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HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO COOK THESE?
>>
>>16696925
boil em
>>
>>16696925
boil them, the tastier the liquid the better
>>
Boil or pan fry
>>
>>16696927
>>16696929
this, knife through the head first if you want to be a humane bro
>>
>>16696927
I should have clarified. How do you cook them without pots?
>>
>>16696935
Do you have an oven?
>>
>>16696935
knife through the head, cut in half lengthwise and grill them. for the lobster at least, not sure about the crabs.

https://amazingribs.com/tested-recipes/seafood-recipes/gregs-grilled-lobster-recipe/
>>
Shoot them. The friction from the bullets will cook them through.
>>
>>16696935
Who the fuck can afford live lobster but not a pot?
>>
>>16696935
break apart and cram in a bowl with some water and microwave
>>
Put them over a bowl of cooked rice. The rice will cook it.
>>
>>16696983
How do you cook rice without a pot?
>>
>>16696925
The heat from the noodles cooks the crab
>>
>>16696986
microwave or rice cooker
>>
>>16696986
In a pan.
>>
>>16696925
typically i force them to clinch a stick in their pincers then i cook them over my fire pit
>>
>>16696925
How heavy is that lobster?
>>
>>16696935
For crab
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHg2qWrrQbQ
For Lobster
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tgXpncpmpc
>>
>>16696925
Those crabs look angry
>>
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>>16696925
>he eats sea insects
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>>16697087
>>
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>>16696930
>or pan fry
Nigger, you go pan fry a live animal, let me know how that works out.
>>
>>16696925
roast
>>
>boil them
Retards detected, you should steam them.
>>
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>>16696935
High pressure steam, potless boiling.
>>
>>16696935
Either this is bait or you're seriously retarded
>>
>>16696925
You boil them alive or cut them in the head Not boiling them releases allot of liquid during preparation and is useually a pain Boiling them allows them to be cooked in water or a seasoned broth or soup if you really would like it Useually it's just salt and water because some restaurants add flavors later with butter, sides, or a useally oily sauce
>>
>>16697546
He could try using the oven as a broiler
>>
>>16697563
Boiling them is retarded because they pee.

Steam them.
>>
>>16697582
You'd prefer he'd use a lid and fill a pan with water
>>
>>16697582
Id doubt he has a steam or cooling rack
>>
>>16696935
drop your mix tape and let them roast
>>
>>16696935
Bifurcate and roast with butter and breadcrumbs
>>
>>16696925
knife fight!
>>
just microwave them, that's why my uncle did
>>
>>16696925
>HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO COOK THESE?
first you turn on the element
>>
wrap them in aluminium foil then put them in the dishwasher
>>
>>16696925
lighty poach and then make a scramz
>>
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>>16696925
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx-xTpxeOUQ
like this
>>
>>16697087
It's halal
>>
>>16696927
mash em
>>
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>>16698510
Tfw that crab is probably dead now
>>
>>16696935
why dont you have pots?
>>
>>16696925
Place on engine block and drive to a nice park. Wa la.
>>
Do you happen to have a lighter. Boom. Heat source. Get cookin.
>>
>>16696933
read your David Foster Wallace
>>
>>16698552
Stick'em in a stew
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>>16696925
Hit the crabs in their weak spot for massive damage.
>>
>>16696925
Slowly insert them into a blender
>>
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>>16696935
>>
>>16696925
Dude you already have the crabs on the stove just turn on the heat bro. Watch em squirm.
>>
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>>16699666
Haunted trips
>>
>>16696935
Eat them raw like sushi.
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>>16696925
5 gallon pot, boil the basterds. Make boullaibaise
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>>16696925
OLD BAY
L
D
B
A
Y
>>
>>16696935
a grill
>>
>>16696925
You're not. It's called "sushi" for a reason, dummy.
>>
>>16696925
jump on them with your cleats on
>>
>>16696925
>put on your best underwear
>take about 5-6 shots of %35-40_alcohol_
>tape the crabs to your wrists
>tape the lobster to your head
>release the bands
>grab a 40 on your way out the door
>go pick a fight
>win
>>
>>16701797
yeah but when does he get to eat them
>>
>>16698891
Even if he wasn't, he's dead by old age by now
>>
>>16701803
eat what?
>>
>>16701797
>drink beer
>go to take a piss
>*snippety ouchy dickem gone lost*
>>
>>16701857
the crabs and lobsters and shit
>>
>>16698891
Plenty more crabs in the sea
>>16701809
Do they die of old age?
>>
>>16696935
Baked is good
>>
>>16696971
The sort of autists that inhabit this board.
>>
>>16696935
You can bake them or grill them.
>>
>>16696925
Crabs aren’t for cooking, crabs are bros
>>
>>16698510
One of the last great memes.
>>
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>>16698891
That crab will scuttle eternal o'er the seabed of Valhalla. Yes. That crab will rise again in my heart.
>>
>>16696935
>buys $80 worth of crustaceans
>doesnt own a pot
Go to the store and give them back you retard
>>
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>>16696925
Well you see OP, you simply put them in a-

>>16696935
Nigga
>>
Grilled is unironically the best way to cook lobster I don’t know about the crab. I did have a weird Thai salad once with raw crab that was strangely delicious. Sashimi lobster is also a thing.
>>
>>16696925
microwave
>>
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>>16696925
>>16696935

Come on be nice it isn't that hard to cook.

Fill your tub up with COLD (important) water, and don't forget to climb in. You're going to get out when it starts getting hot. You need to put the lobster and crabs in as well. Then what you're gonna want to do is grab a PLUGGED IN toaster and drop it in. Should take a few minutes to warm up the water.
>>
>>16696935
you can put them in one of those aluminum BBQ containers, add water, spices, veggies, and put it on a BBQ grill to cook
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>>16696935
bash their skulls in and eat them raw like nature intended
>>
>>16703398
What is important water?
>>
>>16699666
PO-TA-TOES
>>
Freeze them to sedate them and them put them in the oven
>>
>>16696935
Might as well let them go
>>
>>16696929
Yup. Boiling them in water and white wine makes for an amazing stick. You can then use that for chowder, miso, etc.
>>
>>16697133
>live
If you're cooking these guys without killing them first, why? They may not feel pain like we do, or even have a consciousness to speak of, but it's entirely unnecessary.
>>
>>16702180
don't ask me
>>
>>16698510
>04/07/11
>>
>>16703594
Based caveman
>>
just put them in the microwave and turn it on.
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>>16696925
steam them in flavorful steams
>>
>>16696925
What in the everliving fuck are those monsters
>>
>>16696933
They aren't humans. No need to be humane.
>>
>>16703398
This only works if you live in the 80s or in a third world country.
>>
>>16696929
Use sea water if you can
>>
>>16697582
t. Doesn't eat the roulade
>>
keep them as pets :3
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>>16709879
Out of everything I vouch for keeping them as pets
>>
>>16696925
Anon, they're literally right where you want them
C'mon, Benihana up in this bitch
>>
>>16696925
You use a dishwasher to cook them.



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