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"Thread for the friends who prefer the darker side of life; the macabre, the gothic, the morose, the tragic, or who just look very sad in general."

Feel free to post some sad images, share a few stories and maybe even listen to some others.

Previous thread: >>3936648
Remember that if you're depressed, there's help for you.
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Just not in this life.
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Just got diagnosed with heart arrhythmia. It's so bad that the thing is probably going to have a major failure by 35. By that point I'll either need a new heart or I'll die. My heart attack risk is already high even without that because I also have left sided heart syndrome, a condition the leaves the left side of my heart incredibly weak and prone to failure. I'm 25 right now and the fact my lifespan has been shorted this much is just... I've been in a state of shock for days.

I've only told one person and he was as taken aback as I was. This whole thing comes on the heels of me failing suicide and trying to turn my life around for the better (and doing a pretty good job of it. Got into college, am quitting my various addictions, going to therapy, all of it.) All to be told that it was basically for nothing. All to be told that my life might be ending soon. The moment I actually wanted to live.
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I find this hilarious.
I'm sorry, anonymous.
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Proper context:
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I'm sorry too. I am so sorry.
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Well, you are more alive then rest of us.
Pacemaker can help. Look for a donor in the meantime. Your lifespan probably will be shortened, but 35 isn't your death sentence. You can live long enough to see grandchildren.
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>still alive out of spite
It's a strange feeling
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We're already getting that whole process started. I could be over thinking it, like you said it's not a death sentence. It's just a really hard punch to the gut to get this news just as I'm beginning to hit my stride. Like I just got up only for life to shove me back on the ground again.
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Do you wanna stop living? Or do you just want the pain to stop? It's different things.

I read your story and I'm sorry, anon. But I bet you're overthinking it. It's just a test for your strength, and I believe you're strong and capable of going through with this.
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I spend my time staying up late, playing video games, reading manga and watching anime. This is considered a highlight of my life by my standards. Is this all I can expect out of life?
22, no gf, no aspirations, no motivation
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it doesnt get better buddy
t. 25yr old or something
My dad never loved me. My mom only tolerates me, to her I know I will only ever be a disappointment and a failure. All my life I just wanted somewhere to belong, but my attempts at relationships have so far ended in failure.
>depending on others for happiness
gotta break from that, anon
This was the first time I made one of those threads, because the usual anon hadn't yet.

I hope they're alright, if you're reading this, let us know you're doing fine.
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Well shit why didn't you say so
wanna trade hearts, anon?
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Hey anon, I have heart arrhythmia and atrial fibrillation. Take life as it comes and make the best of the time you have. Go do something great!
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I couldn't do that to you. But thank you for the offer.

I will do my very best. Any tips you have that help? The shock has finally worn off and I'm ready to work with this rather than just giving into hopelessness.
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Hey there, I think you're referring to me. I haven't made all of the previous threads, some other anons helped with that, like you did just now.

I appreciate your concern, I'm doing very well despite a few nuances not worth mentioning.
More importantly, how are you doing?
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It won't "get better" by itself. You are only ones who can change that, nobody else will.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you. I'm the same, just about 10 years older. Always failing to socialise. Always failing to change. Some years trying hard. Some years just chilling.

I was quite close to end it this summer. Small doubts stopped me, so I guess I'll just give it a bit more time, I'm not in hurry. I expect this winter to be especially depressing.
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Very good to know, anon, glad to read this.

I'm doing alright, all things considered, trying to keep busy in order not to think too much.
Nobody broke your heart
You broke your own because you can't finish what you start
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nah, somebody definitely broke mine this morning.
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What happened, anon?
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it's a long story, but i had a really good friendship with this girl, and her aunt (whom i have known for a while and i trusted) was telling me for months 'oh my niece really likes you and if you like her you should confess your feelings'.

so i did, obviously she didn't reciprocate because none of what her aunt told me was true. i felt so humiliated and we had a big argument. now i think i have destroyed a great friendship.
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Why did it have to turn into a big argument though?
sorry about that anon
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because i was a bit hurt and when you're emotional, things often get out of hand.

she was oblivious to all the things her aunt had told me. the poor girl blamed herself for me developing feeling for her.
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tell yourself that if you had kept quiet you could've went years with a "what if" in your head, so it's not so bad imo
Hope you can sort things out though
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>first day of college
>already suicidal

Awesome. This'll be a great semester I can tell.
>Any tips you have that help?
One thing that's helped me is taking notice when I mentally start thinking too much about my heart. It's like my focus goes to my heartbeat, if it's beating too hard, how my chambers aren't in sync, so forth. I make sure to catch myself thinking about it, and "redirect" my focus back to what I'm looking at, and the world around me; focusing on my heart isn't going to change how it's beating, so I'm not going to waste my time thinking about it when I could be enjoying the world and people out there. Catch yourself thinking about it, and snap_back_to_reality.mp3. It's a great help for me.

Otherwise, be up-front with others about not wanting to perform physically strenuous tasks. Let them know, if it's relevant in the situation, that your heart beats out of sync, and that you have to take it easy because of that. I haven't met anyone who didn't understand (granted I'm Nordic, unsure how people react to it in the rest of the world...)

I also acquired a Withings Scanwatch. When my heartbeat went haywire originally, I got one. Had a session one night, so I sat down in the right position, took an ECG on the watch and sent it to my doctor. After 6 years of my doctors assuming it was harmless, this ECG sent me straight to cardiologists for further diagnosis. It also gives great peace of mind, as it can recognize common arrhythmia separately from actually harmful atrial fibrillation.
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I cried in front of my mother last night, I cried nonstop while I had an anxiety attack, crying and not being able to breathe properly, I tried to talk about my depression and how everyone ignores it, how no one helps me

Meanwhile she was saying "Is it because you spend a lot of time on the computer, I'm tired from work I want to go to sleep, is this all because you had a fight with the neighbor?"

I tried to say that it had nothing to do with it, that it was depression, but no one understands, I'm starting to accept that all I have left is suicide, if crying in front of my mother like a cry for help isn't enough, I think nothing more It's.
It may be something that you haven't uncovered yet. What has always been the key for my understanding of myself is journaling. I don't know if you do it or not, but I journal when I begin to get to levels of emotion that high and when you look back at the entries in aggregate, it's amazing what you find out about yourself.

If, perhaps, this isn't the result of forces inside or out, and it is just simply a matter of your brain being a bastard, there are ways to remedy: medication being the most obvious. If you can't afford/don't trust the meds given, there are different paths, albeit harder. CBT/DBT can be good for this, though personally I don't find it useful, but only because my problems are caused by events, rather than just having depression. Otherwise, filling your life with productive hobbies, working out, reading, writing, whatever your interest may be, is also a good strategy.

I hope you can find something to make it bearable at least. I wish you luck Anon. You deserve a happy life. I hope you don't take your life.
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Man all these anons with serious problems and here I am crying because I think I'm just some ugly thing that doesn't qualify as a human... I hope they get better fast.
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I know how you feel, I think. I have a problem with a very similar sting to that, being ugly and seeing yourself as a monster, not a human being.

If you're comfortable, I'd be willing to listen. I think I can relate well. It's a sting just as potent as anything else.
It could be true but knowing how this site is lol
War is such a terrible waste. Think of all of the problems that could be solved if all of that manpower and money were put to good use. The priorities of the human race need a serious reassessment. It's hardly a new or profound statement, but we seem to be sliding towards it again; it's very disappointing.
Violence is so good for the environment though. Did you know that the average American uses 101.5 gallons of water per day? Think how much good you could do by killing just ONE person.
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I just want to be loved. I think I realized that all my life has been spending looking for a way to fill a void left in my childhood. I do stupid things like leap into bad relationships, or act very clingy, because I'm desperate for some comfort and validation. Now I realize this I hope I can fix this and actually be loved. Thanks for reading my blog.
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Maybe it'll be better in the next life. At least that's what I tell myself. I got no hope left for this one. Gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em.
What I REALLY wanna say will probably get this thread deleted again.
Dead by a broken heart. At least it’s poetic.
love you all, anons.
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Be sure it's true when you say "I love you", anon!
Millions of hearts have been broken just because these words were spoken!
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Have any of you just... given up?

I'm literally just waiting around to die. I've been given so much and yet all I want to do is die. I don't know what more I can do. I'm going to college, I'm doing things I love, even have friends who love me. Yet... whenever I think of my future, the only thing I can think of is a noose.

I'm just exhausted. All the time. Physically and emotionally. It feels like there is no force on this earth that will ever motivate me to not want to commit suicide. I don't have the courage now but god... how long until that changes? How long until I finally snap? I already have come close a few times, barely pulling myself away. I don't know how many months I've got left in me before I finally just go through with it completely. I just want this to be over. I don't want to be alive. I don't want to be with others. I'm tired.
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Feel like I'm on the same path as you anon. Have a well-paid job, long-term relationship I'm very happy with, still in my twenties so plenty of growth left, but I still just feel empty.

I'm not sure if this is the cause of it but the world is just going to absolute dogshit. Every year we get more and more "smart" shit that invades our homes. We let tech companies run our lives, and every year they get more bold in how deftly they use their influence. We've got kids growing up acting like it's normal to not be allowed to install apps that aren't approved by Apple, or to fork over hundreds of dollars for funny video game dances, or have their entire catalog of family photos sitting unencrypted on some Google Photos server in California, being used to train god knows what next Lovecraftian neural net. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I'm forced to watch it happen with my eyes pried open like the fucking Clockwork Orange. In 50 years I feel like I'm gonna be one of those Japanese WWII vets living in modern plastic Japan thinking what in the fuck happened. That's what I have to look forward when I retire. No fucking thanks chief.
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I hate how it seems to be damn near impossible to be happy without just living in blissful ignorance of the world shitting itself around you.
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Keep trying to tell myself that my continued existence is meaningful but it feels like cope every time I say it. The part of me that says "that's bullshit and you know it, you're just looking for excuses to avoid killing yourself like you know you should" has an excellent point that I have no counter to.
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If it makes you feel any better, you aren't missing out on anything. Life was never good and never will be. The roots of evil (greed, hatred, envy, etc;) are inseparable from human nature - indeed, one might say that they ARE human nature. There's a reason why mythical figures who are said to have ascended from the cycle of destruction are treated as being not so much human as outright divine.
Anywho, history is just a rerun of itself and what's on right now is Fall of the Roman Empire 2: Electric Boogaloo. It's been a while since I've seen this one but I think this is the one where the civilized nations get complacent due to their success and get destroyed by the many barbarians they had previously kicked to the curb during their rise to the top. Hilarity and 2000 years of stagnation, feudalism, and serfdom ensue and running water is the first thing to go.
I think I might be becoming Bulimic.

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