Come on let's goPrevious: >>27037935
Dealing with my first legit relationship breakup, we’re both young so i was expecting it. I just didnt expect it to happen the way it did, everything hurts but I know it’ll be okay later on. I wish i could skip the hurt part
confident with myself, 100% successful in terms of job, house, got some people i hang out with now and again i guess. like i have whatsapp and messenger groups, at least 2 mates i speak to on a regular basis. music - i have projects on the internet, no band but i don't really want a band i don't think, prefer doing things in my own time.been on dates recently, had sex on said dates, no girlfriend though but they weren't right for us spiritually i don't thinkwhy do i feel like such a loner though? like i have all these people, things to do, got a festival with like 10 people im going tobut i don't feel like i have a proper "core" friendship group. i feel like something is missing in that regard.and it's always been like this for a long time, even then, i feel like i've always been an outcast in a way, even though i have known a lot of peoplei think aspergers made it tough too, but i dunno, there are times when i just wish, man i wish i had like a bro crew of 3-4 people, that would be enough, and just be like "yo lets get beers lets smoke weed", but i dont have that anymore, its just the occasional drink in my town with people who im not really sure are my super friends or anything. it's a weird one. that feeling of being a loner. never being able to shake it off. never really relating enough with people yet having no issues going to stuff on my own, making friends (temporarily).what a weird life i live.
I wound up graduating with a GPA under 3.0 because of my mental health and I can't really forgive myself. It's like I'm now barred from so many opportunities and there's literally no way out of this nightmare I've made.
>>27045996I'm so fucking sick of this, idk what to do anymore.
Had chicken wings for the first time as a 31yo adult, they are really good
Aw man my life is out if control
Been coming to terms with the fact that I have thoughts that cripple and agonize me. Unfortunately that comes with realizing down the list of people I know, i've been slowly finding out I cannot rely on any of them to understand or escape these feelings. Tonight the last person on that list was my girlfriend. My relationships with her and these people will not change. But to finally realize I am all alone with the trauma I carry hurts at best. I guess it can't be helped.
I want to quit my job but i dont wanna become a neet again either
I'm pretty lonely. I have a boyfriend but he's a workaholic - I haven't seen him in 3 weeks or had a proper conversation with him in that time either. I live above a bar strip, and on weekends I want to go down and just have a drink and chat to stranger, but I feel its being disloyal to my boyfriend (since men at the bar will probably try to flirt.)
I don't really like my wife all that much. I only married her because I got her pregnant, we barely knew each other.Throughout the whole pregnancy I kept thinking "it's the hormones", then I continued to cope with "it's postpartum". It wasn't. She's lazy, depressive, and always sort of on edge.Thank god for her parents though, they take care of our kid while I'm working. She's probably beat him if she was left alone with him for too long. I don't even know what she does at home all day. Place is always a mess, her mom and I clean on weekends.I'm glad we didn't abort, and I have for the most part accepted the bad that came with the good she brought into my life. But goddamn am I worried for my kid's future. I wish she'd go to a therapist or something.
Love getting ads for veteran suicide prevention it's so good for a laugh. Why should I feel bad because some scrote traumatized himself after he VOLUNTEERED to go across the ocean and kill a a bunch of people? You know it's a cope anyways men love raping and killing. They probably kill themselves because they are so sad they can't do it anymore.
I have nothing to bitch about.
>>27046567>They probably kill themselves because they are so sad they can't do it anymore.lmao
i feel like i want to say something people, like "i have no friends" or "i want to suicide" or something, but something prevents me from going down that pathstoic and reminders that i do have people that i like, and life is worth living, sometimes you just have days where you feel a bit down i guess.i dunno. sometimes i am happy and content with who i am where i am then sometimes im like, dammit wish things could be different you knowi'm glad GIOYC exists so i can type things and then i dont have to worry about venting to other people about it.soulmates are important (the hands type this, not me)but with that belief, i dont think itll happen, my gut/heart says it will, my "owner" - but meh, weirdly enough i know that i should be aligned...
>>27045996Previous thread was over the limit.I don't want to celebrate my birthday today. Already pushing quarter life, and all it does is remind me of my inexistent social life. For as much people as I met in my life, no friends came of it. My own fucking family arranged me to go to a damn strip club last year. I only complied because I was going to spend time with a long lost relative who I love. No one else to hang out with, not even for 15 minutes in a street corner. I cannot for the life of me socialize with anyone else around me because they are all shallow: chasing trends, listening to whatever garbage popular music surfaces and overall talk about banalities.
I think I'm traumatized. Now and then I still have nightmares about my father, who went on psychotic screaming rampages when he was high on painkillers during my childhood. During these I used to hide in my closet and think, "If he finds me I'm gonna die". He never got physical, but the terror activated some kind of extreme fight or flight mode and it kinda fucked me up.In my nightmares he's like Jack from Resident Evil VII, but his actual form is pure darkness, everything about him is blacked out. He's a smooth talker like the devil, he pretends to be your friend and says everything he does is fair. But you know that nothing about him is okay. That if something triggers him, he'll immediately turn into a monster with the ability to kill us all. Sometimes he would fly into a rage if I got a 2nd plate from the pantry instead of re-using one in the sink. It really fucked me up.These days I don't talk to my dad anymore. He's homeless now, and lost his teeth. I get emails from him - he wants to hang out, to come to my college graduation. Most times I don't respond. When I look at him now I see nothing, but I still don't want to be near him. He never apologized for what he did. Maybe he doesn't fully know. I just want him out of my life
>>27045996Why is there this new obsession with women who are like 7 feet tall and is your 'mommy'? Shit sounds gay as hell. Like you just want to be dominated by some dude with tits.
>>27045996For years I thought I would be extremely lucky to meet a girl that’s just okay personality wise. But I met a girl I relate to so well that I don’t even know how to feel, just disbelief like it can’t possibly be real. There has to be a catch
I laid it all out to her. How she makes me feel, what I'd like to happen, the problems we share. I guess I'll just see what happens. If she deflects it again I'm just gonna move on. I won't break up but I won't try and and win her attentions back either. It's not worth feeling this way.
I say "I need to get the fuck out of here" out loud a lot, the anxieties that bad.
Dad, please, stop destroying your back. It's so fucking predictable now>Hurts himself doing house projects and landscaping >Thinks of all the shit he wants to get done while he's in bed>Tries to do it all at once when he feels better>Hurts himself againYou're only 60, with any luck, you've got 20 years left, please just SLOW DOWN, there has to be SOMETHING you can do that's in between sitting idly in bed and lifting 80lb. stones.
>>27046853You need to get some coping strategies.
>>27046705Would it make me gay when I fantasize about thrusting my penis in and out of this 6'3" woman's throat as she looks up at me with these eyes and swallows my semen?
>>27046623no more drugs for you
>>27046736good things can happen dude. run with it
Please tell me I will at least keep my job until september please I need to go to the eye doctor because my prescription is bad but I need to keep my insurance until then please
Hey look little fuckers are disregarding my thirty-minute-long exercise session again to resume their daily bullshit.
I just want a room to myself so I can cry. None of this matters in the end so why does it make me so, so sad.
I've finally figured it out... after all this time....
Love is always out of my control. I always think I get the game now, that I can finally play it right. But I still lose. I still don't get it right. Man, I want to cry.
Wow they finally got around to animating a new celebrity.I remember how they'd be able to produce several hours worth of complex animations using Aisha Tyler with pretty much zero effort on my part. No awkward guilt-trips, either. Not like the ones this year, anyway. They even used Willa Holland once without me asking.
hahaha Imagine having a healthy sex and social life hahaha
>>27047519and haha imagine like being able to have the base level things in life what the fuck haha
>finally stop drinking/ smoking weed>haven't used anything in months>vive nightmares every night that wake me up drenched in sweat
I'm gonna stop drinking and acting all crazy now.
>>27047539Vivid* , maybe my brain's just rotted beyond repair
>>27047519i love you anon
>>27047536haha the soul crushing loneliness and feelings of complete emptiness, depression, and unfulfillment inside haha like what the fuck have I ever done to anyone to deserve this living hell haha
>>27047519I remember how in between my last year of middle school and first year of high school; I'd concluded that I'd be much better off alone--that was over twenty years ago. I mean, yeah, sure, I might get lonely every once in awhile... but that's what pets are for (not for fucking).
20,000 years of this, 7 more to go.
>>27047546The nightmares mean it's working. Your brain is repairing itself.
>>27047254What's the matter?
My penis is now officially borked. Now it's mostly only E that gets me hard. Looks like these fellas are pushing me in that direction. I remember when it used to be K and a bit of McKenna. Congrats, fuckers.[nearby laughter intensifies]
I know I posted this before, but I just need to continue processing this whole story mentally, any feedback is appreciated(1/4)>be me 5 years ago, was 27 at the time>life is going good in hometown, have a steady fulltime (albeit routine and fairly low paying) job, my own place, hot gf>decide to give big city life a try and accept a job offer in a nearby big city, move there>end up rooming with this one roommate Chris who seems cool although is a little bit dismissive of me or ignores me sometimes>job turns out to be incredibly complex and I'm politely let go for not catching on quick enough after two weeks>after I'm fired, gf has to fly back to home country but we agree to stay good friends>get another job offer in that big stressful city>this second job is just as stressful but I manage to hold onto it for five months before I'm fired>boss berated me constantly and left me slightly traumatized the whole time>in addition, gf makes social media post that leaves me slightly heartbroken (shows herself off with new bf in bar while sipping out of novelty glass labelled "Ex Boyfriend Tears")>feeling pretty broken and living off of savings at this point>starting to suspect that I never was that attractive to women in the first place, and that I must have been pretty dumb and yet had wasted $160k on an STEM degree only because I was good at calculus>however, this roommate Chris seemed pretty intelligent, had a STEM degree as well, and happened to be dating a hot gf looking very similar to mine *while* being unemployed and only causally applying to jobs>deep down, I reason that Chris must be pretty alpha or Chad-like to keep such a relationship going.>Chris was also clearly very intelligent so I subconsciously clung to him and valued the friendship very much, hoping that these traits would rub off on me by hanging out with him
>>27047586It's literally not healthy for you mentally and physically to be alone.
Well, it's past when she usually wakes up and no response to my message. So that's it. She's avoiding any actual introspection or soul-searching into what we need to do to be in a healthy relationship.I thought it would be hard but not like this. She said she was clingy at the start, too. It's wild.
>>27047842(2/4)>roughly one year has passed since I moved to this big city>get an offer for another job that, while isn't as stressful, is located way out in the city suburbs and the commute is nearly an hour and a half>move further north into my own room away from Chris so commute isn't as brutal but we still hang out over the weekends to play League of legends>friendship with Chris had seemed pretty one sided the entire time but I had not been aware of it at the time>I had done plenty of favors for Chris thinking he was my best friend, such as bringing him to cheap restaurants and covering his tab since he was unemployed for some time and giving him rides from his work once he did find a job>Chris however flat out refused to ever take the metro to my new place over the weekends, so it was always me who drove south to pick him up, drive him up north to my place, we'd play League and get a bite to eat usually, then I'd drive him back down south before driving back to my room>I manage to hold onto current job meanwhile, even though it isn't easy>the commute is killing me, and my overall self esteem is non existent thinking back to ex gf's social media post as well as the fact I paid $160k for an engineering degree but was struggling so much to hold down any job that paid more than $20 or $22 an hour>one day, while we're playing League at my place up north, I alt-tab to quickly look through some boards on 4chan I have open, /pol/ being one of them
>>27047847One of my therapists literally told me that being an introvert is something that I will never be able to change.
>>27047859(3/4)>Chris happens to be really far left leaning and always was getting into political arguments on reddit>sees one of those 'SHEEEEEEEIIIITTT' comics on /pol/ front page and asks what kind of racist, hateful website this>I explain it's the politics board but I ignore the racist content and just go on it occasionally for memes and funny takes on the news among other boards>Chris' behavior changes with me changes immediately after this>when I head upstairs to make a phonecall to parents, I hear banging coming from downstairs living room>come back down and see Chris is banging mouse on table whenever he's losing while playing League, tell him to take it easy but bangs it one or two more times>my turn to play, he calls me an idiot when I lose, I snap at him looking clearly angry and he reluctantly apologizes and I drive him back home>tell parents later about what happened, they urge me he was probably stressed from his new job and I should reconcile with him>I do so over text, he expresses he's glad I forgave him, and Chris and I hang out as usual over the next month
>>27047867(4/4)>final day arrives at that one last job with the long commute>I just happen to be so homesick, depressed, stressed and still slightly hurt from that break up>talk with my boss and ask him to cut the contract, I just want to return home, tears were actually streaming down my face unexpectedly, I just had that much pent up depression and insecurity building up in me>I return back to my place and pack my stuff to go home and text Chris that I quit the job and am returning home, ask if he wants to hang out one last short time and he agrees>as soon as I arrive at his place, he immediately starts horsing around with me once I step inside like he's one of the street fighter characters he liked to play>We play a couple of last rounds of League before I leave, he asks if I'm stupid when I ask him a question about what item to get>one last thing he did that really bugged me before I left, he placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me this blank look for a few seconds. He did that 2 or three times before in the friendship, I thought he was just being friendly but in retrospect I feel like such a bitch for letting him do such condescending thing to me>after I return home, I just haven't felt quite the same for the last three years (I returned home in 2019 and was 29, now I'm 32)>feel simultaneously incredibly low iq, spineless, beta, hopeless>on top of all this, I can't believe I allowed someone who I thought was my best friend to almost abuse or bully me while I was already suicidally depressed in that big city (this I had confided in with him)>self esteem just hasn't returned to normal, I think I'm too dumb and/or autistic to actually work an engineering job despite spending that much money on my degree>don't even feel like ever approaching women any more>feeling pretty broken constantly and betrayed>typing all of this out really helps me recover thoughFeel free to give some feedback, any feedback, thanks
>>27047863Really? I'm introverted, have aspergers, have really bad social anxiety, and I at least try in social situations or when I'm around others. Sometimes some interaction is better than sitting on the sidelines, and there will always be a point where you want someone around. It's a natural thing in us that we can't avoid, we are literal pack animals. We enjoy and benefit from being around each other. That's why I feel my loneliness is really abnormal and unhealthy, and has taken a real effect on me mentally and physically.
Does that make any sense? I don't think it does...
>>27047888The correlation between loneliness and introversion varies. There's hermits, monks, nuns, priests, etc. Both sexes.
I got a job at a local hospital, it's really hard work and it's night shift but the pay is good, this is gonna be my first step to no longer being a NEET. It's gonna suck becoming a wageslave but I don't want my parents to kick me out yet
>>27047942>>27047942>>27047942Exactly, I'm introverted, and it takes me a bit to warm up to being in a social situation but I'm no where close to being a social butterfly. Then I have my problems to work with and around, it's not flat out extroversion. I wish it could be, but trying to be like that is exhausting and you can tell that people pick up on the fact that you're forcing this personality that you don't have. I wish I could be more social, and have more social opportunities. I've been alone for a good while in my life and I've always seen it as unhealthy, and feeling like I never had a lot of chances to really do what I wanted when it came to socialization and being around others. Sometimes the loneliness is comfy, then you get that feeling that it isn't right that it is. It's just different people and personalities. I don't have friends, I don't have anyone to talk to or be around, or to do anything with, and it bothers me a lot. But like you said, it varies.
>>27047985>I'm used to always pointing the finger, but recently I'm having a lot of time for some introspection and starting to realize that if I'm alone like I have been, then I'm doing, or have done something wrong. If I had friends years ago, what's the difference now? Was it the drinking? Was it the depression? Was it not having my shit together? It could be a lot of things, but it's not normal for someone to not have friends, or any kind of social life.
>>27048044I even had another friend group from mopeds and I fucked that up, then had another group in Richmond that was kinda cool to me that I did the same thing too. Then I wonder about how many bridges I've burned, people I've let down, and disappointed. Mopeds could have been a great social thing, but that aside I still didn't do anything else. No going out, no other hobbies or interests, no going to events, concerts,bars, clubs, I didn't do much to put myself out there and I think the biggest damper was just wanting moped people in my life which made me close the door in others faces to prioritize them.
I have a pretty weird body type, I think. My rib cage is really big and barrel-chested, so it sticks out like boxers in an old British illustration. I've thought this was a bad thing for most of my life, but I heard this is a great type for building muscle since it makes you look super ripped. So I think I might go for it, even though I never had any plans to build muscle before -- because trying to achieve that "lean" fashionable look a lot of guys go for just can't work on my body
>>27047834I promised myself that I wouldn't pursue relationships anymore but I fell in love and my mental illness started manifesting and I got reminded of why I'm not qualified to be anyone's girlfriend. I'm crying because I feel so powerless. I take meds and go to therapy and take care of myself but I'm still hard to love.
Hold up lemme' put on an Oingo Boingo song before switching to The Police.
>>27048085No, I mean, the first friend group I had did a LOT for me to show me that I could have friends, people that cared about me, and wanted to see me be better, and they were there right through it. We just got strained because I wasn't putting in anything to the relationship, and they just got tired of doing to the point where it's like "yeah, we don't hate you, but it would be cool if you'd fuck off", the second was as nice and when I was fucking up, and took it out on them for just busting balls and me being drunk took it the wrong way. So they were like "fuck you" after I was talking shit, then saw them talking about me when they forgot to kick me from the groupchat and I felt like shit to see them talk about how one of them stood up for me a bit and that they didn't think that I was that much of a dick, well, until that happened. And showing up to their house drunk an hour late to get moped parts and not getting the hint they wanted me to leave for that reason. This dude I talk shit about he wasn't that bad either, but when people have the SAME fucking problems with you, then you're the one that's fucking up.
It's not too long until my 21st. I've always wished I had more hardship in my life just so it would motivate me to do better and make more of an effort with myself. 2022 turned out to be a disaster so far, I feel like shit. But I'm taking care of my physical and mental health like never before and I've learned a lot in terms of relationships and friendships. Every day is bit of a battle and it can be hard getting out of bed, but I guess I just want to express some days are a bit easier than others. I'm trying my hardest. Waiting for a bit sunlight to dawn soon.
>>27048144do you want to talk about what happened?
>>27048210So when it comes down to everything, there was two big issues, me not having my shit together, and my drinking. I don't drink as much now because I learned a lesson and have to stand at the ashes of all the bridges burned because of it. I even pushed away someone I knew from mopeds for about 8-9 years, never had any issues. Got drunk one time, got into something that had nothing to do with me on his facebook, fucked that friendship up.
>>27048231A little advice from an older anon, don't wish for hardship. It's coming, and it's always lurking right around the corner. Enjoy the good times while they last and use them to better steel yourself against those tests when they arrive. Building happy memories is the best way to do that, trust me.
>>27046736>>27047114no you need to be very careful because most of the time this isn't a good thing, look up mirroring and idealizing
>>27047851>She didn't answer my text the second she woke up it's overJesus Christ dude. Stop being so fucking insecure.
Ah, yes. A very slow, painful death appears to be my fate. Then rebirth. And go through yet another superdeterministic life leading up to the same fate.For eternity.
What a shit day. I'm drained.Just when I thought I'm out of the woods, it turns out I'm not. I just want to get some fucking rest.
You acted really shitty when you broke up to your boyfriend through WhatsApp. You showed no respect for the human in him or for the feelings your shared. Karma says you'll find mediocre happiness at best in your future, because you are selling your soul. You will never achieve the dreams you have all by yourself, and the closest you will get from this is spending a lot of money as the consumerist you are, with either no one, or with someone by your side who will never really grasp your feelings or life in any deeper way. I hope you enjoy the choices you have made for yourself until the day your ovaries dry out and eventually you die alone and leave your money to some nephews or to the government.
So facebook can block you from scrolling because you scrolled too fast? What the fuck kind of bullshit is that?
Just please let this one work.
In hindsight now I now ehy I said you'll never be my girlfriend. Eat shit and die.
But does she suck cocks, though?
Maybe it's time for a fortifying draught
yep, bottoms up boys
In hindsight, I also know for sure I definitely wouldn't have ever talked with you had I known you would have turned out with becoming what you are today, one of the most despicable girls on the whole planet. I wish I was exaggerating.
How is that for closure? Mind you, closure from someone I suspect you have never seen as anything more than someone to abuse and nothing else. You never demonstrated me the opposite anyway, but you probed my suspicions right many times.
>>27047985>>27048044>>27048085dude, if it helps, your posts really help me deal with some of the thoughts I have after sort of drifting away from my own moped hobby. I feel better for it as the constant bullshit drained me and I have permanent side effects from the crashes, but now I have very little social life with people I actually enjoy the company of minus maybe 2 friends who I rarely see and the people at my job. Get a new hobby or something. >>27048144the right girl will love you. start off being friends, show them your dark side. hard isn't a bad thing, i personally would only want a long term relationship with someone slightly nutty as to keep me interested and so they were more patient with my own issues.>>27047254>>27047456what happened? on a serious note try crying in public toilets, in a shower, or at a park/beach>>27047303whats up bro?>>27047539there are medications that help decrease nightmares. if you can, see a doctor or an addictions service.>>27047541good. i can think of someone that should do the same thing. i should and will myself.>>27047561>>27047536go see a motherfucking therapist and a social worker you dummy>>27047982congrats thats actually good, and working in a hospital will give you perspective on life. even if youre just a cleaner or orderly or whatever, hospitals run like a jenga tower, if you pull out all the bottom people the entire system will collapse. Trust me in my country the hospitals are collapsing because there isn't enough of anyone. You're actually doing some good.
>>27048263I know about those things, but damn at least try it
>>27047106yeah i dont do drugs anymore hahah my head is fucked :D
You screwed up both of our fates when you said all that crap and walked away. Are you happy with your decisions? How is your Friday night going?
>>27048262That's good advice. For once, this board gives good advice.
>>27048336i mean, i could always eat my cats shit and get some horrific virus that kills me?>>27048392fuck man>>27048402thats good im proud of you bro>>27048404my friday night was actually quite terrible i am lonely, i walked a really long way, my house is a mess and i got too drunk
Well, answer me, you well adjusted, very successful human being with spotless moral values. It shouldn't be hard.
>>27048426>>27048404stop being a fucking faggot, you nigger. Calm down for a while
And mind you, you DID admit I never was "good" enough. Then you have the ovaries of thinking you were the one that was used and discarded. I symbolically spit on you.https://youtu.be/A_uGDhgVTiU
I walked away the moment I snapped out from the "hypnosis" after I found out about your true nature and how awful it really is. Make so my answer is satisfactory for you for it is what I really think and also objective reality.
>>27048396If you want me to be honest, mopeds did actually cause me to slowly descend into alcoholism. I didn't drink, I actually hated beer. It was just weed and I was fine, didn't need anything else. It's just that sub-culture can be so toxic and filled with shitty people with these undeserved over blown egos. I've witnessed it personally, and had to deal with it. At the same time, that community really did welcome me with open arms, things changed, people changed, and I never really got over it. Along with the constant mental and emotional strain on me, just wanted to keep my name and reputation clean, but my choices didn't really help any of that. I guess I just compare everything to how it used to be, I always had so much fun, met people, got to be around people with like interests, there wasn't a bad time, no one fucked with me, no one made me feel outcasted, there was no negativity. I've been chasing that, and the community wanting what I had back, but I've just never had the strength to admit to myself that the past is done and over, and I need to grow up, and possibly move on. I just don't want to, I love my moped, I love mopeds, and I like the community, I just can't admit it's just not for me anymore and most of that is because of me.
I just had a terrible thought and realized if you killed yourself I'd have no way of knowing. I don't think that's the case, and I hope it isn't, ever. You are a bright spot in this world, even if you don't think you are.
>>27048461they're not going to kill themselves over you, I promise. Don't use that as an excuse to get back into their heads.
>>27048450You have a horrible phrasing like a nigger or a non-English speaker. Either address the one you're responding to, or fall unread and forgotten into the abyss.
>>27048480that's what this thread is for, nigger, if you haven't noticed people do that all the time and if someone is specifically being addressed they're going to knowdumb piece of shit
>women at workplace dressing like whoresI bet they're married too . Women are a mistake
>B-B-BUT IF YOU DON'T SPECIFICALLY RESPOND TO ME HOW AM I GOING TO CONTROL AND MANIPULATE YOU REEEEEEEE
Looks like they're expecting collateral damage here. Women and children, mostly. A few men.
>>27048467Thank you, that song brings back some pleasant memories.
>>27048460It's a weird thing, I'll be honest with myself and say what I obviously need to do, then I contradict myself because I'm so insecure with making a decision like that. Like I'll go to a rally again, things will be fine, or they won't and I wanted to see for myself. Do I? Or could I just admit to myself that the only reason I've been chasing it for this long was because it was a social outlet and for the first time in my life I was around people that had like interests and I wasn't getting told to shut the fuck up for once? Then all the shit people did for me, and I took too much, and they gave too much, but I didn't pick up my end of things and gave back. For the first time I'll admit I have thought about moving on from it, and something just always pulls me back in and it's always about the social part and/or getting to see the people I knew again, but after this long, those people might not be the same people I once knew them as. It's the want for everything to be as it used to be, it's not anymore, and I can admit that to myself and still change my mind about it. I guess after 15 years, it's fucking hard to let go of. My parents, my brother, people I talk to in groups on facebook, they've all told me it's time for me to move on, I guess I'm just not ready yet.
hope garys alright somewhere out there, ive been away. i put the picture he drew for me on my wall. thinking of all the regulars in generalmy person is a cunt who moved to the other side of the city - he couldve waited a couple of weeks to move, but no. he moved when i really needed help for those few weeks. he comes to visit only in between my two paydays. piece of shit. i blocked him, it is hard to keep him on block because i love him to pieces but i'm trying to remember that some people are just shit and that im a dumbass. cunt, if youre reading this, drop some ferns off at my door with a hug and a cute letter and maybe i'll like you again. otherwise thanks for all you did for me.i fractured my rib again but the hospitals are very busy so i don't want to bother them for an xray. i can move so it's allg.on the plus side, 9 days til i go to detox. i can make it. pretty sure my liver is failing - a few months ago my blood tests showed i have liver damage, and now i actually have symptoms, so ill *just* make it, but i'll still make it. I have to find someone to look after my cat, but that'll sort itself out. i'm happy as maybe i'll lose weight once i stop drinking, gives me something to do at least.fucking hell man
>>27048546I hope your person stops being a dingleberry and drops off the ferns, and I hope your liver and rib is okay
Despite their repeated attempts at having me de-salivate; I still cannot help but glance at women's faces who happen to have such enormous breasts that I just cannot help but wonder what sort of face accompanies them.
>>27048435bro thats a fucking beautiful song We own the sky, you and IWe own the sky, you and ITake it tonight, fly for your lifeFly for your life, fly for your life[Verse 1: Stella Le Page]There's one thing I know for sureYou gotta fly for your lifeYou've got those dangerous eyesYou've got those dangerousOne I've never seen beforeSilhouette into the sunAre you ready to burn?Are you ready?[Pre-Chorus: Stella Le Page]We'll keep falling in loveWe'll keep falling in love[Chorus: Alex Westaway and Stella Le Page]Oh, it's a miracleI got spirit, I got wingsI got fire in my lungs[Verse 2: Stella Le Page]I don't know what you're fighting forYou better fly for your lifeIt's just another disguiseDo you ever think of me?'Cause you're the ghost in my heartYou've got those dangerous eyesYou've got those dangerous[Pre-Chorus: Stella Le Page]We'll keep falling in loveWe'll keep falling in love[Chorus: Alex Westaway and Stella Le Page]Oh, it's a miracleI got spirit, I got wingsI got fire in my lungsgoddamn im downloading that shit and putting it on my phone thank you
Been 3 months since I had to stop drawing entirely. It breaks my heart but I had no choice, it made me feel physically ill.
>>27048571<3>dingleberry crackup thank you for making me smile with that post
>>27048469Not over me, no. Just in general.
>>27048594you're just going to have to live with that, like everyone else does. If you don't have a way of being able to tell if someone is well, then you probably weren't that big of a part of their life to begin with and you should probably accept that. If things change in the future then they will.
>>27048593You made me smile with your post too, it’s always good to hear from you
You are looking at my face through my phone's frontal camera right now, something you're not supposed to be doing you cunt, but sure, you totally "won't ever know if I ever commit suicide".
>>27048612holy shit lmaoyikes
>>27048612It’s scary to think that’s a possibility but it’s likely not true
>>27048612Fren, pls seek help
>>27048619I've seen my face posted on other boards multiple times despite me never taking selfies nor having posted them anywhere so that's definitely happening to me.
>>27048623Suckstart a firearm.
>>27048539And I guess I'm an idiot for wanting to make mopeds 100% of my life and not caring about anything else, look where I got myself. I do still like my moped, but it the interest started to fade faster when there's no where to ride, no one to ride with, and there's no way to get to a rally. I haven't rode my moped in two months.
>>27048626That’s crazy. Do you save them? You’re practically famous.
>>27048626Reset your phone deleting everything and stay from the scratch, you're compromised, you dumb fuck
>>27048642My ass still hurts from the meds..
>>27048632>>27048632Nah, it wasn't mopeds, that shit was all me. I could have been a part of it more and kept a better name for myself if I had my shit together and gave back. I fucked up, mopeds didn't do shit.
>>27048642Thanks, doc :(
>>27048612How would I be able to access your phone's camera?
It's really quite simple. All you gotta' do is pick me up and drop me off far from the rest of our species with enough supplies so that I'd never have to return. No man? No problem.
I completed my purpose in life. I'm looking for reasons to stick around.
>>27048698you're either crazy or really distressed but chances are there are reasons for what's happening and you should reflect on that, but after some of the obvious behavior you've exhibited in this thread you show absolutely no remorse and very blatant manipulation and putdowns so it's probably a good thing that whoever you're talking about isn't reacting to you
>>27048612What are you gonna do to stop meAlso you're fucking ugly
yikes there it is
>>27048711>obvious behavior you've exhibited in this thread>literally saying this from one post saying "answer, coward"Do you know who should answer to whom and where? Do you know if this is someone even saying anything about this thread? Why are you responding to a venting thread? >reflectMaybe you should reflect upon spending your days answering to people your fave no relation to from your grandma's basement, you're wasting your life, loser
>>27048736this is a thread for venting and I'm working my own personal feelings out by telling you how much of a retarded abusive shitbag you apparently are, because I don't like those kinds of peopleI get being obsessed, I don't get lashing out and hurting someone you're supposed to care about on purpose just to mess with their heads to continue controlling them. Sure, I could get trying to get them to feel things about you again, but that's obviously not what you care about since you don't care about anyone but yourself so move on niggerbrain.
It doesn't help that the little fuckers admit to intentionally fucking up. It makes the others' "mistakes" out there more obvious now as well as then... like five years ago.
>>27048747>read "Answer, coward">Understands "this person is being abusive and had been abusive on this thread before, proceeds to answer two weeks of text without knowing jack shit from whoever posted this or the context And this is not projecting, how?I strongly suggest you too "work" harder on your "personal feelings" like you're vaguely saying you are doing>a literal racistMe actually being whiter than you can't even begin to humiliate your shitty behavior right now. Just go get a job, you clearly needs a distraction
>>27048758They also regularly admit to being retarded and claiming to represent, well...But thanks for getting me a nice, clear view of that young, tanned brunette's vagina. I guess. I mean, assuming that she wasn't wearing, like, a dark beige c strip or something underneath her dress.
Do you miss me?
Balls deep down E's throat. And the other one. The J look-alike.All day erry day.I KNOW WHAT THAT IMPLIES GO FUCK AN ELEPHANT AND GET ME A REAL DOLL ALREADY
I'm sorry about before now I'm going to be calm.
I need to go outside. I've been inside all summer just putting in applications and doing nothing.
>making a dating profile>into reading and 90s cartoons>wanna name profile 'bookworm jim' but don't think anyone would get the reference>plus my name isn't even jim .-.
>>27048854Yes, so much. Just reach out if you can or put me down and tell me you can’t. Fuck.
Is she the one? Can I stop worrying about looking for someone? Idk manz I hope so
Captain Picard is pretty cool, man, but, like, I'm not gay.
>>27049092I get the sneaking suspicion you will never find someone to satisfy your needs.
Do you regret breaking up with me?
UNF UNF UNF HNNNG OOOOF OOOGHHH I JUST CAME DEEP DOWN E'S THROAT AND SHE SWALLOWED FOR LIKE THE FIFTH TIME THIS PAST HOURMY GRUNTS PIERCED THROUGH THE EARTH'S UPPER ATMOSPHEREI BOW IN MY HONOR
So it's been 3 years now since I last had a successful semester at college. Incredible, right? The past few years have truly been a blur to me. I got thousands of dollars in scholarship money and I wasted it on video games, and stopped attending class. But I wasn't going out and partying or anything -- I just sat in my dorm playing video games. How do you even get that bad? I just don't know. I have no clue what happened. I could have graduated this Spring, but apparently now I might graduate Fall of 2024. I'll be 26.Maybe I'm retarded, but I'm trying again. Yeah, after 3 or 4 failed semesters I'm gonna try again. Why? Well, I got an internship this summer. Yeah, my first one. And it's going pretty well. It sounds dumb but it restored my confidence a bit. I started thinking about my career again, and realized the best option is to just keep on trying. So even if it is doomed, I guess I'll just go at it again. Like an idiot. If I fuck up this time, then I'm truly done
I dreamed 3 times with you. Each one made feel worst than the other. I saw your face, your voice, even felt your touch. Then at the end of each dream, my memories would just throw all the worst parts in fast-forward.Every time i dreamed with you in the past, something important used to happen. What will be this time?I never felt so desolated and lost in time and space when you left me during the dreams.
I'll never swear or raise my voice again.
I think this couch is infested with a microecosystem of various forms of life--carbon- and silicon-based life included--competing over what few resources may remain in this ~20-year-old environment that overlaps into a metaphysical realm known as "fluidspace".
>>27049265(cont) It just feels insane to me man. I'm gonna be 24 in classes with kids who are 19 or 20, and the cold hard truth is that I was in their place once, and I just wasted years of my life on nothing. I didn't get good at music, I didn't make friends, I stopped going to my classes, I didn't even get into something dumb like crypto or a new hobby or whatever. I just sat in my room for years on 4chan, wasting each semester. I still don't have a car. Never had a gf. Barely had a job. What the fuck have I been doing?I know my life isn't over, but I feel so insanely dumb. I just had so many opportunities that I pissed away.
Hey you fellas can still get a decent semen sample from E's mouth, right? Well there you go. Two birds with one stone. Badda bing badda boom.A girl's gotta' eat. Let 'er have as much of my edible lower horn's snot as she wants. It'd taste like chocolate for her.
>>27049265>>27049330I had the same experience of being at home doing nothing for years, but then I got some jobs and a career. Tried going to college again, didn't feel good about what I was doing, but it's good less about your concerns and more to do about what I've chosen to do. You shouldn't overthink about other people's theoretical judgements and opinions. Focus on yourself only and improve yourself from there in whatever you do. Work will let you down, studies will let you down. Family will let you down, friends will let you down. Love will let you down. In the end, only what you do for yourself counts today counts for your future.
>>27049125They’re not much
Why live if i will never marry WWE Asuka?
A bullshit job? No, what is actually bullshit is you putting me down all the time. I don't care if it's not good enough for mommy dearest. Shut the fuck up cunt.
>>27049380Other people's judgment isn't a big issue. It's more frustration aimed at yourself, because you should have known better. Right now I'm 23, in the same position basically as I was at 20 in almost every sense of the word. Maybe older people think, "Ehh it's not that big of a deal". But that's -if- you realize how terrible wasting it in that way is. Your 20s are a time for massive growth as a human being. Any time you waste in that period is wasting your own potential. It's really disappointing.Honestly, you know what it's like? It's like living in a daze, like you're not really "living" but in some kinda daydream. I had this weird illusion that things would just work out. And now the cold water hits my face, the illusion breaks. I wasted several years of my youth. And all I can do is take it as a lesson learned, and keep going.
>>27049438You can feel bad and not do what you have to do and keep these thoughts until you're even older, how about that? You can't change the past and it hurts, but you can work on yourself right now instead of granting more regret for later. Shit sucks but I guarantee you there are worse feelings out there. Don't overthink too much, do what you can with what you have
When women start flocking to anything (from music to politics to gaming), it’s on its way out.
>>27049464Yeah, realizing you fucked up isn't enough. You need to change your ways too. Humans are creatures of habit so odds are the ball will keep rolling on this unless I figure out why I'm fucking up and correct it. I don't want to make this a pity party or anything, so I'll concentrate these feelings into figuring out why I've been fucking up so much, and what (if anything) I can do to correct course. I want to draw a line and say "23 is where it stops". And a couple years from now, I'll graduate and be 3-4 years late, but I'll be 1000x better as a human than I was a few years ago. So I don't feel too bad necessarily. I just have to change, and do it ASAP
i let my room mate fuck me while we were both drunk and now i regret it. he is acting hpyer nice to me now and shit. im not fucking gay what the hell
>>27049405Yeah, I mean this. I find a job after all this time and like everything else I've tried to do and accomplished you were right there to put me down and make me feel like shit. I heard every word out of your fucking mouth about how it was bullshit, and I was full of shit. Where the fuck did that come from? You can't stand not having anyone to shit on and you walk around with this air of pretentiousness and superiorty that you haven't fucked earned. You're sitting in a chair in front of the TV slurry barely holding your head up and talking shit about your own son. The son that you wouldn't let go, and the parents I should have walked out the door and away from, my fault was trying to do things the right way. You're fucking filth, get some food or another bottle in your mouth and hopeful that'll make you shut the fuck up for a while. I despise you.
They need my semen for some sort of metaphysical eugenics spell, don't they?
>>27049168I know you don’t use this site but if you’re her, yes.
>>27049561Sorry fren, but I'm a man. Talk to her if you regret it.
I'm too nosy, I'm sorry.
My boyfriend is basically a simp. He tries way too hard and it's starting to annoy me. We've been together for 5 years but I can't take it anymore. I want to get out but I don't know how so I just pretend it's fine. As long as I play my part, it will be fine right?
>>27049669I hate women like you wouldn't believe
Oh. It's blackmail. Let me pull up some causality charts.
>>27049540I got a job as a merchandiser for some company that works out of Walmart. Not the best pay at $11.50 an hour, and part time, but it's something and what I could find at the moment. I'm not letting her bring me down, she can sit her fucking ass in that chair and drink herself to death for all I care. When it comes down to everything, all of this was because of her, and to hear her say shit like that fucking had me livid. I'm still pissed. I have put in other applications, so if something comes through that's better and I get hired, I'll kick this one aside. Until then, I'll do what I have to.
I feel like puking, I think I'm paranoid about this but i think people i cut off are claiming I'm right wing or something like that to influence my friends against me.I'm politically incorrect with my jokes, i don't talk about politics, yeah sure i support the LGBT, abortion, i hate christians, I've made that known between these people, etc, but I'll still joke about fucked up shit.I might be paranoid about this but idk this happened once because I said i believed in free speech.
>>27049711>I'll still joke about fucked up shit.This right here is your problem, bud.
>>27049697All of this would have never happened if they would have just left me alone in Richmond, or let me get that car. Literally all of this is because of them.
>>27049484Can't wait for them to flock into my life.
I remember this part from middle school.Fuck you, Wishmaster.
I still love you. I still dream about you. I still think about our plans. I still cry over not having you sleeping by my side, by my lap, by my chest. I still feel awkward and suicidal when I realize I'm not holding your hand. I would like you to know that I want you back and that everything can be sorted out.
>>27045996 Last November I had a mental breakdown at work and quit. I've been unemployed until now. I'm struggling with suicidal ideation, paranoia, intrusive violent thoughts, insomnia, and fear of our political situation. Professionals are useless, abusing weed gives me poisoned solace, and I swing between hope that God loves me and fear that God hates me. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if I'm the Antichrist and current events are heralding my arrival. I have a few months of savings left before I will have to find employment or choose suicide. Now that's enough negative. Today I beat the Arkham Knight attack on Gotham PD sequence without dying once on Knightmare, better than ever before. Trump, Kavanaugh, and Alex Jones are getting hunted by their karma in court. The woke are slowly being called out for the facists and groomers that they are. And if I'm the Antichrist things are gonna get weird when Jesus gets here cause I'm gonna put him in charge of this goddamned world and burn anyone alive who balks at it. You apes aren't fit to run a lemonade stand much less a planet.Don't bother responding, just wanted to get it off my chest.
>>27049724I hate it man, but my jokes were barely fucked up with those guys, hell i make worse jokes with people who are all left wingers like me and they don't give a fuck.My friend was shocked someone would think this of me when i brought it up to her.
It's 2 in the night and my throat is hurting so damn badly every time i swallow that i can't sleep. I've tried everything – tea with honey, three types of medicine – it hurts even worse. Guess i'm not sleeping tonight. I hate it, i hate being ill, i want to fucking sleeeep
There was no promise madeThe part you playedThe chance... you took
I just can’t get the idea of blowing my brains out in the woods out of my head. I know it wouldn’t be a good solution but it’s all I can think about.
I think I may have cancer
>>27049849>Trump, Kavanaugh, and Alex Jones are getting hunted by their karma in court. >The woke are slowly being called out for the facists and groomers that they are.So uh...are you right or left leaning?I'm sorry to hear about your troubles by the way, I hope your situation improves
I need a biting pillow. Something small and plain. The right fabric is super important, that way it’ll be super satisfying. I really just want a pillow where I can go full on primal and (slowly) tear it apart. Then on to a new one.
>>27049536u gay niqqa
>work is miserable and only getting worse>administration views us like a coven of leprous, lazy parasites >had to stop seeing my therapist because she isn't on my medical plan>every therapist listed online isn't seeing new clients for monthsJust thinking about the upcoming months makes me feel like I'm going to fucking puke.
my ex ate me out twice yesterday and some other things…the chemistry and everything was so good i keep thinking about it all day and then have to do something about it. i think it’s a problem. i’m still hurt and was weary to even hang out indoors or do anything. but he was being so attentive the whole time? i told him we can’t f*** and he said okay i wont i promise, but still take these off. and he kept his promise. he even called me his little slut. i’m confused what is going on. our breakup was messy and spiteful and i feel like i made things more complicated now…maybe some males can give me some perspective.
>>27050264why did you break up
>>27050270theres too many deeper issues to explain in a post but basically we were fighting a lot even tho we have good chemistry connection otherwise communication and insecurity and trust issues within the relationship. and he handles conflict unhealthy ways sometimes so he ended up threatening to block me and did that anyways, and broke up with me, blocked me on everything when i kept trying to pursue it, said some pretty mean shit while doing so too. later he said he did regret some of its and it was bc he was hurting etc. the thing is he acted like he was ready to move on from me, and that’s what makes me weary. like he cant help but be loving towards me after this bc chemistry or its all manipulation?
>>27050282Seems like manipulation or he has some emotional problems. Stay aware.
If I could go back to age 14 with the knowledge to make all the right decisions in my teenage years and early adulthood, everything would be different. I mean seriously, everything. I wouldn't be here. I would have great friends. A career would be blossoming. I had every single one of those opportunities, and I squandered every one. I could have been normal and happy, and I realize that I’m living in the darkest possible timeline of my life. Things could have been so much different. I mean, the opposite of my life. And I know exactly what I was supposed to do. But it’s too late.
>>27050282yes, that's manipulation. He's expecting you to chase him, blocking you and acting like he's going to leave is how he's grooming you so he's in control. He will intermittently reinforce this, which is going to hurt you a lot and break you down. The chemistry isn't real, it's a trick because he's smart enough to know what you like and dishonest enough to pretend to be that.It's hard to tell exactly what kind of dynamic it is, but you should probably know you're not the problem here and if you're feeling like you're the problem it's him tricking you into thinking that. You need mutual compromise and he has to know that he's hurting you and he can't get away with that kind of shit. Communicate your needs and set boundaries, otherwise he'll walk all over you. Eventually you will probably be discarded unless you're codependent enough to put with the horseshit like blatantly being cheated on or used and treated like human garbage.The nature of how this turns out depends on if it's bpd or npd. bpds don't want you to leave and are afraid of you. npds don't want you to leave and want to dominate you. Figure it out. Either way they need therapy and you should absolutely tell them that if they try to talk to you again, and if they react badly to that or don't follow up on that in any way block them and never look back.
I wanted to talk with you. I wanted to just pass time with you and share how our life is going.But after what we have done, i feel you would never see it the same way i see. I wish we could erase each others memories so we could just talk again.I hate how powerless i am in this situation. I hate how we treated each other. No matter what i do, whenever i try to reach you i know it would only look like i want things back.I don't care J. Please, let's just forget it all and just be friends and if i try any move it's your call to end it again.
I am completely sexless and I don't know what to do about this. I'm not upset about not having sex but the idea that being sexless means I'll probably never have a significant other nor a family does seem weird when it's what humans are expected to do biologically. A huge area of human life is completely alien to me.
I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom for a good few years. He still might be, but I have no proof of it.I always felt bad that I never talked to him, but now I'm glad for it. My mom would always be the one trying to get me to talk to him. She'd always defend how shitty of a person he was. But the whole time he was just cheating on her. I'm glad he's just some sad wagecuck whose kids won't talk to him. I wish it didn't end up affecting me in the long run, but he deserves it all.
Sometimes I'm irrational and don't make any sense but I'm going to cut it all out
I shouldn't have smoked all those cigarellos I've cause so much irreversible tissue damage to myself now, now I might get cancer. I really hope I'm going to be OK.
I feel you :)(not for a guy)
I feel completely trapped by my past. Everything that my mother, father, and family have done left a mark on me mentally, and I can't break past it. I've been judged and laughed at my entire life for everything I said, so now I lack comfortability in talking about myself and related things. Everyone I've confided in has betrayed me, so I had no one to talk to, and now I have trust issues. I was picked on since I was a child and at home. I have no self-esteem or confidence because of it. I have terrible mood swings like my mother, except mine are shorter and last for hours instead of days. I dissociated for the first time in 1 year today and I can't believe it. I just want friends and people to confide in. The only thing on my mind right now is freedom. I want to be free from my past and its effects it left on me. I just want to be free from the pain and loneliness.
>>27050510What’s wrong exactly? What do you need to confide about that you wish you had people to confide to? You can vent here. Sorry you’re feeling this way. But don’t be hopeless, being aware is the first step.
>>27050521>>27050525you sound like you know what you need to do. There's really not much more explaining to be done or things to talk about, because no matter what the answer is the same. You know it's bad for you and in your gut you know you don't want this, but part of you still wants to believe it's true. Believe me, I know what that feels like. But it has to stop at some point, and trust me it will, so it's better that you do it now and don't let that person take any more control of your life unless they explicitly start going to therapy and make progress. Check in with their therapist to make sure this is happening.
>>27050540sorry, i deleted my replies to post it again. but thank you for your response.the thing is, are people really able to fake chemistry like this? i guess he could, bc it was all catered towards me. but partly also felt genuine. that’s what fucks with my head.i probably need to be strong enough to cut it off entirely or something. damn it.
I don't want to say that it's over, but I'm kind of getting around to it.
>>27050586If it sounds genuine but fucked up at the same time, this really raises a red flag.Watch how he uses words like "I will change" "I can't live without you" and similar stuff. These are almost 101 of manipulation
I fucking hate working with women. No matter how qualified they may be on paper, they always put themselves above the task at hand. In fact, the more qualified they are on paper, the worse they are it seems. It is always "well, the voices of women...ummm mansplaining...I'm here to empower women..." and all this other shit. It's like we have a very well defined fucking problem we need to tackle. No one is putting their ego in this or their identity. It is all of us working on getting a project done, but these fucking women just have to approach everything with this weird feminist angle that just takes whatever flow or productivity everyone has and totally derails it. This is the third team I have been on where this has been a problem. Women just can't fucking dissolve into a team and do their job. They always need to act like they're a fucking civil rights icon and you can't call them out on it so just go from having really productive and constructive meetings to everyone just being quiet and sort of staring at each other. It is so damn demoralizing because in theory there is no reason a woman shouldn't be a perfectly fine addition to a team, but in practice, something just goes horribly wrong and everyone of them always has a chip on their shoulder.
I don't want to say it's over either, but maybe it always was. The love will remain.
>>27050586>the thing is, are people really able to fake chemistry like this?notoriously so.
>>27050535>What’s wrong exactly? I feel alone and disregarded by everyone. I feel alone because I've never made any friends, and I don't have any right now. I also feel like my mother (her family as well) and father have both neglected me. They don't realize what they've done as parents and how their actions severely impacted me as a child and gave me terrible habits and self-esteem/self-image issues. I feel disregarded because no one takes me seriously, and everyone in the world pretends like I don't exist. Everything I say I get laughed at or ridiculed for, and I hate it. It makes me feel not human.>What do you need to confide about that you wish you had people to confide to?What I mean by>I just want friends and people to confide inis that I just want someone there for me. Someone who genuinely cares about me. Someone I can trust and cry on. I'm not talking like a romantic partner or anything, I mean a genuine friend I can feel safe around and trust. I've been crying daily recently and I'm always alone when it happens. No one to care, no one to help me. I was diagnosed with depression back in 2019, but I stopped therapy (legally) in May. I've felt overwhelmed with sadness that turns into anger towards everyone recently. I went to dinner with my father not too long ago, and I couldn't stop the tears falling down my face, from the pain of loneliness and anger from feeling disregarded. I was able to hide them though thanks to my hair being conveniently long enough. Earlier today at work (10 AM) I dissociated for the first time in a year. I was working but felt like I wasn't doing anything, like my body was moving on its own. And I did that for around an hour, even though it didn't feel like it. I was completely aloof and felt emotionally numb.
>>27050612well that makes me feel like shit. :( think he’d admit it? no probably. and i’ll still be left wanting it.
I got fired for trusting a mental health counselor, so I'm just trying to deal with getting scrutinized again by a future employer. What will they find? Will it be embarrassing? Will they deny me? Is there anything I can do? I'm not a school shooter. I don't want to hurt anyone. Why can't people just accept that? Why can't I just be left alone? Why can't I just be left to do my job, and then go home to do what I want, to think what I want?I feel like a cube that has to round off his edges to fit in a world full of spheres. At once more stable and less flexible than everyone else. Not rolling downhill so easily, but not being able to.I can't even look at my parents any more. I feel anger for having to deal with them and guilt for being angry with them. I'm not a good son, it seems. I wouldn't even be a good spouse or parent, though I wish I could be.I just want to be a little cube in a little corner, holding up a pillar to make sure everyone else can keep rolling along. Just let me die in silent peace, just wait for me to die before you replace me. I don't need to be important. All I ever wanted was to be useful. I wanted to be a good tool set for a good purpose. But whenever I find a good purpose, I find I'm a bad tool.
My boss who caught COVID came back to work today. I passed her when I was getting a snack but otherwise stayed out of that department for today. Hopefully nothing happens tonight or over the weekend, because I’ve got family events happening.
>>27050632>think he’d admit it?almost never.
>get on steam>friend sets his status to away almost immediately>switch mine to invisible>he switches his back to "online"....
Thinking of you. Again. Like always.
I'm a virgin about to have sex in the immediate future and I don't know what kind of "precautions" I need to be aware of because of being pretty big down there and from the advice I have sought it was all people saying I was larping or gay guys asking for pictures.
Go to the fucking concert, you wanted to go, you got the ticket. Get out of the house and enjoy yourself, you need it. Don't wake up tomorrow whining about how you don't want to go. I know it sucks you're not able to do it the way you want, and you're embarrassed to have your dad bring you. You wish it could be done on your own, with your own car, your own money, and being able to fully enjoy something. You still can, don't miss out because you feel like shit over everything, stop telling yourself "next time", there won't be a next time. You got some of your fav bands playing, there's no reason why you shouldn't go.
I hate reading the things posted here. And I hate thinking that some of it was actually my favorite person. It makes me want to cry after everything that happened. I will always love you. It was the best of times and the worst of times.
>>27050742And what the fuck were you going to do anyway? Sit here in front of the computer whining about your problems that everyone's heard about a million times and drinking? Get out of the house.
>>27050755Your favorite person doesn't post here.
>>27050763wrong, unfortunately, probably.
I latch onto my K-pop husbandos because they exist to make me happy and they're supposed to love me regardless of how dysfunctional I am. They don't mess with my head or tell me about how pretty/ier their exes were or make me feel like I'm going to be just another girl they'll forget about when I've decided that they were my whole world. You make me feel like nothing I do will ever be enough but to my K-pop husbando I'm already their dream girl from the get go. I pushed and am still pushing myself to become a stacy because I want someone to see me and decide that I am worth the effort. But what happens if I reach my full potential and the one I love still makes me feel like I'm not pretty enough, not interesting enough, not worth having a future with? That's what it felt like yesterday. I had to leave because I couldn't take it. I guess I just need some alone time.
>>27050757And yeah, your parents should have let you get that car, but it didn't happen. Cope with it,and go. Shit, you have every right to be embarrassed, who wouldn't? But none of those people are going to know you, or care how you got there or not.
>>27050699Girls are different inside, some don't have an issue with extra dick. For those that do, avoid positionS that allow a lot of depth, like doggy style. If you are in the US, you won't be able to find comfortable condoms unless you order them online. If your dick is too long for normal sex, keep your hand around the base while fucking. If you dick has too much girth, just use lube and more foreplay. Anal takes practice, but it's prolly the only time you'll get to bury your shaft to the hilt. For the most part, girls don't fucking care about dick size, except when you accidentally cock punch their uterus. Pussy gets sore fast, use whatever is handy to finish, fucking between thighs actually works pretty well.
>>27050755Then talk to him, you dumb shit. Stop being a dumbass
>>27050781you're mentally ill and you're gonna eventually want to become FTM. seriously, get your shit together
>>27049836If I'm where you left me, why not come on by
The one I want likes to sip gin neat. How could I want anyone who can't appreciate tasteful bitterness? How could I look them in the eye, knowing "pleasant" will always win with them - but only because it's the only competition?Pretending is fun, I know. I have no argument against pretending "in itself," as we can understand it. But there are places where even Pretending has to be Real - where Pretending is Real - and for it to be valuable, it must be discrete. That's the whole point!
>>27050992It has aromatic undertones and notes of citrus.
>>27050205Thank you. Right leaning but I want every Republican elected official (and every other elected official) audited to verify their integrity or lack thereof.
>>27050885So lube, foreplay, don't put it all in, avoid the uterus. I can remember that. Thank you.
Holy fuck, I want her to fall for me even half as hard as I did for her. God, please give me these last two weeks I have before she moves back to her party college. Let her give me a chance, and then let her pass judgement. I have to tell her how I feel before she leaves or the regret will kill me.
>>27045996Diversity/gender quotas creeping in for white collar jobs. Also creeping in for blue collar jobsWomen have a monopoly on entry level unskilled cushy jobs like admin. Even profession female workersband HR girls think its weird when a guy applies for the reception role. So which jobs are supposed to be left for the guys in the near future?
>>27051037J-J-J-J-J-J-JAM IT IN
How do I escape from being the 'sweet' guy? Is it even possible for girls to be attracted to a sweet guy? I hate my life. I just want to be a man and have a human relationship with a woman. Why do I have to be mean to people in order to get that? It's some kind of cruel joke.
>>27051059I think we have to find mean bitchy girls that we are still patient with allowing them to relax around us, sweet girls get tired of it and want someone bad eventually
>>27051000You get it. A lot of people don't.
>watching livestream of a cat sanctuary>Dog walks in>All the cats stop and stare at it>ohshit.gif>Type in chat "Are the cats afraid?">Woman asks "Do they look afraid?" In a condescending toneI know she most likely didn't mean anything bad, but I've been thinking about this all day and no matter how much I try to forget I feel so embarrassed.
>>27050963I don't want to be a man and I'm not attracted to girls. Every relationship just seems to trigger/worsen my insecurities and trust issues and it's setting me back from getting mentally better
Where do I go to find an escort? I just want to fuck a girl and get it over with.
>>27051118kpop is a big psyop, it's not about being attracted to girls but about body image issues. just stop it.
I'm very good at stalking people but I'm not stalking you out of respect and no other reason. If I wanted, I could track everything you do in real time. Instead, I will stay months apart from you not tracking you down until I get there and see for myself if you're expecting my child or not, then either solving things between us or finishing them for good and probably killing myself in the process.
I have to seal that part of me, it can only bring ruin
>>27047872"Don't judge your insides by other people's outsides," something my dad would say at times.He can't take anything from you. You your integrity and your will. You'll have those until you let go of them. Don't let go, dude. Don't let other people's hate build hate in you, but don't let it remove your will to go on as hard as you can. There will be obstacles, but you will survive them. Some you will have to walk around, others you will overcome. Keep going, and take every step towards making the world better. You can make people happy to know you, glad that you are there. There always are people who will honestly love you, so please do not give up. God be with you.
I finally did it. The one thing that was keeping me alive (the book I was writing) is done. Just posted the final chapter.I'm not really sure what I'm feeling right now. I'm pretty tired but I'm pretty sure that this is the end. I have nothing left to live for now. I wanted to see that book done and done well and now it is.
I never earned anything. It was all given. Even when I ran harder, faster, and longer than I had before. Even when I pushed until my palms and shoulders ached. Even when I drilled in the sun or the night. Even when I memorized every single line required of me. Even when I polished it to a shine and pressed it to a crisp line. That piece of brass *was* given, not earned. Even when you told me I earned it, you weren't really talking to me. You must have been talking to an idealized version of me, a figment of your imagination. If I really earned that brass, if I really earned that ribbon, if I really earned moving on, then I would have earned becoming the guidon bearer. But I didn't. Those things were all given to me, but the guidon was earned by someone else. My best, my everything, and my peak... it was all for nothing. I would have received it all even if I hadn't tried. And then you left us, left me, because you had served your time among the unwashed masses. You'll make a great officer one day. You'll be in the trenches, all buddy-buddy with your men when the war is hot, but as soon as it's over, you'll go back to those artificial lines. You'll make sure that those nasty enlisted marines know that you, an officer, don't interact with their kind unless you have to. That's how it feels to me, now.
I unironically and only half-jokingly repeat "I am the neurotypical now" to myself while going on my morning walk after waking up at 5:30AM because I'm a severely autistic retard who turned his life around at 30 and nobody can know that I was a NEET and a hikikomori for nearly 10 years. I just got a six figure job completely without education or previous experience and I'm already excelling, making connections, being noticed by others. Nobody knows that I was a complete loser just a few short months ago.I am the neurotypical now.
>>27051170Please don't. Burgess finished A Clockwork Orange expecting to die after finishing it, but although he never again achieved mainstream sucess he was a prolific writer after a miracle
Of course I'm embarrassed and ashamed, I still am. Imagine your parents driving you around at fucking 32 YEARS OLD.
>>27051170Congrats on finishing the book anon. Reward yourself and take some time to be dead, figuratively. Life can seem meaningless after you finish something that took a lot of effort, but you'll be working on the next big thing when you're ready again.
I'm done anons.4 years on all sorts of antidepressants and i still can't win over my social phobia, i still miss my ex i can't do shit my friend keeps ghosting me after i confessed to her while drunk and in no way i see myself achieving anything unless crawling in deep shit and blood.I'll do my crap, drink while i can and just enjoy life in my tight bedroom.
>long road to 30>finally able to move out>bought my first major piece of furniture>almost 2k for two couches >just finished building themI sit here in an empty apartment for the most part. This has been a long time coming. I’ve flooded this board in the past with posts about heartbreak or stress or financial woes. Let this be a glimmer of hope. Just seeing my dog relaxing here. She loves it. She deserves it. I still have a ton to buy and still long for something more. But this feels nice.
I did it all to myself, but I never belonged to this time or place
If it s enough then why are you so frustated thenYou do want that fifty grand a month. Me doing it. Fuck you. Fuck you and your entire worthless garbage ancestry and your wntire dipshit bloodline you are so proud off where the only thing they can do is to be carriedfuck you
I broke up with my girlfriend and felt nothing at all
>>27051364then it was over long ago
I bought a bag of hersheys kisses and some cans of soup but somehow I misplaced them and I don't know where they are. I wonder if I left them at the grocery store somehow.
it's over for me. I have too many physical flaws with my body. plenty with my mind. I hope it doesn't take long from now
I hate humans
>>27051059>>27051405So kys human
>>27051424no I'm literally just living to get away from you all one day
there's not a shred of love out there in societyit's all just abuse
Holy dogshit, this is the third night in 4 days that a cop has pulled over someone in front of my house. What the actual fuck? Can the police fuck off? They're not welcome here.
>>27051528You say that until you call the police on someone for doing crime outside your home
>>27051615Police are too busy writing tickets for people running through speed traps to fight actual crime.
I hate how naturally good I am at deducing things. This isn't a humble brag, it's a massive source of anxiety. I constantly create negative interpretations of what I predict or deduce because I'm not necessarily good at predicting how people will act rather than how events will play out.This all sounds very vague and disconnected as I type it, but tl;dr I'm getting worked up over something I shouldn't be getting worked up about. I think it's just jealousy.
So the saints are noobs too.
Heavens sure dislikes you.And you are left out bitter.No wonder theres no nice things here
Boy, no hope here indeed.
Ah i forgot. Its in conflict currently.Or whatever. Its always in conflict.
The only way eternal life can have meaning. As to form the statement "withouf death, life has no meaning" as said by the uh...streamer. or perhaps the world. Without beinf aware of its own "eternity"
I'm in love with someone I can't have. I try to fix myself for them but in the end I know it will be useless because their feeling is not mutual. What's the point of even doing anything for yourself if you don't have a partner to spend it with? Friends are cool and all, but I miss having that intimate partner that I can be comfortable with; the person I can really feel like myself to, the one I want to spend my time and happiness with. I don't want to be a burden to them, but it's so fucking frustrating. They know I love them, I've done everything I can for them. Why aren't they in love with me? I'm the only one of the opposite sex they talk to, I'm the only one that they confide in to vent to. Why the fuck do they not want to take that chance with me? I know it sounds like I feel like I'm owed something, but fucking hell, I just wish that for once I can finally have somebody to call my own. I love them so fucking much that it hurts. Why won't they be in love with me.
Oh no I've made a mistake, I really really hope this was a minor mistake...
>>27051711Been there, in a different way. Some things sadly, aren't meant to be. And if they are, perhapa not right now. Or maybe it's best it never happens for unforseen reasons.
>>27051711I feel this 100%I have someone I genuinely love, but I know I'd get rejected and part of it is because neither of us are in a place to date and she lives on the other side of the country. I don't know if she knows how I feel and I'm afraid of telling her how I feel. We've spent countless hours just shooting the shit and chilling and I don't want to do anything that could hurt that in any way. I know I should give up on those feelings, but it's hard to give up on something you feel that deeply, you know?
>>27051728Not him or her, but from my experience, long distance is never good. Only in the event that you move in together and marry. But consider strongly the variables.. consider your families opinion, even if you think it's dumb.
>>27051762I can say with clear confidence that I'd be willing to make the move if anything happened, but I highly doubt anything would. I consider it a near zero possibility just because of where she's at in life and likewise where I am.
Was i supposed to address something this lame? Gosh the living sure is petty. Thats why the are bound the immortality huh
>>27051766Hmm. Bro, years of my life I wish I could do differently. Be careful with long distance. It's always best to know the person face to face. I met a narcissist that way, almost married her. I'm glad God pulled me out of that one in time.
Just some typical faces among petty worthless peopleSince yer this stupid even god hates that kind
>>27051774Of course I'd like to meet them in person first and it's not out of the question. It almost happened before the pandemic happened, but the pandemic happened.
Your saintly attempt is so dirt even the gods hate it. No wonder yer irritable. Best to keep carrying weights you hate.
>>27049604I can’t, she moved on and got a new boyfriend.
Mampus to you all indeed. Sad no lifers with nothing but me to pawn. No friends good enough but me. Heh
Muslim is feminist now: most men just dont appeal that good anymore.But once the women are unappealing... its masculine.Arent life uncontrollably malleable to the eternity
I know I fucked up in the past, but it's been 5 years now, stop trying to ruin my life and fucking move on.
>>27051816Well arent you popular
I just stared at it for a while I know it is kind of silly but it made my stomach flutter I am sitting in bed still thinking about it
I want to go live in the woods. That way I might not fal in love with anyone ever again. I wouldn’t have to feel this.
>>27051889we could live in the log cabin together anon
>>27051889The woods have animals to love.
I'm not afraidTo grab my ballsEverybodyCome grab my balls
Wake up. Are the little fuckers still there? Yep. They're still there. Another night. Another morning. Ilive another day just to wait for the end of my slow, painful death.
>>27051947Stop checking my playlist
>>27045996I caught mysefl reading way too much comments online whether it's on this site, youtube, news websites, reddit.The subject doesn't always interest me. Sometimes I read youtube comments about Arsenal without even watching the video, then read reddit comments about something going on in the geopolitical world while neither watching the video or reading the news article in question.I don't even participate in the conversations happening (unless it's on 4chan)I don't know what to do with this information, but it seems like it serves no real purpose and is just timewaste.
>>27051054I'm feeling this. I work in a subsection of the entertainment industry that's doing a HUGE diversity push right now, and as a middle-class, straight, white, cis, blonde-haired, blue-eyed male, I'm really not feeling too confident in my job applications considering what they're looking for. Luckily I've got a somewhat steady gig in my field, but it's only part time at a small place.
Lord, give me the resolve to resist my family's pressure for me to get married.I will not live a McLife.
How do people get time to do anything? I do like 2-4 hours of chores every morning and then my job for the rest of the day.
Some "gay ish" men come here and somehow the theist goes nuts and say crazy thingsI guess thats the "love" and compassion their god taught them and theyre not given to heal anyone even themselves...for good reason.
This is my finger, it has eczemaIt doesn't hurt much but it looks gross.
>>27052338Building an eczema diet: healthy fats and bad fatsApple cider vinegar for eczema: How it works and uses
The other day there was a fire near my house. They got the guy who started it, he was drunk, alcoholic depressed and he has 3 kids. He started 7 fires in a row so the fire spread fast and was hard to put out.
I don't have>my own longterm housing>savings>a bank account>a phone number>a relationship>a jobHow am I even living
>>27051059Start advocating for your own needs even if it means the person might walk away. Sweet is just code for people pleaser.
Aw man I fucked up, time to start fixing it today
I’ve noticed myself more frequently speaking aloud social situations, whether it be set in the past or possible future scenarios. I was able to realise straight away and snap myself out of the daydream/sleepwalk, but now I feel like I’ve been in the trance for longer than usual. Sometimes I would repeat a phrase over and over again in a loop, or go through a partial conversation with a person from my past.I’m thinking it’s some sort of anxiety. Has anyone had experience with this, any adv?
I won't get anywhere if you fuckers have influence over me. So that means I have to be the fat gross smelly loser degenerate freak monster then. I'm down with that, assholes.
>>27052701Oh yeah I forgot LAZY too. Time to embrace the lazy!
Time to damage control my life.
>>27051170No close that book and open the Bible. It’s not the end until God says it is the end
I feel like a fucking manchild that was never allowed to grow up, not a grown man.
>>27053036>I'm going to this concert and it was like how it was when I was a teen. "You have clean clothes? Are you shaved? We need to get your haircut? You're not wearing pants it's too hot, have you taken a shower? Have you washed your hair? Are your shoes fine?". I'm sitting here getting fucking badgered by them when I'm already livid I couldn't get that car and I'm having my fucking dad drive me all the way to Richmond to see a concert at 32 fucking years old. No money of my own, nothing. I'm pissed.
>>27053045>>27053045Fuck man, why couldn't I have had parents that didn't give a fuck? I would have been so much better off, and all this "help" bullshit is all about control. I'm fucking embarrassed and humiliated and I'm not even around anyone. I feel like such a fucking dork.
i am talking to my ex of 5 years to try and mend things and ultimately date her again but it is living hell and i am going fucking crazy. she has bpd and splits on me from time to time and when that happens i drink myself like a fish. i feel like im killing myself but i feel like im dying without her. the highs of the relationship feel like no other and the lows of the relationship feel like a bottomless pit. i don't know how im supposed to stop talking to her because im obsessed with her. i love this woman so much and id do anything to be with her again. our relationship is very traumatic and we're both clearly hurt from each other but it feels so good when we're together. i plan on moving closer to her because she's 5 hours apart from me currently. am i fucking idiot for doing this?
>>27050264>>27050308>>27050540>>27050612ok so, what do i do…? :(
It's a nice morning out today. Might rain. I'd like to make my awful approximation of Thai curry sometime soon. My mom wants me to paint pictures, I think that's not a bad idea.
>>27053050I'm pissed, and I did go get my haircut because I kind of needed it. But damn, why get angry at me, because I'm angry that I'm a grown man still being carted around by his parents? It's so fucking lame and embarrassing. I could have had that fucking car, but noo. I should be doing things on my own, the way I want to do them, when I want to do them and not have to worry about anyone else, or rely on them. All shit I've tried to get away from.
>>27053279God damnit motherfucker, that's all I wanted. Just to be left alone, and be able to do and worry about my own shit. I feel like a manchild, and I hate it.
>>27053281YES MOMMY DEAREST I DO HAVE ON DEODARANT, WANT TO WIPE MY ASS TO? I hate this fucking family so bad, god damn.
>>27053300YES YES WE CAN GO TO THE FUCKING COBRA SINCE YOU TAINTED THE PLACE WITH YOUR PRESENCE. IT DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME.
I feel so much happier acknowledging I don't want to fuck or be involved with most pretty women I see.
I don't even want them lol
Damn. Over two to nine hours later and the little fuckers are going at it harder and faster than ever before. Looks like my 30 to 60 minutes of exercise did today what it did yesterday and a few other times this year, and last year, and the year before, and the year before that one. Which they just told me was what they wanted to happen--shortly before laughing. Now they're threatening using LB.
>>27053095learn to accept it. Set boundaries, make sure you clearly communicate absolutely everything you want and did want before and that caused the break up. Tell them they should attend therapy, and if they can't meet you totally on what you want, it's over. If you don't have boundaries and let that person control you they will until you stop, and in the meantime the same exact things are going to play out again and again or you're going to learn to be a slave and your soul will die and you will experience emotional pain and turmoil you did not know was possible.
>>27053095>>27053906Also, I know how hard this is. I spent the last few months trying to fix things and let myself be controlled by some retard who used me for validation, nothing more. Different flavor of retard from yours, probably, but at its core is the same desire for control. It just manifests itself in different ways.It's a hard pill to swallow that none of it was real. That none of the things you wanted were real. I figured it out pretty quick, but do you know what? It didn't matter. I still loved them more than anything, so I let myself be controlled and walked into the same exact traps over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. I saw them exactly for what they were, knew exactly what was happening, who this person was, and why they were doing. But my feelings were stuck and I was so desperate to make things work anyway I just let this person mess with my head.That's what it's like. Even when you know what's happening, your emotions and manipulated feelings are what's keeping you in a spot you know you don't want to be in. You should probably go to therapy if you can. Start reminding yourself any time this person talks to you that you DON'T want this, because it isn't real and it's not actually what you want. Repeat it in your head if you have to. Stay strong, keep your boundaries or go no contact, and eventually it gets better.
...and now they're accusing a cousin not present nor has he ever been here.
Damn. They really just don't give a fuck.