I wish the thoughts bombarding my brain would stop. I wish I wasn't stressed out anymore. I wish I could ignore people when they don't know what they're talking about. Why can't I stop taking other people's word as law? What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think i messed up with this girlWe used to talk everyday, but a few days ago i said I was lonely and then we had a short conversation about it, Since then she hasnt said good night to me when she sleeps or good morning when she wakes up. And I feel like i ruined it. Just by telling her i was lonely at like 1 am when i was overthinking
>>26444938Never open up to a girl unless you're in a long term relationship with her
>>26444941but she made me feel comfortable and we always opened up to each other about things.
>>26444949Well, you see how it went now
My ego is slowly turning a radio dial in my mind, without purpose.
My only chance. I scared her off by being too clingy. I didn’t even know I was cabable of talking so much. Doing so much.Feeling so much.With her, I turned into a completely different person. Don’t know why, there was just something about her that sparked my obsession.And every second that made me more alive, killed her more inside. No wonder I’m blocked now.
I've been crushing on a girl for a year and it's been killing me. It has caused me so much pain. I've tried getting closer to her but it hasn't gone well. She doesn't seem interested in me at all. I decided to ask her out to put a definite end to this. I was expecting a rejection. I did it yesterday through text (I wanted to do it irl originally, but I'm such a social sperg that I couldn't) but she hasn't replied. It's been a day. I'm pretty sure she's seen it because she's online very often throughout the day and usually she replies within few hours. She's probably thinking about how she's going to phrase her rejection. It fucking sucks. I did it for it to be finally over, but this is just prolonging my suffering. Fucking answer me. I don't want to wait days for "sorry, I'm not interested." Just say it right now.
Stop it with the doubt, you nigger. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am so sick of you, you know-it-all fat sack of shit with glasses. Get the fuck over yourself and stop putting me down all the time.
I have spent the last 4 years having suicidal thoughts.I hate my past, and I have no hope in the future, while the present its just a grey fake shit making the same routine day after day.almost nobody arounf me knows I have this problem, I dont like to talk about it. Only 2 friends know about it because I told them when I was drunk. The rest of people I know just think Im ok or at least that I have a certain problem but they dont know the size of it.A few days ago I had a dream where I burned all the world, nowadays thats just what a I want, to burn it all aorund me including myself and stop existing
>>26444938Is somewhat sad that time after time blackpill reveals itself the exact description of reality.But knowledge about life should not make us sad or self-pity.Accept things the way they are are and keep living, now as a more experienced man.Next time you feel like telling your weakness to someone, chose some random stranger, a barman, etc.Female brains are disgusted by weakness. Morals or ethics are cultural constructs outside their consideration. They are pragmatic, realistic, cold and heartless.Improving species are the superior and only ultimate goal.
You're so quick at changing your mind and going ballistic. It reminds me of myself and it's not very attractive. I love you too.
All I’m holding onto is this notion that I know what I care about now. But people make it really hard
Oh and by the way, you're welcome. Having uplifted you was my pleasure. That applies to the both of you.
i should start worrying about my prostate
Yep I guessed it would go like this. Whatever happened happened, whatever happens happens. I'm not even sad anymore, unlike all the other times.
>>26444863there are worse things than being left behind. like being a shit person because you are left behind. or for fear of it.
Today I left a small discord server because the most active person was annoying af
Why bother looking good, if everyone still thinks I'm weird...I don't want to become weirder but alas
Us but reversedYou're Stella :D
Meh. The larper says one more day one last chance. I say: minimal contact until I'm comfortable with talking with you and I can ascertain you also changed. I'll miss you mad scientist, but it's for the better if we don't talk for a while.Spike, the OG Spike not the Nordic imitation.
>>26445395Posted about wishing me a happy birthday tomorrow you overly dramatic fool. If he doesn't say it, he doesn't care and it will break my heart.
>>26445340what hte fuck
>>26445416Meh again. I'm not even sure when your birthday is and I stand by what I say. You should know my personality enough and you should know I'm not that clingy. Do whatever makes you happy, or as I used to say a long time ago, just bee urself. Hoping you understand the implications of that and don't take it as a "throw all your inhibitions out of the window". I never wanted that like I never wanted lots of things you did.
>>26445644Well, then you can meh yourself into being single. Congrats. It's what you truly want
Killing myself soon. I don’t know how to fix my situation, the woman I love and wanted to speak to refuses to talk to me and I get treated like shit by everybody in real life.
I feel like dating for men is so binary, either you're hot enough for women to ACTUALLY want you, or you have to play the numbers game until you find someone who's willing to date you despite the fact that they aren't attracted to you. Typically because you've made yourself such an appealing option in other ways that they feel shallow for turning you down.I knew dating would be hard as a sub 6ft sub 6 inch male, but I thought if I just lifted hard and worked on my confidence I could meet a girl who's crazy about me. I really envy men with clingy gfs. I wish I was attractive enough to have that.
wish you were a guy i could have a conversation with without you replying in one fuckin word responses. maybe i would be capable of trying again if i knew you were but idk. it's better if i don't hurt myself again iykyk
>>26445980Damn that hurts
She's out of your league. The signs are already there. She's losing interest in you, because she's got so many better, more attractive, more talented men to choose from. I see it in her comments section.She'll get bored of you, and then get rid of you. And then you'll be alone again, and crawl back to me, just like you did the last time. And I'll tell you this time to fuck off.You don't deserve happiness. You're not a man. Youre a pathetic whore who always tries to punch above his pay grade.To,> nobody in this thread so don't even think of going schizo on me
>>26445713Don't do it
>>26445696No, what I want is happiness and I know I won't get it from the you you are right now, combined with the me I am right now. If we were closer in all sensed I would be shagging your brains out (or you would be shagging mine out, not much of a difference) but we aren't. I'll think of you though, my dear mad scientist. To think the anime character you really see yourself as if the only anime character I ever fell in love with and I only realised it so recently even if I known you for way more than the two years you remember. Goodnight crazy redhead. May I dream of you and only you this time.
>>26444863I feel weird, I'm neither happy nor unhappy, in fact I feel rather good but I don't feel connected to anything, I'm not bored but I don't "feel like anything", like why bother ? It's like I know intellectually all the amazing things in life but I can't connect ot it, a shadow of a N-dimensional object.It's not depression per sei (I know how this feel), and again I'm pretty good, it's just like.. meh.pic related
>>26446054It do be like that
>be my parents>frown on their son's fixations growing up>get annoyed any time he wants to share anything he found interesting>dismiss him as abnormal and neglectful of social expectaitons>in everything paint his hobbies as a negative>ffwd 10 years>son ""magically"" becomes a shut in>somehow find this to be intolerable>get offended when he doesn't share anything and reacts cynically to attempts at making him open upto think i'm biologically inclined to respect these people. i can't ever make them happy ffs
Did you have to do that?
>>26444941It doesn't work out there, either. Women are never patient or receptive of seeing a man get emotional. Think about it, women are supposed to be the emotional ones, so how can they ever think a man who cries all the time is dependable and strong?
>>26446640They are dependable, some are.
I had a dream about you once again and you were apologetic there.Any advice?
>>26446724My last dreams were literally all sex so I don't know if I can give you any sorry
>>26446721They aren’t, they never will be. Never expect anyone but your most close and trusted male friends with you sadness or anything else sensitive. She will never find it sexy, or cute, or romantic or anything positive. She will think>if he opens up to me who else does he tell this too.That thought will poison her mind into hating you for being weak. Many such cases.Never be fooled by anyone to open up emotionally, that’s how you die alone and that’s how you lose your respect and your dignity.
>>26446432Yes, it was miracle you stayed as it was implied the contract may break our connection for good.>"everyone does so fuck it" - circa rebellious teenage yearsGive me back my cums you two, I know what you guys did last summer
>>26446816Why are you so sad?
>>26446819Look I can't just play Komm Susser Tod and have everything go back to normal watch me do it now
It sucks going from being the most important part of someone's day to being someone they only spend time with out of habit or obligation.
>>26446724Last night I had a dream that I was macking some bitch, and ended up in a big fight with an evil force. While fighting the weird evil object thing, I had another bitch supporting me throughout. I ended up turning the evil thing into a soccer ball and stomping it out brutally. Both women were watching, saying I was going too far. Afterwards, I remember eating dinner with the bitches at the head of the table. The chicks were on either side of me (surprisingly not jealous of each other at all). I remember having the urge to feed a french fry to one of them, but I ignored it. She ended up taking my hand and guiding it to her mouth, feeding herself. Then the other chick, who I expected to be jealous, was actually fucking with me too. Whispering in my ear and kissing on the side of my head. Both women started laughing and I felt like a true king.But yeah, lately I've been thinking a lot about achieving dominance in nature. I have nothing to say about your faggot dream.
>>26446842Maybe they're sticking around because you still mean something else to them
Wrong estimation sorry.
>>26446018yeah it does. so I don't know why he expects anything from me if that's what he thinks will happen eventually it's over if he can't be a decent human to me..
>>26444863I want to cut myself but my mom already knows I've done it in the past and my bf would be upset if I did
>>26444877stoicism helps, seriously. I always fucked myself up over what other people thought of me. like even if someone said some shit that was obv meant to get under my skin i would think "maybe they're right, maybe i'm a bad person and i need to listen to them in order to be better". started learning about stoicism, it's really changing things in a good way.
>>26447017Why are you still up and not sleeping?
>>26445774every girl has their own model of whats hot and whats notmaybe if you be the best you that you can be, you'll be classified as hot enough to actually be wanted
Schizophrenic rambling reply to nobody in the thread about somebody that is not here currently
>>26447038It's 11:11 am here and I was practicing music
I'd cry if I could
i feel like my brain is rottingi cant understand simple instructions at all unless they are very over-specific, ive lost all creativity, my head feels blank all the time, i drop things im holding a lot more and bump into walls more often, and while ive always been overly emotional i feel like its getting worseidk whats wrong with me and its annoying my bf too even though im not trying to do it and my attempts to try be smarter about things just end up making it worse, im worried its gonna make him break up with me
>>26447147If he does remember you're strong.
ultimately, i have a feeling you've not changed and you still don't have "time" for me. therefore, i am not going to bother. if you cared about me you'd figure out how to reach out. but talking here and posting cryptic shit on discord will not make me come out of my shell again. not for you anyways. sorry.
>>26447157i really dont want to break up with himweve had a few close calls but its always worked out and except for when he gets into a shitty mood hes always really good to mei just get the feeling my dumbness is just going to get worse and hes just going to get more and more frustrated with me and its going to end really badlyi dont consider myself strong enough to get through something like that
When I was smoking weed and cigarettes, I would shit normally pretty much every time, every day. Since I quit, my diet hasn't changed but I shit like every 2-3 days. My ass also bleeds a little every time for over a month now, I'm pretty sure its anal fissures but it doesn't seem to heal and just bleeds every time, even with enough drinking and fiber in my diet. A part of me is worried its something serious but another part just doesn't care anymore, since I went sober and tried to clean up my life I've had nothing but health and mental health issues one after another and it got to the point where I'm just tired of it all and if its something serious then I just want it to kill me, at least it'll spare me the humiliation of going to the doctor about it and him just telling me "eat more fiber and drink more water" because doctors here are useless and afraid of actually prescribing anything or doing anything so they offer just some "fuck off" advice and the worst that will happen is they see you again in a month. I'm starting to regret ever quitting weed and cigarettes, ironically, I actually felt healthier and looked healthier then.
>>26447199as if you're them or actually relate to this dumbass situation, lmfaogotta love schizoland
Don't let your woman run off your friends
>>26447303Same for men
Gonna finally tell my friend to stop being friends. We're not on the same page with a lot of things and it ruins both our moods more often than not. This is something that keeps happening with this friend only, hardly ever occurs with anyone else I am close to, so I think the only solution is to simply end this particular friendship.
>>26447479I did that to my best friend. Knew the guy for nearly a decade. He had a shitty habit of talking himself into something and then holding a grudge over little things, then he'd stop talking to you even for years at a time, actively ignore you until even he forgot what it was all about. Waits until I apologize and pretty much every time its been simple things like "I didn't like your tone when you asked me that thing" even if it wasn't insulting or anything like that. I even confronted him about it and told him that next time he does this he just needs to talk to me about it and he said he will. Then few weeks later he does it again and he was very passive aggressive about it, even insulting but in that "he has no idea I'm insulting him right now lol" but I knew very well. So I just distanced myself from him after nearly 10 years of him being like this. Some people just don't change and it gets in your head, he actually made me think I was a bad friend or a bad person because of his reactions, and for awhile I felt guilty that I wanted to cut off that friendship, because maybe I did something to him not knowingly and tried to find what it was but I was only coming up with little things, like calling him a retard that one time even if we both laughed, maybe he took it personally. But thats nonsense, I realized how toxic that became in my life and how he literally did it like 6 times since I've known him, this time its been 3 years maybe since we last spoke and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'll still come around and apologize but you just gotta say enough at some point, even after nearly 10 years. I know its a vent and you probably relate to none of this, but bottom line is that some friendships, even if close, are better off severed out of your life, for your own good.
sometimes i do wish i never reached out to you. we would've been forced to go our separate waysalthough that's never what i wanted, it probably would've hurt less than all of this
>>26444863Everyone around me is a time thief. Every time I try to do something I enjoy, it gets taken away from me by time thieves. I'm going to lose my shit at this rate. Not only does this go on day after day after day, but because of boomers nuking the economy to form a mushroom cloud to ride above the apocalyptic masses, it's looking like I'll never be able to afford to escape this shit.I want a place where anyone that comes within 50 yards of me just explodes.
every muscle in my body aches. It's actually unbearable. My insomnia is also getting worse, I now wake up maybe every hour or so and when I sleep I have nightmares. My person won't let me sleep in their bed anymore which is not helping and generally breaking my heart. I may have to see if I can go to a doctor to get sleeping meds and pain meds. Don't suggest weed, I'm too broke to buy it I didn't relapse into stupid things yesterday for once but I'll probably end up doing them tomorrow. I'll have to do it sneakily due to too many people being in the house at the moment - one of them doesn't want to admit it but I think it hurts them to see me hurt and I really don't want to hurt them. I'm fucking hungry, my fault for not being able to bring myself to eat anything but low calorie snacks, coffee, alcohol, broth, eggs, and vegetables. I'll survive, I've eaten way less than this for a long period of time before. I don't think I'm losing weight so there's that. It's just force of habit to stay hungry as a way to try and cope.Im a mess in general at the moment.
>>26447570>I want a place where anyone that comes within 50 yards of me just explodes.Me too anon, me too.
Not a lot of things can make me angrybut this, this I cannot standyou do not deserve to exist, the gift of life is wasted on you, you who has no worth, you who bring only pain and cause sufferingI will kill you.
>>26447049Women who have a type other than "tall w/ big dick" are highly sought after and are typically in relationships pretty much non stop. But even those women will date conventionally attractive men if the opportunity presents itself. Competition is fierceI'm not upset with women for having standards, I'm upset that I can't measure up.
>>26447604Holy projection batman!
>>26447607"conventionally attractive" is a media psyop invented to prevent the formation of solid family relations retardthe vast majority of women are respectable beings different from the small subset peddling the same media schlock you\ve swallowed
Never has a being incited in my such an urge to incite violence There are things I think should not existPeople who I think should dieBut you, I think deserve suffering, pain, and never ending torture. You,I would enjoy killing.
>>26445774As a guy I don't find conventionally attractive women attractive. They most likely only ever dated attractive guys and got used to that and its a constant competition on "how can we look better?" and putting on even a little bit of weight scares them and they're annoyingly insecure about it and project it onto you too. I don't want to date someone that will stop "loving" me if I gain a bit of weight, even if I have the ability to lose it, its not love, its vain attraction. These people are so insecure and insincere that they can't be themselves around each other not to trigger each other's insecurities, thats why they always call each other "babe" and refuse to be themselves, always act like the tv personalities they look up to. If you're an average guy who can't help but be genuine around others, it actually makes these women very attracted to you, because it comes off as confidence, because in a way you're more confident being the average, ugly you around them, then they are the hot, "perfect" beings around you, and that actually makes them feel more insecure, so they imitate your behavior and like how genuine they can allow themselves to be around you and know that you accept them for what they are, and not what some hot fake guy wants them to be. Despite all that, average looking women tend to be the most fun to be around and that makes them easier to have around and easier to fall in love with, genuinely, and those women will love you despite you putting on some weight or god knows what else. These women are often overlooked because guys are fed that bullshit of being the best version of themselves so they can get the best girl out there, which they think are all the objectively attractive women out there, while all the better options go under their radar and go unnoticed. Still, try to be the best you you can be, but don't look too high up, because they might not want to look back, but that doesn't mean you aren't noticed.
It feels impossible to make friends online. I can't be on mic most of the time and every multiplayer or co-op game requires you to be on mic, literally nobody wants to be friends with a typing loser. I don't know how people make friends over the internet nowadays, shit was so much easier a couple years back before discord became the norm. Losing friends never felt this costly.
Oh damn, I AM a stress eater. fml.
>>26444863I'm close to killing my cat. I can't tolerate her anymore.
A friend of mine, a girl, was pretty overweight, she's always been apparently but from what i know she put minimal effort into losing weight. Then she got a surgery and had her stomach shrunk or something and now she's skinny and much more attractive. She showed up to our graduation showing off her new body and everyone was amazed and thought she looked good. I mean, good for her, but she never told anyone how that came to be, and everyone thinks she put in a lot of work to get that body, with diets, exercise and all that. She puts all these pictures of herself now and like I said, good for her, but a part of me is annoyed by it, because she literally did nothing to lose all that weight, and acts like she did. And here I am, putting in months of my life, trying to lose weight that antidepressants made me put on, just to stop taking them and somehow putting all this weight back on suddenly and I've just given up because I somehow eat the same as I have before, but now I can't maintain even the heavy weight I have now. Its like something fucked up my system and if that keeps happening, I'd have to exercise 3 times as much, eat 1/3 of what I eat now just to maintain the weight I had before, that I was able to maintain with what I eat and how much I exercise now. Its so exhausting that I feel losing weight normally will actually cause some malnutrition problems, and despite trying, I look overweight, where I used to be skinny and then theres someone that paid to have her stomach shrunk and she has something to show for it and noone is questioning it, while I'm struggling here and putting in the work, but I have no results and I actually look worse than before, but noone gives a shit about that and that makes me feel even more insecure. Life isn't fair, but its people that make it worse than it should be.
Fucking hell I really don't have anywhere I want to go
>>26446953I know I mean something to them. They are just thoughtless in showing it. It's more words than actions.
>>26448050give her to a shelter or some other owner, anon. that's no life for her.
Momentarily pleasure feels so good, I wish there would be a way to just do some shit without getting consequences.
>>26448229She's too old. They'd just destroy her. She's needy and aggressive at the same time. I hate the piece of shit. She's 17, why hasn't she died yet?
My best buddy lives across the country now but we still maintain contact. Recently he mentioned having to stay at his parents' house and watch over it while they're on vacation. He hasn't replied to me in over a week. I feel like that's too short a time to worry but I don't know why doesn't even bother with a short update on how's it going. I don't know, did something happen or is he disconnecting from the net for good. I just wish he would say anything at all.
>>26448333Or maybe he's just using an opportunity to cut me off for good. But I don't know why. Maybe he meditated himself into some realization.
>>26444863I remember when my heart was still in one piece like that. Girls have only broken it since then. Or maybe I have since I haven’t had my heart even really acknowledged save for one
i can't stop ghosting people, i've known my two closest friends for over 6 years and i've ghosted them for a year now. they've tried to reach out to me but i don't have the energy to pick up their calls or messages. ghosting is my fucked up childish way of dealing with my problems. i just run away and let shit break down and decay. i've even ghosted my professors in college, they probably thought i fucking killed myself or something. i'll turn 22 in two months and i haven't gone anywhere in my life. i still feel the same when i was 16.
I think in a couple of weeks I'm going to kill myself.I detest my current state of existence, and I can't see it changing. There isn't anyone in my life that brings me joy. There isn't anything I want to do, or see. Covid has made escape further impossible, on top of a financially rigged society that won't let young people flourish without the permission (money) of the old. I'm sick of my family hating me, trying to trip me up, asking me to help them, then ignoring the help. I'm sick of being needed, then given the middle finger. I'm sick of having no space to myself. I'm sick of every hour of every day somehow being someone else's property, because they've issued demands. I get my teaching qualification in 2 weeks. I have a job lined up shortly thereafter. Smart thing to do, would be to kill myself between those two events.
White people have killed all the trees behind my house to build new houses. Those trees were there for thousands to millions of years. And they have all been cut down in a week and I feel depressed. I feel raped and violated
I've moved on in my live, in that I have a gf and good job. Why can't I stop coming here? Is it because I have no friends?
Friendships are such a hassle to maintain when you're older. When you were in school and a kid, all you had to do is show up to school, but then you meet all these people and eventually you all end up moving out to other towns and everyone expects you to message them constantly to maintain their interest in you because if you don't they start assuming things like "oh he's not talking to me anymore, fine we're not friends then" and they ghost your attempts at reconnecting later on or they just don't bother writing birthday texts anymore where you see them write for other mutual friends on social media. Thing is, I don't need them to message me at all, and I assume nothing, then a year later I get a text asking if I want to meet up and I do and its fine, but some people just require constant maintenance or else they lose interest and it doesn't always feel easy, especially when you tend to have depressive episodes and just want to be left alone and texting people just has you in your head all the time and it becomes effort when 5 people text you on a daily basis and you need to pretend you have interest in the conversation just so they don't stop liking you. You eventually feel so exhausted you withdraw slowly, but then they take it as an insult. Why are people so high maintenance? why can't you just accept that we're friends and if I don't text you or you don't text me every couple of weeks/months it doesn't mean I don't want to be your friend? at this point I don't want to have friends if thats what I have to do so I can eventually see them once every year or so because noone ever has time to meet because of work and whatnot.
>>26447167Definitely not for me, but I did change a lot already, of that I am sure. I'm copying from the way you are. So no promises or anything, I'll work on myself first and foremost. I think some people call it "same egotism".
I hate when normalfags respond to my well-thought out post with some nothing-line like "Well, no wonder your life is like that with THAT attitude!" Yeah dude, I feel like this for completely no reason. I'm just a well of negativity and rudeness, I'm the problem. My cautiousness towards others is completely undeserved. I'm just a paranoid asshole, I'm the problem, thank you SO MUCH for giving me such great advice. Like you are soooo intelligent, I never considered that my entire perception of reality and all of my prior experiences were wrong. Nope, it's me!
>>26448676I know how you feel. Honestly you should try making friends with people that are married or in long term relationships. I noticed that single people are weirdly desperate and over-reliant on their friends for emotional validation
To my friend and mentor: I should have imagined this would have happened pal. I'm not mad at all, good for you actually.To her: I hope you're alright, I'm hangover to shit myself but I'm getting back to where I was and feel a lot more calm. I'm just surprised I didn't leash out at you. I know I shouldn't ask but I'd love it if you uploaded some music, listening to it makes me feel less distance between us and I know now it's the most it has ever been.
I hosted a drinking night for some friends of mine and I last night, and generally speaking we have a good time and have fun, but shit got really uncomfortable for me last night when everyone started talking about kinky shit out of nowhere. They could tell I was uncomfortable but still continued to go on and on about it. I love these guys and care a lot about them, but seriously I'm not hosting or getting people together to not be apart of shit. Do people not know how to read a room anymore or take their friends feelings into accounts?I feel like I'm always keeping an eye out for them and leading shit, but in doing so everyone just assumes I can handle everything and dont need to be checked on made sure that I'm doing alright and shit like that.Maybe it's just that elementary mindset of "treat people how you want to be treated" but shit is really disheartening at times.
Did you have a good time at therapy anon
I hate my little brother's zoomer gf. She's so plucky and in-your-face. Too over-eager and lots of very, very strong opinions. I was the same way in my very early 20's but God is it grating to be around. They really think they have everything figured out. Also it pisses me of that she is settling for my ugly, autistic, emotionally bankrupt little brother. She creeps me out, she made super fast friends with my mom and it sounds like she has a bad home life. Reminds me of my best friend from middle school that latched onto my mom and they became better friends than me. My mom has no friends and is looooving the attention I just hope she doesn't get taken advantage of. My little brother's previous zoomer gf got my mom to buy her thousands of dollars worth of clothes and supplies because her family is poor and she had 0 shame about accepting genorosity. And she was morbidly obese like 300lbs+ and when we'd go out to eat she would order multiple sides with her dinner and pig out with my little brother while the rest of us got like one thing. She just rubbed me the wrong way. It's like people just date my little brother to get to my family's money. It was the same was as when he was younger and had an asshole friend that would bully him but still came over to use our pool until my mom told the kid to fuck off.
I'M GOING TO FUCKING BURN THIS BUIL
>tell myself I'm done expecting anything and working for a better life or enjoying anything>still get fucking disappointed like a fucking idiotwow>2019 had one of the genuinely only happiest times in my joke of a life in a nerdfaggotery event>waste 300 to go again this year. been saving since lockdowns 2 years ago>waste 250 on nerd gear for said event>package gets stuck due to lockdowns>not arriving on time>going to feel like someone on the beach without a swimsuit when everyone has one AND a jetski>really don't want to go anymore>can't refund anything>hate myself for throwing money away>hate myself for expecting i could enjoy things>hate myself for being retarded>best case scenario other than shit arriving on time unironically is getting the coof and getting refund from flight/hotel insurance and/or being put out of my miserytldr>retard pays 300 to sleep and cry all day in some cheap hotel>0 leftover bucks to do anything else
real life skeletorreal life skeletorreal life skeletorreal life skeletorreal life skeletorreal life skeletorstay away from me!!!
Why do people throw away perfectly healthy relationships?
I want to move to West Virginia. I have family down there, life is slower. The people there are generally friendly. A a great reprieve of Northern Ohio. Friendly sun rises, and the red clay soil. Almost heaven
>>26449230why are you so mean to me?
Most probably i'm going to fail uni and dont know what to do with my fucking life, thinking about psych ward to deal with the consequences 1-2 months later
I'm in a one sided friendship and don't know how I can continue. Ever since they left for a new job, all of a sudden they don't have the time to meet in person, it's not like they left the country. I'm not stupid, I know this friendship is dead, I know their messages and calls are worthless, it's obviously a dud now. But I can't find the way to end this, I tried multiple times already, and it just keeps coming back to life. It kills me they can have all the time in the world for others, but apparently meeting me is a real challenge. This is the only friend I have ever had in a very long time and I'm unhappy. I don't have the guts to truly kill this relationship and I'm stuck in this one sided situation. Our arguments suck the most, I throw my heart out there and the same shit happens again, I don't know man. Everything this whole year has gone wrong in my life, I am too scared to lose this dead relationship because it was the only thing I still have that brought me joy once. I don't think they've ever cared about me, and that's what scares me the most.
It's not that I don't care or love, I'm treading water and don't want to be pulled under. I can't help you swim.
>>26447772>I think deserve suffering, pain, and never ending tortureThat's called marriage, kek
>>26449322You dont have to kill it if it's already dead unfortunately. If someone isnt bein a good friend to you best thing you can do is stop investin there. It sucks I know it does, but you deserve a lot better than whatever this person is givin you in return and it's out there you just have to find it.
>>26445304I get this
i know how to swim, i just want to be talked to and given a lil attention. is that so hard? bonehead af bro
I'll suck your soul out of your dick babe teehee better prepare yourself
>>26445300that's a fair point
>>26446640>Women are never patient or receptive of seeing a man get emotionalThat's not it, I grew up around stoic alphas so its always weirded me out to see men get emotional. Everyone feels emotions though.
>>26449240they were probably unhealthy behind closed doors
>>26449438Yeah ... insulting me will get you attention. Better learn to float before you sink pal.
>>26449542no insults just tough love iygiygi
These injections are making me dimwitted and I don’t like it one bit.
Pro tip: if you want a rebound, you better treat your ex very well or it ain't going to work chaps. Just saying.
>>26449572No that's name calling, go ahead and drown now
It killed my rage which was the only thing fuelling me to get shit done. Niggers.
>>26449597That's fucked up, you're never supposed to go back to your exs mate.
>>26449632i drowned in my sorrow months ago get on my level
>>26449659What works for me might not work for everyone else. Everyone's different. I don't intend to date anyone for the time being though. Give it a couple weeks or something.
keep my love if it helps you not tread so much water but I can't guarantee you anything about the future
No guarantees hurt a lot less than unkept promises. Fact. That's something she taught me and thank you for that.
>>26449672No, I sick of being pulled down to the bottom to drown. Learn to swim.
>>26449700Your love is a weight that pulls me under. I can't drown with you.
>>26449531That's the only explanation I can think of. Glad I'm not he only one.
>>26444863 (OP)I'm tired of waking up feeling like shit, and feeling like that through out the whole day. I feel like I've been abandoned in this and the things we're all entitled to like happiness, love, and friendship is something I can't and never will have. I can't ever seem to be good enough, for others and even myself. Too many bad memories, too much loneliness, too much drinking, too much depression, not enough of what makes others keep going. I can't never seem to find my place, and all I have is another lonely night, another weekend, another summer yearning for what I want and be stuck, I don't know if I'll ever find it. I used to find solace in music, I used to let the music play and go into a dream world where everything's ok, I'm doing fine, I'm better, and I have what I want. Just to snap back into a reality I never wanted to be in.
>brother was a major stoner who drank often, had friends over everyday, did other hard drugs, barely worked, and never cooked or clean>gets a girlfriend>does a 180 and they're now married with kids, he cooks and cleans, has a job where he's making $40 an hour, and have an apartment and are looking for a house>former best friend was a shut-in who drank and smoked weed a lot with a shitty retail job and mostly played video games when not working>gets a girlfriend>they're getting married soon with their own apartment and he's climbing the ranks of amazonI don't get it. People say not to fall in love with potential or whatever but two people that are close to me completely turned their lives around when they got girlfriends. I genuinely think some people, men and women, need a partner who believes in them so they can be more motivated to better themselves. Like, it's really crazy to think about. My brother was a complete retard who fucked shit up constantly and was always angry, but now he's almost a completely different person. My friend was a huge baby when things didn't go his way and found a girl. Even another friend who was doing fine for himself has been doing a lot better after getting a girlfriend that likes him.
Get in the gas chamber.
>>26449824If you'd like you can lock it away and never again look at it but it's there and I can't really do anything about it. I can't imagine how it would weigh you down. You already know that we both understand who's responsible for who. At least cherish the fact someone loved you
>>26449928I love you too.
I don’t want anybody but you, and you deserve far better
>>26449960So I'm suppose to be thankful that some obsessive asshole loves me? You're all alike. Fuck off.
>>26450071Yes. But if you can really only see me as an asshole then think of me no more. I'm very much in control and don't see myself as obsessive. But you also don't seem to be them since they never spoke to me that way.
>>26450128Same words, same script. Like I said, you're all alike. Fuck off.
I'm turning 24 this year. Last night I realized this and it was weird. People say you become an adult at 18, but you don't get taken seriously as an adult until your mid 20s. Early 20s people are like the kids of the adult world, but by your mid 20s the successes and the failures start to become clear, some guys are working at NASA while others dropped out and live with their parents. In your early 20s, being a virgin is uncommon but it's fixable. In your mid 20s it's like, "Am I actually going to change this?"It just seems like a big change in mindset. By your mid 20s, you should know what kind of person you are, what kind of problems you have, and be taking real steps to fix them. And if you don't take it seriously then you're failing yourself. It feels like a big deal. I really need to work on myself.
I didn’t want a libido anyhow
Nigga I made it fuck you nigga
I miss fren
i don't get intimidated by anyone anymore. i shouldn't have tried to back myself up or justify myself during your aggression. i should have said directly, "wanna behave like this? goodbye." or not said anything and just yawned and blocked. does it even matter? like, yeah you can catch me caring when I'm in doubt, but then i don't really give a shit and get back up on my feet quickly. i shake the dust off and it's like nothing ever happened again.if you withhold anything from me, if you hide yourself, waiting for me to show myself, to spill stuff, to make a show, to TRY TO IMPRESS YOU (lol???), then attempt to blur the lines, to confuse what's mine and what's really yours, to make me feel like shit when i fail to do it and put in work, or when i start feeling like i don't really owe you all of this cause you're not putting in the same energy and you seem sketchy anyway, sitting there just absorbing stuff like a vacuum and ripping me out, studying me, trying to find the best possible way to keep me hooked by seeing my weaknesses - you are OUT. idc.i play on another level. i make you THINK i have a low self concept to see what you would do with that. would you exploit a vulnerability? oh yes you would, you would jump at that like a predator encountering the perfect prey. I KNOWWW you were trying to make me fall into a codependent type of thing. where you BELIEVED i would have valued myself soooo down below the line that i would have done anything you said to stay in your favors, and to be valued by you, to then be trapped.i don't even care about exposing you - I'm just glad life is showing you that you can't play these games, you have to offer the real thing. can't win against me. you weren't played at all my dear, i didn't know you were this way - you simply played yourself.
>at work today>some jackass customer gets it into his head that I did something (which I didn't do) >chases me down, literally blocks me and traps me with his truck so I can't leave>throws a massive temper tantrum right there in the street while I'm on the phone with the fucking cops>cops take a fucking half hour to show up, the whole time this fucking nutter is screaming at me and I can't get away because he blocked me in>cops finally fucking show up>they talk to me>then talk to the guy>then do absolutely nothing and just leaveFucking worthless cops. It's not even worth the fucking time to call them. And that fucking psycho cunt is so lucky I was at work or I would have stomped his ass out right there in the fucking street. The fact that I need this job LITERALLY saved this faggot's life. I hate people so fucking much.
>>26450293Hello who dis
>>26450275Whatever they don't change what I thin about you.>>26450276I miss old fren I don't miss current you after what happened. Not sorry it's alcohol speaking, not me.
I realize I fucked up but I apologized. Why can't you at least be open to talking to me to see if I'm worth giving another chance?
>>26450319Ok. I honestly have a hard time remembering that me before the incident happened. Allow me to access the cloud and/or memory bank and I shall see what I can do.
Have actually made up my mind. She doesn't take care of herself, she doesn't spend any effort in spending time together and we barely have sex anymore. Fuck this.
>>26450317Gary (I’m not dead yet)
i fucking hate my voice it's genuinely why i don't speak but i think because of how little i speak it sounds really weak
i am so hungry but it's 3am
it boggles my mind that women these days are just casually giving strangers blowjobs on a regular basis when they're not in relationships (and sometimes when they are)
>>26450281>also>the guy that threw a tantrum actually knew one of my coworkers>and he called him>and my coworker took this guy's side and tried to get me in trouble with management>and I have to look this faggot in the eyes on monday and not put my fucking foot through his skull
>>26450369probably not my anon but here goes, you cyberstalked me, actually creeped around my space, and badmouthed my work, I can't trust you.
I'm in a really bad place right now, just came back from another horrible, awful day of work. It looked like it was going fine at first but then of course everything went to shit, it went to shit the day before that and so on. I'm so tired honestly, I think I'm too kind, I care about others even in my workplace but then everyone is ready to fuck you when they get the chance. Why? And when I try to be selfish and mean I feel so bad, it hurts. I've got no friends here, and the more I know how people are the more I feel I don't know if those friends that I have are reliable. Who am I supposed to trust? How to understand it? I'm just completely lost, really. Maybe I'm just too stupid, mean people seem to always get the best outcomes. Just to top my already shitty day, my supervisor just came to me, saw me crying, and asked what could he do about his torn pants (torn directly on his bulge)"I have a sewing kit I can lend it to you""Can you sew it for me?"And i answered quite pissed"No you aren't a child you can do it by yourself", but he kept asking if I could and kept pointing there, opening the hole to show me, I felt humiliated and not safe. Not sure how to describe it, but I didn't like it and when I told him it wasn't nice to ask something like this especially if you see me crying he got FURIOUS at me, called me crazy, blamed me, said to the boss I was insane. And after all? I'm still afraid I did something wrong somehow. But God, I was so scared, even of just crying, what should I have done? And I thought he was a fun man to be around, what a huge fucking idiot that I am. I feel so alien to this city, to these people. I eat bad (didn't have lunch or dinner), sleep bad, my God what do I do? Suicide has always been a relaxing thought for me, but after a brief conversation with this man about the topic I feel so uncomfortable thinking about it, almost as if something that was mine, and was so precious got stolen. If I did it nobody would understand. I'm tired.
>>26450500>you cyberstalked me, Yes>actually creeped around my space,Never did this. Deets?>and badmouthed my work, Nope, would never. >I can't trust you.To the girl I'm talking about (who doesn't even browse 4chan so far as I know): I just want to have a dialogue with you where we can talk things out. How am I supposed to prove that I've changed when you won't even let me talk to you?
>>26450557Ok, I mean like creep around someone's apartment to spy on them. If you never crossed that line then you should apologize for the cyberstalking in a message even they didn't block you.
>>26450572>Ok, I mean like creep around someone's apartment to spy on them.Yeah, went that far. Never will. >If you never crossed that line then you should apologize for the cyberstalking in a message even they didn't block you.They already blocked me and I have no way of contacting them without further intruding on them, so far as I know.
I probably shouldn't get close to a woman ever again. Every time I get close to a woman it feels bad for some reason and I start being more retarded than usual. I don't care that much about sex so pretty sure I can live a comfy life by just having a few male friends to socialize and that's it. I definitely wasn't born to have relationships and I need to accept that
>>26450585There's a chance they might forgive you and unblock you. Give it time.
I wish I could castrate myself and stop thinking about relationships and sex. Thinking so much about something I'll never fucking experience just does nothing but hurt me but my brain won't stop.
Happiness and energy are chemicals and I want to die
What a day. Bright future ahead. Life's good.
I have to stop feeling guilty about everything I feel. What a miserable shitheel I've become.
Never trusting AMEX customer service again. Not sure why I trust any of them. Stupid Indian bitch told me the late fee would be waived when I was saying I couldn't pay on the day due to current difficulties. I trusted her and decided to wait. Come around again and they say I'm declined from the waive. Stupid Indian bitch didn't tell me it was going to go through a goddamn computer to decide my fate. I fucking hate India. I hope it gets nuked. Don't trust Amex, kids. Or any Indian customer service.
My best friend lied to me having a gf. I saw them today and I kinda knew he had one but he kept lying and saying he didn't but I almost spilled my spaghetti and pretended I didn't notice him when he said hey but I backtracked and said oops sorry earbuds on.I'm not mad he had a gf but whenever my other friends joked about it in the car when I was around, he'd say "huh I don't have one." and my friends would be like "ah yeah right...." like I have a feeling that he told them not to say anything when I'm around. Honestly I feel kinda insulted, I'm hanging out with them going fishing on the weekend at the cottage for two nights but I'm so annoyed idk if I should cancel. I know if I do it would be the end of our friendship, but honestly I was planning on ditching my friends after the trip anyways.
I wish I were gay
finally its all clear. Love is based not on sentimentality but usefulness, at least for the majority
Let me go to sleep tonight, let my heart, liver, fail. Or let me succumb to my sleep apnea. I'm ready, I'm so fucking ready.
>>26450975Love is the glue that keeps me stuck to ur mom, sucker
You cam always tell a guy is shit from the first moment, and they'll prove it again later. Because shitty men defend other shitty men.Some drunk creepy dude repeatedly getting in my personal space, not taking a hint, when I walk away they follow, I say I am uncomfortable. And here's how a shitty man reacts "don't worry he was just on some drugs he is gone now" Yeah you say that because you never get harassed, as an ugly weird dude, and you have no worry of being kidnapped or assaulted, none of this even occurs to you, you'll never feel overpowered by someone, it never happens, and even when women express this you immediately take the side of some creep you don't even know. And I didn't like you from the beginning because you gave me this weird vibe, amd now it makes sense why. You are also creepy. I wish you weren't fucking here.
> unhappy> know what I want to do about it> insecure about it> a little crazy too
>>26451015said like a true 4 year old
>>26451062he means it is a situation that can be responded to smartly not that it's okay for the guy to be doing that. Men are just aware that you can't do much to convince drunk or violent people into not being drunk or violent and avoidance is the best approach. The solution to drunk violent pervs etc. is carrying guns or advocating new legislation we're not solving it individually
I lost my virginity at a gangbang the day before I had my first date with my husband
>>26451219This did not happen.
The shit winds howl
Thank God(s) you’re alive
>>26444998You should have asked face to face. Live to learn.
I keep telling myself that I'd rather have no friends at all than to be treated like shit every single day by them, but I'm not sure if I made the right call in leaving. I feel like an asshole for standing up for myself and for the way it ended, but I just couldn't do it anymore. Instead of hanging out with them on a Saturday night, I'm posting on /adv/ and about to crack open a bottle and drink myself into amnesia. The loneliness is killing me already.I just don't know if I made the right call.
I really don’t like myself.
>>26447229Its hard quitting addictions when you lack support and love from others.Try doing some sport. Really is a decent motivation to endure a healthy lifestyle.Get a partner that supports being sober etc.Easy said than done, but thats life.
>>26450517I'd say that was the appropriate reaction.
Mom's getting surgery for some kind of heart thing. Don't particularly care but I worry I will care if she dies. We were both shitty to each other but I grew out of it years before she did. I had to see her recently at my grandfather's funeral and didn't feel much of anything even though it was only my second time seeing her in six years.
Judged by my ex for not admitting im racist because I'm white and I called myself a retard so I'm a ableist. I never judged her for a thing, we got to know each others character and I was infatuated with her optimism and the way she made be feel. Break up comes and she's cold as ice, she's on tinder in a month looking for another "cuddle buddy to talk about life" with after she got to see how I tick then judged me and cast me aside. I'm almost a electrical engineer and paid for everything for her, not that it matters. I just cant rectify the judgemental aspect from her after being an occasional small kid teacher, I couldn't care less about your occupation so long as you have good character. Fuck you Ashley, I'm pissed how you simplified me, I didn't deserve it and you shouldn't have been such a retard and communicated your feelings. We're 27 you fucking idiot, good luck moving to BC on your occasional work in your parents basement. Hope you live in ignorant bliss with some other low achieving liberal fuck. Honestly politics don't mean anything to me but I'm salty and want to vent. I didn't deserve how you handled things and I don't respect you for how you did so
>>26448589You know what to do
>>26451576>Don't particularly care but I worry I will care if she diesMan do I know this feeling
>>26451062I know how you feel, femanon. Keep pepper spray or an alarm on you.
>>26451069>>creepy druggie stalking woman
fucking pussy you won't even call me pussy i'm going to chat with other guys and ghost you you little bitchtry growing a pair of balls instead of leading me on faggot
It wouldn't work out. You're just too low-libido for me. I need a partner I can be randomly slightly horny at, and have it be welcomed/reciprocated. Instead what we have here is...90% of the time you do not want to hear it, period, and act like I'm a bad person for even approaching the topic. And then 9% of the time you sorta play along but it goes nowhere. And then the last 1% is when you're actually in the mood.Literally, I did the math. It's about 1 in a 100 days you actually want to have sex. Bro. I'm trying to fuck like 3 times a week. Get out of there.
i'm in a very "dog chasing car" situation with you. i'm working overtime to make you fall for me but if you actually suggested getting together or even going on a date i would be terrified and desperately trying to get out of it. i'm not ready at all and i doubt i ever will be. i also have big questions about how much your attraction to me is born out of loneliness also. you are the loneliest person i know. i really wonder how things would be if you had like 5 other friends, not even necessarily potential partners.
>>26451736your gf sounds like she is not attracted to youmaybe you should get hot so she will wanna fuck you
>>26451798She's not my gf, just a fwb. She wants to date me very, very badly but the misaligned sex drives are what keeps me from agreeing to it.
>>26451810funniest shit I ever heardyou get what you deserve, degen
>>26451815I don't even know what you mean by that or what has you upset.Man this site has really gone downhill. I miss when trolling was clever and whimsical. Now it's just literal schizophrenics blurting out tired catchphrases.
>>26451815This post reads like it was automatically generated.
Sometimes when my wife and I are fucking and it's taking me a while to cum I close my eyes and imagine her sister
> another day wasted
>>26451733Nice dubs but I got no minutes plus you have my balls. You know I’d do anything for you
Why do I find it so hard to really go after what I want for myself? Is it because I the going after it part hard or is the wanting part I’m unsure about?
I can't trust anyone and I can't get close but I want to
Is anal an actual turn off? I’m not a porn addict but it seems like men are against anal.
typically I prefer to know but it's not my place anymore. I can't justify it
I honestly cannot be arsed with reading what I missed but I'll just say if I kept stalking you is because you kept accusing me of doing it even if I never did before you started accusing me of doing that. Have a nice day mein liebe.
Meditated and kept saying Scaramouche because I kin the character then heard one long cry of an infant.
>>26451995>it's not my place anymoreThat means something if I read between the lines right. Do you fancy some morning "le dark triad"? Mind you it's just male BPD at the end of the day :')
Bestie, I think you're pregnant.
Not my problem and I'm starting to like you more than her anyway. Shrug
Number of different people you’ve seen since November?
>>26452106Still not gonna pay for child support by the way.
>>26452122Less than you for I'm not as promiscuous as you are and it's much easier for a woman to get any man they want. I told you you'd get le dark triad. Just be grateful I don't feel like going ballistic, loose twat.>>26452124Sames. I think it's a good deal 2bh.
Raiden Shogun is the father.
It’s weird how you think that will help you, or maybe you didn’t. You’re just that fucked up.
If this is for realz talk this out, i'm slowly starting to feel stressed again.
>>26451874That's fucked up
>>26450481I'm sorry for that shitty situation
>>26452193Not him but I fantasize about marrying my gf and both her sisters in some sort of old fashioned polygamous marriage where they all treat it like it's perfectly normal and I get to fuck any on of them or any combination of them whenever I like
>>26452164I never wanted your help, mind reader. It's just shit you try to put in my mind, and you take the involuntary reactions for what I really think, and you absolutely hate me because my pride makes me unbuyable. am I right? I should become a politician. I would be incorruptible, and very harsh. An honest to god, bona fide fascist.
If it was bad enough that it made you do it I just can’t understand and bring myself to agree. All I can piece together is that it was and that you must know more about what you felt. To me it was unnecessary and not consistent with how I thought of you. I wouldn’t have ever done that to you.However much it hurts it’s just my life now
>>26452282>I wouldn’t have ever done that to you.Reading shit like this makes me want to smoke spice and go absolutely batshit on you, proper mind buckbreaking, mad scientist. You fucking gas lighting cunt, I should punish you with BDSM for this kind of shit, so you learn not to do it ever again.
>>26444863Being a wallflower sucks ass.I’d rather risk embarrassment by talking like a sperg to girls than just stand around like some downtrodden loser.
I left my friends because I honestly was in a place where I just thought that’s what they wanted. That they wouldn’t think much about it. That they wouldn’t have to do things like drive me around or pay for food. I don’t know if I got to communicate it in full
>>26452348Girls talk with me themselves and I honestly don't care for 90% of the girls that approach me. If you aren't pretty don't even bother.
They don’t know what they’re talking about because they don’t understand policing or care to educate themselves. They’ll also never advocate for the people they consider tribe to be better.
Welcome back to my mind, oh demons. I shoulda never asked you to leave. My mind feels more lively with you in it.
I used to have so many more friends and now I'm pretty much alone. Me and my best friend say we love each other all the time but she doesn't want a relationship. I'm just pathetic. I'm ugly, have a lazy eye, a skinny dick and self-harm scars. I go on dating sites and don't get liked or replies. I work from home so have run out of options for making new friends or finding a relationship and the realisation that I'm going to die alone and I'm only going to lose people in my life from this point is getting too much. I've started drinking every weekend, so I can see that getting worse and me finally getting the courage to hang myself, but I won't because I'm a fucking pussy.
I miss being a coomer. I could just scroll for days looking at lewd anime girls but now it kinda bores me looking at porn I just do it sometimes now out of habit. I was probably happier as a coomer.
>>26452282Everyone at work from gossip knows what you’ve been up to and they’ve told me all of it indirectly.
The disgust is flaring up again. It's better than yesterday but it's all still so disgusting.
I would propose hatesex because it's very hot Tbh
I got way too involved with some online drama involving this stupid website. Even though I was faintly related to the drama at best, if worst comes to worst some people who I care about's lives could be ruined (admittedly they're just online friends). I'm really wondering if I should just delete my discord, unfriend people on other sites, & just disappear from this whole situation.
>>26452164>>26452250>>26452282>>26452325Maybe other people experience pain too and it's not necessarily got anything to do with you. Have patience anon
>>26452889Hey one of those is mine. I’m not talking to thread when I say you
On one hand I'm inclined to agree, but on another hand, I'm not so sure.Is life not constantly taking advantage of shared circumstances? If you bend your knee because something greater than you may exist, then what will you ever stand for? Is it your responsibility to prevent people from making mistakes? Assuming what they feel? What if you're wrong?Yeah, I get it, it could be anybody... but it could also be you. No, it IS you. Telling yourself that it's manipulation is no less manipulative than the very thing you seek to condemn.Just try to do well by others but don't damn yourself in the process. Even being as connected as we are these days life is just too short. You have to find a way to enjoy what you're given.
>>26452897Idk I'm just growling at the void
>>26452932Shit you sound a lot like someone I know.Food for thought.
I tried to get advice but I guess it's too alien for people to understand. I hate having problems that don't make sense to anyone else.
>>26452993I'm sorry to hear that. It must be awful.
>>26444863Alright, this is going to be one long fucking blogpost.Six years ago I had a rough falling out with a 'reverse trap'; a girl who tries to look like a man, but doesn't identify as one. They were my first crush, and I haven't fallen in love or wanted to try to since.I met them in 2013 and thought they were a dude until late-2015/early-2016. They're hapa with a male public image (won't go into details), so I'm not full retard for not noticing, trust me.We used to talk every single day, and talk a lot. We were around the same age (she was 1 year older) and grew up watching and reading similar stuff, and had similar interests, so we really clicked. I considered them my best friend.When I found out they were a chick, they told me not to treat them any differently and to continue the relationship as normal, and I agreed. However, it really fucking tore me up inside.Like, obviously men and women are different, and being close to a chick is way different to being close to a dude, even if subconsciously. I felt like I was betraying them because I couldn't stop myself from seeing them differently, and ended up confessing.In hindsight they did that thing where they turn you down SO lightly that it seems like they're encouraging you, and because I'm an autist who's literal I thus didn't get it. Towards the end they also ended up losing their virginity to some guy on a fling thing. They asked if I was okay hearing details since they knew I liked them, and I said no, but they told me anyway.Things reached a head in the 2016 election; I was pro-Trump (not anymore) and they were pro-Hillary. After Trump won they put their status as, "No wonder people commit suicide during election season," and when I asked if they were alright they ghosted me for like a month.Cont.
>>26453195Cont.Remember, we had been talking daily up until then. I ended up writing concerned walls of text because I had become really codependent given the amount of time we had spent together, and when they got back they essentially blamed me for everything under the sun and burnt all bridges. They owed me a few hundred bucks, too, and it took a year before they got back to me on that and they completely cut contact after that was done.I was a fucking wreck for like 4 months after that. On the bright side I've learned to not rely on others (or at least one person) for my happiness, and am at least emotionally dependent now. That said I not only haven't fallen in love since, but I haven't tried or even wanted to. I look back on it and it's like I was drunk; everything became about them for me, and I was acting like an idiot.That said, I thought I was over it, but I started thinking about it a lot lately. I think because I recently turned 27, and the prospects of being a 30 year old virgin are becoming very real to me. I think it also still affects me, even if subconsciously. Aside from not having any desire to enter a relationship, I also get stressed out by reverse traps in anime/manga, because I'm reminded of the stress of feeling like I was betraying a friend for having natural responses and of not being able to talk to anybody about it.That's also why I'm posting now; I haven't really been able to open up about it much, since I promised I wouldn't tell anyone their real gender. At best I've just been able to talk about a falling out with my best friend, and not the other details that make it worse.I just want to get it off my chest and see what other people think. If I'm a retard call me a retard, if I'm a faggot call me a faggot. If I missed out on the chance of a lifetime or dodged a bullet, tell me, since I feel like either could be right.
>>26453201emotionally INdependent*Also it was 4 months after the initial bridge burning; not 4 months after we were squared off.
I invite my fucking “best friend “ to crash and all he does is be ungrateful. Sleep on my couch bitch. No one else will fuckin let you! Don’t you see how much I care? and you take me for granted. No one else will listen to you about your ex. I won’t be around forever. I’ll step on our broken glass . Don’t you see ?!!!???its 5 am and the birds are singing. You’ll never get this again. .
>>26453248My efforts! Useless. Friends are a drain of my time and I only have my s/o and that’s not even enough for me. You complain that no one is there for you but it’s me. It’s always me. Good try. You blew it.
I miss my ex. I don’t regret leaving her, because the relationship had become suffocating, but I miss my ex, I miss smelling her, I miss pulling her close at night, I miss the simple pleasure of having another human being to be around. I miss having someone close enough to me to be able to express and vent to. I moved across the country with her, and yet I’m here alone, with little to no friends, and no real ability or time to make any. I am so lonely. I miss having a person.
>>26444863I hate living, wish I could just give all my time left to someone who deserves It more.
I wanna talk with you but my wounds haven't healed yet. I miss you everyday
I wish there were no barriers and I could just go hang out w u
I don't even like whining, just god damn my life has been a pile of shit.
FUCK YOU FUCK YIUF FCUK FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FAKE PUTRID WHORE.FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCJ YOU TOO SHIT-BRAINED ROACH.YOU'LL ALL GET WHATS COMING TO YOU.
I mean you literally are a whore though, you already got what’s coming to you.
you’ll never be truly happy
don’t take someone for granted and it’ll never be too late
You have no idea how much I actually love you... Its like we're in a contest on who loves each other the most in terms of the relationship of us two.
I love you so much I’ll fuck every single stranger I meet
I wasn't strong enough to be able to watch them come to hate me while calling them a friend. In my mind it brings me greater peace to cement the past so that the happiness they once brought me couldn't be taken away. It was all I had.
There was no happiness your whole life is just one big fake lie and so was that. I hated you for most of that time.
Woke up thinking about my ex again, it's been 2 years and it still happens once every week or so.Haven't met anyone since that I am even remotely interested in to date
It's her birthday. She's a lying, cheating bitch. I'm slowly letting my positive image of her go. But it still hurts not to be able to tell her happy birthday and see her smile. I want that feeling back, making somebody smile on her birthday.
>>26453775You’re right. You helped me understand it was. But you didn’t seem to want to believe in my ability to change. You don’t understand why it was such a lie. If you’re not willing to understand me then we could never move past anything in our way anyway.
Probably. I couldn't save you. I couldn't even save myself. Caring doesn't matter if it ultimately amounts to nothing. I was graceless.
I was lost for so long. You already know how graceless I was
>>26453809>You don’t understand why it was such a lieUnless ur retarded ur not them
>>26453845Don’t get me in an argument about how I really am stupid now. Well we’re probably finding similarities. It happens.
I keep lying about myself to a girl because I feel like she wouldn't like the real me and idk why I'm doing it when I know she can never be mine
>>26453857At least with the real you you’ll know for sure. What’s there to lose if you’ve lost
The only bitch be lyin was her
>>26453804I spent four years learning about her, her language, her culture. Now I've got all this useless information floating around my head, all these dates that used to carry meaning... How can I just forget about it all?
I dug my self out of depression, I am not as lonely and have been with a partner for 5 months now. I’m happy, but I might lose my job, I need to work hard in this month as I’m back to probation. I changed a lot in my life and I don’t think I want to stay in my field anymore. Problem is I depend on it as it is the best paying job I’ve ever had, past three years I moved out and my baseline for living is a bit more expensive than the average person here, I don’t think I want another job in the same field unless it’s a manager position. I have no experience with other things and starting my own business is a risk cause I might need the money i saved to survive. I am in trouble but why don’t I care that bad? I don’t know why I am cool about this, in the past i would rip out my hair, now I’m thinking I can overcome it despite knowing I likely won’t. Which scares me a little.
I also got to see what you had become and I was mesmerized. As far ahead as all the things you had put behind you. I admired that strength.
I love fat women, I genuinely find them attractive. But fat women who only have fat on their chest and stomach are really gross. Like pic related where they're literally a ball with skinny arms and chicken legs, just really gross. They need to have flabby arms and big ankles and legs.
This is why men think you like them when you're being nice to themhttps://youtu.be/vgJCKvgSlgk
>>26451736mood. I love my boyfriend and all. We are really compatible sexually, but he is so ashamed of his sex drive and fetishes that I barely notice it.
>them: forbidden love is not a thing in the 21st century>me: falls in love with my psychologist
Why is my ex overly nice to me all of a sudden? She dumped me 4 days ago and I had her number blocked until today. Her friend told me that she wanted to say sorry to me, so I unblocked her and now she's trying really hard to ask how I'm feeling and telling me she cares about me. She's still depressed over breaking up with me yet she has obviously friendzoned me.
if it's a one night stand, why would I not fuck you like i'm madly in love with you?
I slept with a very cute latin american guy i know (he's very proud of his heritage as he knows he's rare in the UK, which i think is adorable) last night, he said he's been wanting to make a move on me since i met him almost a year ago now. His body is hard as hell. His hair was so thick and nice to run my hands through and he was so... nice, about it? So comforting?I had a lot of fun. I've not had fun like that in a long time. Also makes me realise what a useless incel my ex was, why the hell did I cry over that dude?
>>26454310That Latin American guy doesn’t even know he fucked a mentally ill woman does he?
I'll be honest, ego death doesn't seem so badJust becoming nothing capable of fighting back anymore or whatever the fuck, seriouslyPeople are undeserving, men think they're kings with their full power stance hands on hips and grunts unable to communicate a single word, women thinking they're delicate flowers only to be plucked by the man with the most perfect chisled jaw and freshly shaved beardIncels and SJWs who think they have it all figured out, the other is to blame, just be like us and do exactly as we say and the world will be betterAnd their masters so patronizing, so focused on distracting, for what?So undeservingBut holy shit, it would feel good to pull back at least one of the coversAnother distraction?MaybeBut if I can do it that's one less for everyone else
>>26454342He's fully aware.
lmao i cant believe ur creeping on my discord profile
>>26454354Then he will leave eventually if he’s not low iq
>>26454337anytime, my fellow art book enjoying brother
>>26454367It was casual. There is no staying and leaving with casual, it simply happened and may or may not happen again. What are you, mad that you're not getting casual?
>>26454379No I just can’t imagine doing casual sex with a borderline stranger but that is just me.
>>26454404Yeah, that kinda sounds like a you problem right enough.I'm gonna go bask in my orgasm for a while, take care.
I keep oscillating between missing her and being angry that she couldn’t show more willingness to work on her issues. I shouldn’t feel angry as if I was owed her effort, so I hope it passes soon.I want to focus on myself this summer, not try to meet anyone at all, as I tend to do that to fill a void, not because I genuinely want to invest in someone. And I thus I tend to insist on making it work with people who don’t fit me, or want me that much, instead of moving on right away.I want to spend the summer working on my project and spending time focused on me and what I want to do, instead of trying to meet someone new, but it’s like a drug, I can feel the feeling of missing something, and wanting to chase it. I feel the urge to download dating apps and such, and I must resist it.I suppose a compromise would be to try and use it to simply meet randos and see what they’re like, spend time with them with no intentions of taking it to a physical or emotional place. Learning to stop viewing them as people there to either fuck or date. That could be good. But I don’t know yet if it’s a good idea or nonsense I’m making up to enable my own relapse.
>>26454441Thanks for sharing
"People don't even notice, they are concerned with their own stuff" is the biggest bullshit I've ever been told. People in public make judgmental eyes every fucking day and acquaintances will talk shit behind your back even when you haven't seen them for a week. And I definitely notice this shit as somebody who truly doesn't give a fuck about people I don't know or when they aren't around me, who does not even understand why total strangers think anybody really should give any fucks what they think about them. I've even had total Karens come into my workplace when I'm not there and talk smack about me to coworkers when I've seen that customer maybe only twice - I hear about it because even my coworkers think people like this are pathetic.
>>26454343Bad people suck but good people don't. Just because I know I am right and that means they are wrong doesn't make that any less true that I am right.
>>26454729I wonder how many good people failed to make an impression in my lifeI can think of a few "good" people but my experience with them was so shortHonestly people who describe me as a cat are looking pretty acurately
Just had the first 24 hours go by where I had no impulse to masturbate and it feels amazing.
>>26454804I wonder the same thing, although there have been people who waltzed into my life pretending to be good only months later to show who they really are. I think actual good people are extremely rare.
>>26454089>Why is my ex overly nice to me all of a sudden?She misses you and maybe feels guilty. Don't read too much into it
>>26452803yeah i think that's what we need to get over this dumb past shit ngl
God's plan is fucking weird man
I don't know what to name this dude
For some time I've been telling girls I find attractive that I'm gay so there isn't any chance of getting close to them. I don't hate women but I hate how I feel when I get close to one. I've been happier since I started doing that
If I keep acting sane shit's so fucking borrriiiiiiiingI'm not going to just go nuts for the lulz either I didn't think or ask for thisI just thought the anime girls were TV made by the nips for the same reason as the rest of TV but this shit has been in the works for months!
>>26454602shit sucks man
>>26454511You're in the stages of grievances over the relationship you could have had. It's okay to be feeling this way. I was were you were too.
Which girl would you ask our first, taking for granted both said yes? A pub's manager or a colleague? Or would you go for a third option?
>>26455544I'd want to know more about them than their job
>>26455557That's what going out with them is for.
>>26455509Yeah it does, it is sort of depressing, but maybe a little freeing to really recognize the average person is a huge douche. I'm glad that my parents taught me to mind my own business and just do my own thing when in public but I feel like an alien with my manners.
>>26455575Wow holy shit I hate peopleI asked out a person I went to highschool then college withVery spiritual girlAlso believed people who failed in life were totally at their own faultBelieved she had a special place in God's planAlso didn't want to be seen with me in public around campus in case her mom who worked there saw us and would call her a whore for being in a relationship again after a bad break upEither of the options create a scenario where the work overpowers the relationship, pub person becomes extremely busy or colleague is put into a position of seniority (happened while I was planning a date with one at my current job) and it sucks
>>26455610>Wow holy shit I hate peopleI don't get why. If you had a bad experience with some girl and there isn't much involvement or sentimental investment, why not move on to the next one?
>>26455640>Move on to the next oneYou make it sound like people are hats to try on>b-buht you shouldn't get attachedI don't have interest in casual conversation topicsI spend a lot of time alone and honestly even little things about people get me irritatedI can't remember the last time someone, honest to god, showed up in my email or DMs trying to look for something meaningfulActually I do, I had someone DM me about making ero hypno files but instead of just working on any kind of script it was 20 questions like, "want to do a duet?????"NoMy post was about making ero hypno audio contentWhat the fuck were they on?
>>26455680>You make it sound like people are hats to try onMaybe, but why would I hang onto someone it clearly doesn't work with? That's a great way of getting oneitis and suffering. No thanks.
>>26455640Remembering being in a streamer community (they played ttrpgs) and setting up this whole thing and offering to run gamesNo one wanted to commitRemembering responding to a post (Luulubuu was the one who made it ho-ho-holy shit that's it's own topic) about "looking for DMs for DnD" and the group I tried to run for was weird as fuck in every directionHow many times should I move on to the next people?
>>26455736I don't get along with people>Maybe the problem is you then?So when I explain my frustration during an RPG that their mechanical keyboard and always having the mic on while they whistle waiting for their next turn and they decide to turn it into a point of contention, how many times should I move on to the next person?
>>26455741As many times as it is necessary, unless you realize you are the problem and you need to change. Simple ass.
>>26455851I've spent my life volunteering for religious groups, non profits, educational groups, music groups, camp groupsI've done retail work, restaurant work, telephone work, finance workI don't have any connections, what exactly should I change about myself?
>>26455941>I don't have any connections, what exactly should I change about myself?I don't know. I don't know you but you have been doing so far doesn't seem to have been working.
>>26455961*I don't know you but it sounds like
>>26455961Well I haven't been screaming at people to get their head out of their ass and stop acting like they're such hot shit for whatever reasonI haven't slapped the shit out of people who tell me to stop because "we're doing to much work" while volunteering at the food packing thingI haven't punched people in the gut for giving me a smug look when I tell them their asscrack is showing (literal)
Desire to message you. Still have no idea what the hell happened.
>>26455863eh, stay absolutely disgusting
>>26455994Okay? Let me guess, you never talked with any of those people either?
>>26455941I don't know what to tell you but I also have experienced volunteering as seriously overrated, especially for networking and resume padding. Plus you're just used as a free employee by most orgs even though there are specific rules in an attempt to prevent that. I will never volunteer again unless I'm attempting to find friends or a possible date.
Desire to MKultra her. Now I have a really good idea of what happened. However I have to go to work and that is the number one priority.
>>26456099The last guy was literally someone I said hi to and by their name everytime I saw themHis name is DanHe's a shift manager at the local groceryShould I have asked him out for a date to get to know him better?
>>26455527I will, thanks! I'm having a great time.
>>26456116Are you familiar with the concept of smalltalk and getting to know each other? I woke up after a long night out myself. I didn't get an hangover despite having drank a lot, probably because I also had food and plenty of water. I think I'll see my friend again next week.Have you done anything fun in your weekend?There, something like that kind of smalltalk.
>>26456120Why? She would deserve it and "muh revenge GRRRRR" is her number one priority in life. Why not pay her back with her own medicine?
>>26456221Because she’s been scorned and you haven’t. Have some empathy. Don’t plant shit seeds, Julian.
>>26456228Why should I have any mercy for her when she didn't give me any when I was at my lowest? Why should I have mercy for someone that did the exact opposite of what I pleaded her to do because she knew that was exactly what would have hurt me the most?I have plenty of empathy, and also harbor lots of well warranted hate and resentment. The part of my mind that cares about her gets overriden by the rest. I'm aware of it and I accept it.
>>26456301Try your best to not be a nigger
>>26456228Oh and also, you mentioned it yourself your griefing campaign on me was for a sense of justice (and I perfectly understand it after the heartbreak and the slur). I have even more valid motivations than you had, but I can't be bothered with doing something concrete. She's not a priority, like what she used to say to me. Work is. My own wellbeing is.
>>26456314I'll just as bad to you as you have been to me. Does that make you happy? I hope it does.
>>26456477*I'll just beeCall me a loser or a cuck again and see if that helps you. Try to string me along or to treat me as a third wheel again and see if that helps you.
>>26456497Wrong person, anon. I’ve never strung you along, I’m just a reader here who watches TPB and writes about a girl I scorned
>>26456512It doesn't matter. She can enjoy the nuclear wasteland between us for all I care: that's what she demonstrated she wanted by her actions.
Why the fuck are scene and alt chicks so insecure about being judged for their lifestyle, but are the first to talk shit? Holy fuck, maybe /pol/ wasn't completely wrong
Once I've helped move all her stuff away from you, I'm going to smash your fucking head in, old man. And help myself to some compensation for all the trouble you've caused.Two of your kids already stopped having anything to do with you a long time ago. The other two only talk to you out of necessity. What does that tell you?You're a shit dad. And a shit husband, too, if two failed marriages are anything to go by.You ruined my fiancées life, so you can bet your bottom fucking dollar I'm going to ruin yours, you fucking cunt.