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/adv/ - Advice

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>be me
>dad works a lot when I'm a child and I barely see him as a result
>when I do see him he's pissed off/tired trying to fix something in the house
>become terrified of him
>he talks about his time in the military frequently
>as I get older I get the idea to join the military as well
>in hindsight, I didn't want to join the military at all, I only wanted to have a personal connection with him that would tie us together until he died and sort of reunite us I guess
>go to basic training
>become severely depressed to the point I can't function and get sent to a psych ward
>Tell father stories of my limited time in, he laughs and says how proud he is of me (always has) but as I talk about my time "in the military" he seems somewhat disappointed and sad
>I simultaneously feel that I let him down and unnecessarily tortured myself for something I never truly wanted
All my life everything I've done has been a way to sort of one up him or prove myself to him so I'm apart of his "clan", I've realized. I just want the dad that I never got to have as a child. Will I continually cycle through this and make bad decisions or is there an end to this? I've realized most of my problems can be tied back to not growing up with him being as close to me as my mother or grandparents. I never understood how important it is to have a father.

What do?
Seems like you're already healthy.
To fix depression, pick something your healthy self might value, and work towards it even when you don't feel like it. Practice seeing the point in it, and practice valuing yourself for your work.
>Seems like you're already healthy
How so? I mean, the depressions gone, I think it may have been a combination of the stressors in basic and me realizing all of this but does it make me healthy just because I realized this? Can I really move on or is this just a facet of myself I'll always have to deal with?
Do something great.

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