>4/10 woman>usually dress like shit, get lightly bullied for lack of care but fine with it >know the right things to do to look better but rarely do >when I do things to boost me to a 5-6/10 (dressing nice, smiling more) normies are much nicer and treat me better>I hate it because I don't like attention or eyes on me>Get so uncomfortable when strangers try to talk to me, don't known how to respond >men look at me for longer than a second and it makes me feel like a whore>Much more comfortable being frumpy even if means getting treated by shit by these same peopleI want to feel better about myself but not if it means having to put up with shallow people. Is there a healthy middle ground? I could lose some weight but I'm scared of the unwanted attention of looking healthier
>>26445529Get internal family systems therapy
>>26445550AHA, THE MAN IS HERE. INCREDIBLE.
>>26445529tits first or gtfo, no advice until then
>>26445708( . Y . )
>>26445529Depends on you, its definitely worth it, but if you don't mind the negatives sure. You're not a whore because men look at you. >>26445580lol
>>26445804why is it worth it?
>>26445529Yes, you should always look to improve. A lot of this is just in your head, you've spent too much time on the internet and it's warped your perception of everything including "Normies" who are probably in the same boat you are.
>>264455291. tits or gtfo2. it is always worth to improvebut now you seem that you don't need to work on your appearance but on how you perceive it, and how others perceive you
Change your thinking about normies and then do whatever you wish. I dress like shit a lot too but that is because I want to feel comfortable and do not care at all about normie judgment even when I'm still aware that they do it. But my thinking is that normies are extremely pathetic losers who are so mentally ill that they can't even simply go buy food at a grocery store without making Karen eyes at everybody else, they are so insecure that they need to judge absolute strangers. And I have gained no problem at all telling normies that I didn't leave the house to talk to them, when I'm dressed nicer and they think I'm one of them. Dressing down to avoid them or dressing like them to get their attention means they control you. Do what you need and let them go fuck themselves. As far as I'm concerned a normie can judge me for real the second it pays all of my bills.
>>26445821My perception is pretty bad yeah. but I feel like uggo or not I can't relate and will always be weird and difficult to talk to. so I think I would rather be unapproachable and ugly and left alone.>>26445834Wouldn't it be safer to have others perceptions of me be worse so I am safe and left alone? if I look better and am expected to be normal and nice and they realize I'm not, couldn't that put me in danger?
>>26445865you're right but I:m just so meek that it's hard not to let them control me, I hate it
>>26445871What kind of danger are you anticipating, yelling and swearing at an NPC malfunctioning at perceiving that they were deceived? Walk away from those psychos.
>>26445894I don't know anon. I have caught the attention of some scary people before and I think it's a big reason why I prefer being invisible.
>>26445871>Wouldn't it be safer to have others perceptions of me be worse so I am safe and left alone? if I look better and am expected to be normal and nice and they realize I'm not, couldn't that put me in danger?how you look changes how you actually doif you keep taking care of yourself, you will start to enjoy it as well and think of yourself better
>>26445529How do I attract a girl like OP?
>>26446002>if you keep taking care of yourself, you will start to enjoy it as well and think of yourself betterI don't think I'm capable of that oddly enough.>>26446516Something something mentally illness.
>>26445529>I could lose some weight but I'm scared of the unwanted attention of looking healthierThe benefit is that you will physically and mentally feel better. Feeling more productive within yourself by exercise and restricting your diet will at least help you and definitely as heard feel more calm with yourself overall. I definitely suggest doing some yoga or trying simple core exercises at the beginning. The most important thing is that you are doing it for yourself not for the approval from others of course.
>>26446516Dont look for a Stacy.
>>26447997listen to this anon
>>26445809Do you not like looking at yourself while you are dressed up?
>>26446863>I don't think I'm capable of that oddly enough.of taking care of yourself, or feeling better?give both of them a try, you have your whole life in front of you
>>26448110particularly the enjoying it and feeling better part. it just feels wrong, and i feel almost like it's a sham and i'm undeserving. and even if i do get there i will ruin it with my true, ugly character and normies will realize>>26448086not really, i just always feel hideous and awkward even on my better days. the longer you look the more apparent it becomes
>>26448123>particularly the enjoying it and feeling better part. it just feels wrong, and i feel almost like it's a sham and i'm undeserving. and even if i do get there i will ruin it with my true, ugly character and normies will realizetrue and ugly character? your character will be whatever you think it is likegal, sounds like you actually need some therapy and not just 4chan advice :(you have some issues to work out for sure, but please don't give up
>>26448156i am in therapy, my therapist is really nice and sweet and doesn't think there's much wrong with me. i don't know how to convey how deeply fucked i feel on the inside, i'm also bad at talking and i feel like sh'ell just think i'm overexaggerating. i don't think anyone understands how i feel inside, even i hardly do sometimes
>>26448191i can actually totally relate to that, hahaham actually going to therapy as well, group therapy, and it's going shit because i'm not doing much in it honestly and stuck in the same place as before but i get that feeling, of being rotten to the corewhy do you think you might be like that?
>>26448281group therapy sounds nice! I would do it too if I could, you only get out of it what you put in so definitely try to bring up one thing each session. Trust me there's always going to be someone that takes over most of the session with some mundane issue if you don't.I don't know, I guess never really getting told that ever by my parents, always had low self esteem and self worth. other people also validate that i'm worthless so i believe it. i can't build and maintain relationships, people don't seem to want or like me around, things like that. outside of people/relationships, i like being in a hidey hole, but going outside alone makes me nervous and i can't handle crowds well in terms of activities that involve being around others. very rambly sorry i hope that explains it a little
>>26448319i wanted to do it a lot as well, but don't really have anything to bring up anytime, just don't know how to progress in it at all - and everyone has bigger issues than me it seems, divorces breaking up families etc etcwhat didn't you get told by your parents? i've been always told that i'm not doing chores right and keep making mistakes so that tanked my self esteem, but you have to work thru that and stop basing it on just other peoplesand why aren't you unable to maintain relationships, no friends or SOs?>i like being in a hidey hole, but going outside alone makes me nervous and i can't handle crowds well in terms of activities that involve being around otherseven thou i'm fairly good looking and learned myself to dress very well i still sometimes feel the same way so you can do change itand no problem, as long as it helps
>>26448365just talk about that feeling you have of feeling rotten inside, even if it feels incomplete just to get it out there. >what didn't you get told by your parents? anything positive, there was always a focus on what i did wrong and what my flaws were. they were very generous with critiques but never anything positive so it's hard to see myself as anything good or worthy and other people pick up on that as well.> why aren't you unable to maintain relationships, no friends or SOs?bad at making friends in the first place, i come across very boring and sometimes intimidating so people don't know how or want to talk to me and i'm too beta to as well. the few friends i had from school i don't live near anymore. SO, my last relationship is in the limbo stage. doesn't want to commit but we both fear we can't find anyone else and i think we're too different to make it work but still rely on each other.How about you? any friends or gfs?
>>26448406>just talk about that feeling you have of feeling rotten inside, even if it feels incomplete just to get it out there.it's further away from me right now, but that's a good idea, thanks>anything positive, there was always a focus on what i did wrong and what my flaws were. they were very generous with critiques but never anything positive so it's hard to see myself as anything good or worthy and other people pick up on that as well.well, past is past now right? guess you still live with your parents so it might be hard to cut away from them, but try doing your own things and not thinking about their feedback this muchtry to build self-esteem from doing real things, in the real world, things that do matter to you and that you would congratulate others on doing>bad at making friends in the first place, i come across very boring and sometimes intimidating so people don't know how or want to talk to me and i'm too beta to as well. the few friends i had from school i don't live near anymorewhy do you think that you look intimidating and so on? external looks are one of the things you can easily change so that can be a quick fix!>. SO, my last relationship is in the limbo stage. doesn't want to commit but we both fear we can't find anyone else and i think we're too different to make it work but still rely on each other.damn, so why aren't you two breaking up? :(am kinda in a similiar boat, unable to make friends since have only two far away in my country and a gf, we got back together even though we have issues between us but still care a lot about each otherguess sometimes it's better to stick together than be alone in this worldgot some other contact to talk easier or something?if you feel like it ofc
>>26445529>men look at me for longer than a second and it makes me feel like a whoreSounds like someone did a good job shaming you as a child.If you're comfortable not dolling yourself up, then do that. Why do you even care what others think?
>>26448471I hope you get what you need from group! Even if you don't share, it's nice to know you aren't alone and others thought processes can offer good insight.>guess you still live with your parentsI don't live with them anymore actually. If we talk off board i'll tell you more about that.same for >why do you think that you look intimidating and so on?> so why aren't you two breaking up? :(i hope you guys work things out. I know it's difficult. If you want to talk my email is email@example.com
>>26448519>Why do you even care what others think?Because that's also been drilled into my head to take in and consider. I have no self worth for myself and really internalize what others say and do to me even if I know it's bad.
>>26448564sent you a message, check mail
>>26448605hmm, just refreshed and checked spam folder. I don't see anything
>>26448574Do you have health insurance? Get a therapist if so and work that shit out, it is destructive and the longer you wait to deal with it the more it will harm you.Being clean and professionally dressed in a work setting should be enough to satiate your shame and self-esteem. You don't have to paint your face or wear dresses if you don't want to.
>>26448623try firstname.lastname@example.org domain might be blocked by gmail, dammit
>>26448627>Health insurance>Therapistyes and yes, I also am clean and dress professionally at work. I get socially excluded at work also but that might just be not understanding work politics + being mostly female dominated.
>>26448636sent you an email did you get it?
>>26448680yep, sent you a response
>>26448686yeah I didn't get it, google blocked the domain i think. I sent from a different email and that should work
>>26448719waiting for the mail then
>>26448719and sent a responseif proton blocks it as well then fuuuuark
>>26448639>that might just be not understanding work politics + being mostly female dominated.Maybe there is a bit of autism going on there. One of the nurses I work with is a wonderful conversationalist in small settings but she shuts down and defers to others in a big group, she doesn't make friends easily for that reason.I don't think a person should change themselves if this is what their personality is, just make the effort to respond to someone who is making the effort to talk to you and eventually it'll get around that you are a good person. It'll take time, people are tribal.