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Thread the Twenty-Second!

Fun Size Edition

Old Thread: >>3296191
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For those of you joining us after the last thread, I apologize that it got a little out of hand. I'll be exercising more restraint and trying to keep it more cozy from now on.
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Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

Alright, I've had enough time to calm down since the last thread. I don't want myself or anyone else to be upset at Christmas, so let's try something different this time: post something that makes you -happy- and don't be afraid to say why.

She looks like if the concept of a hug manifested as a human, and I'd like to make her a cup of wassail.
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Well I can't really post it, it's not strictly /c/, but I rather do like the end shot of the OW intro cutscene, with the (then)cast assembled on some landing pad or another at Watchpoint Gibraltar...I assume it is, just together, not fighting, not hating each other, just looking towards the sun.
It was simpler, better too though. Maybe a Blizzard game that could have been, where people are allowed to hope, and it's not just all DARK EVIL MURDER SUFFERING if that makes sense? Could have been a glimpse of the future of Overwatch as a setting.
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And in case I don't pop in tomorrow, Merry Christmas everyone! Hope it's a happy day for everyone!
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Merry Christmas, dude; hope you have a good one. Take care, and see you soon.
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Merry Christmas! Whether you're with loved ones or alone, may it be warm, bright and enjoyable wherever and whoever you are.
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Well, I feel like absolute ass, but these two are adorable and brightened my mood a little, so cheers for that.
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Merry Christmas, bud; I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down. I can't make anyone be happy, but I can do my part to help. Cheers.

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Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen-to-one
I’ve got a feeling
This year’s for me and you
So Happy Christmas
I love you, baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true


Not gonna lie. This song always makes me tear up a little. Hope everyone had a good holiday.
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I think I enjoy the week after Christmas more than the day itself. Decorations are all still up, and I can actually enjoy them, slow down and get some rest since I'm still off work and have my obligations settled.
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Was pretty meh for me if I'm honest, but I'm glad it's going well for you.
Hopefully it won't get worse somehow. Not holding my breath.
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Aw, please don't be sad. Cheer up! Look: how bad could things get when Hana wants to share her ice cream with you?
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I have that same picture actually, it's pretty cute. Cheers anon.
Going to have to buy those stupid bloody skins though...oh well.
Also please wish me luck, I need to do actual...manage-y things for a proper RPG tomorrow and I have the confidence of a Clone that just heard Krell is his new General.
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Good luck! Lena believes in you!

God, Krell was such a bastard. I'm sure your buddies will be more agreeable than him.
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Welp, it turned out not happening for...'reasons', which ngl I'm slightly miffed about, but oh well.

I still hated Fox more if I'm honest. He was such a colossal prick it's amazing he didn't get friendly fired somehow(Although IIRC in Disney's failcanon, Vader executed him for not telling the Guard about Vader not being a Jedi).
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I know that feeling; sorry to hear. I've always liked tabletop gaming, but people got schedules, and I've never had a group of friends who could all reliably meet at the same time. I'm not beholden to any particular title or system, but Magic: The Gathering is absolutely NOT an option, nor is any CCG in general. I was a kid once. I got into Pokemon, and I learned my lesson early. Never again.
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Worst part is, this the second game this sorta thing happened with(Different groups of course), so that's why I'm so salty. Oh well at least this one didn't die before session 5 at least.....yet. Is this because I like the Empire more than the Rebellion(Although I admit that the Rebellion has better Starfighters)?
Game is/was/idk anymore supposed to be the FFG system that their Star Wars RPGs use, which I sorta like, so there is that.(Plus someone made a Warcraft conversion for it that I'll never play....kill me.)
Card Games are....yeah, screw them. I don't really have that many negative memories of them, I think, but I just sort of...stopped, so that might be part of it.
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Screw it, I guess this is a /tg/ thread now.

I stopped before it became a problem, but I had enough sense to realize it could have easily become one. Nowadays I prefer to just avoid the temptation entirely. If you ever start to find crunching numbers for rolls to be a little tedious, I recommend you check out Burning Wheel; its skill-check system is very simple but effective and makes for a fun and streamlined experience.
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The FFG system is mostly light and nice it's self once you get used to the dice(At least, I assume/have heard/played a little and liked it), but I'll give BW a look as well.

But in an attempt to keep the thread mostly Overwatch, how would one, hypothetically that is, go about having the main cast exist in an RPG?
Logic tells you just don't have stat them, and just have them do X, Y, or Z in the background, given how ludicrously OP they all are, but then I thought the same about SW, and every Star Wars RPG I know of has statted the big bads at some point or another.

And that's a cute Mei there, not sure what she's doing to the stuffed(?) animal though...
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It's a Pokemon, my man (Cubchoo, specifically); to keep it relevant to the post and whatnot. She's playing with its literal frozen snot! Ain't that cyoot?

I would go for a system that allows you to customize your own hero with a massive pool of options in the form of skills and equipment. Campaigns are framed as the players forming a strike team and undertaking a mission, with established characters operating in the capacity of advisors or support if certain conditions are met. Statting existing characters, in my opinion, is -always- asking for trouble. Because as soon as Darth Vader walks onto the scene, you -know- every single player suddenly doesn't care about the mission. No stats helps keep the players focused by denying the campaign the chance to go off the rails. That's what you need; not Mr. Not-Genji and his flamethrower katana (because there -will- be one) saying "Aw yiss, I can totally take on Reaper, dude!" Ideally, anyone who thinks that should automatically find themselves in a cloud of smoke with the barrel of a shotgun pressed against their temple. Anyone who thinks they could tackle Tracer should automatically become disoriented by a blue whirlwind and wind up on their back with the wind knocked out of them as a polite voice asks them to play nicely. Anyone who wants to bomb Mei should automatically become encased in a block of ice. Anyone who tries to pull a fast one on Jack should automatically get the butt of a rifle to their face and wake up on the ground. I'm basically envisioning Shadowrun, but less grimdark.
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Knowing that, it is pretty adorable, yeah. Serves me right for ditching Pokemon so early...

That's something I'd play to be honest(If it was text only, for...reasons), just sounds nice and comfy, although I'm not sure what system would have ALL the options while also capturing the fast pace of Overwatch properly. Unless one assumes that said fast pace only exists because you play as the Heroes in-game? In that case more games would fit for playing the scrubs. What bonuses would each character give as advisors though, I wonder?
Being honest, it might be worth a giggle to see Not!Genji getting his face shoved in by Gabriel "I eat 3d6 enemies per turn" Reyes...then you feel bad because that guy is off to character creation.
And I agree, while Overwatch doesn't have Megacorps screwing everyone quite on that scale YET, it's getting there. That and all the world's governing bodies are equally as useless as in Shadowrun. ("HURR HOW DO TELEPORTERS WORK" UN and their being reviled so much they need -PMCs- to guard their old based because them doing it would make the public reeeeee I guess?)

Wow, I thought I posted this a lot earlier but...bugger me. Happy New Year to everyone when it comes to you/for now.
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Are you familiar with fudge dice? “Fudge” in the sense of “fudging” a result; not the candy. Instead of numbers, they use two plus signs, two minus signs and two blank sides. Roll four of them and add for a result. For example, (_,+,+,-) would be a success; (+,+,+,-) would be a critical success; and (+,_,-,_) would be “nothing happened, roll again.” They’re a nice way to determine rolls quickly and visually if you want to maintain a fast but manageable pace. Burning Wheel adjusts to them rather well, which is why I recommend it.

Character creation would involve generating your stats then turning you loose on a catalog of abilities, weapons and gadgets with a limited pool of requisition. You begin as a Cadet, and as you complete missions, you level into new ranks that afford you more resources and options. Then you could specifically pick an agent to be your advisor/mission control at the mission’s outset for a specific bonus. Winston would give you a bonus to science-based skill checks; Tracer would give you a speed bonus and an extra save against morale checks; Mercy would confer a bonus to healing abilities, et cetera. Likewise, Talon could have their own agents in play as advisors granting them bonuses you would have to overcome. Widow could give a bonus to enemy weapon range; Sombra would give you a penalty to detect stealth checks and might randomly disable one of your abilities for a set number of turns; and Moira could give the enemy loadout a life drain effect.

If you do well, then you can call your advisor in directly to act as a support for the final encounter. They may not have stats, but they -could- have really good abilities. Mercy could automatically revive anyone who dies a set number of times; Tracer could hit or disorient multiple targets in a single turn; Jack could give you 100% accuracy for a few turns. There's a lot of potential, and a good homebrew system could be a lot of fun.
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And a Happy New Year’s Eve to everyone!

Let’s kindly see 2018 out and raise a glass to 2019. May we each find the resolve to earn what we can change, and may fortune smile upon us to deliver what we can’t.
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Happy 2019, everyone!
Makes me think of FFGSW, slightly...sorta. instead of numbers it you could get success, which is obvious, advantage, which will let you get extra benefits whether you succeed or fail, Triumph which is advantage, but turbocharged, then the negative versions of those, failure, threat, and despair respectively. Lets everyone get more 'involved' with the results, since the players can spend their adv. or tri. as they choose, and may get to spend thr. or desp. on hostile NPCs(At the GM's discretion). I like it, but might not be everyone's cup of tea.

Honestly this sounds pretty comfy, although I might add that some characters could also take on more active support roles. Tracer could fly a Dropship, which would increase it's speed, agility, Torbjorn could upgrade turrets that the team might call in, Pharah could spot enemies from above, and so on. Sort of lets them do their thing while still not being active. It's not like many of the Heroes to just sit out a fight, if that makes sense?

Apologies the post is so low, stupid me accidentally closed the box and I'm too tired to retype all of it, didn't really sleep well, so this year is off to a great start. But happy new year to everyone anyway, hope it'll go better than mine is set to.
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Sounds like a pretty engaging system, although I'd have to have some hands-on experience to fully appreciate it.

Yeah, Torby could give the party an armor bonus and a complement of portable turrets; Ana could confer a "last gasp" effect that allows you to survive killing blows with a single hit point. I think Brig would be more appropriate for vehicle and equipment repairs; perhaps a secondary mechanic could be maintaining a good image and relationship with the public, and DVa would give you a bonus to PR due to being a celebrity. The point isn't really to keep them out of the fight, but rather to keep them involved in a way that denies players the opportunity to give in to temptation and gang up on them. Every DnD player wants to be the guy who killed Orcus, and that's something I think you need to account for.

Happy New Year; I hope you've gotten some rest and that it picks up for you.
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It is in all honesty, there's also a settingless version called Genesys that FFG also put out if you just wanted to look at the rules without any of the SW flavouring. /tg/ should still have it in the Genesys General.

Eh that's fair about Brig, although I went with Brig being armour and D.Va being a Mechanic because Brig's bio mentioned she was going to make armour and 'other defensive systems'(Shields, I assume), while D.Va seemed to be putting her new Mech together herself, and that's essentially a VTOL jet with legs.

I got a little, but..not really enough. Just feel fatigued.
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Just thinking in terms of what aspects of the characters I think are most immediately distinguishing and transferable. Really, I don't know why I'm putting so much thought into this. It's not like I actually intend to codify a homebrew system or anything. I guess it's just fun to think about.

Let me offer you some advice that has helped me tremendously in the past. Before you go to bed, drink a warm beverage (milk is the classic remedy, but chamomile tea and decaffeinated green tea also work very well), and put on some ambient noise to occupy your mind (mine is almost constantly racing, so I have trouble getting rested in complete silence; I have a small fan that I keep running all night just for the noise, but a ten-hour ambient loop you could find on youtube is just as good; I enjoy the sound of thunderstorms); also, avoid looking at your clock and try to think about things you find enjoyable or soothing. I hope that helps you.
You might also want an OW RPG at some level, since that way you'd get a story that's actually good. (I absolutely want one myself honestly, but Blizz wouldn't bite) Admittedly I might be biased, but Genesys/FFGSW MIGHT work for Overwatch, Failing with Triumph/Succeeding with Despair(Depending on perspective) seems appropriate for the museum short at least. Although it all depends on how the player/GM decides to spend it really.

I usually put on a video I've seen a few times, or music. Usually works, just...not so much recently. Although that might be due to mood more than anything. Will give the milk a try, I'm hopeful too, but we'll need to see...
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Truly we are our own greatest chance for salvation. In my canon, everyone is a singing pirate and nothing bad happens. As an aside, Failing with Triumph and Succeeding with Despair would be great names for the bookend pieces on an anime soundtrack.

Good luck, and sweet dreams.
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Well, the game ended up not happening....again....oh well. Can just play Metro.

What do you make of the latest nonsense with the Overwatch Contenders 'play nice' crap?
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I've shut myself off from the OW-related news cycle in order to recoup my peace of mind. That said, I think the idea of "playing nicely" in the context of e-sports is a contradiction of immense magnitude.
The concept of playing nicely in anything vidya is a contradiction desu, so I get what you mean.
Although the latest derpiness isn't for the players, it's for the viewers. "Boo hoo hoo people said badwrongs so you need to link your B-Net to Twitch to comment, so saying badwrongs or posting Pepe will be linked to your game so badwrongthink gets punished".

But aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway. In the context of an RPG, what would you count Crusader Armour as? Powered Infantry Armour, ala the T-Anything/X-01 from Fallout, or a Walking Tank, as with D.Va's Mech or those Omnic tank things that we only ever see destroyed?
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People just need to chill, be excellent to each other and party on. That said, I wouldn't count myself among the mourners if frogposting were to fall out of vogue.

I'd go with powered armor. To me, a tank implies some means of locomotion independent of a "wearer".
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Eh I'm not too bothered about it myself specifically, but Blizzard going "Bloogie Woogie Woo no say the bad or ban from game" I absolutely am. That's EA tier right there.

Anon please stop, I can only want that picture so much before it starts to hurt. It -really- hurts.
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So save it! 'S right there!
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But what if I want it as a skin? Doomed to eternal suffering, for it will never be.
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Alright, here's what you do:

1. Wait for Mercy and Reinhardt to both get figmas, then buy them.
2. Embrace your inner Sid from Toy Story and swap their heads.

Bam! Mercy gets to be armored, and Reinhardt gets to be fabulous. Dream realized.
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That...sounds like the right kind of Heresy. Reinhardt will have ALL the glittering prizes!
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Query, how do you think Genji's ability to deflect actually works? In lore, he can deflect several dozen-hundreds of small, rapid projectiles in quick succession, as well as, apparently, guide 'magic'(I don't see the Shimada Dragons being technology honestly). Going by game he can deflect ballistic weapons, as well as 'projectile' energy weapons, and more magic(Storm arrows), but not beam weapons? Would the heat melt the blade or something?
It's not like a dude who can deflect a minigun can't keep his blade still enough to send energy beams back.

Speaking of, in regards to Dragons, how -does- he do that? Given that Edgey Genji is also canon, but hasn't been seen to do it, for...obvious reasons, do you think it's Genji doing it entirely himself, or is his 'classic' Dragonblade partially responsible?
ALSO: The incompetent chucklefucks at Basedzzard managed to put out some new lore! Amazing really, given who they are.
Now I won't be spoiling it(Unless it's requested that I give a tl,dr), but it features Ana, Jack, and apparently Gabe.
It also had a new Ana(Rare) skin revealed, Baset, named and styled after an Egyptian Goddess.
Now admittedly I'm indifferent, leaning towards receptive of said lore, because my opinion of Ana is...cooling as the lore goes, and Jack is.....sort of a cunt, but it's more that they did ANYTHING I care about.

(And I now realize this might sound sort of shill-y, disguised as mocking, but that they managed anything is a huge accomplishment for these people)
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Err, Bastet. I clearly cannot read to save myself.

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Remember how in Dragons, he straight-up deflected Hanzo's dragon in their duel? Must be the dragon magic inherent in their Shimada clan blood. Dude, I don't know, but the -real- reason is "Because it's cool."


On a Monday? I'm shocked. Is it -another- flashback? If so, I don't care. If not, I'm still apprehensive.
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I mean that's fair. Magic blood best blood.

Amazingly, no. At least...well we don't know when X, Y, or Z thing EXACTLY happens, so it may be a flashback of a few weeks/months. But now I'm just being a technical tool. In the grand scheme of things, it takes place immediately/shortly after, erm, uh...whatever the name of the comic where Ana and Jack met in Egypt and Gabbie Wabbie appeared to shotgun Jackie boy happened. Close enough after it that Jack hadn't healed yet. So present, more or less.
And....well they do explain a few things with Ana(including one of the issues that made me despise her so much compared to all the other issues), but it doesn't really make me feel any more sympathy for her at all.
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Link, pretty please? I've made a vow to not visit their site for a while.
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Here ya go mate, enjoy at your leisure.
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Thanks much. First impression: My God, can they not give these things tidier filenames? What's wrong with "Bastet.pdf"?

I need some time to digest everything, so I'll get back with you for my second impressions later.
Getting back later is fine, I'm currently fuming that whichever twat got his/her wish for more Ana/Soldier lore used a Monkey's Paw to get it, so I'll be making tea and listening to...err...something.
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A'ight, I'm back. Second impression: That was nice, but this is still about the fifth or sixth time we've done the "old guard original strike team member angsts over their past and situation" thing, and it’s getting kinda old. Especially since they usually go the same way: committing to take action, but not really -doing- anything. So many characters have sworn to "do something", but that "something" always feels nebulous and on the horizon, never actually taking shape or getting closer. I feel like I’m reading a book that consists only of variations of its own first chapter.

Meanwhile, Lucio and Zenyatta have still both done absolutely nothing, DVa remains isolated from the bigger picture despite receiving her own short, Pharah has been mentioned but not observably spoken for herself in years, and the literal mascot character has accomplished nothing that actually matters and her own tribulations have gone with little to no direct acknowledgment or development. I think this is a step in the right direction (mainly because nothing canon was released just for its own sake in 2018; everything was tied to an event), but that also means you need to -maintain- that direction and turn those steps into strides. We need to get out of this "opening act" mindset and actually make progress. I will say, however, that the mental image of Reinhardt–armor, hammer and all–trying to be sneaky brought a smile to my face.
To be fair, they did deal with some Warlord type who was SUPPOSEDLY involved with Talon in some minor way, so at least it wasn't EDGE EDGE EDG- *Shot* again.
What interests me is why Fareeha didn't answer the message. Did she think it was a prank by either a random pleb or Talon, and that Ana was still dead? Did she use her Overwatch worthy brain, add two plus two, and figure out that 'Hey I'm Ana, and I'm fine!' is very suspicious after the LAST time someone was 'fine' when Talon was involved(Which might make voicelines that indicate she was mad with Widow non-canon, although to be fair Micheal "I don't know what lore is" Chu is on record as saying that some of those aren't anyway)? Or perhaps she just doesn't care for any of the above, and would rather keep going with her new life, than bother with any connection to the old, given the hearbreak it caused.
It's a question we won't get answered unfortunately, but I guess it's neat to have -fresh- things to theorize about? I personally hope she used her 10,000IQ myself, but I know I will be wrong.

And about being tied to an event...it SORT of is....it's one of those 'win 9 games, and also watch 6 hours of streams' things(I know you don't care for the news, so I figured I should at least mention it so there's no chance of kicking yourself about not getting the sprays that go along with the skin, IF you care for them. https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/news/22835080/get-back-in-the-fight-with-ana-s-bastet-challenge ). But yeah, in the sense that it's not Archives, I get you. Wish we'd get more too....but PROGRESS of any kind must be valued I suppose.
The thought of him being stealthy, plus him being Strike Commander of all things, makes me think of a non-dimwitted Sergeant Schultz. Overwatch would be so terrifyingly effective with him in charge that Talon would die in a week if they didn't get him fired...and now I want that.
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Most likely the latter I would assume; I think their relationship was somewhat strained at the time as well, which might also have been a factor. Perhaps she just wanted to move on from that part of her life since her own career was taking shape around that time. Personally, and maybe I'm a horrible person for finding this amusing, I prefer to think Ana just doesn't know how computers work and didn't actually send a message when she thought she did.

Thanks for the info, but I'm not particularly interested. I already have Snow Owl, and that's all I'll ever need. I meant "event" in a not strictly game-related way, as Shooting Star debuted at Gamescom and Reunion at BlizzCon. In a way, I suppose Bastet is event-related, but Blizzard also could have orchestrated it at their leisure; pretty much everything that came out last year needed to meet a deadline, which is the distinction I meant. I consider this a step forward because it's more or less unprompted by an external obligation.
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If I remember correctly, wasn't Fareeha still (justifiably)upset about Ana telling her to get screwed repeatedly about joining Overwatch?...while being in Overwatch herself....and then Overwatch died before she could even join. It's probably for the best that she wants nothing to do with her honestly. Down that road lies Oblivion.
To be honest you're not really horrible. Horrible would be hoping that the Overwatch people see Ana and Jack come back 'totally fine and not Talon'd', find it suspicious that these two 'went missing' after being engaged with Talon and are now fine, and tell them to get screwed. Which I totally don't wish for at this point. At all. I swear. (It's not like they wouldn't deserve it for leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces, but that would require either of them TO try and go back, which they won't? They certainly don't seem too bothered)

Yeah...being fair it's probably best to sit the next season out anyway, for reasons which I won't go into because they're depressing.
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Yes, I believe so. And nobody wants to go down that road, because that's totally the weakest Elder Scrolls title in my opinion (heyo, I'm here all week!).

I doubt it will come to that, but at the rate of progress we're making, we have plenty of time to theorize. It could be another three years from now for all we know. But it'll happen eventually, and I'm personally not expecting it to be all sunshine and roses. Even before everything came crashing down, Ana and Pharah had a lot of issues, and Uprising seems to imply that Jack saw a lot of potential in Lena, who in turn clearly admired what he had built, so I expect a pretty rough and feelsy sit once that particular drama bomb finally goes off.

Well that'll be easy, since I've actually never even touched competitive at all and have no intention of starting.
Eh I liked it over Skyrim. Wasn't a fan of Skyrim for some reason. Not sure why though....

It sounds bad, buuuuuuuuut....part of me thinks it would be better if the two of them -stayed- gone from Overwatch(The Organization) if that makes sense?
All Fareeha wanted to do was protect people, save the world like her mum, Uncle Reinhardt, Lena(I mean...maybe? Apparently they seem friendly enough to one another, but that might just be Fareeha's Hero-Vision TM and Lena's natural friendliness) and the rest, and just gets told "Lol no, it too dangerous. By the way I'm off to get shot at, dinner is in the microwave sweetie. Love you!~". So off to join the army, maybe if she does like mum did, mum will appr- then Overwatch is gone and so is she(Only she isn't) and all her heroes are split up or gone. Off to be a Mercenary!

Then we have Lena, who like Fareeha, just wanted to fight the good fight, protect people, make the world a better place. Only full retard Jack decides to put her in a clearly dangerous teleporting fighter, which makes her get stuck in a timeless void for who knows how long until a talking gorilla saves her, but she's still cursed with requiring a piece of technology for the rest of her unending* life so she doesn't go back there. Still doesn't let it get her down, still tries to the right thing for the idea that he built, like you said, to the point of being willing to commit treason**. And then he....what? Buggers off and leaves her, and all of them, behind just because he got a mild case of the shot? She became an immortal freak of nature*.
Sure they both had reasons, but they're terrible ones, so they can bugger off.

Well I more meant the game in general until Blizz undoes their latest mess. It's bad.

*I refuse to accept Micheal's insane ramblings to the contrary as canon. Not even if Jeff states it too. ESPECIALLY if he does. They can go the way of Disney Wars.
**I will never stop being mad about that. She's Lena, not Jack or Gabe.
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I disagree pretty strongly with almost all of that, but I'm not going to get into why because I'm trying to think about this series -less- and don't want to get into another discussion that forces me to focus on it.

Let's please not get wrapped up in negativity, so post nice things!
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I mean...it's mostly true, with a few blanks filled in here or there. But fair enough. Wasn't really in the best of moods when I posted it, for reasons, for once, unrelated to Overwatch, and it sorta bled through. Sorry about that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dEdEpCZuDE If you want a few giggles, to go with the 'Strike Commander Reinhardt' idea mentioned earlier, the episode of Hogan's Heroes where they DO make Schultz the boss, and he....is so effective they plot to get him demoted again. Essentially what he'd be link as the boss, in the super lighthearted comedy version of the Overwatch/Talon conflict of course. I hear that Tracer and D.Va will actually play themselves. Also Winston, since they couldn't find another Sentient Gorilla that didn't want to eat them.
Err...for some reason that particular video is just...the same episode...4 times in a row....today is just not my day.
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It's cool, man. This isn't /v/, we're allowed to have opinions. I'm just tired of taking this so seriously and ready to have some fun again. Please join me.

Aw, man, I remember that episode. TV Land still aired all the old classics when I was a kid, and I absorbed so much ancient (for me) television back then. True story: Tom Lester (Eb from Green Acres) tried to date my aunt once. Alright, so we got "Reinhardt's Heroes"; what else could we have? "I Love Lucio"? "Leave it to Reaper"? "Jamison's Island"? "I Dream of Lena"? "Torbjorn Knows Best"? Let's build the Overwatch Sitcom Cinematic Universe.

This is now the HYPEST OVERWATCH THREAD ON 4CHAN! Who cares about the meta? We got Hogan's Heroes and Green Acres up in the house now.
Reinhardt's Heroes you say? I'd watch that, as well as the similarly titled, Reyes' Heroes, the story about the world weary veteran soldiers who group up and decide to make off with the gold from an Egyptian Bank, featuring Gabriel Reyes as..himself! Jesse McCree and Elizabeth C. Ashe as...themselves! Reinhardt Wilhelm as Oddball, the cheery Tank Commander who think's he's a lion(Who is also himself). Jack Morrison and Ana Amari as...themselves! And finally....dun dun dun! Torbjorn Lindholm as....himself! Also starring Lena Oxton, Fareeha Amari and Hana Song as themselves! Find our the -real- story* behind Overwatch, with this 100% factual** retelling of their epic story!
*This is not, in any way, shape, or form, the actual story of Overwatch and their fight to save the world.
**WatchOverwatch Productions is not liable for any failed history tests based on the information contained within this movie.
(I know it's not a Sitcom, but it IS cinema. And I loved Kelly's Heroes, especially Donald.)
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Kelly's Heroes was a really good movie, and it had such a great opening song. I think Jesse would be a better stand-in for Clint Eastwood, though, since he pretty much IS the Man with No Name.

I....admittedly only thought of 'clean' McCree instead of Deadlock/early Blackwatch, so in hindsight, I agree with you.
That picture though...for some reasons it makes me think "What if Jesse somehow convinced Ana to become an outlaw, instead of Overwatch making him clean up". Help.
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Sorry to keep you waiting on that help. I've been binge watching old television. I think that picture and idea are actually radical. I wouldn't object to a steampunk alternate universe with a bunch of gunslinging and swashbuckling.
Not too keen on the Steampunk myself, although I wouldn't say no to the rest.
Although it does raise the question of HOW Jesse would do this exactly.
It also raises the question of who would get a baguette to the eye in Ana's place. After her, the three greatest shots Overwatch has are Jesse, who would be gone, Jack and his aimbot, and possibly Lena who seems mostly handicapped by her guns, IMO at least.
Or maybe Fareeha, since Ana in theory, wouldn't be there to say no....
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Simple: he tempts her with exotic oriental tea.

Lena is probably a good shot (you have to have great vision to be a pilot, after all), but, like you said, her guns aren't designed for precision. She's also mostly gone up against other people, and it seems to be an unwritten rule that you're only allowed to hurt humans if you're a villain or an anti-hero.

I don't want my Fareeha or Lena babies to lose an eye, but I will admit that either of them with an eyepatch would be awesome.
Oh damn, that's pretty smart. "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- I mean Gaaaaaaaabe, can I have some super fancy tea?" "Why do you want that kid? Your diet consists of cheap cigarettes and cheaper beer." "No reason..." Only too late, did Gabriel Reyes realize he should have said no to those puppydog eyes.

I'd be more concerned when one of them starts calling themselves Solid Spitfire and wants to create Overwatch again, but better, and without government interference.*(I couldn't resist)

And speaking of AUs...How am I supposed to feel about this? I mean...I'm now bleeding from 15 different places from the edge, but I don't exactly dislike it.
C- can we have some m- m- Moira??...
I......do not have any Moira, although I think our fellow poster might.

...no wait, I have...this, but it's also D.Va.
Then it is Moira tiem
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What am I even looking at? Is that supposed to be the Soul Edge? I find these kinds things baffling... but, y'know, I just can't bring myself to dislike them. I find them kind of endearing, because I know whoever made it wouldn't have made the commitment or gone through the trouble unless they -really- cared. It's dumb, but I feel like it comes from a place of love, so it's fine.

We sure can, but only because you're cute.
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She'll get that meddling Peter Parker one of these days!
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I don't know. As far as I can tell it's just a very edgy Lena with a Dragonblade....who can conjure the dragons....I...think. Unless Genji is doing stuff in the background. Apparently one of her great great great grandparents met a Shimada during the war. Albeit I have no idea if said ancestor would be male, or a Lena disguising themselves as a Lenard.

I have one of a Lena that joins the SAS instead of the RAF. Which is honestly a horrifying thought, given how lethal she already has the potential to be without the exhaustive combat training and the mindset to kill people instead of little blips on the Radar display.

"Hey guys, hey, guys, what if we make a token weeaboo, just to fill out the checklist. And then...right, we give her TENTACLES."
What did Blizzard mean by this(Before they decided not to)?
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You can't tease me with something like that and not post it (unless it's unfit for our nice, wholesome blue board). I imagine she had some pretty good training, considering she can pull off high-speed gunslinging somersaults. And she likely would not have been inducted as an agent if she wasn't found to be psychologically capable of handling the responsibility of everything her duties entail. You're not fooling me, Blizzard; this is truly the countenance of a merciless reaver.

They meant "Maybe we should go back to the drawing board before someone from Marvel comes a-knocking with some paperwork."
Good evening Moira posters
Well, here we have one of the two SAS Lenas I have, which is admittedly an idea I am drawn to more than I should be, given that she wouldn't be quite the same bundle of joy that we all know and most love.
And that's fair, although I'd say that as psychologically demanding as Overwatch is, it's less military unit, and more hyper militarized world police(That admittedly, was 'founded' by soldiers). Peacekeepers really, like a less militant GDI*. A Lena who was of the SAS would(I mean, I presume, it's not like I speak from experience) be of a different mind than the one from the RAF to whom actually aiming to kill people is a last resort. If that makes sense?

To me at least, this one would be much closer to Gabe than Jack in approach to things, and would be be appropriately more....focused, at least as far as her duties are concerned, she'd be the same as 'ours' when with friends, I think, just with a few more skeletons in the closet. For example, Doomfist would absolutely have died during 'that' battle, because she'd just have used explosives on his forehead when she realized her weapon wasn't working(Assuming she didn't just bring a big enough gun in the first place), and....it's sorta a poor time to mention it since we have 'company over' here, buuuuuuut.....Gerard would be alive, Ana would have two eyes, and Amelie would still practice ballet. If, err, my meaning is getting across?
Also using her powers as weapons instead of just as life/timesaving utilities.
To borrow from...Red Alert 3, SAS Lena would be the Chrono-Legionnaire to 'our' Lena's Tanya.(Which hurts to compare because I LOATHE RA3 Tanya)

And I dunno, given Blizzard's love of corruption and weirdness, I think it might have been the -other- kind of tentacles.

*I have the most degenerate thought sometimes that Overwatch reminds of an unholy combination of Red Alert and Tiberium Command and Conquer universes if there was no Tiberium, but in a GOOD way. Please don't bully me.
I wish Moira would break into my house in the middle of the night and gently put her finger on my lips telling me that there's no reason to scream as she came here to end my suffering and that I won't have to be in pain anymore. A single bittersweet tear would fall down my face and I would nod then Moira would slowly SUCC my life out of my body and gently stroke my hair as images of my life went through my head
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Niiice. No, I hear you; I was just being silly. I know she's not about to start kneecapping people, but I do like to think she's savvier and more of a professional than she lets on. And if she hadn't become a pilot, she never would have gotten her powers in the first place. 'That' battle went the way it did because Blizzard forced everyone involved to forget what they could actually do: Genji goes to-to-toe despite being oriented more towards hit-and-run and doesn't even try to set his dragon juice loose, Winston wastes time getting back to the fight on foot instead of using his jets, and Lena apparently just forgets she has a complement of explosives. But who cares about handling these fun, established and beloved characters well and with respect when we need to make our bland new bad guy look good?

I suppose now is a good time to admit I've never played a Command and Conquer game in my life. From a pure gameplay perspective, would you recommend the Tiberian series or Red Alert?

Good morning! You have... colorful fantasies. The most creative I ever get is combining rocky road with orange sherbet whenever I treat Tracer and Mei to an afternoon in the park.
Lena is absolutely more of a professional than her goofy personality would make you think, I agree there 100%, but she is more an extremely competent Police Officer, or was, before OW fell. Like...she's the bright eyed rookie cop to Jack's overworked Chief, or Gabe's jaded Detective who got too deep and couldn't get back out, so to speak. If she was recruited from the EZ PZ LMN SQUZYs instead, I think at least, she'd be less...restrained. If you're a threat, then you stop being a threat in the most efficient way possible. If you survive? Great! I'll call a medic. If not? Well...I gave you more than enough chances to surrender. And to be fair she'd end up with her powers anyway, Overwatch, for all it's good sides, wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in the house. Maybe personal teleportation experiments?
And that's fair, although I was thinking more that 'our' Lena was trying to take him down non-fatally, the whole 'police' thing and all, 'this' one would skip less-lethal angle and to straight to excessive force to counter his excessive force. One thing I could maybe give Blizz a tiny bit of Credit for is Lena learning -to- use the Bomb for Alive? But that's probably an accident.

Gameplay wise? Tiberian Dawn(C&C1) and Red Alert 1 are mostly the same, RA1 was an Expac that got big enough for it's own thing.
I'd recommend Red Alert over Tiberium for the most part, I just tended to have more fun with them, although some people didn't like how excessively cartoon-y the graphics were made for RA3(It's a valid complaint imo, even if I don't mind it). But do NOT get Tiberian Twilight or RA3 Uprising. TT(C&C4) got turned into this weird....mess, where basebuilding is gone, replaced with these demented Not!AT-ATs, and Uprising was essentially a meh/10 'diablo style'(In the loosest possible way, in terms of gameplay) campaign with zero MP.
And while it's only SLIGHTLY gameplay related: Tiberium is more serious, and Red Alert is more silly. Also Generals is nice too.
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Yeah, I get what you're saying, and I agree. I imagine it would be pretty hard to -not- be the bright-eyed rookie when you're recruited at 18/19 (I'm not an expert on the British armed forces, but I'm assuming the SAS doesn't produce many operatives at that age; then again, I also assume the RAF doesn't produce many pilots at that age, either). Although I have to admit, I wouldn't mind seeing her become more like that over time as a form of character development, just so long as she remains recognizable; like, she's still the same person and adheres to her ideals, but she learns through experience to apply them more pragmatically. For example, she could have tagged his gauntlet and disabled his main weapon if she sought a non-lethal approach, assuming she carried her bombs at the time. It may be coincidental, but I too like to think that, canonically speaking, that incident is what convinced her to start carrying heavier ordnance. Gah, now I want to see a buddy cop movie about Officers Oxton and Song.

Sweet, thanks for the recommendations. I admit I'm leaning more toward Red Alert, mainly because I love alternate history scenarios, but I'm open to anything.
At least as far as the Army, and RAF -Basic- Training(Not Flight), she could join at 16, and try out for the SAS at 18. The issue is that currently, based on 'intensive research'(I looked it up right now to double check), she wouldn't be old enough to be a Fighter Pilot by current standards, which takes 4 years and 300 flying hours(You also need to be 17.5 or older to apply I think).
BUT, the UK has been at peace for half a decade when the Crisis hit, so it's possible she pulled a WW2 and lied about her age, or just having come out of the Omnic Crisis not too long ago, and with how damaging it was(Only Germany and Russia being able to fight them off), and the general unrest, the RAF lowered it's flight experience requirements. Or probably both, she doesn't exactly follow the rules that closely sometimes.
The Brits didn't exactly have upwards of 16 nations sending Pilots to fight off the Omnics in the Crisis, so it could make sense. More sense than Overwatch plucking a random civvie off the street for the test.
But with that said, I agree that some character development would be nice, albeit I’m cautious, given Blizzard’s apparently inability to do small steps, it’s either no change, or we get Jaina going full murder(Justified as it was) or Thrall suddenly ignoring everyone because Aggra bitched about the Cataclysm(There are OTHER Shamans/Druids too Thrall). It might be better if she keeps her unwillingness to use the big guns, just being...smarter about it.
And I’d kill(Blizzard’s stock) for that myself. As long as there’s no -her-. Because then things might happen between two partners and it’ll be all good.

And yeah, Red Alert is pretty comfy, although I will say that 3 is….not as good as 2, or Tiberium 3. They sort of...threw out the ‘comfiness’ of the less well known actors for HOLLYWOOD BABY.
And they somehow go for the waifu factor harder than Waifuwatch or League of Waifus of the Storm.
Also the art style. It’s very cartoony.
Why is my Peni Parker thread deleted even though her point of the character is having anime aesthetics but not this thread?

Fuck you janny you arbitrary fuck
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When in doubt, I just tell myself "It's the 2070s and things are different now." I'm also cautious, but in a… “wearily optimistic” way, if that makes any sense. It’s hard to describe, but follow me: her accomplishments have all been undone, she hasn’t really discussed or developed from anything that’s happened to her, and she hasn’t been seen in action in a context that didn’t involve making a bad guy look good in ages. It sucks, and I don’t like it, but it also means they’ve left her with no real avenue for progression -except- to improve. We won’t know for sure until they actually move things along, but I don't really see what they can even do with her now that wouldn't be an improvement. I can dream, right? And as long as I’m dreaming, I would also like world peace, some ice cream, and a pony. Or a pony made of ice cream that will create world peace.

Yeah, what I've seen of RA3 does strike me as kinda tacky. But as far as the waifu factor is concerned, I don't really mind, because George Takei and Tim Curry are already better waifu material than any woman they could have found.

I'm sorry to hear that. Would this cute baseball player help you feel better?
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Eh fair enough, although I'd try to figure out some more specific answer myself, and to be fair, it really isn't that far fetched, a TWELVE year old somehow managed to bs his way into the USN after Pearl(He even served at Santa Cruz and Guadalcanal!) so Lena just telling a little white lie or two works just fine for me.
As for being...optimistic, well I don’t need to say that at this point it just ain’t me, so I’d really need them to do it first before I could hope for it. I dunno, might be why I want to believe the ‘Slipstream/The Nexus = Unlimited OW universes’ idea I mentioned ages ago. In WoW at least, it’s been word of godded that in nearly every other version of Azeroth, Garrosh is THE best Warchief the Horde has ever had, and we just got super unlucky, so with that, I can at least say to myself that no matter how badly Blizzard screws up this universe, there’s one where Lena and Genji DON’T job to Le Final Boss Man, Overwatch DOESN’T implode, the Amaris DON’T get torn apart with a lazy af justification tacked on later(A-Ana isn’t a terrible person, she couldn’t remember dudes!), Gabe DOESN’T go full retard, and so on and so forth. If that makes any sense?

I mean it’s not that I mind the female cast, they were all pretty good(Except McCarthy), or the little ending scenes where they clean up...or down...or just get vodka, to invite you for celebrations(Hell, RA2 did that in half~ the endings), it’s just how the promotions featuring said female cast focused on them being female. They basically did OW pin-up fan art before OW even existed. But more blatant. And it was official.
BUT, it must be said that RA will always be the funniest one of the two, well three. You even get Eastwood, Stallone and Schwarzenegger in one mission of Yuri’s Revenge!

You have my attention.
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Yeah, and here's another one for you: Sidney Lewis joined the Royal Army at 12 in WWI and served at the Somme at 13. He was even awarded the Victory Medal and the British War Medal. He was discharged in 1916 literally because his mother called the War Office, but he reenlisted toward the end of the war and did bomb disposal service in WWII. It's quite a remarkable story.

I've learned by now there isn't much I can say that will make you feel better, but I'm still going to keep saying it on the off chance it could, or perhaps to help someone else. I, too, would like to believe in a reality in which Overwatch is still operational and respected by the public, Jack is still in charge and at his most confident and effective, Lena is a lieutenant and possibly being groomed for a leadership position, Ana has peacefully retired from service on her own terms, Fareeha has enlisted in her stead and is proudly carrying on the family's legacy, Amy and Gerry are renewing their vows, Gabriel attends therapy and is far more pleasant and stable (he cultivates bonsai trees in his spare time!), Mei is unfrozen with the rest of her colleagues and still has a fulfilling career, Zenyatta and Mondatta are continuing their work together, and Genji leads poetry slams in the commissary every Tuesday night (with snacks!). Sadly, we don't have that. But there may come a day when we get -something-, and I don't intend to miss it should it arrive. Until then, watch them float this as an actual alternate timeline at some point just to grind salt into the wound.

Sheesh, I didn't realize it went that far. That's pretty gross. But it wouldn't be the main draw for me, so I can just roll my eyes and move along. I've heard Yuri's Revenge is pretty awesome, so I may give that a shot.
There’s lots of interesting stories from the wars, it’s just a shame they’re all from such distasteful periods of history really.

This sounds like a pretty good end(Hopefully it’s just a middle though). Although I would say that I’m not sure if Lena would be content with being the Commander. She did sign up to pilot planes instead of desks after all, so she might go mad with boredom. Plus it’s harder to hide blatant fraternization with one of the Mech Pilots when you aren’t even trying to hide it(It is the best possible Overwatch, -not ideal, just best- after all, and she and Hana go well together.)
Although I would sorta hope that in the ideal Overwatchverse, either Angie with her Nanobots, or Lena with a complete misuse of poorly understood chronal buggery -with the best of intentions- would halt/reverse Rein’s aging. It’s not that I don’t think he deserves to rest too, I just think he wouldn’t be happy. He’s the big loveable Knight, he’d want be fighting the good fight forever(And if Lena could do it, I doubt she has it in her to deny him that).

It’s not really bad in game, but in the ads? It’s exactly that bad. And Uprising only made it worse by adding MORE waifus(one extra for each faction). Red Alert 2 was mostly tasteful with it. Plus the references and jokes are all nice.
Although it does have the issue of a little bit of derpiness with events, since there’s an Iwo Jima Memorial in 2, despite Iwo Jima in theory not happening due to Einstein erasing Hitler and WW2 then being between Not!NATO and the Soviets.

That pic is adorable.
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The heights to which we can soar as human beings is sadly often in direct proportion to the hardships we must face. Ana saw plenty of action despite ostensibly being second or third in command, so Lena could be a Captain and still see fieldwork alongside her colleagues. Uprising heavily suggests that Jack saw a lot of promise in her and wanted her to get a chance to prove it, so I like to think that she would have done well if things hadn't gone pear-shaped so soon. Heck, that ceremony picture we discussed a few threads back pretty much confirms she was on a level deserving of recognition alongside the founders despite having at most just two years of service. With a proper career of service and experience behind her, who knows what she could do? Yes, I also highly doubt Reinhardt would ever willfully retire. Which is why you may or may not like what I'm about to say. If I was in charge, I would totally kill Reinhardt off. Not soon, and not pointlessly, but toward the end when the stakes are at their highest. No quietly withdrawing from the fight or lingering on and waiting for age to claim him. I would have him go out in a blaze of glory doing what he loves in defense of something worth dying for when it matters most, just like Balderich before him. I feel like that is the most appropriate way for his career to end. Also, "Chronal Buggery" would be a great name for a time travel-themed punk rock band.

That picture is one of my all-time favorites. I love how Reaper's -mask- is smiling, and I like to think they're both whistling. Also, I don't mean to ignore you, I've just had a lot of things stealing my attention lately.

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