Previous Thread: >>35660068GoogleDoc Pastebin Archive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gf8UOWR5eIfp8FqpAWt3EUrSCCocOWazrZlMiTJwAYsOld CrazyRain's Stories' Archives: https://pastebin.com/z3CWqhnGPrompt Archives: https://pastebin.com/GAa4WuntFauster's Story Archive: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/
>>35669751First for the ultimate fuzz
first for best princess
>>35669751Third for bugbutt
>>35669751First for best princess
>>35669767>missed first post by 1 second
>>35669767I want to ruffle the tuft
>>35669775Now your only recourse is to make sand my wich.
>>35669767>>35669787I would be such a tuft slut.Help me bros the thought of burying my head into some soft fluff is pretty irrisistable.If its a pegasus, bat or alicorn offering a hug as well i,m a fucking goner.
>>35669767Spitfire is pretty shit, to be honest
>>35669798>you now remember those prompts where the criminal mare shoves Anon's face into her tuft in an attempt to break him in for the sex trade.
>>35669798Imagine how good a pillow a mare's tuft would be. Imagine letting the warmth and odorless pheromones relax your body into a restful sleep.My only regret is that I cannot lay my head in the entire herd's tufts at once.
>>35669751>Due to differences in constitution, Anon successfully drinks the roofie, only feeling slightly drowsy.>Lil shid goes home blue beaned because Anon is a responsible drinker.
>>35669866Some mares give up less easilyhttps://pastebin.com/hhPTSt3t
>>35669751a mare offers to buy you a drink, pick your poison Anonfor me it's a gin and orange
>>35670080dr pepper no ice
>>35670080alcohol tastes like shitso one of those root beers in the glass bottles that used to tickle my 12 year old self pink whenever we went out to higher-end restaurants than normal
>>35670080Gin and tonic for me babyyyyyyy
>>35670132>Head pat>In publicWhat a whore
>>35670080>Scotch, neat>Kristallweizen>Red WineAny of the above works.>>35670115You must be 18 to post on this site.
>>35670115I recommend a spirit, maybe gin or vodka with juice my friendthey're MOSTLY flavorless and the juice dilutes the bitter taste even further, makes it actually tolerable
>>35670175also make sure to try some sweet wines
>>3567008031 and religious. Root beer for me, root beer float if they have it.
>>35670175>>35670204I tried mead and white wine specifically, and apparently got a bit of vodka from some kool-aid my mom mixed together some months backNot a very wide selection I know, but I'm just fine with living without alcohol
>>35670115>alcohol tastes like shitMix it then, retard.
I've been thinking of re-reading fallout equestria, dear god someone talk me out of it.>>35670080the obvious and only correct answer is Vodka and pepsi
>>35670228I could never fucking read long action scenes in books. And that's all the beginning of that fucking book is
Re: "Extreme sexual dimorphism from last thread.">>35669214No.Satyrs forever. Satyrs unending. Satyrs eternal.
>>35670347Extremely based, but I'd also except pony-only offspring.
>>35670080White rum and coke. Or cherry vodka and coke.
>>35670150Fucking tease. Says he doesn't think she'd old enough, but then runs his fingers through her mane and pats her on the head? Clearly he's challenging her to try again and try harder. Colts play hard to get all the time, man.
Talking to it: don't do that.
>>35670375If he's not careful that young mare is going to pin him down and give him a quick little kiss between the eyes.
>>35670392That means they're horsemarried
>>35670347>>35670353I'm thinking in someting like a pegasus, but with a feel mutations>human-like arms (covered by the coat like the rest of the body) in the place of wings;>three fingers/digits in the pony legs instead of one digit/hoove, like the miohippus hooves(pic related); >smaler and front facing human like eyes;>a reduced tail;>a more agressive temperament(compare to pones) >and with the instinctive habit to look others right in the eyes or right on the back of the neck if the pone/creature is given it her/his back
>>35670218Well now I want a good A&W rootbeer float.
>>35670401me forggot the picme retarded
>>35670228>I've been thinking of re-reading fallout equestria, dear god someone talk me out of it.What's the last real book you read?
>>35670401This isn't a bad idea, except for the human like arm wings. That's horrific.
>>35670417>That's horrificThat's the idea
>>35670421Why make something ugly when you can make something not ugly
>>35670430Would not be ugly, just creepy, strange and slightly disturbingthe idea is to be something that send chill through both pones and anons spines
>>35670436maybe instead of straigh human arms make it more pone like legs but with a humam like articulation and three digits 'hands' ending in something between claws and hooves
>>35670421Oh. It's you.
>>35670436Nah nigga that'd be ugly
post rgre, bitchwhores
>>35670460pricess of the friend zone(just like her master)
>>35670436>anon and his qt pony waifu have children>every single one of them is the kind of monster you'd expect to be the final boss of a vidyagaem>but they were raised right, in a loving home>anon was able to apply maximum dad mode to keep them in line, and waifu taught them to be proper upstanding mare-things>they always cause a bit of a panic when the visit new places>but they don't let that get them down, their dad went through the same thing. ponies are just prone to panicking>every other month some team of heroes tracks them down only to be invited in for tea and shown embarrassing baby photossomethingsomething rgre
>>35670401That would be for a Anon+Pegasus abominationBut what about the Anon+Unicorn, Anon+Earth-Pone and Anon+Crystal-Pone abominations ?And what about Anon + Other half pone abominations like the kirins, that started as Unicorn(or Alicorn) + Dragon Abominations (why do y'all think they live isolated in the middle of nowhere ?)
>>35670498>Anon has a daughter with Celestia>She grows up looking completely human, but something feels off about her>She never speaks but understands language>She stares at ponies for way too long>She will sometimes completely disappear without a trace after leaving anyones line of sight and show up hours later>Magical scans show that she has more mana than is physically possible for someone her age>She also weights much more than her little frame would make you believe>One night a griffin snuck into her room to kidnap her>Anon and Celestia heard the racket and rushed to their daughters room>The griffin was torn apart by their daughter>Or by what she became
>35670530ow the edge
This has gotta be a record for running a prompt into the ground
>>35670543implying the promp didn't started in the ground already
>>35670555That is factual
>>35670476>every single one of them is the kind of monster you'd expect to be the final boss of a vidyagaem>You and your waifu have a darling little unicorn filly.>She's got a brilliant red coat and a fiery temper.>As it's the father's duty to give names to foals, you remember a certain vidya and name her Ruby. Ruby Weapon.>Little did you know that names have a lot of meaning in RGRE. A name is more than just a word to address others by.>Normally a stallion will have a sort of epiphany when choosing a name for his foal, a little glimpse of who they're to become. They speak it almost involuntarily.>You? None of that. Ruby was given her name because you thought it was cool. Maybe on a subconscious level, you saw the name as powerful, and wanted your daughter to be the same.>And names are indeed powerful things, being more than just words.>Ruby grows up to fit her name. She's a world class battle-mage by the time she's a teen, using elemental spells with a destructive level unseen before her, and standing a hardiness that would make veteran guardsmares look like children.>In your arms, your youngest daughter Andromeda watches her sister's latest magic performance with awe, unaware of her own budding power.
>>35670555With how far down they've gone, I'm starting to hear "ching-chong bing-bong piggu-doggu go home" on the other end.
>>35670589They digging more holes than the protagonist of holes
Alright good fellows, I have come with an update to the Long and Short of It! Big thanks to Shu, Rhorse, and Uh-hmmm for some good old fashioned pre-reading/editing.>You, Nocturnal Pike, have known this was coming for over a week.>It’s nothing worth worrying about even.>It’s just a couples cooking class.>But no matter how many times you say that, you can’t keep yourself from trotting back and forth on this Sunday morning.>At this rate you’re going to put a hole in your living room floor!>Thankfully Anon’s in the shower right now, and so you’ve got some time to get it under control and keep your dignity intact.>You’ve just got to focus on something else!>Definitely not what your mom would say if she knew you were doing this.>Nope, that would be a terrible idea!>So don’t do it!>...>OhLunaYourMomWouldBeSoDissapointedInYou.>Wait, stop.>Take a deep breath.>You are the marliest mare on the evening shift.>There’s nothing wrong with helping your coltfriend fill a hole in his upbringing.>So what if you’re more eager to try this than he is?>There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.>Sure you may be... discovering new things about yourself recently.>But you're still a mare’s mare! >So what if you wouldn’t mind spending all day every day cooking nice meals so Anon could come home to a delicious dinner every night!?>There’s nothing unmarely about prancing around in a tight little apron, hoping Anon comes in and—>Oh hey, the shower just turned off!>Anon should be coming out momentarily.>Seeing as your kitchen is only a few steps away, might as well get started on breakfast.>But what to make?>Hmmm, Anon does have that strange affinity toward eggs...>Ahh, you are Anonymous, and you are feeling fresh and ready to start the day.>Towel wrapped around your head (hey, your mane takes awhile to dry ok!?), you push open the bathroom door, and are hit with a wonderful smell.
>>35670648>It's almost like...>Eggs, pancakes, and... BACON!?>You know deep in your heart that there must be some absurd catch to this.>But now you’re too psyched to care!>Supremely excited to see what Pike’s got cookin’, you charge heedlessly out the bedroom and to the kitchen.>And what do you find?>She actually /is/ cooking bacon!>Pike, having noticed your charge, gives you a sly little side eye.>”Well somepony’s hungry.”>She has no idea.“I didn’t even know you guys /had/ bacon!”>Your statement turns her side eye into a direct look.>A direct look of confusion.>”How the heck have you never seen bacon here!? The hay stand always has a ton of it.”>Ah.>You want to scream.“So it’s /hay/ bacon then?”>”Is... there another kind?”>And just like that, all your enthusiasm is gone.>Who the heck thought to oil fry hay!?>Pike however is thankfully oblivious to the death of your joy, instead returning her full attention to cooking.>”Say can you grab the plates for me? My hooves are kind of full.”“Sure... sure.”>You are Nocturnal Pike, and you outdid yourself.>Both you and Anon just got done enjoying a full Equestrial breakfast.>Well, Anon’s wasn’t /quite/ full.>He tried to get rid of it stealthily, but nothing gets past your trained observation skills!>He didn’t eat his hay-bacon!>The question is, why?>He seemed so genuinely excited for it!>...before he found out it was hay.>Hmmmmm, originally you thought he was just being thoughtless.>But a pony going out of his way to not eat hay?>More than a little suspicious.>The fact he’s strapping into his jacket right now only highlights the fact you need to talk to him about it.>”Say hon, how far is it to this place?”>Asking because you know that jacket won’t be enough?“It’s a bit of a trek.”>He grits his teeth and lets out a sigh through them.>”Aw really? Well might as well get going then.”
>>35670650>Suddenly he looks back at your bedroom, as if something just occurred to him.>”Say, this cold is havoc on my legs. Think ponies would be ok if I wore a set of socks?”>By the time the distant lights of the bakery came into view, you /still/ hadn’t managed to convince Anon it wasn’t worth it.>”I’m telling you, they wouldn’t have even noticed!”>Rolling your eyes at his unrepentant whimsy, you press forward through the snowstorm.“They absolutely would have! Those socks aren’t even meant to keep you warm anyway, you’d just end up looking like a sloot!”>You can’t be too hard on him though, at this point the cold’s starting to get to you too.“Besides, we’re almost there anyway.”>Thank Luna the bakery’s just down this street.>And picking up the pace, the two of you find yourselves at the front door in no time.>Pulling open the door, you’re suddenly washed in the relief of sweet sweet warm ai—>”Outta the way Pike!”>You squeak as Anon barrels through you with the force of a train.>It appears that in your relief to be out of the cold, you unintentionally stopped right in the doorway.>And as you stumble to regain your hoofing, it becomes obvious that Anon was not having that.>Finally coming to a stop, you shoot him a glare.“You could have just /asked/ me to move.”>”Would have taken too long,” he says as he rubs the snow out of his fur.>Deciding to let him handle that, you take the opportunity to gaze around the bakery.>It was a small cream colored building, filled with display cases of various sweets.>Honestly if it wasn’t for all the ambient chatter coming from behind a curtain in the back, you wouldn’t have ever suspected they /could/ even hold a class here.>Speaking of the curtain, a portly brown earth pony stallion emerges from behind it.>Based on his cake cutie mark, you’d suppose he’s the owner of this bakery.
>>35669751The true evil here is being unconscious while raped by Lyra. I want to be awake you stupid mare!
>>35670655>>”Oh wonderful!” he says in a sing-song voice, “you must be our last students.”>Walking over to Anonymous he puts out his hoof.>>”I’m Cake Batter, and I’m so glad you and your daughter could join us today Mr. Anonymous!”>Anon’s about to go for the hoofbump, when what Cake Batter actually said hits the two of you.>Needless to say, he takes it a lot better than you.>”HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!”“What did you just say!?”>Howling laughter fills the store as you march up to a thoroughly confused Cake Batter.>>”Well, ponies have brought their children to our classes before a-and I just thought that y-you know.”>Before you can even say anything though (you were /not/ going to yell, a gentlemare doesn’t yell at stallions), Anon grabs you and pulls you tight against his chest.>”Cut the poor guy a break, Pike. I'm sure it was an honest misunderstanding.”>Anon follows this by shooting Cake Batter a smile that’s /just/ not quite genuine.>”Right?”>>”O-of course! I’m dreadfully sorry. It’s just that she’s so much sma—”>Anon wisely cuts him off again, knowing how you’d react if he finished that thought.>”So yeah, this my fillyfriend Nocturnal Pike, and yes, we signed up for your couples class.”>Cake seems more than happy to switch subjects, instantly relaxing.>>”Well that is wonderful! Now if you two will just follow me...”>Falling into step behind the stallion as he shows you to the ‘classroom’ you focus on de-souring your mood.>You’re not /that/ much shorter than Anon!>...ok you are.>But that’s just because he’s freakishly tall!>You’re not that close to being filly sized!!
>>35670658>Anon of course, notices this, and leans down to whisper in your ear.>”Look at it this way Pike, he was only half wrong. I may not be your dad, but I /am/ your /daddy/.”>Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.“Anon that’s foul!”>Taking a look to make sure Cake didn’t hear, you lower your voice even further.“H-have I ever actually...?”>This, of course, prompts another bout of laughter from him.>”Nope! But now I’m keeping an ear out for it!”>Great.>From there, Cake showed you to your small baking station in the back.>It’s one of six, each with a different couple or herd at one, and all of them have a view of the front, where Cake will be.>It's a fairly impressive set up, implying this isn’t the only class he runs.>Your little station came stocked too!>Stocked with basic tools and ingredients, but stocked nonetheless.>>”Alright everypony,” calls out Cake, having taken his place at the front of the room.>>”I’d just like to, again, welcome you all. It’s always nice to see so many mares trying to lessen their stallion’s burden.”>In response, the room fills with appreciative ‘hmms’ from the stallions, and some minor grumbling from most of the mares.>>”Since most of you probably aren’t that experienced, we’ll be starting easy. Today we’ll be making a full course dinner featuring: an appetizer of sauteed vegetables, a small portion of seared salmon for those of you with feathered family, a main course of hayburgers—”>You caught it! Anon’s almost imperceptible wince at the sound of ‘hayburgers’.>>”—and finishing up with a lovely chocolate cake!”
>>35670663>A part of you is sincerely tempted to try to use this to get to the bottom of Anon’s hay hang up.>But for now you’d much rather just enjoy the moment.>Who knows? Perhaps an opportunity will present itself.>>”So to begin, please pull out your skillet...”>You are Anonymous the unicorn, and Pike’s really gotten in the zone.>”Is there any garlic in the spice cabinet Anon? I bet that would make the salmon really pop!”>She took the lead pretty early on, and has been the head of your little kitchen ever since.>Sure, her doing /basically/ all the work might be defeating the purpose of you both coming here.>But, you don’t really mind.>Besides, you’re still picking up quite a bit, even if she’s getting all the ‘hooves on’ experience.“Found some!” you say as you pass her the spice.>”Yes! I’m telling you Anon, this’ll be great!”>Honestly it’s pretty cute to see her so into it.>”Bada boom!” she says as she throws some on with a flourish.>As you watch your fillyfriend go to town, you hear someone walking up behind you.>Turning your head you see Cake, having come over to check on your progress.>>”My my, is that garlic I smell?”>”Yep,” replies Pike, “I hope you don’t mind that I added some. I just thought it would really add something, you know?”>>”Not at all, it’s why I stock those extra spices! Just in case some of my students are feeling creative.”>Pike just lets out a content ‘hmm’ and continues to focus on the filet, while Cake turns her attention to you.>>”I must say Mr. Anonymous, you are very fortunate. In my experience it's very rare for a mare without a cooking related mark to take such an interest in learning how to help her stallion around the house.”>Well really it's because neither of you have any idea how to cook anything beyond the basics.>Buuuuut you see no reason to tell him that.
>>35670667“Yeah, it’ll be nice to be able to double team dinner. We’re both just so tired after work.”>Suddenly recognition flashes in Cake’s eyes.>>”Work? *Gasp* Oh my, I don’t suppose you’re /the/ Anonymous of the Canterlot Canterer!?”>Oh no.“A-as a matter of fact, yes I am.”>>”Oh my goodness! May I just say, my son and I LOVE reading your articles!”>Oh God please don’t ask about anything fashion related.>>”I would have never guessed that long sleeved coats were coming back into style! If you don’t mind me asking: who’s your source?”>Nobody, you made it up.“Haha, sorry Cake, a reporter never reveals his sources!”>>”Oh pish posh. Come on, you can tell me! Just a secret between us guys.”>Please stop asking.“Sorry, Cake, I’m serious. They’d be really upset if I revealed them.”>For a brief moment you’re afraid he’ll keep pushing, but he lets up.>>”Oh phooey! I suppose I’ll just have to wait for your next article, then.”>Suddenly his attention is directed to one of the other workstations, which has suddenly begun spewing black smoke.>>”Oh blast! Sorry to run dearie, but duty calls!”>Giving the portly stallion a nod, he runs off to the poor mare who just burned the shit out of her filet.>Speaking of fillets...>”Aaaaaand, done! Come on Anon have a bite!”>Your mouth is already watering.>You are Nocturnal Pike, and you’ve been (metaphorically) chewing through Cake’s instruction at a rapid pace.>It’s just so much fun!>Mixing and matching ingredients, trying out new techniques, dreaming of the praise Anon will give you for doing such a good job with dinner.>You feel like you were made for this.>Of course Anon’s been a big help too, having everything you could want or need at the ready.>The two of you make such a good team that you’ve even already got the cake in the oven!>So while that bakes, that leaves you to make the last dish: hayburgers.
>>35670672>And as you start them, you can help but notice that for somepony so seemingly adverse to eating hay, Anon is /really/ eyeing up those burgers.>He hasn’t dared to take his eyes off the patties, ever since you put them in the pan.>Maybe this is your chance.“Those are some fine looking burgers aren’t they Anon?”>”Yeah...”“Just imagine them when they’re ready. Covered in Equestrian cheese, topped with lettuce, onions, and tomato.”>”Yeah...”“Why, you could probably eat two or three in one sitting.”>”Yeeeeeeah.”>Wow, he’s actually started salivating.“As soon as these are done, you and me are eating the heck out of these hayburgers.”>And just like that, the spell is broken.>Anon closes his mouth, steps back, and looks away from them.>”A-actually I’m not that hungry. Maybe later tonight.”>Luna damn it!>Was it the fact you called them /hay/burgers!?“You sure? They’ll be much better fresh!”>”Yeah,” Anon says, while refusing to look at either you or the burgers.>That’s it, tonight you are getting to the bottom of this!>Either Anon’s going to give you the reason he doesn’t eat hay, or he’s eating those dang burgers!“If you’re done salivating then, could you pass me the paprika?”“Aaaaand violà!” you say as you put the finishing touches on the cake.>Anon, looking at it with an appraiser’s eye, seems pleased.>”Looks like it turned out pretty good! Just like everything else really.”>You beam with pride at the praise, look at how far you’ve come in just one day!“Thanks Anon, I couldn’t have done it without you.”>”Ha! I doubt that.”“Don’t be ridiculous! Without you I—”>Just then it dawns on you, you didn’t actually let Anon do any cooking.>You were the one at the stove the entire time, just giving him orders.“Aw, well gee Anon. Sorry I hogged all the actual cooking.”>Good natured as always, he just waves it off.
>>35670676>”Nah, it's fine. Besides, you were the one who wanted to do this to begin with.”>While that is true, you do still feel a little bad.>”Plus, nothing stopping us from just going over it again at home. I could even get us some aprons from Silken’s shop, that’d be fun.”>For some reason that idea tickles a distant part of your brain.>You in a tight little apron that shows off your flanks, Anon towering over you...>Shaking your head to clear those strange thoughts, you smile.“Y-yeah, sounds good.”>Before the conversation can continue however, Cake draws everypony’s attention to the front of the room.>>”Alright, I see some of you have already finished up, if that’s the case, you’re free to go! Feel free to grab some to-go boxes for anything you didn’t eat, and again, thank you so much for coming!”>At that, Anon turns excitedly to you.>”Wanna pick up some liqueur on the way home? Have a cake and alcohol night?”“You bet I do.”>You are Anonymous the Unicorn, and you and Pike have successfully returned home with your goods.>The class took basically the whole day, so by the time you got home, the sunset was visible through the window.>And what better time to have some drinks and eat some cake!>Placing the cake box on the kitchen table, you waste no time pouring yourself a glass of some Equestrian Kahlua knock off and grabbing a cake cutting knife.>You practically shiver with anticipation as you sink the blade into the chocolaty goodness.>”And /what/ do you think you’re doing?”>Freezing mid cut, you turn your head to the left to see a very stern looking Pike.“Uhhhh, cutting the cake?”>Hopping up next to you, she reveals the other box you brought back from the class.>”Not before you eat your dinner you don’t.”>Instantly putting two and two together, your heart freezes as she puts the other take out box on the table.
>>35670677>Preserved by some charm Cake Batter put in the box, it smells just as fresh as it did when you made it.>Putting one on a plate and passing it over to you, she gives you a smile that tells you she knows exactly what she’s doing.>”Well? Dig in!”>Oh how you want to.>As it sits there right under your nose, you can’t deny the fact it smells just like a regular burger.>Every American bone in your body is currently screaming at you to take a bite out of that sucker.>But you can’t!>ITS HAY!>Mustering up all of your remaining will power, you push the plate to the side.>”Pike... I can’t.”>That’s it, you’re getting to the bottom of this.“Anonymous, why? It's just hay—”>”THAT’S WHY!” he suddenly cries, “IT’S HAY! P-people don’t eat hay!”>By now you know Anon’s accent well enough that you know by ‘people’ he means ‘ponies’.“Anonymous, that’s ridiculous! Ponies need hay, it’s a major food group!”>”It’s-it’s just not something I ate back home, alright? I know it's not really healthy for me to go without it, but just drop it. Please?”>No way you’re going to drop it!>What kind of bucked up culture keeps ponies from eating hay?>Why would somepony—>Suddenly, something occurs to you.“Anon, back home, did all ponies have coats as thin as yours is now?”>He seems to ponder the question a bit, as if he’s unsure what to say.>”I-I guess so...”>In that moment, it all clicks.>You’ve heard stories of stallions starving themselves because they thought it would make them more attractive.>To think that Anon’s own culture would encourage him to do that!>It breaks your heart.>You are Anonymous, and you really aren’t sure where Pike’s line of questioning was going.>This sense of confusion is only compounded, as she looks at you with newfound tears in her eyes.“Honey, what’s wrong?”>Suddenly she hops over to you and raps you in her hooves.
>>35670680>”Oh, Anon! You don’t need to do this to yourself, you’ll always be handsome to me!”>It's obvious she’s misunderstood the situation, but nonetheless, you can help but feel comforted by her words.“E-even if I was some freaky... ape thing?”>That gets a chuckle out of her.>”Anon what are you talking about? Turning you into a freaky ape thing? Eating some hay isn’t going to change who you are.”>She’s right.>Eating some hay /isn’t/ going to change who you are.>At this point you’re just holding onto the no hay thing, just for the sake of it.>There’s no real reason for you not to eat hay, hell it’s even making getting around in the Winter a genuine ordeal.>It’s just... not worth it.>Prying her off yourself, you turn your attention back to the burger.“Alright, alright. I’ll do it. But if I don’t like it you have to promise to leave me alone.”>Wiping the tears from her eyes, she nods.>”Ok.”>With that, you steel yourself.>Picking up the burger in your spectral hands, you take a big old bite.>...>Holy shit.>You, Nocturnal Pike, are starting to get worried.>Anon actually took a bite of his burger, which is good!>But he’s just kind of been sitting there with the burger in his mouth for a couple of minutes now.>He’s also got this wide eyed look on his face.>Hey, wait a minute, are those tears!?“A-anon? Are you alright?”>Wait, you can hear him whispering something through the burger!>”It’s... it’s...”“It’s what Anon!?”>”DELICIOUS!”>You’ve never seen a pony eat a burger like that.>He absolutely tears into it like a wild animal.>”Oh burger, how I missed you!”>Honestly this is starting to feel kind of filthy.>Like, you’re intruding on something extremely personal.>M-maybe you should go.>But as you try to leave the room, you feel yourself get hoisted up.>This time, you’re the one pulled into Anon’s hooves.
>>35670684>As he squeezes you tight, he rests his (somehow not filthy) chin on your head.>”Thank you, Pike.”>Picking you up with his spectral hands (Luna above he already finished the burger!?) he places you back in your seat.>”Now eat your dang burger, I’m trying to have some of this cake!”And that's all for this update, hope you all enjoyed! Pastebin can be found here: https://pastebin.com/xL3UFbXGAnd as always comments and criticism welcome!
>>35669767Not even close.
>>35670688God I love reading about these two. Thanks for the update, SQA! The whole thing with the cooking class, the ongoing worldbuilding about Anon's thin coat, and the little touches like Pike being mistaken for his daughter just add up to this being one of the best greens I follow on the board.
>>35670703>Chest tuft>CROTCH TUFTI don't know which one to bury my face into!
>>35670712Hey, thanks a lot man! I really appreciate it.
>>35670688They're a cute couple. Like the slice of life shenanigans they get into, but I'm also dying to read what the fallout of the kirin visit was and how bad Twiggles fugged it up.
>>35670746Don't worry, you'll get a helping of that in the next update: Anon has to very awkwardly take Pike to work because he's technically under pseudo-house arrest
>>35670583And then watch her getting a few new sisters who are named after the other weapons, like Emerald, Diamond or Ultima(te). They're all bigger, stronger too!>>35670688Seriously, when are you going to do a non-/ptfrgre/ green? You have potential, but you are squandering it hard on something that should be off-topic.
>>35670763care to share some writting advice?
>>35670799Sure, anything specific you need advice on?
>>35670801Maybe how to "unblock" or maybe how to follow through with an idea
>>35670583Repostan an old thing since it's relevant againhttps://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/29505398/#29524381>maybe it's just name-based. Your first daughter God-Empress Ultramagic surpasses both Twilight Sparkle and Starswirl the Bearded despite being an earth pony.>"Ultraaaa, where are you sweetie?">"Over here mom.">Your wife, Coco, walks out of the house.>It's probably time for school. You always loose track of time watching her play in the mornings, rocking in your chair on the veranda, digesting breakfast.>Ultra had stolen some of your sausage again. Coco had conceded that she'd probably inherited an omnivorous diet from her father.>She picks up to a trot as she approaches your daughter. Unf, dat plot.>"Admiring the sky? It is a lovely day, maybe we should go for a picnic after school.">She sits next to God-Empress Ultra, nuzzling her gently.>You were glad she'd been in Manehatten when labor hit, their horsepital was easy about handing out epidurals. There's no way she would've agreed to that name if she hadn't been high as a kite.>Ultra ignores her mom. Not out of rudeness. She's always gotten wrapped up in her thoughts.>You were pretty sure she was gonna get something philosophical for her cutie mark, like a lectern or scroll.>The wind's picking up, blowing her silvery mane and tail back and forth.>Coco's also content to sit there with her, admiring the clouds streaming by.>Some sort of rush delivery if you remembered the weather bulletin correctly.>"Mom," Ultra breaks the silence, "I don't understand about the sun. Only Celestia and Luna can raise and lower it right?">"Well, I think I remember that other unicorns could, but it's very hard.">"Huh. That's what I don't understand. What's so hard about it?">"Oh, well geez Ultra. We're Earth ponies, I've never thought much about it. Maybe it's... really far away?">"Hmm. I dunno. It doesn't feel that far away.">"Uhm, I don't know what you mean honey."
>>35670818>"I've been thinking about it ever since Applejack let me try bucking at the farm. It doesn't seem that different.">"Th- the sun? Doesn't feel different from bucking?">"No, yeah, well, let me show you.">What the fuck?>This was new.>She's rears back a little, kicks her little hoovesies some->Hnnnnnng>Then falls to her forehooves and does the same with her rear legs.>This time when her legs come down it's with a cracking sound. You can see shockwaves of silver light flowing through the ground from the point of impact.>Your head feels like a bell Pinkie Pie is ringing but you catch God-Empress hitting the ground again with a seemingly practiced motion.>The shockwave changes, quiets down, and you see a colum of pale light rising from the horizon to embrace the sun.>You're not sure when you stood from your chair but you can only stare, aghast, as the celestial orb drops until its rim suddenly hits the horizon.>You can't stare too long at that though because now your daughter is hovering above the ground, wrapped in a skein of light.>You stagger forward, seeing her eyes sparking, streamers of jagged light thrown off from her flank as she drifts to a gentle landing, a glimmering cutie mark solidifying in her coat.>It's a golden crown with a sun, sphere with a lunar crescent, and scepter with Twilight's six pointed star.>Oh boy. You feel like some princesses are going to want explanations....
>>35670815Alright. So for unblocking: first thing I usually try is to skip past what ever part is slowing me down. Maybe write what happens after the scene and then eventually come back to it. If that doesn't work and you're really stuck, I honestly would suggest just cutting the scene out entirely. Early on I tried writing a bona-fide sex scene and it just gummed me up so much I just ended up ditching it.As for following through, the best advice I can offer is come up with a lot of ideas for directions you could take with a premise, and then just kind of feel them out. Which ones would you actually like writing? How would this actually work out? And so fourth. Eventually this should allow you to whittle away the ideas until you have a few you'd actually like to go with. From there I admittedly just fly by the seat of my pants more or less. But it works out typically.Hope this is somewhat helpful!
>>35670815To offer some additional advice to SQA, discipline is also important. If you want to write a certain story, and know you can make it go somewhere, task yourself to to write at least something every day; an outline of a scene, 100-300 words the latter of which approximates to around 2k characters, which is the limit, improving character dialogue, whatever you set that goal to be. Just try to accomplish something, and keep yourself focused on that until that goal is reached.
>>35670896Didn't mean to say it was for SQA, moreso to piggyback off it. I shouldn't do the words when I've been up for too long, rediscovering my love for Halo.
>>35670900>rediscovering my love for Halo.Obscenely based
>>35670900Hey I won't complain, its good advice. Maybe if I actually did stuff every day instead of just setting aside a day and doing it in one sitting, I'd actually be able to write faster.
>>35670925>but anyway, is there any chance of you writing a normal story with none of that transformation crap? This is literally the only thing holding your story back.The transformation is a huge part of the story building structure and it facilitated the acceptance of Anon into the story's setting. It literally would not work without it, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it in the narrative. As SQA said in the latest installment, even if he eats hay because he's a horse he's still himself.
>>35670902I've toyed with the idea of a one-shot of a nice, /cozy/ gaming session between a male character and some fillies, try to evoke that nostalgia of gaming with the boys. Boy do I have some comfy memories of just chillin', not worrying about the outside world's bullshit or the soul-crushing march of time withering me down, just that moment of fun and happiness.>>35670919I should also practice what I preach, but that's a whole different matter.
>>35670688it was good but anon really needs to come clean.
>>35670990>a one-shot of a nice, /cozy/ gaming session between a male character and some filliesSign me up for this. I would love to read something as cozy as this. Nothing better than a father having fun with his children.
>>35670983Your sense of priorities are all wrong. Anon needs to be a stallion for the story to work. Being human does not aid the story's narrative, but being a stallion does. The act of transforming is not part of the story, neither is a misplaced sense of identity, neither is it fetishized to be something other than what Anon was born as; it's just the cards that he's been dealt, and he's making the best of it however he can, and it's a great story because he's coping with the adversity, cultural weirdness, and discomforts that can only come from circumstances so far beyond his control that there's no point in trying to rebel against them.
>>35670999Checkt, but I was leaning more towards a male character around the same age bracket as those fillies.
Since it never brings up a good argument, and the story is on topic for the thread, let us move on.In RGREqg, it is too common for Anon to be reset to a teenager. What are some occupations he could occupy as an adult that would still bring him into contact with canonical characters?>School faculty/support staff>Local police officer>Local employer>Government scientist investigating happenings>Bar Owner/tender, dealing with dumb teenagers trying to score some alcoholAny others?
>>35670228Have you read Murky Number Seven yet? If you've already read Fallout Equestria, then Murky is what I'd recommend. It's still set in Fallout, but it's set in that slave camp that LittlePip spent only a little bit of time in.
>>35671071Shoehorning aside, some other ideas:>one of the ladies is seeking to gain Anon's approval to take his son out to the school dance>the gang goes to a roosters to eye the wide selection of lean meat>they see Anon getting shit-face drunk at the school sportsball game
>>35670688Good update. I really expected him to still hate hay though.
>>35670717One is for comfy, one is for LEWD
>>35671136Or both for comfy lewd and lewd comfy. Why not do that?
>>35671129>Good update. I really expected him to still hate hay though.Anon never actually hated hay as much as avoided it on principle and pride.
>>35671171He shouldn't have. It probably tastes like fries in mlpverse instead of literal hay as here.
>>35670688>Anon finally ate the hay Good, goood, let the horsey instincts flow through you.Hope pike doesnt react too badly when she finds out about his former life.Echoing the others but you've made these two such a cute couple.
>>35670080I'll take a peach-banana smoothie.
>Stallions are into thin and lithe mares>not big ponies like pinkie>dash must get all the dicks>She doesn't but will never admit it>She tries to be all smiles but it is kinda starting to get to her>Anon, who helps out at sugarcube corner, notices>After closing he's cleaning the kitchen and overhears pinkie ask carrot and cupcake for advice on finding a stallion>They can't tell her much more than to be patient, but anon has other plans>Pinkie hasn't noticed it, but anon's eyes are constantly glued to that plump rump and wide hips of hers>So one day, anon asks pinkie to come over to his place for a private party>Pinkie, having never turned a party down in her life, agrees>Walks in to find a large banner hung in anon's living room that says "I love pinkie's booty party">Anon welcomes pinkie in and says the first game will be "Pin the flank on the face"Something something rgre smut into wholesome romance
>>35671537>Sumo-non in equestria.Looks like a total bro.
>>35671593chillest guy i ever met was a 350+ lb fat man. did his job well and just wanted to be left alone and banter with friends
>>35670990>spoilerwrite that shit man>>35670995I will keep that in mind!>>35671129Thank ya! As for the taste of hay I've always operated under the assumption that Flowers and hay would fill the savory taste niche that meats fill in our diet.>>35671220Glad you enjoyed!
>>35670583>Magic, lazers, epic fantasy, and shit.Get out.
>>35670688>>35671220Given that other foods taste as expected to Anon, it could be that hay in this world is not the same as hay on earth. Maybe the ponies would hate earth hay as well.
>>35669907I wish the follow up had completed. Miss ya OfficeAnon.>>35670080I don't drink much. Maybe 2 or 3 times a year. when I do it's Jack & Coke. Sometimes just a straight shot.>>35670472Aww.
>>35671823It would be interesting to see.>"What is this crap!? It tastes like dried grass!"
>>35671823>>35671830Maybe it has to do with the cooking process? Like the ingredients or the magic of the chef.There’s a magically delicious joke to be made, but that’s for the writefag
>>35671865>Human Anon tries hayburgers>Is shocked and appalled to find that they're delicious>No matter how much he pressed, Twiggles refused to reveal her secret technique
>>35671537It just keeps getting better.
>>35671537I chuckled heartily at this. Keep it up drawfag.
>>35671823> hay in this world is not the same as hay on earthThat would probably be a given, hay is being used as a stand-in for meat. But earth hay is very low in nutritional value and animals have to eat huge amounts of it.Heres an idea: there is a huge conspiracy in equestria. Hay is actually processed meat which includes the correct enzymes to allow ponies to digest it. In SQA-non story Anon bought chicken and enjoyed it but only later regretted it. The fact that chicken tasted good suggests that ponies tastes are the same as humans, if hay tastes like meat then maybe it really is.
>>35671905Well, horses are known to eat meat here and there. Doesn't mean they're omnivores, just that they'll do it occasionally.https://youtu.be/jP6dvgo25Z8
>>35671905>Nopoony asks what happens to the cows who can't produce milk anymore
>>35671969I admit I was operating under the assumption that the difference between namefagging and having a trip was negligible.
>>35671986In that case sure, I'll do that then from now on. Sorry!
>>35671993Don't apologize to that faggot. You keep writing as it's an enjoyable story.
>>35671997Oh I'll keep writing, but if someone doesn't like the my story I'm not going to force them to see it, I ain't no bitch.
>>35671537Professor Anon yes!
Case in point: you can clearly see that this thread is full of children who will leave in September.
>When Trixie falls in love with you and realizes her reputation as a stallionizer is working against her>"Trixie knew that building up a fake reputation to make herself seem more impressive would bite her in the rump one of these days."
>>35672233The reason Applejack doesn't let Mac out of the farm is because his wanton sluttiness is FUCKING UP the family's reputation. Look at this dirty slut rubbing snoots with a mare he's not married to. If we let this happen, the next thing you know stallions everywhere will turn into whores who spend all day cuddling and won't even pray to Celestia before they go to bed!
>>35672200Trixie a cute
>"Come on Applejack, don't just stand there--ohh~ just like that tongue--join in on this party!">Applejack watched as Pinkie squirmed in her human's grasp. The fella was just in his underwear, sitting on the edge of their bed. His arms were hooked around Pinkie's legs, and he was holding the mare in the air, his face buried between her legs. The farmer couldn't really see what was going on, but from the licks and sucks filling the air along with Pinkie twitching and groaning, one didn't need to be Twilight Sparkle to figure out what the hay was going on.>It had been an interesting few days for Applejack. Here she thought Pinkie knew as much about sex as her little sister--who [i]better[/i] not know a darn thing about the subject--and the baker went and asked her if she wanted to have a bit of fun with her coltfriend. The farmer wasn't against a bit of casual fun, be it with mare or stallion, but she had been just a bit hesitant with the human. She quite liked the colt as a friend, but the most exotic male she had ever been with was one of those fancy flyers in the Wonderbolts.>Even so, even the most conservative gal got curious from time to time. She had spoken to Rarity about it, wanting some advice, and the unicorn's reaction had spoke volumes. Rarity never directly said so, but Applejack had the feeling she wasn't the first one that Pinkie had asked to have a bit of fun with, and the Rarity's insistence that she take the invitation told her that she might actually enjoy herself. >Rarity might be a bit of a drama queen sometimes, but she didn't say the phrase" ride of your life" or "life-changing lay" lightly.
>>35672261>Not that Applejack was going to get her hopes up. She wasn't some two-bit hussy like that Strawberry mare in town, but she wasn't unfamiliar with a roll in the hay every once in awhile. >There were a lot of colts in Ponyville that she'd catch staring at her rump when she walked by. Some of them were lucky enough to get a smile and a wink, and, if she were feeling frisky, they'd get a heck of a lot more than that.>It was in all good fun, but there weren't a lot of stallions that could keep up with her in the bedroom. Most of the time she's still be raring to go and the stallion would be on his back, senseless and covered in sweat. A more egotistical side of her did enjoy rutting colts senseless, knowing that they'd probably never get another ride like the one she gave him, but it was equally frustrating. There were times when [i]she[/i] wanted to be the one with her eyes rolling in her skull barely able to talk.>A groan from Pinkie brought her out of her thoughts. She looked up at the mare to see her belly heaving as she pawed at the top of the human's head.>The colt must have been good with his tongue. She was going to have to test that out after he was done with his marefriend.>Tilting her hat upward, she have the human a once over. He looked handsome enough; not as muscular as she would have liked, but the way his stallionhood was threatening to rip a hole through his underwear was mighty appealing. She leaned forward, giving his groin a sniff. There was a smell of shampoo and sweat, but underneath it there was something else. Something different. Alien.>The farmer licked her lips. Grabbing the waistband of his underwear, she pulled the fabric downward. With a hard tug, his cock sprang up, smacking the underside of her muzzle. Applejack jumped in surprise, letting out a chuckle.
>>35672269"Excited there, ye big fella?" she asked.>The human didn't seem to hear her, still seeing to Pinkie. Smiling, the farmer grabbed the base of his cock, moving it from side to side. Honestly, he wasn't much different compared to a stallion. His length was mostly the same color as the rest of him, with a reddish-purplish mushroom shaped tip. He was nowhere the biggest that she had seen, but he was big enough. >Applejack gave him a few strokes, watching as some precum dribbled from his tip. Tilting her head down, she gave him a lick, eyes widening. He was salty and slightly bitter. Not bad at all she had to admit.>She gave him a few more licks, slapping his tip against her cheeks and chin, until he was throbbing and slick with spit. Once she was satisfied that he was properly lubricated, she turned around, lifting her tail out of the way. If the human didn't have Pinkie wrapped around his head, he would have been able to see one of the finest flanks that Ponyville had to offer. Years of applebucking and granny's home cooking had given her a rump that most mares would die for and most colts would kill to mount. >Giving her ass a teasing wiggle, Applejack backed up into the human's lap, trapping his cock between her cheeks and his stomach. He twitched when he felt her soft fur against his member. Groaning, he bucked his hips.>Applejack pressed herself against him firmly, her smile turning into a grin"I'ah hope ya had yer wheaties this mornin', sugarcube, 'cause yer 'bout get the ridin' of yer life."~_~_~_~_~_~_~>In her boutique, Rarity was helping herself to a nice breakfast. Nothing too fancy, just some eggs and toast. Usually, the unicorn would just help herself to a granola bar before trotting into the sewing room, but she felt like splurging today. Last night had been the last of a series of long, exhausting days trying to finish a new line for a show in Canterlot, and all she wanted to do today was to relax.
>>35672271>After breakfast she had an appointment with the spa sisters, and after that who knows. She could go to Sugarcube Corner to have a snack, or go to the marketplace to catch up on the latest gossip. The world was literally her oyster. She smiled around her cup of coffee at the thought. Setting the cup down she took a ladylike bite of her toast before dabbing her lips with a napkin. >Her ears perked up when she heard her front door being unlocked. A moment later it was opened, accompanied by the jingle of the bell she had above it. There weren't many ponies with the keys to her boutique, meaning that it was either her parents or friends, and since she didn't hear Sweetie Belle running muzzle first into anything it must have been the latter"I'm in the kitchen," she called.>The door was closed and locked, the sounds of slow, careful walking. The tip of Rarity's horn glowed. Her cabinet was opened, and a coffee mug was pulled out. As she was filling, it Applejack walked into the kitchen.>The earth pony looked like she had just crawled through Tartarus. The bags under her eyes had bags. Her signature had appeared to have a piece bitten out of her. Speaking of bites, the mare had bite marks all over her body, mostly around her neck, though when Rarity got a good look at her she saw some around her rump and legs. >Applejack limped toward the table, taking a seat next to her. As she rested her head down onto the tablecloth, closing her eyes, Rarity placed the cup of coffee right near her head."So..." the fashionista began. "Did you enjoy yourself?">"I'ah can't feel muh darn rump.">Rarity smiled, lifting the hat off of the farmer's head with her magic. She would need to mend it after breakfast."So it was a good night then?">"I'ah can see why Pinkie calmed down so darn much after she started datin' that fella," Applejack replied. "He bucks the energy out o' her every night."
>>35672277"Yes, that's what I was able to gather after my own... adventure with those two.>Slowly, Applejack lifted her head. She grabbed the mug of coffee next to her with both hooves, taking a sup. She licked her lips, glancing over at Rarity to give her a dirty look.>"Ya could have given me some warnin' 'bout what the hay I was gettin' into," she said."A gentlemare never kisses and tells, Applejack," Rarity replied, levitating a clean plate in front of her friend and scooping half of her eggs onto it. "I was also confident that you'd be able to take whatever those two threw at you. You're a very hearty mare after all.">Applejack helped herself to some of her toast. Rarity put some more in the toaster, helping herself to an egg.>"I've had sex, I've even made love, but I ain't never had what I got last night," Applejack said. "That weren't no sex. That was a' breedin'.""Mares seem to bring the very best out of a human," Rarity said with some mirth. "Or worst, depending on how you view it. It's something to do with our pheromones. It drives them wild.">"Wild an' then some," Applejack said, shoulders slumping. "He just kept goin' and goin'. It didn't matter how many loads I squeezed outta him, an' it only got worse when he was done with Pinkie.">She shivered. She had been with some stallions that liked to bite, but the human had been another thing entirely. He had snarled and bite like a timberwolf as he fucked.>"Lotta weird positions," she continued. "I don't know how the hay he got so deep, but he had me squealin' like a filly in heat, beggin' yer pardon.""Oh, I'm sure," Rarity said with a nod. "Those hands of his are marvelous, aren't they?">"Did he like pullin' yer tail too?"
>>35672286"That and the smacking yes. It took days before I could sit comfortably.">Applejack snorted. "Well, feels like it's gonna be a week 'fore I'll be able to buck apples again. I swear to Celestia muh spine fell outta muh plot with how hard he was goin' at it.""Well, if you need any help at the farm you know the girls and I would be happy to help.">The two were quiet for a bit, helping themselves to their food. Rarity piled more toast onto the exhausted farmer's plate, which she didn't hesitate to scarf down.>"Rare?""Yes, dear?">"Not ta ask ya something that would offend yer ladylike sensibilities--""I almost didn't detect any scarcasm there. Very good, Applejack.">"--Do ya'll and them fool around a lot?""I will on occasion," Rarity admitted. "Especially when it gets hot and ponies are sweaty. The human, the poor dear, gets a bit overwhelmed, and helping him becomes a two mare job.">Applejack nodded.>"I might have ta offer muh services then," she said."You should. It's brought Pinkie and I closer together, and it's a great deal of fun. I'm sure if you asked she'd love the help. The three of us might even be able to get together and see if we can turn the tables on the big lug of a colt.">The farmer simply nodded again, eating another egg."Rare? No foolin'? That was a one of the best lays I've ever had.">Rarity chuckled. "Why do you think I'm in the market for my own little human, dear?"
>>35672290Took a break with writing my other thing to write this. I guess it's a sequel of a thing I did last year. Hope you fellas like it.
>>35672290That's a decent thing, but do you have a pastebin or anywhere else where one can read your past stories?
>>35672290That was pretty good.
>>35672269Not looking very RGRE
>>35672290Unironically not RGRE enoughThink you might want to put this in /AIE/ or /NMP/ instead
>>35672290Hate to say it, but I'm gonna have to agree with >>35672367 here.
>>35672290Hot as hell, but yeah, not RGRE enough.
>>35672432SQAnon's story is very RGRE. Its a core driver for the various character's inner conflicts of social expectations compared to their individual desires and prior life experiences.
>>35672446Don't feed the trolls
>Scitwi spergle has unlocked the secret to magic>Or at least one kind of it>She can do anal magic>Buttfun without needing to prep or use lube>Too bad every guy at Canterlot High is a squeamish prude >And she can barely imagine telling anon about it much less asking him to fuck her
>>35672463Did she try doing the secret buttfun to girls?
>>35672463>putting penus into buddhöl when the vagoo is right there
>>35672293Thanks LaP (pretty sure it's you), was a fun one. Did you have that prior story binned or is it just floating around in the ether somewhere?
>>35672290Thanks LaP. You write the best sex-hungry Anons.
>>35672446What did I say about not talking to it?
>>35672293>writing my other thingWhat's that? Haven't heard from you in a while, man.
>>35672367>>35672388>>35672389>>35672401Faggots. Giant. Pole-smoking. Limp-wristed. Gimp mask wearing faggots. LaP is always RGRE enough.
>>35672750Not when mares are the ones worrying about looking like sluts and having east access to sex
>>35672750I mean I liked it too, but there was literally nothing rgre about it.
Pinkie Pie never grew up with boys who weren't her dad. She has zero self-control. She only wants one thing and it's fucking disgusting.
>>35672877>A cross-dressing conventionDegenerates.
>>35672844To shove her face in man ass?>>35671537
>>35672890What sort of dyke doesn't appreciate a nice ass?
>>35672885I thought in RGRE mares still wear socks but its scandalous?I mean men in the real world wear speedos and shit
>>35672908Mares wear socks, >>35672885 is just a retard.
>>35672938Ok redditor how about you lurk more
>>35672947>When you can't find a marefriend to wear your 'this is what a female stallionist looks like' tshirt and you're grumpy
>>35670688A pleasure to read as always SQA.
>>35672983Thank ya, thank ya! Happy to please.
>>35670688breddy gud, please ignore screeching retards and write more
>>35673107It's what I do best!
>>35672844mane and tail brushies?
>>35670115>alcohol tastes like shitNo shit, Sherlock! It's because you don't drink strong alcohol to savor the taste. You drink it to get wasted.
>>35673154Something like that.
Mods = gods.
>>35670688Dubs confirms another excellent update. I look forward to reading the next one.
>>35673351back to the cage Anon
>>35673312Glad you enjoyed!
>>35670080Either neat whisky or a pint of something dark like McEwan's for me
>>35673405Just a bootlicker bootlicking. Pay him no mind.
>>35673405Shitposters are out in force today, and the jannies keep sweeping them up.
>>35673413My not-quite-shitpost green got swept along with the true shitposts. Oh well.
>>35673423I didn't even notice. My condolences.
>>35673243>picmare has ventured into the deep unknown, and is traumatized at what she has seen there
>>35673673>sirens get drafted into horse-nam because immortal
>>35673684That would explain why Nam had the best soundtrack.
>>35673673>>35673684>>35673713>Nam had the best soundtrack.https://youtu.be/_Y7zigazYKY
Does anyone know what the other thing LaP is working on is and where he's posting it?
>>35673779Have you tried checking his pastebin?
>>35673804>lap>putting stuff into his pastebinThat's a good joke.
>>35673804. . . do newfags really?
>>35673804get a load of this faggot
>>35673809>implying he doesn'tIt won't hurt to check
>>35673673>>35673684Actually I'm surprised there are this many Sonata in 'Nam drawings
>>35673845It ain't her, it ain't her, she no unfortunate principal's sis
>>35673839Anon. No one has to imply anything about LaPs binning behavior. His tendency to not bin things is a well known fact in thread. His entire Fishing Anon and Siren green is completely absent from his paste, and that's a running story with more than a few entries. That's not the only one.You're new, that's neat, welcome, but you need to lurk more.
>>35673863I was lurking for far longer than anyone else in /rgre/
>>35673874bait me harder, anon-kun
>>35673774I looked through the archives and it just looks like the jannies were getting rid of a spamming autist who kept screeching at SQAnon.
>>35673887Laugh all your want, that won't change the fact I'm right and you're not
Okay, but seriously, does anyone know anything about LaPs new project?
>>35673897That same autist did absolutely nothing wrong.
>>35673904Just say it was you, don't pretend you're not talking about yourself.
>>35673910This. Since when has this "I don't know who he is, but he sure sounds handsome and talented and cool" shit ever worked?
>>35673914You're talking to "I never interact with real people" tier autistic people, what do you expect
>"Come on, Anon! I know you're new to secretary work but this sholud be coming naturally to a stallion! Do you really expect Celestia or Luna to manage their time wisely? The last time I tried taking a day off the sun came up three hours late! All because Celestia raided the cake storage! Now you get your cute butt over to Luna or so help me I'll have you managing the jannies! And they're volunteers! They do it for free!"
>>35673900What was the original question
>>35672293>Took a break with writing my other thing to write this.>>35673950>>35673779>Does anyone know what the other thing LaP is working on is and where he's posting it?
>>35673774>SQA please get a trip>wtf why do you just use the trip now instead of namefagging?No wonder your posts keep getting deleted
>>35673957Who gets trips now a days? Anon its not 2013 anymore tripfags are a thing of the past also I can't speak for SQA but I'm too lazy to bother even putting my name anymore
>>35673976The dude was literally in thread earlier begging SQA to get a trip.
>>35673976>tripfags are a thing of the pastRegular content creators from other boards use trips regularly to ensure the integrity of what they're working on.>b--b-b-b-b-b-but I been on awl boreds 4evah and no trips no mo, noofag!No. Tripfagging for no reason is cancer. Tripfagging because you're creating content and releasing that content with some regularity is just smart.
>>35673978Ever since the autism started ramping up again 3 threads ago I just briefly skim though RGRE
>>35674007I don't blame you. This thread has been particularly autist infested
>>35673938A lovely rock in this storm
>>35674007They're really in "its summer, let's kill the thread" mode
>>35673938>When your crush thinks your butt is cute.
>>35674043>>35673938>Anon realizes his degree in accounting or fucking whatever, I'm dumb as fuck has finally become worth it>ywn fluster Raven as she takes you under her wing and teaches you how to keep noble's schedules from conflicting>ywn realize how hard this is because they're mostly whimsical stallions who make decisions on the fly and change their minds about appointments almost constantly>ywn work directly under Raven>ywn not realize you're making her contemplate whether or not the risk of a scandal is worth taking you out for dinner
>>35674128>Ponies groom their offspring via tongue bathsAdorable.
>>35674150Reminds me of LaP's short where Celestia sweeps up Raven into her own bouts of whimsy. We need a story of Raven pulling a fast one on the royals just to show them she's in that position for a reason.
>>35673863>His entire Fishing Anon and Siren green is completely absent from his pasteWhere can I find it and catch up with it?
>>35674313I hope you like desu diving, friendo, because that's in your future.
>>35674313>Where can I find it and catch up with it?https://desuarchive.org/mlp/
>>35674313>>35674321Nah, I remember finding and quoting where the story points were in the past. Happy to repost it here.https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34779685/#34780622https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34807735/#34807916https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34849081/#34850256https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34913633/#34915945
>>35674313Not him, but also have it in my pastebin if thread style doesn't work for youhttps://pastebin.com/J2n36ZFb
>>35674330>>35674335Nice. Really disappointed he dropped this one and the Spookyquestria stories.
>>35670080What's the RGRE equivalent of a Blowjob?
>>35674347Gee, anon, what's the RGRE equivalent to oral sex?
>>35674347A slurp job
>>35674347You will immediately cease and not continue to access the site if you are under the age of 18.
>>35674347a lick job
can some drawfag make a RGRE version of this
>>35673649There is an edit where she is climbing out of Celestia's ponut.
>>35674347The Ol' Lickeroo
>>35674405Nah, that'd be the equivalent of something retarded like blowies or the like.
>>35674399Gotta be Moondancer.
>>35674399What like the one that was made a week ago?
>When your girlfriend says the "zig" word on stream and you have to send a picture of your dick and balls to the mods so that they unban her Twatch channel
>>35674432Why is it an anon? It should be a mare there, no?
>Humans are fae in Equestria.>And not just in legends, but in practice, too, as Anon finds out.>It all started when he agreed to help Pinkie set up a surprise party, and what should have been an innocent event, led to him vomiting his guts out on Lyra's floor.>Fairies are not allowed to enter a home without permission, after all.>There are other things, too.>Like his need to dance in the moonlight of a full moon, or else feel increasingly exhausted.>Or his inability to break a promise, or else cough up blood.>At least he seems to have increased stamina than he used to, and he's starting to get a hang of this glamour thing.>All in all, things could be worse.>He should not have thought that.>During a drunken game of spin-the-bottle at one of Twilight's sleepovers, he had given Rainbow Dash a little peck.>It was awkward kissing his bro like that, but whatever.>So what if the other girls woo'd and Twilight declared them Mare and Husband as a joke.>It didn't change anything between them, and they were still just friends.>Later, Anon would be on a date with Octavia in a fancy restaurant, where he thought he got food poisoning.>Stomach ache and a migraine cut that date short, though he at least felt better in the morning.>It happened again on a repeat date though, and then Rainbow was complaining of similar symptoms when she took Thunderlane out on a date.>Apparently Twilight being a princess officiating their kiss at that party mattered more than they thought.>Now, Anon and Rainbow Dash are fae married, and any cheating will result in magical punishment.>Now they either have to find a way to get divorced magically, or live with the fact that they're stuck together forever.How do you think it would play out?
>>35674468If I remember correctly it was about a muslim priest Anon heading to RGRE
>>35674503>How do you think it would play out?secks
>>35674399anon fights against the mare
>>35674511Sex within fae marriage has its perks.One, the magic involved makes you more in tune with the other and overall improves the experience.And also greatly increases pregnancy chances.
>>35674527Thank you based drawfriend.
>>35674531OTOH Anons life is going to be more complicated. Iron weakness is going to make every day life a giant pain. He may not be able to enter most houses, even with an invitation, and there's all the common place tools that he wouldn't be able to safely use. On the plus side, he'd be a one man Winter Wrap Up with his ability to manipulate the seasons.
>Hey Sunny, let’s make this stream a little more interesting>The winner of the round takes one of Anon’s pieces of cloth off him, who ends with the bigger pile win>If you win I will return all of Anon’s underwears to you, but if I win you give me all of Anon’s nudes>What you say ?
>>35674531>>35674551Due to him not being able to break promises, I can see villains and the other more manipulative entities out there taking advantage of that (Flim Flam Bros., Discord fucking around, etc).
>>35674353>>35674386The fucking shot, dumbasses.If a mare bought me a drink, I'd want something that tastes good and is a very direct sexual innuendo.
>>35674503He gets his gold stolen and himself kidnapped by a filly criminal mastermind and the hidden human civilization launches a rescue for him and the goldHe also temporarily heals the filly's mentally ill father for half the gold being returned
>>35674561>The fucking shot, dumbasses.Your fault for not specifying, retard.
>>35674558Alternately, his inability to break promises makes him a valuable commodity for certain transactions as he can be 100% relied upon not to cheat any party he makes a promise with.
>>35674563>what is contextWhy the fuck would I respond to a question about being bought a drink with a random question about sucking dick?
>>35674555I swear we had this green before all this autism started. Did it get finished?
>>35674574Why would anyone ever assume someone around here has rationale for their inane posts?
>>35674567>unable to break any legal contract unless he wants to suffer viciously for it>the most reliable legal mediator/escrow agent there is>mares minimize his abilities due to his genderAlso, don't fae have the gift of tongues, ie. ability to speak in any language? If they do then he'd be pretty desirable to be a part of any government council due to all that.
>>35674561>I'd want something that tastes good and is a very direct sexual innuendo.>"I call it, 'lick my clit already you fucking slut, I'm buying you drinks what more do you want'. It's a new drink I came up with. Do you like it?"
>>35674601>Anon unknowingly speaks other languages>He just hears them and himself speaking english/native language>He hisses and chitters when talking to Bonbon>Just her
>>35674601Sometimes. Fae mythology is pretty broad and we're creeping into non-core stuff, so it could go either way.
>>35674612Yeah, one thing to explore would be FaeAnons relationship with Changelings, as they're the closest thing to fae in canon equestria.
>>35674612Please expand upon this.I need it!
>>35674601Along with the inability to break promises, fae can often place a gaes or type of charm on someone that has the same effect. That person would be bound to that promise or oath under severe penalty. Another point for his career as a mediator or for trickster shenanigans.
>>35674622No one likes a needy bitch, anon
>>35674612Are you saying Anon is a parselmouth?
I want to give a nerdy mare a facial at the end of a clumsy blowjob, and then watch as they go strutting around town without cleaning up to show off to all the ponies who said they'd never have a colt friend.
>>35674612I'd like to read this. Anon unknowingly blows the cover of various changelings as they look like ponies but converse in a different language.>>35674624Oh, and with the whole true name holding power over him maybe that's why he prefers to be called Anon?
>>35669797Had a stroke from this thanks anon
>>35674503Glamours is illusions, right?I could see him having fun with that, especially in pranking with Dash and Pinkie.
>>35674601>anon cannot break any contracts or promises and has to carry them out to the letter>but this doesn't mean that he cannot work around it by simply wording the contracts a certain way>anon slowly but surely becomes a pseudo-devil
>>35674855Sounds more like you're making him into a jinn.
>>35674855>On the bright side, Anon has proven the concept of the soul definitely after bargaining for one.>The magical-science community is lined up to study it while the mare it belongs to is impatiently waiting for Anon to give it back.>"Come on, Anon, just put it back. This feels weird.""Guess you shouldn't have bet your soul on being able to beat me in a game of Uno."
>>35672290 >>35672293 Oh, I remember this. I'm glad you're adding to it. I think Pinkie x Anon x Rarity X AJ would make a lovely herd.>>35674335 Different Anon here. Thanks for binning that. I love the story and wish LaP would finish it.>>35674612 >>35674670 >Speaking changelingKek
Sunset is a sneaky girl. She has a master plan for you, and you'll fall for it if you're not careful! Pic related.
>>35674883Ha, good luck as she's >no hooves
>>35674886>implying you can resist when any RGRE girl or mare sets her sights on youI fear for your dick, Anon.
>>35674886Just drag her back through the portal.
>>35674883She wants to get married?! But, I haven't done anything wrong!!!
>>35674122>whimsical stallions who make decisions on the fly and change their minds about appointments almost constantly>normally this is what makes Raven's job the hardest>as a male you can step in and tell these nobles they can't change their schedule without advance notice>the best part is unlike Raven you won't have to worry about getting screeched at or losing your job>well actually you do get screeched at, but because you're a male too they just look autistic>ywn fight to keep a straight face as you watch an indignant noble getting angrier and angrier as you keep telling him "no" or "your hooves are nowhere near as important as the princess's time">ywn burst into hysterics when you finally hear the door slam shut as they trot off in a huff>ywn invite Raven out for drinks with all the freetime you've made by telling nobles to stuff it in the politest way possible
>>35674996Nailed it.>>35674915>I haven't done anything wrong!!!You were you, and that was enough for her.
>>35675020i just wanted a pony and this thot be trying to catch me on the hook
>>35674401You can't just say it and not post ithttps://u.smutty.horse/lwgaclgxxwf.jpg
>>35674551> Iron weakness is going to make every day life a giant painHere's a problem, tho: he has iron in his blood. So he pretty much has to be immune to it.
>>35672484This.Speaking as someone who's fucked both pussy and ass, pussy feels much better. Ass is only acceptable to fuck if you're fucking a twink/CD/TS.
>>35673976Hey, ApA. More Roomdancer when?
>>35672293Technically well-written, but doesn't have the same charm that some of your other stuff has.Still, good to have you back, LaP. Hope you do some more Spookyquestria Girls green soon.
>>35674555Jokes on the viewers, Sunset already convinced Fluttershy to herd with her and Anon but keeps it on the down low because not everyone is cool with poly. This is a way to tease viewers and make it seem like something is at stake. Anon doesn't help either because if Sunset did something wrong during the day he would "accidentally" fall asleep against Fluttershy instead or her during the nightly stream. If Fluttershy did something wrong, he would make a bigger show of cuddling onto Sunset that night. If they both did something, he would not even show up on the stream and be off camera with the mod, another one of the girls Sunset convinced to herd up, making both girls jealous.
>>35675407Cuckset Shimmer strikes again
Added another 3k words to the worldbuilding compilation.https://pastebin.com/u/AdvancedHorseFiction
>>35674883If I could be so lucky.
>>35671009anonfilly plays mareio party with the cmc
>>35675959Drop the filly and it won't be shitAnonicorn/lt can be nice
>>35675964Drop the Anonicorn and it won't be shit for sure. Kidanon and CMC is where it's at.
>>35674866I have absolutely no idea where those would be binned
>>35675964>Anonicorn introduces prince Blueblood to the wonders of video games, altering the course of his life
>>35676020Dunno, a hobby is hard to build a story around unless you take it completely over the top, like TV shows where children's card games are the only law.
>>35676044I'm thinking just like two scenes. One scene of comfy kid comedy, another scene of Blueblood grown up to be a shy nerd instead of a catty bitch.
>>35675387I've got a draft tucked away somewhere if you guys are still interested in it
>>35676074Oh? What is it actually. I'm curious
>>35675964>AnonicornIt's shit. It has been shit. It will be shit. It will always be shit.
>>35676079What's the draft, or what's Roomdancer?
>>35676093What's the draft
>>35676095Oh. It's just a continuation of what I've posted here so far, where Moondancer's sister shows up and gives them a hand financially after Anon lost his job. Shenanigans are afoot.
>>35676020>>35676089I admit that playing horse Vidya with the CMC is a bit out of Anonicorn's usual wheelhouse, hence the "/lt", I was mainly just using it to say that Anon should stay maleAnonfilly is nothing but trash, autism, and rape
>>35676101Oh yeah post that, that was cool
>>35676104I agree with that. For the setup of the CMC young-adultnon would probably be more fitting
>>35675407I like it. I could see that happening.
>>35676104>Anonfilly is nothing but trash, autism, and rapeAnd Anonicorn is better how?
>>35676147Anonicorn has adorable moments, nominal anon-tier autism, and no rape.
>>35676147If you weren't new, you'd now the answer to that is yes, summerfag.
>>35676074Post it please. I'd love to read more Roomdancer.
>>35676110>>35676155You got it. I'll crank something out after I fix the sci-twi update. Priority is sci-twi, roomdancer, then that Rainbow/Anon/(???)Spitfire green I haven't updated in months.
>>35676089>RetardicornIt's shit. It has been shit. It will be shit. It will always be shit.>ftfy
>>35676151Weird. Anonicorn is the exact same trash as Anonfilly. Both are equally bad.
>>35676159That sounds good to me.
>>35676151>muh doomstar>muh magical superpower>muh cinnamon roll
>>35676136>Replying that to a post that says human Anon would be betterIts time for the mods to put you out to pasture, tranny.
>>35676104> Anonfilly is nothing but trash, autism, and rapeAnonfilly is awesome, I just wish the genre had less horrific abuse and body horror. I want more stories of adventure, non abusive lewdness and other fun things. But recently almost all the recent stories feature twilight torturing anon in some way, slow loss of memories and sense of self, other horrors. I hide the transformation threads now because there is to much upsetting stuff in there now.
Just one more month.
>>35676188>Retardicorn>GreentextThat's what's shit about it. The regular stuff like >>35676151 describes was good.
>>35676213I hear ya famalam.
>>35676213I mean this in the nicest way possible, but really, what did you expect? One of the main plot beats is "man turns into little girl", shit's basically bound to attract insane people.
>>35676213Are you ready to hide these threads as well?
>>35676219Anonicorn is retarded, anon. It's stupid snowflake shit.
>>35676237A couple of years ago the anonfilly stuff had none of this horror. Even in the stories where twilight turned anon without consent did not have the kind of tone of the current stories, twilight still had a basic level of ethics and human decency, her interactions with anonfilly where more antagonistic rather than abusive.
>>35676263>If I just throw words together maybe I'll get lucky and create a halfway coherent statement
>>35676278If that sentence confuses you, anon, then the fact that I've hurt your feelings over a shit story concept is the least of your concerns.
>>35672290God damn it, lap. I'm trying to go on nofap.
Your in prison and this happens, wdy do?
>>35676474Jails in Equestria are co-ed?
>>35676474>"Ay fuck you an your busted ass horn, bitch, blood nation all day every day."
>>35676474Sure thing, let me just bend over and pick it up.
>>35676474Fuck. I have a picture somewhere, a 2-panel comic where Rarity's in a communal shower and drops a bar of soap, and a mare wraps her fore leg around her neck and says "We're going to rape you now" because prison rape joke, but fuck me if I can't find it.
>>35676513If you find it let us know
>>35676513>>35676541It's a picture by Pony-berserker, https://derpibooru.org/images/1387212
>>35676599Thank you Anon, you're my favourite.
>>35676285kek it's the autist who gets his shitposts scrubbed
>>35676669And its lookin like it's time for the jannies to do their victory lap
>>35675339People have been allergic to water despite being made mostly of water, right?
>>35676771Sounds like they've been allergic to life
>>35676771I definitely don't think that's a thing
>>35676780Apparently it is a thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquagenic_urticaria> Aquagenic urticaria, also known as water allergy and water urticaria, is a rare form of physical urticaria in which hives develop on the skin after contact with water, regardless of its temperature. It is sometimes described as an allergy, although it is not a true histamine-releasing allergic reaction like some other forms of urticaria. The condition typically results from contact with water of any type, temperature or additive.
>>35676796What the actual fuck? Proof that God just hates some people I guess
>>35676796>It's not an allergy
>>35676850You're not Tempest
>>35676860>Commisioned by Minuette/Colgate
>>35676821It's not an allergy in the case of your body freaking out and painfully swelling up and your throat closing
>>35676860This is from that weeb show about the guy and his sister right? Momentogari or some shit
>>35676796That’s nothing. I have a friend who’s allergic to their own spit.
>>35677125Fug, how bad is their allergy? Can they not swallow or something or is it similar to the skin water reaction?
>>35676599>Tired mare's special talent is spreading jam with a knifeThat's oddly specific
>>35677520she runs a mean bed and breakfastliterally, that's why she's in jail, she was so rude to a few stallion customers that she accidentally hospitalized them via over-scandalization
Why did they make her so lewd?
>>35677472I don’t know too much about it. I know that their skin reacts pretty badly, and their mouth is almost always cottony and numb, but not much more than that.
>>35677672Oh because they planned on making cheese sandwhich a canon character in eqg, too.
>>35677697Man, sounds like God had it out for your friend. Sucks but by now they're probably used to it.
>>35677708Mate, that isn’t even the worst of it. Their body is practically falling apart. If you so much as tap them, they’re liable to dislocate something because for some reason their joints are like tissue paper, their skin is so sensitive that if you even lightly scratch it with your fingernail, it’ll leave a clearly noticeable mark for days, potentially leaving a scar. They’ve got epilepsy and asthma and bipolar disorder, and they can’t get pregnant without having potentially life threatening complications. Shits fucked.
>>35677758Jeebus. That's a rough existence. I wouldn't call that a life, you're just existing by a thread at that point.
>>35676169>He thinks TF is just as bad as TGWhere do these fucking heretics come from?
>>35677672Probably because she’s the happy-go-lucky type who likes to tease people.
>ballbras are an actual thing for stallions IRLhttps://horsesport.com/horse-news/stallion-jockstraps-racing-butt-plugs-who-knew/Well fuck, I thought it was just a stupid /rgre/ meme ...And buttplug are apparently socially acceptable for athletic mare.
>>35677769Wherever it is, they need to go back.
>>35677769>he thinks TF does not equal TG in how bad it isIf anything, it is you guys who are the real heretics.
>>35677773>And buttplug are apparently socially acceptable for athletic mare.The true origins of APA, finally revealed.
>>35677775I'd much rather be a poner than lose my boner.
>>35677790I'd much rather be a human in a poner world, because that is the only right answer.
>>35677798>Would you rather choose X or Y?>NEITHER! I WANT Z!Just because Z is the clearly superior choice doesn't mean X and Y are equally inferior. One *is* better than the other.
Guys, I know incessant arguing is a stallion's pastime, but can you at least diversify them a little bit?
>>35677758>>35677768Can we get back to RGRE?
>>35677773Superior cooling can provide additional performance.
>>35677820Nope, neither is better than the other when both are the worst choices. One means you are an actual furfag, other one means you are no better than a tranny. The only way it can possibly be worse if both of these choices are combined. I'd rather not play that dumb game and choose one of the many unlisted options.
>>35677839Today I will remind them
>>35677879For what rule though? Trolling outside /b/?Being off-topic?
>>35677884Either or. Also spamming in many cases.
>>35677884Trolling outside /b/ usually works.
>>35677895>>35677922Cool beans I'm in
>>35677773>>35677842"Okay Dash. What did you need me for?">"Not much. I just need you to shove this up my butt.""What?">"What do you mean what? It's not that complicated. Just take the pointy end and-""Okay wrong question. Why?">"Oh, because it makes me go faster.""...How does a buttplug make you go faster?">"I dunno, magic or something. But I also painted it red to make me go even faster!""Oh my god.">"Got the paint at a discount too. I think the mare I bought it from said something about lead but I wasn't paying attention."
>>35677943>>"I dunno, magic or something. But I also painted it red to make me go even faster!"The ork is strong with this git.
>>35677943>leadInfusing herself with boolet to go even faster, I see. Clever.
>>35670115>alcohol tastes like shitDon't be a stingy Jew and shill out a couple more dollars for the decent stuff.
>>35677943Jokes aside, personal cooling devices do exist, and supposedly they even have some kind of a measurable effect.
>>35677991>WINDFORCE written on the plugI hope that thing isn't blowing air directly into your ass.
>>35678078>air directly into your ass.Useless. It's far better to transfer heat using heatpipes.Also, I called APA three times now, so he should arise.
>>35678078Nah. Just refrigerant.
>>35678090>Liquid Nitrogen buttplug
>>35678113Shitposting about buttplug coolers for mares is probably a better waste of time than arguing about TF and TG.
>>35678113Summer will be over soon just have patience
>>35678127Every time this gets posted it smacks more and more of desperation.
>>35677820Stop trying to use logic on autists. You know it doesn't work.
>>35677943Of course it makes her go faster, it has a propeller in the back. Silly Anon, not knowing about horsie buttplugs.
>>35678090Sorry, I was eating dinner. The siren call of mares with buttplugs does not go beyond a radius of about 5 feet with my computer in the middle, and it wasn't until I came back to my keyboard that I felt I was being summoned. I want you to know that I'm saving those images of buttplugs for my own purposes.
>>35678159Wouldn't that be cause for disqualification? I mean, mechanical advantage and whatnot.
>>35678181Do you want to confront a mare with a professional cooling rig up her keister? That mare's ready for action at any moment, and she'll put up a fight without ever overheating.
>>35678113>Dozens upon dozens of posts arguing over retarded shit>nothing>A handful of posts about something actually funny>UHHHHHHH NOT RGRE ENOUGH
>>35678200>Rainbow Dash glances at the magic 8 ball just barely visible from under her tail.>"Does Anon like me?">And with that, she shakes her ass back and forth like an overexcited dog.
>>35678231>>35678200>It says yes
>>35678296Of course it does.
>>35678296>implying the closet virgin would only have single-heart eyes at that revelation
>>35674330>>35674335FUCK this is good. Why isn't there more?
>>35678432Because LaP has a habit of moving from story to story. Lots of them don't really get a full ending, but he does good work.
>>35678698He’s a real tease
>>35678776What about me i post my socks in real time
>>35678698>>35678776>>35678810>ywn tease Twilight by writing fiction based on your culture only to never finish them>swn go an autistic tirade in the middle of the street about the dangers of stallion whimsy
>>35678843>Twilight gets in trouble for angrily shouting that her grandma was right; colts don't deserve the right to vote
>>35678840I bet you wear open-cup ball bras too, slut.
>>35678965>Implying he even owns ball bras
>>35678981SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED
>>35678989Der Kaiserin Über Alles.
>ywn be in an abusive relationship with Copper Top
>>35679005But did she catch the oat thief today?
>>35679005>abusive relationshipNo.Never again.
>>35679027The greentext that goes along with it makes it clear that "abusive" translates to "boops Anon with her own nose and rubs his face into her chest tuft". It's an "abusive" relationship.
>>35678981I mean, why vote for someone else, it's not like there's a better choice for ruler of Equestria than Celestia herself to begin with.
>>35679030Is it really healthy, funny hi-jinks notwithstanding,for one half of the relationship to be abusive even if you can take it? I mean it's basically nothing from our point of view but she is as far as she, and your neighbors, are concerned, beating the ever loving shit out of you because dinner was cold.
>>35679049I just liked it because it was cute horses doing cute things, man. That's as deep as it went for me.
>>35679049My man, you need to stop taking silly shit so seriously.
>>35679048I like the smiles
>>35679092Personally I like the use of faithful student as the VP stand-in. Also Luna looking like the definition of JUST due to how tired she is.
>>35679084Autism, my friend, will inevitably lead to green.
How would a herd with these two work? Science nerd and horsie girl?
>>35679165>titlet and tittymonsterLet the bullying begin.
>>35679195>Twi is the tittymonster
>>35679216I don't know, can you repeat the question
>>35679237You're not the boss of me now
>>35679246You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big
>>35679165"Hey Anon.">"Hey Sunset.""So we've been dating a while and I think we're pretty solid together. So I feel comfortable asking you this.">You motion Twi over to you.>He seems puzzled and looks at the two of you.>Do or die moment!>No guy you've dated has ever wanted to try herding before since you came here."I want to know how you'd feel about adding Twilight to our relationship. So it would be you, me, and Twilight.">"'Twilight and myself' you mean.">She corrects."Not helping.">He just looks at you for a while.>"So... we would still be dating?""Yes.">"But I would also be dating Twilight too?""Yes.">"And this isn't a trick or a kinky one time thing in the bedroom?""No.">He again just looks between the two of you for a bit."So, would you like to herd with us?">"Would I!""Would you?">"Would I!">"Would you?">"Would I!""Would you?">"Would I!">"Would you?">Celestia, do you love your idiot.
>>35679313D'aww, that was sweet. Thanks, Anon.
>>35679313>There's no pics on derpi of anon, sunset, and twilight cuddlingThis entire fandom is worthless.
>>35678965Dont know what are those, but i do sleep comfy in my striped socks
>>35678843one can only put up with so much, she'd probably dump your ass.
Real reverse gender roles.The male ponies are like sea horses and give birth to the young.Anon and his pony wife want to have a foal, and Anon is confused on why she starts poking his belly button and says she thinks his egg pouch is too small.
>>35679471I can understand this with the seaponies/hippogrifs, but definitely not regular ponies.
>>35679471>Despite the difference in biology, the two try to make it work.>They go to unscrupulous scientists and mages to help them defy nature and have a foal of their own flesh and blood.>Anon wasn't excited to be the one to carry the fetus, or the transmogrification spells to give him the proper organs to do so, but he wanted that foal.>Nine months.>Nine uncomfortable months that ended in intense pain.>The thing is, foals take eleven months to gestate.>Anon had always heard that childbirth was the most painful thing a person could go through.>As he and his wife lowered the tiny pinewood coffin into the earth, he now knew from personal experience that was a lie.
>>35679487Serves 'em right for playing with nature.Should've just adopted, the selfish fucks.
>>35669751Lyra's really stringing Anon along.
>>35678181Chevaux Course International has like ten pages of rules governing the length and girth and weight of allowed buttplugs. Aluminium ones are banned regardless though.
>>35679577Is there a reason why aluminum in partivular, dubs?
>>35679607Horse-Ferrari couldn't source them in time for the 996 Grand Prix and complained, so it got banned.
We need yandere Anon who is so unused to affection and positive attention from a girl he likes that when he finally gets it, he grasps it like a drowning man and swears to do everything to make that mare happy, including lashing out at anyone who threatens or insults her.I vote for Marble, and Anon's first act of yandereness is against Limestone to make her stop picking on her sister.
>>35670080Everclear and orange juice. Screwdriver on steroids.
>>35679633Yandereshit a SHIT.
>>35679712Don't go to extreme gore and possessive behavior, and I could see it being cute to have Marble, a mare who's always ignored for her sisters, especially by colts, suddenly finds herself on the receiving end of Anon's intense affection.She wouldn't know what to do.
>>35679719Obsessive behavior is dangerous, and creates relationships that are destined for failure. She'd probably be scared off from the intensity of affection.
>>35679741>>35679719>>35679633>Marble and Limestone just think he's being a yandere because all their knowledge of colts comes from their father.>The idea of a colt being so emotionally intense is completely foriegn to them.
>>35679607I figure the same reason uncoated aluminum pots and pans have fallen out of wide use.links to alzheimer's.
>>35679757Like they think stallions should be demure and quiet, so Anon being "normal" makes him seem extreme?>Anon laughs boisterously at one of Maud's dry jokes.>They think it's an unhinged cackle.>Anon tries to be a gentleman and kisses Marble's hoof while saying she looks lovely.>They think he's a sinful harlot.>Anon loses his temper mildly at a mare for making fun of Marble in public, his voice tight when he sends back a subtle barb of his own that leaves the mare embarrassed.>They think he's a hair's breath away from committing murder.>"Marble, you need to get rid of this guy. He's nuts!">"I-I know, it's just, w-well...">"What? Are you afraid he'll come after you if you dump him? We'll go to the ponice, get a restraining order. I know it might be embarrasing to admit you're scared of a guy, but they'll understand when we explain.">"It's not that... Not just that, anyway...">"Then what is it? Spit it out!">"I... I kind of like the attention."
how about a gypsy Esmereldanon?>end up in ye olde Equestria>in the middle of buttfuck nowhere to be precise>after nearly a whole day of traipsing with no sign of civilised life you find a caravan of zebras>they're surprisingly welcoming all things considered>say that outcasts should stick together>give you food and shelter but ask you work to make up for it>try different things but eventually get pushed to do entertainment>learn how to dance from the stallions of the group>your lithe bipedal form allows you to flow into the movements in a unique way>you become a big hit wherever your caravans end up>you never stay in one place for more than a week>the locals pony's seem to not care for you after they've gotten their eye-candy>moving is certainly preferable to getting groped by every other pony mare you walk past>finally manage to get into one of the major cities>nearly as soon as your first performace you're stalked by an older (sort of hot?) but definitely creepy mare
>>35679840>Just Zebras.>Not including every equine variant in this rag tag bunch of misfits from Kirin to a rogue changeling that didnt catch the nuling disease.
>>35679867Made me think of Darkest Dungeon for some reason.>Anon joins a group of adventuring outcasts who travel the countryside fighting the things that go bump in the night.
>>35680045They fight sex???
>>35680050>"And remember, foals, premarital sex is a sin! Isn't that right, Anon?""And how!">And thus the caravan of misfits, many horribly disfigured, set out, there job done.>The foals they were preaching to are confused, and somewhat afraid.
>>35679782>Marble finally asks Anon on a date (read: she finally agreed when he asked) and is getting ready in her room.>Her door opens, and she expects to see Limestone there telling her she's crazy and is going to get herself foalnapped and locked in Anon's basement, as she's been saying all day.>Instead, it's her mother, Cloudy Quartz.>"My daughter, am I to understand you are taking young Anonymous into town tonight?">"Y-yes, Mother.">"Hmm... Anonymous is quite wild.">"I know, Mother.">"Strong willed, promiscuous, quick to anger.">"H-he is, but-">"Much like your father was when I first started courting him.">"Huh...?">"My own parents disapproved. They believed he was too depraved, flashing that winsome smile at any mare that happened to look his way. That his interest in fine quality hats and ties was a sign of vanity. They thought he would not make a good husband or father, and that I should find a proper stallion to fill both roles.">She steps forward and places a firm hoof on Marble's shoulder>"I saw beyond those superficial flaws of your father to the stallion underneath. Gentle, firm, and loving. I proved them wrong and married that stallion. Marble, my daughter, you will do the same. Tame young Anonymous, polish his rough edges with the grit of your love and patience, and turn him into the husband and father that he deep down wishes to be. I believe in you.">Then she walks out, leaving a flabbergasted Marble Pie in her wake.
>>35680064I'd read a crazy green like this one. There's just something about this that just seems to be incredibly humorous.
>>35680098This is so fitting for an episode storyline, holy shit.
>>35680098i like thing. i like thing a lot
>>35680098I think I need this.
>>35679471>gender rolesI know that zoomers are ignorant, but you realize that hard coded, physiological features aren't gender, right? Or are you one of those weirdos that is confused as to why anon doesn't have tits and a dick, because we get those from time to time.
>>35679367Imagine a see-through bra, except it's only see-through because there's nothing there.
>When RGRE is canonIf Equestria used bills instead of coins, she would have tucked the money into his ball bra instead.
>It's easy to tell when a kirin is in heat because there's a literal flame encasing her marehood>It's harmless, it doesn't burn or consume, but it chases away kirin males who know that the mares are out for cum>Something something RGRE
>>35680525>Kirin waifu in heat>Spent most of her life not speaking, so she already lacks a developing mental filter>Most of what she things makes its way to her mouth, and she's offended the delicate sensibilities of many a colt in her time living with you>But with heat in effect and her mind clouded, that small mental filter is even less effective>Whether in private or public, your kirin waifu will happily babble about how good your cock would feel, how badly she wants to shove her face into your crotch and motorboat your balls, and how much she's looking forward to playing with your foals with you>You've found that the best way to shut her up is with kisses
>>35679313I love it.>>35680098This is better. Keep going.>>35680378I had a hardy kek when I first saw that on air.
>>35680538The TMI would be off the charts and likely adorable.New bread when?
New thread where?
>>35680709nice job idiot>>35680707>>35680707>>35680707
Last for worst pony
>>35681282You mean Loira.