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Okay guys I want a baby orangutan or chimpanzee and am prepared to risk my freedom to get one. To save a flight halfway across the globe and back, I'd ideally like to source one from the zoo. How can one coerce a mother orangutan/chimpanzee into handing over her baby, if at all?

Also, if I went to Borneo and found a local to get me a baby orangutan, how hard would it be to sneak him back? My plan would be to take a girl with me, shave the baby orangutan naked, tape him up into the fetal position, and conceal him behind a fake pregnancy suit. That, or shave and put a mask on him, and put him in a baby carrier concealed with lots of blankets. I'm not sure how observant the authorities are or if they can easily be bought off, but I'm at wits end trying to figure this out.
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no
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no you retard
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time to stop larping
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>>3752761
Save up, buy property, get the proper certificates and permits, and establish a center for orangutans and other apes
Then you can have zoos and rescues hand them down to you
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>>3752808
I think you underestimate my OCD and impulsive autism.
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>>3752761
lmao
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>>3752761
A male chimp is full of testosterone and very prone to bursts of horrible rage once he hits 10-12 years old. So most people only interact with male chimps they grew up with.
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>>3752761
OP will million pity these apes. Do NOT let him have one
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>>3752956
Juvenile male chimps are stronger than /fit/ men so I think that'd be a bad decision for him. orangutans are stronger than chimps.
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>>3752761
Been a while since we had a Travis tier chimp attack, do it
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>>3752761
You're a spastic.
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>>3753616
He even has a goblin name
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Get help lunatic. Are you posting this from the asylum computer because are definitely not safe to be in the public
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>>3752761
If you are willing to subject a baby ape to that much stress, and to subject the mother to the stress of having her baby stolen, you are not a true monkey lover.
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This reminds me of this german book full of hunting stories from 1800s.
One group tried to transport a captured female orangutan, after shooting the male she was with. The female wouldn't calm down or eat, so they put the skinned pelt of the male in her cage. Next morning they found her dead wrapped in the skin.
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>>3753742
that legit made me sad



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