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>friends finds deleted messenges from his gfs male coworker on her phone.
>Says it's just relationship advice between them, and she deleted because ???
>Confesses a day later that the deleted messenges was actually flirtatious.
>Stoic friend incredibly sad for a day, he tells me the day after.
>Tells me they've agreed it was 'kinda his fault' for not making her feel appreciated and for lacking drive to do anything.
>When telling me this he chokes up.
Holy fuck did that hurt when he choked up. I am the worst at talking about this stuff, I just said that I couldn't understand how it could be his fault. We talked a bit, but it didn't really lead anywhere since I'm such a awful talker.
Today he seemed kinda happy, so I didn't wanna ask about it and bring him down.
He kept telling me, semi joking, that he was a 'new me'. Meaning that he had changed.

I rent from them, and he's been both my best and longest friend.
His gf I've liked since I moved in, we have the same interests. A nice girl.
But this has made me extremely disgusted with his gf. I feel so betrayed. I have a hard time sleeping because of this. If I wasn't such a spineless asshole I would've confronted her.

She had a kid before they met, and the have one together. I love my friends kid to death. I've seen him grow up for 2 years now.
And the thought that he thinks it was HIS fault HURTS.

I wanted to try and get more details from him, but as I said he seemed kinda happy today..
I have a bad feeling about this, like she's just gonna do it again.
I get that it must hurt to not feel appreciated, but holy fuck an emotional affair can't be the answer to that. As far as I know she isn't changing workplace, and I don't even know if she's supposed to stop talking to him. My friend just mentioned that 'he couldn't deny her talking to friends'
I'm so angry and sad.

What can I do? SHOULD I do anything? Am I sticking my nose where it doesn't belong?
I guess I need more details..
Sorry for the enormous wall of text.
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always take your friends side unless he's actually choking her and beating her with his fists in front of the kids.
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>>25665817
>Tells me they've agreed it was 'kinda his fault' for not making her feel appreciated and for lacking drive to do anything.

Pathetic. His gf is a narcissist who cannot be trusted and he needs to dump her.

He does need to a drive though, he may be low testosterone.
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So stoicism is meaningless if some lying cunt can convince him that he's in the wrong.
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>>25665825
100% I'll take his side. But now that they seem to have a side together, i would have to go against him, if you catch my drift.
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>>25665834
She might be. Comes from a rich family. They were together when we were young too, but she left him for the cc.
Ended up with a psychopath and had a kid with him. She told me the whole story of how fucked up mentally she was when she was with him. My friend was the 'rescuer' from that toxic relationship.
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posts like this really make me wonder how people actually have friends holy shit
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>>25665895
Your friend seems to be a codependent or have fixer personality type
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>>25665840
>>25665895
Also about the test;
He worked out for a year religiously, became a big fucking beast. Not saying it can't be low test, but I can add that he grew up with a pretty feminist single mother. I think thats more the problem.
He had a lot of girlfriends in our school years.
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>>25665902
Tell me anon, what do you mean?
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>>25665907
Hm, could be
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>>25665817
Perhaps your friend is simply a mature and smart guy? Not all of us are insecure fucks who would banish their wives and girlfriends the moment they receive a flirty glance from someone.

Please, if you ever have an issue, don't discuss it on fucking 4chan, there are only 3 types of people lurking here, the delusional ones, the spiteful ones and those that are both delusional and spiteful aka Incels.
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>>25665817
Just be there for your friend and don't mess around with confronting his GF. That isn't really your place, and if he wants to talk to her about it, which he probably already has, then that is his business. Your business is to support your friend and his decisions, if his decision is to figure stuff out with this woman then you should support that.

To respect your buddy you also have to respect his decisions. Unless they're something that is actually harmful to their, or others, health and safety. This issue doesn't constitute that, even though it is shitty.
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>>25665817
Sadly you cant convince him otherwise. Just be honest with him without being confrontational and be there for him if/when his gf cheats
t. was cheated on
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>>25665921
>he grew up with a pretty feminist single mother. I think thats more the problem.
It almost always is. A poor/absent father figure is basically the nail in the coffin.
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>>25665947
I can understand that you'd want to stay for your kids, but I wonder if thats the right thing to do. It feels like he's more of a doormat now to her. He didn't even get angry, just sad. She broke the most fundamental pilar of a relationship; trust.

Thank you for your caring words; I know what 4chan is, I've lurked here for many years. I've read this argument so many times but if you actually think for yourself and don't take peoples opinions as facts, you CAN actually learn some things sometimes, even if 90% is from trolls or pseudo-intellects. That's not to say that this place is some sort of holy grail, but I still like it for the sometimes harsh comments that could get you banned or downvoted.
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This happened to me, too. I dont trust her for shit anymore, but im still with her. Having no self esteem sucks
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>>25665981
Fuck it hurts reading this, but I guess you're right that it isn't my business..
No your right, I won't confront gf, it's probably just the emotional state I'm in, or something. As I said anyway, I'm spineless, I wouldn't even if I should've.

Do you think it's wrong of me to atleast voice my opinion to my friend? It's tearing me apart at the moment. I tried to say something today while in the car, but I just couldn't.

Fuck man, I just want him to be loved and respected by his gf.. He's such a nice guy, he doesn't deserve this.
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>>25666119
Shit man, that's harsh. Have you been together a long time, or are you afraid you won't find another?
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>>25666135
You can tell him this. Tell him youll be there for him at least, or better yet start to ease him into the process of dating other women. He can still stay with her (morally this is okay as she has already cheated. (Yes he is being a fool thinking this man hasnt fucked her already)
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>>25666017
Fuck that sucks.. It just feels like a ticking bomb. He bought her flowers the other day after a fight about the messenges, before he knew they were flirting, and he looked so pathetic. Horrible thing to say, but he looked so weak..
Now he cleans the house, feeds the horses, do the dishes just to get some.. whats it called, confirmation? It's so sad.
I have done that shit my whole life, it is not healthy one bit.
Must feel like absolut shit being cheated on, sorry to hear that
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>>25665817
I hate how people throw around the word toxic, but one of the hallmark traits of when some is genuinely toxic, is when they fuck up and you somehow walk away feeling like YOU were in the wrong. Its very common to repeatedly justify the behavior of someone being shitty. He is absolutely not in the wrong here and he should dump her immediately. Not necessarily for the flirting, although that's definitely on the border, but her reaction to it? Making him feel like shit for what she did? Fuck that. Break up now
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>>25666186
Didnt read the full post before, shit about living together and kids makes it much more complicated, but at the very least id say its more than appropriate to pull your friend aside and reassure him that he did not do anything wrong. And it isnt his fault
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>>25666148
Okay thanks, that would ease my heart. He probably has, the messenges as I know began half a year ago, thats when i first heard about it. That man has a wife and kids too. Wonder if they'll tell his wife about this.
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>>25666186
>>25666195
Yes exactly! That angered me so much when he told me that. The thing that makes me hesitant to say something to him is that I don't have all the details, and haven't listened to them talking. Guess I can add confused to the emotional state I'm in.
I really should ask him for more details.. But anyhow I can't understand how it could be his fault that she had an affair, it doesn't make sense.
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>>25666255
Blaming yourself when cheated on is pretty common, especially if you already have low self esteem and your partner says you havent been treating them well enough
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>>25666046
I could add that his gfs father, while a good man, missed most of his childrens upbringing because he was always away working. She told me that it was hard not having a gather around.
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>>25666255

I've been seeing it in social media, fiction, movies, news, as an excuse for women cheating.

Same with men cheating because of a lack of sex, or because she doesn't want to do kink X or position Y.

Bots are the majority of YT's traffic, I'm sure it's the same for other sites, and I know that there are ideas that are peddled by bots and bought into by humans. The intention is to get people arguing/emotional, and it works. Maybe this is just one of those? I've definitely come across bots having the same argument with the same wording in multiple threads on sites like reddit, in a bid to change public opinion.

Psy-op? Governments have been changing public opinion on everything for years. Maybe this is one of those?

Cope? People always come up with excuses for things, maybe this is just a popular excuse?

Maybe a mixture of the three?
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>>25666301
Oh it is? That makes sense then, that he would agree that he's to blame. She does belittled him sometimes. She is very energetic and does things all the time, and likes to show others what she makes. He on the other hand dedicates himself to one thing at a time, and gets good at it.
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>>25665817
>coworker
Stopped reading there retard.
When will Americans learn?
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>>25666255
You really dont need any additional details. Likely there are none, and she is projecting her shitty mental state onto some failing of him as a bf when in reality she should probably go to therapy. If there are some, unless hes also cheating on her or has been complete dead bedroom loveless no romance relationship for a longass time, this is completely unacceptable. Even if it were a dead relationship, her lying about this rather than being like "yeah anon he was flirting with me you havent touched me in a year" is concerning, the deceit alone is worth confronting. But im fairly fuckin positive shes just got a hole in her heart that cant be filled by male attention, try as she might, and its very fucked that he believes this is his fault
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>>25666186
>when some is genuinely toxic, is when they fuck up and you somehow walk away feeling like YOU were in the wrong
No that is just you being a easily manipulated little bitch
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>>25665874
Nah dude you’re not against his you’re against his gfs psyop
Stay strong and be honest with your mate about your feelings and suspicions
You’re going to have to lay some brutality; ask him why wouldn’t she do it again? How does he know they’re not continuing in another avenue? He’s in a tough position, likely insecure, you need to build him up a bit and do not concede to his gf and be off with her do not smile to her shit do not talk to her . It’ll cause strife but you’ve got to be honest with your bro you’re doing it to stick up for him and what you believe is right. Ask your mate if he’d want you to get cucked or emotionally sold the shit stick and told to just deal with it.
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>>25666339
Well I know she's on antidepressants since the last boyfriend with who she had a kid with. He's apparently a bit of a psycho, throwing the dog down the stairs and shooting the dog with a pellet gun is what I remeber her saying.
Don't know about their love life, but from what I've seen they laugh and do stuff together sometimes, it's not like my parents. And overall they seem a hell of a lot happier than I am, although I can't know for sure if they hide it like I do sometimes
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>>25666347
I'd say 90% of men today are bitches, myself very much included. Life isn't hard anymore, from a survival aspect, so who needs to be strong today? Sad
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>>25665817
My gf and now ex wife did this shit. Shes cheating. Maybe not sex yet, but cheating. He needs to have self respect and prepare to leave her regardless of his attachments to her. Better to lose a gf than a wife once you have a kid. Women are fucking cruel.
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You should convince your bud to do a paternity test on the kid that your friend and his GF "have together". Reason being only a beta settles for damaged goods that already have a kid and have to take psych meds which means she doesn't respect him and is probably serially cheating on him. try to stealth the paternity test so she doesn't know.
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>>25666356
Wow dude, very strong post. I'll be a bit cringy and say that's what a man should do. I agree with what you say. Fuck man, the problem is that I'm a fucking pussy. I've been thinking the same shit your saying. Why would it stop now? IF she was really sorry, why did she have to be busted before she apologised? Seems more she's apologising for being caught. Fucked up thing is he could get almost any woman, he has the looks of a chad. She's very good looking to ofc, but she doesn't really take care of her body, only eating small amounts of food to stay fit.
I know I agreed with another poster before that was kinda the opposite of yours, it's just that both of your posts feels like healthy ideas to ponder on.
Thanks
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>>25666422
Yes, in my opinion, flirting and sharing emotional feelings with another man is just as much an affair as physical intimacy.
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>>25666430
Unfortunately she has been his onetis since school. Took each others virginity. It's hard when you believe the disney romance.
Ofcourse I can't be 100% sure, but that kid is a spitting image of his father. Friends grandma has a photo of friend when he was the same age, and it's basically the same head except for different hair color
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Thank you all very much for your opinions and advice! I feel better for the time being.
I have to go the the gym now, but if the thread is still up when I'm back I'd be happy to carry on the discussions.
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A last bump for my fren. If there's no new reply, I'll let it die.
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>>25666562
call the Maury show. maybe they won't say no if it gives them an opportunity to be on TV
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>>25665817
>What can I do?
Nothing.

>SHOULD I do anything?
If you do your friend is obviously going to take his girlfriend's side, not yours. Whatever lesson he's going to learn from this relationship he's going to learn on his own - not because you stepped in and gave his girlfriend a talking to. Talk to him and support him as much as you want and he's willing to listen. Confronting her is a huge mistake and, from his perspective, will likely feel very demeaning and infantilizing.

>Am I sticking my nose where it doesn't belong?
Yes. There is a child involved. You have absolutely no business injecting yourself into their family turmoil.
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>>25667449
Nah your right, confronting the gf won't do shit except get me in trouble. It's his battle.
And me lecturing him about what to do will only put me in a bad light and drive him away.
>There is a child involved.
That's part of what makes it so hard.

But I can't see her in the same light again. I can't be friends with her anymore, and that will inevitably cause problems along the road. So fucking sad.
But I'll try having a talk to him in a couple of days, and share my opinions as gently as I can, I think.



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