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Last thread >>10104995

Does your Admin ghost the Comm?
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>>10118428

That's an oddly specific question. Is everything okay in your comm?
>>
I really like my comm. We have well dressed, decent people, good meets and no drama afaik.

Please feed me your comm's drama.
>>
how far do yall travel for meets? i just moved to middle of buttfuck nowhere california (about 3 hours northish of LA) and ive checked that old spreadsheet and i cant find a closer comm than the LA one. even though i really dont want to be apart of a drama filled comm i really miss going to meets and im having trouble justifying the time of driving 3 hours for 1 afternoon.
>>
My comm has almost doubled in size in the last two years which means it's become really tough to have everyone go for lunch after an activity (like going to a museum etc) because instead of carting around a meetup of max ten people, it's approaching twenty for even casual meets. Fancy afternoon tea is fine, as booking those places is easier, but the relaxed, "small" meets have become anything but.

Most casual cafés either don't take bookings or can't accommodate a larger group, so I'm unsure what the best course of action is to keep meets running smoothly. I've considered organising more regular meets in the hope that it might thin the crowd out a bit and still give everyone a chance to come along to things, but I'd love to hear advice from any other comm mods who have experience with this sort of thing!
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>>10118611
Put a cap on the amount of people by making a numbered rsvp list. Whoever comments fills the list, late commenters get waitlisted if there’s a cancel.
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>>10118611
Realistically if you want to accommodate everyone you start doing meets at places that can do rvsp and can seat the group. It does eventually mean a deposit.

Smaller meets that have low cap are good for those smaller cafes you seem to be going to but you need to branch out
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>>10118611
I hate them, but you can always try picnics at local parks when the weather is good, maybe a carnival meet, the zoo as some examples. Also if the group is too hard to herd around, maybe split up into two groups with one admin leading each group around?

Don't give up on the hunt for places that would be able to accommodate bigger groups for the more casual meet ups. I'm sure there are some around! Maybe a nice pub (no dive bar or anything, but one with a nice dining room etc) would work for luncheons and dinners too.

Most of all, try not to stress out, because you can't please everyone. Do the best you can.
>>
>>10118428
lol are we in the same comm? i’ve never met our admin she’s apparently too busy for us and is slow to approve facebook remember requests. i wish someone else could take over but i don’t want to be rude.

>>10118611
same here. our comm started doing smaller meets more frequently so everyone doesn’t feel the need to come to every meet.
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>>10118510
Hour and a half.
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>>10118428
No, but I wish they would. They just make weird vendetta posts and secrets that make it obvious who they are, even though they're violating the comm rules they made.
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>>10118428
>Ita comm thread
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>>10118718
they’re not too bad, only those two obviously not wearing lolita and the one on the far left is a nitpick.
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>>10118768
It is a general j fashion comm not a lolita one.
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>>10118510
I wish we could just make another or new LA group because honestly the mods don’t make any new events anymore and just hang out with each other and ignore maintaining the community. But I know they’d throw a bitch fit if anyone tried to usurp power from them. There’s also the OC comm that has a discord, San Diego comm, and Cholita but I’m not sure if they’ve been very active. Hope that helps!
>>
>>10118718
>>10118784
This isn't the main Boston lolita comm like >>10118784 said. I'm active in the lolita comm and I've never seen most of these people in my life.
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>>10118713
Sounds like one of the comms I’m in. Midwest?
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>>10118428
I mean, ours aren't super active attending meets wise, one I didn't see for like 2 years, but they do a really good job of keeping on top of the behind the scenes work such as accepting member requests, calming down fights in the comments, keeping track of no call no shows, etc. Maybe yours do more than you think.
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>>10118510
Make friends with memebers in the city so they will let you sleep over at their place and go for the meets together.
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>>10119473
Thank you very much! San Diego is a little too far for me, but I'll try OC
>>10119606
hadnt thought of this, thanks!
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>>10119473
I've realized that no one makes events for the LA one. I don't want to be that new girl that recommends the event and no one goes.
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>>10120293
You can always try with a small gathering for a meet and start there. But yeah I think the mods just fucked off so it’s up to anyone else willing to try to start up meets now.
>>
Judging from the previous thread, there are a lot of Lolitas from LA who can't join the comm or don't know anyone from the community to introduce them. I'm a lonelita here but I want to start going to meetups. If a gull wants to start a new FB page for them or even a discord server, I would be glad to join. I would start it myself but I've never been part of a comm before so I'm
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>>10121633
Same here anon, I lived in the bay for three years and loved the bay comm but I moved to socal a few month ago and now I don’t know anyone else.
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>>10121635
I'd be willing to join if someone starts one up, I just can't take the responsibility at the moment to moderate a community. But I'm sure if someone starts one up there will be others willing to help mod.
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>>10121633
>>10121635
>>10122207

If I were to make a new comm, would you prefer FB or Discord? Vetted or non-vetted?
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My local comm is active, but the members are bleh dressed. Our mods are all in a smaller city and like to plan meets there instead where most of the comm is. I have tried making meets for those of us who work late shifts, but the mods keep removing them since they are “ not inclusive of the rest of the group”. So I kinda just watch the rest of them have fun through the group page and wear my dresses alone on my own time. I’d like to mingle with the rest of the comm. but my meets that I can attend aka I plan, get declined. So I really can’t interact with them other then through the comm page. Thank god I am okay being a lone lolita.
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>>10122408
That really sucks anon. Have you thought about holding private meets with the other late night shift peeps? If I were in your shoes, I would. Your comm is contradictory.
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>>10122408
WTF this makes me so mad for you. Calling it non-inclusive doesn't even make any sense? As long as you planned meets that everyone in the comm is welcome to attend, they're the ones actually being non-inclusive. The mods only allowing meets to be planned at certain times of day is alienating members with different work schedules for literally 0 reason. Absolutely ridiculous.
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>>10122313
I have no preference.
I was actually thinking about starting a comm in the inland empire since the one of fb is basically dead. There’s not much out to do out here so I’d be more for casual meet ups.
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>>10122207
>>10122313
I’m fine with any choice.
I was actually thinking about starting a comm in the inland empire since the current one of fb is dead.
There’s not much to do out here so I’d be more for casual meets though.
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>>10122410
All the people I know personlly don’t dress in the fashion any more. I just recently returned to the community after taking a good 5 or 6 year break ( ex drama involving him not letting me wear lolita or go to meets). It’s practically a new comm minus maybe two people who are now the mods. So it’s like asking complete strangers to come to your meet when they really don’t know you.

>>10122424
My meets where always open to the whole comm. but the mods don’t like to attend meets after 4pm because “ there isn’t anything open to do” aka tea shops close at 3 pm. Plan a meet at the Alice in wonderland bar and it’s “ this isn’t fair to the under 21 crowd”. Plan a meet that’s like bowing or minature golf and it’s “ too dark for lolita. They only care about cute settings, tea and ideal conditions for photographs of themselves. I just want to meet people with similar interests in the fashion again. But I’m the weird one for not being able to attend the 30 meets a year that start at 11 am. I’m also sick of tea houses. But everytime some try’s to make a ticketed rsvp event at a higher end place, no one buys tickets. It’s not a very super dressed comm minus maybe three or four people so it’s possibly best I don’t try and interact with them if they can’t afford a 40 dollar ticket to the opera or for establishment down payment.
>>
Yet again my comms ILD meet is a theme I don't have in my wardrobe.
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>>10122313
So far the OC discord seems to be going fine, that might be better and easier to vet people that way. I think via facebook it might be easier to get creeps, but also easier access for people to find the group. But other than that I have no preference, just want to be able to have meets again without having to travel to another community all the time to do it.
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>>10122528
WTF is your comm all teenagers? Haha my comm has 18+ and 21+ meets sometimes and there's always that one teenager whining that its not fair, but the mods always shut them down because it's typically the venues rule, and if drinking is involved obviously its not sage for minors to attend. If the kiddos want to have a mini golf meet, they can plan it themselves.
>>
>>10122649
Keep it updated if it becomes a thing! I would like to join.
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>>10122670
College students mostly.
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Admin ghosted my comm so a few members and myself made a new one. We're actually active.
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>>10122313
A vetted discord server would be ideal for me. I don't have a Facebook account but I'd love to get in touch with the local community.
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>>10122670
Ok but how can I plan a 21+ mini golf meet? I hate drinking and the young ones.
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>>10122632
I feel your pain but are you sure there isn't any way to spin it to your taste? Maybe just with a solid OTT dress and the right accessories?

I actually somewhat enjoy when the theme isn't something that is completely in my closet. It makes me try to be creative, craft interesting accessories, be inspired to wear my stuff in a different way.
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>>10122632
Is it at least different from theme to theme? My comm always defaults to the the cycle of Alice in Wonderland, masquerade, witch/harry potter and candies/baked goods.
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>>10119473
San Diego has a comm? Their FB seems pretty dead...
>>
What are some food strategies to attract new members to your comm? Mine has had only 5 steadily for the past two years. At first I used to think that it was a monetary issue because my country is relatively poor but now with the Chinese brands this ain't even an argument I can make. Our online comm has about 25 members out of which about 10 is newbies that joined the past year but never showed up at meets, not even beginner friendly ones. Most of our meets are affordable so I am thinking they are just lurkers that will never actually join.

So what do I do? Do I attend anime and gaming cons with my group in Lolita in order to promote the fashion and our comm? Any other ideas? Unfortunately we don't have any other J-fash Comms anymore
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>>10123152
>Good, not food
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>>10123056
Nayrt. My comm cycles through the same themes too, but they're nearly always themes that only really work with sweet prints. Then when the goths decide to organize their own gothic meet the sweet lolitas say that it's not inclusive enough and that we don't have explicitly sweet-only meets. Our last three themed meets centered around candy, baked goods and chocolate...
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>>10119560
Is Chicago still at it?
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>>10123146
You have to message the mods for a link to the private group where they are more active.
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>>10123152
1. Host a good Lolita 101 panel at your local or big anime con each year, making sure the description includes "presented by [comm name]"
2. Discuss with your mods to consider doing a monthly mod hosted meetup if the mods can afford it - museums, restaurants, events, swap meets, etc
3. If anyone in your comm has enough money to spare, attend a bigger lolita event in your region to rep your comm
4. It's a pain but put up some topics or share more lolita update posts in your comm's Facebook group. Bring up discussion topics and try to talk to everyone - the more you talk in the group, the more likely someone will finally be able to step out of their shell and come to a meetup finally.
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>>10123166
they haven't had drama in ages and actually a little bit more dead since there aren't any anime cons in the area that host big lolita events
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how do you politely ghost your comm?
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>>10123496
just stop showing up to meets? not sure what you mean by this. are there a lot of people expecting you to come to meets or are you a mod? if you’re a mod get the balls to just step down, nothing more annoying than a mod who can’t relinquish their title. if you’re just a regular member but people are expecting you to be at meets I think it’s as simple as just not going to meets anymore and unfriending/blocking comm members. or if you can’t just block them/end up being asked by someone why you don’t come to anymore meets all you really have to say is that you stopped having the time/your schedule isn’t compatible with meets anymore
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>>10123549
its a small comm i've been in for a while and i'm just tired of everyone expecting me to plan things for us to do. but yea i guess i can just be fake busy until i feel like going back it just feels rude.
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>>10123566
it’s understandable. At the same time though, you don’t really owe them anything. You’re just someone else who likes the same fashion/shares the same hobby - just because you’re all in the same group and plan some events doesn’t mean you have an obligation to plan all their events.

If you even decide to be more straightforward, you could also just be like, I need to take a break or something. Otherwise I don’t think you should feel as though you owe anyone an explanation for wishing to take a step back from your comm.
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>>10123163
Ayrt, yeah it’s like that with my comm too. Sweet is what most of the newer lolitas are into and the mods “try” to be inclusive of goth, but can’t stop being hard core on AP’s dick to attempt a gothic themed meet. It wouldn’t come out very good either way since the goths in the comm are kinda those ones that have faded pink hair that they refuse to re dye and they don’t want to wear a wig with their coords. So I guess it’s fine. We can wear what we want to meets but not participate in the “ who dresses the best to the theme” contest.
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>>10118713
Edmonton?
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>rant incoming
I’m getting really fed up with people who come to our meetups with a shitty attitude and then get salty when we aren’t as affectionate to them as we are to our friends. Our comm is actually really open to newbies and several of us always make sure to say hello to new faces and try to include people in the group. However if we only get sour (note: not shy) responses back, we eventually stop trying. There are a few girls who I often notice lurking on the sidelines for an entire meet and being very negative so that when we do approach them we’re left to regret it.
One girl in particular always seems to be sulking and every single time I’ve tried to talk to her she started trash talking other people in the comm, including friends of mine. Sometimes she butts into conversations just to say something rude and then gets huffy when people politely disagree with her opinion. She also becomes resentful and mumbles under her breath when people are hugging their friends goodbye and nobody goes out of their way to approach her for a hug, as if she’s owed affection even after acting like a standoffish asshole all meetup. But online she acts like she’s the sweetest, kindest, most open-minded innocent smol bean in the world who just doesn’t understand why all the other lolitas in our comm are so rude/mean/elitist towards her. That’s probably the part that annoys me most, seeing her trash talk our comm online and perpetuating the idea that lolitas are elitist bitches when she’s the one making zero attempt to be friendly even when we reach out to her. What do people like this actually want?
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>>10123049
I guess because I own mostly specific prints it's hard to bend the theme in them. I can't say what the theme is but if I did have a certain color of dress I could probably put something creative together... but I don't want to buy a dress for ILD again. I did it last year and now the bow on that dress is damaged somehow and I can't resell it for good money. Nor can I fix the bow. (I just don't know how aside from replacing it entirely)

>>10123056
No, I think who ever the mods are at the time, that is what dictates the theme.
For example, the first ILD I went to had different mods and the theme was flowers - everyone at the mod table had preplanned coords with flower themed prints all ready to go.

Same thing happened with a tropical meet and a group of girls all wore that AP dress with the seashells on it. Idk the name cause I don't care for that print but it was pretty obvious they picked the theme based off they wanted to see how many people had something similar in their closet.
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>>10124242
Honestly, she sounds like she might be on the Autism spectrum and might not realize that her behaviour comes across as rude and weird. It's a lot easier to act "normal" via textual conversation online, so it does not surprise me that she's only awful in person. I guess she might be a bit insecure as well, and that tends to make some people appear bitchy and rude.
If you want to be nice, approach her about her behavior in a private setting, either face to face over tea or something, or message her online. Tell her that you noticed that she seems to have trouble integrating into the group and suggest how she could start conversations with others. Make her feel welcome. Maybe point out some things that are not welcome, like the trash talking.
If you don't feel like it's your job to take weird newbies by the hand and spoonfeed them social etiquette, just ignore her. Chances are, that she will stop attending the meetups sooner or later if she can't fit in.
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>>10124362
>Autism spectrum and might not realize that her behaviour comes across as rude and weird.
Is that really what autism is. Like I'm sure there is more to it than that.
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>>10124367
nayrt it's a bit more complex than that but a lot of autistic people have very hard time talking to people and it comes off usually as more aggressive or standoffish than what you would be used to. don't bring it up to her like that, but typically autistic people need a little more patience and understanding when it comes to social etiquette. I agree with the other anon, maybe bring it up to them, and try opening up a little bit to show you are trustworthy. Eventually try to have a convo with her about how the online community is different from irl comms and that everyone comes to meets to be friendly and hang out and talk about their lives instead of stirring drama. There can be fine lines, and i've been approached about online vs irl comms before (albeit the people talking to me about it went about it in the wrong way, and actually ended up scaring me from that comm) but maybe learn from their mistakes and approach her by herself and have a simple convo.
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>>10124362
>>10124373
I’m >>10124242 and I’m actually autistic myself. It’s why I started to make an effort to include other quiet people once I got comfortable in the community, because I know firsthand how hard it can be to integrate into new groups where you don’t know anyone and social cues are complicated. It’s very possible that this girl is on the spectrum, but even then she’d be the most unpleasant autistic person I’ve met. It’s not just that she’s blunt, it’s that she only ever has negative things to say. You could compliment her coord and comment on the lovely weather and she’d roll her eyes and complain about our host’s homebaked cookies not being to her liking. She doesn’t take well to gentle correction either, because when people tried to explain to her that we don’t really want to discuss highly contentious political topics at a tea party after she kept trying to force the topic, she got upset with them and suggested that they were all on the wrong side of history. They hadn’t even given their own opinions on the topic, but in her mind only neo-nazis would criticize her I guess? This isn’t an exaggeration by the way, she has insinuated that at least one comm member must be a literal nazi for disagreeing with her over something trivial. She’s like a walking angry Tumblr post.

It’s possible that her picture of our community has been tainted by the saltiness of online comms, but it’s not a case of her stirring drama in an attempt to fit in. Whenever someone (online or IRL) brings up cgl or btb she makes sure to point out that only horrible closed-minded elitists would ever post there and she’s so above it. Maybe she thinks our entire comm is full of salty seagulls and she’s above all of us, but in that case I don’t understand why she keeps coming to meetups if we’re all so terrible.
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>>10124519
>>10124242
Yeahhhh, that doesn't sound like autistic behavior (or if she's on the spectrum, this isn't related strictly to that). I hope she gets bored with this shit and leaves your comm eventually anon. If its any consolation, no one actually within the lolita community takes a newbie at face value when they say the entire comm was mean and ignored them and that lolitas are elitist bitches etc. We've pretty much all dealt with this type.

There was a girl who used to be in my comm who came to a meetup late with her BF and sat off away from us all looking grumpy. A few people, including myself, did make an effort to greet her and try to engage, but as it was a picnic meet at a park, most people were either done eating and wandering around taking pictures or were playing board games on the grass, so no one really noticed the sullen girl sitting alone with her boyfriend. She left after like half an hour and went online to cry about how we all hate her and no one even talked to her and she was done with this community etc etc, and me and the other girls who DID try to talk to her pointed out that we tried but she seemed like she was in a bad mood and didn't want to be bothered, and then (very gently) told her not to let the door hit her ass on the way out.

Then she left the comm but not before saving a bunch of group shots and writing really bizarre creepy captions for them all in an album on her personal page, but that's another story.
>>
>>10124637
Oh wait I forgot that before this she told us her birthday was coming up and asked the entire comm to plan something for her, and then later on told the whole 300+ person community they were invited to her wedding.
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>>10124356
Those are really broad themes, what inclusive theme do you want? Florals are in all styles, and tropical could be sea, mermaid, pirate, tropical colors, throw a sun hat on, spaghetti straps with a sheer blouse, just bring a pink flamingo scepter, "my coordinate is yellow with a green hat because I'm a pineapple".

You're being entirely too picky. Not like you're ever required to dress themes anyways unless your comm actually made that a requirement.
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>>10124646
>Not like you're ever required to dress themes anyways unless your comm actually made that a requirement.
I just want to be on theme... I guess I have to get in on planning winter ILD so I can weasel in a theme I can actually get in on.
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>>10124660
But seriously how are those not broad enough for you? What do you consider broader than flowers? And instead of weaseling, why don't you just bring it up to whoever usually organizes ILD that either you'd like to organize, or you like the comm to get input for the theme. You sound like a grouch who's just going to start drama.
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>>10124637
>Then she left the comm but not before saving a bunch of group shots and writing really bizarre creepy captions for them all in an album on her personal page, but that's another story.

Tea, please?
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>>10124242
>>10124519
I will die if this turns out to be the LA community
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>>10124242
Lmao is it claire? She's a cunt in person
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>>10124772
Doubt, LA doesn't make an effort to reach out to new people.
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>>10124242
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Man I just love my comm.

One example: big tea party. My friend pulls me away and whispers to my ear: ”you see that new girl? This is her first meet. Make sure you say hi to her”
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>>10124957
Yes, my comm is mostly like this. I can see where OP is coming from though, once on a great while someone will join where saying hello and attempting to make conversation isn't enough for them. Its hard to meet someone halfway whos acting like we are required to be their new best friends and starts losing their shit when we don't automatically cater to them.
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>>10124677
What part of "it not in my wardrobe" and "those were just examples because I can't actually mention the theme" did you not understand.

I already stated that I don't even have a solid dress to shoehorn the damn theme. Yes. Those are broad themes. I still never buy dresses with either of those themes.
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I want a lolita friend but meets in my current comm are so boring
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>>10125099
>Wahh wahh people aren't catering to me specifically'!!!!!!! >:(
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>>10125103
Everyone gets catered to but me is what it feels like. Especially if they're gonna keep up the "oh it doesn't matter" mentality and then turn around to congratulate people for being just soooo on theme.

I'm complaining about it in this thread because I have already gotten one remark on this in the past. Either it's ok to be not on theme or we can drop the stupid theme ideas and do sub styles or something because clearly not everyone has freakin sea themed dresses. Again, I used this as an example because I wasn't the only who didn't fit the theme so this isn't just about me either.
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>>10125108
You sound like a spoiled brat.
Use your brain and figure out how to stretch the theme if you want to fit it so bad.
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>>10125108
Dude get over yourself. They picked a very broad theme so the majority of people could be involved. Cry a river build a bridge and get over it
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>>10125102
same lets be friends :b
i don't understand how people who wear such cool clothes can be so completely devoid of personality otherwise
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>>10125108
If you need to have a dress with a specifically sea print to be able to convey the theme, you have no creativity.
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>>10125108
You sound so self-centered, damn, you need to reflect. When people compliment others on their coord, it has literally nothing to do with you in any way. Insecurity probably made you self-absorbed.
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>>10125123
I never mentioned what the theme was for ILD this year... just that it's not in my closet.

>>10125123
Those were just examples.

>>10125129
I only have cat prints. There. I said it. Do pray tell.. how does one convert cats into sea creatures without it being ita as fuck?

>>10125133
Did you glaze over about how I mentioned this isn't just about me.
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My comm is so goddamn ugly. Not just kind of newbie or nickpick-able but like full on fucking hideous or blatantly ita. It prevents me from going to more meet-ups because I would rather not go than be seen with them. It really puts me off from the fashion and I have drifted further from lolita because I am such a social person but the embarrassment is too much.
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>>10125143
Lolita is not supposed to be a social activity though. If you are a social person, you probably have no trouble meeting people without lolita meets. You can wear lolita on any of your days off when you meet other friends.
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>>10125136
If you can't do a theme then you can't do a theme, but themes are fun for those who want a creative direction and if there are decorations, it helps decide them and keep things cohesive. People usually buy or craft new dresses or accessories when they want to follow a theme. If you're wardrobe is literally one theme then what do you expect? They didn't exclude you, you excluded yourself.
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>>10125136
The comment I replied to was about you and how you feel.
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>>10125136
>I only have cat prints

So you're new and have a limited wardrobe and are upset that your entitlement isn't being catered to? got it
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>>10125136
>I only have cat prints.

Ok, so you literally put yourself in a box and you expect every ILD to somehow be cat themed?? This goes beyond something like only having sweet themes. It's kind of your own doing. Even with just cat prints there's a whole variety of themes. There's sweet cats, gothic cats, cats with crosses, creepy cute Halloween cats, princess cats with *gasp* roses, vampire cats. You can't be mad that nearly every single theme isn't cat related if that's what your closet is.


Just make a cat meet already. Not gonna lie, I totally have made themed meets before just for a certain dress I got or because I was particularly into it at the time. Don't expect others to cater to your narrow interest.

Also if Kuma Kumya can be a fucking mermaid, anything is possible.
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>>10125154
>>10125156
I can't believe you believe every word she says
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>>10125150
>They didn't exclude you, you excluded yourself.
I don't see how? They never told me they what theme they were going to pick. I found out when they made the announcement. I had no way of knowing the theme because I don't plan events. Part of my complaint is that only the mods and event planners get a say in what the theme is. It's not about me being excluded. It's that I have to put together my own meet to be on theme ever because my wardrobe is not like everyone else's. The girls who do the planning have all the say in a comm of like hundreds of people. Since when do guests not get a say? If you're going to invite people, shouldn't you make them feel welcome? Isn't that part of being a good host?

>>10125156
>>10125158
You should have listened to >>10125158 because that wasn't me.
>>
>>10125136
>I only have cat prints
Moonbunny has mercats. Go find them. They're super cute.
>>
>>10125136
>I only have cat prints
I know you probably aren't looking for recommendations at all, but I couldn't see this and not mention JetJ's sirene JSK since it combines my love of cats with my love of marine flora and fauna
>>
>>10125136
How dare you be so mean about my baby Sirene
>>
>>10125166
Speaking as someone who hosts ILD themed events. I put an enormous amount of my free time in to creating the event. What would make me not even bother doing it is if my comm decided on a stupid theme like cats, then expected me to find a venue, and cater everything to be cat themed. That theme is hard, and very limiting. I don't pick a theme because I have the perfect dress for it, I pick it because it seems broad enough and fun.
>>
>>10125149
>Lolita is not supposed to be a social activity though.
nani
>>
>>10125267
Nayrt but lolita is a fashion, it's not inherently a social thing. You don't need to join nor meet up with any community to wear it.
>>
>>10125268
Ah, I misread it like “social interactions while wearing lolita shouldn’t happen”
Should work on my reading comprehension
>>
>>10125264
seconding this.
Lolita comms are not strictly hierarchical organizations with only the mods being allowed to organize stuff, it's just that most often, only very few people actually go through the whole trouble of findig a date that works for many people, writing invitations, picking out a location that works for everyone, making the reservation, planning how to get there, preparing additional stuff (food, games, decoration, photographers,...) and on top of that answering all the stupid questions and dealing with flaky attendants leading up to the event. And if something goes wrong, dealing with the blame. All while being paid nothing.
Everyone is allowed to host their own events, but most people just don't. Treasure your event organizers, and if you want something different - become part of the organizing process or make your own event.

>salty longtime organizer being fed up with entitled attendees
>>
>>10125264
>I don't pick a theme because I have the perfect dress for it, I pick it because it seems broad enough and fun.
Well you sound great but that isn't what happens in my comm and the event planners do not care about broad themes
They either go with what is currently popular or whatever trend they hoped on recently.

I don't know why I have to keep stressing that those events were examples. The actual themes are more specific which is why I'm not mentioning them because I would be outing myself.
>>
>>10125523
>very few people actually go through the whole trouble of findig a date that works for many people, writing invitations, picking out a location that works for everyone, making the reservation, planning how to get there, preparing additional stuff (food, games, decoration, photographers,...) and on top of that answering all the stupid questions and dealing with flaky attendants leading up to the event. And if something goes wrong, dealing with the blame. All while being paid nothing.
My comm just sends fb invites and picks whatever location will allow us in.
>>
>>10125541
They likely do a lot more but you don’t realize it. There is always stuff behind the scenes
>>
>>10118510
One to two hours, sometimes a little more, but I tend to only go for meets that I'll find REALLY fun, or that my good friends are going to be at or host.
>>
>>10122408
Make meets and invite comm members but make the meet page on your personal page. Share it to the comm, if they delete it, send invites to everyone you want there or who you think might go, Fuck your stupid comm admins.
>>
>>10125099
The problem is you have no fucking creativity, anon. How do you think it feels for goths when themes are 99.9% of the time sweet? We make do and come up with some logical leap as to how our outfit matches theme, and have fun coming up with some kitschy way to fit theme. Stop bitching.
>>
I'm drama-hungry so I wanna know how KK's first meet went last weekend. Anyone got the details?
>>
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I assume half of these complaints are bs... I am not a mod in my comm and I host meets frequently. Most people are not grateful and complain, so I understand why mods get annoyed. I would say most of my comms meets are hosted by longtime members who are not mods.

It is not strictly a mod responsibility to play host every time, it should be collaborative.

>host a meet and they will come
>>
>>10125523
In some comms, meets are only organised by the mods. In my own comm, anyone is allowed to organise a meet, but nobody will attend unless it was organised by a mod or someone else who is well-known in the comm. Most meets are too far away for me, and I can only attend on saturdays (most are on sunday). As a result almost nobody in the comm knows who I am and they wouldn't attend anything I organise. I know this from experience and have also discussed it with the mods but they don't know what to do about it. I sometimes see a newbie/unknown organise a meet and cancel it because of 0 attendees and feel bad but I can't attend them either because they're too far/on sunday.
>>
>>10125733
Same here. I've been wanting to know how it went and if KK is just as obnoxious in person
>>
>>10125136
Go to a sea meetup in a cat dress and tell everyone you’re a goddamn catfish.
>>
>>10125617
You shoehorn. That's not "creativity"
>>
>>10125550
I've been in the comm for awhile. No one is getting personal invitations. There's like 300+ members. It would be a waste of time to do it any other way than using fb.
>>
>>10125829
What else are we supposed to fucking do if no one makes meets with themes we can participate in!?
>>
>>10125733
I heard that kk is pleasant and really nice. I didn't attend the meet up, but my friend did who's a non comm member. ( she's a friend of the host). I asked her if kk is trans and she said that she didn't know. So I assume if kk is trans that she's had vocal training and or surgery.
>>
>>10125835
I genuinely think KK is just an ugly autistic older woman
>>
>>10125836
Same, Lolita could just be one of those things she's extremely obsessed with, and she may not be able to indentify or understand that she is annoying.
>>
>>10125832
Now you get it.
>>
>>10125740
>host a meet and they will come
More like host a meet and they'll SAY they're going to come, only to cancel the day of. Or just not show up at all or contact you in any way, so you get to sit around for an hour or so just in case anyone actually does show up.
Never again.
>>
>>10125864
This.
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>>10125864
plan better meets
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>>10125884
>because it's totally my fault that my community is full of flakes and irresponsible people.
yeah no, fuck you.
>>
>>10125899
if those people flake your perfect and fun meet, then ban them from your future meets
>>
>>10125902
nayrt, but smaller or even medium sized comms don’t have this luxury. Although I wish I could bar them.
>>
>>10125740
Okay I have a sneaking suspicion of who you are because myself and one other person in my comm always comment this when members post about being too scared to host lol.

>>10125864
I host often. ALWAYS take payment beforehand. That's the only way to make sure people are serious about coming. If they no call no show, that's on them. No refunds, any other kind of ticket they couldn't get a refund for them not attending, so it shouldn't apply with your events either.
>>
>>10126137
If your on facebook, can't block them so they can't see any meets you post?
>>
>>10126451
>always take payment beforehand
Absolutely. As a comm mod, I try to calculate expenses and set a ticket price for everyone. Usually that factors in space rental and prix fixe.
If they flake, they already paid so no big. And then you enforce that non-ticketed guests are not permitted (preventing unwanted tagalongs and SOs)
If you're doing an event at a museum or something and everyone needs to pay admission, you can also call ahead and pay for the group, so people can pay you in advance. Members should take seriously the effort it takes in organizing a meetup. If they are going to complain about tickets, they don't need to come.
>>
>>10125166
oml get over yourself.
at this rate, don't go. you sound miserable to be around.
>>
>>10125864
We make everyone prepay in advance so we don’t have that issue anymore
>>
>>10126469
>oml get over yourself
>oml
Shut up boring normie.
>>
>>10126451
I highly doubt you know who I am since I would never comment that on Facebook lol
>>
>>10124646
>my coordinate is yellow with a green hat because I'm a pineapple
New favourite substyle, thanks anon.
>>
>>10124646
>throw a sun hat on, spaghetti straps with a sheer blouse, just bring a pink flamingo scepter, "my coordinate is yellow with a green hat because I'm a pineapple".
Are you fucking serious? That sounds terrible.

>You're being entirely too picky.
No. I just know not to shoehorn themes. Usually looks ita like you described...
>>
>>10123163
i wear my goth stuff no matter what. even if my comm is like 75% sweet lol, and im more than happy to host goth meets and help the other goths in the comm organize stuff too. we're in the minority so we stick together - to be fair the sweet in our comm don't complain that our meets aren't inclusive enough...rather they don't have anything themed to wear. i just think they're not all that creative, but not my problem lol
>>
>>10123163
There are plenty of Aatp goth dresses with those themes.
>>
>>10126961
How dare you insult my new best friend pineapple chan
>>
>>10126961
It's a list of things you can choose from, not all for one coord. Either way, you sound like no fun on a bun.
>>
There's a weird phenomenon happening in my comm and I don't know if it's common or if there's anything that can be done about it. Basically a girl with a chronic illness joined and started befriending a lot of people. She's really sweet but slowly a lot of people have come out with new "invisible illnesses", have been self diagnosing with EDS and stuff,and giving people advice at meets on how to get disability benefits and how to essentially cheat the system.
I'm not a doctor, so I'm not qualified to say if anyone is faking it, but I'm talking a good fifth of the comm who always showed up and never had problems are now doctor botherers giving each other an echo chamber to validate their perceived illnesses.

What the hell is going on? Has this happened to anyone else?
>>
>>10127521
A lot more people have chronic illnesses than you think, anon. I have fibromyalgia, and I literally only tell the friends who I know have chronic illnesses too, my other friends are completely in the dark about it. It's a mix of shame and just not wanting to bother people.
The ones who are coming out about it and actually seeing doctors might just be people who never felt like they could do anything about their condition and are now encouraged to try, or they're people who are going along with it and will find out that they're not actually sick after all.
In either case, this isn't really something you should "fix", just wait it out and try to give people the benefit of the doubt. And it's not on you to correct it if someone actually fakes it, that's their poor life choice, not yours.
>>
>>10127521
>how to get disability benefits and how to essentially cheat the system

disability benefits are shit anyway, i laugh whenever anybody talks about trying to cheat or game the system. like even if you get approved, good luck having a good life on $700/mo
>>
>>10127521
sometimes people don't want to talk about their issues for fear of people like you talking shit. she probably made them feel safe about coming forward. more people are chronically ill or not entirely healthy than you think anon
>>
>>10127521
Hmm it's almost like invisible illness is called that because it's hard to see... Just mind your own business anon
>>
>>10127412
I'd rather not get posted to the ita thread.
>>
>>10127521
You sound bored and annoying
>>
>>10127564
>>10127560
>>10127542
>>10127536
You're probably all right, anons. Thanks, I needed that.
I'm really worried because so many of them are younger members who are just out of their genderspecial phases so I'm really hoping it's not just another attention seeking thing.
Again, it's none of my business so I'll wait it out and hope for the best. Thanks for the input everyone!
>>
>>10127536
>>10127582
There are a few girls in my comm with genuine invisible chronic illnesses that they rarely openly talk about, and when they do it's usually only to other people with invisible chronic illnesses because they're the only ones who know what they're dealing with and are less likely to doubt them or ask dumb questions. Then again I also know a few lolitas who are clearly exaggerating for pity and attention (tagging literally everything they ever post, including photos of their cat, with 20 illness-related hashtags, claiming shit like lactose intolerance as a reason they can't work, etc.) so who the hell knows. I think the latter group is attracted to lolita for the same reason attention whores in general are attracted to lolita, but it doesn't mean others aren't legitimate. The legit ones are probably even more annoyed with the munchies than we are.
>>
>>10127521
hahahahaha i know what comm you're in
>>
>>10123152

FOOD STRATEGIES
>>
>>10127521

I mean there’s not much to do about it other than for individual members to be gently called out by whoever catches them, but for the record EDS is rare, like 1/5000 people rare. Unless you happen to be in a weirdly close knit area or a good portion of your comm are from ethnic groups that don’t marry outside of their own group, it’s pretty unlikely 1/5 of them will have the disease.

But again, there’s not much to do considering the type of people they may be. It may be really bad if you end up accidentally falsely accusing someone of making shit up, and it’s just hurtful to that person. Leave it to the medical professionals to call them out on their bullshit.

Also it’s weird because my friend’s gf has EDS and she also was considering trying for benefits. I ended up telling my friend it absolutely sucks because she cannot get supplemental income and cannot work. I think she genuinely enjoys librarian work, and she’s a trust fund baby anyways so I don’t get why she’s pursuing disability. Hopefully she doesn’t pursue that.
>>
>>10127662
I thought it was underdiagnosed? Hypermobility disorders are relatively common
>>
>>10127652
I'm enjoying the mental image of a lolita leaving a trail of cupcakes and macarons leading from her local anime con to a tea house where her comm is meeting up.
>>
>>10125840
Either way the coord she wore for the meet was absolutely the most ita thing I've ever seen.
>>
>>10127542
This.

Did it for years. It's absolute hell.
If they're living in mommy and daddy's basement wasting it on dresses, it's usually reportable in the US as fraud. So have fun with that.
>>
>>10127891
pics?
>>
>>10127891
Was it one of their handmade goodies?
>>
We had a meet today and a bunch more girls than expected turned out and everyone was well-dressed and everyone mingled and talked, and no drama. It was great. I love my comm.
>>
I finally joined my ‘local’ com, leaving my loneita days behind me.
Can’t wait to go to a meet.
My nearest com is a three hour train ride.
>>
>>10127966
I genuinely hope it's worth it and fun for you!
>>
>>10123146
You're probably looking at the old page. There's a new private page where they're semi-active.
>>
>>10127665

Perhaps, and the NIH prefaces the stat with “at least,” but it’s certainly not to the point an anime dress group would have literally 1000x the incidence rate of the national average.
>>
I was in Little Tokyo today in normie clothes and saw a bunch of lolitas out and about. I don't know any of them but it warms my heart to see lolitas in public, just existing.
>>
>>10128077
Which Little Tokyo? LA?
>>
>>10128406
Yes!
>>
Do people’s comms ever have “casual” meets where they say you don’t have to wear lolita? (Nothing against low-key casual meets where everyone is still dressed well) My comm has one once a month and I think it’s just weird. If I wanted to hang out with a bunch of people in normie clothes I would hang out with my close non-lolita friends. If I’m going to a meet it’s because I want to be around other lolitas who are actually wearing lolita.
I know no one is forcing me to go, but I still wish these meets weren’t so casual that people don’t even wear the fashion to them. I want to go to more meets, but not like this.
>>
>>10129091
I'm hosting one (encouraging wearing lolita obviously) for myself and my up and coming comm. As a mod I want to meet them one on one without the pressure of looking perfect. I'm in a pretty small college town and our comm doesn't have much organization yet. As a mod I want to give people the opportunity to at least meet experienced lolitas if they are interested. I can understand your personal preference, but it's also nice to just be around people who "get it", even if they're in normie clothes. If that makes sense.
>>
>>10129091
We have casual picnic meets where people bring their boyfriends and random non-lolita friends, and regular newbie meets for people who may not have a full coord yet but want to get to know the comm. The latter were highly requested online but actual newbies rarely show up. I’m not sure why. Swap meets also have no dress code, to make it more accessible for people who are looking for their first pieces and also people who are leaving the fashion and offloading their stuff.

In practice, most newbies do show up in decent full coords. Many of them get into the fashion through friends who can lend them clothes for their first meet, and others simply buy their first coord before attending. The only people really taking advantage of the lack of dress code are boyfriends and non-lolita friends who have no interest in wearing the fashion. These people tend to be kind of annoying t b h (we’ve had people show up in cosplay or furry getups(??)) so I’m not a fan of these kinds of meets at all. If I wanted to hang around with a bunch of Homestucks, furries and awkward guys I’d go to a con.
>>
>>10129112
See in your case that makes a lot of sense

I guess I’m just frustrated because it’s a fairly established comm, and sometimes it’s the only meet in a month.

>>10129158
I definitely don’t mind it at swap meets and things like that.
Random furries and cosplayers sounds even more annoying, though. I’m glad I’ve never experienced that.
>>
>>10129091
Lol I think I know which comm you’re talking about. I went to the last one and it was very chill, but I understand where you’re coming from. Most people seem to dress up anyway but I do feel the purpose is to give new people a space they feel comfortable joining with minimal pressure to look perfect.
>>
>>10129091
My comm would have them sometimes but it was understood that casual non lolita clothes obviously meant other jfashions not normie crap. We didn't have a group for smaller jfash like yumekawaii, larme, Mori, etc but we all liked other jfash so it was really more for that. It would give a chance for newbies that had wore fairy kei or soft sister but not yet lolita to come out. Usually thought it would just be our same core group of lolitas dressed in either lolita, Otome or other jfash having a good time and being more experimental with our fashion choices than trying to put OTT each other and looking perfect. I liked those meets a lot because they gave me those 2000s street fashion feels vs the overly polished lolita tea party meets.

I do think even casual fashion meets need to have a jfashion dress code.
>>
>>10129091
i like the idea of a "casual" jfashion meet, where people dressed in mori or fairy kei and are wellversed in japanese street fashion as a whole are welcome. do many comms do these sorts of things?
>>
>>10129091
My comm is doing this too and I end up not going to those meets because I feel the same way. It's nice to be nice to newbies and what not but I want to hang out with actual lolitas who are into looking their best and taking good photos.
>>
I finally left my local comms. Recently there’s been an influx of shitty people, itas who are also shitty peoole, a creepy dude who doesn’t wear lolita at all but still leaves weird comments on all our photos, and for some godforsaken reason someone let KK into the group. I feel bad because I really like seeing other Lolitas and the aesthetic of meetups, but I actively disliked more people than I liked and it was turning me into a huge bitch because I’m not good at faking nice.
I think being a lonelita will do me good though. I didn’t have any real friends in the comm so nothing was lost.
>>
>>10129882
Same. People in my comm weren’t quite “shitty”, but I couldn’t connect with any of them and too many were trapped in a perma-ita phase with no signs of wanting to improve. At a certain point I just had to ask myself, “What am I even doing here? What am I trying to accomplish?”. No hard feelings. Being a lonelita is the better option when you don’t have anything to look forward to in your comm, but I still get jealous of those lucky people who’ve made lifelong lolita friends and get to make the best out of meetups with them.
>>
>>10129882
What comm? I heard people post this before and now I'm wondering where they actually live or if kk is just joining a bunch of comms randomly
>>
>>10129918
Ohio...
>>
>>10129918
All comms around Ohio/states near Ohio.
>>
>>10129882
What creepy dude? As far as I'm aware, there's no dudes commenting on everything that don't wear the fashion.
>>
>>10129965
AYRT, it's not the Ohio comm. It's another comm. KK just joined every comm even remotely near Ohio.
>>
>>10129985
Ah okay that explains it. I know we have two guys that may come off as creepy at first glance. But they're harmless and well-meaning and actively wear the fashion.

With KK, My hope is that she just quietly fades off into obscurity after the excitement of the fashion peters out or she sees herself out before that happens.
>>
>>10129091
I think they're great for communities that focus a lot on the social side of things. Like how big events have casual dress at the afterparty, going for drinks with comm members can be in casual clothing and still be fun.
>>
>>10125733
Who?
>>
>>10128077
Did you say hi?
>>
>>10130040
Our Kawaii sis/bro who has made some of the most legendary ita homemade creations here lately.
>>
Ok so there's an Easter meet coming up that I originally had no intention to go to, it's pricy cause it's held in a government building and I'm a poorfag, I feel like I can't coord my only real main piece enough, and there's this one girl in my comm I hate a lot who always goes to these meets, because she's an annoying autist who flexes a lot cause her mum owns a successful local tailoring business (although considering how autistic she is, the flexing is probably unintentional.)

So, a very fortunate series of events happened since last week, where I managed to find teaparty shoes that'll fit my size 40 sasquatch ass feet, im now getting more help for my own social retardation and this lovely old lady on the train gave me a blouse. It's vintage and more otome but it still looks very nice!! So because of this string of good fortune I decided I'll go to the meet and spent a chunk of my last pay on the ticket, I'm really happy and the idea of going doesn't fill me with anxiety and dread!!
>>
>>10130269
>government building
>expensive
>independent tailor
>successful
>random old lady on train
>gives shirt

??? What bumfuck post apocalyptic dystopia did this take place in
>>
>>10130279

Seriously. This reads like a bizarre Dickens novel set against the backdrop of the post communist Soviet bloc.
>>
>>10130293
Wait. Is this a lolita version of Gogol’s The Overcoat?
>>
>>10130318
Did you Meitu this classic of Russian literature just for 4chan, anon...
>>
>>10118428

God i hate the concept of local comms. You can ALWAYS tell from the pics who hosted it and put it together. Its usually some try-hard bitch who thinks shes special and wants recognition for no effort
>>
>>10125143
same desu, my "local comm" is barely that, consists of 5 uber weeb itas, 4 of which are obese, and none of them own brand. they also have their fat neckbeard friends tag along to meets for no reason. they also seem underage. id rather die than be seen outside with them.

>tfw when forever a lonelita in my shit tier europoor country ;-;
>>
>>10130269
I would read the fuck out of this novel. Not even joking. Please tell me the shirt is magical but with a horrible downside too
>>
>>10130395
>Its usually some try-hard bitch who thinks shes special and wants recognition for no effort
This doesn't happen in my comm but ok
>>
Anyone in their Comm doing a Rilakkuma and Kaoru binge watch meetup & potluck over Easter Weekend?

Someone in our Comm thought of it and everyone has gone nuts.
>>
>>10130269
Good for you, the situation with the blouse really is quite magical.
Just make sure you leave the meet before midnight
>>
>>10130558
THIS IS GOOD IDEA
>>
>>10130425
You’re in luck, anon. I’m definitely going to write a short story inspired by it for my thesis.
>>
>>10130558
Idgi. Why Easter weekend and what's so special about this show?
>>
>>10130564
Holy shit yes, anon! Are you studying creative writing? I genuinely do want to read it, where will you post it when you're done?
>>
>>10130566
>Why Easter weekend and what's so special about this show?

It's being released on April 19th - Easter weekend.
>>
>>10130572
So... Why would a comm be excited about this
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>>10131236
Because weebs I guess.
>>
>>10128056
I don't disagree with you that some of these people are making it up, but I have diagnosed EDS and I've known quite a few lolitas who do also. It's almost like people with chronic illnesses are attracted to the fashion.
>>
>>10131236
Because some comms like things
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>>10131236
Because Rilakkuma is a pretty significant cute character that a lot of Lolitas are familiar with/enthusiastic about?
I don't know why it's so confusing, people do plenty of stuff for meets that have no connection to Lolita.
>>
So I'm not sure if this belongs in this thread but since it has to do with my comm I'm just going to vent here:

>Decide to be nice and host small meet in my house
>Some comm members say present, including a girl I don't like due to experiences with her in past meets and her SJW attitude
>Not very comfortable with the idea of her coming to my house but I'm too nice so I'm like "ok sure!"
>Girl later comes and says she's bringing her equally as SJW as her bf without asking me even though the meet is in my fucking house
>Dude has also been very irritating in the past and has personal issues with another lolita in the comm
>HE IS NOT EVEN A LOLITA OR INTERESTED IN THE FASHION
>Oh fuck no
>SHE EVEN ASKED OTHER COMM MEMBERS IF THEY COULD GIVE HIM A RIDE TO THE MEET
>I pulled the "hey this was suppose to be a private just lolitas meet yknow" card

At least she stood down and said that she won't bring him anymore but you could at least ask if I'm fine with bringing extras to a meet in my private home? Especially if they aren't lolitas
>>
>>10131774
Sounds like your own fault for not knowing how to set up a private meet.
>>
>>10131330
I mean I guess, but anon posted it as if it was a novel idea.



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