What is a 'Satyr Abomination' thread about?A satyr is what happens when a human and a pony decide to get freaky and end up having a child. The top half is mostly human, the bottom is from pony mom (or pony dad). This thread is dedicated to the art and written works about these lovable creatures.>What about other species?The show had quite a few different intelligent species by season 8, 'everycreature' and all. Pick your poison, but /mlp/ is mainly into ponies.>What is the world/characters/personalities & attributes?The most common setting is one or multiple Anons in Equestria. Most of the established characters are in the list below, the personalities mostly vary from green to green. Just ask the thread about common headcanons.Satyrs by Parent: https://pastebin.com/d7T2GaDkStory by Parent: http://pastebin.com/qFf46ep5Author List: http://pastebin.com/RFgtrECqSearchable Archive:http://anonpone.pineapplecomputing.com/search/?tags=satyrDiscord:https://discord.gg/4yAUDzKDropboxhttps://www.dropbox.com/sh/m74cw1zph214irq/AACgNqIgES4fQORdx3rooQoVa?dl=0Kid Icarus ROM Hack: An alpha hack for the NES Kid Icarus game.https://filebin.ca/3NORheK9hIFr/hope.ipsPrevious Thread: >>35269656
Been a while, hasn't it? What have the satyrs been up to since last time we had a thread?
Welcome back bunch of assholes, have a mini Bella>inb4 hot glue
>>35479434Pick her up and call her small.
>>35479452and lick her up
>>35479297>Father's dayAnd mother.Whenever I think about Glimmer and the rest of the little family, I like to imagine her mother is still a normal unicorn living in the treebrary. No alicorn Twilight. How about you guys?
>>35479822That is the comfier life. Twilycorn is like Twilight's bad fanfiction, where she was super awesome but it never mattered except when she wanted it to.>>35479434She lives in Darcy now.
>>35479307masturbate like no tomorrow>>35479842>She lives in Darcy now.this Darcy x Bella stuff better ends in tons of porn
also, durning the time down i made a goth Zebra drama queen Her name is Demona her real name is Zircon… but keep the secret also the red stripe on her hair is not natural writes poetry and doesn't know how to start a relationship without spilling spaghetti all over the flooralso Zavier, he's a BOI
>>35479932Who's their Equestrian parent?
>>35479951Two no name Zebras, there's only one in the show after all
>>35479932Zebra satyrs are pretty nice.
>>35479307Agreed, what did satyr do on their holidays?Whatever it was they better have a damn good reason why they didn't at least call to let me know everything was okay! Do they have any idea how worried I was? For all I knew they could have been murdered, kidnapped or arrested. This is really no way to treat their poor old dad. I'm not a young man anymore, I can't handle thins kind of stress. I was going around to all their friend's houses asking if anybody had heard from them.
>>35480781Yes, but for some reason despite making up less that 12% of the satyr population...
>>35480849They're responsible for over 50% of the sexual activity.
>>35480997Most of it with Yuzu.
>>35481914"Would you quit fucking saying that! It was one time! One time in college with one guy and we only only dated for a little over month!">"Uh-huh, sure.""Nothing even happened between us!">"Oh really now? Maybe you didn't know this, but I'm friends with the girl that was in the dormitory right next to yours and she said that she could barely get any studying done at all some nights the sound of your headboard slamming into the wall was so loud.""Y-Yeah, well... fuck you Murmur, go screw a cactus!>"Oh, I'm sorry, did I upset you? Maybe you can talk about it at your next ZLM meeting.""You're the one constantly bringing it up. It makes me think that maybe you have some kind of shitty raceplay fetish. Does your husband know? Let me guess, he's into it too?">"As if I'd marry anybody into being a cuckold."
>>35482207The bat must never stop being bullied about this.
I don't know if i posted this in here... or if i shouldbut here
>>35482207>"As if I'd marry anybody into being a cuckold.""Oh yes and I expect you'd never cheat on your husband that's away on business for months at a time.">"Just what are you implying?""That she who lives in a house of glass should think twice before throwing stones.">"I've been nothing but faithful to my husband!""Of course you have... though we all know what kind of a reputation you had in highschool. It must be tempting some nights when you're lying there alone to, oh, I don't know... slip back into old habits. I mean I'm sure you still have half the hoofball team on speed dial.>"Well I guess you'd be the expert on sleeping alone, you old hag. Just when was the last time you were in a relationship?""Old hag? I'm only five years older than you.">"Well maybe you should switch your moisturizer, honey, because it looks closer to fifteen."
>>35483198"Excuse me? I'll have you know I still get guys half my age hitting on me in the bar.">"Yes, and if you give a man enough to drink he'd stick his dick in a pile of manure if you put enough makeup on it.""But why would he go to all that effort when getting you to let him stick it in you is so much easier? Granted the smell would be about the same.">"You know, I think I've worked out why you always wear tops that are too tight across your chest. It's because without them to hold everything in place your saggy old tits would drag along the floor, you dried out old spinster.""You still haven't outgrown the fact that you're jealous about me having the bigger boobs? I can't believe that after all these years I still have to tell you to grow up. It's kinda pathetic, really.">"Pathetic is drinking a bottle of red wine alone in an empty house every night before crying about still being single at forty, then as a last resort once again turning to your worn out old vibrator as your sole source of companionship.""Eat shit, skank!">"You first, bitch!""I fucking hate you.">"Likewise... Uh, but hey, you're still good to babysit on Friday, right?""Obviously yes, but not because you want me to! I just... I just feel like seeing my niece and nephew, that's all."Sorry if people are getting tired of these two, but I just love writing interaction between the pair of them. I really wish we had a picture of them getting into a screaming bitchfight together.
>>35483125She gotta show off how stronk she is.
>>35483221I kinda like the interactions, honestly. The specific two are a bit overplayed, but the two expressing their love with glass shattering shrieking is endearing.
>>35484126There's much they disagree on, but both know that family is the most important thing in the world, even if you hate their guts 90% of the time.
>>35483221I bet Anon looks forward to the day he's old enough that he can threaten to drop dead if they don't stop arguing and have it seem believable. I wonder if they'd finally bury the hatchet completely after he's gone and they've realised that life's too short to spend arguing.
>>35484294He can keep them behaved when he's actually around. Or when the grandbabies are. But otherwise, it's mostly still a lost cause.When he goes, though.
>>35483865Strok girls live matthers
>>35485052They absolutely do.
>>35480781Those thighs start lives
>>35485802Gotta love it when the thigh gap's wide enough to drive a freight train through.
>>35482207What else did she do in college that she wishes people would forget about?
>>35486199All the better to pass the babies out.
>>35486410*Ring Ring*>"Hello?""Mistake, guess what.">"You're pregnant?""What? No, I just passed my Bar exam!">"Oh really, that's great!""So how about to celebrate you and me hit the town and give some bars a little examination of our own?">"I mean I'd like to, but... you know what you get like when you drink.""Pssh, don't worry, I'll pace myself and stick to a three drink limit.">"Well okay, if you promise not to be a handful and leave me holding your hair back while you're sick in the toilet again.""I cross my heart."Joke's on Mistake, that was a double cross.
>>35479951Technically their parents arent from Equestria
>>35484901>Or when the grandbabies areThat's when their overt aggressiveness turns into the more subversive passive aggressiveness women are better known for. Things like saying, "I wish I could eat like you without feeling guilty, " or, "It's nice to see not everybody's obsessed with appearances or what others thinks," while having a family meal together.
>>35487188Does Murmur still give Mistake a hard time, or did she chill once batdad started pumping little buglings into her?
>>35488061I expect Murmur still dislikes her a lot, thinking she's a perverted little weirdo and never forgetting that time when Mistake and Yuzu were having a sleepover and she walked in on Mistake naked except for a whipped cream bikini in their kitchen at midnight, hoping that their dad would catch her. Murmur probably keeps her insults to a acceptable minimum when her dad's around, but openly believes that Mistake is taking advantage of him as a kind of sugar daddy. She probably thinks she's using some kind of Changeling mind control on him.Having said that, I don't personally go for the idea of Mistake and Anon ever getting together, so I haven't given it too much thought.
>>35488471If only she knew how her dad manhandled that buglet in the bedroom.
>>35488548Magical realm time here, but in my own headcanon changeling satyr girls don't have a womb, or at least not one anywhere close to the size you'd expect. This is because once their eggs are fertilized they only gestate inside the mother for a few weeks, not growing to any significant size before having to be laid, or if you want to go full hentai logic, implanted via ovipositor into a host in which they continue to grow until their ready to be birthed. As a result of lacking a sizable womb, a bugtyr girl can accommodate dicks far larger than their petite body size would suggest. Basically this is my roundabout way of justifying why all bugtyrs, especially Mistake, is a born sizequeen.
>>35488471Just realized I didn't actually post the accompanying pic for that comment.And of course the follow up.https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/3/2/1669666.jpeg
>>35488622memes aside, I kind of have a headcanon of them implanting their eggs not into a host, but into their leg holes like that one frog species, and letting them gestate there.So our headcanons are pretty compatible.
>>35488622Remember to wear your bugtyr wives like a skintight glove and watch your work through their clear belly chitin.
>>35489543good ol' /sat/
>>35485052But who is best stronk girl?
>>35480991They certainly are.
>>35489929The best mamacita, Darcy and on the sad and far far second place Bella
>>35490624She's even a satyr?
>>35490629No idea. This just seemed like an appropriate place to post her.
>>35490633Yes? She's base on a Sable Island horse.
>>35488548I can imagine the following exchange during an argument between the two.>"Yeah, so what? It's no secret that I don't like you and never have. You spent so much time in my dad's house growing up you may as well have lived there. It would have been nice to have one family meal without you there, but because my dad's such a nice, generous guy and because he knew how much my sister loved you of course he'd set an extra place at the table for you 'in case you wanted to stay' as you always did.">Mistake took this admission in her stride, her impassive expression never faltering."I understand how you feel. You felt like I was an unwelcome intruder in your home while you were growing up, and that I took precious time away from you and your dad. I get it, you had to share your time between living your dad and you mom and it couldn't have been easy. You wanted to make your time with him count and be the center of his attention">Mistake leaned in closer and spoke in a more hushed tone."But guess what, there's not a singe table or piece of furniture in that house that he didn't bend me over and fuck like a rabid bull. Oh and you know what else, I loved every second of it... and I called him 'daddy' while he was doing it. Get over yourself."
>>35491182"You remember when you were growing up and your dad would have his 'lady friends' over? Remember how you knew exactly what was really going on, but still you'd pretend to believe him when he said they were just having an adult sleepover because it was less awkward for the both of you? Well newsflash, but half those girls were me in disguise and neither of you knew it. Feel free to tell him, but I'll just deny everything and it'll be your word against mine with no proof, and he knows you don't like me so he'll just assume you're lying to spite me."
>>35491630>when you were growing up>half of them>Mistake's a quean and let's just say Anon really likes how young she still looks.Go on.
>>35491630>>35491668Well if Yuzu's said to be five years older than Murmur, and Mistake's three months older than Yuzu, for Anon to be sticking it to Mistake while Murmur was plausibly still young enough to fall for the "adult sleepover" excuse he's treading a VERY thin line there.
>>35491630I wonder how far she could rub this in."Did you ever think it was odd how your bed frame developed a squeak during the time you were living with your mother for those three months while Yuzu was away at college? Well guilty as charged, that was me. I tell you, that headboard took such a beating I thought we were going to break through the wall. I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to walk straight for a week after he was done with me. You're a butcher, so I expect you know a thing or two about pounding meat, but let me tell you, your dad's on a whole other level."
>>35491834My magical realm is BatAnon might have some fantasies best kept fantasies.Well, except he had a changeling pining after him for years that was never dissuaded.They might have celebrated her 18th with a wild, wild night. And she may have used her transformation abilities to look a LOT younger.
>>35491950Now if only people would stop looking at them weird when walking together in public, especially when Mistake points out that he's not her dad, after people assuming she's much younger than she actually is for the millionth time.
>>35492660I can imagine the girl who looks forever 14 telling people she's the 50 year old man's wife can get pretty awkward.
>>35493998She's thought about just shapeshifting herself to look older for shit like this.
Some Purity and small pp Futa althttps://derpibooru.org/images/2382320
Mini Bella on Darcy's panties
>>35495318Slide her in.
>>35494350"Why is it when I say make yourself look older you automatically equate that to simply giving yourself huge tits?">"Well what else can I do, give myself wrinkles? No thanks, I'll stick with these funbags. Here, wanna give 'em a squeeze?"
>>35495789He prefers her flat as a board.Though if she can make herself lactate, there might be something to be said for the occasional cowfly play.
Speaking of adult Mistake, does anybody have that picture of her as a grown up DJ did relatively recently? It was the one where, as far as I recall she had a hand up waving, but she certainly looked quite skinny. I could have sworn I saved it but I can't now find it and it doesn't seem to be on derpibooru.That's pretty much the most canonical version of her as an adult in my opinion.
>>35496261>He prefers her flat as a board."Hey, Mistake, can you lie on the bed and take your top off for a minute?">Mistake blushed and gave a flirty giggle at the sudden request.>"Oh, what are we going to do on the bed, Anon?""I want to hook a mouse up to my laptop and I need something flat to rest it on.">"Very funny, I haven't heard that one a million times before. Just use a book or something."
>>35496517It works great until she gets chill/turned on and her nips perk up.
>>35496966Those bug bites can cut glass.
>>35496966Competitive online play while using a bugtyr chest as a mouse mat is challenging. Only to Chaddest of Chads can pull it off."Mistake what the hell, your nipples made me miss my shot and got me killed!">"I can't help it, I like it when you get all focused and aggressive, it turns me on.""Shh! I can't hear my team talking."What else can we talk about? I've had enough of this subject.
>>35497268Anon gets custody of his satyr after the start of pony life because the wife became an abuser of recreational potions.
>>35497318"You know your mother tried to sell you to a backstreet alchemist for an ounce of agility potion, right?"
>>35497417Not even a joke, the first episode of pony life began and ended with the main six sitting around sugar cube corner and drinking mystery potions just to see what kind of effects they'd get.
>>35497431I'll take your word for it, because I'll be honest, I didn't even finish watching FiM beyond whatever series it was with the yaks smashing stuff. I do plan to finish the series eventually, but it's sort of lost it's appeal to me.
>>35498239I need more espanol satyrs in my life.
>>35498239Nice, is this new?
>>35498247Who are the other espanol satyrs? Of course Darcy and her siblings, but who else?
>>35498663>and her siblingsshe's the only one with the tacos genes in her family>Who are the other espanol satyrs?1.- learn to Ñ2.- only Bella and Deloras comes to my mind
>>35498813Breed the burro.
>>35498813If a pony satyr bonks the doñk satyr, will we get a hinny satyr?
>>35499833You would get candies
>>35483221>I just love writing interaction between the pair of themThe real question, does Yuzu have Uno on her Xbox or not?>>>/gif/17357952
>>35500035She doesn't have fucking uno, motherfucker.
>>35500035Even Anon has a limit to how much constant arguing he can take."For the love of god, will you two give it a rest for five damn minutes! It's bad enough I had to buy you both you own separate consoles because you refuse to share, but if I'd have known it'd only lead to more constant bickering I'd have told you both that couldn't have one and to go play outside.">"But, daddy, she-""I don't care! I literally physically couldn't give less of a damn about who has what game and who doesn't. We have an actual Uno set in the attic. Do you know why it's in the attic? Because neither or you ever wanted to play it! Why do you both want to argue about a video game version of a game neither of you give a damn about in real life? I don't get it.">Murmur subtly rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath.>"Okay, boomer.">Anon spun around and pointed a finger threateningly at her."What was that? It sounded a lot like 'please ground me for a month' to me, and Yuzu I don't know what you're sniggering at because you'll be getting grounded the same as your sister at this rate.">"That's not fair!""Too bad, this household isn't a democracy, it's a dictatorship, and I'm El Presidente. I am your god so long as you're living under my roof, the pair of you.">Murmur and Yuzu shared a look of reluctant truce before lowering their heads a little as a show of submission and uttering a brief 'sorry' to the man."Seeing as my plans for a nice relaxing afternoon are ruined, I'm going to the Poison Apple for a drink. If this house has been cleaned top to bottom and dinner's been prepared by the time I get back, maybe, just maybe I won't toss both your Xboxes in the trash.">"You can't do that!""Oh? I paid for them so technically they're both mine and I can do whatever I want with them."
>>35500656>dinner's been prepared by the time I get back>"You're doing that wrong by the way.""I'm dicing peppers, how can I possibly be doing it wrong?">"You're making a mess, you'll get seeds everywhere. Besides, dad doesn't like them chopped so small.""Excuse me? This is how I've always prepared them and he hasn't complained yet. You just focus on making the marinade, and try not to make it taste like puke." >"Sure, no problem, just so long as you try not make the ginger look like it was chopped by a blind retard this time.""This 'blind retard' is holding a kitchen knife, bitch. Maybe shut the fuck up before I 'accidentally' trip and stab you in the neck."I do want to see some wholesome sisterly moments between these two when they actually get on once in a blue moon.
>>35499551Do not force me to get my chancla
>>35501530It's one of the most powerful weapons in all of Equestria. Even the mightiest fear it.
>>35502823Ariana's club vs Darcy's slipper. Who would win?
>>35502849Only their kids could give that answer.
>>35502849Nigga, that stick can't handle la chanclahttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z4RWBhu2vE
>>35504194That's really cute.
>>35505543Then do what i do with Yuzu and company and ignore it
>>35502849>Club>Not a bucket
>>35506328That's only effective against Thalia.
>>35506518It's the strongest counter of all
>>35507266gotelets go in the bucket
>>35506322It'll happen, lil' moo. Keep on dreaming.
>>35507420Get over it
>>35508074One day she'll be big and use those muscles to give that cow poker a big bear hug.
>>35507273That looks like a pretty happy goat.
>>35501313>some wholesome sisterly moments between these twoWell Murmur did ask her sister to be a bridesmaid at her wedding without her dad even having to force her to. For her part, Yuzu only made a single remark about how her sister wearing white seemed kind of ironic.>"I'm just saying, daddy, white's meant to symbolize purity.""Enough, Yuzu, don't ruin your sister's special day.">"Fine, I'm sorry.""Besides, it's only fitting. Most household appliances come in white after all.">"Heh, a housewife joke, nice.""Speaking of, when are you going to get married? Your sister's younger than you, you know, and she's already found a husband.">"How many times, I'm working on it!""I'm just teasing, babybat."
>>35513316What does she dream about?
>>35513367Big ol' donger.
>>35513405La gran verga
>>35513367That's the first time I've ever noticed that.
>>35513326Wow, did that really get deleted because of a hidden cartoon dick that you literally had to squint to make out and wouldn't have even noticed in the first place if you didn't it was there?
>>35513316>tfw i was rat out for a nippleThis board its filled with soiboisFREE THE NIPPLES
>>35515857I wonder which satyrs would want to be idols.
>>35517200New business idea - Udder bra and/or udder speedos.
>>35516403she's and idol... on my dick
>>35516403Despite her cutsey look, she's actually a heavy metal idol.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Or4vOIzueY
>>35517656She would certainly need them.So how did Utah tell his parents he's with her. Or did they find out?
>>35518580this fits betterhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIKqgE4BwAY
>>35518632>Or did they find out?They probably figured it out after he started spending all his time in the barn.
>>35518695>"How long has Utah been gone?"'I don't know. Maybe like 3 hours."
>>35518580I love this idea of satyr idols.
>>35518783I don't really get what an idol is. Some combination of a musician and fashion model?
>>35518909Yes, or a really popular girl who sell nath water on internet
>>35518988Satyr girl bathwater - 99 Bits [buy Now]Satyr girl in heat bathwater (limited number available) - 299 Bits [Buy Now]Satyr girl in heat used panties (limited number available) - 499 Bits [Sold Out]Honestly, having a satyr daughter is like having your own gold mine.
>>35519141"What's wrong with you, you're fidgeting around like a spastic on meth.">"I can't help it, dad.""Why?">"It's... it's too embarrassing to tell you.""What, you got fleas or something?">"No, it's... you know, springtime.""Huh? oh, oh!">"Yeah, it's always difficult this time of year.""Well hey, if you want to make some serious pocket money we could pick you up a twelve-pack of thongs and have you wear them for a day or so then sell them online to perverts.">"What the fuck, dad?!""Just saying, pony and satyr incels will pay top price for some prime musky underwear since the scent of a mare in heat drives them nuts. They probably huff the things while jerking off or something.">"That's disgusting!""Disgustingly profitable you mean."
dumbass edit of Barry and Abacus
>>35519141Hiki's dad went for a pack of cigs to the store, a couple years ago
>>35519629That damn store. Sure the prices can't be beat, but hell that's a long wait at the checkout.
>>35519540A girl and her musk belong exclusively to her daddy, ya pervert.
>>35519141>having a satyr daughter is like having your own gold mine.But can you imagine how stressful it'd be? Knowing that if she left the house while in heat, every male that caught a whiff of her would be rock hard. Would you still send her to school and risk her being around a bunch of already horny teenagers or else have her signed out for "personal reasons" and keep her home for a week or so?It'd be like having an unspayed female dog and having to keep a constant eye on her when out and about."You heading out, poppet?">"Y-Yeah, just meeting some friends for ice cream.""Well not so fast, you know the drill.">"No, come on, that stuff stinks!""It's for your own good, sweetie.">"Do I really have to?""Afraid so, poppet."Remember, one quick spray under the arms and one under the tail.
>>35518695>"It's good to see he's such a hard worker and doesn't mess around."
>>35521141Just lock her in her room with a sybian for a few weeks and she'll be fine. Make sure to toss in a bottle of water every few hours so she doesn't die of dehydration.
>>35523381Oh, you checking out her unshorn fetlocks? You fucking pervert.
>>35523381>>35523619Look, some girls prefer to keep their natural bushy fetlocks. Don't judge them for it, it's just personal preference. Some like to keep them neatly trimmed, some like to shave them off almost completely. Hell, some even like to dye theirs bright colors for all the world to see.
>>35524069>some like to shave them off almost completelythat's sounds terrible for a satyr
>>35524575Yeah, but walking around in high heels all day is painful for human women yet they still do it anyway for the sake of fashion. Same with some satyr girls and shaving their fetlocks.
>>35525983MooMoos lives don't matther
>>35526210Utah would disagree.
>>35526210>"It's not fair, why don't I get to vote? Just because I'm not a pony satyr that doesn't mean I shouldn't get a say in who I think should be the next mayor.">Utah patted his girlfriend on the shoulder."Don't be silly, it's not because you're not a pony satyr that you're not allowed to vote, it's because you're a women."
>>35526778Based and mormonpilled.
>>35526778>Petunia then didn't mind as much
>>35525983She still reminds me of Snorkmaiden.
>>35527315From an old kid's show.https://moomin.fandom.com/wiki/Snorkmaidenhttps://www.thewatchcartoononline.tv/anime/moomin
I wish I had a sexy lawyer sugar mommy satyr to pay for computer parts in exchange for degrading sexual favors.God, I hate spending my shekels. >>35527322That show to top comf.
>>35527706>"You want this sweet graphics card, don't you, handsome?""How did you get that? Postage of tech goods to Equestria is like twice the price of the item itself.">"That's not important, dear. What matters is what you're willing to do for me in exchange for it."
>>35527747How do I get myself into this arrangement?
>>35528253Follow this handy tutorial. https://nhentai.net/g/297974/I would suggest bartering with the girl to instead get you the one of the new RTX 30 series cards when they're released later this year.
>>35527706>I wish I had a sexy lawyer sugar mommy satyr to pay for computer parts in exchange for degrading sexual favors"See this motherboard? Z490 chipset, built-in Wi-Fi, support for up to 128 gigs of RAM.">"Yes, I'm sure that's fascinating, dear, but the only RAM I care about is you ramming your tongue inside me while I ride your face into the mattress.""Wait, I haven't even told you about the sick custom hardline water cooling I'm planning on installing."
>>35528744Stop your noisehttps://youtu.be/NfntbxrFNMw
>>35528932At least she's no embracing stereotypes with a pan flute.
>>35530933No, but I bet she likes skipping through woodland glades on a misty summer's morning like some kind of nerd.
>>35528932>>35533084Satyr and their friends like dressing up and larping as the fellowship of the ring in the local woods. Kimmy has never read the books or seen the movie, so she thinks they're probably just the special needs satyrs from town on a field trip and so leaves them alone.
>>35533100What's Mera's opinion on the sight?
>>35533116Oh she knows exactly what they're doing, but she chooses not to enlighten her sister to the fact for the sake of keks. She quietly judges them for behaving out of character.
>>35533100Zoom in on Kimmy and Mera hiding in a bush, observing the group from some distance away.>"I just don't get it, sis. They say they need to get to Mordor, but they've just been walking around in circles for the last hour and a half. Maybe we should go ask if they need directions?""I wouldn't worry about it.">"Seems kind of irresponsible of their families to just let them wander off into the woods without supervision. I mean it's good that they let the special kids have fun as well, but this place can get pretty dangerous after nightfall.""I think they'll be fine.">"No really, I'm serious. I don't know anything about these so-called goblins they keep talking about, but there's definitely a couple of big boars in the area."
>>35533233Confusing Kimmy is Mera's prime source of entertainment.
>>35533100>>35533233>And lo, the brave adventures did stumble upon a native of the forest down by the river.>"Well met, noble elf, are you in service to Thranduil, king of the Woodland Realm?">Driftwood canted his head, not entirely sure what to make of the oddly dressed group."Ugh... what?">"We're roleplaying as-">A swift elbow in the ribs from one of his companions and a brief argument about not breaking character ensued, until a moment later the party's leader spoke up again.>"Forgive me, what I meant to say was that I am Gandalf, my good elf. Perchance you can bestow upon us a magic boon to allow us to pass through your lands freely?">Driftwood stared blankly at the group for a moment."Are you asking if I can sell you shrooms? You know they grow all over the place around here, right? You can literally just go pick them yourself, no need to drag me into... well, whatever this is you're doing.">"Ah, magical alchemical ingredients! With those I could brew us a mighty potion to protect us from the evil forces of Sauron.""Yeeeah... I don't know about that, but if you drank anything brewed with those mushrooms I guess you could believe anything was real.">With that he began backing away slowly."So this is weird and I'm just going to go... Uh, good luck with whatever it is you're doing, I guess."
>>35534789>Marching off into the undergrowth and muttering about the damn stoners always coming into his home and messing up the place, Driftwood was hit in the side of the head with a pebble.>Turning to face the direction from which it was thrown, he was greeted by the sight of Kimmy skulking behind a bush holding a finger to her lips motioning him to remain quiet.>She pointed back out into the clearing at the group of weirdos as he made his way over to and crouched down beside her.>"I see you met the special needs fieldgroup.""Special needs? Nah, they're just a bunch of tripped out hippies.">"We should follow them and make sure they're not up to no good, or at least make sure they don't get hurt.">Throughout all of this Mera was doing her best to hold in her laughter at the whole situation.
>>35536873But does she like pancakes?
>>35537406Who doesn't like a good pancake?https://vimeo.com/335009917
>>35537406Damn it, I can hear the music in my head just from watching this.
>>35534795I could imagine Driftwood start to sweat nervously as he crouches mere inches away from Kimmy while hiding in the bush with her. He never was the most comfortable of guys when it came to being around girls, especially one he's had a crush on for years. It's made worse by the fact that she keeps leaning in really close to whisper to him whenever she talks so as not to be overheard by the group.
>>35538884She's very flexible for a shorty dragon.
>>35540014It doesn't help that her idea of "forest casual" clothing is a low-cut sleeveless tank top with no bra, short shorts so skimpy half her ass is hanging out and no underwear. I wonder if Mera knows how he feels about her sister or if she's embarrassed about how Kimmy dresses.>"We can't go to town looking like this.""Why not? It's humid as heck today and at least this way we'll be comfortable.">"We look like a cheap hooker, sis.""A what?">"You know, somebody that mates with you in exchange for money.""Hang on, you mean you can get paid for that?!">"Are you serious? Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one of us with a brain."Stupid naive Kimmy.
>>35541178Kimmy's definitely more of a child at heart.
Well I just hit the wrong button and accidentally deleted a short story I was working on. That's what I get for typing while tired and doing so in the comments box. Fuck it, I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll redo it tomorrow if I feel like it then.
>>35543483Here we see a Nettle in its natural habitat, looking over its shoulder for stalking lesbullies.
>>35545158>lesbulliesTell me about them, now!
>>35546108Oh, it's just awful, she could be walking along when suddenly, there's an arm around her neck, a hand in her panties, and a voice telling her how tense she is.Go under a table to pick up her pencil in the library? He head's leglocked as she's declared a 'study aid' until the next class starts.
>>35546490>>35546108It's just how batyrs establish dominance, it's nothing personal.
>>35546529>Nettle slumped to the floor, her own juices running down her thighs as her brow was slicked with sweat.>Panting heavily, she looked up at her two bullies as they loomed over her.>"Wow, I can't believe she came just from getting fingered in the girls' bathroom.""I know, what a shameless slut she is.">"Probably dresses like that because she likes the attention.""I bet she actually wanted to be molested all along.">"The shy and quiet ones are always the biggest perverts.""She totally eats her lunch in here so she can play with herself between classes.">"What a skank, disgusting."The all girls school for satyrs isn't for the faint of heart.
>>35546713>Murmur pulls out a remote controlled bullet vibrator from her backpack and tosses it to Nettle as she pulls up her soaked underwear and attempts to stand up on shaky legs.>"Put that in, slut. We need to teach you a lesson about self control. If you can wear that for the rest of the day without cumming then maybe we'll leave you alone and find some other girl to play with.">Murmur pushed a button and turned a dial on the remote, watching with a grin as the toy in Nettle's hands started violently buzzing.>"We've got a math lesson together next period and I'm going to be sitting right behind you playing with this thing the whole time."
>>35546926I've never liked Murmur's hair color, at least in all the pictures I've seen of her. Instead of a kind of orange with a purple highlight, I think I'd prefer more of a traditional redhead look, close to the shade in this picture. Thoughts?
>>35547382please sit on my face
>>35547820Redheads a best, so I could get behind it.
>>35548345>>35547820>Mistake sits beside Yuzu on her bed.>"For real though, your sister does have great hair, so shiny and beautiful.">Yuzu scoffed as she continued flicking through her teen magazine."Yeah, sure it's great. Too bad about her shitty personality.">Mistake rolled her eyes.>"I'm just saying I'm totally jealous. Sometimes I wish I was a blonde or maybe a brunette, but I can never get it to look right when I shapeshift so I guess I'm stuck with my boring greasy looking black hair. I wonder which hairdresser she goes to to get that voluminous layered look?">Yuzu shrugged.>"What about you, Zu? You ever wish you had sexy red hair like Murmur?">Seeing her friend look up from her magazine and glare at her, Mistake quickly back-peddled.>"I, uh... not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with your hair. I mean at least you won't have to worry about going grey when you get older.""Wow, thanks."
>>35548445She's being way to sensitive here.
>>35549331Yuzu? Well she's a teenage girl after all, so being reasonable in her emotions is hard for her at the best of times. Just ask her dad after she's tossed her makeup mirror against the wall or out the window because she smudged her eye liner.Also, on the subject of Mistake, I've been thinking about her choice of clothing. For some reason I always picture her wearing semi-controversial T-shirts, specifically one that I've had in mind that's black with the words "Active Shooter" emblazoned across the front in big white lettering. The school wasn't a fan of her wearing that one, and the local cinema outright banned her for wearing it. I might try and draw her wearing it at some point. On a shopping trip to Earth, what items do you guys thinks satyrs would be most excited to get their hands on? As good as the clothing choice for bipeds is in Equestria these days as opposed to when humans and satyrs first started appearing, I still think the selection would pale in comparison to the average highstreet on Earth, so a chance to go on a day-long shopping trip to our world would be something many satyrs would look forward to.
>>35552846>she smudged her eye liner.This was during her short lived, makeup heavy goth phase. She was mad because the smudged and runny effect makes her look emo."Emo, goth, what's the difference?">"They're totally different, dad! One is a representation of inner darkness and a lifestyle, but the other's just a fad for posers trying to look deep and edgy.""Okay... but which is which?">"Oh my god, I literally just can't right now!""Well calm down and come talk to me when 'literally just you can' so we can have a chat about why launching things into the wall inside the house is inappropriate. Besides, you look prettier without makeup.">>35552135I want to poke that pudgy belly.
>>35552846Some of Mistakes other favoured shirts include such slogans as...Official Penis InspectorFBI Anti-Pedo SquadNo Step On SnekFuture PornstarBug Lives Matter Trottstein Didn't Kill HimselfMeme War Veteran(Un)qualified EMTIronic LesbianAuthorized Personnel Mini MilkAttack of the Attacking Attackers 2: The Second AttackPro SkubLegal Adult Jailb8O₩OHIV Positive Slack StabbethSewerside Bomb(air)
>>35554807Don't let her get close to a Smash tournament. They may get a little too close to her.
>>35558671What a happy daughteru. Makes you just wanna spend the whole day with her.
>>35558690What kind of things would Dawn and dadfu do together?
>>35559378Slum it with the commoners.She can try normal foods. Dishes and ingredients the tippy top chefs never touch.Hear actually interesting stories and folklore instead of just a bunch of boring nobles hyping nothings into 'epics'.
>>35559461>>35559463These two aren't mutually exclusive."Know what this place is, sweetheart?">Dawn gazed around the interior of the dilapidated house, doing her best to avoid stepping on any of the broken glass and used needles that littered the floor as she fidgeted uncomfortably.>"It kind of looks like a crack den, daddy.">Anon chuckled and ruffled his daughter's hair."Right! Only there's much more to it than just crack. There's also meth, LSD, PCP, MDMA, sugar free gummy bears, you can find them all here.">Dawn glanced at the unconscious satyr lying on the ground at the base of the staircase then to the pony huffing paint thinner from a paper bag in the corner of the room.>"Daddy, I don't like this place.">Anon scoffed."Nah, it's totally fine. Me and the boys had some great times here back in the day. Of course most of them are either dead or in jail now, but your mother pretty much banned me from hanging out with them back when we first met.">He pointed to a moldy mattress on the floor some distance away, its decaying form so stained with filth that it was almost impossible to distinguish its original color."See that? That's where I first had sex with a pony. Yeah... too bad I didn't realize she'd overdosed and that her spasms weren't just her being really into it.">"Why are we here?""I'm glad you asked. You said you wanted to have some fun like the scumbags do, right?">"I didn't use those words, but yes.""Good, because we're going do a shitload of smack together.">"Isn't that really unhealthy?""Normally yes, but you're half alicorn and thus pretty much immortal and I've got a golden ticket to good health thanks to your mother's healing magic."Parent of the year right here.
>>35559591"Hey, get off the bed, you yellow tart, I've got a princess here that gets pride of place in the most comfortable spot.">"Daddy, I'm not sure about this.""It's okay, sweetie, I'll be right beside you the whole time.">"Well... if you say so.""You remember what I told you about sharing needles?">"To always say thank you to whoever lends you one?""That's my girl! Sharing is caring after all, and with needles it's like a fun game of dodge the infection. You know, like gambling, only with the risk of HIV instead of with money. Not that you have to worry about that with your alicorn immune system."
>>35559591>Parent of the year right here.Must be fun having an almost immortal daughter.>"Know what this is, Dawn?">"That's the revolver you keep hidden in your sock drawer so mother doesn't find it.""Sure is, clever girl. Now take it, spin the cylinder, put the barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger.">"You want me to shoot myself?""Technically there's only a one in six chance that'll happen, and even if it does you'll heal up in no time.">"Why would I possibly want to do that?""Because it's a rush. Afterwards we can go shout the Z word in the diverse part of town if you want."
>>35559913Alicorn satyrs must be very daring knowing that they are hard to kill.
>>35560753Eh, pain's still pain. I suspect the first time they hurt themselves badly enough they wish they weren't immortal, they'll calm down.
>>35560753Radiance and Dawn's prank war got steadily more and more extreme as they discovered just how resilient they really were. It started off with simple things like positioning a bag of flour on top of the other's bedroom door so it'd drop on they when they walked through it, but soon that bag of flour became a bowling ball, then an anvil. Eventually those simple pranks were replaced with such classic practical jokes as hiding in bushes in the garden only to pop out and blast their sibling point blank in the chest with a 12 gauge shotgun while yelling "G.I. go home!" and the ever popular thermite underwear prank.Eventually Celestia had to step in and put an end to their fun and games for the sake of collateral damage.
>>35560753"Hi, I'm Radiance.">"And I'm Dawn.""And welcome to Jackass!">https://youtu.be/23aaanf_pn4
>>35562307It only ever started to become a problem when she was wondering what the chances are they could be charged with domestic terrorism.
>>35562755Okay, maybe the "landmine sock drawer" and "hand grenade in the back of the toilet wired up to the flush" pranks took things a little far, and yes, perhaps the ALS boiling water challenge was a little mean spirited, but to outright ban their prank war was an overreaction.
>>35562808>Taking a sip of her tea, Dawn's face contorts into a look of disgust as a moment later she spits the contents back into her cup and glares at her brother.>"Ha ha, very funny. What did you put in my tea when I wasn't looking?">Radiance smirks."Dimethylmercury.">Dawn stands up angrily.>"Oh you motherfu-">Before she could even finish her sentence, Dawn's eyes had rolled into the back of her head and she'd fallen flat on her face and begun spasming violently while foaming at the mouth.>Radiance took a leisurely sip of his own tea."That's for replacing my shampoo with bleach."
>>35562747>Prince of Equestria enters controversy after video surfaces of him berating donkeys and other marexican species.
>>35564153>"Prince Radiance, Prince Radiance, Canterlot Evening News! Don't you think you should offer a formal apology for your behavior?""Why?">"Many ponies feel offended by your words.""Do they? Good. You can either be politically correct or actually correct, and the two are rarely one and the same. I ask all those who were offended by what I said to find the lie. What if anything that I said was not factually correct?"
>>35564689Will take a master to play that into good publicity.
>>35566666you did that on purpose you nigger
>>35566666>a worthless post in a worthless thread
>>35566669I'd have done so much worse than waste it on a bump if it were intentional.
>>35566754Blessed hot zatyr.
>>35563924And then wedgies happened.
>>35565322Personally this would make me like him more as a leader. It shows that he has a backbone and will stand by what his convictions, even when they're unpopular. It means he won't bend over backwards and bring in restrictive laws in the name of political correctness.
>>35563924If she gives Anon a kiss like that just for helping out on the farm for a single afternoon, what will she give him if he volunteers his entire weekend.
If alicorn genes make you grow taller than the normal pony, does that mean Radiance will grow into an eight foot tall Gigachad?
>>35568288Maybe not 8 feet, but he'll stand tall over the satyrlets like Bella.
>>35568666Will they be and standing blowjob height with him?
>>35568699Some, yes. Though he might be too busy putting Kaos in mating presses and full anal nelsons to bother with that.
>>35566731Seething faggot mad that satyrchads win
>>35493645Best satyr twins.
>>35570661A loving uncle and niece.
>>35570621there's not much competition
>>35568699for fucks sake, for ideas like this we need more drawfags
>>35572804>>35568699>"You may now approach the prince and kiss his ring.""But... he's not wearing one.">"His medial ring."
>>35572935"I'm telling you, it's not easy being me. Every morning I wake up to a double blowjob from a pair of maids who've brought me breakfast in bed. Then after I shower, I find that none of my clothes from the previous day fit me anymore because I got even more swole in my sleep thanks to my genetics, which you'd think would be great, but it kinda takes the achievement out of it if you don't even have to work for your gains. I then usually make my way to my study to get some work done, but for the first hour or so it usually just consists of politely declining the line of mares in heat that have gathered to petition me to have lots of unprotected vaginal sex with them and impregnate them. It's quite annoying, but most of the time one of the maids hides under my desk and offers to pleasure me every ten minutes. All I want is a normal life." - Radiance.
>>35572801I suppose that's true. Quite unfortunate, really. Twincest is the best kind of incest.
>>35572935I still like the idea of him being very fond of Raven, his mother's assistant, and telling her when he was very young that he was going to marry her when he grew up. Now, years later, he still asks her now and then as a joke.>"Sir, have you finished signing those audits? I can get them sent off to the tax office immediately if you have.""Firstly, yes I have, secondly, how many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to call me 'sir' or 'prince' like you do? Just Radiance will do.">"Protocol dictates it's necessary, my prince.">Radiance noticed the playful smile she was trying to hide."Alright, suit yourself, though I hope you'll drop the formalities once we're married.">"You mother would never approve of that, sir. Besides, you shouldn't waste your time with an old mare like me.""Well we could always elope together.">"Sir, you mustn't tease."He's not joking.
>>35573335Cute pon. Does she have any satyr kids?
>>35573411Radiance will make sure of it.
>>35573418They'll have to hire another full time maid just follow Raven around and mop up the excess satyr gravy she tends to drip through the halls following her daily meetings with the prince.
>>35573852I can imagine the maids complaining about it in their break room.>"This is total yak crap, you know that?""Oh yeah, tell me about it.">"I mean here we are, a full staff of young sexy mares all between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five, and all of us willing to bend over backwards for the prince, yet instead he chooses a worn-out old nag like Raven?""Forget bending over backwards, I'd let prince Radiance bend me over just about anything if he wanted to.">"I bet it's because she has a degree and pretends to be clever.""Totally.">"No, actually I bet it's because of the glasses.""Uh-huh.">"You know she doesn't even need them, right? She only wears them because they make her look smart.""Really? You know, I think it's because she used to babysit him a lot when he was younger so he just grew attached to her.">"Well whatever it is it's totally unfair. Any of us would have been pregnant five times over if he paid us the kind of attention he pays her in a singe week.""Then we could retire and live off those juicy royal child support payments.">"Exactly! No more dusting, or curtsying, or putting up with the guards being pervs."
>>35573418>>35573852I can imagine all the gossip among the maids when she eventually has a satyr kid who just happens to look a lot like the prince.
>>35573292Normal incest its also great tho
>>35573292That's a weird way of saying daddy-daughter.
>>35574099And the Royal family's cover story.>"Raven? Oh, yes, she and her husband had been trying for a child for some time now.">"You didn't know she was married? Well she always was a very private individual and the wedding ceremony was a very small and subdued affair.">"Yes, I suppose it is a little strange that she still goes by 'miss' instead of 'missus' but it is current year after all.">"Oh You didn't know the father was a satyr? Well satyrs are an established part of our diverse culture now, so there's nothing strange about that.">"No, her husband is away on business a lot, so you probably won't meet him.">"Why yes, the baby does look a lot like the prince. What a funny coincidence." >"Why did Miss Raven receive a large lump sum payment shortly after the child was born? It was a personal gift from Princess Celestia.">"You sure do ask a lot of questions. You know what they say, curiosity killed the cat."
>>35574140What about age difference selfcest?
>>35574414It's okay to groom a kid to live for daddy's cock if the kid you're grooming is yourself.
>>35574477If you say so.
>>35574099What are some other satyr romances that had a lot of gossip?
>>35574493Is this new?
>>35574624years and years old.
>>35574493Though it was very strange at first, Anon swiftly adapted to living with an alternate reality version of his daughter."Okay you two... or one, I guess, I'll be back late tonight, so no staying up and watching movies after ten o'clock, alright?">"Of course, daddy.""And Yuzu, don't let Yuzu fill up on junk food before dinner.">"Don't be silly, daddy.""Alrighty then, love you poppets. Take care of yourself.">Yuzu turned her head and licked her lips, a perverse glint in her eye as she looked down at her younger self and slowly closed the front door.">"Oh, I intend to."Poor Anon doesn't realize that the alternate reality in question is in fact the Lewdverse.
>>35574682Little Yuzu will learn to love herself whether she likes it or not.>"Stop struggling and just let me fuck, you little slut.""Get off me!">"Oh my god, you're such a baby. Trust me, you'll like it, I know just where we like to be touched.""Go screw yourself, me!">"I'm trying to, but you're not making it easy."Anon has a guest over."Hey sweetie bats, could you give daddy and his friend a few minutes privacy to talk?">"Sure thing, daddy.""Good girls, just go play with yourself in your room for a few minutes.The innuendos practically write themselves.
>>35575109Yuzu sits on daddy's lap, and on Yuzu's face. A perfect family.
>>35575898Woah, thay was the worst shit that i have ever reedAwesome
>>35577262Future CEO of Apple(s).
Alright thread, I'm going to cut you a deal. You tell me which satyr or satyrs it is slinging ketamine downtown and maybe I talk to the DA about extenuating circumstances. I hear the kids are calling it "Special K" these days.
>>35581885>I talk to the DAWho do you think it is overseeing the manufacturing of the stuff?
chinese dress, Purity
>>35583307Kinda cute. Like how flustered she is.
>>35583574She's probably worried it's laced with corona.
>>35583714I told you to keep the batyrs locked
Anime club, funtimesNana is having the time of her life
An because our favorite communist pony Veronika also need her own doughterKirinKov! (it's a soviet gun)
>>35583714Always keep your daughters on a leash.
>satyr>discord linkUnironically commit suicide.
edgy Hiki... it's just the same Hiki but in the color palette of her sister
>>35585736A nice Peach, the perpetually pregnant.
>>35582558>>35581885>Staring intently through the one-way mirror at the individual sat within the sparsely decorated questioning room, Yuzu subtly nodded to herself before turning to her companion."Pogo, be a dear and have your officers wait outside, would you? I'd like to have a word with our guest in private before his lawyer arrives. Off the record no surveillance.">Pogo looked momentarily troubled, obviously not liking the idea all too much.>"Ma'am, with all due respect, for your own safety I can't allow you to be in a room by yourself with that-">Yuzu smirked."Darling, he's handcuffed and you'll be right outside the door should I need you.">Pogo shook his head.>"Be that as it may, it's against protocol to allow anybody to-">She placed a hand on his shoulder."I'm asking as a favour, I know it's not strictly speaking how things should be done, but once his lawyer arrives things will get complicated, trust me. Perhaps if I personally offered our friend in there a deal face to face in exchange for information then he'd be more willing to cooperate. Believe me, I want to find out who's been flooding my jurisdiction with ketamine just as much if not more than you do.">Pogo sighed and after a long moment of hesitation eventually nodded in agreement.>"Fine, but I can only give you ten minutes.""That's all I'll need.">Pogo shrugged.>"Just so you're aware, he's kept his mouth shut about his supplier and just about everything else. He's not given us a thing and I see no reason why he'd be any more willing to talk to you.">Yuzu chuckled."You and your boys can be so intimidating, Pogo. Perhaps our guest will find me more approachable and easy to relate to. I can be very persuasive, dear."
>>35586624>Pogo grunted.>"Yeah, trust me, I know. I shouldn't be allowing any of this, yet here I am once again letting you walk all over my investigation. Y'know people are going to start thinking you've got me in your pocket if we're not careful.">She smiled."Nonsense, if I was bribing you then you'd be a lot better paid.">Yuzu made her way to the door and waited for her companion to unlock it for her.>Stepping inside the questioning room, the sound of the single light fixture buzzing overhead seemed practically deafening in the otherwise tense silence.>The suspect looked up, his disdainful gaze lifted from the two officers sat opposite him across the single table that filled the room as he glanced at the newcomers.>"Higgs, Trottski, outside.">Obeying their chief's order, the two officers stood up and left the room without saying a word.>After a moment, pogo turned to Yuzu.>”We’ll be right outside watching, just wave if you need us.”>Yuzu smiled.“No recordings, I don’t want anybody listening in.”>Pogo sighed again, glancing at the suspect before leaning in close to Yuzu and speaking softly.>”Fine, but I still don’t like this.”>The subtle scent of her perfume and what he could have sworn was a playful glint in her eye caused his breath to catch in his thought for a second>”Just… don’t get too close, he’s unpredictable.”“You concern is endearing, darling, but I’ll be fine.”>With a final nod of understanding, Pogo turned and followed his officers out of the room, closing the door behind him as he went.
>>35586628>Now alone with the suspect, instead of approaching the table or speaking a word to him, Yuzu instead turned to face the one-way mirror and began using the reflection to touch up her makeup.>Two or three minutes passed in silence as she straightened her hair, applied a little lipstick and adjusted the collar of her shirt.>She was certain the officers mere inches away on the opposite side of the glass were wondering just what she was playing at.>She suspected that Pogo was having a mini panic attack at her turning her back on the individual behind her, debating how quickly he and his subordinates could burst through the door and subdue him if he decided to try anything stupid while she was apparently distracted.>For the entirety this time she had showed no acknowledgement of room’s sole other occupant.>Eventually as she knew he would, he seemingly grew bored or uncomfortable with her charade.>”You ain’t my lawyer. I already told the cops that I ain’t sayin’ shit until I speak to my lawyer.”>Feigning a look of surprise, Yuzu turned to face him.“So you can talk then? My, and here I was beginning to think you were a mute.”>She made her way over to the table, pausing briefly to turn off the video camera that had been documenting the questioning before taking a seat opposite him.“Though I must say, I much prefer to be greeted with a ‘hello’ or even a casual ‘hi’ when first meeting somebody. You really must mind you language, dear.”>”Go to Hell, bitch, I don’t give a shit about my language. You ain’t my lawyer, I ain’t saying-”>Yuzu laughed, catching him off guard as she was genuinely amused by his bravado.“No, you’re right, I’m not your legal advisor. Ten years ago perhaps I could have been, but I’m through with that now. These says I don’t have time for petty low level piss stains like you.”
>>35586630>The suspect leaned forwards in his chair.>”Yeah? Well who the fuck are you then?”>Yuzu waited a moment before replying.“I’m the person that decides if people like you are worth our time or if it’s easier to simply let you walk out of here like nothing happened.>The suspect seemed to consider this.>”So you’re here to try to… what? Make a deal? You’re wasting your time, I’m not telling you a damn thing.”>For the first time throughout the conversation, Yuzu leaned forwards and fixed him with an intense stare.“Good. Let me make myself clear. I don’t care what the officers here offer you. Whatever deal they try to cut, you tell them nothing. You don’t tell them that you got the drugs from a contact on 12th street, you don’t tell them that you leave the money in a sealed green bag at a hidden drop down at the park and you don’t tell them the number that calls you to tip you off when there’s going to be an undercover patrol in your area.”>The suspect seemed taken aback.>”Just who the fuck are you?”>Yuzu leaned back in her chair.“That’s not something you need to worry about. All you need to know is that sure, the kind people here may offer to let you walk if you give them every bit of information you know… but that’s a lie, I’m the one that decides that. What is true, and I promise you this, is that if you do give them anything, and I mean anything, not only will you not be walking out of here today, you’ll not be walking ever again.”>”I-”“I think we’re done here.”>With that final word, Yuzu stood up and made her way over to the door, knocking twice upon it.>As it opened up a moment later, she gave a disappointed look to Pogo as he stepped passed her into the room.“Well you were right, he won’t talk to me either. It seems that perhaps I’m not so charming after all.”Getting some Breaking Bad vibes from this.
>>35586638>"Anon.""Yeah?">"Lets cook some motherfucking meth."
>>35584012Does she want to go for a helicopter ride?
>>35586734"Sounds fun, Mr. Anonchet!"
>>35589951Darcy is cute
>>35591469Shes a pretry señorita
>>35592895Her uncle certainly seems to think so.
>>35593981He's not wrong.
>>35595607Does she happen to be very punny as well?
>>35595607Who is this satyr?
>>35588123>"Wow, Mr. Anonchet, the view's amazing from up here.""Sure is, and you know, I think I can see some of your friends directly below us waving up at you.">"My comrades?""I believe so.">"I... I don't see them.""No, they're there alright. Here, just lean out the door a little and I'm sure you'll see them.">"I really don't see them.""You will, just lean a little further out. Don't worry, I'll hold on to you. That's it... way out there.">"This seems pretty dangerous, Mr. Anonchet.""I wish you the very happiest of landings, comrade."https://youtu.be/dVpW7KdgpFo
>>35597056Satire, ||thirdborn of Prince Blueblood||
>"You disgust me, Anon. Pray that sister Darcy never learns of your sinful ways. Well a deal's a deal and I showed you what you wanted, so that means you have to attend confession."
>>35597827Please punish me more
>>35598588If you don't repent your sinful ways and give yourself over to God, the sisters of the Ponyville convent will punish you by making you clean all their undergarments by hand for a month.Sinful groundsman Anon needs to see the light of the Lord.
>>35598687What if they catch him touching himself?It is better your seed falls in the belly of a whore than on the ground. So surely the belly of a nun is for the better.
>>35597827Father Anon is going to be upset about that and might have to teach her a lesson.
>>35600996Nothing a belt to the frontbutt won't fix.
>>35600996Anon's Anti-Sin God Squad is ready to combat degeneracy at every turn, so remember to teach your daughters that they better not hold hands before marriage unless they want a surprise visit from the ASGS.
>>35602711Remember the words of saint Gumdrop.A proper daughter ALWAYS obey their father, without questionA proper daughter NEVER seek release, no matter how much her body burns for it.
Which satyrs would be the best drinking buddies? I'm thinking more of satyrs as your kids, but in general also.