I'm leading a good, comfy life yet I crave conflict with someone. Specifically if it is personal and possibly also sexually tensed, someone to hunt and be hunted byI used to obsess over bad break ups and turbulent relationships because it gave exactly what I needed, a personal and intimate enemy that I could mentally and emotionally focus on. Without this struggle, my life feels sort of empty and I feel compelled to go around creating enemies for no reason.
>Why do I long...Stop polluting your mind with mass media.Only natural sounds and views of nature will restore your mind in to intention to serve life , to grow ...Your software in the head, have no idea that thinks you watch on TV are not real , prepare you to the world of predator and prey.
What you describe is what Lacan called 'Jouissance' which... since Lacan is stupidly obtuse I'm going to grossly oversimplify it and give a Lacan scholar an aneurysm... like he describes it as the 'real' or unknowable world inflicting itself on the 'symbolic' understanding.Another way of putting it in your pop-culture terms is... it's sort of like if the pedantic micromanager of a hotel secretly longed to have Jerry Lewis as a bellhop to just fuck up the utterly complete order of his hotel.The hotel is your life, and this 'enemy' you want is the Jerry Lewis... who's chaotic energy is a microcosm of the unknowable expanse of unconscious reality>>24923982>Stop polluting your mind with mass media.This.
What are we without our inner or outer conflicts? Our fights define us. Our enemies define us. Pick your battles carefully
You've based your self-image around being the main character in a story, and stories require drama and conflict. At the same time, you don't actually have any fulfilling source of this in your day-to-day life (a progressing career, an achievable life goal with staggered objectives, an actual hardship you're currently facing).You probably spend a lot of time fantasising about being in all sorts of weird conflicts, suffering losses, getting stronger, and overcoming them. It's a way of getting what you've set yourself up to need without actually risking anything or being stressed.You should spend more time focusing on what's actually, tangibly around you rather than what's in your head.