HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO COOK THESE?
>>16696925boil them, the tastier the liquid the better
Boil or pan fry
>>16696927>>16696929this, knife through the head first if you want to be a humane bro
>>16696927I should have clarified. How do you cook them without pots?
>>16696935Do you have an oven?
>>16696935knife through the head, cut in half lengthwise and grill them. for the lobster at least, not sure about the crabs.https://amazingribs.com/tested-recipes/seafood-recipes/gregs-grilled-lobster-recipe/
Shoot them. The friction from the bullets will cook them through.
>>16696935Who the fuck can afford live lobster but not a pot?
>>16696935break apart and cram in a bowl with some water and microwave
Put them over a bowl of cooked rice. The rice will cook it.
>>16696983How do you cook rice without a pot?
>>16696925The heat from the noodles cooks the crab
>>16696986microwave or rice cooker
>>16696986In a pan.
>>16696925typically i force them to clinch a stick in their pincers then i cook them over my fire pit
>>16696925How heavy is that lobster?
>>16696935For crabhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHg2qWrrQbQFor Lobsterhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tgXpncpmpc
>>16696925Those crabs look angry
>>16696925>he eats sea insects
>>16696930>or pan fryNigger, you go pan fry a live animal, let me know how that works out.
>boil themRetards detected, you should steam them.
>>16696935High pressure steam, potless boiling.
>>16696935Either this is bait or you're seriously retarded
>>16696925You boil them alive or cut them in the head Not boiling them releases allot of liquid during preparation and is useually a pain Boiling them allows them to be cooked in water or a seasoned broth or soup if you really would like it Useually it's just salt and water because some restaurants add flavors later with butter, sides, or a useally oily sauce
>>16697546He could try using the oven as a broiler
>>16697563Boiling them is retarded because they pee.Steam them.
>>16697582You'd prefer he'd use a lid and fill a pan with water
>>16697582Id doubt he has a steam or cooling rack
>>16696935drop your mix tape and let them roast
>>16696935Bifurcate and roast with butter and breadcrumbs
just microwave them, that's why my uncle did
>>16696925>HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO COOK THESE?first you turn on the element
wrap them in aluminium foil then put them in the dishwasher
>>16696925lighty poach and then make a scramz
>>16698510Tfw that crab is probably dead now
>>16696935why dont you have pots?
>>16696925Place on engine block and drive to a nice park. Wa la.
Do you happen to have a lighter. Boom. Heat source. Get cookin.
>>16696933read your David Foster Wallace
>>16698552Stick'em in a stew
>>16696925Hit the crabs in their weak spot for massive damage.
>>16696925Slowly insert them into a blender
>>16696925Dude you already have the crabs on the stove just turn on the heat bro. Watch em squirm.
>>16696935Eat them raw like sushi.
>>166969255 gallon pot, boil the basterds. Make boullaibaise
>>16696925You're not. It's called "sushi" for a reason, dummy.
>>16696925jump on them with your cleats on
>>16696925>put on your best underwear>take about 5-6 shots of %35-40_alcohol_>tape the crabs to your wrists>tape the lobster to your head>release the bands>grab a 40 on your way out the door>go pick a fight>win
>>16701797yeah but when does he get to eat them
>>16698891Even if he wasn't, he's dead by old age by now
>>16701797>drink beer>go to take a piss>*snippety ouchy dickem gone lost*
>>16701857the crabs and lobsters and shit
>>16698891Plenty more crabs in the sea>>16701809Do they die of old age?
>>16696935Baked is good
>>16696971The sort of autists that inhabit this board.
>>16696935You can bake them or grill them.
>>16696925Crabs aren’t for cooking, crabs are bros
>>16698510One of the last great memes.
>>16698891That crab will scuttle eternal o'er the seabed of Valhalla. Yes. That crab will rise again in my heart.
>>16696935>buys $80 worth of crustaceans>doesnt own a potGo to the store and give them back you retard
>>16696925Well you see OP, you simply put them in a->>16696935Nigga
Grilled is unironically the best way to cook lobster I don’t know about the crab. I did have a weird Thai salad once with raw crab that was strangely delicious. Sashimi lobster is also a thing.
>>16696925>>16696935Come on be nice it isn't that hard to cook.Fill your tub up with COLD (important) water, and don't forget to climb in. You're going to get out when it starts getting hot. You need to put the lobster and crabs in as well. Then what you're gonna want to do is grab a PLUGGED IN toaster and drop it in. Should take a few minutes to warm up the water.
>>16696935you can put them in one of those aluminum BBQ containers, add water, spices, veggies, and put it on a BBQ grill to cook
>>16696935bash their skulls in and eat them raw like nature intended
>>16703398What is important water?
Freeze them to sedate them and them put them in the oven
>>16696935Might as well let them go
>>16696929Yup. Boiling them in water and white wine makes for an amazing stick. You can then use that for chowder, miso, etc.
>>16697133>liveIf you're cooking these guys without killing them first, why? They may not feel pain like we do, or even have a consciousness to speak of, but it's entirely unnecessary.
>>16702180don't ask me
just put them in the microwave and turn it on.
>>16696925steam them in flavorful steams
>>16696925What in the everliving fuck are those monsters
>>16696933They aren't humans. No need to be humane.
>>16703398This only works if you live in the 80s or in a third world country.
>>16696929Use sea water if you can
>>16697582t. Doesn't eat the roulade
keep them as pets :3
>>16709879Out of everything I vouch for keeping them as pets
>>16696925Anon, they're literally right where you want themC'mon, Benihana up in this bitch
>>16696925You use a dishwasher to cook them.