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>be me
>24 (2015)
>working security, cheffing, research and going to uni
>2016
>trump brexit
>everything at uni turns a long drawn out awful event. because of me expressing my views openly, peers just generally not liking me (very immature) and a love triangle involving me, a girl, her boyfriend and our teacher.
>eventually pass get degree etc
>get heavily immersed in politics going to party meetings, discords, protests etc
>still applying for jobs but no one is taking me
>i am not going back to shitty jobs
>pay off student debt
>£20k in savings
>2020
>get everything i want politically. (leaving the EU, new sense of national pride, paychecks from investors, paychecks from a regular government job etc etc)
>pandemic happens
>lose all of it
>2021
>be broke. actually owing £14k in debts from rent missing payments bills etc
>have to go back to doing security
>no respect, dealing with shitheads
>meeting up with people again from 5 years ago who i thought i'd never see again
>they tell me i look like shit, and ask where i've been
>give them a random round about answer
>remember why i hated doing this, at least when i was at school i could always tell myself it isnt going to be forever.
>feel shame
>2022
>be me 30 now
>still broke, owe £6k
>moving home soon (may)
>haven't seen any of my friends in over 2 years, everyone seems distant
>log back into skype and facebook to retrace my steps
>no one has really moved on professionally, even some people who i respected are now social workers. it just seems like a bare bones vibe of 2015. everyone else is gone because of my views/just generally wasting my time.

i know i need to reinvent myself i just dont know where to start.
i've already got a wishlist for when i get out of debt
shoes, aftershaves, shirts, new bed, new computer, air pods etc
but i genuinely dont know where to go to make new friends or new hobbies or what sorta job i can get nower days. i cant keep doing security its killing me inside
>>
What do you have your degree in? You can’t find anything at all in your field? Could you move up in your security job to a supervisor role?

What kinda stuff do you do now for hobbies?
>>
also the security work i am doing is self employed.
so over the course of two months on average it works out as
>week 1
210
>week 2
nothing
>week 3
450
>week 4
970
>week 5
nothing
>week 6
260
>week 7
360
>week 8
120

i had a really funny/sad moment around xmas where i reached out to one of my old work mates where he got me work at a famous drinks headquarters he didnt say for how long the contract was but he just said its for £12 per hour over 12 hours "For the time being".

I turned up at the front desk where the guy handed over the desk to me and began showing me around the place. at first i thought wow my own desk, my own cctv, my own computer, nice office, everything clean, free drinks all night, cafeteria. i began thinking to myself, its a recognized brand, a car park outside, not much to do, decent pay, maybe get them to pay me on self employed invoices so i dont have to pay much tax, maybe i could buy a car, maybe even get it insured at the company address as i would spend more time there then at home, maybe i could get photo frame on my desk of my loved ones/future loved ones, my own little uniform, maybe climb my way up, maybe i can bring some of my own home effects here, okay its not everything i wanted in life but at least its stable its there and its my own space. Maybe i can settle down here for a couple of years.

Finally i thought, i had arrived JUST in the nick of time. and just around that time i was told i wasnt going to be on the front desk, or in the office or with my own personal space. I was going to be standing in a carpark in the pouring rain looking after a tent all night to do with a promotional event. I was cold, alone and the contract only lasted 3 days. i even skipped the last day. the company still paid me. thats how useless/unimpactful/unimportant i was.
>>
i am also not vaxxed, and i dont think i ever will be vaxxed based on how the governments have reacted to those who refuse the vax.

i cant start a business because i defiantly don't have the money or connections or resources to do it. i may have a few years ago but because i was hesitant ill never know. probably just as well.

i cant join the police/army because i am just too fat and old and with the world we live in, i just don't believe in their values (invading the middle east for a greater isreal/supporting BLM and diversity).

I cant do anything creative, and even if i started at this age, it would be irresponsible.

i used to work in a nursing home as a nurses assistant and lets just say getting old scares me never mind working in those aweful hospitals again.

these days research jobs want more qualifications and pay less.

i dont see the point in retraining in anything. given my degree as well as other qualifications haven't really done anything for my employment prospects. the only time my qualifications have ever been mentioned is when i was already employed with a company and didn't have to be part of the staff layoffs (which have only ever happened twice in my 12 years in the work force) and looking back on those jobs i don't think losing those jobs would have effected me anyway since i ended up leaving them for better pay anyways.
>>
>>25669842
>What do you have your degree in?
i know its a meme degree but food and mangement (mainly focusing on mangement)
>You can’t find anything at all in your field?
not really. or a minimum wage job/it would cost me too much to work for them not enough hours, not enough pay too far away etc.

>Could you move up in your security job to a supervisor role?
the stuff i am doing nower days is all self employed as i have said before. if i wanted to get into a supervisor role i would need to start beefing up/working out/working nightclubs as much as possible with one company for about 5 years before i could be considered for a supervisor role (the pay is £11ph its more a ego trip with more things to get blamed for rather than a career path) its just isnt who i am as a person. i just couldnt do it.

>What kinda stuff do you do now for hobbies?
i dont have any hobbies.
i cant even game because my computer is busted. i have been using an old laptop since 2020. i cant afford to fix it yet.
>>
Try becoming a streamer.
>>
>>25670119
i did do that amongst other similar things during 2016 - 2019
i made some money sure. but i got perma-banned and it just took too much effort it get it back on again. again considering the streaming market i am not a girl. i am not young. i cant game and even if i could i am not great at it. anywhere i could stream nower days i'd just get banned.
i was lucky in a way that no one has ever really recognized me (despite having 15k subs) but i honestly thought for longest time the reason i couldnt get regular normal jobs was because i was recognized. to cut a long story short i know it isn't because of that.
>>
>>25670119
i'd also like to say imo everyone who is going to do well doing streaming we all already know about. similar to the phrase "everything that needs to be invented has already been invented"
>>
>>25670031
>i know its a meme degree but food and mangement (mainly focusing on mangement)
is it possible for you to become a food critic or something. maybe a consultant?
>>
>>25670274
>is it possible for you to become a food critic
again you need a name or an establishment behind you. like a news paper or a well known channel. given what i know of the (((media))) that just isnt a realistic objective. even if i did have a chance i would have to pay the company to be the assistant of the assistant to the food critic and that just isnt money i have. or again best case a very low wage that i couldnt afford.
>maybe a consultant?
dude i've tried to get into those companies LOADS and i always get to the "Test" stage. they always give you a test (at least the ones i apply to) mainly focusing on socail intelligence and i always always fail them. i have no idea why. i just get my results back with "you didnt furfil the test criteria" to the point i even called them up to tell them it was broken. after applying for the same job 20 times (crazy high staff turn over btw) i just gave up. i'll try again later on the year in the hope something has changed but i doubt it. but yea i would love something like that. maybe starting in resteraunts and working up to other industries.

the whole thing is very very frustrating.
>>
>>25670031
>i dont have any hobbies.
so what do you do all day?
>>
>>25670162
Correct me if Im wrong, but is it true that a ton of people don't realize how much actual work goes into being a streamer? From what I've gathered, very few of these people actually "only stream for an hour or 2" and get paid handsomely for it. Like even the most popular streamers that make the most money I've seen that have been live for like 14 hours straight with little breaks. Thats a long fucking time to be entertaining people even if it's just "playing games or watching youtube shit"
>>
>>25670321
It depends.
NOWER DAYS
i mainly clean place up as much as possible/putting things into boxes ready for the move. try to sell stuff on ebay/bin things i dont need.
apply for jobs.
talk to possible future landlords about thier demands/rates/schedules.
write up budget plans for when i get paid.
make texts and phone calls see whos got security work if i can do it or not (distance, rates of pay, the work involved, the area, qualifications etc)
watching documentaries
wait for the call....
>>
>>25670326
>but is it true that a ton of people don't realize how much actual work goes into being a streamer?
i mean all said and done i probably made about £24k out of it over a span of 3 years.
which is OKISH but it isnt enough to pay the bills.
>I've seen that have been live for like 14 hours straight with little breaks
again it depends but i've done 14s and even 24 hour streams making a little under £200 for that stream alone. which i would consider is good. As i said everyone we know who is a successful stream is going to be a successful streamer. you could be commenting on the same issue as someone else and maybe doing a better job at it with more insight/personal experience but if everyone whos someone like ninja and they dont know you, they are just going to be on ninjas stream. these streamers have already created monopolies.
Its abit like saying you want to create a new fizzy drink in the modern era.
no one is going to care about it.
everyone already knows about pepsi, monster, coca-cola and wont pay twice the price for something else that tastes nothing like it. even if you did have a chance the bigger companies could just buy you out or dominate with their superior capital.
>Thats a long fucking time to be entertaining people even if it's just "playing games or watching youtube shit"
its not the hardest thing i've done but it does remind me coming from a hospitality background to sorta have a "painted on smile" face. i dont want to get into details about i used to knew a few (now i have no chance they dont wanna know me) are on coke or other stimulants to keep them going. apprently one was close to crowder and he used like a bit of coke back around 2017/2018 but has since quit/slowed down on it. it doesn't matter to me anymore.
>>
>>25669790

>be me 30 now
>haven't seen any of my friends in over 2 years, everyone seems distant

That's not very surprising, friends (read acquaintances" usually leave you in their 30s, they focus on work and family. Only real friends stay. If your friends told you you looked like "shit" then : 1- there might be something to be fixed about your appearance. 2- your friends may only enjoyed your presence for the social status you brought them (having Tom Cruise as your friend makes you appear more valuable socially-wise... yeah people are shallow as fuck).

Your friends didn't move professionally while they are in their 30s ? And they're criticizing about how shitty you are ? Guess what, ost epople in their 30s get promoted after rounding up several years of experience Your friends aremost likely stagnating. Be the daring one, try a new training in something more interesting and sought after (I'll come to that later).

Your debt shrank from £14K to £6K, good job. Give it 1.5 more year and you'll be debt free and you could maybe ask for a credit if you want to start a business.

You said you were too fat, maybe you can try to fix it by running or cycling (no vaxx-pass bullshit or whatever). Try to connect with people who do the same activity. Try hiking instead of running if you want to socialize (you can't really chat when running unless you got iron lungs).

I also suggest training if you're fed up with security. But this time, take a no-bullshit job that is sought after. I was thinking about a welding license if you like that kind of stuff. It can be high paying if you're working for yourself after several years of experience, it is definitively skilled and workforce is low.
>>
>>25670402

When it comes to make new friends, I suggest looking for an activity that requires :

- several people
- no online bullshit, everyone must meet
- team play is a plus
- physical activity (could be sports, crafting stuff, training dogs, building sutff like restoring some old machine or building).

And of course : you must enjoy that activity or you won't be invested in it and people will see it.

If you're the lonely type (which I sued to be), get OUT of your comfort zone and force yourself to meet people. It will be awkward and difficult first, but you may learn to enjoy social activities and find one you like to share.

DON'T BRING POLITICS/RELIGION/SEX.
Don't feel offended. Just have other's people bullshit get over your head. Don't be a drama queen. Just be the polite and friendly presence that behaves well.

You can bring said topics wwith people you bonded with later.
>>
>>25670402
just wanted to start off by thanking you for reading through everything and giving me valuable input

>That's not very surprising, friends (read acquaintances" usually leave you in their 30s, they focus on work and family
i know what kinda people you are talking about and they did leave me around my late teens early 20s and i do understand that. we were all going our different ways. this isnt what i am talking about.

>If your friends told you you looked like "shit"
sorry i should have explained this better. i didn't consider these people my freinds these are former work colleagues i used to work with in security. people who i haven't seen in over 5 years since that is the last time i had to work security.
If you can imagine a man so desperate he has to go back to his old job from 5 years ago, plus the stress of the pandemic, plus the stress of the job, plus weight gain ,plus being in the initial debt i was in you can imagine i wasnt looking my best.

>Your friends didn't move professionally while they are in their 30s ?
both my work colleagues and my personal friends haven't really move on professionally BUT to be fair, those in security know thats who they are going to be for the rest of their life. some of them even embrace it. the cutsey bouncer who gets all the girls numbers who also fucks people up. again its a identity for some but not for me i am afraid.

>Guess what, ost epople in their 30s get promoted after rounding up several years of experience Your friends are most likely stagnating.
thats the nicest thing i have heard in years. thank you so much man but again i have like 12 years work experience. how much longer is it gonna take? all of this is extremely frustrating.

>Your debt shrank from £14K to £6K, good job. Give it 1.5 more year and you'll be debt free and you could maybe ask for a credit if you want to start a business.
i am expecting to be debt free by this time next year and thank you anon.
>>
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>>25670402
>You said you were too fat, maybe you can try to fix it by running or cycling (no vaxx-pass bullshit or whatever). Try to connect with people who do the same activity. Try hiking instead of running if you want to socialize (you can't really chat when running unless you got iron lungs).
i dont think i could do that. i've lost alot of weight before (mainly because of work) but i couldnt be the fatty in the gym who everyone can outpace and outwork easily only to get embarrsed and do something embarrassing. plus the last time i made a friend was back in 2015, i honestly wouldn't know where to start. pic very much related

>I also suggest training if you're fed up with security.
given this degree hasnt really got me anywhere i dont see what another qualification will do.
>But this time, take a no-bullshit job that is sought after.
like cheffing or management? yea that didnt work out in the end.
>I was thinking about a welding license if you like that kind of stuff.
i dont like that kinda stuff. again i live in the UK so must of that stuff is done aboard and then we just ship it in. i did just google it the pay is around £18/£24k. what with the qualification ill have to pay for ill be pretty much at the same place.
>When it comes to make new friends, I suggest looking for an activity that requires :
>- several people
>- no online bullshit, everyone must meet
>- team play is a plus
i genuinely cant think of anything
>- physical activity
>could be sports,
i've never been good at sports.
>crafting stuff,
i've never done that and the only audience i can think that would be appealing to is women in thier 40s/50s.
>training dogs,
i've never owned a dog
>building sutff like restoring some old machine or building).
ive never done or had any interest in anything like that.

>And of course : you must enjoy that activity or you won't be invested in it and people will see it.
i genuinely cant think of anything
>>
>>25670461

Hello anon, thanks for your feedback !

I personally avoid friendship with coworkers, unless I've been knowing them for long enough (read : 5 years at least) and that there is no competition for a promotion. Which appears to be the case in security.

It looks like your job (security) is a dead end. Both professionally and personally. There seems to be no opportunity and its slowly turning you insane. I really suggest leaving your job and train for another one even if there is no real financial benefits because this is going to improve your mental health. I once worked in a fast-food for 3 years and I ended up bored, I then changed to work in a warehouse (not so awesome I agree) but it was like a breath of fresh air...for the same income but it helped to get fit. You should look for the kind of jobs that are sought after in the UK and try to find one that could please you. Some recruiters are so low in workforce that they can finance your training.

Regarding sports and gym : you said you didn't want to look like the fatty that's sweating and being outpaced by people (especially females, its such embarassing). Guess what, I think you're paying too much attention to them. If you're overweight, you're not exercising for Olympics. You're exercising for you health (physically and mentally).

Many of my friends started going to the gym because they wanted "six-packs", strong arms only to attract females. They existence orbited around girls. It didn't worked for me. I started to exercise because it helped to evacuate stress and made me feel good after the session. Exercising for your health is a much more legitimate leitmotiv than exercising for looks. And you'll feel great after the very first session (I suggest going to your doctor to prevent ruining your joints and start slowly though).

Regarding activities/hobbies : try to remember what you liked to do as a kid. Were into cars ? Comics ? Videogames ? Music ?
>>
>>25670461
>>And of course : you must enjoy that activity or you won't be invested in it and people will see it.
>i genuinely cant think of anything
just to add on this i am a very intense person. i decided in my early 20s i wanted to be the guy who throws himself into his work very serious. very intense. instead there is no work and the only work that is there isnt something i can honestly throw myself into.
if i did have a hobby of such knowing myself it wouldnt take long for me to ask why arent i making money out of this? or buying the professional equipment and then getting frustrated why i am not on 6 figure salary doing said hobby. i could defiantly see myself getting pissed off with others as well as myself over what is essentially a hobby.
>>
>>25670514
>I personally avoid friendship with coworkers, unless I've been knowing them for long enough (read : 5 years at least) and that there is no competition for a promotion. Which appears to be the case in security.
again my apologies for not explaining myself properly these arent my freinds just people i have worked with for a while who do know me quite well. i wouldnt consider them to be freinds.

>It looks like your job (security) is a dead end. Both professionally and personally. There seems to be no opportunity and its slowly turning you insane.
thanks anon, i am glad you got it. no one really seems to understand it but you seem to have got it. it isnt something i WANT to do its something i HAVE to do. before i could tell myself it isnt important its just get me through uni and now its just....a dead end. theres nothing in myself (apart from paying bills and debts) i can tell myself to get myself through it.
> I really suggest leaving your job and train for another one even if there is no real financial benefits because this is going to improve your mental health.

that is something i am considering after i have paid off my debts and got everything back in the black (and then some) but i honestly dont know where to go.

>You should look for the kind of jobs that are sought after in the UK and try to find one that could please you. Some recruiters are so low in workforce that they can finance your training.

i will defiantly look into that. thank you anon. there has got to be something.

the sports and gym stuff you said is nice. i just need to be more mobile. maybe i dont need to join a club or a gym but making working harder at work or doing long walks.

>They existence orbited around girls. It didn't worked for me.
i am honestly at the same point in my life in regards to women. i am happy being by myself i have come to accept it. i am not looking for it.
>>
>>25670461

I can understand your fears of going out looking like a dumbass anon, but trust me I went through same stuff before :

- Meeting people who were the political-opposit of me and partying with them. I gave no commentary to their views and just enjoyed the music/alcohol/social interaction. I applied advice I found from other anons and tried to be friendly or not causing troubles at least. It did work, a few epople messaged me back and offered me to go to other parties.

- skateboarding : at some point during quarantine, I wanted to ride my skateboard again. I'm a beginner, I can't do tricks (learning ollies) but I can ride ramps which I enjoy doing. I basically went to the skatepark where people 10 years younger than me were having a blast and landed tricks in a row. I was that guy, wearing a helmet (helmet give me confidence actually), trying to learn basic tricks and failing. But I also rode ramps and had fun. Nobody gave a fuck. No remarks or comments, everybody was having their chill time. I went back. Some dude asked me to record him while doing tricks, we chatted a bit and shared advice. It was nice.

Truth is, most people don't give a shit. Those mocking you aren't worthy of your attention. What's wrong with struggling as a beginner ?

Anon, you don't satisfied with your life. Some things are stagnating and fucking you up mentally. You need to change that, especially your job. You're in your 30s, you're young and you can perfectly explain banks/companies that you want to change your job because it's going nowhere after 12 years. Recruiters will recognize it's a great source of motivation, it shows you're dedicated.

It also appears that you already took actions to improve your lfie : reducing your debt (good sign of pragmatism) and planning to get new clothes and furnitures.

Anon, once your debts are over, promise yourself you didn't do that to go back to security and stay in an unsatisfying situation where you currently are.
>>
>>25670514
the stuff you said about 6 pack stuff obviously doesnt work for the reasons you stated but thats what worries me (as i stated above) about me getting into hobbies. taking them too seriously. what gain am i getting out of it?£££££ etc.

>Exercising for your health is a much more legitimate leitmotiv than exercising for looks. And you'll feel great after the very first session (I suggest going to your doctor to prevent ruining your joints and start slowly though).
maybe i can try a dead gym but what with the pandemic and everything the doctors are completly jammed. my own father (whos in his mid 60s) needs a knee replacement and has been on a waiting list since 2019 and the pandemic has only made that 10x worse.
ill either have to go on long walks or find a dead gym or something slow. maybe not team based or whatever but something quite and alone.
>Regarding activities/hobbies : try to remember what you liked to do as a kid. Were into cars ? Comics ? Videogames ? Music ?
i dont drive. i cant game see >>25670031
alot of the stuff i used to like as i kid i just dont do anymore nor do they interest me. ill have a solid think but i doubt i will find anything...
again i would find myself asking why am i not making money out of this?
>>
>>25670543
>Meeting people who were the political-opposit of me and partying with them. I gave no commentary to their views and just enjoyed the music/alcohol/social interaction.
that is something i defaintly could have done when i was younger but to be honest after the psyical altercations as well as the other nasty stuff i've been through i dont think i could ever forgive those people. and i know they dont want my forgiveness anyway.

> But I also rode ramps and had fun. Nobody gave a fuck. No remarks or comments, everybody was having their chill time. I went back. Some dude asked me to record him while doing tricks, we chatted a bit and shared advice. It was nice.
that sounds like a very wholesome experience anon i am glad you had a good time :)

>Truth is, most people don't give a shit. Those mocking you aren't worthy of your attention. What's wrong with struggling as a beginner ?

maybe my age, looking like a goof, being cringe. idk

>Anon, you don't satisfied with your life. Some things are stagnating and fucking you up mentally. You need to change that, especially your job. You're in your 30s, you're young and you can perfectly explain banks/companies that you want to change your job because it's going nowhere after 12 years. Recruiters will recognize it's a great source of motivation, it shows you're dedicated.
you've totally hit the nail on the head and i am directionless. I have no idea where to direct my energy. i need a clean slate, i need a new direction, i need a new identity.

>It also appears that you already took actions to improve your lfie : reducing your debt (good sign of pragmatism) and planning to get new clothes and furnitures
yea thanks man. thats all i can do right now. i am thinking of leaving facebook but i dont know where i would put all my thoughts and ideas. i know a blog would be stupid and no one would be interested and if anyone WAS interested i could get myself into a lot of trouble.
>>
>>25670539

One way to look for sought after jobs :
Look at job offers on Internet. Try to list what kind of jobs are frequently posted (truth is, most of them are underpaid difficult jobs : truck driver, warehouse clerks, forklift operators...). But in my country, jobs like machining operator, welder, electrical technicians are posted. You can have a license in 2 years, sometimes 1 if yo're applying for a training targeting adults that want to change their career. After several years of experience, you'll learn a valuable skill that is no easy to replace. Loook at Sales too, there are so many salespeople positions...

Regarding women : are you single ? Did you abandon the idea of having a girlfriend/wife ? If yes, then I'm glad to tell you that I was in the same mindset back then. I thought no one could desire me. Guess what, after socializing a bit, some girls started to engage a conversation with me. She wanted a one night-stand (she was horny as fuck and didn't have sex after breaking her leg). I wasn't really attracted and she felt clumsy, so I declined. But I had chances to sleep with her if I wasn't so picky. All of that to say socializing will open-up opportunities with women and you may start to appreciate their presence, challenging your views of eternal celibacy.

Your life ain't over anon. You still have 40-50 years to spend. Spend them well.
>>
>>25670543
>Anon, once your debts are over, promise yourself you didn't do that to go back to security and stay in an unsatisfying situation where you currently are.

i think that will defaintly carry me through the next 13 months. thanks man. i am really greatful for taking the time to help me and give me advice. it seems like you have unknotted a ball of string.
again anon thank you so much.
>>
>>25670583
>Look at job offers on Internet
i do, they are often joke jobs or jobs that require a masters or something
>Try to list what kind of jobs are frequently posted (truth is, most of them are underpaid difficult jobs : truck driver, warehouse clerks, forklift operators...)

i know, those are the kinda jobs i have done
the warehouses for me personally? are my limit. its just box ontop of box and then getting shouted at for picking the wrong box and then you've got to go back to deal box ontop of box to me personally? that is my limit. i cant do that i tip my hat off to you sir because me personally? i just cant do it.
>You can have a license in 2 years, sometimes 1 if yo're applying for a training targeting adults that want to change their career.

i am guessing you are in germany because that actaully sounds like a productive scheme we dont have anything like that in the UK. but you have described the "map" so to speak beautifully. and i just think 2 years doing a course which may or may not get me work and the money and time to put into it just puts me off instantly.

>you'll learn a valuable skill that is no easy to replace
you'd be surprised how easily people can be replaced. i know i have been.

>Loook at Sales too, there are so many salespeople positions...
i've never tried it but i am not very confident i doubt i could do sales.

>Regarding women : are you single ? Did you abandon the idea of having a girlfriend/wife ?
yes i have. i haven't fully consciously let it sink in i am going to be by myself for the rest of my life just yet. but as i mentioned in my OP that love triangle thing stung me and just killed that piece of my heart. its going to be 7 years this September and i still haven't quite gotten over her. shes still with her bf and i doubt she would even recognize me. but for me thats it. plus what women expect these days. nope. it hasn't fully settled in yet. but you could cut of my cock and i wouldn't really it.
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>>25670577

> that is something i defaintly could have done when i was younger but to be honest after the psyical altercations as well as the other nasty stuff i've been through i dont think i could ever forgive those people. and i know they dont want my forgiveness anyway.

I understand. I also cut with some of them. Just look for a group of people that shares your views instead.

>maybe my age, looking like a goof, being cringe. idk

All beginners look like goofs when starting something new. Looking cringe : dress casually, say hello/please/thanks/goood bye. Don't be loudmouthed. Yeah, you will still look weird for some people, but this could also make you look interesting.

"Why would that nicely-dressed, polite chubby man start exercising/doing this activity ? I want to ask him..." There you go, you turn what you considers to be your defaults into strengths. Once again, you don't do that for others, only for you. It's therapy.

>I have no idea where to direct my energy. i need a clean slate, i need a new direction, i need a new identity.

You have no directions. Try several directions. Chose the one you enjoy. Staying idle is a direction leading you underground (read buried).

> i am thinking of leaving facebook but i dont know where i would put all my thoughts and ideas. i know a blog would be stupid and no one would be interested and if anyone WAS interested i could get myself into a lot of trouble.

I also started writing stuff when my head was filled with negative thoughts. You should write your stuff on a piece of paper/Word file and if it's controversial, don't publish it. Writing down stuff is a way to sooth the mind.
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>>25670617
>Just look for a group of people that shares your views instead.
they are hard to find and can be quite dangerous.

>"Why would that nicely-dressed, polite chubby man start exercising/doing this activity ? I want to ask him..." There you go, you turn what you considers to be your defaults into strengths. Once again, you don't do that for others, only for you. It's therapy.
yea thats a good idea actaully ill do that.

>You have no directions. Try several directions. Chose the one you enjoy. Staying idle is a direction leading you underground (read buried).

i am worried about bumping into so many directions where i am not wanted and making an idiot out of myself. or even what direction to choose. or what if any of these directions got me into trouble. i was considering religion but to be honest i dont think they'd need me i cant remember what i rationale i came to but it wasnt for me. i wish there was an insitution i could cling to and have that be my indeinty but the way things are going its not gonna turn out that way.

>I also started writing stuff when my head was filled with negative thoughts. You should write your stuff on a piece of paper/Word file and if it's controversial, don't publish it. Writing down stuff is a way to sooth the mind.

maybe i should for my mental health but again i dont understand the objective in regards to power status or £££
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>>25670637

I don't live in Germany, but in a similar country.

Yes, people can be replaced, but the strain on rare workforce in some sectors works in your favor. Use it.

>i am worried about bumping into so many directions
What directions did you have in mind ? List them, then chose the worthiest one and give it a try. Don't forget it could go to shit, accept the risk but work to make it successful. It looks like you're looking for something that fulfills you, something you can engage for years.

Identity is forged by the experiences you had, after you took actions.

>maybe i should for my mental health but again i dont understand the objective in regards to power status or £££

It is 100% for mental health, it's doesn't generate money or fame. Yet, you could develop writing skills in the process.

To summarize things :
- Take actions you already took (congrats).
- Don't blame it on others.
- Draw a line when things are excessive/not reasonnable : wasting money, doing drugs, illegal/dangerous stuff. But be flexible for everything else.
- Try activiites, this will help you to cope with the boredom of your security job. What are you doing during your free time ?

You know, I was brought to the psychologists when I was young. Fuckers were charging £50/30min only to listen to my complaints and say it's fine and one of them tried to engage me activism. Parents were too gulible to realise. I decided to try another approach : what do people fed up with something do ? They take actions.

I've been listening to the kind of guy that will ask you to do 50 push-ups when you can only do 2 and forces you to do another one, for a total of 3. He watches you sweating, ranting and trembling as you are exhausted. Yet, he doesn't mock you because he knows you gave all you had so he sees your potential. Next week, you're able to do 5, and he starts to be satisfied and so you are. And so on until you're happy to complete those 50 push-ups.

That's it anon, I will leave now.
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You want new shoes, bed, airpods probably because you're unsatisfied. Use that drive to other aspects of your life. That's a good way to do it.

Thanks for your replies anon.
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>>25670637

Last stuff :

>maybe i should for my mental health but again i dont understand the objective in regards to power status or £££

You sound like the pragmatic type, just like me.

Writing down negative thoughts is 100% for mental health. It doesn't generate money or fame. Yet you could develop writing skills (good syntax, no spelling mistakes, interesting subjects...) and use it later on. Writing also helps to organizing thoughts logically when spaking up in front of people.

I really have to go now anon. See you !
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>>25670679
>>25670694
thanks anon



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