[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / vm / vmg / vr / vrpg / vst / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k / s4s / vip / qa] [cm / hm / lgbt / y] [3 / aco / adv / an / bant / biz / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / gd / hc / his / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / news / out / po / pol / pw / qst / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / vt / wsg / wsr / x / xs] [Settings] [Search] [Mobile] [Home]
Settings Mobile Home
/adv/ - Advice

[Advertise on 4chan]

Thread archived.
You cannot reply anymore.

[Advertise on 4chan]

File: 261c2c2c0fe52870.jpg (57 KB, 540x492)
57 KB
I'm 19, still living at home, and honestly the most miserable I've ever been. My dad died when I was 18, back in May, and that was one of the most painful things I've ever been through. After he died me and my mom went to his house to sort through his stuff. I basically needed her there for moral support and help with the Uhaul as he lived around 10 hours away. Now, my dad had remarried, and neither me or my mom were big fans of his second wife, but I was willing to control myself for the sake of getting things done. My mom on the other, hand could not control herself around her and caused a major incident. It's not like my dads wife didn't deserve it. She's a greedy bitch who married my dad after he was diagnosed and took a lot of my stuff. That being said, legally, there was nothing I could do about it, and that being the case I just wanted to get what I could from my childhood and move on. When I expressed these wishes to my mom she said something to the effect of "No, I'm going to stand up for myself here". She made the whole trip a lot more stressful with her constant screaming at everyone that got nothing done, and she honestly acted like the whole thing was about her despite not having had any actual relationship with my dad for nearly a decade.
It's always been like this. Both my parents always put themselves first and never helped me with anything important. I've always been left to fend for myself. My dad was like this too and didn't provide like he should have, so my mom had reason to be angry, and I was angry too, but she still just didn't seem to give a shit about what I was going through at the time. I've been looking back on my life and realizing that she's never not treated me like this, and I've been growing to hate her a lot. I don't like all this anger and resentment that doesn't accomplish much. What do I do?
Left to fend for myself when it comes to issues I've had, I mean. They didn't starve me or anything. I had to raise myself to a large degree. They just didn't care about me and what I wanted to do and my mom cares even less now that I'm older. I feel lost.
figure out a plan to move out of the home or your resentment will get worse and worse leading to dark thoughts and actions. You need to seperate yourself from her; get a job or go to uni. Start making a plan for your future self
She won't help me fix my car so I can get to work, and uni's definitely something I want to do and have been looking into. However, I don't have a lot of money saved up from previous jobs and she's out of work at the moment and not really trying to get another job. She's getting on me a lot about filing to get survivor benefits from my dads social security despite me not being in high school anymore (which means I'm not eligible). She's even talking about setting up a fake homeschool to trick the government. I'm living with a psycho.
im so sorry anon, I went through something similar in my life before with a psyco parent and it seems like you're trapped and you cant do anything to escape. You need to find a job, maybe try applying to one that is walking distance. Doing nothing will make it worse. Get money to fix your car up and then figure out what do after that. I can just tell by the way you explain this individuals that it's a mental health issue. It wont get better with them if you were wondering. Goodluck
Thanks man. It just sucks having my relationship with my mother be like this. I wish it wasn't.
>Left to fend for myself when it comes to issues I've had, I mean. They didn't starve me or anything. I had to raise myself to a large degree. They just didn't care about me and what I wanted to do and my mom cares even less now that I'm older. I feel lost.

you don't have to feel guilty for being mad.

you're not wrong that 'not ideal' is not the same as bad, and its a mature outlook. But that doesn't mean you should be chocking on guilt for being resentful for where your parents fell short, especially in the name of selfishness.You don't sound like you're drowning or celebrating your resentment, and that is what you should be careful of. Don't let your resentment actually override your prevailing judgement, and eventually it will fade once you get some kind of distance. (time, space, etc)
I wouldn't dream of celebrating it, it's something I actively avoid telling people I know because honestly it's embarrassing. But honestly a lot of the time I do just kind of stew in impotent rage about how my childhood went and how I it's given me some issues as someone becoming an adult. A lot of things in my life are my fault but Jesus man she acts like she was a just a victim of my dad or his family or me or whoever. My dad was the exact same way and he'd be damned if he ever admitted to how he treated me and my mom, and my mom will be damned if she ever admits she pushed him to a lot of that. But my dad just went about his life not financially supporting us in any way and living like he was 25, and my mom continued to just complain about how things were without ever actually improving. All with me in the background going from apartment to apartment along for the ride. I'm doing it again aren't I. Sorry I'm probably proving your point here but I guess what I'm trying to say is just an admission that not everything's completely my fault would be helpful. I've been a good son overall and I have helped out where I can. Hell I even responded to her students for her because she was "too anxious" to do it a couple times. But never mind I'm going off topic here.
>What do I do?
You absorb the life lesson you should have learned already: don't take your mother with you to run errands if you can help it.

This lesson has little to do with your specific mother. This is generally speaking.
You, unfortunately, had to find out the hard way during an emotional shitshow of an event.

Delete Post: [File Only] Style:
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

[Enable Mobile View / Use Mobile Site]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.