>>17280419
I need help /wg/. How do I come to terms with my prose? I want it to be respectable like the novels of old, but my story is modern and no matter how hard I try, I can’t find a middle ground. Should I just give up on the old prose.

>>17280444
Prose is related to character I guess. So if you have a character who would experience the world the way you explore with your prose, then maybe that could work. But yeah old style language doesn't make sense in modern writing. But you can still write good prose, there's nothing wrong with writing in a modern voice and having it read well. Maybe old style prose is a crutch for you?

It's 4 AM. I will write until 6 because I'm free tomorrow. Give me some music to help my book develop.

>>17280444
Post work

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https://pastebin.com/rRbPrbDz

This is chapter two of my book. I think this works as its own little story though. Lemme know what you think.

For Chapters one and two go here:
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/37998/wish-mountain

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Can any kind anons give me advice on improving this passage? I've found this scene a little tricky to convey - I want to give the impression that her mother enjoys the attention and her own sexuality. She is unfaithful to her husband a few chapters later.

>>17280419
burn in hell animefag

what do you think of these two first sentences of my short story?

It's an empty world and here I don't exist. Spreading fire, just one mistake and even my true feelings were wiped out.

>>17280531
This is fine until you start mentioning how the water cascaded down the woman's body. After that I fail to see the point of this.

Also 'offered a tight lipped smile' I really don't like this phrase. It's weak writing and should be avoided.

Also 'her lips curled' also bad.

The problem with this passage I think is the observer doesn't bring enough of themselves into what they're see. Tell me how they feel about what they're seeing. Does it bring up any emotions? Memories? It's very placid right now.

>>17280573
I'll be sure to change tight-lipped smile and lips curling, anon, thanks. With the cascading water I was trying to create an image, but it's one of the main bits I'm not completely happy with and I'll figure out a way to tweak.

The scene is actually a memory, and you get a lot of the observer's thoughts and feelings in the following paragraphs.

>>17280577
Not that anon but it just depends on what you write. Some genres are more popular than others. And it depends on your own quality too.

>>17280593
I think you should make their thoughts direct to that moment, otherwise cut it.

>>17280573
What's wrong with tight-lipped smile?

>>17280601
It's hard to explain without going overboard but trust me anon, there's a reason why this incident is isolated and why it's mainly processed afterwards. Thank you for your help with the excerpt :-)

>>17280596
I want to write on RR so that's why I have been wondering. I am a pretty good writer, I think, but I am not sure I can be assed with shilling my story. I wouldn't even know how to go about that.

>working 10-12 hours a day
>being too tired every day to even think about writing
I'm not going to make it, right?

>>17280651
It's not impossible, but it is harder. I left my full time job in July and basically have 5 full days a week to write in. All of a sudden I've gone from taking 2 months to do a short story to cracking out the best part of a novel.

>>17280603
Nothing. I don't know why the other anon said it was weak writing, at worst it's generic. Describing body language is a good way to convey feelings and emotions to a reader without being blunt.

How often do you read your book and think
>it's so bad lmao
and delete thousands of words?

>>17280758
About zero times.

>>17280758
>delete thousands of words
at that point it's "make a new file and start again" tier. Or the least, make a new file so you have the shit you scrapped if you need any of it for any reason.

I honestly wonder how much shit has been lost for good because of digital completely erasing things. At least back in the day writers could go back and see the shit they crumbled up and crossed out to go back and maybe pluck good bits out of.

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Active Writing Discord: https://discord.gg/A2tznEg7
This server started as a NaNoWriMo group but we've stuck together and formed a cozy community of autists and spergs. Come join us for comfy camaraderie and quality discussion as expected from homegrown vegetables, along with writing feedback and beta readers.
Most people here have finished a manuscript at least, so maybe they can help you with that too.

>>17280510
>slip like dirt through her fingers
I would remove the "like dirt" from this. It feels unnecessary.
I would also remove the part about Chloe falling a sleep in the bath before the vampire comes in. She's unconscious less then a paragraph later so it's a little awkward to read.
I enjoyed this a lot more than the last wo chapters, anon. It kept my interest the whole time and you're right that it works as it own story.

Not sure what kinda feedback im looking for. Just general, I guess. Tell me if you hate it or not. I know its not really the type of stuff you guys like usually.

Here's my current project.
Genre: adventure/mystery
ages: 12-15
Two house cats solve a string of catnappings while searching for ingredients for a ritual to keep their feline forms.

Chapter 1:
Charlie had been missing for two days.
Smudge the cat sat underneath a bush, resting. She had spent a long night surveying the neighborhood for Charlie’s trail. Her green eyes glistened in the light cast by a distant amber streetlight. Night air filtered in through her pink nose, and her white sides moved gently, in and out, as she breathed in the smell of the evening. There was a strange scent on the wind, and it reminded her of evil.
After some time, a van pulled up on the street and sat in front of the bush she hid beneath, idling, tooting exhaust from its behind. It was an acrid smell that threatened to burn her eyes.
A man sat behind the wheel of the van and lit a cigarette. The smell was even worse than the car.
Not wanting to move, Smudge sat still and continued to watch as the man got out of the car, cigarette dangling from his mouth.
At the sound of his footsteps moving along on the sidewalk, a muffled barking came from the back of the van.
“Quiet, ya noisy animals,” the man said hoarsely, looking over his shoulder, checking if he’d been seen or not.
He opened the back door, and two large dogs jumped out. Their dark coats shone in the warm streetlight in streaks of muted orange.
“So glad to be out of the back of that van. It smells like pee,” said the larger dog.
“You’re one to talk. You’re the one who peed there,” replied the other dog.
“It was only once.”
“That’s all it takes, obviously.”
“Quit your yapping, the man said, shushing them. He fastened a leash on each of their collars.
“Let’s check the boxes, boys,” he said to the dogs. They were both slobbering, and their tongues lolled out of their mouths as they sniffed the night air and surveyed the area.
Smudge shuddered in her hiding place.
The man walked the dogs up the street toward the park at the opposite end of the road, by the cul de sac.
Could the man have something to do with Charlie’s disappearance? Her instincts told her it was worth investigating. He was the first stranger she had seen in the area in the last few days.
Her apprentice, Charlie, had been missing for two days now, and it was unusual. He was a rambunctious kitten but never strayed far and always returned to his people at night. He was a good cat.
Smudge shook her head, trying to shake the past-tense thoughts from her mind. He is a good cat; she corrected. And she would find him, somehow.

I posted more here: https://www.inkitt.com/stories/adventure/653669
Im only at 10k words (3 chapters) so far but the whole story is planned out and im looking forward to finishing it and then polishing it up.

>>17281268
I thought discord was fully of trannies and fags

>>17281350
Discord is identical to any other website that's based around communities that don't really intersect. Even if it's 90% trannies, the 10% non tranny servers won't have any overlap.

How do I stop being a pussy and just make the MC of my fantasy book a complete nonhuman?

>>17281369
easy, just make them a cat.
meow

>>17281369
Make him a human disguised as a dog in order to infiltrate and forcefully remove the furries

>>17281369
simply do it
mines a anthro turtle

I'm trying to write a nonfiction book, aimed at adults, with political/philosophical themes. How the fuck do I do this? I'm trying to argue several things:
>the United States has fallen into decadence
>our education and social systems suck at giving the average American a framework in regards to the "why" we're here
>due to a combination of these factors, the average American will not be able to experience fulfillment in their life.
>this state of decadence can be fixed by reworking the way our education system works, focusing on properly teaching politics, philosophy, and history
And I don't know where to start on researching any of these subjects. In addition, I don't know what tone I should be using while writing. Should I be taking a conversational approach? Should I write in a academic fashion? Do I just sperg out over the pages and see what sticks?

How do I argue such broad, societal points like that?

Is there even a demand for a book like this? Should I just start "blogging" and see where I can go from there?

Am I just retard?

>>17281378
>>17281387
Are we bringing back the zoophilia book discussion today?

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how the fuck faulkner do it bros? how do you even write something not autobiographical?

i wrote 3,000 words today and i realized afterward that in it not a single time a character spoke to me, not once, in order to make dialogue i have to make it like im talking to myself in a diary entry in a Q/A format because that's the only thing that feels natural

if i even attempt dialogue it's so disjointed and uncanny, almost as if each character was told what to say to nobody and then all of them were superimposed on top of each other

>>17281450
there's a book by Jacques Barzun called From Dawn to Decadence which entirely covers all of western cultural history since the mid 16th century to about the end of the 20th century, comprehensively, like every notable name and literal who that you haven't heard of is in there, with the thesis that we are in a state of decadence (not necessarily permanent, but like the roman empire or something).

although the thing about that work is that it could only have been written by a 90 year old (jacques was 93 when it was published). there is possibly nobody else on the planet that could have written that book. not only because he's old and had insane amounts of info in his noggin but also he's very smug/prescriptionist (not a bad thing) and for example does not concede to political correctness like many other books i've read (says he/man/etc to mean person/people/etc), also obviously it's western-centric

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>>17280419
Any lads willing to read my short story? Only 1500 words. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/15SrA5q2eOM8_tMBKPMh41AOUOSmxthRC/view?usp=sharing

>>17280531
Though I like the ideas, you over punctuate and it tends, to make it long, draw out, and boring, to read.

>>17281587
It's good, but for some reason I kept trying to read it as a poem. There are some lines that seem to rhyme it kept throwing me off.
Otherwise, perfectly engaging.
I sort of felt like the man in the story in a way. Breaking through the next passage only to find more of the same as he did through each level of rock and clay.
He continues to dig hoping to find what lies beneath, and part of me wishes the story would continue so I could find the meaning. And maybe that was it.

>>17281546
I am very familiar with the works of Jacques Barzun, and I'm nowhere near smart enough to write a book comparable to FD2D, but I am trying to write a book campaigning for education reform from a similar standpoint as his books.

>>17281690
Thank you anon. I understand what you mean with the poem feel, not sure if I should lean into it more or back it off, it sort of came naturally as I wrote it. There's definitely some big grammar errors I need to clean up.
But thank you for reading.

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19k words bros

Oh shit, I didn’t realize there was a new thread. I just posted some work in the last one but I dunno whether to post it again or to just wait a bit

>>17282152
stop being self conscious on an anonymous imageboard just post it again

>>17282156
This, just repost. I remember being worried about violating etiquette or doing something embarrassing on 4chan way back. But I think you can generally assume good faith here. Also no one cares about a bumplimited thread so everyone would understand.

>>17281284
She's meant to be in bed, not in the bath. Is it really not that clear?

>>17281354
Discord is 100% attention-whoring fags. It's the nature of the platform that makes everyone faggy by default

>>17282156
>>17282173
Aight here goes:

Christ, how I found you
As if in a love story

Lying in your room doing your best to size me up
Waiting for me to leave ‘cause I interrupted some sort of triumph

Shutters closed
Messy hair
Eyes narrowed
Fair skin

Smoking a cigarette because vaping was for kids

Oh, but how you were a child
In how you held those tears back
And how you longed for something new
And how I had always thought I had found that in you

Alas, how you were never into contemporary art
The abstract didn’t comfort, but just certified you were ill
Yet you read Pynchon and Wallace instead of watching the sunset
You’d dream of Jung and Plath to inspire instead of realizing you slept all day

Christ, I’m not sure why you latched onto me
You made sure I loved every part of you
I loved how your hair would fall over you eyes
How you’d ponder things beyond your lifetime
How we’d watch the rain together in a world where it never rained


How you’d refrain from ending things with one swift blow
I loved how you convinced me I needed you when you began to change
But especially, I love how we drifted apart
I loved the hole left inside of my heart

I loved the way I found your body hanging

Shutters closed
Messy hair
Eyes narrowed
Fair skin

For those drenched veins no longer boiled hatred
But I just don’t love the fact that you never said anything


This is my first time ever writing anything and reading this shit back makes me feel like an angsty teen. Any criticism is appreciated though as I really want to improve

>>17282188
if this is a true story, sorry anon.

ANIME OP POSTERS GET THE ROPE

>>17280531
jesus christ that was so short but such a chore to read. your style flows like shit, it's like each sentence was re-written again and again in isolation until any of the original fluidity of the text was lost

>>17283272
>it's like each sentence was re-written again and again in isolation until any of the original fluidity of the text was lost
not him but lmao i do this all the time
the fact that you can tell this tells me what you're guilty of it too?

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Still looking for feedback on this short story I’ve completed about a college student who learns to cope with alienation through the aid of a strange bump on his head. Influences are Kafka, Shakespeare, Charlotte Bronte, and the anime Serial Experiments Lain, so if that interests you, please take a look. I’ll post the first 3 pages and can post more if anyone is interested. Will be going through the thread and giving feedback as well.

Page 1

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>>17283353
Page 2

>>17283215

He thrives on your rage. Ignore him. What have you been working on lately?

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>>17283358
Page 3

>>17283353
weird tense

>>17283272
Speak for yourself. I enjoyed it.

>>17283368
Thanks. My gf is editing it now so she will likely account for grammatical / structural issues but I appreciate that nonetheless.

>>17280531
I agree with >>17280573 about the water on the girl's body part, it felt uncomfortably sensual. It has an overall impressionistic atmosphere to it, reminiscent of Woolf with the meandering but lucid descriptions, though because they're not the most captivating it does feel a bit boring. Not bad though.

>>17283272
t. jelly

It has some faults but I think it's great, especially the second paragraph. Reminded me of the milfs me and my mates used to crush on over summer holidays, and all the excitement of seeing an older woman in a swimsuit.

>>17281369
Let me guess, you're an isekaitard.

>>17283353
>>17283363
so, what happens after that

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>>17283363
>>17283462

He begins to have symbolic visions, Igor berates him, an epiphany is reached with the help of his mother.

Page 4

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>>17283493
Page 5

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>>17283503
Page 6

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>>17283510
Page 7

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>>17283518
Page 8

>>17283215
another /wg/ dies without reaching bump limit for the sake of OP's ego
>rip

>>17283380
I'll be editing your gf tonight ;^)

>>17281812
How many words a day dou you write?

>>17284012
I started last week on Wednesday. 1400-3000 words a day.

>>17282188
It's good anon, made me feel. And that is a very important thing for a poem to achieve, at least in my book.

>>17283461
Nope. In fact, there's nothing I loathe more than isekai. I'm still working out the details of my setting while writing what I I can. One thing I'm worried about is that if I make my MC some weird race, people might think it's a metaphor for real world race relations, and i definitely want to avoid coming off as wokeshit.

>>17281587
sorry i can't give any feedback right now but i really like it. what is this called? magical realism? reading a hundred years of solitude right now and i'm getting similar vibes.

>>17284461
if you're worried about your work being misinterpreted, I've got good news. You don't have to worry, because no matter what you do it will be misinterpreted.

>>17284461
>and i definitely want to avoid coming off as wokeshit.
Having your work interpreted as wokeshit is good for getting published.

Over 80k words now, bros.

>>17285105
I'm at 20k. How long did it take you?

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Lads, can anyone give me some feedback on the first few pages of my short story? I used to veer towards purple prose so been working on stripping it back. Any and all constructive feedback would be appreciated.

1/3

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>>17285355
2/3

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>>17285363
3/3

Is post novel depression a thing?
Finished my first one last week and now... things just feel empty. I've been editing/rewriting short stories, so it's not like I stopped writing

>>17285554
Yeah, super common with any artistic endeavor. I don't know if there's a clinical term for it, but it's absolutely a thing. I think it's most common with drawing, but that might just be because people tend to finish a lot more drawings than novels so obviously there's more chances for it to happen.

>>17285594
It's like that feeling of emptiness you get post-orgasm

>>17285623
if you're feeling empty when you cum you're either fucking the wrong women or you need to stop using your hand.

>>17285895
no one asked for your input, shut the fuck up homo

>>17286051
if i finish my novel will it be easier to find a woman

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>>17286051
touch a nerve, did I?

>>17285355
How do you hear someone trying on sunglasses
>>17285363
"You are Audrey Hepburn" I've never heard someone say "you are *famous person* instead of "you look *like* famous person" but maybe that's a bong thing
"Thank you for keeping him busy for us" stilted for a young girl

decently written. please reformat it for posting so that it doesn't take 3 screenshots

>>17285554
did you actually finish it, like get it sold to a publisher as a final draft
if not your brain may just be using "depression" as an excuse to procrastinate the work between your draft and finalizing

I tried to start writing some /sffg/ shit without worldbuilding and instantly got lost. I know worldbuilding is an enormous meme, but what's the minimum I should do before I start?

>>17281450
How about write a review blog on middle school social studies textbooks and highschool history books. There's plenty of material there to clearly demonstrate your arguments.

>>17286190
>an excuse
I'm letting it sit in the drawer for a few months before going back to it. I want to give my brain a chance to forget it before trying to figure out what needs fixing.

I've been working on other things, so it's not like procrastinating. I just... I've got an empty feeling and was wondering if not working on the thing I spent the last month and a half on is the cause of that.

>>17281450
>Am I just retard?
yes, but honestly, don't go broad at first. Narrow things down. Create a number, any number, of specific things and then tie them together in a nice neatly wrapped package.

Also, blogging wouldn't be the worst idea for what you're describing. Then later you can just take your blog posts and put them together and call it a book

>>17286079
If you are like Sartre and have a relationship with another author who grooms uni girls for you, yes.
>>17286084
If you want to talk about how you cum in women, go to some Manosphere forum and fuck outta here

>>17286264
>fuck outta here
I'll take that as a yes lmao

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How do I get better at poetry? i keep writing but it doesn't seem to get better

>>17286280
have sex incel

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>>17286320

>>17286180
Thank you, anon. It's just a first draft but I'm very glad you pointed out those mistakes. I don't know how to properly reformat on my phone. Is the overall tone okay? I used to splurge out on so many adjectives that I've been trying to pare it back, but don't want to go too far the other way and up in a completely journalistic style.

So I wrote this short story(5,500~ words)
And as much as it pains me to admit this, it's the kind of thing wannabe edgy 16 year old girls would cling on to...
Should I even bother trying to get it published, and where would even want something like that?

>>17286386
YA publishers

>>17286388
Do they do short stories? Like, who the fuck does anything with them these days unless you're already semi-popular?

>>17286386
Really? What is it about your story that would attract edgy girls?

>>17286420
There are literally hundreds of literary journals that publish short stories. I've been published in three and I'm a literal who 25yo white male in the UK. This is a good collection, but don't expect to be published in the New Yorker or Paris Review:

http://www.erikakrousewriter.com/erika-krouses-ocd-ranking-of-483-literary-magazines-for-short-fiction

>>17286366
I read clearly that there is a subtext in the way that the narrator is a stranger in a strange land and is afraid of being ostracized. She seeks to engender a positive view of herself upon natives by giving them tributes, but is still well aware that at least one of them, who is also feels uncertain in her own standing, does not view her as a true friend. The story will likely go on with the narrator being forced to make the choice between bowing to the whims of her 'friends' or doing what is right, especially difficult since the latter would include a betrayal of her people.

If you feel like there's something missing in my analysis then maybe you do need more adjectives. As it stands, it's clearly and concisely written, and if the story is actually good, that should stand by itself without the need for excess language (which will likely just detract).

>>17286428
Think Disney princesses, but instead of chipmunks and hummingbirds it's worms and ravens.

>>17286442
Okay, but I'm talking specifically a place that would be looking for what I wrote. It's about target audience and all that, and I don't see any of literary journals looking for what I have atm

>>17286473
No, that's pretty spot on. Appreciate your help, anon.

>>17286526
Hm, yes. Alright then. Let me know if you are successful in attracting women.

Reminder that Call of the Crocodile, Call of the Arcade and all of the other F. Gardner books, are products of these Writing Generals.

>>17283362
Go away OP

>>17286180
>maybe that's a bong thing
It's not. Reads more like an ESL thing

I feel like most recommended writing books are about plot structure, character, or meta stuff like motivation or career planning. What are the best books about the actual crafting of aesthetically powerful prose? E.g. how to make your writing "good" in that basic sense, evoking and describing scenes and interactions in effective ways.

>>17286808
english is a second language in bongland

>>17286808
I'm the original poster, I am English, and my younger sister and her friends have been saying 'you are' rather than 'you look like' lately, but I'll swap it back to avoid confusion. It'll still seem a little ESL because I've used the phrasing of Hindus I know, they have a peculiar way of saying things sometimes

>>17286819
Having talent.

What program do you guys use to write?

>>17287281
Scrivener

>>17287281
Google docs

>>17284018
Jelly for the consistency, i'm 47k words in and i'm writing since mid-november. I need to pull shit my together, 'cause I want to finish by the end of january.

>>17287281
>>17287390
Seconding Google docs. Used to worry about crashes but just don't see it happening now

>>17287417
Not that anon but consistency is most important. I was doing 4-6k words a day, but I took a break to play a stupid video game for a week and it really fucked me up.

>>17287390
>>17287446
>one of you writes the next Harry Potter level hit
>Google comes in and claims ownership
Good going.

>>17287555
Could they actually do that? Surely not

>>17281285
I enjoyed your snippet. Reminds me of Homeward Bound or Babe: The Pig.

>>17287590
It's literally in their terms of service

>>17287281
Writemonkey, but one of the older versions. I like how minimalist it is, and how I get both green text on a black screen AND typewriter sounds.

You can choose to not have those things, it's fully customizable, but why would you want anything else?

>>17287697
https://www.google.com/drive/terms-of-service/#:~:text=As%20described%20in%20the%20Google,store%20in%20your%20Drive%20account.&text=Files%20in%20your%20individual%20drive,you%20decide%20to%20share%20them.

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>>17287724
So no

>>17287724
>>17287781
lol you think that means anything? It's on their servers, it's theirs. There's been lawsuits about this already and the little guy loses every time

>>17287795
Name a single one

>>17286716

not op. I hate how those images have taken over the /wg/ but the more we caps lock about it the more this festering edgelord thrives. I just hope people jump on the alternative /wg/ thread sans manga/anime pics when it goes up. Cause i honestly think these images are filtering some people that made these threads better.

>>17286604
Yes and we're proud of him.

>>17287906
If all it takes is some manga/anime pics in the OP to drive away people, then it speaks volumes of their passion to write and I'm glad that they're being filtered. Why anyone would want such half-assed people in these threads will perplex me.

How do you reconcile letting the story guide you with the visions you have in your head?

When I have an idea for a story I usually get flooded with a dozen scenes all at once that I know are all connected and make sense in the story, but as I write the characters do and say things that guide things away from some of those scenes sometimes and it hurts to just let those things die.

>kill your darlings
I know, I know, but... I feel like the story is lesser for missing the original scenes I had in my head

Anyone have any good tips for smut? I'm interested in writing a quick one, but I'm not sure what the standards of the genre are since I tend to erp instead of read porn. Like what's the average word count and how much sex is actually in one? Is it like half story and half porn? Or do people tend to prefer just a couple of paragraphs of setup and then straight to the sex?

>>17288055
write it all anyways, regardless of whether or not it makes sense. Don't let indecision lock you up.
In the second draft you'll be able to see whether or not those extra scenes work as well as they did in your head. Rearrange or delete them as needed.

>>17288140
>lock you up
I don't get locked up, I just... don't write those scenes because the characters don't do/say the things needed to get there. There might be echoes of them in what *does* happen, but it's never 1 for 1

>>17287519
Yup, taking a break is a big mistake because it takes you out of the zone. I also had a week in december in which I have not written a single word.

>>17285355
>>17285363
>>17285370
Kino. My only gripe is the Audrey Hepburn bit as another anon mentioned

I'm writing a series of stories about a fighter in a really fucked up world with extreme violence, he's gonna kill a lotta people. What would be more interesting though,
>The main character dies in the first novel and the rest of the series is not even about him
>The main character dies in the first novel and the rest of the series is about him in hell fighting and killing demons
>The main character survives and the whole series is just him conquering worse and worse (mortal) enemies

>>17288667
The first would only work if he became a martyr or something and you show how romanticism and propaganda can twist a flawed mortal into a perfect deity and follows characters introduced in the first one that knew him and know better.

The second is okay, but only works if you at least imply supernatural stuff in the first.

The third is the easiest and most mainstream.

Good luck, Anon.

there's something about sentences like this
>In watermelon sugar the deeds were done and done again as my life is done in watermelon sugar
which I really love, but struggle to replicate.
Does this sentence come across as excessively artificial to anyone? This is my main concern with sentences like these, that it's hard to know when they will work and when the high amount of repetition will jar the reader.

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The Kenyon Review short fiction prize is now open for submissions of up to 1200 words. Here are two past winners:

https://kenyonreview.org/journal/janfeb-2018/selections/david-greendonner/

https://kenyonreview.org/journal/janfeb-2021/selections/janika-oza/

Which do you prefer, /wg/, and why?

I read some blog by the Harry Dresden author who said it's important to have a "skeleton" written that's no more than two sentences that describes the entire plot of your story. He said that if you cannot successfully describe your story in this manner, then your story is a mess and it will most likely never be published.

That said, I went about writing one for my WIP second novel as a kind of exercise, since my first novel was kind of utter shit.

>After failing his first assignment and given only months to live, trained killer Sariel leaves everything behind to try and discover a way to save himself. Now branded a renegade and in the midst of a thousand-year war, Sariel finds himself hunted by the country he abandoned, the enemies he tried to kill, and by the assassins who once called him their brother.

What do you guys think?

>>17289177
Repetition and rhyming makes it stand out, which is bad if you wanted the reader's attention somewhere else. Without context of the paragraph and the story, repetition is just shock value. It does draw attention to itself, which is great if you want the reader to slow down and take notice.

I'm listening to Story Genius by Lisa Cron using Read Aloud for chrome. Already went through Techniques of a Selling Writer by Dwight V. Swain. Great books, I feel like I understood another half of writing just by reading them.

>>17284692
I don't know. I felt like calling it a fable, though there aren't really overt fantastical elements. Thanks for reading though.

>>17289232
You just have a bunch of things happening. A story is about the internal conflict of the main character and how they feel about that conflict changing through the events of the story.

Sariel's internal conflict is what? He's going die, doesn't want to die, and everyone is going to kill him. Why specifically does he want to live? Why is everyone hunting him, why does he need to die?

>>17289210
Both make me feel terrible about the standard of my own writing, that's for sure

>>17289232
Yeah I think there's a bit of truth to the idea. When I've got a lot of ideas to work with, it's really hard to get through a first draft because I don't even know where to begin. For the longest time I didn't get any work done because I was working with an idea that had a million things going on at once.
But when I took a step back and figured out what the conflict at the heart of the story should be, it got a lot easier to write the damn thing. It's still a wildly complex idea but now I can summarize it in a few sentences. Makes it easier to track progress and when I'm straying away from the point.

>>17289232
Looks like you're confusing what he's saying with an "elevator pitch." A skeleton of a story is meant to be for the writer - for you. What you've written feels like you're trying to sell or describe the story to someone else.

What you've written doesn't really tell me anything. It feels like the tagline at the bottom of a movie poster. What is the story actually about? What you've written makes me expect John Wick, but in a fantasy setting.

>>17289292
Those details are purposefully omitted from the two-sentence 'skeleton', because the entire reason for it is to strip away until you're left only with a short synopsis of the plot in it's most pure form.

>>17289398
That's what I thought as well. But it's based directly on Jim Butcher's own example in the blog post I read, which is why I did it in that exact style.

You guys might find the blog post interesting: https://jimbutcher.livejournal.com/1308.html

>>17289210
They were both good but in different ways. I liked Janika Oza more. She was quite dreamlike.

>>17289412
>But it's based directly on Jim Butcher's own example in the blog post I read, which is why I did it in that exact style.
Huh, looks like you're right, yeah. I still want to say it doesn't feel quite right, but I'm sure Jim Butcher knows a lot more than me about getting published so I'll shut up.

I'll switch up my advice then. I might want to rephrase that final sentence. "finds himself hunted by..." feels a bit too... passive, I think is the best term. What does he do in response to their hunting. I think something more like, "Now branded a renegade and in the midst of a thousand-year war, Sariel must defeat the country he abandoned, the enemies he tried to kill, and the assassins who once called him their brother." Or something like that.

>>17286221
This was actually one of my ideas. Grade school textbooks, especially in the US, fucking suck, and that's not even going into how corrupt that industry is.

>>17286251
Thanks for the honesty. I guess I'm starting a blog.

>>17288667
number 2 but he escapes hell and then gets revenge

How do I flesh out a story and just keep going? I have half the books plotted out, but then I'm just not sure where to go from there. Or is that a sign that the premise isn't strong enough?

>>17289909
Have an ending in mind, no matter how much outlining you do. If you do that, you can usually make a next step.

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Sharing a chapter.

Put it in an imgur album faggot.

>>17290514
Nah, cos if people can't see the writing literally in front of them it gets ignored.

>>17289266
I suppose what I had in mind was more to do with the technical part of constructing sentences which work like circles. I get your point, but it's more that I find actually constructing these sentences quite tricky.

>>17280419
Want to pay someone to do a few illustrations for my short story collection. Has anyone had experience with this — where would be the best place to find someone for it, and roughly how much would it cost if I want something decent?

>>17289210
How do you guys find good literary magazines? I can find a lot just browsing but I don't know which ones are respected and worthwhile

>>17288735
>>17289884
thank you for the suggestions! I know what to do now.

>>17287966
Because they are at work/some place they want to appear decent, and dont want slutty girls with unnatural boobs and pink cheeks ”looking” at them in a enticing way.
Also, would you like some ketchup? On your fries? How bout on that ice cream? How bout in your coke? Oh you dont want ketchup? Well have some anyways! Lol you’re leaving cause you don’t want ketchup! What a pussy! After all, we do serve burgers here and burgers usually have ketchup in them. I don’t care that you asked for no ketchup.

>>17291208
Who opens a thread, clicks on the image in the OP and then just stares at it while at work?

>>17291208
>Because they are at work/some place they want to appear decent, and dont want slutty girls with unnatural boobs and pink cheeks ”looking” at them in a enticing way.
Scroll down. That it. Just scroll down. That's the solution. Again, the fact that they don't do that and default to the manga/anime pics as for why they don't post here or write speaks volumes on how serious they took writing. Don't know why you're coming to their defense, half-assed people should be filtered as is.

>>17291216
It’s ok, there’s no point in duscussing this and it’s not relevant to the topic. You win. Bravo!
but dont go whining when you can’t get decent feedback on why your dialogues all sound autistic and your character’s theory of mind is that of a hikikomori.

>>17291271
I already can't get feedback on my actual material because I don't write in English, you lose again.

>>17291256
>volumes on how serious they took writing
lmao what the fuck does posting here have to do with people's passion for writing? Have I given up the soul of the artist if I stop reading your "I wrote x words today"-facebook tier updates? There's nothing worth seeing here. I've seen not one competent piece of advice or a genuinely fun excerpt in all year. You guys have the imagination and critical faculties of a stir-fried potato. The anime OPs were just the final nail in the coffin, the sign that you've fucking given up all self-respect. Enjoy your esl fantasy light novels bruh

>>17291345
But you're still here.

>>17291370
Yes, but he aint really discussing literature, is he?
I personally come here to argue and fight over pointless things. Not wg, just lit and 4chan in general.

>>17291507
all that practice but you're still not all that great at it, are you?

>>17291938
I mostly argue with people who actually reply to the arguments presented, and most of the time the topic of discussion is something that is more or less debatable. Since OP being a manchild who can’t handle a simple request isn’t debatable any further discussion is unnessecary.

>>17290531
Looks like nobody wants to read 6 images. Try pastebin. I've seen feedback for things in pastebin so there's no excuses anon.

>>17289210
Wow I gotta say both of those did absolutely nothing for me. Incredibly boring and shallower then a pond. They're just about the most stereotypical "literary short stories" I've ever read. Nothing interesting to speak of in the slightest. With any practice you could write a dozen of these a day.

>>17289210
i prefer the second, but i don't really like either. both represent trends in literature i'm not a huge fan of.

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>feel like I'm making no progress
>look at a novel, realize how there's less than half the words per page in a regular book than there are on a Word file
>go from single spaces to 1,5 spaces
>then try double spaces
Ahhh, so that's how much I've actually written. Good to know, good to know.
Remember to use this trick when you're feeling inadequate.

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This is the 3rd time I've rewritten this. Are there any parts that are still unclear?

>>17292944
You have a marking for a footnote in the first sentence but there's nothing at the bottom
What the hell I'm so confused right now
Also
>There are a plethora
There's a plethora
>others found times more recent in which this shift began
others found this shift began in more recent times.
English a foreign language to you, mate?

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>>17292964
sorry I wrote it at like 3am. Also here are the footnotes for the first page, i might post the rest of what I wrote but I just wanted to focus on the first section

>>17292983
The footnote thing was a joke, don't worry about it.

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Just started writing my rough draft. I swear I felt like I was fighting with my writing program more than anything. Do you guys know alternative writing programs?

>>17293108
I use the 2002 Microsoft Word. I've been using it since 2003 and can't imagine writing any other way.

>>17293108
pen + paper
txt editor

>>17293108
never do pen+paper despite what the hipsters say.
Use notepad if you must, but never that.
Libreoffice writer is fine and free. Most computers have word as well.
Scrivener is recommended here and for good reason, but it costs money.

>>17293108
Decent writing.

>>17280419
Is this "The Art of Fiction" the Ayn Rand one?

>>17292944
I'll just post the rest of what I wrote here
https://pastebin.com/ycW1Q04t

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I've averaged 2300 words a day in the past 10 days. Starting next Monday schoolwork will prevent me from keeping up this pace. If I had been able to keep it up, I'd have my book finished in 35~ days.

Using anything other than Word is dumb because you should always be writing in manuscript format, which can be done in a couple clicks in Word. If you're writing in a different format setting, your writing will suffer.

>>17294357
im going to write everything in notepad and there's nothing you can do to stop me!

>>17294357
What's a manuscript format?

>>17294243
Just keep writing once you do start your school work again. It doesn't have to be a lot. There's plenty of writers in the past who would only write a few hundred words a day. If they could do it, you can too, Anon. I believe in you.

>>17294357
I write in writemonkey, print out a hard copy that I mark up with a red pen, then edit/rewrite in Word and I hate having to do it. I hate that program and there's nothing that will change my mind on it.

>have idea for story
>"this is just a short little thing"
>it evolves into the narrators entire adolescence as he follows the misadventures of the abusive couple next door
Does anything similar happen to you guys?

>>17294640
Yes, stop before the scope makes it unfinishable.

>write 3000 words in a single sitting
>it's all exposition dumps and excessive dialogue scenes that will no doubt get outright removed in the edit
im not demoralized yet but damn is it hard to keep moving forward when it feels like im taking a dump on the page.

>>17289544
His entire series of blog posts on writing a novel are very insightful. I've been writing for 12 years and I learned tons of new stuff there.

>>17294763
Nah, it's got a clear end point. The narrator is writing it as a letter to a lover to explain why he is the way he is. It's got a clear goal in mind, so it can't balloon infinitely.

>>17294847
letters are short

>>17295094
Sometimes. Sometimes they're long. Shit happens, Anon.

>>17293150
What about WPS office?

So I heard James Patterson should be shunned by "real writers" but never heard why.

Anyone care to explain?

>>17293108
writemonkey, but I prefer the older version. It's easier to set it up the way you want it(font, colors, typewriter sounds if you want that) but you don't get the ease of having your tab shit on the side in the new version

>>17282175
No, looking back at it I can see I just wasn't reading close enough. I think my point about her falling asleep, then walking up only to be knocked out again feeling awkward still stands, though.

>>17295921
I haven't read any of his, but I work at a book store and have gotten quite a few opinions on him from customers and coworkers. The way I've heard it explained is that he writes to sell, like King. He's basically genre fiction set in the modern world, though he often has lite-sci fi elements like how Bond has his gadgets.

It's like how people that like cinema look down on Marvel movies and how people who like literary fiction look down on fantasy and sci-fi.

>>17296264
fair enough. Thanks, m8

>>17280419
for prose:
>the peoples history of the united states
>harrasment architecture
>pnin by nakobov
>the trial by kafka

for poetry
>love is a dog from hell (bukowski)
>on cats (bukowski)
>complete poems of ana akhmatova

>>17296264
What literary fiction, sans horror, is there besides fantasy or sci-fi? How many 1984s, Circes, or Catch-22s can there be?

>>17296392
What do you mean? Literary fiction is shit like Dostoevsky. Most literary fiction is stuff that took place (at the time) in modern day featuring a depressed guy coming terms with society or himself. I usually dislike the term, but it has its uses.

>>17296392
>what literary fiction, sans horro

You have a fundamental misunderstanding of what literary fiction is. Genre fiction - that is to say, horror, fantasy, science fiction, and so on - by definition cannot be considered literary fiction.

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>>17280419
Do you think we'll achieve eternal youth anytime soon /lit/? Whenever I see shit like OP pic I'm reminded that even if you get a cute girl in 20 years she'll be a slag and you won't be able to get anyone else because you'll be old too, and it makes me sad. I don't want to age anons.

>>17297176
no.

historicalfag checking in. have to extend my initian re-research (halfway completed draft I'm trying to finish properly.) probably another 2 weeks of intense reading will be needed, but on the plus side I found a really amazing primary source that provided the final piece i needed to flesh out the motivations of 2 of the driving characters. and only 477 pages!

just going to keep applying the power of autism and gather all my sources and research.

>>17297152
>>17296447
I misspoke. I meant what "fiction" is there beside those three genres.
To me literary fiction was just a few of those fictional modern works like first anon was saying. Kind of shit to me.

>>17298371
Every literature is shit.

How’s this paragraph?

Sycamores and beeches surrounded the inn; elders, still green-flowered, leaned over the grass-grown roads. The belt of sward was white with lady-smocks, but in the damp hollows marsh-marigolds radiated essential sunlight. The blackbirds sang, and loudly, yet without the true strain of mirth: sang like blackbirds that must sing, but of rifled nests. Even the grasshoppers had some trouble: never had they chirped so pathetically before.
On the green the gilded figure of a bull hung from two uprights; it swung from side to side in the light breeze. The copper bell on a twisted pole hard by was green with mould: a-swing from it was a rusty chain; it had been used in the old posting days, and many a yeoman had haled himself into his saddle from the worn mounting-block beside it.
For the inn itself, it was vast and rambling, dwarfed by the towering trees. For miles in every direction lay the old forest of Gardomwood, a relic of primeval woodland, rich in glades and brakes, in streamlets and mizzies: hazy in the clearings, where sheer-legs, like the trivets of witches’ caldrons, and tents and blue-smoking heaps

>>17299157
I like it, but literary convention indicates that you've used far too many colons and semicolons. A few of the descriptors are nonsensical, such as
>without true strain of mirth
do you mean tune of mirth?
>even the grasshoppers had trouble
That would imply that the similar trouble between the two causes loud chirping, but the birds are loud and the grasshoppers are soft. Maybe the grasshoppers should be soft because of the birds eating their population?
>copper bell
Do you mean bronze? Which doesn't grow mould, it oxidizes over time to turn green. Otherwise as far as I know metals are mostly inhospitable surfaces for organisms like mold, but I could be wrong.
>vast and rambling
>dwarfed by towering trees
how can a thing be both vast and dwarfed? I think you might mean it's larger in the lateral direction but it's a confusing contradiction nonetheless.
Overall I like the descriptions but they need tuning. Also the most important problem would be that it defies literary convention, necessitating the replacement of colons and semicolons with periods. As it stands, it's 8 sentences and about 20 direct objects, with about 2 or 3 descriptors per object. If this isn't to be published traditionally it doesn't need structure revision.

I use LibreOffice Writer, I wanna write a book in epub format. How do I make it so the page ends wherever I choose for it to and the rest of the ereader page is blank so the reader has to go to the new page, instead of it just continuing arbitrarily

I'm in the middle of writing a series called Crossdress Chronicles. It's about a nameless MC(Because the main character is (You)) and his harem of traps. Linking the latest chapter if anyone is interested: https://pastebin.com/RweUUCiA.
Feedback and criticism is appreciated.

>>17299528
At least you used a pastebin and didn't dump this crap in the thread.

>>17299545
A man's gotta have some class.

Playing around with a scene from my book. Setting up one of the main characters. I'm fairly new to this. Do you think it's engaging enough to go fairly early in the text? Very rough daught.

>Jack winced as he gripped the tire leaver in his hand. Lifting the iron bar above his head he focused on the scorching feel of the metal. Only 9 am and already the day was far too hot. He looked down once more at the calf, crazed and half dead – ants eating the poor beasts’ eyes as it lay there too weak to move. It already smelled, the flesh around its leg was already full of maggots and something had been chewing at its mouth and tongue.
Jack swung down and hit the beast in the temple. And then again. Usually he had a gun. Or at least a knife to sever a spine. This time all he had was a tire lever and a poor back packer – barely 20 years old and in tears. A sweet girl but useless. He kept swinging the lever until the numbness in his hand stopped the scorching heat from distracting him. The calf was dead.
He turned and walked back to the vehicle, throwing the leaver in the back with a loud clang. Clair jumped at the noise. She looked into his face and stopped. “You’ve got blood all over you” and then turned away to sob.
The harsh reality of drought wasn’t the fun time she expected when she arrived in the country. She would have to get used to it eventually. It wasn’t what Jack had thought of when he first arrived. They were only supposed to be checking the fences. An easy task that meant a fun day chatting and pulling pranks on each other. Jack opened the toolbox and took the stump tailed lizard out. Clair probably wouldn’t have seen the humour of a hissing lizard jumping at her any time soon.

I've done a sub-chapter of my book

>Managed to write 150 words
>Can't get past that.

>>17300249
That's like elementary school level.

>>17300267
Don't know what to say. Feels like whenever I read back what I write. I have this feeling to delete it and start writing anew, hoping the next one is more successful.

>>17300278
Don't delete it. Keep going. That's the only way to break the cycle.

>>17299593
It's gross enough to be attention-grabbing.

>>17300285
I'll do it, anon, but it just feels I'm losing track.

>>17300316
150 words is so little you have nowhere to get lost in

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How does the start to my short story look?

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>>17300319
Thanks, anon, just wrote an extra 120 words more. Through maybe I should write the story in the first person, before switching it to the Third person limited? Is that a viable plan?

>>17300497
There's a lot of stuff that needs fixing, but I'm lazy and doing three other things right now so I'll just say a few.
>Marcos's
Marcos'
>walked a brisk pace
walked at a brisk pace
>amongst
among
>He drew his coat tighter around him
He drew his coat tighter
>Squeezing his hands into fists to keep his blood flowing, he rubbed his gloved hands together
You can't do both at once bro

>>17300516
Thanks. I was just trying to write everything down before it escapes me. Still wondering how I managed to write 1,200 that one time.

>>17300561
By just doing it.

>>17300497
This reads like you're writing with a word goal in mind. Like you're just putting down more words for the sake of having more words.

>>17299428
ctrl-enter is page break

What does this general think of The Fantasy Fiction Formula by Deborah Chester.

So if I write a book about a dude who kidnaps his female best friend because she's engaged and the fiance took a job really far away, but I also make him a really sympathetic character, womenz will eat that shit up and make into a best seller, right?

>>17301751
if you put in some scenes that *arent* rape but also the woman never actually initiated any of it or said yes, then they would

>>17301761
>rape
honestly, wasn't even thinking about taking that far. I've got the set up and a couple plot points but the rest is still in the fog, which I'm okay with.

>>17301771
I'm just thinking about 50 Shades or that 365 Days movie; women ate that shit up for months even though it was all sketchy.

>>17300497
>as he walked a brisk pace
The word you are looking for is strode, or any of its synonyms for that matter.
Focus on using more dynamic verbs.

>>17302585
where's the soul?

>>17302901
Dead, along with classic literature.

Shit you guys. F Gardner's "Made it." He's an eternal meme at this point. How did a single lunatic manage this much?

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>hey anon how's your book going
>"Oh it's going pretty fine, you want to read it so I can have feedback?"
>actually anon I have somewhere to be going maybe later?
>2 months later
>"Hey bro how's the novel going"
>"I just need feedback can you read it and give me some"
>uh sorry anon not now, maybe another time!

>>17303624
Haha while I resent your classification of me as a lunatic I do appreciate the support! My books sell well for one reason: I'm not afraid to tell the truth about the zionist infiltration and subversion of white nations. People are tired of being lied to by the anti-white media. Ghosts and monsters are scary, but nothing is more frightening than the genocide of the white race that is happening right now in Europe and America. When you tell the truth people will listen. You guys can make it too so long as you stick to your principles and write from the heart.

>>17303635
Jesus Christ, I know what you mean. Sometimes, I wonder if hiring a beta would be easier.

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this is one of my many segments of the novel I have started to write. It will be written in first person of three characters and in third person with an omniscient narrator. The transitions between each perspective is very hard.

>>17304866
I tried to convey that Harry was a bit of a pretentious faggot and quite egotistical. His character is supposed to be a school shooter that was never bullied. He will do it to fill his blood lust but will convince himself it is a desire to help others

>>17304866
>>17304883
You've succeeded but I also don't think Harry really grasps the concept of sociology, which leads me to believe he's never attended the class. If this is what you wanted then great but if you want him to actually be criticising sociology classes then I wouldn't call it a success in that department.

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>>17304898
I do not want Harry to have an adept understanding of sociology. I have tried to imply Harry is the atypical over-socialized personality Kacynski speaks of. I want Harry to be an angry and edgy teenager who plans a school school shooting just to rebel against society and his parents

>>17304967
I thought the idea of a school shooter who commits a massacre in the name of depressed kids entertaining. Sorry if I am explaining Harry badly, I want harry to be an angry and stupid mess, if that makes sense.

>>17304866
>>17304967
How are you going to publish it?

>>17305827
I probably won't, I am doing it for fun

>>17305838
Shame. It reads like a manifesto.

>>17305844
it is a fictional manifesto

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I would appreciate any feedback on this scene I'm writing.

>>17306371
Something is definitely wrong with the last sentence. But overall very decent. You doing a western or what?

>>17306515
wrong
>>17306371
There are too many mistakes to count, but in the first couple sentences the dialogue is too stilted, if you want the clerk to come off as unhelpful he shouldn't seek more information, if mccoy is unsure of himself as a bounty-hunter he should be more discernably so, otherwise you've completely mislead the reader by writing "trying to give his voice the authority"; "though the clerk spoke softly but there" the 'but' shouldn't be there, there are more but should I try to help if you won't try to write well?

I just want to post my serially on some website and not publish it. Is that so wrong?

>>17307126
that is publishing it though

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>>17307126

>>17307247
>Alternative publishing
Not a real thing. Unless it's traditional, anything else is just coping for failed writers.

>>17307286
This is one of the most embarrassing posts I've read on this site in a long time.

>>17307290
embarrassing for you maybe

>>17304866
several grammatical errors that don't seem intentional

>write backstory for plot
>already hit a wall
ngmi

Not sure if this is the place, but I recently got in the mood to write a cheap erotic light novel, since all we get in the west are mtl ones in broken english.
Never wrote prose in my life, but I guess I'll give you guys a chuckle.

"I was reincarnated as a loli Demon Lord, but before I could do anything I was made into the Hero's Sex Slave"

Page 1:
"Hinya!"
The tip of the sword stops right between my eyes.
"Everything, you say?"
The big man in front of me had a cold and determined look on his face just a moment ago.
His eyes were looking -at- me, but at the same time past me, as if to say "Nothing personal, but I'll have to do this."
But now, my plea seems to have spurred a change in his expression.
"Y-Yes, everything. A-As long as you let me live." I stutter, repeating my previous words.
He furrows his brow, apparently thinking for a few seconds, then starts eyeing me top to bottom.
What he sees is, of course, a little girl, maybe 11 years old with long, wavy, reddish brown hair.
I'm wearing the slightly transparent silk gown I woke up in a few minutes ago.

A big smirk is forming on his face.
Of all the expressions he could have made, this is one I did not expect.
A shudder runs down my spine, as he pulls his sword away and instantly draws close.
"I'll take you up on that then." he whispers into my right ear.

>>17307363
It is better to write it down then spend perfect each segment

>>17307404
That's what they always say.

>>17307420
yes, they do. I don't really care anon

>>17307399
Step your game, up, anon.

The water was warm and the lights were just the right level of brightness, creating a cozy environment in which to relax. Alicia was submerged up to her breasts, resting her head against a cushion and her back against the wall of the giant tub. The whole atmosphere was so incredibly soothing -- or it would have been, were it not for the pain.

Another contraction came and she let out a feral cry of agony and maternal rage as she pushed, squeezing her husband's hand like a stress ball. Terence was crouched down on a cushion behind her, half-kneeling and half-bending over to embrace his pregnant and birthing wife. He was doing his best to keep calm and be supportive, but she could tell he was freaking out inside.

Terence was always supportive, but he was rather mild-mannered and more than a little squeamish. Apparently, labor was too gross a thing for men to handle, even though they had all entered the world that way. Still, he was doing his best to keep strong, or at least keep up the appearance, and that was enough.

There was a medical basin opposite the birthing tub with a big mirror for some reason. The expectant couple caught sight of their reflection and paused to gaze at themselves and one another. Their expressions softened into dreamy contemplation.

Alicia had beautiful silky skin, thin lips, and small eyes, reflecting her Chinese heritage. Her silky black hair was tied back in a top knot bun, the better not to distract her as she labored to bring a new life into the world. She truly was beautiful. Her parents had even compared her to the Four Beauties from Chinese lore.

Terence was a second-generation Korean-American. His hair was jet black and cropped short, a nice change from the bangs he used to have. He was thin and bookish, even without his glasses on. Without his glasses, though, he couldn't see very far. In fact, without his glass, he had a bad squint. Alicia had once joked that he looked almost like an Asian stereotype: quiet, hardworking, and nerdy.

Another wave of pain roiled Alicia's gut, rippling down the walls of her vagina and pushing the baby another few inches into the world. She gritted her teeth and snarled through them, crushing poor Terence's hand in her own.

One of the attending nurses stuck a waterproof camera on the end of a flexible wire under the water to view Alicia's crotch.

"You're crowning!" the nurse said excitedly, "just a few more pushes."

Alicia wanted to snap at the nurse that she'd been crowning for the past half an hour, but being in the throes of labor had robbed her of the energy to be rude to the medical staff.

The contractions were coming faster. The time between each one was shrinking. Her body was as eager to get the baby out as she was. No doubt the baby would be glad to be out of there as well.

>>17281268
invite expired individual my individual of melanin

>>17306515
Thanks anon, I'll take a look at that last sentence and yeah it's a western. Hope to show the whole thing here someday.
>>17306758
I was trying to show that McCoy was put off by the curt behavior of the clerk particularly because he is such a confident bounty hunter. Guess I need to communicate that better, though, I appreciate the feedback.

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>>17307527
https://discord.gg/2ZafGwR3

>>17307622
Thanks.

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Which events are the best at generating emotion(as in raw happy/sad tearjerking, not things like suspense or anger)?

- deaths
- births
- goodbyes
- reunions
- underdog injustice
- underdog victory

what else?

A new thread is up for those who want to post their stories there.

>>17307744

This is my first time trying to write, I know I'm bad. Gotta start somewhere though right? Would you read on if this was the start of a short story?
The story I’m about to tell you begins in a place in time on earth. What time? What place? Well, now that I think of it, I don't know what time, or place as the story was told to me a long time ago by a man I met at a bar when I was a kid. So, tell the truth, I don’t remember but that doesn’t matter at the moment, but bear with me as I try too recall. First, let me begin for now with how I met this man at the local bar they called Insane Ivan.

Now, I was only fifteen, I had just been kicked out of school on a Friday afternoon for pulling the fire alarm, the principal was going to call my parents but I bailed before they could, I sneaked out the back entrance of the school and decided to head into town and hide out at the arcade for awhile. On my way to the arcade, I walked along canal street seeing all the street vendors selling their trinkets and wares, they looked nice, I always liked walking down canal, it was always full of life.

The block before the arcade, I looked across the street and I saw an old man stumbling around, struggling to walk. He was obviously drunk by the looks of him; Wrinkled and un-tucked white shirt; wet stains on his brown trousers. He yelled at people as they walked by, I felt bad for him. I continued on my way to the arcade but he yelled out to me, it was a frightening voice, shrieking, he said “Hey you! kid! come ‘ere!, where yah goin’?”, I looked over to him and he just stood there and stared at me as I gave him a confused look.

1/2

>>17307807


At this point, I knew I shouldn’t have crossed the street to see what he wanted, but I did, and I’ll never know why, but maybe as I continue the story, I’ll remember. Damn my unreliable memory, I’ve been tortured by terrible headaches for most of my life but none of that for now! I crossed the street and I ask him, “what do you want?”, “Huh? Is that how you talk to your elders”, he said irritated, “I got places to be mister, well what is it?”, He looked visibly offended, but he continued, “Want to hear my story kid? It’s a good one! It’s a true one too! Well? wanna?, I stared at him blankly, and I contemplating turning my back on him and walking away, “No, I do not, plus you’re drunk, I doubt it’ll be any good”, He put his index and middle finger to the tip of his chin, it looked as if he was struggling to think.

He began after a few seconds, “Listen ‘ere kid, If you listen to my story, I’ll give you this here army knife”, the old man pulled out a Swiss army knife out his coat pocket, looked new, he pulled out all the tools and moved it around to give me a good look. I couldn’t say no, I walked up to him and took it and I said, “Make it quick”, “Good, good, my name is Ivan nice to meet you young man”, “Sure” i said.

After twenty or minutes or so of listening to this man, I was surprised, my eyes were wide open, I admit, I was a bit scared. I never met this man before in my life but he managed to tell me every single detail of my day in the form of a story. I didn’t know what to think, as I said, I was scared. “You’ve been following me old man? Huh? You got a problem?”, As I pulled out the Swiss knife out of my pocket and slid open the blade and flashed it to him. He didn’t move, he jsut let out a loud evil laugh and not knowing what to do, I began to run away as fast as I could. I didn’t know what to think, I just knew I had to run away, “How did he know?”, I kept thinking to myself, all I knew was that I was never going back to that bar again.


-----
thoughts?

2/2

>>17307718
betrayal

>>17307718
personally my favorite device is to
>hint that something's wrong
>appear to lead up to a triumphant moment
>deny that triumph and have it be the character's own fault

>>17307807
>>17307813
>try too recall
It's 'try to recall".
>After twenty or minutes or so...
"After twenty minutes or so..."

I like it, anon. I'm really intrigued to read the rest.

>>17280419
I have a bomb idea and I set it in an outline. It's amazing. There's only one problem, I can't write for shit. Any guide to writing? In particular a goofy adventure style similar to Terry Pratchett. Those resources in the green text are dog shit.