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Step 1: Hold whatever's on your chest
Step 2: Take it off

Previous: >>27045996
>>
I feel like such a cuck dammit
>>
>>27052880
My husband got mad last night because some of his music equipment wasn’t working. He was raging for like 1-2 hours, slamming stuff around and ranting about how the people who made the equipment are idiots and deserve to die etc etc. He randomly decided to buy this $160 drum machine and I asked him to consider canceling the purchase and then he just lost it and blew up at me. He screamed at me and called me a moron and a dumb bitch over and over again, took off his wedding ring and threw it, told me it’s all my fault that we can’t afford to spend $160 on a whim (I’m the one who works, he is a full time student). Told me everything would be better if I’d just leave him alone and stop getting in his space even though he is the one who asked me to work on music stuff with him. Then he stormed off to our room. Today he just acted like nothing happened and barely spoke to me. I’m so depressed.
>>
I think the internet has been the worst thing to happen to art in general
It's filled with untalented retards who think they're the best artists ever but they just suck ass and are so fucking critical to everyone else.
Most people think absolute shit media is the best writing ever because they never bother to be exposed to anything good, and the instant they are they change their mind. Everyone is so toxic and argumentative and it feels like nobody actually wants to do better, they are just happy with their "niche"
I wouldn't mind this if they weren't such fucking cocky bastards about it. I don't understand what makes mid to terrible artists so cocky, they can't give advice without being pissy, they never take any advice, they are never original. They don't understand what makes art good, not surface level shit, but what makes it art. It feels like they just don't know how to art, cause if someone knows how to art it's like i met the smartest person ever. I just don't get it, i don't get why everyone is so toxic, why it's always a competition
>>
Why are you torturing me? Are you actually that daft as to believe her lies? Was me being shaken up by being traumatized after that stunt on Metro North as good as a confession of guilt for you? Or are moral concerns not even a slight factor in this at all?

At first I wrote things like the resturant plastered in "Now Hiring" signs as a coincidence, but no, it was all legitimately just to torment me. Put the pressure on me to get a job, knowing full well I won't. And then, when I have nothing to do but go to a bar, you try and blackmail me for that. I'm not particularly worried about that, given that nothing was damaged.

I thought /pol/ was wrong, but it's really all true, huh? Blackmaill and deception all the way down. I feel unclean merely talking about this crap, like THIS is how things work? Really? This is what it means to have "friends?" This is what it means to be an "adult?"

You're kidding yourself.
>>
>>27052900
i think i know you...
>>
>>27052979
He's literally me
>>
>>27052979
>>27052997
I'm gonna uncuck myself if it's the last thing I do
>>
>>27052880
>So my mom divorced step dad

>wants to start new life and tells me I shouldn't be a part of it (I'm 25)

>asks if I help her moving, I say yes cause it's mom

>She and new partner want to pick me up, but simply don't show up

>Later I'm told, that she doesn't need my help, because it's out of pity.

>I'm like: "Cool I'll do other stuff instead." and carry on like nothing happened.

Kinda nice to be immediately over it, but something doesn't feel right...
>>
>>27052997
kek
>>27053031
can you tell me about what happened?
>>
>>27052880
she started a relationship with me with no intention of leaving the other guy. now we're hooked on each other but i want to ghost her
>>
I don’t want to get a job.
>>
>>27052921
that sucks, he sounds immature and insensitive to how his behavior is affecting you
>>
i’m so horny because of my ex post 2 days seeing him and i’m trying to get over the feeling and the urge. i’m confused i think he’s just really good at manipulating and making me feel good and cared for and wanted sexual stuff or use me or something, or he just genuinely had a switch in feelings but still, after all the bad its confusing.
>>
Here's what a typical day is like in my mind:

>old memories invade my mind
>frustration and anger hits
>excrutiating sadness
>extremely inappropriate thoughts
>no energy even when eating, fasting, or snacking healthily
>any form of self help is met with self sabotage
>self sabotage leads back to the top

My only cope is humor and hope that if I make it, I will make things right, but it feels like I have to make things right before I make it.

I don't know. It's all so tiresome
>>
>>27052880
Cute I’m proud of OP
>>
>>270528
I feel sorry for my breakup. I didn't want it to end the way it did. I feel like she doesn't want me anymore. I still love her, I had plans for a future with her... I pray to God for a second chance.
>>
Here's my take on the entire situation.

I think your mom gave you a hand job early on.

She made sure to groom you in childhood and give your first orgasm so including all else she does for you she also taught you she will do that. In her twisted mind it's not real sexual abuse because she isn't having sex with you so it's ok.

This was the start of your sociopath tendency and inability to ever live a healthy life.

You're passing along the evil but in here to tell you I'm not allowing it.
>>
It has been 7 hours and I am still fantasizing about sleeping on your chest
>>
I'm going to completely change my personality.
>>
For the first time I really don’t want to go on a first date with a new girl today. What is happening to me? Am I giving up?
>>
After 25 years of existence and 10 years on 4chan I read my first manga and loved it.
>>
I don't even know how to explain this whole situation just for myself, god I wish I lost my ability to think
>>
>it's my birthday today
>the only ones who remembered are my grandparents
>and they only sent me an email
>90% of which was complaining about their own problems

I hate birthdays
>>
I keep wetting the bed. Fourth time in a row this week
>>
>Invites my best friend who lives in another town with her boyfriend and his friend over my place during the new year eve
>They go on a mountain trip this summer without even asking if I want to join them
>Currently ghosting my said best friend
Was that a dick move on their part? Am I right for being upset with her?
>>
>>27052880
Ran into a girl I’m interested in on a date with someone else today. Ngl that shit was a little bit of a gut punch. But onward we push, on to the next one. I think something like that would’ve destroyed me a couple years ago when I’d fixate on girls too heavily.
>>
>hash out my problems with her
>she has issues I need to fix too
>I'm working on mine but I'm worried I've really fucked up somehow

I dunno what to do. I did apologize and she said she won't hold it to me but now I'm nervous of completely screwed this up.
>>
i hate myself so much for thinking like this there is no reason for you to want me why do you even talk to me i am such a loser
>>
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God damn it I am so lonely. I am seriously so fucking lonely. I just want friends to hang out with and maybe a gf, why do these things have to be so hard to attain?
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8 billion people yet none of them can or want to understand me, what are the odds.
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I'm getting too old to go out anymore.

All the girls I wanted to fuck are like ten years younger than me. And Instead I bailed from the club early to go to the gym at 2am.

Really should have tried to fuck hoes from 16-26. Now I'm old.
>>
Stop dancing around the issue, you pseudo intellectual. Can you explain to me what you believe? If you cannot, then I don't think you really believe in anything outside of aesthetics.
>>
>>27053849
do you go outside?
>>
>>27053933
I do but I'm way too timid. I get cucked out of all the good things in life.
>>
I just learned my sister and I can get married because parents never officially went with adoption, legally she's not my sister after all. We always had a close relationship and often teased each other with sexual stuff, I want to tell her, so she knows is an actual option even if she doesn't plan on taking it
>>
A long time ago
In a galaxy far, far away..
>>
>>27053964
assert dominance until they become friends with you
>>
>>27053856
Same. I'm 24, never gone to a club, never had sex, people 8 years younger than me have better social skills

Shit sucks. I'm too old to start having.sex, everyone has gone past me like that
>>
Humans are, indeed, scary, and I am, indeed, one of them.
>>
>>27054011
>24
>too old
Nigger that's not old like at all. Stop thinking like a 40 years old and go out/live your life.
>>
Hey look they switched R's face with LB's!

And still won't let me edit Wikipedia in peace!

You do realize that they literally told me to stay away from your women in 2019?
>>
>>27054037
I feel, I wouldn't even know how to dress before going clubbing or what to do there
>>
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>>27052880
You said "break". I say we're done as a couple, for good. I'm sorry but I can't love someone who doesn't trust in me and isn't willing to commit. You came to me claiming we were gonna discuss our future but it was clear your mind was already made up before I was even made aware there was an issue. You must understand from my end it was sudden and out of left field.
I was hurt real bad and it still hurts thinking about it. I left you a few days to give you space and then when I expressed how I felt about it I just got a general tone that you really didn't care. Almost as if I was a burden to you that you were glad was out of your hair.
While I agreed on this supposed "break" I only agreed because I knew your mind was made up and no compromise I presented wasn't going to change it. I had no say and you were not willing to even try to work around our issues, I was.
I was willing to take all the risks in the world for you as I loved you and the future for us will be worth it in the end and I think I showed that in spades, when the ball was in your court you dropped me on the ground and walked away.
You went on about how we were a team and if we worked together we can overcome anything and I believed you and I still do. Turns out that's only one of us.
I feel hurt, I feel betrayed almost. And I don't want to go through that again. If there's any part in you that thinks we can rekindle then I'll tell you to forget it. I was willing to walk on burning coals for you and you threw me away, I had no say in that and it was entirely your choice. Best lesson I can give you now is to live with it.
>>
>>27052880
I´ve come to realize the sport is all i got left. I´ve lost all else i´ve gained. I love the sport but i want my friends back
>>
I've successfully simped today. I look forward to more harmless-as-possible simping and receiving whatever disdain for it.
>>
>>27054055
old*
>>
I'm a bpdemon and everybody hates me.
I don't know what I did wrong in my life.
Why couldn't I have been raised by people who gave a fuck.
I don't want to be comfortable on my own, it's depressing having nobody to talk to, nobody who thinks or cares about me.
I'm better off dead but I can't do anything but age, which makes me even more stressed because I wasted my entire youth being a depressed sack of shit.
>>
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I've had two wet dreams this year. One of them involved me getting raped in my sleep by a fox lady with huge knockers who played Caramelldansen whilst she humped me because she thought it would make me feel "more comfortable" if I heard familiar childhood music. I never had any erotic or wet dreams during my horny teens. I've even started to get flushed and a bit short of breath when I see pornography. Is this what sexual frustration is meant to be like? I don't feel particularly frustrated, I've never really bothered with that sort of thing. You'd think with the amount of obscene erotica I've been exposed to over the years that I'd be completely burnt out or some sort of Bad Dragon dildo collecting psychopath but here I am staring at standard fanservice shots in random seasonal anime and oogling the female form. Ten years ago I wouldn't have even noticed.
>>
>>27054124
Have you sought out help? With the right methods BPD can be treated.
>>
If I can make others feel powerful or superior by comparison then that's neat.
>>
>>27054291
Because I'm a fool. Or, if I would like to empower myself, I'm The Fool.
>>
Why do we call them black people anyway? Or white people? They’re all obviously brown or pink or beige or mahogany people and sacred shades of white and black don’t belong to a people and their egos
>>
Hey you fellas think that I can lift E's head up using my erect penis and testicles all fully inside her mouth? I mean, if she's up for it. She's probably like, what, half my weight? We can try on one of those cushiony floors they have in McDojos. We'll both probably fall asleep eventually, anyway.
>>
/blog/ = SJWs from r/otomegames, Discord, and Twitter.
Shithouse.
>>
Man, I'd love to feel E's molars gnaw on my penis as I made sweet, gentle love to her mouth--maybe have her leave at least one bite mark on the shaft of my penis. Without drawing any blood, preferably.
>>
>>27052880
I'm so weary of this struggle for sanity
this feelign has been going on for days now
I'm sooo tired
I just want to be safe
work
and live my life

please help me
>>
>>27054084
Your so sweet. You need a great relationship
>>
i want to be friends with you but you only see women as a means to get sex…
>>
I have friends but thanks
>>
Some of these actually look like stuff E might write. Good work, fellas.
>>
I like to chase shadows here because it offers a catharsis and closure she won't give me
>>
>>27054448
Sarcasm or not thanks anon. I don't think I'll be ready for another relationship for a while. I'm still healing from the last one. It really sucks that no matter how hard you try sometimes it's still not enough. I naively believed they were the one, suppose I just have yet to find them.
>>
Hey you think E considers herself to be out of my league now? What about back then? What about in our near future?

Why "ew" indeed. Why "ew" indeed...
>>
it’s nice eating things stress free!

weird, a little, but nice. my brain is okay with eating things other than my safer foods. maybe because it’s a vacation! i was worried i probably wouldn’t eat much unless i had to but everything tastes nice and is interesting and isn’t scary and it all looks pretty
>>
Didn't J have a baby and move to Alaska, or something?

I'm just sayin'. If hooking me up with J is too hard, maybe you can try with E? Remember: gotta' be when I head on out sometime this coming week--in between the hours of 2 and 5 AM. Entirely up to you.

I could always go back to Wikipedia.
>>
Hey how much of my erect penis do you think E would be able to fit in her mouth on her first try? Like, say, this month (for example).
>>
I didn’t take care of myself for a long long time because I thought if my parents didn’t even care then why should I
>>
Ah! Confirmed yet again!
>There are no rewards. There are no cash prizes. There is no real way to cash in those "good" points of yours'--no matter how much they outnumber the "bad" ones. The "particle" is ultimately a placebo in this world. The House will always win.
>>
>>27054596
“Friends” but for technical reasons they are forgiven as much as I can forgive
>>
After these obligations I’m fixing my life with or without anyone else’s help. If anyone cares to stay by my side during these rough years ahead then I’ll be grateful but whenever I’ve tried to improve my situation I’ve been pressured into listening to “advice” or shamed for simply shining the spotlight on the mistreatment from others or their inability to learn and understand what I need.
>>
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I've had some time to think on it. I slept, had a proper meal, had some coffee, took a long walk down my favorite path. Really thought long and hard about it.

I think, now that my book is finished, I have nothing left to live for. I thought and thought and though about it. I tried to think of any reason, even if it was a long shot, that I could use as a reason and I've come back with nothing. I'm going to take my life. I'm actually relieved. It was so hard to get here. The amount of times I wanted to say fuck it and just do it now was too many to count. But I stuck with it, I finished that book and did it right without doing anything low effort. That's all I wanted to do. In the next few days I'll get some accounts in order than finally have the rest I've needed so badly.

I'm relieved.
>>
>>27052880
My family, predominantly my mum, ruined my will to talk to them and probably people in general. Ever since I could more or less properly speak my language, a Lot of times I wanted to or started saying something, someone else would start to speak, if not they barely ever paid attention or asked about a detail I was literally talking about seconds earlier.
I thought, that's probably just how they are, but they rarely ever did this with other people, relatives or visitors. Even more, whenever I had friends over, they would intently listen to what they were saying, remember it for weeks or months and laud how they were good kids. Me, barely ever hearing such things about myself, and I made very little trouble for them and had good grades most of the time. Still not used to being able to talk more than 5-10 seconds uninterrupted
>>
>>27054703
Please write a second book.
>>
A cosmic battle between love and hate is raging like a wildfire inside my heart
>>
Im glad I was ghosted before the date today. Trying to date has become exhausting cause I am always worried its about it not going anywhere. I am unironically happier sitting at home and beating my meat. I give up and thats okay. Its hard out here for autists like me.
>>
>>27054707
Unfortunately (or rather fortunately for me) the book is ill suited for a sequel. It tied everything in a nice little bow. I have another WiP but I just can't manage it. It'd take me a year a least to wrap them one up in a way I'm satisfied with. I'll just have to leave my audience with a cliffhanger unfortunately.
>>
>>27052880
Is it morally okay to ghost someone who consistently declines all your invitations while seeking out activities with others, and makes no changes to that behavior when you mention that you'd like to do more stuff together? If I don't ghost them then they will continue trying to keep in touch while refusing to share any of their time. It's not an arrangement I'm okay with and they have not been receptive to attempts to work it out. Aita?
>>
>>27054723
Can I ask you why you want to do it?
>>
>>27054729
Lots of sexual abuse. I'm 26 atm and I've spent less of my life without being abused than I have being abused.

I have tried to recover via therapy, meds and volunteer work but none of it has made up for it. I'm just tired and want the pain to stop. The only other solution is to be so drugged up on benzos that I don't feel anything but that's basically suicide without dying in my eyes. I don't want to live my life as a walking corpse.
>>
>>27054757
That's awful and I'm sorry.
26 is young. You could live a whole other 26 years and find relief yet. I don't know what else to say and I'm probably not suited for this conversation but please consider the possibility of a life free from the pain. And at least calling a hotline.
>>
>>27054197
Yes. I went to therapy for years and then transferred to DBT and nothing helped me.
I'm not supposed to be happy or healthy.
>>
>>27052880
I’ve been going through some stuff and considered halting my education for a semester, so I reached out to my crush about it. She told me that I didn’t have a sufficient reason to halt school and to get a grip. What vibes is she giving off? Is she into me?
>>
I’ve became very successful in my industry and I’m now rich. Talking low level millionaire rich, with potential for more financial growth.

The problem is, the most of my family is poor or “paycheck to paycheck” working class, and there’s a lot of people in it. I don’t want to be selfish, but the money to reasonably help take care of them is a lot. Hell, just helping my immediate family might cost upwards of 500k a year.

I’m fucked because my family will look at me like a selfish traitor if I don’t help a lot, but I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor
>>
My mom avoids any acknowledgment of her depression. Nothing gets done that needs to. It’s either depression or a medical condition. But of course she doesn’t “like” doctors. So what does she expect will change in her later years? I don’t mind helping out I mind struggling to live in this constant lax and pessimistic environment where problems are met with sighs and “not right now” instead of planning and solutions. Part of this seems to be her job and unfortunately life might just get harder when you’re older since her employers know they can treat her unfairly holding it over her head that switching jobs would be an ordeal and she likely couldn’t get better pay and security elsewhere now. But if it’s largely that I still think there’s room for her to stand up for herself and negotiate better conditions. I probably won’t live close forever but there’s so much to do still that I can’t do without her cooperation.
>>
>>27054841
Do not make a habit of giving people money. That's how people stay poor. Invest in yourself. Don't feel guilty. Help out your family sometimes, sure, but don't go poor doing it.
>>
>>27054841
Say that you’ll give them money by meeting certain conditions that will ensure that they don’t squander it and are getting their life on track.
>>
Recently I've become quite depressed and anxious. What's been happening alongside that is a resurgence of memories. Remembering things i have forgotten about for years. Constantly, every day, people, places, trips, both good and bad things. I had no idea why this was happening to me. It was all becoming so exhausting, definitely one of the lowest points of my life. Today something clicked. I was finally able to clearly see and accept that some people in my life did me really wrong. I was only looking at the situation from the point of view that everything was entirely my fault, but the truth is, all of the bad things they did to me i suppressed and downplayed. I can finally accept what happened. I accept that I have a chance at happiness and that I deserve it and that I'm not a bad person.
>>
So how likely is it that you fellas can get E out walking in an early morning before sunrise maybe somewhere around Hollywood? Just her. And have her talk to me first. Call me by my name.
>>
>>27052880
im autistic and everyone laughs at me no matter what. people also point out my weight and say i look grossly sick. you all can call me a faggot but i never wanted to kill myself more because it's humiliating, today a group of 20 year olds stopped and looked at me for full 2 minutes and even hesitated going as far as recording me
>>
I'm giving you a year. If I don't see some change in your behavior I am not going to stay around and wait for you to grow up. Shits been tough and I'll stay patient, but I am not wasting another half a decade on another man child that wants to do nothing but sit on his ass and play video games.
>>
Balls deep down E's throat. Like 20 times in one day. Have her swallow every drop.
>>
I fucking hate listening to the exact same fucking songs every party. It's always some techno dance normie shit which is fine, at a party it works but goddamn does it get boring hearing the same fucking songs almost every party.
>>
>>27054513
god i hate bitches who take pictures of their foods
i hope you experience famine
>>
I'm nothing without this job. Even though I make peanuts, I bust my ass constantly and the stress and pressure level is like working on Wall Street. I constantly feel like crying but I can't for some reason. And all the therapists on my medical plan aren't seeing patients for months. I'm far too cowardly to kill myself but sometimes I wish I'd never been born, so I could spare my family all the misery I've inflicted on them and myself all this other shit.
>>
>he cheated on me with some bimbo
>forgave him
>he cheated on me again with the same bimbo and dumped me for her one year ago
>now she cheated on him
Good, faggot, God seems not very hasty but extremely just. You deserved it. I hope you will kill yourself now, and if you don't kill yourself you should die from brain cancer and suffer a lot while dying. Go to hell
>>
>>27052880
WHAT THE FUC IS THE CAT DOING?? RUNNING ON THE SPOT?
>>
Must. Have. Hot. Mouthsex. Using. E's mouth.
>>
I fucking HATE when old men think they know everything. Look fucker, I was researching pedo rings before fucking Trump talked about it. All you talk about is about young woman and how beautiful they are then you say that you respect women? Yet you hate feminism and how things have gone too far the other way? I have to wonder why you didn't have a problem with the way women were treated when you were growing up. Could it be you hate being treated the way women were treated from the beginning of time? Could it be you hate that you can't manipulate and boss women into around to doing what you want? You don't like losing control over them, that's the REAL problem. You've had it good all these years, the sexual abuse, the physical abuse was never talked about and all men love it that way. I see why so many young women hate men.
>>
Ah FUCK. I forgot how old I was again. I think I'm 33. Or 32?
>>
I can smell her on me and it's nice
>>
You think that E could fit three erect penises in her mouth at a time?
>>
>>27055600
She can open wide ofc
>>
>>27055620
Damn you know that much about her!? I call hax! Reported to clockwork elves.
>>
Just FYI, if you're bringing children into the world today, then I do not respect you and believe you are being vain and selfish. And causing unnecessary suffering in the world. We should not be bringing children into this world that is set to be ravaged by climate change and social instability.
>>
>>27055630
I'm still not getting the vaccine lol
>>
>>27055630
If you really believe that, kys, otherwise you are selfish and vain, according to yourself.
>>
>>27055686
Did you not even read my post? Where the fuck does anything I say suggest anything about people already alive?
>>
>>27055446
stfu loser. Elon musk isn't gay
>>
>>27055693
>should not be bringing children into this world that is set to be ravaged by climate change and social instability.

If it applies to other humans in the world, it applies to you. fucking kys loser hypocrite!!!!
>>
>>27055704
No retard it applies to NEW people. All of us alive are already screwed, but by bringing new people in you are intentionally screwing someone who never asked to be born
>>
>>27055723
nobody cares. kill yourself. not for your benefit, for ours.
>>
>>27055737
Yep, butthurt selfish breeder detected. The reason why you're so upset about this is because you know I'm right. Any new human born today is born into a future of suffering under intense heat, with not enough energy to serve their daily needs, perhaps even food and water will be a daily struggle to survive. Your children will be thinking THANKS MOM AND DAD
>>
>>27055764
you're a genetic dead end that won't just shut up and die out
>>
>>27055630
Cringe
>>27055648
Based
>>
>>27052921
>married to a literal child who spends your money
People just keep getting dumber and dumber.
>>
>>27055787
We're all genetic dead ends, retard LMAO. You're living in a delusional world where life continues in perpetuity. Actually, that's not the case. Even in the miraculously improbable scenario where humanity survives to escape the death of the planet and the sun, it will inevitably die with the universe. Perhaps, if the universe is cyclical, a new life will spring in a new planet in the unimaginably distant universe. But they will not be your descendants or those of anyone on this blue world in general.

Delusional.
>>
>>27055831
tldr
antinatalists are like blackpilled incels, they just keep saying the same shit about how it's over, but they never actually give up. everyone else has to get dragged into their pity party.
>>
>>27055831
>Actually, that's not the case.
>>
>>27054375
Nice to see you around, anon.
The new thread is shit again. Trannies crying over tranny rights.
>>
>>27055831
You should seriously think about how limiting this mindset is. Whatever is on the bumpy road ahead we will overcome together.
>>
I'm asocial
Should I feel bad? Is it curable?
>>
Rockin' out with my rock hard cock out. Ejaculating onto E's face for the fifth time in one hour.
>>
>>27055874
It's not limiting, it's liberating. People should live their lives in a way that makes them happy today while simultaneously following their own ethical compass. Procreation is something done only by those who can't see beyond the end of their nose, or those too irresponsible to care.
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>>27052880
I have a fucking question and I don't know if I should make a thread to get two or three autistic responses before getting archived, as some retard makes a thread about his fake gf and their cuckholding issues, or ask it here as if this where a qtddtot or whatever.
So here it fucking goes anyways:

I had to ditch my "career" studies for years and I'm barely becoming a functioning human once again after some mental issues that were whatever who cares.
Of course I will jump back to my studies.
Im an artsy fartsy fag that wants to be good at 20 disciplines and could actually make a living work, yet I want to see if I can do "something that objectively matters" for humanity and the like, because I don't trust people doing "what really matters" so we don't die, can't have children anymore and that kind of stuff. STEM, ya know?
I want to give that a try.
How should I approach this to see if I won't shoot myself in the head as a "soap researcher" or autoblow ai programmer at age 35, when I realize I'm not curing cancer or colonizing planets, but I could have tried to be a rockstar painter prostitute and now it's too late to be a good player before 50, not talking about any other arts.
How do I know the job won't be torture for me? (maybe I could just live in pain and slave away in a tech company to make Elon richer, so my neighbors great grandsons can play soccer on Mars)

What is the best way to approach this?
Studying this careers seems to be nothing like working at them, so sinking years into something and then hating it would make me become a serial killer.
Is the only way studying a couple different fields superficially, see what catches me, try to emulate the job somehow at my house, ask the professors about this, and see what happens?
Is there any recommendations on sites that help with this?
Youtube and their "a day in the life of a marine biologist" shit, career guides or whatever suck dick. "Home experiments" are fucking coke and mentos tier shit.
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>>27055884
>People should live their lives in a way that makes them happy
Yeah I totally buy that you're happy and not in a perpetual state of seethe.
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>>27055882
Your posts make me uncomfortable
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>>27055892
I'm super happy actually. My job is easy for the most part and when I get home I only have to do the things I enjoy. I have food in my belly and all the sustenance I need and entertainment.

In fact, life today is better than it ever will be again. I'm incredibly privileged to live an America life in the year 2022.
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>>27055884
But you don't actually care about the future, you can only see it as an end. You can only see living as suffering. Much suffering still to come, but there are efforts to mitigate it out there while still preserving the gift that is life. Some of those who suffer the most while they live are some of the most determined to struggle on.
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>>27055906
>I'm super happy actually
>>
My girl dumped me after a year and left me and our cat.

It's good though, because I've realised all the nastiest was coming from within herself.

I'm relentlessly pursuing new women now but its winter here and no luck. I can't stop masturbating to hardcore porn either, but it eases the frustration somewhat.
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>>27055912
There is no future for the world as we know it now. There are only harder times to come and nothing we can do will change that at this point.

What you don't seem to understand is that, unless you are of elderly age essentially, nothing any of us could have done in our lives would change anything. If you're in your 30s or younger then that goes even more. The current trajectory of the world has been set by people in power prior to our birth and throughput our childhood/early adulthood, and we have not had any power to change it
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>>27055890
that was a longboy
I apologize
still...
>h e l p


also should I ask this shit on science and tech boards? I got shit answers last time I did, mid mental issues thing.
/adv/ is more "im sad my dick is tiny what do i do im a virgin at 127" more than specific requests like this, right?
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>>27055935
Nonsense. Every day the potential for change exists. You have no crystal ball but you do have a destiny just as everyone else does. You are like a node in the network of life and having kids is one way to increase those nodes, not to mention just a very pleasant thing for all parties if enough effort is put in. But I do appreciate at least the notion that you would prefer less suffering. We do what we can.
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>>27055957
That's just naivety speaking honestly. Tell me, what could 10-20 year old you in 2000 have done to limit greenhouse gas emissions to any worthwhile degree? Nothing. If you were younger than that then you were even more powerless.

It was never in our hands to fix.
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I don't get it. Sometime you hate, sometimes you love me, why do you keep torturing me like this? What is your endgoal? How much of my happiness do you have to take away before you're satisfied with yourself? You indecisive little cunt.
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>>27056005
That's a cute doggo. Post moar doggo.
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>>27055971
People will make it through whatever climate challenges we will face. It's not going to be The Day After Tomorrow anytime soon, and even if it got bad the species would persist. One day this won't be our only planet or we'll be much better at keeping it clean. You're free to not have kids and you're free to judge, but I think you'll be wrong.
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>>27054714
Let me know of love wins
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>>27056064
>People will make it through whatever climate challenges we will face.
They will live more difficult, less happy and comfortable lives under an unforgiving sun. That's my point


>One day this won't be our only planet or we'll be much better at keeping it clean
Doesn't matter. Like I said, even if that miraculously happens, the sun and then the universe itself will inevitably die. Every human being and every living creature on this earth is a genetic dead end. The idea of continuing to procreate forever is pure fantasy.
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>>27056102
You have no clue what a million years more of our development could look like. Especially if we aren't alone out there. Just because some human told you heat death is inevitable doesn't mean it's true.
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>>27056102
>They will live more difficult, less happy and comfortable lives under an unforgiving sun. That's my point
Youre utterly pathetic. A complete waste of sperm.
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>>27056108
Technology as we know it is not going to last a million years. We may not even be able to do agriculture anymore in the next few hundred years.
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If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I will follow you into the dark
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>haven't had a weekend off in 9 months
>now jobless and don't have to work on weekends anymore
>sleep all day long
>feel weird and have no concept of time
i don't want to live in this hell anymore
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>GF: my coworker wants to get rid of her gecko, we should take it in!
>Me: It isn't a good idea to take an animal in. I'd want him to live his best life, and it'll likely cost hundreds of dollars.
>GF: it'll be so much fun and give you something to enjoy since you've been so depressed lately.
>Me: That's true. And we do have some savings. Well, ask the coworker to send a picture of the setup so I can see how good it is. I'll do some research.
>We decide to take in the gecko.
>I do research, receive pic of current habitat, getting excited on the upgrades
>Talking to GF about my plans on new habitat
>"Why are you talking about a new habitat, we're getting one for free"

I TOLD her that it would cost money to take in a ""free"" pet. The habitat the gecko is in is way too small and has barely any enrichment. I've even been researching budget work arounds but she's scoffing at my plans even so.
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>>27056139
I highly doubt either of us are qualified to say for sure. I guess if nothing else I would ask you to consider the possibilities more. If it's oh so dark and cold ahead, if the spark of life is truly to fade forever, or likely to as you put it, why not still make an attempt? All we ever could do was our best.
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>>27056165
Procreation has nothing to do with that. It's a purely ego thing. Nobody makes babies expecting us to find a way to avoid destruction by the dying sun or universe, it's just "My ego tells me I need to make a little me"
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>>27056187
But if people don't have kids it's guaranteed that the species will end. Of course it has to do with procreation. I can understand if you just have personal issue with the ethics of bringing life into the world without asking them first but it's impossible to and that's not what I mean by making an attempt.

Why are you so sure they're not bringing their kids into the world to inherit it and experience a potentially grander future? To learn of both the glories and horrors of the past and present so they will know more what it means to be alive? Perhaps to even know themselves of love. Not every couple is the same or has the same wishes for their children.
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>>27056187
>It's a purely ego thing
So when tigers and lions procreate, it's just ego too?
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I guess we should kill all cows because they procreate and fart which is terrible for the environment.
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>>27056214
And one last thing, but it's true we have arbitrary tribes and nations and a lot of what goes on in them and by them is silly or even evil. But it could end up being more evil to actively encourage a deficit in new births since that will mean a terrible price is paid when the older generations stop being able to support the whole system. That's collapse, and so far only more births or more immigration has been able to quell it. More immigration is a substantial sacrifice for an established culture to make. Maybe we won't be as tribal in the future though, and maybe if we insist on using this kind of average resources per person maybe some depopulation is good for us in the short term.
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>>27056289
But atogas ip count would halve
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>>27056278
Lions and tigers are not humans. They don't know any better, but we should.
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Why am I so different. I just want get along with normal people, establish connections with normal people, get in relationships with normal people. But I just don't get along. People seem to think I'm interesting for being different, but it ends up being a gimmick more than a trait. As long as they act like they're my best friends, they're fine leaving me in the dirt when it all comes to it. Fuck people
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>>27056317
You should know better - the climate has always changed and always will change. Lions and tigers are smarter than you, they don't spend their lives in fear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjmtSkl53h4
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>>27056317
Don't say "we", like you're on the level of humanity. You are a cowardly hedonist.
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>>27053820
Because people are scared of smart people. Keep your chin up, work out, and you'll find someone worthy.
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>>27056329
>climate has always changed and always will change
Yep, and it always fucks up societies and causes collapse. That doesn't help your case. Climate change has been destroying both societies and even species as a whole since the first living creature came into existence
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>>27056359
And YOU in your arrogance think you can do something about it. Hahahahaha fuck off and take Carlin's advice you spook that looooves carbon taxes.
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I don’t get how people can constantly fuck multiple others in just weeks. How does that not feel nasty af? I’d blow my brains out for throwing people down to that level. Just go be a prostitute coomer.
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>>27056396
Different values and emotional connection to sex. Some people think it's just sex, some think it means something. Some people get drained by it and some energized by it. Depends too what pool of people they have available to them, especially the amount who would say yes and not no more or less.
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Every single pursuit I have, I'm bad at. Objectively. Things I have done for years. My skill cap is incredibly low. I'm tired of it and I don't see any reason to keep continuing. It isn't fun to suck at everything.
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>>27056433
I don’t mean in values or anything like that, I see it like when you’re full are you going to keep eating and become a 300 lbs landwhale (which I don’t understand either)? What the shit is wrong with these people it has to be mental illness.
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get a real job
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You would not believe just how big a poop I have crowning in my butt right now
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Again, it's okay and it's gonna be okay.
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Its actually gone.
I just don’t know to get a gf lol
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>>27056450
Well sex addiction is real. I do think how we think of sex addiction could be different if stds weren't as serious or pregnancy was more easily avoidable, although it kind of is now

I couldn't do it, I'm just trying to speak to the motivation. People like sex and intimacy, it makes us feel good even if the person across from us isn't sworn to us.
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>>27056457
>get a real job

What's a real job and what's a fake job to you?
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Man fuck the fight or flight response I want to be stronger than the fight or flight response.
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>>27056496
One that actually requires work
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>>27052921
Sounds terrible. Have you sat down with him and talked to him about this?
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Money changes everything.
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i'm in love with an illusion
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I'm going to become rich in a near future. But without you, I have nothing to live for.
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Anti natalists are the biggest retards on the planet.
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I feel afraid of everything.

I want to become a genuinely good guy but I'm always so afraid of exposing myself. I want to just let myself be happy and treat others well but I get the feeling that if I do I'll become "weak", like I need to keep up this tough facade because it's the only shield I have against the world. I want to smile, I want to open up, I want to be around others, but maybe I've felt hurt so many times it's hard to do this.

I'm scared to commit myself to things for too long, I think I'm afraid to have an identity. As soon as I find myself getting too involved in a hobby I back away before I can safely call myself a "gardener" or a "reader". I think I've been teased so much over my life for everything I do that I subconsciously avoid doing anything that will give me a label. I don't listen to music or watch things, not because I don't want to, but because I don't want to be "the guy who watches x" or "anon, who listens to y music"
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Damn why do I love a man who makes me so miserable. I feel like I get slapped in the face every time I talk to you.
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I have to remember that loving you enough, loving you to above and beyond, will not change you for me.
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Even in the worst case scenario that I can think of, nothing about my life effectively changes. I'd still be living day to day trying to pass the time. If anything I'd have to become less needy. I'm not the best, I'm not the worst, I am alive, and it's okay.
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>been in a couple month dry-spell with my gf
>finally get her to explain that apparently it's due to her stress, my stress, and the way it interacts making her not horny and the fact that I'm moderately "intimidating"
>finally put my foot down (because there's nothing to be stressed about anymore; I was stressed a few months ago and she was stressed a few weeks ago) and tell her that either my needs get met or we're done, since I do basically everything for her
For once, I feel happy, I'm putting myself first. Haven't really done that in a long time, if ever. Whatever happens, I'll be fine and I'll be happy, no matter how scary and hard it is right now.
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I feel empty inside. And I have done for a lot of years, I was diagnosed with aspergers at 8, and as I grew up I understood what it was, and I refused to be like one of them people who accepted them traits, or better yet prided having it, it's like leprosy, if you have it, don't expect people to get too close. I understood that having it meant anything I can ever feel is skewed, wrong, why would anyone deserve to like me, as a friend, family or whatever, what have your friends done so wrong that they have to have you as a friend.

There is no me, I was born without that right, all I have is doing what I can to make other people happy. There is no me anymore, I can't say no to anyone, I can't stick up for myself if anyones ever nasty, why should I, I don't think I have earned being happy, and having that awareness stops me from being one of them.
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TEXT ME BACK CUTE GRILL
>>
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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It's really so lame that you make everything into an issue about gender politics. I would just like to bond with you and spend time together but every interaction feels like you want to instigate an argument about men vs women.
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Just realized how much of a non-compliment "You're a good person" is, it is similar to "You're so nice!" to me. That's a nicer way to put it though.
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guys, is it a bad sign if someone never texts first but always responds when you do?
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>>27056691
Know what you're feeling mate, way I see it, most people are by nature generally good people, least I think so. Feels like if someone tells you that its backhanded in a sense that it also says you're too bland for anything more specific.
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>>27056691
Nah. World is becoming tougher for genuinely good people to stay good in. It's a grand compliment in my book at least, not to say you shouldn't be more than just nice but it sure beats the alternative. As long as you try to avoid being nice to get things back or for approval it should be fine.
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>>27056698
No. I have friends like this, they’re just shy.
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>>27056638
That's super shitty dude. You don't have needs, you have wants. Nothing about sex is a need, and you could always just masturbate.

I hope she dumps your ass.
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>>27056740
>Nothing about sex is a need
Not him, but sexual fulfillment is a need, and no seething about it will change that.
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Did you have a good day fren?
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>>27056743
You have your hand. Use it. I'm a man myself and I can tell you sex is not a need. I can't imagine trying to coerce my partner into unwanted sex for my own selfish reasons, and calling it "my needs" is basically the scummiest thing you can do. Fuck off.
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>>27056753
People don't enter relationships for them to turn out way different than they wanted it to be. It's good if they're communicating. There's such a thing as incompatibility. I'm sure anon knows what they're doing and don't need your invalidation. They'll work it out or split, hardly coercion once communicated. Although there's more than one way to communicate just about anything so maybe it could have been better, we weren't there.
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>>27056763
Giving an ultimatum - "have sex with me or we're through" IS coercion. As far as I'm concerned, the moment an ultimatum comes out the relationship should be over.
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It sucks right like my heart wants out of my chest, there's nothing I can change, I did this to myself, I desperately want to change it but I can't. I can't! Not my mind to change. I'm trying right now, but it's not mine to change. Not a single thing I can do. All I can do is type until I can't think of what to type anymore. And it hurts and it sucks and I did this to myself and there's not one single thing I can do except express it and let it pass. Sucks to suck and that's what I do.
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>>27056753
>yeah if my partner just decided that she suddenly didn't feel like having sex for the next 6 years, you're a scumbag for breaking up with her

Are you serious right now?

>>27056785
>coercion
Nope. It's a statement of fact. There is nothing wrong with anon expecting her girlfriend to keep the same characteristics he had when he first started dating her.
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>>27056785
Perhaps you and many others see it that way. But it's ultimately better to be honest about our needs. He thinks it's over if there's no improvement in this aspect of the relationship so it being over because he communicated that.. it's double over I guess, and a split is inevitable. Maybe you'd prefer he voice the concern, observe the response, and go from there but I think men especially might opt for clearer terms. Again it depends exactly how they are used to communicating.
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>>27056740
>>27056753
>>27056785
I shortened it for a greentext. It was part of a longer conversation with her about a lack of intimacy, which is part of a longer series of conversations about feeling like a live-in maid and not even a boyfriend. We don't really do much of anything together, but tbf I figured 4chin would care more about a dramatic retelling than the truth. In all seriousness, the convo today was (since the "I don't know if I even want to have sex with you" convo didn't actually come out until the 2nd/3rd discussion) "Get it all out and actually explain so we can discuss like adults and figure out what to do or it's over", because not-communicating is one of the few times that giving an ultimatum is absolutely acceptable. If you won't communicate, you're not really in a relationship.
>>27056763
>People don't enter relationships for them to turn out way different
This. Before the relationship started, she was basically ravenous. For the first two years, sex was pretty constant. Over the last year, things slowed down a little, then stopped. The convo is boiling down to "what's actually wrong here, and if we're incompatible, how can we break it off cleanly", since our lives are pretty closely tied together at this point.
NB that not all of our problems are sexual, but "I don't get mad at anything" and "You seem to get mad at literal strangers for everything" isn't as interesting, especially when the real crux of this is that I'm placing any of my wants/needs above those of another person for the first time in literal years, as someone who struggles with saying no to people and basically being a doormat.
>>27056806
FWIW I agree with anon that there are ways that can be coercion, but also "I cannot physically stay in a sexless relationship, I need that form of physical intimacy" as a statement of fact doesn't sound like coercion to me, but that wasn't the final statement between us anyway.
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>>27056806
>There is nothing wrong with anon expecting her girlfriend to keep the same characteristics he had when he first started dating her
Except for the fact that it's completely unrealistic and delusional. It's like you think people don't change, circumstances don't change, and circumstances don't change people. All of those things are true and happen.

Clearly OP does not give a fuck about his partner.. again, I hope she dumps his ass.
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>>27056816
>Again it depends exactly how they are used to communicating.
We've been through a lot, we're generally pretty open and blunt, at least about most things. "I cannot handle X" or "I absolutely detest when you do Y" are and were acceptable forms of communication, albeit not nonstop (since we didn't have much to complain about until recently). It's just a recent change.
>>27056820
Anon, I'm not expecting her to stay the exact same, I agree, change is inevitable. That said, if a river changes its course slightly, or it changes in speed, it's not a huge deal; but if the river stops flowing altogether or dries up, there is a serious problem that needs to be checked and managed.
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>>27056820
>Except for the fact that it's completely unrealistic and delusional.
You're just stupid then. This isn't his girlfriend gaining 10 lbs. This isn't his girlfriend dyeing her hair. This is her deciding she no longer wants to participate in an essential part of a relationship.

If your partner's personality did a 180 after dating them, if they gained 250 lbs, or if they decided to embrace polyamory, is it wrong to leave them? After all, you think its completely unrealistic to expect people to stay the same.
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>>27056819
>"I cannot physically stay in a sexless relationship, I need that form of physical intimacy"
Yes these are good kinds of statements. They're just what you need. It's just honesty. Love can endure practically anything but falling out of love because of incompatibility happens. If there's a compromise to be made it will need to make both happy not just one.
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The next thing to do is to get a life
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Cannot fucking believe how easily I let people just become part of my life why couldn't I have learned to tell people to fuck off
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The longer I stay in this relationship the more I realize I don't want it. I try to bring up whats on my mind but then I take one look at him and choke up on words.
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There's no combination of words that can justify or absolve how much I'm avoiding my own kid but I truly do feel like it's the only option if I don't want to kill myself and I don't think it's so monstrous to wish I'd never met her mother
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I feel like you're "cheating"... But why? Why do you want to throw away what you have? Why don't you just tell me..
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99% of the time when I get out of bed and actually do something with my life I end up enjoying myself, so why am I so inclined to stay in bed most days and get myself worked up and depressed over nothing? It doesn't make sense to me, why don't I naturally want to do things if it's almost always satisfying?
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>>27056685
Men will never understand what it is to be a woman and they don't want to because they want to hold on to the power and control forever. Fuck them all straight to hell. There needs to me more feminists.
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I don't care anymore, I adore my sister and I'm not going to keep my distance, I don't care if you think it's weird, she adores me too and wants to live with me, she's welcome at my apartment anytime and for as long as she wants, hell, she can freeload forever if she feels like it, she's the only family member I care for, fuck you all, fuck what you think and hell, whatever happens happens, I don't give a fuck, I won't have her be alone or depressed because you don't trust her.
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>>27056704
Yeah, there needs to be more good people in the world. They've all gone into hiding it seems.
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>>27057188
Idk my post is about a dude. I just think who really sits down and spends all their time thinking about this stuff. There's better bullshit to care about
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>>27057159
Sounds like they have nothing.
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It's fine to just say something like "in a few days" or "I'll let you know when" because although there's not really a problem it's now two days of "tomorrow." I am pretty sure I'm friendzoned now though
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>>27057212
>There's better bullshit to care about

No, there isn't. I don't think you really understand how the world works.
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>>27057193
Your sister is a whore. If I didn’t see it first hand, I might still have had feelings but I don’t.
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>>27057237
I don't give a fuck, she can do whatever the hell she pleases, it's her life. I will forever love her and fully support her and make sure she's happy
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>>27057220
Possible. He hates his job, he hates that I'm the breadwinner, he seems genuinely unhappy. I wish I could help him be happy...
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>>27057252
Okay sista
IDC
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oh well, I'm the most patient man on earth whether people take that for granted in me or not. Just worry about if the patience runs out.
>>
You’re delusional.
>>
Everything in it's right place.

I've left my job.
She soons left me when she saw i was a total hack.
Left my internship.
Left my college.
Left all my life behind,
Sold my soul to make games without even knowing i might eat in the next day.
Completely supported by family and friends.
Now i'm in my room, mind numbed and lagged by antidepressants abstinence.
I watch helpless my best friend cut herself on psychotic episodes.
I've tried to hit an egotrip girl and soon she forgot i existed.
Confessed drunk to my friend of 9 years and now she ghosts me being afraid that i might hit on her more. She's in my town but i don't see any chance in just hanging out with her, it wouldn't feel right after all.
I dream with my ex sometimes. I miss her. All those plans were just sand flowing down my hands while i didn't noticed there was no way i could build a castle from it.
Yet somehow, i feel like walking the line. Why fight?
Games are my passion. I'll live by them, i'll die by them.
But deep down there, i just crave for a day i sit my ex just to sip some coffee, talk about our lifes and move on.
After all, i always fought for the impossible. Nevermind the bollocks results.

This is who are.

https://youtu.be/i6MvXTn6Khg
>>
and you're not talking to who you think you are
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I couldn't find the words until I tried writing, my brother got kicked out a few days ago after smashing our house up, he's round tomorrow, and I have wrote this on impulse.
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>>27057353
Page 2
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>>27057353
>>27057366
It’s riddled with grammatical errors, run on sentences, incomplete thoughts, horrible organization. Did you graduate high school writing like that? Jesus Christ.
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>>27057384
It's run on about two hours of drunken emotion, not to see the eyes of the people related, but I thought writing my feelings down would help.

My apologies in any case, I'm used to people telling me off, I should have presented a better first draft.
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>>27057353
Okay, you definitely need to reorganize the first two paragraphs.

>When I heard both you and Molly were here tomorrow, I could only imagine what you believe has caused this situation.

> From day of, when Molly came back, it was under the condition that things would not be like they were before, but what’s changed?

Did the event that you are referring to happen before he came home or after?

Good few paragraphs, but check on grammar + spelling. The second page needs to be mostly rewritten.

>when you was a kid

Were* come on what is this

If I was your teacher, I’d figuratively whip you for writing like this.
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i get the feeling i'm doing the wrong thing here. if i told anyone about my situation they'd tell me to move on from you. i know you're doing badly right now. this is the worst i've ever seen you, and this is possibly the worst you've ever been in life. i know you'd never try to hurt me if you weren't suffering so intensely right now. maybe i am just reaaaally retarded but i'm gonna stick by you and help whenever i can. i believe you can climb out of this, even if that means it could take a few more years.
>>
I wanna go see her but what's the point? I'll probably bitch out when I get there. And if I do somehow miraculously gather enough balls to approach her, then what? It'll probably be a couple sentences of convo (assuming I don't sperg out) then I never see her again. She's out of my league. I'm a loser, a nobody.
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>>27057470
She’s the loser.
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>>27057468
who are they anon? I worry you're wasting your precious life
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>>27057451
Sorry, your first question, my brother and molly were together for a year and a bit originally, but split up for a few months after she lost a baby, she blamed my brother for it, and slept around until she didn't, and my brother went straight back to her. So when molly came back i refer to her and my brother coming back together.

Sorry for the grammatical error as well, last Tuesday, my mum had said she'd had enough, either they both had to move out in two weeks, or she did, and he went fucking crazy, smashed up the walls, the chairs, kettle, cupboards, it was really scary, he's younger than me but he's a lot stronger and it doesn't feel fair he gets to always be like that and he gets placated, so I wrote down how I felt for once.

Don't even know how to say how I feel in the writing without him flipping on me.
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Starting today I am going to stop giving a shit about politics.

All political discussion is a cope for mental illness. It is the biggest hurtbox out there, everybody I see who has strong political opinions (left or right) is like an actual subhuman, they're like hideous rejects who use their beliefs as an excuse to hurt others and feel intellectually superior. I'm tired of reading the opinions of fucking psychos and feeling angst over issues like climate change, white replacement and wars which I'm powerless to affect. From now on all I care about is me, the world will spin whether or not I have anything to say about it.
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I can't make sense of everything right now but hopefully one day I will look back on this and laugh at how naive I was, and that I wasted so much time and energy stressing over nothing.
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I guess if I have general advice for anyone here who might need to hear it: put little faith if any in someone who won't engage in communication with you
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i need help i can't d oit i need help i need help it's impossible
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>>27057721
Try to breathe
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i peeepeeed n poopood my pant stinky pooppiwesssss
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It's the opposite for me. As a 29 year old man, I can't help but feeling ashamed everytime I hear someone's hookup/sex story. I feel like I'm at the bottom of the sexual hierarchy, and it feels extremely demeaning, humiliating and emasculating. I can't help but comparing myself to other men who have achieved social and sexual successes in their lives, I keep wondering what they have and what I don't have. I have probably gathered a list of my shortcomings, that if you ask me about my strengths as a person, I'd struggle to answer because I've been too focused about my shortcomings.
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>>27057600
I'm trying to. I'm trying not to get my hopes up about him, but still make the effort to reach out from time to time.
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>>27057755
shut up stnky ur so stinky hat u
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>>27057734
i need help please help me
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I think I really do need therapy. Being this old and being scared to approach women ain't normal.
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I'm delusional and I'm not talking to who I thought I was.
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>>27057768
What are you afraid of?
>>
Anguish.
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>>27057468
I wish she would've done this for me.
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>>27057775
i'm scared i won't be able to complete my degree i can't write these papers they're so hard and i'm so stupid i can't think i'v e just been sitting here and i can't write anything
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>>27057499
a man i love. and yes i do think about how i'm wasting my time and energy often, he really stresses me out, but i think of that as me not being able to deal with situations well, so i have to work on that. i have to learn to be able to be there for someone i care about and not absorb all their feelings and ruin myself with it. i know all of this sounds really stupid but all i mean is that i'll message him sometimes and check to see if he's alright. i can learn to do that much i think
>>27057781
maybe she wasn't able to. i think most people wouldn't because they can't.
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>>27057800
Well a completed paper is always better than no paper. It's been a while since I had anything like that on my plate but I liked to fall back on the sort of structured way we were taught to organize the paragraphs. You'll want to eliminate distractions and keep yourself fed, hydrated, and well rested as much as you can too.

Maybe try to see it less as a paper to write and more about a topic to learn so writing it will be natural, but it depends on your deadline too for learning or even tutoring
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>>27057817
Talking to him stresses you out huh. I've heard that one before. Exact thing, desu.

I don't want to judge your situation. I will say that yeah, sometimes things are just too much. Sometimes people are toxic or not good for you. Sometimes they're liars, sometimes they're assholes, sometimes they don't want what's best for you.

Sometimes they do. Sometimes what's best for everyone is to take a step back and think about things. People do move on, even if it seems like they won't. People grow and learn from their experiences. If things were truly good between you two, take my advice and just talk. Talk honestly. I always wish she let me be honest with her, and she was honest with me. Sometimes you just need to talk.

But that doesn't work for everyone. Not everyone can communicate. At all. You have to be the judge, you have to make your own decisions, and you have to set boundaries. Make sure they do too, and that everyone's needs are being met. And don't, please for the love of God don't lead someone on. Don't tell them things that seem nice but just make it harder to let go.
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>>27057863
>>27057817
And don't get taken advantage of either. It can be hard to tell sometimes when someone is really hurt. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's just another ride. I would say you could talk more about it here, but honestly maybe it's best if you don't.
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ohhhh i think i might have it right this time. this whole time i was giving you the benefit of the doubt, that you refused to commit to me and tell me you loved me because you were too scared. you explained it to me like this too, that you were afraid becoming too attached to me. i thought it was sweet and romantic and that we could learn to love together over time, because i have the same fears too. it is obvious you think positively about me, and you are attracted to me. you like talking to me. it made sense to me that you love me. but now i am starting to think you are using me, and you'll never actually flat out reject me because why would you? considering all i do for you. if nothing else i keep you entertained and provide a pretty appearance for you to enjoy. to be honest i really hope i am wrong about this. i really do hope what i thought at first was true.
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>>27057880
If someone doesn't commit to you they are blatantly using you and yes, are a manipulator.
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i want to go to a therapist but i'm scared they'll immediately throw me in a psyche ward cus i wanted to kill myself once when i was 16
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>>27057817
As we've had talked about in the thread much today communication is going to be the most important thing. It's important to try to get on good speaking terms with someone if you're not opting to let go. But if it doesn't work well, I'm sorry. You can make it through any outcome here I believe that.
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>>27057898
You can tell them about it. They'll only commit you if you're a danger to yourself or others currently.
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I wish I was born a woman, but I wasn't, and I won't transition
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Every time I tried to communicate with her about the problems I thought were happening she shut me out. Told me not to speak to her anymore. After everything. Telling her I loved her so many times. That she was always enough, we could work through anything if we both tried because God knows I was. But the last thing I said to her just made her hate me and maybe I'll never know why. I tried to be honest and understanding but sometimes that just doesn't work.

The point being, if you can't communicate honestly and both parties aren't getting their needs met, things just won't work. If someone shuts you out when you try to express those needs, take it from me and walk away asap. It will save you a lot of heartbreak.
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>>27057937
Instead, I'm just a creep and a freak.
>>
I think you should, logically speaking, kys but I can’t even bring myself to care about that anymore. You will always be a broken, useless woman never worth another person’s love. Eat shit.
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Honestly, I had a great time. It was just the fact I'm a 32 year old man that had his fucking dad drive him to a concert. I do appreciate it, don't get me wrong, but I am entitled to saying that I'm tired of this shit. I shouldn't be living my life like I never grew out of my teens, and in a way, I never really got to. They can get pissed at the "I just wanted to grow up" comment, but when you're driving your 32 year old son to concerts and anything else, I would say I'm justified. I still feel some slight embarrassment, despite everything. I hate that. Other than that, it was cool, but hot and humid, I was sweating so much my shirt and the undershirt I had streched out. It was worth it, but I hope I never have to involve or have my parents involve themselves in anything I do ever fucking again. I mean, you can't really blame me for being annoyed, ashamed, and embarrassed. Shit, I'll even say some of the hate and ball busting I get is pretty deserved, but at the same times it's like fuck, I just wanted to get my shit together.
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>>27057948
Maybe you should have communicated :^)
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>>27057950
I wonder if there's something mentally wrong with both of my parents. This type of shit has been going on for years, I'm not being a dick either. I'm dead serious. No one I've ever met in life, or have known has dealt with the shit I have.
>No you can't buy a car even when you have the money that we won't give to you, but we'll drive you everywhere and have you feel completely emasculated, and embarrassed.
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>>27052880
I burned all the bridges with childhood friends it feels like, I possibly sabotaged everything starting from 10 years ago, repeatedly ruining any chances I might have.

I don't know why I do it, I'm determined to make myself misterable and unhappy.
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You were always enough for me, and maybe I'll always love you despite everything that happened. But you're right, and I knew it before you even broke up with me and I started drinking. I knew I had to move on because I wasn't enough for you. It was much harder than it had to be. I wish things had ended differently.
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Its becoming pretty clear I didn't get that job.
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>>27057971
it feels like I sabotaged myself.. like I psychically sent back messages to myself that were misinterpreted (or interpreted correctly) at a key moment or inflection point in my life, 10th grade, and caused me to go into a self destructive spiral where there was no recovery
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>>27057989
perhaps I saved her/them from being dragged down with me, perhaps I saved myself from more pain.
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>>27057962
After I just washed off the hours of other peoples sweat, I want to say again that I appreciate everything that was done for me today. I just came off like a dickhead and wanted to make a point that it's not about them doing things for me, it's about how at this point in my life I should be self sufficient and reliant. I'm just too old for it and I feel like I'm pretty justified for having that opinion, and I don't feel like anyone would disagree with me. I just want to feel like, and be an adult. Not some 32 year old mandhild that I hate being. I mean, you can't blame me for wanting to jump in my car, with my own money, my own life, to go do and see the things that I enjoy and not having to involve anyone else, or feel like there's some aspect of control.
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>>27057988
What job?
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Sometimes i wake up expecting a message from you. Even a simple, "I'm fine, hope you are well too".
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>>27058026
Wildlife biologist. I'm technically already a wildlife biologist but that one would have been doing something cooler, in a cooler (and cheaper) place and had a higher max pay band.
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>>27058025
Just not getting that car, having a hard time finding work, that put a huge damper on everything and even though I've tried to find a job the only one that I've found is a shitty part time merchandising job that I'm hoping and keeping my fingers crossed works out for some income. I'm still putting in applications if it does work out so if I find something better I can do that. So I'm dealing with the frustration of that. Lame. It's lame, and it's fucking embarrassing(again, but I feel it) I can't blame people for thinking and treating me I'm a walking joke. Sometimes, people don't like losers, but this loser wanted to save himself but never got to actually try.
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>>27058042
I'm still fixated on that car thing, I just know if I got it I could have changed everything about my situation. I need to let that and those feelings go. I can't change the past. I think in general that there's a lot of things I need to let go of.
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>>27058047
>47▶
>>>27058042 (You)
But tonight was rad, and I'm fucking exhausted. I'm not going to let myself drift off from the fun I had
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I like working. It doesn't break my heart like people do. I can put time and effort in it and it will always amount to something in the end, unlike human relationships.
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>>27058042
>>27058047
>>27058051
I know your feelings, I'm almost 27 but if I had a car I feel there would be so much more.. idk, emphasis.

but I'm also really lazy and hate leaving my computer.
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>>27057932
yeah i'm still going to therapy because i want a professional diagnosis of what's going on, i think i might have autism. this settled my mind about that though, thanks
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https://voca.ro/17odPbnVsrVW
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I can’t believe I fell for a nigger poo poo what was I thinking
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what the fuck???
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That fucking sucks how there's pretty much zero women walking around the streets by themselves in between the hours of, say, 2 or 3 up to 5 AM who are not overt prostitutes. I think I may have spotted a young woman standing at a bus stop by herself maybe at around 4 AM--looked like she was headed off to work towards the downtown area--not particularly dressed like a prostitute compared to some of the other young women dressed inappropriately (more so than the ones leaving nightclubs at 2 AM) at around that time on such cold early mornings. If only this city were more like Las Vegas. Large crowds of people walking around 24/7.
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I hope someday i can be a real person like you but i doubt that will happen i doubt i will live to see 20 at this rate even after i get back to working and making money nothing will change there will still be nobody for me anywhere anytime especially after you leave especially if you do not come back the only thing that keeps suicidal thoughts at bay is the thought that christ not only died a virgin but was crucified and murdered by people he loved meaning I have an extremely easy life despite everything I think I have “endured” I wish I hadnt worn that neck brace and saved everyone all this time and frustration nobody but me deserves this and I think I am finally getting to a point where I am ready to bare that in committing suicide
>>
I'm 26 years old and I'm turning 27 in October. When I was 21, I joined a Discord server for a small streamer I liked, but I was self conscious about my age, so I said I was 22, thinking nothing of it. For some reason, I maintained the lie for years, and have since grown very close with the people from that community. Visited many of them, worked for a couple, dated two, and am currently laying next to one.

All of those people believe I'm a year older than I am. It's a little taxing, mentally to have to change my age, graduation years, ect depending on who I'm talking to. And I'm thinking about moving across the country to live with the friend I'm laying next to right now, someone who I genuinely believe is my soulmate, who I love so much, and I'm so scared my life is a house of cards.

But I love H so much y'all, no one has made me feel like I was worth something, and I've never before wanted someone to succeed as much as I want H to succeed.

I can't even imagine what the process of telling the truth looks like. I feel stuck
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I had to hurt my grandma by rejecting her helicoptering. I'm twenty-four, I want to live my own life.
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>>27058350
Just drop it on them nonchalantly and elaborate as little has humanly possible while framing it like a joke but then just live by it I couldn’t imagine why anyone would genuinely care about a one year difference
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Im glad I went to Japan
Its so good here that its almost like finding a hidden beach before people know about it and it becomes a crowded, overpriced, shithole

Part of it may be because Im a perfectionist at heart which fits well with the Japanese mentality. The respect is nice, and even though they say the West is very free, Ive always experienced that youre free to do whatever you want but people will harass you about your choices the moment its perceived to be slightly outside of the norm, like for example using an android phone when apple is popular. whilst in Japan people just shut the fuck up and dont bother you, so in a way it feels more free.

It may be the best decision I ever made, just gotta find a way to stay here for 5 years so I can get a permanent residence.

I think its going to be more difficult if you really love Western food though, because they dont eat a lot of diary, bread, potatoes and cow meat here.

Its also scary how good it is. But I have to remind myself not everything is better, for example landlords are very powerful here
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>>27057165
Executive dysfunction? Is it hard for you to get started on tasks?
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>>27057442
That anon's a fagot it's actually good for you to write in a stream of consciousness style without worrying about anything. My writings look schizo as fuck lol
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>>27054453
I´ve changed
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>>27056448
Are you me?
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>>27052880
tfw got the number of a girl, but my phone was broken, texted her after 4 weeks. by then she already got fucked by another guy
the girl was unique
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>>27058429
Hope not, brother.
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If I had it my way M I would want to meet you again. Here or the after here. If you left out of some disgust or disappointment aimed at me then hopefully I’ll have overcome those shortcomings should such a miracle present itself one day. At least enough so we could talk.
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Hello. I am a balloon man. I am currently deflated right now, but get back to me once I've had some air. Then I can be pierced.
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And I’m sorry. It did hurt me but I don’t think you could have known it was a perfect storm of pain for me. I’m doing what I can to move forward
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I need to do something new. My life is so stuck right now. Every day is the same. Same conversations every day, same media every day, everything's the same. I need to move out, I need a job, I need stimulation.
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I need help getting over my shame, I'm in the shame loop. Even if people want me to feel shame, I'll end up doing the same shameful shit in the shame loop. I need to be shameless but aware.
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the kids in this neighborhood are little assholes. One of them blocked my bf's friend from leaving once until he gave her money, she physically blocked the space behind his car so he couldn't back out. They have daily lemonade stands and heckle everyone. They ding dong ditch, tease my dog through the fence, and one time smashed a cookie into the front of my house. They scream at the top of their lungs for the fun of it. Also they play ball in the middle of the parking lot even though we have 4 playgrounds within our community. I hope one of them gets hit by a car
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>>27058642
I’m the same, my parents are religious and I am too yet I’m hopelessly addicted to pornography. I feel so much shame and I wish Jesus would take it all away but I’m regularly stuck in the loop. I know he’s already done all that because what happened on the cross is eternal but as a mere temporal being I can’t help going through the streak-then-relapse boom bust cycle and I’m so tired of it.
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I didn't like it, but I knew that something like this would happen eventually. You mean so much to me that I am scared that the only way forward between the two of us is to cut you off completely. But if it comes to it then I am prepared to do so. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to pull you out of your slumps and help you feel better about yourself.
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>>27058701
Maybe you should learn more about why pornography is harmful to all parties involved and you won't feel as strong of an urge to consume it
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My life is a fucking time loop.

26, living with parents in small home town. Every day is the same, every day I consume the same media and have the same thoughts. My old diary has entries in it that sound like they were written just now. Everything is the same, life is easy but torture.

I'M GOING TO MOVE OUT. I'm going to get a job in the CITY and drive FAR AWAY from my parents. I'll cut off any support I could have, I'll be totally dependent on myself and have to struggle to survive, only then will I be truly free.
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>>27058710
I already know all that. It’s an addiction. That’s like saying “muh if smokers were more aware of the risks of smoking long term they would do it”. Yes they would.
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>>27053285
Are you sure?
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>>27058538
But then you'll die.
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i've made myself upset
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Am I being delusional again? What if she really did want me to see her? I don't have really any concrete evidence that she might like me. But then again, why is she at this event I know for a fact she isn't that interested in this kinda hobby. Maybe she went with a friend. Maybe her boyfriend. Gosh darn it I should have just went and at least said hi. That was my only chance to meet her. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I HATE MYSELF IM A WEAK COWARD
>>
For the past 8 months or so I have developed a strong longing for a girlfriend.
However, I am a shut-in. I've been like this since forever. I never really went out during high school, never left my dorm in college, never in a relationship, etc. And for a while, I was okay with it. I thought that I was just a person that just lived better by himself. But recently, I guess I got FOMO and now really want a gf.
But at the same time, I feel lesser for wanting one. I used to be okay with where I was but now I want something different. It feels like I regressed as a person. I see people on here and elsewhere who are single and not looking and are happy, and I just think "I used to be like that, what happened?". I think I lost a part of myself.
Is this normal? Am I worse off
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>>27059190
It's the most normal thing ever to want relationships, anon. It sounds like you only feel lesser because the desire also creates bad feelings for you, like loneliness and a sense of fear. Take a step back and examine what a relationship really is, and what you want from it, and if you're able to provide your part in one. You may or may not be ready for one
>>
right now i'm wondering if it's okay to be this self reliant all the time. i've decided against going back to therapy again but am going to try edmr techniques on myself. i'm doing the research. i have confidence in myself and so far in my life i've had the best results, perhaps the only ones, just relying on me to solve my issues. but sometimes i think it would be easier if i could just ask someone for help and receive it. i could trust people more, find it easier to connect with others, and feel less lonely.
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>>27059237
>You may or may not be ready for one
I have no idea how I would know.
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im really drunk and high right now and i feel ok alright. if you're ever spiritually tortured just get really fucked up and it'll be ok. i'm laughing at stuff nomies would laugh at so im basically retarded enough to be normal now. this is probably how normies feel all the time.
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I'm surprised my ears aren't ringing, maybe my ears are fucked from going to a lot shows anyway.
>>
spiralling
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>>27057468
Please talk to him
>>
I'm gathering money and waiting for some investments. I want to be self sufficient so I can go live closer to you for good.
>>
I wake up in the morning and my left arm is completely numb
>>
My counselors right about letting go of my past, but I'm always haunted by it because of everything. Really, all of this started when I was 23-24 and realized I was fucking up my life laying around wallowing in depression and self pity. I was holding all of these bad feelings and past grudges when all I wanted to do was get better and stop being so fucking pathetic. It was like the harder I tried to get myself out of a bad situation, the worse things got and the more things failed and I ended up with lost time trying to get myself back on my feet and moving foreword. It was all the same shit that I'm going through now, and had planned to fix myself. Losing weight, going back to school, getting a car, getting ta job/career, getting a place of my own, social life, interests, hobbies. Trying to get myself to be a better, and respectable person, being able to say "Yeah, I was that person then, and that person sucked, but look at me now". I never really got there, things would fuck up at the start or half way, and then I'd have to re-do everything while dealing with my parents and everything else. There wasn't ever a plan to do nothing, and of course, during that time to now it's like my parents came down on me harder with their bullshit as I'm trying to do something, and accomplish anything that would get me into a better position.
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>>27059397
i texted him yesterday. it seems like he doesn't want to talk. i know it's not about me and shouldn't be MY problem but i feel really bad right now. i'll wait at least a week or two before i message him again. maybe next month
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>>27059416
me too. you're probably sleeping on it. or maybe it's a pinched nerve in your neck, invest in a better pillow
>>
Therapy is useless for me. I don't have specific traumas. I don't even have negative thoughts in particular. They tell me nothing's wrong with me. I'm a good person and have a lot to offer to others. Okay I guess...
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>>27059473
He's manipulating you lol

Probably not even genuinely suicidal or upset either, people like that would respond probably immediately, right now you're being groomed by guilt tripping and expecting to be the one who chases and apologizes.
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>>27059492
That's what they say to people they don't want to treat, typically narcissists
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>>27059451
I know about the car thing, but that was a huge blow to me, and it was all really about having a controlling and overbearing mother that thinks she's "helping" but really hasn't done anything more than cause a LOT of problems and set backs in life. There was not one reason that I could have not got that car. Not one, at all. It was all about control, and them losing control if I got that car. I've tried to rationalize it, but when it comes to that situation it speaks about our relationship and the shit that she's pulled when I may have actually needed some legit help from them. From the car to disability, from everything that happened in Richmond,VA, it caused me to lose almost 5 years of my life I won't get back because she got involved in my life and my shit (again)and she refused to listen to me when I basically told them when I was walking out of that hotel that I wanted to be left alone. They refused to do that for me, and it's always been when I've had to have control, or at least some aspect, they come in and fuck things up out of spite in a "we're your parents" kind of way and it shouldn't be like that. I could have spent those 5 years a lot better, and doing things I wanted to do, but everytime something fucked up, fell through, or something I had to deal with from them. It was never, ok, I'm going to get this done when I wanted to do it. There always had to be a waiting period, or if they did anything they had to make it out to be a big inconvenience for them so they could get back home and plop in front of the couch. Like I said, I wanted to move out, I wanted to go back to school, I wanted to fix everything about myself and my life by the time I hit 30. I'm 33 next year, and all I asked was just to be left alone so I could live my life and go get what I want from it.
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>>27059493
yeah i don't know, the thought that i am being used did cross my mind once or twice but i think he is genuinely not okay. he did tell me he doesn't want to feel so apathetic, he used to want to interact with people in the past but is just dealing with lots of stuff right now. he did reply to my first text but didn't respond to my reply, i guess it made sense to end the convo there if he didn't want to keep talking. sigh
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>>27059495
how come therapists don't want to treat narcissists?
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>>27059493
>>27059473
If you really want to talk to him again, don't say anything. Set boundaries next time you talk. Or ignore him and see how much he really cares about you. 99% of the time when you get worried about these types of people, nothing happens. It's either BPD or BPD manipulation to make you feel bad but I would think BPD would respond sooner and hop at the chance to talk to you. So more likely npd. If they browse here they'll also talk to you after being exposed to try and purge your mind if their exposure. Grow a brain, respect yourself, set boundaries, and don't fall for this shit. It never gets better without years of therapy. You won't fix them because you're clearly so dense you don't even recognize what's happening so you do not have the disposition or insight to help these people. Take it from someone who does, even that isn't enough most of the time. They need therapy and a willingness to change, tell them that and ghost them and you did the kindest thing you could ever do for that person and yourself.
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>>27059416
>it's my left arm, they say it's the bad one
>no insurance because American
>better post it on 4chan

It's likely what the other anon said, sleeping on to of your arm or pinching something. Feeling numb usually comes from poor circulation until you get a better position for your blood to follow again. Either way, do Americans really?
>>
>>27059508
Because they're retarded and manipulative and rarely want to actually change or put in the effort to do so. Usually it's for their own benefit, ie they want someone to talk them up or prove to their spouse they've changed, without actually changing because that would be to admit they aren't perfect and are actually deeply flawed and some of the most dogshit """people""" in existence.

So it's pointless, and frustrating. Some DO want to change though. 99% are too retarded to realize they need to, and won't commit to multi year therapy with a trained specialist.
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>>27059506
>apathetic

Big red flag. Seek therapy yourself I'm guessing you probably need it
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>>27059505
I remember the therapist at rehab telling me that I'm an adult and this is really abnormal behavior from my parents, the counselor said the same exact thing. Like "Anon, you're 32, you're grown.You're allowed to call yourself an adult, and you're allowed to set boundaries with your parents". The thing is with them, if you set boundaries or say "Hey, I'm 19 and I'm moving out", or "I'm leaving for Richmond, I don't want anyone to bring me, I'm taking an uber, and you're leaving me the fuck alone". It's like they have to spite me, it's like they have to intrude and be like "watch this" and fuck shit up because I asked them something simple and they don't even have an ounce of respect to take something seriously. Everything has to be about them, everything has to revolve around them and I can't think of anything that I've actually wanted to do with my life outside of moving to Richmond and not even getting to enjoy any of it because it was wrapped up in my parents + bat shit roommate vs me. I've literally been laughed at and mocked to my face for saying that I was an adult, and it's like treat me like shit when they're the ones that contributed to my downfall and all the times that they got in the way of any personal growth and advancement to call it "help". This "help" hasn't got me anywhere and I've even tried to explain that to them and in their mind they're still "helping" and are completely ignorant by choice to the damage that it's done to me.
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>>27059532
>>27059506
Also if he's genuinely not okay, you e done what you can. If something does happen, you're not responsible and none of it was your fault.
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>>27059535
This shit just has to stop, and when your roommates are like "anon, your parents are over here a lot and we don't like it", that's embarrassing. It makes you look like a kid,, like something's wrong with you and people start treating you like that. Have you ever had a drunk 18 year old girl mock you in front of people saying "aaanon, is mommy coming back over tonight lmao". I just wanted to lay on the floor and die, this shit has caused so much shit like that too. People see you're a loser, people know you're a loser, they're going to treat you like dog shit, and sometimes even if you change yourself around, you'll still get it.

Btw, I just have aspergers,issues with chronic depression(wonder why?), bad anxiety, and social anxiety. I can function on my own, I've just never been fucking allowed too. Then when I tried to get better, barriers were getting set up and I'm looking at myself,my life, and my parents, wondering "Why the fuck can't I just move foreword?
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>>27059566
There's a saying about letting the chicks out of the nest, something like that, but I've been yanked right back into that motherfucker when I tried to get the fuck out of it. I also used to have dreams of me running from the shadows of 3 people, representing my brother, my mom, and my dad, as they casted these huge fishhooks that would yank me backwards as I was running towards something better. It's a complete accurate representation, me running towards better things, and they cast on their lines and I'm being yanked fucking backwards never getting close to where I wanted to be no matter how much I fought to get away.
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>>27059516
>If you really want to talk to him again, don't say anything
i did do this before, i've gone months without talking to him. also i'm 100% sure he doesn't have npd or bpd or anything similar to cluster b personality disorders. or any personality disorders.
>>27059538
he's going to be on medication soon and i'm hoping things will be better then. also i'm sure of the mental thing he's suffering from being real, he's been going to a psych which he refused to do for years. he's dealing with delusions and panic attacks in particular.
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>>27059619
I know I post about this shit a lot, but it helps. It's just that I can't rationalize this, or anything I've been through with this family. Your son wanted to walk out the door at 19, wanted to go back to school, etc. Why not let him? Why not let him get better and actually help when it's needed and not just an excuse to invade and intrude on his life, and manipulate and control. Then at 23-24 years old he finally woke up one afternoon hearing you both argue and yelling about stupid shit and finally decided that he had enough of his life, and he was going to change it and himself for the better. I couldn't just be left alone? And I've heard of intrusive, and manipulating parents before, some got pretty bad, but nothing that close to my situation and why I've always asked "Just fuckin' why?" and never got an answer, I don't get it, I can't explain it, I can't rationalize it, and if I tell this shit it goes back to me, and I get that too, but when I'm talking about how I've had them fuck up a lot, I'm telling the truth and wish I was full of shit about it. It's just not normal, people were leaving home 18-20, and I wanted to be right there with them, right when my generation left high school and went to college or into the workforce. I don't fucking get it.
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I'm so jealous of my friend's relationship. I wish I was his girlfriend. Not in a sense that I want to date him, but because their relationship is so healthy and I really wish I was capable of that. I know what healthy long-term relationships are, they're boring and monotonous and you both get so comfortable that you stop trying to impress each other. I wish normal enough to see the appeal.
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>>27059677
**I wish I was normal enough
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I don't understand how other people find people who actually care about them. I don't want to think it doesn't exist.
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>>27059675
And still today, I hear about this help, and how they're going to help me get myself straight. The other day I came pretty close to swinging at my own dad for saying that stupid shit. No, you haven't helped, more just caused problems and set backs that fucked up things I was trying to get done 10+ fucking years ago. That I would have got done if no one was in my god damn motherfucking way, and if someone actually helping. That's not "help" it's an excuse, that they justify with my problems. I didn't need much. Fuck. FUCK.
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>>27059677
Find a codependent simp who is okay with you cheating on him. You'll never find happiness otherwise. You also need therapy because you're probably histrionic. Not BPD because they probably wouldn't admit this and think they can get it anyway and this specific kind of jealousy is less common, not narcissistic because they would NEVER admit there's something wrong.

No, you likely have histrionic personality disorder and you need therapy because you shouldn't feel like ltr monogamous relationships are bad because they're boring.
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>>27059779
Interesting. i have never known such a personality disorder existed. I'm reading about it right now and it's scarily reflective of my traits... yikes. I wish you were my therapist because my real therapist has only ever diagnosed me with MDD. Thanks for the insightful response anon :)
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>>27059858
Glad I could help. I have a deep love for hpd/BPD girls. I wish I could help them more desu but I personally can't because they kind of destroy me.

Tell your therapist an internet person told you this. Honestly it's possible they do know and are trying to help you without hurting your feelings. Don't see that as a betrayal if that's the case, because it's the opposite. Though if they understand what's happening they might refer you to someone more capable of treating you or starting a different treatment regimen. Change and healthy habits ARE possible. But you may always be tempted to fall back into a state of mind where you're bored with a long term partner, which is why finding one who understands you and loves you anyway is so important. But they have to be aware, and you can't manipulate them into doing that because that won't work either.

You're likely very attractive and energetic. You could definitely attract someone who sees through it all. They might not be up to your standards, but I promise you that's not what's important to you and it may take you a long time to understand that about yourself.
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>>27059878
>>27059858
Also you don't have to give up your current therapist either if that makes you uncomfortable. Let them know that you would still like to see them if it would bother you to get referred, but getting treated for hpd is kind of the necessary next step for you. You can see more than one therapist
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Man I really wasted a lot of opportunities... damn
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Has E ever worn a really short skirt or dress?
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>>27059878
I’m so sorry about that anon. It’s probably not your fault. I am familiar with those manic whims that BPD girls are notorious for and they’re really difficult to control. It’s sad to see yourself hurt other people when it’s not in your intention.

You definitely get it though, anon. Thanks for giving me hope. I thought it was over for me since I wasn’t raised in an ideal environment and my therapy session and meds haven’t really made me less cynical about love and other aspects in life. But I really am on a path of self-improvement, and being aware of another specific problem I have to tackle really helps. Also I hope the kind of person you’re referring to does exist haha. I’d commend their mental fortitude.
>>27059895
Alright :) I’ve been thinking about seeing a new therapist anyway so don’t worry. This is probably a sign I needed! I wish I could talk to you somewhere else because you just really get it.
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Which one do you fellas think will get me into the most trouble: R, S, E, C, or L?
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Hey is it true that E has large brown nipples?

Balls deep down her throat, regardless. Vagina, too. No anal, though.
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>>27060085
You know what? Sure. I don't mind the opportunity to learn more about you.

Telegram is @PulpLJackson, don't usually use it otherwise
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I want power over this feeling of worthlessness and wanting to be thrown away.
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I want power over this feeling of calamity lurking around every corner. I want power over the feeling that everybody hates me and wants to see me fail. I want power over other people's perceptions of me but I can't have that. I want power over the feeling of being watched. I want power over my strange delusional thinking. I feel powerless, and I want some power back.



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