Here's a bit of background:>Be about a couple of months ago, visiting family>Friend of 3 years admits feelings for me and I for her>She dumped her bf of 3 years because she realized that he held her back in many ways and she had been lying to herself about her real emotions for years>Tells me she wants to be with me but she's not emotionally available yet>Warns me that it'll take time for her to get over the break up and stabilizeBe now...>Girl, and I live in separate countries>She was supposed to come and see me (I live in US, TX) the day after tomorrow but the tickets she bought got refunded due to security reasons (she lives in Mexico)>Told her I'd see her in August>Find out that Job I'm applying at will have me starting out literally that same day I was planning on going>Realize that I also have a possible career at the firefighters, and not to mention I'm going back to school.>Realize that the times we do see each other will be far and wide in between.>Decide to lay all the cards on the table with her>Tell her that I deeply care for her and because of that I will wait for her and her decision.>Because of our hectic lives I'd rather have this be clear and explained>Genuinely don't care how long it takes>Genuinely never had my heart set on anybody else but her>Tells me that she feels really happy and feels loved but that she doesn't want to hold me back from better opportunities>Tell her I don't want better opportunities, I just want her.>Told her I let 3 years go by and I nearly lost her for just being too afraid to speak my emotions. That I don't want to lose her again>At the very least I don't want to live with the doubt of what it could've been>Asks me what if she makes some stupid mistake>Tell her we're not dating and I can't control how she lives, but I'd just want her to be honest with her feelings and give me a straight answerWould it have been a better idea to not say anything anons?
NoYou need to communicate to obtain clarity for better decision makingSo well done
>if she makes some stupid mistakeShe already has or plan to. She doesn't seem to be straight with her emotions, and she seems pretty wishy-washy about what she wants AKA You.I think you're dealing with a girl and not a woman. You also seem a boy and not a man.I'd recommend you focus on your career as a guy because that is your duty in the relationship, safety and honour, not to be an emotional sponge.So per se, you didn't fuck up, but it doesn't seem to be much future in the relationship considering the distance + drama + fear + immaturity. You're playing up her drama antics and she will leave once "the next guy that doesn't hold her back" comes into the picture.
>>24617288>Would it have been a better idea to not say anything anons?Probably no. However:>Tells me that she feels really happy and feels loved but that she doesn't want to hold me back from better opportunitiesThis means there's probably someone else.>Asks me what if she makes some stupid mistakeShe already made the mistake, "mistake" in this case probably being opening her legs for someone else, at least one.Post updates.
>>24617288Women 102: There's always a backup plan (=guy)
>>24617428>>24617487She did tell me that she's not a good person and doesn't deserve thatGod why can't I ever get anything right. I really hope you're all wrong.>>24617561>>24617588Pain
>>24617817Maybe pray you get an actual emotionally mature woman instead on wasting your best years on highschool drama? I mean, she told you yourself. "I'm a bad person and you don't deserve this" means she's traumatised and doesn't want to correct herself to be safe for relationship.There's more fish in the water anon.
>>24617830I probably forgot to mention this but I'm 25 and she's 24
>>24617428This.>>24617817They're not wrong. You are being immature about this. Go date some other women.
>>24617850The options here where I live are massive sure but none of them are qualityI'm curious how is it immature? I thought that was the whole point of commitment?
>>24617879Yeah in the 1960s. But people smartened up a little and it's strange nowadays to throw everything in a girl's lap and then expect her to return your feelings like some fucking romance film. The reality is you put too much pressure on a girl who isn't even in the same zip code as you. Why? Because you think she's the one for you or some shit? Because you wasted three years? Go date around. See what you can see. I'm not saying casual sex is any more "mature" by the way. But dating and focusing on building your identity is the way to go.
>>24617288>Asks me what if she makes some stupid mistakeAutomatic red flag shes already fucked someone
>>24617895I didn't realize the pressure I placed her in, wow yeah it was pretty delusional of me. Is there any way to fix this?>>24617896well shit
>>24617879The immaturity is because you both dance around the fact you want to be together. There's this LARGE and STRUGGLING love that you don't nurture because you can't just go "I want THIS. We're doing THIS."You're just smitten with the idea of the suffering love and how it's so powerful and tragic, while she wants to have the attention and not the commitment. If you truly, absolutely want her and just her, get her ass To TX and a therapist, then live together with her. And she should buy the goddamn ticket while still on the phone with you. Relationships aren't meant to be complicated. Women complicate them, and if you fall into her tricks, you make her bored and she WILL leave if she's bored.A woman is telling you this.
>>24617288>Tells me that she feels really happy and feels loved but that she doesn't want to hold me back from better opportunitiesI'm sorry anon. You seem like a really decent guy but this sounds like she does not give a fuck. She feels loved but do you?>Asks me what if she makes some stupid mistakeYou pour her heart out and think of risking so much and this is her response?
>>24617910>Is there any way to fix this?Ask her why she's worried about doing something stupid. Ask her if she's fucked and who she's planning to fuck that she already knows she's going to make some unpreventable mistake, do all this after finding a new girlfriend and moving on youre retarded
>>24617288You basically just gave this stupid cunt permission to cheat on you
>>24617919I don't know what to say honestly anon, part of me is agreeing with what you're saying and the other is really irritated but because I think you may be right.She's halfway through her degree and I got my own career to pursue, isn't it selfish to demand her to move with me when I'm still not even fully stabilized and she's not even a graduate?>>24617926I really don't know what to do or say at this point honestly
>>24617970>Tell her I don't want better opportunities, I just want herHow did she respond to this?Depending on the answer and all other things considered should tell you whether you should only treat her as old friend and nothing else
>>24618005I honestly can't remember, the conversation was hours ago. She did tell me something like she obviously wants me to wait for her, but she's afraid of me missing out on better opportunities.
>>24617970>Isn't it selfish to demand her to move with me when I'm still not even fully stabilized and she's not even a graduate?Not if it saves the relationship. In actually, women don't want to lead, they want to follow. But in general, you're both too young for a serious relationship.
>>24618093so just go my own way, figure myself out, and if im better off later then go for it?
>>24618135Pretty much. You both have growing to do.
>>24618135Shes getting her holes filled every other day by other muchachos jefe