I have seen the most cursed things which exist on the internet, sexual and non-sexual and I started to become extremely anxious that I might tell others about these things, when I think about the possibility that I might tell others about what I've seen I start to sweat and feel like I am exploding. This made me think that it may be a good idea to tell my parents about these thoughts because they might go away this way but then I realized that they will be replaced with other terrible thoughts based on things which I've seen or I know of or maybe even a lie, like feeling the urge to tell others that I am a pedophile even't though I am not one, just because it is a terrifying idea to know that I might say this and others hear it. I fear that I will lose control and actually say to others all of the cursed stuff my mind generates, sometimes I can barely tell the difference between when I think something and I say it loud, probably because I also tend to overthink a lot. Another example is that suicide terrifies me so again this makes me have a certain urge to do it even though I don't want it. At this point I feel like I almost totally lost control of my mind, in a way I feel like I am possessed and I have no idea how to become normal again, I went to a psychologist and tried to explain certain things but it was a total waste of time. I also tried to go to be more social but when I am alone all of these thoughts start to appear again and there are always new anxious thoughts. It is a sort of general masochism but I feel no pleasure. I feel lost and I don't want to continue living decades like this, it is hell.
this sounds like ocd anon, most psychologists cant help if you dont understand the problem. itd be like bringing your car to a mechanic and telling them "somethings wrong." only difference is, the psychologist cant go physically digging in your brain.perhaps the first step is looking into ocd compulsions and obsessions, seeing what you can identify with. give yourself some language to describe your struggle.
I have been blessed and cursed with aphantasia.I've seen gross stuff but it doesn't affect me and i don't care that i saw it. I'm sorry about how you are feeling though.
>>29017242I have read about ocd and it only made things worse, the more I read about these disorders the more I feel like I am going insane. Religion seems to be the last hope for me and I started to go to church once per week and pray for 5 minutes once per day, then I got drunk and jerked off (I am also addicted to jerking off, alcohol and smoking) and I didn't prayed for the next few days and here I am. I don't even know why I didn't prayed, probably because I was drunk the first day and then too lazy. The problem is that I don't have much faith, if I had it would have been much easier, I also start to remind myself about all of those cursed things when I try to pray but at the same time I tend to feel better for a momemt afterwards.
Try talking to a professional, a surgeon or an investigator or something. They often deal with really fucked up shit, to the point where some can't deal with it. They might know what to do.
>>29017227I have had OCD as long as I can remember and as other anons have said, that's what it sounds like. I highly recommend seeing a psychiatrist, as whatever medication they gave me helped me get rid of some of the really bad ticks. You should also stop going online for a while. I hope you have actual productive hobbies or go to school or work.
>>29017227This sound like me. To add on to myself, I have thoughts of recreating the gore and violence I have seen since eight years old on my parents or cat or anyone I care about. I even have intrusive thoughts of being raped.
>stopped reading at "Tell my parents"The fuck are you on about? Don't go snitching on us you little turd. We have rock and roll cd's and beer.
>>29017227Meditation. You are overresposive to your mind
