My girlfriend of two months is still in touch with her ex-boyfriend as friends. They broke up a year ago and were together for 4 years. She moved across the country with him before she decided to end things with him due to not feeling any love or attention from him because he was always focused with work. I trust my girlfriend completely but I still feel a bit uncomfortable that she still is in contact with him. She tells me that she sees him as a friend only even though she knows that he may still have feelings for her. She still asks him to watch her dog when she went traveling for 3 weeks to visit family. She's going to treat him to dinner tomorrow as a way to say thanks. I expressed my concerns but she says to not worry and that she doesn't like me being so controlling. She has been very transparent and open about her relationship with ex and that they split amicably and that she no longer has romantic feelings for him. Thoughts /adv/? Should I play this out or should I get out now?
>>29012874Nope. Walk away. It's only two months in. I've been burned by this multiple times. Never again.
>>29012874Kelly. Just end it, the part about her not liking you being so controlling says it all. Classic cheater talk. When you point out something dodgy making you uncomfortable, you get called controlling. At the very least she’s relishing the attention, likely emotionally if not physically cheating on you. Just dump her, it’s not worth it.
>>29012874Okay so first of all you should never be okay with your current partner having any relation with their ex. If anything, the fact you haven't broken up with her over it has made your girlfriend respect you less to the point where she's comfortable TREATING HER EX TO DINNER while dating you. Fuck whether he watched the dog or not, she shouldn't of even asked him if she's dating someone new. You have ONE single option to regain any self-respect and any respect she may have once had for you. Break up with her, tell her why, and don't let her talk you back into staying, even if she promises everything you want. Instead, ignore her for at least a week, then she will text you (don't worry if she says nothing for some time, she will be back, most important is you initiate nothing). She will text you or even come to your door and demand reconciliation or to talk or whatever. That's when you tell her exactly what you can and cannot put up with in a relationship.You need to tell her that if she wants to be with you, then not only can she not have dinner or ask her ex to watch her cat, she needs to remove him on every social media and block his number.If she complains then ask her to leave and do not give in.She will eventually give in and with her giving in will come a massive new respect for you from her.
>>29012874Why so all the men in this cartoon look like homosexuals?
Why can't you watch the dogShe shouldn't be "treating" him to anything. Go to dinner with her. Text her that you're coming too and if she pushes back you have your answer.. they're just friends right why can't you go too??
OP hereI sometimes worry that I might be the rebound in the relationship and that she will end up going back to her ex. This is my first real relationship and I really love this girl. After the first month even she says that she gets the feeling we are going to marry and that she wants us to move in within the third or fourth month. I'm worried she is moving so fast because she literally has no friends or family here since she moved here with her ex. She won't let me babysit the dog because according to her, her dog will bite strangers and is more comfortable with her ex.
>>29013008It's like you didn't read any of the advice anyone gave you.
>>29013008Tell her you're going to dinner too
>>29012874Dump her. I just got out of an abusive relationship with someone who wasn't over their Ex. You are NOT supposed to trust people completely. Life's not a hallmark movie, real people are shitty and fucked up mentally. Most people don't actually get over their exes. She knows you're a gullible idiot who would ultimately believe anything she says. She's going out to dinner with her Ex because she thinks of him while you're fucking. Women only call you controlling when you stop them from mischief.
>>29013008Everything you just said is bad. Break it off, trust me.
>>29012911She's known OP for 2 months, she's known the other guy for 4 years and he knows the dog.
>>29013008OP, you are deluding yourself into a disaster.I'm sorry for you, find a better girl, after you found one, dump your current one.
>>29012874I would bang her a lot harder and more often. Just observe and watch the situation. Its very possible you do marry her etc. its also very possible she gets back with ex bf guy. She is holding onto him for security. Does not mean she is forsure going to go back to him. Women do this a lot. I know you said you reallly really like her, ride it out while its smooth and if it gets bumpy... find another mate.The only real risk you have here is if she does break up with u after a year and then that year might be seen as "wasted"Keep fucking her hard so she knows she safe and secure with u daddy
>>29013008Ive been in this exact spot before.. You need to go through with this relationship, fall in love, take her words at face value, get cheated on and burned. You will learn so much from this whore that any whore afterwards couldn't play the same bullshit games. I learned boundaries, self respect and how to deal with heartbreak from a relationship like this. It lasted about 6 months. First genuine relationship. She love bombed me in the beginning, like yours clearly is. Not even a month in and she was speaking of marriage, kids and moving in. I wasted so much time, cum and money on this woman, only to be dumped at 1 am by a typo ridden text message. It really hurt. It really really fucked me up for a little bit. But the lessons a man can learn from a bad relationship are almost insurmountable. I wish you luck, bro.
>>29013766I hope that's not the case. I am sorry if worried and at this point I don't want to put so much of my heart into this relationship. I'll keep my eyes peeled and worst case if she cheats I won't be too sad.
>>29013791I hope its nit the case either, but the ex still playing so much of a role in her life, makes one wonder. Here's a few tips:>Dont ever let her meet your family >She's cheating if she claims she's going to bed super early>She's cheating if she doesn't respond for atleast 24 hours >Dont spend a lot of money on her>Treat her good but not too goodShe gave me sob stories about her abusive exes, so I tried so hard to be a genuinely good person to her and care for her, apparently thats clingy>Dont let her talk about her exes to you, tell her you're not interested in her past relationships If she shits on her exes to you, she will shit on you to someone else >Just be yourself unironically Dont change anything about yourself to try to bring her in closer, I did that and they can smell that shit instantly.Thats where the self respect comes in.>If she likes clubbing or partying a lot, that's a dead end relationship>If she's an alcoholic or a druggie, thats a problemThis may seem like basic advice for any relationship, but when you're blinded by love and her sweet nothings, you'll let a whole lotta shit slide right past you.
>>29013837>Well she's already met my family and she is really nice to them.>She does go to bed early like 9PM... Is that bad?>I've already spent quite a bit on dinners already. I'll probably dial it back a bit >She's not an alcoholic but she says she's a social smoker. I told her I don't like that shit, but she just promised she won't smoke around me. This just seems like there's so many red flags that I'm choosing to ignore. I don't want to be blinded by love. Thanks for the tips anon.
Me and my gf both think keeping in touch with exes is big cringe and should be avoided. However I have close friends who stayed friemds with their exes and Im fairly sure nothing sexual happened between them after they broke up. Take that as you will.Its a metter of boundries. If youre not fine with that you need to establish it. In your case I find it an issue that your gf dismisses your concern with "its fine, stop being controlling". She might or might not be doing something wih her ex, I cant know that, but the way she responded when you brought up this issue is a big red flag.
>>29012874> they split amicably and that she no longer has romantic feelings for him.Complete bs “amicably” means he dumped her , she still has feeling’s for him and guaranteed he still clapping those cheeks and your just a place holder bf you need to dump her asap
>>29012874She's keeping her options open. Which is normal. Yeah, yeah it sucks, it's unfair, etc. But that's how the dating game is played these days. Take it or leave it.The worst thing you can do is what you're doing right now. Being jealous only weakens your position and pushes her further toward him. Live your life, don't let it get to you, and don't make her the sole source of happiness in your life. The less insecurity she senses from you, the more secure she'll feel in your relationship, the less inclined she'll be to entertain side offers. Eventually this guy will shoot his shot, and how she reacts will depend on you behave right now.Something you learn in life is that guys will never stop trying to fuck your girlfriends. It could be her ex, her friend, her coworker. Doesn't matter. You better start learning how to deal with that now or it'll come as a nasty shock later.
>>29014143>Which is normal.Anon that's cheating. I mostly agree but she needs to step up and put more effort into the relationship.
>>29012874>She moved across the country with him before she decided to end things with him due to not feeling any love or attention from him>I got bored and wanted to fuck other menNow she's meeting up with him while she's with you. Yes you should get out
>>29014143>dont expect loyalty and commitment out of your partnerThe reason women pull shit like that is because of losers like you. Yeah, other guys always try to fuck your woman. The point is that SHE SHOULD AVOID PUTTING HERSELF IN SITUATIONS WHERE SHE MIGHT FUCK OTHER GUYS. Thats the entire point of a relationship. And hanging out with an ex you used to fuck all the time is the opposite of that. The only reason so many women feel completely justified in doing that is because cucks like you are fine with it and call other men who aren't "insecure". kys retard
>>29014172But the thing about rules and boundaries is that if they don't happen organically, there's no point broaching a conversation. He could tell her to stop talking to her ex, but there's no guarantee she will. If he loses that coin toss, the whole relationship is fucked. And even if she does stop talking to her ex, that's immediate resentment.She'll stop talking to her ex when she feels like she's getting something from OP that her ex can't provide. Our commitment to people is based on our feelings about them, not their feelings about us. And devil's advocate - maybe the ex does have OP beat in some way. Money, dick, looks. No disrespect, but it's brutal out there.
>>29014184It all comes down to personal standards. It sounds like you'd give the girl an ultimatum and walk if she doesn't drop her ex. More power to you. In my personal experience, no one who's been in a relationship for two months is going to start shaping their life around you. Especially if they're in their twenties.
>>29014199He needs to just dump her, she doesn't respect him and real women don't do this to their partners. It's already over. Even if she agreed to stop would you WANT someone who thought this was okay in the first place? Of course he has OP beat or she wouldn't be doing this. He's basically a distraction until something better comes along
>>29014239>In my personal experience, no one who's been in a relationship for two months is going to start shaping their life around youYeah, because where you live if you dump them theyll be able to find some other desperate cunt wholl put up with that. I guess youre kinda fucked if youre in that situation, but I want to highlight that this is the fault of men who accept this. If you keep accepting whatever crap women come up with out of fear of losing them their behavior would become more and more selfish and unfit for long-term relationships.
>>29012874You need to be more firm with her about your boundaries. This sounds like a dealbreaker to you so you need to communicate that. Tell her I'm not comfortable dating someone who is still close with her ex and that's not what you want in a relationship. It has nothing to do with controlling her and everything to do with your own standards for a relationship. You have to say it in firm terms or else she won't get it. People will push boundaries to see what they can get away with. This doesn't seem like a good situation but at least give her the chance to do the right thing instead of just dumping her like everyone else is saying. Be firm but compassionate at the same time. I'm sure everyone can understand the feeling of not wanting to lose someone who was important to you for so long. That can cloud your judgment and cause you to prolong or delay the inevitable permanent separation which is likely what she's doing. So tell her hey I know he was important to you and I understand why you'd want to keep the connection but this isn't what I want in a relationship so if you'd like to move forward with me, he's gotta go. Also ask yourself what level of contact you're ok with in case she tries to negotiate.
>>29014143Spoken like a blue pilled cuck
>>29014450I hate mayonaise
>>29013837NTA but why do you say this >If she likes clubbing or partying a lot, that's a dead end relationshipI have friends who do this and they're in stable relationships
Break up with her idiot. Do it in a really shitty way too or else you'll feel like a bitch. Just send her a text that says "Don't think we should see each other anymore" or something.
>>29013937Yeah, this anon is spot on. She's not willing to change her behaviour to make you more comfortable. She's dismissing your needs this early on, which makes the future look not so good. Usually, this early on in the relationship, people are extra willing to please their partner. Her not doing that would be a big red flag to me as it indicates it'll likely only get worse. I would maybe talk to her about this and express my concerns. It is possible she's just slow to warm up to a new partner and will become more caring and accommodating with time, but it's unlikely.
SHE HAS BPD SHE HAS BPD SHE HAS BPD RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUN AWAYTHIS WILL END IN DISASTER
>>29014744I have to agree. Never date someone who is still attached to their ex.
>>29013766Really, really big brained post here
>>29014771my ex was in contact with a lot of her ex's, everytime I'd express concern I was hit with the ''youre controlling'' blah blah blah bullshit, she still tries to get in contact with me even 9 months later and she has a boyfriend for fuck sakes, mine had bpd with psychotic tendencies according to the diagnosis, which I only knew after it ended. Leave OP.
>>29012874It's a normal boundary in a relationship for no contact with exes. Don't let her tell you you're being controlling when you're just asking for the most basic thing from a partner. If she doesn't understand then she's clearly not ready to date. If she can't respect a simple boundary it's pretty likely there's more boundaries she won't respect.
>>29012874Do as you will. Every decision you make is a learning experience. There's no right or wrong way in this. Although keep in mind; If you chose to be with her then go all in and be the most loving boyfriend you can be. But if you chose to break up then do it right now and move on. Don't entertain her with long texts and confrontation bs. Chose one way and then never look back. Never be on the fence in such matters otherwise you'll end up worse off.
OP just last month I was the Ex in this situation. Girl I dated for a year took a trip across country to visit me. Yes she has a boyfriend, and yes he knew where she was. And you know what. I did make a pass at her. But she's the one who put her foot down and said absolutely not. This is someone I've known 10x longer than she has known her bf. There are some good women out there, so it just depends on how much you trust her
If you want to stay friends with an ex, you overtly involve your current s/o in the friendship. You say "we are taking homeboy to dinner because he did us a favor." You also don't participate in the no-more-feelings lie. People never stop having feelings for exes on some level unless they hate them, and feelings aren't the problem anyway. Attraction is the problem. You don't fall out of attraction with an ex unless they get fat or otherwise become difficult to look at. The attraction may revert to where it started, but it's not going away.Girlfriend is acting in bad faith here by not involving you. If she does anything with this guy she should bring you along without your asking. You are together. Attached. Couples don't have to do everything together, but they should when doing it alone will make the other uneasy.