other satyrs.
>>36211583Don't take offense at every little thing, Yuzu's allowed to have preferences if she wants. Though I do find it funny that out of everything I wrote you find that specific thing the most disagreeable. Besides, the legal loophole that allows Sapphire to get away with all that horrible shit only applies to satyrs since the Equestiran legal system is backwards as all hell and moves at a snail's pace and thus satyrs have yet to come under the full protection of either human rights or native species rights.
>>36211638>That spoilerWay to make it known that you hate ponies. Like they wouldn't change their laws the second the first Anon had that first satyr kid with a pony. Just look what they did to Equestria when Twilight decided to open that cursed school of friendship.
>>36211583>Don't turn satyrs into racists who only looks for other satyrs.>Yuzu's allowed to have preferences if she wants."On the one hand you have ponies who walk around barehoof in the mud and filth then track that shit all through the house, handling food and eating with the same hoofs they just stepped in shit with. Don't even get me started on the other aspects of hygiene or the inability to grasp concepts beyond a five year old's level. Then on the other hand you have humans who-">Murmur rolled her eyes as she was forced to listen to another of her sister's drunken rants>"Oh yes, by all means tell me what's wrong with humans.">Yuzu took another gulp of wine."They always act so superior thinking they're better and smarter than everyone... I mean yeah, it's true when they're talking about ponies, but I like to think that us satyrs are just as smart as any human. Besides, you know what else?">Murmur sighed as Yuzu poked her in the chest, spilling a little wine down the front of her top as she swayed side to side slightly.>"No, but I get the feeling you're going to tell me.">Yuzu upended her glass and drained the remaining contents."I don't care what they say, the ability to last for more than ten minutes in bed doesn't make up for not having a fat ol' horsecock!">Murmur groaned.>"Don't you think you've had enough to drink?">Yuzu huffed."Don't you tell me I've have enough!">She poured herself another glass red wine from the bottle, filling it right to the brim."That's why us satyrs are the superior species, d'ya see? Because we've got the best of both species.">"Uh-Huh.""See, us halfies, we gotta stick together."Satyr lives matter.
>>36211690>Making satyrs hate their own parentsShame on you.
>>36211761Yuzu doesn't need any help with hating her mother.>>36185980Personally if I was Darcy I wouldn't stand for other kids muscling in on my territory and riding my dad around like that, even if Hope is the alpha satyr.
>>36211770>Yuzu doesn't need any help with hating her mother.She doesn't really hate her mother, she hates death for taking her mother away.
>>36211801If you'd prefer, though personally I think the other most commonly posted backstory makes for a more interesting character.
>>36211811Her mom being dead kinda sounds more fitting to the Equestria world, what with AJ's parents being dead too. But hey, whatever floats your boat.
>>36211690Dionysus really needs to stop selling to her. It's not like his wine emporium would go out of business if he stopped serving a single customer.
>>36211959>It's not like his wine emporium would go out of business if he stopped serving a single customer.More like his mom's wine emporium.
>>36211970Shh, he tells girls it's his to impress them.
>>36211959She's fine, leave her alone.>"How many times do I have to tell you, I don't have a drinking problem!">https://youtu.be/vg6z-QNql7U
>>36211638Good to know my daughters are also my legal property.
>>36212368Uh hello, based department?Amen.
>>36212368Have fun getting sued by your pony wife, your pervert ass thrown in the dungeons, and your kids taken away from you to live a better life with their mom.
>>36212368That just means her future husband has to pay me.
>>36212416"So lets see now, shall we? When she was a child I ensured she kept to a healthy diet and exercised regularly, with frequent health check-ups and dental appointments. I made sure she knew how to cook and do housework, but also gave her an education by which she could find gainful employment of her own if she so wished. I made sure she didn't drink heavily or drugs, and I also ensured she remained a virgin. All this will be reflected in the final price. All in all, if you want to marry my daughter I think I can let you have her for... let's call it 88,000 Bits."
>>36212508>Dad Anon never knows whose gonna walk through those doors..>"Lemme call my daughteru guy."
>>36212508>Selling your child>Without your wife's approval
>>36212536"Tell you what, I'll throw in my wife for free to sweeten the deal, what d'ya say?"
>>36212508>"Daddy, can I get a tattoo when I'm old enough?""God no, do you have any idea how that'll affect your asking price?">"Well what about a piercing?""Also no.">"Pleeeease?""Ugh, fine, maybe just a small one so long as it's tasteful and doesn't leave a mark.">"That's dad!""I mean it, just the one and only in the ear. You don't want to end up like one of those girls that no man buy as his wife and ends up having to be rented out for a few days at a time instead."
>>36212579>"And that's how Anon got arrested">The other Anons quickly learned not to mess with ponies and their satyr kids
>>36212606>>36212508The proudest day of a dad's life is when he asks you for a loan to buy his wife. Even better if he actually has the money himself and you don't have to lend it to him. To be fair, if I paid for my son's wife I'd at least want access to her until he managed to pay me back, because until then she's more my wife than his.
>>36212627Does dad's wife not exist in your mind?Seriously, cheating on your own pony wife like that sounds incredibly dirty.
>>36212668I'm trading up for a newer model, it's simple economics. You would too if your pony wife let herself go this much after her second kid.
>>36212716>You would too if your pony wife let herself go this much after her second kid.>ImplyingIf you truly love ponies, then you'd never give up on your waifu.Fat or not, your waifu is your wife and your satyr childrens' mother. Ditching her simply because she's got a bit chubby is nothing but an evil thing to do.>"Y-you want a divorce?!? B-but why?!""You're fat, lol.">Your satyr kid hears everything and cries silently
>>36212760>>Your satyr kid hears everything and cries silently"Let this be a lesson about what happens to fat little piggies, sweetheart. Love ya!"
>>36212833>"And that's why I divorced your father, kids. He turned out to be a nasty butthole.">The young satyrs, having listened to every word their mother told 'em, starts wondering why Celestia even lets humans into Equestria anymore
Oh, wow...these threads are still alive?I hope you guys are doing well. I found a whole bunch of my old art and thought of you guys. I visited the archive to see when the last satyr thread was because I thought they died off. It's really sweet to see you guys keeping these adorable abominations alive. Here's a quick Snapshot doodle. Hope you guys had a happy turkey day
>>36213005Oh my god, youre alive, hope youre doing great!
>>36213005Howdy, DJYeah, we're still chugging. Your baby bat's still a bit of a fallback, but people are also interested in the grandbabies if you wanna stir up conversation.
>>36213020Sadly, I'm not. but I appreciate the good wishes, friend
>>36213041Shit nigga, hang in there.
>>36213005>Merely a name, which anyone can use>No user nameAfter what the real DJ said about ponies, and given that he's in that Steven Universe general, you must surely understand why I think you're an ass full of bull.
>>36213056I'll ditch the name, but the pic I provided was also a sort of proof that it's me. I just doodled it not long ago. Like I said, no, I don't like ponies, but I still like the satyrs and the stories you guys make for them
>>36213056>gatekeeping a oc threadGo for a walk
>>36213072Ignore the resident complainer. We've had a shitload of Yuzu and Satsuma green since you've been gone, which kinda goes to show how much many of us enjoy your creation.
>>36213005>DJ>A new pic of out pretty trap queenWhay a great day
What show, movie or book from your own childhood would you make sure your satyr grew up with?
>>36213263fantastic mr fox
>>36213092>Ignore the resident complainer.>Liking ponies and the whole satyr idea of Anon in Equestria having a satyr kid with his pony waifu means you're complaining...What?
>>36213263The Thing 1982
>>36213263Boku no Pico
up, and aWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!
>>36213263There's so many, but a few that came to mind are from when I was very young."Little Red Tractor" https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLP22qIfK2ZNQTgQ9E-THuEY18NcuIO4qV"Old Bear Stories"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePCof76DLO0&list=PLsA9iBMGobTh_S9rzrBWTztZKl80PcZNI"Dragons, Giants and Witches"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGtjuvJYXtUThen when she's a little older."The Animals of Farthing Wood" complete with the death an violence.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhpANNTed1E&list=PLXrlroDDEeaTPQ9U1doskO8gXJ9OfPtDP>>36211555Does Sapphire treat her female slaves as cruelly as she seems to treat the males?
>>36214943>*BOF!*>*ZOK!*>*POW*Not in the house, /satyr/
>>36215945Would you let your satyrs have Nerf wars in the house?
>>36216047They'd have to battle me but yes>Radiance? Hon'? Not in the palace>"Mom that was dad..">['wash away the anger' blasts from the living room]"You can't fight nature, Cel'!"
>>36216047Honestly, no. The house is full of breakable stuff. But the yard's big.
>>36216255>That's an antique, be careful!>It's a real Lady Godiva sculpture!>"You got it at a yard sale.">G-Go outside..
>>36216047"Let's fucking do this!">"Dad, we agreed no modifications allowed."My hard drive literally just died taking with it hundreds of satyr and other pics with it.
>>36216333rip, hopefully you can recover it.
>>36216444Hopefully. I tried a free recovery program but it wouldn't even detect the damn thing to try and start the recovery. Oddly, it was showing up on the device manager as "unknown device" but the original name of it was still there on another device that was greyed out and only viewable if I allowed "show hidden devices" in the options.Luckily I transferred the pictures of my dead dog to a USB and have Windows and my games installed on an SSD, but it's still annoying to lose years worth of images. I hope if I take it to a professional recovery service they don't see my lewds folder.
>>36216588>>36216333Related to this, I notice a lot of the satyr pictures I used to have don't seem to be on derpibooru.
>>36216696Mimic went nuts and purged all his galleries back in like, the start of 2019.
>>36216715Well that's unfortunate. So is the fact that I seem to have last the Tonsils and Mumble green I've been slowly working on for the last few months when I had time.
>>36216738ree, save it!
>>36216788I know I'm not totally out of options yet for trying to fix it myself. There's a few things I could try, though the fact that it's been acting up a little for the last few months and the weird sound it was making just immediately prior to bricking itself make me think it could be a hardware problem, which would be worse. I've disconnected and removed it currently, and I'm too drunk to do it now, but tomorrow I'll try reinstalling my computer's USB controllers and see if that helps. If not, maybe the IT guys at work can do something with it if I get a chance to see them.I have A LOT of weird 4chan stuff on there and I'd really prefer not to send the hard drive away for data recovery where that could be seen. It's all legal, don't get me wrong, but it is weird and embarrassing.The annoying thing is that once I'd completed a story I'd always back it up to the SSD, but the Tonsils/Mumble story was still a work in progress so was only kept on the HDD. Shame, because it was looking to be way longer than the Yuzu X Bella lewd.
>>36216715>Mimic went nuts and purged all his galleries back in like, the start of 2019.Do we have backups? I notice some of DJ's stuff isn't there either, though that's probably just because it was never added to begin with. That picture of Yuzu wear a suit with crossed arms for example.
>>36216859Only unsorted stuff on a different computer. Maybe check the dropbox.
>>36211583Would pinies even find satyrs attractive?
>>36218311What's a piny?
>>36218541It's what you get when you try to type "ponies" on a phone when you're not wearing your glasses.
>>36218571piny wears the suddle
>>36216838>I'll try reinstalling my computer's USB controllers and see if that helpsIt didn't. The thing doesn't even show up in the BIOS as a drive, so I'm pretty certain it's a hardware issue. I'm probably not going to try rewriting the Tonsils/Mumble green anytime soon.
>>36218311That's how you get centaurs.
>>36219668I'm sure there's still things you could try.
>>36222794Pat the bat. While her dadfu watches.
>>36223476That'll be 50 Bits.
Is there a way to download every image with the satyr tag from derpibooru, preferably with tags intact, without going through every image and saving it individually? Like a script or something.
>>36223801 Have to do it manually
>>36223643I refuse, but I will still headpat.
>>36224949Go ahead, call the guards! I'll headpat them too!
>>36224917You're a monster. That money would have been used to treat her to ice cream, but now all she has is disappointment.
>>36225230Go ahead call the ponice they can't unboop you
>>36223476It's considered good luck to spot Equestria's newest and rarest species, the satyr. It's even better luck to pat a young one on the head. Many little satyrs have a piggy bank filled with Bits that they've been given in exchange for a letting a tourist pat them and take a picture with them.