It's been a year and I still "love" her
>>25358820Fuck 5 other girls then see if it is still happening.
>>25358820Yeah...I my friend betrayed me and Im struggling to get over it...mainly because I realized we were never really friends.Shit sucks man, next time I see him Im going to say my peace and leave. Lucky for me I have the opportunity.Otherwise...for a woman-love? Literally never was meant to be...if the fact you think salvaging a trainwreck is logical then your self destruction is what she left for.Hence...youre a falling angel and will take down anyone you connect with. Find someone below you and theyll help you reach rock bottom faster. THEN youll forget all about "her" as youll have bigger issues in life.
>>25358838Not OP, but you say this like it’s easy
Extra info:Haven't had sex since she broke up with me. Not for lack of trying, I suppose I just became exceptionally autistic and attuned to one person and lost my "game" while I was with her. I'll sense a girl is into me, try to make a connection and 50% of the time I'll lose interest and start reminiscing over Her, and the other 50% they lose interest, which is to be expected. I'm not ready for nor actively seeking another partner.Trouble is there's no rational part of my mind that wants to get back with her, nothing but a fear of being alone and the emptiness of losing all contact with a dear (and at the time, only true) friend. Yet she floats into my thoughts, my dreams, music brings her back, I am pulled down memory lane and each vignette I revisit is crowned in golden light, all of the bad washed away.It's not getting me anywhere and I'd like to understand why it keeps happening. I feel stuck in an obsession over the past and a future that will never happen. I am completely honest with myself about the mistakes I made and why I couldn't inflict myself on someone in the same way I did. Am I obsessing because there are still lessons to be learned by reflection? I want to live in the real world, the present and future, not a heavily edited version of the past, false golden memories and enjoyable self pity and melancholy.
>>25358868>Not OP,Huh? Oh..nevermind. Hehe, I wonder who OP is anymore. I gess we will just have to assume as much but that just creates confusion, huh?
>>25358849Op here. I know a fraction of this pain too. My best and only real childhood friend told me to get lost after learning I was "racist" (read: enjoyed 4chan humour) and then proceeded to try to smear my reputation for brownie points with everyone we knew. Probably not the sole reason he did it, I believe long standing jealousy may have motivated him, but it still stung as I trusted him deeply and loved him. I'm sorry you're experiencing the same injury. If I could give you some advice it would be to simply cease talking to him. Think of him as having died. He's not redeemable - he made the choice to sacrifice your friendship, nothing you could say to him would change it, it may even antagonise him against you if he realises what he did was shitty and gets defensive. Just walk away.>woman-love was never meant to beI really hope this isn't true. My ex was my best friend and a true "bro" I relied on, and together we went far and achieved a lot. I hope I can find that again some day.>salvaging a trainwreck is logical It's not logical, it's emotion. I want to stop my emotions from clouding my logic with regards to her.>youre a falling angel and will take down anyone you connect with:(
>>25358922>My ex was my best friend and a true "bro"Found the problem. Shitty, but yeah. I fully understand what youre going through and feel foe you.Maybe a "bro" isnt what you need in a romantic relationship.>:(Im...going to stand by this one. Love-sickness is sickness and it brings others down. Youre still an angel.
Unfollow her in every social media, delete all photos and conversations, delete her number. Remove any trace of her from your life. Dont listen ti heartbreak music.
>>25358938Thank you anon. Without trying to be too dramatic, do you have any advice as to how I'll get better? A few months ago I was almost unable to move with a paralysing complexity of emotion - I turned up to work and was barely functional, kept getting hit with waves of regret and sorrow and melancholy, really scared me. Would like to heal and learn, and get back to real connections with people, but I don't want to drag others into my spiral nor infect them.All sounds very dramatic but it can be a totally consuming feeling.
>>25358978I...well...without getting too complicated I study genetics, and bloodlines, so the very type of women you pursue I did as well. I had come to learn more about the longer term relationship dynamics and how they would unfold (I would get bored and it would fizzle). Also, our offspring would head down a genetic path I was not comfortable with.My future children's wellbeing supercede my boner or friends, end of discussion. It was easy after that. Hence, I cant have a bro and a wife in the same body...regardless of how "right" it felt then, I know it wont in time.
>>25358954I do, I have.About 5 months ago she contacted me and it seemed an amicable clearing of the air was on the cards. We had a friendly and sincere back and forth and it seemed like we might one day be reconciled and even return to friendship. A few days later she blocks me from everything. Maybe her feelings were returning and she didn't want to return down the same path, maybe she wanted to console her conscience, maybe she had reconnected with rose tinted glasses and talking reminded her of who I really was - either way it threw me for a loop and did exactly what you're warning against - reestablished contact, and she's loomed in the rear stands of my mind ever since.
>>25358820Vidya and vidya lore helped me a lot, though that might be because I am autistic.
>>25359014that's very interesting, I obsess over my lineage too, specifically its genetic health. Why not a bro? I could see the "getting bored" as you grow to know each other's quirks, but from my perspective the loving bro dynamic seemed to be something you could rely on long past losing physical attraction. What do you look for now?
>>25359014>longer term relationship dynamics and how they would unfold (I would get bored and it would fizzle)To clarify, either you or her will become the leader but you are both leaders, this will cause a forced subordination of one of you or a drifting apart. I knew it as a certainty...either unhealthy or eventual end, both I refuse. I want to stay married for life.
>>25359039>What do you look for now?A chaotic little shit Im confounded by. If one is always focused on being 100% correct then someone that does things wrong (genetically inclined) then its very difficult for me to predict.
>>25359045God fucking damnit exactly this occuredShe started to gain a huge ego over a joint art project we started (with a larger group of subordinate collaborators) and this caused such a rift, as my work, style and organisation was advancing the project but it was ultimately supposed to be "her" thing. We had some horrific rows, and ego showdowns. I regret ever collaborating but it was such a significant project at the time. Definitely the nail in the coffin for our relationship, if not the sole cause of its decline.You think subordination is essential? I often look for girls that challenge me.
>>25359077>You think subordination is essential?For who? Im...not really focused on "dom/sub" but more a "my lane/your lane" >I often look for girls that challenge me.The only ex I've ever had that I genuinly wanted to maintain a friendship afterwards chalenges me by making me challenge myself, we also share a lot of spiritual belief and use them for self developement/improvement. My mistakes with her show me where Im being an asshole/assuming/crossing a line. I saw that she was a bit rough when angered and as a veteran its easy for me to keep my cool around scammers or something.
>>25359117Also...the idea of "fighting/argueing" with her felt out of the question, we listened and didnt "challenge". If I had an issue we either talked or I ignored it (rip).
>>25359117>The only exNot a bro, more of what Im searching for.
>>25358820write an indie rock album about her and then resolve to be over it once the album is done and released.