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How do I accept and move on from the fact that my 33 year old LDR boyfriend quite possibly has not moved on from his Asian girl fetish like he says he has?

I'm 29, and middle eastern. He's Portuguese and confessed that from his teenage years to his early 20's, he was very into hentai/asian girls. He lost his virginity to a chinese girl but after she broke his heart and left him scarred, he refused to date asian ever again.

He swears he now despises asian women on an almost racist level, but I fear his detest for them is forced to just mask the fact that it's still there.

Why? Well, he's got two japanese word tattoos, one of a womans name that he refuses to tell me the translation of (he claims its just his late aunts name). and one behind his neck meaning fire.
he's heavily obsessed with games, still watches anime, reads manga, is obsessed with futile japan war history, has played hentai games, listens to a lot of music but mostly japanese rock/pop, is obsessed with wrestling but also japanese wrestling, follows all the asian female wrestlers on twitter, but none of the western female wrestlers, and gets utterly defensive whenever i express how i dont like something japanese that he shows me.

he basically lashed out at me for saying "lol you like baby metal?" it led to a 20 minute lecture on how i'm inferior to him, unintelligent, have poor music taste, arent knowledgeable in music enough to have an opinion, and starting bashing bands i do like. which i honestly didnt care because id never get THAT defensive over music taste to the point where i lash out at my partner...

Help, please.
>>
He clearly has baggage and a heart that never healed right. View it like that. Don't make this into something you start getting insecure over.
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Why do you date him? What does he offer you?
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>>24923880
How can I help him heal from that? I will admit, its made me insecure in the past, sure, but ive gotten better about it over time. As healed as I am over it, i just dont want to be constantly reminded that he's broken over his first "love" who he only got with purely out of a lust kink to which he admitted. thats the tricky part.

>>24923883

we're basically so alike, it's frightening. we're different in so many ways, but the way we get along is just irreplaceable to me. i date him because he is truly my best friend, and i love everything about him, except these random unpredictable episodes of him lashing out at me over the dumbest of things.
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>>24923872
>he basically lashed out at me for saying "lol you like baby metal?" it led to a 20 minute lecture on how i'm inferior to him, unintelligent, have poor music taste, arent knowledgeable in music enough to have an opinion, and starting bashing bands i do like. which i honestly didnt care because id never get THAT defensive over music taste to the point where i lash out at my partner...

He sounds like a total faggot. I could never be attracted to an insecure loser like that. Baby metal, seriously? And then sperg out because he feels insecure to the point he has to bash you?
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>>24923921
you basically said my true feelings on the matter, i was quite upset, but i literally bit my tongue and decided to take the high road and let him shit on me and i actually ended up apologizing, as i've learned his patterns and it's never a good thing to stand up for myself with him, it just ends up getting into a bigger more serious fight. and for my own sake, i refuse to ever let that drama erupt ever again, because number one, my heart cant take it, and number two, in the end its not worth it and all this crap usually blows over.
but at the same time, damn i wish he was normal and knew when to admit hes wrong.
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>>24923939
Your boyfriend, a grown man, is obsessed with an asian girl group that is supposed to appeal by looking underage (as the name implies, even if they've grown up a bit by now, that is and was the appeal) to the point of hurting the person he loves. You sound like a good woman though. But this is some embarrassing shit from his part that you don't deserve. I don't know much about your relationship so I doubt I can give you solid advice, but if he won't apologize for it then you should ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life with.

If you don't respect yourself and put boundaries, he'll just see you as a pushover. So what if there's a bigger fight? Are you not worth the respect? He just learns that you're the "bitch" who will back down for the sake of peace and that his immature behaviour/emotional abuse is okay.
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>>24923872
Dump his ass, sounds like a lot more trouble than he is worth.
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>>24923872
fetishes never go away
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>>24923872
you start by accepting that LDR relationships aren't real relationships, so your LDR boyfriend isn't and has never been your boyfriend but rather a digital penpal.
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>>24924006
Who defines what a real relationship is? Not you. A lot of people have a closer and more based relationship LDR than IRL, because ultimately having a mental connection, sharing time together and talking is what is important. Not having sex every day or smelling the others poop fumes from the toilet.
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>>24924018
>>24924006
And just to clarify, I'm not OP.
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>>24923984
this is why the whole baby metal thing upsets me, because i completely agree with you about them. I chalk this up to him being as emotionally mature as a 12 year old child and it helps my rage dissipate. i've learned that i am too good for him, (not to sound conceded, but a spade is a spade) and told this to him during one of our huge fights, glad i did because if im going to be taking his shit for the long run, he might as well know that i know i can do way better, but choose not to as i'm too deeply involved with and emotionally invested with him.

he tried to turn it around by saying "i dont even like baby metal that much apart from 4 songs but i can see this isnt about them, its about you trying to make me feel bad about myself"......... like, damn, if me calling you out on liking a Lol* band makes you THIS ashamed of yourself and upsets you, without me even trying, then perhaps you shouldn't worship them anymore? perhaps? just a guess.. -_-
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>>24924018
OP here, very agreed. we've evolved beyond the need of physical daily contact and prefer a more intimate, thoughtful, and emotional based relationship, hence the explosion of LDR's with the internet. It's quite archaic to think this way (>>24924006) also, he's in london, i am in usa, we plan on meeting once we're both fully vaxxed and it's a bit safer to travel.
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>>24924029
Toxic, insecure people will play the victim immediately to deflect from having a mature conversation. The fact that he reacted so emotional about this topic, to the point of attacking and putting down the person he loves, just is a clear sign that he is insecure about it. If you are secure about something and don't care, you wouldn't sperg this much. At least not about something irrelevant like... a band called baby metal.

"YOU JUST WANT TO FIGHT!"
"YOU JUST WANT ME TO FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF! I GUESS YOU WOULD BE HAPPIER WITHOUT ME!"

Is he a grown man or a fucking baby?

It's gonna take some time and growth, but I do hope you will stand your ground more. It's difficult with toxic people though. They manipulate, they play the victim, they rage. You don't have to accept that though. Because there are men who are very much not like that at all and treat you in a mature, respectful way. Not to say you should break up IF he is able to change and admit his mistakes, but if he doesn't... well.
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>>24924000
two of my fetishes have, actually. through out my 20's i was obsessed with certain stuff and i am now repulsed by them. it involves becoming emotionally mature and if you're still into the same stuff you were as a high schooler than somethings not adding up. we're meant to grow.
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>>24924044
in this case, i dont think this old dog can learn new tricks. he's way too stubborn and quite honestly, something hugely major and traumatic would have to happen to him for him to behave how he should be, that's how stubborn we're talking.

in the end, i know he's still into young looking asian girls, even the shit he says about me is questionable, always going on about my young looks for my age, and my shortness, and the fact that he sperged out again, when i told him i wanted to stop shaving my area down there...

i dont know how, but i keep falling back into love with him, regardless of how many times this asian shit pops up. we're both over it but his mistakes keep bringing us down. if he would just address the matter, as you said, we'd probably never have a quarrel again.
>>
One thing to consider, is that most of our development happens in our teenage years.

This guy isn't getting younger and the hobbies and interests we had around that time tend to become a safe space as we get older.

Take video games for example. Many people in the 30's bracket still play video games, why? Because it reminds them of a time with no responsibilities.

Now i'm not trying to say you are wrong or he is, but relationships require a fair bit of empathy, understanding and then communication.

Personally I wouldn't worry about the tattoos too much, unless you are willing to pay to have them altered or removed. Also consider that if it happens to be a girls name that he was in a relationship with, maybe he has it as a reminder not to be naive or something to that elk. I personally have a box with all my past relationship stuff in, because I like to be reminded of the lessons I learnt so I don't repeat them.

The hentai stuff is on the same level as porn really, and even on the same level as the video game stuff. He started jerking it when he was a teen and now its cemented in his brain. And honestly, if you are insecure about porn, that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

I feel like a lot of your problems seem to stem from insecurity here. Sometimes you have to trust a person at their word. People are entitled to like what they want. But maybe find some adjacent stuff you both can enjoy and ease him into a more varied taste pallet.

Otherwise brake up with him, because you cant change someone that is 33. Once you hit 30, you are pretty much who you are going to be.
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>>24923872
lmao this is too good to be true.

Anyway, I would like to play.

>From how long have you known this guy?

>You ever had a schlong?
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>>24923872
>LDR boyfriend
Hun,
You're too old to be fucking around with "Long Distance Relationships".
Find someone local you can put your hands on and fuck.
The rest is irrelevant.
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>>24924018
>Who defines what a real relationship is?
you did, when you felt the need to qualify your relationship with the descriptor "LDR". that itself is proof that it isn't a real relationship.
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>>24924101
It wasn't me though. I'm not OP. Also LDR is just an addition to describe a relationship. It's not definition of "what is real and what isn't"
>>
Censoring loli? I hope you're trolling, OP
In addition to that, you clearly do not like him and probably haven't done so for a considerable amount of time judging by how you talk about him and his harmless hobbies because you're desperately searching for things to moral grandstand on to make yourself feel better
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>>24924047
What a load of bullshit lmao, keep convincing yourself that you grew out of them and that it has something to do with 'maturity'
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>>24924121
>pedo detected
>opinion discarded
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>>24924125
For typing out loli instead of being a nigger from reddit or twitter that has to censor words to not trigger faggots? Ok then
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>>24923872
the way you described him he honestly sounds like an absolute idiot. If your story is accurate why would you ever want to be with someone like him? How do women even consider these douchebags? Who is forcing women to pick all these tools? Just walk away lmao.
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>>24923872
A fetish or "preference" does not need to be your partner... I'm into tall WNBA girls with big tits but I'd marry my brown tomboy girl and make babies. Yeah I'm attracted to a certain type but love is the most powerful force I'm the universe
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>>24923872
>implying Asian girl fetish is bad

Asian women are cute. Particularly Asian women of good stock. I used to date this Japanese girl in college, she was the cutest thing ever. Super polite, formal, nice on the outside, and a total beast in the sheets.

Anyway, the reason you can't accept him and his fetish is because you're likely a fat American cow. Except you graze on deli cuts and bread, and you're useless in the sense you don't even provide milk.

My current gf is a Spaniard. She once said she could be a model, and that if I didn't give up certain hobbies of mine, she'd leave me as she could be with anyone.

>"Want me to help you pack?"

After she tried to argue with me, I told her very simply:
>you're not #1 in my life and you will never be. You're a partnership at the very best in terms of potential but as we stand, you're a fuckhole. I enjoy my hobbies and frankly would be fine without you, but given my high level of testosterone, I need a pussy hole that unfortunately is attached to the rest of you. If you think you're special because of that, leave. Doesn't take a fucking genius to figure out though that out of 8 billon people on Earth, at least half are of breeding age and half of that are women. You're telling me I'm lucky to be with someone when there are 2 billion of "you" out there. I'm willing to take those odds. Next time you try this shit, I'll pack your crap myself.

Later that night we fucked like we normally did. Again I left her on my bed, cum oozing out of her sore vagina, passed out from orgasms.

Point is, women (much like you) will try to control their men and will ruin them if they bend over. He allowed you to grab his balls.

If it were me, I'd bring home an Asian girl, tell you to watch me fuck her and fill her with cum, then tell you to clean me off with your tongue.
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>>24923872
Just sounds like a POS. But you're technically asian anyway so I don't see why that part would be getting you down.
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>>24924071
why the fuck would you stop shaving that's fucking disgusting
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Date me instead
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>>24923872
>Ldr
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>>24924287
>>you're not #1 in my life and you will never be. You're a partnership at the very best in terms of potential but as we stand, you're a fuckhole. I enjoy my hobbies and frankly would be fine without you, but given my high level of testosterone, I need a pussy hole that unfortunately is attached to the rest of you. If you think you're special because of that, leave. Doesn't take a fucking genius to figure out though that out of 8 billon people on Earth, at least half are of breeding age and half of that are women. You're telling me I'm lucky to be with someone when there are 2 billion of "you" out there. I'm willing to take those odds. Next time you try this shit, I'll pack your crap myself.
You realize the same is true for you too? There are 2 billion dicks in the world just waiting to be ridden. You aren't special, you certainly aren't irreplaceable.

On the off chance this is real, she's either an insecure nutcase who's pathologically terrified of losing you, or she's a cynical Machiavellian bitch who's just waiting for someone better to come along before she dumps your ass. Either way, it's really nothing to be proud of.
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>>24923872
Metal Galaxy was a fucking awesome album, like better than a lot of albums Iron Maiden put out. That doesn't mean your boyfriend necessarily isn't a cringe pedophile, but genuinely holy fuck give that album a listen sometime before you die. Especially Shanti Shanti Shanti. Hey, that's even sort of related to the middle east now that I think about it.
Anyways, he seems retarded for both being extremely obsessed and swearing off of a race of people because one of them broke his heart, actual top retard behavior.
Asian women are the most attractive overall women to basically all races of men according to a bunch of different online dating metadata creepily gathered by different companies. This is partly due to facial neoteny. Same reason younger women are considered more attractive, an occasional contributing factor to why pedophilia exists and part of the reason why so many weebs and Asian men are sketchily into jailbait or even just are "casually" pedo. But it's more than that, it's also a big part of the reason why apes often can get along with humans, even though they tend to be really aggressive. They sort of see all humans as "big smart pale kids" because our faces are much more neotenous than, for instance, great apes or gorillas.
Another unrelated reason is just the sheer novelty factor of eastern cultures to western cultures.
Also, asian slanty eyes look a lot like the person is smiling, sleepy, or relaxed in general. Sort of like how you should never approach a cat wide-eyed because they interpret it as aggressive, seeing a girl with chink eyes makes a lot of men instantly want to hop in bed with her just for that, especially if she's actually smiling to enhance the effect.

Anyways, despite not being a retard like your boyfriend, I still opened this thread because I read asian women and middle eastern woman in one OP and my brain told me to click for nudes to place ethnicity tags on for my sorted nude stash. I'm a non-discriminatory coomer.
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>>24927674
Pretty much this. Also OP, your bf is carrying compounded emotional baggage on top of insecurities, so I don't know if even you can help him fix that.

>Anyways, despite not being a retard like your boyfriend, I still opened this thread because I read asian women and middle eastern woman in one OP and my brain told me to click for nudes to place ethnicity tags on for my sorted nude stash. I'm a non-discriminatory coomer.
Incredibly based.
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>>24923891
its a fetish, who cares..?
>>
Your bf is a dumbass sewing that he is dating the most legit and superior race of girls

t. Asian guy with arab fetish.
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>>24923872
You middle eastern girls fetishize europeans, so you're literally just like him.
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>>24923872

Holy fuck.

Don't you have a life ?

Just focus on your own shit. Let him be him.

Suck his dick in appreciation and stop being an insecure durka durka.
>>
>a girl suffering for some underdeveloped scrote
A tale as old as time
The problem here is not the fetish, or liking baby metal and anime, is the fact that he has not grown out of his previous relationship, you are basically a rebound. Also he feels entitled to lecture you and put you down because you criticized his favorite media, that's a red flag for insecure faggot

Op, you can't make him change.
You either cope in some way and accept that you are not as special as you think you are for him (because his chinese ex is the one in his heart) and tolerate his insecure faggot tantrums or you pull out the band aid and break up to love yourself better to find a better partner.
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>>24923872
>it led to a 20 minute lecture on how i'm inferior to him, unintelligent, have poor music taste, arent knowledgeable in music enough to have an opinion
he sounds like a faggot



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