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/adv/ - Advice

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>be me
>be in long term relationship
>split up at the beginning of the year
>get back in touch with high school friend (female)
>start hanging out a lot
>reached out to her strictly as a friend b/c I needed to increase my social output to distract from the breakup
>plus she has a boyfriend so no worries about catching feelings right?
>over the last few months been texting with her quite a bit
>whenever we hang out IRL we find ourselves just talking about whatever well into the night
>very, very easy to lose time with her and we both have commented multiple times stuff like "omg how is it this late already"
>I feel at ease immediately around her
>I feel *alive* around her
>oh my god oh no
>realization that I'm falling for her hits me like a ton of bricks
>want to block her because I don't want to be *that guy* or cause a wedge in her own relationships or anything
>consult my friends
>all of them say I need to tell her how I feel
>they also note that it's odd that I have not met her boyfriend yet
>she has told me that he's socially weird, so I hadn't given it much thought
>but my friends keep making a note of this especially as ~95% of the time I've spent IRL with this girl it's just been us two
>don't want to lose friendship because I value that, and her, to a very high degree
Well anons, I sure am in a pickle.
She's honestly amazing but I really don't know what to do.
Wish I knew, I'm in the same boat only I'm a guy and friend is a hot lesbian. FML
>don’t want to lose friendship
Then don’t tell her, the friendship is already crumbling the second you realize you were in love, but it’s still can be saved. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but it can be saved. You just gonna have to take your feelings to your grave. But then, the real question is, is it worth it for you to live like this, just for the sake of a friendship?
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Here's the other wrinkle that's giving me an aneurysm...
Everyone I've spoken to about this and talked about how she acts believes that A) Something is fucked with her relationship with the guy she's dating (the weird social stuff, letting your girlfriend spend a lot of alone time with a single male friend, referencing her boyfriend in past tense when texting me once, etc.) and B) That she, more than likely, is attracted to me or has feelings for me.
I'm at a very odd point in my life where I'm standing on a cliff and I'm about to just say fuck it and jump. I'll say it again, I feel ALIVE when I'm with her. It's fucking crazy. I feel like she's out of my league but even looking at her makes me want to better myself so I can be the best I can be, both for myself and her.
And trust me, I've given this a lot of thought. This is not infatuation; I know what that feels like. There are no butterflies. It just *is* and I've never been this certain before in my life.
End the friendship and get over her. Find someone else.
Most women find another man before they leave their current relationship, it's called branch swinging. You're probably the next branch, go for it if you don't mind.
Don't cause a mess, end the friendship and tell her that you cannot continue anymore. Walk away and find someone else
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I have known her for 6 years. I'm not walking away from that.
So I shoot my shot and lose a friend or I walk away and lose my friend anyway..?
Here's the thing. I was talking about this with my father, and when he met my mom she was dating some guy that wasn't really pulling his weight. My dad saw this, started going on "dates" with her (hanging out with her same as I've found myself doing) and she ended up breaking it off with the dead beat and getting with my dad ONLY because he WENT FOR IT and told her how he felt. If he didn't, sure he'd probably have found someone else but my mom would have stayed miserable with that dude and neither of them would have the family they did. I'm getting a very similar vibe from what's going on with me, it's almost eerie.
I honestly don't think she's happy in her relationship, she makes me feel like I'm over the fucking moon and it seems like she enjoys spending time with me as well.
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Realizing in my replies that it sounds as though I've made up my mind, but I'm not 100% there yet.
It's mostly that I've considered the odds and run everything through in my head. Right now, I would rather blow it up by telling her how I feel and have her reject me than go years with this regret gnawing away at me, never having even tried.
She's too special for me to let that slip by.
>I have known her for 6 years. I'm not walking away from that.
The time doesn't matter, end that friendship before things become a mess. She is in a relationship, don't be the one that breaks it apart.
>So I shoot my shot and lose a friend or I walk away and lose my friend anyway..?
Do Not shoot your shot, just walk away from the friendship.
>I honestly don't think she's happy in her relationship.
Stop the cope, she is not miserable with her boyfriend, because she would've broke up with him a long time ago.
>She's too special for me to let that slip by.
Don't fall for the oneitis trap, there is no special woman or "the one"
Tell her how you feel. DO NOT MAKE HER CHEAT. Get her to break up first if she is receptive. Be prepared to walk away from her if rejected.
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>because she would've broke up with him a long time ago.
boooooy anon just revealed how little he knows about women
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I'm familiar with the oneitis trap, anon. I think her being special to me can be a mutually exclusive sentiment.
Of fucking course. I hope none of the above anons assumed that this is what I was getting at, never ever would I consider cheating or be the catalyst for another doing so.
>Get her to break up first if she is receptive. Be prepared to walk away from her if rejected.
Yeah that's about where I'm at.
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>The time doesn't matter
I would disagree.
>She is in a relationship, don't be the one that breaks it apart.
If it's a healthy relationship me telling her that I have feelings wouldn't be enough to break it. If it were, well that's indicative of a bigger problem with the relationship.
>Stop the cope, she is not miserable with her boyfriend
I think I may be in a better position to judge that, let alone our mutual friends I've spoken with.
>because she would've broke up with him a long time ago.
I was miserable with my ex for two years before I broke up with her. Human relationships are, for better or worse, more complicated than that.
Just imagine living without ever knowing if you could have been together with a person who makes you feel alive.
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Yeah. I know.
DO IT ANON. Don't listen to these other retards. Indecision, uncertainty, and regret will cauterize you alive if you eschew taking this opportunity. Even if it doesn't work out, this issue in your mind will be resolved. Good luck!
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And those are exactly the feelings I could see myself saddled with if I just let it go.
If I'm rejected then there's no "what if" to eat away at me, take it on the chin and move on.
If I just walk away now, I'd be letting something good rot and I'm not sure that is wise.
my question is why she’s hanging out with a single dude alone so late, that could be a red flag for you anon
You deserve it
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Mental anguish. This is why you're either acquaintances or romantic partners with women, no in between. Exceptions for family and maybe some other situations where it's incredibly clear there's not gonna be sexual interest from either side
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Well anon, seems I've realized this and have a bridge to cross now don't I.
Wish me luck :)
Good luck, but this friendship is gonna end. You're either gonna date or stop being friends, the current position is untenable.
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Yeah, I'm aware. Part of me wishes I could just turn off how I feel but that would make me a sociopath and perhaps that's not ideal.
She's just amazing and I really enjoy being with her, talking with her, doing things with her etc. but the fact that I've fallen in love with her (as another anon pointed out) fundamentally changes the dynamic.
Where I'm at needs to be made crystal clear.
>depriving yourself of the chance to be with a girl you like because you're worried about hurting the feelings of some guy you've never even met
Do you really think there are quality girls just walking around single, waiting for you to show up to claim them? Any girl worth having is going to be taken.

I realize that people on this site were raised by anime and think that letting a girl know that they're attracted to her is something that must be avoided at all costs but it's still annoying to see idiots still popping up with the same "problems". Clearly she doesn't respect her boyfriend if she's spending so much time alone with you but now that she's spent a significant amount of time sending you very heavy signals that she wants you to make a move while you've done the incel thing and ignored them because
>omg but we're friends i don't know what to do
then here's what's going to happen now: your internet friends have convinced you that maybe it's ok to let this girl know that you're attracted to her, but she put you in the friend zone after she spent so much time trying to get you to make a move only for you to go out of your way to avoid giving any hint that you wanted to be more than friends.

If you'd made a move in a reasonable time frame it could have worked out, but since you waited so long, it won't. Try to learn something from this experience.
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Would like to point out that it's my close IRL friends I've been talking through this with. Many of them went to school with this girl before I knew her as well, so I have a little more insight than internet friends may have.

I get entirely what you're saying but I feel as though I'm at the point where if I wait ANY longer, it will be exactly as you said: friendzoned permanently. But, I haven't crossed that bridge yet. And I'm not going to.

Appreciate you guys being a sounding board as always. We'll see how it goes this week.
Wish me luck, anons.

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