New boards: /vrpg/ - Video Games/RPG — /vmg/ - Video Games/Mobile
Last throd: >>35494474IRC: irc.rizon.net #/mlp/AiEActive list: http://pastebin.com/mVG33ERX Master list: http://pastebin.com/xGf9RcL9 Completed Stories list: http://pastebin.com/QZ4PDe7g Stories Sorted by Pony: http://pastebin.com/GJyQquaY >rope's probably covid free turbo deluxe light inna loafers Thread Archives: http://pastebin.com/Qg2dwzq0 Collection of AiE images: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ju8ygvv3n4fa0um/quC3vIooOq#/Add for Skype: sin.aie>PiE corner, mmm pie>Remember to tag all PiE Stories.PiE Author List: http://pastebin.com/Mgd0QuNy PiE image archives: http://derpy.me/PiE_PicturesBrowser Pony Author List: http://pastebin.com/ZCGjtftkBrowser Pony image and story archive (cloud): http://derpy.me/BrowserPonies
From another thread, but it's greentext, so-->no one has invented an instant orgasm spell,The Royal Guard has had that for years. They call it "setting phasers to 'stun.'"----and then----->Royal Guard are chasing a minor criminal down the streets of Canterlot>"Stop right there, criminal scum!">keeps running>Royal Guard unicorn casts a stun spell>"HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG">criminal flops bonelessly to the pavement, a goofy smile on his face>later that day, in court>"Let me see, Mr. Defendantson. You stand accused of--">shuffle paper>"...an unpaid parking ticket? Is this correct?">"Yes, Your Honor.">"You resisted arrest and ran from peace officers for an unpaid parking ticket?">"I plead the Fifth.">"What in the world possessed you to do such a thing?">"I'd rather not talk about it.">"And you've done this seventeen times so far this year.">"I don't want to talk about it.">"And every time you run until the ponice are forced to stun you.">defendant makes eye contact with the arresting officer and winks at her>"I don't think this is really about a parking ticket at all, is it?">arresting officer winks back>they're getting married next month
>>35637627>From another threadWhich one friend? Also, >they're getting married next month
>>35637635It's from the FIMfiction thread. This bit was at >>35636026Context was a discussion of whether Celestia goes into estrus, and whether she can satiate her own needs via magic, and things kind of got out of hand from there.
>>35637600IT ALL COMES TUMBLING DOWNhttps://youtu.be/wRMkOY9OrbU
Post the autistic concept you want to write but can't get down in writing
>>35637887Anon actually ends up in Fallout: Equestria and somehow it turns out better even though he's a huge piece of shit and is actively trying to make things worse because he wants to die to avoid dealing with the crapsack pony world and hopefully get to the actual pony world.Hilarity ensues.
>>35637887A continuation for https://pastebin.com/wJfMpsyC
>>35637887A context for this.
>>35637887Anon arrives in stone age/prehistoric Equestria, where he tries to befriend cave ponies and eventually leads them into a new age.May or may not include lewd things with a random cave mare.
>>35638031Sounds like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FotYss3fRo
>>35637887I wanted to write an isekai parody where Anon gets everything he could ever want, is super OP, etc, etc. But can't get a harem cause they're all horses and find that weird.
>>35637896Honestly, would work well. Only problem is it would have to be lengthy to get that arc down right>>35638031I had an idea like this, minus cooming. I read a bit about King Samo of the Slavs and thought up an autistic idea. Except instead of Slavs it's mudhorses and Bronze Age warfare
>>35638136Honestly it's the only reason why I'm not putting pen to paper (or finger to keyboard as the case my be) because it would be -LONG-.FOE isn't exactly a small story in the first place and to properly fuck with every bit of the setting (because you know you can't just leave things like the pink mist and mega spells alone without playing with them, along with some of the delightfully weird shit from the Fallout Games and unusual vaults...)It would be a lot of writing. And I am not good at super super long story-lines. Set up, maybe, emotional payoff, I've been told I'm quite good at, but keeping a coherent story over some estimated fifty to sixty chapters? Yeah no.
>>35638130You mean the technicolor horses aren't attracted to him? Or he isn't attracted to horses? The last bit is ambiguous.
>>35638175They're not into him but he is into them.
>>35637992I feel like this is traced from something I know.
>>35638862Fuck it's bothering me now
>>35638862Look for the "butt nom" tag at Derpibooru.
>>35637627>They call it "setting phasers to 'stun.'"Moar liek setting phasers to fun, amirite guise?
>>35637603"Holy cow I'm totally going so fast!!"
>>35642408Why is that cat so long?
>>35642591She's been reading 4chan and found out about the meme.
>>35637887pastebinning because it's too long to post here and I get a bit /soc/ with it:https://pastebin.com/GXys21gQI'm so sorry.
>>35642766Just write it until you can't, and keep it. That's why I tend to do
I have a crappy idea. Anon tries to recite Shakespeare by memory, but since only he knows it, he has to act out all the parts
>>35642766I preferred Dynamic Entry.
>>35642884That... is actually breddy goodI might do something with this....
>>35637600So I composited BiologyAnon from last thread. Top-tier worldbuilding like that deserves to be remembered.
>>35643398Nice, thanks anon.
>>35643398>you liked the stuff that came out of my brain onto the screen during my autistic fugue state
>>35642766Hey Nether, how's it hanging.
>>35637600Oof, the eva depression just doesn't lift, even after 20+ years.
>>35644210Well yeah, depression is for eva.
>>35644210>>35644388It all returns to nothing
>>35642766I didn't read the spoilers, but it sounds interesting if a bit difficult to pull off well. Maybe writing something short would help you to focus, and come back to that story after, rather than driving yourself mad rewriting it over and over.
>>35642934The scene I was thinking of was the "band of brothers" scene from Henry V. Anon has to quickchange and jump on twiggy so he can say the herald's few lines, before jumping back into Henry's costume
>>35644210You have no idea how many "fix fics" the way that series ended spawned. Or maybe you do.Some Chinese cartoons are like that. The ending of Cowboy Bebop drove some fans straight up the nearest vertical surface, too, and fix fics clogged the Pit of Voles for years.
Worldbuilding thought:Part of the reason pegasi can fly is that Equestria has only about 40% of the gravity Earth does, with sea level atmospheric pressure a third higher and 25% greater partial pressure of oxygen. This, plus the much lower levels of ambient magic, is a big reason why the ponies don't visit Earth.
>>35645167But the end of Bebop was great but I see how some would gulet bottom burntNeoen SegaGenesisevangeligonol end was just bad.
>>35642884So Anon puts on a "one man" play? Can't say I've heard that done around these parts before. What's the motivation? The conflict and reward?>>35642934Do it.>>35642766I'm reminded of "Message in a Bottle" on FimFic or "Steel Sanctuary" here in the land of greens. I like the Equestrians help humanity rebuild twist. You should go in that direction.
>>35645760It was great if you know enough about cinema history and cinema genres to understand that Cowboy Bebop was one long love-letter to 1940s-50s film noir and John Woo's ultraviolent 1980s Hong Kong gangster movies. You can't have a happy ending in film noir. The smartass antihero protagonist always ends up getting killed or ruined at the end. It's how it has to end, and everything in the story leads up to it and foreshadows it.That having been said, I can see how a lot of the viewers wanted a happy ending and wanted Spike and Faye to hook up. But that's just not how film noir works.
>>35645784Alright, I'll be writing this as I goAlso, it's been years since I've read Shakespeare, so pretty much NONE of the plot is gonna be similar which seems standard, all things considered------>”But Anon, you promised!”>Be Anonthello>And you’re starting to regret telling Twilight about all the theatrical works humanity produced“Twilight, I can’t do the piece justice, last I read this all was over six years-”>Twilight, being the crafty mare she is, gives you her trademark lip waver>Don’t give in Aponymous, you can do this“Twilight…”>”A-Anon…”>Don’t…>”You p-promised…”“Fine.”>Fuck>Standing up on the makeshift stage with the mane six watching with bated breath, you try not to panic and recall Shakespeare’s ‘Othello’“Off among the distant winds and waves of yorStanding atop the deck, a well-built MoorLooks onto the land of Cyprus for his beloved.”>”What’s a ‘more?’ Doesn’t ‘more’ mean… more?”>Breaking the act, you look towards Dashie and correct her“A ‘Moor’ is a person, like me, but with black skin and believes in Islam.”>”Whut’s Is-hom sugarcube?”>H-How do you explain this…“Well, some people believe in… uh, don’t worry about it.”>”But-”“I’ll tell you about it later.”>Returning to your position, you have difficulty recalling where you were“Now, where was I?”>”Cyprus!”“Thank you Pinkie.”>Clearing your throat, you return to your performance“Desdemona, dearly beloved, wherefore art thouSo that I may caress thy face into mine handAnd kiss thine cheeks with soft embrace.”>Putting on a feathery hat that Rarity made for this special occasion, you cross the stage and put on a dastardly voice“Ah, there you are Othello, our shipWill reach the shores of Cyprus in short time.”
>>35645784Not sure I'll write it, since I've got other projects. I was thinking he's a clinically bored, depressed small-time director. I'd base it on my time in college theater, if anyone knows what that's like. Basically, he wasn't doing good before, but now he's really in the shit since he's been randomly transported to Equestria. So, he decides to do one last hurrah of a play before he an heroes (I'd explain away having the whole script by some isekai shit, like he had it in his bag when he was transported), but ends up finding a will to live. I'd have the realization be somewhere around Act 4 Scene 7, where, after, King Henry realizes he's beaten the French, he get's emotional when Fluellen speaks with him. I only started writing a year ago, and it's been mostly practice with character development and pacing, so I'd rest on it most likely
>>35645968“Iago, my good friend! Wherefore hast thou been?”“Away for preparation to tell the duke of our report.”“Thank you Iago, and may we sail swiftly to the shore.”“SCENE CHANGE!”>Collectively, the mane six applaud as is customary, with Applejack hooting and hollering“A garden filled with many flowers overflowing the many pots hanging from the courtyard ceiling is present. Desdemona watches the sea.”>Slapping on a blonde wig, you try to put on a dainty voice“Othello, oh Othello, how my heartAches within mine bosom to reunite!Willest thou ever return?”>Ripping off the wig, you rush to the other side of the stage“Desdemona! Oh how I missed thouAnd thine lips, cherry sweet!”>Kissing your hand, you slap the wig back on“Othello, thou art too kind,But if you have any mind,Thou will depart to mine fatherAnd tell him of thine deed.”“At once, my little buttercup!”“SCENE CHANGE! In the throne room rests THE DUKE OF CYPRUS sitting on his throne.”>Swapping out the wig for a crown, you carefully position it on your head“How I wish for some good newsIn the midst of all the dreadful…Othello! Come my boy! Tell me of thine deedAnd heroics, hath thou slain mine enemies?”>Running downstage slightly panting, you look towards the empty throne“If I were not a Moor, then I’d be a liar.”>Rushing back, you’re starting regret not writing this down and having other ponies playing the other parts“Wonderful! Thou will marry mine daughterPost haste! But first, promotions! You will beMine new commander, but thine position must replace!I rest such responsibility on thou, my dear Othello.”“Thank you for such opportunity-” and that’s when you remember: Iago’s the villain and doesn’t get the promotion“And I will bestow this upgradeOf position on… Stefan!”>”Stefan?”>”Steven?”>”What?”>All of the mane six look at you in confusion, their faces demanding an explanation
>>35645968>>35646033Well alrighty then. Thank you very much. Don't worry about sticking closely to the story. I doubt Anon would remember everything exactly anyway.>>35646006That could be interesting. Anon tries to start up a Ponyville troupe a-la the Manehatten Players. I spent a year doing technical theater so I know what you mean. I'd enjoy seeing what you could do with the concept when you have the time.
>>35645968>>35646033I want to see how Luna reacts to the Shakespearean talk.
>>35646203Writing "theater people", if you know what I mean, would actually be pretty easy if cringe worthy. I spent about 2 months or so on a production of Midsummer earlier this year. We got it through right before the Chinese Flu hit
>>35645380Or it's just FM
>>35646460>it's just FM>ponies prefer AM because they like talk radioOh, that explains everything.
>>35646490Fucking MagicOr how I explain technical shit to people after they space out when I try to tell them the how and why when they ask.
>>35647130I guessed. I was trying to make a funny.I'd heard the term before, but in a context of literary criticism specific to science fiction, as in "the AM/FM problem." As in, does the story feature Actual Machines, which require human maintenance and intervention and don't always work as well as the sales brochure said they would, versus Fucking Magic, which is how some authors write technology.For one example, ask anyone who's been to the 'Stan at the sharp end about those "great" "space-age" night vision goggles, that work about half the time, and allow the wearer to see a little flickering narrow wedge in front of him, if the batteries aren't dead, if they aren't displaying just static. Tom Clancy's 1980s "techno-thrillers" had a lot of Western military technology written as "fucking magic," much to the annoyance of some of the BTDT guys who read them.Pic completely unrelated.
>>35647130Damn, I've been out of construction for too long because FM was completely lost on me
>>35645380Wouldn't that be disproved by the effects of gravity on the show?
>>35646367Calls it bullshit gibberish?
Headcanon:Rainbow Dash eats Froot Loops for breakfast every day. It's how she keeps the colors in her mane and tail so bright. They'd fade without all that food coloring.
>>35637600>>35637654>"Hi Anon! I caused Instrumentality!"
>>35649435Goddamnit, Peetzer Butt. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get Tang stains out of cotton?
>>35650136>Peetzer ButtYou're thinking of CC from Code Geass. Though I suppose it's possible they're related.
>>35650970Plentiful piquant pepperoni peetzer promotes pleasantly plump pink princess posteriors.
Just before anyone sees it and starts a stampede; Pastebin seems to have fucked up something on their website and now my bin is displaying that my bin is empty.HOWEVER.All my recent pastes are in the sidebar and whenever I try to do pretty much anything on the site, I get an "internal service error", that includes making test pastes to see if I can populate my bin at all. All the individual pastes I have in my bookmarks are also still there so I anticipate this is some sort of buttfuckery on their end and that all the stories there are still in the same place.No one has nuked their bin (probably)Do not panic.
>>35651875I can see mine fine when I'm logged out but not when I'm logged in.
>>35651885Just checked myself, everything still in order. Some intern spilled coffee on the authentication servers I guess.
>>35651875I gave me a bunch free (you)s
>>35651875No problems on my 2 accounts, but I don't have massive amounts of pastes
>>35651875>Do not panic.modrod pls
How do you guys like to write Equestria's tech level? I'm a bit of a Kaczynskifag, so I like middle ages to just very early Industrial Revolution
>>35652981Also, Apogee is the cutest consequence of the Industrial Revolution
>>35652981The presence of magic in the setting makes me think direct comparisons would be misleading at best. I do believe, though, that canonically it's early 20th Century-ish, maybe. Thatched roofs seem rather more primitive, but maybe they are magically more wind resistant than the real thing historically was, which is why the houses you normally see in the 'burbs IRL don't have thatched roofs. They have hydroelectric power, vaguely computer-ish things (so long as we're thinking ENIAC and not this week's newest Samsung tablet as our example), and--pic related--apparently self-propelled armored military vehicles using a tracked suspension and what appears to be a large-caliber crew-served heavy weapon of some kind as primary armament, though this particular design looks a lot more 1920s than 2020s.
>>35652981My personal headcanon is that they're only a little bit behind us as far as equivalent things built, but anything which would be made with science, electricity, and computers here on earth is instead made with magic, enchantments, and talismans. So for example they might have lamps on the side of their paths that automatically light up when the sun goes down, but instead of solar powered light bulbs with a simple microchip watching a light sensor, some "factory" out in Manehatten or something produces simple artifacts that has one rune to detect when the sun has gone down and activate the light spell embedded in the talisman and another rune that absorbs sunlight to recharge the talisman.
>>3565298120's physical tech with magic making some advanced things
>>35654992Something is wrong with that ice cream cone
>>35655229It's just grape flavored.
>>35655229It looks like it's melting
>>35655641Only between its legs.
>>35656225Why does the ice cream have legs
>>35656413I blame genetic engineering.
>>35656583Somebody screencap this shit.
From the draw thread.
>>35657577Nobody writes Cadence stories, too much baggage.
It's been a long time, dropping some Herd.>Movement beside you stirs you to semi-consciousness.>One of the girls is trying to get up.>Not gonna happen.>Using your impressive human reach you get an arm around her again.>She squeaks in surprise as your impressive human strength rolls her onto your chest.>Perfectly positioning your hand for ear scritching.>It works...for a minute.>"I have to go open the spa." Aloe whispers "But we can pick this up again when I get home if you want~.""We'll see." you grumble before being shushed. >Lotus is a heavier sleeper than that, you're pretty sure.>"You could always make an appointment.""Any openings right now?">"I'm afraid the spa isn't open yet." she answers, slipping from your grasp and rolling out of bed. "Try again later.""Maybe I will.">With a tiny yawn and a nod, she disappears into the bathroom.>Lamenting the loss of one of your marefriends to the cold, cruel real working world, you roll onto your side and pull Lotus into your arms.>She's deep asleep still, and offers no resistance.>Not that she would if she was awake, but still.>You're almost asleep again when something lands on the mattress behind you.>A pawing hoof convinces you to roll onto your back.>Said hoof (a very pink hoof) then plants itself on your chest as Aloe dives down for a quick peck on the lips.>"See you after work!" she chirps, deftly dodging the hand reaching out to her and hopping off the bed.>Rats, human strength foiled by pony agility!>Rolling back over, you return to spooning Lotus.>"You better take care of her, Anon.""Good morning."..."Wait, what?">"Aloe." Lotus yawns. "She already takes care of me. So you take care of her.""Deal.">"Don't you want to know who takes care of you?""I've got a guess.">"Let's see if you're right." she says, rolling around to meet your gaze.
>>35658672>Some time later, sitting over coffee downstairs, you look aimlessly around the kitchen.>"Anon?""Yeah?">"I don't want to cook.""Yeah.">"Let's go to that baker in the market, I heard she sells bagels if you get there soon enough.""Yeah, let's go.">Outside is damp.>It clearly rained overnight.>"Anon?""Hmmm?">"I know that Aloe probably talked to you yesterday about it, but-" she pauses to yawn "-I do really think it was noble of you to stand up to Cloudchaser.""Well, at least one pony does.">"Aloe was just worried about you. And I'm sure Lyra agrees with me.">You adjust your arm in its sling."Maybe.">She leans against you, looking up with those big blue eyes.>As you run one hand through her mane, she sighs, then suddenly snorts.>"I bet Rose yelled at you.""She didn't yell at me.">"But she's upset about the fight.""She's right, getting arrested isn't a great look.">"Anon! You were defending a mare, *your* mare!""It's way too early to be having this conversation...">"I-I may have had a lot of time to think about this.""Oh really?">"We knew she was going to scold you. She's just so...responsible.""And that's a bad thing?">"No! But sometimes...yes." she backtracks "She should support her stallion! That's what a Herd does!""Oh? I thought they were just cute mares that offered to cuddle in exchange for sweets.">"Hey! I'd cuddle you even without sweets" Lotus shoots back "and you know it!""Maybe.">Another dignified snort from the powder blue pony.>Before anything else is said, you turn the corner into the main square.>With the weather calling for rain on and off all day, everypony seems to be in a rush today.>None of the usual cheerful banter among throngs of ponies shopping.>Just those who really need something darting outside while it's dry to grab a few things, murmur a 'thank you' to the poor purveyors and then hurry home.
>>35658675>Quickly crossing the cobblestone square, you find yourself under the dripping awning of one of the local bakers.>Looking around as Lotus orders the bagels, you spot some chocolate croissants. >While Lotus is debating the various merits of the many options for cream cheese, you wave to the baker, catching her eye.>Silently placing some bits on the counter, you nab a croissant in a napkin and pocket it."I'm fine with whatever, Lotus." you say, prompting her to settle on a 'healthy' veggie cream cheese.>Practically a salad, really.>Weaving through the waterlogged marketplace, Lotus picks up where she left off.>"You know that Flitter agrees with us, don't you, Anon?""Us?">"Aloe and me.""Oh?">"She really admires how you stood up for her.""Hmmm, I'd probably do it again.">"It would be the right thing to do...even if it upset Roseluck.">This again?>"I know that she means well, but the rest of us don't exactly agree with her.">Seriously?>"I think it was very wise of you not to choose an alpha yet." she continues "Eventually one of us will take the lead on our own.">She accentuates her point with a bump from her rump.>This...is new."Oh, looking to seize the crown for yourself, alpha mare Lotus?" you tease, as you reach the townhouse.>She clambers up the steps and looks over her shoulder.>"Would that be so bad?" she asks, swishing her tail playfully."You're trouble, you know that?" you laugh, stepping past her.>"I don't hear an objection!" >Squeezing the bag with your magic, you plop little rounds of batter on the baking sheet.>You aren't oblivious!>Well, maybe sometimes.>But you know enough to know that you know very little about cooking.>And you know that you saw how much food brought the herd together the other night!>Not to mention every mare knows that the way to a stallions heart is through his stomach!>Well, maybe Lotus suggested another way too...>You can feel your face burning up just thinking about that though!
>>35658681>She's so confident...so forward!>And that one night when you ambushed Anon...>She might be onto something!>If your cheeks were burning before, they're positively on fire now!>Focus Lyra!>Whoops! >Okay that one is a little...deformed.>Dang it Lyra, focus!>Hazel had walked you through this recipe like a hundred times yesterday.>Okay, maybe it was only three times.>But it felt like forever, and you had insisted on something impressive instead of something easy.>Foal steps will take too long, and you'll lose your place in the herd!>As you pipe the last of the choux pastry onto the parchment paper, there's a knock on the door."Coming!" you shout, tossing the bag onto the counter.>Pulling open the door...it's Tavi!"Tavi! You're back!">"Lyra? What...what have you been doing today?""Baking! Come in!">"...cooking? Lyra, last time-""I know, I lit Bonnie's stove on fire. But Hazel has been teaching me!">Proudly leading the way into the kitchen, you whip the pan off the counter and brandish it at your friend.>"Erm, what exactly are they?""Cream puffs!">"What happened to this one...?""I, errr, got a little distracted." you explain, embarrassed. >"Distracted by what?""Huh? Oh, uh.... I need to get these in the oven!" you say, quickly turning away before your blush can become too visible.>"Yes...do that." she says, surveying your kitchen as you slap the tray onto the first rack.>Taking a deep breath and closing the oven, you think it's safe to turn around again.>Standing back up, you follow Tavi's gaze back to the kitchen around you."O-oh." you mutter, assessing a once underused kitchen now laid waste by your culinary efforts.>Tavi sighs, shrugging off her saddlebags next to the kitchen table and moving towards the pile of dishes stacked in the sink.>"You have magic, you wash.""We could do something else...it's my mess.">"It will be easier with both of us, don't you think?""Thanks Tavi."
>>35658683"So you really think it went well? That's awesome!">"Yes, I think there is a very real chance I'll be moving to Canterlot...and thank you.""You're welcome! I'm always happy when good things happen to my friends!">"No, I meant thank you for encouraging me to audition again." she explains "I really didn't plan to.""What? That's crazy, you've always wanted to play for the CSO." you exclaim, Octavia ducking to avoid your sponge as it careens past her head "/Everypony/ wants to play for the CSO!">"Yes, well... well, I had been talking to Arpeggia about it and-">You cut off your magic, unceremoniously dropping the sponge and mixing bowl into the sink with a splash, and turn to quickly wrap Octavia in the biggest hug you can muster."I know, she wanted you to settle in and stay with her in Filly forever.">"She said I wasn't being realistic.""If there was ever a pony who belonged in the CSO, it's you Tavi!">"She wanted to know how many times I was going to audition before...before I realized it was never going to happen...""But it sounds like it really is happening! Right?">"Mhm." she sniffles. "I-I think it finally is.""Then forget about her! Vinyl always said she was an anchor holding you back!">"Yes, but-""No buts! You're an amazing musician and an even more amazing friend!">She doesn't say anything, but she offers a tiny smile and wipes the tears out of her eyes.>Good.>Tavi is an amazing mare, and deserves better than that old stick in the mud!>Before you can resume your uplifting speech, the egg timer goes off.>...Why though?>Oh! >The oven!"It's just...frustrating." you sigh, blowing an errant strand of maroon mane from your face.>Looking across the table, Redheart smiles back sympathetically.>"I agree, he is being logical but it does leave you in the lurch." she says, placing a hoof on yours. "But you've got a plan?""Not really. I want to show him that I've got what it takes-">"But it sounds like he already knows that, Rose."
>>35658687"But he isn't convinced! He's such good friends with Rarity and Twilight...what if one of them joins the herd?">"I think you can take on both of them." Redheart says confidently. "Even if one of them has a royal title.""Easy for you to say...">"Can royalty even join herds?""I don't know. But we might find out.">"I'm sure you'll think of something." your friend reassures you "You always do.""I guess.">"Come on, let's go downstairs. Don't you have a big order for Lyra's friend to finish?""Oh, right. I guess I can work and talk at the same time.">Getting to your hooves, you follow Redheart as she starts towards the stairs.>"Maybe having something to focus on will clear your mind and help you come up with a plan.""Well...">Redheart pauses and looks back at you."I do have an idea..." you offer. "Fill the Herd. Fast.">"Now that's an idea." she smiles "Let's talk about that downstairs.">Hoofing some wicker bases down to your friend and -for now- assistant, you elaborate on your plan."Anon said he won't choose until the Herd is full, so if I can fill the Herd with some of my excellent single mare friends...">Redheart gives you a look, and the two of you share a giggle.>"I see where you're going though." she says, tossing the baskets onto the table as you assemble an assortment of autumnal pieces. "He picked the four of us so quickly too...I worry about how cautious he has suddenly become.">"I don't understand." Red says, taking a seat across the table from you.>Picking up a gourd, you absently look it over as you consider your next words."It's almost as if...he feels he rushed in with us.">"What!?""He hasn't said anything." you quickly interject, fumbling the squash. "But that's just the feeling I get. Like maybe he thinks he moved too quickly and could have been -should have been- pickier.">"Roseluck, you stop that!" your friend snorts "I don't believe that for one moment!"
>>35658690"But the way it's all slowed down so suddenly...">"That's because ya are low drama mares!" she exclaims "Y'know darn well he'd have scooped up that Flitter if it weren't for her sister!">You've got her so upset that a little bit of backwoods slipped out."Maybe I am just over thinking things." you say, placing the dropped gourd in the center of the arrangement.>"You sure are." she huffs. "Now who do you have in mind for this little plot of yours?""Maybe Lyra's friend Bonbon, she's steady and already friends with Lyra.">"An easy fit. What about Flitter?""I like Flitter. She's a good mare." you consider slowly, sliding a branch of preserved leaves into the arrangement as you mull the thought. "I'm not sure if she's worth the drama though.">"Anon seems to like her.""Her sister hates him though.">"I getcha. Who else?""Maybe that musician friend of Lyra's, Octavia?">"She seemed nice at the party. And quiet.""Exactly.">"Is that all?""Well..." you say, slowly pushing a branch into the base before looking Redheart in the eye. "You're still single.">"Hey Anon, I was doing laundry so I grabbed some of your stuff too. Just a heads up.""Oh, thanks man." you say putting down your pencil. "Hey, while you're here, have you given any more thought to that scribe idea?">"Not really, Twilight keeps me pretty busy. Do you really think I'd be good at it?""You're already doing half the job, assisting Twilight." you shrug, "If you were really interested, I'm sure it'd be a good fit. A lot less chores that way, too.">Now that gets his attention.>You can't help but laugh a little, internally of course.>"That does sound pretty good!""Mhm" you nod as you Irish up a fresh cup of coffee. "It's a serious profession.">"I'll think about it." he says before heading back to the door "Oh, and Twilight wanted me to remind you that you've got physical therapy today.""I do?">"I think she scheduled it herself.">You look over at the young dragon.
>>35658696>"Hey, I just work for the lady. You know how she is.""She means well." you chuckle before taking a sip of your coffee. "Thanks Spike.">As he toddles off to do whatever it is he does all day, you turn your attention back to your drawings.>The new size of the conservatory structures means larger supports...much larger.>Which is reasonable and perfectly doable. >So you've been recalculating the weight of the structure...and doodling some new decorative ideas in the margins.>The old supports were just going to get some small decorations, but these new buttresses would be large enough that they could be cast in decorative forms themselves.>More expensive? Maybe.>But you had a reputation to uphold.>You weren't going to just slap up some structural steel and call it a day.>Fueled by an entire pot of coffee, this mix of mathematics and internal rambling keeps you occupied through the morning.>It's after eleven o'clock when a knocking on your door breaks your concentration.>"Anon?" a soft and sophisticated voice calls "Ah, I see you're hard at work, as always.""Rarity! I can take a break.">"Just for moi? Why I'm flattered.""Har har." you say, rolling your eyes. "Let me wash the ink and pencil dust off my hands.">"So I heard you went on a little trip.""Word travels fast it seems.">"Anon" Rarity says, setting her coffee down and leaning forward "I want you to know that what you did hurt Twilight.""What?" you ask, surprised. "Why? How?">"Come now, Anonymous." she scoffs "You traveled all the way to Canterlot in order to apologize to one of the deific sisters rather than talk to a pony who's supposed to be your friend!""For the record, Celestia and Luna are also among my friends." >"That is not a common thing, Anon. She thinks you were trying to avoid her." Rarity presses "And I think so too.""And you're not wrong.">"Of course I- what!?"
>>35658699>Placing your hands on your knees, you look down and then up to meet her gaze."You are correct." you reply calmly, "I was avoiding her.">"But...in Celestia's name, why?""Rarity, one of the things I love about you is that you rarely go off the rails the way say, Pinkie or Dash does." you explain "However that also means it has likely been quite a while since you were last lectured by Twilight Sparkle.">"I suppose it has been some time, but could it really be-""Well intentioned perhaps, but lengthy, tedious and borderline condescending." you interrupt. "She is my friend, not my mother, Rarity.">"She is only trying to help.""I know that. But trying and succeeding are very different things.">"That is rather harsh, don't you think?""Ask Roseluck, or Aloe and Lotus, about 'Sparkle lectures' sometime." you say, throwing your hands up."It's an inside joke that the whole town is in on.">"Hmm, maybe not the whole town, but I see your point." she agrees with a frown. "Nonetheless, you really should talk to her.""She also thinks it's a brilliant idea for me to talk to Cloudchaser, so I'm gonna hold off until after that lovely conversation.">"You cannot be serious.""I am.">"I shall talk to Roseluck, and then I will talk some sense into Twilight.""Good luck.">"Yes, I may need it." she grimaces "Putting that aside, how is work? When is the house going to be done? How is your Herd coming along?""Work is steady." you shrug, leaning back into your chair. "The project is growing in size, of course.">"Don't they all?" she smiles.>You laugh, and with only a little encouragement launch into the laundry list of new tasks ahead of you.>Rarity revels in the little stylistic quirks that are characteristic of your work, and even offers a few suggestions that you may just incorporate. >Few mares have her eye for detail, after all.>Let alone the ability to visualize a concept.>It's kind of nice to be able to /really/ discuss your work with someone.
>>35658702"Enough about my work, what have you been up to? Don't think I didn't notice some trial dresses at that concert the other night.">"Unfortunately that is about all I have been up to." the seamstress laments "The Hearthswarming parties and New Year's galas are all a bit too far off still.""A well deserved rest isn't a bad thing, though, is it?">"I suppose not, but it feels so strange to be so...idle.""Ah, I know the feeling. Like something is wrong, or missing.">"Precisely! I can't put my hoof on it, and that is probably because there is nothing actually wrong, but it still feels like something is amiss.""Because your work is what you do, and who you are, Rares." you chuckle "Why don't you go on an inspiration trip? Take a week to visit Manehattan or Canterlot.">"That is a fabulous idea!" she gasps "It's the perfect idea, Anonymous!""Glad to help." >"I am going to have to start planning it right away!" she says, jumping up to wrap you in a hug before heading towards the door. >She pauses after wrapping a scarf around her neck.>"Don't forget what I said though. I will talk to Twilight, but you really ought to as well.""Go plan your trip." you say, waving her out the door with a nod.>You can't help but notice the lovely bounce in her step as she walks out the door."So when will you hear back from the CSO?">"It probably won't be for a few weeks.""Aw, so you're going to head back to Fillydelphia then, aren't you?">"Of course I am, Lyra. Even if I knew today, I would still have to pack my things, end my lease...""Tell your parents.">"Right, that too.""You weren't going to tell them, were you?">"Of course I was.""Taaaaviiii-">"Eventually.">Wait wait wait, you've practiced this...>You give your friend your best "Doubtful Bonbon" look.>"After I had already found a place to stay and moved, of course.""That's kind of what I figured." you muse. "So do they know about your breakup?"
>>35658706>"Of course. There was no way to hide that kind of secret from them." she groans "And they are quite upset.""I'm sorry." you say, pulling her into another hug.>Hugs fix everything.>"I just need to make my escape to Canterlot before they can interfere.""You can always crash with us!">"That would be an awfully long commute, don't you think?""Oh, right." you scrunch as you try to think. "Aha! I'll ask Anon about borrowing his apartment! It won't be permanent, and he mostly lives here in Ponyville now!">"...mostly?""Wellllll...he does go to Canterlot for work sometimes, but he can just crash on the couch, right?">Octavia doesn't seem convinced."You don't have to. But if you can't find anything in time, I'm sure Anon will help!">"But he hardly knows me!""But he knows me!" you exclaim before whispering to yourself "really well~">"What was that?""Just that he knows me, and I know you, so I'm sure he'll help me help you!" you shout.>"Okay, okay. I get it.">Before the conversation gets out of hand, the front door opens.>"Lyra, I'm home!""Bonnie!">"Hello, Bonbon.">"Well hello, Octavia. What brings you back to Ponyville?">You're about to tell her about how well Tavi's audition went when another timer goes off."They're cooled! Yay!">"Lyra? Hazel warned me that- oh, well those turned out pretty well!" Bonbon says, eyeing the confections as you fill them with pre-mixed custard.>Hazel said that was another lesson for another time.>"I see you only burned four of them, not bad." Bonnie says, looking into the bin.>Everypony's a critic.>"I don't think you ever said why you were making these, Lyra." Octavia says, following Bonnie to the table.>"Hazel told me." Bonnie says, rolling her eyes as you nearly fumble the piping bag. "She's trying to prove how domestic she is. To impress Anon.""W-well, yeah. I mean, every mare knows that's a surefire way to a stallion's heart! And why were you even hanging out with Hazel anyways?"
>>35658708>Now it's Bonnie's turn to blush.>Ha! You've gained the advantage!>"I can't visit a friend?""Well duh. Why didn't I think of that? But stop snooping on me and Anon, we can just get you your own date with him!">You're so focused on finishing the final few puffs that you completely miss Bonbon's scowl and Octavia shaking her head.>You pop the final puff into your mouth as you finish.>Delicious!"Hrnnngh">"Come on, just a little further-""Argh!">"You're doing just fine!""How much more...?""There. Perfect.">Redheart let's go of your outstretched arm and you drop it immediately.>You'd think you would be used to the soreness in that arm by now.>"You know, you'd be a lot less sore if you just wore your sling, Anon.""Yes, ma'am.">"Don't ma'am me. I'm friends with some of your mares, I know you haven't been wearing it, and I know they've been after you about that.""What do you want me to say?">"Don't say anything. Just wear your sling.""Yes, dear." you sigh. "At least it wasn't stiff." >"Your mares might have preferred that.">Ha!>Wait.>Did she just->Before you can form a reply, she takes hold of your arm again and stretches it out.>Gently, but firmly.>And quickly!>Too quickly!"Ow ow ow!">She holds it there while smiling innocently.>"If only you'd worn your sling, this would be easier, Anon." she coos "But ya didn't, so this is just how it has to be.""Alright, I get it!">"I know you do, but I wasn't just picking on ya, we really do have to do all this." she says, patting your leg. "So show me that tough hoofball player Roseluck tells me about while we do these, eh?">Uhhhh"Flitter! How are ya?" you call out as the pegasus nears your apple stand.>"I'm fine, thank you! How's the farm?""Doin' great, as always. Apples are big business this time of year." you chuckle "But say, you got a minute for me to ask ya somethin'?">She leans in and nods. >You put up the "Back in 5" sign and motion back behind the apple cart.
>>35658713"What the hay happened with Anon and Cloudy th' other night?">"Oh, that..." she says, visibly deflating. "Well, what do you want to know?""The whole story." >"Well, okay..." she starts.>It takes her a while to get going, but once she does she tells you /everything/ she knows.>"And I heard he had to go all the way to Canterlot to apologize to Princess Celestia herself! All because of me...""Well shucks, Flitter, don't blame yourself for what your sister did! And I think that's a good sign if Anon went through all of that for you!">"I hope so..." she gasps "Did I say that aloud!?" >"Say what aloud?" Rainbow Dash asks, dropping in beside you. "We were just talkin' about the fight the other night.">"Aw yes! I heard Anon held his own even though he was already hurt! Now that's tough!""And it sounds like he went all the way to Canterlot just to dodge a Sparkle Lecture.">"Ha! Yeah, I bet he did! I know I would!" Rainbow laughs. "So when are you going to tell your bitch of a sister to buzz off?""Rainbow!">"What?">"I, um, I..." Flitter's wings drop as her shoulders sag "I just don't know how.""Now there, this ain't as easy to do as some ponies might think." you reassure her, throwing a look at Dash. "Family ties are strong, after all.">"I know she wants what's best for the family, but she's...she's wrong! She's wrong and won't admit it!">Sitting down beside her as she starts to cry, you put an arm around her as Rainbow walks over.>Wrapping a wing around each of you, she does her best to help."Now don't you worry, Flitter, it'll all work out.">"She-she made her nest! She should have to lie in it!" she sniffles "I hate being the good daughter! I hate it!""Shhhhshshshsh. I know, being responsible ain't easy. It ain't easy at all.">"When do I get my turn?" she asks no one in particular. "When do I get to just do whatever makes me happy?">"Hey now, you have every right to be happy!" Dash objects "Nopony can stop you from doing that!"
>>35658718>"B-but what about Cloud-">"Forget about her!" Rainbow interrupts. "How about this: AJ and I will distract your sister so you hang with Anon in peace. Does that sound like a plan?""Rainbow...">"You'd...you would do that...for me?">With a sigh, you squeeze Flitter."We can tell Anon likes ya, and you seem to like him. We're all friends, so of course we'll help y'all out.">"Just tell us when and we'll take care of Cloudchaser!">"Th-thanks. I mean it." Flitter says, standing up. "A chance to have a real date with Anon...wow! I have to come up with a plan!""Now that's the spirit!">"Go get 'im, girl!">"Thanks! I'll let you know as soon as I know what I'm going to do!" with that, she takes off into the sky.>The two of you watch her disappear before you turn to Rainbow."Hey Rainbow?">"Yeah?""How the hay are we s'pposed to distract Cloudy?">Sitting in your office after your first therapy session you pour yourself a glass of bourbon."That went pretty well.">Taking a sip of firewater you turn your attention to the latest set of calculations from the Foundry.>The custom beams are doable, albeit more expensive than expected.>The ornamentation is now just barely within budget.>Of course, these ones here in the center will be behind trees and stuff.>You could save a few bits by just using plain beams there...>Yeah, give yourself some breathing room in the budget.>You'd hate to have to go back to Canterlot and fundraise.>Ugh, charity galas are the worst.>Well, maybe you could take one of the girls.>You promised Lyra she could go next time, but would she even want to go for a charity ball?>Taking a red pencil you begin to scribble in changes as you swig a bit more whiskey.>Lyra would be fun though. >Rose is the obvious choice, of course.>Composed and dignified, she would be the idea companion for such a thing.>Plus she knows a lot about flowers and gardens which would help.
>>35658725>Both Aloe and Lotus would probably weather the boring niceties of a charity gala better than Lyra (and both would make sure the trip was a good time) but in the end...Roseluck.>Yeah, she'll have to tag along if you have to go.>Maybe by then you'll have another mare?>Or three?>That could change things tremendously.>Flitter...Flitter is the best lead you have -sister problems aside- though you can't imagine her being terribly helpful with this sort of thing.>She's a smart mare -and cute to boot- but she is neither an architect, landscaper nor a skilled socialite.>So probably not helpful.>What other mares?>Roseluck seems to think that Twilight is interested.>Ha!>Oh Twilight, you're so adorkable.>You refill your glass as you turn to the next page of drawings to continue editing.>Twily'd either be really helpful or really not...she either impresses people with her knowledge or bores them with it.>There is no middle ground.>Either way, they're going to have to listen to her.>Apparently it's impolite to ignore a princess, and poor Twiggles doesn't have the grace to notice when she starts to monologue.>Ah, but as Rarity recently reminded you- she means well!>Turning the page and taking another sip, you continue your mental multitasking.>...Let's just move this path a little bit out...there we go...>Anyways.>Where were we?>Oh right, Rarity and Twilight.>There *is* always Rarity.>Any stallion in Ponyville would kill to put a ring on that.>And she really gets you, more than most ponies.>She'd know how to win over the rich ponies at a gala too!>Yeah, she's a complete class act.>You should go see her, maybe pick up Sweetie from school one day or something.>Ugh, the engineers at the foundry changed those joints back to rivets again.>You told them twice they had to be welded!>Twice!>There will be no compromises on the main supports!>Unbelievable.>If Rarity were here, she would understand.
>>35658734>You know...>...>...you kind of think Octavia would too.>The way she carried herself the other night at the party, and the way she talks to Lyra...>She's kind of somewhere between Roseluck 'n Rarity.>Prim and Proper and all of that.>But also graceful.>And serious!>But refined.>And then that dinner in Canterlot...she's just a normal pony too.>She might get you.>Of course she would!>She's a musician and a composer! >Artsy types all get having 'a vision'.>She'd get it.>Next time she's in town, you should introduce her to Rarity. >They'd get along.>Hmmm, time to focus for a bit.>Gonna have to do math."So how about next week sometime? >"Lyra...""Please Bonnie? Don't you want to be in the Herd with me?">"It isn't about you, Lyra, I just-""You don't like Anon!?">"I never said that either.""Whyyyyyy?">"I haven't even said no." Bonnie growls, a surefire warning that she's moving from grumpy to angry. "But you're not listening to me.">You promptly plop your plot on the couch and await her next move.>"I just don't know what I want. And I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into a Herd after... I'm just not ready.""You have to start looking again eventually though, riiiight?">"Who says I'm not?""But you just said-">"I said I'm looking, not that I'm really doing anything... yet. Kind of. It's complicated.""Is it thoooooough?">"Yes.""Is it-">"Lyra...""I know, you want to take it slow after last time... but I just don't want you to miss your chance!">"Is is really so much of a rush?""Nnnngh...maybe? I don't know. Probably.">"You don't sound very sure of that." she says, walking into the kitchen "I'm willing to take my chances.""But you will give him a chance, right?">"You really won't drop this?">You shake your head vigorously.>"Alright. One date. I don't promise anything else.""Yes!" you shout, jumping on the couch. "You promised! Don't think I'm going to forget that!"
>>35658741>"Just like you didn't forget about this chocolate coating for the cream puffs?" she says, indicating a bowl on the counter.>Dang it!>Hooooo-kay>That's enough of that for today.>You've been working so long that you've sobered up and your arm stopped hurting!>Man, Redheart really put you through your paces today.>And got a little hoovsey with you!>Maybe that's just how PT works though.>She was thorough, you won't deny that.>And gently lecturing and shaming you the /entire/ time about wearing your sling.>Oh, right.>Where the hell did you put that...?>There it is!>Her accent is pretty cute when she slips up.>Just little bits of backwoods peaking through here and there.>Maybe physical therapy won't be so bad after all?>Heh.>Looking out the window you guesstimate that you have about two hours of daylight left.>Pulling your sling on and then a coat, you resolve to head out to see how the house it coming along.>Opening the door, you nearly walk straight into Aloe's outstretched hoof. >Good thing you didn't, because there probably isn't physical therapy for that.>"Anon!" she chirps, leaping forward to hug you. "How are you?">Leaning down, you wrap your arms around her and plant a kiss on her forehead. "Doing great now that you're here.">"Where are you going?" she says, falling back on her hooves and eyeing you up and down."To check on the house. You want to come with?">"Sure!">It's a chilly but uneventful walk to the House.>Aloe talks about work and balancing the books and how Lotus handled the schedules for this week and they are just terrible.>It's fun to let her vent a little, you get the impression that she doesn't have a lot of outlets she feels she can talk about her sister to.>Not that there are problems there.>Just little annoyances.>That occur on a daily basis.>And have been occurring for years."So why do you even let her near the schedule at this point?">"I can't do /everything/ Anon."
>>35658744"Just book her for more appointments than you, and make up the time balance with extra administrative work.">"Anon, I'd love to. I've even suggested it. Lotus thinks I'm overreacting.""Hmmm.">"Yes, hmmm.">As you contemplate how to convince Lotus to hand over the back of house duties, you reach the gate.>Holding it open, you follow Aloe through and into the yard. >Aloe giggles as you make your way inside."What did I do?">"No no, not you." she says, still grinning. "It's just that, Lotus can't manage our simple schedule, and thinks she can challenge Roseluck for the Alpha spot!">You nod, half-listening as you look around.>...hold on a second.>Back that up."She thinks what!?"...And that concludes another chapter of Herd. Chapter binned here: https://pastebin.com/hJjq7WgLConsolidated Story here: https://pastebin.com/ZiQnVzzBMy bin here: https://pastebin.com/u/Hawkeye88
>>35658751I feel bad for Twiggy-Wiggy. She's a good horse, and everyone's giving her the cold shoulder.
>>35658751Yay! It's been so long it took me a bit to remember the story.
>>35660267FROM NEW YORK
>>35660693IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT
>>35661262What, proper fucked?
>>35661338Its hip to fuck bees.
>>35661376ITS HIP TO BE SQUAREhttps://youtu.be/LB5YkmjalDg
>>35662150ITS HIP TO FUCK BEEShttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CvqmD0CZao
>>35664773>wake up>see smol pegasus in your window with a letter for you>wat do?
>>35664889Take my letter and give her an head pat
>>35664032God look at all those split ends.
>>35666138My nuts when i fucked ur waifu lmao
>>35658751Another solid update. Good shit Hawkeye. I honestly never even considered Red for a spot in the herd, though I could see it working I suppose. Though I don't know how much I like Rose trying to fill the remaining spots with sympathizers to help push her to alpha; it's making her look desperate. Wonder how Anon will handle it, if he finds out.
>>35658751Yay! More Herd story. I can't blame Rose for wanting to fill the remaining spots quickly. It looks like Redheart will throw her cap in after all. The Herd will have plenty of Earth ponies now if Octavia and Bon Bon join too. That could be expected considering they are in Ponyville. Am I reading this wrong or did Lyra's scene hint that Bonnie might be interested in Hazel? I'm happy that Filtter is going to take some initiative. She's a sweet mare. I'm glad Lyra is stepping up her game too. I'm feeling bad for Twilight though. Seems she's straying further into the friend zone. She needs to mare up and tell Anon she likes him and that's part of the reason she invited him over. Oh! She could assume Rose IS the lead mare. She approaches her in some Earth pony tradition to ask permission to court Anon and join the Herd. That could make for a funny scene and get the point across to Anon that Twilight really is interested in him. While Rarity and Anon are kindred spirits, it still feels to me that they see each other as siblings rather than romantically.Thanks for another excellent update. I look forward to reading the next one.
>>35664889Take the letter. Remind her to use the door next time.
>>35666638You should take better care of them pubes
>>35637887A lego stopmotion film parody of Aladdin.>Rainbow dash as the Genie>She likes carpet>Twilight as Jafar>The diamond is the cum potion>Iago played by the owl>Spike plays Apu>The transformation joke has among others the dog version.>The elephant is Twilicorn.>In the original Iago helped with the diamond>I think we'll omit that scene in my version>The guy that punishes the princess is Lyra (pony or EQG version)>Cave of wonders is anon>Seeds of harmony (or whatever it was they planted) takes the place of the scarabs>When they plant the seed the tree of harmony grows up and they drag up the roots to follow them to the cave>It's all made of crystals so the tree just tips over and it turns out the cave was right next to them fully formed; they just never looked>Jasmin is played by Twilights doll>Pinkie Pie as Carpet>Pinkies tazzels razzles when her Pinkie sense kicks in>My front left/right tazzles are are razzling in a clockwise/counterclockwise motion! Someone is about to get their eternal reward D:10 000 years ago:>Hey anon, can you watch this for me? I'll be right back...Alternative casting:>Genie is played by chocomilk and wants to choco Carpet>Carpet is played by Rainbow Dash>Twilight is Apu and is a freaky little gremlin that ain't right in the head. Just an embarrassment to us all>Twilight is Aladdin for the sake of the princess joke.
>>35658751Well, 2 updates a year is more than one! And definitely more than being dead. Just fucking drop by once a month or so and announce that you are not dead.>But we can pick this up again>You better take care of herThe first implicit mention of sex I caught in your green!>I don't want to cook.At least she is straight forward.>She should support her stallion!Lotus has an interesting viewpoint on this. I thought Rose did support him. Even if she scolded him for the fight, that does not mean she does not support him. Preventing him from doing something stupid is support.>cuddle in exchange for sweetsNow he needs to find each of their scritch spot! Human hands are unbeatable!>admires how you stood up for herJust don't let it be the "first person who stands up for me so I fall in live" type.>alpha mare LotusShe won't be *that* bad, she runs a spa! So there is some responsibility in her.>Lyra bakingI hope there is a fire extinguisher nearby.>Tavi helpsSmall way to show gratitude, Lyra might not even realize that.>I want to show him that I've got what it takesShe wants that spot. At least she came to the conclusion of filling the herd.>Herd is fullBut Anon is the one deciding when it's full. On paper its 7, but what if he wants 8 or 9?>he feels he rushed in with usNo shit. But they talked about human and pony courting lengths already. She has the answer.>She's a good mare. Rose starting to select the mares herself might come out wrong.>"Hey, I just work for the lady. You know how she is."Heh.>"Just for moi? Why I'm flattered."I know she does not want to be part of Anon's herd but she does not act like someone who rejects the idea completely.>Rarity & Sparkle lecturesHm. She might need one to find out what it is!>"It's an inside joke that the whole town is in on."Expect Rarity it seems.Cont.
>>35669540>but it feels so strange to be so...idleShe could help out designing some of the interior of the house!I'm sure Anon will hate it.>Hugs fix everything.I would like if it be true.>borrowing his apartmentSilly pony. Already giving away Anon's stuff.>trying to prove how domestic she isAt least she is not yet plan to be the alpha mare.>we can just get you your own date with himThat will be fun.>I'm friends with some of your mares, I know you ...And yet, she can still keep a secret about Rose's plan.>"I hope so..." she gasps "Did I say that aloud!?" Heh.>Family ties are strongIt depends. Their tie seems one directional. The other direction is a strong reflection, which might disappear if Cloud Chaser stops acting like a helicopter.>"How the hay are we s'pposed to distract Cloudy?"There is a game she plays you know? Challenge her.>go back to Canterlot and fundraiseOr go back to the Princesses and ask for a loan. Or to a bank.Also if he would already selected his mares the mares have money too. Does not have to support everything on his own anymore.>Any stallion in Ponyville would kill to put a ring on that.I'm sure she would not be easily accept any stallion. She has standards.>changed those joints back to rivets againRivets can be stronger. Ofc it depends on the material. But some are weakened by the welding process. Also rivets allow some movement, preventing cracks from forming.>Octavia, BonbonAt the end half of the herd will be "Lyra & friends".>schedules for this week and they are just terribleNo schedule is terrible if its doable.>she can challenge Roseluck for the Alpha spot!When will Anon realize that his mares wont stop until one of them gets the alpha spot?Thanks for the update!
>>35658021A shame she was introduce just to get married.It made it hard to waifu her.
>>35670351Well then it's a good thing Shining is such a cuck, huh?
>>35670431Not him, but I kind of headcanon the running gag that fanartists The Weaver and Jargon Scott created, of Shining, Cadence, and Chrysalis in a three-way marriage, in which the girls bicker about whose turn it is to cuddle with him tonight, and prank one another mercilessly whenever he isn't there to make them play nice.
>>35658809>>35659345>>35662901Glad you're enjoying it!>>35670305Seriously?
>>35666850We don't know Redheart very well yet, do we? That will have to change if she's got any chance at all. And the questions of course are: Will Anon find out? Will Anon think she's taking initiative or taking control?
>>35668107It's been a thought in my mind that there hasn't been enough "old pony tradition" in the story as of late, but now that you mention it maybe what I should really look at it Earth pony vs Pegasus vs Unicorn traditions. Overall, you're quite observant, I'll give you that. Glad you're enjoying it so far.
>>35670466Hey I never said I was you, just that he was welcome for it.
>>35669547>>35669540Much to my chagrin, I think I am best known for my contributions to SiM. When I first conceived Herd, I promised myself that there would be no smut scenes or at least not until the entire thing is complete.You have also picked up on many things, which gives me hope that I'm not as bad of a writer as I sometimes think I am. The one thing that you seem to have misinterpreted is the fundraising thing. Anon isn't personally financing the botanical gardens, he'll just have to make an appearance at fundraising events as the well-known architect designing the project. "Lyra & Friends" could be a really fun Herd concept where Anon is in a committed relationship with Lyra when he is told he has to form a herd. Lyra's solution is to just start setting Anon up on dates with all of her friends. Someone should write that.Glad you're enjoying the story so far!
>>35637887Thanks to a magical exploration mission gone wrong Twilight ends up in Africa and is kidnapped by warlord/dictator Anon. At the urge of his voodoo advisor Incognito he paints himself purple, sticks a purple rhino horn on his forehead, and painted purple ostrich feathers on his back. Threatening to torture Twilight he travels back to Equestria and with the help of his voodoo advisor convinces the ponies that he, a six foot black male, is Twilight Sparkle after a magical accident. Shenanigans occur and he conquers Ponyville and drafts the cmc as child soldiers to try to conquer Canterlot. The M5 go obliviously along with this, he is actually transformed into Twilight after he drinks a magical potion from Zecora, then tries to genocide zebras for cultural appropriation and shiet. Meanwhile Twilight Sparkle seizes control of his army on the other side and creates a modern technologically advanced state.
Thanks to everyone who is still following this story. I do hope you're all enjoying the ride still. I guess I can pop in once and a while to let y'all know I'm not dead. You can always message me on pastebin, email me or ask Fapman (he's my official advice ferret).
>>35670585Would be pretty based, do it. Even if you're writing's shit, it'll be something
>>35637887everything in my ideas .doc and unfinshed folder
>>35670613>You are African Warlord Anon.>The villagers fear you.>The women, forcefully, love you.>The soldiers obey you.>The money flows like a great river towards you.>You are watching a funny video on your expensive computer while you ‘listen’ to Incognito, your most trusted advisor, speak.>”...Essentially, that’s how 16th century horse husbandry and sympathetic interrogation methods are linked. That’s why we must extract more spiritual power from the Kukumbe through rape-”“That’s it Incognito! A strong motorized offensive mounted by our child soldiers will allow us to easily conquer the baby-eating Kukumbe!”>He nods and takes out a pipe from his rich robe and smokes it.>His eyes glaze over drool slips from his mouth.>"My prophecy is this... within two months the Kukumbe will be humiliated-”>*flash*!>You can’t see!>In the middle of his words a bright light directly above your $8000 table blinds you.“Guard’s!” you yell.>A small purple horse.>It stares at you.>You blink.>It blinks and has bad breath.>”Hello! My name is Twilight Sparkle and I-”>Incognito screams and faints.“D-d-demon! Guard’s! Guard’s!” you yell.>It’s horn lights up, “I don’t know what you’re doing but-”>You respond by grabbing your marble discipline rod and bonking it on the- on the horn?!>It immediately falls onto the ground.>You quickly order your soldiers to bring you rope.>Time for sympathetic horse interrogation...>>35637887I was also doing this ‘Mongolianon’ story and was getting slowed down by both confusion about how to organize the plot, Lyra, and trying to make it not dumb. I was going to have Evil Anon and Celestia was going to force Mongolianon to go back home. I was also going to introduce a (secretely)Jewish Nazi Anon and a Black cowboy larper who would have rescued him(via gun) and run into the Everfree and meet the real Grogar and have a silly SOL adventure while the M6 chase them and Evil Anon takes over Equestria. I think it was to ambitious.
>>35671206Not bad! How quickly Twilight was taken out was a little silly but if that's just the kind of story you wanna write (i.e. short, blunt, and silly) that's fine. Just...>Guard'sPlease for the love of god stop using the apostrophe when making things plural. Seriously, if you don't understand when you're supposed to use it, it's better to not use it at all than to stick it in places it shouldn't be.
>>35671233Sorry mang. I wrote this at like 3 in the morning, head-meat linguistic processor blue screened. Those are definitely valid criticisms though and I totally shit this out quickly. I was gonna have try a whole thing where Twilight meets a regular Zebra and tries to talk to it and then a military truck would have nabbed her, a super magical alicorn... somehow? So I threw that idea away.I'll probably be redoing this first section and thinking about it a bit more before moving on, I didn't want it to be so short/blunt, a little silly though. I really wanted to just get something out. If you could give any thoughts about reworking this starting bit before I move on that would be great.
>>35671274Oh, well if you didn't intend to write something blunt and fast then basically just use this >>35671206 as a sort of outline and expand it into a "full" scene. If you didn't want it to be silly, then cut back on stuff like>It blinks and has bad breathEither make it a little more eloquent as if it's an important expository detail or cut the mention of breath entirely>Incognito screams and faintsPeople really don't faint very easily IRL unless they have a medical condition.>You respond by grabbing your marble discipline rod and bonking it on the- on the horn?!Break this up into several lines where Anon realizes it has a horn, figures he must attack because >logic, make the attack a little more serious and dramatic... etc.
>>35671278>You respond by grabbing your marble discipline rod and bonking it on the->grabbing your marble discipline rod>your marble discipline rod>marble discipline rodOh, is THAT what you're calling it now?
>>35671278>Either make it a little more eloquent as if it's an important expository detail or cut the mention of breath entirelyNot the author, but that was the only line in the entire wall-o-text that got so much of a smirk out of me.
>>35673026>ywn lie in poison joke and get yelled at by mares
>>35673026AB looks like she has a trunk.
>>35672429Sure, but he did say he didn't actually want to write something overly silly
>>35674311But does he want to write something sufficiently silly? Authors walk a fine line.
>>35637600Are the pastebin up to date?
>>35674746The pastebins are eight years old. I'm mildly surprised that some of them are still there. More than a few have been nuked.
>>35671206>>35671233>>35671278>You are African Warlord Anon Y Mousse and President of the country of Juliakana.>Amid a civil war you have taken over your small country through an American-backed coup and are currently pacifying Communist dissidents and a troublesome ethnic minority, the Kumbi, who claim to be supporting the previous government.>It’s mostly the Communists who are an issue, but brutalizing villagers that can barely build well, anything, is great.>You love your job.>You sit in the presidential office dressed in a gaudy suit talking to your Advisor, Minister of Science and Education, State Magician, distant and obese relative, Incognito, who is also dressed very well but not as well as you, as is custom.>”…So that is how spirit Juju relates to 15th century Japanese horse husbandry as seen on the Japanese cartoon ‘Byūtifuruhōsu: Ekuserentoadobenchā’. Any questions?”“No, not really,” you say as you look overhead at a cat juggling on a unicycle on your 16k resolution overhead TV.>”You really should watch Byūtifuru on that-”“No thanks. >You recline on your plush chair and lay your feet on the presidential table, “Anything about our continued war effort?”>"Really?" he says with a frown.>…>”Alright, not that I’m mad but...” he says.>“Whatever. I'm sure we'll be able to achieve victory within a few months.“You know that’s too long! Surely there’s a way to finish the war sooner than that!”>The war must end.>Your dreams await.>Luxurious comfort awaits you and your extended thirty-five-man strong family.>And there's that harem you’ve been wanting to build…>And that all your relatives have been asking you to build for them to...>But your dream is possible!>It must be possible!
>>35675224>”I’m sorry but it would be impossible-““No! It can’t be impossible! Think of something. Anything!”>Incognito glares at you angrily, “Alright, ssssure. I’ll need a chicken and… two gallons of human blood.”“Why would you need that for a harem?! The blood of our citizens is already being sold for-“>He frowns and sighs before taking a gold pipe out of his pocket and smoking it.>His eyes glaze over.>”It’s for the war… And if you must know… I have an inkling that the god of thunder Azzaca will bless us with the greatest of luck. Just like that plot line in-”>That makes perfect sense! “Soldiers! I require two- no, three gallons of blood! And a chicken, post-haste!” you yell at the doors to your office.>Five minutes pass as Incognito watches his cartoons.>What you demanded is eventually brought to you.>The guard holding the blood bucket looks blankly at you.>”Are you sure sir that… that this will let us win against the baby-eating Kumbi?” the guard says.>”Are you questioning my powers Mr…” Incognito says.>”Mr Tombe Sir! No Sir!”>You snap your fingers and point towards the disrespectful soldier “No sir! Please don’t-” >Two of your other guards take him away and a gunshot is heard a few minutes later.>God, you love your job.>The other two guards come back towards the door and glance uneasily at Incognito.>It seems he has finished his preparations.>Beneath him is blood mixed with chicken entrails in a sickening looking pentagram.“Incognito that does look a tad gruesome-“
>>35675238>”Yes Anon? I know what I’m doing, I will contact the Loa this circle.”“Guards, you may leave. Alright Incognito- That’s a pentagram-“>”Circle, pentagram, same thing,” he grumbles and begins to chant in some ancient tongue unknown to man->What the fuck?!“You’re chanting in Japanese?!”>”I have a process- why am I explaining this to you? I’m the Loa expert!”>You observe the expert as the chanting continues and his robes begin to flow in the wind.>”Yes! I see it! The Thunder Loa appears to me… It tells me that our enemies will be totally pacified within a week!”“How wonderful! Anything else?”>Tens of seconds pass as you wait in anticipation.>He opens his eyes and stares directly ahead, his eyes glowing faintly.>”Yes! Ahead of me I can see a colored horse! It signifies that the earth is-“*FLASH*>A huge light appears in front of Incognito where the pentagram is.>Huh, a horse->A purple horse with wings? And a horn?!>It rubs it’s eyes, hooves stretching unnaturally and begins to stare at you with eyes to large for any horse. “G-g-g-guards! Guns! Guns! D-d-demon! Now!”>You look backwards as your elite soldiers train their American supplied M4 laser sights onto it and->It opens its mouth.>”Hello, sorry to intrude! My name is Twilight Sparkle and this was the most magically active-“>You scream like a little girl and a moment later your soldiers fire their weapons.---So I hope the quality and prose is better, there shouldn’t be any obvious grammar or spelling mistakes and I’ve extended it a bit but any stylistic or plot criticism would still be appreciated before I move forward to much. I hope I’ve struck a better balance between serious/not serious and I’ll try to get towards some more meaty stuff tomorrow. Also Twilight isn't hurt at all.
>>35673026>That upset Twigles
>>35676893Oh boy! A foot race!
>>35678033Don't boop. $350 fine.
>>35637887Anon becomes part of a nomadic tribe of biped dogs (not Diamond Dogs) and basically becomes Genghis Khan. Horses are treated as part of the family, and work together with the dogs to hunt for food, with the horses providing dogs with quick mounts to use bows from, and the dogs protecting the horses and letting them live together under the same yurt.
>>35678297Just learn Shieldbreaker 3, no problems.
>>35678033Come on, just a fingertip.
>>35679549Just the tip?
>>35675242Nice rewrite.cont ?
>>35680020Give em the whole thing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paVX3uexhuo
Anon attempts to modernize the Equestrian cavalry
>>35680704>cavalry>EquestriaDo the ponies ride on horses? On each other's backs? Do they take turns?
>>35680704>Drive me closer! I want to hit the with my spear!"
>>35681462>Drive me closer! I want to gore them with my horn!
>>35680780No they put tanks on ponies. Didn't you look at the picture?
>>35682447Tanks? On ponies? Doesn't it crush their cute li'l faces?
>>35680704We don't have enough Kirin stories.
>>35683341...Wait, do we even have one?
>>35637887Anon is a greentext writer who suffers from being unable to write beginnings. Through some convoluted means he can't remember, despite being able to describe them as convoluted, he ends up in Equestria and finds that he has Ork powers. "if enough Orks believe something is true, then it will actually become so."So, since he becomes the anon he always writes:>Anon has encyclopedic knowledge and immediate recall.Because he always kept the wiki open so he didn't contradict anything on accident.>Anon is immune to magicBecause he always likes the idea, even if it makes no difference to the overall plot, and may sometimed complicate his ability to write.>Anon discovers he is essentially a reality warperBecause that was the last one he was trying to write before he ended up in the story.I picture it feeling like some cross between Adaptation, The Inkheart Series, and Stranger than Fiction.
>>35683951That's.... pretty autistic, yeah. Good job.
>>35683951>Anon is immune to magicSo he's a nearly unstoppable...>Anon has encyclopedic knowledge and immediate recall...genius of unparalleled intellect...>Anon discovers he is essential a reality warper...with the power to bend reality to his will?You've basically made Discord.
>>35684524Yeah but he's an anon, so he won't really achieve anything of note, except being a minor annoyance.Oh.
>>35680780They pull cart taxis, why not chariots? It'd still give the same advantages it gave people
>>35684929Why not both
>>35683951>Anon is a greentext writer who suffers from being unable to write beginnings.Please don't write a story about me.
>>35658751Good stuff Hawkeye. Very happy that this story is still going on. Well, the herd politics are starting to come to a head now; and with Roseluck thinking about padding the herd to capacity to force Anon's decision I'm sure they'll be a big dust-up soon. Since Anon's a pretty smart guy, will he swallow his pride and reach out to Candyass once he realizes how much of the herd politics is starting to creep up on him, especially with that last line where he realizes that Lotus is actively challenging Rose for the lead mare position? Maybe a trip to the Crystal Empire with Twiggles may lead to some solutions and possibly a new herdmate.Speaking of, just to remind me who's all in the herd? Rose, Lyra, Aloe, Lotus are pretty much confirmed, right? So the prospective mares are Flitter and Bonbon (as she's a package deal with Lyra). Is Twi in the running at all since there's been no indication on Anon's part of whether or not he's interested, and Octy seems to have popped up on his radar, same with Red. Looking forward to the next piece, hope it'll be out sooner rather than later.
>>35684668Man, this guy never showed up again.
>>35689342Is this dooting for ants?
>>35688530I mean as far as I remember.
>>35637887Does it strictly have to be lone human named Anon in Equestria or are you talking about fanfic ideas generally?
Does anyone know where to find the rejected anon stories? The ones where anon overhears ponies talking shit about him and stuff like that? I feel like reading some drama, but digging for them is tough
>>35692897>I feel like reading some dramaJust go to twitter and search for corona
>>35692906i'm just looking for a kick in the pants, not total loss of faith in humanity
>>35689929If you don't stop being this rude I will have to teach some manners.
Just wanna say thank-you to whoever is archiving the threads these days. Got to do some nostalgia digging tonight. Time to finally sleep.
>>35693339Eeyup, the anons that do that in every thread are fucking heroes
>>35693830Always have been
>>35637887Less an AiE concept than a PiE concept. It came to me when I worked at a local airport a couple years ago.In the middle of a winter storm, a large aircraft suddenly appears on radar at ye local small metro airport and abruptly lands. Aircraft is enormous, 747-sized, and only very approximately airplane-shaped, brightly colored and, when viewed more closely, encrusted with enormous gemstones. There is movement visible through windows but they don't respond to attempts at communication by radio.Someone volunteers to go out in one of the big cherry-picker trucks they use for spraying de-icing chemicals and go up and knock on the windows and try to establish communication. He discovers: ponies!There was a storm. They're lost. It's one of the Royal Air Yachts and there's a Princess on board, and a number of passengers and crew. They're a bit low on food, too.Couldn't get further with the idea of the viewpoint human character driving to a nearby 24-hour supermarket and loading the pickup truck with crates of fresh produce for the surprise guests.
>>35694330I warned you.
>>35694817I like the idea. I'd love to read it. First thought that came to my mind is a PiE version of BikerPon3's "Slipstream".
>>35695242Watch out we got a badass
>>35695275>BikerPon3's "Slipstream".>k>google it up>it's on FIMfiction>...transgender TF? seriously?y u do dis?
>>35696481I don't think you're looking at the one I'm thinking of. It doesn't have any TF that I remember.>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/224118/slipstream
>>35696703>Incomplete>2 years ago
>>35696703Well now I wanna see what this guy >>35696481 found. How many stories titled "Slipstream" by a user named "BikerPon3" can there possibly be?
>>35696703>>35696715I glanced at the description and it said something about the viewpoint character turning into a female pegasus, so I did a 360 and tactically moonwalked out of there, NOPE-ing as hard as I could.
>>35696725No, it says the MC becomes the "unlikely companion of the many mares of the Wonderbolt Academy." Basically, He has to perform the duties of an academy Relief Stallion because one of those stallions got sucked into the jet engine of the plane the MC was piloting.
>>35696713Yes, sorry for subjecting us to yet another incomplete story.
>>35697525>Anon starts his own business>Ponies feeling a bit lonely can hire him to be their personal cuddler for the night>No sexual stuff, just cuddling and lots of positive comments to make the pony feel happy
>>3569777129.95 plus tip
>>35697771I'd do that. Also, there's something similar on FimFic."Affection Therapy" by Blaze wing>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/357981/affection-therapy
>>35697771>No sexual stuff,>"Anon, what are 'special huggies?'"Twenty bits, same as in town."
>>35697771Spending all day hugging ponies sounds pretty nice. What's the catch?
Requesting a cute unicorn stewardess wearing a vintage stewardess uniform, giving the safety briefing on a plane full of human passengers, saying "And in the event of an emergency water landing, or, as we like to call them, surprise pool parties, under your seat you will find a life jacket, an inflatable floatie, and a pool noodle."
>>35699591>Be an cute unicorn stewardess wearing a vintage stewardess uniform.>Giving the safety briefing on a plane full of human passengers.>"And in the event of an emergency water landing, or, as we like to call them, surprise pool parties, under your seat you will find a life jacket, an inflatable floatie, and a pool noodle."
>>35699591Here you go, friend >>35677268
>>35700428aw shucks.I have several /mlp/ threads open. why do I keep posting stuff in the wrong ones?
>>35699591What da zog.
>>35702509My Little Pony: Boops are Magic
>>35686546Anon is very busy, I don't know that he has the time to go all the way to the Crystal Empire. Plus he hasn't taken Lyra or Lotus anywhere, should he really go off gallivanting with a mare outside the Herd?The four he has asked so far are:RoseluckLyraAloeLotusPlenty of mares in the running for a dwindling amount of available space.
>>35699562>What's the catch?Constant threats from Cadence.
>>35702538She looks pretty good.
>>35703088As long as they're not fucking with the car, house family or petsts its just noise
>>35699591Here you go, friend 2, electric boogalooMore of her art https://derpibooru.org/tags/artist-colon-taytinabelle
>>35704535Thanks for coming through. I think I speak for everyone here when I HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG *ded from cute*
>>35702980Not that Anon. Yeah, Anon really should take Lyra or Lotus somewhere first. Actually, if there is a fundraiser for the new project then maybe Lyra AND Octavia could accompany Anon to Canterlot. They can settle Octavia into his apartment and the girls can play a set for the fundraiser.Thanks again for the update.>>35704535Most excellent.
>>35637887Silent hill 2, but with Anon and ponys, but I dont know a thing about writing horror though. So I guess I'll just draw for now.
>>35705175I guess it would make sense if Anon had some kind of repression from his childhood which crops up as ponies. Probably the failure of having a childhood? Not experiencing friendship or something rather?We could go further with it and implement horror by having one of the ponies acting maliciously, popping up randomly to force Anon into a hug until his bones break/head pops off depending on where the pony latches onto.Of course, we'd be teetering on a fine line of proper horror and 'much edge, wow' and 'haha, guts go spurt!'
>>35705175>>35706258SaltAnon pulled it off pretty well and that says a lot coming from me as I DO NOT like the horror genre at all. Granted he also included a heavy dose of psychological thriller and wasn't all just edge for the sake of it.
>>35706288Where'd he go anyways? Did he burn himself out with writing so much or just switch threads?
>>35706418IDK but I wish them well.
Another successful oats raid.
>>35708684>when even Berry Punch takes a dim view of your drunken shenanigans
>>35709691For a sec I thought she had some looooong legs
>>35710131I'M WORKING ON MY STORY, FUCK OFF
>>35711075>that smug unicornhnnnnnnnnnng
>>35711059I should be
>>35711212So do it.
>>35637887Guard Anon befriends Shining Armor, woos Cadence, and struggles to deal with the fallout of potentially mucking up a should-have-been political marriage.
>>35714726Twinkle Sprinkle is capable of the unthinkable.
Are there any Moondancer greens?
>>35715336You can make one.
>>35715336I found two saved on Derpibooru. https://derpibooru.org/images/959213 is strictly clop, https://derpibooru.org/images/1145906 is. uh. It's not clop. You'll probably hate it. The fans did.
>>35714726Fubters is pretty ok with this
Is pastebin down for any of you guys? Was gonna save some green I started to make, but the site 503s.
>>35716503Working fine for me
If humans sometimes joke about mistaking a cat for a meatloaf, what do ponies say about pet cats? Ponies don't eat meatloaf.
>>35716503It's been intermittent all day, they're changing system side stuff.
>>35716659People joke like that?
>>35717506Just the retarded ones
>>35717970I call it the meatloaf stance
Bear with this one, fancied a cold opening on a pony."Gimme another.">The barpony obliges and slides a full shot glass across the bar at you.>You barely let it reach you before you ensnare it with your magic, bring it to your snout and knock it back. >Another cough tries to work its way up your throat but you mercilessly beat it back, reducing it to a mere hiccup. >Your magic drops the shot glass on the bar a little too forcefully.>Not like it matters, the place is empty this time of night. >All of Ponyville is sound asleep and ready for the working day ahead.>Not you, though. Your working days are done.>You hoof the shot glass forward, slouch forward onto the bar, and close your eyes as your vision wavers. "Gimme another.">Don't think about it, you tell yourself. You came here to forget.>So what if your body is trying to tell you to stop. Celestia knows you need this right now.>You open your eyes after a while when you realise no freshly pulled shot glass has been slid back to you.>You raise your head and squint at the bartpony glaring down at you.>"Don't you think you should be taking your time, sweetflanks?">You wave a hoof dismissively and slouch further on the counter."Just fill it up. I'm paying for it, aren't I?">The bartender shrugs. "You may be paying but I ain't up for cleaning up your puke. I'm cutting you off after this one.""Yeah yeah, go bleed your heart out somewhere else.">As soon as you hear the sound of the shot glass sliding you grab it and down it, ignoring the bartender's huff as he shuffles away.>You lost track of how many shots you have plowed through.>None of them quell the rising despair inside of you. >The words of the letter swim inside of your head, taunting you even hours after you'd read them.>Regret to inform you of our decision>Necessary changes to payment procedure>unsustainable investment
>>35718114>And when ask them about it to their face, they have the brass to tell you that you are...unsustainable!>The heck does that even mean?>You grind your teeth and fight the stinging in your eyes.>Dear Luna why does the drink never help?>You want to fling your glass at the nearest wall. Stomp and scream. Hurt everypony.>You look across the bar to the barpony drying a glass by hoof.>You imagine your shot glass plowing straight through the back of his skull.>Your cough reasserts itself and thankfully knocks your train of thought away, as well as the sudden guilt of what you were thinking.>Maybe you are just not drunk enough yet?>The front double doors to the bar open.>In walks the tall freaky monkey creature you have seen wandering around Ponyville for the past year.>Anon, wasn't it?>You were a little curious about him, but kept your distance. >The monkey creature slides into the stool next to you and lets out a shuddering breath.>You hope he does not start talking to you.>You look down at the shot glass you were about to put through the barpony's skull.>The last thing you need right now is something crying on your shoulder.>You are Anon.>Horse land sucks.>You kind of worked that out the first week you were here, but now you are making it official. >Horse land is boring. And it sucks. And it's boring.>And it is all thanks to the insidious six. Those so called bearers of harmony.>Oh, they loved to be friendly the first few weeks of your arrival. But once all the hype died down, they left you out in the cold.>Every single one of them claimed to be too busy to hang out with you.>Well, most of them.>Rainpoop Dash said you were too boring to hang out with her.>Fuckershy said you were too scary.>You don't even remember what Rarity said but you bet she was just as much of a jerk.>The message was clear, your so-called friends could not wait to get away from you.>You are still salty about it months later.>Fuck it, who needs them.
>>35718116>You decided it is high time to start drinking. Heavily.>You have treated yourself to some cider once in a while but nothing to really push yourself into oblivion.>Plus you swore off cider just to get back at AJ.>You're not petty.>But you really need a drink right now. Today was your anniversary of getting stuck in this shithole of a dimension.>Are you that desperate that you'll turn to the everypony's watering hole, Anon?>You asked yourself this as you found the closest bar in Ponyville.>The Twisted Hydra.>With a name like that, the water better be damn good. >You had waited until the dead of night to find this place, figuring you could avoid crowds and stares and a certain six ponies that way.>Entering, you pick a barstool and sit, thankful that the place is also dead.>You huff out a breath and try to chill as you eyeball the approaching unicorn bartender.>He stands across the counter at you, placing down a half full shot glass.>"Welcome to the Twisted...what are you, some kind of human?""Yep, that's me.">Without thinking, you grab the shot glass and knock it back, closing your eyes and humming at the swift burning sensation.>As you open them again, you see the bartender give you a perplexed look."S'good shit. What drink was that?">"Drain cleaner.">You immediately start gagging and thumping your chest.>You quickly stop once you realise the bartender is chuckling into a hoof."Sorry there human. Couldn't resist. Funny gag I pull on all the newbies. It's just our standard mixer.">You slide the shot glass back to him with a frown."Whatever it was, more please.">You resist the urge to call the bartender a faggot until he poured your second shot and moved away. >You give it some time to take the shot, examining the decor of the bar as you do.>Seems a good place. Not too cutesy like the rest of the town.>Turning to look to your left at the private booths, you note the hardwood floor is surprisingly dirty.
>>35718117>Even Sugarcube Corner's floor was nice and clean of any sprinkles.>You feel your frown deepen at the thought of Pinkie and by extension her friends.>Fuck em, you repeat to yourself mentally.>You just got to get used to coming here and drinking your life away.>Who needs a life anyway.>You now turn to look to your right, and you notice the unicorn slumped next to you.>Strange, you must have missed her when you came in.>Although most of her face is obscured by her white mane, she's clearly having a staring contest with her empty shot glass."Hey there.">No response."Um...">Nothing."Hey?">"I heard you the first time.">Nice. Progress."Come here often?">The unicorn turns her head to glare at you from under her bangs.>Yeesh."Guess not.">Thankfully she turns the glare away from you towards the barpony, and you are spared further embarassment at upsetting this stranger. >You wave the barpony over and he once again fills your glass, though for some reason does not do the same for the unicorn. >Out of the corner of your eye you see her glance wistfully at the shot.>You wonder why she is not drinking yet clearly wants to.>Your mind drums up 'Designated driver' as an option, which is dumb. Nobody else is here and who drives a carriage in this town?>Noticing the way she returns to glaring at the barpony, you surmise she must have been cut off.>You slide the shot over to her with a wink."This one's on me, 'kay?">The unicorn blinks at you, then eyes the barpony standing at his station.>She quickly dunks back the shot with her magic in less than a second, with nobody the wiser.>There is a muffled 'thanks', then she returns to staring at her shot glass.>You feel a sense of determination and try again to engage in conversation."What brings you here, then?">There is a pause and you wonder if you should have backed off. However, she lets out a long sigh.>"Sorry. Just...not really in the mood for conversation. Bad week."
>>35718126"Hey don't sweat it, I understand. I'd have taken the hint earlier and backed off but, well, then I'd be stuck with nobody to talk to except for barkeep.">The unicorn just snorts. But it isn't an angry snort, so you're still golden Anon.>Time stretches out between the two of you. You continue to order more shots for yourself and sneaking the odd one to the unicorn. >After a while you are bored of the dead air and fancy another crack at the conversation.>A quick glance at the unicorn's flank gives you an idea.>If there is anything a pony loves talking about, it is their special snowflake status.>With a monkey wrench on her butt, this pony was obviously a worker or engineer.>Ask her about her talent. Discuss your lack of one. Bond. Fullproof plan. "So, what's your special talent?">The pony stiffens instantly. She slowly angles her head round to you, another glare on display.>"What's it to you?">You ignore the sweat trickling down your back."What, can't a guy ask a pony what her destiny is?">The bitter look suggests that you indeed cannot ask her that.>She huffs and rests her head on the bar.>"S'not my destiny anymore.""Come again?">You are genuinely perplexed. You have not come across a pony who did not believe in their talent.>Ever since Twilight's big cutie mark fuck up you did not believe it was even possible. Her friends, even with a mismatched destiny, still thought they could soldier on with what was branded on their flank. "Hey now, don't leave me hanging. How do you figure it's not your destiny?"No answer. Please hang up and dial again."Yo-">"Look, what is your deal!?" The unicorn explodes, slamming a hoof on the table.>You find yourself flinching and holding your hands up."I'm just-">"Hey, quieten down over there!" the barpony calls out from his station.>The mare slings a handful of bits on the bar with a curse and storms out of the bar, slamminh the double doors shut with her magic.
>>35718131>You just sit there and blink.>Good lord this mare.>You wonder how much of what happened was your fault.>Had months of being without friends in this world made you clingy and annoying? A scary thought.>"Alright, closing time.">The fuck?>You are knocked out of your stupor by the barpony's gruff declaration."Wait what? Didn't the sign out front say you were open for another couple of hours?">He does an attempt at an 'oopsie-daisy' shrug.>"Sorry. No point in staying open for just one drunk human and another drunk unemployed unicorn. Plus you're noisy. And I'm tired. And I don't know what that faggot word was that you called me earlier but I imagine it wasn't a good one. So pay up and go.">Well darn. Guess you better sling your hook.>You dig into your pocket and count out some bits onto the counter, then make for the door.>The night air hits you like a punch and you find yourself shiver a little.>You glance up at the night sky and the darkened sign of the bar."Pfft, more like the twisted panties, amirite?">Genius.>You were barely in there for an hour, and the level of drinking was subpar. As such, that was not nearly as funny as it could have been. >You resolve to head to another bar, 'The Gangly Gangplank'.>There were a few dotted around Ponyville but you believe this one to be closer.>You hope what is lacked in name it could make up for in drinks.>As you set out down the street however your plans go quickly astray.>You find a unicorn face down on the pavement. The coat, mane and cutie mark match the angry one who had just stormed out on you minutes ago."Hey, are you ok?">You think you can hear her talking but you are not sure.>You crouch down and touch her shoulder, causing her to jump up to her hooves.>"Huh!? WHa-Oh, it's you.""Yep, that's me.">In an instant she turns and walks away on unsteady hooves. >You watch her go, then sigh and make a quick jog to catch up.
>>35718138>Much as you think she is just a big ball of belligerence and trouble, you are not heartless."Look, are you sure you're ok-">You fail to notice the tension in her shoulders as you draw closer.>"Look, what do you need from me?!" She blurts as she rounds on you."Whoa-">"Are you spying on me?! Is that it?! Well you can tell your mules to shove it up-""Hey! Hey. I have absolutely no idea what you are on about. Relax. I'm just...you look like you need help." >The mare blinks at you but her frown remains. "Right. Ok. Well, I'm fine, and I don't need your help. So buzz off.">And in a flash she's walking away again.>You cannot believe this audacity.>Suddenly you find yourself calling out to her."Apology accepted, by the way!">She stops dead and turns."You know, you were flat out on the ground back there! You're welcome. Maybe next time someone less forgiving can come give you a helping hand, hoof, whatever!">You are actually mad. Plus the few shots you had have not helped."And, and the barkeep said you were unemployed right? Well, not big surprise!">She walks back towards you.>Smooth move Anon, let's trigger the batshit pony. Welp, at least life was fun while it lasted.>You turn and get ready to run just as she faces you. >Yep there's that big ugly frown.>"What you say?">You leg it.>Or you would have, had she not locked your legs in place with magic.>You cringe away as she slowly advances.>"You think I got fired for how I'm treating your big ugly monkey face!?">You shy away as the spit flies.>"It's nothing to do with how I act and EVERYTHING to do with me being the best damn genius they ever knew!""That doesn't seem like a good reason to fire-">Dangit Anon not the time! Can't you see the frown?!>"And the last thing this genius needs is some big freak like you telling ME how to act, okay!? I don't need your pity! I don't need your jokes! I don't...">Oh snap she is crying now.
>>35718142>You stumble forward as the magic around your legs dies out and the pony collapses. She is all sobs and hiccups now.>"I just...I don't want...">You wonder what it is about ponies that tugs at your heart so much.>Granted it is hard to feel anything for this crazy pony who is somehow managing to frown around the tears, but you feel something."Listen, I-">"Just SHUT UP!" She attempts to stand again, fighting back her tears. "Just shut up and go back to where you came from-">She falls over.>You watch her try getting up a couple of times, never quite making it to a full standing position.>You wonder how many drinks she put away before you started sharing your shots?>You consider briefly legging it again, but something makes you watch her continue to struggle. Not entertainment wise, you just feel sorry for her.>After the unicorn failed again, you sigh and walk over. You swiftly pick her up and stand her on her hooves.>She seems to take a moment to process this, but then tries walking away. She falls over again. >You grunt and pick her up again, this time cradling her. She squeaks and flails but resistance is futile.>You had plenty of practice back when you first arrived and every horse wanted a human ride. "Which way is your place?">She stops panicking and pushing at you to glare at you. You roll your eyes."Look, you're out of it and I feel bad. Just point me at your house and I'll drop you off. Then you won't see me again. Deal?">There's a pause and she folds in her limbs, making it easier for you to cup her to your chest. You can see her scrunch and unscrunch her snout before grunting.>"Five blocks that way, turn right, go three more. 'S the one with the popcorn maker on the lawn.">You raise an eyebrow but head off immediately in the direction she pointed.>No ponies cross your path as you make your way through the streets so your passenger is spared some embarassment.>She still lays tense in your grasp, hiding her face under a hoof.
>>35718144>"Can walk just fine" you hear her mumble."I think we got back we can find the plot-shaped hole where you were constantly falling over. Might even become a Ponyville landmark. The famous hole of the sozzled pony.">She jabs a hoof into your chest. "You shut it.""Don't worry, we'll soon get Little Miss Grumbles home.">That earns you a further poke. "'S not my name.""Gee really.">You walk on in silence, then hear her speak."Works.""Beg pardon?""My name...Open Works.">You manage to keep walking as you mull this new factoid over."Your first name is -ngh- Open?">Her hoof jabs into your liver. You deserved it, you could not ask the question with a straight face.>"Every word out of your alien mouth an insult?" She snaps."Look, even in this town with some of the more odd names, don't you think-""S-short for Open-End, ok!?" She almost tips out of your arms as she starts flinging her legs around. "Y'know, like the...the wrench!? My parents...idiots! Family of engineers, but, idiots! Like...my dad...did you know...he bought me tools every birthday until my cutie mark?! That's not RIGHT!!" >She stops yelling when she realises you are desperating holding in a laugh and failing. >She stares at you.>She starts laughing too. A bubbly nerdy laugh."And, and what the heck does sozzled even mean?">You try to kill your chortling and explain the fine human tradition of finding any word to describe intoxication.>However you realise you have arrived at the intended destination.>A run down looking house, junk scattered littered around the perimeter, and..."Hoh wow, you weren't kidding, there is a popcorn maker on the lawn.">The pony stiffens in your graps and suddenly squirms into maximum overdrive.>The severe wriggles causes her to slip out of your grasp, landing with a thud on the ground.>Rather than a repeat of earlier, she gets to her hooves without, standing in front of you and lightly swaying.
>>35718146>"Ok, so, this is me. Um...thanks for bringing me here.">My god she is actually looking bashful now. Ponies and their emotion whiplash."No problem Oppy. Peace out, seeya never.">You do not miss the flick of her ears at the nickname.>You turn on your heel and head back down the street, conscience clear and a spring in your step.>You believe you have enough time to make it to the Gangly Gangplank to find more booze and get fucked up->"H-Hey!">She's calling to you, Anon.>You turn as she trots up to you, still wearing that dumb bashful look.>"Um, so...I've got some...drinks inside, I think. It's something. If you're still up for some, that is. Um, can you even drink cider? I don't know. What can you drink?">You perk up at the sound of cider. Man, how long has it been since you had some?>The thought of AJ's smug face rears up in your mind, making you pause.>You had given up cider to get back at her.You're not petty you swear. She deserves it. >But you miss the cider."Sure. Why not? Sign me the fuck up. Let's get smashed.">She cocks her head. "Smashed? What is-ohhh, that's that human word thing for getting drunk, right?""Trust me you're going to be hearing a lot more-wait a second, why were you at the bar if you have drinks at home?">She just blinks. "I have drinks at home?">Good lord this mare.Done. My fucking god what is proofreading. Will post next update when it's done. This is going somewhere maybe.
>>35718154Is good. And no need to apologize for cold opens, those are the best opens.
>>35718154Very nice. Let's see where it goes.
>>35718154Why do I have a feeling that he will fuck that mare?
>>35719020A blue board?
>>35718154You've piqued my interest. Do continue.
>>35719109>he thinks greentexts on blue boards don't have porn
Is Pastebin down for anyone else?
>>35718154This look really interesting, give me more anon
>>35719399Dubs confirm, pastebin is down
>>35719485This is your fault
>>35719587Hey, I'm not the one who got dubs
>>35719636I am the 400 pound hacker and I have no regrets
>>35719636it's too lateit always was too late
>>35719697I weigh much less and I have all the regrets. That's probably why you don't have any. I have them all.
>>35637887Ironically enough this post may make me start planning it out. It's not really AiE though, nor is it PiE. Basically, Humans have been in Equestria for...a while now. We're aliens that found Equestria and have been studying it in secret. I have a lot of ideas for it that I really want to flesh out. Better now than ever with corona keeping me inside all day. Better use of times to create shit than just play video games.>>35705175Please do this. Or draw more art. Give me an account or whatever you post your art too. I see to little SH inspired stuff for the show.>>35706288Glad my first shot was decent. I was apparently able to help a newfag here find Luna as his Waifu with that fic.>>35706418>>35707838>>35708003My monk story frustrated me. And then corona hit. It actually made me work MORE. I missed several rewatch streams because of work or general exhaustion. My schedule changed again now and I have a lot more free time. So I'll probably do more writing, no promises. Also, other than work distracting me from pone and other general stuff, I've been alright. Trying to draw again.
>>35721535You're making it worse!
>>35722904is she ok
>>35722904Someone call a cop.
>>35721674Im glad you liked it Anon! Thats my first SH inspired picture, but I plan on doing others. You can find my stuff on ponybooru, I dont really post on derpi anymore.
>>35721535I've seen better
>>35724848The best one will always be >>33333333
>>35724160How can that mare be so darn cute?
>>35725636it just do
>>35725636>How can that mare be so darn cute?Craig McCracken's legendary insistence on more butt.
>>35727092Craig McCracken or Butch Hartman?
>>35725705Maid ponies are very cute too.
Anon introduces human politics to Equestria
>>35727493...I'm just gonna assume this is your response to >>35637887
>>35727493It's time for you to go
Reminder ponies have thick whiskers
It is hot tonight. So.... I dunno, here you go.>You can't sleep. God knows you want to, but you can't. And that's because it's too fucking hot. >One thing no one will tell you about Ponyville is that during the summers, it gets hot and doesn't really cool down, even in the evenings or night. You've felt something similar once when you visited LA, and had to sleep in the airport. It wasn't the perpetual smell of urine there that bothered you, or the fact that a small cup of coffee cost nine bucks... yes, even if you avoided the many Starbucks kiosks. It was the fact that, as you curled up on the floor to try to sleep, weeping softly into the musty carpets, designed like a bad early 90's teen jacket in pattern, color, and scent, it was like a sauna. >And honestly, you were afraid to sweat, for fear the very air might give you chlamydia. It was a fitful night of sleep. Even before that one weird dude from Portugal tried to spoon you.>Anyway, you'd still trade a whole week of nights at LAX for one break from the humid, sticky heat that is Ponyville. Instead you lie there, plastered to your mattress, looking up at the ceiling and wishing for the sweat release of death. >As if sensing your misery and wanting to contribute, there's a familiar knock on your door."Guuuuuuuuuuh," you groan out, in way of an answer.>The door opens, and there, as expected, is Twilight. She's smiling, and you'd be terrified by this fact if you weren't so fucking warm. You're afraid that, if you try to get up or run away, the sweating caused by it would finally push you to the point of fainting from dehydration."Still awake, Anon?" she asks.>You slowly turn your head, your hair sticking to your pillow so much that it rotates with you, like a feather-stuffed drool-stained crown. She gazes at your face, unfazed by the sheer ire you're directing at her.(cont
>>35729088"Guessing yes!" she says, then trots over, "Well, I know you don't have fur to help keep you cool, so I figured I might bring you a cool glass of...">You don't give her time to answer. The moment your eyes lock on the tall clear glass with ice cubes, you spring out of bed. With every remaining ounce of your strength, you throw yourself at the glass and drink it down in one gulp."...of vodka.">You cough so hard you're pretty sure one of your tonsils comes with it. Usually you can handle your booze but, when you're not expecting it, 12 tall ounces of vodka right to a dry throat feels like getting shot in the esophagus with a smoke grenade.>Worse, you cough so fast that you don't even have a chance to feel how nice and cool it is before your face heats up again.>Once you stop hacking, you look up to her with a questioning, no, demanding expression. She looks you over, shrugs."Wow, knew you had a drinking problem, but had no idea it was that bad.""Why," you croak out."Just trying to help," she says with a sigh."You are not.">She pauses."Yeah, you're right," she admits, "But I mean, it's so hot I have to find some way to pass late nights.""...by torturing me?""Look on the bright side," she says with abroad smile, "I could be ACTUALLY torturing you, like usual.">You open your mouth, then close it again quickly for fear of inviting down the wrath of Twilight's scientific curiosity. It's probably the best decision you've made recently."Does it ever... ever cool down here?" you demand after a moment."Well," Twilight says, thinking very hard, "Maybe a little. If I run the air conditioner.">There is a long pause as you stare into her eyes. There, you see nothing behind the wide, sparkling orbs. No conscience. No soul. Just hollow, empty cruelty, the likes of which you never found on earth. Never have you been so certain that this is actually hell, and this is your eternal punishment for wiping your nose on a baby in the park that one time.(cont)
>>35729092"Air... conditioning... " you say, as if the words are holy ones.>Twilight rolls her eyes."Well, yeah," she says, "you don't think I'd live in such a big castle without proper heating and cooling, do you?">You approach her on shaking legs, hands outstretched as curled claws. With each step, you feel liquid running down your face and neck, and at this point you're not sure if it's sweat or tears."Why... isn't it... on..." you hiss, each word coming out more forcefully.>The malicious princess just wrinkles her nose."What, and run up my power bill?" she says with a scoff, "Yeah, no thanks.">You let out a guttural noise as you lunge towards her again. She sidesteps you easily and you collapse onto the floor. You are able to turn your head just enough to see her. The vodka rises in your stomach, threatening to come out as you puke your remaining precious bodily essence onto the floor."But.... hot..." you wheeze, acid slipping up into your mouth with each word.>Twilight rolls her eyes and steps out of the way of your clutching hands as you grasp at her legs. She shakes her head and clicks her tongue at you in reproach."Look," she says, "central air doesn't grow on trees you know. Where do you think the power comes from around here? Does it just come out of my wall magically?""You are literally the element of magic.""That's not the point," she snaps, "I'm saving money and the environment.""You dump toxic wastes from your experiments into the swimming hole.""Also not the point," she says with a dismissive wave of her hoof. "The thing is, I just don't think it's worth it to the household. Spike seems to stay cool even in the highest heat, some internal cooling nonsense, and my bitterness and lack of love keeps me cold at night. So you're just going to have to find a way to deal!">With that, she walks to the door, and gives you a scornful shake of her head. Then she shuts the door, leaving you whimpering on the floor.(cont)
>>35729094>There must be something you can do! You think hard, your mind wandering between memories, movie quotes, childhood nudity accidents, and other random thoughts until at last....>Yes. That's it. That's the answer.>It's wrong. It's gross. But it's the only way. If what Twilight says is true, then there's a way for you to stay cool tonight. If it really works that way, that is, but you won't know until you try. At least one night away from the heat, no matter the cost. ---- "Good morning Spike!" Twilight calls as she opens the door to the little dragon's room. "I have experiments to do today, and I need someone to buy candy for the fillies so they don't tell their parents that I...">Twilight trails off into silence as she spots where you're curled up. You look up at her from your tiny, barely-usable hiding space, and smile weakly. You can see rage building in her, and you know this is going to come back on you in the worst way... but it's cool here. Last night, you slept for the first time all week. And it was beautiful."GOD DAMN IT ANON!" she screams in rage, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF SPIKE'S ABDOMINAL CAVITY. HE'S NOT A DAMN TAUNTAUN!""Of course not, those keep you warm.""FUCKING DAMN IT ANON!""Worth it," you whisper as you duck back inside Spike's still cool corpse.>She'll resurrect him tomorrow, and you're sure she's about to absolutely destroy you. But for just one more moment, you can kick back and just enjoy that you cracked open a cold one to beat the heat. -END-Bin: https://pastebin.com/HxeLfn0AFic: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/302326/living-with-twilight-sparkle-is-weirdHope you cool kids are not to warm this summer. I now have to go crawl inside my fridge and cuddle the orange juice and shredded cheese until sleep takes me.Cheers.
>>35637600Was there ever a story with two Anons, and one was named Incognito? He was like Anon's opposite. Successful, powerful, had a wife, etc. There's some sort of grand magic duel between them I think
>”Anon! Look out!” >That’s the only warning you are given. >You look up to see a piano falling towards you. >You have only a split second to react before it lands on top of you, burying you under piles of wooden and broken piano parts. >This would normally kill a regular human, but you aren’t regular. Not anymore. >You feel yourself being pulled from under the wreckage from one of your friends. >Derpy flies down towards you, barely able to back her tears. >”Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry, Anon. Are you okay?” >You check yourself over, assessing the damage. >Aside from the headache you received from having a fucking piano dropped on you, there wasn’t so much as a scratch. >It’s been this way ever since whatever magical mishap brought you here. >Things that would kill a normal human would at worst put you in the hospital for a few weeks. >Being slammed into a wall? Instead of a bloody mess, you would leave a large you-shaped imprint. >Falling from a high place? It would leave you as flat as a pancake. >Being electrocuted? It would comically show your skeleton and leave you charred, but alive, albeit semi-conscious. >You look over at Derpy who is still waiting for you to respond. ”Yes. Yes, I am.” >You are Anonymous. >And you are now a cartoon.
>>35729092>anon takes twelve inches in the throat but starts gaggingHi anonpencil!>>35729658You must be new.
>>35730144Hi anon!I like this alternative title. Nicely done.
>>35729105Kek, thanks anonpencil.>>35729658It's anonpencil. Whaddya expect?
>>35732203That's gonna be a boring tape.
>>35732582Not for Loira, who is a li'l shid.
>>35637887Something about Anon being terminally ill and coming to terms with that as he learns it.
>>35734300I can't believe she's reacting like this when she's the one who got caught breaking into Anon's house to film him while he sleeps.Oh. Wait. Yes. Yes, I can.
>>35732917I'm amazed there's still a market for "Wah wah so sad" fics.
Continuing from >>35718154Will continue in new thread if autosage.In case it's not clear, there's been a time skip.>You are Anon.>It is now drink o'clock.>You are heading over to Oppy's house to enjoy some decent booze.>Almost every friday the two of you have met up at a predetermined bar and enjoyed some quality drinks.>What follows is normally a lot of arguing, laughing, singing, and inevitably getting booted out when the owner has had enough.>You have become fire-forged drinking buddies and this is now the routine.>Tonight however Oppy has opted for a quiet night in. >You do not mind, it helps break the monotony of the bar crawling.>Plus you are pretty sure the two of you have been blacklisted at a number of places now for your actions.>Why else would they all decide to be closed on your drinking day?>At least the Twisted Hydra has not closed its doors on you.>You are pretty sure your days at that bar are numbered though, with the barpony being the colossal asshole that he is.>You round the corner onto Oppy's street and spot her popcorn maker.>As you approach, you are surprised to see it is alive and vibrating furiously, with popcorn inside.>You head on up to the front door and give a knock."Oppy, it's me! Also why is your popcorn maker on?">There is a yelp and the door is yanked open with a flash of grey magic. You register the unicorn brushing against your side as she gallops past you.>"My corn!">You realise just in time the flying bowl trailing the mare and duck before it collides with your head.>Turning, you watch her tackle the machine and attack with both hooves and magic until it shudders to a halt.>You hear her sigh of relief as she examines the contents and empties it into her bowl.>As she trots back towards you, you note her blue eyes are slightly puffy and her white mane is more tousled than you remember.>You suspect she has already been hitting the sauce.
>>35735502"Hey.">"Hey there monkey boy." She gives you a smirk. "You ready to enjoy a kick in the teeth?""With you, every interaction is a kick in the teeth.">You reach for the bowl of popcorn but yank your hand back with a hiss as the magic stings you.>"Ah ah. I get first dibs.""No fair, we both know you'll scoff half the bowl before I get any.">"My corn, my rules!""Screw your rules, you look like you put enough corn away when I'm not here anyway HAH-">It is your turn to yelp as she pushes you through the doorway by blasting your ass with magic.>"Yeah yeah laugh it up, I doubt you're the pinnacle of your species either.""You can't say that, you don't know what the rest of my species looks like.">"Pfft. Not like you set the bar too high.""Okay fuck you that hurt.">She laughs as you both make your way into her kitchen.>A standard layout of cupboards and counters line one wall, and a fridge and oven face you from the other. The center of the kitchen houses a small plain dining table with two chairs.>Considering how fantastical the Mane 6 kitchens were, this is drab and boring by comparison.>Now now Anon, we are not thinking about those six tonight.>Oppy rests the bowl popcorn center of the table while you grab a seat, wincing at your stinging rear.>You note the already open bottle of booze on the far counter, confirming your suspicions she started without you.>Oppy must have seen your frown, for she waves a hoof at the popcorn.>"Okay fine Grumpypants, maybe you can have a couple of pieces while I get the goods.">You immediately get in there and snaff some while she goes and rummages through her cupboards.>It does not take long for her to withdraw a number of bottles and kegs of varying sizes that she levitates onto a nearby counter.>A couple of glass tumblers fly out from another cupboard and are swiflty filled with a golden liquid from one of the kegs.
>>35735511>You reach out and grab one as it floats over to you, taking a sniff as the pony settles into a chair opposite you."Smells good. What is it?">Oppy knocks the drink back in one go.>"Whatever it was, it was nice.">Even though you know the mare can handle her juice, you suspect she is going to overdo it tonight. >You resolve to take it slow and sip your way forward, despite the grumbling look she throws you.>"Not going soft on me are you Anon?""Why bother racing when you know you won't finish first?">"That's not even a real saying.""I just said it.">She scoffs and refills her glass, and you settle into your drink.>It is now an ungodly hour of the night and you are slowly nursing a glass of cider.>It is a damn fine cider. Sweet and lovely.>You cannot believe you went without this for so long just to spite AJ.>You admit you were petty.>You wish there was more popcorn, but you and Oppy emptied the bowl some hours ago.>A clink sounds from the other side of the table as your drinking buddy pours her eighth glass of said cider. >Oppy's mane is even more frazzled and she is breathing heavily.>She did admit to putting away a number of shots before your arriva;, though she did not seem apologetic in the slightest.>As predicted, she is currently demolishing you in drink count and holding up fairly well. >The number of ciders and mixers from her cupboard have been fun to peruse between the two of you, but you can tell she is drinking for oblivion and not fun.>Case in point, she had a bottle of some sort of fancy highland juice. The smell was not very appealing so you passed on it. >Apparently that was the signal for her to down the whole thing herself.>On your second cider, you had made a crack about how her special talent might be processing alcohol.>You really wish you could go back and strangle past Anon.>As such, you are not subjected to bring up her favourite bugbear. Unemployment.
>>35735522>"SO then, then I said to them, no, no you don't understand.">This is the fifth rendition of the saga. A tale of how she was fired because her bosses wanted to save money and cancelled her project.>Apparently she was in the manufacturing business, bespoke machines and items.>Her employers are pretty popular, you recognised their branding for the one on...somepony's telescope.>God damn Anon don't let the drink lead you down despair alley too.>"You don't understand. This is my dream. I took the risk. I moved out here. I lived in a wagon. I followed what my talent is meant to be.">Thankfully Oppy is not crying yet. You feel that is an improvement over the last two rounds of the story.>"And now they...they turned their back on me! Celestia burnt mules, all of them! I will rain tartarus-scorned fire on them when...when I become princess!">Also the company is run by mules. Actual mules. Because why not.>Just smile and nod Anon. That is what she needs right now.>"...And this latest project? I could feel it in my tail. It was amazing. Revolutionary. And they killed it!">There is a pause, so you figure you should chip in two cents."Yeah it's definitely shitty. I mean, with what you do, and how they think they can go on without it. Definitely shitty.">You take a drink from the cider in triumph of your ability to console your newfound friend.>Oppy somehow makes the frown seem deeper as she looks at you. "You...don't even know what I do, do you Anon?""You make custom tech builds, right? Whatever the client wants that magic can't or won't solve.">"Oh. Right. Well, you know how...you know...what it is, is...excuse me for one second.""Of course.">You resume your drink as the pony lurches away from the table and totters out of the room.>Within a few seconds you hear a squeaking hinge and the most godawful racket, as if someone is stirring nails in a metal pan.>This goes on for several seconds, punctuated by drunk pony cussing.
>>35735533>You sigh and set down the cider as you stand, lamenting how you are not nearly drunk enough for this.>Going into the other room, you see Oppy pop up from inside a huge wooden chest, scroll in her mouth.>She drops it over the lip of the chest onto the floor. "Check that out.">As you bend down to pick up the scroll, standing just in time to see her lever herself out of the chest, then close it with a burst of magic."Wait, couldn't you have found this scroll by magic? Wouldn't that have been easier?">She blinks at you. "What.""If...you know what, whatever, ok.">"What about magic?""Sorry, I'm not even nearly drunk enough for you to be endearing yet.">"Also, it's not a scroll, it's a blueprint.""You're a blueprint.">"...what does that mean?""You're forever blue and sketchy.">You both make your way back to the table in the kitchen. You sit back in your seat, noting how the unicorn settles into hers with a faraway look."What's up Oppy?>"I...I'm not blue. My coat is white.""Congratulations.">Good lord this mare. Such a treasure.>After the much refreshing swig of cider, you unfurl the scroll and give it a once over.>From what you can tell, it is some sort of pony converted into a vehicle. The hind legs are wheels, but the front legs are normal.>The amount of scribbles next to the front legs suggest some form of articulation, or compartmental tools.>The head looks basic, and you can see a small pony sitting inside the eye, which is weird."What is this thing?">Oppy does not reply immediately, which makes you look up.>You see the problem. Her head is thrown back and a cider bottle is halfway in her snout. There is also a lot of exaggerated gulping action."Hey leave some for the rest of us!">She releases the bottle and slams it onto the table with her magic. There is a great deal of coughing and spluttering as she gasps and heaves.
>>35735541>"Ok, so, the last project we had was...some sort of earth pony thing...dangerous area, lot of danger, just, dangerous for a pony to be there. And...">More heaving and gasping. >"Magic was a no go. Nopony can cast...for so long in that climate. They wanted a transport...with some sort of armor plating, weapons storage...plus some utility.">You take another look at the blueprint.>"...I thought, what if, you had a big vehicle, like a carriage, that...that you could stay in, and, and do things inside of it, and never have to leave!""So it's a mech?">She shakes her head. "It's an electric armored vehicle. ""It looks ike a mech, not a vehicle.">"You're weird Anon. 'S a vehicle. See? it's got a place for the...the pony thing to sit in.">You take some time to look over the blueprint again.>It is an honest to god robot pony mech. >In horse land. Where technology is relegated to the convenient and mundane, and everyone still thinks witches and curses exist.>Some pony decided to build the pony equivalent of 'The Big Guy'.>This revelation, plus the drinks in your system? It's enough to make any man crack.>Oppy does not seem amused by how much you are laughing, judging by how she taps the table with her hoof.>"Anon." She says in a dangerous tone."Sorry sorry, it's just, it's a god damn mech! I can't believe it.">"It's an electric armored vehicle!">You are doubled over wheezing but you can still hear her snort of frustration.>"Ok, I get it. Dumb. Dunno what I was thinking. They laughed at it too. And it's clearly not a mech. What even is that?">You slap your chest in an effort to quell your diaphram."You dumb horse. I'm laughing because it's such an out of place idea. You all got magic and stuff, why would they need this?">"'S like I said, nopony can run their horn for hours. This is an...whats the word...efficient alternative.""Where the heck are these ponies and equipment going?"
>>35735547>"Uh...I think the original pitch was up north? Or was it the Lava fields? Badlands? Ugh, I dunno.">You look back at the drawing.>As crazy as it looks, you find yourself imagining this big screaming metal deathtrap rocketing up the side of a volcano.>It is hardly any more farfetched than the shit that this world has, right?"So none of these mules thought it was a good idea?">She sniffs as she takes a swig from the cider bottle again. "They spun wheels on it, never committed, asked for working models when I had nothing. Should've seen it coming a mile away.""I'd say they done fucked up. In fact fuck mules and ponies that won't listen to what you say.">Your words earn you a snort, but you can tell this one is in amusement. It spurs you on."I mean, if you got the idea, and you can get someone to fund you, you just need the materials and space, surely someone's gonna want one of thse robot armor thingys.">Oppy blows a raspberry. "Electric armored vehicle. C'mon Anon, who else is gonna be interested?">You blow a raspberry back in response."Just gotta pitch it to the right people. Think about it, something like that, going into dangerous places, doing heavy work it takes many horses to do, it's a no brainer. Deep sea exploration maybe? Dealing with natural disasters? Dragon country?">Oppy appears to be considering your words, staring off into space. >"I mean, I guess I could get something working, get some parts. I know some ponies who would contribute. Would take some time to get it all together.">The mood is suddenly kill when she suddenly shakes her head. "Who cares. It would never be the genuine product. I'd need the funds firstly. Twilight and her friends vetoed the royal funding I-">Hol up."What was that about Twilight?">You see Oppy's face darken a little as she takes another swig.
>>35735556>"I sent a letter to the princess few years back, asking for a grant. Mule idea, help keep the cost low. But stupid Sparkle stepped in and advised...said no, basically. Princess rejected it on that.">Another swig, this time the bottle is slammed down on the table.>"She...she didn't even look at the prints I sent! I know she didn't! She just...trampled me before I even got a chance.">You watch Oppy release a groan and rest her chin on the table. >Inside the back of your mind you feel that pain twist free.>Once again Twilight has ruined something for you. This time it's the dreams of your friend. >You raise your glass high."To Twilight and her friends. Fuck em too. May they never have anything nice ever again.">You knock the drink back, tapping into the pain it inflicts on your throat.Oppy raises her eyebrows. "Ok? I'm this drunk and even I picked that up. She messed with you too?" "Damn straight. We were friends once, I think. They dropped me faster than a hot potato.">This statement makes her take her head off the table. "No way, you were close to them?""Not any more. I'm old news. Not smart enough, loyal enough, whatever. Cold shoulder at every turn. Fuck em good.">You feel the anger bubbling away in you."I mean how shitty is that, really? I end up in this messed up world, I got no way back, and this paragon group that everyone looks up to decides you're not even worth their time.">Oppy tilts her head at you. "I mean, ok, that is pretty bad. Rejected by the Elements of Harmony? Might as well turn to stone and go stand next to Discord.""Who? Anyway, it's not like I was being clingy or annoying, right? Get this...">You ramble some more about how much you dislike the Mane 6 for blackballing you.>Oppy picks up the silence in between your bouts, going on about why her robot is such a good idea.>As you finish a particularly venemous barb at one of the girls, Oppy suddenly stands up, levitating her glass high and flinging a hoof wide.
>>35735564>"Fuck Twilight Sparkle! And her friends!">You laugh and echo the cheer, knocking the drink back.>As Oppy sits back down, silence stretches between the two of you.>You find yourself grinning like an idiot at her, and she in turn with you.>Suddenly she bursts into snorts of laughter, and you follow in kind.>Despite your roiling anger, you actually feel happy that you could cut loose with Oppy.>It was a good idea to make drinking friends.>A sudden yawn overtakes you and kills the laughter. You instinctively rub your eyes."Man, I am beat. But this was fun. Just being able to talk shit about the Elements, about anything, it's great. I better-">"What if we did more?">You grunt out a question mark, lowering your hands from your eyes. >Oppy is staring at you with a singular unblinking gaze.>"What if...we did do something? Something...like revenge?">You hike up an eyebrow."How much have you had to drink?">She does not blink. "I am deadly serious right now Anon.""You look it. Ok, I'll bite. Revenge. Like what? Trash the library? Steal some apples? Kidnap someone important to them?">She snorts. "No, but that...that's not a bad shout, that can be plan B. No, I was thinking more...evil.">You don't know if you like where this is going, but you lean forward to see what happens.>Oppy's hooves dance across the table, as if she's drawing out a blueprint in her head. Finally she stops and speaks.>"Ok what if, I call in some favours, get the materials, and I build the electric armored vehicle, and... I take down the Elements of Harmony.">oh shit go back.
>>35735569"To clarify, do you mean...take down take down?">She blinks. "I'm drunk, not crazy.""Oh ok. Just checking. No killing then.">"No killing. Just...rough them up a bit. Put the fear of Luna into them. Yeah. Really scare them. Then, then they'll know that it needs royal funding!">You know that just made no sense at all."Look, Oppy, I love you, you're great, but that shit is dumb. Let's not even go into whether you would win in a fight.">She huffs and frowns at you. "You don't know I'd lose!""Point is, why would fighting them in this mech make them thing it was a good idea and needed royal funding?">She flicks an ear. "Ok, so what you're saying is it needs more...a display of power isn't enough...unless...unless that power was used for good. Like, I still want to hurt them, but what if I could also save them?""Not following now.">"I got it!" She slams the table. "I will build a mech to fight the Elements, then build a SECOND mech that will save them! That works!">You sigh and rub your temples. You kind of want to make a jibe about how she has accepted the mech moniker, but feel you need to put the kibosh on this."Still dumb Oppy. Now you need to spend money and time and materials on two mechs?">She waves a hoof. "Doable. Will take time, and will stretch those favours real thin but it's doable.""Surely by building the mechs you prove you don't need the funding?">"ROYAL funding Anon. That will open so many doors. Plus these aren't going to be the top of the line mechs, I can cut enough of the specs that it will still stand up to the Elements.""Not to mention, isn't it going to be obvious that you built both mechs? With the same design and all?">"I can tweak the designs, easy. Nopony smart enough will know. I will just be the nice mare down the street who rose to fight justice and save the Elements!">You can see she is really buying into this whole idea now. You try to grasp for something to slow her down.
>>35735572"How are you going to control both mechs at the same time?">Oppy pauses and seems to hold her breath. Then she looks at you and slowly smiles.>Oh no."There's no way-">Suddenly the unicorn flings herself across the table at you, knocking both your drinks flying.>"Come ON Anon! Look, look, I make the first robot, but you take credit for it! I'll even, even let you pick the paint job!""Not-">"And-And then you pilot it and fight the Elements, have your vengeance! And then I pilot the other! Then we sort of play fight and you go down, then I take the win!""It's not-">"Twilight kisses my plot! Celestia gives me a medal! I get my funding! Pleeeaaase?">She gives you the biggest puppy eyes you ever saw, so wide you could swear there were twinkles. There is finally no frown marring this pony's brow.>How can you say no to that dumb face?>Plus, much as you would hate to admit, you like the mental image of rolling up in a mech.>Safe and holed up in a walking pony suit of armor, it would feel pretty damn good to knock the Mane 6 down a peg, play the role of a villain for a while. >Cause some despair.>And if it all falls flat, you can at least claim it was all your idea and spare Oppy any trouble.>You doubt you would face any sort of serious punishment. What are they gonna do, banish you? Seal you in stone?>It will just be a fun little jaunt to help out a friend."Alright, I'm in.">The unicorn suddenly grows the biggest grin and does a little cute shuffle on the table.>"Oooh I cannot wait to watch my mech punch Twilight in the face!">What have you done Anon.>You look at the remains of your cider being rubbed into the table by the squirming pony. >It was a good cider."I guess just let me know how things are going next time we meet up for drinks? Imma call it a night here.">The unicorn nods and lays on her back, looking up at you like a weird cat with an expression you cannot place.
>>35735582>"Th-thanks Anon. I know I'll probably think different when I'm sober, but...I really need this.">You reach out your hand and poke her horn with your finger."Whatever you dumb horse. Just make sure the mech is good enough it doesn't blow up on me.">She rolls her eyes. "Why would it blow up on you?""I dunno, you manage to do so.">"Wha...Shut up Anon!">You laugh and stand, heading towards the hallway. You turn and see the unicorn sitting up and glaring at you."Still not drunk enough to be endearing.">"Don't lie to me.""Nuh uh."Done. Less fuckups thank fuck. Next update whenever if I don't die of heat stroke in between.
>>35735589Curious to see where their idiotic plan will go.
>>35735819I'm sure there will be plenty of drunken shenanigans and giant robot mayhem.
>>35735589>Fake Villian Anon.Not sure if want but do continue. I'd like to see where this cockamamie idea goes.
>>35736510This idea has promise. A villain anon who hangs out with other villains and schemes about how best to steal lolipops from kids.
>>35735431Of course Anon, some people love to piss tears.
>>35735589I was totally under the assumption this is a one shot ends up in clop green.
>>35735589This shit is good anon, give me mecha ponies
>>35737103>be in Equestria>be Villainonymous>grow mustache just so you can twirl the ends villainously>only there's a little problem>the ponies>they don't recognize EVIL when they see it>you're not sure most of them even grasp the existence of the concept>you kidnap a qt mare and tie her to the railroad tracks>trains here are, of course, pulled by teams of sturdy Erf Poni>the engineers stop the train in plenty of time>six months later you get a wedding invitation from your victim, who met her husband, an engineer>wat?>you try to fake a bank robbery>street full of poners sees you running from a bank entrance, brandishing a gun and a heavy sack with a "bit" symbol on it and laughing maniacally>they all wave and smile>one of them says "You got that loan so you could go on a vacation safari, huh? Good for you!">wat?>take candy from a foal>foal's mother thanks you--foal is diabetic and wasn't supposed to have candy>wat?>spend months constructing gigantic war machine>you're going to conquer Equestria directly and rule with an iron fist>as you're starting it up, suddenly you see swarms of Changelings in the sky>Chrysalis is attacking Canterlot again>they see your war machine and attack>well, crap>you defeat them>and the Princesses give you a medal>you are now the Hero of Canterlot>and what really disturbs you is the way Celestia winked at you during the ceremony>does she know?
>>35738444>tripschecked and kekkedgood job
>>35738444>when you can't do wrong right
>>35739052Please be patient, he has autism.
>>35740123Doesn't everyone here?
>>35741933Fuck him up Anon
>>35743149>Fuck him up AnonHe didn't do nothing to you.Also did we lose Greenhorne?
>>35743861Threadly reminder that eventually we lose everybody. All our content creators are ded.
>>35744538He's not actually dead though, he's still updating the story on fimfiction.
>>35744546Well he's dead to us then
>>35744538Fuck off, I'm not dead, just dreading going back to work.
>>35744538Fuck off retard.I'm busy writefagging
Boop the pone.
>>35745689this a blue board
>>35745961call the ponice they can't unboop you
>>35745980But what if they join in