>Eunuch Zhen Shuan of the secret Ascendant Lotus Dragon Society successfully caused the Purple Turban Rebellion against the ruling Ping Dynasty, which culminated in the battle of Heavenly Pass where 28 million people died, and warlord Po Xi Quan declared the beginning of the Yi Dynasty
>>10510226>Bishop John Paul Petrus II of the secret order of Holy Sword Pink flower Society successfully caused the Purple Cross Rebellion against the ruling Vladislavislawick Dynasty, which culminated in the battle of El Pancho del Torre where 28 million people died, and warlord Retardonicus XVII declared the beginning of the Krautzedewaltz Dynastyftfy
>>10510226Po Xi Ho Li
>>10510226>Purple TurbanIs this a euphemism for the glans?
>General Ho Ree Fuc bows 45 degree not low enough>Lord Wong Dong got triggered>Civil war broke out>50 million chink deaths
I really don't get it, this is literally just history
>>10510509The joke is that the chinese have funny names and obviously inflated numbers
>>10510406>28 million people>28 hundred peopleftfy
>>10510729Explain why it's obvious. Every major Chinese war happened, broadly, as though all of Europe would just massacre each other for a decade or something to gain total power over the continent
>during WWII the United States aided the USSR and China to defeat their enemies, the nazis and the japanese respectively. 70 years later, the Germans and Japanese are strong allies to the US while Russia and China are it's mortal enemies destroying it little by little. you don't even need to make shit up to make it sound ridiculous.
>>10510226Entire history US of A.>Jebediah Noah Washinson expelled from England for diddling his step half-cousin sister-daughter-wife Mary-Joe Washinson in 1666 with his 27 children>6th of May 1667 landed in New Oldhampshirebourgh with his 28 children>6 died along the way but he made another 7 so no biggie>to commemorate this event, on 5 June every year Americans gather together to brag about their house morgage. Person with greatest debt wins a traditional bucket of lard>Jebediah tore down sequoia trees with his bare hands and wooden teeth to erect a shack to live in>today on this very spot stands the HQ of Former Weekend Sales Church, founded by Jebediah's 13th son>after winter and deaths of his 2 sequential daughter-wives and 3 children, he also erect a barn for them to sleep in>those trees were sacred to Powhatantiu'uk Native Indo-Americans of Cheekyrook Confederation of Sashquapataniuk Steppes in Rocky Mountains, ofshoot of Iroquidproquo Peoples from Old Newhampshireburg neighboring colony, led by trio of Only-he-stands-here and Wanking Buffalo>fighting ensued, ending in death of Jebediah 30 children, 10 Powhataniu'ukis, 3 Iroquiproquodians, 1 deer caught in friendly fire and Chief Only-he-stands-here, who for his bravery was posthumously renamed as Only-he-lays-here>quite ironically as all casualties ended in the same mass grave>Jebediah sent his son-wife Izrael David Washinson to Fort Fort in Fort Valley by the Fort River, by the Natives known as Misterssippisstissippi, which was recently renamed Xerssippisstisipi to celebrate diversity of Our Great Nation>General Johne Cutlery agreed to help in exchange of some little twink sons of Jebwdiah, and sent 3th Regiment of Yankee Dankee of Yahoo Boiz to deal with Native aggression>this resulted in deaths of 95% Natives in New Oldhampshirebourgh and 75% in Old Newhampshireburg, and establishment of National Holiday on 13th of May, where Americans eat Wild Geese bred in captivity for convenience sake
>>10510729Aren't there some Chinese wars with accurate death tolls in the millions though?
>>10510817>>10511009Early Chinese history is highly mythologised, with every battle of every war having ridiculous troop numbers and casualties on both sides. Obviously, Chinese population density is much higher than that of Europe, even during antiquity, but some numbers are truly ridiculous and literally impossible according to population estimates and archeological records
>>10511112Well I was thinking more modern wars like the Taiping Rebellion.
>>10510226>100,000 civilians eaten
>>10510226it do be like that senpai
>>10511228Someone post the pasta
>>10511228>Decisive Tang victory
>>10510226the real joke is ever trusting the eunuchs
>>10511238>>10511714The battle of Suiyang is pretty kino though desu
>>10510226>warlord Po Xi Quan declared the beginning of the Yi DynastyNote: Po Xi died on the way back to his home province.
>>10512247What a shame
>>10510226yeah sounds based, at least china didn't spread its soul rot to the rest of the globe like e*ros though
>>10510226>I am the blothel of Chlist
>>10510406All of those 28 million people died from sickness.
>>10510962Too over the top. The last thread had better ones
Gonna post the best ones from the last thread
>>10513931>>10513936These aren't funny, they're too close to historic events or too absurd, unlike the original meme. This is much like when virgin Chad became me good you bad meme
>>10513946Why would you go for civil war father than generic us history of settlers raided by Indians, Indians loot an army baggage train, Indians genocided and only live on the sakawata reservation now
>>10513963Blame the guy who made it
>>10510226These aren't funny anymore, people are trying too hard. Please stop. It was fun when it was fun, just let it go
>The Ming–Mong Mao War was a military conflict waged between the Ming dynasty and the previously subordinate Shan state of Mong Mao based in Luchuan-Pingmian, which encompasses modern Longchuan, Ruili, and the Gaoligong Mountains.>Ming–Mong Mao
>>10514001You're the one that saved it and posted it tho
>>10510226You forgot the nine bestowments anon.
>>10511112What do you mean by "early Chinese history"? Obviously battles in 220 BC where 600,000 men fight 800,000 and 900,000 die are unbelievable, but I'm thinking massive rebellions like the An Lushan Rebellion really did have a death count in the millions, in the same way we can agree the Mongol invasions killed millions of people. Brutality+large urban centers+civil war=millions of deaths, no?
>>10513951The only thing that made the original so popular is that retards use "durrrr Chinese names funny and dere a lotta dem XD." These don't read as funny to you because they don't sound foreign.
Guess I'll post a good one since non one else has
>>10518788>Yo Yo Ma's orchestration of the ambush at Royal Albert Hallkek