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>>18700449
start with the greeks
>>
I'm narcissistic. That's it, I admit it.
I'm perfectionistic and I can't deal with the fact that I have flaws and make mistake and that others might see it and that's why I hide myself so much.
Every mistake, every criticism, eveything breaks me and my ego and I get into a rage of hatred against the world and against myself. I can't deal with it and that's why I avoid people and avoid taking decisions or responsibilities. It is better to live in my fantasies in my mind where I'm a genius and I'm perfect and no one will hurt or abandon me. Fuck you all.
I admit it. Fuck me too.
>>
i have to poop but i am not going to. my body my choice. deal with it
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>>18700449
I have a cold and it fucking sucks. I get sick maybe once every three years, if that. It's been since Tuesday and I'm not having a good time.
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>>18700516
you got the delta variant nigga you dead
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well that's enough greek posting for now, im going to go read.
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>J2JAJ
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>>18700840
start with the greeks
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>>18700851
You're fucking gay dude.
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>>18700859
and you are a moron. i could explain why but i cant be bothered
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>>18700872
You lack the ability.
>>
>See /pol/ and/or leftist bait thread
>Read it, want to respond
>Realize that by doing so, I would be encouraging bait and helping to worsen the board
>Don't respond
The struggle is real....
>>
>>18700851
yeah i'm readin Sophist rn
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>>18700880
damn, you're so sexy when you're retarded. i wanna give you a big smooch on the lips
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>>18700882
you'll get to the point where you stop caring and then you will find peace
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>>18700449
I don't think there's any way to make a protein shake taste good. They always make me feel sick after. Why do I still drink them?
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>>18700944
Thanks bro.
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Over the last 6 months or so I started experiencing loss of enjoyment or interest in doing things as well as depersonalization and derealization. Eventually, it progressed to the point that I was basically just watching myself perform actions without my input. During that time I read a variety of schizo literature and philosophy in bits and pieces and came to see myself as a chain linking the physical body I experience the material world through with the sensory information, emotions, urges, and thoughts that make up my mind, which is further linked to the conscious identity that makes decisions based on those inputs, which is generated at every instant by an awareness that precedes all else below it. I then came to experience that generating awareness or pure consciousness as an emanation of a vastly greater existence, whose relation to me is that of a dreamer and a character in his dream. After this point I almost totally lost the ability to take interest in things or express myself for a month or so. At the end I hit a point where I felt like even my connection to my own body and thoughts was fading and ended up at my desk, unable to move or think coherently, for maybe half an hour, though I lost track of time. Eventually, I entered a state from which I could observe the workings of my entire identity, my body, and my mind from an exterior perspective, rather than the top-down perspective of detachment, and I felt that I could modify each part at will if I so chose. In addition, the feeling that I was merely a character in the dream of something indescribably large was stronger than ever. I continued to observe rather than acting, and eventually I saw the body, with its natural urges and emotions which were now distant from me, seize hold of itself, and I sat up and exited the state I had been in. Afterwards, I felt as if I had been separated into two, with one controlling most actions, finding enjoyment and interest in things, thinking, perceiving, and feeling emotions, and the other letting it happen, eventually seeming to 'go to sleep' or hibernate inside the other. I retain the memories of this event but now only rarely reach an awareness of myself as multiple links in a chain, and I do not experience the feeling of watching my body move on its own anymore, except when I focus and will myself into feeling it, and that only momentarily.
I wonder what the state that I reached was, and if it's possible to reach via means other than losing attachment to myself. I wonder if remaining there longer would have any effects. Recently I've started looking into Jungian thought, the Upanishads, and Christian mysticism to explain and understand what I saw. The idea of a universal Self veiled in illusion doesn't match my experience - I clearly felt that I was separate from the one who dreamed me.
Anyone have reading recommendations for this kind of thing? Am I understanding anything or am I just becoming a schizophrenic?
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>>18701024
Embrace the schizo and self-express!
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wtf is wrong with me whhener i solved somthing another shit pops
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>>18701053
You are a rapist
>>
Went and recorded my intro to the Call of the Arcade video before even reading the book. Work has been hectic lately so by the time I get home it's past midnight and I just want to sleep desu. I'm hoping to start talking about other things that I like on the channel soon though.
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>>18701076
You're not? It's awesome, try it!
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>>18701024
I can identify with the first sentence but it looks like our paths have diverged a bit.
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>>18701093
Hey Jason, not that anon, but could you please post with a trip?
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>>18701115
Tell me more, I'm interested.
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i miss the army
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>>18701140
I don't understand what that guy's problem is?

Rape is just a snuggle with a struggle!
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>>18701175
yeah I think he's just sexually frustrated
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>>18701175
>>18701214
if you post with a trip, anons like that could choose to filter you, so you wouldn't have the problem of being replied to by them. please consider it-- all you have to do is enter in the Name field on your post form: "screenname"#"password"
so for example: Jason Bryan#shitkickers

I think it would really help everyone if you would do that, assuming you will not leave us alone ever.
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>>18701222
I think you don't deserve the luxury!
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>>18701222
Gosh I hope my 10 lbs of glue I ordered shows up today!
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>>18701164
Practice that aim, anon.
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>>18701276
i'll practice it by shooting commies
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I'm afraid of my advancing age and not being able to do the things I want to do before it's too late for me. I feel like I'm on a timer. I'm 25. I live with my (ok-ish) family, and I hate this country. I hate everything about it. And I'm able to frame my hatred of it because I've lived abroad for a few years. This country is fucking absolute garbage. The government is brazenly and outwardly corrupted, ran by merchant families that have all but supplanted the governing body, and this is no conspiracy, it's all out in the open, everybody knows it and they display their power with glee wherever they could. Nepotism and cronyism are a cultural, social, and economic creed, literally baked into every level of the country's existence. There is zero appreciation for merit, despite the mountainous demand for it. Our infrastructure looks like the aftermath of a war that no one bothered to rebuild. Bribery is literally expected (and encouraged!) of you to get anything done, even something as simple as getting an appointment with the doctor. Don't even get me started on the people themselves.

My current goal is to move out of this country, but I don't have the money for it; my job doesn't pay well. I'm saving every penny with zeal for this very purpose, but by my calculations, I'll be 30 by the time I'd have saved enough to move. 30. I want to get married and have kids. My youth would have been lost then. All the time I need to adjust and properly settle, and the clock's ticking. And if I do have kids with a foreign woman, what am I gonna impart onto them? I'd love for them to integrate fully into the culture of the land they were born, I don't mind not passing on my original country's culture to them, but they're gonna grow up and seek it out anyway, as they're going to be otherized by their peers and the government system, they'll never be just "of this land", like the majority. They're going to have identity/belonging issues. I don't want them to get galvanised into sticking only with minorities they'd associate themselves with. Could my rearing capabilities remedy those feelings before it's too late? Will my children always feel alienated as I was? Are they doomed to inherit my loneliness?
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>>18701159
It's nothing special really - just something that aligns with the "traditional" definition of depression where I don't really feel emotions or pleasure, and since this all started 6-7 years ago there's been zero refractory periods, meaning I've forgotten what it's like to be a normal person. Life like this is basically just one long process of coping with the disease, hoping one day it may be cured, and doing what's required to survive from day to day. I actually remember the exact last time I felt a real emotion - it was listening to a song on my headphones in a car in Winter 2017. Since then it's like my emotions don't exist, or if they exist, it's like they're buried under 2000 ft. of ice and you only get the vague impression they're occurring somewhere in your body, far too distant to leave any lasting impact. Because of that, every day feels the same.

The worst part is no one seems to understand exactly what I'm talking about except for other people with the same condition. I guess language fails to adequately convey what I'm talking about. 99% of people, when they read the above, assume I'm speaking fancifully and using metaphors or something, because they still recommend I do things like join clubs or make new friends, when if they really understood the meaning of the above, they would understand that this disease precludes normal happiness by nature. My brain doesn't produce the "feel-good" chemicals that make socializing enjoyable anymore, so even if I do it, there is no benefit, it's just a waste of time and energy. Even if I don't recover in another 6-7 years, I just wish more people understood what this is, but even my own family can't understand.
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Rednecks are often derided but they are all that can be said to have a distinctive culture among American whites. And it's a damn fun culture too.
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>>18700541
No, nothing like that. I know how I got the cold and everything. I am vaccinated as well, so I'm sure that helps. From exposure to feeling like shit was too fast for COVID.
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>>18701024
Have you considered doing psychedelic or dissociative drugs? What you describe sounds similar to what one could experience in those altered states of consciousness
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Don't care
never jabbing
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>>18700449
Fuck literature.
Fuck philosophy.
Fuck religion.
Fuck being a good person.
I just want to ass rape sluts and snort cocaine like a fucking degenerate.
>>
>>18701365
I think I get you. Perhaps the term we're looking for is schizoid, perhaps it isn't.
It doesn't really matter either way, does it?
It's as if everything I interact with is infinitely away, unreachable.
Every emotion is dulled, if not outright cancelled, I can't feel sad, angry, happy.
I do not want anything, except perhaps a catasthematic happiness, where I simply don't do anything.
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>>18701578
Same here good sir!
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>>18701595
Do you ever lift?
Drink or smoke weed bro?
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>>18701592
I basically agree except instead of raping sluts and doing coke, I wish I was fit, of sound mind again, and cuddling with another twink over some dumb vidya.
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>>18701621
Well, it's not like you have the choice of a woman or having children. Seems like you have already decided to be a useless homosexual.
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>>18701624
I'm sure you wish you could use me, you fucking faggot.
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>>18701619
Stuff that's physical kind of gets through the barrier, I guess, so stuff like the runner's high is pleasurable. I like drinking but I don't want to become an alcoholic so I drink scarcely. I have never tried weed but I do LSD and shrooms, they are by far the best thing ever, I even feel emotional for some days after I trip.
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Why anons in a /lit/ board don't know how to read?
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>>18701637
>diseased homosexual projects their needs onto others
>>
I think people are underestimating how much the fucked up housing market right now will lead to major unrest sooner than we think. It will be a bigger political catalyst than race or other anodyne social issues. I usually avoid race war or civil war or "big happenings" like secession you see on /pol/, but this is different. If you don't own a home, it's impossible to have a stake in your community. You have little to lose when you're struggling to pay rent in a cardboard box. Blackstone is spending $6 on buying and renting homes in rural areas for a reason. The lack of affordable housing has already been a big problem and people are already falling into two groups - those just trying to raise a family on their property and mind their own business and people who can barely if at all pay their rent. The former is relatively apolitical since they're generally unbothered by what goes on in Washington outside of taxes. If things are going well for them, the status quo is just fine. The former will turn to higher levels of political extremism in one form or another. Once the eviction moratorium ends and the reality of the impossibility of owning a home becomes more clear to the young generation, the latter will outnumber the former by a dangerously high magnitude. These people will have next to nothing to lose, be prone to reactionary impulses, and they will be out for blood. This is more than just a bubble, it's the biggest recipe for a possible societal collapse I realistically can think of. I don't know how it's gonna end but it's gonna be bad.
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>>18701660
well it's been while since we've had a war of any sort, so it's about time the pendulum swung back that way with a vengeance.
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>>18701660
Wow you mean absolutely flooding western nations with immigrants wasn't the best idea?!?!
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>>18701660
Don’t forget the patronizing attitude of the older generations. Like a dead beat nigger, they take, take some more, and they run off only to act like a victim once you confront them. There was an old women at a grocery store that I work at some time ago bragging about how much money she made and disparaging the youth of today calling them “lazy” and such. God I wanted to smack that uppity white cunt.
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>>18701655
lol. Go be "useful"
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>>18701739
I am
>editing my 2nd book
>checking why my glue hasn't arrived yet
>working on my 3rd book
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>>18701748
I almost pity you.
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>>18701763
Why would you pity someone who is enjoying their life? This is a very fun time for me, tweaking my process, getting ready to set a launch date. The ads will be fun to make.

Come to think about it, I should get another tripod so I can start a YouTube channel and discuss the progress, other recent books like Waldun's and Gardner's latest (released July 1st!) Not only that, but I should also film replacing my clutch on my turbo 5 speed car. Also need to shim the wastegate so I can get more than 14 psi of boost...

What exciting times do you have in your life?
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>>18701550
I don't want anything to do with drugs, sorry.
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>>18701660
Not my problem
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>>18701799
Good decision kid, drugs are bad.
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>>18701595
It is pretty much like that, yeah. "No emotions" is a misnomer because there is a kind of emotional reaction, but it's so dulled and distant that it means almost nothing.

I think there is a cure and probably a natural one but it's too obscure for us to know about it currently. In the meantime experimenting with stuff like gut bacteria and ketamine will probably yield the best results.
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>>18701871
I had not heard anything about gut bacteria before, care to explain?
I am reasonably knowledgeable with drugs, although I found psychedelics to be better than dissociatives (tried DXM, LSD, shrooms, going to try DMT soon).
>>
I am madly in love with a women, but I am too much of a coward and cynic to do anything about it other than sabotage myself. I think I'm going to end up a lonely, bitter old man.
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>>18701927
Women want to be around happy, fulfilled men.
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>>18701884
It's a field of study which is pretty young AFAIK, but recently strong ties have been found between your mental health and the state of the bacteria in your gut, leading to strange procedures such as a fecal matter transplant to combat Treatment-Resistant Depression, and the strange thing is that it's actually shown some results.
https://whyy.org/segments/could-fecal-transplants-help-treat-mental-illness/
>>
The more devout I've become as a Catholic, the more I've grown to despise my native country. The United States is opposed to the Gospels and the Church down to its core. The more Catholic I've become, the more anti-American I've become. I now think it would be a good thing for global Christianity if the United States was totally destroyed.
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>>18702002
Why do all Christians seem to forget the whole "Love thy neighbor" thing whenever it's convenient? Instead of wishing for the betterment of the US and its citizens you just want to see it annihilated, that's not very pious.
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>>18702014
The United States is just too big of an obstacle. You can trace the collapse of Christendom in the Western world almost entirely to the rise of the "American Idea." If you actually read the Declaration of Independence, read the writings of Americans over the years, you begin to realize that the United States isn't just some country, like France or South Korea or Nigeria. The United States is literally an ideology. And insofar as it's an ideology, it competes with Christianity. The collapse of Christianity around the world is due to people wanting "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness." It's wanting blue jeans and rock and roll and rap music and all the things that America spreads through its cultural hegemony.

So America has to be eliminated, in some form or fashion, for the good of Christianity. Maybe that doesn't involve physical destruction. But definitely something at the heart of America needs to be destroyed. Something at the ideological heart, the metaphysical heart. The American Idea needs to be defeated because it competes with Christianity and other religions.
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>>18701950
And how am I supposed to be a happy, fulfilled man when I can't let go of those who wronged me in the past. I feel so bitter with life that the last thing I want to do is accept it like a fucking dog. The suicide rate isn't up for nothing.
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>>18702218
You have to let that shit slide off your back like water on a duck.
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>>18702229
I'm not strong enough.
>>
What does the future of literature look like? If it’s not good, should young people even attempt to write?
>>
>>18701276
i dont know what to aim at anymore
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>>18701660
Most people don’t even want houses. They don’t want kids. People have been thoroughly domesticated and there will be no Revolution. Even if the masses of people have nothing to lose, they will just turn to drugs, video games, and whatever other cheap escapes.
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>>18700449
i changed the battery in my car and it was a FUCKING PAIN in my ass
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>>18702120
The decline of Christianity in Europe was pretty much guaranteed after the Industrial Revolution and Darwinism.
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>>18700486
Narcissist is a made up word by redditors meaning "person I don't like". They can't refute them so they pathologize them.
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>>18701053
Not a schizo house. That's a rich persons apartment with art bro tier nonsense thrown around in it. If that's in a city, it costs over $2400 a month to rent.
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>>18702534
Was only $1700 a month in 2009 with parking and this view:
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>>18701686
This has little to do with that, population increases don't correlate with house prices. I oppose that as much as you do but you're missing the point while falling into the "blame immigrants/non-whites" mentality
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>>18702611
Ummm, am I supposed to not notice what my eyes see?
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>>18702543
>only $1700 a month in 2009
ONLY? That's expensive. For that to be affordable, you would need to be making over $10,000 take home pay a month or have assets exceeding $1M USD.
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>>18701864
shrooms are good
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>>18702664
Why would you care if it is affordable if you are getting laid constantly by new hot babes?
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>>18702683
That doesn't bring happiness nor make up for the unending dread over finances. Power and agency are better than temporary pleasures, you have no control of anything if you aren't well off. You just cope.
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>>18702692
You must be fun at parties
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>>18702710
reddit
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>>18702757
4chan since 2004, you?
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>>18702646
Can your eyes also notice any connections between rising levels or immigration and home prices too? These are two separate ills. There are a lot of problems immigration have created. This isn't one of them champ.
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>>18702771
>There are a lot of problems immigration have created
care to name a few, chud?
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>>18702764
>lying since earlier this month
ftfy
>>
>>18702771
Dude it is completely insane to think that having millions of immigrants come here, many of them extremely wealthy and coming from a country where I as a Canadian could never buy property, they come here and exploit us because the culture I grew up in saw home ownership as a drag. Why would you WANT to own a home and become your parents working a 9-5 job and being miserable with zero free time?

The immigration to Canada has 100% changed the culture and turned home ownership into a complete game. When houses rocket up in value you like that, you are not adding value to your culture and society. You are parasitically acting to enrich yourself off the struggle of the next generation.

It is not shocking that overdoses and drug use is higher than ever before because the spirit of many white people has been broken, they have no community and will never own anything in their country because they were simply born in the wrong time where the values conflict with the values of the people who move here.
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>>18702710
So you admit it is expensive and not affordable and your sensual pleasure did not fill the financial void? Seems odd to go from a discussion to go to a tepid remark conveying passive aggression unless you're admitting that's indeed the case and this is the verbal reddit version of a shrug or you got me.
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>>18700449
I think reality may be like a dream. Or a dream itself.
If reality was real then we would be able to rest knowledge ontop of something that was stable and undebatable. Epistemology would be a solved field. All pieces of knowledge could be understood and explained fully and the meanings of those pieces of knowledge wouldn't have any room to be interpreted or debated since they would be fully and perfectly defined. But there is no piece of knowledge that is 100 stable and unchanging. Nor any meaning whose entirety is perfectly defined with absolute certainty. All knowledge is based ontop of uncertain foundations but it shouldn't be like that since knowledge is based on objective reality and reality is real, right? Unless reality was not real and instead reality is like a dream. In a dream world nothing can be fully certain. No piece of knowledge in the dream world can exist as itself without being tied to an undescribable amount of other thoughts, desires, imagery, etc and even then knowledge from a dream is always incomplete and uncertain. Any information from a dream cannot be known with absolute certainty (try reading something in a dream and try to derive meaning from it.)
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>>18702814
All of the sensual pleasures, pains, and struggles with nihilism lead me to writing my 1st book and opened the door to the next, far better, chapter in life!

Life isn't a simple A to B, and the main thing is to enjoy the journey.
>>
>>18702806
>overdoses and drug use is higher
These are made up statistics. All deaths, even unrelated to any consequence of the drug, are counted if there is any amount of opioids in the system even with therapeutic use. The opioid and drug epidemics are memes.
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>>18702831
I know at least 6 people who OD'ed on fentanyl and died. I quit cocaine after my dealer had a hot bump and died in the back of a limousine. Luckily, the person who found my dealer dead took his phone and warned everyone that just bought from him that the coke was loaded with fent.
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I am going fucking insane. I feel as though I have become partially dissociated from my thoughts and hehavior, though I know full well that "I am the act itself", but I insistently ask "from where did this thought, this action, arise within myself?". It is this insistence on the impossible task of knowing the origin of myself, my will and nature laid bare, that drives me mad. If these things are unknown, how am I to be judged? It is this vague, elusive interaction between the conscious and the unconscious aspects of myself which disturbs me greatly. When my unconscious intuition, this guiding hand, is at odds with the world, who is truly at fault? Was it some subtle concession made during the dream of youth which has metastasized into a psychology incompatible with the world? And how to address this? It doesn't even lend itself to coherent expression in this first place; it's like a deep whirlwind only glimpsed in rare instances which never the less acts as the fulcrum, the underlying ideology of my being. I fear it's become a stable aspect of my being, and a foundational trait of personality. So, am I right to be judged when none(to my knowledge) can produce a complete understanding of these forces? Should we judge with that usual harshness considering the shortcomings of our model of man? It's of practical necessity to do so, of course, but still, I want to be free from the opinions of others(and therefore of myself). Am I just or unjust?
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>>18702896
Do you lift?
>>
>outside

>see a young child wearing a snapback, walking with his mother
>think "Why yes, I've never met my father, how could you tell?!"

>see a hot Stacey with her daughter
>think "Welcome to MILF incorporated"

>see an old looking stone building
>think "SOVL"
>see new looking student accommodation
>think "SOVLLESS"
>see run down 60s or 70s looking building
>think "HALF SOVL"

>see multiple women doing the humping exercise at the gym and think they're all whores

>see a fat middle aged obese guy
>think "That's me after Starting Strength"

>go for a walk at my favourite place to go walking lately
>see a young Chad and Stacey couple that is depressilising to look at
>have seen them twice in a week and was depressed each time
>>
>>18702896
Read Kant.
>>
>>18702828
Life isn't a journey. It is culmination of circumstance leading to an only present point in which limited choices can me made, that once completed cannot be reset and if picked poorly absolutely leave an irreversible mark on one's quality of life. Living in an expensive $1700/month apartment is not going to pay off for most people making anything less than $160K salary and suggesting it on a whim and pointing to you success is like saying you won the powerball jackpot on a whim. All that is assuming it was a decent deal from a larger publisher, otherwise it isn't a success but a cope. The point to underscore is that you cannot enjoy the journey if you are poor and have no power. Spending half or a third of your income leaves you with almost nothing on housing after expenses and food. Just enough to get up, work, work again. No point. It's just subsisting from day to day in exchange for 40+ hours of work a week. The only people saying nonsense like you are usually rich or well off in the first place so they don't have any real worries because they're supported by their parents or know they'll have an inheritance one day.
>>
who here watching the donda livestream? i thought this shit was supposed to start at 8 whats the hold up ye?
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>>18702968
I don't care about this hood sounding "livestream bro". Kill yourself for being a hyped up gigaconsoomer that gets excited about celebashits being live. I don't watch TV, or watch streams or anything that I don't go about looking up in the first place. Most books I read are written by authors long gone. There is no reason to care about crap like you do.
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>>18703005
>not appreciating the only mainstream artist bringing christ to the masses
go tip it somewhere else kid
>>
Random thoughts

I suddenly realised earlier today that I could buy around £300 worth of gold and physically store it in my house. It has a very prepper feel to it and it made me think of how my house would be in 50 years and whether it would be fit to store anything. It also made me realise the appeal for Americans in owning a gun because of that really empowering feel of knowing you have the power / value physically (though recent scenes in South Africa make the appeal more obvious).

The Anglo countries are ten trillion percent doomed. Reading Moldbug's open letter a while ago blackpilled me by solidifying multiple strands of redpills in my head while highlighting how much the USA is mogging everyone else. I feel like I can put everything in to context now. The UK is a pathetic vassal state of the USA.

No UK government could succeed in stopping the invasion of illegals even if they wanted to (and none of them want to). The Human Rights Laws are fertile ground for courts to interpret things based on current fads (the right to leech from our country is a "human right"). Most politicians would never vote for anything but open borders. The USA would impose tariffs etc if the UK became spontaneously redpilled. Etc.

And the demographics are horrific. There's no other way to put it.

Even if you put the racial aspect to one side, the economy is more and more set up to leech off of young people.
>>
>>18702778
The whole point of my post was that social issues like immigration, race, trannies, etc. will not be the main catalyst to the conflict - which made that anon's replies ironic. I'm not trying to argue for a position on this issue.

>>18702806
Not the anon who replied to your post first.
>I as a Canadian
Apologies, was thinking you were an American blaming Mexicans coming from the border, the Chinese and Indians in Canada have fucked up the housing market in Toronto. My Gen X said Toronto in the 90's was better than any cities in the states. I feel for you anon. I'm from a town devastated by the opioid epidemic and I don't know what that retard is talking about but I've seen the broken state of middle class whites over here too. The reasons the housing market is becoming fucked up in the US is for entirely different reasons, small towns that were already suffering but at least had a low COL are having all their properties snatched up by greedy kikes and corporations.

>>18702883
Fuck. I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but this is one of the best articles I've ever read and I can't help but recommend it whenever someone mentions the opioid epidemic:
https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2018/02/americas-opioid-epidemic.html
Ignore the retard who talked about fake statistics.

We don't share all the same problems as you guys, but the struggle doesn't discriminate. Different boats, same storm, as they say. Godspeed.
>>
>>18700449
>RULES SAY NO FANFIC ON /LIT/
People always post fucking cringey derivative RR/FF shit. And yet they get no ban? Also, why aren't there PDFs enabled for this site? Surely, we should be able to share ebooks like /tg/ does.
>>
>>18703111
they can't be posting that much of it cuz i have no idea what "rr/ff shit" is.
>>
>>18703029
Dont know who the artist is. Dont know whad dooda is. Dont believe in God. Dont care.
>>
volafile is down probably for good
>>
>>18703123
Royal Road/Fan Fiction shit. Read between the lines, dude.
>>
ok i already hate this kanye stream, i guess i'm just not in the mood for rap anymore post-2020
>>
>>18703353
hip hop is for teenagers or white dudes who work at liquor stores
>>
well guys it's official
>>
>>18702955
all of him or?
>>
>>18702901
i should
is starting strength or whatever the best?
>>
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>>18700449
I've officially gone fucking insane, more than last time. Won't link anything here because that would be faggoty, but I keep thinking about how it's an all or nothing game. If my attempt to become a one-man empire doesn't pan out, then I most assuredly will kill myself.
I'm currently posting under several different personas online, which by mid-August will include regular updates for 5 blogs, 3 serialized stories, and a YouTube channel. Not including social media (running 5 Twitter accounts, most gaining traction but one with a whopping zero followers) and larger projects under these personas that get dumped online once finished (3 are authors with multiple works of 60k words or more each on the way in the next 5 months). Or the other plans I have, like that mystery series or the one about the horses. But I also have a massive backlog of media to consume on top of preparing for going back to school in a little over a month and on top of that working a part-time job starting next week. My addiction to about a dozen different gacha games doesn't help, but they do make for great reward barriers to work toward (you can't grind for this event until those 3k words are written!).
Do you know that I'm going to be swamped with work so much over the next few years of my life that the 290 unread books on my shelf of over 500 tomes will never ever never ever get read!? It's astounding how many gifts can build up over the course of 8 years. But when I have the pages flipping through my fingers, it doesn't even feel like me. Why aren't they my fingers?
Maybe I'm just another pseudonym too...
>>
>>18703414
Lift and you'll feel better.
>>
i got tested for HIV the other day and turns out i have it. i'm not sure what my life will be like from now on, but one thing i know for sure is that i'm gonna stay positive.
>>
>>18703432
how hard is it to run multiple social accounts? like if i have 3 instragrams and a bunch of tiktoks does that violate the tos? i dont use any social rn but i want to make some instragrams for photography and art but since thats p different i wanna keep em separate accounts and also anon cuz i dont want irl ppl stalkin my shit
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>>18703497
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>>18700449
Anyone here ever read the full Summa? Is it worth it or should I just read an abridged version? I have basically no social life so time constraints aren't an issue.
>>
I have come to realize that since my grandfather's death a few years ago, there is no one in my family left who can read Farsi/Persian. It's a shame, he was very fond of the Farsi language and kept a collection of books/newspapers in the language. And now it's gone. I feel like I should try to learn it, as a way to.... I dunno, connect with him? It's not our native language, but still.
>>
>>18703516
always worth it to learn another language. you read a bunch of stuff in the original language as it was intended. go for it
>>
>>18703516
Yes, do it. I recommend Steve Kaufmann on youtube. He was learning (learned already) Farsi not that long ago.
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Today was awesome. I went to work today and my boss bought me some Chik-Fil-A, and then my manager saved me a chicken biscuit from breakfast, and I got off an hour earlier so I had time to write a page. I named a baby character Nia because it's a cute name.
I thought today was going to be icky because it's basically my Monday and traffic was slow and a truck tore off the front of someone's car in front of me. (Nobody got hurt.)
...but today was a great day. Now I'm watching someone play Mario games and I'm all creative at the moment. I hope my happiness rubs off on you guys.
>>
>>18703545
good for you
>>
>>18703498
It isn’t difficult and you’d have to create multiple emails, one for each account, anyway. If you differentiate the content enough only hardcore sleuths would be able to find out you run both. It also depends on the platform. As far as I’m aware having multiple accounts never breaks TOS and people do it all the time.
Also, word of advice: Stop typing like a retard. “Rn,” “p different,” and “irl ppl” is a rather faggoty way of typing, especially on a literature board. If you want to differentiate yourself from the ilk you’ll be getting attention from on normalfag sites, your best bet is to speak like a 100+ IQ human.
>>
>>18700449
I think I might have Autism, but I can't seem to get in to see any Psychiatrists. They all have 4 month+ waiting periods. Additionally, I'm worried about the stigma surrounding a positive diagnosis and the potential to lose my right to bear arms.
>>
>>18703583
you definitely shouldn't have guns
>>
>>18703616
I'm neither dangerous nor violent though. I tend to avoid confrontation to maintain harmony in the space around me. Why shouldn't I have them?
>>
>>18703497
lol how did u get it?
>>
>>18703630
because you have autism, and you have a biased view of yourself, the fact that you said with such certainty that you're neither dangerous nor violent is actually quite disconcerting
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>>18703637
toilet seat
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>>18703497
>>
>>18703647
not him but i'm dangerous and violent, does that bring you comfort?
>>
>consider something disgusting and/or immoral
>get horny
>suddenly its the hottest thing ever and I want to fap to it
>finish
>feel self-loathing
What causes this?
>>
>>18703661
yeah, since now we can put you in jail after taking away your gun
>>
>>18703662
this is not the advice board, go shit that place up instead please
>>
>>18703666
me? not never
>>
can excrement be used to describe something that is excreted out of you but not shit?
or is the association with shit too strong that even if you use it to describe something else it'll still be seen as shit
>>
>>18703678
it will certainly invoke shit, but with proper context it can make a powerful image. if you dont want the thing to be seen as disgusting, then i would suggest using a different word.
>>
when i was a boy i got a prolapsed anus cause i was pushing a shit too hard and my mom had to push it back in. a few years later (around 8) i had to take an absolutely massive shit, but i suddenly remembered the time my asshole fell out. this petrified me, and i was just holding it in all day, and my mom sees me squirming and asks what is wrong and say i have to poop, and she tells me go, but i say nah i'll go later. towards the end of the day it was no longer really an option to hold it; so with fear and trepidation i sat down on the stool, my heart beating fast, covered in cold sweat. there were a few false starts cause i would kept clenching to keep my intestines from going into the toilet, but as slowly as possible i allowed my butthole to open. a giant turd proceeded to slide out and it felt great. the relief of the shit being out and nothing bad happening had me borderline euphoric after a full day of anxiety. one of the absolute peak experiences of my life.
>>
>>18703432
You sound mentally ill enough to qualify for SSI/SSDI.
>>
>>18703513
It's easy to read if you take amphetamines and abstain from carnal (sexual) indulgences. That's why most people stop reading heavily once they hit puberty and never go back to the level they had before when they were kids. I've unironically read most of the church fathers, Aquinas (Summa, Commentaries, and Sermons), gave up on some of the mystics like saint john of the cross, read a lot of Bellarmine and Alphonsus, and the collected works of Marx, Lenin and Stalin on Dexedrine + Nofap.
>>
i'm a gay black nerd who unfortunately fits the stereotype of growing up without a father cause he left the family and ended up in prison for 15 years. i was mostly raised by my grandma and grew up watching anime and samurai movies. well about six months ago my dad got out of prison and he has been wanting to "do the right thing" as he puts it and make up for lost time and try to be a good father. the problem is that right off the bat he was saying a bunch of homophobic shit and talking about how much he hates DL niggas and goes on and on about the music industry and how jayz and most rappers are taking it in the ass. he is also constantly asking me about if i have been getting pussy and says shit like you better not be a faggot. i do want a relationship with my dad cause he is actually trying and is cool most of the time, but i feel like this situation is a ticking timebomb.
>>
>>18703887
Hopefully your dad ends your miserable life and he goes back to jail. You should be chemically castrated at the very least.
>>
>>18703887
one time i was at a chinese place getting some takeout and this weeb black dude and his crew of nerdy homies came in it was like him, a spanish guy and a super skinny indian kid, they all had their dses out and shit, but the heartwarming part was his dad was there ordering them food, and asking them about their nerdy shit. he was short and bald, reminded me of george costanza.
>>
>>18703974
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
I WANT TO BE A KID AGAIN
>>
>>18703974
cute
>>
>>18703357
I hate modern rap and hip op but My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is easily one of the greatest pieces of art to come out of the 2010's. After creating some of the best hip hop in the 21st century his manic episodes finally did him in unfortunately. Blessing and a curse, I suppose. During his last one he ran for president, came out with an album about his short-lived religious awakening as a born-again Christian, and probably sustained some brain damage. Couldn't get through 10 minutes of his JRE interview. We'll never get another The Life of Pablo.
>>
>>18704090
the only recent rap i liked was pop smoke. travis scott was ok until he did that happy meal for mcdonalds or whatever, had to delete his shit.
>>
>>18701353
30 is still young
>>
>>18700449
Feel like my life is collapsing around me, I feel extremely lost and I think I may be a tad bit depressed. I don't find enjoyment in things that I used too. Recently I have been making decisions that are extremely rash and insane. Such as trying to bang my coworker or trying to get a appointment at a brothel in fucking Aruba. I feel so confused and I have 0 idea what I am doing with my life. I moved so far away from any of my friends and my co-workers are either bullies or annoying. I have also been working extremely long hours at my shitty job, which is probably the source of this newfound insanity. I want to make YouTube videos and become a political streamer but it seems that I don't have the motivation to complete any of my projects. On my days off work, all I do is coom. I need to get myself together but I don't know how.
>>
Holy shit, 95% of posts in these threads is the same faggots posting their same sad story every single fucking day. Just shut the fuck up nobody cares. seriously how do you do it? how do you come back here everyday and post about how much of a loser you are and how you are sad cause no GF? at least write something interesting for fucks sake. either that or just kys already. FUCK!
>>
>>18704235
I love you, anon
>>
I keep getting INFP and INTJ in personality tests
am I a schizoid?
>>
>>18700449
I spent 10 hours today writing code that I didn't even ultimately use; but I learned less than if I had spent it writing literature that no one would ultimately read.
>>
I'm always afraid to post samples of the big story I'm working on because I don't want anyone to know I post here until after I'm well-known as a writer.
>>
I’m having difficulty reading. I want to enlighten my mind with topics on philosophy, but I find that I don’t like reading during the day and when I read at night it’s usually late, and I die of boredom or I get sleepy reading the material. I can’t tell if what I am reading is too dense and I’m not able to sift through the meat of the material or if I’m just simply not interested in the stuff altogether.

I’m currently reading Plato’s Republic.

I’ve read some philosophy before, Geneaology of Morals, Fear and Trembling, and some others and I found those to be eye opening, and I enjoyed them.

Does anyone else have difficulty reading some philosophers? Do you just drop them if you find the material to be dense and difficult to read through?
>>
>>18704261
nvm, I guess I just had some childhood trauma I needed to deal with before I can open up to people again.
>>
>>18704273
>until after I'm well-known as a writer
unlikely. it's okay anon, go ahead, post your anime romance novel
>>
I'm starting to think I'm more concerned about having been laid off than I'm admitting to myself

I'm pretty confident I can find a new job pretty quickly, but there's still uncertainty.
>>
was gonna write sci-fi, then my diabetic blood shat itself and I required food before I could write....now I don't wanna
>>
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i have a thing for unconventionally attractive lesbians, especially when they get all upset at the patriarchy or whatever. maybe it has something to do with the fact that they are ostensibly unattainable, but whatever the reason may be i know that they make my dick hard, and i want them to put their big stinky feet in my face while take them to pound town. that is all, thank you for your attention.
>>
A girl has been coming to me in my dreams, waking and sleeping. Found pictures of us today and over these last 2 weeks she's become something of a muse to me. Memories of her kindness have inspired me to be better, to be worthy of such a love. Someone will look at me that way again.
>>
I like to daydream a lot, nearly all of it ending with my death
I love that feeling you get when you get your heart broken, that feeling of your chest tightening up, tingles of small lighting rush through your body
my most recent daydream is about a story of a boy who met the love of his life in high school.

The boy came from a middle class family, ordinary in every aspect, his life is mundane, detached from reality even, mediocre grades and mediocre friendships, his life has no meaning, he doesn't even know if he's alive or dead, it's hard to tell from first glance if this person was really alive or simply a simulation of what a "normal" person is.

The girl came from a lower class family, just sending her to high school was straining them financially, both of her parents had to work double shifts just to be able to afford food while she attends school, and she knows this which is why she tries her best to in school too.

Anyway I don't know how they met, so I just gloss over this part, but they hit off like they've been the best of friends for decades now, the girls confides in him, that she wants to go to college but can't expect her parents to pay for her and she was denied a loan, seeing this the boy felt as he has found his purpose and convinces her to attend college and offers to help her financially.

Time moves on, the boy after graduating high school decided that he doesn't want to attend college and instead found a manual labor job, and the girl managed to afford college tuition with the help of the boy and getting a job herself, however things aren't going so well between them, the stress of college and uncooperating schedules are putting a wedge between their relationship.

They spend less time with each other, and in the times they do manage to meet, they're either too tired to do anything and always end up arguing, the boy convinced that the root cause of this chink in their relationship a financial one decides to focus on his job, determined to free the girl from having to take a job herself, he started working a second job in his free time.

The girl, after being freed from needing to hold a job, finally has time to actually enjoy college life, she forges a new social circle to fill in the void left by the boy's inability to reciprocate socially, and with this new social circle she was introduced to another man


I wanted to finish this but then I got lazy, anyway the girl starts developing romantic feelings for this man because he was always there and is charming and funny, the boy works himself to exhaustion and dies in a car crash :P
>>
>>18704476
good god larry
>>
This is a horrible thing to say especially because all I read is philosophy and I hate "accessible" reading material but deep down I unironically think that Homestuck is a true work of literature
>>
>>18700449
I hung out with my normalfag friends again today and I just seem unable to enjoy talking to them. Being totally realistic I am probably just projecting feelings of social anxiety, sour grapes whatever, but god, the things they talk about are so banal, and oftentimes borderline retarded. I mean, how long are we gonna talk about our favorite cars and what kinds of cleaning detergent everyone has? They are all very good people and I appreciate them but I also don't feel like we're a good fit. I'm a somewhat overly serious person and I like reading, thinking, coming on here and discussing ideas- not idle chatter and meaningless conversation.
>>
>>18704507
you sound like a cunt, and yes I'm projecting
>>
>>18704507
I love all the things you said but my favorite thing in the world is tell bad jokes or say overly stupid things on purpose. Cracks me up like nothing else so I've gotten along with all my normie friends all this time, sad to hear about your struggles.
>>
>>18704510
Guilty as charged!

>>18704519
The thing is that I used to be like that too- at the start of high school I had a reputation for being funny, but I got hit with some mild depression and ended up spending all my time making music instead, which made things worse. So now years later I have been left with masturbatory creative/intellectual interests and struggle to connect with others. I guess when I head off to a four year college in the fall, I'll be able to find other weirdos.
>>
>>18704537
Almost the exact same trajectory as you but it was towards the end of highschool, got a bad injury and I was always a very active person so having my mobility taken from me for nearly 2 years was not a prospect I was happy about. Almost destroyed me but I have the good fortune of having a large family that helped me keep my humor. Though I did lose all of my friends at the time in the process, felt so bad I became a hermit. I'm sure that you will find your laugh again, just need to find the right person to soften your heart.
>>
>>18704476
meh, relationships are boring
my favorite kind of misery porn are the ones where the heroes gets framed after a gigantic heroic sacrifice.
>>
>>18704554
Thank you for sharing your story man. I know this site's got its limitations, but those words help. And as for family, who else is there? I'm trying to appreciate my senpai every single day, for being there for me even though I've disappointed them at so many turns. Life is short- need to be more grateful for those in our life before they move on.
>>
>>18704580
Love isn't conditional, I've learned that much. As much as you've disappointed them I'd try not to dwell on it so much. Do what you can, that's all that matters friend. Godspeed.
>>
a lot of women just want you to dominate them when you'd rather talk about ur feelings and walk on the beach
>>
I wonder what it feels like to be asked out by a women.
Are they as shallow as men, do they only see my looks, or perhaps they've paid more attention to what kind of a person I am.
I bet even if I did get asked out, they'd ghost me after the first date.
>>
>>18704711
It's uncomfortable for me, I basically always turn people down.
Just like with men some are hornier/sluttier than others. First impressions are about more than looks, you get a feel for what a person is like, the impetus can be any number of things.
:(
>>
What is the most sad thing in the world?
>>
>>18704711
they only see looks and social status
as soon as I looksmaxxed and got fit they pretend I have a different personality
>>
Just got a text from a girl I went on a date last night saying that she felt "vulnerable" about the date with me last night.
I'm socially inept and don't like drinking, so I was hesitant when she wanted to go hang at a bar, but I figured it'd be more talking and less drinking, I guess she hadn't realized how much alcohol were in the drinks she was having because she got hammered very quickly, so now I'm left with this drunk girl on my first date and I'm completely lost, I stopped the date right when she started slurring words.
Not sure if I should just leave a drunk girl alone with a taxi driver so I offered to drive her home, then I just helped her into her home and decided to leave.
How fucked am I out of 10
>>
>>18704808
just be honest about you being a bumbling bitch
>>
>>18704808
sounds like you're fucked, to be honest
>>
>>18704808
You fucked it, should have stopped her from getting drunk or get buzzed yourself. She felt vulnerable because you don't seem strong enough to protect her
or go to church for a meek lamb gf like urself
>>
>>18704808
Let her know you thought the entire situation was awkward, with her being drunk and you still relatively sober.
Its really up to her how she interprets it. Just dont agree she was vulnerable or some shit.
>>
>>18704808
uhhh doesn't seem like you did anything wrong
>>
>>18704808
Embrace Celibacy
any emotional support a girlfriend can give you can get from a close friend.
It's not worth it.
Go adopt a kid if you want kids, you'll be doing some good in the process too.
>>
I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE. I WANT TO BECOME GOD TO RID THE WORLD OF ALL EVIL, I CAN'T STAND LYING TO EACHTOHER I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE BEING MEAN TO EACHOTHER AND STOMPING ON EACHOTHER FOR GREED. I CAN'T STAND ALL THE SUFFERING AND THE MANIPULATIONS AND CHILDREN BEING RIPPED APART FROM THEIR PARENTS. I CAN'T STAND ANYMORE DEGENERACY. I CAN'T STAND TRUE LOVE BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM PEOPLE AND REPLACED WITH HEDONISM AND MATERIALISM.
IS IT WRONG I CARE TOO MUCH, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT? THIS WORLD COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER, WHY, WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS?? WHY IS GOD DOING NOTHING TO STOP THEM? IF GOD IS NOT GOING TO DO IT, I WILL BECOME GOD AND I WILL DO IT AND I WILL RIGHT EVERY WRONG AND I WILL WIPE EVERY TEAR AND I WILL UNDO EVERYTHING EVIL EVER DONE IN ALL OF HISTORY AND I WILL FREE US FROM THE CLAWS OF EVIL TWISTED DEMENTED TYRANTS.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>
>>18704861
I SEE YOU, AND I FEEL YOU
WITH OUR COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUNESS WE SHALL WILL INTO REALITY, A NEW WORLD, A BETTER WORLD
LETS US COUPLE OUR EXISTENCE AND TOGETHER CREATE A NEW ERA.
>>
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>>18704865
DO IT
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>>18700449
I finally grew a beard. I am a bearded man now. I feel so good. In ancient greece this would have been a proof of my maturity and respectability. Will I stop being edgy now? Let's find out!
>>
All Day I Dream About Sex
>>
I think now that if you are going to take responsible for how other people feel it is going to make you sick with worry and stop you from doing anything at all. Although some kind of middle way is probably best.
>>
>>18700449
I wish I could kill myself but I am too much of a coward to do it.
>>
>>18705164
I'm proud of not being able to kill myself, I have the courage to wake up everyday and face this world in it's entirety
>>
>>18705164
>>18705168
Wimps.
>>
>>18705273
I love you too
>>
>reading daoist literature
>now mind is full of vague attempts at understanding
>could it mean this?
>meanwhile of course the vague understanding is there that this is not the goal of daoism
>then what is the goal?
>does goal define not-goal?
>is anyone supposed to do anything?
>what is it to be supposed to do something?
>does it define not-supposed?
>>
>>18703841
I’ve never been diagnosed with anything so I’m not sure about that. In fact, most of what I do feel natural even though it also happens in panicked jerks and skitters if I can feel it at all.
I hope I’m fine. The last thing I want to do is deal with psychologists who want to drug me up to take away the mission I’ve set out before myself. While I would rather accomplish my goals than be dead, I would rather die than let mental health professionals and government agencies try to turn me into a walking husk for whatever nefarious purposes they hate me for.
>>
I used to suffer from yellow fever, but now I just can't help digging black queens. I should go live in Angola for a year or two.
>>
>>18705472
you need to get in touch with you self confidence issues and low self esteem anon
>>
>>18705455
I mentioned it so you get NEETbux too. Look into those programs.
>>
>>18705472
you need to stop touching your self miscegenation issues and low self impulse control anon
>>
>>18705475
>>18705501
the fuck is your problem?
>>
I have an enduring fear of hell.
This fear drives me to read religious texts, do religious things. Once I do them they waylay my fears.
At the same time I am one of those eastern-inspired hippies who only believes in Now, and in no permanent self.
So who is supposed to be going to hell?

There is something off about this.
>>
>>18705507
you the one wt problem anon
>>
>>18705507
because you just changed your taste
it's one thing to have yellow fever
it's another to shift from yellow fever to wanting ebony queens
your perception of their attractiveness probably stems from your internalized low self esteem and you view these girls as "attainable"
>>
>>18705514
nah
>>18705513
there's absolutely nothing wrong about race mixing, this place is fucking with your head
>>
>>18705514
I didn't stop liking Asian chicks, just started noticing black girls far more. I also am still into white girls. Most of my past gfs were white.
>>
>>18705519
I mean, hey
it's your life
>>
>>18705519
>I can't help
You have a problem.
>>
>>18705524
black girls have gorgeous faces and brutally attractive body shapes...
I mean, some of them, I guess there are many black ethnicities.
>>
I keep reading CC, and going through the threads where they talk about cheating and stuff besides it being disheartening, it got me thinking
would I forgive my gf for cheating on me?
why would they even want to go on a girl's night to nightclubs with make up and skimpy dresses if they didn't intend on picking up people
>>
What's the gay equivalent of no homo? If a gay man somewhat fancies a girl, does he say "no straight"?
>>
>>18705540
>I keep reading CC
are you that same anon last thread?
for fuck's sake, you need to stop going there anon
it's a fucked up place filled with jaded femcels and larping incels
>>
>>18705548
no hetero
>>
>>18705550
I CAN'T
IT'S TOO FUCKING FASCINATING, IT'S COMPLETELY SATISFIES MY HUMAN WATCHING HOBBY
I STARED INTO THE ABYSS AND NOW IT'S LEADING ME ASTRAY
>>
>>18705488
I don’t really trust those programs but thanks for the advice. If things really go south at work and school I might consider them, but right now everything feels mostly fine outside of a panic to get every idea I have out for all to see.
The only other symptom of all this, I guess, is hallucinations but those usually go away as long as I sleep 6+ hours 1 night a week instead of the usual 2-3. Plus I’ve been having them since I was a kid so those probably aren’t too big a deal. I’ll check the programs out for sure but I doubt they’d do much for me unless things get worse.
>>
>>18705540
>why would they even want to go on a girl's night to nightclubs with make up and skimpy dresses if they didn't intend on picking up people
doesn't work like that for women
remember that women like looking good and being desired but do not necessarily have the end goal of picking up a guy to fuck because women are much more biologically selective about the act of sex (incomparably so)
they decorate themselves for SOCIAL VALIDATION they don't care so much about fucking but they need the approval and they need to look better than other women
also stop reading cc they are insane, not the best example of female psychology
>>
>>18705562
Except you're just obsessing over a bunch of trannies and schizophrenic larpers, pretty pathetic
>>
>>18705579
where can I go to people watch then?
I need unfiltered rawness, I want access to their minds
>>
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>>18700449

I know I should live for the future but I'm not interested anymore. I put so much work into developing a marketable skill I could make a career out of just to never see it pan out over years. I will probably be homeless for the 4th time in my life at 27 and I already know I've given up hope on a better future.

I value a lot of different things. With writing it feels like the intentions, thoughts, and feelings of people both alive and dead are lessons and hints at how to live ourselves. It seems like no one is interested in this or in progress, like all of humanity can't handle it's power as a whole would rather be retarded and impulsive than strive for something better. I'd like to avoid struggling in many of the same ways as people who already lived it, but that's unrealistic as we are now. I'm small, I don't need to flourish and would be fine if I could make just enough money to live, but I've only ever made enough to survive. I was roped into an industry that is all contract work in corporate companies. I'm so bittered by past experience that i can't bring myself to work a job and be a slave to the pettiness of other people. It leaves me so spiteful and sour that I'd rather be self destructive than in this way than let it consume me. If i can't survive doing something I value and have to work, I just want to work quietly and alone. Unfortunately for an uneducated minimum wage slave with no training that's not an option, and I'm probably going to kill myself in the next few months because of these conditions.

It's a weird feeling, like I'm overflowing life but who I am doesn't fit the present world. I'm suffering from all the same faults of pride because I am uncompromising and unwilling to putting my burdens on others. I can't see a point in living if I am both useless to society and unable pursue my true interests but worst of all I'm hopeless and would rather not live like this.
>>
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I need to buy a new computer because my laptop is about to die any day now. Should I wait until Windows 11 devices hit the market in couple of months or choose something from current selection?
>>
>>18705663
all modern CPUs have the bullshit thingy for windows 11
just be aware on what you want to do with your computer and choose accordingly
>>
I know it’s shameless promotion, but >>18705661
>>
>>18705663
you should wait until the macbook pros with the m1x chip drop in the fall
>>
I'm a virgin and I have a right to demand my gf to be a virgin too.
I'm bettering myself in all the ways I know how so that if I ever meet a girl who is also a virgin, she wouldn't feel like she's getting the bad end of a stick.
>>
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>>18705684
>what you want to do with your computer
The idea is to get a desktop PC and focus on writing, because I've had a laptop for 5 years and always end up lazying on the sofa and shitposting on this indonesian incel forum instead of working on my stories.
>>
>>18705709
if writing is all you want to do and you're certain, then it really doesn't matter
go on /g/ and tell them what you want to do and they'll build you a cheap ass computer
>>
>>18704808
She made herself vulnerable. Tell her she should work out who is going to collect her and take her home when she is drunk BEFORE she starts drinking. The only thing you fucked up possibly is if you know her friends. If you know her friends, then what you do is you call one of her girlfriends and tell them that she is messy drunk and needs someone to take her home. Then they can rag on her for being a nuisance drunk.
>>
>>18705703
Doesn't work like that, adult male virginity is has no value because women like sexually experienced men. Female virgins on the other hand are extremely prized because majority start fucking around at 15 or 16.
>>
>>18705723
NO!
I reject this american illness.
>>
What is the significance of connection itself to souls? Humans are dependent on connection as a means to justify their existence. Without a connection to others the existence of self is fleeting. Connection allows a self to define itself in relation to other. Unique individuality is an expression of self in contrast to others. It permits a soul to self-actualize, have others perceive them as they perceive themselves. It validates the self-identity to share in a collective subjective experience.
Alternatively, there were no connections. There is only Self in isolation. You would never see me and I would never see you. It is to live in ignorance of the other. Yet also it is to deny one self to other. Our existence cries out, I am here! I was here... Reality while being complete, still feels incomplete in the absence of recognition.
>>
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>>18705717
It needs to handle music recording and production software too, so certain specs are required. My budget is around 1300 euros, thinking of something like 800 euro PC and 500 euro curved monitor. However, the priority is to get a stationary working space instead of a procrastination machine sitting on my lap.
>>
>>18705746
either way, go to the PC building general on /g/ and tell them what you just said here, they love building PCs, it's a fetish
>>
>>18705725
I'm eastern euro though, it's the same here. Once you're in your twenties, you're expected to have experience.
>>
>>18705758
I DON'T CARE
I WILL NOT SUCCOMB TO YOUR DEGENERACY.
FORNICATORS GET THE ROPE
>>
>>18705750
Yeah will do, thanks for advice.
>>
>>18705758
neck yourself slav scum
>>
>>18705769
How rude
>>
>>18705703
You'll be forced to date younger most likely. Its a fine attitude to have, I'd be in the same boat as you but I've been with one woman. We both thought we'd be married but when you're poor you don't have as much control over the direction of your life as you'd like.
>>
>>18705774
yeah, I don't want to play games anymore, and I don't want to devalue myself
I'm working on my career and trying to foster genuine hobbies and interests, and if I fail to find someone I genuinely connect with I'll just donate everything I own to charity before I die.
>>
>>18705723
>women like sexually experienced men
A bit of a generalization there, isn't it?
>>
>>18705783
Either deal with generalizations or go crazy chasing unicorns. Past high school and early college you'll just be awkward and repulsive without any skill - and it's not just sex, but handling the emotional aspects of relationships because women all play the same psychological games to test their partners. Extremely unlikely you'll handle those on your first try.
>>
how do I emotionally "connect" with someone in distress
it's not that I'm not empathetic, it's just that my mind keeps immediately jumping to problem solving solutions for emotional problems.
Using my sister for example since she's the latest one I encountered, she came home and started complaining about her boss being cruel and unfair, what do I do now?
Do I join her and start berating her boss? I don't even know the person and honestly feel nothing towards the person.
>>
>>18705817
All you need to do is lend an ear. Sometimes people just want to vent and don't want solutions.
>>
>>18705823
I mean I'll happily lend an ear to someone, but I'm not a responsive listener, so every time I'm there listening to someone they eventually gets this impression that I'm zoning out even when I'm not
>>
>>18705826
Squint your eyes and nod your head, mate. You'll look invested then.
>>
>>18705828
I'm gonna go look for some books to help me deal with this problem
honestly I don't hate it when people turn to me for emotional support, what I hate is how powerless I feel when I can't offer them help.
>>
>>18705703
Same. I won't marry a woman who isn't a virgin, or isn't as religious as myself for that matter.
>>
>>18705835
It's not something theoretical that you can learn from books. You'd have a better chance watching movies/shows and imitating them.
>>
>>18705845
>won't marry a woman who isn't a virgin
How can you be sure she's a virgin though?
>>
>>18705850
emotionally manipulate her through kindness and compassion until she feels so extremely guilty that she confess to me that she has had past experience, in which case I immediately dump her.
>>
>>18705800
I should have probably disclosed that I'm on the other side that you're talking about. I believe it's attractive and virtuous of a man to be chaste. There's that connection of relatability there, I suppose.
>>
>>18705864
I don't believe you, but importantly I don't care what a single individual has to say for the entirety of a gender.
>>
I just want to be alone so badly. 12 months, a cabin in Alaska, Maine, Greenland, Iceland, the Faroe Islands, Scandinavia, Russia, anywhere. I so desperately want it. I want the phone gone. I want the computer gone. Don’t forward my mail. Stop it entirely.

There’s a spot within a few hours’ drive of me that’s more or less uninhabited. It’s supposed to be one the best dark sky viewing spots in the United States because there’s so few people around. I’ve got like $8k in cash I can spend and I’ve been looking into renting a cabin there for a few months but everything is booked or expensive. It looks like the city dwellers want to see the stars and they’re happy to cater to them.
>>
>>18705860
Reasonable plan, but don't overestimate your ability to manipulate women. Disingenuity is their second nature, no matter how religious they appear to be.
>>
>>18705850
The hymen? It is very simple.
>>
>>18705869
That's fair given the website we're on. Generalizations are safe, after all.
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>>18705882
Not only safe, true
big data doesn't fucking lie
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>>18705875
1. She'll claim she tore it riding a bicycle, inserting a tampon or whatever
2. If you're religious, how will you inspect the hymen before wedding night?
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>>18705886
Obviously I won't buy any excuses. In Islamic countries it is common practice that the bride's body is inspected by the mother/sisters of the groom before the wedding for any imperfections, including a broken hymen. I'll most likely marry a Muslim.
>>
>>18705875
It’s an old meme
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>>18705898
Based
But it has to be said that western muslimas suck cocks like any common teenage slut and some take it up the ass before marriage too
>>
>>18705871
Spend that $8k on a class A RV. You can get them, you just need to lowball if you see one for $20k. Get a wood or propane furnace inside and an chimney. Don't pay retards. Also it you only have 8k in assets and you'll have no income, once you liquidate it, you'll qualify for food stamps and get about $250 a month. You can use EBT in any state.
>>
>>18705907
I am aware of such a minority. You can exclude that possibility if you see that her family sufficiently supervises her. They can't do something if they aren't given the chance.
>>
>>18705919
Why get an RV if I don’t plan on moving around anywhere? I have a paid off SUV that I could live out of if I really wanted to. I want something fixed but I thought about doing a year in the SUV and then maybe a year in the cabin.
>>
>>18705935
Fair enough. If there's one thing I admire in Islam it's their handling of women.
>>
>>18702822
>would would would would
but why? who made you the arbiter of what reality would or should be?
>>
>>18706065
I am the arbiter of my reality, bitch
better wise up unless you wish to be purged
>>
>>18700486
Admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it anon, it's never too late
>>
>>18702952
>depressilising
le costanza face
>>
>>18703241
looked between the lines and it didn't say that anywhere. don't expect everyone to understand your abbreviations,nerd
>>
I don't wanna work. I just wanna read.
>>
>>18702666
Chek'd and curs'd
>>
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>>18706336
>ywn creampie a cute jap
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>>18703783
Nobody can properly appreciate a healthy shit until they've had a traumatic experience on the toilet
>>
>>18703887
You only get one dad, bro. You should probably ease him into it to avoid something bad happening
>>
FUCK IT
I'm going full /fitlit/
it's over for you guys, I'm ascending
>>
>>18705875
Many people don't bleed the first time they have sex (I didn't). The "hymen" actually very often gets damaged before virginity loss
>>
>>18706883
This
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>>18706883
Gymnastics + horseback riding does it too
>>
>>18705946
Their retrograde garbage dump religion is the reason why islamic countries are literal shitholes ridden by war (and the UAE is a whole another topic, so much money yet it is still an uncivilised cultureless SHITHOLE) and the arab world suffers constant internal conflict, great culture. Little autistic limp-wristed neets on 4chan "admiring" islam, comedy gold. Faggot.
>>
>>18706904
So many random things can do it
>>
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My boyfriend's eyes water up when he's yawning, when he yawns a lot his eyes start pouring and he starts sniffling too
was cuddling with him while watching a movie and he was clearly falling asleep since he started yawning, I asked him if wanted to go to bed and end the night early
and when he turned to look at me, he looked like a puppy with watery eyes, I love him so much.
>>
>>18706883
>>18706904
it seems exceedingly likely that masturbation could do it, which I have it from a real salafi shaykh that it is only makruh>>18705875
>>
>>18706928
lol
>>
>>18707308
>masturbation is makruh
Your salafi shaykh is a retard.
>>
>>18707308
My ex's mom is a horse trainer and she said that 90% of the young women that she gave lessons to did the tell-tale sign that their hymen broke while riding. For some it is very painful.
>>
>>18707407
source in the shariah? his argument is that it is never explicitly stated and that for something to be haram it has to be explicit
>>
I'm addicted to raping moms and bussy
>>
>>18707421
There is an ayah for it in the Qur'an that restricts a man to only receive sexual pleasure from his wives, concubines, and slaves, which means he himself is not allowed to please himself.
>>
what is masculinity?
Being Stoic? Strong? Competitive?
>>
>>18707451
I think the ol shaykh would have been aware of this. for one thing it would seem to depend on the specific verb used. is masturbation sex for instance?
>>
>>18706928
The problem with middle east is, on one hand, western imperialism and the constant subversion from western agencies, and on the other hand, that Islamic countries understandably have trouble to adjust to modernity and liberalism, which are foreign to them. Before globalization they were doing just fine.
>>
>>18707458
Nobody knows.
Make up your damn mind.
>>
America is the beast
end it, save humanity
>>
>>18707472
Beware of the temptation to make bid'ah, even from "shaykhs". Masturbation is certainly sexual pleasure and haram (although I should note, while masturbation for men is explicitly disallowed, the case for women is less clear; it might be permitted for them).
>>
>>18702507
This. America is just the materialist heir of the British Empire.
>>18702120
America doesn't need to be destroyed. There are examples where the Church benefits. ProAmerican groups that do many works like the Knights of Columbus exist. America is also a useful giant against the more antireligious China.
>>
I am looking for a book on a very special subject: the moment of clarity (– the temporary state of awareness in which one's powers of cognition are stronger than in the average state of mind and thus able to grasp one's life circumstances more clealry). What causes the moment of clarity? I'm fascinated by it. Seeing yourself as if from a birdseye view - metaphorically speaking - with the eyes of a hawk, and realizing your own general stupidity and near-sightedness.
>>
>muslim guy I know sends me a heart on whatsapp
I figure the best I can do is just not open the message, leave it as unread... it could be a cultural thing? he's south asian, they hold hands and shit even tho they're just friends, right? we do not know eachother well at all. maybe he's just saying he wants to be friends. he sent a voicemessage but deleted it, then sent a heart. afaik it's a pretty fucking serious deal in his tradition if he is not saying he wants to be friends
>>
I am madly in love and it scares the shit out of me. It's very, very long distance and that makes it really fucking complicated, but I just have to admit that I'm in love with her. I feel like I know her as well as I know myself, and that I always have, like we're the same spirit in two different bodies, and the intensity of that emotion is fucking terrifying. I desperately, madly want her by my side, if not forever, then at least to see if it could be forever. I feel like it could be. I'm torn in a billion different directions because I'm pretty sure she feels the same way but we're both just trying to play it cool. It's been so long since I've relied on anyone other than myself, and I want her to rely on me as much as I want to rely on her. I don't know what to do with any of this.
>>
>>18707565
Those muslim guys be thirsty as hell
>>
>>18707662
Use it to pull you in a direction in life that would make your bonding more likely and more practical. So start learning a skill you can work remotely on, or a work-from-home thing you can do. Keep in mind that you need to keep your life going so that if this morning dew burns off with age, you still have reasons to be with her or have a life beyond her in mind. Surfing and running a coastal tea shop, for example.
>>
>>18707662
can you afford to visit? this could maybe give you some concrete answers.
>>
>>18707662
>and I want her to rely on me as much as I want to rely on her.

That's it man, that's how I recognize love. When you want to own them completely and want to be owned completely. You dissolve into each other, it's a beautiful thing.
>>
>>18707690
She already works remotely, and I have a lifelong disability stipend from my time in the military that will follow me even if I renounce citizenship. My life's passion is writing, which I can do anywhere. We're both intense introverts. I don't have much of a "life" and I don't need one, and she's the same way. Even if she didn't work, the both of us could probably live comfortably off my stipend in a cheaper country.
>>18707691
I can. That's what makes it all so terrifying to me. It could actually fucking realistically work, and I honestly had become so happy and comfortable on my own that I wasn't prepared for this degree of intensity.
>>
>>18707759
>I can. That's what makes it all so terrifying to me.
well then. keep us posted.
>>
>>18701393
>rednecks
>culture
living in a run down, shithole trailer park is culture?
>>
>>18707565
>>18707684
Muslim men are gay as fuck in my experience. Don't think they aren't fags just because they're "muslim", it doesn't mean shit
t. French (white) faggot
>>
>>18707473
>THE MIDDLE EAST IS THE WAY IT UHHHHH BECAUSE OF BAD WESTERN IMPERIALISM. THEY JUST CAN'T ADAPT >:(((((((( LEAVE THEM ALONE IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT!!!11111111111
First of all you speak like a twitterfag, second, you should fucking neck yourself for even thinking this dumb shit. Literally, I mean it. Die.
>>
>>18708223
you seem upset
>>
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>>18700449
it's like I have this blob an inky slimey gross blob sitting right on my waste line between my belly button and my genitals I'm constantly upset angry and sad and ready to destroy a whole china shop or even rape/beat/kill someone just to cause them and the people who love them PAIN the sadness the agony the loss my mind constantly races every day to do bad things and hurt other people and myself just scratching at me every day to do awful evil things just for the sake of making other people feel bad a cheap self gain i could very easily lie to someone right to there face or commit a terrible act and then just calmly move on to pretending like I never did it I'm so degraded and violated with my nose rubbed in it I constantly think negatively of the world and myself the view is so ugly and my inside world is so ugly i just want to take action i just want to be myself again I just want to feel happy but instead i just want to crush others underneath my anger at them i don't feel love towards ANYONE not even myself I'm just selfish and want to avoid pain and seek pleasure i just keep thinking and thinking about things until i feel i see what they truly are and I do not like it on paper i SHOULD be happy it isn't right to feel like this
>>
>>18708223
To put it another way, any region that is losing the global culture wars is going to look at the world with fear and violence.



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